Hmm, so my key takeaways are: - The idea of being "the best" is toxic to your motivation - Relying on emotions to motivate you, positive or negative, is highly inconsistent because they fluctuate. - It's more effective to motivate yourself with your values than your desires. - Questions to ask yourself: "What is more important to me right now?" e.g. Is it more important to give up or give into the pressure not to do the thing, or to keep at it? "Tomorrow, which choice will lead to pride? And which choice will lead to regret?" - Use the knowledge as soon as possible, demonstrate it, share it, teach someone else who knows even less, make something with it.
Thank you! You've done the "share the knowledge as soon as possible," and I am thankful for that because I am not very good at summarizing things like that.
@@kooledgesture you're quite welcome. for your own sake, you might try writing up only whatever you can remember after having watched it. that practices recall, which improves your memory, and the act of rewriting and rephrasing things in your own words really helps to remember it long term. something about the act of creating the phrasing for yourself. best of luck
i feel the same way. almost as if he's phrasing the lessons to fit perfectly for me. you should check out the dr k guide if you want to learn more, in an organized kind of way (sounds like an ad but i just really like his teaching style)
Phrasing things as “debuffs” helps things click in my mind. Because of brain rot? Sure, but it’s effective! I’ve started thinking of things in life as buffs or debuffs and it literally changed how I think 😂
A couple internal knots I've begun to untangle recently: - I always struggled to follow through on tasks unless I had external accountability, e.g. someone else expecting me to do it. Then it hit me one day: I follow through for other people because I believe they deserve to have their promises upheld. *I didn't believe deep down that I deserve to have my promises upheld, even (especially) my promises to myself.* Understanding this on a gut level and coming to truly feel accountable to myself is a game changer. - I thought every day for years about writing music and rarely, if ever, actually did it. I thought at first that it meant I didn't have talent for it, but one night an internal expectation to get the song perfect the first time just... dissolved. I was able to trust the process, get into flow, and not get frustrated when it took some trial and error to make it to something I thought was cool. Turns out making art is actually fun when your intention isn't to sit down and crap out a masterpiece, but just to play for a couple hours.
2:31 Fun fact: what at first may seem a stock photo of a homeless man, is in fact a real person. Known as Old Man Belfield, Michael Byrne was a homeless man who lived for decades on the campus of University College Dublin, in Ireland. He was a man of few words whom the university population grew fond of back in the day because he intervened and saved a female student from a SA, garnering goodwill from UCD staff and students for the rest of his life. He unfortunately passed away a few years ago. However learning of his past presense at UCD was an interesting tale I read about before entering the student body myself earlier this year. Just wanted to point him out. Quite a coincidence that he turned up in a video from one of my favourite creators ✌🏻❤️
@@Promatheos Using him as a stand-in for 35 is a way of joking about the fact that 35 isn't really that old, but it's around when people might start feeling or considering other people quite old. It puts a picture to the exaggeration that happens in some people's mind and makes you realize how ridiculous it is.
Worked at an accelerated language training school. Everyone struggled, no matter how intelligent or capable. Those who spoke the most in the new language learned fastest. They made far more mistakes, especially early on, but by being willing to not be perfect they solidified their skills and understanding more effectively. During later testing, those who spoke more during initial training retained language skills for longer, and could bring things back more quickly.
That’s very interesting. If you don’t mind me asking, was it a training with the military, or for another reason? I’ve hear that there are advanced learning schools where they learn the hardest languages in a year
@@Nocturna. It was a DoD school. Students had to become proficient in the new language in between 9 months and 18 months, depending upon difficulty. For examples, the Spanish course was 9 months. The Chinese and Arabic courses were just under 18 months.
I just wonder, how humans learn language in first place. hymm, hymmm.... It's almost like children rapidly try, copy and paste something. Got some form of feedback and adjust the next test. Until child can produce as good speech as everyone else. We have this delusion of perfect Adult, separation from bumbling childhood, and it is a one learning resistant. Second comes from elementary school systems, which cultivate black and white thinking, you be right in test or you will die. (Btw, 100% Information rightness validation is pretty much impossible unless you have all information, and that point you are universe by definition...). You can read and understood language perfectly, but same time it wont make you to produce a talk sufficiently without speaking. Input and output need it's own practice. And speaking is one of hardest task, because you really need to adjust heuristic patterns that has been enforced 20+ years. Making rapid mistakes is crusial, and now days its even easy to have rapid feedback, because you can record your own voice.
Yep, being the "best" is also an extrinsic motivator, which is a one way ticket to burnout. And Dr. K touched on this in another video, but when it comes to learning anything I would say that being very intimate with the material is key, it's just the two of you. When you're interested in something you want to understand it, you want to know how it works inside and out. But if you're in it for the prestige (being the best) then your interest will wain and you will never fully understand, appreciate, or like the material because your attention is always outwardly focused. So yeah..go on a date with your textbook (go study).
Tbh, my initial comment was more of what I’ve taken away from multiple videos that relate to this topic. Here are the most relevant ones I can think of rn: Dr. K, How Do I Focus? Why It’s Hard to Focus (And What to Do About It) Study Tips from Dr. K…(long title can’t remember lol) The overlapping theme of these videos (including this one) is that external focus of any kind (multitasking, productive distractions, extrinsic motivation) leads to burnout and a lack of focus. The videos I mentioned above give practical tips. Hope these help.
Yep. We had the same realization in software development. There are people who will just use frameworks, copy-paste from stackoverflow and ship software fast - results driven. And then there are those who decide to explore, take a deep dive and understand how a framework works, sometimes even come up with a partial implementation of their own framework. These people value understanding so much they don't even consider themselves that they "failed" just because they don't have any completed project to show. The acquisition of knowledge and the practice itself is the project.
14:46 making progress IS important. Rest is also important. When you lift weights, you get stronger, but you also need time to recuperate. If you're working hard at something, but the wheels aren't turning, taking some time off that something to take stock of what is going on, recuperate mentally, and make a new plan, is equally important.
when two becomes one and one becomes none, this is called hiding the light, ten thousand things come from one and progress exactly equals rest, lifting the weights only sets the scene for your growth, this is called the inscrutable way
So in summery: 1. write out what you value in a task that you want to do. 2. when you are doing a task and you want to stop ask yourself: A. what is most important to me at this moment? (Doing the task or giving in to laziness?) B. Which decision will lead to pride and which decision will lead to regret tomorrow? 3. use what you learn as soon as possible. Do not wait until you master a skill. As soon as you learn something and the study season is over use the thing you learned to benefit yourself and/or others.
For people struggling to find what they value. It's trial and error. If you're in school your "values" are often "impress your peers" and "meet teacher expectations" and you're not given any room to find yourself. If you have pushy family, your values are also "don't rock the boat with family" etc. So, to find your values, you have to find ways to feel safe enough to discover why you'd want to clean your room for yourself. Not just to avoid getting yelled at. And it would take time journaling, trying/failing, observing others, and also, just getting away from other people. Many people can also go back to who they were when they were young kids or before abuse to get started.
In my opinion the most important point you made is "use your infantile and pathetic knowledge as soon as possible": I was in my first year of high school and I just started playing bass guitar, but I immediately joined EVERY school musical project (I was also the only bassist willing to play in my school), even if I barely knew how to put my fingers on the fretboard, this helped me immensely as a self-taught learner
I am forever thankful for my experiences being in track growing up. When i was 15 i had this critical moment of being so terrified i would "fail" i.e. i would lose my provincial title for my track event. I ended up keeping it because of good conditions and good training but I crossed the finish line and didnt feel any satisfaction because my mental health sucked. Talking to my coaches and reflecting, I realized I was never going to be enough if I focused on that. But in track there are "personal bests/records" or PBs or PRs where we are always working to beat our own milestones. My mentors reminding me that in the end, becoming better versions of ourselves in whatever we do is more important than getting those accolades and shiny medals.
This reminds me of really how innocent and free I was as a kid. I used to read a lot as a kid in elementary school and one of my favorite topics was science, specifically electronics. In 5th grade, we had to do projects and I chose electricity because thats what I was fond of (it wasn't driven by anyone else). At home, I was already taking apart toys because of curiosity, even though I would get yelled at and punished by my parents. Of course, because of procrastination and lack of focus (could've been trauma-related at that age), I ended up getting helped by my sister to work on the poster but she opened up a simple hand fan and that really got me even more interested in electronics. As simple as something like shorting the terminals of a AA battery. It was actually my childhood dream to become an electronics engineer and do something meaningful/helpful to the world and maybe invent stuff. But then life happens and I don't get to study what I want to study in school. Ended up graduating with a math degree as a result of my mistakes. And now, I learn and work on electronics as a hobby. I work with electronics in my job but the world is very much a "you need to conform to our standards or we won't acknowledge you" kind of place so I don't get to do much. It just took me aback and made me feel a little sad how things turned out. Honestly, it could be one of the main reasons why I'm so angry and unhappy all the time. I kind of just let the world destroy my hope and optimism. I know there were big factors in the abusive household and unsupportive and neglectful parents that ultimately led to me becoming the type of person who'd make these mistakes. If it sounds like I'm trying to absolve my own resonsibility from my actions, I'm not. I'm just expressing how sad I am that things didn't turn out the way I wanted. Despite how things turned out, I think I want to try to figure out how to reconnect with that inner child that was unyieldingly optimistic about everything and but with the addition of being able to be curious and explore freely (because that wasn't an option in my household). If I can somehow do that, I would be much happier and there would be a natural source of motivation/direction for my actions (i.e. setting a goal like "I want to learn more about X")
i find it cool that you have something your interested in and even though life didn't go as expected i hope you continue your passion either as a career or a hobby. I don't think its ever too late to reconnect with that inner child and to try again. Wishing you the best!
I really feel related to your idea. I, myself also a big guy with a curious kid's mind, I want to let my mind's curiosity run wild, explore, and do, learn, and experience everything at my own pace but well, the world is functioning as its standard, and not by individual's so I still struggle to catch up to it. I discarded the dream of becoming an engineer to create some cool automation to change into a language-related major afterward. Even though I am still happy with what I choose and still keep in touch with the inner curious child in me, I am still reluctant to follow the social standards and expectations.
Your story sounds quite like mine. Always wanted to be an artist, but then good old laziness takes over and I got basically no practice over the years, and I had no choice but to get a Bachelor in English. Now, I do like English and writing, but I don't enjoy it as much as I do enjoy drawing. Drawing is one of the very, very few things I truly enjoy. Yet I can't (and couldn't) get to where I want because of laziness and distraction of video games. I think my problem is the lack of focus and willpower, not that I want to be the best... Good luck to you and everyone, and may y'all succeed.
It's never too late to find a better path. You can always get a short degree or study online. In my third world country education is very cheap in those topics (maybe 2.000 usd a year if you pay it, if you have benefits it could be 0)
I've been rewatching this video since it was posted a month ago trying to grasp meaning from it and I just realized something- I had been basing my reasoning for trying new things in a complex bundle of emotions which I've been mistaking for value- And that I'm actually a conscientious person without realizing it who is just really unaligned with my own values. I've been trying for over a year now to try new things and build stronger relationships with friends and family, and have been grinding it out like it's a slog with little to actually somewhat detrimental progress- Not because I don't value the things I'm thinking about doing, but because the focus of my intentions has been in trying to relieve myself of a lingering feeling of shame, regret, and frustration at not making progress towards my goals. I lost sight of my values in every area of life except one, and forgot why these things were actually important to me in the first place- Now i gotta remember my roots and focus on what actually matters now that the cloudy haze of unresolved emotions has lifted- But yeah, I just wanted to make this comment for anyone who may be like me, ask yourself: Is your reason an actual value, like your integrity? Or is it an emotional response to you not living according to your values? Which I know may sound like a bunch of mumbo jumbo- But I literally just had the epiphany that i can't prioritize properly when I'm emotional, because the more emotional I am, the less logical I get. Because logic and reasoning is a prefrontal cortex function, which will get hijacked or shut down when I'm experiencing strong emotions without even realizing it. I legit had to wake up, watch this before I had time to feel anything, and THEN I realized the problem. Because I needed a fresh brain to process it.
I could use an entire video of helping how to find your values. Every time I sit down and try and think and write about them I get no where. Ends up me looking up a list of values and just liking the ones I assume society values as good values
This film is incredibly valuable to me. I feel like ADHD has ruined my life. Which may sound a bit weird since I'm only 24, but at this point I feel like a total failure, because there is actually nothing I am „awesome” at at this age. There were so many things that I was interested in as a child or teenager, or even now, things that I wanted to be "awesome" at. The most important of them was music, I wanted to play an instrument, write songs, sing, be a musician. I tried to learn to play the piano, guitar, and music theory hundreds of times, but I always gave up just being able to play a few songs. I never knew why I couldn't be persistent and systematic when I really have that desire to achieve something. Now I feel like it's too late for me to achieve some of my goals. I won't achieve anything great in music since I am basically starting from scratch again. However, being diagnosed with ADHD last year meant a lot to me. I finally understood why I could never commit to the things I wanted, as if I didn't have the strength to do so. Now that I know how my brain works, I’ve learned to force myself to do things that do not bring me immediate reward, even without medication. I am much more productive lately, but the question „Which choice will lead to pride/regret” sounds like a game changer. Even if I don't become a professional musician and become popular or whatever, I still want to try to be "awesome” at it. I'll see where it takes me. Thanks for this video!
i'm the same way! i really relate a lot to this. Im also 24 and i have autism and i also always had that music dream. everything changed for me when i wrote this local indie band a letter saying i wanna help them in any possible way, also maybe using my marketing knowledge from my major, and that i really wanna be an on board team member. so they really included me and i became great friends with all of them, went to every show and made photos and got tons of practie at many things. and what i wouldnt have thought: just being in the vicinity of musician was so inspiring bc i got to know so many little things, and it boosted my confidence and i now have this idea in my head of "my guitarrist friend would be proud if i did my daily practice" and just like.. so much positive associations with instruments now, so much organic learning from people you like, like lil nuggets of golden information like back when your mum would explain the world to you, yk, that feeling of safety and curiosity. that replaced not only the feeling of frustration when at first things dont work out with my instrument. i would tell anyone anywhere, look for a community that shares what you wanna do. just engaging in that community makes it a part of you, that noone can ever take away again. i might not be the next jimi hendrix, i might not even become a singer songwriter with my own band one day like has always been my dream. but i am a music person now, and noone can ever take that away from me. i am an artists heart among artists, and i got to really feeling secure in that. ps: billy joel was also pretty old when he became famous pps: i also made like a pact with a friend to practice guitar every day even if its only 10min and that accountability and company has finally enabled me to only miss like 2 days in the last 2-3 weeks of practicing every day! i NEVER used to have any functioning habits haha
Hey! Thanks for sharing! I got my diagnosis this year and I'm on meds now. It helped a lot but I still struggle currently. Do you have any tips by chance?
@@violettaschmieder2096 Hey! Thank you for sharing! I also came to the conclusion that if you want to do something in life, it's best to surround yourself with it and people who do it. I've also recently started to hang around a bit in the company of musicians, actors, dancers, artists in general, and it gave me a lot of motivation. I'm just finishing my first degree and I've decided that instead of going for a master's degree, I'm just going to find some job and enroll in a weekend music and acting school from next year, to at least try to make my dreams come true to some extend. We only live once! Your story is also very inspiring! Wish you all the best!
@@lalaa555 Hey! Everyone is different and it may not work for everyone, but this is what helped me: - Protein-fat meals instead of carbs and sugar, especially in the morning - Less coffee - More physical exercise - More daylight - Uninstall all social media so you don't get distracted during the week. I only install them for two days a week max, like the weekend. - Cold showers - Getting enough sleep - Journaling - I recommend reading about neuroscience and how the brain works and how we can make it a better working machine :) For me, eating less sugar and uninstalling certain apps from my phone work best. It takes discipline at first, but once I've noticed how my mind has sharpened and how productive I can be without medication, I don't want to go back to my old lifestyle.
The editing was great, but please don't overdo it. It kept me engaged and the visuals helped me remember and think about things as discreet things instead of invisible in my head. Like the debuff, and cleansing it.
Hello Dr. K (and community)! First I’d like to say that I really appreciate the content you produce, it’s really helpful and I think that a lot of people (including me) can benefit a lot from watching it. Second, I’d like to share/ask something: in some videos, dr.K suggests exposing yourself to other people, even when you don’t feel ready (since feeling ready maybe more self sabotaging since you’ll never be perfectly ready) - I understand that this small exposures (like playing the guitar to someone else as mentioned in this video) are meant to both keep you motivated by showing to yourself that you’re already making some progress, as well as to help you develop the abilities that will lower your social anxiety (by experiencing positive reinforcement from the social interaction to other person). But what always comes to my mind when I listen to this kind of advice is that I’ve been engaging in social interactions most of my life (34F) and I’m actually quite skilled in social situations, so I don’t think is due to anything that I actually do (like creating awkwardness or anything), but most my social interactions seem to generate more negative reinforcement, and make me more dismotivated. It feels like if I just engage socially for the sake of making friends or having a social life, mostly other people will want to keep engaging with me, but if I actually try creating connections through something that are truly important to me, people don’t care enough, dismiss it or are just mean about it actually. It’s like, except for with a very very few people, I feel drained by most social interactions, even seemingly positive ones, because I don’t like socializing just for the sake of having company. On the other hand, that sometimes also makes me feel like I overwhelm the few people I enjoy engaging with. I don’t know if I made myself clear, but I’d appreciate some advice if you have any!
Hiii, I have a similar issue!! Although I also struggle with socializing the way you do, I feel like it’s not the only part that is affected by it. I can explain it best with my violin playing journey. I’ve been playing since the age of 10 (I’m now 19, almost 20) and, even though I had concerts every Christmas and end of year, I hated each and every single one of them. Not once, in the 8 years (I went to uni last year) of playing concerts did I stop shaking and panicking. I studied Grade 7 material, and I was still shit scared of sight reading a simple beginner piece in front of my school’s orchestra. But yea, putting myself out there never really helped me improve my skills or get rid of my anxiety, so I’d also appreciate some tips haha.
This comes at such a perfect time! ❤ I have a monologue presentation tomorrow and I’m really meditating on getting in touch with the truth and honesty in delivery and really understanding the art of acting. I am in my 30’s and I question what ego I need to drop to really internalize the teachings ❤
I just finished watching the full video, and I understand what you mean about the pitfalls that present itself. I have been working with a therapist on my neuroticism and with that sort of aside (but still present when Im learning) I can practice being childlike but when I start taking it too seriously and being perfectionist you can really see it exposed when Im doing work on stage. I often times leave feeling disappointed but I beat myself up too much it’ll just set me back. I think what really helped me was keeping this “childlike wonder” mentality. I hope to use that to my advantage tomorrow and not make my monologue too serious but uplifting. Thanks Dr. K!! 🎉😊
Thank you @pinball5328 and @foogleduck !! We all had our teacher come and poke at us on stage and he brought out so much meaningful impact in my words and it was exhilarating! I got great validation from a master and even from more experienced students. I was so thankful and it was a great end to a semester!! Thank you so much! Seeing your comments really gave me motivation and strength ❤️ so heart warming to receive kind words from you out there! I see you!
I've had a lot of artists lately asking why they haven't felt motivated to produce art lately and my first question is basically "how is your life going". Even though the conversation is evolving publicly, most people are still either Chasing The Trophy (which is both exhausting and disappointing, esp. when you're LEARNING) or expecting Full-Time Work out of themselves before they have developed discipline vs. those violent creative bursts we sometimes have to disappear for several days to make something amazing and then require tons of time to 'recouperate' before the next project. It's healthier to focus on your ACTUAL MOTIVATIONS for producing work than "I Have To Be The Best", which I used to say to myself a lot
This is something I've come to understand on my own but in a different way. When looking up to someone "perfect" and wanting to be like that, there's a distinction between the path they took and the end result you see. If, for example, you want to get in excellent shape and the target is a body type you've seen in the gym, it's possible that hammering away at machines will be a dismal experience. Then you come across calisthenics and realise there's a more enjoyable way to get to where you want to be.
Quick tip that worked for me when perfectionism kicks in and deters me from working at something I'm not good at: make the conscious decision to do it badly. I do it for practicing cello: I commit to playing badly, that way, either i sound terrible and therefore, mission accomplished, or it sounds less awful than expected and therefore, mission accomplished. Either ways, I have practiced. Hope it helps!
I think we could all use a video or stream on how to consciously develop solid values. Since it's a fairly abstract sounding concept, but I think there are few things that are more important as far as how our psychology is shaped, to understand. I know personally, a large part of my life has involved large shifts in what values are important to me, but they tend to only come after stressful, and potentially traumatic events. Like valuing comfort and consistency more after really bad burnout, or becoming very driven toward independence and freedom, but only after something that makes you feel weak. How can we genuinely develop solid, beneficial values, before it bites us? The closest I can think of for an example that may be similar to what I'm thinking of, is how people can develop a very strong sense of gratitude towards life through meditating, but a more generalized practice that can be used to develop things like patience, bravery, discipline, and a love for learning- And as I'm typing this, I know I'm basically just listing things that are theoretically already benefits of meditation, but more specifically, how/if there's a link between someone's core values, and something like meditation? I know I almost sound like I'm answering my own question, but still, is there any proof to this, or is it just anecdotal?
more like watch RUclips in one specific direction fully you gonna find food who believe in it and you will convert through them and all their cultist arguments cut off from other ones that's how I got in healthy lifestyle now variability that left is what extreme in that direction is more favourable lol 😂 but need to keep variety in that direction or you get stuck in one small corner forever it's possible to overdo anything best or optimal in the world we aren't individuals don't have true free will we can only get alone and slowly decide on designing environment around us to prime us in certain direction otherwise you develop through trauma and that's crippling in some other way... it's a shock therapy lol shocks bring you permanent grey hair... or engrave some deep fears inside
Dr. K (or Alok ji, if you don't mind), As a fellow South Asian, I can't thank you enough for framing yoga and other Indian philosophies from the standpoint of evidence-based medicine and psychology. Your videos are really helping me level up. I've long struggled with feelings of insecurity and lack, and I can't thank you enough for helping me pick up that shovel that I will use to tunnel my way out of this. You're awesome. Or, if I may, adbhut!
Where I work something interesting happened where our junior started coaching the new junior whom in turn started coaching the latest junior. I think it's an awesome tradition that we should maintain. Of course, seniors are always around, we don't leave the kids on their own, but teaching others is such a great way to learn and to gain confidence.
6:45 that is true but I would also like to point out something: I am way above avrage in my class and in my school as a whole. People around me think, that it must be awesome, to get such great results for not that big of an effort, but the problem I see with this that I get demotivated because of this. I ussually study hard for my tests and I am happy to see the results, but I recently started getting away without studying so hard, because I still ace the test. The thing is that my standarts for knowledge are much higher than the others, which has been motivating me in my past to do better, but seeing that I can put much less affort and still can get virtually the same results, scares me. I think that this could have fatal consequences in the future, because each time this happens, I am more demotivated than before, which leads me to lower my standards of what I consider necessary to know. The reason why this could be fatal for me is that I could lower them so much, that it would no longer be above the requirement for acing the test. For someone like me, where not only myself but the enitre surroundigs of people expects me to do so well, it's hard when something like this happens. my point is that being 'the best' or at least being considered to the best is really the worst possible thing, because the mind can start playing with the thoughts of superiority, and that is a double edge sword that can really easilly get out of hand.
This episode has been very funny, not mainly because of the hilarious impressions but How relatable it is and it hit the nail 😭 Like I been through that when you get a very minor inconvenience, you quit. Now I built a strong self discipline so that I won't go down the same pitfall again.
As a depressed, anxious, severely burnt out "gifted kid", I found this rather refreshing. It's not just 'try harder', but 'change how you think about it'. At least I think I understood the assignment?
As an example, I have been playing guitar for 2.5 years and I'm 30 now. The desire of being challenged and the joy of building up my skills on it is what keeps me going. And now I actually kind of desire the mild pain of pressing the strings down lol
I recently watched an interview with Neil deGrasse Tyson on the topic how parents can squash curiosity in their kids and it really reminded me of how innocent and free I was as a kid. I used to read a lot as a kid in elementary school and one of my favorite topics was science, specifically electronics. In 5th grade, we had to do projects and I chose electricity because thats what I was fond of (it wasn't driven by anyone else). At home, I was already taking apart toys because of curiosity, even though I would get yelled at and punished by my parents. Of course, because of procrastination and lack of focus (could've been trauma-related at that age), I ended up getting helped by my sister to work on the poster but she opened up a simple hand fan and that really got me even more interested in electronics. As simple as something like shorting the terminals of a AA battery. It was actually my childhood dream to become an electronics engineer and do something meaningful/helpful to the world and maybe invent stuff. But then life happens and I don't get to study what I want to study in school. Ended up graduating with a math degree as a result of my mistakes. And now, I learn and work on electronics as a hobby. I work with electronics in my job but the world is very much a "you need to conform to our standards or we won't acknowledge you" kind of place so I don't get to do much. It just took me aback and made me feel a little sad how things turned out. Honestly, it could be one of the main reasons why I'm so angry and unhappy all the time. I kind of just let the world destroy my hope and optimism. I know there were big factors in the abusive household and unsupportive and neglectful parents that ultimately led to me becoming the type of person who'd make these mistakes. If it sounds like I'm trying to absolve my own resonsibility from my actions, I'm not. I'm just expressing how sad I am that things didn't turn out the way I wanted. Despite how things turned out, I think I want to try to figure out how to reconnect with that inner child that was unyieldingly optimistic about everything and but with the addition of being able to be curious and explore freely (because that wasn't an option in my household). If I can somehow do that, I would be much happier and there would be a natural source of motivation/direction for my actions (i.e. setting a goal like "I want to learn more about X")
i'm sure a mathematics degree can be useful for things such as circuit analysis and fourier analysis regarding electrical waveforms, no? I'm not sure that it was really a mistake, and you could probably figure out electrodynamics pretty easily from your math degree too
@@ret2popGood point. I’d imagine if there’s any subject you could learn to better understand every other scientific field better, it would be mathematics.
Yep. All of the social institutes are machines whose sole purpose is to brainwash the population and make them unenthusiastic conformists in order to serve obediently to the ruling class. Historical materialism really helps you to get these insights on society and how it functions
@@ret2pop I agree and I should clarify on the "mistake": I screwed up my grades in school. It wasn't an issue of competence. It was a mix of mental health issues like depression, "laziness" (which was really avoidant behavior and lack of attention), and anxiety. I have C-PTSD which comes from mostly an emotionally and physically abusive childhood. I wasn't taught or given the resources to succeed. I was always alone and expected to perform without mistakes. I was living at home during these college years where I was frequently around my abusive mom and I didn't think to leave because I felt the obligation to stay at home for family. My therapist thinks I have a lot of grit for surviving the experiences that I did and coming out alright. Its hard for me to accept that because I keep thinking that I'm a lazy person who couldn't get his shit together when it mattered. I screwed up my life and then I came here.
I think is important to add that our emotions are not something to ignore and they are the keys which help us better understand ourselves and what we value. Don't necessarily act on your emotions, but use them as the mechanism which reflects your worries and needs
I love how you are selling advanced spiritual wisdom disguised behind "Scientific Reasearchs" and "Logical thinking" because you know that your target will be stuck in the materialistic paradigm and won't be receptive to higher wisdom. Great job ;)
My best friend always encouraged me to share the music I made with him even when I first started out and it was trash. He always provided positive feedback and supported me, over time I got better and better. I now finally understand why he always gave me that positive reinforcement.
heh, thx for the vid I'm actually an EE student in my 4th (and final) year, and definitely resonate with what you said. After doing good, but not 'the best,' in 1st year, I focused hard on being 'the best' in 2nd and 3rd year while barely putting in any actual work and feeling quite negative any time I opened up my workbook to do studying. But I'm glad I have been able to see how my mistakes and mindset has held me back.
16:50 I think i've done this sort of thing before, when i was in school once i got home sometimes i would tell my parents what i learned that day and into college i would even tell them how a lot of what i was taught worked, I believe that one of my teachers at secondary school told me that teaching others about a subject is actually good for your own learning too, plus it makes my brain happy when i can impress my parents with something they don't understand at all
1. Desire to "be the best" sabotag your motivation--> Instead, focus on improving incrementally 2. Don't use desire or emotion for motivation. They fluctuate and diminish--> Use VALUE instead 3. "Tomorrow, which choice will lead to pride? And which choice will lead to regret?" 4. Use what you learned as soon as possible. Using the small amount you learned provide the positive re-enforcement for you to move forward
This is a fantastic video, and very very helpful. My only difference I found that doesn't work for myself, is "sharing my pitiful knowledge as soon as I get it", as Dr. K put it. I've noticed that when I start working on something and I show my friends or family the progress of it, and get the 'reward' of positive reinforcement, it tends to de-tract from my motivation, as now I feel satisfied with what I've done, even though I didn't finish it, and my progress falters and falls away usually. I'm sure this isn't the case for most people, but, it has been for me.
1. Dont aim at being the best • have clear concise goals Seperate them into minimum, good and ideal 2. Apply whatever u have learned as fast as possible even if its a little 3. Dont use emotion as motivation, use your values or resolution. • emotion fluctuates. Values are something you care deeply about. Values stay consistent E.g. your desire to be loved over your social anxiety 4. If ur afraid of messing up. Purposely mess up badly to see how badly you can f-up
About that 10,000 hours thing. I'm an expert in my field. I've only started considering myself an expert around the 20,000 hour mark. I'm now half way thorough to retirement and my actual job title is "expert". At around 10,000 hours I merely considered myself experienced, and really, so did most people who worked with me. And I agree because back then I knew I still had much to learn. Now I'm the one writing the textbooks. For context, I'm an electrical engineer in the aeronautics industry. On a side note : while I have played way more than 10,000 hours of video games, it's unlikely I'll ever be an expert in that field 😅
thanks for sharing! thats such a good point. 10,000 hours of just participating in an activity won't make you an expert at anything. It takes active and strategic learning.
I watched this video to procrastine studying electronics for the civil engineering course I am doing. Scrolled so far down I saw your comment and got weirdly motivated. Electronics is my worst and I certainly dont ever want to be considered an expert in it but I have to accept that if I want to be a civil engineer I also need to have some understanding of it. But at least I dont have to spend too many hours on it.
What is the reason you are doing this 1. Is it desire? Can’t stand the long time due to it not being satisfiable in short time 2. Emotion is fluctuating (not for long), part of our brains called the limbic system is responsible of our emotion & there stats/time in our brain & after awhile it regulate it to the new norm (homeostasis) so endure hard times 3. Values(things that I care about, this can make me tolerate negativity (every time you don’t feel like doing it ask yourself these 2 Questions): - A.What is more important to me right now? - B.Tommrow Which choice will lead to pride/regret ? 4. Don’t delay gratification\use any new knowledge you obtain as quickly as possible
The problem with motivating myself with values is that I don't really feel like I have any values. I don't really care about anything. Wanting to feel pride tomorrow? Isn't that also a desire? I was lonely but now I talk to random strangers. Why? For fun. For the desire of fun. Will it keep me doing it for years? I don't know, but I can't really find a "value" in myself that would push me to talk to anybody or do really anything at all.
I think you can use other people for this. Which people do you think are the most important? For interpersonal values think “who do I know that would disappoint me the most if they died tomorrow, and why?” And for general values “who or what kind of person (someone you don’t know) would disappoint me the most if they died tomorrow and why?” If you’d be more disappointed by a doctor or firefighter dying than a real estate agent, that probably means you value helping people and you should do whatever you need to do to develop skills that help people. If you’d be more disappointed by the death of your friend who always checks in on you than by your friend who gives you space, that probably means you value those social overtures and you should try to practice doing that yourself. If you’d be most disappointed by the death of a relative who isn’t very close to you but is always volunteering at a food bank or soup kitchen, that means you value being useful to your community and you should do something to figure out what your community needs and how you can best fill one of those needs. Or if you don’t want to be negative and think about death you can just ask “who am I most impressed by?” But for me the negative thinking reveals the truth fastest (it’s like if you’re cleaning our your closet and asking yourself which of two coats you want to keep, you imagine both of them getting lost and keep the one that you’d be more mad about losing.) I disagree with Dr K about the idea that other people aren’t a good motivator. I think that which people you are impressed by is a direct indicator of your values.
Also yes wanting to feel pride is a desire, but you can’t conjure pride out of thin air. The only time you’ll feel pride is if you did something you value. So think back to instances where you felt pride in something and see what that tells you about what you value.
I don't know... anger was the best emotion to motivate me to actually make something of myself. It can become a poison if directed at something but "just" anger MOVES. It overrides lazyness, pain, pushing stuff for later etc.
Sometimes I feel slow. I can put in all these hours etc…try my hardest and still feel like I haven’t improved much. From a young age I was a perfectionist and somehow willed motivation from what felt like nothing in pursuit of self-actualization for years. Perhaps it’s a perceptual thing but I feel like even when I try hard I’m just mentally predisposed towards not being as smart as some. Edit: I will say I am a person who makes a lot of decisions based on values and I think that’s good I feel talentless, as a kid I was full of interest particularly related to liberal endeavors such as drawing, art, music, dance, learning languages, culture, sociology, psyc etc…I like being active and am not the most stem oriented person I feel like I suck and don’t know anything and miss my old hobbies, I miss my curiosity, but the stress they brought on made them hard to maintain after many years I will say I am 18 just finished working and am a university of California student, I am a black trans woman and have a trauma history, so it could very be perceptual and esteem related issue
I'm currently not doing well in my academics and sometimes failing a few of my classes miserably in Gr 11 and saw myself wanting to be a straight A student to compensate for my failures and seeing that everyone is just doing way better than me currently
Even if you know nothing (about e.g. drawing, playing an instrument, writing, RUclips videos), chances are, the person you're showing your work to, knows probably even less... and they might just be impressed anyway. The really impressive part is that you're trying at all. Even if the result is a little pathetic, you're putting your energy into something for a sub-optimal result; and most people are terrified of doing that. That's why doing hard stuff is impressive.
im my life till now many of my teachers considered me as a bright student and i am i bright student sort of , but some of my teachers also says me that you have potential greater than your current state. I always take their words as a source of motivation but now i understood what they mean , now recalled their words and watched it with a different perspective today, thankyou sir....
I'm gonna take the opportunity to also include that the amount of time you practice something isn't the important part, but rather the way you practice and what you take away from it.
14:10 I don't have a big circle of friends when I move town and don't usually go out of my way to meet new people. I do have a handful of very long lasting good friends tho and we still hang out online/visit each other or keep in touch over whatsapp for 5+ years. I'm not a fan of big social activities but just going on a walk and chill/talk about life is worlds better than being at some sweaty party where everyone seems superficial. But I don't know if this means I'm socially anxious or just genuinely do enjoy my social relations in this way.
This was really interesting. I decided I wanted to learn the play the guitar a year ago. I've stuck with it for a year. I'd do exactly that play riff at the point where it was recognizable. I've done with my wife, my mother, my kids. Also take notice of my progression in the micro gains I see. Could fretting a not on scale better. But I'm not sure but I think my ASD plays part in it to as playing the guitar gives me energy and I don't have to be good at it. I just have to be able to do it for an hour.
Pitfalls to avoid if you want to end up being awesome: * Desire to be "The best". You can't be the best because it's unreachable and not existent. It's only something that the mind has created. * Having "desire" and "emotion" as your reason for doing something. Desire is a sudden urge you want to satisfy. Once it's satisfied it disappears, on the other hand when it's not satisfied in a period of time your brain gives up on trying to satisfy it. So it's an unreliable reason to sustainably do something. While emotions, can have conflict with other emotions that makes it harder to follow through or finish the things you need to do. For example, you want to help an old woman cross the road but there's so many people that can see that your socially anxious self kicks in. "I want to help her but other people might think that I'm doing it because I want to look good in their eyes". Emotions come and go so. Having to do something because your emotionally driven is unsustainable reason to do something. These two kind reason easily disappear so using it as a reason to do something and once it disappears you'll have no reason to keep doing it.
I don't know the studies he did and metrics he got but going by the fact that the majority of people will take something like it at face value it's problematic. Some expertise is pretty abstract and it's hard to say what 10,000 hours even is if you can sit idly with pen to paper for an hour or be writing 90 words a minute that whole time. People should simply use it to realize "I don't need to be perfect yet" and realize they don't have to be perfect at all in time. It's bad when it creates some idea of a result that's never guaranteed and (like the pattern in western science) quantifies it like a universal prescription
💥Video Notes💥 "No. 1 thing that hold us back is ourselves, the human element." Pitfall #1: It is impossible to be the best - Being the best pushes you to give up, it is an attempt to fix the shame that you feel. Pitfall #2: Desires are sensory and drains our motivation after it is satisfied. Emotions are volatile and the brain adapts to it after awhile. - Instead focus on values, introspect the task. - 2 Questions to ask yourself when you don't feel like doing the task: ---> QNS 1. What is more important to me right now? ---> QNS 2. Tomorrow, which choice will lead to pride and which leads to regret. #3: Use your knowledge as quickly as possible.
Gosh i really love this channel. Everything u said in this vid defines my problems. And even if i understand what u just explain i know that im a work in progress and that it will take some time to asimilate it. But at least i know now the right direction to go. So thank u for ur vids. They really help me
A Oneitis doesn’t refer to love - it refers to a crush. Usually, a one-sided crush developed for the wrong reasons like being desperate, being stuck in the friend zone, thinking you can’t possibly do better, etc. You could think your Oneitis is dumb and annoying - the point is you’re obsessed with them for superficial/unhealthy reasons.
Even if I get feedback on the stuff I do, and it's positive feedback, I just tend to push it away and just say : "no it sucks, it's not good" and often abandon. And the worst part is that the feedback I get is from professionals in the industries I'm interested in, and they're often good along the lines of : "It's not perfect, but for a beginner it's really good and you really have a feeling for it" or stuff like that. But I'll just hear : "Nah mate, it's not professional enough and you should stop wasting your time"
I feel like that really changed the game for me, validation IS part of the mastery process btw! It’s not something outside of it, it is definitely needed and I think a good teacher will do that for you.
This video came out at a perfect time of my life. The day this was posted, I got accepted into vet school. The content of this video is too good. Thank you for all that you do, Dr. K ❤❤❤
He said "don't take cocaine AND meth", which means you can take either one of them as long as you don't take the other. Thank you Dr K. I'll take this advice to heart 😊
having a goal putting in time to it if you feel unmotivated, realise that the feeling is temporary. but if you keep putting time, its gonna get easier and more satisfying next time. remember the goal when you are about to give up.
My parents had always said try * your * best and don’t think of the outcome. Hard work and dedication beats everything in the long run. Kind of obvious if you think about it, but we seldom forget about it in our worst moments. Stay strong friends. Hope we all make it someday. :)
9:54 I have literally felt this. Whenever I try and do something my goal is always to make any progress I can because it makes me feel good and eager to go back and make more progress whereas if I am unable to get any progress initially then I feel like it's harder to invest time
I love trying to compare what I think you’re gonna say based on the title with what you actually end up saying. I guessed the practice part lol but I love the extra elements you included!
This kinda happens to me, im an artist, i practice practice practice but i never seem to learn, and what im lacking was this putting myself out there and stop practicing and actually just doing shit that i want to even if it sucks, fear of failure is a big factor also i think
wow, I would never decide be one, it's usually comes with emotional swings and random changes of mind, constantly tuning in to song of universe craft takes you very far imagination and breaking rules much farther but without first second won't be even possible that's the curse of artists I guess look at jeson sung and others talking about learning, you want to remember things add them to your brain network and only then your mind will be able to connect the pieces in interesting ways fill brain with all colours paints 🎨 plus image streaming technic
10:21 It kinda sounded like you were leading up to saying "your brain may not think it's even necessary to fulfill the desire if you've been without it this long". Say you wanted to do something that morning but procrastinated til night, and now you say you'll do it tomorrow and you don't, because you lost that spark, like writing out and idea to see where it goes. Can't do it anymore, lost the spark.- And you never end up saying this but I think this is important. You have a talent of putting our brain's behavior and how it affects our life into words. And I mean in a...micro way. Like when you explained delayed satisfaction. We only know what it feels like, but we don't know exactly how our brain is sabotaging us. And by spelling it out, you help us figure it out and we can start trying to not be sabotaged by our own nature. For me therapy hasn't been helpful, defining things has. They just want to focus on my pain and rehash it. I haven't found someone like you. I wish you could teach our current therapists. They're really thinking small and missing the bigger picture of how trauma and it all works.
After really thinking on it - this video has paired really well with what I learned from your “What Years of Gaming Does to Your Brain” video. What “Years of Gaming” has taught me how to put together and build a main quest while this video has taught me how to find the “Why?” behind my main quests. Keeps me in check in that I know im doing something for the right reasons and will make sure I stick with them long term no matter set back. Also gives me a chance to review my main quests and reevaluate whether something aligns with my values or just my emotions at the time. Thank you Dr. K!!
Another tip: change your beliefs about yourself and the world around you. If you want to do your homework, think "this homework is easy" and "I like doing my homework". This may seem very odd at first, but trust me, it works
The 10 000 hour Rule is often misquoted since that exact number of hours was only relevant to become the best of the best in the world, the true superstars of that field. 10K hours is what it took to become a Master, not just an Expert, but you can become just Competent in a few hundred hours. And it is a process of diminishing returns, meaning you learn most of what you can learn rather quickly and the rest of the time you learn the finer details.Think of it as spending 20% of the time to learn 80% of a subject, and the remaining 80% of the time to learn the last 20%. This works for everything, from learning to play an instrument, to drawing, to complex math and engineering, to any other practical skill that is teachable. The key is like our good doctor said to practice what little skill and knowledge you got constantly while still learning more.
I have a hard time differentiating my values, emotions & desires. So I wanna get better at playing guitar. My reason for that is my love for the instrument & music. All the possibilities of creating music with this instrument is fascinating to me(this comes from consuming a lot of content regarding the instrument). Now is this a valid value or would I just be emotion driven (which is bad?) Another example. I've been making some progress in my social life, meeting & getting to know new people. But all or most of these relationships are very shallow. Because of that (& not ever really having solid friends before)I’ve been craving deep relationships with people and really wanting to make an effort to gain and maintain "real" strong friendships. Same question. Am I emotion driven or are those solid values? I’d appreciate some answers:)
goal is concrete you get some steps to it in mind right away your brain will go if you show it any direction it can imagine somehow and with realistic steps to make daily Value is like loving culture and wanting to share culture with others for their improvement and making their life more beautiful and meaningful beauty, good and truth what do you have to learn with your craft? you don't need to be in love of instrument and music all the time but if you have high ethic to work on skill constantly this will bring certainty of doing well on own path with perspective of fitting in in world of music if serious enough these badass people don't look for reasons they just understand work as a must do best insurance for doing well they don't pull nor push keeping balance "doing good work" that's the seemless level of discipline I'm trying to get too my grandma has it but built from savage necessary that became part of blood building it from zero requires passion and a bit madness, pure belief against any thoughts emerging
This is really tough in biology research. It's years between projects, which also might not pan out.. finished among top of class in biotech MSc (mostly molecular biology). Right now doing a lot of lab automation. I'm considering pivotting to robotics, because you actually get return on investment within months, not years... But 'dropping' the years of hard work and deep knowledge seems like a huge waste.. considering if I can combine the 2 areas in a more integrated holistic way..
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Doc you should have hindi channel too pls english doesn't give me feel.
no
you need to cut word count by 30% on intro and stop repeating by explaining explanation with another explanation
@@KristijanKL disagree. The layering of the explanations touches different levels of consciousness.
But what about the bio hacking pill
Hmm, so my key takeaways are:
- The idea of being "the best" is toxic to your motivation
- Relying on emotions to motivate you, positive or negative, is highly inconsistent because they fluctuate.
- It's more effective to motivate yourself with your values than your desires.
- Questions to ask yourself:
"What is more important to me right now?" e.g. Is it more important to give up or give into the pressure not to do the thing, or to keep at it?
"Tomorrow, which choice will lead to pride? And which choice will lead to regret?"
- Use the knowledge as soon as possible, demonstrate it, share it, teach someone else who knows even less, make something with it.
Thank you! You've done the "share the knowledge as soon as possible," and I am thankful for that because I am not very good at summarizing things like that.
this was very usefull
This helps a lot, I'll ss this as a reminder summary so thank you so much!!
@@kooledgesture you're quite welcome.
for your own sake, you might try writing up only whatever you can remember after having watched it.
that practices recall, which improves your memory, and the act of rewriting and rephrasing things in your own words really helps to remember it long term.
something about the act of creating the phrasing for yourself.
best of luck
Thank you for this, this helps me condense the knowledge and makes it degestible and applicable.
dr.k you are the first professional to actually create lasting changes in my thought patterns and behavirors.
i feel the same way. almost as if he's phrasing the lessons to fit perfectly for me. you should check out the dr k guide if you want to learn more, in an organized kind of way (sounds like an ad but i just really like his teaching style)
Phrasing things as “debuffs” helps things click in my mind. Because of brain rot? Sure, but it’s effective! I’ve started thinking of things in life as buffs or debuffs and it literally changed how I think 😂
@@FunkyTurtlehis videos are great, I eill check the guide
Dr. K and Psychology with Dr. Ana both give me more insight than my own therapist I've been seeing for a year🙈
This video is the exact opposite of what I thought. And I really needed to hear it.
A couple internal knots I've begun to untangle recently:
- I always struggled to follow through on tasks unless I had external accountability, e.g. someone else expecting me to do it. Then it hit me one day: I follow through for other people because I believe they deserve to have their promises upheld. *I didn't believe deep down that I deserve to have my promises upheld, even (especially) my promises to myself.* Understanding this on a gut level and coming to truly feel accountable to myself is a game changer.
- I thought every day for years about writing music and rarely, if ever, actually did it. I thought at first that it meant I didn't have talent for it, but one night an internal expectation to get the song perfect the first time just... dissolved. I was able to trust the process, get into flow, and not get frustrated when it took some trial and error to make it to something I thought was cool. Turns out making art is actually fun when your intention isn't to sit down and crap out a masterpiece, but just to play for a couple hours.
I needed to read this, thank you :D
How did you come out about to feel accountable for yourself
I feel this. We end up tricking ourselves by making extremely high quality expectations to self sabotage and not do thing
very good points, first one hits home...
2:31 Fun fact: what at first may seem a stock photo of a homeless man, is in fact a real person. Known as Old Man Belfield, Michael Byrne was a homeless man who lived for decades on the campus of University College Dublin, in Ireland. He was a man of few words whom the university population grew fond of back in the day because he intervened and saved a female student from a SA, garnering goodwill from UCD staff and students for the rest of his life.
He unfortunately passed away a few years ago. However learning of his past presense at UCD was an interesting tale I read about before entering the student body myself earlier this year.
Just wanted to point him out. Quite a coincidence that he turned up in a video from one of my favourite creators ✌🏻❤️
Cool catch, but I’m just confused how he could pass for 35…
@@Promatheos Using him as a stand-in for 35 is a way of joking about the fact that 35 isn't really that old, but it's around when people might start feeling or considering other people quite old. It puts a picture to the exaggeration that happens in some people's mind and makes you realize how ridiculous it is.
@@Promatheos 🤣
I’m wanting to look more into him, wondering if the university ever helped him out maybe with room and board or community food cabinets
Isn’t it morally wrong that Dr K uses Michael Byrne as an object of his presentation?
Worked at an accelerated language training school. Everyone struggled, no matter how intelligent or capable. Those who spoke the most in the new language learned fastest. They made far more mistakes, especially early on, but by being willing to not be perfect they solidified their skills and understanding more effectively. During later testing, those who spoke more during initial training retained language skills for longer, and could bring things back more quickly.
That’s very interesting. If you don’t mind me asking, was it a training with the military, or for another reason? I’ve hear that there are advanced learning schools where they learn the hardest languages in a year
Probably LDS/Mormon
@@Nocturna. It was a DoD school. Students had to become proficient in the new language in between 9 months and 18 months, depending upon difficulty. For examples, the Spanish course was 9 months. The Chinese and Arabic courses were just under 18 months.
I just wonder, how humans learn language in first place. hymm, hymmm....
It's almost like children rapidly try, copy and paste something. Got some form of feedback and adjust the next test. Until child can produce as good speech as everyone else.
We have this delusion of perfect Adult, separation from bumbling childhood, and it is a one learning resistant.
Second comes from elementary school systems, which cultivate black and white thinking, you be right in test or you will die. (Btw, 100% Information rightness validation is pretty much impossible unless you have all information, and that point you are universe by definition...).
You can read and understood language perfectly, but same time it wont make you to produce a talk sufficiently without speaking. Input and output need it's own practice.
And speaking is one of hardest task, because you really need to adjust heuristic patterns that has been enforced 20+ years. Making rapid mistakes is crusial, and now days its even easy to have rapid feedback, because you can record your own voice.
DLI?
Yep, being the "best" is also an extrinsic motivator, which is a one way ticket to burnout. And Dr. K touched on this in another video, but when it comes to learning anything I would say that being very intimate with the material is key, it's just the two of you. When you're interested in something you want to understand it, you want to know how it works inside and out. But if you're in it for the prestige (being the best) then your interest will wain and you will never fully understand, appreciate, or like the material because your attention is always outwardly focused. So yeah..go on a date with your textbook (go study).
Well said
hi, thanks for this. could you tell me what the other video was please?
Thanks for this, I've screenshot-ed it to remember. Would love to check out the video you mentioned.
Tbh, my initial comment was more of what I’ve taken away from multiple videos that relate to this topic. Here are the most relevant ones I can think of rn:
Dr. K, How Do I Focus?
Why It’s Hard to Focus (And What to Do About It)
Study Tips from Dr. K…(long title can’t remember lol)
The overlapping theme of these videos (including this one) is that external focus of any kind (multitasking, productive distractions, extrinsic motivation) leads to burnout and a lack of focus. The videos I mentioned above give practical tips. Hope these help.
Yep. We had the same realization in software development. There are people who will just use frameworks, copy-paste from stackoverflow and ship software fast - results driven. And then there are those who decide to explore, take a deep dive and understand how a framework works, sometimes even come up with a partial implementation of their own framework. These people value understanding so much they don't even consider themselves that they "failed" just because they don't have any completed project to show. The acquisition of knowledge and the practice itself is the project.
14:46 making progress IS important. Rest is also important. When you lift weights, you get stronger, but you also need time to recuperate. If you're working hard at something, but the wheels aren't turning, taking some time off that something to take stock of what is going on, recuperate mentally, and make a new plan, is equally important.
Yes but that isn't really the problem we are dealing with in this video.
@@hastyscorpion But it is. On the way to becoming great at something requires both making progress and resting.
Breathing is also important. You can’t make progess, if you don’t breath.
when two becomes one and one becomes none, this is called hiding the light, ten thousand things come from one and progress exactly equals rest, lifting the weights only sets the scene for your growth, this is called the inscrutable way
So in summery:
1. write out what you value in a task that you want to do.
2. when you are doing a task and you want to stop ask yourself:
A. what is most important to me at this moment? (Doing the task or giving in to laziness?)
B. Which decision will lead to pride and which decision will lead to regret tomorrow?
3. use what you learn as soon as possible. Do not wait until you master a skill. As soon as you learn something and the study season is over use the thing you learned to benefit yourself and/or others.
Thank you!
For people struggling to find what they value. It's trial and error. If you're in school your "values" are often "impress your peers" and "meet teacher expectations" and you're not given any room to find yourself.
If you have pushy family, your values are also "don't rock the boat with family" etc.
So, to find your values, you have to find ways to feel safe enough to discover why you'd want to clean your room for yourself. Not just to avoid getting yelled at. And it would take time journaling, trying/failing, observing others, and also, just getting away from other people. Many people can also go back to who they were when they were young kids or before abuse to get started.
Not “doing the task” and “giving into laziness” but rather “do what you feel you value” or “give into the fears that come with it”
In my opinion the most important point you made is "use your infantile and pathetic knowledge as soon as possible": I was in my first year of high school and I just started playing bass guitar, but I immediately joined EVERY school musical project (I was also the only bassist willing to play in my school), even if I barely knew how to put my fingers on the fretboard, this helped me immensely as a self-taught learner
I am forever thankful for my experiences being in track growing up. When i was 15 i had this critical moment of being so terrified i would "fail" i.e. i would lose my provincial title for my track event. I ended up keeping it because of good conditions and good training but I crossed the finish line and didnt feel any satisfaction because my mental health sucked.
Talking to my coaches and reflecting, I realized I was never going to be enough if I focused on that. But in track there are "personal bests/records" or PBs or PRs where we are always working to beat our own milestones. My mentors reminding me that in the end, becoming better versions of ourselves in whatever we do is more important than getting those accolades and shiny medals.
This reminds me of really how innocent and free I was as a kid. I used to read a lot as a kid in elementary school and one of my favorite topics was science, specifically electronics. In 5th grade, we had to do projects and I chose electricity because thats what I was fond of (it wasn't driven by anyone else). At home, I was already taking apart toys because of curiosity, even though I would get yelled at and punished by my parents. Of course, because of procrastination and lack of focus (could've been trauma-related at that age), I ended up getting helped by my sister to work on the poster but she opened up a simple hand fan and that really got me even more interested in electronics. As simple as something like shorting the terminals of a AA battery. It was actually my childhood dream to become an electronics engineer and do something meaningful/helpful to the world and maybe invent stuff.
But then life happens and I don't get to study what I want to study in school. Ended up graduating with a math degree as a result of my mistakes. And now, I learn and work on electronics as a hobby. I work with electronics in my job but the world is very much a "you need to conform to our standards or we won't acknowledge you" kind of place so I don't get to do much. It just took me aback and made me feel a little sad how things turned out. Honestly, it could be one of the main reasons why I'm so angry and unhappy all the time. I kind of just let the world destroy my hope and optimism. I know there were big factors in the abusive household and unsupportive and neglectful parents that ultimately led to me becoming the type of person who'd make these mistakes. If it sounds like I'm trying to absolve my own resonsibility from my actions, I'm not. I'm just expressing how sad I am that things didn't turn out the way I wanted.
Despite how things turned out, I think I want to try to figure out how to reconnect with that inner child that was unyieldingly optimistic about everything and but with the addition of being able to be curious and explore freely (because that wasn't an option in my household). If I can somehow do that, I would be much happier and there would be a natural source of motivation/direction for my actions (i.e. setting a goal like "I want to learn more about X")
i find it cool that you have something your interested in and even though life didn't go as expected i hope you continue your passion either as a career or a hobby. I don't think its ever too late to reconnect with that inner child and to try again. Wishing you the best!
I really feel related to your idea. I, myself also a big guy with a curious kid's mind, I want to let my mind's curiosity run wild, explore, and do, learn, and experience everything at my own pace but well, the world is functioning as its standard, and not by individual's so I still struggle to catch up to it. I discarded the dream of becoming an engineer to create some cool automation to change into a language-related major afterward. Even though I am still happy with what I choose and still keep in touch with the inner curious child in me, I am still reluctant to follow the social standards and expectations.
Your story sounds quite like mine. Always wanted to be an artist, but then good old laziness takes over and I got basically no practice over the years, and I had no choice but to get a Bachelor in English.
Now, I do like English and writing, but I don't enjoy it as much as I do enjoy drawing. Drawing is one of the very, very few things I truly enjoy. Yet I can't (and couldn't) get to where I want because of laziness and distraction of video games.
I think my problem is the lack of focus and willpower, not that I want to be the best...
Good luck to you and everyone, and may y'all succeed.
It's never too late to find a better path. You can always get a short degree or study online. In my third world country education is very cheap in those topics (maybe 2.000 usd a year if you pay it, if you have benefits it could be 0)
I believe in you!
I've been rewatching this video since it was posted a month ago trying to grasp meaning from it and I just realized something-
I had been basing my reasoning for trying new things in a complex bundle of emotions which I've been mistaking for value-
And that I'm actually a conscientious person without realizing it who is just really unaligned with my own values.
I've been trying for over a year now to try new things and build stronger relationships with friends and family, and have been grinding it out like it's a slog with little to actually somewhat detrimental progress-
Not because I don't value the things I'm thinking about doing, but because the focus of my intentions has been in trying to relieve myself of a lingering feeling of shame, regret, and frustration at not making progress towards my goals.
I lost sight of my values in every area of life except one, and forgot why these things were actually important to me in the first place-
Now i gotta remember my roots and focus on what actually matters now that the cloudy haze of unresolved emotions has lifted-
But yeah, I just wanted to make this comment for anyone who may be like me, ask yourself: Is your reason an actual value, like your integrity? Or is it an emotional response to you not living according to your values?
Which I know may sound like a bunch of mumbo jumbo-
But I literally just had the epiphany that i can't prioritize properly when I'm emotional, because the more emotional I am, the less logical I get.
Because logic and reasoning is a prefrontal cortex function, which will get hijacked or shut down when I'm experiencing strong emotions without even realizing it.
I legit had to wake up, watch this before I had time to feel anything, and THEN I realized the problem. Because I needed a fresh brain to process it.
I could use an entire video of helping how to find your values. Every time I sit down and try and think and write about them I get no where. Ends up me looking up a list of values and just liking the ones I assume society values as good values
1000000 % this !!!
Jordan Peterson has a guided program called "Self-Authoring" for this specific problem - Deff recommend giving it a look.
This guy is cookin!
Do you value independence? I bet you do. Set yourself up to be self-sufficient.
@@burkles4456 chill lmfao
This film is incredibly valuable to me. I feel like ADHD has ruined my life. Which may sound a bit weird since I'm only 24, but at this point I feel like a total failure, because there is actually nothing I am „awesome” at at this age. There were so many things that I was interested in as a child or teenager, or even now, things that I wanted to be "awesome" at. The most important of them was music, I wanted to play an instrument, write songs, sing, be a musician. I tried to learn to play the piano, guitar, and music theory hundreds of times, but I always gave up just being able to play a few songs. I never knew why I couldn't be persistent and systematic when I really have that desire to achieve something. Now I feel like it's too late for me to achieve some of my goals. I won't achieve anything great in music since I am basically starting from scratch again. However, being diagnosed with ADHD last year meant a lot to me. I finally understood why I could never commit to the things I wanted, as if I didn't have the strength to do so. Now that I know how my brain works, I’ve learned to force myself to do things that do not bring me immediate reward, even without medication. I am much more productive lately, but the question „Which choice will lead to pride/regret” sounds like a game changer. Even if I don't become a professional musician and become popular or whatever, I still want to try to be "awesome” at it. I'll see where it takes me. Thanks for this video!
i'm the same way! i really relate a lot to this. Im also 24 and i have autism and i also always had that music dream. everything changed for me when i wrote this local indie band a letter saying i wanna help them in any possible way, also maybe using my marketing knowledge from my major, and that i really wanna be an on board team member. so they really included me and i became great friends with all of them, went to every show and made photos and got tons of practie at many things. and what i wouldnt have thought: just being in the vicinity of musician was so inspiring bc i got to know so many little things, and it boosted my confidence and i now have this idea in my head of "my guitarrist friend would be proud if i did my daily practice" and just like.. so much positive associations with instruments now, so much organic learning from people you like, like lil nuggets of golden information like back when your mum would explain the world to you, yk, that feeling of safety and curiosity. that replaced not only the feeling of frustration when at first things dont work out with my instrument. i would tell anyone anywhere, look for a community that shares what you wanna do. just engaging in that community makes it a part of you, that noone can ever take away again. i might not be the next jimi hendrix, i might not even become a singer songwriter with my own band one day like has always been my dream. but i am a music person now, and noone can ever take that away from me. i am an artists heart among artists, and i got to really feeling secure in that.
ps: billy joel was also pretty old when he became famous
pps: i also made like a pact with a friend to practice guitar every day even if its only 10min and that accountability and company has finally enabled me to only miss like 2 days in the last 2-3 weeks of practicing every day! i NEVER used to have any functioning habits haha
Hey! Thanks for sharing! I got my diagnosis this year and I'm on meds now. It helped a lot but I still struggle currently. Do you have any tips by chance?
@@violettaschmieder2096hey can you give me advice how you change that ?
@@violettaschmieder2096 Hey! Thank you for sharing! I also came to the conclusion that if you want to do something in life, it's best to surround yourself with it and people who do it. I've also recently started to hang around a bit in the company of musicians, actors, dancers, artists in general, and it gave me a lot of motivation. I'm just finishing my first degree and I've decided that instead of going for a master's degree, I'm just going to find some job and enroll in a weekend music and acting school from next year, to at least try to make my dreams come true to some extend. We only live once! Your story is also very inspiring! Wish you all the best!
@@lalaa555 Hey! Everyone is different and it may not work for everyone, but this is what helped me:
- Protein-fat meals instead of carbs and sugar, especially in the morning
- Less coffee
- More physical exercise
- More daylight
- Uninstall all social media so you don't get distracted during the week. I only install them for two days a week max, like the weekend.
- Cold showers
- Getting enough sleep
- Journaling
- I recommend reading about neuroscience and how the brain works and how we can make it a better working machine :)
For me, eating less sugar and uninstalling certain apps from my phone work best. It takes discipline at first, but once I've noticed how my mind has sharpened and how productive I can be without medication, I don't want to go back to my old lifestyle.
Dr k you're a cutie
Cutie patootie
I bet his wife thinks so 😀
Ooooo you have a crush
I’d go far as to say a cutie pie
Alok Kanojia, more like Kok Alanojia
The editing was great, but please don't overdo it. It kept me engaged and the visuals helped me remember and think about things as discreet things instead of invisible in my head. Like the debuff, and cleansing it.
Hello Dr. K (and community)! First I’d like to say that I really appreciate the content you produce, it’s really helpful and I think that a lot of people (including me) can benefit a lot from watching it. Second, I’d like to share/ask something: in some videos, dr.K suggests exposing yourself to other people, even when you don’t feel ready (since feeling ready maybe more self sabotaging since you’ll never be perfectly ready) - I understand that this small exposures (like playing the guitar to someone else as mentioned in this video) are meant to both keep you motivated by showing to yourself that you’re already making some progress, as well as to help you develop the abilities that will lower your social anxiety (by experiencing positive reinforcement from the social interaction to other person). But what always comes to my mind when I listen to this kind of advice is that I’ve been engaging in social interactions most of my life (34F) and I’m actually quite skilled in social situations, so I don’t think is due to anything that I actually do (like creating awkwardness or anything), but most my social interactions seem to generate more negative reinforcement, and make me more dismotivated. It feels like if I just engage socially for the sake of making friends or having a social life, mostly other people will want to keep engaging with me, but if I actually try creating connections through something that are truly important to me, people don’t care enough, dismiss it or are just mean about it actually. It’s like, except for with a very very few people, I feel drained by most social interactions, even seemingly positive ones, because I don’t like socializing just for the sake of having company. On the other hand, that sometimes also makes me feel like I overwhelm the few people I enjoy engaging with. I don’t know if I made myself clear, but I’d appreciate some advice if you have any!
Hiii, I have a similar issue!! Although I also struggle with socializing the way you do, I feel like it’s not the only part that is affected by it.
I can explain it best with my violin playing journey. I’ve been playing since the age of 10 (I’m now 19, almost 20) and, even though I had concerts every Christmas and end of year, I hated each and every single one of them. Not once, in the 8 years (I went to uni last year) of playing concerts did I stop shaking and panicking. I studied Grade 7 material, and I was still shit scared of sight reading a simple beginner piece in front of my school’s orchestra.
But yea, putting myself out there never really helped me improve my skills or get rid of my anxiety, so I’d also appreciate some tips haha.
This comes at such a perfect time! ❤ I have a monologue presentation tomorrow and I’m really meditating on getting in touch with the truth and honesty in delivery and really understanding the art of acting. I am in my 30’s and I question what ego I need to drop to really internalize the teachings ❤
I just finished watching the full video, and I understand what you mean about the pitfalls that present itself. I have been working with a therapist on my neuroticism and with that sort of aside (but still present when Im learning) I can practice being childlike but when I start taking it too seriously and being perfectionist you can really see it exposed when Im doing work on stage. I often times leave feeling disappointed but I beat myself up too much it’ll just set me back. I think what really helped me was keeping this “childlike wonder” mentality. I hope to use that to my advantage tomorrow and not make my monologue too serious but uplifting. Thanks Dr. K!! 🎉😊
Good luck tomorrow!! :)
I wish you all the best tomorrow!
Thank you @pinball5328 and @foogleduck !! We all had our teacher come and poke at us on stage and he brought out so much meaningful impact in my words and it was exhilarating! I got great validation from a master and even from more experienced students. I was so thankful and it was a great end to a semester!! Thank you so much! Seeing your comments really gave me motivation and strength ❤️ so heart warming to receive kind words from you out there! I see you!
LOL the advert. Legit didnt expect that. Thanks editors.
I've had a lot of artists lately asking why they haven't felt motivated to produce art lately and my first question is basically "how is your life going". Even though the conversation is evolving publicly, most people are still either Chasing The Trophy (which is both exhausting and disappointing, esp. when you're LEARNING) or expecting Full-Time Work out of themselves before they have developed discipline vs. those violent creative bursts we sometimes have to disappear for several days to make something amazing and then require tons of time to 'recouperate' before the next project. It's healthier to focus on your ACTUAL MOTIVATIONS for producing work than "I Have To Be The Best", which I used to say to myself a lot
This is something I've come to understand on my own but in a different way. When looking up to someone "perfect" and wanting to be like that, there's a distinction between the path they took and the end result you see. If, for example, you want to get in excellent shape and the target is a body type you've seen in the gym, it's possible that hammering away at machines will be a dismal experience. Then you come across calisthenics and realise there's a more enjoyable way to get to where you want to be.
Quick tip that worked for me when perfectionism kicks in and deters me from working at something I'm not good at: make the conscious decision to do it badly.
I do it for practicing cello: I commit to playing badly, that way, either i sound terrible and therefore, mission accomplished, or it sounds less awful than expected and therefore, mission accomplished. Either ways, I have practiced.
Hope it helps!
love it! hope I remember this next time I need to. ❤
Fantastic!
Love it ❤
8:15 - bad reasons: desire, emotions
12:20 - good reason: value
14:06 - when you don’t feel like doing it, ask these questions
I think we could all use a video or stream on how to consciously develop solid values. Since it's a fairly abstract sounding concept, but I think there are few things that are more important as far as how our psychology is shaped, to understand.
I know personally, a large part of my life has involved large shifts in what values are important to me, but they tend to only come after stressful, and potentially traumatic events.
Like valuing comfort and consistency more after really bad burnout, or becoming very driven toward independence and freedom, but only after something that makes you feel weak.
How can we genuinely develop solid, beneficial values, before it bites us?
The closest I can think of for an example that may be similar to what I'm thinking of, is how people can develop a very strong sense of gratitude towards life through meditating, but a more generalized practice that can be used to develop things like patience, bravery, discipline, and a love for learning-
And as I'm typing this, I know I'm basically just listing things that are theoretically already benefits of meditation, but more specifically, how/if there's a link between someone's core values, and something like meditation?
I know I almost sound like I'm answering my own question, but still, is there any proof to this, or is it just anecdotal?
more like watch RUclips in one specific direction fully
you gonna find food who believe in it and you will convert through them and all their
cultist arguments cut off from other ones
that's how I got in healthy lifestyle
now variability that left is what extreme in that direction is more favourable lol 😂
but need to keep variety in that direction or you get stuck in one small corner forever
it's possible to overdo anything best or optimal in the world
we aren't individuals don't have true free will
we can only get alone and slowly decide on designing environment around us to prime us in certain direction
otherwise you develop through trauma
and that's crippling in some other way...
it's a shock therapy lol
shocks bring you permanent grey hair... or engrave some deep fears inside
Dr. K (or Alok ji, if you don't mind),
As a fellow South Asian, I can't thank you enough for framing yoga and other Indian philosophies from the standpoint of evidence-based medicine and psychology. Your videos are really helping me level up. I've long struggled with feelings of insecurity and lack, and I can't thank you enough for helping me pick up that shovel that I will use to tunnel my way out of this.
You're awesome. Or, if I may, adbhut!
Dr K: The algorithm shows you ads that take advantage of your insecurities
The algorithm: Here's some Dr. K
Lol 💯%
Where I work something interesting happened where our junior started coaching the new junior whom in turn started coaching the latest junior. I think it's an awesome tradition that we should maintain. Of course, seniors are always around, we don't leave the kids on their own, but teaching others is such a great way to learn and to gain confidence.
6:45
that is true
but I would also like to point out something:
I am way above avrage in my class and in my school as a whole. People around me think, that it must be awesome, to get such great results for not that big of an effort, but the problem I see with this that I get demotivated because of this. I ussually study hard for my tests and I am happy to see the results, but I recently started getting away without studying so hard, because I still ace the test. The thing is that my standarts for knowledge are much higher than the others, which has been motivating me in my past to do better, but seeing that I can put much less affort and still can get virtually the same results, scares me. I think that this could have fatal consequences in the future, because each time this happens, I am more demotivated than before, which leads me to lower my standards of what I consider necessary to know. The reason why this could be fatal for me is that I could lower them so much, that it would no longer be above the requirement for acing the test. For someone like me, where not only myself but the enitre surroundigs of people expects me to do so well, it's hard when something like this happens.
my point is that being 'the best' or at least being considered to the best is really the worst possible thing, because the mind can start playing with the thoughts of superiority, and that is a double edge sword that can really easilly get out of hand.
1:03, ngl, the final batteries not included, and "the respect of your parents" got me way harder than it should have.
The arthur walking down the street 😂😂 this editing is amazing, subtle zooms and all
This episode has been very funny, not mainly because of the hilarious impressions but How relatable it is and it hit the nail 😭
Like I been through that when you get a very minor inconvenience, you quit. Now I built a strong self discipline so that I won't go down the same pitfall again.
As a depressed, anxious, severely burnt out "gifted kid", I found this rather refreshing. It's not just 'try harder', but 'change how you think about it'. At least I think I understood the assignment?
Don't watch this while eating. I chocked on my dinner laughing, when he went all Indian sales person with his "biohacking pill". 🤣😆
The wii shop music sent me 🤣
Gets me every time 😂
The head shake killed me
As an example, I have been playing guitar for 2.5 years and I'm 30 now. The desire of being challenged and the joy of building up my skills on it is what keeps me going. And now I actually kind of desire the mild pain of pressing the strings down lol
Get them calluses boiiiiiiii
I recently watched an interview with Neil deGrasse Tyson on the topic how parents can squash curiosity in their kids and it really reminded me of how innocent and free I was as a kid. I used to read a lot as a kid in elementary school and one of my favorite topics was science, specifically electronics. In 5th grade, we had to do projects and I chose electricity because thats what I was fond of (it wasn't driven by anyone else). At home, I was already taking apart toys because of curiosity, even though I would get yelled at and punished by my parents. Of course, because of procrastination and lack of focus (could've been trauma-related at that age), I ended up getting helped by my sister to work on the poster but she opened up a simple hand fan and that really got me even more interested in electronics. As simple as something like shorting the terminals of a AA battery. It was actually my childhood dream to become an electronics engineer and do something meaningful/helpful to the world and maybe invent stuff.
But then life happens and I don't get to study what I want to study in school. Ended up graduating with a math degree as a result of my mistakes. And now, I learn and work on electronics as a hobby. I work with electronics in my job but the world is very much a "you need to conform to our standards or we won't acknowledge you" kind of place so I don't get to do much. It just took me aback and made me feel a little sad how things turned out. Honestly, it could be one of the main reasons why I'm so angry and unhappy all the time. I kind of just let the world destroy my hope and optimism. I know there were big factors in the abusive household and unsupportive and neglectful parents that ultimately led to me becoming the type of person who'd make these mistakes. If it sounds like I'm trying to absolve my own resonsibility from my actions, I'm not. I'm just expressing how sad I am that things didn't turn out the way I wanted.
Despite how things turned out, I think I want to try to figure out how to reconnect with that inner child that was unyieldingly optimistic about everything and but with the addition of being able to be curious and explore freely (because that wasn't an option in my household). If I can somehow do that, I would be much happier and there would be a natural source of motivation/direction for my actions (i.e. setting a goal like "I want to learn more about X")
I applaud your insight into yourself and your upbringing. That means you are already on the path that you want to go at.
i'm sure a mathematics degree can be useful for things such as circuit analysis and fourier analysis regarding electrical waveforms, no? I'm not sure that it was really a mistake, and you could probably figure out electrodynamics pretty easily from your math degree too
@@ret2popGood point. I’d imagine if there’s any subject you could learn to better understand every other scientific field better, it would be mathematics.
Yep. All of the social institutes are machines whose sole purpose is to brainwash the population and make them unenthusiastic conformists in order to serve obediently to the ruling class. Historical materialism really helps you to get these insights on society and how it functions
@@ret2pop I agree and I should clarify on the "mistake": I screwed up my grades in school. It wasn't an issue of competence. It was a mix of mental health issues like depression, "laziness" (which was really avoidant behavior and lack of attention), and anxiety. I have C-PTSD which comes from mostly an emotionally and physically abusive childhood. I wasn't taught or given the resources to succeed. I was always alone and expected to perform without mistakes. I was living at home during these college years where I was frequently around my abusive mom and I didn't think to leave because I felt the obligation to stay at home for family. My therapist thinks I have a lot of grit for surviving the experiences that I did and coming out alright. Its hard for me to accept that because I keep thinking that I'm a lazy person who couldn't get his shit together when it mattered.
I screwed up my life and then I came here.
I think is important to add that our emotions are not something to ignore and they are the keys which help us better understand ourselves and what we value. Don't necessarily act on your emotions, but use them as the mechanism which reflects your worries and needs
I love how you are selling advanced spiritual wisdom disguised behind "Scientific Reasearchs" and "Logical thinking" because you know that your target will be stuck in the materialistic paradigm and won't be receptive to higher wisdom. Great job ;)
My best friend always encouraged me to share the music I made with him even when I first started out and it was trash. He always provided positive feedback and supported me, over time I got better and better. I now finally understand why he always gave me that positive reinforcement.
heh, thx for the vid
I'm actually an EE student in my 4th (and final) year, and definitely resonate with what you said. After doing good, but not 'the best,' in 1st year, I focused hard on being 'the best' in 2nd and 3rd year while barely putting in any actual work and feeling quite negative any time I opened up my workbook to do studying.
But I'm glad I have been able to see how my mistakes and mindset has held me back.
16:50 I think i've done this sort of thing before, when i was in school once i got home sometimes i would tell my parents what i learned that day and into college i would even tell them how a lot of what i was taught worked, I believe that one of my teachers at secondary school told me that teaching others about a subject is actually good for your own learning too, plus it makes my brain happy when i can impress my parents with something they don't understand at all
1. Desire to "be the best" sabotag your motivation--> Instead, focus on improving incrementally
2. Don't use desire or emotion for motivation. They fluctuate and diminish--> Use VALUE instead
3. "Tomorrow, which choice will lead to pride? And which choice will lead to regret?"
4. Use what you learned as soon as possible. Using the small amount you learned provide the positive re-enforcement for you to move forward
This is a fantastic video, and very very helpful. My only difference I found that doesn't work for myself, is "sharing my pitiful knowledge as soon as I get it", as Dr. K put it. I've noticed that when I start working on something and I show my friends or family the progress of it, and get the 'reward' of positive reinforcement, it tends to de-tract from my motivation, as now I feel satisfied with what I've done, even though I didn't finish it, and my progress falters and falls away usually. I'm sure this isn't the case for most people, but, it has been for me.
This video is very valuable to understand the difference between desiring and wanting something because of emotions or values
1. Dont aim at being the best
• have clear concise goals
Seperate them into minimum, good and ideal
2. Apply whatever u have learned as fast as possible even if its a little
3. Dont use emotion as motivation, use your values or resolution.
• emotion fluctuates. Values are something you care deeply about. Values stay consistent
E.g. your desire to be loved over your social anxiety
4. If ur afraid of messing up. Purposely mess up badly to see how badly you can f-up
About that 10,000 hours thing. I'm an expert in my field. I've only started considering myself an expert around the 20,000 hour mark. I'm now half way thorough to retirement and my actual job title is "expert". At around 10,000 hours I merely considered myself experienced, and really, so did most people who worked with me. And I agree because back then I knew I still had much to learn. Now I'm the one writing the textbooks.
For context, I'm an electrical engineer in the aeronautics industry.
On a side note : while I have played way more than 10,000 hours of video games, it's unlikely I'll ever be an expert in that field 😅
thanks for sharing! thats such a good point. 10,000 hours of just participating in an activity won't make you an expert at anything. It takes active and strategic learning.
I watched this video to procrastine studying electronics for the civil engineering course I am doing. Scrolled so far down I saw your comment and got weirdly motivated. Electronics is my worst and I certainly dont ever want to be considered an expert in it but I have to accept that if I want to be a civil engineer I also need to have some understanding of it. But at least I dont have to spend too many hours on it.
DrK putting on the flamboyant flavours is always a high point! It lets the point sink in deeper while it also provides a little laugh. So great!
What is the reason you are doing this
1. Is it desire? Can’t stand the long time due to it not being satisfiable in short time
2. Emotion is fluctuating (not for long), part of our brains called the limbic system is responsible of our emotion & there stats/time in our brain & after awhile it regulate it to the new norm (homeostasis) so endure hard times
3. Values(things that I care about, this can make me tolerate negativity (every time you don’t feel like doing it ask yourself these 2 Questions):
- A.What is more important to me right now?
- B.Tommrow Which choice will lead to pride/regret ?
4. Don’t delay gratification\use any new knowledge you obtain as quickly as possible
The problem with motivating myself with values is that I don't really feel like I have any values. I don't really care about anything. Wanting to feel pride tomorrow? Isn't that also a desire? I was lonely but now I talk to random strangers. Why? For fun. For the desire of fun. Will it keep me doing it for years? I don't know, but I can't really find a "value" in myself that would push me to talk to anybody or do really anything at all.
I think you can use other people for this. Which people do you think are the most important? For interpersonal values think “who do I know that would disappoint me the most if they died tomorrow, and why?” And for general values “who or what kind of person (someone you don’t know) would disappoint me the most if they died tomorrow and why?”
If you’d be more disappointed by a doctor or firefighter dying than a real estate agent, that probably means you value helping people and you should do whatever you need to do to develop skills that help people. If you’d be more disappointed by the death of your friend who always checks in on you than by your friend who gives you space, that probably means you value those social overtures and you should try to practice doing that yourself. If you’d be most disappointed by the death of a relative who isn’t very close to you but is always volunteering at a food bank or soup kitchen, that means you value being useful to your community and you should do something to figure out what your community needs and how you can best fill one of those needs.
Or if you don’t want to be negative and think about death you can just ask “who am I most impressed by?” But for me the negative thinking reveals the truth fastest (it’s like if you’re cleaning our your closet and asking yourself which of two coats you want to keep, you imagine both of them getting lost and keep the one that you’d be more mad about losing.)
I disagree with Dr K about the idea that other people aren’t a good motivator. I think that which people you are impressed by is a direct indicator of your values.
Also yes wanting to feel pride is a desire, but you can’t conjure pride out of thin air. The only time you’ll feel pride is if you did something you value. So think back to instances where you felt pride in something and see what that tells you about what you value.
Your channel is such a comfort to me!
The real biohack is that everything is awesome. Everything is awesome when you're part of a team including yourself.
EVERRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYTHING IS AWESOME!!!!!!!
DHSAHFDSA WHAT I THOUGHT AS WELL XDD@@NexusARC
I could reread this for hours
EVERYTHING IS COOL WHEN YOU’RE PART OF A TEAM
EVERYTHING IS AWESOOOME
WHEN YOU'RE LIVING IN A DREEEAAAAM
I'm 22, i thoroughly use you as a resource for my own development
I don't know... anger was the best emotion to motivate me to actually make something of myself. It can become a poison if directed at something but "just" anger MOVES. It overrides lazyness, pain, pushing stuff for later etc.
Sometimes I feel slow. I can put in all these hours etc…try my hardest and still feel like I haven’t improved much. From a young age I was a perfectionist and somehow willed motivation from what felt like nothing in pursuit of self-actualization for years. Perhaps it’s a perceptual thing but I feel like even when I try hard I’m just mentally predisposed towards not being as smart as some.
Edit: I will say I am a person who makes a lot of decisions based on values and I think that’s good
I feel talentless, as a kid I was full of interest particularly related to liberal endeavors such as drawing, art, music, dance, learning languages, culture, sociology, psyc etc…I like being active and am not the most stem oriented person
I feel like I suck and don’t know anything and miss my old hobbies, I miss my curiosity, but the stress they brought on made them hard to maintain after many years
I will say I am 18 just finished working and am a university of California student, I am a black trans woman and have a trauma history, so it could very be perceptual and esteem related issue
I only clicked to see if he describes my life because I’m already awesome at everything
LOL
This is gold baby. Watched this video everyday while cooking and really reflected on it
I'm currently not doing well in my academics and sometimes failing a few of my classes miserably in Gr 11 and saw myself wanting to be a straight A student to compensate for my failures and seeing that everyone is just doing way better than me currently
I’m convinced Dr K is the only person who gets it.
Even if you know nothing (about e.g. drawing, playing an instrument, writing, RUclips videos), chances are, the person you're showing your work to, knows probably even less... and they might just be impressed anyway. The really impressive part is that you're trying at all. Even if the result is a little pathetic, you're putting your energy into something for a sub-optimal result; and most people are terrified of doing that. That's why doing hard stuff is impressive.
im my life till now many of my teachers considered me as a bright student and i am i bright student sort of , but some of my teachers also says me that you have potential greater than your current state. I always take their words as a source of motivation but now i understood what they mean , now recalled their words and watched it with a different perspective today, thankyou sir....
I'm gonna take the opportunity to also include that the amount of time you practice something isn't the important part, but rather the way you practice and what you take away from it.
14:10 I don't have a big circle of friends when I move town and don't usually go out of my way to meet new people. I do have a handful of very long lasting good friends tho and we still hang out online/visit each other or keep in touch over whatsapp for 5+ years. I'm not a fan of big social activities but just going on a walk and chill/talk about life is worlds better than being at some sweaty party where everyone seems superficial. But I don't know if this means I'm socially anxious or just genuinely do enjoy my social relations in this way.
Man, you example of a 35 year old has 42 year old me feeling good about my self-care, thanks, Dr. K!
This was really interesting. I decided I wanted to learn the play the guitar a year ago. I've stuck with it for a year. I'd do exactly that play riff at the point where it was recognizable. I've done with my wife, my mother, my kids. Also take notice of my progression in the micro gains I see. Could fretting a not on scale better. But I'm not sure but I think my ASD plays part in it to as playing the guitar gives me energy and I don't have to be good at it. I just have to be able to do it for an hour.
The best training advice i was given for climbing was chase progress not the practice. "Yet" is a powerful force too.
Pitfalls to avoid if you want to end up being awesome:
* Desire to be "The best". You can't be the best because it's unreachable and not existent. It's only something that the mind has created.
* Having "desire" and "emotion" as your reason for doing something. Desire is a sudden urge you want to satisfy. Once it's satisfied it disappears, on the other hand when it's not satisfied in a period of time your brain gives up on trying to satisfy it. So it's an unreliable reason to sustainably do something. While emotions, can have conflict with other emotions that makes it harder to follow through or finish the things you need to do. For example, you want to help an old woman cross the road but there's so many people that can see that your socially anxious self kicks in. "I want to help her but other people might think that I'm doing it because I want to look good in their eyes". Emotions come and go so. Having to do something because your emotionally driven is unsustainable reason to do something. These two kind reason easily disappear so using it as a reason to do something and once it disappears you'll have no reason to keep doing it.
'No one is expecting you to be perfect.' I should remember this really hard!
0:25 we gotta change the 10K hour thing, cause it's 10K concreted hours! And thats important.
I don't know the studies he did and metrics he got but going by the fact that the majority of people will take something like it at face value it's problematic. Some expertise is pretty abstract and it's hard to say what 10,000 hours even is if you can sit idly with pen to paper for an hour or be writing 90 words a minute that whole time. People should simply use it to realize "I don't need to be perfect yet" and realize they don't have to be perfect at all in time. It's bad when it creates some idea of a result that's never guaranteed and (like the pattern in western science) quantifies it like a universal prescription
"Full body mitosis" thanks for the nightmare fuel dr. k
💥Video Notes💥
"No. 1 thing that hold us back is ourselves, the human element."
Pitfall #1: It is impossible to be the best
- Being the best pushes you to give up, it is an attempt to fix the shame that you feel.
Pitfall #2: Desires are sensory and drains our motivation after it is satisfied. Emotions are volatile and the brain adapts to it after awhile.
- Instead focus on values, introspect the task.
- 2 Questions to ask yourself when you don't feel like doing the task:
---> QNS 1. What is more important to me right now?
---> QNS 2. Tomorrow, which choice will lead to pride and which leads to regret.
#3: Use your knowledge as quickly as possible.
Gosh i really love this channel. Everything u said in this vid defines my problems. And even if i understand what u just explain i know that im a work in progress and that it will take some time to asimilate it. But at least i know now the right direction to go. So thank u for ur vids. They really help me
Thank you for everything, Dr. K.
A Oneitis doesn’t refer to love - it refers to a crush. Usually, a one-sided crush developed for the wrong reasons like being desperate, being stuck in the friend zone, thinking you can’t possibly do better, etc. You could think your Oneitis is dumb and annoying - the point is you’re obsessed with them for superficial/unhealthy reasons.
Dr k really put his voice acting skills to the test in this particular video
The bio hacking pill advertisement was the funniest thing I’ve seen all week
Even if I get feedback on the stuff I do, and it's positive feedback, I just tend to push it away and just say : "no it sucks, it's not good" and often abandon.
And the worst part is that the feedback I get is from professionals in the industries I'm interested in, and they're often good along the lines of : "It's not perfect, but for a beginner it's really good and you really have a feeling for it" or stuff like that. But I'll just hear : "Nah mate, it's not professional enough and you should stop wasting your time"
This video was awesome. Thank you Dr.K!
I don't want to be the best, but I do want to be better than I was yesterday. My big problem is a need for validation when I improve.
I feel like that really changed the game for me, validation IS part of the mastery process btw! It’s not something outside of it, it is definitely needed and I think a good teacher will do that for you.
Do both? Ask for validation but also work on being proud of your achievements.
This video came out at a perfect time of my life. The day this was posted, I got accepted into vet school. The content of this video is too good. Thank you for all that you do, Dr. K ❤❤❤
Learning to listen and study ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼
Me, A 35-year-old: 👁👄👁
Never too late to become awesome at something (new)!
LOL
*cough* Me, 40 year-old *cough*
Me, A 36-year old : 👁️👄👁️
Me, A nother 36-year old: 👁️👄👁️
Seeing a picture of sisyphus pushing the boulder gives me an unreal amount of motivation to get better at osu
8:00 He who has the right 'why' can bear with almost any 'how'
He said "don't take cocaine AND meth", which means you can take either one of them as long as you don't take the other. Thank you Dr K. I'll take this advice to heart 😊
having a goal
putting in time to it
if you feel unmotivated, realise that the feeling is temporary. but if you keep putting time, its gonna get easier and more satisfying next time.
remember the goal when you are about to give up.
My parents had always said try * your * best and don’t think of the outcome. Hard work and dedication beats everything in the long run. Kind of obvious if you think about it, but we seldom forget about it in our worst moments.
Stay strong friends. Hope we all make it someday. :)
9:54 I have literally felt this. Whenever I try and do something my goal is always to make any progress I can because it makes me feel good and eager to go back and make more progress whereas if I am unable to get any progress initially then I feel like it's harder to invest time
I love trying to compare what I think you’re gonna say based on the title with what you actually end up saying. I guessed the practice part lol but I love the extra elements you included!
I love when he channels the Aladdin merchant, never gets old
Thank you for laying this out in such an understandable manner. I’m saving this one to watch again later.
This kinda happens to me, im an artist, i practice practice practice but i never seem to learn, and what im lacking was this putting myself out there and stop practicing and actually just doing shit that i want to even if it sucks, fear of failure is a big factor also i think
wow, I would never decide be one, it's usually comes with emotional swings and random changes of mind, constantly tuning in to song of universe
craft takes you very far
imagination and breaking rules much farther
but without first second won't be even possible that's the curse of artists I guess
look at jeson sung and others talking about learning, you want to remember things add them to your brain network and only then your mind will be able to connect the pieces in interesting ways
fill brain with all colours paints 🎨
plus image streaming technic
10:21 It kinda sounded like you were leading up to saying "your brain may not think it's even necessary to fulfill the desire if you've been without it this long". Say you wanted to do something that morning but procrastinated til night, and now you say you'll do it tomorrow and you don't, because you lost that spark, like writing out and idea to see where it goes. Can't do it anymore, lost the spark.- And you never end up saying this but I think this is important.
You have a talent of putting our brain's behavior and how it affects our life into words. And I mean in a...micro way. Like when you explained delayed satisfaction. We only know what it feels like, but we don't know exactly how our brain is sabotaging us. And by spelling it out, you help us figure it out and we can start trying to not be sabotaged by our own nature. For me therapy hasn't been helpful, defining things has. They just want to focus on my pain and rehash it. I haven't found someone like you. I wish you could teach our current therapists. They're really thinking small and missing the bigger picture of how trauma and it all works.
After really thinking on it - this video has paired really well with what I learned from your “What Years of Gaming Does to Your Brain” video.
What “Years of Gaming” has taught me how to put together and build a main quest while this video has taught me how to find the “Why?” behind my main quests. Keeps me in check in that I know im doing something for the right reasons and will make sure I stick with them long term no matter set back. Also gives me a chance to review my main quests and reevaluate whether something aligns with my values or just my emotions at the time.
Thank you Dr. K!!
Your content is a game changer for me, especially this one! Thank you doc!
As someone who just started writing their first book I needed this lol.
This Dr dude gets me!
Another tip: change your beliefs about yourself and the world around you.
If you want to do your homework, think "this homework is easy" and "I like doing my homework".
This may seem very odd at first, but trust me, it works
The 10 000 hour Rule is often misquoted since that exact number of hours was only relevant to become the best of the best in the world, the true superstars of that field.
10K hours is what it took to become a Master, not just an Expert, but you can become just Competent in a few hundred hours. And it is a process of diminishing returns, meaning you learn most of what you can learn rather quickly and the rest of the time you learn the finer details.Think of it as spending 20% of the time to learn 80% of a subject, and the remaining 80% of the time to learn the last 20%.
This works for everything, from learning to play an instrument, to drawing, to complex math and engineering, to any other practical skill that is teachable. The key is like our good doctor said to practice what little skill and knowledge you got constantly while still learning more.
I have a hard time differentiating my values, emotions & desires. So I wanna get better at playing guitar. My reason for that is my love for the instrument & music. All the possibilities of creating music with this instrument is fascinating to me(this comes from consuming a lot of content regarding the instrument). Now is this a valid value or would I just be emotion driven (which is bad?)
Another example. I've been making some progress in my social life, meeting & getting to know new people. But all or most of these relationships are very shallow. Because of that (& not ever really having solid friends before)I’ve been craving deep relationships with people and really wanting to make an effort to gain and maintain "real" strong friendships. Same question. Am I emotion driven or are those solid values?
I’d appreciate some answers:)
goal is concrete you get some steps to it in mind right away
your brain will go if you show it any direction it can imagine somehow
and with realistic steps to make daily
Value is like loving culture and wanting to share culture with others for their improvement and making their life more beautiful and meaningful
beauty, good and truth
what do you have to learn with your craft?
you don't need to be in love of instrument and music all the time but if you have high
ethic to work on skill constantly this
will bring certainty of doing well on
own path with perspective of fitting in
in world of music if serious enough
these badass people don't look for reasons
they just understand work as a must do
best insurance for doing well
they don't pull nor push
keeping balance
"doing good work"
that's the seemless level of discipline I'm trying to get too
my grandma has it but built from savage necessary that became part of blood
building it from zero requires passion and a bit madness, pure belief against any thoughts emerging
This is really tough in biology research. It's years between projects, which also might not pan out.. finished among top of class in biotech MSc (mostly molecular biology). Right now doing a lot of lab automation. I'm considering pivotting to robotics, because you actually get return on investment within months, not years... But 'dropping' the years of hard work and deep knowledge seems like a huge waste.. considering if I can combine the 2 areas in a more integrated holistic way..