Are there any habits that have worked for you? Do you prefer to make gradual progress over time, or drastic changes all at once? 🤔 Let us know ⬇ If you’re looking for guidance to create lasting change in your life, sometimes it helps to have someone in your corner. Our coaches can help you dig deeper, stay consistent, and work through those roadblocks that habits can’t always solve on their own. Learn more: bit.ly/3zU3qiM 💚
I made a little bit of both, I made the drastic changes but with time I improve the velocity, start doing it on automatic, etc, but it really started with the drastic change
“Buy healthy food” - Oh god this is me. If there are chips, tortillas and cheese, chocolate, etc, they will be eaten. I have a meal plan for breakfast and dinner, and make both meals as easy as possible. Lunch I can do whatever, but try to keep it healthy-ish. Part of that is not having junk food in the house.
I can't tell you how important this video was/is to me. Firstly, because just as it stands it's spot on, brutally honest and important. Secondly, because, quite spookily, I had a kind of epiphany along the same lines 2 days before I saw this video - that all the best things that happened in my life, the most progress and success etc have been through quite drastic, radical change. Never through gradual, incremental change. In fact the worst things have happened gradually. Thank you.
Drastic changes work best here.... Like no longer eating breakfast. Lost 10kg in 3 months, with no issued because I really wasn't hungry. Also bought a 2L water bottle and fill it with sugar free lemonade and it needs to be empty at the end of the day. Cause often your not hungry, but thirsty. So yeah that worked for me quite well. And it shows that sometimes things that help for most people (eat breakfast like Dr K said) don't work for others.
The only other for me is Jordan Peterson. He might not be for everybody but his "you're a mess and you know it, now here's how you fix it" approach is exactly what works for me.
Personally, I stopped getting into habits. Instead of focusing on getting consistent everyday, I focus on getting myself back up again when I fail to be consistent. I don't loom on my inconsistencies, I focus on trying again today and picking up things where I left it off. I realized that everyday is not going to be the same, so my actions can be hindered by the environment. And that's okay I can always try again.
@@maimee1 the concept of habit is doing something everyday to get used to it to the point of not thinking about it anymore. What I mean about consistency is about falling off and then returning to equilibrium when you're getting off track. It's like inconsistent on a daily basis but consistent when you look at it long term.
@@Madcattus Yeah, I believe that (at least for me) this method is one of the major ways Ive been making progress in quitting the lifelong addictions I’ve struggled with. Whenever I’d go on a streak I’d fuck it up and then just feel like utter shit, so reminding myself that there wouldn’t be the peak without the valleys helps me get back on track asap. I found whenever I beat myself up, it was just the loser I was beating up the winner in me by feeling sorry for myself, which helped me realise It’s not about how far you can run, it’s about how quickly you can get back on your feet.
If only I could remember that :) I literally forget what my "schedule" "should have been" for example...riiiiight I haven't taken Vitamins for a while, maybe that's why I'm tired FK
SPEEDRUNNING everything in the morning is the best piece of advice. I had days in my life where I woke up at 4am, went for a shower, jog, did yoga, wrote some stuff down, ate, cooked lunch, cleaned up everything, read some stuff and then it was like 9 am and I sat there and thought to myself "well, I've done everything, what now?" at a time I was usually still sound asleep. Get up early and speedrun everything important. The feeling of accomplishing so much by the time you usually get up is unbelievable.
does the what now make you feel like you don't have a purpose anymore so you subconsciously think oh better spread it out so i don't achieve everything and get bored?
Honestly I wish I had that problem. That free time can be put into hobbies, side hustles, and projects that I never have time for. Which I have a lot of. But I understand why many, if not most, would struggle with the dilema of "what now?"
@@toemuncher3333yeah since you don’t use them or even other things like dooms rolling that you don’t enjoy as distractions from that feeling. So you will be present in the moment and it’s also easier to choose the thing you actually want since finding your desires is a lot easier without the guilt clouding it.
True. But don't underestimate the power of the Pain Simulator you are in. If it wants to snap you like a twig tomorrow, it don't matter the years of action you invested in.
True, but that book is about the opposite of drastic changes. It's stacking 0,1% changes. Powerful principle but it doesn't work the best for me. I'm gonna do this drastic military style change for a while. See if it works better for me.
- we want habits because we are lazy and want things get done effortlessly - habits are not for everyone , especially for dynamic people who's more go-big-or-go-home: drastic changes may be the better method - speedrun the hard stuff first thing in the morning - "when you have the time to yourself, chances are you'll waste it." - be helpful for your future self (choose your difficulty for your next spawn point) - procrastination makes bad things into worse things - everything is connected: good stuff enables good stuff, bad stuff enables bad stuff cracked up at the "not sponsored by the US military" disclaimer
This is something ive been doing for a few weeks now. I work in 8 hour shifts. When we're near the end of the shift, we clean up, empty trash bins, fill up the forklift with gas, leave everything in proper order so that the next person can start relaxed with a clean shift. Everybody does this. I started to treat my life the same way. Tomorrow me is the person in the next shift. I fill up the dishwasher when dishes are dirty, do the laundry if its needed, clean up the kitchen surfaces, make sure my car's tank is full, there's breakfast, etc. You dont know how great it is to wake up in a clean house. And honestly its not even that much of a struggle anymore.
What really helped me sustain good habits was changing my perspective in the way Dr. K outlines in this video. I had to change my relationships to food, sleep, exercise, etc... I had to start thinking about my "future self." After a while of that, good habits have become easier to maintain.
Current me feels fine so tomorrow will feel fine and thus the feeling of not progressing emerges. Feeling great or fine in overall, but want to do something "better", but really don't have need for it or that "better" is too much work.
One thing that has really helped me get my mornings right is to set up a broadcast routine on my Google speakers. I've got them in every room of the house, so in the mornings, they do broadcast on all the speakers (I'm already back from the gym by this point) 7:45 - "time for a shower" 8:00 - "wrap up your shower" 8:05 - "let's do skin care" 8:15 - "brush your hair" 8:20 - "get dressed" 8:30 - "start a load of laundry" 8:40 - "protein shake" 8:55 - "brush your teeth" 9:00 - "time for work" This auditory reminder helps bring my attention back to the task at-hand, just in-case I've picked up my phone.
I like this a lot! Notification reminders tend to draw me back into my phone, so having those reminders pop-up on screen would ruin their effectiveness for me. Or, if I was being productive and focused on some part of getting ready I would miss the notification entirely for an hour or so.
@@TheMrEwe exactly! The best I can do in that regard is to not swipe away notifications that I need to act upon, which means I can always go back and reference them later. But some of them I need to act upon, just not at the moment. Luckily, some apps have a snooze on the notification. I've also ordered a "potty watch." It's a digital watch with a silent (vibrating) alarm that you can set for multiple times throughout the day. I now use this as my morning alarm (it doesn't wake my partner, unlike anything else I've tried), and I sometimes set it to initiate my bedtime routine (again, less intrusive to my partner than the speakers - he's already out of the house for the morning routine).
I really want to do this but I am afraid i will miss a single one, and then the routine will be messed up, and I will get so frustrated about every additional reminder that I will unplug my speakers and not plug them back in. Have you encountered any difficulties around this sytem?
I paused the video at 11:00, went to bed. Woke up earlier than I had in months, did the routine Dr. K suggested. Back to finish the video. Thanks Dr. K and team. It's the first day to the rest of my life. Thanks for helping me feel less alone, thanks for the encouragement and suggestions to build the structure I crave in my own life.
It's a great routine. I always find my morning routines when i prepare for something forced (work or school) to be more productive and less emotionally straining than an empty morning when i've got all the time in the world.
@@Kurostyle21But careful, don’t put unrealistic expectations that doing your part will fix everything in your life. You must do your part but you also need community to support you
@@claudiaborges8406 But be careful, don't put unrealistic expectations on your community support to fix everything in your life. You must acknowledge the role of chance
YOOOO! I've been thinking about this for ages. When I was a kid I always thought habits and routines were too restrictive. "I don't want to be held down by a routine. I want to be able to wake up and do whatever I want. I'll get around to cleaning those dishes and my room in my own time." Well, I'm 39 now and my life is a mess. "In my own time" really just means never. Wake up and do whatever just means wake up and not do anything. And the thing is, I realized in my path to no routines I end up making stupid routines. I'm not routinely waking up and working out, I'm routinely waking up and checking socials. I'm not routinely cleaning my room and dishes, I'm routinely tossing thing on the floor or in the sink. Once I realized what was happening I started to make routines. Every Monday at lunch I meal prep for the week. Every lunch while my meal is heating in the microwave I clean the dishes from the day before. Every Saturday night I go grocery shopping. Every Sunday afternoon I pick up my room from the week (ngl, I still struggle with this one). Every Sunday night I do my laundry (previously I would often go weeks without doing laundry and just wear dirty clothes). Still looking for other things to add because my life is still a mess, it just LOOKS less messy. Need a money making routine tbh...hard to live on minimum wage.
Try a few gym sessions or just going for a run a couple of times a week. You may find your energy levels and therefore outlook on making money changes.
The trick is to make everything you do easy. So don't drop laundry on the floor, because all the way down there it is harder to pick up. And don't put it behind a door or lid, because opening the door/lid makes it harder to pick up. And don't put it out of the path to the washing macine, because you need to take extra steps to pick it up. Same with dishes and getting rid of trash. If everything is on your path to where you need it to be, then you're going to automatically bring it there without any extra effort. Likewise, get equipment that is easy to use and on the place where it needs to be. If you get a dishwasher, get one you can easily fill. If you do your dishes manually, have your sink set up with everything you need in reach and don't fill your sink with dishes, because that's where you have to work on them so you'd have to move them before getting started.
@@bramvanduijn8086 that's very good advice. I call that "reducing friction". Likewise, it's a good idea to increase friction for bad habits, making it harder to do them
I wish I could give Dr.K a hug, my life might be changing slowly but I owe it to him for giving me that change. Letting me change myself, he's a beautiful soul
i have the exact same thoughts, if someday we were to meet id give him a hug, helped me argueably the most, bar none, out of ANY other self imrpovement influencer online. i like boiled eggs
Possibly the most valuable video I've ever seen. I've long known that I can't break bad habits slowly, but keep trying the slow method for building better - with zero results. My top takeaways - stop trying to fit all the important things into my day (they never get done) ; speedrun them first thing to make sure they are done. Stop trying to make today easier - focus on making tomorrow better. Thank you, Dr. K!!!!!!!! 🎉❤🎉
I am probably 5-6 months into studying Japanese almost every single day. One hour. It still sucks. I still mess up on card that I knew at one point. It is the most demotivating thing I have done in my life. It hasn't gotten easier. But am I hella proud of myself and get a dopamine boost when I recognize words outside of my study time? Yes. Gotta celebrate the small victories.
OMG not me realizing that watching all these Dr. K videos are paying off! ❤everything he said about how good habits synergize is completely true ! Now that I exercise and meditate regularly, I genuinely dont crave junk food much anymore (like I literally eat a boiled egg, toast, and a fruit smoothie every morning like he says) and I sleep better and have been more productive!! Dr. K knows whats he's talking about y'all! he's the truth
Totally agree. I started to watch his videos around 1,5 years ago and my life is changing for the better. My husband joined me a few months ago and now he’s also changing his life. We both are so grateful for Dr.K and his team’s work ❤
A lot of my negative habits come from a deeply ingrained self hatred. I feel like I am not worth any of the struggle. But Ive come to realize that if I dont love myself I must learn how to see my future self as a different entity. Like you said someone that is not me but will inherit all I do. And I must find a way to love that person.
what u said abt leaving things for tomorrow is so true. about year ago, i got this motivation 'if i dont do this today, tomorrow's me gonna suffer'. and it helped like alot. i always tell myself this when i feel lazy but still end up doing it and guess what, i always, ALWAYS feel better day after and say 'thank god, i did it yesterday'
"Protect yourself..." is such an important message - because it does come down to the question of self worth and how seriously do I take myself and my actual physical and mental needs vs. my immediate cravings.
I’m still 23 but I’m changing my life thanks to this video, I just hope I can keep this up. Everyday is gonna be hard, but someday, hopefully someday, the hard things won’t be so hard anymore.
i always feel like a freak for not being able to adhere to (good) habits. i have no problem routinely doing the same horrific shit to myself at the same time every day, but as soon as i try to start a good habit i have one or two good days and then a month of bad ones. hopefully there’s a solution to this problem. i just want to be able to automate my life without having to agonize over everything anymore.
I've always hated cleaning up the kitchen after I cook. So I learned to prep before I cook so that things run smoother and I don't make a big mess. As I am adding ingredients to the cooking pan, I put things in the dishwasher or if there is enough time I hand-wash items that I need again. I have a nice rhythm for cooking and cleaning the kitchen, after I've eaten my meal all I have to deal with is putting leftovers in the fridge and washing the dirty pot and plate. Having good habits like that, like being tidy is helpful so that my future self has more time to be lazy or to do fun things.
@eebbaa5560 just starts with an identity shift. good habits are like fresh concrete, you gotta be consistent with it and then it will naturally cement itself ro your identity. you will identify as someone who goes to the gym for example. best of luck to you my friend
idk if it helps, but for me I had to finally realize how I was subconsciously self sabotaging because deep down I believed I didn't deserve health and a good lifestyle after some traumatic experiences in the past. I'm still working on letting go of the blame, but it's been much easier to eat healthier and take better care of myself now that I recognize why I couldn't before.
@@eebbaa5560 I felt the same way too: what helped for me is realising its never too late to do something nice for yourself: sometimes I do my morning routine at like, 2pm because I spent the whole morning plyaing Skyrim or whatever. So whenever I realize I'm in a bad habit, I pick one thing that would be good for me and try to get it done. I don't always succeed, but it does help me feel like things can change.
I've been a fan of Dr. K since the webinars. I've thought for a while after he started getting on a bunch of podcasts that I had learned everything I needed to. And for most other channels that it the case since I unsubscribe because I see they just recycle their old content. But this is one of the TWO channels I'm subbed to that always consistently uploads new things that still matter to me and teach me new things that always seem to help in some way. I greatly appreciate the opportunity to be apart of this community. You guys are doing a lot there at HGG! ~ 💚
What's the other channel you watch? Now I'm curious lol. I've been having trouble having a healthy use of the RUclips video feed and heatlhygamer definetely helped
@@utyudfsdffddf Sadhguru. He has a ton of good content, but the real gold is hidden between the words he uses. For his stuff related to productivity and happiness I'll sound like he says the same things at first, or that he doesn't give you actionable steps, but if you can take some of the words he says like they have more meaning than he lets on, or notice the difference in wording between videos where he seems to say the same thing, there's still a lot I'm trying to uncover.
One thing that helped me was changing the way I thought about the 'habit'. It's seems to be very difficult to maintain an activity if every time you have to use willpower to do it. So, the big shift in mentality is to just decide that you are a person who does or doesn't do 'X' and set it up as a system. It's much easier than the little by little approach.
Same for me, every big lasting change in my life was exactly like that. Like I hated cold showers my entire life but I also hated getting sick all the time, so I one day just decided "I want to be a person that doesn't get sick anymore" and started cold showers and the Wim Hof method, cold turkey so to speak, from one day to the next and since then just did it every day.
Very interesting. I'm pretty good with my habits but I still took a couple of things away from this: -- The automaticity of habits is great for stability but that stability also makes change more difficult. -- It's important to be intentional about the things we do or else we run the risk of mindlessly forming habits that don't get us what we want or we don't even form habits and procrastinate.
I wondered the other day, what would happen if every time I'm about to do something addictive/counter-productive, I said to myself: "I am now deciding to do X, despite [name the downsides]." What would happen, if you tried to become consciously intentional about your bad habits...?
Big thing that recently helps me with keeping habbits is tu build internal identity of a person that just is doing/not doing something now and not think too much about the past. Earlier when I was thinking I'm a person just trying something, giving up was easier, as it wasn't hurting the perception I had.
Not thinking about the past is hard to attain when you have OCD symptoms as well as Tourette's that regularly spawns past memories that make you cringe up or leave you in guilt and remorse. You can be doing productive activities and all of a sudden they come out of nowhere and significantly hinder your progress and mood.
@doncarloancelotti2256 Maybe meditation and going slowly would help. I forget who quoted recent studies on the habenula part of our brain.. It is a part of the brain that is found to be hyperactive in those with depression (and some other diagnosis?).. Anyway, the person was quoting studies saying that it's because of this brain structure that changing steadily but slowly - to where one can barely perceive it in real time - can be more effective. A person is less likely to self sabotage to draw themselves back to old ways. When I heard this the first time my thoughts likened it to a person collecting berries around a sleeping tiger. The slower and more quietly you went, (and mindfully as some posters put on here) the less chance you'd interrupt the beast's sleep that'd put an end to the task at hand. I hope this is helpful but can't really check ever to see. Reviewing replies to comments on YT can be so frustrating as there seems to be no way to get directly to a comment section where somebody else may be commenting on about your comment.
This made me think of life as a rogue like. Where each day is a new run. And each day I can work towards getting equipment or gear to make the next run that little bit easier.
I REALLY HOPE DR. K READS THIS. I just started a new job after taking months off for mental health, it's a 9-5 desk job. I felt great before starting. I severely reduced all technology use and screen time, started working out, going outside more, meditating daily, taking lunch with friends etc. I just finished the first week of work and my screen time on my phone has shot up. All the sudden I'm reaching for it without even noticing. I reach for it for small breaks during tasks at work. It seems to keep my mind on a low hum, which in some ways helps my feel better than if I totally unplugged to take a short walk. But I also feel more agitated. I really need to understand why this is happening and what to do instead. I had a mental breakdown earlier this year and don't want to end up back where I started. Why is my phone use creeping in? I haven't changed any other habits.
I know I'm not the one you're asking, but I hope you don't mind and might find it helpful if I share some thoughts on that. First of all I think that established neural pathways of previous behaviours are like muscle memory - they kick in as soon as you stop consciously controlling yourself (at least until you spend years building stronger new ones). It seems that before the new job you had the opportunity to keep full focus on yourself developing these habits and it worked! But once work started it disrupted that routine and introduced a new environment, into which those habits have not been specifically integrated, so your mind - having no constructed alternative - just wandered into the default old behaviour. Basically this means that you not changing the habits to account for everything that work brings into the picture (including maybe additional stress) is exactly the problem. Analyze every bit step by step. Say now you have these small breaks between work tasks at work, that you didn't have before - what should you fill them with, so that your brain doesn't default to looking at the phone? Maybe keep you phone somewhere harder to reach? Or now you have less time for yourself, so fitting in all the healthy habits the same way you did without a job creates a lot more dense and stressful schedule than before. More stress provokes reaching for the phone, cause that is an easy source of dopamine for the brain. Maybe let some things go and do them every other day instead of every day, so that you don't feel too much pressure? And of course have patience. Change (even when made drastically) takes hell of a time to sink in. Hope this helps.
embrace the struggle, accpept that its gonna be a struggle, just accept it.... one of the best advices from dr k, along with being aware of your internal environment. i needed this unusually harsher (mildly) dr k, usually hes mostly understanding and not harsh. i did need to hear this, as long as you dont sacrifice some sleep TONIGHT, go to bed earlier even if youre not sleepy, to wake up tomorrow EARLIER, youre never gonna fix your sleep schedule.
I am one of those people who has quit both smoking and vaping cold turkey. Two separate occasions. Just decided one day that I didn’t like it anymore and that was that. Maybe had 24 hours of withdrawal symptoms, but once I was through that, I moved on. I would say that I’m just too impatient to get to the end point to drag it out. I also had like zero daily habits in my life until the last couple of years, where I’ve successfully been introducing them one by one. The problem with drastic change is that’s a lot of spinning plates to keep from crashing and they will inevitably all come crashing down. Whether it’s quitting smoking or washing my dishes, it’s just one thing to focus on. So, as long as all I have to put effort into doing is that, I can do it. Eventually a habit forms, so it’s easy, and I can pick a new habit to work on. What’s also helped is thinking about myself in third person, much like what was said in this video. But, more along the lines of how I’m far more motivated to do nice things for others than myself, so doing the things for Future Me, but as an act of kindness. Because Future Me deserves kindness. And the one person who has always stuck by Future Me is Past Me, she knows her very well and can recognise that she deserves a break, she deserves to be looked after. Doesn’t matter if somebody who doesn’t know me very well thinks otherwise, I know me and I know that I deserve those things, so I’m in the best position to give myself those things. And all those other people in my life who I wasted care and effort for? They didn’t deserve it. So, that care and effort needs to get redirected towards the one person I know who definitely does deserve it. It’s a weird shift in perspective, but it’s been working. Basically channelling my people pleasing energy to please Future Me. Then Future Me will do the same and pay it forward and now we have a much healthier relationship that anyone else will have to compete to be part of. If resources are gonna be redirected away from Future Me, they’re gonna need to substitute that so Future Me doesn’t suffer as a consequence of them being in my life. Which is a convoluted way of saying they must reciprocate equal effort so they don’t get between Past Me and Future Me now we’re tight 🙃
I was thinking of making a comment to say I'm very happy and thankful that you are here doing this job and talking about these things. A second later in the video you say" the only thing you need to protect from is Yourself" and this just hit me different. I have been thinking about this and listening to you talk about the exact same thing makes me more shure of my self and that I'm on a good path. Thank you
For those who are more on the empathetic side..... I find it helps to think of it as giving gifts to your future self. It's nice to give gifts and do kind things for them! And they deserve it too! Your future self deserves to live in better times than you do.
My god this has been such a long time coming. I have NEVER incrementally built a habit in my life. I eat healthy, exercise every day, meditate, play piano, study computer science and teach chess, and none of that shit was done because I read atomic habits or whatever. I was forced into playing piano as a kid, now a kawaii just stand in the living room and it's easy to sit down and play. I never got into the habit of buying sweets or sodas. Exercise was always fun, there was never a struggle. I was depressed and addicted to video games, what did I do? 9 month civil service, full time, no chance to play video games. To this day, I almost always eat something sweet if I even see it. I get hooked on a video game or series for hours on end. I never built a habit, I never even incrementally beat an addiction, I just introduced drasting changes to my environment that forced me to live a certain lifestyle. Thanks for finally speaking out about this.
4:55 in hmm, so far the gist im getting is that consistency of the action does not lessen the difficulty. By having the expectation that things will get easy by time, you're setting yourself up to fail. The point of discipline is being aware of what you have to take responsibility of. It's you doing the same difficult thing over and over because avoiding such would only raise the level of difficulty. Really, you'd just have to choose your own "difficult". The difficulty of facing it now or the difficulty of facing it later.
I love when Dr. K validates how I’ve learned to live lol. My partner can get frustrated with me because I sprint change instead of marathoning it. Rather than learning how to code over months, I found a coding bootcamp, quit my job, and got a new job a couple of months after. The last time I lost weight, I did it by doing extreme calorie restriction and supplementation. People see me doing things like this and tell me that it’s healthy and unsustainable, but it’s the way that I personally have to and the results are there. Needed to hear this, it’s the encouragement I need to not try to bend to the rules others try to put on me.
Yes, we are not all the same. If your way doesn't cause you harm, then keep doing you. I suspect some criticism you receive is people's own issues projecting.
I am one of these hunter types and this is absolutely how it works for me. Yeah I’m in therapy, but these big changes and “spawn point” mindset have made progress in therapy possible. And Dr. K’s videos helped get me going in the beginning when it was dark and seemed impossible. We’ve got this everybody 💪
You know what I really appreciate you for? The fact that you promote your stuff... but _still deliver on the free side._ I'm likely not getting _all_ of the benefits - I expect there must be some behind the paywall - but I may get there one day. For now, I'm benefitting from what you post on the channel for free. And a "thank you" to those who _are_ supporting your work financially, because they're likely a solid part of _the why and how._
@@Thenicktatorship I want to be fit for when I go backpacking on holidays, for that I need to eat well and exercise. I haven’t been doing that. I dislike cooking and don’t like eating that much so I tend to starve if left to my own devices.
I love how Dr K knows exactly how our mind works and responds. I go like, "yes, exactly THAT! THAT!" in every video :P The way he articulates his knowledge and message is a masterclass in communication.
This reminds me of what an instructor I had once said when I was in marching band: “Do you wanna pay now, or later?”. He was essentially saying that if we want to make our show the best, we either put in the work now so it pays off with an awesome show, or keep being mediocre and give a horrendous show. I was able to take that same thinking and use it in my life. Do I want to knock out chores now, or suffer later when I don’t really feel like it.
I turn 30 soon and have just lost who I thought was the best woman in the world. Started listening to Dr.K and all this seems small in comparison to the growth you've inspired me to make. Thank you Dr. K
I have tears in my eyes. I'm in the middle of all this sht right now, and I needed to hear this. I'm afraid that now that I know all of this, it's going to change my attitude, but soon I might go back to where I was. But the part about the spawning point... about inheriting my work by someone else (my future self) - it's so real. I’ll tell myself that I want this change, but I know I need to keep reminding myself of it. I'm almost crying as I write this because I know how easy it is for me to be lenient with myself, and how everything keeps slipping through my fingers. The moment I struggle, I go easy on myself, even though I know I'll regret it the next day - and the next day, I'm... doing the same thing! :[ It's such a vicious cycle. I know myself very well, and because of that, I doubt I’ll be able to sustain my resolve for long. I'm not trying to justify future failures by saying this, but I’ve failed myself so many times that I’ve stopped believing it’s even achievable. Still, thank you very much, Dr. K. If you're reading this - thank you so, so much. If I stumble, at least I’ll come back to this video and reevaluate myself. And I assume most people watching this kind of stuff are struggling too - to those of you, I wish you all the best and good luck! ♥
You are are a legend man, I went to university at 23 never studied. First step is desire. After that give small steps to a better future. Believe in your self, if you want others to believe in you.
This was super helpful, and in ways I didn't expect. I just started seeing a nutritionist who wants me to do the 1%-type changes, and I told her I canNOT change my food habits that way. And now I know why when I overeat, I wake up way hungrier than if I don't. That always baffled me.
@@kali9850 it's like everything else, the more you do it the easier it gets, but the moment you stop doing it the harder it gets. I can fast for 24h easily if I've been doing it for awhile but if I don't it's 10x harder.
@@joaoalegria7578 for real. That's exactly how I feel about fasting. If I'm in it, my body loves it, but it's excruciatingly difficult to get myself to start.
This resonated with me so much! I am autistic - I cannot do slow and steady change. Change is hard enough, it's better to change everything at once and be able to recover from that massive storm rather than have every day be something new. I never really considered it from this perspective, but turns out the biggest, lasting changes I ever made were drastic ones! I quit smoking cold turkey, for example. Thanks for this. It's really rare that I haven't thought about something a certain way but that happened today.
I heard emotions researcher Lisa Feldman Barrett say once that to nature, the thing that makes the most sense for the health of any natural population is variation. Basically, building variation into the ways individuals express themselves can help a population thrive. I love how this channel really accommodates this idea and discusses tools for a variety of different minds. Thank you. 🙏
This video hits hard. I realize that I have been doing this for certain aspects of my life, and it has actually helped. You saying to embrace the suck, and set up your future self for success, I realized that's actually what I've been thinking like. A simple example is that I now always make my lunch for the next day immediately after I get home from work, even if I'm super hungry, even if I worked late, even if I'm tired, even if I have other chores to do, because I HATE making my lunch in the mornings, and honestly it's made the mornings a lot smoother, and less sucky, which I guess I've realized now is my goal. Thanks for putting making this video, I'm now confident I can make this work for other aspects of my life as well.
You're right on drastic changes. I've had game addiction previously, and it made me drop my grades drastically as well, screwed me up real good. I've tried to reduce game time, bit by bit, but it didn't work until I cut out games cold turkey. Things finally changed for me. But of course, I still like games. Few years later I decided to introduce games back into my life as a form of social interaction with my friends. Although there were some instances where I would relapse, but I get to pull myself out faster and able to resist more as I became much more present with my actions and thoughts. Now I can enjoy games. ❤
I've gotten in such a bad spiral recently of procrastinating everything, and feeling depressed, and then just not doing any of the crap I know I need to do, it's bit me in the ass a lot over the last few months. Thanks for the video, I'm gonna try and make things better for the me tomorrow...
You’re incredibly talented and extremely skilled; thank you for being straightforward, forward, blunt, funny, and, most importantly, effective!!! Thank you!!!!
I was in the military. Absolutely hated 95% of it so counterpoint to the earlier comments from Dr K. Like the habits your experience is highly varied. One of the things I did like though about the military was when we lived in dorms we would have to do these “G.I. Parties” which essentially was like a Friday afternoon the whole dorm had to spend 1 hour cleaning our rooms and the common areas. For like a year after I stopped having to do that I still would do it on my own time. Just throw on some loud music and start cranking for an hour and then stop. Embracing the suck to me meant I could throw on some loud music and just start scrubbing away so it sucked just a little bit less.
I mean cleaning is fun especially to music it’s not fun when there is no routine and it’s a huge mess with no end point and clear place and point to start
Thank you for sharing this video. Everything you said makes a lot of sense! A big struggle in this type of change are people in your life. If they love you, they will support you and not be jealous of you making good changes. I wish everyone luck in this daily struggle we call living a good life.
Regarding spawn points I found something useful when it comes to habits. That is to set objectives to be checked in relatively short span of time. For example I fix "doing" objective during sundays for each day of the week and check the ones of the previous week. The idea is that you set what you want to do each day so you dont have to think about it during the day. Depending your capability to be consitent you might check what you have to do the day before and adhere to it or adjust a bit considering changes in your schedule. The key is thay doing this weekly allows you to fail one week and recover the next one, plus you can track if your strategy is working. Also doing the logic effort only one day avoids gathering the will power everyday to define what to do. A key here is not to fill your day to an impossible level, try to give you some empty time.
Dr. K is a true gem. This was exaclty what I needed to hear. I've made some improvements in my life, after reading Atomic Habits by James Clear. But this video is just waaay too applicable to me. After weeks, even months of stagnation, this video is what pushed me to clean my house and start applying to jobs again. Thank you!
the „7:30 after 5h of sleep too caffeinated don’t know what’s going on” at the very end was such a vicious personal attack i felt shame in the middle of the street even though I listened to this vid yesterday and already implemented some stuff dr K advised today 😳 I’ll do better!!!
The best advice for me was something Jordan Peterson once said, if you feel like you're not making any progress and want to change your life (have a happier/healthier/successful life in the future) make two lists: One where you write down in detail how that ideal life would look which motivates you to reach it if you have a clear vision for how it would look like precisely, but more importantly one where you write down in detail how horrible your future could end up if you keep procrastinating, keep eating unhealthy, keep avoiding things you need to do and really visualize how horrible and uncomfortable it would be. That second list is what helped me the most because every time I was tempted to not do what I needed to do I just thought about that bad future that I was going to end up with if I keep those bad habits which then also motivated me to often do drastic changes from one day to the next.
Ahhhh maybe this is my call, maybe this is why I couldn't make habit as easy as I think it would be, ahhhh that 'Drastic Change' method sounds so attractive to me, I should stop overthinking and get everything done boom boom boom right off the bat! Thank you, Dr K.
Probably an unpopular take, but just this sentence alone reminds me of a scene from Rick & Morty when the therapist is talking to Pickle Rick: “The thing about cleaning, maintaining, and repairing is; it’s NOT an adventure. You can’t do it so wrong you’ll die. It’s just work, and the bottom line is, some people are OK going to work, and some people, well some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose.”
My experience with addiction and depression: If I am in a situation where I am unstressed and entirely relaxed and happy, then the addiction disappears almost instantly. Self-medication in absence of reasons to medicate is a lot less common. Now, you can get stuck in bad habits, but the great thing about being bad at habits is that that is less likely to happen to you. As long as your change in context and happiness is thorough enough, the addiction issue self-resolves.
Thank you so much for this video- thank you so much for talking positively about laziness, as well as “embracing the struggle”; this truly helped me figure out some things about myself and my routine! Gonna take care of my future self by saving this video if I ever need it again 💗
I feel so seen watching this... I am bin-everything-else keto guy. I am currently drinking coffee. I am lounging at 1am staring at phone guy. I am not pre-planning workout routine habit calendar optimising guy. Tried many tricks for habits with some initial success over the years, but speedrunning the challenges... Im not going to lie, that almost sounds like fun. For me at least, youre killing it on rapport building right from the get go. This video is landing very well.
If ADHD brains are less motivated by the future promise of rewards or punishment, it can be harder to embrace the struggle for today on the premise I will be improving tomorrow. I need reasons to embrace the struggle today that are not based on the future and past so much, due to the the potential "time blindness" of ADHD.
The problem with setting "tomorrow me" up for success is that it means loving and prioritizing "tomorrow me" - so many of us can only see to the end of today (or shorter). The task is not to shame yourself into valuing yourself but to accept and address the self-loathing.
everything you said in this video speaks directly to my heart. I've been so sluggish for months ever since I finished school and I finally feel like I can do something. All my life I've watched motivation videos be like: yeah go to sleep 15 mins earlier, then 15 mins earlier the next day, etc. and like I'm not that kind of person. Thanks so much for making this! it encourages me so much. I just gotta tell myself: do this shit now.
Nena Lavonne adhd coach/ psychiatrist said do ONE SMALL habit, every day, only one same habit, over and over so it gets set in your head and routine. And don't add anything else. It worked. I now sweep and mop the kitchen floor before I go to bed every night. Trouble is, i never added any additional new habits. So.....😢 Well, most nights I also wash the dishes.
My OT suggested that I try bundling habits together: like is there something you can put next to your broom, do that whenever you grab it you get reminded of it? Like I have a habit of taking sleep medication (insomnia); so I put it next to my toothbrush, so that every time I take my medication I'm reminded to brush teeth, and now I can't go to bed without brushing them
There’s no way this video resonates with me so much I literally was addicted to gaming and did nothing with my life for two years straight and then one day I turned everything around started reading more started eating better got a job and now I’m in a much better place than I ever thought I would be
Literally speaks to my inner me. I always chalked it up to dumb luck. "I should get my drivers license over spring break next week." Drivers Ed had 1 slot open. got in. got it done. "I need to move out." went from shopping for an apartment to signing a lease in 5 days. "I need a new job" first one I applied to took me.
"You will get nothing. THAT person will reap all the benefits. You're unlucky" I guess I'll have to adopt that mindset really, and just accept that no matter how bad I want to just take some time out for myself and forget that anything outside of my phone even exists, that my life is real, and that I'll have to live for so many more years (probably)... I can't avoid being an adult and getting through the terrible chores, of sleeping on time even if that means I possibly get no time for myself... But that mindset makes me SO sad, that it pushes me the other direction. How do I "man up" (I'm a woman) and just face life like an adult? I thought I'd be forced to do it if I ever got married and had kids. But I'm 33, not sure if that's ever going to happen, and slowly losing the will to do any of this... Toxic cycle of working from 12 PM to 10 PM and I'm the kind who simply can't do other chores when I'm free for an hour, even if I'm working from home. And after 10 PM, I try to meal prep some days, but all I really want to do is go to bed with my phone and de-stress. That will cause me to scroll for HOURS, and I'll end up staying up till 4 or 5 in the morning. Get up next day around 10 or 11, skip breakfast so I can somehow freshen up and get ready to start work (that has been stressing me out to the point of tears) again. I'm so drained of energy and the will to exist.
This is so relatable. I ricochet between doing the things that I know will be good for me and rotting in bed with my phone for hours on end. I've noticed that when I'm on my "productive" streaks, or when I'm "manning up", it usually comes as a result of me finding something that reconnects me to myself (i.e. when I engage in an activity with friends or journal everything that is bothering me). That usually gives me a minute sense of dignity and a willingness to show up for myself. In no way have I mastered it and I know this is much easier said than done - believe me I really do - but I would encourage you to try! Good luck out here, fellow human!
Hey Dr K, I’ve been watching your videos for some time and been coasting. This video was out of everything I’ve seen, the video I felt heard the most. Especially the part about spawning anew everyday. Like one day I’m doing everything I want to do, I go to bed, and the person that wakes up finds himself just on his phone.
I once started sugar detox (quit cold turkey - sugar, gluten, all products with preservatives, lactose, and had to go from 4 cups of sugary coffee to 1 black sugarfree coffee). I finished 2 months - it was awesome. Though first days was torture - headaches and fog. It was my biggest achievement so far. Still proud of myself!
This is somewhat how I’ve been getting myself together after years of terrible eating issues, sleep problems, mood issues, unemployment. I started to find some comfort in the morning rather than dread at some point, and I don’t always feel great physically upon waking but I am grateful.
Most of the lasting changes I've made in my life were "cold turkey". I got clean and sober in a flash of clarity. I quit tobacco the same way. I went Keto and lost 75 lbs in 9 months (now stuck at this plateau LOL). 2 years ago eliminated caffeine after a literal 45 year daily '3 or 4 pots of coffee' habit.. replaced with water. Not all of those big changes were planned.. sometimes life reaches "learn or die" status. Sometimes I just hate something to the point I sabotage the hell out it. I do sometimes have success building habits if I take extremely tiny actions added to existing routines... but consistency is usually an issue. BTW I love the insight and clarity you provide. I'm 66, not well diagnosed and almost entirely untreated, having to figure it out my patterns and PTSD on my own, all these decades. How I wish I'd had a resource like this 50 years ago.
facts. the best points in my life is when i had to make drastic changes by force. lost my good habits overtime and i was trying to get back to them slowly but it aint working. time to go all in again thanks doc
Incredible video. The "spawn point" concept is brilliant. Had 3 more videos queued to watch after this one, but I think my future self will appreciate it if I go to sleep right now. Thanks for this.
As a dynamic person, habits are nonexistent in my life. However, my life has been given a curve ball. I developed an autoimmune disease that’s dictates what I can physically handle in a day and that changes daily or every couple of days. Some days all the productivity I can muster is one activity due to pain and fatigue. What then?
Honestly, as someone that has probably fully watched at least 80% of the content on this channel over the years, this is probably one of, if not the most helpful video he has made for me personally. Thanks for the great video!
6:19 That was me when I enlisted. Everything is scheduled for you from the time you wake up to going to sleep. And then when I got out I went yeah, I'm not getting up to run at 0400 anymore lol.
I'm one of the people that absolutely loved joining the military. It changed my life drastically, and it put me on a much better path in so many ways: more money, better social circles, healthier lifestyle, etc. Some people who join the military hate having their entire life upended; I can only assume they must have had a comfortable life they enjoyed prior to joining. But for many who joined, we wanted our life to be wiped clean. We wanted to rebuild from scratch. The military provides exactly that type of opportunity, and I appreciate Dr. K pointing out that opportunity. All that said, everyone's military experience is different. Most people working boring jobs, and some are lucky/unlucky enough to have interesting jobs.
Hey Dr. K. Your video has been helping me through tough times when it comes to exploring my own mental health issues. I know I have ADHD (with the pre-assessment I’ve gotten and am waiting to get a proper diagnosis from psychiatrist I’m going to see next month) and it has been one of the main issue it has been causing me to struggle in life. I’m not sure how well it’ll go for me with the advice you’ve been giving to the world. Hope it all goes well for me. Can’t thank you enough for helping me understand myself better.
Are there any habits that have worked for you? Do you prefer to make gradual progress over time, or drastic changes all at once? 🤔 Let us know ⬇
If you’re looking for guidance to create lasting change in your life, sometimes it helps to have someone in your corner. Our coaches can help you dig deeper, stay consistent, and work through those roadblocks that habits can’t always solve on their own. Learn more: bit.ly/3zU3qiM 💚
I made a little bit of both, I made the drastic changes but with time I improve the velocity, start doing it on automatic, etc, but it really started with the drastic change
Drastic changes create habits for me.
I go all in, and then my mind and body just... Adapt to it. Then after some time I have to go all in again.
“Buy healthy food” - Oh god this is me. If there are chips, tortillas and cheese, chocolate, etc, they will be eaten. I have a meal plan for breakfast and dinner, and make both meals as easy as possible. Lunch I can do whatever, but try to keep it healthy-ish. Part of that is not having junk food in the house.
I can't tell you how important this video was/is to me. Firstly, because just as it stands it's spot on, brutally honest and important. Secondly, because, quite spookily, I had a kind of epiphany along the same lines 2 days before I saw this video - that all the best things that happened in my life, the most progress and success etc have been through quite drastic, radical change. Never through gradual, incremental change. In fact the worst things have happened gradually. Thank you.
Drastic changes work best here.... Like no longer eating breakfast. Lost 10kg in 3 months, with no issued because I really wasn't hungry. Also bought a 2L water bottle and fill it with sugar free lemonade and it needs to be empty at the end of the day.
Cause often your not hungry, but thirsty.
So yeah that worked for me quite well. And it shows that sometimes things that help for most people (eat breakfast like Dr K said) don't work for others.
"When you have the time to yourself, chances are you'll waste it."
Real.
real asf
Unfortunately that was a psychiatrist bar
Man, I really wish that this is not who I am right now.
But this is who I am right now :(
thats why i dont want to be selfemployed :D
@@samueltakac8436 This seems like a legit good point
I am convinced that Dr. K is the only human on youtube who ACTUALLY can influence me to get up and do something with my life
The only other for me is Jordan Peterson. He might not be for everybody but his "you're a mess and you know it, now here's how you fix it" approach is exactly what works for me.
Yes but at the same time its scary this someone have this inflience over me hes very convincing but is that the best way to view things? Ukno
And yet, lol I bet you’re not better
maybe not, but he his perspective might be. He may be happier and more understanding of himself and i think thats part of Dr. Ks goal
He understands his audience (myself included) and really understands how to activate our psyches
Personally, I stopped getting into habits. Instead of focusing on getting consistent everyday, I focus on getting myself back up again when I fail to be consistent. I don't loom on my inconsistencies, I focus on trying again today and picking up things where I left it off. I realized that everyday is not going to be the same, so my actions can be hindered by the environment. And that's okay I can always try again.
Is consistency not habits? What am I missing?
@@maimee1I think being consistent is more of a trait and an identity more than a habit?
@@maimee1 the concept of habit is doing something everyday to get used to it to the point of not thinking about it anymore. What I mean about consistency is about falling off and then returning to equilibrium when you're getting off track. It's like inconsistent on a daily basis but consistent when you look at it long term.
@@Madcattus Yeah, I believe that (at least for me) this method is one of the major ways Ive been making progress in quitting the lifelong addictions I’ve struggled with. Whenever I’d go on a streak I’d fuck it up and then just feel like utter shit, so reminding myself that there wouldn’t be the peak without the valleys helps me get back on track asap. I found whenever I beat myself up, it was just the loser I was beating up the winner in me by feeling sorry for myself, which helped me realise It’s not about how far you can run, it’s about how quickly you can get back on your feet.
If only I could remember that :) I literally forget what my "schedule" "should have been" for example...riiiiight I haven't taken Vitamins for a while, maybe that's why I'm tired FK
SPEEDRUNNING everything in the morning is the best piece of advice. I had days in my life where I woke up at 4am, went for a shower, jog, did yoga, wrote some stuff down, ate, cooked lunch, cleaned up everything, read some stuff and then it was like 9 am and I sat there and thought to myself "well, I've done everything, what now?" at a time I was usually still sound asleep. Get up early and speedrun everything important. The feeling of accomplishing so much by the time you usually get up is unbelievable.
does the what now make you feel like you don't have a purpose anymore so you subconsciously think oh better spread it out so i don't achieve everything and get bored?
Honestly I wish I had that problem. That free time can be put into hobbies, side hustles, and projects that I never have time for. Which I have a lot of. But I understand why many, if not most, would struggle with the dilema of "what now?"
Spawning, speedrunning....great to have a new name for what is essentially a habit!!! 😆
@@vanessaland5090 good question I wonder too. Maybe it makes you enjoy the things you usually enjoy more since there’s no guilt 🤷♂️
@@toemuncher3333yeah since you don’t use them or even other things like dooms rolling that you don’t enjoy as distractions from that feeling. So you will be present in the moment and it’s also easier to choose the thing you actually want since finding your desires is a lot easier without the guilt clouding it.
"Every single action of yours is a vote towards the type of person you become in future"
- James Clear, Atomic Habits
epic screenshot right here. Just got in on my Zenfone 11
That's a great book. ❤
True. But don't underestimate the power of the Pain Simulator you are in. If it wants to snap you like a twig tomorrow, it don't matter the years of action you invested in.
True, but that book is about the opposite of drastic changes. It's stacking 0,1% changes. Powerful principle but it doesn't work the best for me. I'm gonna do this drastic military style change for a while. See if it works better for me.
@@danethenice Doing it that way is fine but just know if u relapse.. you will be in an even deeper hole.
"Embrace the struggle" Thank you skull knight. Sometimes I forget.
Facts 😂
Fellow Strugglers unit ✊
Is that a Berserk reference 😁
@@Respect2theFallenYessir, it is!
@@96WackoXJacko96 no you don’t dude
- we want habits because we are lazy and want things get done effortlessly
- habits are not for everyone , especially for dynamic people who's more go-big-or-go-home: drastic changes may be the better method
- speedrun the hard stuff first thing in the morning
- "when you have the time to yourself, chances are you'll waste it."
- be helpful for your future self (choose your difficulty for your next spawn point)
- procrastination makes bad things into worse things
- everything is connected: good stuff enables good stuff, bad stuff enables bad stuff
cracked up at the "not sponsored by the US military" disclaimer
This is something ive been doing for a few weeks now. I work in 8 hour shifts. When we're near the end of the shift, we clean up, empty trash bins, fill up the forklift with gas, leave everything in proper order so that the next person can start relaxed with a clean shift. Everybody does this.
I started to treat my life the same way. Tomorrow me is the person in the next shift. I fill up the dishwasher when dishes are dirty, do the laundry if its needed, clean up the kitchen surfaces, make sure my car's tank is full, there's breakfast, etc. You dont know how great it is to wake up in a clean house. And honestly its not even that much of a struggle anymore.
What really helped me sustain good habits was changing my perspective in the way Dr. K outlines in this video. I had to change my relationships to food, sleep, exercise, etc... I had to start thinking about my "future self." After a while of that, good habits have become easier to maintain.
@@TheTricksterCoyote very helpful mindset shift
Current me feels fine so tomorrow will feel fine and thus the feeling of not progressing emerges. Feeling great or fine in overall, but want to do something "better", but really don't have need for it or that "better" is too much work.
I have adhd and for me one day I just change. No reason why
@@nonyobussiness3440 Contrast
Yeah I saw a video that said don't think "salad or fast food?" Think "fast food or a better future?"
One thing that has really helped me get my mornings right is to set up a broadcast routine on my Google speakers. I've got them in every room of the house, so in the mornings, they do broadcast on all the speakers (I'm already back from the gym by this point)
7:45 - "time for a shower"
8:00 - "wrap up your shower"
8:05 - "let's do skin care"
8:15 - "brush your hair"
8:20 - "get dressed"
8:30 - "start a load of laundry"
8:40 - "protein shake"
8:55 - "brush your teeth"
9:00 - "time for work"
This auditory reminder helps bring my attention back to the task at-hand, just in-case I've picked up my phone.
I also keep my sleep meds and floss picks in the end table next to where I sit to watch TV.
I like this a lot! Notification reminders tend to draw me back into my phone, so having those reminders pop-up on screen would ruin their effectiveness for me.
Or, if I was being productive and focused on some part of getting ready I would miss the notification entirely for an hour or so.
@@TheMrEwe exactly! The best I can do in that regard is to not swipe away notifications that I need to act upon, which means I can always go back and reference them later. But some of them I need to act upon, just not at the moment. Luckily, some apps have a snooze on the notification.
I've also ordered a "potty watch." It's a digital watch with a silent (vibrating) alarm that you can set for multiple times throughout the day. I now use this as my morning alarm (it doesn't wake my partner, unlike anything else I've tried), and I sometimes set it to initiate my bedtime routine (again, less intrusive to my partner than the speakers - he's already out of the house for the morning routine).
I really want to do this but I am afraid i will miss a single one, and then the routine will be messed up, and I will get so frustrated about every additional reminder that I will unplug my speakers and not plug them back in. Have you encountered any difficulties around this sytem?
May i ask how you do this? Is there like an application you set this up in?
I paused the video at 11:00, went to bed. Woke up earlier than I had in months, did the routine Dr. K suggested. Back to finish the video. Thanks Dr. K and team. It's the first day to the rest of my life. Thanks for helping me feel less alone, thanks for the encouragement and suggestions to build the structure I crave in my own life.
The epitome of "say less", kudos to you dude
It's a great routine. I always find my morning routines when i prepare for something forced (work or school) to be more productive and less emotionally straining than an empty morning when i've got all the time in the world.
keep going 💪
“Making today better comes at the cost of tomorrow.” Love that one.
Omg du bist einfach der echte Virtual Riot! Deine Musik hat mich durch die Schulzeit gebracht, Danke!
Isn't making tomorrow batter coming at the cost of today?
@@VirtualRiot It sounds like that’s backwards. Are you sure that it shouldn’t be “Making tomorrow better comes at the cost of today”
great video i probably need a therapist
But careful, don't put the unrealistic expectation that they will fix you. They will help you but you have to do your part as well.
@@Kurostyle21But careful, don’t put unrealistic expectations that doing your part will fix everything in your life. You must do your part but you also need community to support you
@@claudiaborges8406 But careful,
@@claudiaborges8406
But be careful, don't put unrealistic expectations on your community support to fix everything in your life. You must acknowledge the role of chance
@@claudiaborges8406 there are not many people out there that actually “need” therapy
YOOOO! I've been thinking about this for ages. When I was a kid I always thought habits and routines were too restrictive. "I don't want to be held down by a routine. I want to be able to wake up and do whatever I want. I'll get around to cleaning those dishes and my room in my own time." Well, I'm 39 now and my life is a mess. "In my own time" really just means never. Wake up and do whatever just means wake up and not do anything. And the thing is, I realized in my path to no routines I end up making stupid routines. I'm not routinely waking up and working out, I'm routinely waking up and checking socials. I'm not routinely cleaning my room and dishes, I'm routinely tossing thing on the floor or in the sink. Once I realized what was happening I started to make routines. Every Monday at lunch I meal prep for the week. Every lunch while my meal is heating in the microwave I clean the dishes from the day before. Every Saturday night I go grocery shopping. Every Sunday afternoon I pick up my room from the week (ngl, I still struggle with this one). Every Sunday night I do my laundry (previously I would often go weeks without doing laundry and just wear dirty clothes).
Still looking for other things to add because my life is still a mess, it just LOOKS less messy. Need a money making routine tbh...hard to live on minimum wage.
Good job! And best of luck with the further upcoming progress.
Try a few gym sessions or just going for a run a couple of times a week. You may find your energy levels and therefore outlook on making money changes.
The trick is to make everything you do easy. So don't drop laundry on the floor, because all the way down there it is harder to pick up. And don't put it behind a door or lid, because opening the door/lid makes it harder to pick up. And don't put it out of the path to the washing macine, because you need to take extra steps to pick it up. Same with dishes and getting rid of trash. If everything is on your path to where you need it to be, then you're going to automatically bring it there without any extra effort. Likewise, get equipment that is easy to use and on the place where it needs to be. If you get a dishwasher, get one you can easily fill. If you do your dishes manually, have your sink set up with everything you need in reach and don't fill your sink with dishes, because that's where you have to work on them so you'd have to move them before getting started.
@@bramvanduijn8086 that's very good advice. I call that "reducing friction". Likewise, it's a good idea to increase friction for bad habits, making it harder to do them
Tbh my favorite part is when we get the Guru voice 😂
Its funny cuz of how aggresively stereotypical he makes it woth 0 hesitation 😂😂😂
Is he not Indian 😂😂
@@WabiSabiWallHe is and studied as a monk in India for years. He knows exactly how peeps in India sound and flows right into the accent
I love it when Dr. K goes full jeet!😭
I wish I could give Dr.K a hug, my life might be changing slowly but I owe it to him for giving me that change. Letting me change myself, he's a beautiful soul
i have the exact same thoughts, if someday we were to meet id give him a hug, helped me argueably the most, bar none, out of ANY other self imrpovement influencer online. i like boiled eggs
Possibly the most valuable video I've ever seen. I've long known that I can't break bad habits slowly, but keep trying the slow method for building better - with zero results.
My top takeaways - stop trying to fit all the important things into my day (they never get done) ; speedrun them first thing to make sure they are done.
Stop trying to make today easier - focus on making tomorrow better.
Thank you, Dr. K!!!!!!!! 🎉❤🎉
I am probably 5-6 months into studying Japanese almost every single day. One hour. It still sucks. I still mess up on card that I knew at one point. It is the most demotivating thing I have done in my life. It hasn't gotten easier. But am I hella proud of myself and get a dopamine boost when I recognize words outside of my study time? Yes. Gotta celebrate the small victories.
OMG not me realizing that watching all these Dr. K videos are paying off! ❤everything he said about how good habits synergize is completely true ! Now that I exercise and meditate regularly, I genuinely dont crave junk food much anymore (like I literally eat a boiled egg, toast, and a fruit smoothie every morning like he says) and I sleep better and have been more productive!!
Dr. K knows whats he's talking about y'all! he's the truth
as a stranger on the internet I'm happy for u :)
@matlee9832 thank you so much! 🥹
Ur amazing for taking action. That's key here. We all watch the video, but how many are truly TRYING to change or even ACHIEVING this? U are amazing!
@@WattsOnTheMind thank you ❤️
Totally agree. I started to watch his videos around 1,5 years ago and my life is changing for the better. My husband joined me a few months ago and now he’s also changing his life. We both are so grateful for Dr.K and his team’s work ❤
A lot of my negative habits come from a deeply ingrained self hatred. I feel like I am not worth any of the struggle. But Ive come to realize that if I dont love myself I must learn how to see my future self as a different entity. Like you said someone that is not me but will inherit all I do. And I must find a way to love that person.
This is actually one of your best videos so far
Yes, the directiveness in this echoes the first video I saw that got me hooked "Why therapy sucks for men"
what u said abt leaving things for tomorrow is so true.
about year ago, i got this motivation 'if i dont do this today, tomorrow's me gonna suffer'. and it helped like alot. i always tell myself this when i feel lazy but still end up doing it and guess what, i always, ALWAYS feel better day after and say 'thank god, i did it yesterday'
"Protect yourself..." is such an important message - because it does come down to the question of self worth and how seriously do I take myself and my actual physical and mental needs vs. my immediate cravings.
I’m still 23 but I’m changing my life thanks to this video, I just hope I can keep this up. Everyday is gonna be hard, but someday, hopefully someday, the hard things won’t be so hard anymore.
i always feel like a freak for not being able to adhere to (good) habits. i have no problem routinely doing the same horrific shit to myself at the same time every day, but as soon as i try to start a good habit i have one or two good days and then a month of bad ones. hopefully there’s a solution to this problem. i just want to be able to automate my life without having to agonize over everything anymore.
I've always hated cleaning up the kitchen after I cook. So I learned to prep before I cook so that things run smoother and I don't make a big mess. As I am adding ingredients to the cooking pan, I put things in the dishwasher or if there is enough time I hand-wash items that I need again. I have a nice rhythm for cooking and cleaning the kitchen, after I've eaten my meal all I have to deal with is putting leftovers in the fridge and washing the dirty pot and plate. Having good habits like that, like being tidy is helpful so that my future self has more time to be lazy or to do fun things.
@eebbaa5560 just starts with an identity shift. good habits are like fresh concrete, you gotta be consistent with it and then it will naturally cement itself ro your identity. you will identify as someone who goes to the gym for example. best of luck to you my friend
idk if it helps, but for me I had to finally realize how I was subconsciously self sabotaging because deep down I believed I didn't deserve health and a good lifestyle after some traumatic experiences in the past. I'm still working on letting go of the blame, but it's been much easier to eat healthier and take better care of myself now that I recognize why I couldn't before.
If you can routinely do the same horrific shit, maybe you are a habit person too
@@eebbaa5560 I felt the same way too: what helped for me is realising its never too late to do something nice for yourself: sometimes I do my morning routine at like, 2pm because I spent the whole morning plyaing Skyrim or whatever.
So whenever I realize I'm in a bad habit, I pick one thing that would be good for me and try to get it done. I don't always succeed, but it does help me feel like things can change.
I've been a fan of Dr. K since the webinars. I've thought for a while after he started getting on a bunch of podcasts that I had learned everything I needed to. And for most other channels that it the case since I unsubscribe because I see they just recycle their old content. But this is one of the TWO channels I'm subbed to that always consistently uploads new things that still matter to me and teach me new things that always seem to help in some way. I greatly appreciate the opportunity to be apart of this community. You guys are doing a lot there at HGG! ~ 💚
if you feel that way I HIGHLY recommend the member streams they are incredible
@@Brandon_Brando I plan on getting them soon when I can afford them yeah
What's the other channel you watch? Now I'm curious lol. I've been having trouble having a healthy use of the RUclips video feed and heatlhygamer definetely helped
@@utyudfsdffddf Sadhguru. He has a ton of good content, but the real gold is hidden between the words he uses. For his stuff related to productivity and happiness I'll sound like he says the same things at first, or that he doesn't give you actionable steps, but if you can take some of the words he says like they have more meaning than he lets on, or notice the difference in wording between videos where he seems to say the same thing, there's still a lot I'm trying to uncover.
Pursuit of wonder also has kept up the good shit for a long time
One thing that helped me was changing the way I thought about the 'habit'. It's seems to be very difficult to maintain an activity if every time you have to use willpower to do it. So, the big shift in mentality is to just decide that you are a person who does or doesn't do 'X' and set it up as a system. It's much easier than the little by little approach.
Same for me, every big lasting change in my life was exactly like that. Like I hated cold showers my entire life but I also hated getting sick all the time, so I one day just decided "I want to be a person that doesn't get sick anymore" and started cold showers and the Wim Hof method, cold turkey so to speak, from one day to the next and since then just did it every day.
Very interesting. I'm pretty good with my habits but I still took a couple of things away from this:
-- The automaticity of habits is great for stability but that stability also makes change more difficult.
-- It's important to be intentional about the things we do or else we run the risk of mindlessly forming habits that don't get us what we want or we don't even form habits and procrastinate.
I wondered the other day, what would happen if every time I'm about to do something addictive/counter-productive, I said to myself: "I am now deciding to do X, despite [name the downsides]." What would happen, if you tried to become consciously intentional about your bad habits...?
Re: me getting a Starbucks every day since the age of 20
Big thing that recently helps me with keeping habbits is tu build internal identity of a person that just is doing/not doing something now and not think too much about the past. Earlier when I was thinking I'm a person just trying something, giving up was easier, as it wasn't hurting the perception I had.
Not thinking about the past is hard to attain when you have OCD symptoms as well as Tourette's that regularly spawns past memories that make you cringe up or leave you in guilt and remorse.
You can be doing productive activities and all of a sudden they come out of nowhere and significantly hinder your progress and mood.
@doncarloancelotti2256 Maybe meditation and going slowly would help. I forget who quoted recent studies on the habenula part of our brain.. It is a part of the brain that is found to be hyperactive in those with depression (and some other diagnosis?).. Anyway, the person was quoting studies saying that it's because of this brain structure that changing steadily but slowly - to where one can barely perceive it in real time - can be more effective. A person is less likely to self sabotage to draw themselves back to old ways. When I heard this the first time my thoughts likened it to a person collecting berries around a sleeping tiger. The slower and more quietly you went, (and mindfully as some posters put on here) the less chance you'd interrupt the beast's sleep that'd put an end to the task at hand.
I hope this is helpful but can't really check ever to see. Reviewing replies to comments on YT can be so frustrating as there seems to be no way to get directly to a comment section where somebody else may be commenting on about your comment.
This made me think of life as a rogue like. Where each day is a new run. And each day I can work towards getting equipment or gear to make the next run that little bit easier.
Great idea
wow such a nice analogy, time to soulbound that boiled egg starter item, heared its OP
Yes this tbh. ❤ Player spawned with the following buffs: full fridge, well fed, energy from prior exercise etc. super cool
I REALLY HOPE DR. K READS THIS. I just started a new job after taking months off for mental health, it's a 9-5 desk job. I felt great before starting. I severely reduced all technology use and screen time, started working out, going outside more, meditating daily, taking lunch with friends etc. I just finished the first week of work and my screen time on my phone has shot up. All the sudden I'm reaching for it without even noticing. I reach for it for small breaks during tasks at work. It seems to keep my mind on a low hum, which in some ways helps my feel better than if I totally unplugged to take a short walk. But I also feel more agitated. I really need to understand why this is happening and what to do instead. I had a mental breakdown earlier this year and don't want to end up back where I started. Why is my phone use creeping in? I haven't changed any other habits.
I know I'm not the one you're asking, but I hope you don't mind and might find it helpful if I share some thoughts on that. First of all I think that established neural pathways of previous behaviours are like muscle memory - they kick in as soon as you stop consciously controlling yourself (at least until you spend years building stronger new ones). It seems that before the new job you had the opportunity to keep full focus on yourself developing these habits and it worked! But once work started it disrupted that routine and introduced a new environment, into which those habits have not been specifically integrated, so your mind - having no constructed alternative - just wandered into the default old behaviour. Basically this means that you not changing the habits to account for everything that work brings into the picture (including maybe additional stress) is exactly the problem. Analyze every bit step by step. Say now you have these small breaks between work tasks at work, that you didn't have before - what should you fill them with, so that your brain doesn't default to looking at the phone? Maybe keep you phone somewhere harder to reach? Or now you have less time for yourself, so fitting in all the healthy habits the same way you did without a job creates a lot more dense and stressful schedule than before. More stress provokes reaching for the phone, cause that is an easy source of dopamine for the brain. Maybe let some things go and do them every other day instead of every day, so that you don't feel too much pressure? And of course have patience. Change (even when made drastically) takes hell of a time to sink in. Hope this helps.
If you're worried about a relapse in your mental health you should see a psychologist
embrace the struggle, accpept that its gonna be a struggle, just accept it.... one of the best advices from dr k, along with being aware of your internal environment. i needed this unusually harsher (mildly) dr k, usually hes mostly understanding and not harsh.
i did need to hear this, as long as you dont sacrifice some sleep TONIGHT, go to bed earlier even if youre not sleepy, to wake up tomorrow EARLIER, youre never gonna fix your sleep schedule.
I am one of those people who has quit both smoking and vaping cold turkey. Two separate occasions. Just decided one day that I didn’t like it anymore and that was that. Maybe had 24 hours of withdrawal symptoms, but once I was through that, I moved on. I would say that I’m just too impatient to get to the end point to drag it out. I also had like zero daily habits in my life until the last couple of years, where I’ve successfully been introducing them one by one. The problem with drastic change is that’s a lot of spinning plates to keep from crashing and they will inevitably all come crashing down. Whether it’s quitting smoking or washing my dishes, it’s just one thing to focus on. So, as long as all I have to put effort into doing is that, I can do it. Eventually a habit forms, so it’s easy, and I can pick a new habit to work on.
What’s also helped is thinking about myself in third person, much like what was said in this video. But, more along the lines of how I’m far more motivated to do nice things for others than myself, so doing the things for Future Me, but as an act of kindness. Because Future Me deserves kindness. And the one person who has always stuck by Future Me is Past Me, she knows her very well and can recognise that she deserves a break, she deserves to be looked after. Doesn’t matter if somebody who doesn’t know me very well thinks otherwise, I know me and I know that I deserve those things, so I’m in the best position to give myself those things. And all those other people in my life who I wasted care and effort for? They didn’t deserve it. So, that care and effort needs to get redirected towards the one person I know who definitely does deserve it. It’s a weird shift in perspective, but it’s been working. Basically channelling my people pleasing energy to please Future Me. Then Future Me will do the same and pay it forward and now we have a much healthier relationship that anyone else will have to compete to be part of. If resources are gonna be redirected away from Future Me, they’re gonna need to substitute that so Future Me doesn’t suffer as a consequence of them being in my life. Which is a convoluted way of saying they must reciprocate equal effort so they don’t get between Past Me and Future Me now we’re tight 🙃
I was thinking of making a comment to say I'm very happy and thankful that you are here doing this job and talking about these things. A second later in the video you say" the only thing you need to protect from is Yourself" and this just hit me different. I have been thinking about this and listening to you talk about the exact same thing makes me more shure of my self and that I'm on a good path. Thank you
For those who are more on the empathetic side..... I find it helps to think of it as giving gifts to your future self. It's nice to give gifts and do kind things for them! And they deserve it too! Your future self deserves to live in better times than you do.
My god this has been such a long time coming. I have NEVER incrementally built a habit in my life. I eat healthy, exercise every day, meditate, play piano, study computer science and teach chess, and none of that shit was done because I read atomic habits or whatever.
I was forced into playing piano as a kid, now a kawaii just stand in the living room and it's easy to sit down and play. I never got into the habit of buying sweets or sodas. Exercise was always fun, there was never a struggle. I was depressed and addicted to video games, what did I do? 9 month civil service, full time, no chance to play video games.
To this day, I almost always eat something sweet if I even see it. I get hooked on a video game or series for hours on end. I never built a habit, I never even incrementally beat an addiction, I just introduced drasting changes to my environment that forced me to live a certain lifestyle. Thanks for finally speaking out about this.
4:55 in hmm, so far the gist im getting is that consistency of the action does not lessen the difficulty. By having the expectation that things will get easy by time, you're setting yourself up to fail. The point of discipline is being aware of what you have to take responsibility of. It's you doing the same difficult thing over and over because avoiding such would only raise the level of difficulty. Really, you'd just have to choose your own "difficult". The difficulty of facing it now or the difficulty of facing it later.
I love when Dr. K validates how I’ve learned to live lol. My partner can get frustrated with me because I sprint change instead of marathoning it.
Rather than learning how to code over months, I found a coding bootcamp, quit my job, and got a new job a couple of months after. The last time I lost weight, I did it by doing extreme calorie restriction and supplementation.
People see me doing things like this and tell me that it’s healthy and unsustainable, but it’s the way that I personally have to and the results are there. Needed to hear this, it’s the encouragement I need to not try to bend to the rules others try to put on me.
Yes, we are not all the same. If your way doesn't cause you harm, then keep doing you. I suspect some criticism you receive is people's own issues projecting.
I am one of these hunter types and this is absolutely how it works for me. Yeah I’m in therapy, but these big changes and “spawn point” mindset have made progress in therapy possible. And Dr. K’s videos helped get me going in the beginning when it was dark and seemed impossible. We’ve got this everybody 💪
You know what I really appreciate you for? The fact that you promote your stuff... but _still deliver on the free side._ I'm likely not getting _all_ of the benefits - I expect there must be some behind the paywall - but I may get there one day. For now, I'm benefitting from what you post on the channel for free. And a "thank you" to those who _are_ supporting your work financially, because they're likely a solid part of _the why and how._
Dr. K, who told you I needed this. I’ve fixed my life for the most part, found happiness within and still can’t do habits.
odd question, but why do you need habits if most other things are going well?
@@Thenicktatorship I want to be fit for when I go backpacking on holidays, for that I need to eat well and exercise. I haven’t been doing that. I dislike cooking and don’t like eating that much so I tend to starve if left to my own devices.
This has to be one of my top favourite episodes of Dr. K. Every word was so damn relatable as if somebody was reading my mind.
Dude. You are actively saving my life. Thank you.
I love how Dr K knows exactly how our mind works and responds. I go like, "yes, exactly THAT! THAT!" in every video :P The way he articulates his knowledge and message is a masterclass in communication.
This reminds me of what an instructor I had once said when I was in marching band: “Do you wanna pay now, or later?”. He was essentially saying that if we want to make our show the best, we either put in the work now so it pays off with an awesome show, or keep being mediocre and give a horrendous show. I was able to take that same thinking and use it in my life. Do I want to knock out chores now, or suffer later when I don’t really feel like it.
I turn 30 soon and have just lost who I thought was the best woman in the world. Started listening to Dr.K and all this seems small in comparison to the growth you've inspired me to make. Thank you Dr. K
I have tears in my eyes. I'm in the middle of all this sht right now, and I needed to hear this. I'm afraid that now that I know all of this, it's going to change my attitude, but soon I might go back to where I was.
But the part about the spawning point... about inheriting my work by someone else (my future self) - it's so real. I’ll tell myself that I want this change, but I know I need to keep reminding myself of it. I'm almost crying as I write this because I know how easy it is for me to be lenient with myself, and how everything keeps slipping through my fingers. The moment I struggle, I go easy on myself, even though I know I'll regret it the next day - and the next day, I'm... doing the same thing! :[ It's such a vicious cycle.
I know myself very well, and because of that, I doubt I’ll be able to sustain my resolve for long. I'm not trying to justify future failures by saying this, but I’ve failed myself so many times that I’ve stopped believing it’s even achievable. Still, thank you very much, Dr. K. If you're reading this - thank you so, so much. If I stumble, at least I’ll come back to this video and reevaluate myself.
And I assume most people watching this kind of stuff are struggling too - to those of you, I wish you all the best and good luck! ♥
Good luck❤❤ I believe in you
You are are a legend man, I went to university at 23 never studied.
First step is desire.
After that give small steps to a better future.
Believe in your self, if you want others to believe in you.
@@tsakouannam3826 thank you! :))
Thank you man, I appreciate it! :)
Good luck, bro. We're with you in embracing this struggle.
Wow, this was one of ur best videos imo! Thank you so much 🙏🔥
This was super helpful, and in ways I didn't expect. I just started seeing a nutritionist who wants me to do the 1%-type changes, and I told her I canNOT change my food habits that way. And now I know why when I overeat, I wake up way hungrier than if I don't. That always baffled me.
@@kali9850 it's like everything else, the more you do it the easier it gets, but the moment you stop doing it the harder it gets. I can fast for 24h easily if I've been doing it for awhile but if I don't it's 10x harder.
@@joaoalegria7578 for real. That's exactly how I feel about fasting. If I'm in it, my body loves it, but it's excruciatingly difficult to get myself to start.
*mentally difficult.
This resonated with me so much! I am autistic - I cannot do slow and steady change. Change is hard enough, it's better to change everything at once and be able to recover from that massive storm rather than have every day be something new.
I never really considered it from this perspective, but turns out the biggest, lasting changes I ever made were drastic ones! I quit smoking cold turkey, for example. Thanks for this. It's really rare that I haven't thought about something a certain way but that happened today.
I heard emotions researcher Lisa Feldman Barrett say once that to nature, the thing that makes the most sense for the health of any natural population is variation. Basically, building variation into the ways individuals express themselves can help a population thrive. I love how this channel really accommodates this idea and discusses tools for a variety of different minds. Thank you. 🙏
Fucking great video. I'm going to make this something a play regularly to keep myself on track
This video hits hard. I realize that I have been doing this for certain aspects of my life, and it has actually helped. You saying to embrace the suck, and set up your future self for success, I realized that's actually what I've been thinking like. A simple example is that I now always make my lunch for the next day immediately after I get home from work, even if I'm super hungry, even if I worked late, even if I'm tired, even if I have other chores to do, because I HATE making my lunch in the mornings, and honestly it's made the mornings a lot smoother, and less sucky, which I guess I've realized now is my goal.
Thanks for putting making this video, I'm now confident I can make this work for other aspects of my life as well.
This makes sense. If I rather think I'll do my best today, then this strategy is going to be what I need to do. I start now!!
You're right on drastic changes. I've had game addiction previously, and it made me drop my grades drastically as well, screwed me up real good. I've tried to reduce game time, bit by bit, but it didn't work until I cut out games cold turkey. Things finally changed for me. But of course, I still like games. Few years later I decided to introduce games back into my life as a form of social interaction with my friends. Although there were some instances where I would relapse, but I get to pull myself out faster and able to resist more as I became much more present with my actions and thoughts. Now I can enjoy games. ❤
I've gotten in such a bad spiral recently of procrastinating everything, and feeling depressed, and then just not doing any of the crap I know I need to do, it's bit me in the ass a lot over the last few months. Thanks for the video, I'm gonna try and make things better for the me tomorrow...
You’re incredibly talented and extremely skilled; thank you for being straightforward, forward, blunt, funny, and, most importantly, effective!!!
Thank you!!!!
I was in the military. Absolutely hated 95% of it so counterpoint to the earlier comments from Dr K. Like the habits your experience is highly varied.
One of the things I did like though about the military was when we lived in dorms we would have to do these “G.I. Parties” which essentially was like a Friday afternoon the whole dorm had to spend 1 hour cleaning our rooms and the common areas.
For like a year after I stopped having to do that I still would do it on my own time. Just throw on some loud music and start cranking for an hour and then stop.
Embracing the suck to me meant I could throw on some loud music and just start scrubbing away so it sucked just a little bit less.
I imagine being in military gets you to build different kinds of small habits (physical and mental) like that.
I love my hour long cranking sessions as well!
I mean cleaning is fun especially to music it’s not fun when there is no routine and it’s a huge mess with no end point and clear place and point to start
Who is Dr K thank you for your service❤
Thank you for sharing this video. Everything you said makes a lot of sense! A big struggle in this type of change are people in your life. If they love you, they will support you and not be jealous of you making good changes. I wish everyone luck in this daily struggle we call living a good life.
12:31 Bro casually has 12 eggs for breakfast in the morning
This is such a good point, I’ve always been an all or nothing kind of person
Regarding spawn points I found something useful when it comes to habits. That is to set objectives to be checked in relatively short span of time. For example I fix "doing" objective during sundays for each day of the week and check the ones of the previous week. The idea is that you set what you want to do each day so you dont have to think about it during the day. Depending your capability to be consitent you might check what you have to do the day before and adhere to it or adjust a bit considering changes in your schedule. The key is thay doing this weekly allows you to fail one week and recover the next one, plus you can track if your strategy is working. Also doing the logic effort only one day avoids gathering the will power everyday to define what to do.
A key here is not to fill your day to an impossible level, try to give you some empty time.
Dr. K is a true gem. This was exaclty what I needed to hear. I've made some improvements in my life, after reading Atomic Habits by James Clear. But this video is just waaay too applicable to me. After weeks, even months of stagnation, this video is what pushed me to clean my house and start applying to jobs again. Thank you!
This is the exact push and perspective shift I needed, thank you. Dr. K saving lives out here fr
the „7:30 after 5h of sleep too caffeinated don’t know what’s going on” at the very end was such a vicious personal attack i felt shame in the middle of the street even though I listened to this vid yesterday and already implemented some stuff dr K advised today 😳 I’ll do better!!!
The best advice for me was something Jordan Peterson once said, if you feel like you're not making any progress and want to change your life (have a happier/healthier/successful life in the future) make two lists:
One where you write down in detail how that ideal life would look which motivates you to reach it if you have a clear vision for how it would look like precisely, but more importantly one where you write down in detail how horrible your future could end up if you keep procrastinating, keep eating unhealthy, keep avoiding things you need to do and really visualize how horrible and uncomfortable it would be.
That second list is what helped me the most because every time I was tempted to not do what I needed to do I just thought about that bad future that I was going to end up with if I keep those bad habits which then also motivated me to often do drastic changes from one day to the next.
Ahhhh maybe this is my call, maybe this is why I couldn't make habit as easy as I think it would be, ahhhh that 'Drastic Change' method sounds so attractive to me, I should stop overthinking and get everything done boom boom boom right off the bat! Thank you, Dr K.
Probably an unpopular take, but just this sentence alone reminds me of a scene from Rick & Morty when the therapist is talking to Pickle Rick: “The thing about cleaning, maintaining, and repairing is; it’s NOT an adventure. You can’t do it so wrong you’ll die. It’s just work, and the bottom line is, some people are OK going to work, and some people, well some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose.”
Why would this be an unpopular take it I may ask?
great quote
@@Dropz_RSA people always say their takes are unpopular or controversial. probably just a way of hedging against criticism lol
My experience with addiction and depression: If I am in a situation where I am unstressed and entirely relaxed and happy, then the addiction disappears almost instantly. Self-medication in absence of reasons to medicate is a lot less common. Now, you can get stuck in bad habits, but the great thing about being bad at habits is that that is less likely to happen to you. As long as your change in context and happiness is thorough enough, the addiction issue self-resolves.
Paused the video at 14:27 to take out the trash Lol
Thank you so much for this video- thank you so much for talking positively about laziness, as well as “embracing the struggle”; this truly helped me figure out some things about myself and my routine! Gonna take care of my future self by saving this video if I ever need it again 💗
I feel so seen watching this...
I am bin-everything-else keto guy.
I am currently drinking coffee.
I am lounging at 1am staring at phone guy.
I am not pre-planning workout routine habit calendar optimising guy.
Tried many tricks for habits with some initial success over the years, but speedrunning the challenges... Im not going to lie, that almost sounds like fun.
For me at least, youre killing it on rapport building right from the get go. This video is landing very well.
He's so nice about offending my bullshit lol
Thank you for the post! You're very generous. Sincerely ❤️🙏
If ADHD brains are less motivated by the future promise of rewards or punishment, it can be harder to embrace the struggle for today on the premise I will be improving tomorrow. I need reasons to embrace the struggle today that are not based on the future and past so much, due to the the potential "time blindness" of ADHD.
i agree. for me just live for today, have the best adventure for today regardless the progress
The problem with setting "tomorrow me" up for success is that it means loving and prioritizing "tomorrow me" - so many of us can only see to the end of today (or shorter). The task is not to shame yourself into valuing yourself but to accept and address the self-loathing.
“No one goes to the gym and wants an ice cream shake after!” Dr. K, it’s called “dirty bulking”
everything you said in this video speaks directly to my heart. I've been so sluggish for months ever since I finished school and I finally feel like I can do something. All my life I've watched motivation videos be like: yeah go to sleep 15 mins earlier, then 15 mins earlier the next day, etc. and like I'm not that kind of person. Thanks so much for making this! it encourages me so much. I just gotta tell myself: do this shit now.
Nena Lavonne adhd coach/ psychiatrist said do ONE SMALL habit, every day, only one same habit, over and over so it gets set in your head and routine. And don't add anything else. It worked. I now sweep and mop the kitchen floor before I go to bed every night.
Trouble is, i never added any additional new habits. So.....😢
Well, most nights I also wash the dishes.
Don't be too hard on yourself, that is impressive progress. Little by little you could try adding other good habits.
A win is a win is a win!
XD
@@biteofdog Thank you. ❤
My OT suggested that I try bundling habits together: like is there something you can put next to your broom, do that whenever you grab it you get reminded of it?
Like I have a habit of taking sleep medication (insomnia); so I put it next to my toothbrush, so that every time I take my medication I'm reminded to brush teeth, and now I can't go to bed without brushing them
There’s no way this video resonates with me so much I literally was addicted to gaming and did nothing with my life for two years straight and then one day I turned everything around started reading more started eating better got a job and now I’m in a much better place than I ever thought I would be
I wish I could wake up feeling rested enough to do something other than survive. I feel like that's gotta be a problem so many others have.
Literally speaks to my inner me. I always chalked it up to dumb luck. "I should get my drivers license over spring break next week." Drivers Ed had 1 slot open. got in. got it done. "I need to move out." went from shopping for an apartment to signing a lease in 5 days. "I need a new job" first one I applied to took me.
"You will get nothing. THAT person will reap all the benefits. You're unlucky"
I guess I'll have to adopt that mindset really, and just accept that no matter how bad I want to just take some time out for myself and forget that anything outside of my phone even exists, that my life is real, and that I'll have to live for so many more years (probably)... I can't avoid being an adult and getting through the terrible chores, of sleeping on time even if that means I possibly get no time for myself...
But that mindset makes me SO sad, that it pushes me the other direction. How do I "man up" (I'm a woman) and just face life like an adult? I thought I'd be forced to do it if I ever got married and had kids. But I'm 33, not sure if that's ever going to happen, and slowly losing the will to do any of this... Toxic cycle of working from 12 PM to 10 PM and I'm the kind who simply can't do other chores when I'm free for an hour, even if I'm working from home. And after 10 PM, I try to meal prep some days, but all I really want to do is go to bed with my phone and de-stress. That will cause me to scroll for HOURS, and I'll end up staying up till 4 or 5 in the morning.
Get up next day around 10 or 11, skip breakfast so I can somehow freshen up and get ready to start work (that has been stressing me out to the point of tears) again.
I'm so drained of energy and the will to exist.
This is so relatable. I ricochet between doing the things that I know will be good for me and rotting in bed with my phone for hours on end. I've noticed that when I'm on my "productive" streaks, or when I'm "manning up", it usually comes as a result of me finding something that reconnects me to myself (i.e. when I engage in an activity with friends or journal everything that is bothering me). That usually gives me a minute sense of dignity and a willingness to show up for myself. In no way have I mastered it and I know this is much easier said than done - believe me I really do - but I would encourage you to try! Good luck out here, fellow human!
@@benisaac4640 Thank you for your kind words. I'll keep trying 😊
Hey Dr K, I’ve been watching your videos for some time and been coasting. This video was out of everything I’ve seen, the video I felt heard the most. Especially the part about spawning anew everyday. Like one day I’m doing everything I want to do, I go to bed, and the person that wakes up finds himself just on his phone.
All in or all out!
Dr. K really does gesticulate exactly like an old Indian man
Love it 😄
Yeah I love that, as an italian coming from a hindu family, it /speaks/ to me
I think he does his old Indian man impression so often some of the mannerisms have unironically crept in to his personality 😆
I once started sugar detox (quit cold turkey - sugar, gluten, all products with preservatives, lactose, and had to go from 4 cups of sugary coffee to 1 black sugarfree coffee). I finished 2 months - it was awesome. Though first days was torture - headaches and fog. It was my biggest achievement so far. Still proud of myself!
these titles are getting more interesting by the day
This is somewhat how I’ve been getting myself together after years of terrible eating issues, sleep problems, mood issues, unemployment. I started to find some comfort in the morning rather than dread at some point, and I don’t always feel great physically upon waking but I am grateful.
He is getting more and more unhinged, I love it
He’s not unhinged, he’s telling the truth that veneer wearing fakes are too scared to say.
Most of the lasting changes I've made in my life were "cold turkey". I got clean and sober in a flash of clarity. I quit tobacco the same way. I went Keto and lost 75 lbs in 9 months (now stuck at this plateau LOL). 2 years ago eliminated caffeine after a literal 45 year daily '3 or 4 pots of coffee' habit.. replaced with water.
Not all of those big changes were planned.. sometimes life reaches "learn or die" status. Sometimes I just hate something to the point I sabotage the hell out it.
I do sometimes have success building habits if I take extremely tiny actions added to existing routines... but consistency is usually an issue.
BTW I love the insight and clarity you provide. I'm 66, not well diagnosed and almost entirely untreated, having to figure it out my patterns and PTSD on my own, all these decades. How I wish I'd had a resource like this 50 years ago.
21:00 - that got very personal 😂
facts. the best points in my life is when i had to make drastic changes by force. lost my good habits overtime and i was trying to get back to them slowly but it aint working. time to go all in again thanks doc
Same
3:32 helooo
Thought I was tripping lol
👀
@@HealthyGamerGG Can I get a 1 on 1 call? Please 😅
Incredible video. The "spawn point" concept is brilliant.
Had 3 more videos queued to watch after this one, but I think my future self will appreciate it if I go to sleep right now. Thanks for this.
As a dynamic person, habits are nonexistent in my life. However, my life has been given a curve ball. I developed an autoimmune disease that’s dictates what I can physically handle in a day and that changes daily or every couple of days. Some days all the productivity I can muster is one activity due to pain and fatigue. What then?
I hope your condition improves. I think spawn points would still apply, as well as the phone away from bed.
Honestly, as someone that has probably fully watched at least 80% of the content on this channel over the years, this is probably one of, if not the most helpful video he has made for me personally. Thanks for the great video!
6:19 That was me when I enlisted. Everything is scheduled for you from the time you wake up to going to sleep. And then when I got out I went yeah, I'm not getting up to run at 0400 anymore lol.
@infinitecurlie yep same lol. I loved it but actually found that bc the dfac time was so limited I would overstuff and got moon face XD
I'm one of the people that absolutely loved joining the military. It changed my life drastically, and it put me on a much better path in so many ways: more money, better social circles, healthier lifestyle, etc. Some people who join the military hate having their entire life upended; I can only assume they must have had a comfortable life they enjoyed prior to joining. But for many who joined, we wanted our life to be wiped clean. We wanted to rebuild from scratch. The military provides exactly that type of opportunity, and I appreciate Dr. K pointing out that opportunity.
All that said, everyone's military experience is different. Most people working boring jobs, and some are lucky/unlucky enough to have interesting jobs.
Hey Dr. K. Your video has been helping me through tough times when it comes to exploring my own mental health issues. I know I have ADHD (with the pre-assessment I’ve gotten and am waiting to get a proper diagnosis from psychiatrist I’m going to see next month) and it has been one of the main issue it has been causing me to struggle in life. I’m not sure how well it’ll go for me with the advice you’ve been giving to the world. Hope it all goes well for me. Can’t thank you enough for helping me understand myself better.
Every time I feel stuck in life I come to watch Dr.K video and suddenly everything is okay and I feel hopeful for myself 😊