Homosexuality as Othering Failure
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- Опубликовано: 28 ноя 2023
- We are all pansexual, but we integrate all these sexual predilections and then differentiate (develop sexual orientation and preferences). Some orientations remain repressed, other latent, and one prevails, is dominant and manifest. This is merely a nosological effect: it is real.
The Other triggers and then actualizes potentials interactively (emotions, affects, cognitions, behaviors, unconscious primary processes). When triggering becomes overwhelming, we get autism: the avoidance of Othering. Same in BPD.
Integrated and differentiated sexual identity is triggered and actualized with the same potentials similarly via object choice.
Integrated and differentiated sexual identity is he outcome of Othering and activated by Others.
Sexual identity diffusion or disturbance (failure) are forms of narcissistic Othering failures of an Integrated and differentiated sexual identity. Contra to Freud and Frommer who suggested that object choice is not about who we love but how we love - it is about both.
Homosexuality is about object choice: a failure of Othering, not narcissistic libidinal investment : the object is NOT loved on account of its similarity to what the subject is, once was, or hopes some time to become.
Like heterosexuality, homosexuality is anaclitic, being dependent on the object providing what the subject cannot himself be: in the case of heterosexuality an Other, in the case of homosexuality an Integrated and differentiated sexual identity.
But is homosexuality such a disturbance? Yes, but more precisely not of differentiation. It is a failure of integration. It is an immature or arrested Integrated and differentiated sexual identity.
Why the failure? Biology, not psychology (as is the case in pathological narcissism).
Othering sexual objects (in object relations) is modelled on Integrated and differentiated sexual identity. It is rendered impossible in its absence.
When formation of Differentiated sexual identity is disrupted, the result is autoerotism, devoid of any Other. It leads to an inability to Other sex objects (relate to them as external, separate objects): an incapacity to actualize intensional emotions, affects, cognitions, and behaviors.
All autosexuals (Erotic Target Identity Inversions) are autoerotic, but only a minority of autoerotics are autosexual.
Autoerotism more frequently finds expression via activities such as same-sex partnerships (homosexuality), or incest (which is sex with the living expression of one’s own genetic makeup).
Gender dysphoria, transvestism, autogynephilia, autopedophilia, and similar paraphilias are all autoerotic.
Fantasy is an attempt to compensate for these deficiencies by Othering oneself or internal objects. The failure of normal Othering (aka incorporation) leads to homosexuality which is a fantasy defense (shared fantasy).
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Thank you sir for bringing thing information to the world in a clear and digestible manner. May more people discover your valiable content and may your channel blossom and rise to its rightful high place.
I found the idea of separating romantic attraction and sexual attraction to be illuminating. I have met a homosexual woman who was attracted to men romantically, but obviously not sexually. I have known heterosexual women where the type of men they were sexually attracted to was almost the opposite of the sort of men they were attracted to romantically. They had two sets of boyfriends, one for sex and another for platonic romantic relationships. I do wonder what is behind this. It seems quite tragic for them.
Youth trauma while persuing the partner as a novice they been experiencing very rude, cruel behaviour towards them. And it been done on exactly purpose to spook normality to twist them into immature promiscuitylity with same.
Why is it tragic? This is exactly how men operate
I am a queer woman that experiences physical attraction to both sexes but never fell in love with a man. I am in my late thirties. I also tend to experience fear as attraction and I'm under the impression that I'm specifically drawn to women that represent my dark side. --- I consider myself pansexual but homo romantic. also this video in some points is about male homosexuality specifically, the author says it isnt but it is. female homosexuality - while remaining grossly understudied - doesn't work quite like this in some points mentioned.
@@yudollia Eh, no. No it isn't.
Thank you for going over myths. I didn't know that physical attraction and romantic attraction were different.
Makes sense to me. Have you ever thought someone to be very attractive physically, but you were not sexually attracted?
Have you seen Anamolisa? It's about a lonely guy who perceives everyone around him with the same voice and face, including his wife and kid. The only exception is a love interest he immediately falls for once he sees her face and hears her voice. He ends up sleeping with her just after having met her a few hours ago and even wants to give up his family just to be with her. Her name is Lisa, hence the title. I had to think about your videos about othering while watching the movie. I wonder if this is what the protagonist was trying to do in the movie. Maybe you can check it out and see if this is something for your film analysis playlist. I'm curious about your thoughts on the movie.
I identify as a (extroverted) gay man with strong avoidant tendencies and have struggled with mental health issues my whole life, everyone I meet assumes that I am straight and I think that feeds into my (introverted) false self. My therapist says I have incredible insight, it’s something I have developed over this year after learning about pd’s and your extensive analysis on the subject. Thank you!
Long-term homosexual relationships offer healing to individuals involved, just as any relationship should, regardless of sexual orientation. The healing process occurs naturally through the presence and support of one another, rather than being treated as a task or assignment. #SupportHealing
Still an othering failure as he outlined. Just because they use another person as a narcissitic sex object and it last a long time just means they've achieved a type of equilibrium or a mutual repetition compulsion as he outlined.
If they continue the homosexual relationship, then what is healed exactly?
Imagine using your SO
Long-term homosexual relationships are just friendships with benefits
@@Jubidar trauma
I just discovered your channel, and it's very unique and more profound in content. Your takes on schizoid personality disorder are nowhere else to be found on RUclips. Your videos are very interesting to me as a schizoid myself, i'm definitely going to be binge watching them for the next few days lol. Also i'm very confictled about my sexuality, I can't recall a moment where i've been sexually aroused by a man, yet I still feel somehow attracted to them. On the other hand, my earliest memory of being sexually aroused was when I was playing GTA at age 7 or 8, when I saw one of the prostitute characters wearing a bikini, I was flabbergasted lol. But i'm very much aromantic and hyposexual of course.
There is also a good video by Dr k, deep dive into asexuality that you might find interesting.
Lmao on the gta thing
@@sludgerat666 I know right. It's so funny and probably would be a common experience for boys not girls 😂
@@sludgerat666 my favorite thing in the game was to go to that str!p club and hire the two dancing str!ppers. I really viewed myself as the guy, and somehow I managed to not realize that I was gay for that. I just brushed it off like nothing happened.
@randomgal4028 to self-discovery 🍻
wow! finally someone that can explain this in a way i can understand. i really did not understand what is going on with transgender folks. i get it now. i couldn't see through all the social media noise. i hear it now. thank you.
Incredibly insightful, a topic too that has recently coursed through my mind. Thank you for the posting your reflections.
Does this mean we live life in a quantum state. From one perspective, we are fluid, yet when observed by an outside party, we end up defined by the observer. A moment in time that is defined only by the observer. A judgement that is rarely correct. We are one and we are legion at the same time. I am whatever you say I am, yet I with free will and choices unbound by mainstream prejudices will remain anything and everything with unlimited potential. Good luck to good people.😮
I am pansexual and I am sure that my sexual orientation is stuck at 6 years old. I am 37 and still have the same libido as when I was 15, also cannot even start thinking about having a family
Question: do you think the failure to other of homosexuals is a result of how society overwhelmingly recognizes heterosexuality as the only acceptable option? Would they achieve othering if both homosexuality and heterosexuality were treated as equal and sexuality overall not made so taboo? Thank you for another immensely interesting video.
Othering starts at age 6 months.
@@samvakninI see, so we are not so conscious of societal dictates at that point. Thank you
@@rodriguezrosa Yes, so...parents can make that choice. Then other parents...try to stop those parents...by force.
How are deviant behaviors such as necrophilia explained?
Very carefully
they were under the influence of religious dogma and ideaolgy
Sir, my lecturer said Homosexuality could be due to media , peers and environmental factors too. well ... he said ppl can get influenced into the it. But as of wat you said, it must have a bio disposition , otherwise it ouwld never happenned, hence aetiology wise must begin with bio level before anything else, is that rite
Your lecturer should be fired.
@@samvaknin sir, i had the same thoughts wen i was in class
Your lecturer is obviously a nut job
Hello Sam... so how does this triggering differentiate from an introject? If introjects are false representations of the internal monologe, how you differentiate between an actual triggering vs an introject?
When you recognize the externality and separateness of the object, it is triggering.
@@samvaknin thank you Sam.
@@samvaknin Im in cybersecurity developing a framework about at negligence as part of the vulnerabilities in companies... looking at it from Subjective Expected Utility Theory and Cognitive risk like biases, heuristics, noise, etc. I would love if you can create a video about this, I know you like information theory and tech. I appreciate you contribution to society. Thank you
I think sex might also be essential as well as physical, as in a property of the soul and body. Gender is a story some people tell about themselves. At least this makes the most sense of all the theories I've heard so far.
I did, I took the boots.
Dear Mr Vaknin, what a flabbergastingly deep and sharp analysis. Can relate very much ( I am a little ( if you can say so) autoandrophillic. What, however, is not very clear: you stated homosexuality, transgenderism, etc are biological in themselves, thus, as I got it, not pathological, at least, you have indicated so. Nevertheless, at the end of this unimaginable analysis you mention that phenomena driven from othering failure are severe pathologies ( with which I completely agree by the way). Also, I was confused by your references to them being biological ( thus a variant of norm I guess) in the first part of your video, but then shifted to tHE PSYCHOLOGICAL reasons, like for example, homosexuals having suppressive mother who wont set them free out in the world to get involved in dangerous and painful as you mention it, process of othering. Should we understand it as still the intermingling of external factors co-existing with biological basis ( hormonal, intersex brain, etc), aka nature and nurture? Thank you so very much
Most psychological facts are based on
biology.
Just to iterate, a homosexual can never be truly integrated within their sexual identity unless they're in a relationship with a same sex partner...
Can a homosexual person complete sexual individuation on their own without gaining their sexual identity from the relationship? and if they do, do they then 'develop' heterosexual feelings? as homosexuality is considered a failure in sexual identity integration?
Thankyou.
Time to finally watch the video.
I did, I was seeking clarification on a point you made, that the only way a homosexual man can achieve individuation, is if said man is in a relationship, and I wondered if there's a situation in which a gay man achieves individuation on their own, and if he does so, does this process make him heterosexual.
15:19 this explains a lot of the Masc for Masc attractions.
Beunos diaz Vaknin, MIND boggling topic, a bit puzzled. Othering seems to be an important aspect of being able to love your intimate partner, which would inherently apply homosexuals cannot love an intimate partner cause they lack the capacity to other. Can the homosexual be helped? Seems a bit dark fated.
Homosexuals do not need help. It is not a disease.
You say there is no contagion in homosexuality but in terms of aligning with norms of sex and gender expression it's all socially constructed?
I don't understand your question. Also, search the contemporary sexuality playlist.
yessss 👍 (sex vs gender)
You said that sexual identity is integrated relationally, but that in heterosexuals the sexual identity is self generating, isn’t that contradictory? However, what I understand is that integration occurs relationally. does this mean that heterosexuals integrate their identity by the simple fact that everything around them affirms them while homosexuals are constantly questioned? If homosexuals integrate their sexual identity, what would happen?
Watch the video again and this time, attentively.
Is otherness considered a component of healthy mental health?
Watch the videos linked to in the description.
Which percentage of World's population has a discrepancy between their biological gender and their particular selection on sexuality?
True gender dysphoria is very rare.
So.. I'd say that im technically closeted because i don't agree with the Alphabet movement and the brainwashing influence going on since last year with young minds; meanwhile, i am attracted to femininity, both in form of genetic female and transsexual woman. I don't know any other sexual attraction
Autism is biological, genetic, and psychological. Gut issues, immune system issues, and neurological issues are all intwined...effecting the psychological .
Hello Prof. Vaknin, I watched this video twice to fully understand this information and i wanted to see if i am understanding right because the dialogue did take a shift halfway through the video. What you are implying is that homosexuality is a fantasy defense caused by the failure to other but this is not something the homosexual has control over because the failure to other is biology not psychcology?
Yes, exactly.
I'm bisexual, what does that make me? 😩
lucky
Cheap , becUs of your exclusivity. Just like a high body count makes you cheaper bisexual, you are also a sexual. Who can a can say also( B)
A homosexual
Who.can say A can say B 2
i think it makes you, you. so be you.
I'm attracted to becoming someone else, what does that make me? Will I ever know what my biological sexuality was? Am I autoerotic or something else?
Haven't been to therapy yet, so this based on self-diagnosis.
But essentially, I have 4-5 years old memories of being fascinated by Pinocchio's transformation into a donkey, and other animated metamorphoses. Especially when empathizing with them.
Way later, during teenagerhood, in a video game character creator, there were these dismantled body parts to choose from. I found then that by switching the parts slowly from the guy to the monster (very crocrodile-like), I felt something new. After a year or diving into that feeling, through art I found online, I realized it was related to my genitals, and that it was sexual.
The gore of metamorphosis itself was attractive, but also simply the idea of becoming more feral.
Unrelated to my fantasies, but perhaps useful in analyzing my perception of others: In late teenagerhood, traumatic events that kept leading me to believe that my parental figures (that I previously saw in a very Oedipus way) along with everyone else they can influence, are unreliable. I became more and more avoidant.
Then, in young adulthood, I felt more positive about homosexuality than animal-related fetishes, so I sublimated the fantasy into a more figurative thing. I found the idea of becoming stronger, but more beastly, and even physically rugged, was attractive. But I started to realize that being the only participant in my own fantasies made me feel lonely, and I wanted to also be romantically involved.
I was more heteroromantic as a teen, but being homoromantic started to make more and more sense to me in early adulthood, considering my attempt at projecting into other more masculine men. But what I found is that I was not so attracted into other manly men, but more mildly effeminate ones. So I had relations with those, which was romantically fulfilling, but sexually challenging. Having to share my fantasy with someone else, while putting them as a secondary character was and still is hard to enact, but the romantic nature of it makes it more rewarding in the long term than masturbation.
Masturbation is still more orgasmic though. The attention I have to put on the other person can be stressful, distracting, which makes it hard to synergize.
Nowadays, even though it is heavy speculation, explain it as: I am separated into two fragments. One of them is socially unacceptable but sexually attractive to others. The other is socially acceptable, but too lame and neurotic around submissive people. Those two halves cannot always be in the forefront, and are kind of opposing at times. So it's almost as if I formed masks on top of them to render them more "whole". I'd also like to point out that I can almost empathize with both narcissism and borderline, but not quite, because the feeling of being whole and self-validating VS the feeling of being full of pride/depersonalizing come and go, always tainted by self-questioning.
But interestingly enough, the first people I was able to stop splitting/idealizing and be hypervigilant against were dates. Being emotionally in touch with others has been my biggest ally against my avoidant tendencies, and has allowed me to try to see myself from other people's perspective.
(Which in turn caused me a lot of distress and pain over my own inner reality, as I was able to feel someone else's hypervigilance vicariously, which turned me... into my own bad object perhaps? Not sure, but I'm still discovering myself)
Based
Okay. What about bisexuality?
Time to watch the video.
@@samvaknin whoa, you responded! Your videos have helped me greatly, thanks for posting them.
I am gay my father kissed me like a woman and I told myself I need to be a girl I will be a girl. Daddy played with me a lot before I was 5 years old. When I was 19 years old I went to change sex..
Dr. Vaknin, when you say the Borderline also avoids Othering, do you mean by doing things like isolating themselves and becoming schizoid? Was hoping you could elaborate a bit on this point or make a video focusing on Borderlines and Othering.
A borderline instrumentalizes and objectifies others as sources of external regulation - the same way a narcissist regards others as sources of narcissistic supply or partners in the shared fantasy.