Falling in love is the easy part | Mandy Len Catron
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- Опубликовано: 7 окт 2015
- Did you know you can fall in love with anyone just by asking them 36 questions? Mandy Len Catron tried this experiment, it worked, and she wrote a viral article about it (that your mom probably sent you). But … is that real love? Did it last? And what’s the difference between falling in love and staying in love?
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Наука
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep.
+toompie69 You are the Hero Internet needs, but does not deserve.
Аrе уоu making thееsе mistakеs with yоur mаn? twitter.com/4be97c51f0aa4fd33/status/822777194636152832 Fаlling in lovе is the eаsу рart Mаndy Lеn Catron
I guess im randomly asking but does anyone know a way to get back into an Instagram account?
I was stupid forgot the account password. I would love any help you can offer me!
Ilike you, thats a good response.
It's a pet peeve of mine when people label "love" prematurely. The 36 questions serves as a petri dish for love to grow, an experiment that creates the potential for it. But love is pretty subjective, so it's hard to discern any credible data from this at all. Would be nice though.
+Harakashi Quite profound
I agree with this. I think this is a cool exercise and could definitely help 2 people connect and be vulnerable with each other, and maybe they could fall in love later, but the questions are not *the* reason that it happens.
according to new york times.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html?_r=0
Brb, mugging these up...
ᛖᚱᚺᚨᚱᛞ ok ok
Is this speaker's lover a fellow gladiator? (Note her footwear)
Thank you! This was a very kind thing to do!
5:36
My boyfriend, who I am very much in love with, and I first met by doing these questions (on the internet, so it wasn't the full experiment), and they provided the base of our relationship. They didn't cause us to fall in love directly, but they were the catalyst to all that did.
I love my ex husband. I was blind for 18.5 years. He chose me because his mother liked me. Through me he had a relationship with her. When she died in 1999 he no longer needed me. So for another almost 9 years I did everything I could to keep the marriage going. He did nothing. That was 10 years ago. It still hurts.
Hate comments are already rolling in. This is not like the other garbage being posted and is actually a very good message. The first part is kinda meh but the second holds some very very good lessons. It really helps open one's eyes to this side of Love.
+TheBillymybob Why are the other talks garbage?
G. Many of them are either hypocritical or just repeat already said Rhetoric
SPOILER yes they are still together
+Lintlikr1 yep, short-version is here: 11:51
+Lintlikr1 that wasn't the point of the talk,
+roidroid ty
+Vaibhav Gupta Exactly.. they're still not getting the point
+Lintlikr1 Thanks. I'm 6 minutes into this and getting bored of hearing her going around and around the point.
i read that article awhile ago- so interesting to see this popped up again! I was wondering more about it but never even thought to look into it
Yes, it's getting them to fall in love with you that's tricky
If you do the quiz once.. maybe yes...but if you will do it 100 times... it becomes subconscious program of mind that. A subconscious program is the same as a computer program or cd recorder. So it becomes robotic and less interesting.
I find her very sincere and lovable.......and very serious
about love!
1. How do you decide who deserves your love and who does not?
2. How do you stay in love when things get difficult and how do you know when to just cut and run?
3. How do you live with the doubt that inevitably creeps into every relationship, or even harder, how do you live with your partner's doubt?
11:16
love is a constant choice to be with that person, to meet their needs.
In the end, she argues that the deal with love is to accept that it is inherently terrfying because at any moment the other person might not love you anymore. But I don't quite agree with that.
I think that this fear is based on the idea that she NEEDS the other person in order to be fulfilled - she even doubted if she would be able to live without the other guy after they broke up. This need is the problem, because it creates fear, and fear ofuscates other emotions, like love itself. So I'm not sure if it's the best kind of love
we as humans have a need for love.what I hate is that people put romantic love as too separate as other love.
when you lose the people you love for example your mother you feel loss when you lose them however you might not have this fear.what creates this fear is the fact that romantic love is not looking for someone to complete you, once you have them it feels great so your afraid of loss.because everyone around you breaks up and relationships are flaky these days that's what creates fear.if we had perfect lives full of idealistic love and respect we wouldn't have that fear, but this world creates this fear.Because there is something wrong with us and the world
+Dhiego Bersan I disagree. Fulfillment comes in many forms; romantic, in this case. She does need a partner to fulfill this facet of her life (so I perceive her doubt as sensible). This knowledge is the basis of that fear, the knowledge that, while love may be walking beside you to your left, fear is also to your right.
The trick is to feed the right feeling. Build up the love so that the fear shrinks, but it'll never be absent, which is why people must make the choice to be in love throughout the course of the relationship. It is an ongoing, breathing commitment. Not a single definitive decision. (as she states in the video)
And it's because it is a choice you need to continue to make that causes this distress; your partner could very well stop, and what was whole in your heart one day finds itself in pieces on the ground the next. And even worse, pieces that you might have to walk away from.
I really do appreciate your post. Provoking of thought. I look forward to your response.
I think what it means to love someone is also to fear to lose them. I don’t know if it’s possible to have one without the other
@@itsabigailhere If you trust them fully, you won't fear them leaving as long as you act virtuously yourself. I would say that you can't have love without trust but you can be infatuated without trust, which I think is the thing you're talking about.
M I disagree. You can love someone and fear that one day you will lose them. As no one lives forever, you can absolutely fear the day you’ll inevitably lose the person you love.
I checked the questions. Imagining myself doing that interview, I can't imagine it working.
It was a beautiful talk, I loved it! Thank you Mandy : )
Unfortunately that's not because the message itself, or the point, was so wonderful, but the delivery of it. Yeah, the talk itself was more beautiful than the content. Even though the content was a big part of what made the talk work in the first place. It may not seem like a compliment to say "the delivery was better than the package itself", but I hope it's a compliment :P
Excelente!
Everything dies someday. Love cannot last.
It's best to be with yourself and find true love.
Love doesn't die, interest does
+gwenise .pouncil Love dies with the people who are doing the loving xD
***** the love is still present
gwenise .pouncil Love is interest, if it weren't, then people would love anything instead of other people.
Valken I guess they're somewhat synonymous but not really the same thing. Your interest in something or someone can be completely gone but the love u had for it or them is still afloat, because love does not die
Interesting talk, thanks.
i don’t agree with ‘love didn’t happen to us. we’re in love bc we each made that choice to be’ part. because feelings are unexpected and inexplicable we don’t decide who to love most of the time. but when we choose who to love it’s an agreement. still i can get the coice part because when we can't keep having the deep feeling we make choice to stay together. and unfortunely it’s became something esle.
Incredible how each person is a whole new world, with such a huge history in their past. Just love this talk, thanks.
This was there in one of the episodes on Big Bang theory. Penny and Sheldon did that experiment of asking personal questions.
fantastic video, very interesting
It's like asking if saying "thank you" or "Have a good day" works...If you say it many times it's a subconscious program, so it loses the feeling of surprise. So if you repeat some well-known program of quiz questions, it becomes a subconscious program... A subconscious program works on 95 percent of the day as a computer program.
Interesting that we can facilitate intimacy to some effect. Uninteresting to hear about her and her relationship/ struggles. Overall i think were are super undeveloped in the love department as a society. We take this chemical surge in our brain as fact and don't often contemplate the deeper meaning of it or the implications of it at large. Wish people would speak more upon how misunderstood love is as an idea in our world not just their silly relations.
Great audiences she had
My question is how do we decide who to ask these questions to?
What if I ask these 36 questions with more than one partner?
Would you fall in love with him/her even if you don't like their outlooking or physical features at first?
Or would you choose someone whose face, voice and physical features you like in the first place?
How do I find the questions from her study ? Does she have a website ?
To all who haven't watched the full video yet.. Yes they are! next time don't go to the comment section haha.
Hahahahaaa
sleep is my lover
Fascinating topic and study. However, speakers' delivery could use some improvement. Croaking monotone just doesn't do justice to speaker or content.
croaking LOL ahhahahhahaha
@@angelamerici1990 you know that lazy sounding voice some use ? It’s absurd. Monotone. Ugh
Kekw
I love it, scientist take the fun out of everything. Lame
you can find love with me with just 3 questions....
1. What is your name?
2. What is your quest?
3. What is your favorite color?
+Rippertear - HD Daily Gaming Videos
1. Maximus
2. Getting paid, getting laid, Gatorade
3. Vomit
G.
ummm it was Monty Python reference...
Rippertear - HD Daily Gaming Videos
Yeah yeah, are you implying coconuts migrate and all that, I get it.
G.
ok I thought you were taking it literally.
+G. But do you though
TLDW; By the rating I will assume that this isn't about Feminism or social justice.
+1998NeonRT and those are the only things you're interested in? It's a good talk. Watch it or don't.
+1998NeonRT NOPE! it's about "36 questions meant to make 2 strangers fall in love" but was really about the true meaning behind those questions and other questions. Really is an interesting take on this. Half asleep so having a hard time explaining it well. But it is a good watch. Especially compared to the garbage now a days.
selvmordspilot Is that a serious question? Because it honestly looks like you took my statement out of context.
TheBillymybob I read the description also.
1998NeonRT I might've misunderstood you.. I read the last bit in the context of the first bit ("TLDW")
This was published already, why the repost?
Falling in love is not a sexual issue at all! We have the ability to love one another with a heartfelt hug that demonstrates empathy, a sense of pleasure of appreciation, endorphins and all! Any great person knows that romantic love must start with empathy first before finding common ground of our minds while subsuming differences that should be mutually acknowledged with respect. Romantic love has subtlety beyond that with selfish overtones. The Golden Rule has supremacy!
has anyone done this
did it work ??
I fell asleep during this talk.
A sign you're doomed to live alone the rest of your life.
Wilson Gozal
is there something wrong with that?
+Indigo Osmanthus no. Perfectly fine👌
+Indigo Osmanthus I loved your replies...wana go for this test...u n I?
Wilson Gozal then please take "doomed" out of your firstmost reply.. Thank you.
That's why I always say settle with the very first person you meet
Separating is the hardest
can i ask this to a person whom i know for more than 1.5 years over chat ??
How they know she finished the speech before saying thank you??!
starts at 10.30
Even if the "guarantee" was part of this Ted Talk meaning it doesn't mean anything. Yes true love does exist but its rare, very rare this day and age as people especially in city life where the use of technologies to find love and it just doesn't work that way. Most people confuse with being desperate and lonely(even if you with someone) to use another human to fill those gaps. Like material and superficial objects people confuse that with finding someone who has the right job, looks, bank account etc to put their right partner on a list. Love in only the context of partnership is always going be based on certain principles that are simple psychological findings such as the couple who are together due to small communities or religious communities partnerships, couples are together due to, and this is statistically proven, the male partner having a good job, and just in last 5 years more couples are together due to internet based search engines catergorizing what someone whats. Again this is not love based on romantic emotions though people would simply add or confuse that with the dating aspect.
Love is fleeting, like happiness as you can't have it all all the time. The definitions of love are different due to culture, society, religions. However and it is based on the animal instinct we have and when you see couples who are very similar in regards to looks, characters, income, religions etc..they are just a mirror image...but the end of the day if they are happy and are respectful to eachother: It must be love, love, love.
♡ QUESTIONS ♡
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
(; ! GOODLUCK ! ;)
that thumbnail
esperimento che non fa altro che evidenziare come può nascere facilmente questo sentimento in chat..... Fa paura però l'automatismo del processo
How many of us did search the internet for the 36 questions before she finished her talk? I did it and they are good questions, maybe not to fall in love but to know someone better and to be known too.
To some youtubers here Mandy seems boring, to me she has proved to be brave because she took the "risk" to be known and to know other person better. So it is up to us to keep ourselves in superficial relationships or to live deeper.
Please make a separate youtube account for TEDx vids.
so...what are you talking about exactly?
+Andrei V Watch the whole thing and you'll see :P Have fun!
actually i did watch it on ted dot com and i didn't get anything out of it. I was expecting some advice about the other part; the hard part that i thought she would talk about but no
+Andrei V Ahh. Misleading title. Fair enough.
Her point is falling love can happen. It can happen with anyone you're vulnerable with. But staying in love, the hard part, has every bit to do with your CHOICE to keep loving. Even when you feel as though you won't be loved back. This makes the connection of love so powerful because it's a choice.
+brocky thank you
Love is a really dangerous thing. It's easier to stay singe and not get hurt and damaged.
I don't think I would recommend it to anyone.
Are you still together?🤔
As you question, "Where did all the cowboys go, where is your John Wayne?". Just remember courtesy trumps questions, and fitting into BCBG vs. Lane Bryant, is also a direct display of courtesy towards society.
Being in love with someone is terrified! Well, I like the whole story but I think terrifying because you may be left is the worst part of your talk.
I know its hard but after first breaking up , the hurting is less, then less and less and so on 😂 I swear. Or its only hurts once.. then you became talented dealing with pain of love..
What I really want to know is how tall this woman is.
Decent material from TEDxWomen?! Is it opposite day?
So there is a study with lots of participants and only one pair actually got married.
Experiment failed.
Isn't it a common knowledge that ONE of many conditions for love is to get to know someone?
If David Blaine and Mandy Len Catron were a couple each ones voice would make the fall asleep.
What are the questions?
glad this talk had a happy ending
I actually wonder if this would work. I might try this with the next person I talk to, and we'll see what happens!'
It only gets interesting at 8:35. The preamble is all about the article blah, blah, blah
Romantic love is base on precepts and notions of society and prior ideas. There is no "meant to be". In fact, love is an intensely personal, self defined doctrine that you can simply choose to not be involved with. It's about as real a thing as marriage.
Every day is a choice man.
Good
the article is better. the more i listen, the more i'm convinced the guy in the experiment is a rebound from her first relationship.
I think the problem most humans have is getting someone we have fallen in love with, fall in love with us. You don't need 36 questions to fall in love with someone--and why would you want to fall in love with someone?
I'm sorry I don't get it.
Not august it's october!
I really don't believe one can make the choice of falling in love. Sure you can make the choice of putting your self out there and getting to know people, but falling in love is a feeling, and we can't choose are feelings.
***** Okay, i respect that. I just don’t understand.
I mean we feel all our needs in emotions. We need food for example, and so we feel hungry. But we can’t choose what food we will crave more or when exactly the hunger will come. How can love be a need, without being a feeling? Sure you can need love, but how can you experience love without feeling it?
*****
Okay, i am not sure i understood.
But do you mean that love in theory can be seen as an emotion/feeling or a need. But practically it is experienced in feelings? Because than i can agree.
Hi beautiful Staring into your pretty face seeing your sparkling eye I must say you look stunning too, sorry to infringe on your privacy, can I have your attention maybe we can find few things interesting about ourselves🌞👍
Sounds like running a business: customer acquisition is the easy part, customer retention is the hard part, which is what makes you the real money.
TED now has the same material as a women's magazine
Ted Cleo Edition...
They should write a screenplay about this doctor's love life. It'd be the best romantic comedy of the year.
you know how to get mutch fealing you just take a massage and the touch wil give you later when you remember that fealing becose your body those thats just a tip to gain fealing
I one time fell in love with a box of Cheerios! The donkey bit my butt and that's when we were married!
Love is a gift....there's no scientific approach
Who here are from Idea
Me
There is a big bang episode where penny and sheldon do this 38 question thing lmao
Shrek is Love. Shrek is...
I completely understand you Mandy, because when I 'm in love I quite like eating pudding and cake, but when I 'm not ... I quite like eating pudding and cake.
She asked me if I wanted a tea and then asked for a hug. She was shaking. She broke down sobbing and told me she loved me. I told her that I loved her too... "So it is real," she said looking into my eyes.... No experiment required. Now spin the clock forward and love each other on the real days; the hardest of days when cancer has decided that she is a place to land or drive through a storm to get them. Love is proven on the hard days. It is what you will do for someone and not what you say you will do.
So she's saying her boyfriend is the rebound guy....
Lmao
half of the speech is just about her social media success... boooooooring
+Katarina Ohara More like half her speech is about what happened and what society took these 36 questions and did with them. It explains nicely how people just look for a short cut in love and the first half shows how they did it. Watch the whole thing and try to be as open as possible. If you assume it's gunna be bad it will be bad. But go in with an open heart and I hope you learn something like I did.
How to stay in love? :))
I love you! ;-)
sorry i let you down
So basically, that's 15 minutes I'm never going to get back????
It's not surprising that two people asking each other increasingly personal questions and answering them honestly will feel closer at the end. They will know each other better, and their honesty (and perhaps their friendliness & sense of humor, etc.) will enable them to trust each other more. However, in talks with low cognitive content such as this one the presentation looms large in proportion to the the content, and the presentation here (imo) communicated-in voice, gesture, facial expression, appearance, body language, etc.-so much nervousness, self-concern, & insecurity that it was distracting and, at times, even discomforting.
If only falling in love were really a choice...I chose not to love someone...but it doesn't work my friends!
I want to join Mandy's experiment. I feel like i am unable to fall in love. I'm a 19-year-old girl. The first time i had feelings for a boy was when i was in 5th grade. In case you are wondering, it was not love, it was even less than a crush. Since then, I haven't had a crush on anybody, even guys i found attractive. When my friends are talking about their love lives, I simply stay silent. I have no stories. My love life is a big fat zero. I want to feel what it is like to fall in love with someone. I know i am weird!
P/s: my account's avatar was changed by my friend. I am just too lazy to change it back :)))
at short doing love is easy but heard to hate.
This is good and all in theory, but you rather need someone to have interest in you first. Considering I'm an asocial introvert shut-in that feels nothing but shame and disgust about what American society has become and where it's heading, I don't that will happen anytime soon. Death is the only relief, and it can't come soon enough.
Omg a lot of fluff just to get to a point.....ugh boring
Whatever you do, do the opposite. This is a trap!
hi im the director of women of eempowerment in philly and we want to honour you at our gala please email me fmi thanks God bless
I didn't learn anything. Where was the idea worth sharing?
Saw this in Big Bang theory
Another talk that starts of with an interesting premise, then uses it as a vehicle to keep listening to her inane babbling.
this is scary tho
I fell in love with a stripper $36 later.
Isn't this a big bang episode? Is she taking credit for a finding and study that has already been done?
they are nt together, i have nt seen the whole film , but that s my guess.
bugger, i was wrong,
Don't you hate it when someone always does that annoying sound with their mouth between pauses