What to Do When You've Been Hurt
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- Опубликовано: 4 июн 2024
- We have all been hurt at some point in time. But what comes next? Watch this video to see what to do to heal when you have been hurt.
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00:00 What to do when you’re hurt
02:00 Ask a time to talk
06:30 When you are emotional flooded
10:30 Self soothing
#healingfromtrauma #mendedlight #jonathandecker
That silly intro was everything
being aware of your anger before you let it boil over is a great tip
I love this channel so much. And I love that you two are able to bring light and show that healthy co parenting/family dynamics do exist❤ specifically after divorce
Waiting for the eclipse and this video was much needed. Thanks!
The supportive tone comes from assertiveness “I would like” is way more pleasant and far less rude than “I want to talk/we need to talk”.
I definitely don't like the advance notice of a talk. It's all I can think about then and expecting the worst. =/
Different strokes for different folks.
I thought they were divorced? I think it's really cool that they made this video together. Esp since they've got kids together and this would be good for coparenting too
I think they are, they're just gonna keep doing videos together
nooo this saddens me :(
We are. Thank you for the kind words. We're still friends and we're still family. We still work together and raise our children. There's a few community posts with the details :)
Sadness is definitely part of the process. But we're in a healthy, beautiful place and look forward to continue creating together.
@@MorganHyde-ie5ru I don't know what to tell you. There are countless former spouses who stay close afterwards. We're one of them. In future videos we'll talk about how we're doing it. Easy? No. Worth it? Yes, absolutely.
you are comedic yet teaching at the same time! I love it! It helps your message to get through stubborness, hesitation....
What do I do when I get hurt?
Honestly, take it. And be mad at myself for feeling hurt.
I really really was indoctrinated to take it. At some point, my mother (alcoholic ,with mental issues as well, later diagnosed with BPD) told my sister and me "every time the two of you fight its feels like you are tearing a part of my heart away". I took this very seriously (generally feeling like my mother's wellbeing is my duty) wheras my sister laughed it of. Result: no more fights. Avoiding them by letting her win. Same for bullies in school. Just enduring
And emotions, especially negative ones were not allowed or safe. I really hardly ever get angry. Execept at myself.
I hardly have any self-esteem. And little social contacts. The closest ones are my sister and father, and both aren't easy. If I have a bold day and question my father's constant picking on me, I only get insulted more.
My mother was a handful, but she was still the closest person, the one who understand me best in certain aspects (mental health and ED mostly, because we both knew those). She died last november and I miss that I can't talk with her anymore. The good talks.
Sorry for the dark mood, but I'm genuinely being honest.
Thanks for you quality content.
Your advices sound helpful.
I am in therapy, but far away from being strong enough to stand up for myself. Still feeling that I am to blame for all I get.
Thank you for this video! Very helpful.
Without trying to push, if and when you guys are willing and prepared, I’d love to see a video about how to approach [the idea of] separation, especially if you share a family. Not necessarily your personal experience if that is too close to home, but even just generally - conversations, mindsets, boundaries, common roadblocks etc.
You got it! Sometime in the near-ish future :)
Love it all. Learning how to take a step back and figure out WHY I was reacting so strongly helped me the very most. I can now come up to my husband and say "I wasn't feeling seen earlier, and I snapped at you because I thought you were willfully misunderstanding me. I know who you are as a person, and that you wouldn't do that." And now I can take that extra step and, after feeling hurt or sad, remember that he's not trying to hurt me, and react accordingly. I can still tell him if something he says is hurtful, but I don't snap back or act responsively, because I know he doesn't have bad intentions. That helps resolve SO much conflict before it starts.
Another great one is the opposite. I'll say something thoughtless, and he feels comfortable enough to tell me immediately "hey, I didn't like the way you said that" and I can reword what I meant while apologizing for it.
Those subtle language changes and tone make all the positive difference from accusatory to open and collaborative
Just what i needed
Can you cover Before Sunrise 1995? It has a great representation of emotional connection.
Awesome content like always thank You
Is there such a thing as getting calm too fast? I've gotten very effective with self-soothing to the point it's an almost instinctive response to getting upset, and I often feel like I'm calming myself down and putting my emotions to the side before I'm really getting the chance to feel and process them like I think they often deserve to be
I feel this way. I don’t know about you but I’ve always felt growing up that I haven’t been ‘allowed’ to be angry, sort out typecast as ‘the calm one’ and so I always felt emotions especially anger would not bode well. I’ve internalised this so much that I genuinely cannot tell when something doesn’t hurt me much and when it’s hurts me but I’m just very good at not getting angry or riled up at all. It’s like I let it go but it’s a lie because in a couple of weeks, months, years I may start to build resentment around it or toward that person which again I can let go of pretty easily because I don’t feel like I’m ‘allowed’ to get upset about anything.
These tips and the course on conflict have helped my relationship a lot. Thank you ❤
Alicia’s hair looks great in this:)
Alicia's mic seems to be working better than Jono's. Not sure if that has anything to do with the fact that there's a little green light on Jono's mic. But it sound s like it's JUST Alicia's mic picking both of them up...which may be why Jono doesn't sound as loud as Alicia.
Hi…I’m Holo, (Ho-lo) I’m struggling with my emotions and ever since I was little, I’ve recognized that I’ve been acting like a wolf more and more often..even today, I still believe that I am meant to be a wolf…that my body is wrong…what can I do, to help live with this?
Unrelated question but I hope jonathan will see it and maybe answer....
I see a LOT of people talking about how "feelings are always valid" and it looks like their definition of "valid" is clearly not the same as the usual definition.
So my question would be : what exactly does it means to say that a feeling is "valid" ? What makes a feeling valid and why can't a feeling be invalid ?
Thanks !
I'm not Jonathan, but maybe I can answer.
Our feelings are valid because it is our feelings. No one can take away our feelings or deny how we feel cause, well, we feel it and they don't. We shouldn't always listen to our feelings, if those feelings could hurt you or someone else. Our feelings can be useful in determining that something is wrong. If we are feeling lonely, then maybe you are isolated or abandoned. By acknowledging and investigating the feelings you could find ways to address the feeling, like finding new friends in the lonely feeling case.
Hope that helps!
@@KaneLivesAgain Thanks for your time but it doesn't really answer the question.
How does the fact that it's "our feelings" and "we're the one feeling them" is supposed to prove that they are valid ?
Something is valid when it's based on reason. If we look at the Cambridge dictionary, it's even defined as "able to be accepted".
But most feelings are not based on reason. And lot of them shouldn't be accepted.
I've seen someone make an example of an abusive father getting angry at this kids for not closing a closet door. That's his feelings. But no one should get mad at a door not closed. We shouldn't accept that.
A grown, mature person should be able to just... Close the door.
And yet by saying "feelings are always valid", people are basically condoning anger issue and immaturity.
I think the distinction you're looking for is just because a feeling is valid, that is not the end of the story. It's not a fact, it's not set in stone, it is not something that can't be examined to see if it can be changed or needs to change.
However, one should acknowledge the feeling because that is a starting point. Arguing against it is pointless. It's there, it's valid, move on. See if it's accurate, see if it's helpful, and if it doesn't pass those two tests, then try to find out why you are feeling something that is counter to moving in a positive direction. Probably it's masking something deeper within you.
@@ck2d See, we're hitting the same "wall". You say "it's here it's valid"
But what makes it valid in the first place ?
@@yopomdpin6285 Because it exists. Period. The only way it could be invalid is if it was misinterpreted, for example, mistaking fear for anger. But the original feeling is valid, it's just mislabeled.
Did you make this video after you decided to divorce? It is inconceivable to me, but a couple can still get along as well even after choosing to end marriage.
I'm not sure if they had prerecorded a lot of videos before the divorce, but they did say they would continue to make videos together.
This was recorded after. We're still close.
I’m so impressed! Good for you too! I wish my ex and I could behave like you both.
Oooouuuchh charly 😅
Rotisserie chicken! 😂