Thanks for mentioning 'Bashar' the other day, Universe didn't mean for me to watch him until now, Lol. Could you please tlak on "How To Treat Others", Aaron? Thanks!
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner” [Lao Tzu]. People pleasing is rooted in fear and is focused on earning love. Real love does not accommodate fear 😊
One of the easiest ways I've found to stop people pleasing and seeking approval is this: when you meet someone, instead of thinking "how can I get this person's approval?", think "how can THIS PERSON get MY approval?" -- remember that YOU are the star of your own movie and everyone else just makes cameos💫✌️
Everyone has its own movie yet many people r not grateful for Thier own movie like thy always want more and takes over someone else movie now the key is don't let anyone take over your movie you r the star so act like it that's my point.
Moral of the story 1. Know your worth 💰 2. Don’t use others to validate you 💪 3. Your external identity Is NOT your reality🧘🏻♂️ 4. Practice unconditional love ❤️ 5. Balance your masculine and feminine 🌊
Once you stop pleasing other people, you make it easier to manifest anything that you desire. Please yourself and work within and it shall reflect on the outside. Peace 🙏🏽
People pleasing is a big hurdle and realization for abused/neglected kids and empaths. It's also a big deal and brave to admit that we are people pleasers. Lots of people try to take advantage of our kindness. Remember, number one is the most important. Great video! Lots of us need to hear this.
Women Who Run With the Wolves is such an incredible book that helped me heal my deep mother wounds from an abusive/narcissistic mother ❤️ And healing this taught me boundaries and self worth which in turn eliminated the people pleasing patterns that I was programmed with xx
Validation and approval seeking is conditioned into our subconscious mind between the ages of 1 to 7 and we will live our whole life being people pleasers to get the validation. Awareness is the Key ! :) Namaste and Love
Aaron, thank you, I just had an epiphany, and tears rolled down my cheeks. I just realized why I had three failed marriages on top of many other failed relationships. All my life, I was a people pleaser and when I dared to be me the relationships wouldn’t last. Well that’s it, it’s over, for the rest of my life I will be me and nothing else. I doesn’t mean that I’ll be rude but I’ll stick to who I really am. No more Mr. Nice Guy. I’m reclaiming my own power and taking my own course now. Thank you again.
@@darhmakarma4838 Keep us updated. I know that there are a lot of men who benefited from reading that book. Good luck with everything. I hope you can find real love and real peace.
Its took me till recently to finally start getting out of the trap of being a people pleaser. I'm now gaining my independence, doing my own thing and as you say, starting to become the star of my own movie. Keep up the good work, your videos have helped me massively!
I have always felt as though I am responsible for over people happiness (my parents, friends ect). But actually I just need to focus on how I am impressing myself!
My parents adopted a special needs boy when I was 7 and ever since then I felt like I had to be the perfect kid to make up for his behavior. It surfaced the other day when I said something minor that upset my mom and I burst into tears from guilt. It’s crazy how it’s coming to light now. Thank you for this video 💕
We cannot save anyone from themselves, but you can give them encouragement. I also am a people-pleaser, and I know that it doesn't work. People take advantage more and more and lose all respect for you. Thank you for pointing this out to me. What I got out of it was thinking that I was the better person, thereby shoring up the ego.
One day I made the decision to stop craving my parent's love and just accept what is. Since then, I gave myself that love and discovered thats where true love comes from. I also saw my parental conditioning patterns within my relationships. My parents didn't promote my self expression and many times halted it. I attracted relationships where I didn't feel seen or heard, and couldn't be myself. Amazing once you make the associations and break out of the pattern.
I was neglected all my childhood/& anything I tried to express was criticized and shut down with verbal abuse. In older years I expressed myself (liberal, etc) completely the opposite of my family and they all turned on me....so it’s a double issue...when I finally was strong, they no longer liked me. I had to leave them behind.
I feel you. Unfortunately sometimes we have to make those tough decisions to do what's best for ourselves. Everyone is on their journey individually, so you gotta put yourself first. How others react to you is on them. Good for you.
At one time, I couldn't say No to ANYONE, someone asked me for something or to do something for them even if I really didn't want to do it, I would do it, if I could. I didn't care if they liked me or not. It was I felt like I should or I would feel guilty or bad about myself. I don't know where I got this from because my parents were loving and supportive and kind people. I lost them though when I was 18. I ended up losing my home and bring homeless for years because of my not being able to say No. There is allot of people out there that look for people like us to take advantage of. I have grown so much since then and now I can say No kindly and not feel badly about it but it was a struggle and I am Grateful for this lesson. How much you Love and respect yourself is how much you will be loved from others. Accepting yourself is key to make this transformation. The best thing I did was stop caring about what other people think about me. I learned that being in the street for almost 5 years there's so much judgement out there & you feel it, I knew who I was and I was walking my path and came out the other side of a hard won lesson that I'm now grateful for. Thankyou Aaron Doughty for your videos I've been watching you for years since my awaking in Jan. 2017. Aloha
This video was one of a big confirmation of why I was getting a spiritual messages to be more courageous in life Thank you, Aaron :D Sending positive energies to him and anyone who reads this comment 😁😁😁
Yeah! The intro was funny! Something that helped me shift out of people pleasing into self love was a quote I saw somewhere. It said “I no longer allow other people’s opinions of me determine my self worth!” That was a game changer for me. Once I sat with it and then applied it, everything shifted! 💜🌟
I agree - my life has gotten so much better once I stopped caring what others thought and just did whatever I wanted instead! So true, thank you for what you do Aaron :)
I really needed to see this. Literally almost in tears bc this (was) literally my LIFE. from relationships to work to family always been a people pleaser. Learning to self reflect alot &check myself. Everyday I watch a video from your channel &get my lesson for the day❤️You're changing lives keep doing what you're doing 🙏🏾
Right on target 🎯. I had to help my husband a little bit with this. He took a lot of abuse from his parents and didn’t realize it. It’s so important to embrace your masculine characteristics. It’s OK to be whoever you are 100%
@@clapton79 It's kind of a long story. It involves how his mother was treated poorly by her own father. So she needs healing. Interesting how trauma and ways of thinking affect our perspective
Seeking for validation on the outside and not receiving it,it is one of the root cause of suffering. Indeed the key to reveal your true authenticity and actually unleash your true potential is to let go of the need to please anyone apart from you . Everyone on the outside is an aspect within. I believe everytime you're pulled to please someone, ask yourself which aspect in you are they? Then please that part of you 😊✨ Amazing content bro 😊✨
Thank you!!! I a m currently doing all of this. I happen to be with a guy who simply won't stay if I stopped ppl pleasing. Its all about him. Ive lost my identity. Plz make more videos with some pointers on how to stop doing all the things above. Identifying the problem is half the battle, and Ive realized I have absolutely no boundaries. I do everything I can for him and its never enuf.
absolutely, it came down to my parents having to people please....it can continue from your parents when your middle age....it's tough...do what you want to do to make you happy 💖💖
If you are nice, you cause problems down thre road when you stand your ground. You shock people. Then, the people you thought were your friends you find are not. People who would have been your friend are gone because they thought you were wishy washy. JUST WHAT I've noticed. Finding balance is the 🔑. Hard after abuse.
Thnx Aaron for this! Showed it to my kids too, and now they know why they are always so nice to other people. Their father, my ex husband, is a narcist, and me and the kids all the time tried to please him. I stopped that years ago but still pleasing other people. This was our wake-up call. So thnx for sharing 😍🙏
Totally agree Aaron. I used to be a people pleaser as well (I used to literally carry around lens wipes in my backpack even though I didn't even wear glasses just to please my friends who do wear glasses). It is so much better to just be myself and I have gained so many genuine friends by just being myself. It gives you so much of your power back. Thank you for your great content!!
People pleasers, deep down, don't please to make other happy. They only THINK they do. Underneath that is their desire to be liked by others. Others sense this, and recoil. Then the people pleasers get angry that they didn't get the response they wanted. Also, in listening to your story about the friend/climbing - your people pleasing was going to take away from her experience of doing something for herself, just so you could feel better. When we people please, we inherently disrespect the people around us and and use them for our aims.
I’ve been feeling terrible about trying to accomplish the impossible task of pleasing everyone around me, as though it was “my” responsibility. Then bam- your video was uploaded. Thank you Aaron, I appreciate your channel very much. You’ve helped me a lot through all of the changes in my life in the past year. Hope to see you on a stage one day 💙
I dont hold much of a desire to be understood by those who dont understand themselves. That would make them a dumby, and me dumber for agreeing with whatever ideas they concoct...
I love the fact that you are such an important figure right now in this super important time in history, and your ego doesn’t give a flying f. You’re so genuine.
True for women too. Finally owning this as what it was. This coronavirus time has really helped because I literally could not please anyone in any way since I couldn’t visit anyone. Plenty of time to think. And finally saying almost loudly “I’m not going to be a puppet and you be the story teller. You can’t influence me to bend over backwards, listen to your abuse, keep to myself what I’ve known to be true-it’s all out now”.
And the sad thing is that every time I express the real me people don't like it. And it's not that I mean or rude or anything I'm just honest. I have been shamed and criticized so much for just speaking my truth.
The incredible thing is it doesn't matter how much they like you ❤ it's HARD and I'm definitely definitely not even close to being out of it yet, but Being a woman is so difficult in this way. Men are never expected to conform
Wow! Law of Attraction!! you just showed me my own awaking from this level of people pleasing. I didn’t know that was what this was, but yay!!! I have not jumped on the band wagon for a lot of things happening in the world because I know what I want. I am defining who I am and I am aligning for my own desires and that will benefit all. Really cool stuff!! Thanks bro! 😎
Synchronicity at its finest. The timing of this video couldn't be better! My friend wants to make a youtube channel with me, and while he's enthusiastic about it, I'm not so keen and I didn't know how to tell him so I pretended to be enthusiastic. Now, I'm in this situation where I need to back-track and admit that my enthusiasm was a people-pleasing lie.
Love this video ! I used to people please a lot. In life I figured out how to use this "People Pleasing" as a tool. Being able to differentiate the ideas and actions and being able to use it only when necessary, but mostly around new people. Showing this way to lead by example with new people I meet and the younger kids. Thanks Aaron for your very helpful video. Much love, light and compassion. 💗👍
That was my biggest problem being the nice guy is a cover to not get rejected and playing it safe but in reality it just makes your fear of rejection a reality. The sad thing is most people aren't aware they are people pleasing
Your teachings are very useful for my work. I learned to stop pleasing with my Bosses. And my feelings are free and my work became very easy. Because I don’t care what they are I’m just doing my work not because of the bosses but for my own development. Thank you Aaron
I am so grateful for your and your content. Every video you make applies to my life. Because of you, ive been able to detach myself from the toxic relationship ive been in for 6 years. Im so excited about my future more than ever! I cant thank you enough!
Very nice video. I absolutely agree. My parents raised me the same way. If you don´t obey... you are bad. If you brown-nose everyone... you are acceptable. I carried that emotional weight around for decades until I started realizing: I am ok the way I am. Manipulation is a very bad way to run this society. It starts with each one of us. We need to realize that we are ok the way we are. Love from Germany.
Foraged magic mushrooms today and was discussing this for ages with a close friend I rarely see but we’re similar in this way, and then this pops up when I get home and check RUclips. Amazing
thankyou mr aaron i got to know the root cause of my pleasing behavior after this video just two hours ago i am stuck with this for past 4 years reason was someone i loved dint love me back their rejection made me feel like im unworthy of love this made me please that person more...this is where my pleasing behavior started thankyou so much Mr Aaron doghty 😭😭🙏🙏
Amazing and eye opening, I’m going through the process of only just now realising I’m a people pleaser at 30yrs old and I don’t want to be anymore. I’ve only recently learned that in any situation where someone basically says we’re all doing something, it not even being a question at times - I’ll ask myself if it’s something I actually want to do, and if not I won’t be doing it. For the first time I said no to camping with my husbands family because I was burned out from work already and needed me time. Funny enough my husband ended up not going either, after he felt I was ditching him a bit, even though I wasn’t, and then he realised he didn’t want to go either! I told him we’re not joined at the hip and if I need me time I’ll be saying no to something and saying yes to me. I felt authentic finally! I want to do this with work too but it’s a process. I appreciate your video! And will be saving it to watch it again 😊🙏🏻🙏🏻
Perfect timing for this video. I've set a challenge for myself to go live daily on FB to pull myself out of my comfort zone and when I watch the videos myself, I end up feeling sick because of how I present myself. I'm too worried about what others will think. The lives have become a chore and I battle myself to do them. I'm people pleasing.
Yeah your right stop pleasing people , an see where that takes you, matter of fact don’t even please yourself, that’s why we have so much to give , what else are we going to do with it
My man, this is pure gold what you are speaking here. This hits home and I appreciate the openiss. Thank you for the information, it helps me to understand how people pleasing works. Much love my bro, greetings from The Netherlands.
This is Awesome! I had worked on this in the past...apparwntly still have some more work to release this behavior. Yes~ please dive deeper on how to heal and release this unproductive behavior. Love and Light Blessings 💓💥
I don't know that I will get tired of hearing your back story. It has always been a part of what drew me to your channel. The "real talk" that you share about what happened, how it affected you and what you have done to heal from it is authentic and it resonates. Thank you Growing up in my home and family of origin we where not allowed to talk about what really went down. Ever. That was not safe for anyone. I'm not alone in this dynamic, many endure it. Part of waking up for me is realizing it's ok be transparent no matter what the reaction from others people is, even if they are family. Thank you for this video. I appreciate the material. Especially now. I'm setting emotional and financial boundaries with my young adult children for the 1st time and they are Freak-ing out. I get it. They aren't used to this. Guess what? Me iether. Lol. 4realtho.. Today I was just thinking today... If someone thinks that removing their approval of me from my life is supposed frighten me away from making my own independent decisions and choices? Then they have largely underestimated the importance of thier opinion in my life. It's okay not to approve of my choices, certainly ! But ultimately ? I have to live with them and their consequences. So you can certainly disagree but I won't allow you to hurt me just because you don't like my choices or perhaps you don't yet understand them. I'm tired of saying yes when i want to say no. They are adults and? Moms tired. Thanks again for the content. Timely as usual , when I pop in.
I appreciate so much you sharing your story. So much of what you went through is what my sister and I did as well. It really gives me hope that I can one day be free of these chains. I watch your videos all the time and they help me so much.
I relate to your story so much its sad. Having a controlling narcissistic parent really brings on so much fucking trauma that isn’t needed. I’m 21 on my healing journey of 3 years now. My dad was the narcissist and my mom was/ still may be an alcoholic. (idk I haven’t lived with her in a long time and don’t talk to her like at all so) But yeah I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere, have friends or do anything. I was like isolated in my home and always in my room as a safe space. My dad molested me for years and that put me in a terrible place mentally so its nice watching your videos knowing you’ve gone through something similar, because the ones who have gone through it are the best ones to help you with it because they understand. Currently working on being my true self. The self who lives for myself and who doesn’t live to please other people out of fear of them abandoning me or getting angry with me. Currently working on that and I thank you for this video and all the videos you post. You are truly a blessing to those struggling with these things.
Guilty as charged. Honestly not many people I know would consider me a people pleaser but I do have the tendencies and it is keeping me from leading. I have largely overcome it by clarity- when you know who you are and what you are here to do then it overrides these shadows. But nevertheless it’s extremely valuable for me to also give it this space and transmute. It’s not who I want to be. That’s why I am looking at it and transmuting it. Thank you.
I love this video. I am a recovering people pleaser. I didn't realize the shadow part until recently (from you dude!). Grateful to see your vids and that I'm able to learn from you. Namaste bro
Aaron, not too long ago, after a aha moment, I wrote in my journal "I gained very little being a good girl". I'm 40. We spend most of our lives seeking for approval and self love outside of us. No more. Love to you all
Dude! I friggin’ LOVE YOU! “Please please me, like I please you!” (Beatles - Lol!) I shared, as this is powerful stuff for ALL! I was just thinking as I watched (the second time), that there are also people who are “people pleasing pleasers” because they can spot and feel when people are being people pleasers and that moment of potential discomfort arises because they are people pleasers and don’t want the discomfort of experiencing the people pleaser get out of his/her own element of their finely tuned art of people pleasing to go awry. It gets DEEP and intricately intertwined, even if nobody speaks about it or even more often, knows wtf is going on! Dude! You ROCK! I believe everyone is on some part of this scale/spectrum (like from you to your X step mother and beyond) but people just don’t know yet. YET! Keep spreading the knowledge and good news!!! I love you, soul brother! What are your thoughts on this 3 day solstice/eclipse portal happening about Now?!? Please make a video and talk about what we should do, even if we’re awake but our third eyes aren’t open, etc?! Gratitude! Namaste, Peace, Unconditional Love and Light! ☂️🔱❤️🙏🏻🎁
My moms friend Pauline bred Pomeranians. Small fluffy dogs. She named one of her males Nice Guy. Masculines please note that Nice and Kindness are not the same thing. Kindness is genuine and thoughtful. The difference is that the Nice Guy/Nice Woman usually gets walked over like a doormat unless you're around a very loving person who cares about you and who wont take advantage of you.
I had the "nice guy" syndrone really bad to the point one day my cousin (who I subconciously seeked approval from) told me " You are always trying to save the day."
Thank you, I'm so suffering w this. I'm 47 yrs old I was married for 23, been divorced now 4 years...I HAD NO IDEA I WAS THIS!! Shadow Work at this age.. HORRIBLE! I see these patterns within my own children, the entire Awakening process is painful. Thank you for your videos😔😔
Some people are gifted with a spirit of generosity. It can be taken advantage of though. Check your heart. If you give something and the receivers response isnt what you expected, I'd ask myself why I have expectations to begin with. Give without expectations and conditions.
This one Resignated with My whole day. I realized I need to clean out so I can know who I am with out being stoned or drunk. Or on something trying to escape my reality. Then the people pleasing showed me so much more That is keeping me from knowing me.
heyyy everyone! here's the "nice guy" video I mentioned above, enjoy! ruclips.net/video/86zrElu8F5E/видео.html
My friend, my brother. You give me strength🔥 your positivity is what's truly gonna save this world. The 21st brings great change. Thank you
Great video bro
Just watched like 5 hours worth of Bashar and Esther Hicks lol. Thanks Aaron! Epic!
Thanks for mentioning 'Bashar' the other day, Universe didn't mean for me to watch him until now, Lol.
Could you please tlak on "How To Treat Others", Aaron? Thanks!
My opinion is the one I value over EVERY OTHER PERSON IN THE WORLD AND UNIVERSE...
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner” [Lao Tzu]. People pleasing is rooted in fear and is focused on earning love. Real love does not accommodate fear 😊
Spot on my brother
Preach🙏💗
That is a great comment thx
One of the easiest ways I've found to stop people pleasing and seeking approval is this: when you meet someone, instead of thinking "how can I get this person's approval?", think "how can THIS PERSON get MY approval?" -- remember that YOU are the star of your own movie and everyone else just makes cameos💫✌️
Yea but what if they're thinking the same thing lolol
Kennedy1op LOL literally what happens next
Everyone has its own movie yet many people r not grateful for Thier own movie like thy always want more and takes over someone else movie now the key is don't let anyone take over your movie you r the star so act like it that's my point.
well said Michael
We are all the lead actors/actresses in our play called life.
Moral of the story
1. Know your worth 💰
2. Don’t use others to validate you 💪
3. Your external identity Is NOT your reality🧘🏻♂️
4. Practice unconditional love ❤️
5. Balance your masculine and feminine 🌊
-be yourself
-please yourself
-seek approval from yourself
-not care what others think of you
This is how I stopped people pleasing
Once you stop pleasing other people, you make it easier to manifest anything that you desire. Please yourself and work within and it shall reflect on the outside. Peace 🙏🏽
Nice
namaste vershon!
Kennedy1op I see what you did there
People pleasing is a big hurdle and realization for abused/neglected kids and empaths. It's also a big deal and brave to admit that we are people pleasers. Lots of people try to take advantage of our kindness. Remember, number one is the most important. Great video! Lots of us need to hear this.
Females raised in patriarchal households and religions as well
I love your profile pic-
Last Unicorn!!
@@Psalmchild thank you, my unicorn friend. 💙🦄🌿✨
Biggest hurdle for an abused empath
May all your dreams manifest ❤️
Yours as well my friend 😊
Thank you friend keep on following your passion and you will succeed
right back at ya !
build it at home thanks for your words ❤️
I love this postive comments
"It's not that i hate or dislike people in general.
I just value my time and energy so much that I've decided how to respond & when respond.
Women Who Run With the Wolves is such an incredible book that helped me heal my deep mother wounds from an abusive/narcissistic mother ❤️ And healing this taught me boundaries and self worth which in turn eliminated the people pleasing patterns that I was programmed with xx
Thank you for the recommendation please who is the author
@@Itssimplyaisha Women who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype by Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Omg. This is a synchronicity. Today I wa showing through my book shelf and saw this book. My friend left it here.
Validation and approval seeking is conditioned into our subconscious mind between the ages of 1 to 7 and we will live our whole life being people pleasers to get the validation. Awareness is the Key ! :) Namaste and Love
it’s innate isn’t it.. kinda hard to change our biology but i guess self awareness is very useful
@@gabrieljohnson484 I don't believe it's innate. It's hammered into us by parents and teachers. And... certain people more than others
People should seek approval from themselves. Internal approval
Aaron, thank you, I just had an epiphany, and tears rolled down my cheeks. I just realized why I had three failed marriages on top of many other failed relationships. All my life, I was a people pleaser and when I dared to be me the relationships wouldn’t last. Well that’s it, it’s over, for the rest of my life I will be me and nothing else. I doesn’t mean that I’ll be rude but I’ll stick to who I really am. No more Mr. Nice Guy. I’m reclaiming my own power and taking my own course now. Thank you again.
Read the book “No more and nice guy” it’ll change your life.
E Higgins thank you, I’ll look for it.
E Higgins did you mean No more Mr. Nice Guy? I found a book on Amazon with that title, the author is Dr. Robert Glover.
E Higgins I ordered the book on Amazon and received it today, I just started reading it. Thanks again.
@@darhmakarma4838 Keep us updated. I know that there are a lot of men who benefited from reading that book. Good luck with everything. I hope you can find real love and real peace.
Kindness is not the same as niceness. Much deeper, eternal
You make a point I now feel seeing this comment that nice is taught to us kindness is in our soul. My soul is full my life is rich XXX
Its took me till recently to finally start getting out of the trap of being a people pleaser. I'm now gaining my independence, doing my own thing and as you say, starting to become the star of my own movie.
Keep up the good work, your videos have helped me massively!
I have always felt as though I am responsible for over people happiness (my parents, friends ect). But actually I just need to focus on how I am impressing myself!
My parents adopted a special needs boy when I was 7 and ever since then I felt like I had to be the perfect kid to make up for his behavior. It surfaced the other day when I said something minor that upset my mom and I burst into tears from guilt. It’s crazy how it’s coming to light now. Thank you for this video 💕
We cannot save anyone from themselves, but you can give them encouragement. I also am a people-pleaser, and I know that it doesn't work. People take advantage more and more and lose all respect for you. Thank you for pointing this out to me. What I got out of it was thinking that I was the better person, thereby shoring up the ego.
Totally agree.. Much love&light💗💫
Gotta love yourself before trying to love someone else! I was that guy at one point (people pleaser) Grow thru what you Go thru! 1Love & Namaste sir!
One day I made the decision to stop craving my parent's love and just accept what is. Since then, I gave myself that love and discovered thats where true love comes from.
I also saw my parental conditioning patterns within my relationships. My parents didn't promote my self expression and many times halted it. I attracted relationships where I didn't feel seen or heard, and couldn't be myself. Amazing once you make the associations and break out of the pattern.
I was neglected all my childhood/& anything I tried to express was criticized and shut down with verbal abuse. In older years I expressed myself (liberal, etc) completely the opposite of my family and they all turned on me....so it’s a double issue...when I finally was strong, they no longer liked me. I had to leave them behind.
I feel you. Unfortunately sometimes we have to make those tough decisions to do what's best for ourselves. Everyone is on their journey individually, so you gotta put yourself first. How others react to you is on them. Good for you.
Did you live in my house with my parents too?? Lol. Thank you for sharing this, this is ME.
@@kimberlyland LOL ♡ soul sisters. And thank you for being you :)
Nata1ia thank you 🙏
SO Important . i stopped caring what others thought of me , its liberating folks . just give more then you take
You explained my entire family. I actively tell them that what ever I do, it's going to be because I choose to
At one time, I couldn't say No to ANYONE, someone asked me for something or to do something for them even if I really didn't want to do it, I would do it, if I could. I didn't care if they liked me or not. It was I felt like I should or I would feel guilty or bad about myself. I don't know where I got this from because my parents were loving and supportive and kind people. I lost them though when I was 18. I ended up losing my home and bring homeless for years because of my not being able to say No. There is allot of people out there that look for people like us to take advantage of. I have grown so much since then and now I can say No kindly and not feel badly about it but it was a struggle and I am Grateful for this lesson. How much you Love and respect yourself is how much you will be loved from others. Accepting yourself is key to make this transformation. The best thing I did was stop caring about what other people think about me. I learned that being in the street for almost 5 years there's so much judgement out there & you feel it, I knew who I was and I was walking my path and came out the other side of a hard won lesson that I'm now grateful for. Thankyou Aaron Doughty for your videos I've been watching you for years since my awaking in Jan. 2017. Aloha
This video was one of a big confirmation of why
I was getting a spiritual messages to be more courageous in life
Thank you, Aaron :D
Sending positive energies to him and anyone who reads this comment 😁😁😁
Yeah! The intro was funny! Something that helped me shift out of people pleasing into self love was a quote I saw somewhere. It said “I no longer allow other people’s opinions of me determine my self worth!” That was a game changer for me. Once I sat with it and then applied it, everything shifted! 💜🌟
I agree - my life has gotten so much better once I stopped caring what others thought and just did whatever I wanted instead! So true, thank you for what you do Aaron :)
Become the blessing that you're looking for in this univedse...when you become love it will surround you.....
When you try to please everyone you end up pleasing no one! Thanks for your videos, they've been helping me so much!
I really needed to see this. Literally almost in tears bc this (was) literally my LIFE. from relationships to work to family always been a people pleaser. Learning to self reflect alot &check myself. Everyday I watch a video from your channel &get my lesson for the day❤️You're changing lives keep doing what you're doing 🙏🏾
hi
Being a “nice guy” isn’t the most fair approach your your mental health and spirituality😌
appreciate you bro!
Right on target 🎯. I had to help my husband a little bit with this. He took a lot of abuse from his parents and didn’t realize it. It’s so important to embrace your masculine characteristics. It’s OK to be whoever you are 100%
Can you tell us about how you helped him?
@@clapton79 It's kind of a long story. It involves how his mother was treated poorly by her own father. So she needs healing. Interesting how trauma and ways of thinking affect our perspective
Validation Approval and Love-thats what the people pleasing wants.
Seeking for validation on the outside and not receiving it,it is one of the root cause of suffering. Indeed the key to reveal your true authenticity and actually unleash your true potential is to let go of the need to please anyone apart from you . Everyone on the outside is an aspect within. I believe everytime you're pulled to please someone, ask yourself which aspect in you are they? Then please that part of you 😊✨
Amazing content bro 😊✨
Needed this. Quite synchronistic that this popped into my inbox actually lol
happy to hear :)
Me too, made me feel better about a work dilemma I’m facing.
I needed it too. Even though I feel I've got over this, I'm still having to watch myself at times. Thank you Aaron🙏🙏💖
You are either letting the matrix drain your energy, or you are using that energy to create
Thank you!!! I a m currently doing all of this. I happen to be with a guy who simply won't stay if I stopped ppl pleasing. Its all about him. Ive lost my identity. Plz make more videos with some pointers on how to stop doing all the things above. Identifying the problem is half the battle, and Ive realized I have absolutely no boundaries. I do everything I can for him and its never enuf.
I hope you can find your freedom. You may have to let your current partner go. Sending love and light.
I don't know the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.....
-bill cosby
You have been more helpful than any therapist I've ever sat with.
absolutely, it came down to my parents having to people please....it can continue from your parents when your middle age....it's tough...do what you want to do to make you happy 💖💖
If you are nice, you cause problems down thre road when you stand your ground. You shock people. Then, the people you thought were your friends you find are not. People who would have been your friend are gone because they thought you were wishy washy. JUST WHAT I've noticed. Finding balance is the 🔑. Hard after abuse.
Thnx Aaron for this! Showed it to my kids too, and now they know why they are always so nice to other people. Their father, my ex husband, is a narcist, and me and the kids all the time tried to please him. I stopped that years ago but still pleasing other people.
This was our wake-up call. So thnx for sharing 😍🙏
Yes! Aaron you are right! It’s inside. Love comes from the inside. I’m almost 50 and just learned about that.
Totally agree Aaron. I used to be a people pleaser as well (I used to literally carry around lens wipes in my backpack even though I didn't even wear glasses just to please my friends who do wear glasses). It is so much better to just be myself and I have gained so many genuine friends by just being myself. It gives you so much of your power back. Thank you for your great content!!
Did anyone else notice the white lights behind Aaron at the 17:00 mark? They are going crazy behind him. 🤍🖤♥️ Great video Aaron! I appreciate you! 🙏🏼💕
Yes! Was like, whoa, why aren't there more comments about that lol
Good catch! I wonder if that was a spirit orb?
When you are lazy to clean dust...
But anyway it looks mystical :)
@consciousearthintuition I know right! 🥰
@yoginipatrice that’s what I was thinking! The way they moved are magical! 🤩🙌🏼
The greatest horror of a people pleaser is when his help is not needed.
Felt this to the core
That’s co dependency
Say yes to yourself stop abandoning yourself for the other… What a beautiful lesson to learn not so beautiful at the time though❤❤❤
Thank you so much, I have a Masculine polarity and this perfectly describes me my life is forever changed now
Yeah! You are talking about me! But now I’m COOL😎❗️
Yup. Parent pleaser right here. Only my way to recovery where some days are better than others
I do understand what you are saying but please know we do need more nice guys in this world.
People pleasers, deep down, don't please to make other happy. They only THINK they do. Underneath that is their desire to be liked by others. Others sense this, and recoil. Then the people pleasers get angry that they didn't get the response they wanted. Also, in listening to your story about the friend/climbing - your people pleasing was going to take away from her experience of doing something for herself, just so you could feel better. When we people please, we inherently disrespect the people around us and and use them for our aims.
I’ve been feeling terrible about trying to accomplish the impossible task of pleasing everyone around me, as though it was “my” responsibility. Then bam- your video was uploaded. Thank you Aaron, I appreciate your channel very much. You’ve helped me a lot through all of the changes in my life in the past year. Hope to see you on a stage one day 💙
I dont hold much of a desire to be understood by those who dont understand themselves. That would make them a dumby, and me dumber for agreeing with whatever ideas they concoct...
Love this.
Great way to state it
I please myself with my right hand.
I love the fact that you are such an important figure right now in this super important time in history, and your ego doesn’t give a flying f. You’re so genuine.
Wow! Aaron, this was absolutely fantastic! Thank you for this! “My value is innate” is my new affirmation!
True for women too. Finally owning this as what it was. This coronavirus time has really helped because I literally could not please anyone in any way since I couldn’t visit anyone. Plenty of time to think. And finally saying almost loudly “I’m not going to be a puppet and you be the story teller. You can’t influence me to bend over backwards, listen to your abuse, keep to myself what I’ve known to be true-it’s all out now”.
And the sad thing is that every time I express the real me people don't like it. And it's not that I mean or rude or anything I'm just honest. I have been shamed and criticized so much for just speaking my truth.
Same thing happens with me!
And me
It's not a coincidence we're all women
Women have been taught they are more valuable when they are obedient and agreeable and soft spoken 🙄
The incredible thing is it doesn't matter how much they like you ❤ it's HARD and I'm definitely definitely not even close to being out of it yet, but
Being a woman is so difficult in this way. Men are never expected to conform
Wow! Law of Attraction!! you just showed me my own awaking from this level of people pleasing. I didn’t know that was what this was, but yay!!! I have not jumped on the band wagon for a lot of things happening in the world because I know what I want. I am defining who I am and I am aligning for my own desires and that will benefit all. Really cool stuff!! Thanks bro! 😎
I was raised to serve others at my own expence and abandoned for being one
Synchronicity at its finest. The timing of this video couldn't be better! My friend wants to make a youtube channel with me, and while he's enthusiastic about it, I'm not so keen and I didn't know how to tell him so I pretended to be enthusiastic. Now, I'm in this situation where I need to back-track and admit that my enthusiasm was a people-pleasing lie.
I have been a people pleaser for my entire life. I have just started saying no. I was drained and depressed from always giving and not receiving.
When you say no to others, you say yes to you
Love this video ! I used to people please a lot. In life I figured out how to use this "People Pleasing" as a tool. Being able to differentiate the ideas and actions and being able to use it only when necessary, but mostly around new people. Showing this way to lead by example with new people I meet and the younger kids. Thanks Aaron for your very helpful video. Much love, light and compassion. 💗👍
That was my biggest problem being the nice guy is a cover to not get rejected and playing it safe but in reality it just makes your fear of rejection a reality. The sad thing is most people aren't aware they are people pleasing
"I love you if...." we spent a childhood learning it and our adulthood unlearning it.
Your teachings are very useful for my work. I learned to stop pleasing with my Bosses. And my feelings are free and my work became very easy. Because I don’t care what they are I’m just doing my work not because of the bosses but for my own development. Thank you Aaron
I am so grateful for your and your content. Every video you make applies to my life. Because of you, ive been able to detach myself from the toxic relationship ive been in for 6 years. Im so excited about my future more than ever! I cant thank you enough!
Very nice video. I absolutely agree. My parents raised me the same way. If you don´t obey... you are bad. If you brown-nose everyone... you are acceptable. I carried that emotional weight around for decades until I started realizing: I am ok the way I am. Manipulation is a very bad way to run this society. It starts with each one of us. We need to realize that we are ok the way we are. Love from Germany.
Solution of the video: Conditional love makes the person receiving it a people pleaser..
Thanku sir 🙏🙏
You are so relatable, its like you are telling a part of my story but you are the male version. You're Awesome thanks so much.❤
Foraged magic mushrooms today and was discussing this for ages with a close friend I rarely see but we’re similar in this way, and then this pops up when I get home and check RUclips. Amazing
thankyou mr aaron i got to know the root cause of my pleasing behavior after this video just two hours ago i am stuck with this for past 4 years reason was
someone i loved dint love me back their rejection made me feel like im unworthy of love this made me please that person more...this is where my pleasing behavior started thankyou so much Mr Aaron doghty 😭😭🙏🙏
Amazing and eye opening, I’m going through the process of only just now realising I’m a people pleaser at 30yrs old and I don’t want to be anymore. I’ve only recently learned that in any situation where someone basically says we’re all doing something, it not even being a question at times - I’ll ask myself if it’s something I actually want to do, and if not I won’t be doing it. For the first time I said no to camping with my husbands family because I was burned out from work already and needed me time. Funny enough my husband ended up not going either, after he felt I was ditching him a bit, even though I wasn’t, and then he realised he didn’t want to go either! I told him we’re not joined at the hip and if I need me time I’ll be saying no to something and saying yes to me. I felt authentic finally! I want to do this with work too but it’s a process. I appreciate your video! And will be saving it to watch it again 😊🙏🏻🙏🏻
Perfect timing for this video. I've set a challenge for myself to go live daily on FB to pull myself out of my comfort zone and when I watch the videos myself, I end up feeling sick because of how I present myself. I'm too worried about what others will think. The lives have become a chore and I battle myself to do them. I'm people pleasing.
Yeah your right stop pleasing people , an see where that takes you, matter of fact don’t even please yourself, that’s why we have so much to give , what else are we going to do with it
Set yourself some boundaries and stick to them!
My man, this is pure gold what you are speaking here. This hits home and I appreciate the openiss. Thank you for the information, it helps me to understand how people pleasing works. Much love my bro, greetings from The Netherlands.
This is Awesome! I had worked on this in the past...apparwntly still have some more work to release this behavior. Yes~ please dive deeper on how to heal and release this unproductive behavior. Love and Light Blessings 💓💥
I just learned how to do this in the last two years..... My life is much more satisfying!
So glad I found him on tiktok, every time I watch his videos I feel like Im wakening up
Great vedio .....I'm sick n tired of people pleasing ....u really touch on topics which we need at d right time ..... awesome work 👏👏👏
You seem so much different from when I first started watching your videos like 4/5 months ago, in like the best way. Thanks for another amazing video!
This video is synchronized with what I wont allow, just today. It's a good conformation for me! Thank you Aaron 🙏
So powerful Aaron thank you!! Allowing myself to feel the validation, not because of someone else. Golden ✊ taking my life back. Blessings!!
I don't know that I will get tired of hearing your back story. It has always been a part of what drew me to your channel. The "real talk"
that you share about what happened, how it affected you and what you have done to heal from it is authentic and it resonates.
Thank you
Growing up in my home and family of origin we where not allowed to talk about what really went down. Ever.
That was not safe for anyone.
I'm not alone in this dynamic, many endure it. Part of waking up for me is realizing it's ok be transparent no matter what the reaction from others people is, even if they are family.
Thank you for this video.
I appreciate the material. Especially now.
I'm setting emotional and financial boundaries with my young adult children for the 1st time and they are Freak-ing out. I get it. They aren't used to this. Guess what?
Me iether. Lol. 4realtho..
Today I was just thinking today...
If someone thinks that removing their approval of me from my life is supposed frighten me away from making my own independent decisions and choices?
Then they have largely underestimated the importance of thier opinion in my life.
It's okay not to approve of my choices, certainly !
But ultimately ?
I have to live with them and their consequences.
So you can certainly disagree but I won't allow you to hurt me just because you don't like my choices or perhaps you don't yet understand them.
I'm tired of saying yes when i want to say no.
They are adults and?
Moms tired.
Thanks again for the content. Timely as usual , when I pop in.
I appreciate so much you sharing your story. So much of what you went through is what my sister and I did as well. It really gives me hope that I can one day be free of these chains. I watch your videos all the time and they help me so much.
I relate to your story so much its sad. Having a controlling narcissistic parent really brings on so much fucking trauma that isn’t needed. I’m 21 on my healing journey of 3 years now. My dad was the narcissist and my mom was/ still may be an alcoholic. (idk I haven’t lived with her in a long time and don’t talk to her like at all so)
But yeah I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere, have friends or do anything. I was like isolated in my home and always in my room as a safe space. My dad molested me for years and that put me in a terrible place mentally so its nice watching your videos knowing you’ve gone through something similar, because the ones who have gone through it are the best ones to help you with it because they understand. Currently working on being my true self. The self who lives for myself and who doesn’t live to please other people out of fear of them abandoning me or getting angry with me. Currently working on that and I thank you for this video and all the videos you post. You are truly a blessing to those struggling with these things.
Well- dad is still a narcissist lmao. I haven’t talked to him in a really long time. He is the scariest person I’ve ever met
It’s fucked up how narcissists even get away with what they do
Guilty as charged. Honestly not many people I know would consider me a people pleaser but I do have the tendencies and it is keeping me from leading.
I have largely overcome it by clarity- when you know who you are and what you are here to do then it overrides these shadows. But nevertheless it’s extremely valuable for me to also give it this space and transmute. It’s not who I want to be. That’s why I am looking at it and transmuting it. Thank you.
I love this video. I am a recovering people pleaser. I didn't realize the shadow part until recently (from you dude!). Grateful to see your vids and that I'm able to learn from you. Namaste bro
Omg! Why am i only seeing this video now?!?! Thank you!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Aaron, not too long ago, after a aha moment, I wrote in my journal "I gained very little being a good girl". I'm 40. We spend most of our lives seeking for approval and self love outside of us. No more. Love to you all
I think this is the most powerful video of yours I've seen 🔥🔥🔥🔥🙌🏽🥳 As a healer, you are speaking STRAIGHT UP FACTS!
I dealt with similar things in my childhood your helping people I'm trying to heal
Dude! I friggin’ LOVE YOU! “Please please me, like I please you!” (Beatles - Lol!) I shared, as this is powerful stuff for ALL! I was just thinking as I watched (the second time), that there are also people who are “people pleasing pleasers” because they can spot and feel when people are being people pleasers and that moment of potential discomfort arises because they are people pleasers and don’t want the discomfort of experiencing the people pleaser get out of his/her own element of their finely tuned art of people pleasing to go awry. It gets DEEP and intricately intertwined, even if nobody speaks about it or even more often, knows wtf is going on! Dude! You ROCK! I believe everyone is on some part of this scale/spectrum (like from you to your X step mother and beyond) but people just don’t know yet. YET! Keep spreading the knowledge and good news!!! I love you, soul brother! What are your thoughts on this 3 day solstice/eclipse portal happening about Now?!? Please make a video and talk about what we should do, even if we’re awake but our third eyes aren’t open, etc?! Gratitude! Namaste, Peace, Unconditional Love and Light! ☂️🔱❤️🙏🏻🎁
My moms friend Pauline bred Pomeranians. Small fluffy dogs. She named one of her males Nice Guy. Masculines please note that Nice and Kindness are not the same thing. Kindness is genuine and thoughtful. The difference is that the Nice Guy/Nice Woman usually gets walked over like a doormat unless you're around a very loving person who cares about you and who wont take advantage of you.
Hells yeah brother. Love your content. Been a subscriber from 25k ✌️
I had the "nice guy" syndrone really bad to the point one day my cousin (who I subconciously seeked approval from) told me " You are always trying to save the day."
I just wanna say your videos saved my life. Thanks 🙏🏼
Thank you, I'm so suffering w this. I'm 47 yrs old I was married for 23, been divorced now 4 years...I HAD NO IDEA I WAS THIS!!
Shadow Work at this age.. HORRIBLE! I see these patterns within my own children, the entire Awakening process is painful. Thank you for your videos😔😔
Some people are gifted with a spirit of generosity. It can be taken advantage of though. Check your heart. If you give something and the receivers response isnt what you expected, I'd ask myself why I have expectations to begin with. Give without expectations and conditions.
I just heard something SO COOL; .... feeling successful is different than BEING successful.
This one Resignated with My whole day. I realized I need to clean out so I can know who I am with out being stoned or drunk. Or on something trying to escape my reality.
Then the people pleasing showed me so much more That is keeping me from knowing me.