How To Get Over Resentment
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- Опубликовано: 4 авг 2020
- Resentment can be a tough one because more often than not, the person we are bitter and resentful toward has no idea we resent them. There is a process to stop feeling resentful so we can let go of resentment and in this video I'm going to teach it to you.
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What was one of your biggest takeaways from this talk?
Try to always take a step back and ask yourself if the feeling is coming because of an expectation that you had of the other person doing or saying something and not because they are unappreciative. Also remember that people also have things going on in their lives and if they did do something to offend you it probably wasn't intentional, particularly if that is not how they behave.
@@VideoCesar07 Three big take aways! 1.) You have a 7, 5 and 2 yo.... wow !! 2.) You usually mostly push me out of my zone of comfort to examine myself. 3.) Recognizing the vibrations of resentment from my primary environment in areas where it bleeds over into other parts of my life!
1. Get curious and ask yourself
2. Give yourself what you think you're needing and silently expecting from others. Feel fulfilled, it can be in your hands - that's allowed.
The ending was so profound regarding holding on to resentment. Any suggestions for someone who will not let go and keeps harboring ill feelings for more than a decade?
This is so true. , In your example of driving , I expected to hear the word trust , the expectations would have been less would it not if the trust is stronger from the bigger picture of the relationship day to day.
I feel I would do the same because my day to day has little trust . After all I was with a BPD / covert NPD and am trauma bonded severely now. More on that later in your comments of videos .
The root of resentment is disrespect from others.When it is repeated you will feel good by cutting your losses and getting out
Exactly!
Yes!
Actually I have gotten resentment from my "friend" when I did nothing wrong. There is two sides to resentment. Sometimes it's justified and sometimes not
I agree 100%. I resent my sister in law more than anyone else. I've tried to work on myself, but the hate I feel for her just builds and builds. She's the coldest most arrogant person I know. She has no empathy or sympathy. The fact that she expected that I was there for her when she had issues with her husband - my brother, but when I've been struggling getting out of a destructive relationship, suffering with trauma, trying to parent traumatized children and on top of that dealing with serious illness - she's not been there even 1%, she's talked behind my back, ne et been supportive, never showed my kids any love.. It feels like she kicked me when I was laying on the ground crying. I know my resentment for her is poisonous to myself, but I can't seem to get rid of it... And I agree with you that when people are disrespectful it's best to cut them loose and stay far away, especially if it's a more than one incident situation. It's such a huge sign of personality disorder like narcissism. I wish I could move far far away from them. When I don't have to deal with them I'm fine. The resentment just comes up if I have to deal with them. It's driving me mad. I want to let go of it. I resent her more than I resent my exe who abused me... That's how much she hurt me.
Sometimes the only way to “win” is to not play the game. Remove yourself and move on.
Not everybody has trouble communicating or being honest in their relationship.
Resentment can exist when you have fully and openly verbalized your every thought and feeling numerous times over.
Hey, I relate to this, completely. have you been able to work through this? Has anything worked for you? I hope you see my comment. Thanks ❤️
That's the current situation I'm in. If they don't take you seriously the first few times(and it shouldn't even be that many) then they don't care. Step away and move on. If its family, then set boundaries and don't spend too much time with them.
Exactly...
Exactly
Exactly ‼️‼️
"Don't outsource your happiness to other people". Great advice, thanks.
"Expectations " I expected to be treated like a human as a child.
You’re Asian too?
Yes-what about resentment for how you were abused or neglected as a child?
I hear you Jey. Resentment is a broad topic, some situations are more serious than others. She touched on that briefly at the end. Majority of this video is for less serious cases, such as her example with her husband. Please reach out, I could use support too. Big hugs
I feel you. I "expected" to never be harassed, threatened and stalked by a mentally unstable stranger.
Gosh...
I believe when someone has wronged you and you resent them,they know they just don't care you are left with the left over anger that usually builds up because the person refuses to acknowledge what they have done to you....
sometimes they can't I don't know why
I hear you. It’s shocking and the anger is just intense. I’m sorry you are left carrying such a weighted lump of anger and toxic energy.
@@kaylawilson1999 Thank you,Kayla I'm working on my resentment,I pray ,journal ,I use to do thearpy now I just ask God to help me.Thanks so much for your considerate words.May God bless you and yours....🙏🙏
I think there's a certain point it needs to be clearly state. I was screamed at down the phone for 5th time. I won't answer now. People lost respect when I tolerated the behaviour.
Hi Curtistine, You are loved and valued always. Just one concern regarding the phrase "they don't care". Sounds like an assumption to me, and assumptions are not facts. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:12 that right now we see as through a mirror dimly (in part), down the road we shall see everything with perfect clarity (to know fully) as we are fully known. God bless you.💝
"Don't expect so much of other people and you won't be disappointed as much," my first husband once said to me. Over 30 years later, I haven't forgotten that. I no longer expect big favors or even small ones from anyone, even my family. I used to resent them for allowing me to be homeless. But now I rely solely on myself and God. Thanks, Julia, for the enlightenment. You rock!
Thx for sharing. This quote is useful for me today!
u have 2 expect more! if u stay in the same gear or same lane u can't expect different results... find ur boot straps n pull w/all ur might n look beyond ur box... much ❤ fr one who has survived the change... it will happen if u persist!
Thank you for sharing. Also, much respect to you for overcoming homelessness. It is so great of you to forgive that from family.
Be well and much blessings
This is helpful in otherwise healthy relationships. When it comes to relationships with abusive people, resentment is a self-preservation mechanism.
Yes that's true, so what's needed is withdrawal as a better protection than resentment.
Withdrawal isn't always an option
So true. The author of the video never thought of a scenario when for example : you are falsely accused of an atrocious act by someone you loved or cared about.
It is not about difference in values. To falsely accuse someone is wrong everywhere. Then, resentment becomes self-preservation.
Resentment can be also a sign that is time to walk away -like if a person is always giving you this feeling. I struggle with my resentment towards my mom since she is very absent and most of the time only cares about her problematic boyfriends, it's hard not to feel resentful
Resentment can motivate one to protect oneself and set boundaries. I just listened to a talk by Jordan Peterson. But, we must use it wisely. Every emotion is valid.
I agree. The mantra of always forgive everybody all the time and never resent is unrealistic. As you say emotions and feelings should be respected and not artificially ignored or removed. Sometimes resentment is entirely fitting.
Resentment can really sabotage your life.
I love the analogy of “drinking poison and hoping the other person dies”
That is so true...theoretically...I had so much resentment towards my parents for years and one day I just let it go...it is freeing...now I occasionally have resentment towards my husband for not doing things or saying things I expect him to say or do...which is not fair to him...”outsourcing your happiness” to others...man that hit home!
By resenting someone.. you're giving them your power. It boils down to a person not doing what you wanted them to. I think a key to releasing resentment is accepting that other people will not always do what you want/expect them to do. People will make mistakes...and that's okay. Communication is key. Thank you for this video. I watched resentment corrode my mother and sisters relationship.
Yes, our expectations of others and theirs of us.. is a huge part of getting past it.
i.e. lower expectations. I am a high achieving person and thus my expectations of those around me are really high. I have to constantly remind myself to tone it down a bit. And that is ok that other people don’t have expectations that match mine. This video really speaks to me.
@@jenshark4 one thing is the expectations you project on someone and other thing is your own expectations. You should lower the expectations you have of other people. But you can aspire to be the greatest of all time.
@@Neo-Reloaded fantastic advice. Thank you
This was amazing and exactly egat I needed x
Takes a lot to stop hating someone..To anyone who has then i can safely say your doing yourself a service.
Resentment and hating are very different...
@@jamieswanson8828 it's more like wanting to be loved... not wanting to hate.... accepting they can't... you know, because you tried over and over.
@@jamieswanson8828 they’re related tho
"Oursourcing your need for happiness" that is just spot-on and such a no-no!
Yes, that was a great point.. Dont let our happiness be dependent upon what someone else does or doesn't do.
“I told myself what I needed to hear”. 👍
Holy cow you explained exactly how I was feeling!! Resentment comes from having silent expectations! Now I know what I need to work on.
I’ve been resentful towards my daughters for not showing an interest in my life. They’re both adults and have their own lives. Guess I’ll start focusing on being more interested in my own life.
Veronica Louis yep, I can relate. Only interested in themselves. Oh well.
Veronica Louis Watch what happens when YOU are interested in your life 🙂
I'm excited for what's going to happen when you do!
I´m sure that in the moment your daughters realize that you are focusing on yourself, they are going to show more interest in you, but probably will be too late.
Alexander Chaparro Vega It’s never too late for self love 😊
I come to this incredible little corner of the internet....
I feel Better.
Lack of self respect and responsibility, to me, are two of the big key drivers to resentment. It's understandably very tempting because it's gratifying in the short term to relinquish politeness/self-respect and responsibility by lashing out to show dominance and demonstrating how malicious you can be if you don't get your way so that no one can dare challenge and "mess with you"... but the problem is that it creates further problems and/or aggrevates the existing problem even more and that can lead to unnecessary disasters - because the more you engage in it (which you will if you just leave it alone and unconsciously), the stronger and worse it gets and can get extremely destructive and abusive and potentially murderous. It's a vicious cycle; a feedback loop that incrementally builds as you habitualise it. So... leaving it unaddressed for long enough and it's highly likely that the harboured bitterness and resentment can manifest itself unconsciously such as direct or indirect revenge on others, and escalating into worse matters such as extreme abuse. To resolve it, you have to address it as soon as possible and that's firstly through painstakingly consulting with your own conscience and, if it helps further, you can discuss it with others such as your partner, friend, family member, therapist, etc. so that, rather than using him/her to think and/or do things for you (which takes your gift of independence away as well as unnecessarily burden the other person with things they're not responsible for - it's a insufferable situation for both of you), he/she can instead help you to think out loud for yourself by listening and reflecting back on your thoughts. To me, the key is reclaim responsibility for your own wellbeing and the complicated processes that come with it, and then go from there and articulate the issue and then find ways to resolve it psychologically and practically. Could be a thoughtfully inspiring self-discussion ripe with potential new opportunities from here on in (learned and accounted from that experience in the past), or doing/creating something that simultaneously makes the matter less worse and offers some optimistic pathway forward that can benefit yourself in many multidimensional ways and, even better as a consequence, also the people around or involved with you too. And it has to be underpinned by the intention to negotiate/self-negotiate towards mutual peace rather than looking to win and dominate, regardless of whether you're right or wrong, etc. Who knows... with many more years of practice, as well as psychological and philosophical excavation and evaluation of past experiences, it's possible that you may end up justifying the underlying deeply rooted issues and address that "hot temper" and the source of it. More often than not, it boils down to the proposition that life is undeniably unfair and full of suffering (because at some point or another, we've all been wronged and endured tragedy to some degree or another which has internally shaped us - and then it's about how to respond to that "shaping")... the question is how the hell we can justify it in a way that can be helpful and useful to us and also more likely to avoid falling into unnecessary pits that you can then see after hindsight and enlightenment from these past known and yet-to-be-known experiences.
Amazing!! Thank you
Deep analysis.
I’m excited for this video, I’ve gone through periods of resentment before and I’m never doing it again!! Resentment only torments the person holding the grudge, not the person or people it’s directed towards!! I hope you have a great day! 💜
you got it! A+ star student 😉
Julia Kristina Counselling Awe thank you so much! 😉
I don’t want anyone to “die.” Recognize and communicate, yes. That aside, no one is responsible for me. Humans are not perfect and incapable of filling our soul. They will disappoint. Not purposely. Only God is perfect. He fills the voided areas that man cannot.
Parents are responsible for their kids though. If they failed you it's hard to let it go.
I feel this strongly. I entered the in law family for 5 years and then the co sister in law just pops up after dating my husband's brother for 6 months. I was so excited to be friends with her but she immediately was cold to me. She wouldn't reciprocate any type of communication or connection I tried to make with her. What really began the resentment was how the in laws began to treat her. They treated me very cold and distance from the start, never tried to get to know me, won't put any effort to communicate with me or hang out. I just chalked it up to us not being compatible or they are just defensive and don't know how to act around me or they're not good at talking to new people. But then in walks this new girl and immediately it was like the president had just married in to the family. They text and call her all the time, they go out to eat, they travel hours away to see her when I live 10 mins away, they chat so well with her and actually have conversations with her that aren't superficial. Whenever I'm with them together they just shove down my throat how much more connected they are to the point that I resent this girl soo much. I question what I did to them, what I could've said or maybe I'm just not good enough. I tried mimicking what she does and it didn't make a difference and it made me feel fake and like it really is that they just hate me for no reason. Now I have to sit back and watch them plan for her wedding and dress shop when the in laws couldn't even be bothered to care about my wedding. The mother in law bailed on my bachelorette party that she wanted to plan for me which ended up never happening. She never showed up to my fittings. They left my wedding early. So yeah I'm envious and resentful because what is so special about this sister in law that no matter what she does she's perfect, I have to only hear about her and how amazing she is when I try to hang out with them, she gets everything I've ever asked for which is just love and inclusion. I have no idea how to unpack it because they are people that will not listen to reason and very fixed to their ideas, I can't just ignore them because they emotionally guilt me and my husband for distancing ourselves even thought they don't value us when we're around, and they see no faults in their own actions.
Wow! I'm so sorry that you're going thru that. I hope that you can find the strength to get past their rejection and just continue to live life with your husband within your very own happy place.
Sometimes family can be so disingenuous and it's nothing you can do about that. Unfortunately 🙄
Sending you peace and blessings ❤️
To be honest with you, I would just cut that off and try to be happy myself and my husband, you married him not them, if you feel bad and uncomfortable and belittle, cut that off, you deserve peace and being treated right by the people who surrounds you. I cut that off and idgf 😀😀😀
Exactly how my in laws have done me! After 20 years, I'm still not good enough. But they just adore my husbands ex wife who cheated on my husband and was a dead beat mom while I raised her 2 children for her. My husband wonders why I'm so bitter and send him alone to his family gatherings. And my don't they just love posting all the photos of the great time they all had while I wasn't there! It's sick really. These people are mental. If I had to guess, just like in my case, these people are jealous. I'm sure you are an amazing lady and your light is blinding those demons. At least that's what I tell myself. Stay strong and may God richly bless you!
I can relate to this so much. Keep your distance pursue your peace without them.
Very sorry for the pain they've caused you. I have a similar situation with my partner's daughter in law, a shallow and selfish girl who comes to my house and ignores or disrespects me repeatedly. And everybody loves her because she took on my partner's eldest, who is borderline and a real piece of work. I've been told he is growing tired of her self-importance, but I wouldn't want them to split, they have a baby. I just don't want to ever have to see her again.
Thank you Julia. This was an eye opener for me. I am once again reminded that I am responsible for myself and my needs. Your videos have increased the quality of my life. Thank you for sharing your insights, your personal experiences and your knowledge with us.
Thank you Christine - this really means a lot to me. And GOOD for you for doing the work.
“It’s ok to give yourself some compliments ” ... thank u.
Everything connected to me. This came at the right time for me as well. Working on a 12 step program and already did my 4th step which is writing out all resentments. We're always reminded that expectations are future resentments. On step 9 now which is about making amends to people I have wronged and one of them is someone I have HUGE resentments against and have kept me stuck on this step for months now. I know that most likely they will never recognize or apologize for what they did to me so this video has helped me refocus on having to make amends to what I did to them, not what they did to me.
Resentment is so toxic and causes so much suffering. Thank you for this beautiful video ♥️♥️♥️
Thanks, Kristina. I was seething toward my husband when I pulled this up, and your video really helped. Honestly, I really appreciated giving myself a verbal affirmation. As a mom, people seldom notice all you pour out, so it’s nice to remind yourself out loud that you’re doing great.
Yesterday I returned home from a trip that included driving alone with two kids, 5.5 hours each way...I smiled so big when you reminded us to tell ourselves “good job!! That was really hard and you did it!”. Amazing how just hearing you say it helped so much, thank you ❣️
I love the thought of giving yourself positive reinforcement and kudos for a good job or deed. We can be so hard on ourselves and then we can project that onto others. Your helpful words always come at the right time. Thank you for the welcome and wise insight, Julia!
Always Cathy. Glad you're here.
Yes, I like the part where we need to step back, give "yourself" the credit for what you achieved.. Validation is not dependent upon someone else performing the validation..
Many times it is between you and God...He will never forget and always sees the the heart you gave..
I’m three minutes in. Are you seriously telling me women at large do not know that I want them to find me attractive and that I want to find them attractive in a mutual exchange. They do know, we all know.
I agree, resentment is unmet expectations, and human desire is a core expectation. That is all resentment is here. It’s not drinking poison, it’s not about knowledge and awareness. It’s constant, lifelong negative reactions by the same people that cause you to dislike them.
Hi Julia, I want to thank you for this video. I have been struggling with the most terrible thoughts because of all the resentment I have toward my family, in specific my father. He's my father so my expectations were what a daughter should get from their father. I find myself having the hardest time forgiving and letting go of this anger. I was in a bad place in my mind and I live in my head most of the time. I just came across your video today for the first time. The resentment is a huge burden I carry everywhere and I find myself trying not to feel this way. It is not easy. I am responding over reacting most of the time. I have to watch more of your videos. Many thanks!
You are a delightful part of my days. Your posts are very focussed. The tools and perspectives you share are clearly articulated. The way you care for others comes through in your posts. You are a light in this world. Thank you for sharing your light.
My favorite part: Taking responsibility for our own expectations and needs instead of outsourcing our happiness to other people. Esp when they that don't even know what we need. We are allowed to meet own needs.
Hey Julia
Love yr videos ..I love the fact that u seem to be talking from yr heart and not just rattling out information..love to hear yr personal anecdotes ,makes me feel that u are real and applying yr advices to yourself.
This is important to me coz it addresses the feeling, oh you don't know what I am going through!
Love the way u navigate to the central feeling of an emotion..
Hoping to apply and be successful !
So thankful I’ve found your videos...exactly what I need. Thank you for all of your hard work and help. You’re very appreciated x
Just had to give a shout out to you. I work in healthcare and without giving details, I realized that your ‘How to stop being a people pleaser without feeling guilty’ is a video that was shared for learning. That is awesome.
Thank you for this video...I've been feeling very angry and resentful for the past couple of years...and I'm trying to learn to let things go
Julia, your content is always so right on target and communicated so effectively. You are making a HUGE difference in the community you influence by bringing truth and emotional health. I appreciate you and all I continue to learn from you. Thanks for using your talents to serve your community so beautifully 😊
Resentment is stimulated by disappointments in our lives. Maybe for every disappointment, we can give ourselves self-love and appreciation for continuing this good fight and being alive. God Bless you 🙏🏿
Thank you Julia. I’m decades older than you but your wisdom is vast. Relationships can feel hard to navigate. you help us do that with your energy , generosity of spirit and sincere sharing. I believe that There is no panacea but with the wisdom we gain here and there we learn to manage relating better without damaging ourselves and others beyond repair. Kind of like find the breadcrumbs in the forest. So thank you for the spiritual nourishment you provide.
Thank you! I was looking for some guidance in this topic and I am so glad your video popped up!
Wonderful video Julia! Thank you!
I’ve been carrying resentment towards my ex for the past 9.5 years, partly because she has not met my expectations in regards to how she’s provided for our adult children, but also partly because she HAS provided (in her own way) to our children. I figured out that I’m resentful of her because I’m not happy with myself; that I’ve put the keys to my happiness in her pocket, instead of looking for them in MY pocket. Time to be responsible for my own happiness, and take positive actions that will bring me closer to that goal. Thank you again for this thought provoking message.
I am 57 years old and I have never heard this before! Game changer!! I have been married almost 40 years and this info could have saved me so much grief had I have known it before now. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you. It’s hard to find people that care and understand what you are going through how ever it may look. Thanks again.
Julia, thank you so much for your honest, grounding, and inspirational videos. you deliver your messages in a way that makes me feel heard and safe. i’d love to see a video about how to get over feelings of guilt because you don’t feel “sick enough” or like your problems aren’t real? I often compare myself to my friends who struggle with diagnosed mental health problems, and then I don’t feel like I deserve help even though I struggle so much too.
Julia, thank you for sharing all of these videos. They really help.
Hey Julia. it’s helping a lot . Thanks 😊
It's an honour Tammy. Thanks for being here.
I like how clearly and calmly you speak, thank you! I feel more relaxed and confident
Holding grudge against someone is like drinking a poison and expect the other person to die
!!!!!!
7, 5 and 2 ?!? Bless you! Always amazing! I recognize my resentment, it is still a work in progress! When words and actions don't match... I have to be especially mindful when this relationship bleeds over into other areas.
Hello Julia, I'm Daphne and I love your channel! I just started watching it and I'm learning so much about me. I'm even learning just how badly I have been abused and how much control I have given to others... Thank you for your beautiful channel and sharing your talents! 🙏❤
I’m a little late ( 2 years ) to the party, but I’m tired of resentment and my other issues impacting my life/ relationships. This is a big step for me as I never thought I’d need to seek any sort of help to deal with my personal issues. This is just the start of my journey.
Hi Julia, thanks agin for your contant, all the work you did on yourself and all your learning and invested work. It's got so much value to share it online. I just got on the waiting list for the shift society, looking forward to that! :) I am stuck with the childhood experience of being to much for my parents to handle emotionally, they confirmed that this impression was true a few weeks ago and I'm now trying to handle this, moving beyond social anxiety and lack of relationships. All your work is providing me with a lot of courage and a great entry way for tackling my emotions/beliefs that are often to much and overwhelming, so many thanks to you!
Your example is very helpful. The whole unpacking of this scenario shows exactly how this happens. Being your own best friend is actually a conscious effort and easy to forget.
Wonderfully said and so true. Once you start to praise yourself, you grow up and start to be independent, but in a good way. Thanks
I'm so happy you're doing this video. Thanks for sharing on this topic Julia!!
This video is useful to everyone; even those who are not in need of counseling. .
@@barrymichlowitz1071 Yes!! I absolutely agree. Thank you for commenting :)
Hey Julia! Just stumbled upon your channel. I love it. I just gave myself a pat on the back for something someone else didn't acknowledge me for, and you are right, it did make me feel better. Thanks for putting this matter into perspective. Looking forward to the next video.
Thank you Julia - I really needed this - I was doing a guided mindful meditation on being kind - I did really feel that I needed this I want to add!! I mean I'm really kind! Part of it was to visualise someone that you didn't 'feel' kindly to. So I did - what really surprised me is that I wasn't willing to let go of the resentment and anger that I feel for them and then I actually saw that there were several people - in my past - that I still hold resent for. The scaring thing is that I don't want to give this up for any of them!! This seem a bit crazy to me as on the whole I would say that I was a good person. My search about resentment lead me to you and I am thankful for your video - at least now I understand why I feel it - I just need to work on why I'm so comfortable with this resentment and why I don't want it to go - I guess I still am waiting for them to 'pay' - ha ha and that's not going to happen - oh dear - sad face!!
Thank you so much for this one!!! Would love more videos related to or branching off this topic ❤❤
Julia Kristina,
Thank you so much for all your beautiful work!
You just brought peace in my mind and heart!
I realised instantly that I was aspected the same thing from others persons... the recognition.......
such a relief to know that actually there is no need to wait from someone nothing.... I can say to my self that I’m grateful for the beautiful job that I just done! And this is the big secret!
Amazing video! Thank you Julia. Great food for thought.
Great video. Too much energy is expended when you harbor resentment.
Say it again for the people in the back!
It’s not easy to let go unless the offender owns up
Wow that speech is an eye opener and a great mental technique. Thanks Julia!
I discovered your channel about a week ago and have been binge watching since. I really love your content.
Hey. This is quality content. I think my problem as a "people pleaser" is that I struggle with the fact that other's don't tend to have those tendencies and don't view pleasing others (ME) as a priority and I get resentful that they don't make the same effort as I do. I guess this is the rulebook I have made for myself and I need to take a different look at the situation. Thank you.
Your words are gold, Julia. ❤️
Hello everyone, I am Ikram and I love Julia's videos because she enlightens things that we ignore sometimes.. Thanks !
Thanks Julia for this wonderful topic it is a blessing to have got this notice on RUclips I must have needed it
Thank you!! Very helpful putting that into perspective.
Thank you for that incredible incite. I’m Wes. I’m feeling a lot of resentment within a relationship with my wife and I’m finding this so very helpful. Thank you!
Thank you Julia!!! I have received so much value from your videos, I’ve stared sharing on my Facebook page. Thank you!!!!!
So good! Thank you so much for making this video
Thank you, julia!
Unfulfilled expectations! I love this so much!
I feel that this speech is mostly applicable to anger, getting angry. When we cannot communicate what we need when we expect too much, then we get angry but resentful to me is very different and reasons are very different. It is a longer-term result of allowing others to disrespect, to disregard, to be unfair to you... and that is suppressed for a long time, when we allow that to happen and continue, one day the devil of resentment wakes up and very difficult to calm it down. Anger still can harm in the short-term due to our fuses being short and keep showing anger for anything even tiny stuff and it can cause damage to the relationships that are mostly good enough but the resentment usually comes up after a long time of allowing ourselves to be some form of abuse, unequal relationship and we know we did not we could not stand up for ourselves and kept allowing that to happen again and again and again with the same person. That is to me the resentment. If that was dealt with early on, after a few first instances by cutting off or confronting the person, it would just be healthy anger, not resentment - resentment brews like a strong bitter cup of tea that makes it a hidden enemy of health and all other neurotic behaviours later in life.
Hi,
I really like the way you explain and talk about tricky issues.
Resentment complicates our life, at least my life sometimes and it feels so good to hear someone talking about it.
It can help to notice we are not alone and mostly that it exists some tools to get over this issue that might hold us back.
Thanks again for your both clear and valuable tips.
Have a good day.
Take care!
Hello! You are amazing. Your videos have helped me get through a brutal breakup. So thank you!
This was such a brilliant, high quality content video. Thank you.
I just subscribed a little while ago and you’ve already helped me so much.. thank you ❤
I have so much resentment towards a few people. Need so much help. Loved the video.
Thank you! You have hit the nail on the head!
Thank you very much for this! It's been very helpful. 👍👏🙏
thanx Julia, I did enjoy this video. It's just eye-opener to me. good luck 🙏👍
I've been struggling with this for a while, thank you for the tools
Thank you so much! You helped me realize that i am feeling resentful towards a friend and don't feel like i can speak to them about it at all. This person puts me down often, has over stepped boundaries, disrespected me Infront of someone else, accusing me of things and just so many things over not even a year... Her insecurities were placed onto me instead of her bringing me up like a friend should as whole. I got belittled/ talked down to just degraded as person over such a small mistake (misplacing their drinks when moving them the night before) really early in the morning pretty much abusing me which made me remove myself from the conversation. Its getting too much and i think what makes me resent them the most is they treat me like this knowing how much im struggling and how much stress im under in my life. I don't know what to do but I'm taking time to process my feelings. I've been in a friendship like this when i was younger very one sided criticism and the other can do no wrong. Ive said to their face lightly to stop coming at me and when they disrespected me Infront of someone they didn't get the hint. I feel like they will jump down my throat or blame shift.
neighbours with both of the people i experience this with which makes it so much more difficult.
Thank you for explaining and breaking down what's going on in my head
I appreciate it!
Thank you! Your words were the key that unlocked the door. I feel so much lighter. There isn't a pit in my chest. My stomach is no longer in a knot. I am okay. Even though I did not get what I wanted or had expected, I am okay! I will be okay! Release for sure! Freedom...Yay!!!!!!!!
Hey there! First time here + I'm Lindsey from Raleigh, NC? Thanks for all the helpful content and keep it up!!
thank you for this video - it has really spoken to me !
This completely resonated with me...you dont need anyone elses approval to feel worthy or valued...it feels nice obvs but you arent defined by that
Your videos are so helpful. I wish we would learn that in school
I'll go you one more. It is actually our responsibility to ourselves to provide the; respect, love, compassion, gratitude, etc. that we sometimes expect from others. Don't kid yourself, they feel our resentment too even if we don't say anything. The best part is that when we unconditionally give; respect, love, compassion, gratitude, etc. to ourselves then we can give that to others. You cannot give what you don't have. The less expectations we have of others then the more peaceful and happy we are, and less fearful. When gratitude is conditional on someone else expressing it to us, it can also be taken away, hence the fear. That puts a lot of pressure on relationships and a lot of score keeping. Since I have been practicing self-encouragement, I really enjoy encouraging others, and I am detached from whether they encourage me or not. Love your channel!
I only watched 2 min and already liked you and subscribed..I love how we connect to people just like that :)
wow I really needed to hear this. thank you
Your videos are so good, thank you!
Subscribed after this. Thank you SO MUCH
Hi I’m new to this channel but I already know it is going to help me.
hi i think we chatted before, i am happy you are doing better and helping other people out.
You're amazing, very informative video. I have learn something new today because of you. You deserve this subscription 🙏🙏
Hi I’m Jill I have just found your channel. I have a lot of autoimmune diseases and have been working on my emotional issues and it is becoming clear to me that resentment is one of my main negative emotions, I am hoping that in clearing this my health will improve.