How to Get Over Feeling Rejected
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- Опубликовано: 19 окт 2022
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Feeling rejected by someone you want to be close with hurts. But what happens when you think you're being rejected by someone, but they are actually not truly rejecting you - and you're just jumping to conclusions without hard evidence? Here's how to cope with feeling rejected when it's just based on an assumption rather than facts.
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I've been rejected by women all my life. I'm now 75. Rejection saps confidence, induces resentment, jealousy, bitterness, low self esteem - and loneliness. It affects every aspect of one's life including working life - as it did in my case. I feel worthless. For me it's been the worst thing in my life - and I've had cancer !
The hardest part of dating rejection is that when you get rejected after a first date over something small and not giving you the chance to either make up for it or show there is more to you as a person. So its hard to not feel that you were judged before even having the chance to defend your self.
The problem is that you think you even have to. Trust me. That’s the anxious attatchment and fear driving that. Also girls say all sorts of things when distancing like that. If you push eventually they just blurt something that gets at the core of your ego just to push you away.
That is more like receiving a break up after your first date. The thing is you already dated that person and then your partner decided to treat you like a 1 night stand partner. You had a chance to date that person only once and the after the first date, it was time for break up. So your situation sounds more like a break up then a rejection. That term rejection would of been more like if that person don't even give you a shot at a first date.
I literally spent the last 4 years thinking about exactly that. I went too far with the teasing, which I intended in a good-natured way, but I abruptly got dismissed & then blocked. It's been hard to process having someone I'd liked for ages & respected a lot, define me over one comment, like that was all there was to me. It's like experiencing a death of that person, all possibilities with them are dead before they started. It can be worse than a break-up with someone you had a relationship with, because at least then you had your chance. Sorry about the essay, your comment triggered my ruminations!
@@jamesmccarthy6764 I have come to realize in the end you will meet the right person who just matches who you are. I just met someone that is a 100% match to who I am and no longer feel I have to walk on egg shells. Biggest thing is if a person has an issue with what you're doing just communicate it. If they can't then probably not a good sign anyways.
I feel she was the right person though, that's why I haven't been able to accept it ending so abruptly over something trivial. I haven't met anyone I feel the same way about since, if anything their not measuring up to her makes me feel the loss more deeply. I'm glad it worked out for you though, logically I know you're right, but emotionally it's a different story!
Hi Julia! Senior Shifter Chirs here!
Thank you so much for this video! This is something that I sometimes still struggle with. Some days I feel more secure and who I am and I can trust myself and others and other days not so much.
Of course, a lot of these struggles goes back to my anxious attachment style (For viewers here who are NOT shifters, we just had part 1 of our Attachment class and it was so helpful, and I am looking forward to part 2 and working deeper on this so I can become more secure!)
I struggle with being needy and clingy and the hard part is then I feel shame that I am. So a reminder to all of us who an anxious attachment. There is NOTHING WRONG with you. It is all about relfection and learning to do the inner work and develop a more secure self. We do that with tons of self-compassion!
A lot of hard truths and it can hurt and actually makes me more nervous because I feel like I still do everything wrong with managing my mind and creating self-fulling prophesy and so afraid of pushing people away.
I am not going to give up on myself and I am going to continue to work on this after all, what does it matter if others reject us when deep down, we keep rejecting ourselves? Right? Truth!
Here are my notes:
*Feeling rejected hurts
*Sometimes we feel rejected when we are really not being rejected.
*Taking things personally like not receiving a reply to a text message in a reasonable time.
*Not getting much response or support on a Social Media post.
*Making these things measure our lovability.
What to do when these things and feelings come up:
*We take a deep breath
*Pause and think "What am I making this mean?"
*Think or choose alternative thoughts
*Don't jump to conclusions
Understand some people have different ideas about friendships and how they interact or initiating and that doesn't mean they don't love, value, appreciate or like us less. Stop testing your friends.
Remember we are ALL worthy and valued people! We are loving and deserving of love and belonging. Believe it! (Saying this as reminder to myself as well!)
Thanks Chris!
@@juliakristinamah You're welcome! Thank you!!
Concentrate on people that value you. Thankfully it’s only my family that reject me, so as soon as I built my own life and surrounded myself with “normal” people I realised that it wasn’t me, it was them. I have always been different and now I love who I am. It still hurts though. My niece is very ill and no one is answering my messages of concern, of comfort, of good wishes, of offers of help. My cousin had a baby and I didn’t even know she was pregnant. My daughter really wanted to see one of my cousins but he never showed up. My favourite cousin has ghosted me a few years ago after an inheritance settlement that he didn’t agree with… but I know it’s not me, because my husband’s family adores me and I have lots of friends who value me and I feel loved by them. Family is family though… and I still offer my heart to them when I know something is up… and they throw it back to me like dirt 💔
I get that same treatment too. And like you I know its not me thats the issue. But we are are better off without them as we really dont need that kind of poisonous people treating us like we are worthless and getting their kicks out of it. Its their loss. Not ours ❤
There is also the scapegoat dynamic. That rejection that can be devastating.
I was going to mention the scapegoat dynamic. As thats what its about with my relations. They all join in against me. I see it as theyre loss. Because they clearly have issues if they need to treat someone in a hurtful way for no reason.
I've had enough of being initiator and yes...on a good day, I'll not take it personally but other days, when cup is empty, I feel rejected or ignored
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@@anita_benz90 Hi
I REALLY needed to hear this. It’s like you’re reading my mind. Always search for your advice when I need direction and you always say the right thing. I’m so greatful for you❤️
Happy this one connected at the right time Linda. Thanks for all of your support.
@@juliakristinamahi don’t know, the entire video sounds like that I have to do almost all the emotional Labor. Like reaching out, ask if someone is ok, when they didn’t reach out, initiate contact even if the other person frequenting don’t… I mean, why should I even stay in relationships when they aren’t built in the way I need them to be ? Why should I be ok with a communication behaviour or way of having a certain relationship when it’s just not my style and what I truly need ? Why should I ask a person if we are ok, having the “adult Talk”, when the person isn’t even able to address a problem and is distancing himself from me instead of seeking a conversation? Why I am responsible for all their behaviours? This advice speaks a lot of codependency still in my opinion.
I'm with you, Linda. I needed to hear this, too. Spoken with sincerity and in plain language, and sharing her own experiences, even though they may hurt, is refreshing. Thank you.
Shifter here! Both my boys don’t want me in their lives at all, they have totally rejected me. This is a good video thinking about both sides too and added information, more understanding and information that helps for work relationships too. Thank you Julia❤
Really good vid Julia!. Made me do some self reflection. Honest communication is important in all my relationships,but seems to be a challenge since I was very young. I come from a Buddhist training background,so from that I've learned to let go of my attachments to others which has been helpful.
Can you talk about being bullying, this happens a lot in the United States. Thank you
Trust me sister, it's a worldwide issue
@SarahMGalle😂lol good one
YES!!!!!
I was bullied all through school
I need to learn how to deal with an adult bully. I called one out once and it pretty much ended the friendship. I forgave and let go. She couldn't get over the hurt she caused me and felt uncomfortable around me because of it.
We don't talk anymore
Thanks Julia, I found your channel by chance and Im so glad I did. As everything you advise on is very helpful.
Thanks so much for the awesome video Julia. I love your classy new format ❤!
Thanks so much. I just moved and am trying to find the best place to record ;-)
Stop testing your friends and start looking for the evidence . That was very powerful. Thanks Very much Julia .
Really glad that part connected. Thanks for being here Prakash.
Loved it. Making things mean something against us is so natural but love to be aware and ask myself that question when starting to naturally asume. Thank u!!! I would like info on the shift society.
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Wow! I love your approached . I can resonate from it. And really agree on everything you sad. I learned so much from it. Assuming really is a struggle on me I asked my friend we could go put and han out and in last minute he canceled this is not the only first time that happened it really frustrating and disappointing. But on top of it though explanation was given from it. I learned so much from your video. Thank you for sharing it.❤
Thank YOU so much Julia!
Thank you for this video Julia
Another great video, thank you for your hard work!
You are so welcome. Thanks for being here Brenda.
I’m guilty of asking similar questions repeatedly when she’s not responding. In the end I considered her silence as a yes that she wants to end our relationship so i ended it myself. I kinda understand now how i must have made her felt. If only i have watched this video before that. I bet I’d happier.
Thank you for this video. It's as if you read my mind. From Ghana. Keep up the good work
You're welcome! So glad you're here.
Thank you, lovely lady. sending love and support to all :) xx
You're welcome. Thanks for being here.
I like how you get right into it. Great video.
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You are absolutely amazing and I really enjoy your videos so much. Thank you for everything
You're welcome..
Wanting more info and insight.?
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I think people have reasons for their behaviour. Some of them have nothing to do with me and it just makes me feel rejected. I do this often too. its not nice to be on the receiving end of it all. I think in my own life people overwhelm me so I need to take a step back often. Im an introvert. doesnt help being and empath and hsp. people can just wear me out often. but I recover once Im on my own.
Different perspective: -with years going by in my life Im learning that when I dont understand the motive for peoples behaviour, or some other instances ,this suffering is actually beneficial to me. and I see it actually as invaluable. its a bit controversial I know. It humbles me as a believer :)(my own little problem) . good video Julia. thank you
Wonderful videos. Thank you!!! 😀😍
I know you get so any comments... But just wanted to say that I absolutely love watching your videos. I learn so much from them... Always! Love and blessings. Wessel
Thank you for this video helps me loads❤
I’ve always enjoyed these little talks. I fall behind a lot on your videos. Life gets busy, or challenging, and I’ll check in with you vicariously here. It’s been great 👍. Hope all is well!
Oh Julia you hit Are the nail on the head that was describing me to a T I’m getting the the workbook and continuing listening to you and loving myself
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You are my councelor ever since I started watching your videos
Glad you're here and good for YOU for doing the work.
Thank you so much for this video ❤
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My favorite lesson.
This was amazing, many thanks
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Thanks for this!
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Omg I do all those things you shouldn’t do. I am often an initiator so I do take it personally when others don’t plan stuff. Great advice, Ty!
you're welcome! Really glad it was helpful.
Thank you for the video julia! I love your videos.
You're so welcome - that means a lot.
@@juliakristinamah Keep doing what your doing. Your videos help me to do better and love myself.
Thank you for this.
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Feeling rejection by my adult daughter is triple the pain because 1) She is the most important person in my life 2) We used to be close and 3) society blames bad mothering 100% of the time. RUclipsrs usually just write us off as bipolar, narcissistic, BPD, psycho, etc. nobody can imagine a situation where a good mom can be rejected by a child until it happens to them
Hi Julia, My name is Marlene and I am new to your videos. I am a mess, especially concerning my relationship with my adult children. Thank you for your psychological explanations and advice.
It seems like everyone struggle with this and I realize myself getting put off when I don't receive a certain amount of likes on my social media page and a coworker who lives just down the hill isn't texting me back in a long while. Being able to step back and think why they aren't that involved and having a conversation wil be helpful.
Very interesting mirror Julia
Yeah - sometimes those mirrors can be hard to look at, but deep growth can come when we do.
Great videos 💯😌
Thanks so much
love your content
Thank you Julia Kristina I appreciate “
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I love her more then others
I'm not very good at keeping up with connective communication these days (i.e emails, texting, such) it looks like I don't care enough to know perhaps. But I can try an get better at that. My memory isn't what it used to be. But if it is up to my heart, I'll try and hold out long enough to find a way to work together or at least work around.
I like the idea of someone I have no interest in rejecting me, that entertaining.
Course the idea of someone to whom shares common and mutual interest feeling rejected hurts but if it's because of me, then that would break my heart.
"Open door policy" by JuliaKristina was a nice touch, poetry and wisdom.
Thank you so much
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I get this when I try to make friends. The rection isn't that clear, but I can't let go easily.
I’m an introvert Julia I admit it I really value my alone time.
I keep tabs Julia.
This is timely because this is how I feel at arms length with friends and family
did you find this helpful?
I like this corner.
i love julia how she always makes me to take responsibility and talk like grown up person instead of making ASSUMPTION and keeping to myself that was one of my biggest issue as introvert i expected others to understand me without telling them i didnt know how to do it but Now i cannot wait to try it thank you Julia for this
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Ive been rejected for years and it hurts i want so much for people to except me
It’s important to me to have other people initiate as well Julia so it’s not always me.
That's fair! Just make sure they know it if it's not automatically apparent to them.
I’m a really nice person with too much empathy for my own good. Because I generally know how other people feel I personalize rejection because, to know how they feel I find reasons that they don’t want me.
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Also, rejection is a feeling and thoughts of it. No one can reject you. That’s the way I see it.
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Julia Kristina, the video is fantastic and covers some interesting points.
How about people that got rejected from their mother? How do they handle this?
That's a great question - and a deep one. Perhaps I'll do a video on that at some point.
Please do Julia. My mother has done this and as an only child this has been the cause of a multitude of issues. I am working though them but it’s hard.
0:54 LOL relatable. Irrational, and relatable 🤣🤣🤣❤️
I'm a single guy and an entertainer who never got his "big break." So this is kinda the thing for me.
My sister is a clinical therapist and days the same exact things to me.. having expectations can lead to disappointment!!
I would like to learn about self trust and stop overthinking things.. I loved this video it helped a lot in lots of areas.. But i found the self trust help cost money i dont have right now.. Can you recommend another one of your free videos that can help me in these areas or similar ones?
Thanx :) 💜
Yes! I have a whole play list with talks on building self-confidence - those will definitely help.
Thank you so much . I would just find them on u tube under your site i assume.. :)
Yeah, BUT what if you ARE being rejected by someone who has been a CLOSE friend. You have both agreed to be honest and tell each other if you disappoint to be able to work it out. The friendship is one-of-a-kind to you and meaningful. Then… over a few months, they politely “let you know” they no longer want to be close …. by going into “surfacey” mode (emails about what they do, not how they feel), one word email answers or smiley faces, and no phone calls! (Avoidant) And you have NO IDEA why the change. It hurts. How do you handle that?
I am going through exactly the same thing right now. It hurts. A friend I work with who was constantly texting me and talking to me regularly now doesn’t respond to texts and just avoids me for no obvious reason. She is civil but the discourse is superficial. I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt and think she has stuff going on but I’m 99 percent sure it’s because I got a favorable job offer and am moving on and she isn’t. He coldness toward me began right after hearing about my job offer. Initially I was saddened… I mean why isn’t she happy for me? I’d be happy for her. But I’m slowly learning that when people act this way the problem may not be you but something stemming from within them. In my case, I believe it was my friend’s insecurities.
@@messue428 JULIA talks about the sign of a “true” friend is “being happy for you”. Yeah, it does hurt. A lot. Especially when you really believed they were a “friend”. I have this happen often. A GREAT video is Julia’s on something like…”is it time to let go of a friendship”. That particular video helped me a great deal. Also someone said, “Don’t make someone a priority when to them you are only an option.” I am loving and accepting of people but continue to wait for a “true friend”. I give it several tries over time and if the response is not there, I move on. People just aren’t like that it seems. They are SO VERY “self absorbed”, they only want you as a friend in order to feed themselves. I’m not feeding them anymore. Now, guarded. Still reaching out, but will wait until I see the signs that mean the person genuinely cares about me. I’m 74 and have a few good (old) friends… but they are ALL totally self absorbed and never even pay attention to what I say. I’ve learned to let it go now and just listen and not expect anything. I am not putting my soul into them. Not giving them a true friend because as Julia says, it is an equal relationship. Their loss actually.
I'm not an open person and I don't want to assume that my circle rejected me. It's just, life happens. I've always loved to plan stuff but when I got rejected multiple times because of different schedules, I've changed. There were some truth to their schedules but you can clearly see who actually makes time. And because I've heard some stuff that I felt I was leading them - when in fact, I just love coordinating the reunion! I can now see that I'm not the reason why the group is still there because when I message, it's always an awkward conversation on chat. But if it's someone else from the group, the group becomes alive. It's so hard to be honest nowadays because when I did become honest, most of my relationships didn't end well. T-T
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I consider myself passive-aggressive Julia.
Because of who you are
When it comes to asking women out or trying to converse with a woman I just meet and get to know her... that's when rejection and I really get acquainted.
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Yeah my case did
Being rejected by people I know is a problem I wish I had. I haven't known anyone since 2004...
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Yep…. This is me. I got rejected recently from a person i thought I wouldn’t be. It brought all this up.
You're welcome..
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It’s important to me Julia to find friends that initiate contact with me sometimes.
Trigger warning to people with PDs 👐 the video is about anxious attachment & perceived rejection vs actual or genuine rejection.
I do love you I know everything
I really don’t remember anything
I feel like this is all about talking me out of how i feel. What if the person is not being kind. What if they are just not nice ?
Merry Christmas
I just started a job and No one talks to me, everyone gets together and completely ignore me! My bipolar I just Don’t relate to people… I feel I need to hide .. it plays on me
I don't need to feel insecure.
What if the rejection is REAL?! If someone says we should hang out and you say yeah I would like that, I’m free next week. Let me know what works for you and they never respond to that??? And if you have set a time in the past and they don’t respond to it and when they do they are hesitant with the ok of hanging out? Or if they don’t answer the phone and then just text you back but don’t call you? I guess after awhile it just gets OLD…..I know this may sound like the wrong attitude but I’m tired of being hurt by other people, really rejected by people, and I particularly don’t like the flakiness of people so I just give up and stick to family and my husband as my friends. I am a nice person, I’m fun to be around but yeah I’m just OVER IT!
Amen
I made sure to make it impossible for me to ever be rejected or be emotionally hurt again. I simply deleted the social aspect of my life. With no friends, no girlfriend, no aquaintences, it is impossible to have any conflict, rejection, nor ever be used, betrayed, then painfully abandoned only for the people to try to get back into my life three months later. Friendships and romantic relationships often cause more pain than pleasantness. I want no part of them.
I hear you. But there are good people out there. Just be more discriminating in who you let in to your circle.
Everyone talks about being rejected and just ignoring it afterwards as it doesn't kill you, but no one talks about the different types of rejection. For example, if you were rejected by a random person you met at a bar, it's not that bad cause you won't see that person ever again probably. Now, when you are rejected by a crush, someone from your social circle, things can become pretty awkward and it might affect your reputation within that circle too, cause she will tell everyone that you hit on her. she will make you feel bad for doing it like if you were a pervert or something and so on. So, I don't think that rejection is always that simple to forget.
Sorry. Your vids make me better. I struggle with confidence.
Omfg.
Lol. Wow. She reads my comments. I can die happy now. Jk. I'm not like a total troll loser. But I'm likely projecting so I need you. My buddy and I are aimless and depressed and we think you're just something. So thank you for being you.
@@stevecatanio8532 "om*g". Do you have to be so obnoxious , clown? you could have used another expression
@@Marekcatholic I know. But I love that woman. She kept me alive. I'm an Iraq war veteran. I am a college grad. I have been into internet culture my entire life. I'm a millennial. Makes me angry so many people out there who are pseudo posers.
@@stevecatanio8532 Im rather talking about using expression om*g. Im a religious person and this is very offensive. other thing is none of my business. except you know shes married right? take care
right on time....last week i was chatting to a cafe worker, i felt some connection even though she is younger. things were casual .... this week she ignored me didnt say hi ir bye or even come to my table.....wtf
I wish this was a little heavier on handling actual rejection. It seemed a lot more on “don’t assume you are rejected” but not a lot on well yes the person did reject me , now what.
why is it in black and white
Hi Julia
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Juile I been friends with girl, and told everything and thought there chance , but she takes day’s reply to messages, and wants see only around and now kind of meet guy and it’s hurts so pulled completely and repent her text , because I don’t be around her now and struggling, I just want be left alone , am i doing right thing because I need heal , am doing right thing or it wrong ?
I said I refused to sighn anything until I fully understand what I’m signing
This just happened to me.. i was told i was rejection sensitive (gaslit) when i asked to talk about the initiation issues and asked to have a sober chat about it i was dumped! (rejected for real).
I was rejected by my high school sweetheart Tracci Ludwick Julia even though I thought of her as my ex-girlfriend.
True ..2 years ago a women at work wanted to hang out with me . I said sorry I have a girlfriend ..she understood but later was being a total mean person ..I ask her do you have a boyfriend now she said yes ..I said ok good for you. My girlfriend and I broke up too ..the girl wanted me to date someone else ..I will find
Someone else on my own not on your terms. There's was alot of tension between us...I am still single but don't care..
Ivself sabotage any dates i have from fear of rejection this way I convince myself I messed up not fact he didn't find me attractive so I dont gave to face the pain of rejection
I was recently rejected. It hurts.
I can only control my behaviour , nobody else s
I get constantly rejected in my entire life. After a while, I figured it out that I am truly Unlovable.
Example: I invited 30 people to celebrate my birthday. Only 4 showed up
That tells me I am unlovable
Hi Julia, i had a bad day today because of how someone reacted. Ive worked on myself for the past two years but still such things get to me. This person triggered my narc abuse experience with gaslighting. And blaming me when i put a boundary and regurgitated previous disagreements when we already talked it over. This person was all about boundaries but when i stated mine politely got blamed .
I endedup oversharing with a new acquaintance, as i felt vulnerable. Asked her permission ofc. But i felt like i was too intense and a weirdo.
I feel I’m too much or too intense and that scares people off. How do i deal with this kinda rejection.
I’m working on mysef but realising is it because i want people to accept me as per their checklist or mine. Still feel like none of the new people stick and i miss hving friends. Helpp.
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Why is it funny
I am rejected everyday. I have not one friend, at all - ever. I try to make friends and be a friend, but that's an ongoing "no-go." I sign up for classes, activities, groups - no one befriends me. When I instigate conversations most people are cordial, but a lot are curt. I plan social events, no one comes. I send birthday cards, but receive none. I received absolutely no recognition at my retirement, after 33 years of service. When most people do talk to me, it's in a very condescending tone of voice. It has always hurt and it still hurts. It hurts every day, all day long.
Hi. I have no friends too. Maby do you want to be friend with me?
Be your own best friend....as the song says "people will hurt you and dessert you..and take your soul if you let them...but don't you let them"...God gave you life...enjoy it no matter what...you only get one chance.
Some people actually get rejected tho
My comment may be on the other side of the aisle…… But I have a question. To be totally objective on this issue, should not both possibilities/sides be addressed? Wouldn’t it be helpful to include tools/ suggestions to help when others in this woke independent culture we live in today do intentionally reject one and leave one out to assist one in dealing/healing from the deep hurt and woundedness caused by such? Just curious!
What kinda tools are you looking for? Like you can always learn more social skills. And stuff.