There is a fundamental difference in mindset when you borrow/lend with family. The lender assumes “of course they’ll pay me back, they’re family!” while the borrower assumes “they’re family, they won’t mind if I don’t pay them back.”
True. That’s the entire reason why this guy has no problem borrowing from Family… He probably has no intention of paying them back to begin with, and he probably doesn’t care if he ruins the relationship. But he will care later. When you get older, you care
I have a similar situation. The irritation is that she has forgotten, but you haven't. It puts us in a peculiar situation in which we feel awkward reminding them. I don't expect the money will be returned, but I can assure that I will never lend out another quarter.
100%. My mom leant my sister money for so many things and when mom finally said no, my sister stopped speaking to her. Oh and my sister never paid a penny of it back.
I lend my good aunt small amounts of money sometimes, and she repays quickly. One time she borrowed from me, but was not repaying as usual. It turned out she took the money from me, because another cousin was needing it. I confronted both and got my money on the same day. Never loan money to family or friends, it will change the relationship for life.
I never loan more than I would give. So if they don't pay, it was always a gift anyway. And if they ask for more, I'll remind them of the earlier unpaid loan.
Sometimes even asking for a loan can cause issues; there is resentment when one is refused and resentment in being asked KNOWING the person asking would not want to pay it back.
I totally agree with this. When I met my husband he already had borrowed off his father who said " no rush" His father went on about it every single day, I'm losing interest, when you getting my money , on and on. Made our lives hell. He also wanted to control literally everything.
The best advice I ever got, was if a friend or relative needs money for a loan, do it as a gift! If you don’t expect the money back, you will never lose a friend or relative. Be charitable not stupid.
If you don't expect the money back, some relatives will take advantage of that and think they can keep asking. That's the scary part, setting a precedent. To top it all, the time you decide not to give, then they may be upset because they've gotten the idea that you can afford and don't mind giving.
I did borrow from my stepdad for a house down payment. He set no conditions but the right house came along and our current house was on sale waiting to be finalised. As soon as it sold, I paid him immediately. But it was embarrasing to ask for it and was relieved as soon as I paid him.
I'm almost even hesitant to gift money to family because it turns into an ongoing thing when they have poor money management skills. I know I don't ever expect it back but I still have that "Thanksgiving dinner doesn't taste the same"
I have friends who co-signed for a home loan mortgage for their son and his live-in girlfriend. The son and his girlfriend ended up breaking up, he moved out and the girlfriend refused to leave of the house and stopped making the mortgage payments until the bank foreclosed on the property, which took years. What a mess.
Any family member I’ve ever lent money to (which in most cases ended up being a donation) I had to end up ignoring eventually because the requests never ended. Relationship either became damaged or if they were smart they took the hint and stopped asking and things went back to normal .
Agreed. It’s even worse with friends. If you lend a friend money, they’ll stop respecting you and they only see you as a piggy bank. And then they will get really offended if you don’t continue lending/giving them money. This is why it’s good to be rich, but not to tell people that you’re rich. Because then they feel entitled to ask you for money, and if you give in, it ruins the relationship. And sometimes, if you don’t give in but they know you are rich, they will be butt-hurt anyway.
That's what I think can happen when you just GIVE people money, with no expectation of repayment. Who's to say that doesn't make it EASIER for that person to keep asking, knowing repayment isn't part of the deal? Might be more dangerous than lending money. At least responsible people may pay it back.
Yup, I never loan more than I would give. So when they don't pay it back, it was always a gift anyway. And if they ask for more, I remind them of their earlier unpaid loan.
Many years ago I borrowed $200 from my parents in order to pay car insurance. I told them I would pay them back in 2 weeks (which I did) and I never heard the end of it. My older brother and sister 'borrowed' thousands from them, never paid them back and I got the brunt of their misgivings. I will NEVER lend money or co-sign for anything ever!
Similar thing happened to me!! I moved to the USA from Canada and my parents insisted on loaning me some money to get a better “safer” car becauseit was “no big deal” for them. I paid them back earlier than I told them I would but they were still HOUNDING me for the cash! But at the same time they’ve forgiven thousands of dollars worth of “loans” from my brother 😂 People are disorganized, sometimes emotions from one relationship leak over to another. I’ve never borrowed anything since and that was 12 years ago!
@@EricSmyth4Christstop misquoting the Bible and lying about the Bible. There is severe punishment for that, there’s is no passage of the Bible that says being a slave or a borrower is wrong. the Bible say in Corinthians if you were a slave when you Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you-although if you can gain your freedom, do soz SLAVE TRADER IS IMMORAL IN THE BIBLE! a slave to Sin is wrong. FYI there is a curse on people like you who add or subtract from the Bible!
My husband and I made the mistake of borrowing money from his parents and found our spending habits were continually scrutinized until we finally paid them back. We made the decision never to borrow money from family again! (Nor lend money, either)
I agree with Dave. If someone owes money to a bank, they have a lot of incentive to pay on time. If someone owes money to a relative, paying is much further down on their list. It's like it's become "informal" to them. You would think it would be the other way around, but it's not.
Absolutely right. Wish I could turn the clock back on certain instances in the past and approach from a different angle, I'm sure we all do. Youngsters listen to this, please.
Our son and his wife needed help with a down payment on a flat in the UK (we live in the US) They asked to "borrow" money. We discussed the situation and decided that we would "Give". We don't expect repayment. We also didn't "give them" exactly the amount they wanted, we gave them what we felt we could give financially. There will never be any bad feelings because everyone knows up front what happened. If you don't have the money to give, just don't give it. We love them deeply and would still give him the shirts off our backs! Also, you can't take it all with you! This made their lives so much better!
Oh man, I understand now, we have borrowed money from my parents multiple times and I’m totally comfortable with it, but my wife, not so much. When we were paying back my wife’s father with a business transaction I wanted to pay it quick but my wife was relaxed about it. Those feelings Dave spoke about are so real.
My Father once loaned my Wife and I some money for a house down payment. We made the payments for about a year and then at Christmas he told us that he was forgiving the loan and gifting us the money. It depends on the family.
Yes you are correct. Again, it totally depends on the family. However, everyone is human beings, thus the best choice is simply not to take the risk of breaking a relationship just for material gain because we are dealing with human beings.
@@jimroscoviuswhy “should” he? Maybe wanted to make sure his kid is financially responsible first before gifting it? Beautiful life lesson for a child is you ask me….
recently sold a property and I'm thinking to put the cash in stocks, I know everyone is saying its ripe enough, but is this a good time to buy stocks? How long until a full recovery? How are other people in the same market raking in over $200k gains with months, I'm really just confused at this point
you are right. it's been a brisk tailwind for lnvestors in US stocks over the decades but it is still a delicate season now, so I advise you to consider the guidance of a financial aI advisor
I agree…. I recently purchased a home. My parents wanted to help…. Not with the purchase of the home but with furnishings and etc since I was a first time homebuyer. I told them they can give what they can but it will have to be a gift and not a loan. I did this not to sound entitled because I’d rather not take anything than to get a loan from them. Thanks fully they understood.
This is smart........I'll keep this in mind! I hate borrowing from anyone, but I did have a family member that constantly asked for stuff and I had to cut 'em off.
Completely agree.....money and family DO NOT mix. I think the discomfort can also work both ways. It can be quite uncomfortable for a loanER when the borrower doesn't seem the least concerned with paying the loan back.
Dave is very correct. I had a friend pick me up something at the store (a $40. purchase). I didn't have the cash to pay her when she dropped it off. Until I made it to the bank and got the money to her a week later - she thought she had control over my life. It ruined the friendship.
@@vladbelonozhko339 Exactly you can't be business partners with everyone and you can't be friends with everyone either.......that girl was shallow and problematic as hell. There are some people you can be friends with and go into business with, but it depends on the individuals and relationship. If one has bad character traits or the foundation is not there then it cannot extend much further from the illusion lifting it off the surface.
Its clear to see in your own words why that relationship went south. -You look at her lending you $40 bucks (by stopping at store) as a measly favor -You probably communicated like you had the money and you were going to get it the next day…. Or you didn’t tell her you were broke. -then you saw how annoying she got and you still waited a week to pay her back because you really didn’t have it or you didn’t care about her feelings -You could have made it right by valuing your friendship and her money by giving it back to her ASAP so she can stop acting like the “B” she had to become to get her money back. This is the bottom line of Dave’s story: People get funny when they lend or borrow money!
@@warren2398 , not quite. She knew from the beginning that I had the money in the bank. What I didn't have was the cash on hand. She also knew I was working 2 jobs. I wouldn't make it to the bank for a week. My electric furnace went out in the dead of winter, in a snow storm. I asked her to pick up a little electric heater so my house wouldn't freeze up when I was gone to work. I was working swing shift and graveyard - 2 different places, with 2 hours between the two shifts, 30 minutes drive from home. And, I was already paying her to take care of my dogs while I was working. She decided I needed a "life coach", and a financial advisor telling me how to spend my wages - all over asking her to pick me up a $40 electric heater, because I wouldn't have "time" to pay her till after payday - because that's when I'd have a day off. However, thank you for adding your own spin to the problem. She wasn't poor. I wasn't trying to take advantage of her. And, she offered to pick up something for me at the store. She inadvertantly thought I was getting the electric heater because I couldn't afford the electric furnace repair - instead of a timing issue.
If I loan someone money, it's only because I know I'm ok with never getting it back. Trust me, most people who don't hesitate to ask for money, or readily take any offers, have no plans to pay you back. Or, they will pay begrudgingly or very, very late. Give only if you're ok with never seeing that money again.
Do not be one who shakes hands in pledge or puts up security for debts; if you lack the means to pay, your very bed will be snatched from under you.” - Proverbs 22:26-27
I lent money to my brothers to help buy their houses. It worked out well. The first time, my brother had almost enough money to buy a condo outright but no credit history, and my sister and I lent him enough so that he didn't have to fight with the bank to get a mortgage. We basically worked out a private mortgage with an interest rate lower than what the bank would charge, but higher than what we'd earn with the money sitting in a savings account. My other brother still needed a bank mortgage, but lending him money helped us both financially. I don't think his wife was as comfortable with it, but we still have a good relationship. I never had any worries about being paid back.
Unfortunately times have changed. I believe that many younger people today would not feel badly in any way asking for or being given loans, etc. And would feel indignant about having to pay it off. I've learned this the hard way with one of my adult kids
Don't loan anyone money ever. Ramsey is correct that the lender is going to scrutinize the borrower's spending habits (vacation, clothes, etc.). I scrutinize others' spending habits even when they don't owe me money! (e.g., How could they send their kids to private school, pay for travel sports, AND afford that new $60,000 car when they make less than me?!!)
@@EB-gt1pq I do that only when they owe me money or complain about being broke. When people complain about being broke, they open the doors to financial scrutiny.
Considering this is a show about people in debt and banks calling in Dave's loans in the past, I can see where he's coming from. But lending to family is no different than lending non-family members and it all depends on lender, borrower, and situation. I've co-signed and loaned money/things of value to a small circle of friends and family and have never had issues with them repaying (been on the other side too). That said, there are friends and family I'd never loan anything to because of their character/backgrounds/situations and don't feel bad about saying "No".
My mom received an sizable inheritance from her sister, so she blessed each of ten children with a $5,000 gift. I felt uncomfortable about it and tried to give it back, but she wouldn't have it, so I took her on an Alaskan Cruise and to Ireland, effectively gifting it and then some back to mom.
Never lend money to anyone. The best policy is to give money. When you lend, issues almost always happen. It is not worth it. If they can't afford it in the first place, then they should not buy it.
😮😮I once loaned my brother some money for an emergency. $200. At Christmas, I told him it was a gift, but I would like him to pay it forward to someone else. Just don’t tell me about it. Years later, my sister told me that he bought her a used car when her kids were young.
Dont ask to borrow and dont "lend" any $ to anyone! Unless to dont want to see the person you lent the $ to because they will "disappear" when payment time comes
My 1st time listening to him speak. It was about saving money, in different departments, (Emergency), (Transition,) and (savings). It gave me chills. I wish i been knew this. It was on the video tilted; (HOW MUCH SHOULD REALLY BE IN YOUR EMERGENCY FUND)?
Even if I was destitute on the street ,I would not accept a loan from family members. Even when repaid they think they own you for life and never let you forget the “kindness”. A view from the other side of of family loans.
when do you estate planning, be very careful who you include or exclude in your will - if you don't want to leave relatives anything, let them know early on, the fights I've seen over estates is horrible
I was moving my business to a prime location only within a year of opening. We knew there would be some cost, we were willing to take out a loan until my dad said well give you the money so you dont have to pay interest. It was more a gift than a loan. But i still want nothing more than to give it back to them as quickly as possible
And that last sentence is why it may continue to haunt you until you do. Gifts, loans, especially loans etc., I’ve learned my lesson…never ever conduct these types of transactions with family. It always in the back of one’s head.
Never ever borrow money from or lend money to family and friends if you want to keep a good relationship with them, Lending and borrowing money definitely change relationships.
I now understand why my adult daughters favor the other inlaws over myself. The are all tied up with money dealings and feel obligated to differ to them. it is so hurtful to have this "buy your adult kids away from you" bs going on with the other in laws. Even if it is a gift, it certainly changed things as to what obligations they feel towards the giver. They have purchased being first in my daughters and grandchildrens lives. It has hurt me so much in the past as if I the biological parent was less than, until I found out they had willingly sold first dibs rights to these questionable inlaws and got the strings that go along with it, as sad as it makes me that they did this it has explained a lot. Mind you, they did not tell me at the time they were struggling I found out after the fact, years down the road, and frankly feel concerned my adult children had indebited themselves this way (if only by innocence of not knowing) but it explains why the inlaws were so popular with my daughters, regardless of them being "questionable" self centered folks in my mind. I guess, in some ways it explains a lot, though. what a burn. I guess my adult kids don"t see what else they sold off to get that money.
Loaned money from a family member can cause headaches with the mortgage company too. A gift is a gift. A loan has strings attached that are required before the bank will accept as "your" available cash.
I lent my brother 17 thousand dollars back in 1996 for his business, he never paid me back. He also borrowed money from his friends and probably didn’t pay them either ,we have had a few fights about it over the last 28 years. He’s a deadbeat living in Mexico now. I was in the hospital for 6 weeks about ten years ago with a broken back, pelvis, hip and shattered femur, he came and saw me for about twenty minutes and split to Mexico, haven’t seen him since, I sure could have used that money when I was off work for that two years. Oh well, lesson learned. 😊
Purchased a car for someone and got burned! They got into an accident 2 months after getting it , lied about signing and receiving info from the other person’s insurance , therefore forcing me (as the car owner bc I kept it in my name bc her insurance was high AF) to accept not only a total loss but also only getting around 4k.. so yea that’s the only payments I received EVER .. she stopped making payments & I cut her off
I got burned $80k cosigning for distant family (in laws). Stupid me. Will warn my kids never to do something that dumb. If in laws are in trouble they can have a room in my house for some time. But I'm never signing anything for anyone again. Can't afford it? Don't buy it
Do not be one who shakes hands in pledge or puts up security for debts; if you lack the means to pay, your very bed will be snatched from under you.” - Proverbs 22:26-27
Being dirt poor in Texas, the only way to buy a house was to get a loan from relatives. I bought three houses betweem the ages of 21-29. Paid every borrowed cent back as quickly as possible. Appreciate the loans. I am 73 and living in one of these houses bought back then when housing was affordable. 🤫🤫🤫 ❤❤🇺🇸❤❤ My starting wage was $1.77 an hour. I graduated from high school in hard times. 🤫😎
I loaned a friend several DVD sets close to 10 years ago now. I rarely see her anymore. Maybe once a year she'll say "oh, I still need to get those DVDs back to you. I think they're in my trunk." I just raise an eyebrow. I feel petty, but also, returning a borrowed item is just basic respect in a friendship.
I am dealing with this right now. It's wasn't really lending but giving to square away bills. We never had a pay this back then my mom died and super toxic family got involved and it went from giving for household budget evolved into stealing because incells didn't get their cut of the pie.
Paid the STUPID TAX with this one!!! "Lent" my deadbeat sister money and never got it back. Once I couldn't give anymore she publicly defamed me and blocked me.
Wow, sorry to hear that. Pretty ungrateful of her. Gotta wonder if others knew SHE was the one who was wrong. After all, if you weren't lending her money any more, maybe she chose another person to borrow from.
@@CarlaQuattlebaum thats observant of you! She ended up asking everyone she could get her claws on! Friends, family (even my aunts and uncles)! I hope she gets whats coming to her.
I had lend, my now ex gf, $1050 cash to have to fix her family’s living room floor and was told they each were gonna give me back at least $300 each but I never got it back. It’s been 3 years. They told me last week they will pay me back when they sale the home hopefully early next year.
Ramsey's rules aside, a $700k loan where you're overextended like that is extremely risky in an uncertain rate environment. In Canada, you have to renew mortgages every 5 years so he could be in a much worse situation on renewal.
You know, I've borrowed and paid back my family a few times and have been the lender. We've never experienced these issues because we all just assume we're getting our money back eventually and promptly stop thinking about it. Same with friends, though those amounts are always smaller. (Disclaimer: we never charge interest, as God commands the Hebrews to avoid with other Hebrews) I totally believe that what you say is likely a truism (true most of the time, but isn't a hard and fast rule), but I'm curious how many people you've convinced not to borrow or lend with family that could have done so just fine. In my opinion, family should be one of the first places to go to get help in financial scrapes, then church and Christian friends, then look to institutions or other options. But I understand that people don't fit the ideal and doing this pattern can lead to problems. But it also makes me wonder if we need this practice to build better relationships with others, too.
Based on the history of US stocks. Historically, dips in the US markets have been terrific money making opportunities. Many companies do have debt but not all of them do. And several have a higher market cap than a lot of countries.
Never loan more than you would give. That way if they don't pay it back it was always a gift! And if they ask for more money, you can remind them of the earlier unpaid loan.
I agree with Dave on all but the consigner. You shouldn't but it's not practical in today's day and age. For my first apartment they wouldn't rent to me without a cosigner. I had minimal rental experience (other than student housing). It's easier said than done.
What about other forms of credit such as paying a car payment or savings? I wouldn't feel comfortable asking someone to co-sign knowing that if I don't follow through for whatever reason their credit is on the line.
I borrowed £70k off my parents to pay off my mortgage (UK based) earlier this year when the interest rates here sky rocketed. The loan is interest free. It works and I do have peace of mind, but I hear your when you say you're slave to the lender
When I got married my Trumper father in law pulled me aside and said he’d take out a Heloc of 10k for us to get started on a home etc. his home was paid off and he could borrow it for zero interest. This was before I found Dave, but I’d rather live in a van down by the river than borrow from them or any other family member.
@@marchosch3876 When you call a person a Trumper, that means they’re MAGA and all the idiotic attributes that go along with that meme. Think Lauren “Get a hotel room” Boobert.
My uncle lent his cousin some money many years ago. Come to find out she may be on drugs. Never got it paid back & he will still bring it up on occasion. Last week she asked my dad for $.
I agreed to guarantee the first semester of college for my stepdaughter. She swore she would pay it off. 11yrs later she is married to a doctor and has only paid 15%. Lesson learned.
Yep...go to college and marry a doctor. And if you can get some "sucker" to pay for it...more power to ya! Family reunions must really be fun for you guys.
Our 30something daughter needed a cash influx...she promised to pay us back...we said, no, this is a gift not a loan. $8,000 is not worth the heartache. We also said, don't ask again.
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There is a fundamental difference in mindset when you borrow/lend with family. The lender assumes “of course they’ll pay me back, they’re family!” while the borrower assumes “they’re family, they won’t mind if I don’t pay them back.”
💯 never thought about it this way
True. That’s the entire reason why this guy has no problem borrowing from Family… He probably has no intention of paying them back to begin with, and he probably doesn’t care if he ruins the relationship. But he will care later. When you get older, you care
Always thought about it this way
While I understand how it is tempting for you to do so, it is not good that you simply assumed his intentions of not going to pay his in laws.
TRUE
I loaned a friend money about $150. 20 years later she forgot about it, but I didn’t.
I have a similar situation. The irritation is that she has forgotten, but you haven't. It puts us in a peculiar situation in which we feel awkward reminding them. I don't expect the money will be returned, but I can assure that I will never lend out another quarter.
Worst part is when they dont forget about it but pretend to forget about it
@@takagi298 can’t say it better myself. ❤️
Remind her...
As the old saying goes: "If you want to keep a friend, do not borrow, do not lend."
100%. My mom leant my sister money for so many things and when mom finally said no, my sister stopped speaking to her. Oh and my sister never paid a penny of it back.
Sounds like my sister, always mooching off of mom.
I lend my good aunt small amounts of money sometimes, and she repays quickly. One time she borrowed from me, but was not repaying as usual. It turned out she took the money from me, because another cousin was needing it. I confronted both and got my money on the same day. Never loan money to family or friends, it will change the relationship for life.
I never loan more than I would give. So if they don't pay, it was always a gift anyway. And if they ask for more, I'll remind them of the earlier unpaid loan.
Sometimes even asking for a loan can cause issues; there is resentment when one is refused and resentment in being asked KNOWING the person asking would not want to pay it back.
Yes
I totally agree with this. When I met my husband he already had borrowed off his father who said " no rush" His father went on about it every single day, I'm losing interest, when you getting my money , on and on. Made our lives hell. He also wanted to control literally everything.
Dave is so right. You NEVER borrow from or lend money to relatives. NEVER!! There can be so many problems. You/they can give, but don't lend.
The best advice I ever got, was if a friend or relative needs money for a loan, do it as a gift! If you don’t expect the money back, you will never lose a friend or relative. Be charitable not stupid.
If you don't expect the money back, some relatives will take advantage of that and think they can keep asking. That's the scary part, setting a precedent. To top it all, the time you decide not to give, then they may be upset because they've gotten the idea that you can afford and don't mind giving.
better yet -- I say I don't do personal loans, see a bank
I did borrow from my stepdad for a house down payment. He set no conditions but the right house came along and our current house was on sale waiting to be finalised. As soon as it sold, I paid him immediately. But it was embarrasing to ask for it and was relieved as soon as I paid him.
I'm almost even hesitant to gift money to family because it turns into an ongoing thing when they have poor money management skills. I know I don't ever expect it back but I still have that "Thanksgiving dinner doesn't taste the same"
I don’t like to receive gifts, either. I have learned the hard way that there is no such thing as a free lunch.
I have friends who co-signed for a home loan mortgage for their son and his live-in girlfriend. The son and his girlfriend ended up breaking up, he moved out and the girlfriend refused to leave of the house and stopped making the mortgage payments until the bank foreclosed on the property, which took years. What a mess.
The first issue is you have people living together before marriage aka fornication. If God is not in there life what do you expect to happen
Some people are credit criminals. The girlfriend probably has a history of not paying her bills.
why didn't they evict her?
@@TLA123y6fI’m guessing because her name was on the deed
Why did their son move out in the first place?
don't loan money to friends either, if you loan money to friends, you generally lose both, cost me over 10K to learn this
Any family member I’ve ever lent money to (which in most cases ended up being a donation) I had to end up ignoring eventually because the requests never ended. Relationship either became damaged or if they were smart they took the hint and stopped asking and things went back to normal .
Agreed. It’s even worse with friends. If you lend a friend money, they’ll stop respecting you and they only see you as a piggy bank. And then they will get really offended if you don’t continue lending/giving them money. This is why it’s good to be rich, but not to tell people that you’re rich. Because then they feel entitled to ask you for money, and if you give in, it ruins the relationship. And sometimes, if you don’t give in but they know you are rich, they will be butt-hurt anyway.
That's what I think can happen when you just GIVE people money, with no expectation of repayment. Who's to say that doesn't make it EASIER for that person to keep asking, knowing repayment isn't part of the deal? Might be more dangerous than lending money. At least responsible people may pay it back.
Yup, I never loan more than I would give. So when they don't pay it back, it was always a gift anyway. And if they ask for more, I remind them of their earlier unpaid loan.
If a bank won't lend money to your relative, then you probably shouldn't either.
Many years ago I borrowed $200 from my parents in order to pay car insurance. I told them I would pay them back in 2 weeks (which I did) and I never heard the end of it. My older brother and sister 'borrowed' thousands from them, never paid them back and I got the brunt of their misgivings. I will NEVER lend money or co-sign for anything ever!
Lending is fine (all over the Bible)
Borrowing is not
@@EricSmyth4Christ How does that work? In order to be a lender there has to be a borrower. Sorry but your comment makes no sense
Similar thing happened to me!! I moved to the USA from Canada and my parents insisted on loaning me some money to get a better “safer” car becauseit was “no big deal” for them. I paid them back earlier than I told them I would but they were still HOUNDING me for the cash! But at the same time they’ve forgiven thousands of dollars worth of “loans” from my brother 😂
People are disorganized, sometimes emotions from one relationship leak over to another. I’ve never borrowed anything since and that was 12 years ago!
@@penttimuhli9442 there is nothing wrong with making slaves
There is something wrong with being one as a Christian
@@EricSmyth4Christstop misquoting the Bible and lying about the Bible. There is severe punishment for that, there’s is no passage of the Bible that says being a slave or a borrower is wrong. the Bible say in Corinthians if you were a slave when you Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you-although if you can gain your freedom, do soz SLAVE TRADER IS IMMORAL IN THE BIBLE! a slave to Sin is wrong.
FYI there is a curse on people like you who add or subtract from the Bible!
My husband and I made the mistake of borrowing money from his parents and found our spending habits were continually scrutinized until we finally paid them back. We made the decision never to borrow money from family again! (Nor lend money, either)
ive seen family members go to WAR over whos owed what, bitter battles in court, suing, cutting ties and not speaking for 10+ years
I agree with Dave. If someone owes money to a bank, they have a lot of incentive to pay on time. If someone owes money to a relative, paying is much further down on their list. It's like it's become "informal" to them. You would think it would be the other way around, but it's not.
@jodylarson4697 - I know how that is. I have a relative who owes me a good chunk of money and is very slow at paying it back.
Absolutely right. Wish I could turn the clock back on certain instances in the past and approach from a different angle, I'm sure we all do. Youngsters listen to this, please.
That's the best advice. NO cash for or from family
Our son and his wife needed help with a down payment on a flat in the UK (we live in the US) They asked to "borrow" money. We discussed the situation and decided that we would "Give". We don't expect repayment. We also didn't "give them" exactly the amount they wanted, we gave them what we felt we could give financially. There will never be any bad feelings because everyone knows up front what happened. If you don't have the money to give, just don't give it. We love them deeply and would still give him the shirts off our backs! Also, you can't take it all with you! This made their lives so much better!
That was a good idea. If they ask again what will you say?
I have no idea LOL@@FortuneSeek3rz
Oh man, I understand now, we have borrowed money from my parents multiple times and I’m totally comfortable with it, but my wife, not so much. When we were paying back my wife’s father with a business transaction I wanted to pay it quick but my wife was relaxed about it. Those feelings Dave spoke about are so real.
Don't borrow!!
My Father once loaned my Wife and I some money for a house down payment. We made the payments for about a year and then at Christmas he told us that he was forgiving the loan and gifting us the money. It depends on the family.
Yes you are correct. Again, it totally depends on the family.
However, everyone is human beings, thus the best choice is simply not to take the risk of breaking a relationship just for material gain because we are dealing with human beings.
@@MyriadLoveHe should have gifted it right away.
@@jimroscoviuswhy “should” he? Maybe wanted to make sure his kid is financially responsible first before gifting it? Beautiful life lesson for a child is you ask me….
recently sold a property and I'm thinking to put the cash in stocks, I know everyone is saying its ripe enough, but is this a good time to buy stocks? How long until a full recovery? How are other people in the same market raking in over $200k gains with months, I'm really just confused at this point
you are right. it's been a brisk tailwind for lnvestors in US stocks over the decades but it is still a delicate season now, so I advise you to consider the guidance of a financial aI advisor
that would be great idea, i will look up some good ones. you can help with any that works for you?
Scam thread right here.
I agree…. I recently purchased a home. My parents wanted to help…. Not with the purchase of the home but with furnishings and etc since I was a first time homebuyer. I told them they can give what they can but it will have to be a gift and not a loan. I did this not to sound entitled because I’d rather not take anything than to get a loan from them. Thanks fully they understood.
This is smart........I'll keep this in mind! I hate borrowing from anyone, but I did have a family member that constantly asked for stuff and I had to cut 'em off.
borrowing money really turn families to strangers because the start avoiding you
exactly reason i don't borrow, i give what i can afford at the moment
Completely agree.....money and family DO NOT mix. I think the discomfort can also work both ways. It can be quite uncomfortable for a loanER when the borrower doesn't seem the least concerned with paying the loan back.
I did business with family 20 years ago. I haven't spoken to them since...
What was the $ amount?
@@FortuneSeek3rz 2.7 million
@@FortuneSeek3rz and my wife/kids
If people don’t think you have any money, they won’t ask either. LOL
Exactly
fact.
Dave is very correct.
I had a friend pick me up something at the store (a $40. purchase). I didn't have the cash to pay her when she dropped it off. Until I made it to the bank and got the money to her a week later - she thought she had control over my life. It ruined the friendship.
If that’s all it took for your friendship to fall apart it wasn’t a good one to begin with
@@vladbelonozhko339 Exactly you can't be business partners with everyone and you can't be friends with everyone either.......that girl was shallow and problematic as hell. There are some people you can be friends with and go into business with, but it depends on the individuals and relationship. If one has bad character traits or the foundation is not there then it cannot extend much further from the illusion lifting it off the surface.
...on today's episode of poor people things...
Its clear to see in your own words why that relationship went south.
-You look at her lending you $40 bucks (by stopping at store) as a measly favor
-You probably communicated like you had the money and you were going to get it the next day…. Or you didn’t tell her you were broke.
-then you saw how annoying she got and you still waited a week to pay her back because you really didn’t have it or you didn’t care about her feelings
-You could have made it right by valuing your friendship and her money by giving it back to her ASAP so she can stop acting like the “B” she had to become to get her money back.
This is the bottom line of Dave’s story: People get funny when they lend or borrow money!
@@warren2398 , not quite. She knew from the beginning that I had the money in the bank. What I didn't have was the cash on hand. She also knew I was working 2 jobs. I wouldn't make it to the bank for a week. My electric furnace went out in the dead of winter, in a snow storm. I asked her to pick up a little electric heater so my house wouldn't freeze up when I was gone to work. I was working swing shift and graveyard - 2 different places, with 2 hours between the two shifts, 30 minutes drive from home. And, I was already paying her to take care of my dogs while I was working. She decided I needed a "life coach", and a financial advisor telling me how to spend my wages - all over asking her to pick me up a $40 electric heater, because I wouldn't have "time" to pay her till after payday - because that's when I'd have a day off.
However, thank you for adding your own spin to the problem. She wasn't poor. I wasn't trying to take advantage of her. And, she offered to pick up something for me at the store. She inadvertantly thought I was getting the electric heater because I couldn't afford the electric furnace repair - instead of a timing issue.
If I loan someone money, it's only because I know I'm ok with never getting it back. Trust me, most people who don't hesitate to ask for money, or readily take any offers, have no plans to pay you back. Or, they will pay begrudgingly or very, very late. Give only if you're ok with never seeing that money again.
Never do business with your family. It only leads to problems and nightmares.
Do not be one who shakes hands in pledge or puts up security for debts; if you lack the means to pay, your very bed will be snatched from under you.” - Proverbs 22:26-27
I can count on 1-hand the # of people I’d lend money to. And I’m excluding members of my immediate family …..
Thanks
~Jim Eagle
On point. We never loan to anyone. Learned the hard way a long time ago.
No longer equals.
Get on your knees AND PRAISE The Lord that we don't live in a society where you must borrow from family!
I lent money to my brothers to help buy their houses. It worked out well. The first time, my brother had almost enough money to buy a condo outright but no credit history, and my sister and I lent him enough so that he didn't have to fight with the bank to get a mortgage. We basically worked out a private mortgage with an interest rate lower than what the bank would charge, but higher than what we'd earn with the money sitting in a savings account. My other brother still needed a bank mortgage, but lending him money helped us both financially. I don't think his wife was as comfortable with it, but we still have a good relationship. I never had any worries about being paid back.
It's good that yours had a happy ending. Sometimes it doesn't work out that way.
Unfortunately times have changed. I believe that many younger people today would not feel badly in any way asking for or being given loans, etc. And would feel indignant about having to pay it off. I've learned this the hard way with one of my adult kids
Don't loan anyone money ever. Ramsey is correct that the lender is going to scrutinize the borrower's spending habits (vacation, clothes, etc.). I scrutinize others' spending habits even when they don't owe me money! (e.g., How could they send their kids to private school, pay for travel sports, AND afford that new $60,000 car when they make less than me?!!)
I’m glad I’m not the only one that analyzes other peoples lifestyle and finances😂. Do you think everyone does that?
Because its all 'on credit'
They don't own anything.
@@EB-gt1pq I do that only when they owe me money or complain about being broke. When people complain about being broke, they open the doors to financial scrutiny.
Considering this is a show about people in debt and banks calling in Dave's loans in the past, I can see where he's coming from.
But lending to family is no different than lending non-family members and it all depends on lender, borrower, and situation.
I've co-signed and loaned money/things of value to a small circle of friends and family and have never had issues with them repaying (been on the other side too).
That said, there are friends and family I'd never loan anything to because of their character/backgrounds/situations and don't feel bad about saying "No".
150k saved up is amazing! Go to the bank and take out anothet 150. You just put 50% down on your house.
My mom received an sizable inheritance from her sister, so she blessed each of ten children with a $5,000 gift. I felt uncomfortable about it and tried to give it back, but she wouldn't have it, so I took her on an Alaskan Cruise and to Ireland, effectively gifting it and then some back to mom.
hehe genius
Never lend money to anyone. The best policy is to give money. When you lend, issues almost always happen. It is not worth it.
If they can't afford it in the first place, then they should not buy it.
Never loan anyone money period unless you can afford to give it as a gift and you feel comfortable giving it away as a gift
😮😮I once loaned my brother some money for an emergency. $200. At Christmas, I told him it was a gift, but I would like him to pay it forward to someone else. Just don’t tell me about it. Years later, my sister told me that he bought her a used car when her kids were young.
Dont ask to borrow and dont "lend" any $ to anyone! Unless to dont want to see the person you lent the $ to because they will "disappear" when payment time comes
You can just hear it that the guy won't listen to Dave and ultimately he will be sorry
My 1st time listening to him speak.
It was about saving money, in different departments,
(Emergency), (Transition,)
and
(savings).
It gave me chills.
I wish i been knew this.
It was on the video tilted;
(HOW MUCH SHOULD REALLY BE IN YOUR EMERGENCY FUND)?
To borrow 100,000 from family is ridiculous 😮
Depends on the interest rate...
We only give Gifts. Best way.
Even if I was destitute on the street ,I would not accept a loan from family members. Even when repaid they think they own you for life and never let you forget the “kindness”. A view from the other side of of family loans.
I would think that could also apply when it's not a loan but a gift. The giver could still remind the receiver of when they gave the money.
when do you estate planning, be very careful who you include or exclude in your will - if you don't want to leave relatives anything, let them know early on, the fights I've seen over estates is horrible
I have two sons getting married this year. We gave them $5,000 each. Wedding gift from mom and dad.
Never ask a relative for money. It’s an invite for many issues down the road. All family meals will taste bad.
Try Frank's Hot Sauce...I put that "stuff" on everything!
I'll never understand the logic of borrowing money from family or friends. NEVER.
I was moving my business to a prime location only within a year of opening. We knew there would be some cost, we were willing to take out a loan until my dad said well give you the money so you dont have to pay interest. It was more a gift than a loan. But i still want nothing more than to give it back to them as quickly as possible
If you paid him back then it was in fact a loan.
@@mike112079 still havent, and its not a loan if im choosing to pay him back.
And that last sentence is why it may continue to haunt you until you do. Gifts, loans, especially loans etc., I’ve learned my lesson…never ever conduct these types of transactions with family. It always in the back of one’s head.
Never ever borrow money from or lend money to family and friends if you want to keep a good relationship with them, Lending and borrowing money definitely change relationships.
The concept is strange but true
I now understand why my adult daughters favor the other inlaws over myself. The are all tied up with money dealings and feel obligated to differ to them. it is so hurtful to have this "buy your adult kids away from you" bs going on with the other in laws. Even if it is a gift, it certainly changed things as to what obligations they feel towards the giver. They have purchased being first in my daughters and grandchildrens lives. It has hurt me so much in the past as if I the biological parent was less than, until I found out they had willingly sold first dibs rights to these questionable inlaws and got the strings that go along with it, as sad as it makes me that they did this it has explained a lot. Mind you, they did not tell me at the time they were struggling I found out after the fact, years down the road, and frankly feel concerned my adult children had indebited themselves this way (if only by innocence of not knowing) but it explains why the inlaws were so popular with my daughters, regardless of them being "questionable" self centered folks in my mind. I guess, in some ways it explains a lot, though. what a burn. I guess my adult kids don"t see what else they sold off to get that money.
Don't ever lend money to a friend that you can't afford to lose.
While you shouldn't lend money to a friend, there is no such thing as a friend that you can't afford to lose.
@@amireallythatgrumpy6508 I disagree with you. A lot of people are users and will use you to get what they want
Dave is right
I hate owing anyone or any instruction money!
Loaned money from a family member can cause headaches with the mortgage company too. A gift is a gift. A loan has strings attached that are required before the bank will accept as "your" available cash.
Excellent advice
First time this guy tuned In to the show I think.
I lent my brother 17 thousand dollars back in 1996 for his business, he never paid me back. He also borrowed money from his friends and probably didn’t pay them either ,we have had a few fights about it over the last 28 years. He’s a deadbeat living in Mexico now. I was in the hospital for 6 weeks about ten years ago with a broken back, pelvis, hip and shattered femur, he came and saw me for about twenty minutes and split to Mexico, haven’t seen him since, I sure could have used that money when I was off work for that two years. Oh well, lesson learned. 😊
My whole family has a not good history with borrowing money from each other.
Purchased a car for someone and got burned! They got into an accident 2 months after getting it , lied about signing and receiving info from the other person’s insurance , therefore forcing me (as the car owner bc I kept it in my name bc her insurance was high AF) to accept not only a total loss but also only getting around 4k.. so yea that’s the only payments I received EVER .. she stopped making payments & I cut her off
Not just in-laws but parents too.
I got burned $80k cosigning for distant family (in laws). Stupid me. Will warn my kids never to do something that dumb. If in laws are in trouble they can have a room in my house for some time. But I'm never signing anything for anyone again. Can't afford it? Don't buy it
Do not be one who shakes hands in pledge or puts up security for debts; if you lack the means to pay, your very bed will be snatched from under you.” - Proverbs 22:26-27
They are right, do not borrow money from a relative, I mean if you can avoid it.
Always lend what you can afford to lose
money destroys families. destroyed family members of mine to where it came down to lawsuits and not talking anymore.
Oh it does. I co-signed on a car with my cousin. He stopped paying and our credit scores tanked. Was once my best friend and now my worst enemy today.
Don't mix business with family.
Being dirt poor in Texas, the only way to buy a house was to get a loan from relatives.
I bought three houses betweem the ages of 21-29. Paid every borrowed cent back as quickly as possible. Appreciate the loans. I am 73 and living in one of these houses bought back then when housing was affordable. 🤫🤫🤫
❤❤🇺🇸❤❤
My starting wage was $1.77 an hour. I graduated from high school in hard times. 🤫😎
I loaned a friend several DVD sets close to 10 years ago now. I rarely see her anymore. Maybe once a year she'll say "oh, I still need to get those DVDs back to you. I think they're in my trunk." I just raise an eyebrow. I feel petty, but also, returning a borrowed item is just basic respect in a friendship.
I am dealing with this right now. It's wasn't really lending but giving to square away bills. We never had a pay this back then my mom died and super toxic family got involved and it went from giving for household budget evolved into stealing because incells didn't get their cut of the pie.
Paid the STUPID TAX with this one!!! "Lent" my deadbeat sister money and never got it back. Once I couldn't give anymore she publicly defamed me and blocked me.
Wow, sorry to hear that. Pretty ungrateful of her. Gotta wonder if others knew SHE was the one who was wrong. After all, if you weren't lending her money any more, maybe she chose another person to borrow from.
@@CarlaQuattlebaum thats observant of you! She ended up asking everyone she could get her claws on! Friends, family (even my aunts and uncles)! I hope she gets whats coming to her.
Never take from family. NEVER
life has to start out that way.
Unfortunately some people never grow out of it.
One of the golden rules of finance, never lend to anyone without a contract, and never lend to family.
I had lend, my now ex gf, $1050 cash to have to fix her family’s living room floor and was told they each were gonna give me back at least $300 each but I never got it back. It’s been 3 years. They told me last week they will pay me back when they sale the home hopefully early next year.
Good luck.
Ramsey's rules aside, a $700k loan where you're overextended like that is extremely risky in an uncertain rate environment. In Canada, you have to renew mortgages every 5 years so he could be in a much worse situation on renewal.
Wow, I didn't catch that! Excellent point - for Canadian mortgages, you've got to leave margin.
You know, I've borrowed and paid back my family a few times and have been the lender. We've never experienced these issues because we all just assume we're getting our money back eventually and promptly stop thinking about it. Same with friends, though those amounts are always smaller. (Disclaimer: we never charge interest, as God commands the Hebrews to avoid with other Hebrews)
I totally believe that what you say is likely a truism (true most of the time, but isn't a hard and fast rule), but I'm curious how many people you've convinced not to borrow or lend with family that could have done so just fine.
In my opinion, family should be one of the first places to go to get help in financial scrapes, then church and Christian friends, then look to institutions or other options. But I understand that people don't fit the ideal and doing this pattern can lead to problems. But it also makes me wonder if we need this practice to build better relationships with others, too.
I like how the poor guy never got his question answered.
If debt is bad why does Dave suggest we invest in the stock market where the vast majority of companies are in debt?
Based on the history of US stocks. Historically, dips in the US markets have been terrific money making opportunities. Many companies do have debt but not all of them do. And several have a higher market cap than a lot of countries.
If companies use debt to make money why can't we?
@@BillSmith-c2q You can, no one's saying you can't. But if you cash flow your expenses the path to financial independence tends to be shorter.
Never loan more than you would give. That way if they don't pay it back it was always a gift! And if they ask for more money, you can remind them of the earlier unpaid loan.
One of the reasons I feel hesitant to take money from relatives, even if it was a gift.
I agree with Dave on all but the consigner. You shouldn't but it's not practical in today's day and age. For my first apartment they wouldn't rent to me without a cosigner. I had minimal rental experience (other than student housing). It's easier said than done.
What about other forms of credit such as paying a car payment or savings? I wouldn't feel comfortable asking someone to co-sign knowing that if I don't follow through for whatever reason their credit is on the line.
Yes, don't borrow money from family!! You'll regret it.
I borrowed £70k off my parents to pay off my mortgage (UK based) earlier this year when the interest rates here sky rocketed. The loan is interest free. It works and I do have peace of mind, but I hear your when you say you're slave to the lender
Anytime my money goes into someone else's hand, I consider it a gift even if it was supposed to be a loan. Transfers all the pressure.
When I got married my Trumper father in law pulled me aside and said he’d take out a Heloc of 10k for us to get started on a home etc. his home was paid off and he could borrow it for zero interest. This was before I found Dave, but I’d rather live in a van down by the river than borrow from them or any other family member.
What does your father-in-law liking Trump have to do with him wanting to take out a loan on your behalf? What am I missing?
...TDS in black and white right here folks...
@@marchosch3876hes low key trying to shit talk republican conservatives with his statement. OP sounds bitter
@@marchosch3876 When you call a person a Trumper, that means they’re MAGA and all the idiotic attributes that go along with that meme. Think Lauren “Get a hotel room” Boobert.
My condolences on having a Trumper for a FIL.
i lost friends because of money issues (i got sick and i thought better to ask for my money back but lost friends so as my money 😮
My uncle lent his cousin some money many years ago. Come to find out she may be on drugs. Never got it paid back & he will still bring it up on occasion. Last week she asked my dad for $.
I agreed to guarantee the first semester of college for my stepdaughter. She swore she would pay it off. 11yrs later she is married to a doctor and has only paid 15%. Lesson learned.
Yep...go to college and marry a doctor.
And if you can get some "sucker" to pay for it...more power to ya!
Family reunions must really be fun for you guys.
Our 30something daughter needed a cash influx...she promised to pay us back...we said, no, this is a gift not a loan. $8,000 is not worth the heartache. We also said, don't ask again.
Facts.
Are cryptocurrency and business incompatible? I think youre not keeping up with the news. While you thought it was impossible, some enthusiasts from Cannafarm Ltd integrated cryptocurrency into the production of medical cannabis. What do you say now?
I have a good friend I give money to she's 80 ish, and I consider it a donation