let's talk about the hijab
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- Опубликовано: 23 июл 2024
- explaining my feelings when religion is represented visually x
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My partner is Muslim, I am not. I started wearing a headscarf (often in the traditional hijab style but not always) a few years ago because it makes me feel comfortable. I discussed converting with my partner but honestly organised religion with such strict rules with a lot of bigotry connected to it makes me anxious and uneasy. I am Non-Binary and Queer asf and I know I will not be safe or welcome in a lot of religious spaces. I've already recieved a lot of insults for choosing not to wear my scarf sometimes even tho I'm not actually Muslim, and also because I've recieved a lot of threats in regards to my identity and orientation. Being told that if I ever visit my partners home country or go on vacation to any Muslim country, they will find me and kill me, behead me, throw me off a building, etc. It scares me and wholeheartedly puts me off committing to any religion. I follow a lot of Hijabis on Tik Tok spreading awareness on women's rights within Islam and educating people on how to shut down the Misogyny within their cultural environments but I'm not a woman, nor am I a man. I just feel as tho there's no place for me in religion. Religion is used an a weapon and as an oppressor, a way to control people and push out others. People use religion as a way of justifying bigotry when they could simply not follow that part. Like Christianity, it's sinful to wear clothes of two different threads but everyone ignores that cause "it's outdated and irrelevant". WELP, keep that same energy in regards to our existence.
That's horrifying!
it sucks that you have to feel that way, most religious people whether they be muslim, christian or jewish or whatever, they would say that god wants you to love one another and to accept and forgive (atleast what i was told, i don't remember exactly because im not religious) but those same people will later be bigoted and hateful towards people who dont fit in their own category of "normal"
Please take care! Stay away from organized religions as much as possible. As you said, they exist to dominate people not to liberate. When we do not fit into what they consider "normal" the pressure and toxicity is even worse.
Saying Muslim countries is very orientalist. Considering most of those countries still suffer from buggery laws or Catholic inspired laws from the French (particularly Lebanon and Syria). It ignores the fact Turkey/Burkina Faso legalized homosexuality 100 years before America, legality in Jordan, and reforms in North Africa. It also ignores Christian and Buddhist countries that still suffer from those bugery laws in East Africa, South Asia, and Caribbean. You also know *gasp* there are queer Muslims. Your own willful ignorance is why people justify anti-Palestinian genocide apology. You also ignore interpretations differ in Lebanon I wear bikinis and gasp am a queer woman. There are also *gasp* queer Imams. Using your whiteness as an excuse to be ignorant.
So basically you saw hijabs as a cute aesthetic and maybe a way to be less sexualized, snd you were brutally reminded that it is actually a instrument of oppression against women
As a gay man who grew up in a Muslim household I totally get where you're coming from. I feel like when I'm around Muslims I can't be my true self because of the "trauma" I've suffered growing up and being told I can't feel x or do y because of religious reasons.
This is despite the fact that I know rationally that not all Muslims are homophobic or whatever. It's just that we all experience trauma throughout our lives and being aware of it is honestly the first step to learn how to deal with it.
Thank you for opening up about this and sharing your feelings.
As a muslim, I can imagine how difficult it must have been for you to grow up in that household. I hope things are going well for you (regardless of your present religious view). Congratulations on being true to yourself openly, that must have taken a lot of courage. ♡
@@xsabah11x I appreciate your support. Honestly I've had it much easier than other gay Muslims, thankfully I don't live in a Muslim majority country so putting my personal health first was fairly easy. My relationship with my family is strained to say the least but I know there's love there. It's just complicated.
@@zenithquasar4319 I hope your family comes around someday. If not, I hope you're able to take care of yourself regardless, and I wish for you to find much happiness in your life.
I don’t know that “trauma” needs to be in quotes. But of course you know your own experience.
@@hopegold883 It could just be the fact that some other people belittle trauma you experience and say it wasn't THAT bad.
In my household they often say that we have no problems and the elder's lives was worse than ours. The problem is that our feelings and emotions are real and trauma is subjective. Their life being "worse" doesn't mean that experiences were not traumatic.
Shaaba is the brown lgbt representation we NEED.
Indeed
Yeah she is beautiful 😍
couldn't agree more tbh!!
But she’s datin a white dude lol 👎🏾
@@0Takethoserisks0 Yes, and?
Hello my family is Muslim and we live in iran. I felt everything you said in my heart.
Also in my country most of the people who wear hijab don't do it by choice.
It's just as bad as France's restrictions tbh. Just give women their freedom.
@@idkwhybut... ikr why not just let women wear what ever they want to wear this is feminism letting women do what they wanna do and if a woman beleives that her confort is in covering up she has the total right to cover up
@@lyna7038 That's exactly what I said.
Is it true 50% of Iran is Atheist ?
@@faeezparkar9731 Hi, I am Iranian and I can tell you that this is absolutely not true. I am not here to argue I'm just saying this as an Iranian to make it a bot clear. Yes Iranians are moving away from religion specially because of the corrupt government and regime, but it certainly is not 50% :)
Religion makes me deeply deeply uncomfortable. But I also firmly believe that everybody is entitled to their faith and practice so long as it doesn’t hurt others. So I feel you. Religious trauma is definitely a thing, and you are not alone. ❤️
I also have had similar trauma with Christianity and get uncomfortable when I see Christian imagery. Especially after the Trump era and the number of people who wear a cross and voted for him. It's normal to feel uncomfortable when organized religion has caused so much suffering and pain to multiple marginalized groups. Also, Christians can be some of the most close minded people out there against not only LGBTQ people, but black and brown people, Native Americans (big time), and other religions. The superiority complex of Christians I have spoken with is downright scary.
This is what I was going to say. I am from Europe, so religion is much less relevant than in the US, but I still grew up learning about it and my grandma was very religious. To me, christianity is the religion that I have been the closest to and it is the one that I can see how it has failed me
I feel like this too. I grew up in a very Mormon household where everything from what I wore to my sexuality had to perfectly align with what the church said. I have pretty much cut all ties to the church but now a lot of Christan iconography will make me uncomfortable
I understand that religious trauma is a very complicated thing and i am in no way denying the hurt that particularly the evangelical church causes a lot of people (me included) but it's the people and the institutions that have hurt you and not the religion. Christianity, just like most religions, has a very wide array of people from the leftist of the left who were heavily involved in the anti-slavery movement (the Quakers) to those that have quite racist history and are basically cults (JW's, Mormons, etc.). The evangelical church does not represent us with their obsession with capitalism and other objectively anti-christian beliefs
@@jenblack98 this ⬆️
I can see how these issues would come up especially with more traditional Christian churches like Catholicism etc. In my very protestant corner of Germany, the local church even has a rainbow flag out in front of the church door so that's a positive side. Very visible, but religion can cause trauma, it's like the bible is the weapon and it's up to the human's interpretation if it's used for good or bad.
I mean there were so many scandals in Germany about sexual assault, especially in the Catholic Church, that it's just sad that they haven't even thought of getting rid of the whole celibacy thing tbh...
I'm white but I grew up living with Muslim Egyptian family members. I never had to wear the hijab, but I wasn't allowed to wear anything sleeveless or that came above the knee or show any midriff, which is hard because I'm tall, shirts couldn't show any cleavage, nothing could be tight etc. I had a lot of guilt surrounding my body and how it could distract men because of having grown up in a Muslim household, which is something I hear from a lot of women with Christian upbringings as well. I can see how for Muslim women in the west, wearing a hijab is empowering because it's a symbol of their religion and also their culture and heritage. But we also need to remember that in countries like Iran and Saudi Arabia, theres many women who are fighting for the simple right to not have to cover their hair and that in some countries you can be killed for leaving Islam. I think many feminists in the west tend to focus on the former and I dont think they are doing the women in middle eastern countries any favours.
Um i don’t think it’s a westren feminist place to talk about hijab and leaving Islam honestly, there are systemic issues they can talk about in their own countries and leave our systemic issues for us to talk about. I am obviously talking in general, everyone should recognize that hijab can be oppressive for ppl and religion is used to oppress, but I think there isn’t much they can add to that convo which why it isn’t needed.
It’s also weird that you singled out Iran and Saudi. Systemic mandatory hijab is only in Iran. And force hijab exists in a lot of places.
I don’t think you’re doing us any favor wanting random feminists in the west to talk about hijab💀 there isn’t shortage of issues facing women in the west anyway.
@@eypu999 Yeah, I have to agree. It seems that when western feminists tackle womens' rights in the Middle East, they always do it in a way that makes the hijab out to be a solely a bad thing, which i think is a really regressive thing to do (even if they do not mean to). Although there obv isn't anything wrong with empowering other voices from that region and they should definitely be doing that more.
I grew up in a fairly religious Jewish family with Holocaust survivors as grandparents. Religion and culture played a very important part in my childhood. We celebrated most of the Jewish holidays (there are so many it’s hard to celebrate them all, especially since we grew up in a secular community), we went to synagogue often, kept kosher (for the most part, although this got lenient as my brother and I got older), etc. The religious trauma I experienced was due to my physically, mentally, and verbally abusive dad who took Judaism far more seriously than my mom, where I felt like Judaism was forced onto me and I had no choice. I also experienced sexism, especially when I went through a similar phase of trying to be more religious. Eventually, I decided that I was no longer Jewish, and I was very much atheist (which then evolved into agnostic). I tried this for a couple years before realizing that the moment I let it slip that I came from a Jewish family (either on purpose or by accident) people would treat me differently. Jew jokes, stereotypes, inappropriate questions, etc. It would get worse if I told them about my grandparents being Holocaust survivors (weirdly obsessed with their stories, treating me like entertainment, overall just treating me differently). Judaism is different from other religions since it is not just a religion but also an ethnicity and a culture. After time and time again of being treated differently, less than, like a mascot, I realized that I had to acknowledge my Judaism whether I liked it or not, and I had to OWN it so that people would stop feeling comfortable with fetishizing me and my Jewishness (Christians get real weird about us being “the Chosen Ones”, which it doesn’t mean what they think it means) and my Holocaust survivor grandparents, and putting me in a box.
For me, I had to accept that Judaism is more than a religion, it is my culture, my history, my ethnicity. After years of working through that trauma I have found a way to bring Jewishness back into my life. I will always be considered a Jew by the rest of the world, I might as well find a way to accept that within myself. It also makes me happy to know that I am continuing to do what my grandparents fought to survive for, and what their siblings and parents died for. Being loud and proud and Jewish. I wear a mitpachat because I want to (for Jewish visibility and also spirituality reasons that don’t necessarily have to do with Judaism). I celebrate the holidays because I want to. I go to synagogue because I want to (although I will never go to a conservative or orthodox synagogue).
I hope this helps. Your journey will definitely be different since Islam is a religion. You may never connect with it. I find it is easier to connect with my culture rather than religion. Like, for example, I go to synagogue to be surrounded by people with similar experiences, not necessarily because of the service. Usually before and after people are talking, sharing stories, having intense discussions questioning everything (because that’s what Jews do), and getting to know each other. It is really nice. I wear a Jewish star not necessarily because I feel religiously Jewish, but because no longer want to hide my Jewishness.
I also have religious trauma but it comes from people who wear crosses. There is a big difference between religion and faith. I don’t like organised religion but I will never hate on someone’s individual beliefs
Yep, fight the ideologies and doctrine, not individuals
I'm a christian but I'm against organised religion.
I feel like organised religion is way of exploiting others need of faith. And that's super scary...
@@erssiemajor8010 Absolutaly right.
@@erssiemajor8010 Good point, especially if we consider how eagerly organised religion accumulates wealth...
I'm not Muslim, I grew up Hindu, and technically I'm still Hindu.
But I totally get what you mean. I'm very easygoing with religion. I'll wear, eat, do certain things which could be "religious". I visit temple usually just because I'm accompanying a loved one who's a genuine believer.
I'm not exactly an atheist. But religion and overtly religious people do make me uncomfortable as well.
And I'm all for freedom to practice whatever religion you want, however you want.
But, hear me out. I'm a woman. In the Indian subcontinent the religious discourse has almost never been in favour of women. Particularly in North India.
I know you could point out certain parts of the texts (many many texts, Hinduism is vast) which are pro-women about the sacred feminine. However that's not what's practiced by the majority.
From a woman's stand point, I don't see major distinctions in any of the religions.
Of course these are my knee jerk reaction type presumptions. People can surprise you with how open minded (or in some cases close minded, when you expected otherwise) they can be.
Sometimes, calling something sacred allows you to put it on a pedestal and not allow it (or them) agency. Because you dare not sully the sacred with things like sexual desire or a desire to do unsacred things. Or see the sacred beings as being people just like you. People, yes, but better people! Not normal, mundane people.
It also creates unfair expectations on people when they're put on pedestals. They're expected to be perfect, and it can lead one to be terrified of disappointing those expectations. Even if the intent is seen as positive, the effect can be negative. Kind of like so-called "positive stereotypes", the pressure to perform can be awful.
I...hope these thoughts made some sense. Honestly not sure I didn't just ramble on a bit, incoherently.
@@DrTssha I'm assuming you're talking about the sacred feminine I wrote about.
To a certain point you're correct. Goddesses are worshipped here and in some parts/sects are very important.
But you're right. They are the "mother" and the "consort". Which causes all the problems you mentioned.
There's this saying in India, that women have the greatest sehan-shakti which is basically tolerance. Women are expected to tolerate so much in our culture. It's like saying, yeah you're going to be oppressed and you should feel pride in the fact that you can tolerate that.
Absolute bullsh*t.
I agree with you re the problematic parts about hinduism (indian hindu from kerala).
But at the same time i always felt that hinduism has way more personal freedom then abrahamic religions which seem to usually be based on 1 book, 1 prophet, 1 god etc. Spirituality is not considered a one size fit all, which i have really appreciated. We are free to change the social discourse if we want becuse people cant point to any particular mandates.
Another thing i had appreciated is how similar vedanta is to the gender discourse (gender is a construct/identity, which we can actually choose to disidentify with if we want).
@@potternutmania I honestly don't care for the this religion vs that religion thing.
I am just saying that anyone who's too religious or seems too religious makes me a little uncomfortable, irrespective of their religion.
It's not fair to them, I realise that. So I understand where Shaaba is coming from.
I'm Sri Lankan hindu-Buddhist and yeh I get uncomfortable with the Buddhist violence that happened in my country
I'm just sitting here with my Christianity based religious trauma, relating to what you are saying and hoping that you don't feel alone in this. I struggle to be friends with Christian people due to the sheer amount of harm that has been done to me in the name of Christianity. It took time and finding Christian people who love me for who I am to deconstruct the negative bias toward them. (and I'm still not done with deconstructing it yet)
aw, i’m so sorry that people in my own group have made you feel like that.
im beyond sorry, i’m PISSED. i dont get why other Christians say that being LGBTQ is a sin (when the Bible doesnt even say that, kt’s just out of context BS) but they say to be who God made u to be. like pls PICK A DAMN SIDE.
I had a similar experience. I decided to have my own relationship with Christ, and walking that path away from organized religion. I don’t need that to have a spiritual bond with something larger than me.
Btw love ur profile :)
Pressure in religion is very relevant, with Christianity I remembered being scared not to pray, I do not dislike or hate religion, but I think pressure in religious activities towards kids or family members is unjust. (I will say my familys are "Christians" as in JW)
JW are more cult like according to the BITE model, but don't despair, judge not lest ye wish to be judged-Matthew 7:1-2 religion has a problem with controlling the individual. As a outsider I enjoy my own terms free from religious interference.
As someone who became catholic by choice but has a JW grandma, from what I gathered from my mom's education they are one of the least tolerant part of christianity. But even in that community there are people who understand that children need to make their own choices. I recently talked about it with my grandma and she acknwoledeged she would have preferred that her children had taken their time before getting baptised since all of those who did left the community. Religious pressure is a real problem because the desire to share religion can become a pressure on children so easily. I'm truly sorry you had to grow in that kind of community which rejects critical thinking about faith
Well, your family is basically in a cult. Hope you don't lose them to it.
@@delenngerald4430 JW is basically a cult
@@cawareyoudoin7379 Fortunately my grandma accepts me for who I am and was able to keep most of her freedom of thought. But thanks
I have a somewhat similar though much lighter experience like that: When I was in the US (Texas, to be more specific), our youth pastor taught us about how wrong it is to "decide to be LGBTQ+" and that we should approach our loved ones that are LGBTQ+ and tell them to "return to being normal and not live their lives in sin and die awfully eventually". (Not a direct quote.) Everyone agreed to him. I ended up talking to one of the pastors here in Germany about that and she said that God made us the way we are and that there is nothing wrong with who we are and how we identify. Fast forward by 5 years and I made a friend in South Korea who found religion as a way of attaining mental peace and also introduced whoever was willing to her very Americanized international group. In a private talk, she once told me that while she used to support the LGBTQ+ community, she now accepts their existence but cannot support them anymore because God says they're wrong.
From my understanding of religion, I mostly believe my German pastor, but seeing how common anti-LGBTQ+ views are in strong religious circles, I know that I could never be that strongly religious and while I do enjoy going to church every now and then, I also subconsciously distance myself from people who are super religious (especially if they talk about it often) and feel like I could not be my authentic self around them because they'd most likely tell me that my identity is invalid or that I should choose to "stop being that way"
Honestly, I think many "super religious" people are deep down scared of their own failure to comply with scriptures. Knowing you shouldn't lie and failing to do so leaves you feeling bad. So they focus on a part of the scripture that they can comply with and are in no danger of violating. They hyper focus and don't realize that not only are they missing the point of the two passages that mention being gay (it's more about pedophilia but I won't go into details - I can do so later if you want to) but they also are doing one of those things that the bible specifically tells you not to do: Judging others without first looking inside yourself. Just my two cents.
@@erssiemajor8010 Thank you for the recommendation! I'll be sure to check it out
@@cassandramuller7337 Yes! I also read that the passage that people always refer to has actually been mistranslated, which makes me even more annoyed, to be honest. Also, what about all the other parts like "love thy neighbor"? Or, if we want to nitpick it, how about wearing clothes made of various fabrics or eating shrimp?
I think you made a very good point that those people are most likely insecure about the way they live their religion and, by realizing that they can't follow the scriptures as easily as they want, they start turning against other people
My family is Christian, and for homework, my little brother had to write down 'Jesus' golden rule'. I think it was something like, "Treat others how you want to be treated". What I can't understand is why many Christians don't follow that rule. And while I'm not very educated on the topic, I think I heard somewhere that there are passages in the Bible that talk about two male lovers, and one man telling the other that he provides him with more love than a woman ever could, or something like that. But again, for some reason, many Christians ignore that too.
I myself and a very devout Christian, but I haven't gone to church in several years and I'm slightly uncomfortable around other Christians because I'm also queer, and honestly even though it's literally my religion it's so connected to so much rejection that it takes me a while to make sure that they're one of the safe ones.
I love that you are the kind of person who cares enough that you’re concerned about how your feelings may affect others and being aware of how it is complicated.
Jesus, yeah.... What you had to say strikes such a chord with me. My dad is Muslim. I was pulled out of school for dating someone, which was at least partially due to my dad's religious beliefs. My dad basically lamented the fact that I very well might no longer be his daughter anymore, referencing something from the Quran. I started being uncomfortable disclosing certain personal thoughts to my sister, who was starting to get more into Islam, while I was agnostic. Eventually I had to run away from home and I've never since returned. Now I'm on apps to make friends and I'm more hesitant to match with people who are religious (particularly Muslim) just because of a deep-rooted fear of rejection, lack of acceptance (I'm also bi), and abuse.
I'm not feeling too great, so I'm sorry if this is rambley. I just really, really appreciated this video. It made me feel seen.
I can relate so much 💞
That's sad, your sister might still have accepted you thought. It naturally depends on how good your relationship with her is.
My siblings are ranging from pretty conservative to normal religios Muslims and no one of them broke up contact with me after learning that I left Islam, even the one who has no problem telling me that apostates should be killed and rightly so under an Islamic states ignored the fact that he should cut contact with me. So try not totally giving up on your family if your relationship was good, and try sensing the right time to do so as well.
I hope you form a good support system soon enough.
@@scheimaa172 I actually still would be close to my sister if my dad hadn't forbade us from contacting each other. I still love her to death.
@Abdul Samie to me
Hi Shaaba, just thought I'd share that as a pansexual Muslim woman who currently wears a hijab (granted I wear it very differently than most, and don't cover my arms or neck all the time), I also feel similar about seeing Islamic imagery or being around religious Muslims. I feel that same conflict, yet I still feel a closeness to myself/God when I wear the hijab MY WAY. But it's hard when my own community isn't welcoming. But I also refuse to let go of the parts of Islam that I love just to because of judgment from the community telling me I'm doing it "wrong". I find a lot of power in being my true self while also wearing a hijab. But it is tough, and I don't have many people in my life who understand. Just wanted to say as a fellow hijabi that I would welcome you exactly as you are. I know you mentioned not generalizing all Muslims, and I am guilty of doing that occasionally, but I hope my story can give you a little hope and make you feel safe around at least one hijabi
I love how you lasered right in on (what I think is) The Main Thing when attempting to deal with trauma healthily--the trauma is not our fault and we are not responsible for our triggers, but we are absolutely responsible for our actions, including when triggered. Examining those responses and the associated biases they create is so important, this was a wonderful video.
In my experience, many religious people don’t realize how the words and symbols within a religion negatively impact those with trauma associated with that religion and because they’ve made these words so much a part of their own identities, they feel personally offended by the people with associated trauma. I’m religious (Catholic), but I’m sensitive to people who have had religion used against them, especially people who are LGBTQ+ or who have experienced abuse. And yet the number of times I hear other religious people say, “If only gay people understood this passage,” or, “If only young people realized this thing from my experience,” is troubling.
It’s okay to have boundaries around religion while you take your time to heal still respect those you love despite fundamental differences in beliefs.
Completely agree!
Just a quick note to say that religious trauma is an official term. It's a thing. Don't apologize for naming yours. You aren't alone.
A few years ago I was in school to become ordained. Now I have anxiety any time I have to enter a church. Why? Religious trauma.
I went through something very similar about ten years ago. Within the span of 2 years, I came out as a lesbian (at the time), left a missionary post I had spent a long time pursuing, and eventually quit going to church due to anxiety (even though it was an easy-going quiet "affirming" church). Sending you peace.
I'm a bi Muslim. My parents were thankfully pretty progressive compared to other Muslim families. While my dad says some things about that are based on stereotypes and my mom wasn't pleased at first she came around and I was even able to teach her what it means to be trans and she is cool with it now. I just can't help but feel alienated from other Muslims because of my bisexuality.
There is Muslims for progressive values on the web.
@@vannakinder352 You cannot be a Muslim and push for "progressive values" that's the antithesis of Islam. God made Islam stand the test of time
If you are bisexual you are prohibited from pursuing relationships with the same gender, don't go against the Quran
I’m a trans Muslim. Homosexuality is only haraam because it’s zina and feelings are fine, so being gay, bi etc is ok but zina is not
I'm not Muslim, but I have some Christian family members whose beliefs and practices in some ways are quite similar to what you described (for example, instead of wearing a hijab, they believe that a woman's hair IS her head covering, so they forbid women and girls from cutting their hair apart from the occasional trim, and they have strict rules for clothing, hair, makeup, jewelry, etc.), and their religious expression and infusion of it into every single thing 24/7 makes me deeply uncomfortable, especially as a non-binary transmasculine bisexual person. When I spent summers with them when I was younger, we (my sister and cousins and I) were forced to attend their church 4 times a week in regular weeks and all day every day for a week during their annual tent "Revival", all while being forced to wear a dress or skirt the entire time. I always wore shorts underneath to help with the dysphoria and also to not feel so naked underneath the skirt or dress, obeying the letter of their religious dress code if not its underlying intent.
@@erssiemajor8010 No. I do feel regret that I didn't tell my mother before she died (unexpectedly and relatively young at age 48, years before I even started transitioning), but no. My youngest sister knows, and my cousin's daughter (who is demisexual herself) knows, and that's about it, even though I've actually been on low dose T since January 2018 and had top surgery in July 2019. I just don't have it in me to listen to religious proselytization and/or be cut off from family members with whom I was quite close growing up, so I just don't say anything to them about it.
This is why I struggle so much with hijob issues. I pick at christian churches for doing things like you describe. Isn't it wrong to have a different standard for brown muslims than I have for white christians?
It makes sense that you're just starting to realize that your discomfort comes from religious upbringing. It's like that story of the fish who doesn't realize it's in water. We don't realize that what we grew up with isn't the same for everyone until we really start to compare.
I sorta get what you mean - I think that everyone ought to be given a fair shot regardless of their religious beliefs, but at the same time, having been attacked so many times on the basis of religion, there is a certain element of self preservation to having caution around unfamiliar religious people.
even as a Catholic, I feel a bit wary around Christians idrk too well bc i want to be able tk be the person God made me, but when they say who I am is wrong, it’s just really sad.
Same the other way around. I've been attacked both for my specific religion as well as for being religious at all by non-religious people, just for existing
I do understand where you're coming from. I too lost some people that i genuinely trusted due to religion. I may not hate religion but it does make me uncomfortable in certain aspects and situations especially when people try to use it against my own beliefs
I'm quite lucky to also have very good friends who understand where i stand and feel about religion even tho they may be religious
You are loved, cared about, and valid. Remember to keep fighting because you are tough and can make it through. I care about you all, am proud and I know you are all amazing.
🙏❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I see you on queer kiwi and Samantha lux videos and I love your comments
It probably bugs you because you're worried that the more religious they get, the more likely they are to reject you.
I think you're right to be uncomfortable around organised religion- it is inherently controlling, and visual reminders of that are rightfully disturbing. It's not so much a comment about religious individuals, but rather about religion itself in relation to a population, manifested in individuals.
The difference between religion and spirituality
@@saragarofano6471 I mean spirituality is its own can of worms but you're right that spirituality is not a construction predicated on social rules the way organised religion is.
Very good comment 👍
why would you think of organised religion as "inherently controlling?"
@@peaceblossom8 Because it's built on telling people what to do and what not to do if they don't want to burn in hell
I love you and I love watching your videos. As a Muslim I've always been a believer of doing whatever you want with your life as long as you're not hurting anyone. I wish people didn't use religion a way to hate, but that's the world we live in.
I am a bisexual, british-somali women, aged 25. I really resonate with everything said🙏🏾. I cant say I ever really into religion growing up and stopped practicing internally 7 yrs ago. But living in a conservative family home, continue to pretend. Never dated, avoided women - out of fear.
And true - religion is used as tool of fear too, in many cases. What is not also touched on is that this continues for most especially women into adulthood i.e. the persistent need to control. The threats of hell for missing salah, discreet but blatant homophobia, control on how women dress, constant comparison to peers etc. The rhetoric does not change and in fact, the innate fear of westernisation in parents appears to grow more & more as child grows. I do despise how intertwined religion is with ethnicity & superiority complex evident.
In my situation, I hope to move out albeit so far mention has ended badly with marriage deemed only avenue. But someday, hope master courage to come out & be true, regardless of consequences.
I personally like many have no support network, no LGBT friends and so platforms like this a truely great 😊. Best wishes x
I'm a queer 19 year old Somali American and relate heavily to your situation. I hope the both of us are able to move out and be our authentic selves soon!
Thank you for making this video. I'm in a similar place with struggling with religious trauma and being uncomfortable around extremely religious family members as well, and rectifying that has been incredibly difficult for me, especially as I'm not completely ready to let go of my faith and spiritual practice. Thank you for opening up a wholesome conversation that acknowledges the hurt and trauma.
A person's relationship with religion is like any other relationship. It can be healthy and uplifting. It can be toxic and controlling. It can be troubling and upsetting. It can be nurturing and comforting. It can grow in depth, and it can fade and fall apart. And, like any other kind of relationship, if your past experience has been traumatic, then you may feel conflicted about seeing those you love getting more deeply involved with religion. As long as we understand that each person's relationship with religion is separate and distinct from our own, that their experience may very well be entirely different from our own, then having these feelings can be a natural part of our healing process.
Thank you so much for this video and for your honesty. It means a lot.
this is exactly how I feel. thank you shaaba for sharing this I thought I was the only one.
I relate so hard to this because my dad's family are Muslim and unfortunately they do use it to manipulate and abuse each other. Like when my parents got married, the only way his family gave blessing was if she converted. For me that would have been a major red flag and she agrees looking back on it that it was but unfortunately they were only 21/22 when they got married and "it was a different time" 🙄 but yeah they did stuff like force her to wear a hijab AND coat all the time even in the summer. It wasn't until a couple years later she learnt she didn't HAVE to and especially not the coat! That was just my dad's family insisting on it for another layer of modesty :/ but not once did any of them really teach her about these things with kindness and so she knew what she was actually practising. She was just forced into so many different things. And when my brother and I were young we had to go to madrasa and we'd constantly get bullied for being mixed, and even the women who were meant to be teaching us would either just ignore us or humiliate us. So naturally I just grew up with a lot of resentment towards religion. It makes me so uncomfortable, not just Islam but any kind of religion. My mum's side are a lot more chill about it and although they do the whole christening thing and church weddings and whatnot, they're not particularly "in" with the church. There's just a couple of great-aunts who are big within their local church groups and do judge the rest of us as if they're better than us lol. But yeah I just... I don't get religion. Well, I do. I can understand that feeling of belonging and wanting comfort when life is hard and such. And finding meaning in the chaos of life. But for me, some of the hardest moments of my life have been caused by religion and it's anything but comforting. I do have friends who are religious but I'm in a similar situation where if I'm aware of someone being religious before I get to know them better, there is that bit at the back of my mind that doesn't want to connect with them. I will never discriminate against anyone no matter what their background or appearance or identity is, but I do recognise I have that prejudice and I work damn hard to kick myself back into a better mentality each time!
Gosh I just hate hearing stories like this. It’s so disgusting to see people cherry picking what’s right and what’s wrong about their religion. religion o doesn’t work for everyone! Nobody should be forced convert even if you do look at religious stories (pacifically Muslims) you can tell that they don’t force people to convert.But people only want to hear what they want to hear so they ignore that. And especially the mixed thing caught me off guard. What happened to the prophet literally saying “ A black man is no superior over a white man and white man is no superior over a black man” and him having skin that was not near black or White! I hope you ,your mother and your brother are doing fine and are able to practice whatever you want
Your experience made you vary. That's totally understandable. Personally I think very religious people need a good therapist and people who feel like they need religion need better friends and could profit from a good therapist.
@@Nemshee You know that not everybody can access therapy right?
"I don't want you to do this, and therefore I'm interpreting religion to mean you can't do this".
This gave me a new insight on homophobia and transphobia within organized religion.
I'm glad you spoke about this. I think a lot of people can relate, and it's for sure a topic that could be talked about more. Im sending lots of love your way
Religious trauma can be very real, particularly as you described it as having religion weaponised against you. It may be something you want to discuss with a therapist if you aren’t already. Recovering from Religion is a non-profit that may be able to help provide resources.
These videos always remind me that I need to make more time to sit with myself and "check" myself. Over the last few years I have found and brought to light a few of my own unconscious, now conscious biases that I need to work on. Even though I do not relate to this particular subject matter, I do love that you post this content and I appreciate it heavily. It also reminds me that I'm not alone in these struggles of trying to understand myself and why I may feel the way I feel about certain things. We are all working to be better humans, everyday, all the time. Much love and support ❤❤
I actually related to this so hard. I grew up in an insular conservative christian community where religious observance was seen as mandatory. Like I would get in trouble if a neighbor saw me dressed “immodestly”, women were not given leadership roles within the community, in fact the wives of our elders were literally called “handmaids” and these women, along with most of adult women there would wear lace veils to the communities prayer gatherings. Growing up I was not allowed to wear makeup or date and I was taught that being lgbt was one of the worst sins you could commit. At the time I hadn’t accepted my own sexuality yet (huh, wonder why?) but I always felt very beat down by that community. Flash forward to me years later, moved all the way across the country and never looked back, was shopping for my wedding dress and the sales lady comes up behind me and puts a lace veil over my hair. OMG I practically screamed at her to take if off I was so triggered. It was kind of a realization for me just how much weird baggage I was still carrying around from that early experience. Needless to say, I opted for a flower crown instead of a veil for my wedding.
Christianity and Islam are nothing alike.
Christianity and Islam are nothing alike.
@@transfemme5749 But religious trauma has similar effects across faiths. It is important for us to honor each other's pain and struggles.
@@heathermorrison1674 No, it still doesn't justify islamophobia or orientalist racism, esp from white westerners who compare everything to Christianity.
@@transfemme5749 she is trying to relate to the religious trauma talked about in this video. Let her vent like every single other person commenting. She never said they are alike. But they are alike in the way that both religions are oppressive to women
I can see where you're coming from cuz I've endured religious trauma because of my parents... Sadly a lot of people go through similar experiences and its sad to hear abt but its a valid experience, I'm non-binary and bisexual and still wear the Hijab because it makes me feel comfortable and happy... I hope you have a great rest of your day and you are precious, amazing, loved, valid, and worthy Hope you have a great week 😊
Thank you for your strength. I hope this brings a smile to your face.♡
I'm a non-binary bisexual who's a Muslim too! I don't always wear the hijab but I do when going to school and to the Masjid. It in a way makes me feel like I'll always be a girl but I do feel comfortable when wearing it. I figured out I'm non-binary a week or 2 ago and it's been a little complicated for me personally.
@@ayra2733 I honestly feel the same its restricting but at the same time somehow doesn't cause me to have dysphoria... It might be complicated but everyone's journey is different, and valid and even if its complicated it will become easier inshallah. I'm glad you were able to come to terms with who you are it can sometimes be challenging but also a rewarding feeling I hope for you the best through your journey and I hope you have a great day
just wondering why does the hijab make you feel comfortable? for me it's because i have a big forehead and really thin hair lol. honestly i think lots of muslim girls would take their hijab off but are scared of facing judgment from other people.
i needed this, thank you shaaba it feels like you understand what i have gone through
I'm from a not so orthodox muslim family. And the whole being very religious thing makes me uncomfortable as well😂 it's really weird and I don't know how not to feel that😭
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have given myself some space from the formal, structured, cultural side of the religion I was raised in. And I'm about to go on a trip to visit friends who are still more orthodox than I am. I'm a bit anxious about some of those interactions, so hearing you work through your discomfort is helpful.
I hope you have a nice, peaceful visit. 🙏❤️
You talk about complex topics so sensitively! So much respect. Love your vids xxx
This is a really interesting and insightful video. Thanks for talking about this.
I actually had a similar feeling (though not to the same extent) with coming from a very christian family, luckily for my bi and v not religious ass, they are very liberal, and that's been really good, although I was scared of how they would react, they actually have been supportive and they are trying to make the world a better place from their part in the church... Although I went through a phase of being v religious in my early teens, I just became more and more aware of how (needlessly, in my eyes) controlling and indoctrinating it was. The more I stopped believing, the more weirdly tense I have been with my family in religious contexts, it's hard to escape as my mum is a priest and most of my family are V involved in the church.
I stopped going to church when I went to uni, and although that made me feel more free and myself, it made going back inside a church for any reason feel like I was being judged somehow, I just feel this oppressive energy every time I enter one now. I found myself even feeling weird when my brother decided to baptise his 1-yr-old son this summer, even though we all were baptised as kids and I knew it was coming, I just can't seem to feel happy for them making a child grow up learning all these religious things as 'facts' and not waiting until he can make his own choice whether to join or not as an adult when he can actually understand everything you're taught to say in mass etc.
Again, I have no bad feelings towards the people, I just worry how much religion will change their views. It's such a strange feeling of animosity almost against the christian imagery, but I'm glad I'm not the only one!
You absolutely make sense in all of this. I appreciate you for making this much needed video
You always tell the story so we understand 👍❣️
This put all my feelings about Christianity into words I didn’t know how to say. I grew up very catholic and have work on healing from religious trauma through therapy over the years. I’ve definitely noticed myself drifting away from a friend who has recently become a devout Christian because I still struggle with this internal battle with my feelings about Christianity/Catholicism
Just remember one thing dear, Christianity is not about how people perceive you or judge you. You don't have to go according to people views or customs other than the one's mentioned in the Bible . Being a Christian is having a relationship with God, our Lord Jesus Christ and the holy spirit , nothing else really matter.
Shaaba doesn't know how much better my day is when I watch her videos, even her brain farts
You are so wonderfully candid Shaaba
This is such an amazing video! Especially in that you distinguish between your conscious bias, discrimination, and trauma. Thanks for sharing!
Honestly thank you so much for making such a video, it makes me feel that I'm not crazy.
really well articulated, Shaaba. awareness and understanding of your experiences and how they result in your emotional response upon seeing those loved ones in hijab is really helpful to you and for others to understand.
omg thank you for this video, i relate so much! my parents are super religious and use it to manipulate and say harsh things which made me not wanna consider myself a muslim anymore, they force me into wearing hijab which has destroyed me mentally so much, idk if that's weird but it makes me feel dysphoric bc i don't identify as a female (I'm afab btw)
I love how thoughtfully you consider these things and articulate everything in a careful and kind way. The world needs a lot more of this.
I love your brainfart videos! Sometimes you just need to mull things over, out loud, with another person. Especially on topics that are sensitive or "taboo". I can really relate and I enjoy watching you work through it in a calm/safe/respectful manner. :)
I wanted to make sure that someone here mentions/recommends the book “Conflict is not Abuse,” as I can see how we could easily allow ourselves to fall into patterns of behavior that are toxic, that are (falsely) justified by that past trauma, and I have heard that this book is excellent to help one develop their thinking in this area. Thank you so much for sharing the brainfart!
Thank you, Shaaba, for being so honest and vulnerable.
Thank you Shaaba. I’m really sick right now and I feel like shit. One of your videos to distract me is exactly what I needed. Thank you
I don't know if it helps but if you're feeling like shit right know, think about a sea. You're sitting on a cliff and are having a wonderful view over this sea. The waves are rippling and you can see small whitecaps far away in the distance. The sun goes down on the horizon and the colours of the sun are all reflecting in the water below you. From somewhere behind you you can here some birds singing their most beutiful melodies. You can smell the salty water below you and a cool breeze flows through your hair. This is how beutiful life can be and this is how beutiful every nice soul is, you too. I really hope that you feel a bit better now. We are all here for you:]
Thanks for sharing this Shaaba! ❤
That's why I often wear little crosses in my ears (with my feminist/LGBT t-shirts, blue hair, whatever). Progressive Christianity is a thing and people should be made aware of that. Thank you for sharing your feelings!
i love that!!
Big same! When I wear my cross necklace I often make sure I'm also visibly queer for the same reason. I have summer jobs working at a confirmation camp and especially with teens it's so important to give everyone space. Ive been very lucky there and I've been able to be part of the relationship classes giving my perspective fully supported by the priests. (this might have gone of topic, I'm just really happy there's others who do the same thing I do!)
This would be a perfect subject for a little panel collab. Lots of love! ❤️
honestly, I kinda think that religion as a general concept is something we should do away with as a society.
it just seems that the harm that religion has the potential to, and which it all too often does do, outweighs any potential benefits of religion, especially since we no longer need to rely on religion for things like social organisation, 'explaining' natural phenomena, providing structures of moral guidance etc. in the same way that people may have done in the past.
(Not religious btw) I don't think religion should be done away. As long as nobody is hurt (and I know that is unfortunately often not the case when it comes to religion) religion CAN be a good thing for people. It gives many people a "rock" to hold onto when things are bad for them.
@@carlshelix Agreed. I think there's a difference between a person's spiritual or religious beliefs (which are more about someone's relationship with divinity) and organized religion. The latter is vile and very much still present in politics. I absolutely want to dismantle organized religion and I think people's beliefs should be an individual thing, not something dictated by family, culture or history.
@@carlshelix alot of organized religion is cultural, like Buddhism or hinduism
I don't want to get rid of it
just because something doesn’t work for you, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t exist for anyone. There are so many people who say that their religion has improved their mental health and even saved them, are their lives only "potential benefits"? Would you rather they all live miserably? it sounds like you're projecting, that isn’t fair
@@andwhataboutit8660 I'm not saying that there aren't those who benefit from religion.
My point is that as human society develops the importance and utility of religion declines as the role it plays is supplanted by other more effective means.
For example, in the case of mental health we have an increasingly developed scientific understanding of mental health which we can use to more reliably help people than we could with the "solace" religion may provide.
In other words, religion isn't evil, it's obsolete.
Thanks for opening up, very relatable
Thank you for sharing thoughts that many of us have without knowing how to word them ❤
Thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability with us! Really informative and interesting 💜
Thank you for being open and honest about your feelings on this subject. I haven't personally had many negative encounters with religion in terms of being gay, but often still find myself having an immediate reaction to topics on religion, whether justified or not. Your conflicted feelings are completely understandable given your experiences, and I think you voiced them beautifully.
Just want to say thank you for making this and that it was helpful for me, hope everyone has a good day!
I’m so glad someone’s talking about it. I felt so guilty about this
I wore a hijab for a day when I was working as a tour guide and definately felt as if people where aproaching me less even people I knew. It's great that you can talk about your bias.
On behalf of religious folks, I apologize for the trauma caused by bigots blaming Gd/religion for their bigotry. Anyone surviving that would understandably have some stuff to work through in their head.
I'm a religious Jewish lady. I'm also bisexual and one of my kids is trans. I can't speak for other holy books, but I know that the (Hebrew) Bible is full of lessons on living authentically. For what it's worth, I figured this out as an adult, studying with open-minded eyes.
Whoever you are, whatever you believe, whatever your truth, Gd(or whatever you want to call it) loves and accepts you. You are valid.
🙏❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I understand you are trying to be kind, but telling people who don’t believe in god that a god still loves them and imply they should be religious again can come off as disrespectful. It also comes off as very dismissive of their pain surrounding religion and of their lack of belief in a god.
Especially when someone is dealing with religious trauma, it’s not time to convert them, It’s time to listen and be compassionate. It’s time to give them room to heal away from religion if that’s what they choose. You cannot speak on behalf of religious folks as much as you may want to. Too many of them genuinely believe very hateful and harmful messages. It’s not exactly rare and it points to a bigger problem. The fact is, religion hurts people. Its important to take that pain seriously and to be respectful when it comes to possible sensitivities around religious topics.
I hope you understand where I’m coming from, this isn’t meant to be an attack, it’s meant to show you how your message can potentially be harmful.
@Minimal Religion DOES hurt people. I still stand by what I said I will not back down. I did not say it hurts everyone, it does help some people but not everyone. Religious trauma is a term for a reason. It’s not dismissing anyone to acknowledge everyone and not just one experience. I’m saying your experience with religion isn’t everyone else’s and you should be respectful of that. It is not a generalization to acknowledge that some people don’t have positive experiences with religion. It’s the truth. I will not apologize for saying that people with religious trauma exist and that we should be mindful of that. I was never speaking on the experiences of all religious people.
The last sentence is clearly saying a higher power loves you no matter what you believe...to someone who doesn’t believe. I don’t think I need to explain why that would be disrespectful to someone who doesn’t believe and just stated that fact?
This was such an open, honest video, your attitude to life is so upbeat and refreshing - I admire how loving and cheerful you are despite having experienced so much repression and hostility. If everyone in the world could be as open minded and forgiving and self aware as you, then it would be a perfect place with no conflict, so I'll take your path over that of most organised religion any day! Thank you for sharing and all the best to you and Jamie X
Hey Shaaba,
First off - I'm not religious whatsoever, I consider myself an atheist. So my opinion isn't that important, since religious people are the ones who have to "deal" with this.
I want you to know that Religious Trauma Syndrome is a real thing and that you are VALID. You are so, so valid.
I personally don't suffer from any religious trauma, but I know that there are people who do. It is real and it is valid.
As someone who doesn't suffer from any trauma and as an atheist, I usually don't really care whenever I see women with hijabs. I do get worried whenever I see women with burkas or veils similar to that, but I always tell myself that I don't know these women personally and that I can not possibly judge their situations. It's possible that they wear their veils because they want to and because it is important to them, right?
My fear honestly mainly stems from men oppressing women and making them wear religious stuff, even if they may not want to. That's why I get somewhat worried when I see women with burkas etc. But I read many times that hijabs usually are personal choices, so they don't really worry me.
Either way, this is just my experience and like I said, it doesn't really have any weight since I am an atheist.
That being said, I really hope you know that your feelings are genuinely valid. In fact, even though that may sound weird because we don't know each other, I'm proud of you for opening up and for talking about it!
It's a difficult topic for sure and I do believe that, overall, organized religion is problematic. It causes far more harm than it does good. (Of course there are exceptions too, I know some people "found god" and feel better about themselves/their lives, and I'd never want to take that from them! So religion can be valid and important to people for sure.)
My point is, you're really great and I'm happy that I found your channel. You seem like such a kind and lovely person and if I lived anywhere near you and didn't have an anxiety order I'd probably ask you to be my friend :)
You're amazing. I'm sending you lots of love from Germany!
I felt this so hard! I'm so sorry for your pain my luv. Hugs.. I could have made this video but about Christianity.... I needed this, Thank you for sharing and being so honest! I feel less crazy
I started wearing a hijab at 13 (by choice, my family didn't want to) and have been now wearing a hijab for 15 years now. I went to school in a community which had very negative opinions of overt representation of religion--people often assumed I came from a lower socioeconomic class, was orthodox and unable to assert myself, and was bullied for that reason. My mom took me to suitor once who suggested I would be more "marketable" if I didn't wear my hijab. This is to say, even among Muslim communities, a hijab is not as simple as an admission of values--culture and religion often intertwine, and wearing a hijab can come with its own challenges even in religious communities.
I went through a deep religious phase as a teenager when I started to wear hijab, and while I'm not nearly as religious and draconian in my views, wearing a hijab is still part of my identity, part of who I am, part of how I express myself. It has less and less to do with organized religion and more to do with how I wish to relate with myself and the world around me. People still make assumptions about me because of my head covering, whether they're Muslim or not, but at this time in my life I don't see myself letting go of the hijab anytime soon.
I think your discomfort with a hijab is valid--I can't help but be biased against men and women who embody certain religious garb or practices as well because it is, in my mind, strongly correlated with a controlling, toxic expression of Islam. But I hope you can make space, if you like, to hold people who wear hijab and people who have uncompromising, hateful religious rhetoric in overlapping but also exclusive categories. It is a constant struggle but like you said, hijabis who are pro-LGBT exist, and are also harmed and alienated by the systems that oppress LGBT folks, including organized religion.
I glad you mentioned this. There are expectations from both sides.
I couldn't figure out through ur comment whether u r pro LGBT or against it , and are u defending or opposing hijab ? Coz u said that ur family didn't wanted u to wear it ( while that's a very rare case in Muslim communities , mostly it's the vice versa ) but u also mention about biased attribute of men and women embodies practices ?
Sry but a lill confused
@@faeezparkar9731 I am pro-LGBT and pro-hijab. I don't think it's unanimously true that most Muslim communities are pro-hijab; where I grew up, I was definitely disliked and my choice to wear a hijab wasn't appreciated, still isn't in some ways. I think it really depends on the culture in which one grows up and just because it's a Muslim community doesn't mean they will want women to wear a hijab. I was told my hijab "hides my beauty", "makes me look fat", "makes me too religious to be acceptable", "makes men uncomfortable because now they have to deal with a prude", etc. I'm not sure what you mean by biased attributes of men and women, but in summary my experience is that someone wearing a hijab is more likely to be oppressed or discriminated by the same forces that oppress LGBT folks than the other way around, and while I don't hold Shaaba's feelings against her, it's not necessarily true that the hijab must symbolize anti-LGBT rhetoric.
@@Zauree oh may be u r somewhere from Europe ; m Indian muslim n hav only seen the vice versa of ur case , not just hijab but whole black veil with face covering is compulsory for women here .
And about biased attributes , u hav mentioned it in ur 3rd paragraph 2nd line something about biased practices , that i thought u were talking against hijab
@@faeezparkar9731 actually, I am not! Just from an upper socioeconomic society in South Asia :)
Sooooooo valid and definitely makes sense. Well said. 👏👏👏
Hi shaaba. I love your videos
This is a truly fascinating video, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us Shaaba. Equally interesting is the comment section, so may people from different perspectives. I am very much interested in religion(s)- for me it is the sense of wanting to belong to something, a collective, with others, who will support me, and I them. However, I am deeply conflicted, for many reasons which viewers have shared eloquently in the comments section. It seems I know in my heart, as you say, that these religions just don't align with who I am, what I believe or how I want to live.
Food for thought. Thanks so much Shaaba.
xxxx
I think it's wonderful that you're reflecting on what's happening in your mind and trying to reconcile your conflicting thoughts.
Not exactly the same, but my husband and I have had some issues like this with his parents. They are the kind of people who give Christians a bad name.
We're working through a lot of issues, and I haven't spoken to them in two years.
Always impressed with how well you articulate ideas and express yourself! Hope it helped you to put this out there - from the other comments I can see it's helping a lot of other people
I always love and appreciate your honesty shaaba. I empathize with you on religious trauma from your childhood.
I went to a school where christianity was the ''way'' we should be - so I can totally relate to some degree like when someone tells me that they believe in god or are religious I instantly have preconcieved ideas about they will feel towards me and my life being a trans man. Thank you for talking about this.
Thanks for the acknowledgment of the overlap between specific religiosity and culture. It took me decades to parse them out from each other. Once I had done so, my life was different and I could honestly look at what my beliefs and supporting biases were upholding. It isn’t a quick fix or a smooth path but it’s definitely worth walking and the vista keeps getting broader.
Thanks for knowing religious trauma is a thing. The sorrow is that so many people are experiencing it without being aware of it. If your faith carries and upholds you within a religious organization, that’s wonderful. If you’ve never asked why, it isn’t. Discernment matters.
I can relate to this. I live in a muslim country but not everyone wears hijab, in fact a lot of people don't. My bestfriend just out of the blue announced to me that she was going to wear the hijab, I guess it wasn't out of the blue in fact but to me it was, and I was scared that it might be because someone else told her she had to, or that it would be hard for her to follow her dream and go study abroad now that she wears it. I talked to her about it and she assured me that she, alone, came to the conclusion that she had to wear it. It's been a few months, and I don't see her that much because work/study/life in general, and sometimes I even forget that she is now wearing it, but I still feel a little bit uncomfortable. I have many friends who do wear it, but with her I fear we will drift apart, as in, she became more religious whereas I have been looking more into LGBTQ+ related things and found out I might be bi and I guess I am in a way scared that we won't get along that well anymore. We had always been very open minded and although religious, not to that point... sorry for the brain fart as well 😓
I get what you're feeling. I live in a similar society too, and unfortunately, most of my friends drifted apart once they turned super religious. I no longer feel safe around some of them based on the things they share on social media.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, as always. This seems like such a complex issue and I think it's really valuable for me, as a queer person who didn't grow up religious, to hear stories like yours.
I relate to you on this topic so much! as an iranian who lives in iran and isn't muslim (i'm zoroastrian) whenever i go to the US and see women with hijabs on it makes me a bit uncomfortable, and I completely agree that people can and should where whatever they want, it isn't my life! But i think it really does come down to the fact that in Iran we don't have the freedom to choose our clothing, you have to wear some form of hijab or you're going to be punished, and when I see women in other countries being allowed to wear whatever they want it really does "trigger" me, and especially when i see women with hijabs on. I kind of view it as like good for them, but also deep down I want to tell them that women in my country are fighting to get the right to *not* wear what you're wearing. sorry this is kinda random
I kinda understand it but kinda don’t.
Yeah the mandatory hijab law in Iran is horrible, 100% against it. But what that gotta to do with random hijabis outside Iran??? Especially in a Western county. They get discriminated against, they aren’t living in rainbow and sunshine. I absolutely understand where you’re coming from and don’t think why you feel that way is invalid at all, but honestly one of the things I hate is walking around and people making all these assumptions about me, especially in a way where their assumptions is disregarding my intelligence.
You know, I really relate... To the point where I wish we could have had a face to face discussion on this.
I live in Turkey and while my parents aren't very religious, religion and particularly Islam has been used for crowd control and manipulation since the day I was born.
From forcing what young girls wear to forcing schools into having mandatory "relgion classes" where you can only learn about Islam and all other beliefs are shown in the worst light possible, to using religion to justify rape and abuse... It obviously made me hate all forms of religion and before becoming an atheist who respects people for the fact that they are people, I became a bigot. Because people teach kids to be good for the approval and love of a deity instead of teaching them to respect for the sake of being their own "good person" , I bacame a part of that closed chain reaction. If they can't make you belive in the same things as they do, if they can't control what you do with your body, the result of their attempts to control you ends up making you into the hateful, evil person they just so happen to need in order to keep the rest of the population under control by antagonizing others.
Shaaba as a person with extreme
religious trauma, it is a very real and valid thing. Sending you love and support💕
Love your videos!
I relate to this so much. Thank you for this video :)
There is something so simply and deeply validating about hearing others' experience with religious trauma and knowing you're not alone in such a conflict-riddled pain. Thank you for sharing
Well this put into words exactly what I’ve been feeling. Thank you.
I admire your mature and insightful conversation about this
Totally understand and relate to this so hard X
Religion and religious tradition like this have a long, complicated history.. The hijab may seem like a symbol of oppression to you, which is valid. Those in your life making this choice probably make you feel uncomfortable because of how some Islamic sects have used it and how the LGBTQIA+ community has been targeted by Islam extremists.
Your feelings are valid. Do not beat yourself up because of it.
Just cause you recognise something you feel as unhealthy/illogical/unjustified doesn't mean you will stop feeling like it. Like, just cause I know there's no need for me to freak out about phone calls, that noones going to hurt me or belittle me for saying something you normally don't, doesn't mean I just get up and can make a phone call like any other person. The human psyche is too complicated for that. And understanding a problem doesn't automatically solve it, it does, however, make for a good start to solving it.
I'm really glad that you made this video. Even though I personally don't have much experience with religion it's great to hear from people who do. I feel like I've learned a lot today thank you
love that you’re talking about this! I’m not religious, but my family gets to have catholic bickering all the time! it’s great when people have the opportunity to discuss the role religion plays in our lives
I have the same drive to understand my feelings and thoughts, so I love hearing you talk through this stuff. ❤️❤️
Religion to me really is... essentially instructions for what life is and thus how you should life your life. Which, is all very well and good if you can fit inside those constraints. And I think the issue of beliefs etc being based of religions teachings is that they can be so much more immovable. I.e. in comparison to say your grandma who was raised a certain way but has been (at least somewhat) able to adapt and shift her views as the world has changed.
For me I feel sometimes I've been almost envious of ppl with strong beliefs. Because it seems to give them purpose and comfort and answers and all these things that I feel like me as a human (alongside so many others) can really struggle with. But I personally just cannot reconcile belief in a higher power with my understanding of the world. Whereas for other ppl that is almost an underlying given (and then obvs everyone in between).