Therapist Reacts to BRAVE
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 6 июн 2024
- Do you ever feel like you're in a conversation but just talking right past each other? Merida and her mother frequently complain that the other just. won't. listen. At the start of the movie, their relationship is full of misunderstandings because they want to be understood, but don't try to understand.
Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright dissect the mother-daughter relationship in Pixar's Brave - from the issues that plague their relationship at the start, to the ways they seek reconciliation throughout the film, and of course the incredible animation in this film. (You might also get to hear their attempts at a Scottish brogue.)
Support us!
Patreon: / cinematherapy
Merch: store.dftba.com/collections/c...
Internet Dads Popcorn: ctpopcorn.com
Watch some of our other Pixar episodes: • Pixar Animation Studios
Cinema Therapy is:
Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright & Alan Seawright
Edited by: Alan Seawright
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis 
Кино
"Your feelings are valid. Your valid feelings do not excuse mean and destructive behavior towards others."
Best comment.
Well no shit, but people still fail to realize this.
This
Cool....I do it to myself instead of others 👌
That's what we tell our kid; but we were raised to stuff our negative emotions until they are unmanageable. IT's been one of the best things to be mindful about. Our kid is known for her very good even temperament for her age. :) She gets mad and we try to remember to let her explore that in the right ways in a safe environment.
We adore the dad in this. He’s so masculine and manly, yet he’s not afraid to show his love and be gentle with his family
YES the men in my family are so emotionally constipated and closed off. I like it when people are open with their expression of love!
@@nithyasreesathyanarayanan5611 same. Our brothers aren’t too bad, unless they’re around our parents. But to their defense, even the girls are like that too. We just don’t show emotion around our parents.
Honestly, from what I've seen, that seems to be a stereotypical portrayal of Scots. They're usually shown as people who don't even try to hide their emotions and aren't afraid to have a gentle side to go with their rough, brawling image. It's why I tend to admire them, actually.
@@Krendall2 we couldn’t agree more. It makes them even more masculine and human to show that they have emotions, but are also tough.
@@Krendall2 I believe that's how they are. Might be a cultural thing
Notice the queen’s hair before and after she was a bear. Before it was so rigid and literally tied up/uptight, but after her transformation she allowed herself AND her hair to really unwind and adopt some of her daughter’s excitement and desire for freedom in life
It’s beautiful (figuratively and literally - she looks so good with her hair down)
A similar thing I noticed: in the first tapestry the queen made, with the family, Merida's hair is neatly braided like the queen's own hair, but in the tapestry with Merida and the bear, Merida's hair is loose and full. It's a small thing, but I think it reflects that her image of her daughter has shifted from the idealized version to embrace her as she truly is.
It's more accepted to learn from adults, but sometimes it's a two way street. We can learn a lot from people younger than us as well 🥰🥰
That's not good, she's not supposed to adopt her rebellious daughters excitement and desire freedom, she's supposed to be a prim and proper queen.
TBH almost every woman looks great with her hair down
@@travisboutilier2220character development
Something I liked about the film was that Merida doesn't get everything she wants, but she gets what she needs. She's able to rescue her mom and put off the wedding, but on the journey there she has to embrace some of the things her mother was trying to teach her, such as speaking diplomatically. When they're in the wild, her mother gets to see Merida's skills at work in a valuable way, opening her heart too. Neither ends up enforcing their will; they meet in the middle and acknowledge each other's value and needs.
Yay!
Her mother also learned what her children saw through her time with Meridia as a bear. She's refusing to eat fish, and Merida is using the same lines she used with the triplets.
It's also the only time she has gotten to interact with her daughter. For a long time she had teach Merida to be a queen, and had to interact as queen mentoring a princess. Now she's a mother spending time with her daughter. Funny how she had to turn into an animal for that to happen.
Very succinctly put. The biggest reason I adore Brave is that neither Merida nor her mother are completely in the right or completely in the wrong. They have to compromise and learn to see things from the other’s perspective in order to reach a mutual understanding.
This story isn’t perfect but I love the characters and the message behind it and the love and passion put into it
She can't put off the wedding, she has to get married as soon as possible.
“When you treat kids like people instead of like kids, what ends up happening is the respect that you’re demanding - they give to you freely.”
Looking back on my childhood, I can say that this right here is a big part of why I’m so close with my parents. It absolutely works like what Jonathan said.
@@mww22410 same here
@@mww22410 ngl my parents were pretty hard on strong, they didn't respect me as a person. but when i got to 17 i acted in such a way that they had no choice to (lots of extra curriculars etc that made me stay in school late to the point that they couldn't keep track of my schedule and had to start trusting me to lead my own life).
but im very close to them now at the age of 23 because they went through a divorce and i ended up becoming the adult/therapist for the family.
In my case my parents keep treating me as a child btw i'm 23 but at the same time demands me a lot of responsabilities and actitudes that I never had in all my life because they'll make everything "easy" for me. they overproteccted me and that's it's also so wrong. I never had limits and I can't solve a lot of things for myself because they never teach me how to do it when I was a kid, it's extremely awfull and they don't change. I have a lot of mental issues and i'm in treatment in the present, but keep them in my life is bad because they don't let me progress. I have an older sister and they never was like this with her.
@@telescopia_ I've had a very similar problem too. I never realized it was a problem when I was younger but now that I am an adult I can better see that the overprotective nature and spoiling me/making life easy for me is keeping me from learning a lot of things I need to and should have already learned. I've been expected to inherently know without the experience; to follow the path laid out for me because it's the safest and best for me. I'm trying to make my own choices but it's often met with a lot of strife first. It's terrible when you have to grow a shell to protect yourself from the one/s that spent your whole life protecting you. I'm wishing you the best!
"You are my mother, you gave me life, you raised me, I DO need to show you respect... *but I'm a person, and I deserve your respect too.* " I CRIED. My mother doesn't understand this.
I wish a lot more parents understood that kids are people, not property. I hope things get better for you
@@emilieshamy Thank you :)
Exactly same
As the daughter of a narcissist, I feel this so hard.
She very well might be a narcissist or something lol I said the same thing for decades and learned why it never got through to her
“You are my mother, you gave me life, you raised me, I do need to show you respect, but I’m a person and I deserve your respect too.” These words BROKE me. I wish my mom would understand this.
When I was a teenager I would write letters to my mom too. I felt like it was the only way to express my feelings more coherently without her interrupting me or shutting me out, and I could apologize for my behavior at the same time, and my mom NEVER acknowledged the letters. Never came to me to talk about it. Nothing. She would stew for weeks until she’s had enough of waiting for my teenage self to go to her and apologize to her, and she would explode at me about how I needed to learn to grow up and consider her feelings and how my behavior effected her emotionally/mentally.
As an adult I have tried to open discussions about how those teenage feelings still effect me today, and how it effects the tone of our adult relationship, and my mom constantly shuts down the conversation with, “You have no idea what I was going through, I did the best I could! You’re an adult now, it’s time to grow up and get over it.”
It just sucks when you want to work on your relationship and the person on the other end of that relationship just doesn’t want to hear it.
I had this same experience! And if I ever mentioned the letters, she would explode in anger and chide me about not being mature enough to talk to her face and that I deeply hurt her by approaching her that way.
Thankfully she's changed completely the past 2 years, but it had taken far, far too many losses to really count as a win. But today, we get to speak. Hopefully you share this experience and can someday reconnect with your mother
People can be stubborn. It's so easy in a relationship where it's super stressed to focus on what you feel. It's so hard to admit when bad things happen it's like "yeah you feel bad so do I and I'm not complaining" but that's not how it works. I wish the world was that simple lol. You cant fix a relationship without admitting theres a problem. Sometimes family's dont have the skillset to understand how to communicate. It takes two to tango. It's hard but I hope I've helped
She sounds just too self-centred to be a parent
I hope you have found therapy for this. This kind of relationship where the parent is always right, gets to say whatever they want to say, and you just have to take it - is damaging and has long term impact.
I was ostracized from my family for 2 years because I tried to bring up that things weren't perfect growing up the way they always made things out to be. Literally I tried to tell the truth and I was shunned. I swallowed everything down for the next several years until I finally decided to cut them out of my life completely. That was nearly 2 years ago. It has allowed more and more memories to come to the surface, even after 10 years of my own focused healing. And allowed me to see bigger picture just how miserable my existence was and no, I wasn't making anything up or exaggerating. My parents went through their own kinds of trauma in their childhoods, and I feel compassion for them; as I do my grandparents who went through their trauma and so on. But I don't have to be in their lives, twisting myself into knots so I can be acceptable to them while they continue to go on without examining any of their past behavior. I wish you the same strength. 💗
When people say, "you have no idea what I was going through, I did the best I could," means they know they did crap, and don't want to take responsibility because it embarrasses them and they'd rather just shout it down than stare it in the face. In all honesty I'd stop trying because she's never gonna get it. In her mind whatever shit she was "dealing with"(I knew everything that was happening even though my parents thought I didn't, kids always know) doesn't excuse it and doesn't absolve her of any responsibility. It speaks to how little she respects you that she can't admit she was wrong directly.
Something I realized after watching this film hundreds of times, in the scene where Eleanor is talking to her husband and Merida is talking to her horse... What they've insinuated by them having a perfect back and forth is that Fergus, the king, is saying almost the exact words Merida is, to Eleanor. They are having a conversation, with Fergus substituting as Merida. He knows his daughter so fully and completely that he could speak for her almost word for word. The scene where Merida says "I want my freedom" and Eleanor says "but are you willing to pay the price your freedom will cost?" it shows that Fergus actually understands Merida perfectly, because he used that same word: freedom.
While Merida who, at this point, knows nothing of her mother other than the veneer she puts on is talking to... a horse. Lol Meridas version of the conversation seems to be far more one sided than the one her MOTHER expects to have.
I'm glad you took something super insightful from that scene, because what I took from that conversation, was that Fergus has the equivalent IQ of a horse.
@@dreamibluyou killed me 💀💀💀 that was so hilarious
the way merida says "i want you back, mummy" just never fails to shatter my heart...
this one moment of vulnerability in calling her mummy instead of mum or mother
😭 So powerful
I actually never realized she even said that until now wth?!
My mum uses what I call her to gauge my mood. I only call her mummy when I'm broken. It connects something harsh.
That was the moment I started bawling. I want my mummy back too 💔
👎👎👎👎😡
Fun fact: Pixar actually created a new software just so they could properly animate all of the 3,000+ strands of Merida's hair
Yeah!
hair problems require modern solutions
And another fun fact: her hair is springs attached to springs (I learnt this from khan academy)
pixar really has great animation work like take a look at soul, wtf they're animation whenever they play instruments looks so amazingly accurate
They did the same with Violets hair
As a curly-haired person, I appreciate the animation of the hair. It's almost like it's an entirely separate character, which is what it feels like to have curly hair. No matter how much time you spend trying to "tame" it, it will do whatever it wants to do. It's a bit of a representation of Merida herself. Not to be tamed. Love it.
Whenever I saw a comb that bragged of being indestructible I would just laugh. My curls have snapped many such braggards.
I think they actually talked about that after the movie was released. They actively had to draw every curl in their 3D programs to correctly animate the way they all moved.
Yes!!! My hair is completely untameable lol. No matter what I do, it's ALWAYS frizzy.
I LOVE how Merida never seems scared of her mom, there’s one scene after the tapestry gets sliced when Eleanor yanks off her bow and Merida looks somewhat shocked but not scared, and that’s something I wish I could have with my parents
I was also shocked when my parents did
i would have been scared shitless lol
That's why the title is called "Brave" because she was never scared throughout the whole movie.
I would have been scared with every argument lmao
MOOD! If my mom came at me like that, I would FREAK!
"you were never there for me"
- She was always there for you just not in the ways you wanted
This line defines difficulties in relationships so much that it actually hurts
And I'll be borrowing that phrase in case my brother (or anyone actually) spits those exact words
@@Undomaranel yess! That's very much the right way to show that you actually care, listen and want to be there in the difficult times rather than just dismissing the issue which creates even more misunderstandings and distance
@@Undomaranel that's a good response..
If your child doesn't throw a fit and smash things first that'll lead you to throw a fit as well (unless you keep your cool)
I always found this movie underrated! I’m also of Scottish descent so that drew me in too :)
@Karima Cubero it depends. It's the same way how people use "tough love". People often confuse their needs with their wants. Ex. People think they NEED a friend who will back them up no matter what. What they really need is a friend who isn't afraid to tell them that they are wrong.
Jonathan really was born to be a therapist. He's gifted
Thank you for saying so. This made my day.
@@Victor_Graves Nevertheless, He's gifted
@@Victor_Graves kool
@@CinemaTherapyShow ❤❤❤
@@Victor_Graves some people are born with talents others don't have, that's a fact of life. That doesn't disqualify that he still had to go to school and learn all he knows now to bolster his his skills and talents to be an even better therapist. It's like how med students usually have no aversion to blood, that's a natural talent some have at just having a strong stomach or being naturally very even keel so they work well in emergencies. It doesn't invalidate that they still worked hard to get where they are, but their talents help make them better at what they do.
You have a good mom. I told my mom I was a person with thoughts and opinions and she said "No you're not." Full-stop.
my parents are like that too. Im their only daughter and eldest child too. i can go days without speaking to them even tho we live in the same house
It is insane how it reminds me to the "You don’t exist" line from 1984... damn. My father is a horrible narcissist, but at least my mother is great. But it always breaks my heart when I encounter bad parenting that hurts children. :(
@@Szokynyovics breeding should be dependent on emotional maturity tests
I am so sorry. I can't believe she would say that. I really don't understand some people. You are definitely a person. She's wrong.
@@Szokynyovics Me too, especially when I spot it in public. My heart breaks for those poor children.
10:28 My partner and I have a safe word because sometimes it's just easier to say "pineapple" in the middle of a dispute and both of us understands that we need to revisit this topic later. For example the other day we were heading out to get some groceries after a long day at work and I wanted to talk about some repairs the car needed, my partner is not very good at dealing with financial issues when they're tired so she said "pineapple" and I dropped the subject.. later when we got home she asked me what it was I wanted to say. In this way we avoid conflicts from the little things like irritability and fatigue, and when we have larger issues it helps us to break it down into chunks that are more manageable and less intense.
That's a great way to improve your communication skills and avoid arguments!! My mom and I actually used the word "peaches" when there was something that I just didn't want to share. Growing up we were always (and still are) so close and told each other everything, so once I started avoiding some questions she started worrying that I had troubles when in reality I just wanted some privacy and she wasn't used to me expressing it that way. So we sat down and agreed that if either of us would ever say peaches, the topic isn't something I CAN'T talk to her about, just something I want to keep to myself. I guesd fruits work great for this 😂😂
I've tried setting up this almost exact system with family, but they just follow me around demanding the answers they want to hear while I say "not now, I need space, it's late etc" until I snap, snd then I'm evil for snapping. I've tried deflecting for over an hour once and they don't give a fuck
But this requires self-awareness and reflection, which not everyone (eg my father...) has. Even if I tried, I could never avoid his tantrums...
I love this idea.
Pixar is great at opposing characters both having something to learn.
Huh, I never thought about that, but yeah, they are, good point.
I mean, isn't that what they've always done?
@@nivyan Yeah, that's the whole point of OP's comment...?
@@JolieGirl2002 Maybe? I was indirectly asking if any of their movies doesn't have this trope. If my assumption is right, then yeah.
Maybe the concept was interesting but the movie was so flawed. Maybe it’s removing Brenda Chapman, maybe her vision already was not anything else than one character dynamic and everything else in the film was poorly thought out. And Merida isn’t very appealing character in any case.
"when you treat kids like people, what ends up happening is that the respect that you're demanding, they give to you freely" well said, sir. well said
This goes for about 90% of kids, which makes the other 10% exceedingly painful. Because as a fairly well-loved teacher who manages to connect with most students, those other 10% put you in a permanently oscillating state between "how do I get them under control so the others can enjoy school" and "am I being fair enough to them".
@@DrZaius3141 A lot of the time those kids are just acting out because they have it tough and don't know any other way to deal with it..it sucks but you have to do what you have to for the good of the rest of the class.
@DrZaius3141 Most of that 10 percent aren't trainable UNLESS you take em out of a bad environment or put em by force in groups. Depends on how you want to be seen, although if you are a teacher, I hope you'd want your school to not be shut down for the latter like my grade 9 school was.
@@DrZaius3141 those 10% are the kids not getting respect at home. if the parents treat their kid better, they behave better
I don't agree with that, you're kids should listen and obey you no matter how you treat them until they come of age.
This had me crying after you talked about the instant regret and being stupid when we're angry... I went to my 7 year old and hugged her and told her I was sorry for sometimes getting angry and yelling at her sometimes. Her first remark was that "you didn't yell at me today, Dad." I told her I know not today, but too much, and I would try to be better. Then we hugged and both cried for a minute. Thank you for this channel.
This is great. I hope you succeed in your efforts to yell less. Best wishes to you and your family.
"you didn't tell at me today dad" would have me bawling in that moment
I heard "you usually do so I'm used to it even tho it hurts, but you haven't yet and this apology is confusing" and that hitting me while explaining the need for apologizing would be overwhelming. You're a great parent and this is a beautiful and triggering comment. Thank you.
@@MyNameBeeKayy that's not what she meant, but I get how that could be upsetting.
@@OlTrev apologies for presuming. Still a great parent tho
Fun fact: The most impressive technical achievements of this film actually weren’t the hair and clothes simulations but the the first time of an animation studio using volumetric lightning and cloud simulations in a feature film
My best friend pointed out as we were watching this that each of you sits like his profession: Jonathan sits back with his hands folded like a listening therapist, and Alan sits with one leg crossed and leaning into the side of his chair, like a director looking through or around a camera. Thought you guys would get a laugh out of that.
Upvote to infinity so they can see this comment haha
@@Leapingriver did you just say upvote on youtube
@@Leapingriver did you just say upvote on youtube
@@urmum2051 I did not realize that was wrong to say lmao? Guess I've been spending too much time on reddit before watching this vid
@@Leapingriver lol. Don’t worry, I feel you
Only Johnathan could say:
“he’s gonna lose his wife and his sons... to beardom”
with a completely sincere straight face 🤣🤣
I rehear it in a scottish accent in my mind, and it develops a double-meaning.
@@MystfireStudio 🤣
I didn't even hear that last part LOL
I heard it as he was losing them to Merida and I started bawling again
For real though 🥰🐻🧸🧸🧸
What always breaks me about this movie is when Merida is hugging Elinor Bear, the audio of little Merida and Elinor singing the Scottish lullaby is playing in the background. It's such a beautiful moment in the movie and makes me want to go locate and hug my mom
You really see a growth in Merida from "none of this is my fault" to "this is exactly all my doing."
I also found it sad how detached mom felt from the family that even in the tapistry she's the only one further away from everyone. You can see it in their family interactions where she has to be the authoritarian and the bad guy while dad has a great relationship with the kids because he gets to be fun.
"You try to tell someone what they're doing is wrong then they'll tell you why it's right, cause you're arguing the result and they're arguing the intention''
This was also my favourite takeaway from this episode. I feel like understanding this disconnect could lead to solving or avoiding arguments altogether!
Yes if nothing else was said this entire episode ... this one thing would have made it worthwhile.
🤯🤯🤯🤯
The quote is at 22:24 for reference. I also liked the summary leading up to that sentence, starting at 20:50
powerful.
_"Her mom is doing what a lot of parents do which is they want the best for their kids, and they ignore what the kids are actually saying they need. [...] Be a parent but as you're guiding them to adulthood, let them be them."_
Sir, you've just succinctly summarized every major fight I ever had with my mom. XD
LITERALLY SAME holy shit 😭
I'm 26 going 27 and I still have that issue with my parents. Something something overBEARing pun
Just keep in mind one day you might be on the other side of the argument. Empathy is work.
As another almost 27 yr old, you kind of have to help your parents get there too. You have to stay calm and you have to vocalize what's wrong and how it makes you feel. I've spent years working with my parents on explaining why certain things they say to me are hurtful and it's taken time, practice, and patience but we're all getting better.
Like they said, most people want to do the right thing and do right by others
I think the big thing with moms is they think we should want what they think we need. If I ever say "no thanks" to a recommendation/suggestion from my mom, she'll find a way to do it for me, even if it's not what I'd prefer.
"Her hair breaks the laws of physics in a way only Scottish hair can"
Fun fact, the gravity for her hair is actually less than the rest of her, the simulation they had when gravity was normal just unraveled
7:18 The fact that Merida was so focused and had the bowstring drawn SO TAUT that the arrow's fletchings left a tiny scratch on her cheek, and it drove not just through the first arrow but also into the wood of the target's support?! WOW. Now that's intensity.
A parent who is able to humble themselves, admit they are wrong, and apologize to their children are the best parents.
Edited for grammar reasons :D Thanks everyone!
and at the same time, the children will learn how to do it too!
But the thing is, parents think and feel that they're superior than their child cause they're the one feeding and sheltering and basically the one who plays god. (mostly in asian countries)
Our thoughts are not heard, once we TRY to respond in the softest and least intimidating way possible, parents will be like "so you're talking back now huh? " and then recieve punishment later.
Why can't parents just listen? We (the children) hear them, but can't we just explain ourselves?
Can't recall a time when I received such an apology. I was always the one apologizing, even when I wasn't wrong.
Wait they exist?
My dad did this and I learned to do it too because I’d feel really grateful and admire that he did that and I would apologize to him if I ever did something wrong and in general I know pride isn’t more important than doing the right thing and I always try to admit my mistakes and change for the better
As someone who has Merida's *EXACT* hair, and is of Scottish descent, can confirm: our curly hair defies all logic, sense, and gravity.
and hair ties lol
No amount of leave in conditioner or scrunchies can contain it
I can imagine how bad it could be when you have a bad hair day XD
I’m not Scottish, but Black and Irish, but my wild curly (slightly tighter curls than Merida) hair defies gravity, and things on shelves when let loose.
*every person with a grade 3 or 4 hair type* 🧍🏽♀️
"When you treat kids like people instead of like kids, what ends up happening is the respect you're demanding, they give to you freely." 15:12
My mom needs to hear this.
For sureeee, my parents expect full respect just because they raised me
15:23 The Army taught me that. There’s a huge difference between demanding respect and commanding respect, and the same is true for every relationship with that sort of dynamic.
When my uncle is getting angry he prefers to go for a walk. Then he comes back home and he and my aunt talk more calmly about their previous discussion and forgive each other. They have been married for decades.
aww thats sweet :D
That's a good communication right there. Wish to get a relationship like that
He sounds like a level headed man I respect him
Aye it's nice to hear mention of another "go for a walk" guy
When I get angry I always start crying
I love how when Johnathan was talking about anger I noticed how his popcorn bag was ripped open instead of just opened and thought about how frustrating that bag must have been.
Jonathan here. Good eye, that totally happened! Popcorn got everywhere, I lost 1/3 of the bag, we had to pause to cleanup.
@@CinemaTherapyShow LOL!
@@CinemaTherapyShow anger and then instant regratz 😂
@@CinemaTherapyShow no couch is safe from your sweet, cheesy rage
Listen without defense, speak without offense. Most memorable poster in my psych class.
Love that!
This movie always breaks me. I always tear up when Merida breaks down crying and says "mommy" instead of mom or mother.
When Merida's mother said "you're acting like a child," I feel like a good response from Merida to help her mom understand would have been "because I am."
I had the same thought.
OnG i would've said, "UH WELL IDK, mAaaaaYBe, BeCaUsE I aM??????"
The thing is, Merida doesn't consider herself as a child, she feels mature enough to decide her own destiny, she thinks she's an adult (and at the time she actually was, she's about to get married) so answering that way would have been illogical
@@denissa449 she was 17 ,wasn’t she? If so then she was a child
@@kingofhearts804 Yes, but the concept of "child" and "adult" has changed through the ages. By the standards of the era in which this movie is set, Merida is very much not a child. By our standards-- by modern standards-- of course she is.
This commentary is missing a key piece, which is the scene at the river where Queen Elinor has to rely on Merida's wilderness knowledge and fishing skill and she realizes that her daughter isn't lazy or inattentive, just skilled in a different way.
Right! I also wish they included Merida’s speech to the clans with her mom in the back helping her. It was such an important part as Merida admits and sees where she was wrong while also being supported and understood by her mother. A lot of healing happened in that moment.
@@Crystal5672cats The other thing i like about her speech, is rather than insult the chiefs she praises them for their shared history and comradeship so that the feuding chefs were more focussed on being friends then rivals, which killed a lot of the tension for the whole affair.
@Lydia "Oh. I forgot. A princess should not have weapons, in your opinion. [Bear-linor nods, pauses, then glares at Merida]" (12/10/2021)
Yes! That scene and the one where Merida gives a speech with the help of her mom! 👏
What does she think she did all those times she rode away with a bow and arrow? Just sit around all day and _clean_ it?? Lol.
Alan, thank you. I really appreciate that despite our gender difference you can relate to "Brave" in the same, or similar, ways that I do. It's very reassuring because I tend to worry that beautiful films, such as "Brave" are overlooked as being "chick flicks" or girly movies. It is refreshing to hear that an adult man could also relate to a movie that is centered on two heroines and also a mother-daughter relationship because it translates to a parent-child relationship for you.
anyone who says brave is a "chic flick" should not be allowed to watch film. wow. ive never heard of that
My dad had to watch it twice before he said "ooooooh, it's about the girl and her mom" our loud at the end. Guess it's not a real "movie" if it's about women.
I’m a forty year old man and I gladly admit to loving Brave, and almost all of Disney, and Pixar’s films and characters.
I’ve used that, “You’re never there for me!” Line with my mother. Even thought she’s always been there to pick me up when I’m down, it was financially. She was never there emotionally. I like how Alan mentioned Meridas mother wasn’t there the way Merida NEEDED. I think lots of parents feel such a pressure to put a heavy focus on financially providing for their kids, they forget to be there for them emotionally as well.
“But their pain is valid as yours is, their fears are valid as yours are”
+
Yup.
no one' s perfect... but i just wish my dad knew this phrase when we were kids... he was busy with work and living in the same roof but him, along with our mom who's also busy, felt distant to me and my bro... in my 27 yrs on my life, the only advice he gave to us were related to exercise or that we should exercise to avoid stress and how we felt, or related on how he was successful in his course... i know he's a kind person, but not the most empathic father...
Something important that a lot of people don’t realise is that “explained” does not mean “excused.” If someone treats you poorly because, “They had a difficult past,” or, “They’re just worried,” that doesn’t mean that they’re treatment of you is automatically excused. It gives reasoning and depth to why they acted that way, yes, but it doesn’t mean it’s okay.
This is a difficult one in my opinion. On the whole I agree that the explanation is basically the acknowledgement of where x or y comes from and that it will be addressed and isn't okay. But it's also not going to change overnight if it's a behavior that has been going on for a while.
There is also the layer that some people were so trashed in their past that they can't see it as anything but an excuse and need some serious therapy to start understanding it as an explanation.
If I have someone in my life in that position, I can understand that it's not their fault, but I will always take measures when I notice bad behavior to protect myself too. If all they can see is excuse in every direction, I know they aren't ready for change. It's really important for people to understand explanation doesn't mean it's okay, yet also doesn't mean that it needs to change overnight, often because mistakes are more complex then one mess up. That and the human brain can't just change behavior with one instance of it showing to be a problem. A person willing to work with the other understanding it as an explanation also understands that it is likely future mistakes will be made and that it's a learning process.
The trick is that it actually improves overtime. Often the next instance isn't as bad as the first and the next after that is less problematic until the problem is actually solved.
It's when it's on repeat or gets worse each time that the person with the issues sees it as an excuse.
I hope this all made sense lol. I just take issue with people saying explanation means it has to be fixed now, which is often what most people take it as. Excuse and explanation aren't black and white in most cases. Also the transgression in itself can indicate if the explanation matters at all. Some things are just crossed lines.
@Cenestpasmapersonnalité ☝🏽 💯
mm agreed. i believe that, simply put, “ur trauma does not excuse u hurting other ppl” n it’s not only helped me personally when others do hurt me n they try to justify it by using their trauma, but also how i interact w others: is my own trauma affecting my actions w others n hurting them
Yes yes yes yes yes
As someone with toxic parents who both went through hardships, I can agree that their pain and trauma does not justify their actions. I understand that you need help, but I can't give it to you. 😔
11:19 “ not because my mom wanted me to be a princess..” 😂😂😂😂😂
18:00 Despite the fact that she's a bear, you can really see her emotions, what's she's feeling, what she's _saying._ The first time I saw it, I thought she was scared of turning into a bear and essentially dying. Big wide eyes, quick breathing, pulling her ears back, bowing her head, and tipping forward a little as she's begging Merida for help. But the second time around, I saw that she wasn't scared for her life. She was scared because she loved Merida and she couldn't do anything about it. She wanted to talk to Merida, to tell her something, _anything,_ to let her know that no matter what she loves her. Merida's her daughter. But she can't. Because she's a bear. She knows she's "dying" in a sense, that she'll be gone. She has so much she wants to say, but she can't. Because she's a bear.
Honestly, this correlates fairly well with the beginning. She could walk and talk and understand what Marida says, but it's like they were speaking two different languages. She wants to convey this message and make her daughter a good adult and do their country well. But she can't. Because they don't understand each other.
Little Jonh's letter was so wise, no wonder he became a therapist
I also thought about it when I heard it. He was truely born for this job! 😁
It is. I was like I might have to try that or something similar
That reminded me of how my sisters and I would leave each other notes to apologize whenever we fought. With little baggies of gummy bears or cereal to munch on.
My mom needed a letter like that when I was younger. Sadly, I don't think it'll work now; she's too used to controlling me.
@@hauntedshadowslegacy2826 I guess, you'll never know until you try...
When my son was a wee little baby I was asked what I wanted my son to be. My first response was "himself". They didn't understand me so I clarified "kind, healthy and happy". He's 10 now and he's asked me what I think he should be when he grows up and I always say the same thing " yourself. I want you to be you. I want you to be kind, healthy and happy ".
Kind, healthy and happy? Or kind of healthy and happy?
I can relate. When we announce my eldest would be named David Reuben. His father's family said, "Oh, he's going to be a doctor." (Cue eyeroll). When they allowed me in the conversation enough, I would say, "Or whatever he wants to be." I knew most of them were joking but his grandmother was insistent. I said to her several times, "Can't we just let him grow up and decide what he wants before we start making plans for him?" His father said it a lot but always with a laugh. Turns out he is severely autistic. His father came up crying from the basement one day and said he'd been watching Dougie Houser and was crying because he had thought David would be a doctor. I tried to reply compassionate but I was thinking, "Really? You really had that all planned out for him? If he decides he wants that, he will have to work much harder to achieve it than most but I will support him. However, why can't we just let him be a kid and then support him in the things he finds interesting. Why do you feel compelled to choose an occupation for him?"
I applaud you for having this perspective.
I had a conversation with my dad a few weeks ago, and I had said something along the lines of “I’m sorry that I’m not great at a lot of things, or never was accomplished as you” and he replied something like “You are independent, you are a good person; what more could a parent want?” And hearing that made me so happy. I’m almost 30 and never finished college, and instead have been working in childcare for nearly a decade. My gramma, my father’s mother, might have reservations about that, but it means so much that my parents don’t.
For some reason my mother wanted either 1) a child exactly like her or 2) a sport star. I am the exact OPPOSITE of her in every way, and my youngest brother was a football star. Guess which child got more encouragement and positive reinforcement...
@@celianunn2070 And how many siblings do you have? Perhaps you're not alone. Did you every talk about your jealousy?
I didn’t even watch the whole thing, but when Merida says “I want you back, mummy,” I weep.
20:54 reminded me of the quote "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
I cried when Jonathan told about how he wanted to be seen as a person. No matter how many arguments I have with my parent, I’ll never get that respect that I need. It’s truly tiring when you have a narcissistic parent.
it is absolutely tiring putting so much effort for them but just not having the effort returned
Very that
It's just a one-way street with them. For some reason because of my parents, if I notice a relationship is one-sided I walk away, friends, bf, gf, idc I will walk away
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who cried at this, God I wish I could say that to my parents.
@@sourlofi I agree it feels like you're carrying an invisible weight, and it suffocating
A piece of advice that I heard was: "Give me 20 minutes to be angry". It seems like walking out of the conversation but it's just asking the other person for time to process through emotions and come back when your mind is clear rather than spend those 20 minutes saying and doing things that you'll regret
Not long after I turned 21, I told my dad that the worst punishment he used to give my brother and I was to tell us to go to our room and think of "an appropriate punishment". It was agonizing because we knew if we were too lenient he’d be extra hard on us for trying to weasel out of punishment, but we might come up with more harsh or more creative punishments than he would and give him ideas.
When I told my dad how we used to agonize over that he looked blank for a sec, then said, “Annie, I only told y’all that because I was so angry that I needed 20 minutes to calm down. I didn’t want to be anything like my dad [he was super abusive], and I was afraid of my temper getting the better of me, so I told y’all that just to get you out of my sight for a bit. Then I could approach things calmly and rationally. I never knew that y’all took me so seriously when I’d say to think of an appropriate punishment."
It’s really stuck with me. I have one kid and I’ve never been that mad at him yet, but he’s getting close to being a teenager so I’m sure the day is coming when I’ll be so mad that I’ll have to tell him "we both need to be alone for 20-30 minutes and then revisit this with a clear head."
@@Annie_Annie__ This is a good example of how what a parent says to a child, can stick with that child for far longer than the adult intends.
Ooo I like this
@@kiwin7119 For me it was a formative memory that shaped who I am; for you it was Tuesday
It's actually really smart. I've been trying to practice that more with my family
I'm loving the new Disney movies because- they're not just telling "love" stories, they are telling about relationships.
Well i do not, they should just be telling love stories.
@@travisboutilier2220that’s lame
@@El1society No it isn't, it's beautiful and romantic.
I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see men actually allowing their feelings to come out and to not be ashamed of them loek you two always allow eachother to feel however and never judge
I was just talking with my boyfriend about how neither of us understand how parents forget what it was like being a teenager. It's traumatic, at the least, and we both hate how parents invalidate their kids' feelings when they are perfectly reasonable to have.
Ikr ? When I was a teenager I noticed my mother started to stop taking me seriously sometimes and I wished to be a child again. She would just roll her eyes with a condescendant smile.
Where I am from we call adolescence the "ingrateful age" or the "dumb age" so that doesn't help :/
Im so sorry the name is even referred to it that way, I get that parents can have it hard not knowing what to do with all the changes and mood swings depending on their teen and it may be harder to connect to them
Because it’s easy to feel misunderstood by our parents but adolescence is more than just that, it’s a critical development getting just a bit closer to adulthood day by day, and it takes going through mistakes after mistake after discoveries to start to figure themselves out, again not letting them do whatever they want but also teaching them that the parameters you set are part of them developing self love if the goal is for the parent to just shape the teen however they expect them to it’s not going to work because they will sense the little to no autonomy they have which is a vital human need
Forget what it's like to be a teenager? My parents forgot their whole childhood teenage years and all. Kinda crazy how my parents are first to say "I wAs A kId OnCe ToO sO i KnOw-" but then continues to do the same things their parents did to them to me. (Can't wait till I'm 18)
@@blahface240 I am twenty and I can tell you, unless you found a way to be financially stable (in that case bravo) sadly being 18 is not going to change anything.
@@arona6692 yes I know. But I say that because my parents will see me as an adult once I turn 18 and that's when they finally will stop controlling me, disrespecting me, and saying that they own me just because I'm a child. At least at 18- even though ik I probs won't move out until years (if I'm lucky maybe months 😳) later, they will finally start seeing me as a person with opinions and so on.
I was 12 when Brave came out and it was such an important movie for me, seeing a horse riding bow shooting Merida and the fact that she didn't have a romantic interest I just adored it, still do.
I was 17 and saw it with my dad and I was legit crying and my dad fell asleep 🤣
Same here! Especially as someone who cares more about career than love life. I guess you could say it felt like being less alone :)
ngl I just love Brave because I adore Scottish accents (and also the horse-riding bow-shooting girl power) but the fact that she never gets a love interest is also something I've come to adore as I've gotten older (originally I just didn't care if she had one or not, I was the same age as you I think)
They made a children's book where she does pick one of the boys 😭
@@klcpesan *_THE BLASPHEMY_*
"You are my mother, you gave me life, you raised me, I do need to show you respect. But I'm a person. And you need to show me with respect" wow. This is so true and I think it's a lesson that so many people can learn from
Something my mother does which I absolutely hate is if we have a disagreement and it gets heated and I CHOOSE to leave because it will just get worse, she will either follow and berate me or call me a child for "storming off". On the Other hand, she rudely shuts down conversations that haven't really even turned into a conversation yet just because I've said my piece and she disagrees with it and then says we are never allowed to talk about it again.
It's so unhealthy, I'm glad I know that now but as a kid it was confusing as hell, and as such, I find it so difficult to leave conversations now when I'm getting angry because I feel like the mature and right thing to do is to try and calm myself down DURING the conversation because I feel like I won't be able to go back to it, which is so stupid and one of the many things she has taught me as a parent which in my 20's I am now having to unlearn.
The first paragraph of this reminds me SO MUCH of the memory of my former high school friend that I still found so chilling for some reason. He was a narcissist and whenever I try to stand my ground and call him out, he would lash out at me and threatening to "blow things up". That day was in the early stage where I just rejected his confession and he wasn't happy that I said I wasn't responsible for "compensating him for his hurt feelings". I was trying to head home quick and avoided him, but he followed me close enough to say loud enough for me to hear, but not loud enough for others to hear. He said something along the line of "I hope you know you are a horrible person". The way he said it along with how close he was to me- I felt like I was about to get murdered.
And that was with a friend I could easily get away from physically. Imagine that with a parent, who you have to live in the same house with. I can't imagine how terrible it was and I'm so sorry that happened to you.
It's sad that we weren't taught that walking away is a healthy way to deal with our emotions before we come back to a heated argument. A lot of us were taught that walking away is rude and disrespectful. It's horrible how your mother ignored your need to calm down and followed you just to berate you. It's not okay and, to me, very creepy.
I hope you are healing or have healed now. You definitely are a person that deserves to be heard, not interrupted and treated like a child like how your mother did.
@@sakumiraagashi I'm sorry that happened to you too,, having a friend turn for the worst is such a weird, scary and uncomfortable experience.
I actually still live with my mother but I attend college so I'm not home half the year We have had a couple of talks and it does seem to be getting slightly better. I know she just gets hurt easily and also doesn't understand what needed space is. My grandparents weren't very nice to her and I know shes trying hard not to be like them so I forgive most of what she does and I know she does try. Hopefully, it will get better with time and effort either way.
@@amberkiely8521 Thanks for your kind words, I really appreciate it. I actually suspect that friend has always been like that, because almost anyone who knows him, even just a bit, either dislikes him or despises him. I knew him way back in middle school and I was pretty naive at the time. To younger me, he was just misunderstood and villainized for no reason, so I befriended him (hence he sad I was a "angel" and "savior". I seem to be the only one who has ever truly accepted him). Fast forward to high school, I finally understand why almost everyone hates him. He completely did a 180 the moment he didn't get what he wanted, and I found out he's been nasty to a lot of people I know in a similar way. I also remembered how he would follow me around between classes in middle school and realized how creepy it was. It was stalking. Even when my former best friend called him out on it, he legit didn't think it was wrong and creepy to do so. Honestly it's a really long story that I can't fit all in here haha.
I'm happy to hear you and your mom are doing your best to improve your relationship. I believe time away from each other helps, because you both get to heal in peace and she gets to realize how it was hurting you. And you're very kind to forgive her. I think like the movie, we often misunderstand our parents. Yes, it's not an excuse, but it does help us understand why they act that way, same wth your mom. Generational trauma is real and we often do what our parents did to us without realizing it, so it makes me glad to hear your mom is trying to change that. I really wish you two the best
MOOOOOD!
the nicest thing about this movie in my opinion is that, at all moments, they’re both wrong and wright simultaneously. there’s no villain-hero, they’re just people. they both have a reason to be angry, and both have something to apologize for.
Same! I like that they did not have the villain-hero trope (not that I hate it) there's no really good or bad guy they are just...humans.
Fun archery fact: When you hit an arrow with another arrow, we actually call that a Robin Hood. 😂 (At least it is in Norway.)
And depending on how expensive your arrows are, it'll be met by either a cheer or a groan. 😆
And if I’m right, three arrows is a Maid Marian
I think
@@penny-peanut Oh my gosh, really? 🤩 Where in the world is that?
@@HeidiAga I… unfortunately can’t remember where I got that information.
You ever just remember random things with no context as to where you got them? Yeah, that’s me. Sorry.
In Germany we too call it a Robin Hood. I know an archery shop with build in range, that gives you new arrows if you shoot one on their range and let them keep it as a trophy.
We call it the same in germany. Some archery teams even hang them up.
I wish my mom had listened to me at least once in my entire life when I still was her child. I wish my mom understood that I am a person with real feelings and needs like Jonathan's mom did.
Sorry for your loss, Jonathan.
Merida’s line of “I want you back mommy” destroys me every time. I cannot watch this without balling.
"Saying I'm getting angry, I need to calm down" is something I wish more people understood and accepted. So many people I know get SO much more angry if you try to disengage and take a minute to calm down instead of continuing with the screaming argument.
Yeah people get real upset if I try to explain I need to calm down or I'll expload. Then they don't let me cool off so I end up exploading
literally my mom after she screams at me expecting me to take it all, i ask for a minute to clear my thoughts but no, i just break down in front of her instead 😬
My Mom literally told me that screaming and cursing is a healthy reaction when you're angry. I literally can't think of a good response if you're being verbally abusive!!!!!!!
My MIL taught all her children to walk away when they’re angry to calm down.
Of course there are people that don’t like it when my one of my SILs walks away from them; she almost fell down a flight of stairs when her grandmother grabbed her braid and a woman ripped the sleeve of one of her dresses because they were mad that she was walking away from them.
My ex would get pissed if I even hinted that I needed space to calm down.......it got ugly 😔
I just realized that in the scene where the queen tossed Merida’s bow in the fire, the bowstring only snaps once Merida walks away. This represents that the tension that’s been building between them has finally snapped, and neither of them can take it back now. How crazy is that
The other significance: Elinor's immediate regret of tossing the bow in the fire, is because that was the bow Fergus gave Merida when she was little. Its been a treasured item and Elinor destroyed that out of a flash of anger.
Oh, to me it just reminded me to when my mother threw my sketch books and pencils away
@@abigailsanchez9673 Ouch, I'm so sorry! As somewhat of an artist myself, this really hit me.
“Mom, I’m so sorry,” my daughter said after Brave ended. “Now I understand.” 😢🥰😭
Around 9:35 i love the detail that when Elinor throws the bow in the fire, and Merida covers her mouth with her hands in that "what have you done?" moment. Then when Elinor has her "what have I done?" moment she covers her mouth in the exact same way.
One thing you guys didn't mention is she keeps saying "this isn't my fault" when she turns her mom into a bear and at the end when she breaks down she finally admits "this is all my fault" She finally took responsibility..
👍
The line about parents projecting their self worth onto their kids’ success reminds me of my favorite line from a video by Tulok the Barbarian about Zuko from Avatar. “You are their child, not their trophy.”
My mum always criticises how she looks, and would always do it to me. Ive had to say to my mum (only as I got older, I just got upset when I was a teenager)
"You may talk to yourself like that, or think about yourself like that, and I'm sad that you do, but I don't talk to myself like that, I like how I look and I don't like when you say that stuff to me" and I had to get really strong on that, because I was told "you need to not be so sensitive and take criticism" (on my entire body and style )
This is true. But remember that parents have been thru what children haven't. They want their kids to have a better life than what they've had and of course to not make the same mistakes. It is parental love.
@@preciousthing101
It reminded me of my mother😑
Well, look at that. An atla analysis I havent's watched yet. I'm googling it right now xd
The problem with "You break my things I break yours" is that kids and teenagers don't have the self-control and/or knowledge you as an adult have. You can't fight fire with fire. The adult should be the wise one that says "We need to calm down and be rational".
Yeah I think that’s what they meant about “anger makes most people act dumb.” Parents get angry with their kids. But the mom fell to Merida’s level of immaturity, in her anger, rather than defusing or de-escalating the situation. It wasn’t right, and she realized that right away it was the wrong thing to do.
What you said her us 100% true, but I think you misconstrued what they were saying. They never said that was ok, in fact they immediately when into how in anger we often do things we later regret.
And while it is true what we should expect kore of adults than children or teenagers, it is also true that we are all fallible human beings. We all make mistakes. And claiming that a parent is never allowed to boil over is utterly ridiculous.
@@sassyviking6003 right. Adults have emotions too, and everyone is going to screw up at times. Expecting them not too or trying to assign who is more right in a situation is pointless. There's not a score board.
That doesn't excuse what happens. The tapestry and the bow were just physical representations of how much they were hurting each other. The damage was real. It had laying ramifications. Even once it was repaired it wasn't the same as it originally was.
Everyone screws up, it's the adult's job to model how to go about addressing their screw ups in a healthy manner.
I feel like I agree and disagree. Many studies show that wisdom is evenly spread throughout pretty much all ages including teenagers. The problem with many parents is the belief that they think they know more than their child about everything. I get what u mean but I think it’s a little iffy.
Definitely. But if it does happen, parents should have curtesy to apologise. It teaches their kids accountability and then let’s them know their parents care to admit they’re wrong.
Just a small addition: I love the imagery with the mother's appearance! More specifically, her hair. It not only contrasts Merida completely, which makes them even more opposites, but also shows so much of her character. Her hairdo is tight, and stiff. Just like everything else when it comes to her, it carries the notion that everything has to be perfect and there is no room for messy. When she comes back as a human, we see her with her hair down/free in its entirety for the first time, which I think it's a brilliant way of conveying not only vulnerability but also change. Lastly, in the new tapestry scene, we see her wearing a new hairdo this time. One that is much more freer and less stiff than what she used to wear. And it's beautiful! It truly shows how much she has changed and how she is much more willing to keep accepting change in the future, I just think it's a nice imagery
You guys should have converted the fight part where the mom fights the evil bear to defend her daughter. That part always broke me cause my mom always called herself a mama bear, cause her mother was brave too. Even if they lose everything in the process.
As the kid who lost the "you are going to business school" fight with my parents. This is impactful. I wanted to go to art school but was told that I would not get a stable job. I fought tooth and nail. I regreted it for so long and even stopped painting and drawing for four years. Then my parents told me that it hurt them to watch me go throught this. They never thought that their fight to keep me from an unstable career would lead me to give up my passion. That is not what they wanted. I told them I gave up because I thought they gave up on me. Then they bought me art supplies for Christmas and encouraged me to draw or paint as often as I can. I understand. They just wanted what was best for me. They hoped that my business career would help start my own art career some day.
I can understand why people like your parents think that way. But here is what I have seen many times in my life so far :
People with "stable" jobs throwing all that away and moving to the country side, becoming Farmers, Fishers or just the town's oddball. They all say the same thing. "Yes, I make less money than before, but I feel so much better now."
If a Person ever tells you what to do again, show them a documentary about landscape! Each one has at least one interview with a "runaway".
Honestly, the best thing you can do for your kids is to elaborate on why you want x to happen, and as what eventually happened with you, compromise as you work out how to approach the solution. Glad things worked out for you.
See, my parents just encouraged me to seek certification for a dependable better-than-entry-level job, something that I could do while I was in college for the thing I loved OR as a safety net for if my chosen career failed.
It isn't nearly as devastating to be told "ok, just spend one summer to earn certification to be a pharmacy technician, that way you have something to support you until you find success, or fall back on if it doesn't work out" than if they had said "no, your chosen career will fail, you need to spend 4+ years to get this degree that you don't want for a career you don't want".
@@spooniesarah Exactly.
I hope they are proved right eventually and you start your art career.
People say that "communication is key" When it comes to relationships, but if they don't listen and understand (comprehension) then it's pointless. Communication and comprehension are the keys to healthy relationships.
SO FUCKING ACCURATE, communication matters but it means BASICALLY NOTHING if there is no comprehension component. I learned this lesson the hard way in my first and so far only romantic adult relationship, which did NOT last long (which sucked at the time, I wanted to keep trying but the other party was like “this is too much for me”, but honestly huge friggin relief for me in the long haul). We both highly valued communication and expressed that but we went in circles a lot regarding certain issues and I kept getting blamed for not meeting their expectations. Even though I felt I was, and I was starting to get resentful of that accusation as well as the fact I felt I was repeating stuff but not seeing it make an impact.
Communication matters, but frankly comprehension matters more.
Comminication involves the person relaying the information and the recipient, its not only the person relaying the info. No need to say communication and comprehension. Effective communication involves comprehension. This would be a better way of putting it rather than stating them as seperate things.
@@michaelpapageorgious5053 yup. My thought. Like, I get what the OP is saying but the "comprehension" in communication is usually implicit.
😅I have a learning comprehension disorder however trying and actually wanting to comprehend as well as asking many questions and working just a bit more to say a sentence. So yes you’re absolutely right🌸
@@marcisparcy5145 Definitely, communication is making an effort to comprehend, as well as making an effort to be clear, concise and accurate. And like you mentioned, there is an active listening component, where the recipient of the information may paraphrase it and repeat it back to the person retaining the essence of what was said. This is also related to steel-manning, which is the opposite of straw-manning (which might involve misconstruing the other person).
I cried watching this, bowled my eyes out! As a kid done wrong cried rivers. It felt like i was some unknown beast to my mom who she had zero idea how to raise, so she broke me trying to make me fit some artificial molds which were always too tight for me. I still can't forgive them for being so dumbheaded and not seeing me as unique unicorn whose strengths they needed to foster. The pain from being broken by the very people who were supposed to be on your side because they fucking created you screws up your ability to trust anybody really. My dad's message was "be like everybody else, do not stand out, do not show your true colors it is dangerous", my mom's messaging was "your are broken, you are unruly, you are too strong, too opinionated, too free, too stubborn, you are inconvenient and i will make you my servant, even if i have to scare you to death". In thids day and age she would be gotten her hands chopped off for what she did to me. Anyway, thank you for putting together this episode. I feel better now, but i prolly will take this grudge with them to my grave. They commited a crime against my essense because they didn't know and didn't find it necessary to learn how to be better parents.
You can tell that it’s a good movie when you can have an in-depth conversation about complicated relationship dynamics.
Watched this movie with my mom, and all she says is Merida is being irrational, selfish, and ungrateful, and that mother knows best. Guess why i have depression since i was 13.
I'm guessing she was a fan of Gothrel from tangled
Same here, my mom knew damn well that I was sensitive. I didn't even know that I was sensitive till my dad pointed it out and only he was the one who was willing to respect the boundaries that I made when it came to teasing me. After he was the one who actually showed that he cared. While my mom constantly crosses it just because she could.
Ur mom and mine would be great pals it seems.
Saaaaaaame
My mom and I loved the movie.
as my mum says "my job as a parent isn't to prevent stuff from happening to you or you'll never make anything happen, my job is to be there when something does happen" and she says all the time that she's learning as I'm learning, she admits that she may not know what to do but listens to figure out what needs to happen.
you have an amazing mom. cherish her :)
wow good for you, now that's a respectable parent
You really have a good mom then. In my society it's kind of like a stigma to talk about things like this, parents admitting their problems to kids is sort of like a weakness. Here, it makes more sense if the dad or the mom is lashing out at the kids and the kids are just mindless zombies who obey. Of course, Gen Z did break this stereotype, but the adults keep trying to bring it back.
@@steelhert4363 yeah it freaking sucks, it is a stigma around here to, my mum's constantly getting ragged on by schools and other parents but we have a really good relationship where I can just talk to her about anything and she won't get mad. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm boasting or something, I'm just sick of it being such a stigma, it's just really unhealthy and cruel!
@@lollyyolo7587 No, of course it doesn't sound like you're boasting. You're proud of your mom and you have every right to be.
people used to hate on Brave all the time but its personally one of my favorite princess movies
I hate on it cause Merida didn't fall in love, all princesses should fall in love.
@@travisboutilier2220And why should it be?
One thing I don't like about Disney movies and cinema in general is exactly the banality of women (but even men) needing to find love in order to have a hoppy life.
We built a society and have an amazing thing in our head that lets us enjoy a lot of other activities, just as valuable as love. Is love amazing? Sure, but it shouldn't be a must.
@@BioTheHuman Cause it's beautiful and romantic. well unlike you, i like that idea and i think it's one of the best parts about Disney movies. love is powerful and passionate so it should always be a must.
@@travisboutilier2220 last time I checked actual love (the beautiful and passionate kind) ment treating your partner right not punching them and telling them their stupid and demanding they listen to the man simply because he's the man
@@shadowrose1859 Well you treat them right when they listen and appease you and you punch them when they don't listen and turn on you and you tell them their stupid when they get ridiculous ideas and they should listen to the men cause they rule.
I literally cried when Jono talked about having respect for your kids and treating them like a person. I didn't get that so it made me really emotional.
This was the wrong episode to listen to in the car on the way to work... Because I forgot how i get emotional at the family dynamics in , so I pull into the parking space put on my mask while just bawling...
Same!
That was me with the onward episode. I still havent watched it through because i keep crying.
Awww.
@@tyleralyssa2875 I had to Watch Onward before I watched their vid. Finally watched the film with both my parents.
Every video by cinema therapy makes me cry buckets 😭
I think it's so beautiful that they keep pointing out that even as they struggle with each other, and to understand each other, Merida is never afraid of her mother. That's such a gorgeous detail.
Yeah, right. I wish I could too
@@elenavash.5749 I feel that man. I feel that.
Yeah...even though they don't understand each other the mother never intimidates her or anything. I wish we all had that...
Though, in the fire scene, you DO see Merida's face go straight to fear ... she knew she crossed a line, and she showed actual fear for a split second.
Yeah, so many times in that movie I had flashes of what my own parents would have done to me if I’d said half of what Merida did. And now I have a kid who behaves a LOT like Merida, and as frustrating as It is, i am so so proud of the fact that she isn’t afraid of me when I tell her off
20:05 i want a husband who will react like this when he sees me after a long time apart 🤣
also, i haven't been able to watch this movie since my mom passed. it was one of our favorites. anything that we watched together has been hard to watch, especially anything dealing with mother/daughter relationships. thanks for making it enjoyable to see some of the clips again. 💕
Your comment made me tear up and opened one of the most hurtful wounds I have.
Losing my mom.
We too had, have and surely will have a lot of problem communicating, expressing our feelings and thoughts to each other. It was so difficult it would be weird if we didn’t have to use violence. She hardly hugs or kisses me and that’s what hurts me the most, since I’m a person who expresses love through physical touch, and she always hasn’t been.
I know I’ll found difficult as hell not to tear up when I’ll watch this alone or with my kids and she would have passed away, cause for sure I’ll fill the whole ass room with my tears, but I’ll find a way to cope with it, at least I’ll try.
Thanks for making this comment tho, I definitely needed to get some negativity outta my eyes :>. 💜
When Johnathan was saying we get dumb when we're angry, and then we do stupid things we regret, I couldn't help but nod. The first screaming match I got into with my mother (at 26 years old), she made some comment about my tea cannisters taking up too much space. It was such a nothing comment, probably her reaching at straws to have another thing to get mad about, but I had already hit my anger point. So, I took all my tea cannisters and threw them out. They were the only actual thing of mine in the kitchen, in the only spot that wasn't being used, completely out of the way, but mom was just raging over any little thing at that point, and I wanted to just throw something in her face.
I really do regret doing that, because these were teas in airtight containers, from TeaVanna, which doesn't exist now (thanks, Starbucks). Teas that were gifts from years ago that were still good. And I threw them all out in anger, to 'stick it' to my mom. I've at least been able to find tea blends that are recreations of some of the blends at other tea shops, but still. I really regret doing that, and she feels really bad that she pushed me to that point.
I love the fact that Brave has no true villain. As you both mentioned, Merida and Eleanor are both the antagonists to each other, but neither is wrong or bad. Nor is the witch - she did exactly what was asked of her, and gave the information to reverse the spell if desired. Even the old bear (Morduur, I think his name was) at this point is just a bear, protecting his territory and hunting for dinner. For a story about mending relationships, I think it's so important that there is no evil character. Just a beautifully illustrated story about how important it is to listen to those we care about.
Mor'Du is the Prince Bear's name.
I say Eleanor is wrong. she is so much into detail yet she fails to obser ve what her dauther says and does.
"My favourite Pixar movie is 20 of them" is literally me 😂😂
My two favorite movies are Pixar and Ghibli 😄
When you think Pixar can't top something, they end up shooting an arrow like Merida right through their last production.
This movie came out when I was young and reckless like Merida, and my mom was definitely like Merida's mom trying to strong arm me into being her version of successful. This movie actually helped us to get a glimpse of each other's side of the "argument" and our relationship started to come back towards civility. Sure, the rest of my 20's wasn't easy with her, and we still argue sometimes to this day (we are both _extremely_ strong-willed women. 😅), but at least we understand that we desire the best for each other. Now, I'm 32 with a daughter of my own (she's 3.5 and is as strong-willed as the both of us combined 😂😭), and I get to experience the other side of that push-and-pull dynamic. I was fortunate enough to learn from both our past mistakes to make sure I don't force her to be what I want her to be... I just want her to have a healthy respect for rules / understand that there is a time and a place for unleashing that strength of will, but aside from that, to develop into whomever she is going to develop into. I see myself as the bumper around her bumper car, keeping her relatively safe until the day she's ready to drive on this road of life by herself. 😌
@3:06 Helicopter moms are pretty typical in Pixar movies (this one, Coco if you count the grandma, Luca, Turning Red)
One thing that I’ve never noticed until you pointed it out was that Merida wasn’t afraid when her mom faced her. She stood tall, stood her ground, & didn’t back down. Lately, I’ve been reading a novel about a young woman who was abused by her father her entire life. He had expectations for her that she didn’t meet so he abused & neglected her. As an adult, she became this weak, shivering, dumb mess & totally justified in doing so. However, readers have been commenting about how infuriating she is for being weak, dumb, out of touch, & not Merida basically. It’s been so hard looking at these comments because I don’t see how it doesn’t register in these people’s minds just how destructive abuse is. And while I’ve always known this concept, there was no way for me to connect an example in art to make the comparison. I just now I realized it - helicopter parent or not, that was exactly the difference - that Merida’s mom WAS there for her, she LOVES her daughter, her dad loves her too. Even if she didn’t realize it, she was loved & she felt it on a subconscious level. She truly wasn’t abused or neglected. She just was not given room to grow a certain way. And that’s the big difference - no matter how much you expect of your child, language & actions exist to teach them the confidence they need to navigate the world around them & eventually stand up for their own needs. HAH thank you!
hi!! Im curious of the title the book and it seems to be something im into reading lately heheheheh
@@emilei8589 I have to ask first, how old are you?
@@XingsPeachyAnus Hi! I am also curious about the book your reading! I'm 20 as of now. Thank you!
im 20 yrs old
The one thing I think that needs to be said here is that everyone responds to abuse differently, and that it can manifest itself in many forms. I’ve grown up in a questionable home myself and know quite a few people with enough siblings to hear so many various experiences and coping mechanisms concerning abuse. Yes, there will be those kids who are broken and shattered and shoved into silence. There will be other kids who desperately try to fix everything and please their abusers, or kids who will learn to walk on eggshells and be smart to avoid conflict. There are kids who naturally defend themselves and kids who naturally retreat into silence, kids who will physically and verbally fight back without hesitation and kids who will stop at nothing to make the fighting cease. Kids in abusive circumstances can grow up to be all sorts of things, whether that be angry and explosive, tactful and conflict-averting, distant and independent, thoughtful and quixotic, quiet and a shell of themselves. There’s no limit to how many effects it can have on people and to how many effects it can have on one person alone. Every reaction and manifestation is different as every kid becomes what they feel will help them get through and survive. Some get broken to the point of giving up, and that also looks different for every kid, too. Anyway, all that to say that I feel that Meredith’s fiery and resilient nature isn’t exactly concrete proof of the fact that her relationship with her mom isn’t abusive, because I do know for a fact there are abused kids who fearlessly embrace the verbal standoff between them and their angry mothers or fathers. That’s not to say that they’re better for it or that they don’t get hurt by those interactions, but it’s just the natural response I’ve seen some kids having even in some scarily damaging situations.
Regardless, I probably nitpicked at something small here and that may not have been your point in the first place. I will say I completely agree with the end of your comment and I adore your analysis of Merida’s relationship with her mother. Thank you for this comment ☺️
Guys... have you considered an Avatar the Last Airbender episode or two? So many things to discuss with pride, shame, anxiety, fear, love, and Iroh is honestly the wholesomeness the world needs.
Everyone should have an Uncle Iroh in their lives.
i would highly suggest zuko alone or the beach as possible episodes
It's already been said before..... they're CinemaTherapy. They focus solely on movies. Not tv shows.
if they could just binge the whole series and comment throughout, that would make all my dreams come true
@@Orion_TheyThem That doesn't mean they can't do a special series of commentary on tv shows. If that's something they're interested in.
I first watched Brave with my Mum, we had a very fraught relationship and she was unable to understand the complexity of my CPTSD and had contributed to it. We had a lot of time where we just failed to connect and the nurturing I needed from her growing up was sparing. I understand why she wasn't able to nurture very well due to her trauma and lack of support from her parents, she was a single working mum and I forgive her for those. She passed away nearly 5 years ago and we weren't ever able to repair our relationship to that of a healthy mother/daughter relationship, we weren't even speaking at the time of her passing. I remember crying a crap ton during Brave and I remember her asking me "why are you crying?". Now I'm sat here fighting to remember the very few times where she was supportive and loving, knowing after my therapy that creating my own inner nurturer feels so hard. There's still disappointment and hurt there and it's one of the reasons why i struggle to connect to others. Healing is hard work.
i've had a rough relationship with my mom since i started growing up and being a Teenager, and i relate to this movie so much and it hits like merida's arrow splitting the other arrow on the target. but i was surprised to see myself getting choked up and crying over the sunrise scene because it's something i learned to live with. i hope my mom and i will be able to mend our relationship like merida and her mom did (just without the whole bear curse thing please)
Yes! Treat kids like people! Just because they are children doesn’t mean that they don’t have real problems!
That is why I get so frustrated with my siblings and the way they treat my niblings. The kids get frustrated because they are over tired, frustrated about something that seems small to adults, etc and they overlook it or get mad about it. I remind them that kids don't have adult feelings and that when they seem to be over dramatic (worst thing ever conversation), it might actually feel like that because they don't have the emotional maturity to handle it and it is that bad at that moment. My brother doesn't understand why the boys "behave" so much better for us, I find solutions and not problems and talk to them like people with real feelings.
Yeah. I talked about that with my mother explaining that Children leave their parents is because they feel likes “slaves” when they are born. I felt like that before. Like when I had a big project that was due in the morning, My mother was upset that I wanted to take off of work due to lack of sleep, so I kept myself on the schedule, but I fell asleep during my shift. I called my mother and talked to her, and thank god for therapy because she understood and said “I forget the things I can do, you cannot, and that’s fine.” Now, my mother allows me to make decisions, weather she likes it or not, but she trusts me enough to let me grow 😊
Exactly! I think that's the reason why I get along really well with my younger siblings and cousins - because I don't belittle their problems. Of course it would seem big to them because at that point of their lives, that's already the worst problem they've encountered. By listening to them and understanding why it's hard for them, I earned their respect - my younger siblings would even listen more to me than our parents, which can be difficult sometimes because then my parents would just ask me to be the one lecture or talk to them when there's a problem..
@@Chi_Me this worries me because it sounds like your parents are leaning on you a little too much. I could be wrong though
@@ashesfalldown492 when I had a talk with my dad a while ago, talking about how difficult it was for me when I went to school in my home country (I have ADHD and possibly on the autism spectrum, and the education system is terrible even for “normal” kids and basically 7 years of hell for my emotional and mental health), he argued that I had it easy and he was the one who was really affected because he had to pick me up late and embarrassed when the teachers talked about my grades, and I was the cause for all of it so I have no right to “complain”. It really hurt and it probably opened my eyes to all the emotional neglect. And it’s even worse considering that my parents had yelled at me almost every day back then, which was really traumatizing. But my dad just doesn’t seem to understand the emotional burden accumulated on a little kid over all those years, and even called me narcissistic and inconsiderate when I tried to explain how hard it was for me.
8:51 i feel like when she says “you’re acting like a child” it shows how high her expectations are for merida. she is a child. and when a child acts childish you can’t counter by being just as childish. that’s what makes that scene so frustrating to watch for me at lease
Good point. But we should take under consideration that, at that time, Merida might have been considered on the verge of adulthood.
@@AlaynaMoebius shes still a child; near an adult or not, she is still a child
@@peiskosi1193 Not for that epoch. So the mother saying that she's acting childish makes sense for the her and the time they live in, to state that she's acting immature.
@@peiskosi1193 back then she wasn’t considered a child just like how 18 in america people consider that not to be a child either. She’s an adolescence still finding herself and growing
Yo I feel that so much, I recently watched the Mitchell's vs the Machines which has a similar parent vs child, parent not understanding the child dynamic and I hate hate hate how movies try to portray like both sides are in the wrong when one of the sides is literally a child and the parent will do things that are actually incredibly toxic. Obviously there is the point of view that the "time period was different", etc but imagine being a teenager and your parent is trying to force you to get married even though you're not ready for it. Her mother also holds her to impossible standards of being perfect, criticizes every little thing she does that deviates from it, and is basically constantly reminding her she is a disappointment. What human wouldn't lash out or go crazy in that scenario?
Damn. You going over the story where you wrote your Mom the letter really really went straight into my heart. I was raised by a narcissistic mother who loved conditionally and did everything I to keep my sister and I from ever forming a bond. It took me to the age of 40 before I finally stood up for myself and the consequences were her absence in my life and a huge smear campaign against me on social media. The only good thing that came from my childhood was me learning how NOT to be as a mother and I am one of the statistics that broke the cycle and provide a secure, loving and happy home/childhood for my beautiful daughters.
If I get angry enough I normally lose the ability to speak and it feels like it’s easier to analyze the people around me and I often end up with some realization that I can use to hurt the other person, but I have a very agreeable personality so I almost never say what I’m thinking out loud for fear of hurting the person to the point of walking away. It’s happened many times when I’ve argued with my husband and I’ve only ever said what I was thinking out loud once. He punched a wall and then left the room and cried for ten minutes before I hunted him down and apologized. The first time I realized I could do this I did and the person (it was seventh or eighth grade) the next week, transferred to a different school and I got in-school-suspension for a week. I made sure not to lose my temper again after that (the best one can at least).
Edit: I have Asperger’s and when I looked into this a little further I learned that this isn’t uncommon for women with Asperger’s so 🤷🏻♀️ the more you know.
Can we have a series on fatherhood? I feel like dads in movies are often shown as the comedic relief in all the ways they're awfully represented. It'd be really cool to have that broken down and show examples of really good dads (like Po's dad in Kung Fu Panda).
Thank you! We elso need Prince movies. I'm really sick of the Princess movies. Let's have a series of movies for boys!
I'm gonna segue for a bit about this one. If you've already seen the Pixar short film about that Filipino dad who has a child with special flying abilities, "Float" that would be also related to your suggestion about dads (or male characters) having to be noticed about their struggles too.
@@kingblanketfort ikr! why can't we have prince movies :D
Maybe they should try the Mitchell's vs. the Machines. I know it's reasonably new, but the father-daughter relationship in it was so relatable to me at least.
I feel like there are so many films on fatherhood.....
"One or both of them could've said 'I am angry, I need to calm down, we can discuss this later'" Been there tried that, only made my mom angrier lmao
I mean, how DARE you have better emotional control than your superior- I mean parent!
@@fleon4115 lol Ikr bro
Lol same. It's really sad.
Yeah same, I try to walk away from an argument and they just bring it to me.
Also if you start getting quieter when they start yelling, they'll still say they're not yelling and they only sound worked up because *you're* yelling.
And don't get me started on " I messages"
Jonathan's letter to his mom is such a born therapist thing to do. It was clearly his destiny.
For me, this really illustrates the difference in fighting someone and fighting WITH someone. You're on opposing sides, but if you care, you aren't fighting each other. Too much anger and pain, and then you starting fighting someone. And then it doesn't matter what you were originally fighting over, everything they do will scrape your temper.
Fun fact: I'm german and the first time I saw this movie was on vacation in english with my grandmother who doesn't speak one word English. In the end she cried too and understood what this movie was basically about. Talking about well done filmmaking here.
"we connect so easily when they are small. They grow older, and they want to establish their independence and there is a natural pushing away that often happens" THAT IS PURE GOLD, RIGHT THERE
Yeah, I felt like my dad liked me until I got old enough to push back 😕
"Just because you're right, that doesn't mean I'm wrong." Wise words.
I'm 28 and up until 7 years ago my mother and I were constantly at each other's throats. I had severe behavioral problems and I acted out, my mom was patient until a certain point but she realized I wasn't going to learn until I made my mistakes. She learned that the more she tighten the "leash" the more I acted out. I eventually realized I needed to talk my problems out and tell my mom what was going on in my mind and life. Once we did this we grew together and now we have the greatest relationship. We can talk, we can joke, and we know our limits. She's my friend and my mom.