HOW THE INFJ EMBRACES THE "LET THEM" THEORY | TikTok Trend
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- Опубликовано: 21 май 2024
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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: Discover how INFJs use the "Just Let Them" philosophy - a trending concept on TikTok. As INFJs, we value allowing others to make their own choices. But our biggest challenge arises when we see someone suffering and can't help them. It's incredibly tough to step back and say, "just let them," especially when it goes against our natural inclination to support and nurture others. This often leads us to neglect our own well-being in the process, as we find it difficult to let go and accept that sometimes people need to navigate their struggles on their own. Understanding and embracing this philosophy can be a significant step towards personal growth and healthier relationships.
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How difficult is it for you as an INFJ to keep letting your loved ones continue self-sabotaging behavior?
❤ My negative minded brother I have to take in doses he's so toxic. He's disabled and miserable. It takes days to recover after a couple hours visit.
I can't just let them. I hope over the years I sophisticated my arsenal of ways to tell them digestable bits of the truth, until they get it.
However once it was established the other doesn't care about truth, then I make sure they understand one thing before I withdraw from attempts: That it was their choice to ignore it and to listen to the pleasant thought in stead.
A healthy outlet for gift works wonders. Ir you can help people who want and appreciate your help it‘s much easier to not help people who don‘t want or don’t appreciate your help.
I feel bad for letting them self-sabotage and I feel bad for telling them what I see as self-sabotage.
Wenzes, what is the sign you are doing in the thumbnail photo for this upload? Have you done that sign purposefully?
So true, I used to do this before, not anymore. I am so done with helping others, I only help myself now because I need my help the most.
The first time I heard the Let Them Theory, I was like "Well that explains my life as an INFJ" 🤷♀️ I'm learning Let Them + Boundaries
I have been trying to change a thought about myself for 30 years without success. so changing someone else would be ridiculous.
Come on people give her more Likes!!!
Over 2000 views needs more likes. It's hard work making videos every week!
Let this channel reach more people. ❤
Totally! To make videos this often at a quality I can only aspire to is unreal. Definitely needs more likes.
I always like her videos before watching so I don’t forget. I already know I will like and appreciate it.
I learned two things when I graduated from high school (more than 20 yrs ago).
1) I had someone close to me tell me that I'm always looking for drama. I was offended and said, "No, it's always looking for me!" It was then that I realized that I was getting myself mixed up in other people's drama constantly. So I made a point to ask myself if it's drama that I should involve myself in. 95% of the time it wasn't any of my business. That lessened the drama in my life considerably.
2) You can only help those who truly want and are ready to be helped. If they keep making the same mistakes, decisions and don't want to change their actions then it's clear that they're not ready to move on. The least I'll do is be empathetic in the moment but I won't take anything on. I'll always try to see how it lands and if it's clear that they don't want my help (often because they don't like that I'm right) then I let them be and don't waste my breath. It's like that saying, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink."
Graduated 23 years ago, and I also learned this lesson. Or rather it was re-confirmed. Here's to us thriving friend. 🩷
100%
This is the ultimate rock and the hard place. You're either enabling or triggering. You can't win. 😥
Nah let them get triggered, how they deal with that trigger will let you know if their worth your time.
@@JacksonScully Thank you for shining the light on that! I've never thought about it like that. Think of a trigger as a litmus test, how they sort themselves. Yes! Thank you!
@@Luckybetta You're welcome. I'm so glad you find it helpful :)
Dont waste your time or energy trying to help people who refuse to help themselves!
For me it is automatic. Default behavior and thinking style.
I need purposely stop - otherwise I won't notice what I am doing is fixing others.
@@ranc1977 sounds like you're overusing your fe parent function
@@thatmbtiguy Yep. I try to find solutions and any solution that I try makes it worse. Like throwing gasoline in the fire for thinking that liquid will extinguish the fire - and make it worse in the firefighting process.
At least let them know they can do better imagine just bowing down and accepting whatever shit gets put into your ears
All of this is dependent on what kind of help we’re talking about. I had a roommate (before I was married) who made terrible, and I mean awful, choices in the romance department. Constantly. Daily drama. One night stands followed by 3 weeks of “why didn’t he call me” nonsense. I eventually told her what I needed to tell her, that I wanted her to value herself more, and then moved on. She never changed and I haven’t spoken to her in years (hard feelings or anything, I just didn’t want to be around all that). So that’s one scenario in which I’ll say “you do you, boo”.
However….if my friend is clearly withdrawn, depressed, and starts making comments like “hey, if anything ever happens to me, would you want my epic comic book collection?”, then I don’t give a rats ass if he “wants” my help or not, I’m not staying out of that one. Same thing when it’s a kid involved, or if someone is in a dire situation. Most of tbt time, involving yourself in the problems of others is exhausting and paternalistic, so it’s best to refrain. There are times, however, when involving yourself, whether you’ve been asked to or not, whether they’ll love you for it or hate you for it, is the only right answer.
Gave my opinion about my boundaries with long time drama ridden friend. Funny, she didn't like it. She obviously only wanted me to be that soothing blanket. I've stepped back and won't do it anymore.
Just like you I have an INFP friend as well. But I think we have a healthy relationship because of our relative distance. I’m from the US and he’s from Germany. We both confide with each other whenever we have problems and most of the time we would just listen and be supportive of each other. Seems like he is one of the few people who understands me and thats why I’m grateful for him.
I have a close INFP and I too am so grateful for him
I used to not exactly tell how I feel about certain situations, but then again I started asserting more of my opinion, its actually pretty harmful to sometimes just say what you think, so of course I think we need to learn to communicate better. And sometimes things just can't be solved by communication either. No wonder door slamming is the only way out. In these situations I think the best for you to ask yourselr is what about YOU. And just simply shrug and remove yourself from the situation as much as possible... wow I think this video helped me realise that this whole explained process has been continuously repeated in most of my connections. Wow. Just wow.
you are right! It can be harmful. Knowing when to speak and when not to speak
This is what is happening to me now.
It is not easy but am beginning to feel that it is worth it. Am feeling great, I feel free and I can feel that I am happier now.
Thank you Wenzes … your videos help me tremendously! Thank you so much!
Thank you so much for this.
I'm living my truth but I'm struggling to be happy about it. Sometimes I feel guilty but everything U said make sense a lot of things I didn't know or consider.
Now I feel better about moving forward. ❤
Had to call the Police yesterday on my insane nephew who showed up at my house just to yell @ me for things he knows nothing about, trying to tell me how to run my life without ever being here, making threats. It's amazing how damaging bad gossip / lies can damage ppl's perspectives and make them act crazy. Getting a restraining order on him. Yes, I am usually well armed. The worst crimes are often committed by people who think they need to "help" others.
I person who believes hear say and doesn't possess critical thinking are very dangerous individuals.
Being blamed for things you didn’t do has to be the absolute worst thing ever.
very good point, they are called flying monkeys. The world is in a mess, not because there are narcissists but because there are flying monkeys
Yep flying monkeys are worse than the narc itself - They are like religiosity zealots - I'm getting a pew pew really soon - self protect at all costs
Sounds like he could use an ass-kicking more than jail or a restraining order. I’m not sure how old he is or what kind of “threats” he was making, but showing up and telling you what to do doesn’t strike me as grounds for a restraining order. If he had you at knife point or something, that’s different, but sounds like he just needs to get checked by someone who is willing to check him.
In regards to helping people I like the comparison to a butterfly in a cocoon, you can’t help them out of the cocoon because if they don’t pull through on their own their wings won’t form correctly. I’m very picky about people I help now.
I enjoyed this video alot it reminded me on what I had thought to myself like a couple of days ago we INFJs subconsciously be other people around us but we end up showing our true selves on who we are internally I've been in situations where I know something was wrong with somebody or how they felt about me and I wanted them to look themselves in the mirror and have them see what I see about them and how they felt about me and 9/10 they didn't wanted to face reality they didn't wanted to face their truth and its funny how people think we're being fake all in reality it's them being fake and to themselves as well
Brilliant as usual!
Spot on. I didnt realize. Thank you!
Loved this , Thanks Wenzes
Currently I find myself a bit further on the rode of expressing my trueself and you are right Wenzes, this feeling is simply wonderful. Yes, few people got further form me, but I am gaining so many new, much deeper, fresh and gratifying connections that I am constantly amazed with this new experience of my life. Thank you so much Wenzes.
Thank you Wenzes! ❤
I am really thankful to have watched your video🙏🏼
Thanks for putting this in to words. You make it so clear.
This is definitely something I’ve wrestled with for years. It took me a long time to identify the unhealthy dynamic.
I think this is a really important topic, and for that reason want to get clarification on some areas that are tripping me up in the past couple of videos I’ve watched, which is the idea of INFJ’s allowing themselves to be cold or harsh.
I’ve definitely been harsh (judgmental, critical) of others, and I understand allowing ourselves to mess up, and forgive ourselves. Based on those experiences, I don’t think I would go so far as to say that it’s healthy for us to truly be harsh or cold towards others as a habit. I think that has the potential to undermine our sense of self-confidence, integrity, and others’ trust in us.
I think for me, what would be helpful is further clarification of what is meant specifically by:
- ‘Harsh’
- ‘Cold’
- ‘Kind’
- ‘Grace’
- ‘Being yourself’
I was taught that it’s possible to speak truth with gentleness, kindness, and humility and to set healthy boundaries by using ‘I’ statements, avoiding ‘you’ statements, communicating what you will and will not do and acting accordingly. By doing these we avoid making assumptions about others, speak our truth, provide space for them to speak their truth, and give ourselves the option of walking away from unhealthy situations.
But I think sometimes what INFJ’s consider as harsh (ie assertiveness, firmness) is not actually being harsh, but setting a healthy, kind boundary, that others might perceive as harsh, but it’s actually the best thing we can do for ourselves in that moment.
I think that’s what this video is getting at as a whole. I think where I’m experiencing confusion is where, in the videos, the message I receive is that we either trigger or enable people. I think for me, it’s a bit too black and white. I think we can still be kind, clear, and gracious in how we respond to people and that yes, they may be triggered even when we act in those ways. But if we are harsh or cold (in the sense of judgmental or critical), I don’t think people are being triggered because of their own insecurities necessarily but because they actually do know their value and worth and they are feeling mistreated.
Does that make sense? I feel like I’m going in circles here. 🤪
I believe it’s more about where it’s coming from, and what your intentions are (determining this requires a radical honesty with yourself, and the ability to identify your true motivations). “Harsh” is typically an extreme version. Like I could tell you that you smell a little sweaty bc I don’t want you to be embarrassed when you’re sitting in the meeting you’re about to attend. OR I can tell you that you smell like someone set a dumpster on fire just bc I wanted to feel superior about something, and for whatever reason knocking you down a peg felt good. The core of both statements may be true (that a shower is in order, LOL), but you can be honest without being blunt. Sometimes “blunt” is called for, such as when a person crosses a line and you’ve warned them not to do it again, and then they do it anyway. Blunt or harsh is called for then. But if you’re honestly coming from a place of love and trying to help someone, then any NECESSARY criticism (necessary being the key word) is usually perceived as well-intentioned, even if that person initially gets defensive.
Ppl, unfortunately, overuse words these days, like “harsh”, and so many ppl (the younger ones especially) don’t do well with criticism (real or perceived) bc they’ve been told they’re “perfect just the way they are” their whole lives, so how they define “harsh” is probably a bit different than mine, but I would say that being unnecessarily cruel (harsh) is a sign you’re not regulating your own emotions, and it’s not a positive thing. It’s a signal that you need to step back before offering further criticism bc, if you’re being “harsh”, then you’re not helping anyone from a place of love, you’re using your compassion to bludgeon someone, and you have to be willing to see when this happens in yourself. It’s challenging, but it’s a helpful skill to develop.
@@liz9284 Well said!
You are brilliant!
I want to help a certain loved one but I'm getting a lot of pushback from my spouse who wants me to "just let them." In my view, it should be my choice if I want to expend the effort and energy to help the loved one who does need and want help getting through a problem which she admits is her own fault for creating. I know I may be wasting my time, but it is my decision, and I don't want my spouse pressuring me to back away.
Just be careful that you are not enabling bad behavior.
@@ryank6322 Thank you for the good advice. I’m planning on supporting through truth-telling and not the actual work. And like Wenzes warned, I’m willing to bear the consequence if my loved one backs away from our relationship.
Standing by doing nothing is unbearably hard so I’m willing to take the risk.
That sounds similar to a situation I had years ago. Looking back, I wasn't helping at all. I started to learn people will come around when they are ready to work on their own heavy load. Sometimes, it is best to stay silent and see how a situation will play out.
You're a grown person, do you. You are equipped on how investing in this situation may affect you positive or negative. Either way, you will learn more about yourself.
Thanks!
Wenzes, this is one of the best treatments I've read and/or heard about doing good, honest self-examination. It's done in a way that makes us face up to some of our errors, but it's affirming. I appreciate your honesty when you showed us how you had made these errors as well, and you learned from them and improved relationships. It shows us that we can do it, too.
I've mentioned in earlier posts that I had to learn a lot of this before the Internet, social media and groups like this. And it wasn't always easy. Listening to this, though, showed that my mind was working in the right direction. So I can confirm everything you say here.
This one is worthy of a LOT of review.
Thank you ❤
Thank you❤❤🎉
As INFJs, we often use only 50% of FE, we feel for others. We need to find our own feelings too and externalise them, otherwise we are being fake or wearing a mask and that's good for no one. If people leave, then they were going to leave anyway.
I truly believe Jesus is a Sigma INFJ.
As a Christian and an INFJ, Ive always struggled with everything she spoke about. I wanted to be everyone’s savior. I wanted to give them all my love and THOUGHT accepting them for who they are and not judging them is what Love is…but it’s not. It’s enabling. And I’ll tell you, Jesus DID NOT enable people’s bad choices and sins. He TOLD them to change. He ADMONISHED them.
When others did not want to hear me, I dusted my feet and moved on because I DO feel responsible for those in my circle. And the best way to Love them is to help them reach their BEST self and that takes hard loving truths. And now, the less I focus on others, the more I can focus on being MY best version. And that version is going to inspire those closest to me to be their BEST!
Disse tudo!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Wow, Wenzes! Just wow
You are speaking to my subconscious, my soul, my essence and my core
Incredible. Thank you so much ❤❤❤🙏
It seems RADICAL honesty is what it comes down to, eh?
To the self, to others...
At 11:59 you say this is where it really gets interesting. Had me way before that. Incredible "discussion".
As resident manager of an independent living facility I would meet people who needed far more care then I could provide.
This reminds me of what I've read of Buddha's teachings, some spend too much time together, then, when they realize too much about each other, they end up in desolation because they neglected themselves...
very very pertinent
This video is Life-Altering. Thank you. Seriously. Life-Altering. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I agree with this about 75%.... the other 25% is me wondering what is our responsibility and what is theirs? It kinda sounds like we are being told to help a person every step of the way with the "teach them how to fish" line and other things stated... just sounds like it's insinuated that we ARE in fact responsible for their growth because we are able to see their insecutities... which sounds exhausting...
I just sent an extra help to someone who asked me to do their astrology and then mostly had to be kept focused on the answers. It was disrespectful and the person is AHD and teaches or coaches (or wants to coach) about ADHD for people with that problem. I changed my whole helpful routine, and turned around and told them all the ADHD signs in the horoscope and the disrespectful traits that exist there and reinforce the bad behavior. I'm not a biggest supporter of psychology, though I'm finding Myers-Briggs is better than the usual. I prefer astrology basically and made my own astronomy-based system that I find super reliablel. He tried to tear me down and tell me it's not aligned with the reality. He got the whole story. But from beginning to end he didn't deserve it. Maybe I should have put my foot down at the beginning and not try to help someone disrespectful like that. Too casual, as if he deserved for me to prove myself to him for free. His sidekick was trying to super high gear make me prove myself and I just told him to listen and disagree if he found something to doubt. But he couldn't f*^g listen.
I have enjoyed your videos for a while. This one struck me. First any “savior” complex is not good. In my belief Jesus saves, professionals can help, but to have a relationship where one is to “save” the other is not a recipe for good. I personally would rather be alone and find people with similar mindsets, morals and mutual respect. It is not a win-win to be in a combative relationship ever. I don’t know what you have heard. Ostracize me all you want, if you can’t treat someone decent don’t want to be around you period. I have asked them to leave many times. I don’t enjoy seeing people suffer, that does not mean I should suffer too, forget that!
Live and let live. I have expressed my displeasure with treatment many times. At a certain point if they don’t get it, they don’t want to. Your version of the truth is a little off the mark. Victor tells the story.
lol so glad you mentioned infp they say they are extremely compatible with us but I know like 5 of them and they all have extremely self sabotaging behavior , I cannot allow them to get too close because they are all extremely co dependent , I’m sure not all of them are like that but omg they are a trip!
It follows from this that there is only one other approach. That the INFJ seek out and unite.
For we are one in our aspirations.
We could reproduce and provide a new higher genetic base with enhanced intuition.
We could be the researchers, the developers of the world, perhaps, we need our own state.
We don't heal people because what's out there is different and incurable. A scorpion is a scorpion, a human is a human. We are the .
👌👏👍 excellent
Yes, agree.
I am currently doing this, trying to show myself more. Is new. Hah!
Jees Wenzes! What's with that hand sign in your thumbnail? Threw me off kinda.😳
This was such an interesting perspective, but I feel like I’m not able to grasp it properly. Hope you come back to it!
A cashier at the supermarket complaint about how stressed she was and that she had time for nothing except working and taking care of her husband and brother. I suggested to her to listen yoga Nidra meditation when she goes to bed.
Days later I started to feel nasty vibes from her and her co-workers. I have not said a word to any of them except for hi, thanks and sorry for your loss to her because her brother died. I don't understand what was the problem about suggesting something that might help her but I won't try any more.
Try to clear the blast radius but these bums always need an infj. Uuurgh, just leave me alone.
So Mel is everywhere
🔥🔥🔥
Too true😭
😮 Wenzes you're in the cabal??!!!
What makes you think that?
It was supposed to be the Jnana Mudra which is the mudra of knowledge and this mudra is used especially to invoke wisdom, peace and clear communication.
I've always just seen it as a universal sign of peace and serenity. No hidden agenda.
@@Wenzes it's only "peace" among a minority that excludes most of us. It makes sense--your family members are wealthy bankers and you've placed yourself in a position of leadership like so many are in preparation for the takeover. Very disappointing, Minion. Enjoy your fantasy while you can.
@@muma6559 watch her hand signals
What if I have a low self-esteem and I believe that actually setting expectations will make me dependent on the other person? Or I am afraid I will suffer from continous inferiority
I would report rude cashier at shop's complaints web site.
❤❤❤
Part of this bothers me because as an INFJ I can tell when an emotion is authentic and when I help people its genuine. I'm not looking to get anything back. In fact I reject the whole idea that helping people is selfish. Really helping someone out is unselfish for INFJs. We put other people first for them, not for us. By this same logic putting others first is selfish. Again INFJs are not selfish. They can put themselves first, but that isn't being selfish. It's called acting right.
we are more. we travel through time, may it be our NI ability. We have the construct. We have the ability to activate 100% of our brains and what have you?
Why do we want to help them? Everything we improve they only exploit for their desire for power and possession.
What do we have to do with you?
Ha leido la Biblia? la invito hacerlo hallara respuesta a preguntas como ¿hay vida despues de la muerte? por que sufren los buenos? etc
This is a new version of Barnum statements. No better than horoscopes or tarot.
Please explain your cover photo.
It was supposed to be the Jnana Mudra is the mudra of knowledge and this mudra is used especially to invoke wisdom, peace and clear communication.
If always just seen it as a universal sign of peace and cerenity. No hidden agenda.
@@Wenzes Whew! Thank goodness! Mudras are great. American life has sullied some of the world's most beautiful gestures. Thank you for the explanation.
you cut the cord and walk and live a peaceful life. simple.
now if they keep boomeranging back with greater and greater force
seeking your annihilation.... well I suppose they win. Ya can't beat malignant insanity
I don't know how strong your empathy is, but I see a lot and feel way too much. No one can understand that... and people often have such dark thoughts and often thoughts full of sex drive and violence.
There was no other conclusion that I could come to. I don't know what the book was called. It stated that if you want a social revolution in which people like and respect each other, a technological revolution must be the basis.
Explained differently, from the ability - for example - we have the speed of light and can exploit asteroids or colonize other planets, a social idea follows: we no longer have to wage war against each other, since we can all colonize other planets, do research, etc. and all have one goal can have.
For example, the Arabs and Palestinians could be the photovoltaic builders - in the desert. Every people would have tasks. Then it's no longer called Arabs or Palestinians, but power generators or asteroid builders or... Why do we as humans declare ourselves according to peoples and not according to tasks?
Well, helping people emotionally individually is pointless. An example, two women want to come to me, they are both pretty and I would want both of them. But I receive the envy of four men who are all horny and horny for the two pretty women. I feel the need to become ugly and make myself small in order to escape the darkness of the human spirit. It's so sad what people can think and how dark they are.
So the logic is to unite all INFJs and install that we want to develop the world in a positive way for everyone. Yes, and that might be worth it.
well, one more addition. I tried. Starting in 2005, I redeveloped AI, medical applications, and nanostructures. Of course, given the statutes, not all of them are my developments.
The art of the INFJ is not to be able or have to do everything alone, but to know the right way.
The nanorobots will be able to fight all known diseases in the human body. AI could improve the world.
Yes, and what do people make of it? Secret services want to use the robots to cut blood veins. A murder disguised as a brain attack.
People turn all light into darkness. They are incapable of thinking positively and kindly. It's not your style.
We are the aliens. We are the outsiders. We are the ones who are always kicked and tried to be killed again and again. - Because we are good and this doesn't fit into this world.
666 as a thumbnail? Really? INFJ, ha?
Please do not use abstract words Please give examples from everyday life so we can relate
You might not be an infj.
@@YouilAushana i am and it is not up for you to diagnose me :)
It wasn't a diagnosis, it was an observation.
@@YouilAushanaaccept others, they’re cognitive functions, not cookie cutter people.
I think the boot camp is where you'll get all you need
Why are you flashing a white supremicist hand signal? (your content is good, you may just want to get rid of the hand signal.)
It was meant to be the Jnana Mudra which is the mudra of knowledge and this mudra is used especially to invoke wisdom, peace and clear communication. There was no hidden message/white supremist intention. Thanks for letting me that one could interpret it that way 👍
make one thing clear to you. There is no situation where you can really help people and they are happy.
- unless of course- you decide to become part of our group - but even then it takes years until you understand how to be happy.
People are so full of hate and envy and even more full of hormones and .
Don't try to help them, but try to help yourself, because we are different.
Thanks!