This happened 3 nights ago in a Tenants Rights support group. I automatically do the opposite of the behavior that any narcissist or megalomaniac is trying to suppress or encourage. Not even aware of it. I think I'm entrained with the group, but I raise my hand when Mama Bear has actually bloviated for 15 minutes about valuable her time is and double-dares anyone to ask another question. And she just almost spontaneously combusts. She CAN'T BELIEVE anyone would blow past her B.S. This happens repeatedly. You've helped me stop feeling like a circus geek.
Some people think they're so amazing because we've loved them, supported them, and boosted them. Until they hurt us then we switch off. We've always seen who you are, we just didn't bother about it until it affected us negatively. Nobodies perfect and we know this more than anyone. But hurt us, you're gone without a backward glance.
@@elkape1841 True, that door slam is always a last resort since our empathy can overrule our logic at times. Learn and discern first before making that choice. Everyone makes happy accidents.
I wish I didn't have to do this as often as I do. I still haven't found anyone worth being close to me coz I see their BS. I'm not willing to compromise anymore. And now I see it clearly straight away, I don't waste time either. Yes, as soon as anyone hurts me, I'm gone.
@@bumblebee_ms HURT BACK and you don't need to lose people or even door slam... They do for you!! Fair. Anyway, try using the science of hints called living Truth. Master saves, and Master is INFJ. And only an INFJ may know how is an INFJ.
One consequence of this for me has been some men finding me fascinating and wanting to know me. There’s a pattern w them where they’re leaders, seem powerful, special, whatever, but are narcissistic, fake and afraid. So glad I get this now bc I know I don’t owe them anything for being attracted to me. They’re vampires and secretly hated me while claiming to love me. I tried to show them what they were and didn’t realize I was fueling their hatred of me. I’ve wanted so badly to grow w someone, and be called out and learn.
It's really sad that merely by being dedicated to having a sense of integrity INFJs become almost universally rejected. I have crushed bully egos head on by mocking them (I hate bullies) and I have crushed other egos accidentally simply by being devoted to the truth.
INFJ-T here. It seems I crush other’s egos by just being me. Some things come to me easily and others seem to think ‘wow’. Because I perceive the world differently….people tend to think ‘wow’. Because of ideas I come up with, “people tend to think ‘wow’. My independence. My altruistic spirit and actions. And when I say they think ‘wow’, I mean they take a step back away from me in amazement or surprise. I used to be a chameleon (I called it being a willow) in order to stop people from stepping back. I don’t do that anymore. Now I have friends who are also unique, neurodivergent, an INFP, someone high on the Autism spectrum, and we can discuss and relish our unique qualities with pride and share tips for dealing with a world that is oriented for those who are in the mainstream.
Crushing egos as a young INFJ in the workplace was always causing needless drama. My performance outshone co-workers in just a month compared to those that have been there for years. They'd ask how and I'd be vague about them spending a lot of time socializing or how they've become complacent. It's like people would rather have things sugar coated but they fail to understand that I don't know how to do that. "You wouldn't hate someone that tells the truth would you?" Questions like that make them realize that they lie to themselves. I don't lie to myself so I'm not going to know how to lie to others...
When someone has an uninformed opinion, I try to add to the discussion with things I have learnt about. If they are insecure it NEVER ends well. So sometimes i have to say: I have a different opinion on that, but I CHOOSE NOT to discuss it. Only way I can save my sanity, because NO way can I remain silent
I have experienced literally all of these 5 ways - it feels as if we are walking mirrors! - "Your perception of me is a reflection of you - My reaction to you is an awareness of me" - However, there's always this strong urge to 'help'... This is a really great video on the topic..
There's a softness about you in this video, including your voice. After what I've been through, I feel more shrewd. And having to start over, in going to find another way.
And that softness and empathy was so speaking. I felt as if I fell through ages! I'm so greatfull, and now I feel I can enter "Epic life" at the age of 64... I didn't see that one coming, but as it seeminglessly all plays out right now - I see I have been meticulously steering towards it for decades; Unconscious, untraditionally and unconventionally. (Maybe it is this old stoic saying my grandmother passed down to me "Stay true to yourself" 🤔... She was truly a remarkable wise and humble woman! I love you Bina 🥰🙏)🙏
I absolutely agree I wrote her about it too it is her hubby I am thinking maybe I am wrong but there is a distinct difference here and it is welcome and her growth in progress is inevitable I wish her the absolute best and hope to see her on tv some day or in someone’s podcast that is huge !!! 😊 I love her she has helped me so much and I’m not even a member BECUZ I can’t afford it YET!!! 😊
It can be very isolating. INFJs also tend to attract narcissists, and the abuse they can dole out only takes the isolation from each other that much further. ❤
This video describes me completely, its so good to hear you describe how I am and why I am . I think Ive been crushing people all over the place for years . I could never understand why people abandon me so much. Now I understand. I often feel like the INFJ is an unfortunate personality type. I sometimes wish I had a different personality type but I'm trying to learn to accept myself.
I hear you, I took the test twice bc I didn’t want to be a rare type and experience more struggles than I already have 🙄 But that’s what I am so all we can do is continuing to move forward doing the best we can. Currently going through what this video is sharing, and it’s still emotional 🙄
brutally honest intuitive empaths naturally crush master-minded acadamia nutz relatively irrelevant informed distortions --- that's why there's such a desperate smear campaign against free radicals in general . good luck with that !
honest to goodness TRUTH is the most vital virtue --- because even peace love and respect mean little --- if those fronting like they care so much are really just tools of shady agendas to replace everything pure and natural and good --- with cheap, yet obscenely -lucrative toxic garbage alternatives --- using every dishonest trick in the book to perpetrate diabolically-retarded marketing scams . thanks for keeping thee ideal --- REAL yawl ! (even if you are simply doing it inadvertently) . . . goddesspeed again regardless ; )
I bruised my brother's ego by calling him out. It appeared like he was partying so much to avoid responsibility for his 4 kids. Leaving her alone, running away from parenthood. I texted that to his wife and he found out about it. Then, he finally got a job and got some things straight in his life. Sometimes, bruising an ego is a good thing.
I overglow when I allow myself and it seems to hurt people, so I dim it. I teach kids art and if I’m not careful, if I start to put my full abilities on display it actually serves to de-inspire the kids to do art instead of inspire them like I had hoped. I think if they see all of what I can do and accomplished in my art skills they will get inspired, but it actually serves to hurt their budding interest and instead they turn from trying. That hurts so bad. So I usually recognize they don’t need to see the full scope of my abilities at all but rather I should see to it that I fan the flames within them, inspire by being excited about THEIR burgeoning skills instead of using my own. If I do that, all they see is ‘’I’m so far from that. I should give up’’, when all I meant was ‘’look what you can do if you keep practicing! It’s fun and exciting!” Some kids will and really run with it, asking me for advice but a lot of kids just won’t and I find that really discouraging personally as a teacher. I don’t want to abandon them. I want to share with them my joy and knowledge about art.
I completely relate to this feeling not just as an artist but in my everyday life. It doesn’t have to be about art, it could be about anything. I’ve lost over 30lbs in less than a year and people keep asking me how I do it or if I’m taking the weight loss shots. I’m not. I tell the truth: honest dedication, habit, and discipline. No one likes that answer 😂😂😂 but it’s just one example of how if you tell people the truth and they don’t like it… poof. They’re gone and you’re left in the dust.
I door slammed someone just today. It’s been three years in the making. There was just such limited reciprocity. I couldn’t do it anymore. Like being kept on the shelf like a doll that they wanna play with when they feel like it and put back on the shelf when they don’t. I just can’t do that.
Wow! In so many ways. I never meant anyone harm. Door slam I’m keeping to defend myself it’s so powerful. Only use if someone won’t back down. I figure they brought it on themselves. I won’t say I’m sorry. I’ve said I’m sorry to much in my life. People play nice or suffer, their choice. They need to make good choices.
I hate telling others that I can see their insecurities. I don't want them to feel more insecure about it, so I just keep it to myself. But if it's somebody I feel close to, I will tell them in a kind way.💕
Thank you Wenzes. This vid has dropped at the perfect moment for me. I do want to live my life, but I feel obligated as there is no one else to take up the slack. I'm referring to caring for an older parent. I can't door slam her and I promised I never would. I've encouraged her to learn about MBTI so we can better communicate, but she claims it''s too hard. I better understand her reluctance now. She's ISFJ and we clash in so many ways. She has told me I scare her when I act myself (i.e speaking passionately about topics). I've tried to tone it down, but lately I have just avoided her as much as possible. Life is never easy and I do have more than most. Thanks again for this vid, I feel less burdened and more hopeful.
DO IT INTENTIONALLY!! So, only fair people keeps close... Others... They just saw their worst fears and flee away in panic... It's good to get used to panic and destruction... That will happen whatever!!
10:08 oh yes! The constant feeling of needing to help ppl through struggles. It takes a lot of boundary work to learn that not everyone’s burden is our burden.
I tried to be vulnerable with others & showed my true self but most of the time a lot of people chose to distance themselves, only a few people stayed by my side but it is worth it coz I don't want people to stay if they can't accept me for who I am.
I did this without meaning to with my dad about a week ago. I didn't mean to, thought we were just having a healthy debate, but I confronted him with many unconsidered truths he didn't vibe with. Would've loved this video a week ago, lol, but now is a good reflection.
Sometimes, it's just as well that we are willing go there, because truth telling ought to get done by someone. I just have to look at things and consider what my intentions were. If it wasn't meant to be malicious and they respond badly, I have to decide that perhaps the problem is with them and their reaction, not with me. As much as I'd love to never make anyone uncomfortable in life, it is also not my responsibility to control their reactions or realities. It helps me live with a clear conscience. ❤
@@cc1k435 I see your point, while his feelings are not my responsibility to manage, It's also not my responsibility to try convince him of truths he doesn't want to accept
Hello there ... Thank you 4 this video ... To be honest, those are all I'd been through so far up to today ... Serving, helping, suggesting good things are my destiny ... so wether I like it or not, I keep doing it happily ... moving forward to achieve my goals in life ... Yes ... sometimes i did door slam, kept distancce ... until I re energized myself in solitude. Then I start again ... a new, better episode ... to become the next best version of myself no matter what people think or say about me. Thank you 4 confirming ❤❤❤
Video idea: I have a friend I'm about to door slam because they trauma dump on me constantly. I don't want to door slam, but I'm not sure how to reset the dynamic that they always come to me about their problems. Maybe a video on relationship management tactics to avoid becoming too helpful to others. Walking the line between being a supportive friend and overstepping into savior.
I crushed an ego big time. Heavy on that. I am honestly shocked he didn't pull a Matthew. I know I would have due to my past. If I think of someone else, I should not be with the person I am dating. Gravitate to what you want. I can spot a time filler miles away.
I just mirror their behavior , if they piss off by it … well its not me... it's your reflection ... and when they realize I'm actually someone else entirely playing their mirror .. boomm ... ego destroyed
I finally accepted that I'm different ever since I found out about mbti and researched it and what it means to me. Ever since I've done this I've changed for the better and it's actually helped my mental health which has been a struggle most of my life
Curious: Will videos like this help non-INFJs understand us better? I would probably be fine with tolerance without being penalized. Expectations to understand might be excessive, but acceptance is a great start.
I am who I am. I accept and celebrate that.. If I "crush" someone's ego that's not on me.. I walk in my authenticity period.. I will not pretend in connections..I don't have concerns with being "abandoned". , I live in my integrity it's not up for negotiation. ❤
*Dialing Back and the Door Slam* . I consider myself quite talented in interior styling. I have a friend who was not so great at it, but her home had great potential and I would small tweaks here and there. I enjoyed the process and she appreciated my efforts, however, I felt she needed to develop confidence for her own abilities. I backed off on the "doing" and waited for the "ask". As per the "door slam", I had a male for over a decade. He wanted a romantic relationship, I did not and was always direct about my feelings. Said friend discovered that I had re-connected with a previous partner and he decided to terminate our friendship. I don't feel he was expecting me to take it in stride and carry on, but I did. He was the one who had to deal with the consequences of his decision.
I am an INFJ in mid-life. Last few years I have been doing lots of work on myself behind the scenes. Now I am ready to show the world and step into my POWER! I already see it is having a positive effect on my career.
I greatly appreciate your videos Wenzes. I have been in a dark place for a few years now, and your insights and strength have kept me going. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed to hear this. I‘ve only recently come to realize to what extent I subconsciously had been trying to help my family and friends, and that I ended up enabling toxic behavior in some individuals by preventing them from facing any consequences for their actions. Once I realized what I was doing, I immediately stopped. The truth is, I am still trying to help, I just had that epiphany that I must stop safeguarding them all the time. They can’t outgrow any toxic behavior if I keep shielding them from negative backlash. So now, there are a few people out there who hate me because I stopped enabling them. It’s so hard for me to stand firm on my decision because I still love them. I still want them to grow and flourish, but they consider me some kind of villain now 😕
00:26 🤔 INFJs inadvertently crush egos by exposing others' insecurities, often unintentionally, leading to potential abandonment. 06:30 🌟 INFJs may crush egos by unapologetically being themselves, triggering reactions in others who conform to societal norms. 10:21 💔 INFJs can inadvertently crush egos by offering help without being asked, leading to resentment if not appreciated or reciprocated. 14:50 🚪 INFJs may accidentally crush egos through the "door slam," leaving relationships where they feel unappreciated or unsupported. 19:14 🌌 Finally tapping into their INFJ epic life can inadvertently challenge others' egos, as INFJs pursue their potential, prompting others to confront their own choices and aspirations.
I recently heard To heal, one must be willing to release what makes them sick. I'm seeing that lots of people aren't willing to do that. I love being an infj, because I am constantly learning. Right now, I'm learning to let people have their pain and find their own way. Very hard to do, but its actually an act of love.
Wow, did I need to hear all this today! Because I literally just did it to an (I thought) friend of several years' standing who felt so mortified at a couple of things I'd said as (I thought) jokes on her facebook page, that she blew up at me with every imaginable insult after feeling dissed to her core, and even after I left her alone on an (I thought) note of public apology and contrition to let her cool down, she went on to unfriend me 12 days later, clearly still incredibly sensitive about *something*. What's so disturbing is the fact it was neither conscious nor intentional. I value the power to bruise an ego that deserves it and often wonder if it even has an effect, but this was the opposite- accidental AND devastating, like dropping a bomb I didn't even know I held 😧
5 WAYS THE INFJ CRUSHES EGOS - Oops!!! (RAREST PERSONALITY TYPE) 1:27 #1 We expose their insecurities 6:41 #2 We're being unapologetically ourselves 10:03 #3 We're helping others without them wanting our help 14:48 #4 The INFJ door slam 19:04 #5 We finally tap into our INFJ epic life
There are only 2 people in my life that could not only take it when I say something direct but potentially offensive, but also dish it out just as well without judgement that I became more comfortable with them than with anyone else. It was never the intention to offend, and they know it. This is so rare that it is surprising when it happens. One is a family member and the other was a professional colleague. It makes me want to keep working the same role for as long as this colleague is there.
If you can read people easily there's no need to "shine" people will notice a difference based on your character the problem with being unapologetic for ones own behavior is you can begin to have a lack of consideration for others see selecting friends or a romantic partner has to be done carefully there's no issues no misunderstandings if you choose your associations wisley
Expert at giving and giving and giving but once I get to a point of no return, door slam, you’re dead to me. No going back, no other chance, we’re done. Your begging and attempt at controlling me are useless. I’m not cruel, I’m just finally saving myself.
Once again, what I take from this video Wenzes and once again you reminded me how important it is for me to choose me first in every single moment, to create my epic life and leave the journeys of others on them. Also one very impactful thought that sinked deep is to find a healthy outlet for me being the leader or a mentor or whatever the role is called. I can’t be a mentor to people who don’t want to be mentored. Thank you Wenzes
I was told to speak up if there was something wrong/ when i did, they told me to stop being accusatory and discharged me in the middle of trauma stabilisation 😮 Mental Health system is NUTS😂❤
@@kikitaube-hansenThank you so much. I have met some incredible people, but they didn't invite me into their lives, which means I couldn't either (even tho I really want to).
~4.00 into feed. There is a converse situation. As you play your role and are "only this menial" many souls write you off. Other souls get wind that you are more than that and that healing and pivots happen when they understand your paradigms and gameplays. Relations with difficult relatives get sorted as you do the basics to make the space "nice" and they can get down and communicate. There is a period of isolation, then a period of inclusion. At this stage, the most important thing is not to pretend to be or offer more than what is on the table.
Wenzes: truly I cannot thank you enough for your videos. Somehow they always come at the right moment I need them and you and the commenters always reassure me I’m not alone.
❤ This is the best video I have seen you put together out of the multitude of ur videos I have watched over the past couple of years!! This one was so easy to hear & view. Ex. you spoke very calm with great intention! Also, u were a bit slower & ur consistent deliberate pitch was soothing & confident wrapped with the expertise u have in every word u say! It was a delight to see and hear u as it always is to me! I love ur help so much it always makes so much sense in my life and this one was “spot on” for my life currently!! May ✞ God ✞ bless u & ur family becuz u r sharing ur gift 🎁 to help others! 🙏
I don't put out BS. I tell the truth to the best of my knowledge and I'm tactful about it, but some people just can't handle it even after I provide receipts. I sure don't go out of my way to crush others' egos, but it still happens sometimes anyway.
3 or 4 time I leave some big community where I serve there with full-commitment, because of my priority need more time than before, or their behavior no longger suite with my idealist. Since then many just notice how much that I had done to help them, but theres no point of return. or maybe I think I can return someday, when my other higher priority accomplish
How do you feel when someone who helped you start saying horrible things and you just cannot rationalise the two events. Are they afraid of not having access to you? Is it possible that there are people who cannot accept that people cannot be questioned if they are "religious".
HSP comes with the territory. Along with being known as an "empath"! We have amazing intuition and psychic abilities. Just allow yourself to notice when and that you have these messages! We are rare and magica! Also hard to meet another infj 😔
I accidentally crushed some men's egos.... My stepdad insulted me for being too fat. So I insulted him right back for also being pretty fat. I was 16. 😮 An estranged uncle made snarky comments about what I ate at a funeral, he thought I was having too much cake. So I called him an Arschgeige. You may translate it to a..hole. 😙 and I left the room. He was left in shock about my reaction. I almost lost a job when I was like 22, when I told my boss off for being such a prick to my colleagues. Thank goodness he didnt fire me, but he was in such a rage, behind the scenes 😅 then I tried to avoid him. Later we were ok with each other, he even lent me money after I had a bad accident and needed to buy a new car. I try to be more mindful now, with almost 40, but i am certain all younger Infjs definately crush people... like Oops... I did it again....
Nope, I definitely don’t want to change it. I’m officially an INFJ-T in my delulu era and I’m here to crush every ego and burn every bridge with anyone who does not serve the collective good. *Puts on war paint and sings in Shania Twain* “Let’s go, girls!”
So I am INFJ-A. But I have a question, does an INFJ need another INFJ? Would we become friends? Or is there no need to be a friends with another INFJ because they are boring if they think exactly like me.
I have sister and neighbor and we are definitely bored and we don't get along well...we have respect for each other...we can talk about everything but we are too strong personalities...but I understood why it hurts when someone says something to your face... first, I didn't ask you for your opinion about me, and second, we think we know something about someone, but those are just assumptions
In what ways have you crushed egos without even trying as an INFJ?
No compromise with what is wrong, who says there is no parameter for what is true and what is false😂
What is true will not crumble
Crushing someone's ego is easy now let's say someone doesn't have an ego instead they operate off of something else then what?
This happened 3 nights ago in a Tenants Rights support group. I automatically do the opposite of the behavior that any narcissist or megalomaniac is trying to suppress or encourage. Not even aware of it. I think I'm entrained with the group, but I raise my hand when Mama Bear has actually bloviated for 15 minutes about valuable her time is and double-dares anyone to ask another question. And she just almost spontaneously combusts. She CAN'T BELIEVE anyone would blow past her B.S. This happens repeatedly. You've helped me stop feeling like a circus geek.
Just by being myself 🙁
What people don't understand about the INFJ door slam is it comes ONLY when staying hurts MORE than leaving. 💔🚪
That’s well said and so hard for other people to understand.
Some people think they're so amazing because we've loved them, supported them, and boosted them. Until they hurt us then we switch off. We've always seen who you are, we just didn't bother about it until it affected us negatively. Nobodies perfect and we know this more than anyone. But hurt us, you're gone without a backward glance.
Well said☺️
DO IT INTENTIONALLY!!
So, only fair people keeps close.
@@elkape1841 True, that door slam is always a last resort since our empathy can overrule our logic at times. Learn and discern first before making that choice. Everyone makes happy accidents.
I wish I didn't have to do this as often as I do. I still haven't found anyone worth being close to me coz I see their BS.
I'm not willing to compromise anymore. And now I see it clearly straight away, I don't waste time either.
Yes, as soon as anyone hurts me, I'm gone.
@@bumblebee_ms HURT BACK and you don't need to lose people or even door slam... They do for you!!
Fair.
Anyway, try using the science of hints called living Truth. Master saves, and Master is INFJ. And only an INFJ may know how is an INFJ.
One consequence of this for me has been some men finding me fascinating and wanting to know me. There’s a pattern w them where they’re leaders, seem powerful, special, whatever, but are narcissistic, fake and afraid. So glad I get this now bc I know I don’t owe them anything for being attracted to me. They’re vampires and secretly hated me while claiming to love me. I tried to show them what they were and didn’t realize I was fueling their hatred of me. I’ve wanted so badly to grow w someone, and be called out and learn.
It's really sad that merely by being dedicated to having a sense of integrity INFJs become almost universally rejected. I have crushed bully egos head on by mocking them (I hate bullies) and I have crushed other egos accidentally simply by being devoted to the truth.
Basically we are a narcissits worst nightmare.. they are also the ones that are " in controll"
“In control” 😂❤ they never seen it coming, not one of them. Not one them ever came back.
My mom liked narcisists. I didn't. And they didn't care much for me. One of them even gave me a neck prolapse. (The final one)
INFJ-T here. It seems I crush other’s egos by just being me. Some things come to me easily and others seem to think ‘wow’. Because I perceive the world differently….people tend to think ‘wow’. Because of ideas I come up with, “people tend to think ‘wow’. My independence. My altruistic spirit and actions.
And when I say they think ‘wow’, I mean they take a step back away from me in amazement or surprise. I used to be a chameleon (I called it being a willow) in order to stop people from stepping back. I don’t do that anymore. Now I have friends who are also unique, neurodivergent, an INFP, someone high on the Autism spectrum, and we can discuss and relish our unique qualities with pride and share tips for dealing with a world that is oriented for those who are in the mainstream.
Crushing egos as a young INFJ in the workplace was always causing needless drama. My performance outshone co-workers in just a month compared to those that have been there for years. They'd ask how and I'd be vague about them spending a lot of time socializing or how they've become complacent. It's like people would rather have things sugar coated but they fail to understand that I don't know how to do that. "You wouldn't hate someone that tells the truth would you?" Questions like that make them realize that they lie to themselves. I don't lie to myself so I'm not going to know how to lie to others...
I don’t do well with sugar coating things. I call it “adding the fluff”. I have been called ‘caustic’ because I tend to be direct.
Yes yes yes not to talk about in a culture driven strict African family. Let say it hasn’t been easy 😅
even though it it doesn't pay enough --- it pays to cut the crap . . .
@Name_Lessness Proprio come te
When someone has an uninformed opinion, I try to add to the discussion with things I have learnt about. If they are insecure it NEVER ends well. So sometimes i have to say: I have a different opinion on that, but I CHOOSE NOT to discuss it. Only way I can save my sanity, because NO way can I remain silent
I have experienced literally all of these 5 ways - it feels as if we are walking mirrors! - "Your perception of me is a reflection of you - My reaction to you is an awareness of me" - However, there's always this strong urge to 'help'... This is a really great video on the topic..
Yep.
There's a softness about you in this video, including your voice.
After what I've been through, I feel more shrewd. And having to start over, in going to find another way.
And that softness and empathy was so speaking. I felt as if I fell through ages! I'm so greatfull, and now I feel I can enter "Epic life" at the age of 64... I didn't see that one coming, but as it seeminglessly all plays out right now - I see I have been meticulously steering towards it for decades; Unconscious, untraditionally and unconventionally. (Maybe it is this old stoic saying my grandmother passed down to me "Stay true to yourself" 🤔... She was truly a remarkable wise and humble woman! I love you Bina 🥰🙏)🙏
I absolutely agree I wrote her about it too it is her hubby I am thinking maybe I am wrong but there is a distinct difference here and it is welcome and her growth in progress is inevitable I wish her the absolute best and hope to see her on tv some day or in someone’s podcast that is huge !!! 😊 I love her she has helped me so much and I’m not even a member BECUZ I can’t afford it YET!!! 😊
Wenzes, I thank the day I found your channel so I can see that I am not the only person on earth like this.
It can be very isolating. INFJs also tend to attract narcissists, and the abuse they can dole out only takes the isolation from each other that much further. ❤
@@cc1k435 So true. The whole thing is isolating, and it feels worse around narcs.
This video describes me completely, its so good to hear you describe how I am and why I am . I think Ive been crushing people all over the place for years . I could never understand why people abandon me so much. Now I understand. I often feel like the INFJ is an unfortunate personality type. I sometimes wish I had a different personality type but I'm trying to learn to accept myself.
I hear you, I took the test twice bc I didn’t want to be a rare type and experience more struggles than I already have 🙄
But that’s what I am so all we can do is continuing to move forward doing the best we can.
Currently going through what this video is sharing, and it’s still emotional 🙄
Accepting that I am an INFJ, and grieving has helped me to move forward. In my life
This feeling of not wanting to be INFJ is a characteristic of this temperament type.
brutally honest intuitive empaths naturally crush master-minded acadamia nutz relatively irrelevant informed distortions --- that's why there's such a desperate smear campaign against free radicals in general . good luck with that !
I wonder how many other INFJs also have “appreciation “ as their love language. Respect and appreciation ranks so high for me.
Sameeee
honest to goodness TRUTH is the most vital virtue --- because even peace love and respect mean little --- if those fronting like they care so much are really just tools of shady agendas to replace everything pure and natural and good --- with cheap, yet obscenely -lucrative toxic garbage alternatives --- using every dishonest trick in the book to perpetrate diabolically-retarded marketing scams . thanks for keeping thee ideal --- REAL yawl ! (even if you are simply doing it inadvertently) . . . goddesspeed again regardless ; )
I bruised my brother's ego by calling him out. It appeared like he was partying so much to avoid responsibility for his 4 kids. Leaving her alone, running away from parenthood. I texted that to his wife and he found out about it. Then, he finally got a job and got some things straight in his life. Sometimes, bruising an ego is a good thing.
some folks require ruder awakenings than others . . .
Narcissist’s we’re coming to get you 🤨
I overglow when I allow myself and it seems to hurt people, so I dim it.
I teach kids art and if I’m not careful, if I start to put my full abilities on display it actually serves to de-inspire the kids to do art instead of inspire them like I had hoped.
I think if they see all of what I can do and accomplished in my art skills they will get inspired, but it actually serves to hurt their budding interest and instead they turn from trying. That hurts so bad. So I usually recognize they don’t need to see the full scope of my abilities at all but rather I should see to it that I fan the flames within them, inspire by being excited about THEIR burgeoning skills instead of using my own. If I do that, all they see is ‘’I’m so far from that. I should give up’’, when all I meant was ‘’look what you can do if you keep practicing! It’s fun and exciting!” Some kids will and really run with it, asking me for advice but a lot of kids just won’t and I find that really discouraging personally as a teacher. I don’t want to abandon them. I want to share with them my joy and knowledge about art.
I super-duper resonate with what you’re saying. I’ve had this experience too.
I completely relate to this feeling not just as an artist but in my everyday life. It doesn’t have to be about art, it could be about anything. I’ve lost over 30lbs in less than a year and people keep asking me how I do it or if I’m taking the weight loss shots. I’m not. I tell the truth: honest dedication, habit, and discipline. No one likes that answer 😂😂😂 but it’s just one example of how if you tell people the truth and they don’t like it… poof. They’re gone and you’re left in the dust.
I door slammed someone just today. It’s been three years in the making. There was just such limited reciprocity. I couldn’t do it anymore. Like being kept on the shelf like a doll that they wanna play with when they feel like it and put back on the shelf when they don’t. I just can’t do that.
gotta luv when lazy half-assed shallow minion mentalities finally get that first dose of keeping thee ideal --- real . . . !
Wow! In so many ways. I never meant anyone harm. Door slam I’m keeping to defend myself it’s so powerful. Only use if someone won’t back down. I figure they brought it on themselves. I won’t say I’m sorry. I’ve said I’m sorry to much in my life. People play nice or suffer, their choice. They need to make good choices.
I hate telling others that I can see their insecurities. I don't want them to feel more insecure about it, so I just keep it to myself. But if it's somebody I feel close to, I will tell them in a kind way.💕
Tell them or not, in my experience people feel it as if the room temperature just dropped 15 degrees.
@@martin.ballard Yep. They sure are everywhere aren't they now? 👍
@@martin.ballard I'm tired of it, to be honest.
@@JesusIsAboveAllOtherNames I agree.
I have often learned to almost enjoy an uncomfortable situation. If I didn't, I probably would never have any fun at all. 😂
I recognize narcissists fast. Most of the time is the triangulation, questions that put you on the spot and the narc smirk.
Thank you Wenzes. This vid has dropped at the perfect moment for me. I do want to live my life, but I feel obligated as there is no one else to take up the slack. I'm referring to caring for an older parent. I can't door slam her and I promised I never would. I've encouraged her to learn about MBTI so we can better communicate, but she claims it''s too hard. I better understand her reluctance now. She's ISFJ and we clash in so many ways. She has told me I scare her when I act myself (i.e speaking passionately about topics). I've tried to tone it down, but lately I have just avoided her as much as possible. Life is never easy and I do have more than most. Thanks again for this vid, I feel less burdened and more hopeful.
We are truth tellers sometimes without even speaking. Just because we're right doesn't mean we are liked.
DO IT INTENTIONALLY!!
So, only fair people keeps close... Others... They just saw their worst fears and flee away in panic...
It's good to get used to panic and destruction... That will happen whatever!!
10:08 oh yes! The constant feeling of needing to help ppl through struggles. It takes a lot of boundary work to learn that not everyone’s burden is our burden.
I tried to be vulnerable with others & showed my true self but most of the time a lot of people chose to distance themselves, only a few people stayed by my side but it is worth it coz I don't want people to stay if they can't accept me for who I am.
I did this without meaning to with my dad about a week ago. I didn't mean to, thought we were just having a healthy debate, but I confronted him with many unconsidered truths he didn't vibe with. Would've loved this video a week ago, lol, but now is a good reflection.
Sometimes, it's just as well that we are willing go there, because truth telling ought to get done by someone. I just have to look at things and consider what my intentions were. If it wasn't meant to be malicious and they respond badly, I have to decide that perhaps the problem is with them and their reaction, not with me. As much as I'd love to never make anyone uncomfortable in life, it is also not my responsibility to control their reactions or realities. It helps me live with a clear conscience. ❤
@@cc1k435 I see your point, while his feelings are not my responsibility to manage, It's also not my responsibility to try convince him of truths he doesn't want to accept
Hello there ...
Thank you 4 this video ...
To be honest, those are all I'd been through so far up to today ...
Serving, helping, suggesting good things are my destiny ... so wether I like it or not, I keep doing it happily ... moving forward to achieve my goals in life ...
Yes ... sometimes i did door slam, kept distancce ... until I re energized myself in solitude.
Then I start again ... a new, better episode ... to become the next best version of myself
no matter what people think or say about me.
Thank you 4 confirming ❤❤❤
Wow. Months of Journaling and therapy didn't give me as much insight into the demise of my last relationship as this 22 minute video. Thank you.
This video is your magnum opus.
Video idea: I have a friend I'm about to door slam because they trauma dump on me constantly. I don't want to door slam, but I'm not sure how to reset the dynamic that they always come to me about their problems. Maybe a video on relationship management tactics to avoid becoming too helpful to others. Walking the line between being a supportive friend and overstepping into savior.
I crushed an ego big time. Heavy on that. I am honestly shocked he didn't pull a Matthew. I know I would have due to my past. If I think of someone else, I should not be with the person I am dating. Gravitate to what you want. I can spot a time filler miles away.
I seem to trigger people who don't like it when I do my own thinking. Usually, they're insecure people and/or have control issues.
I just mirror their behavior , if they piss off by it … well its not me... it's your reflection ... and when they realize I'm actually someone else entirely playing their mirror .. boomm ... ego destroyed
I finally accepted that I'm different ever since I found out about mbti and researched it and what it means to me. Ever since I've done this I've changed for the better and it's actually helped my mental health which has been a struggle most of my life
Curious: Will videos like this help non-INFJs understand us better? I would probably be fine with tolerance without being penalized. Expectations to understand might be excessive, but acceptance is a great start.
I am who I am. I accept and celebrate that.. If I "crush" someone's ego that's not on me.. I walk in my authenticity period.. I will not pretend in connections..I don't have concerns with being "abandoned". , I live in my integrity it's not up for negotiation. ❤
*Dialing Back and the Door Slam* . I consider myself quite talented in interior styling. I have a friend who was not so great at it, but her home had great potential and I would small tweaks here and there. I enjoyed the process and she appreciated my efforts, however, I felt she needed to develop confidence for her own abilities. I backed off on the "doing" and waited for the "ask". As per the "door slam", I had a male for over a decade. He wanted a romantic relationship, I did not and was always direct about my feelings. Said friend discovered that I had re-connected with a previous partner and he decided to terminate our friendship. I don't feel he was expecting me to take it in stride and carry on, but I did. He was the one who had to deal with the consequences of his decision.
Brake = slow something down. Break = shatter into pieces.
I really dont think people care when I leave or when they leave bc how Ive been treated. But now I know who I am so it will be different
I am an INFJ in mid-life. Last few years I have been doing lots of work on myself behind the scenes. Now I am ready to show the world and step into my POWER! I already see it is having a positive effect on my career.
I greatly appreciate your videos Wenzes. I have been in a dark place for a few years now, and your insights and strength have kept me going. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this video. I really needed to hear this. I‘ve only recently come to realize to what extent I subconsciously had been trying to help my family and friends, and that I ended up enabling toxic behavior in some individuals by preventing them from facing any consequences for their actions. Once I realized what I was doing, I immediately stopped.
The truth is, I am still trying to help, I just had that epiphany that I must stop safeguarding them all the time. They can’t outgrow any toxic behavior if I keep shielding them from negative backlash. So now, there are a few people out there who hate me because I stopped enabling them. It’s so hard for me to stand firm on my decision because I still love them. I still want them to grow and flourish, but they consider me some kind of villain now 😕
00:26 🤔 INFJs inadvertently crush egos by exposing others' insecurities, often unintentionally, leading to potential abandonment.
06:30 🌟 INFJs may crush egos by unapologetically being themselves, triggering reactions in others who conform to societal norms.
10:21 💔 INFJs can inadvertently crush egos by offering help without being asked, leading to resentment if not appreciated or reciprocated.
14:50 🚪 INFJs may accidentally crush egos through the "door slam," leaving relationships where they feel unappreciated or unsupported.
19:14 🌌 Finally tapping into their INFJ epic life can inadvertently challenge others' egos, as INFJs pursue their potential, prompting others to confront their own choices and aspirations.
I recently heard
To heal, one must be willing to release what makes them sick. I'm seeing that lots of people aren't willing to do that. I love being an infj, because I am constantly learning. Right now, I'm learning to let people have their pain and find their own way. Very hard to do, but its actually an act of love.
yep, let them get on with it. i find this phrase very freeing.
We see it so fast that when we must it seems like a shock to them. I never understood how they can’t get this, that we see them.
Bull's eye accuracy ! Great insight into the INFJ psyche. Thank you Wenzes.
Wow, did I need to hear all this today! Because I literally just did it to an (I thought) friend of several years' standing who felt so mortified at a couple of things I'd said as (I thought) jokes on her facebook page, that she blew up at me with every imaginable insult after feeling dissed to her core, and even after I left her alone on an (I thought) note of public apology and contrition to let her cool down, she went on to unfriend me 12 days later, clearly still incredibly sensitive about *something*. What's so disturbing is the fact it was neither conscious nor intentional. I value the power to bruise an ego that deserves it and often wonder if it even has an effect, but this was the opposite- accidental AND devastating, like dropping a bomb I didn't even know I held 😧
Have anyone ever considered that they might be an ESFJ instead of INFJ?
So much of these videos relates to the ESFJ
5 WAYS THE INFJ CRUSHES EGOS - Oops!!! (RAREST PERSONALITY TYPE)
1:27
#1
We expose
their
insecurities
6:41
#2
We're being
unapologetically
ourselves
10:03
#3
We're helping
others without
them wanting our help
14:48
#4
The INFJ
door slam
19:04
#5
We finally tap
into our INFJ
epic life
There are only 2 people in my life that could not only take it when I say something direct but potentially offensive, but also dish it out just as well without judgement that I became more comfortable with them than with anyone else. It was never the intention to offend, and they know it. This is so rare that it is surprising when it happens. One is a family member and the other was a professional colleague. It makes me want to keep working the same role for as long as this colleague is there.
You are simply super ❤
If you can read people easily there's no need to "shine" people will notice a difference based on your character the problem with being unapologetic for ones own behavior is you can begin to have a lack of consideration for others see selecting friends or a romantic partner has to be done carefully there's no issues no misunderstandings if you choose your associations wisley
Expert at giving and giving and giving but once I get to a point of no return, door slam, you’re dead to me. No going back, no other chance, we’re done. Your begging and attempt at controlling me are useless. I’m not cruel, I’m just finally saving myself.
Once again, what I take from this video Wenzes and once again you reminded me how important it is for me to choose me first in every single moment, to create my epic life and leave the journeys of others on them. Also one very impactful thought that sinked deep is to find a healthy outlet for me being the leader or a mentor or whatever the role is called. I can’t be a mentor to people who don’t want to be mentored. Thank you Wenzes
This is a great comment
Intention is extremely powerful 💪. ❤️ 16:07
I was told to speak up if there was something wrong/ when i did, they told me to stop being accusatory and discharged me in the middle of trauma stabilisation 😮
Mental Health system is NUTS😂❤
👍😂
Lol
@iloveFreedom - Society is nuts, people in general are nuts and it gets worse year by year. It is so isolating.
Thank you so much ❤❤❤
All or nothing! Thank you wenzes!
Strike, Thank you. We dont wanna feel the other person feel bad. So true. But its misunderstood.
Any time I understand someone, they turn out to be a narc and I regret it. It drives ME crazy.
@@bumblebee_ms Just hold on , there are good people in this world. You‘ ll find them😘!
@@kikitaube-hansenThank you so much. I have met some incredible people, but they didn't invite me into their lives, which means I couldn't either (even tho I really want to).
You help me a lot.
Great video "breaks egos".
~4.00 into feed. There is a converse situation. As you play your role and are "only this menial" many souls write you off. Other souls get wind that you are more than that and that healing and pivots happen when they understand your paradigms and gameplays. Relations with difficult relatives get sorted as you do the basics to make the space "nice" and they can get down and communicate. There is a period of isolation, then a period of inclusion. At this stage, the most important thing is not to pretend to be or offer more than what is on the table.
Damn this was powerfully poetic!!! 🎉❤
This video is so beautiful. Every word is true.
Thank you so much💗
I'm listening and nodding all the time, so true, everything.
Wenzes: truly I cannot thank you enough for your videos. Somehow they always come at the right moment I need them and you and the commenters always reassure me I’m not alone.
Nice shirt!
Many thanks!!!
❤ This is the best video I have seen you put together out of the multitude of ur videos I have watched over the past couple of years!! This one was so easy to hear & view. Ex. you spoke very calm with great intention! Also, u were a bit slower & ur consistent deliberate pitch was soothing & confident wrapped with the expertise u have in every word u say! It was a delight to see and hear u as it always is to me! I love ur help so much it always makes so much sense in my life and this one was “spot on” for my life currently!! May ✞ God ✞ bless u & ur family becuz u r sharing ur gift 🎁 to help others! 🙏
I don't put out BS. I tell the truth to the best of my knowledge and I'm tactful about it, but some people just can't handle it even after I provide receipts. I sure don't go out of my way to crush others' egos, but it still happens sometimes anyway.
3 or 4 time I leave some big community where I serve there with full-commitment, because of my priority need more time than before, or their behavior no longger suite with my idealist. Since then many just notice how much that I had done to help them, but theres no point of return. or maybe I think I can return someday, when my other higher priority accomplish
You are awesome wenz. Thank you
Yep
Love all this
Queen 👸🏻 #INFJ
It’s probably why I’ve never been liked by my boss.
Infjs we love ourselves through knowing god creates us with a purpose.m and the narcissits try to stop you out of jelousey
You know they lost it when they start to personally disrespectfully insult you and haha your comments no matter what you say. 😂
Thank you, Wenzes!
I can't say "hello everyone! I am an infj" They are going to think I am insane.
50/50 or nothing ❤
The best video that you posted!!! So true!!!
Thank you for sharing 🥺🥹
Please take the bright ink off the poster--it uses a lot of printer ink. Can you make the poster simpler and less ink-hungry? Thank you!
This describes me well!
💕 keep asking for help too but they won't even day hello except for in their weird codes.
Very true.
What’s so wrong with crushing egos? It happens all the time
Leggo my Eggo!!!!!! 😂😂😂
Im not really sure if I am INFJ or INTJ. When I take the MB personality test - I always get INTJ-A but I feel I behave more like an INFJ...
How do you feel when someone who helped you start saying horrible things and you just cannot rationalise the two events. Are they afraid of not having access to you? Is it possible that there are people who cannot accept that people cannot be questioned if they are "religious".
hi Wenzes. i have a question. is there a correlation between being an INFJ and an HSP?
HSP comes with the territory. Along with being known as an "empath"! We have amazing intuition and psychic abilities. Just allow yourself to notice when and that you have these messages! We are rare and magica! Also hard to meet another infj 😔
YES! I search for others who wonder the same. I wonder how many of us also have trauma childhood backgrounds as well.
omg!
We are an insecurity spotlight.
And sometimes we do it subconsciously or like on autopilot. Depending on how much you have strengthened your intuitive nature.
I accidentally crushed some men's egos....
My stepdad insulted me for being too fat. So I insulted him right back for also being pretty fat. I was 16. 😮 An estranged uncle made snarky comments about what I ate at a funeral, he thought I was having too much cake. So I called him an Arschgeige. You may translate it to a..hole. 😙 and I left the room. He was left in shock about my reaction.
I almost lost a job when I was like 22, when I told my boss off for being such a prick to my colleagues. Thank goodness he didnt fire me, but he was in such a rage, behind the scenes 😅 then I tried to avoid him. Later we were ok with each other, he even lent me money after I had a bad accident and needed to buy a new car.
I try to be more mindful now, with almost 40, but i am certain all younger Infjs definately crush people... like Oops... I did it again....
Nope, I definitely don’t want to change it. I’m officially an INFJ-T in my delulu era and I’m here to crush every ego and burn every bridge with anyone who does not serve the collective good. *Puts on war paint and sings in Shania Twain* “Let’s go, girls!”
I dont know, titles like these make me think that INFJs are the most egocentric people in the mbti
I want to know how to u crush my mothers ego and my family that has hurt me so bad in return
Forgive them you will find peace
So I am INFJ-A. But I have a question, does an INFJ need another INFJ? Would we become friends? Or is there no need to be a friends with another INFJ because they are boring if they think exactly like me.
I have sister and neighbor and we are definitely bored and we don't get along well...we have respect for each other...we can talk about everything but we are too strong personalities...but I understood why it hurts when someone says something to your face... first, I didn't ask you for your opinion about me, and second, we think we know something about someone, but those are just assumptions
Wenzes, the video title. Brakes or breaks? >
this video is soo old now and I still hadn't noticed the mistake, haha. Thanks for pointing it out. I'll fix it :)
@@Wenzes :)