Therapist Shares How to Recover from a Breakup
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- Опубликовано: 9 июн 2024
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01:35 - Intro
02:33 - Tip 1
04:51 - Tip 2
07:18 - Tip 3
08:58 - Tip 4
09:57 - Tip 5
11:44 - Tip 6
12:32 - Tip 7
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Tips that helped me after my break up:
1. Write and Take time to grieve and be in your feelings. Avoid talking to that person for a month just processing things. But not too long.
Go Do Something New. Even if it takes effort, risk and change. Just Do It.
2. Read break up stories. For some reason, it teaches you that most people suffer this, most people have tips on how to live, and most people learn how to move on.
3. Pray and meditate morning and night. It’s not easy, but it’s fruitful. Say what worries you then say everything that you are grateful for.
4. Get a therapist who’ll listen to you and gives good advice
5. Forgive yourself. Forgive them.
Don’t let your heart be hardened.
Remember, Weeping may endure the for a night, but Joy does come in the morning.
Thank you ❤
Thanks.💕
What helped me was reminding myself that my life goes beyond a relationship. That I can still be happy with my own company and not have to rely on another person. Putting myself first allowed me to realise what I actually wanted for myself , that goes beyond another person. There’s a beauty in growth.
😊😊😊😊d😊😊😊dd😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 dd😊w is the best 😊😊😊 I 😊😊 😊😊 lj
I 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 😊 I 😊 will be in 😊 and I will be in the same boat as you and I will be in the next few days to get my hair done and get
Nobody can tell you what you should do. Everyone deals with it in their own way
Just got out of a 12 year relationship, this couldn't have been more timely. Thank you, truly. It's been... hard.
EDIT: So... Just got a notification someone replied to this, and... It's been 8 months since I left this comment. After a lot of work, time & healing, I found love again. Thanks to the people who replied to a random comment from a random nobody, & thank YOU, Steph. This truly did help me process & recover enough to be happy again, even before I found my partner. It was hard, & some nights are still hard. But... I know I'll be okay now. I AM okay now.
10 years relationship here , I hug you
@@taniatheurel6721 Sending hugs and support to you as well - we'll get through this with time.
sending hugs!!
wow 11 years for me...sending hugs !
I need a hug too !
You mentioned in the video how taking accountability is important. I agree, but I think I blamed myself for too much of what happened with my ex. What helped me was realizing they were just as much in fault as I was.
What has helped me through my break up is being patient with myself and giving myself time to heal. I was mad at myself because I expected to be over my ex in certain amount time. I read online that if you dated for a year you should be over your ex in a month or something along those line. Being patient and letting myself cry really help. Deleting all pictures and messages both on my phone and social media also help the process. Have zero contact as well
Yes, patience and grace is important. Thank you for sharing ♥️
This is what I mean. You read all the comments and everyone deals with ot differently. So what makes this woman thinks she knows. These people make me ill
@@tommac21Are you talking about the women in this video? If so, she’s literally a therapist dude
First, what an absolutely gorgeous shirt! Secondly, the most helpful thing I did to get over a breakup was cut off all communication with the ex and anyone I was close to through them. I feel like it helped me get through it, remember my beautiful life without them and create more beautiful memories outside of them.
Love that tip! Creating new friendships and focusing on pre-existing ones is such an underrated method of healing. Thanks for sharing.
Beautiful comment and share...we are catching up on our Therapy Videos today 🌞🤙🏽
i hope i can do that too .. we have kids, its so hard to cut the communication :(
No to the deleting pictures
. 20 years later it is nice to look back. You may see yourself as beautiful and then wonder what you ever saw in that person. Store them away.
Tip #2 has been the theme of the conversation with myself this year. Stop leaving out the part of the story where I *****ed up at! It has been enlightening mentally, emotionally and physically.
I definitely appreciate this video. I recently ended a 5 year relationship and the ending wasn't well received - at all. It not only strengthened my resolve, but I also got that closure that yup, this isn't going to cycle back. I got my therapist and took accountability for what I could have done better in the relationship and made commitments to work on that while I am currently single and healing. I also made a commitment to who I want to now be outside of that relationship. I am taking more risks and really enjoying life. It does get a little lonesome sometimes, but I never feel as bad on my own as I felt in that relationship.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Beautiful comment and share...we are catching up on our Therapy Videos today 🌞🤙🏽
I’ve been single for 5 years and didn’t know I needed this. Thank you! 🙏🏽
I keep old photos of the ppl I was getting to know in the cloud not on my phone. I could never delete them because for w.e reason but I do know how to let the past go. I like to go back once in a while, re-look at the photos and just go back to how happy I was when I was with them, try to figure out the things that went wrong and remind myself what boundaries and new behavioral patterns I should keep creating to make sure what went wrong in the first place never happens again.
Still healing from a short term relationship almost 4 months ago, but a 10 year battle with codependent, neglectful and abusive dating (my recovery date was May!)
I feel you on that. I don't know if you've heard of RedefinedTV, but various sermon series and webisodes/ shorts have addressed codependent, toxic, and dysfunctional patterns and relationships. It has given me a lot of clarity and healing as well 💜
@@Ash-ol3ji Thanks so much God has taken me to that channel with a word FOR ME! DEFINITELY!! Cleansing away all this toxic dating content out here! :( God reeled me back in with this last guy, I swear I had enough for real! Keep staying the path hun!
Maaaannn I watched this one with tears in my eyes, I'm currently in the process of ending an 8 year situationship that we both vested a lot of ourselves into. Thank you so Steph, your gift is amazing and is helping heal the world!
You’ve got this. Thank you so much for watching. I’m glad you found this helpful ♥️
Are you going to be casual friends or in a distant contact
Going through this its difficult i cant sleep am always crying iam in a big mess i invested alot ,but now i regret thanks i will trust the process May God give me strength
I am going through this again. My ex said he wanted to fix things over Easter only for him to flake on me. I then discovered that he was his rebound. I am shattered and broken. I don't know how to cope
The most successful method for me after a bad breakup in particular is "outta site, outta mind." Deleting alllllll evidence of life or our time together, deleting and then blocking the phone number so I can't find it even if I wanted to. Removing any left over regiments of them in my home or phone
YESSSS !!!!!!!
Yea its a lil more difficult if u share a child with Dat person nd believe in family
"Focusing on that time in their life is what's been giving their life now meaning." Damn that hit different, you're totally right
This video came just in time for me! I’ve been struggling with my breakup and coming to terms with who I was and who my ex was in the relationship AND continuing to coexist due to financial limitations. It has not been easy! Thank you for these tips!
I'm in the same coexisting circumstance (mine is more legally I can't kick him out than financial). It is hard. I hope you are carving out time for yourself where you have a safe place to relax and rest from a stressful home situation.
Aww my friend is in a cohabitating ex situation. I can't imagine having to do that. prayers to you both!
@@Mindsetolympics Thank you! I will take all the prayers I can get!
Thank you as always for your amazing content Steph ❤️. I’m healing from a break up in which I did not receive any closure or resolve, so I love the idea of writing a letter to them in order to get things off of my chest. Prior to our break up I deleted every photo/video we ever took, our message threads, and threw out any items which may have brought up his memory (which I highly recommend for anyone). I’ve also had 0 contact with him, and as much as I’ve wanted to reach out, I try to remind myself that, that chapter has closed, and that that is okay. I’ve leaned on friends, family, and my therapist for support and slowly his memory has become more and more faint. While I’m still heartbroken, I’m healing. I think allowing myself to feel, process, and cry in the present, will serve me in the long run. I also suggest this for others who may want to distract themselves with new relationships, partying, etc. As hard as it may be to confront and process in the present, it will only serve us in the long run and lead to growth and healing. Best of luck to those struggling, you’re not alone, and you will find healthy love and happiness again.
What helped was to take a year for myself, no relationships, flings or anything like that.
This video is so timely. Thank you for this. Just ended a two year relationship with a guy that was my friend for 10 years prior. It's been really tough.
Perfect timing! My bf broke up with me three days ago, and this was exactly what I needed (and that too from someone like Steph).
omg me too. its been 3 days and its been tough 😭
Just got out of a 3 year realtionship yesterday I'm truly lost. We both agreed it was because of different core values. It didn't end in a bad way. Yet I feel so lonely still.
for me its today i feel lost scared confused, for 4 years my life has revolved around one person, we have both made mistakes, i have always hoped and prayed i experience everything besides them. i dunno if i will ever recover
identify and avoid triggers and then re-integrate them back into your life after processing them (go watch that show you used to watch together, those places you used to go together to)
be honest about how you fucked up
get rid of memoirs, photos, clothes etc, ie, objects that remind you of them
write them a goodbye letter. sending them is your choice
rediscover this new you and figure out what you wanna do and what your values are gonna be
seek help. professional or otherwise
These are great tips Steph! I went a break up 2 years ago with my sons father which was really tough. Deleting the pics & videos was a huge part of healing for me! It truly allowed me to move on. I did lots of voice journaling/memos when I didn’t feel like writing. Cried lots 😭 because emotions need to come out! Also working with a therapist helped me to process my emotions. I actually with through Better Help 😊
Anyone going through a breakup there IS light at the end of what seems like a dark tunnel
💡💛
I found it helpful googling self-care and thinking about what makes me feel alive, then making a promise to myself to do more of those things.
Hey, I just found your channel and I already think you're awesome!
I'm just so sad, my last relationship ended 3 years ago, we were together for almost 7 years. We had wanted our future, a family, and fought so many battles together. My time with her was the happiest in my life, and I am so grateful that I was able to experience that beautiful time with her. Not long after it ended I lamented so much not having gone to couple's therapy, because I really feel like maybe we could have saved our relationship if we had help back then. We still loved each other when it was decided, and despite how bad the breakup went, I think maybe that's still true. Of course, last I heard, she was in a relationship with the guy she cheated with, so it's not like I'm grasping to get it back like I used to. I've come a long way, myself. I was so willing to forgive her cheating, even though it thoroughly broke my heart, because I just wanted to be with her so much, and I just wanted us to get passed it, but the cheating didn't stop. Of course, I know I contributed more than enough to the problems we were having. Because of the cheating and her still hanging out with the guy while we were trying to heal the relationship, because I already dealt with ongoing depression and was off all meds, I fell into a horrible depression, and because of that I didn't contribute my part to our future together. I was always so tired and felt like I couldn't move. I hated myself so much for not being able to just do what I was supposed to, finding a job, helping to contribute financially. I was unable to help her see how much I wanted to, but felt so disabled. She couldn't understand why I couldn't just do it, she said "lots of people are depressed, but they keeping going because they have to". I had just moved from across the country to finally have our place together, it was before the pandemic, moving that far by yourself is a lot, I had just gone through a breast cancer scare (it ended up benign thankfully), and because we were just starting out, I didn't really have the money to go to therapy, or get back on antidepressants. I didn't know the area, so I didn't know where I could have gone anyway.
Anyway, I'm at a point where I feel like I've been able to... move on? I'm open to new relationships and I really feel like if I caught feelings again, it would be that extra push to get passed it even more. I don't think I could bare to delete photos and get rid of things she gave me (the photos are actually kept in a folder on my cloud that I don't touch, but it's comforting to know they're there), because I don't want to throw her away or the memories we shared. I'm never not going to care about her and her happiness, and I'll always have love for her in my heart, but I know that there are other things to focus on now, people who are in my life with me right now. Friends and family. I was able to get back on my meds.
Luckily, I have been able to rediscover my passions, because it was like you said, it's like you lost yourself and your future, it feels like you lost everything. Now, I have been indulging in things that I like specifically. Pouring myself into my craft, building my skills. More than having another relationship any time, I want to focus on my personal growth, learn so many things, and that's also what I plan to bring with me when I do find that new love again. Trying to learn how to love and appreciate myself, by myself. Focus on how I am free to do what I want, when I want.
I still have such a long way to go, I relapse with intrusive thoughts, bouts of depression regarding that specifically, and night mares every once in a while, but I have come such a long way too.
Thank you so much for your videos. I look forward to watching your content from now on. Sending well wishes~ :) ♥
Thank you for sharing 💕
Thank you for making so many difficult topics so much easier to digest!! The first thing I did after my break up last month was work with my most debilitating fear, which was going out to places I love, and seeing my ex by chance. We shared a lot of the same hobbies and taste. I asked my friends to come with me to places where I was most afraid to see this person. I felt like the world got a little more comfortable after making new memories with them. I started putting the things that made me happy into a small time capsule to open again in a few decades. Personally, I feel like throwing certain things away is like denying any happiness ever existed. I guess that's something for me to ask my therapist about. : )
I think this is a beautiful approach! Whatever makes you feel open to the world again. I love the idea of a capsule.
Thanks for the support ☺️
This past month hasn't been an easy month, but I am processing what I need to process. I have love this person for more than a decade and I have blamed myself after the break up. I am someone that always first does introspection before I even look at the other person. During this time I have also realised that I wasn't totally at fault. I read a lot nowadays and I watch inspiring videos to help assist me to get through this. I know that communication in conflict and communication on both our ends was one of the big hurdles. Now that I'm standing outside, looking in through the window, I can see what I can and should work on to improve on my end as well. I'll take it all in its stride. 1 day at a time.
This was so helpful... stumbled on your account and I'm so thankful for the information that you provide to this community... very useful tips that I plan to put into practice... Thank you!
Your timing for this video is impeccable!
Whew Chile! Everyone can relate/benefit from this video. Loved the practical tips! I can see this video becoming one of your most popular videos.
I always appreciate your tips for relationships, and I feel that this is a wonderful addition to that
Can I just say this video is KEY. All advice given was some concrete advice. I very much enjoyed it. Thank you.
There is victory, and thank you for the understanding and validation for me as well! 💗💗💗
Hey Steph, great video 💕💕 I learned a whole lot.
I was wondering if you can do a video on aging anxiety and ways to cope with the scary thought of aging. Thank you in advance 🤗
Really really good Stephanie ❤ thank you.
This was SO good!
This is gold!
Fabulous presentation. Thank you for sharing this information
Thank you, Anya.
You are legit the best. Thank you 🙏🏽
Thank you, this is brilliant advice.
Outstanding video thank you 🙏🏾 There was an app that I used when I had a very bad breakup. I can’t remember the name but it was amazing along with counseling!!!
you are amazing and keep up the good work
I wish you were my therapist 😢 literally going through this as of today and I just feel so crushed because I love him so much 😢 my heart just feels broken right now
This was a Good video love it!! 🔥
Another great video!!
My ex from a 4year relationship and I used to watch your videos and I was going to stop watch but I know that I need to hear this advice
Psalm 23 is a scripture I like to meditate on.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!
Currently processing a breakup. Didn’t realize it but the breakup triggered my childhood trauma. I have a CBT therapist that pointed this out. Since she is CBT focused and doesn’t treat trauma, I am now working with a trauma focused therapist in addition to her. I hope that helps someone ❤
I appreciate these tips, if only the other partner would use this advice and let go.
Thank you so much for this video
I needed to receive this
My first time watching your video it has helped me. I subscribed.
Hi Steph I love your videos~
Can you speak about situationships and how to deal with those?
Thanks Steph❤its been a year
Good tips!!!!!
I needed this video so much. I recently split up from the father of my one year old, we were together for 3 years and It's been hard, once I left I realized how much I was manipulated into doing so many things, he convinced me for 2 years that my anxiety was making me see things that weren't there. Such as him texting other people or being disrespectful towards me. It was heartbreaking and still is to realize me and my baby meant nothing to him, he moved on like nothing. Thank you so much for this video. I'm going to re-watch this everytime I feel lost❤️
This was great 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 in addition I would say I pray and get connected to the most high GOD
Good Advice
I would love to hear how you help clients currently going through a divorce. Thank you for your videos!! I learn so much from you!!
That’s a great video idea! Thank you 😊
Love the video! I'm wondering how best to handle a situation like this with someone who was a friend first and wants to maintain the friendship? Maybe possible video idea... 😊😊😊
I second this!
i've been hearing some....not so great things about Better Help 😬 from therapists, social workers, etc.
issues about shady marketing practices, how they pay their therapists, + other things. once i started the signup process, i started coming across the videos//posts + now i'm hesitant.
have you seen any of these videos, posts, or concerns from fellow mental health professionals?
Hi super appreciate this information I have been with a guy for four and a half years and I wish I would have known some of these tips and tricks that you were giving now I I do once in awhile come in contact with this person and we did sit down one day and actually have a conversation one day and it actually wasn't bad I don't really hold on to the same feelings I had though sometimes I wonder how much I still trust that person but I did at least try so thank yo
My girlfriend left me 4 days ago and we still live together. I can’t afford for her to move out until my pay goes up in 6 months. Someone please help me….I feel like I’m walking in hell. All the plans we made events, festivals etc she’s now on the phone to her friends making plans for them. I feel so hopeless and don’t know if I’ll make it through the 6 months…
Omg se llama Anya 😱
I am struggling so hard to getting over breaking up with my boyfriend 2.5 months ago because he had cheated on me and hid it for 4 months. I randomly met the other woman and it came out in conversation. He and I have been back and forth about getting back together but I’ve been so angry and said and did some things that were completely out of line. I think he blocked me yesterday. I sent an apology text but didn’t hear back. I just got a therapist and had my first session last week. I’m so angry, sad, lonely, bitter, and also very jealous and Insecure. I don’t know what to do. I literally feel like I’ve mentally snapped and gone insane. 💔 We were only together for 1 year so why is this so hard?
We renovated the entire basement where I currently live. Most of the work was done by him, how do I avoid the triggers? I live the triggers every day
- identify and reintegrate your triggers
- accountability , responsibility
- obsession and letting the previous relationship trauma to influence you in the now
- goodbye letter: to gain closure and close the page of the chapter let them go, catharsis , let your painful thoughts and emotion go, release
- write a hello letter to yourself:
Write your new self, and be thankful
- there’s pros and cons for everything
- make a list of your values, and important qualities to you.
- get a therapist
Other things from my knowledge:
- write a list of their bad negative qualities, and the reoccurring issues with that person
- write a list of your good qualities
- write a list of things to do and accomplish ..
♡ how to react if someone says “I love you” a bit too quickly… ~
How do you heal from someone you have to communicate too everyday because you both share a child together😞 it’s been 8months and it’s still not getting any easier 🥺
It's been over 2 months since the break up but I just can't get over this I'm literally losing myself I need helo😭
Hang in there, I promise you will be fine.
Give yourself time to get over it.
It’s been 4 months now for me and I can say I am in a very much better space than when it was 2 months, time actually heals.
Sending hugs 🫂
I am also here. It's been two months, i just found out that he was cheating with his current rebound. I made the mistake to talk to him which he said he wants to reconcile. He then ghosted me and spent the time we were to meet with his rebound. I feel like i am back to square one. I am shattered! I can't take this pain
Do u need to block them after break up
The first one is funny to me, because yes it’s very true. It’s not a huge breakup because we were just dating for 2 months but this man lived at the beach I ALWAYS went to (I live coastal so there’s various beaches around) and prefer, but now I won’t go there, even though he’s left town at this point… we did everything at that beach so it’s too many memories for me right now. Which sucks because I want to go to the fucking beach lol.
Are you taking any new clients?
I am not able to recover i don't know what to do 😭😭
Your words are powerful and if you speak that way you won’t recover. I hope you’re coping better now
adquire or look for new hobbies and read about things i might be interested on o may help me, invest time and money in things that may actually be beneficial to me.
❤️
My problem was he didn't like if I yell his name, I was wrong.
I did it because he doesn't implement anything I suggest.
We both agreed to therapy but he sends me videos explaining how women are wrong and I send him your video's so we can move in a direction of help not judgment and criticism.
He told me he don't watch nothing I send an I watch everything he sends me. So I told him until he watches the last video of yours I sent him two days ago and tell me about it, I'm not watching anything else until he balence this or we won't have a scale because I restricted what he sends.
I want to work with you please.
what if your ex was ur best friend of yours for YEARS before y’all got together, do u still delete ALL the pictures of ur ex or just the ones of u guys together ?
Do you guys still talk?
I don't know if there's a point of deleting things if you parted as friends.
@@tundevirag755 nope, we don’t talk anymore
I know there isn’t one straightforward answer to this, but how much time should I give myself to process a breakup after 2.5 years of being together? For this first month after my gf left I haven’t really been that emotional, but I’m starting to cry more and let myself think about things more, and I’m not sure it’s helping. I guess I keep waiting for this feeling of being “over it” to set in and I’m afraid it never will.
You should give yourself as much time as you need. Sometimes the realization of our loss doesn't happen immediately. You'll get there when you get there, but don't try to rush yourself. Let life do what it's gone do, just give yourself some self-compassion along your journey.
There is no certain amount of time of healing but you should try and progress past the "sad points." Its all about you but "enabling" your sadness is only going to prolong it... one of the best tools for prolonging is the keeping of videos or photos or text.. I hope you are able to heal in a time that you feel is comfortable.
Allow yourself the time you need to heal, grieve and process!!! I find when people look for rapid shifts, more often than not they are only repressing feelings and cresting deeper wounds. As painful as it is, take time to be with you and embrace the pain. Your friends and family will help you through. 2.5 years is a substantial amount of time in which you likely shaped your life around this person. Be patient with yourself, give yourself the compassion and grace you would lend a friend or family member
I found that therapy was not helpful. It is not going to have the man you love love you back. It will not make you forget him. It will not bring a replacement in your life. I was very active and this did not help. I was not able to function at my job because of my trauma. There is no cure for being a reject. Time does not heal. This happen to me 44 years ago.
Well 1st theres no such thing as any therapist could possibly say or do that will help. The only thing is it takes time. These so called therapist have to be the lowest form if life. Biggest scam artists vultures. They're worse then divorce lawyers
I blocked her on everything then send her realizations about how little she did for me and I know she's stewing behind her phone, crying and realizing how much of a shitty partner she is and was, and I love it. But, I do need to move on. Torture is only fun for so long.
Im.sorry but this is very generic
I just ended a 5 year relationship 4 months ago (knew him for 10 years). When you said "delete some pics" I automatically felt triggered. My body reacted immediately. It was an immediate NO. I don't have any pics of us on my phone but they are saved on my PC. lol I can never see myself deleting our pictures. Although that relationship was very toxic and we BOTH did things to hurt one another, that eventually led to our breakup 💔, I must admit I miss the good times we shared. Some days I would lay in bed at night and just cry ....wondering if I made the right choice walking away from all the history & memories we have made. I didn't want it to end but I NEEDED it to end. It's still very hard even now but everyday gets a lil easier. THANKYOU for making this video. I will definitely follow all the tips you have shared. What makes it worse is that I had a therapist I have been seeing for about 3 years who just left me. So it's a double whammy. I have to find a new therapist but I'm very thankful for my therapist who not only helped me find the strength to leave that relationship but who was there for 3 months after my breakup, helping me process everything. 💔😣😭🥲
youll feel better dont worry!! i know in the future youll look back on this comment & feel completely healed. im sorry for the pain you're going through, take care of yourself & enjoy the time u have to spend alone or with friends/family ❤️❤️❤️
This past month hasn't been an easy month, but I am processing what I need to process. I have love this person for more than a decade and I have blamed myself after the break up. I am someone that always first does introspection before I even look at the other person. During this time I have also realised that I wasn't totally at fault. I read a lot nowadays and I watch inspiring videos to help assist me get through this. I know that communication in conflict and communication on both our ends was one of the big hurdles. Not that I'm standing outside and looking in through the window, I can see what I should work on to improve on my end as well. I'll take it all in its stride. 1 day at a time.