I grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive household. I witnessed a murder happening across the street, had to hide under tables because of shootings, etc. But because all those situations were common in the place I used to live, I always felt like they weren’t hard enough to be ‘traumatic.’ I moved to a foreign country, and the few times I’ve shared some of these experiences with close ones in this new place, I’ve been treated like I was exaggerating. So, I feel isolated many times, and even when I try to talk about some of these past experiences, I do it lightheartedly because they weren’t ‘traumatic enough.’ Thanks to you, now I can put a word to it. Thank you for helping me.❤
9 years ago, my fiance died unexpectly of a medical issue we didn't know he had. Movies like Onward and Deadpool 2- stuff where people get a second chance with a deceased loved one- are super hard. Because in real life, we don't get those second chances. Thank you, Jonno. Maybe it's not "just grief". It IS emotional trauma.
My 17 year old son is currently in inpatient treatment for suicidal thoughts. He has had one attempt in the past. He is autistic, has klinefelter syndrome, ADHD, and depression. I served in Iraq for two combat deployments as an Army infantryman. I am now a prosecuting attorney specializing in criminal sexual conduct cases and domestic violence. Nothing I have been through or seen in my life has been as traumatic as navigating fatherhood with a son like mine. I love him deeply, but his issues have hurt me deeply. My marriage has suffered and so has my relationship with my other son. I've been in and out of therapy for 20 years. My question is simple: when you know you are either going to end up burying your son or go through a lifetime of heartache due to his problems how are you supposed to put one foot in front of the other? How the hell do you cope?
I can understand the suffering on both parts but now could to be the time and opportunity to heal together. Intergenerational trauma is getting more widely recognized. Meaning trauma being passed on to next generations. So while you've might grown more resilient against any hardships life throws at you, those hardships could at the same time affect your son. Obviously I don't know any of you and might completely be reading into this. I'm just also a daughter with ADHD, dealing with trauma and have a highly functional parent that can't understand nor connect with me and my suffering. Can you imagine anything more powerful than taking time and energy towards healing together with your son? I hope those thoughts are helpful. All the best to you and your family 🙏🏼
I have been there. Not in your shoes, but being the distressed autistic son. And things got better, and not only for me, but my whole family. And they will for you too. Maybe take your son out of school though, he can still get his GED, but I suspect that is what makes his life awful. And other than that, all you can do is spend time with him and try to improve his mood.
Having a therapist and peer support. What frustrates me is how the mental health industry treats trauma like an Olympic sport like oh you have been emotionally neglected/abused, you were trapped with a mentally abusive person whose past behavior left such an emotional scar that a workplace bullying situation triggered that memory..sorry we don't think you have PTSD. However, I feel the need to advocate for folks like me and I get political. I will go to Beacon Hill on Legislative Day for Workplace Bullying or mental health and speak my truth. I try to turn my traumas into causes worth fighting for
I'm so glad that I found your channel. I'm 32 and am just now realizing that I have some pretty severe trauma that I completely and utterly emotionally disassociated from. Lately, for some reason, that wall is starting to crack, and those years and years of constant fear and overwhelm and hopelessness are seeping through. But the frustrating part is that I still can't remember most of it! I tried to do some of my own EMDR work, but even while listening to a video clip that simply talking about caused an emotional flashback that left me shaking and sobbing and unable to speak, I couldn't bring the memories back. Why do I feel the emotions but not remember the events? How am I supposed to work on this when I can't remember 99% of it? I've even had physical reactions when I've tried where I get what feels like bright flashes in my head and this dizzy feeling, but still nothing comes back. Ever since this has all started, my anxiety and depression and feelings of crushing overwhelm have been weighing heavily on me, but I can't seem to figure out what to do from here or where to go - though I wish back to having that wall was an option. Your videos help, though, and I appreciate your compassionate and empathetic style. I'm continuing to go back through what you have on the topic to try to figure out my next steps.
I've had similar experiences, too... actually. Something would happen in everyday life that relates to the bad/traumatic memory and I'd start seizing and/or sobbing before I go to sleep... It's bizarre. Like, it's hard to believe that stuff like that can happen to us... but it does... and it's so frustrating. I hope that you find success in overcoming your trauma. ❤ I'm right there with you... Good luck. 👍
I am so sorry for what has happened to you, it had to be unspeakable to cause a psychological defense such as memory block. I have very similar experiences. I have huge holes in memory of growing up but have had one tiny flashback, just enough to know that I was raped age 7 by a friend of the family. After that flashback, the triggers have been intense, like you said, I don't remember what exactly happened but I have all the feelings that are so intense that I dissociate a lot. From what I understand, this is because the subconscious remembers every detail, and the body keeps the score, remembers what happened in it's own way. That is a book title actually that I would recommend highly, The Body Keeps the Score. Also helpful for me has been working through how to communicate with my inner little girl, learning how to communicate with her and "reparent" her. These Mended Light videos as well as social worker Patrick Teahan videos and workbooks on your family of origin have been very helpful for me. Even though I still can't remember, the communication with my inner little girl has been extremely important. I look into the mirror in my eye and say to myself "I love you" (though at first felt like a lie and uncomfortable it has gotten easier over a year and has a true feel to it now) and whatever else I always needed to hear but never got. That communicates to a subconscious level and is powerful for me. I work on my negative inner thoughts by correcting myself when I've been mean to myself, and I counter it with 10 positives. I've also just learned to accept that recovery is messy, it gets better and worse in cycles, and I can expect a long road but that's ok because I'm worth it and I will be my own best friend. I know I'm making progress because I am creating better boundaries, and I am not feeling guilty for setting them. I hope that helps in some way. Thanks for sharing your story and being vulnerable, that is a superpower that not everyone possesses. Hugs and light to you ❤
My mum was the same, we were adults and we knew she was ill but it was far more serious than she lead on. Now at one point she was complaining that the cleaner did not do windows , so one Saturday, I showed up and cleaned every window (and mirror) in the house. I cannot express how much I hate doing windows but I did it for her. At the same time, my brother was doing his monthly batch of bread in a semi professional oven which was in a corner in the living room so mum, who was always cold, had it nice and cozy (next to a hearth burning I may add) and I saw her perking up. It was the last thingnI ever did because a week later she was gone. It often consoles me that at least that day she was relatively comfortable and happy because of her clean windows.
I come from a really dysfunctional family. I suspect my mom has an undiagnosed mental health condition and my dad used to drink heavily. My parents relationship was chaotic, lots of yelling, fighting, calling the cops, etc. I think there’s many worse things people go through but it was really hard to experience that as a sensitive kid. I didn’t have anyone who I could tell how I felt, how scared I was. My dad taught me how to drive when I was 11 and I would drive my family home from parties when my dad drank too much. My mom would take out all her frustration on my sibling and I. She used to make us kneel on rice for 30 mins while facing the wall. Once, she beat me in front of family when I was 10 for shaving my legs. She was emotionally abusive and short-tempered. Eventually my parents divorced and that was beyond toxic. Both my parents would call me and vent about the other. Even as an adult it was rough. I’ve made bad choices in the past because I wanted to forget, to distract myself from how sad/mad all of it made me feel. The worst part is my parents “don’t remember” the past the same way. Just because it wasn’t all bad doesn’t mean the bad stuff wasn’t harmful.
I'm so Sorry you had to go through this 😢 Know that you are not obliged to be in touch with your parents just because you are blood related. You choose if and how much you want to interact with toxic people incl. Family members. Even though it's hard, your first priority should always be you and your emotional as well as physical safety ❤ All the best to you. 🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing this. I’m going through a similar situation, and your comment made me feel less alone. I live in a society where parents are seen as ‘untouchables’ who deserve all the good because they gave you life. So, facing them and saying that the fairy tale of the past they have in their head is not real has isolated me from my family. Reading your comment made me realize there is someone else who knows how it feels.
These last couple of videos you’ve made is exactly what me and my therapist is talking about. I was bullied in middle school. I didn’t have any friends. Same in junior high school. I got social anxiety. I got scared to go to school. My grades were dropping. I didn’t have any real friends. And now In high school. I have a friend group. We were friends with this other group from this other class. Then I accidentally made a mistake by laughing while a girl in that group was talking about something traumatic that happened to her. I immediately apologized. And I later wrote to her and apologize again. She said that she forgave me but couldn’t tell if we could be friends or not. Then she turned their whole friend group against me. And now it’s super awkward in school. I got really anxious after that and I didn’t go to school for four days. After that incident I get anxiety again to go to school. It’s a little better now since I’ve been talking to my therapist but it’s still kinda hurting to see my “friends” act like the other group didn’t shut me out completely. But a positive thing in all this is that I’ve finally found a true friend. She stood up for me in that situation when the other group talked trash about me in a group chat. My BFF left the group immediately after she read all the things they said about me. And I’m sooo grateful for her🥰
Awwww... That's so sweet to have those good friends. 😊 And I'm right there with you... those type of experiences of getting rejected by friend groups has been a major theme in my life. 😔 But I do appreciate the fact that I've been able to find those few friends that stand above the rest of the group and genuinely care about me. 😁I've been friends with those people for years now because of the kindness that they showed me that others might not. 🥰 The only advice I could offer is to nurture those friendships... and I don't know enough to help with the specific situation... but I wish the best for you. 🥰
@@Sobbleboy27 thank you so much! Yes it really is wonderful to know you have someone who really cares about you. I hope you’re happy and living your best life!🥰☺️
For me, journaling is the main way I work through my traumas. It helps me to unpack things mentally if i see it on paper and put it into my own words, the situation, how i feel about it, etc. Sometimes, all i need is to write something down in order to feel better about it because it almost feels as though I've put it down. And the way i know if something is causing me trauma, is if it keeps replaying in my head without prompting. That's when i know to sit down and journal.
I think one of the things that have been a struggle and me and my therapist are discussing is we feel it’s hard to address my trauma currently because I’m still in a situation where I feel emotionally unsafe.
Thank you so much for this. I often felt like my experience with a psychological abusive husband wasn't as bad as having been beat up. And a trauma therapist told me being bullied in school for six years isn't recognised as causing PTSD.
I really struggle to share my problems and feelings with others, especially my partner because I do not want to burden people, especially when I feel silly for certain emotional reactions to my triggers
Love your channel. You really are good at what you do. You are the only online therapy channel that has helped me. Thank you so much for the content that you put out.
Hello! I hope you are doing well! I want to say thank you for posting these videos, they help me a lot and i am sure they help many people, you work its beautiful. I am not sure if you have a video about this topic, but if no i would love to watch a video from you about Pet Loss. Its a very touching subject to me and to a lot of people , facing the loss of our best friends and having to learn how to live without them. With the way you do your videos i am sure it would be very rich in wise words. Thank you again for what you do! (Sorry for any misspelling,english its not my first language.)
I've been in therapy for the last 10 years after my biological Mom disowned me, and so many people including my husband have tried to encourage me to make amends because they don't want me to live with regrets. They haven't for years now, but I still can't talk to anyone about my issues or what I am thinking or feeling besides my therapist. I confide in her the most, but I'm trying to get my husband into therapy so we can do couples counseling and work on our communication. Thankfully he's making phone calls and trying to get an appointment
I'm an adoptee who found her birthmother and we had a very lukewarm relationship. When she moved across the country to AZ it was both a physical and emotional distance. She eventually ended up in a nursing home and apparently no dialogue about me in front of staff for over a year. So I decided to go out to AZ to visit her. I go and sign in at the visitor's desk with my half sister and the security guard says "I didn't know you had a sister." I was hurt by this comment, but not surprised. Back in NJ where we're from, she wouldn't publicly acknowledge me as family if we were in a restaurant and someone she knew approached the table. She could have told a half truth and say I'm her niece. I do look a lot like my one uncle, but she didn't. I was also disowned by members of my adoptive family and step family from my adopted parents' 2nd marriage. So I definitely can emphasize with you. Sometimes you got to make your own family.
It's so funny, I just last week went over the window of tolerance with my therapist and I'm now trying to log my trauma triggers that make me go into hyper-and hypoarousal. Right on time, once again.
I'd like to know more about how I, as a friend, family member or coworker can help the people around me through their different problems. Is there common phrases that can actually be hurtful, what are common assumptions that people make about those who need help that are keeping them from helping the people around them to the best of their ability? Thanks Jono, loving the content!
I would really appreciate a video on how to support an autistic and ADHD partner who has anxiety, c-PTSD and suicidal ideations largely due to his parents trying to "help and support" him in ways that are actively damaging him and who refuse to understand that trying to shame and scare somebody out of being and acting neurodivergent and anxious does not work and is extremely damaging
Reupload? Needed as much as before, so thank you, this hast helped me understand Something now that I need IT myself instead of last year when I wasn't in this situation personally. Much appreciated!
So.. 4 years ago I lost my father figure in death. It had been a week by time he had been discovered. At the time, he had been pet sitting our cats and my mom had to retrieve them after he'd been removed from the building. That night it felt like everything in my house was contaminated because she and the cats had been in his apartment. I spent weeks avoiding everything. Avoiding feelings, avoiding touching things, avoiding people, and attempting to avoid images in my head of what he looked like.. I wanted to be strong enough that I wouldn't have to suffer hurt. I thought the numbness I was feeling was me being "strong". It wasn't. (But I don't have to tell you that .) Jump to the present time, I've been hospitalized once and seen 4 different therapists for OCD.. totally related to that tragic loss. Totally didn't get the proper help any of those times. Then, after being told by a therapist that I was "too far gone", I went to a behavioral center for intensive treatment and left with more trauma that comes back to me every single day. I don't know why I'm saying this for the world to see, especially cuz I don't really have a conclusion. Maybe it's just release. I'm in therapy again and have wayyyy more confidence in this therapist, but sometimes I still feel like I'm not getting to the root of my struggles and working through it all. Anyway.. whoever is reading this and may be struggling, let's keep trying. We're all in this together. 🤍
I have a lot of trauma school (teacher), hospital. I still don't know how to deal with some traumas... but one thing I don't understand is that if a family member says something bad, I just defend myself I don’t care how it’s. but if a stranger says something, I just listen, I don't defend myself and sometimes this is the cause of my depression. It bothers me a lot, I don't know why I do it
I‘m struggling with my worth. I was raised by my grandparents, cause my parents were studying and working. My grandmother hated me, hurt me physically cause I‘m not a meek, quiet, obedient girl. I never felt inferior to my male family members. Because of that I was emotionally dependent on my grandfather. He loved me most „although I‘m only female.“ I loved him the most, because I only had him. Then without warning my parents moved away , one day before my school enrolment. It took me a while to accept that I lost all my friends, my home and the only one who loved me. The peak of the iceberg is, that my grandfather hasn‘t missed me one second, and here I was, thinking I was his everything. Within seconds he replaced me with my cousin. He even forgot my birthday. I was replaceable. Everything without worth is replaceable. 29 years later I‘m still hurt and convinced that I cannot be loved unconditionally. I‘m working on it but I feel so alone because everbody think I‘m just dramatic. This is just One of my traumas. Don‘t make me start with my parents 😢
How do I quit being a control freak? So many of the aspects of how I've dealt with trauma in my life are variations on the theme of trying to control things to secure my safety, but knowing this and unlearning the behaviors are very different things.
I quit playing Little League baseball when I was 10. The reason I quit was because my dad said that I should, because everyone on the team was getting better at it, except for me. I can't remember that far back very well, but I know that I thought me playing baseball was important to him, and when I quit it felt like I had let him down in a major way. When I was 16 or 17, we went on our yearly trip to my grandparents' place for Easter. One of my uncles had brought a baseball and a couple of gloves, and asked if I wanted to play catch. I tried for a few minutes, and realized that I had not touched a baseball since I was 10. I had a powerful emotional reaction to this, that I was not expecting. I got it under control and didn't break down crying in front of my uncle. But it was a strange experience. I don't know if it was trauma or something else.
I had a bunch of people leave my life in a period of few years, and then I was homeless. No one takes this pain seriously because no one died. Now I hate every human being because now I see they have no empathy.
I’m gonna be honest I dunno where to start , I’ve seen things I shouldn’t have , I’ve heard things I shouldn’t , I can give an insight into what I’ve seen and experienced , I was exposed to death at a very young age , lost a partner to death heart attack sadly , working along side death in general so seen a lot of bodies without going into to much detail on here , mentally and emotionally abused by my father and his sister , I’ve never really I mean realistically speaking ever dealt with what I went through because I was always compared to everyone else things like “ I know someone who’s been through worse than you “ or “ start thinking of others stop being selfish and thinking of yourself “ I was made to feel that my trauma was nothing and that I meant nothing so I guess I suffered and still do , I’ve ended up with a habit of pushing my trauma to the back of my mind and focused on other things “ have I forgotten it “ ?? No I haven’t 😢but Ive got no one to help me no loved one no friends , my focus is to not fall apart and take care of my mother because she’s all I got , I’ve learned that my suffering doesn’t matter my attitude is why bother trying ?? So I just get on with it as I feel I have no choice …… 😔🥴🙂
Man... that is super tough... I hope you and your mom are doing well. 🙏 And please don't think that your trauma is nothing. ☹Nobody can convince you that your trauma is nothing or that your trauma doesn't mean anything... Because it's YOURS! So, YOU are the only one that can make that call... And what you said makes it sound like it IS something and it DOES mean quite a bit. With my trauma... I did that same thing where I'd push it to the back of my head and try to forget about it... I wish that worked. 😔 Unfortunately... the best way to get over trauma is by facing our trauma then resolve our inner conflicts, usually with the help of a counselor/therapist. By opting for the method of ignoring/avoiding/running from/pushing away our trauma... the trauma will still exist in our minds... and because it still exists, we still need help to go toward the trauma, try to resolve that inner turmoil, and move on. I hope you'll be able to get through whatever you're going through. And I love your profile pic... it's super cool. 😁
@@Sobbleboy27 Hi there sorry for the long gap in response 😅 Sadly my mother has Heart Failure so when she goes I’ll have no one left I’ll literally be on my own so I’m just preparing myself…. Not that I’ll ever be ready …. 😔 Well sadly convincing me my trauma is nothing my brain my brain has been programmed to believe it as such it’s because of the way I’ve been treated and brought up 😅 I can’t change what’s happened to me nor can I go backwards , my past will always be my past I can’t run from it nor can solve it all I can do is learn from it and move on , I’ve always dealt with things on my own because I have no one else I find it hard to change that pattern , I do hope things get better for you my friend I really do 🙂 I have some comfort that I’m not alone , and the one thing my enemies haven’t got that I do have is compassion, understanding and love 🙂 I appreciate the compliment thank you 😄😅
Question: what do you do when you have been working for years on a specific trigger (for example a person or two) and you still get just emotionally unregulated as before and you believe there is no way out.
Currently feels like both like free floating in space with nothing to bounce off of and trapped under rubble where one wrong move could actually kill me. It can. My health is at risk and been trying to get healthily and safely free of this situation. Physically and financially I can't. The stress of being narcissistically abused by a more vulnerable malignant and a more covert vulnerable type of parents has broken my body. Right now in freeze mode pretty solidly, but still trying my best. Cptsd, depression, severe anxiety, fibromyalgia, the auto immune kind of arthritis....It extra sucks, because that stuff made my physical issues worse ( physical I recieved to due being passenger in a car crash and issues since birth about bone issues/ pain with ankles, knees, hips, back, pigmentary glaucoma). I can't work. I'm 35 and been giving it all my entire life. My body just got more broken while trying to be a normal human. But I'd get dehumanized by the abuse and emotional neglect. Police and hospitals have been retraumatizing. My last therapist was amazing until a really bad traumatizing experience. I have no one emotionally safe to go to. I've tried. Even my little sister isn't safe to cry around. I was parentified too and always tried to stand up for myself and others. I tried to protect my sister and mom. My little brother died when he was 3 and 1/2. No one was to blame. It was a freak genetic disorder only 3 other people recorded to have had at the time. My entire life has been trauma after trauma while trying to heal. I've had 4 people threaten to kill me to my face. And an uncle point a pistol at my face as a 'joke'. And it sucks, because I know my parents were both abused by their parents. I saw it with my own eyes. Nothing excuses abuse, but it gives valuable perspective if we want to heal this as a whole. While searching for a new therapist and attorney to help with disability case been researching more and dealing with the weight of the grief of so many multiple overwhelming things , while continuously trying to heal while continuously still in these not okay situation, while trying to help them, because I rely on them and I do feel bad they have it rough too. I always wanted a family and now I grieved most likely won't have kids, maybe won't find anyone safe. I am an aunt though and I love my nephews and niece. I want to be a safe and healthy person for them. And as a reminder to people you kind of have to learn to be your own best friend. And even if isolated there are others out here like fireflies. Flickering on.
I feel like everyone around me, has to deal with some kind of a trauma. How can I even tell them that I need support, when they have to deal with themselves all the time? And reaching out to mentally healthy people is like destroying their happy worldview or that they can't even relate whats like growing up neglected and physically abused 😢
My lifetime situations of emotional, mental and physical abuse from family members , began so early, that I have memories of being afraid of my mother since before I could walk, in addition to sexual abuse by close friends of family members, now in my 50's I'm sorting through both triggers and avoidance behaviors, but I struggle to trust my own thoughts and ideas due to fearing additional damage I could cause because I don't think I know what a healthy foundation is to begin with. I've been dismissed and shut down for so long that trusting anyone else for anything is a struggle. Where is the path to trust supposed to start?
Hello there, writing from Madrid, loving both mended light and Cinema Therapy. I've been recommended recently to go with EMDR therapy for my traumas, and I would love to know more about this technique, this approach.
Here's a question that I haven't seen really addressed anywhere. How do you heal from the trauma of learning your spouse abused your children? (Healing from it post-divorce and the kids are now safe, so you can actually start processing it all.)
Here's a question: We are told that we are responsible for our own feelings. No one else is. So then why do we claim to feel bad or apologize for ever hurting another person or their feelings etc? Are we legitimately sorry for hurting the other person with our words or actions, or only for the impact of our words and/or actions? Is deliberate intention to cause harm all that matters? (I know the truth is in the middle somewhere, but the mixed messages are really annoying.)
So something can be traumatic for one person and not traumatic for another person? Because I’ve been through hard things but don’t feel traumatized by them but I do worry that they’re negatively affecting me in ways that I don’t realize.
I´ve recently got my heart broken by somebody I really loved. We werent really serious about our relationship bcs we were seing eachother for 3 months but we knew eachother for 1 year before but I truly struggle. Now its been a month and Im doing better then before but Ive never experienced such pain in my life. When he told me he has a girlfriend after Ive been traveling for 2 weeks and coming back exhausten with hope of seeing him and being with him. I felt like Ive lost that person over night but whats worse is that Im still angy at him. Sometimes I think would it be easier if he just left me bcs then I could forgive him but in this scenario was it all just a lie or game to him? Ho could he have slept with me and go out and behave like my boyfriend and when the girl he wanted became available just jump on her? I know that its probably better bcs if he used me like this would l really want to be with him? But at the same time I dont know what to do - we have a lot of common friends and every time I think of an event where I might see him with his new girlfriend I get extremely anxious even just thinking about it, I dont want to avoid it bcs I really wanna get over it since I need to attend some of the events for work but I truly dont know what to do. So if anyone has some advice I would be really grateful. And if you read until now Thank you for your time and effort to help, it means the world to me.
I'm not trying to minimize, but with the healthy breakup, is that trauma or grief or both? Were you hypervigilent? I feel like we underestimate how intense needs with grief are also. I guess I'm asking what the difference between trauma and grief is. I would see a healthy breakup as grief, not trauma. Does that make sense? Can you please clarify? (For reference I'm autistic, have ADHD, have had single-incident PTSD, and currently have CPTSD (attachment trauma), major depression, and chronic fatigue.)
I think two things can be true at once. Gabor Mate says “trauma, from the Greek for “wound”, is not what happens to you; it is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you”. At least thats what I like to believe. But then Im not a psychologist lol
What does it mean if i do the opposite when it comes to triggers and the memories of the traumatic event as in trigger myself and constantly talking about it which in itself triggers anxiety and flashbacks i don't know why im doing this
@@adamk-paxlogan7330Sucks How lucky you are... I've had flashbacks of a traumatizing psyche hold following a horrible bout of suicidal ideation, caused by a very out of character family fight on Thanksgiving (seriously, it was That Fight At Thanksgiving and my family usually isn't like that). The flashback may not feel like a VR simulation of the traumatic event, but the oddest thing can cause you to remember the incident that damaged you. I can't be in a room in a health care situation with a closed door, even with the kindest of staff caring for me, without feeling trapped; and Thanksgiving has turned into a holiday that I can't celebrate.
How do I manage my trauma? Well... I don't. 🫠 It's like my trauma manages me. I guess the main reason for that is I've been running away from it. My reasoning until recently was, "My trauma can't hurt me if I don't pay attention to it." So, I do the things in the video where you avoid triggers and try to minimize it. Anything that relates to my emotional trauma makes me anxious and I have symptoms of panic attacks. My trauma resurfaces so often because of how often my friends talk about things that relate to my trauma. It makes perfect sense to deal with and overcome my trauma because then it will stop resurfacing nearly every time I talk to my friends. And I do have an appointment with a counselor to sort it out... but thanks for the information. I really needed it right now. 🙏
I grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive household. I witnessed a murder happening across the street, had to hide under tables because of shootings, etc. But because all those situations were common in the place I used to live, I always felt like they weren’t hard enough to be ‘traumatic.’ I moved to a foreign country, and the few times I’ve shared some of these experiences with close ones in this new place, I’ve been treated like I was exaggerating. So, I feel isolated many times, and even when I try to talk about some of these past experiences, I do it lightheartedly because they weren’t ‘traumatic enough.’ Thanks to you, now I can put a word to it. Thank you for helping me.❤
9 years ago, my fiance died unexpectly of a medical issue we didn't know he had.
Movies like Onward and Deadpool 2- stuff where people get a second chance with a deceased loved one- are super hard. Because in real life, we don't get those second chances.
Thank you, Jonno. Maybe it's not "just grief". It IS emotional trauma.
My 17 year old son is currently in inpatient treatment for suicidal thoughts. He has had one attempt in the past. He is autistic, has klinefelter syndrome, ADHD, and depression. I served in Iraq for two combat deployments as an Army infantryman. I am now a prosecuting attorney specializing in criminal sexual conduct cases and domestic violence. Nothing I have been through or seen in my life has been as traumatic as navigating fatherhood with a son like mine. I love him deeply, but his issues have hurt me deeply. My marriage has suffered and so has my relationship with my other son. I've been in and out of therapy for 20 years. My question is simple: when you know you are either going to end up burying your son or go through a lifetime of heartache due to his problems how are you supposed to put one foot in front of the other? How the hell do you cope?
I can understand the suffering on both parts but now could to be the time and opportunity to heal together.
Intergenerational trauma is getting more widely recognized. Meaning trauma being passed on to next generations. So while you've might grown more resilient against any hardships life throws at you, those hardships could at the same time affect your son. Obviously I don't know any of you and might completely be reading into this. I'm just also a daughter with ADHD, dealing with trauma and have a highly functional parent that can't understand nor connect with me and my suffering.
Can you imagine anything more powerful than taking time and energy towards healing together with your son? I hope those thoughts are helpful. All the best to you and your family 🙏🏼
I have been there. Not in your shoes, but being the distressed autistic son. And things got better, and not only for me, but my whole family. And they will for you too.
Maybe take your son out of school though, he can still get his GED, but I suspect that is what makes his life awful.
And other than that, all you can do is spend time with him and try to improve his mood.
Having a therapist and peer support. What frustrates me is how the mental health industry treats trauma like an Olympic sport like oh you have been emotionally neglected/abused, you were trapped with a mentally abusive person whose past behavior left such an emotional scar that a workplace bullying situation triggered that memory..sorry we don't think you have PTSD. However, I feel the need to advocate for folks like me and I get political. I will go to Beacon Hill on Legislative Day for Workplace Bullying or mental health and speak my truth. I try to turn my traumas into causes worth fighting for
I'm so glad that I found your channel. I'm 32 and am just now realizing that I have some pretty severe trauma that I completely and utterly emotionally disassociated from. Lately, for some reason, that wall is starting to crack, and those years and years of constant fear and overwhelm and hopelessness are seeping through. But the frustrating part is that I still can't remember most of it!
I tried to do some of my own EMDR work, but even while listening to a video clip that simply talking about caused an emotional flashback that left me shaking and sobbing and unable to speak, I couldn't bring the memories back. Why do I feel the emotions but not remember the events? How am I supposed to work on this when I can't remember 99% of it? I've even had physical reactions when I've tried where I get what feels like bright flashes in my head and this dizzy feeling, but still nothing comes back.
Ever since this has all started, my anxiety and depression and feelings of crushing overwhelm have been weighing heavily on me, but I can't seem to figure out what to do from here or where to go - though I wish back to having that wall was an option. Your videos help, though, and I appreciate your compassionate and empathetic style. I'm continuing to go back through what you have on the topic to try to figure out my next steps.
I've had similar experiences, too... actually. Something would happen in everyday life that relates to the bad/traumatic memory and I'd start seizing and/or sobbing before I go to sleep... It's bizarre. Like, it's hard to believe that stuff like that can happen to us... but it does... and it's so frustrating.
I hope that you find success in overcoming your trauma. ❤ I'm right there with you... Good luck. 👍
I am so sorry for what has happened to you, it had to be unspeakable to cause a psychological defense such as memory block.
I have very similar experiences. I have huge holes in memory of growing up but have had one tiny flashback, just enough to know that I was raped age 7 by a friend of the family.
After that flashback, the triggers have been intense, like you said, I don't remember what exactly happened but I have all the feelings that are so intense that I dissociate a lot. From what I understand, this is because the subconscious remembers every detail, and the body keeps the score, remembers what happened in it's own way.
That is a book title actually that I would recommend highly, The Body Keeps the Score.
Also helpful for me has been working through how to communicate with my inner little girl, learning how to communicate with her and "reparent" her. These Mended Light videos as well as social worker Patrick Teahan videos and workbooks on your family of origin have been very helpful for me. Even though I still can't remember, the communication with my inner little girl has been extremely important.
I look into the mirror in my eye and say to myself "I love you" (though at first felt like a lie and uncomfortable it has gotten easier over a year and has a true feel to it now) and whatever else I always needed to hear but never got. That communicates to a subconscious level and is powerful for me. I work on my negative inner thoughts by correcting myself when I've been mean to myself, and I counter it with 10 positives.
I've also just learned to accept that recovery is messy, it gets better and worse in cycles, and I can expect a long road but that's ok because I'm worth it and I will be my own best friend. I know I'm making progress because I am creating better boundaries, and I am not feeling guilty for setting them.
I hope that helps in some way. Thanks for sharing your story and being vulnerable, that is a superpower that not everyone possesses. Hugs and light to you ❤
My mum was the same, we were adults and we knew she was ill but it was far more serious than she lead on. Now at one point she was complaining that the cleaner did not do windows , so one Saturday, I showed up and cleaned every window (and mirror) in the house. I cannot express how much I hate doing windows but I did it for her. At the same time, my brother was doing his monthly batch of bread in a semi professional oven which was in a corner in the living room so mum, who was always cold, had it nice and cozy (next to a hearth burning I may add) and I saw her perking up. It was the last thingnI ever did because a week later she was gone. It often consoles me that at least that day she was relatively comfortable and happy because of her clean windows.
I come from a really dysfunctional family. I suspect my mom has an undiagnosed mental health condition and my dad used to drink heavily.
My parents relationship was chaotic, lots of yelling, fighting, calling the cops, etc. I think there’s many worse things people go through but it was really hard to experience that as a sensitive kid.
I didn’t have anyone who I could tell how I felt, how scared I was.
My dad taught me how to drive when I was 11 and I would drive my family home from parties when my dad drank too much. My mom would take out all her frustration on my sibling and I. She used to make us kneel on rice for 30 mins while facing the wall. Once, she beat me in front of family when I was 10 for shaving my legs. She was emotionally abusive and short-tempered.
Eventually my parents divorced and that was beyond toxic. Both my parents would call me and vent about the other. Even as an adult it was rough.
I’ve made bad choices in the past because I wanted to forget, to distract myself from how sad/mad all of it made me feel.
The worst part is my parents “don’t remember” the past the same way. Just because it wasn’t all bad doesn’t mean the bad stuff wasn’t harmful.
I'm so Sorry you had to go through this 😢 Know that you are not obliged to be in touch with your parents just because you are blood related. You choose if and how much you want to interact with toxic people incl. Family members. Even though it's hard, your first priority should always be you and your emotional as well as physical safety ❤ All the best to you. 🙏🏼
Thank you for sharing this. I’m going through a similar situation, and your comment made me feel less alone. I live in a society where parents are seen as ‘untouchables’ who deserve all the good because they gave you life. So, facing them and saying that the fairy tale of the past they have in their head is not real has isolated me from my family. Reading your comment made me realize there is someone else who knows how it feels.
These last couple of videos you’ve made is exactly what me and my therapist is talking about. I was bullied in middle school. I didn’t have any friends. Same in junior high school. I got social anxiety. I got scared to go to school. My grades were dropping. I didn’t have any real friends. And now In high school. I have a friend group. We were friends with this other group from this other class. Then I accidentally made a mistake by laughing while a girl in that group was talking about something traumatic that happened to her. I immediately apologized. And I later wrote to her and apologize again. She said that she forgave me but couldn’t tell if we could be friends or not. Then she turned their whole friend group against me. And now it’s super awkward in school. I got really anxious after that and I didn’t go to school for four days. After that incident I get anxiety again to go to school. It’s a little better now since I’ve been talking to my therapist but it’s still kinda hurting to see my “friends” act like the other group didn’t shut me out completely. But a positive thing in all this is that I’ve finally found a true friend. She stood up for me in that situation when the other group talked trash about me in a group chat. My BFF left the group immediately after she read all the things they said about me. And I’m sooo grateful for her🥰
Awwww... That's so sweet to have those good friends. 😊
And I'm right there with you... those type of experiences of getting rejected by friend groups has been a major theme in my life. 😔
But I do appreciate the fact that I've been able to find those few friends that stand above the rest of the group and genuinely care about me. 😁I've been friends with those people for years now because of the kindness that they showed me that others might not. 🥰
The only advice I could offer is to nurture those friendships... and I don't know enough to help with the specific situation... but I wish the best for you. 🥰
@@Sobbleboy27 thank you so much! Yes it really is wonderful to know you have someone who really cares about you. I hope you’re happy and living your best life!🥰☺️
@@elinalexandersson7641 I am happy and living my best life. 😁 But we can always work on making our best lives better. 🤣
For me, journaling is the main way I work through my traumas. It helps me to unpack things mentally if i see it on paper and put it into my own words, the situation, how i feel about it, etc. Sometimes, all i need is to write something down in order to feel better about it because it almost feels as though I've put it down. And the way i know if something is causing me trauma, is if it keeps replaying in my head without prompting. That's when i know to sit down and journal.
I think one of the things that have been a struggle and me and my therapist are discussing is we feel it’s hard to address my trauma currently because I’m still in a situation where I feel emotionally unsafe.
Thank you so much for this. I often felt like my experience with a psychological abusive husband wasn't as bad as having been beat up. And a trauma therapist told me being bullied in school for six years isn't recognised as causing PTSD.
I really struggle to share my problems and feelings with others, especially my partner because I do not want to burden people, especially when I feel silly for certain emotional reactions to my triggers
Love your channel. You really are good at what you do. You are the only online therapy channel that has helped me.
Thank you so much for the content that you put out.
Hello! I hope you are doing well! I want to say thank you for posting these videos, they help me a lot and i am sure they help many people, you work its beautiful. I am not sure if you have a video about this topic, but if no i would love to watch a video from you about Pet Loss. Its a very touching subject to me and to a lot of people , facing the loss of our best friends and having to learn how to live without them. With the way you do your videos i am sure it would be very rich in wise words. Thank you again for what you do! (Sorry for any misspelling,english its not my first language.)
I've been in therapy for the last 10 years after my biological Mom disowned me, and so many people including my husband have tried to encourage me to make amends because they don't want me to live with regrets. They haven't for years now, but I still can't talk to anyone about my issues or what I am thinking or feeling besides my therapist. I confide in her the most, but I'm trying to get my husband into therapy so we can do couples counseling and work on our communication. Thankfully he's making phone calls and trying to get an appointment
I'm an adoptee who found her birthmother and we had a very lukewarm relationship. When she moved across the country to AZ it was both a physical and emotional distance. She eventually ended up in a nursing home and apparently no dialogue about me in front of staff for over a year. So I decided to go out to AZ to visit her. I go and sign in at the visitor's desk with my half sister and the security guard says "I didn't know you had a sister." I was hurt by this comment, but not surprised. Back in NJ where we're from, she wouldn't publicly acknowledge me as family if we were in a restaurant and someone she knew approached the table. She could have told a half truth and say I'm her niece. I do look a lot like my one uncle, but she didn't. I was also disowned by members of my adoptive family and step family from my adopted parents' 2nd marriage. So I definitely can emphasize with you. Sometimes you got to make your own family.
@@arlenehohneker9053 thanks for that
Journaling and changing my inner monologue helps me
It's so funny, I just last week went over the window of tolerance with my therapist and I'm now trying to log my trauma triggers that make me go into hyper-and hypoarousal. Right on time, once again.
Am I the A-hole would be interesting from a therapist
Thank you
I'd like to know more about how I, as a friend, family member or coworker can help the people around me through their different problems. Is there common phrases that can actually be hurtful, what are common assumptions that people make about those who need help that are keeping them from helping the people around them to the best of their ability? Thanks Jono, loving the content!
I would really appreciate a video on how to support an autistic and ADHD partner who has anxiety, c-PTSD and suicidal ideations largely due to his parents trying to "help and support" him in ways that are actively damaging him and who refuse to understand that trying to shame and scare somebody out of being and acting neurodivergent and anxious does not work and is extremely damaging
I’d love this too x
Reupload? Needed as much as before, so thank you, this hast helped me understand Something now that I need IT myself instead of last year when I wasn't in this situation personally. Much appreciated!
So.. 4 years ago I lost my father figure in death. It had been a week by time he had been discovered. At the time, he had been pet sitting our cats and my mom had to retrieve them after he'd been removed from the building. That night it felt like everything in my house was contaminated because she and the cats had been in his apartment. I spent weeks avoiding everything. Avoiding feelings, avoiding touching things, avoiding people, and attempting to avoid images in my head of what he looked like.. I wanted to be strong enough that I wouldn't have to suffer hurt. I thought the numbness I was feeling was me being "strong". It wasn't. (But I don't have to tell you that .)
Jump to the present time, I've been hospitalized once and seen 4 different therapists for OCD.. totally related to that tragic loss. Totally didn't get the proper help any of those times. Then, after being told by a therapist that I was "too far gone", I went to a behavioral center for intensive treatment and left with more trauma that comes back to me every single day.
I don't know why I'm saying this for the world to see, especially cuz I don't really have a conclusion. Maybe it's just release. I'm in therapy again and have wayyyy more confidence in this therapist, but sometimes I still feel like I'm not getting to the root of my struggles and working through it all.
Anyway.. whoever is reading this and may be struggling, let's keep trying. We're all in this together. 🤍
I have a lot of trauma school (teacher), hospital. I still don't know how to deal with some traumas... but one thing I don't understand is that if a family member says something bad, I just defend myself I don’t care how it’s. but if a stranger says something, I just listen, I don't defend myself and sometimes this is the cause of my depression. It bothers me a lot, I don't know why I do it
I‘m struggling with my worth.
I was raised by my grandparents, cause my parents were studying and working. My grandmother hated me, hurt me physically cause I‘m not a meek, quiet, obedient girl. I never felt inferior to my male family members. Because of that I was emotionally dependent on my grandfather. He loved me most „although I‘m only female.“ I loved him the most, because I only had him. Then without warning my parents moved away , one day before my school enrolment. It took me a while to accept that I lost all my friends, my home and the only one who loved me. The peak of the iceberg is, that my grandfather hasn‘t missed me one second, and here I was, thinking I was his everything. Within seconds he replaced me with my cousin. He even forgot my birthday. I was replaceable. Everything without worth is replaceable.
29 years later I‘m still hurt and convinced that I cannot be loved unconditionally. I‘m working on it but I feel so alone because everbody think I‘m just dramatic. This is just One of my traumas. Don‘t make me start with my parents 😢
How do I quit being a control freak? So many of the aspects of how I've dealt with trauma in my life are variations on the theme of trying to control things to secure my safety, but knowing this and unlearning the behaviors are very different things.
I’d love this too x
I quit playing Little League baseball when I was 10. The reason I quit was because my dad said that I should, because everyone on the team was getting better at it, except for me. I can't remember that far back very well, but I know that I thought me playing baseball was important to him, and when I quit it felt like I had let him down in a major way.
When I was 16 or 17, we went on our yearly trip to my grandparents' place for Easter. One of my uncles had brought a baseball and a couple of gloves, and asked if I wanted to play catch. I tried for a few minutes, and realized that I had not touched a baseball since I was 10. I had a powerful emotional reaction to this, that I was not expecting. I got it under control and didn't break down crying in front of my uncle. But it was a strange experience. I don't know if it was trauma or something else.
I had a bunch of people leave my life in a period of few years, and then I was homeless. No one takes this pain seriously because no one died. Now I hate every human being because now I see they have no empathy.
I’m gonna be honest I dunno where to start , I’ve seen things I shouldn’t have , I’ve heard things I shouldn’t , I can give an insight into what I’ve seen and experienced , I was exposed to death at a very young age , lost a partner to death heart attack sadly , working along side death in general so seen a lot of bodies without going into to much detail on here , mentally and emotionally abused by my father and his sister , I’ve never really I mean realistically speaking ever dealt with what I went through because I was always compared to everyone else things like “ I know someone who’s been through worse than you “ or “ start thinking of others stop being selfish and thinking of yourself “ I was made to feel that my trauma was nothing and that I meant nothing so I guess I suffered and still do , I’ve ended up with a habit of pushing my trauma to the back of my mind and focused on other things “ have I forgotten it “ ?? No I haven’t 😢but Ive got no one to help me no loved one no friends , my focus is to not fall apart and take care of my mother because she’s all I got , I’ve learned that my suffering doesn’t matter my attitude is why bother trying ?? So I just get on with it as I feel I have no choice …… 😔🥴🙂
Man... that is super tough... I hope you and your mom are doing well. 🙏
And please don't think that your trauma is nothing. ☹Nobody can convince you that your trauma is nothing or that your trauma doesn't mean anything... Because it's YOURS! So, YOU are the only one that can make that call... And what you said makes it sound like it IS something and it DOES mean quite a bit.
With my trauma... I did that same thing where I'd push it to the back of my head and try to forget about it... I wish that worked. 😔
Unfortunately... the best way to get over trauma is by facing our trauma then resolve our inner conflicts, usually with the help of a counselor/therapist.
By opting for the method of ignoring/avoiding/running from/pushing away our trauma... the trauma will still exist in our minds... and because it still exists, we still need help to go toward the trauma, try to resolve that inner turmoil, and move on.
I hope you'll be able to get through whatever you're going through. And I love your profile pic... it's super cool. 😁
@@Sobbleboy27 Hi there sorry for the long gap in response 😅 Sadly my mother has Heart Failure so when she goes I’ll have no one left I’ll literally be on my own so I’m just preparing myself…. Not that I’ll ever be ready …. 😔 Well sadly convincing me my trauma is nothing my brain my brain has been programmed to believe it as such it’s because of the way I’ve been treated and brought up 😅 I can’t change what’s happened to me nor can I go backwards , my past will always be my past I can’t run from it nor can solve it all I can do is learn from it and move on , I’ve always dealt with things on my own because I have no one else I find it hard to change that pattern , I do hope things get better for you my friend I really do 🙂 I have some comfort that I’m not alone , and the one thing my enemies haven’t got that I do have is compassion, understanding and love 🙂 I appreciate the compliment thank you 😄😅
Question: what do you do when you have been working for years on a specific trigger (for example a person or two) and you still get just emotionally unregulated as before and you believe there is no way out.
Currently feels like both like free floating in space with nothing to bounce off of and trapped under rubble where one wrong move could actually kill me. It can. My health is at risk and been trying to get healthily and safely free of this situation. Physically and financially I can't. The stress of being narcissistically abused by a more vulnerable malignant and a more covert vulnerable type of parents has broken my body. Right now in freeze mode pretty solidly, but still trying my best. Cptsd, depression, severe anxiety, fibromyalgia, the auto immune kind of arthritis....It extra sucks, because that stuff made my physical issues worse ( physical I recieved to due being passenger in a car crash and issues since birth about bone issues/ pain with ankles, knees, hips, back, pigmentary glaucoma). I can't work. I'm 35 and been giving it all my entire life. My body just got more broken while trying to be a normal human. But I'd get dehumanized by the abuse and emotional neglect. Police and hospitals have been retraumatizing. My last therapist was amazing until a really bad traumatizing experience. I have no one emotionally safe to go to. I've tried. Even my little sister isn't safe to cry around. I was parentified too and always tried to stand up for myself and others. I tried to protect my sister and mom. My little brother died when he was 3 and 1/2. No one was to blame. It was a freak genetic disorder only 3 other people recorded to have had at the time. My entire life has been trauma after trauma while trying to heal. I've had 4 people threaten to kill me to my face. And an uncle point a pistol at my face as a 'joke'. And it sucks, because I know my parents were both abused by their parents. I saw it with my own eyes. Nothing excuses abuse, but it gives valuable perspective if we want to heal this as a whole. While searching for a new therapist and attorney to help with disability case been researching more and dealing with the weight of the grief of so many multiple overwhelming things , while continuously trying to heal while continuously still in these not okay situation, while trying to help them, because I rely on them and I do feel bad they have it rough too. I always wanted a family and now I grieved most likely won't have kids, maybe won't find anyone safe. I am an aunt though and I love my nephews and niece. I want to be a safe and healthy person for them. And as a reminder to people you kind of have to learn to be your own best friend. And even if isolated there are others out here like fireflies. Flickering on.
I feel like everyone around me, has to deal with some kind of a trauma. How can I even tell them that I need support, when they have to deal with themselves all the time?
And reaching out to mentally healthy people is like destroying their happy worldview or that they can't even relate whats like growing up neglected and physically abused 😢
Thank you.
It has been four years, and I’m still not over it. I still try to avoid all reminders.
My lifetime situations of emotional, mental and physical abuse from family members , began so early, that I have memories of being afraid of my mother since before I could walk, in addition to sexual abuse by close friends of family members, now in my 50's I'm sorting through both triggers and avoidance behaviors, but I struggle to trust my own thoughts and ideas due to fearing additional damage I could cause because I don't think I know what a healthy foundation is to begin with. I've been dismissed and shut down for so long that trusting anyone else for anything is a struggle. Where is the path to trust supposed to start?
Hello there, writing from Madrid, loving both mended light and Cinema Therapy. I've been recommended recently to go with EMDR therapy for my traumas, and I would love to know more about this technique, this approach.
Hello! Thank you for watching! That is a great suggestion. We will have to add it to the idea board. 😊
Here's a question that I haven't seen really addressed anywhere. How do you heal from the trauma of learning your spouse abused your children? (Healing from it post-divorce and the kids are now safe, so you can actually start processing it all.)
Heh... yeah that explains it. My therapist told me I had trauma, but now I realise why she said it.
Laughing as I cry after he said “olympics of suffering” 😂 What a syntax 😂
Please do a video on borderline personality disorder?!
Here's a question:
We are told that we are responsible for our own feelings. No one else is. So then why do we claim to feel bad or apologize for ever hurting another person or their feelings etc? Are we legitimately sorry for hurting the other person with our words or actions, or only for the impact of our words and/or actions? Is deliberate intention to cause harm all that matters? (I know the truth is in the middle somewhere, but the mixed messages are really annoying.)
It took me so much to ask for help, i didnt know it was possible :/
So something can be traumatic for one person and not traumatic for another person?
Because I’ve been through hard things but don’t feel traumatized by them but I do worry that they’re negatively affecting me in ways that I don’t realize.
Hi sir . I betrayed someone, I didn't knew , it would end up so. How should I approach , wht should I do. 🙏🙏
I´ve recently got my heart broken by somebody I really loved. We werent really serious about our relationship bcs we were seing eachother for 3 months but we knew eachother for 1 year before but I truly struggle. Now its been a month and Im doing better then before but Ive never experienced such pain in my life. When he told me he has a girlfriend after Ive been traveling for 2 weeks and coming back exhausten with hope of seeing him and being with him. I felt like Ive lost that person over night but whats worse is that Im still angy at him. Sometimes I think would it be easier if he just left me bcs then I could forgive him but in this scenario was it all just a lie or game to him? Ho could he have slept with me and go out and behave like my boyfriend and when the girl he wanted became available just jump on her? I know that its probably better bcs if he used me like this would l really want to be with him? But at the same time I dont know what to do - we have a lot of common friends and every time I think of an event where I might see him with his new girlfriend I get extremely anxious even just thinking about it, I dont want to avoid it bcs I really wanna get over it since I need to attend some of the events for work but I truly dont know what to do. So if anyone has some advice I would be really grateful. And if you read until now Thank you for your time and effort to help, it means the world to me.
Do breaks up cause hypervigilience?
5/5Jonos⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I’m not sure if it counts, but do paradigm shifts, like in relationship, counts? Or how about what you saw online?
I'm not trying to minimize, but with the healthy breakup, is that trauma or grief or both? Were you hypervigilent? I feel like we underestimate how intense needs with grief are also. I guess I'm asking what the difference between trauma and grief is. I would see a healthy breakup as grief, not trauma. Does that make sense? Can you please clarify?
(For reference I'm autistic, have ADHD, have had single-incident PTSD, and currently have CPTSD (attachment trauma), major depression, and chronic fatigue.)
I think two things can be true at once. Gabor Mate says “trauma, from the Greek for “wound”, is not what happens to you; it is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you”.
At least thats what I like to believe. But then Im not a psychologist lol
What does it mean if i do the opposite when it comes to triggers and the memories of the traumatic event as in trigger myself and constantly talking about it which in itself triggers anxiety and flashbacks i don't know why im doing this
flashbacks are in cartoons,not real life,I never had a flashback in my entire life
@eeveefennecfox I feel and see parts of it in my mind flashbacks are real just because you haven't experienced something doesn't mean it's not real
@@adamk-paxlogan7330Sucks How lucky you are... I've had flashbacks of a traumatizing psyche hold following a horrible bout of suicidal ideation, caused by a very out of character family fight on Thanksgiving (seriously, it was That Fight At Thanksgiving and my family usually isn't like that). The flashback may not feel like a VR simulation of the traumatic event, but the oddest thing can cause you to remember the incident that damaged you. I can't be in a room in a health care situation with a closed door, even with the kindest of staff caring for me, without feeling trapped; and Thanksgiving has turned into a holiday that I can't celebrate.
God Bless you Brother Jono 🕊 💖🙏 Your "V" for Vendetta Cinema Therapy helped me change my mindset somewhat about this.
How do I manage my trauma? Well... I don't. 🫠 It's like my trauma manages me.
I guess the main reason for that is I've been running away from it. My reasoning until recently was, "My trauma can't hurt me if I don't pay attention to it." So, I do the things in the video where you avoid triggers and try to minimize it.
Anything that relates to my emotional trauma makes me anxious and I have symptoms of panic attacks. My trauma resurfaces so often because of how often my friends talk about things that relate to my trauma. It makes perfect sense to deal with and overcome my trauma because then it will stop resurfacing nearly every time I talk to my friends.
And I do have an appointment with a counselor to sort it out... but thanks for the information. I really needed it right now. 🙏