I married at 21 got divorced at 23. Two confusing years. From she loves me to shes cheating on me all over the place. Divorce at a young age can mess you up emotionally and make it very hard to trust again.
Im just going through a divorce. Im 46 with a 4 month year old child. My wife has just turned 30 and left when our little one was 2 months old. Its horrible stuff.
@crooked truth83 And many times a woman your same age will run once they have you on the hook with a hostage...i mean your child. If you must marry, i would advise looking outside the United States or Western Europe.
Why getting married at all? How can anyone think that they will be attracted to the same person all their life?? That`s pretty insane. I was married to the same person for years, just because he so desperately wanted to. All I could think of, was that I needed to get out of it. And in the end I did. I have never been happier since. I don`t know why americans are so desperate to be married, instead of just living together? It`s like a crazy wedding culture, and it seemes that most girls are just doing it, go get their "magic day."
@@Annsunshine30 Used to be for the benefit of the children,but with no-fault divorce I guess there isn't a reason anymore. Marriage today is disposable, and not to get all MGTOW...it's typically the man that is destroyed financially.
@@jdwyer4851 It`s probably right in the us, and used to be so here in Europe as well. But now, when both have to work full time, to pay for everything, and shared custody is most common. It`s probably both parties pretty equally. My mum said on her death bed, that she had wasted 40 (!) years on my dad. And I had to agree with her. My greatest wish for them, from the age of four (I remember where I was living at the time) , was for them to get a divorce. They never did, since my mum was scared of powerty, which was a real thing at that time. (I`s a long time ago..) I`ve had a long relationship since my divorce, but we were just living together,( I`ll never get married again!!) Which was much easier, when we both got fed up with each other. We just moved apart, and have stayed good friends, and no dramatic divorce or anything. In my country married couples and none married couples, are getting the same rights in everything. So can`t say that I can see any benefits with being married at all.
Red Flag #1: friend zone; Red Flag #2: she's dating two guys simultaneously while you're relegated to the friend zone: Red Flag #3: you let your little head out think your big head. Red Flag #4: she finally starts paying attention to you, which means her other two boyfriends moved on, but, no problem, because she had you on the back burner as a stand-by. Sorry to hear your story, but it's as old as time.
This woman sounds incredibly busy with multiple guys. Was she just a player.....someone who just plays on another person's affections because she can? But the truth is.....they say that in a relationship....one person always loves more than another. And.....we are still unformed creatures....thinking we understand ourselves well enough to know what we want for the rest of your life.....I think she did want to marry you....but then realized it wasn't enough. But you did say she was a beautiful girl, right? Sorry you were hurt....but I've never been in love with someone physically that much.....I've never wanted to marry someone because they were really attractive. I think in the back of my mind....I would be thinking.....would they be reliable?
Thanks for sharing. Same situation 31 divorced. Hard for me to talk Bout it but what you said has really resonated. Also can’t believe this is 8 years ago. Seems you’ve found someone else and had the family you wanted? That gives me some hope
Don’t pick the one you have to pursue. Pick the one that pursues you! Thank you for being brave enough to tell your story. All in all you will be a way better man than you were before when it’s all said and done.
Thank you for this video. I was divorced last year after 5 1/2 years. Online dating is also new to me, but I feel like the biggest issue I have is I'm terrified of getting into a new relationship that will end up being wrong for me again. It's so hard to carry this emotional baggage and let go of trust issues. It feels that if I make myself vulnerable again, I'll just end up hurt again. I feel your pain.
I know the exact feeling. You want to have that great life you always wanted but are fearful of making a move that could potentially hurt you. Its can sometimes feel like its better to be alone which most feel isn't really what they want. Unfortunately the only solution to the problem is "take a risk". I read a book called "Risk is Right" and that kind of helped change my perspective. The risk will always be there, my issue is finding someone I'm willing to take that risk with. If will all get better with time.
Amy B divorce stinks but you will trust again but it’s a different world than it was a few years ago. Online dating is a waste! I have met more scammers and crazy people there than anywhere in my last 30 years than in my plastic surgery practice! Relax and let things happen organically.. best of luck
Don't go dating, again. You will not find that person you want. There is only rotting fruit. If known men that were divorced, then remarried. Later on the same thing happened, only this time it was worse. Think with you brain, and not with your dick.
Not exactly true. I dated more than one guy at a time before I decided to settle down. I'm a devoted, faithful, and loving wife. When you're young, you want to have fun until you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Or many “friendly friends w/ benefits”. Please dodge garbage people like this. They WILL keep contact w/ those people and WILL seek them when you guys have normal relationship problems This is based on my experience.
thank you so much for sharing your experience! I'm 23 years old, married for 2 years now.. and at this point of my life by relationship its soo broken.. no trust, no respect, emotional violence, lack of comunication and so on.. your experience has giving me courage to confront this situation because I didnt want to accept whats going on. I have no kids, but still its hard to move on when you are not in a healthy relationship that's become such a big weight on my shoulders. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
You're very welcome. In my heart I needed to make sure I did everything I could to see if I could make it work and I would encourage you to do the same. Marriage isn't easy and sometimes the other person gives you no other option than to walk away because they aren't willing to work. Thanks for the kind words.
Thank you for sharing this. I will share with my 29 yo son whose wife left just before their 5-yr anniversary. And they knew each before that for 5 years. She didn't feel romanticized (=expensive dinners and weekend getaways), just best friends who got married young. Ugh! They hadn't been going to church, my son is on a great career path, training quickly for leadership, supporting her through some freelance and serving at a nice restaurant, then off to finish her Bachelor's degree in Business. So life was busy, and in the way of what was most important (Love & Respect). Her parents always did things together, dating, trips, dinners, and spoiled the 2 daughters. She filed for divorce and full alimony, and moved back home. Her parents love my son, and said No, but relented to be there and care for her mom whose cancer was taking her over. She just passed, and at the last minute, we were all invited to the memorial because we loved them all still. In her eulogy, she said her mom taught her how to cook, how to be a good wife and mother. Thank God, they did not yet have children. It's all so sad, and with no blessing breaking up a marriage without seeking Godly counsel, my son's heart is so broken. I'm afraid he'll look elsewhere too soon. Thank you for the advice, and we are praying for you!
I appreciate the fact that you came on such a public platform and shared your vulnerabilities! Recently divorced with two kiddos and my ex is in a different state. Love the information. Thank you
God, you sound like the perfect man, trying to make a marriage last in the best way you know how. Beautiful representation on how a marriage should be handled.
i think this might be true actually. although, children need stability and marriage is part of that...it's a mess these days. our society is resisting the social changes that resulted from the civil war in the 1860's and the civil rights movement in the 1960's...i'm afraid we are headed for another big shift. there may be no stopping it.
To the guy she met "what she will do with you, she will do TO you". God has someone else meant for you. You married someone who was meant for a season in your life. My son is 28. Dating ideas, church, biking, parks, grocery stores, gyms, traveling, the beach, through your friends, etc. You have a lot to offer. I am sorry you had your heart broke. I was 21 and my husband was 22 when we married. 30 yrs later 4 grown kids, 2 grandkids. Good mention that you bought too expensive of a house, we lived in a shack..lol. It was not always easy, life happens, physical emotional and financial stress. Great video, well spoken and explained. (sadly, the pretty girls want a bad boy, we are always saying this to our son, not to be bad, but to be more of a challenge.) which is sad that we still have to play games to find love.
Great video! Thanks for sharing. I know it's so difficult to go through, but it's so good that it happened when it did. Imagine if it happened 5-10 years later, when you had kids. It would be so much more painful
i am trying not to totally trash your ex wife.. i'll just say two things 1. be glad you didn't have kids with her 2. don't do online dating.. DONT DATE AT ALL.. can't you see your ex wife didn't deserve you? trust me a lot of these women don't deserve you, take it from me, i am kinda like you in that i'm Christian also and i have a master's degree and a peaceful life- WHEN I AM ALONE... when i add women into the mix out goes the peace and i'm SURE you can relate to what i'm saying....... here's what you do- ask the Lord for a wife, and He will bring her- read the story of isaac and rebekah in genesis.. DO NOT DATE ONLINE.. JUST PRAY AND ASK THE LORD TO BRING YOU THE WIFE HE HAS FOR YOU AT HIS TIMING.. LEAVE EVERYTHING IN THE LORD'S HANDS HE WILL SPEAK TO YOU IF YOU KEEP SEEKING HIM.. DO NOT CAST YOUR PEARLS TO SWINE, DONT WASTE TIME ON CRAZY, UNGRATEFUL, CHEATING WOMEN
Online dating doesn't really work. You really don't know the women on there and most of them aren't interested any how and others just date for sport which is a concept I don't get at all.
Hey man. Thanks for the video. Our stories are VERY similar it's crazy. I'm 30 years old and going through this and have the same feelings you do. Thanks for the encouragement and hope in Jesus during this tough time.
@@OneTakeAV Yeah man it's crazy how similar our stories are. She started "hanging out" with people from work that I didn't know and didn't include me either... She ended up just leaving. We're now in the process of summary dissolution. Only 4 years of marriage but things are very difficult. How long were you married?
I got divorce 8 years ago... she was secretly engaged with other guy while being married and she got married within 2 months after divorce.. till today I stayed single..!
I feel you brother man. I am going through a very similar situation, I was cheated on a lot, it hurts, the sting sits with you for awhile. I can only take it day by day moving forward and I try to stay inspired for hopes in the future.
This is so beautiful and I sincerely pray you meet the right person for you. Someone that will love and honor you. You seem like a really nice guy and thanks for sharing!
Im going through the same thing. My husband is in the military, and he has done nothing to work on our marriage these past 5-6 months or so. I need to move on, I've already spent 4 years being loyal to him and he just wants to give up. It sucks, but thank you for making this video!
I'm sorry to hear that. Effort and perspective are important. Sometimes no matter how hard you try or how much you want something to work, if the other person is completely checked out there isn't much you can do. I just say make sure you leave it all on the table with no regret.
Thats very true as well, Best friend of mine got hitched last Sunday dating oh maybe 2 years. Shes magically found a reason to quit her job as they are quite inconvenient. To me its way to fast, but hes happy...now. Other problem is they met threw me as im dating her sister.......
That they do, Glad your parents didnt try and skewer each other in the courts I wasn't as lucky. A week? what was your buddy on or was it an act of desperation? Or was he just going for the extra pay.
Great inspiring video. I been married for 16 years...there are alot of struggles but we both work it out...it takes two. You tried very hard...Good Luck.
Sandy Abbouchie yes it does. Time heals but it blows for awhile.. best thing is just relax and not worry about the other person and what they are doing.. it will drive you mad.. best of luck
I like what you said about forgiveness giving you freedom to move on. I've experienced that in my life too - forgiveness doesn't mean I condone the other person's actions, but that I can accept what happened, and let it go. Simple, but not easy. So worth it,though.
I was dumb, married at age 27 and divorced at 36 , literally went bankrupt. I’m 42 now and still not completely recovered. She also took my dog. Heartless Bad Woman. Three years ago I moved to another city, I have few hobbies now, and saving to purchase my own house, believe or not, I feel and look younger theses days. I realize I was responsible for my misery but N E V E R A G A I N !
I went through that exact situation 9 years ago. It was the hardest time of my life. I was going to church and really seeking understanding and never got the closur I needed. The guy I was married to checked out after he went fishing in Alaska for an entire summer. He came home and started going to college he was 19 and I was 21 when he started college and he met a girl in one of his classes. He said he had to go study with a group of guys but I found out he was going alone with this girl to "study" and it happened about once a week. He completely denied being unfaithful but wanted a divorce and I was willing to fight for our relationship. He didn't want to work in things and I actually asked him again if it was that girl in his class and he said "if you accuse me of cheating it's only going to make me want to cheat" so that broke my heart and created distrust. His family wasn't helping and said they told him he was too young to be married... I was broken for a couple years after that and ended up in terrible relationships with guys who didn't treat me with respect and I lowered my standards. I finally realized I needed to trust the Lord that He had the man of my dreams out in the world and I would someday meet him. I went from depressed to being filled with Gods presence and I felt so hopeful. I literally met my husband who I have been married to for 6 years the very next month of just trusting God. We now have 3 kids ages 1, 4 and 5 and I feel that the divorce taught me how to be a great wife and mother. I fully appreciate my husband and I am so happy now. You will have that someday if you put all of your trust in God. Thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes the closure you need is to just let go and let God. God is what I have for my closure and that is all I need. 🙌🏻
Closure is over rated. Unnecessary and unneeded. Healing starts when you meet the right woman. You know what you want. Finding her is what you need to do. And stay away from every counselor that isnt dedicated to helping you with that.
Royer 714 Healing shouldn't start when you find the right person. You should be able to work on healing yourself in your time of singleness before you get into another relationship.
I agree! Better yet: wait until age ~25 - 30 yo. You will really have a much better since of who you are, what you are, and what you want in a serious relationship!!!
You are definitely a catch. Handsome, well spoken, reflective, committed. You will definitely find a good woman when the time is right. Thanks for sharing!
StRoNgO sTrOnG not true. a lot of women are attracted to the bad boy, that's a thing yes, but, a woman that wants a family, not just kids but a family- those women are looking for the good guys. also, the women who have been with and/or burned by the bad boy, want nothing more to do with them. and want nothing more than to find a good guy, but most of these women are so damaged by the jerks that they either can't get a good guy or are too jaded and/or damaged to see who's good and who's fake. so it may feel like women don't want a good guy, but not only are you over simplifying by making that statement, but it's just simply untrue. and really? no good women out there? come on, you know that's not true either. they're just harder to find... for example, I see a lot of guys looking for girls in a bar- you'll NEVER find a quality woman in a bar.. never.
StRoNgO sTrOnG First off, men have to be careful not to take their personal mommy issues and project that onto all women. Second, a lot of little girls these days grow up in the same dysfunctional households as little boys, and it hurts both of their chances of having successful relationships in the future. A lot of men turn their backs on their family when they can't get the authority and control they feel entitled to, and women are so afraid of being abandoned they work hard to be financially independent just in case anything goes wrong- which threatens a man's sense of authority. It's a cycle of dysfunction that is hard to break. Best to make sure that both you and your partner are outside of that cycle of dysfunction before settling down, or help your partner get out of it with patience and love.
Thank you for sharing. I know you posted this a while back but this is exactly what I'm going thru except he's the one who sprung the divorce a few nights ago when I thought we were going to fight. Seven years of marriage and he's gone. Absolutely devastated
I wish there was someone who would fight for a relationship like you did. This shows what a good man you are. You deserve so much better and I hope you'll get your deserved happiness ❤
Thanks for this video. I was married for three years and I fought tirelessly to save my marriage. He didn't feel the same. It's often very isolating to be young and a divorcée so it's nice to see I'm not alone.
Thank you for uploading this video. It must have been really really hard but you did it. Forgiveness truly is important to move forward from a divorce. Im happy and hopeful after hearing your story that i can overcome this too. Praise God! The healing process is crucial, currently going through it. Stay positive and i hope the Lord brings you a wonderful person in your life.
The biggest take on this…is… you can never really trust someone… cuz they can change in a heartbeat. And ur story is the perfect representation how why ppl go through divorces. I’m pretty sure she cheated on you. Unfaithful=other guys/3rd party
My ex of 7 years and I went through the same thing 3 years ago. He too is still with the girl I saw him growing close too. I tell everyone as long as he's happy that's all I want to see even if it means she gave him something that I tried so hard to give him. Thank you for sharing your story it's great to see that you went through necessary steps to better yourself
As soon as this guy said that his wedding turned into a princess wedding, the rest of the story tells itself. If you have an IQ above 80, don't fall for that crap and you will fare much better.
Thanks for posting your story. Sometimes I wonder if all relationships end because of the man pulling away (I know that's not really true). I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Hopefully you have found peace and happiness since then.
Thank you. I am going through a divorce right now and its been very hard for me to accept that I need to move on with my life. I am 25 was married for 3 years, at this point I have tried everything but he is simply not interested in saving the marriage.
yeah its hard when its like your talking to a closed door. But with pain can come awesomeness. Some people just arent as committed as others and thats a shame.
As Sandman said "she wants the wedding, not the marriage." As for your ex-wife, she simply money branched to a guy with more resources and money, and if she meets another guy with more resources than him, she'll money branch to him ... till she hits the wall.
People can be terrible! I’ve also gone through this more than once (minus kids/marriage) and I’m so thankful God closed those doors because through them I realized my worth & not settling. I am now so much happier single & focusing on myself. The important thing to realize is your worth and I know it’s so tempting to jump at any chance to find love (been there) and force it because everyone else is getting married but I can almost guarantee most of them probably aren’t happy either and will end up in divorce. Don’t ever force anything, period.
Your story is so similar to mine. I am going through a divorce right now and I’m 26. I am feeling everything you described in the video. Thank you for sharing your experience, I am trying to do everything I can to make the best out of this painful situation. God is good, and even when it doesn’t seem like it he is working for our good. I pray that our experiences become part of our testimony that God is close to the broken hearted and that we were able to grow and learn from our trials. Hope you are doing even better now in your journey of healing.
Great video buddy. I went through the same thing (we look the same age and got married and divorced the same way). I am glad to hear how you handled it. Getting professional help was the right and smart thing to do. I handled my divorce in the worst way. Good job. Where do you live? I am in Victoria, BC.
Thanks for putting yourself out there. Its good to see this from a guys perspective. Life is super hard and when your in a bad relationship things can be very tricky. I have been married for 7 years now and honestly it has been the hardest 7 years of my life. I have been in a battle with myself and cant manage to just leave. Love is truly blind.
It's weird how similar our stories are because going through it you feel so alone and like you're the only one. But basically things were great, we fell in love right after highschool, he was a gentleman and wooed me right away. Different then any other guys at that age. I was beyond happy, you think you found the one and you fell in love with your bestfriend. Until a couple years in, he got a new job and met new coworkers. He loved his job but he also became more distant and wouldn't open about anything anymore. He started taking a lot more overtime, going out a lot more, and with time he just started pulling away from our relationship. When that happened I started going through every possibility and you start to fix things about yourself that maybe you have fought about in the past or you know they don't like. I was just trying to make things better but he was already checked out which at the time I didn't realize. It was hard for me to understand how I was still so in love and kept trying to make it work with him but he didn't want to try anymore. Nothing I was doing was working. One day he just ended things said he needed to work things out on his own. I didn't see or hear from him for a week, he blocked my number because he didn't want to talk about things. It was weird I was still in denial like we can work this out, I never wanted to give up on our relationship. After a very hard week, I sent an email in hopes he would read it saying just give me an explanation, talk to me. I'm a person who has to talk about what I'm thinking or feeling or I will just bottle it all up inside. When we did sit down to talk about things I mainly did all the talking and said things I've improved on and still was willing to and how much I loved him he was just quite and said he no longer wanted to work on our relationship. He was done. And wanted out. He didn't have an explanation or anything else to say. So that was that. I still to this day don't know why or what happened... maybe he missed that feeling of being single and free like the rest of his coworkers, I don't know. At the time I was so hurt. The way things ended I just didn't see it coming and I was devastated because I would have never went about it the way he did. Especially after years and you respect and care about someone. It's been a couple months now, he's apologized for ending things the way he did so I forgave him because I didn't have it in me anymore to hold that anger against him. You just feel so defeated. I recently started therapy because I wasn't in a good place just felt sad and lonely and I had all these thoughts and emotions that I couldn't let out to anyone so therapy has really helped. I tried dating but I'm not at the point yet. It's scary to put yourself out there when you thought you found the one and you got shut down with no closure or explanation as to why things ended. You feel like you're not good enough and it's hard. So I'm just going to continue to work on myself for now and keep improving until I'm ready for that next person. Thanks for sharing your story, really helped!
Its so hard when you don't get real closure. Getting divorced these days is a non-issue and people just think, "I'm not happy as I once way, I'm out." And that's pretty sad. So many people then go into relationships fearing commitment and not getting back that urge for real love that they once had. I think you did everything you could do and that's all you can worry about. Getting back out there really does such because you never thought you would be there again. You're obviously someone that's willing to work for what you want and I think that will translate to a relationship that gives back what you're putting fourth. Time does the healing.
Guys am not American or from the West but your stories really help thank you opening up and sharing real life situations. I'm really grateful and I am sure u will do great in it life. We are strong one bump wouldn't put a man down.
I’m sure she will never find someone as devoted as you. At least you know you tried everything. A marriage takes two, and it doesn’t sound like she honored her vows. Best of luck to you going forward!!
So sorry you had to go through this. I got into a serious relationship at 16 (I had started college and was much further ahead than my peers) and just like you had red flags that I overlooked. That relationship developed into the most toxic and abusive relationship ever! After 2 1/2 years God finally brought him out of my life and I’ve been dedicated to him since! It’s crazy how God will use our life situations to teach us. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing!
Thank God you weren't traumatize by what happened, because it seems that you are the better person and that must not been the person for you. The positive things you shared speak volume of your character. So don't take yourself for granted a person like you only deserves the best that God has to give. Therefore be cautious of who you open your life to. For your life seem to consist of things that spoken about in heavenly places, and if that's what your life is about, then you need someone as you are and not the other way. PEACE
I will just leave you with a quote from one of my favorite sci-fi films: "She loves what you do for her. As it is my customers love what I do for them....but she does not love YOU, David. She cannot love YOU." -A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001) Granted it's about an inanimate object in the story, but the principle reigns true still in the modern hypergamous dating world. Women love men for resources and a utility, similar to an inanimate object if you think about it.
Thanks bro. I know the pain. Feels good to hear your story. Divorce blows and love is evil. Im just gonna focus on myself and my kids. Forget about getting laid. Im over that. Thanks again. Hope all is welk for you
This is a great vlog, i am not a young person but from experience I suggest you were lucky, as I see your in a "better place" you should take time out save some money and go travelling, travelling will give you a new outlook in life . Good luck
Bro I been there !Married at 21 divorced at 23 .the solution I found most essential was to live on your own ,learn you,build you,love you then you’ll be equipped to give !much love peace!
The best way I've heard to get closure is to write out a few letters. 1. a rant and rave letter with all the raw feelings, accusations etc. Don't hold back. 2. Burn it. 3. Write a forgiveness letter from the other person. As if they were apologizing and taking responsibility for some of what went wrong. 4. Repeat if necessary. I find this process very useful. You can do it in your own time, it's independent of the other party, and it doesn't lead to more pain of engaging and blaming others. Your psyche doesn't seem to care if the other person is writing to you or not, it just wants recognition of pain and an apology. Best of luck, take care of your self!
November 17, 2016 my world was obliterated when a process server showed up at my job to serve me the petition for divorce that my husband filed. We have been having chronic arguments for a long time. In June we started attending a Christian-based group therapy for married couples. For 7 years he said to me that he would never leave. He said marriage was forever and his commitment to me was for the rest of his life. November 12th was the last day I ever heard the words "I love you" from my husband. Five days later, the petition for divorce was served and 3 weeks later he moved out of our home. I never envisioned myself as a single mother. We have a 5 year old together and now we are forced to develop a new "normal". To say that I am in pain would be an understatement. All the hopes and dreams I had for our family is gone. He is gone. And through it all, I must find the strength to keep moving forward and teach our daughter that life really does go on, and that it is possible to have a great life despite the circumstances. I will have to feign strength until it actually comes. I will have to remain solid as a rock for her sake, and deal with my pain and my tears in secret. God give me strength please to not break.😔
Thank you so much for your very articulate testimony. It is good to hear a man’s version of divorce - I think it is rare but important just the same. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. Divorce is so painful -as painful or more painful than death itself. Your video is encouraging and gives me hope for the future.
Don’t take it personally. Similar thing happened to me. She wanted the wedding and the house, getting married secured those for her. After she took what you could offer she had no reason to stay. This is how 80% of them operate.
Hah, all of the commenters blaming women for every divorce need to wake up. This almost exact scenario happened to me, only I'm a woman, and he was a man. He had this wonderful idea of marriage, and when wasn't easy, and didn't immediately offer automatic, fairy-tale happiness, he abandoned me. I did everything I could to fix it, he just didn't want to. I don't hate men or blame society for "expecting me to get married".
You just had real feelings for her and she maybe didn’t or they didn’t last. You’re a young guy, smart, handsome.. Focus on yourself, put her on the background as much as possible. It’s hard to move on, people like her never give you closure, been there bro 🤛
very courageous of you. It is very good for a man to have close male friends(a band of brothers) with whom you can share issues. It can save you a breakdown. When men get married, they tend to throw away other relationships, always have like four wise guys to walk life with, one of them will know what is going when you seem to be lost.
Online dating is great, honestly as much as people hate on it, you just need to be selective with your time and the people you meet. If they ghost you, move on and delete their number. And I agree, it's hard to meet people through mutual friends nowadays.
I was with a woman (not married but living together) and it certainly was not working out and she wanted us to go to counselling. I said that I could not see the point as the problem was her temper and that I did not want to continue with it. So therefore if one party does not want to go to counselling I think it shows that there is no hope although the one that does want to go needs to find out why the other person wants to split up.
This sounds a lot like my situation. My ex husband is a covert narcissist. Wondering if your ex wife may be one too. Learning this about my situation really helped me heal, and work on areas in my own life (like why I attracted someone like this). Thank you for putting yourself out there. I know it will be a blessing to someone. God Bless.
Rebecca Angelique he went mgtow and your feminist feelings didn't like it. your supposed to support him emotionally not the other way around. let him lead bitcj
you were a good husband trying to work out your relationship but yeah no matter how hard you try if the other partner isn't interested, its all over. looks like she checked out of the relationship a long time ago and made her decision. I haven't been married but i learnt the lesson of reciprocating is needed in any relationship and it also applies to friendships. If you are constantly putting in more effort than the other party then its not a healthy relationship and you need to end it.
Thank you for this, so inspired went through this last year. The one good thing is that it showed me what I don't want in a partner, I feel smarter/wiser and know what to look for going forward. I wanted to live my best life and the relationship I was in wasn't apart of that. I never looked back. Feeling great!
Dear brother in Christ It is very sad to know that you went through this, from a female Christian perspective I would say that the woman sounds like she was not a Christian person to begin with, I cannot imagine someone who has a personal relationship with Christ and really loving him, having 2 boyfriends and being completely fine with this
I'm so sorry you were put through that. And did not deserve it. I'm going through almost the exact situation. So thank you for sharing your story. It helped to know there are other people with similar situations.
You're welcome and sorry youre going through something simple. Let me know if you have any questions. The best part of the video is all the people I've got to talk with.
Thank you for sharing your story. My husband left me earlier this year. Stay in Christ and don't be misled by the world. You did the right thing in trying to make things work.
Once a cheater always a cheater. There are always exceptions, but that is a good rule of thumb. Also in my opinion, if you haven't been through tough times together, you're not ready to get married. You need to see how your partner handles conflict, and know that they will stick with you until you work it out.
your story feels similar to mine except the other way around. thanks for this. im going through this terrible time now. but it helps to know im not alone.
This makes me scared to get married. I can tell that you were doing the best you can to be a good husband. Someone is going to be happy to have you as a husband one day.
don't overload yourself with debt like they did...that's what got them. keep it simple and don't go into marriage with debt. my nephew dated his wife for several years. she had thousands in credit card debt. he told her the debt needed to be paid off completely and her credit cards needed to be cut up before they could tie the knot. she took care of it and they are a wonderful, happy couple with little twins.
Best thing to happen to you. Enjoy your youth and money. I'm 55, trust me, married at 35, best thing I ever did. I'm ready to settle, she is at her peak market value now downhill for her so she's ready, I got money, had my fun, got my toys, and set in my ways. Still young to have and enjoy kids and young enough when they are gone to still do stuff. Perfect.
Your efforts to work things out are very admirable. In a relationship you should discuss issues you're having and make a genuine attempt to resolve them before ending things (unless it's abusive, of course). She has constant "back burner" guys and then jumps ship when there are problems or she decides she likes them better. I hope you find someone who matches your emotional maturity (and be aware of red flags this time lol).
Its stuff like this that terrifies me about marriage. I come from a family of divorce, and I mean that. Everyone in my gamily has been divorced and remarried. Every single aunt, uncle, cousin, grandpa, and grandma, and of course my parents, have been divorced. It just makes me feel like my relationship with my boyfriend of four years won't last. We're great, everything is wonderful, but there is that constant fear that if we get married, everything will fall to pieces
K Bunny it might, it might not. Life is an unpredictable thing, and we can't control everything. The best you can do is do your part, and hope for the best :)
Everybody gets their heart broken. It's tough but it wakes us up from the dream of life. Marriage is our attempt to make ourselves feel secure in a relationship that we cannot predict because we are always changing ourselves. It can also highlight the love we need to have for ourselves, instead of looking outside ourselves.When you forgive someone, you thank them for what they taught you and you can let them go once you understand the lesson that we are Love.
I can relate with your situation. Your gut more times than not is correct. You can't put a square peg in a round hole. You made yourself better for you rather than for her. Good for you brother. Keep pushing!!!!
We women feel like we're expected to get married off at young ages and often times it leads us to marrying the wrong person because we feel pressured by society. Part of the problem is shaming women for dating and waiting until later in life to get married or shaming them for never marrying. We really need to stop doing this to women and I think if we do, that will help reduce divorce rates.
My husband is crazy about me. Stories like these make me realize how lucky I am. People are so shallow these days. Women only want money and men only want arm candy. It's murderous when a good person gets roped into the story of a shallow person. Yikes. It makes me want to protect myself financially just in case though my husband is a very good man.
I was like you at some point wondering what I could do better as a husband. Everything made sense once I discovered MGTOW. It was painful to make the generalizations about women at first, but it's the only framework that explains the never-ending entitlement attitude I battle in my home.
I was turned down from a marriage proposal in 1977 when I was about to graduate from college. First she said yes, then she said no. I felt sorry for myself at the time as so many were getting married about this time. By the time we were 30 the marriage fatality rate was 100%. Nobody I keep up with had their marriages survive. I found out about this time that the lady who turned me down had been in and out of psychiatric facilities for depression. I learned about this from her sister after she had died. I finally did get married at age 40 to a girl I had known since elementary school. During our 20 year marriage she told me numerous times she was going to file for divorce and the papers will be waiting when I got home from work. This never happened. Her son told me she made threats like this all the time. She had diabetes which got worse and worse till she passed away in 2015. We had our differences, but we ultimately did lover each other. She did appear in a dream some months ago in which she again told me she wanted a divorce. I told her that it was too late for that, but did not mention why.
My husband and I got married at 21 and 22, and we’ve been married 8 years. The first 5 years were pretty tough, year 6/7 we hit a wall and really had to figure some things out. Now for the past year or two we have been happier than we have ever been. From all that I listen to and read on marriage, that’s common! You really both have to be committed to make it work through the hard times. And it really makes you closer. It sounds like she was not in it for the long haul. All that to say, happy marriage is possible!
It’s an unfortunate situation. I know personally, and it’s common that people after marriage either grow towards each other or grow apart. I always recommend people getting married after 30, 35 if you can wait longer. I’ve been in separation limbo for 4-5 years and it’s torture! I’m 33 and maybe want kids but I can’t even think about it! This sucks.
I'm not saying we as Christians are sinless, but those who love God have a spirit filled heart that wants to fight against sin, and it doesn't sound like she was struggling to fight sin, but rather that she was freely indulging in it
Big clue that I now know is a major red flag, she is too perfect, she has everything in common with you. If there isn’t some differences along the way that need to be talked about great if you are able to work things out. My wife did the same, tuned me out , went to a different room. Check your credit !!! Check your savings. My wife had her hands and eyes on all my money. She bankrupt us as tried to blame me for it.
I married at 21 got divorced at 23. Two confusing years. From she loves me to shes cheating on me all over the place. Divorce at a young age can mess you up emotionally and make it very hard to trust again.
Adam Richard the problem is people are getting married too young.
why the fuck did u get married at 21
My husband married me at 21. It’s almost ten years and three kids later and I’m still perfectly devoted to him. And us. And our family. So.
Rooftops Renegade well you're in the minority. It's not like that for most people who get married so young.
If that’s how things can mess up quickly then why even date?
When a partner cheats once, there's a good chance she/he will cheat again.
@keecefly you aint shit bitch
Once a cheater, always a cheater
NEVER step in the same shit twice.
InstaBlaster...
It’s a floodgate. She will for sure do it again
She was cheating mate. I just know by the little you have said.
Yeah she was cheating, she was preparing for the inevitable breakup.
Yeah... My story is eerily similar... And she ended up admitting to multiple affairs.
Be blessed that she left you before kids and you're 45 years old. She will be divorced soon enough again
Im just going through a divorce. Im 46 with a 4 month year old child. My wife has just turned 30 and left when our little one was 2 months old. Its horrible stuff.
@crooked truth83 And many times a woman your same age will run once they have you on the hook with a hostage...i mean your child. If you must marry, i would advise looking outside the United States or Western Europe.
Why getting married at all? How can anyone think that they will be attracted to the same person all their life?? That`s pretty insane. I was married to the same person for years, just because he so desperately wanted to. All I could think of, was that I needed to get out of it. And in the end I did. I have never been happier since. I don`t know why americans are so desperate to be married, instead of just living together? It`s like a crazy wedding culture, and it seemes that most girls are just doing it, go get their "magic day."
@@Annsunshine30 Used to be for the benefit of the children,but with no-fault divorce I guess there isn't a reason anymore. Marriage today is disposable, and not to get all MGTOW...it's typically the man that is destroyed financially.
@@jdwyer4851 It`s probably right in the us, and used to be so here in Europe as well. But now, when both have to work full time, to pay for everything, and shared custody is most common. It`s probably both parties pretty equally. My mum said on her death bed, that she had wasted 40 (!) years on my dad. And I had to agree with her. My greatest wish for them, from the age of four (I remember where I was living at the time) , was for them to get a divorce. They never did, since my mum was scared of powerty, which was a real thing at that time. (I`s a long time ago..) I`ve had a long relationship since my divorce, but we were just living together,( I`ll never get married again!!) Which was much easier, when we both got fed up with each other. We just moved apart, and have stayed good friends, and no dramatic divorce or anything. In my country married couples and none married couples, are getting the same rights in everything. So can`t say that I can see any benefits with being married at all.
Red Flag #1: friend zone; Red Flag #2: she's dating two guys simultaneously while you're relegated to the friend zone: Red Flag #3: you let your little head out think your big head. Red Flag #4: she finally starts paying attention to you, which means her other two boyfriends moved on, but, no problem, because she had you on the back burner as a stand-by.
Sorry to hear your story, but it's as old as time.
This woman sounds incredibly busy with multiple guys. Was she just a player.....someone who just plays on another person's affections because she can? But the truth is.....they say that in a relationship....one person always loves more than another. And.....we are still unformed creatures....thinking we understand ourselves well enough to know what we want for the rest of your life.....I think she did want to marry you....but then realized it wasn't enough. But you did say she was a beautiful girl, right? Sorry you were hurt....but I've never been in love with someone physically that much.....I've never wanted to marry someone because they were really attractive. I think in the back of my mind....I would be thinking.....would they be reliable?
Pls create red flags for my relationships too I need them. This is great analytical skill.
She raised more red flags than communist China.
@@navigatorv4452
Lol!!! Good one! Ray Charles saw that one b4 he did!
David Barnett.... Bang on!!
If there ever will be a "MGTOW Bible".... What you just wrote down would be in that book.
Thanks for sharing. Same situation 31 divorced. Hard for me to talk
Bout it but what you said has really resonated. Also can’t believe this is 8 years ago. Seems you’ve found someone else and had the family you wanted? That gives me some hope
Don’t pick the one you have to pursue. Pick the one that pursues you! Thank you for being brave enough to tell your story. All in all you will be a way better man than you were before when it’s all said and done.
Thank you for this video. I was divorced last year after 5 1/2 years. Online dating is also new to me, but I feel like the biggest issue I have is I'm terrified of getting into a new relationship that will end up being wrong for me again. It's so hard to carry this emotional baggage and let go of trust issues. It feels that if I make myself vulnerable again, I'll just end up hurt again. I feel your pain.
I know the exact feeling. You want to have that great life you always wanted but are fearful of making a move that could potentially hurt you. Its can sometimes feel like its better to be alone which most feel isn't really what they want. Unfortunately the only solution to the problem is "take a risk". I read a book called "Risk is Right" and that kind of helped change my perspective. The risk will always be there, my issue is finding someone I'm willing to take that risk with. If will all get better with time.
Amy B divorce stinks but you will trust again but it’s a different world than it was a few years ago. Online dating is a waste! I have met more scammers and crazy people there than anywhere in my last 30 years than in my plastic surgery practice! Relax and let things happen organically.. best of luck
Don't go dating, again. You will not find that person you want. There is only rotting fruit. If known men that were divorced, then remarried. Later on the same thing happened, only this time it was worse. Think with you brain, and not with your dick.
The fact that she had 2 bfs at the same time, tells you what her true character is, and how doomed your marriage was b4 it even happened.
Sonia Sohi this guy!!!!!!
Not exactly true. I dated more than one guy at a time before I decided to settle down. I'm a devoted, faithful, and loving wife. When you're young, you want to have fun until you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Or many “friendly friends w/ benefits”. Please dodge garbage people like this.
They WILL keep contact w/ those people and WILL seek them when you guys have normal relationship problems
This is based on my experience.
Exactly 💯
@@brandiphillips5775 your for the streets.
thank you so much for sharing your experience! I'm 23 years old, married for 2 years now.. and at this point of my life by relationship its soo broken.. no trust, no respect, emotional violence, lack of comunication and so on.. your experience has giving me courage to confront this situation because I didnt want to accept whats going on. I have no kids, but still its hard to move on when you are not in a healthy relationship that's become such a big weight on my shoulders. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
You're very welcome. In my heart I needed to make sure I did everything I could to see if I could make it work and I would encourage you to do the same. Marriage isn't easy and sometimes the other person gives you no other option than to walk away because they aren't willing to work. Thanks for the kind words.
I would encourage you and your spouse to seek marriage counselling. Don't be another divorce statistic.
Jr
Thank you for sharing this. I will share with my 29 yo son whose wife left just before their 5-yr anniversary. And they knew each before that for 5 years. She didn't feel romanticized (=expensive dinners and weekend getaways), just best friends who got married young. Ugh! They hadn't been going to church, my son is on a great career path, training quickly for leadership, supporting her through some freelance and serving at a nice restaurant, then off to finish her Bachelor's degree in Business. So life was busy, and in the way of what was most important (Love & Respect). Her parents always did things together, dating, trips, dinners, and spoiled the 2 daughters. She filed for divorce and full alimony, and moved back home. Her parents love my son, and said No, but relented to be there and care for her mom whose cancer was taking her over. She just passed, and at the last minute, we were all invited to the memorial because we loved them all still. In her eulogy, she said her mom taught her how to cook, how to be a good wife and mother. Thank God, they did not yet have children. It's all so sad, and with no blessing breaking up a marriage without seeking Godly counsel, my son's heart is so broken. I'm afraid he'll look elsewhere too soon. Thank you for the advice, and we are praying for you!
I appreciate the fact that you came on such a public platform and shared your vulnerabilities! Recently divorced with two kiddos and my ex is in a different state. Love the information. Thank you
God, you sound like the perfect man, trying to make a marriage last in the best way you know how. Beautiful representation on how a marriage should be handled.
This is an example of a nice guy, which modern western women dont want till they hit the wall.
thats what they look for...
FC3Concepts Marriage is outdated.
i think this might be true actually. although, children need stability and marriage is part of that...it's a mess these days. our society is resisting the social changes that resulted from the civil war in the 1860's and the civil rights movement in the 1960's...i'm afraid we are headed for another big shift. there may be no stopping it.
Elise B Mental defect marriage is terrible for children.
Children need resources, not some suburban buttercup fruitcake bullshit pipedream.
To the guy she met "what she will do with you, she will do TO you". God has someone else meant for you. You married someone who was meant for a season in your life. My son is 28. Dating ideas, church, biking, parks, grocery stores, gyms, traveling, the beach, through your friends, etc. You have a lot to offer. I am sorry you had your heart broke. I was 21 and my husband was 22 when we married. 30 yrs later 4 grown kids, 2 grandkids. Good mention that you bought too expensive of a house, we lived in a shack..lol. It was not always easy, life happens, physical emotional and financial stress. Great video, well spoken and explained. (sadly, the pretty girls want a bad boy, we are always saying this to our son, not to be bad, but to be more of a challenge.) which is sad that we still have to play games to find love.
Great video! Thanks for sharing. I know it's so difficult to go through, but it's so good that it happened when it did. Imagine if it happened 5-10 years later, when you had kids. It would be so much more painful
i am trying not to totally trash your ex wife.. i'll just say two things 1. be glad you didn't have kids with her 2. don't do online dating.. DONT DATE AT ALL.. can't you see your ex wife didn't deserve you? trust me a lot of these women don't deserve you, take it from me, i am kinda like you in that i'm Christian also and i have a master's degree and a peaceful life- WHEN I AM ALONE... when i add women into the mix out goes the peace and i'm SURE you can relate to what i'm saying....... here's what you do- ask the Lord for a wife, and He will bring her- read the story of isaac and rebekah in genesis.. DO NOT DATE ONLINE.. JUST PRAY AND ASK THE LORD TO BRING YOU THE WIFE HE HAS FOR YOU AT HIS TIMING.. LEAVE EVERYTHING IN THE LORD'S HANDS HE WILL SPEAK TO YOU IF YOU KEEP SEEKING HIM.. DO NOT CAST YOUR PEARLS TO SWINE, DONT WASTE TIME ON CRAZY, UNGRATEFUL, CHEATING WOMEN
Online dating doesn't really work. You really don't know the women on there and most of them aren't interested any how and others just date for sport which is a concept I don't get at all.
well they want to get fed for free.. and willing to give up their skanky fishholes for that.
@@M22OHIO
Men fuck for sport. What's the difference?
ColdSkyClouds you get it!!
If you wait for the Lord to find you a wife, you'll be using a walker! Who needs a wife? Just date.
Hey man. Thanks for the video. Our stories are VERY similar it's crazy. I'm 30 years old and going through this and have the same feelings you do. Thanks for the encouragement and hope in Jesus during this tough time.
Keep your head up.....do what you can
@@OneTakeAV Yeah man it's crazy how similar our stories are. She started "hanging out" with people from work that I didn't know and didn't include me either... She ended up just leaving. We're now in the process of summary dissolution. Only 4 years of marriage but things are very difficult. How long were you married?
@@JackCrosby24 a year
@@OneTakeAV Wow that's still hard. Anyways thanks for sharing your story
I got divorce 8 years ago... she was secretly engaged with other guy while being married and she got married within 2 months after divorce.. till today I stayed single..!
I feel you brother man. I am going through a very similar situation, I was cheated on a lot, it hurts, the sting sits with you for awhile. I can only take it day by day moving forward and I try to stay inspired for hopes in the future.
whoever loves the least in a relationship holds all the power in that relationship.
This is so beautiful and I sincerely pray you meet the right person for you. Someone that will love and honor you. You seem like a really nice guy and thanks for sharing!
Thanks. And I did!
Amen!!
Im going through the same thing. My husband is in the military, and he has done nothing to work on our marriage these past 5-6 months or so. I need to move on, I've already spent 4 years being loyal to him and he just wants to give up. It sucks, but thank you for making this video!
I'm sorry to hear that. Effort and perspective are important. Sometimes no matter how hard you try or how much you want something to work, if the other person is completely checked out there isn't much you can do. I just say make sure you leave it all on the table with no regret.
Makes one wonder why he dosnt want to work on the marriage.
Thats very true as well, Best friend of mine got hitched last Sunday dating oh maybe 2 years. Shes magically found a reason to quit her job as they are quite inconvenient. To me its way to fast, but hes happy...now. Other problem is they met threw me as im dating her sister.......
That they do, Glad your parents didnt try and skewer each other in the courts I wasn't as lucky. A week? what was your buddy on or was it an act of desperation? Or was he just going for the extra pay.
Something tells me there is a Jody in the mix.
Great inspiring video. I been married for 16 years...there are alot of struggles but we both work it out...it takes two. You tried very hard...Good Luck.
Thank you. I'm 23 and been divorced for under a year. I can relate to you so much. I hope this gets better.
It will, just take your time and work through all your feelings.
wow, where did you meet this douchebag? lol
Sandy Abbouchie yes it does. Time heals but it blows for awhile.. best thing is just relax and not worry about the other person and what they are doing.. it will drive you mad.. best of luck
Hopefully things are better now sandy.
I like what you said about forgiveness giving you freedom to move on. I've experienced that in my life too - forgiveness doesn't mean I condone the other person's actions, but that I can accept what happened, and let it go. Simple, but not easy. So worth it,though.
I was dumb, married at age 27 and divorced at 36 , literally went bankrupt. I’m 42 now and still not completely recovered. She also took my dog. Heartless Bad Woman. Three years ago I moved to another city, I have few hobbies now, and saving to purchase my own house, believe or not, I feel and look younger theses days. I realize I was responsible for my misery but N E V E R A G A I N !
I went through that exact situation 9 years ago. It was the hardest time of my life. I was going to church and really seeking understanding and never got the closur I needed. The guy I was married to checked out after he went fishing in Alaska for an entire summer. He came home and started going to college he was 19 and I was 21 when he started college and he met a girl in one of his classes. He said he had to go study with a group of guys but I found out he was going alone with this girl to "study" and it happened about once a week. He completely denied being unfaithful but wanted a divorce and I was willing to fight for our relationship. He didn't want to work in things and I actually asked him again if it was that girl in his class and he said "if you accuse me of cheating it's only going to make me want to cheat" so that broke my heart and created distrust. His family wasn't helping and said they told him he was too young to be married... I was broken for a couple years after that and ended up in terrible relationships with guys who didn't treat me with respect and I lowered my standards. I finally realized I needed to trust the Lord that He had the man of my dreams out in the world and I would someday meet him. I went from depressed to being filled with Gods presence and I felt so hopeful. I literally met my husband who I have been married to for 6 years the very next month of just trusting God. We now have 3 kids ages 1, 4 and 5 and I feel that the divorce taught me how to be a great wife and mother. I fully appreciate my husband and I am so happy now. You will have that someday if you put all of your trust in God. Thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes the closure you need is to just let go and let God. God is what I have for my closure and that is all I need. 🙌🏻
Mary Weikel Amen, praise God!
Closure is over rated. Unnecessary and unneeded. Healing starts when you meet the right woman. You know what you want. Finding her is what you need to do.
And stay away from every counselor that isnt dedicated to helping you with that.
Mary Weikel Get fucked. You sold other men out by getting married.
Royer 714 Healing shouldn't start when you find the right person. You should be able to work on healing yourself in your time of singleness before you get into another relationship.
Penelope416 Marriage is outdated.
The biggest problem was "we met in high school". Never get into a relationship let alone married before the age of 25.
tunaXonXtoast you shouldn’t do it ever
I agree! Better yet: wait until age ~25 - 30 yo. You will really have a much better since of who you are, what you are, and what you want in a serious relationship!!!
24 here and going to be divorced next year likely... sucks to suck
You are definitely a catch. Handsome, well spoken, reflective, committed. You will definitely find a good woman when the time is right. Thanks for sharing!
StRoNgO sTrOnG not true. a lot of women are attracted to the bad boy, that's a thing yes, but, a woman that wants a family, not just kids but a family- those women are looking for the good guys. also, the women who have been with and/or burned by the bad boy, want nothing more to do with them. and want nothing more than to find a good guy, but most of these women are so damaged by the jerks that they either can't get a good guy or are too jaded and/or damaged to see who's good and who's fake. so it may feel like women don't want a good guy, but not only are you over simplifying by making that statement, but it's just simply untrue. and really? no good women out there? come on, you know that's not true either. they're just harder to find... for example, I see a lot of guys looking for girls in a bar- you'll NEVER find a quality woman in a bar.. never.
StRoNgO sTrOnG The "good women" will be scorned before they reach legal age.
Amanda Payton racist
StRoNgO sTrOnG First off, men have to be careful not to take their personal mommy issues and project that onto all women. Second, a lot of little girls these days grow up in the same dysfunctional households as little boys, and it hurts both of their chances of having successful relationships in the future. A lot of men turn their backs on their family when they can't get the authority and control they feel entitled to, and women are so afraid of being abandoned they work hard to be financially independent just in case anything goes wrong- which threatens a man's sense of authority. It's a cycle of dysfunction that is hard to break. Best to make sure that both you and your partner are outside of that cycle of dysfunction before settling down, or help your partner get out of it with patience and love.
after they done riding the cock carousel do they try to find the " nice guys"...
Thank you for sharing. I know you posted this a while back but this is exactly what I'm going thru except he's the one who sprung the divorce a few nights ago when I thought we were going to fight. Seven years of marriage and he's gone. Absolutely devastated
I wish there was someone who would fight for a relationship like you did. This shows what a good man you are. You deserve so much better and I hope you'll get your deserved happiness ❤
"She was dating with 2 boyfriends when I was pursuing her" oh boy...
Thanks for this video. I was married for three years and I fought tirelessly to save my marriage. He didn't feel the same. It's often very isolating to be young and a divorcée so it's nice to see I'm not alone.
When did you finally realize that “enough is enough” and decided to not fight anymore?
Currently going through this.
Wow, Misery loves company?
Thank you for uploading this video. It must have been really really hard but you did it. Forgiveness truly is important to move forward from a divorce. Im happy and hopeful after hearing your story that i can overcome this too. Praise God! The healing process is crucial, currently going through it. Stay positive and i hope the Lord brings you a wonderful person in your life.
Zazzikipcia thanks for the kind words. I actually got married last weekend to a wonderful woman. There is hope.
The biggest take on this…is… you can never really trust someone… cuz they can change in a heartbeat. And ur story is the perfect representation how why ppl go through divorces. I’m pretty sure she cheated on you. Unfaithful=other guys/3rd party
My ex of 7 years and I went through the same thing 3 years ago. He too is still with the girl I saw him growing close too. I tell everyone as long as he's happy that's all I want to see even if it means she gave him something that I tried so hard to give him. Thank you for sharing your story it's great to see that you went through necessary steps to better yourself
Mine actually married her😂
That sucks man, you're brave and helping a lot of people by sharing your story.
Yes this video affected me, its helping to get my mind untangled during this difficult time.
This is one of my greatest fears.
Dex understand what a soul mat is and don't settle for anything less. There are marriages that last for a lifetime.
Jr
As soon as this guy said that his wedding turned into a princess wedding, the rest of the story tells itself. If you have an IQ above 80, don't fall for that crap and you will fare much better.
Thanks for posting your story. Sometimes I wonder if all relationships end because of the man pulling away (I know that's not really true). I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Hopefully you have found peace and happiness since then.
Thank you. I am going through a divorce right now and its been very hard for me to accept that I need to move on with my life. I am 25 was married for 3 years, at this point I have tried everything but he is simply not interested in saving the marriage.
yeah its hard when its like your talking to a closed door. But with pain can come awesomeness. Some people just arent as committed as others and thats a shame.
I am really proud of your healthy mindset! It’s not one many people maintain after a divorce. I hope you find the woman you are looking for.
As Sandman said "she wants the wedding, not the marriage." As for your ex-wife, she simply money branched to a guy with more resources and money, and if she meets another guy with more resources than him, she'll money branch to him ... till she hits the wall.
People can be terrible! I’ve also gone through this more than once (minus kids/marriage) and I’m so thankful God closed those doors because through them I realized my worth & not settling. I am now so much happier single & focusing on myself. The important thing to realize is your worth and I know it’s so tempting to jump at any chance to find love (been there) and force it because everyone else is getting married but I can almost guarantee most of them probably aren’t happy either and will end up in divorce. Don’t ever force anything, period.
Your story is so similar to mine. I am going through a divorce right now and I’m 26. I am feeling everything you described in the video. Thank you for sharing your experience, I am trying to do everything I can to make the best out of this painful situation. God is good, and even when it doesn’t seem like it he is working for our good. I pray that our experiences become part of our testimony that God is close to the broken hearted and that we were able to grow and learn from our trials. Hope you are doing even better now in your journey of healing.
Great video buddy. I went through the same thing (we look the same age and got married and divorced the same way).
I am glad to hear how you handled it. Getting professional help was the right and smart thing to do.
I handled my divorce in the worst way.
Good job. Where do you live?
I am in Victoria, BC.
Being the good guy and doing the right thing with her wont work, and nothing can change that.
Thanks for putting yourself out there. Its good to see this from a guys perspective. Life is super hard and when your in a bad relationship things can be very tricky. I have been married for 7 years now and honestly it has been the hardest 7 years of my life. I have been in a battle with myself and cant manage to just leave. Love is truly blind.
Have you left yet?
It's weird how similar our stories are because going through it you feel so alone and like you're the only one. But basically things were great, we fell in love right after highschool, he was a gentleman and wooed me right away. Different then any other guys at that age. I was beyond happy, you think you found the one and you fell in love with your bestfriend. Until a couple years in, he got a new job and met new coworkers. He loved his job but he also became more distant and wouldn't open about anything anymore. He started taking a lot more overtime, going out a lot more, and with time he just started pulling away from our relationship. When that happened I started going through every possibility and you start to fix things about yourself that maybe you have fought about in the past or you know they don't like. I was just trying to make things better but he was already checked out which at the time I didn't realize. It was hard for me to understand how I was still so in love and kept trying to make it work with him but he didn't want to try anymore. Nothing I was doing was working. One day he just ended things said he needed to work things out on his own. I didn't see or hear from him for a week, he blocked my number because he didn't want to talk about things. It was weird I was still in denial like we can work this out, I never wanted to give up on our relationship. After a very hard week, I sent an email in hopes he would read it saying just give me an explanation, talk to me. I'm a person who has to talk about what I'm thinking or feeling or I will just bottle it all up inside. When we did sit down to talk about things I mainly did all the talking and said things I've improved on and still was willing to and how much I loved him he was just quite and said he no longer wanted to work on our relationship. He was done. And wanted out. He didn't have an explanation or anything else to say. So that was that. I still to this day don't know why or what happened... maybe he missed that feeling of being single and free like the rest of his coworkers, I don't know. At the time I was so hurt. The way things ended I just didn't see it coming and I was devastated because I would have never went about it the way he did. Especially after years and you respect and care about someone. It's been a couple months now, he's apologized for ending things the way he did so I forgave him because I didn't have it in me anymore to hold that anger against him. You just feel so defeated. I recently started therapy because I wasn't in a good place just felt sad and lonely and I had all these thoughts and emotions that I couldn't let out to anyone so therapy has really helped. I tried dating but I'm not at the point yet. It's scary to put yourself out there when you thought you found the one and you got shut down with no closure or explanation as to why things ended. You feel like you're not good enough and it's hard. So I'm just going to continue to work on myself for now and keep improving until I'm ready for that next person. Thanks for sharing your story, really helped!
Its so hard when you don't get real closure. Getting divorced these days is a non-issue and people just think, "I'm not happy as I once way, I'm out." And that's pretty sad. So many people then go into relationships fearing commitment and not getting back that urge for real love that they once had. I think you did everything you could do and that's all you can worry about. Getting back out there really does such because you never thought you would be there again. You're obviously someone that's willing to work for what you want and I think that will translate to a relationship that gives back what you're putting fourth. Time does the healing.
Thanks for sharing this Rachel, I think a lot of us have been there.
Guys am not American or from the West but your stories really help thank you opening up and sharing real life situations. I'm really grateful and I am sure u will do great in it life. We are strong one bump wouldn't put a man down.
I’m sure she will never find someone as devoted as you. At least you know you tried everything. A marriage takes two, and it doesn’t sound like she honored her vows. Best of luck to you going forward!!
So sorry you had to go through this. I got into a serious relationship at 16 (I had started college and was much further ahead than my peers) and just like you had red flags that I overlooked. That relationship developed into the most toxic and abusive relationship ever! After 2 1/2 years God finally brought him out of my life and I’ve been dedicated to him since! It’s crazy how God will use our life situations to teach us. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing!
Thank God you weren't traumatize by what happened, because it seems that you are the better person and that must not been the person for you. The positive things you shared speak volume of your character. So don't take yourself for granted a person like you only deserves the best that God has to give. Therefore be cautious of who you open your life to. For your life seem to consist of things that spoken about in heavenly places, and if that's what your life is about, then you need someone as you are and not the other way. PEACE
I will just leave you with a quote from one of my favorite sci-fi films:
"She loves what you do for her. As it is my customers love what I do for them....but she does not love YOU, David. She cannot love YOU." -A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)
Granted it's about an inanimate object in the story, but the principle reigns true still in the modern hypergamous dating world. Women love men for resources and a utility, similar to an inanimate object if you think about it.
Thanks bro. I know the pain. Feels good to hear your story. Divorce blows and love is evil. Im just gonna focus on myself and my kids. Forget about getting laid. Im over that. Thanks again. Hope all is welk for you
Ryan Jordan thanks and good luck. And don't give up on happiness like a bunch of these guys. I've bounced back with some one amazing.
Dude, this is my current life right now almost identical. Sucks but glad I came across this.
Thing will get better....dont stop fighting for what you want until the opportunity is gone.
This is a great vlog, i am not a young person but from experience I suggest you were lucky, as I see your in a "better place" you should take time out save some money and go travelling, travelling will give you a new outlook in life . Good luck
Bro I been there !Married at 21 divorced at 23 .the solution I found most essential was to live on your own ,learn you,build you,love you then you’ll be equipped to give !much love peace!
The best way I've heard to get closure is to write out a few letters. 1. a rant and rave letter with all the raw feelings, accusations etc. Don't hold back. 2. Burn it. 3. Write a forgiveness letter from the other person. As if they were apologizing and taking responsibility for some of what went wrong. 4. Repeat if necessary. I find this process very useful. You can do it in your own time, it's independent of the other party, and it doesn't lead to more pain of engaging and blaming others. Your psyche doesn't seem to care if the other person is writing to you or not, it just wants recognition of pain and an apology. Best of luck, take care of your self!
November 17, 2016 my world was obliterated when a process server showed up at my job to serve me the petition for divorce that my husband filed. We have been having chronic arguments for a long time. In June we started attending a Christian-based group therapy for married couples. For 7 years he said to me that he would never leave. He said marriage was forever and his commitment to me was for the rest of his life. November 12th was the last day I ever heard the words "I love you" from my husband. Five days later, the petition for divorce was served and 3 weeks later he moved out of our home. I never envisioned myself as a single mother. We have a 5 year old together and now we are forced to develop a new "normal". To say that I am in pain would be an understatement. All the hopes and dreams I had for our family is gone. He is gone. And through it all, I must find the strength to keep moving forward and teach our daughter that life really does go on, and that it is possible to have a great life despite the circumstances. I will have to feign strength until it actually comes. I will have to remain solid as a rock for her sake, and deal with my pain and my tears in secret. God give me strength please to not break.😔
Norma E. God bless your soul. Stay strong.
Thank you so much for your very articulate testimony. It is good to hear a man’s version of divorce - I think it is rare but important just the same. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. Divorce is so painful -as painful or more painful than death itself. Your video is encouraging and gives me hope for the future.
Don’t take it personally. Similar thing happened to me. She wanted the wedding and the house, getting married secured those for her. After she took what you could offer she had no reason to stay. This is how 80% of them operate.
Hah, all of the commenters blaming women for every divorce need to wake up. This almost exact scenario happened to me, only I'm a woman, and he was a man. He had this wonderful idea of marriage, and when wasn't easy, and didn't immediately offer automatic, fairy-tale happiness, he abandoned me. I did everything I could to fix it, he just didn't want to. I don't hate men or blame society for "expecting me to get married".
You just had real feelings for her and she maybe didn’t or they didn’t last. You’re a young guy, smart, handsome.. Focus on yourself, put her on the background as much as possible. It’s hard to move on, people like her never give you closure, been there bro 🤛
very courageous of you. It is very good for a man to have close male friends(a band of brothers) with whom you can share issues. It can save you a breakdown. When men get married, they tend to throw away other relationships, always have like four wise guys to walk life with, one of them will know what is going when you seem to be lost.
incredible guy, incredible story. I would love to have him as a friend
Online dating is great, honestly as much as people hate on it, you just need to be selective with your time and the people you meet. If they ghost you, move on and delete their number. And I agree, it's hard to meet people through mutual friends nowadays.
Dude trust me she was cheating and she justified it in her head by making you seem not enough.
She lied to your face and she can keep secrets.
You're only hearing his half of this story
I was with a woman (not married but living together) and it certainly was not working out and she wanted us to go to counselling. I said that I could not see the point as the problem was her temper and that I did not want to continue with it. So therefore if one party does not want to go to counselling I think it shows that there is no hope although the one that does want to go needs to find out why the other person wants to split up.
This sounds a lot like my situation. My ex husband is a covert narcissist. Wondering if your ex wife may be one too. Learning this about my situation really helped me heal, and work on areas in my own life (like why I attracted someone like this). Thank you for putting yourself out there. I know it will be a blessing to someone. God Bless.
Rebecca Angelique he went mgtow and your feminist feelings didn't like it. your supposed to support him emotionally not the other way around. let him lead bitcj
This man needs a big red pill.
He still doesn’t get it 😂😂😂
you were a good husband trying to work out your relationship but yeah no matter how hard you try if the other partner isn't interested, its all over. looks like she checked out of the relationship a long time ago and made her decision. I haven't been married but i learnt the lesson of reciprocating is needed in any relationship and it also applies to friendships. If you are constantly putting in more effort than the other party then its not a healthy relationship and you need to end it.
Thank you for this, so inspired went through this last year. The one good thing is that it showed me what I don't want in a partner, I feel smarter/wiser and know what to look for going forward. I wanted to live my best life and the relationship I was in wasn't apart of that. I never looked back. Feeling great!
Dear brother in Christ It is very sad to know that you went through this, from a female Christian perspective I would say that the woman sounds like she was not a Christian person to begin with, I cannot imagine someone who has a personal relationship with Christ and really loving him, having 2 boyfriends and being completely fine with this
Wish the best for you bro.. You're a really good dude and I know that any high quality woman would be lucky to have you
I'm so sorry you were put through that. And did not deserve it. I'm going through almost the exact situation. So thank you for sharing your story. It helped to know there are other people with similar situations.
You're welcome and sorry youre going through something simple. Let me know if you have any questions. The best part of the video is all the people I've got to talk with.
Thank you for sharing your story. My husband left me earlier this year. Stay in Christ and don't be misled by the world. You did the right thing in trying to make things work.
Once a cheater always a cheater. There are always exceptions, but that is a good rule of thumb. Also in my opinion, if you haven't been through tough times together, you're not ready to get married. You need to see how your partner handles conflict, and know that they will stick with you until you work it out.
smart woman. somebody marry this lady or steal her from her man if he is a douche lmaoo.
You seem like a kind and caring person. You are still young and you will find your person. Thank you for sharing your story. All the best to you.
My husband just walked out after 22 years together. This just sucks 🤯 I'm glad you escaped her.
your story feels similar to mine except the other way around. thanks for this. im going through this terrible time now. but it helps to know im not alone.
That's all you have to remember. It sucks, but you're not alone.
This makes me scared to get married. I can tell that you were doing the best you can to be a good husband. Someone is going to be happy to have you as a husband one day.
Don't worry about it - men aren't marrying much anymore anyway.
don't overload yourself with debt like they did...that's what got them. keep it simple and don't go into marriage with debt. my nephew dated his wife for several years. she had thousands in credit card debt. he told her the debt needed to be paid off completely and her credit cards needed to be cut up before they could tie the knot. she took care of it and they are a wonderful, happy couple with little twins.
Same here
I really like the way you affirm that you use the word sketchy at 6:40, it resounded of true confidence!
Best thing to happen to you. Enjoy your youth and money. I'm 55, trust me, married at 35, best thing I ever did. I'm ready to settle, she is at her peak market value now downhill for her so she's ready, I got money, had my fun, got my toys, and set in my ways. Still young to have and enjoy kids and young enough when they are gone to still do stuff. Perfect.
Your efforts to work things out are very admirable. In a relationship you should discuss issues you're having and make a genuine attempt to resolve them before ending things (unless it's abusive, of course). She has constant "back burner" guys and then jumps ship when there are problems or she decides she likes them better. I hope you find someone who matches your emotional maturity (and be aware of red flags this time lol).
Its stuff like this that terrifies me about marriage. I come from a family of divorce, and I mean that. Everyone in my gamily has been divorced and remarried. Every single aunt, uncle, cousin, grandpa, and grandma, and of course my parents, have been divorced. It just makes me feel like my relationship with my boyfriend of four years won't last. We're great, everything is wonderful, but there is that constant fear that if we get married, everything will fall to pieces
K Bunny it might, it might not. Life is an unpredictable thing, and we can't control everything. The best you can do is do your part, and hope for the best :)
Everybody gets their heart broken. It's tough but it wakes us up from the dream of life. Marriage is our attempt to make ourselves feel secure in a relationship that we cannot predict because we are always changing ourselves. It can also highlight the love we need to have for ourselves, instead of looking outside ourselves.When you forgive someone, you thank them for what they taught you and you can let them go once you understand the lesson that we are Love.
I can relate with your situation. Your gut more times than not is correct. You can't put a square peg in a round hole. You made yourself better for you rather than for her. Good for you brother. Keep pushing!!!!
It’s her loss and you will find that right person for you. Good luck and stay the way you are..
We women feel like we're expected to get married off at young ages and often times it leads us to marrying the wrong person because we feel pressured by society. Part of the problem is shaming women for dating and waiting until later in life to get married or shaming them for never marrying. We really need to stop doing this to women and I think if we do, that will help reduce divorce rates.
My husband is crazy about me. Stories like these make me realize how lucky I am. People are so shallow these days. Women only want money and men only want arm candy. It's murderous when a good person gets roped into the story of a shallow person. Yikes. It makes me want to protect myself financially just in case though my husband is a very good man.
I was like you at some point wondering what I could do better as a husband. Everything made sense once I discovered MGTOW. It was painful to make the generalizations about women at first, but it's the only framework that explains the never-ending entitlement attitude I battle in my home.
I was turned down from a marriage proposal in 1977 when I was about to graduate from college. First she said yes, then she said no. I felt sorry for myself at the time as so many were getting married about this time. By the time we were 30 the marriage fatality rate was 100%. Nobody I keep up with had their marriages survive. I found out about this time that the lady who turned me down had been in and out of psychiatric facilities for depression. I learned about this from her sister after she had died. I finally did get married at age 40 to a girl I had known since elementary school. During our 20 year marriage she told me numerous times she was going to file for divorce and the papers will be waiting when I got home from work. This never happened. Her son told me she made threats like this all the time. She had diabetes which got worse and worse till she passed away in 2015. We had our differences, but we ultimately did lover each other. She did appear in a dream some months ago in which she again told me she wanted a divorce. I told her that it was too late for that, but did not mention why.
My husband and I got married at 21 and 22, and we’ve been married 8 years. The first 5 years were pretty tough, year 6/7 we hit a wall and really had to figure some things out. Now for the past year or two we have been happier than we have ever been.
From all that I listen to and read on marriage, that’s common! You really both have to be committed to make it work through the hard times. And it really makes you closer.
It sounds like she was not in it for the long haul.
All that to say, happy marriage is possible!
It’s an unfortunate situation. I know personally, and it’s common that people after marriage either grow towards each other or grow apart. I always recommend people getting married after 30, 35 if you can wait longer. I’ve been in separation limbo for 4-5 years and it’s torture! I’m 33 and maybe want kids but I can’t even think about it! This sucks.
Thank you for your testimony! 🙏🏼 The pain is very much real
I'm not saying we as Christians are sinless, but those who love God have a spirit filled heart that wants to fight against sin, and it doesn't sound like she was struggling to fight sin, but rather that she was freely indulging in it
I'm not divorced yet...but my husband said that's he going to serve me. So i'm waiting.
You seem like a really great guy. You did everything you could to make the relationship work. If only there were more people like you!
Big clue that I now know is a major red flag, she is too perfect, she has everything in common with you. If there isn’t some differences along the way that need to be talked about great if you are able to work things out. My wife did the same, tuned me out , went to a different room. Check your credit !!! Check your savings. My wife had her hands and eyes on all my money. She bankrupt us as tried to blame me for it.