She had, until she was tempted. Why didn't she just call off the wedding if she was already hooking up with the best man. This is 100% her problem. She is feeling guilty and knows the easy way out is divorce. Working to rebuild is something she is not willing to do at this time. She got a taste of the wild side and wants more of it. Divorce her, even filed for full custody. He won't get it, but explain for the world that she wanted to abort Rather then deal with her shitty behavior. She might decide to swallow her pride and work on it but I doubt it. If not willing to share all electronics 100% at anytime or place then she is not 🚫 interested in making it work. I bet she is still in contact with her AP. Be the bad guy, file for divorce. Move on.
Yes other women may want him, but he won't be a good man to them, because of this trauma. He seems deeply affected, and if he doesn't do therapy and heal, he will not be able to "show up" for his future partner. This is indeed a sad case....
@@Cekatu Everyone is deeply affected by cheating and this poor man's pain is really fresh and raw. It's also compounded by a double betrayal by a so called friend. He can heal though. He needs time.
Yeah I'm not with Dr. John at all on this one. If it were a one off thing, I totally believe in forgiveness and a marriage surviving if the rest was mostly good. But a year long affair? Come on. How would you ever trust her again? And she's wishy washy about it. She's not "I'll do anything to save our marriage and our family" she's still all "some days I think I want another guy". This isn't a case for "I believe in second chances." This is a case of the trash taking itself out. It's clear-cut. Divorce, forgive, become excited for your new life.
He can't just leave. He has a legal obligation to the child. He's going to have to at a minimum pay her child support. No she's in his life for next 18-22 years
@@christurner5682 they can split up but I'm telling you he's going to be on the hook for child support and if it's a no fault state he's probably not getting custody and he's loosing the house. Because the kids she's not going anywhere she's going to be in his life forever. Every school game graduation family event family court over and over and over every time she feels she deserves more money from him. She will be a cancer in his life for ever
@@robertstone9988 and thats the problem with the justice system... if anything he should have rights to the child especially when her actions show shes not an adult
@tasfiatanzila I wished my ex wife and my friend the best in an effort to forgive and move on...5 years later I'm still working on honestly getting it right....
@@madmedic7840 I agree. Rebuilding your life after a traumatic experience like that is not exactly what I'd consider exciting. A lot of times the hurt just really stings.
you’re spot on. she has strong Christian values!!! Also getting pumped with so much cum she doesn’t even know who her baby belongs to. jfc just divorce
This poor man needs to stop holding onto any type of false hope. I'm baffled that John would act like this could work out in any way. It's very rare a cheating situation can be worked out. This woman has shown no signs that she can ever be trusted, or that she even wants to work on it.
After this he'll be redpilled and blame 3.5 billion women. All because he married someone for something most likely because she dyes her hair blonde lol.
@@stacyjaye6350 that’s actually a rule in most fire stations that every firefighter knows. This guy must be a cadet or in probationary period which is 18 months.
My ex cheated on me wanted me back for years her last try she said I’ve changed 😂😂 22 years later she’s been with 12 men and cheated on all of them 😂😂😂😂 she’s cheating on the one she is with now and she’s 44 years old lmao
Exactly, once a woman makes that choice she’s always going to be trash. It is a sign of character weakness and duplicity that will always be a liability for anyone who lies beside her. Never ever take back a cheater ever unless you want a lifetime of deception and dishonesty.
I'm not trying to Judge because I had a kid before I was married buy having kids without being MARRIED are not STRONG CHRISTIAN VALUES. That kid brought me back to GOD because I realized I wasn't as strong a Christian as I should be
@@BrianWaller-qe7grYou want to MANDATE that ALL new parents submit their childrens' DNA to unscrupulous corporations? Fascist much? Presumed fathers who mistrust their partners have the legal right to test "their own" babies.
It doesn't matter she's cheating on him with 11 different men.... and the father could be 15 different men... but she's still going to aquire all his possessions...the home and custody of the child... Which he will be forced to pay for whether it's his or not... There's no way out of this man except to stop getting married... I have no more sympathy for guys like this
I stayed with my husband after his first affair. He went on to have a second affair and left me and our young daughter. I’m not saying couples can’t work through this, but your wife is showing she WILL do it again and isn’t willing to put in the work. You’re only 25. Please don’t waste your life like I did. The trauma is exhausting.
I wouldn't ever give it another chance again. I thought I wouldn't before I got cheated on. Then when you have 10 years under your belt,you think that history and love that you assume they have for you will make a difference. It was supposed to just be an emotional affair that didn't get physical. I warn people in this position that they are probably lying about that anyways. My ex was lying incessantly. You can't trust a cheater. There are channels dedicated to helping couples like this, and I fell for that. It's very rare the cheater changes though.
So many women will appreciate you and love you like you deserve. You sound like an amazing man, husband and father. I'm feeling your pain, been through this too.😢
I was driving and had to pull over to write this message brotha walk away with your head up high it only hurt for a bit you will thank me one day she don’t deserve you brother much love hope all works out Been there done that
For the first time Dr John is giving bad advice. Someone who cheats before your wedding, has a child with another man, continues the affair till she is caught is not WORTH a penny! Throw that piece of Sh$T out!
Yes, she's horrible. But he also sounds a bit naive and too much of a nice guy. He needs to leave her, take a few months to a year off to self-reflect and come to terms with a few hard truths, figure out how to choose better women and spot red flags sooner, and then get on with his life and find someone new and better
This was my exact situation 37 years ago. You will heal, and life will go on. I have been happily remarried for 34 years now to a most wonderful woman.
Thanks for your message it gives me hope. How long did it take to recover fully and meet your wife ? I'm 30yo and have the nice guy syndrom. Working on it but still too much damage to meet again
@@erwangaillard1637There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy. The problem is not you. Unfortunately there are just too many ungrateful women out there who take this kindness for weakness and nice guys are just an easy target for them to manipulate. They're narcissistic control freaks. Good women are rare. I thought they were rare back in my day (Im 43 now). It only gets worse through the generations. Don't give up! You may have to get through 10 bad ones to find a good one. Keep your guard up but when you find a good one let her earn your trust and vice versa. It's worth it in the end.
This woman isn’t worth this man’s time and energy. Any woman who can cheat with her fiancé’s best friend for a year, have his baby and lie about the baby’s paternity isn’t worth a man’s time.
I'd do my own DNA test. She's from the cold streets he can't trust her test. He probably should get STD check too. I hope he gets away from that nasty situation.
I don’t really care what the details are….there is no way you can stay with that woman or be friends with that best man. Cut ties completely and eventually you’ll be able to work this out in your mind. Counseling and strong friendships with others.
My sentiments exactly.. the fact that he even considered staying with her after that is nuts to me. I’ve walked away from women I loved before over disrespect.. it’s a tough thing to do but it’s worth it to maintain my self respect.
@@mariasullivan577Yes and he's owned a loving life. She did it. The child needs love too, but he/she can still whilst the parents are not together. He will love her to the end. (It's a girl, I just heard.)
I wish SO badly we could see his success story play out. This guy seems like a good one. Best of luck to you and your daughter, gift her with Dad memories.
@@matinaki1644 I see. I could see how someone could get there pathologically. Unfortunate that they don't have the emotional depth to recognize that they are preventing that person from exercising their own autonomy. We all deserve the truth.
"Super strong Christian values." Intimate relations with her fiance before marriage, at the same time also with his best friend, immediately wanted an abortion. Not seeing any Christian values here.
That’s the problem with these academic psych types, they just refuse to strongly state anything She’s isn’t a Christian, she’s a bad person, she’s not a wife, leave her NOW
@@dewilew2137how is her standard low because she thinks that a dude who got cheated on might be a great man? I would get it if he said “I was abusive” & she still said “he sounds like a great man” but he didn’t give off any red flags in this video. Why not think he might be a great guy?
@@elijahpiere5324she didn’t say “he might be/could be an amazing man”, she said “he sounds like an amazing man”. I agree with the other commenter. We don’t know if he is amazing. He might be but I don’t know what he would have said that is proof positive
@@montymython754 ...how about because he tried his best to save his marriage despite his wife cheating on him for a year, and is remaining dedicated to his daughter despite that. A lot of men don't do that, and certainly dedication, and loyalty are good qualities.
This is why I hate when people call cheating a “mistake “ it is a choice and intentional, which is why it’s all the more worse when the affair partner is someone you personally know getting gratification from the deception. Leave her.
That is them just minimizing. Sexual encounters don’t just happen, many steps must be taken first. And when “friends “ have sex with mates of friends it is a special brand of abuse. I do feel very bad for the baby girl. A solution could be two adults sharing a home and parenting but not as a couple.
You're confounding "mistake" with "accident." A mistake can be an "action or judgment that is misguided or wrong." But in this case, it wasn't a one time thing followed by immediate regret. It went on for a long time.
What's esp. crazy about this affair is that it started before they were even married. Very few cheaters will ever change. In a case like this, she didn't respect her marriage or him before it even started, which truly makes it impossible. I can't believe I'm seeing people blame him or throw shade on him in other threads (not this one). Still rattled about that.
John says he never recommends divorce unless someone is unsafe. It's a shame he doesn't consider emotional abuse to be in this same category. There's no chance this man is safe in his marriage with this kind of deceit that she would have never told him about, had he not found out. It is dangerous for him to continue with someone of this little integrity.
The real shame is that people marry other people before finding out who they really are. Like give it a few years… If you’re with a POS who would do this, there’s no way they can successfully hide it for that long without any red flags, which are often ignored when they do pop up. So John is defending the institution of marriage. The problem is when two people like this who had no business entering such an institution, goes and sullies it’s good name and adds to the ungodly divorce rate
@@italkgory99 He can't decide for them. No. They can always choose to continue. But...if someone was getting physically beaten and abused, John would still recommend them leave the situation, as he has stated. My point is that he should be doing the same thing, if the level of emotional abuse is high enough.
It's like I'm listening to 25 year old me. Dude, let me be your window to the future. RUN. These girls don't change. It's only a matter of time before the next guy catches her eye.
It seems like the age they started dating is still how she is, as if she never grew up, never matured, but rather stayed the same teenager she was. I see it with most relationships that go "we are high school sweethearts".
Run man! She will do it again 100%. You sound like a good and solid man. So many women would love a man like you. She is playing with your heart and head. Stand up and run.
This is common sense to most people but the fact that he’s already forgiven her tells me everything I need to know about how much of a loser this guy is😭
Forgiveness is always necessary. But it’s not easy. So many people make forgiveness and reconciliation synonymous and it’s not. He can forgive her and move on or he can stay that’s up to him.
@@KFontLab I agree that forgiveness is always necessary too. It is necessary for the good of that person and the good of the world, so they don't remain bitter. Bitter people can go on to ruin future relationships, or just give up on them. I'm sure this is why God tells us to forgive as well. God also believes in justice too though, and him continuing to suffer w/ someone he can't trust, who has no respect is not justice in this case. Most cheaters don't stop. You're so right that forgiving doesn't have to mean giving another chance to do it again. It's very clear she isn't going to stop. She was cheating before she even married him.
You’re not losing your daughter, you’re teaching your daughter how to have self respect. You got this, dude. You can find someone who can love you and your family much better than this.
But technically he is losing at minimum 50% of his time with his daughter. And women know this...they don't care. The destruction and devastation they cause should be a crime.
Ya the whole 'build something new' I've never understood, maybe I'm to dumb lol. He says this alot in videos when the woman cheats. But how can you build something new with someone that wrecked the first thing you 'built' together?
Why on earth did this woman get married? She clearly had no intention of being faithful to her husband…and she made a baby with him who will never know the security of an intact family. Sis destroyed the lives of the two people she’s supposed to love more than anyone in the world within a year. Nice going, ma’am.
Because she settled for the nice guy, she wanted her ‘special day’….. a ring on her finger…… But she’s not attracted to this man, she’s chasing Chad and Tyrone and the butterflies. She’s not wife material
He said she's heavily Christian aka brainwashed to think marriage (and baby)= happy life. It doesn't. Christians lie about that all the time. I bet he was her first- aka high school sweethearts get married in their early 20's and now she realised she made a huge mistake staying with him and wasting her early 20's when she could be out figuring out who she is and what she wants in a man.
@@FancyRPGCanada Not sure if thankfully is the right word. Tough one. He loves his child, but now he's inextricably tied to this woman for a couple of decades.
@@73cidaliaif his names on the birth certificate he woukd be tied to her anyway if it was his blood or not. Assuming the bio dad is unwilling to pick up the tab for child support
@@FancyRPGCanada Hows that something to feel thankful for? Now he's tied to this two face backstabbing "see you next tuesday" for the rest of his life. In all likely hood divorce court is going to destroy this man and he's going to be stuck paying child support for the next 18 years. Considering this 304's "character" she'll be using that money to support her lifestyle rather than the child. There is nothing to be thankful for in this scenario, this poor guy is screwed. The only "good" scenario in the situation is if the asshole AP was the father and our guy here got to make a clean brake and walk away.
Agree, but don't rush into a new relationship too soon. You need to do some griefing first. First write down all the things you are missing out of due to your broken marriage. Second write down how your future marriage looks like, and what needs to be in place for it to be stable. Third describe the home you want your daughter to grow up in. What does it feel like. What is needed for that. And finally, write down a letter to yourself with all the signs there were, but you didn't see them or didn't understand their importance. Forgive your younger self for not seeing that, But also recognize that you are wiser now and can avoid those mistakes. When you are done with these four tasks you are at a much better place to start dating a new girl.
Best advice I’ve ever received was somebody telling me “Get Over It” Divorce her. Keep getting money. Stop worrying about who she’s dating. Find someone who loves you. Focus on your kid.
My wife had an affair with my groomsman (her high school friend) for 3 years. This stuff is happening way too often!!!!!!!! BTW I kicked her out immediately and divorced her ass
Does he though? How many stories of “perfect men getting cheated on by their heartless wifes” do we need to hear before we see that there’s a connection between all these stories? She cheated on him with his best man for over a year and he might not even be the father of his child and his first question is how does he forgive her? 💀 The reality is this man is a spineless pathetic DOOR MAT and his wife cheated on him because she has ZERO respect for him!!🤦♂️ She can’t possibly LOVE him because he doesn’t even love himself!!
bless this man. He needs some red pill videos. This woman is beyond repair. Let go, move on, embrace growth and focus on making your life awesome. You can do it!
Totally Agree! Every young man needs to dive into red pill content. Im not saying embracing it all, or staying bitter with the information, but in the 21st century, if a young man doesnt understand the reality, hes going to be ruined.....
I reckon it's also part of the process. Find out where the guys head & heart is at. What they've tried to do to reconcile, what alternatives he's considered, whether he's deluding himself. Also whether he's overreacting & it can be saved. It's part of the sequence that gets the guy thinking beyond the infidelity, & honestly facing the future, not just spinning wheels in his head.
Exactly! Maybe its better that the guy come to that conclusion on his own but this marriage is way past salvageable. Cheating is already a deal breaker for me, but cheating with family memebers and friends is the most disgusting behavior. This woman has no clue or inclination on being a committed partner, so why play around with the idea. Just be honest and tell the guy its over even though you know hes going to try and forgive her. If you dont have self respect, you cant expect others to have it for you either, and taking her back would be a complete lack of self-respect
The caller didn’t ask how to end his marriage, he asked if it can be saved how would he do it? And he told him what should happen. The caller said none of it would even be possible so he lets the caller figure it out for themselves.
This man will be amazed when he finds someone else who treats him wonderful and wants him for him, and he won’t believe how much happier he will be in the future. He’s so young. He can’t see past his pain.
That's how I was at 29 when my ex got busted cheating. Spent four years being single and moving forward, building a new life with my daughter (my ex basically left us for a kid at her store), etc. Then God introduced an amazing woman into my life and it's been incredible ever since.
Yup. I had low self worth and went for the wrong guys but always knew if anyone cheated or was talking to another female I’d be out of there. My number one deal breaker
He bashed the dude then moved on. The rest of the whole conversation was about how the caller can't trust his wife. If John had bashed the wife in the first few minutes the caller might not have listened to him. Instead he kept gently nudging the caller towards leaving this woman.
@@lorryr255 that’s not it bud. He’s raised to think women need saving and “it’s not their fault” and blames the man for anything a woman does wrong. Watch more of his videos and you’ll see the pattern
@@sorhanft dude I think you're paranoid. The firefighter needed bashing. He had an affair with his best friend's wife. And the caller needs to leave his wife and that's what John says. No sign of him saying the woman was a victim
I think his overall point was about having integrity. If you lack integrity in one area, to the point where your actions have brought pain to another person, then it stands to reason you'll lack integrity, and use poor judgement in other areas of your life. In this case, his job as a FF. It takes a special kind of person to make that a career. So I get his point.
This exact thing happened to me almost to a T down to the same profession in the same state. I just didn’t have any children with her. She is now married to him and I am married to the most amazing woman for 20 years and have 6 children. My so called friend who was in my first wedding and also my academy class maté actually did the best thing he could have ever done. It was the hardest thing that has ever happened to me and embarrassing at the time but time heals all wounds. Give it to God and trust in him and he will deliver you trust me it will get better. Listening to this it was like listening to a younger me 22 years ago and wanting to give him a hug and tell him to just hold on you will make it.
Daniel, if you’re reading this I’m so proud of you for speaking up. Men go through this. It’s hard for men to speak about this. I’m glad you did. Leave. Coming from a single mother myself. Leave. Please. You will find someone better. I wish I could hug you!! Thank you for laying down your life as a firefighter. ❤
You're going to be your little girls hero dude. You've got a lot of life ahead of you find forgiveness, accept what you can't change and find a good woman.
25?? Bro is still young as ever. LEAVE HER. You still have your entire life ahead of you, no use wasting it trying to salvage trust with garbage individuals who clearly have no integrity.
Yah but he has built that one relationship since High school, it’s exhausting just thinking about finding someone else a building a relationship and it takes time
@@BigRed2 I know it must feel exhausting for him and crushing. It's going to take time for him to heal and get right again. Thank goodness he has his daughter to keep him pushing forward. He does have his life ahead of him and it's easier to bounce back and to meet people when you're younger.
I feel for Bro. This episode brought me to tears and reminded me of my first love. I Wish him the best in all aspects of life. Hope he heals his spirit, heart, mind and eventually regains his confidence in himself. I fell in love with my ex fiancé back when I was 19. We dated and lived together for a few years, then I proposed at 23. She said Yes. We were childhood friends(families knew each other) but we didn’t date until we graduated High School. She had a couple boyfriends before me, but she was my “first”. I was crazy in love with her… gosh… At this time I was recovering from a bad car accident. We didn’t have a lot of intimacy, I was jacked up from back/hip pain, medication and still continued to work and manage a team. I remember coming home one evening after my physical therapy session and I found her with another Man. My heart was shattered and I tried my best to not cry in front of her. She had zero remorse and even smiled because she knew it hurt me. I took all my clothes put it in a hamper and took my dog. We then drove to my work underground garage(of a commercial building called ATG Stores in Kirkland, WA). This would be the place I lived for a month because I was so ashamed, guilty and embarrassed that I picked her over my family and friends during the relationship. I lived there for about a couple months dodging security, taking showers at the local gym, etc. if you been here before, you know I did everything to take care of my dog, survive and still perform at work while recovering from my car accident. It was hell. Fast forward two months and I’m exhausted and sick of living out of my car. I decided I would tell my parents the truth… but of course I came to this realization after downing plentiful cups of sorrow whiskey. So, On the way to my parent’s house I had the darkest idea, I imagined myself driving into a wall and it sounded pretty sweet to Me. Once I finished that thought and decided to commit, A state patrol pulled me over. He sat with me and I ugly cried for an hour on the side of the freeway I-5 North going to Marysville, WA. After I told him my story he told me to keep fighting, gave me a hug and told me he would follow me all way back to my parent’s house. He saved my life and this was God’s way of telling me I he has plans for Me. It’s not over yet. It took me two years before I could put myself out there and try again. 2.5 before my first date. Gosh, it was demoralizing.. I forgot how to flirt and charm girls, The growing pains of trying again sucked!! Especially when you get stood up on multiple occasions and learn to try again after many rejections. It does a lot to a Man’s mojo/rizz/charisma. Best thing I learned from this was to Be Myself and be authentic. My super power is that there’s only one Me! How cool is that?! Hell yeah! I’m 32 now, Still single; 9 years of internal work, healing, fitness, traveling and building a business helped Me in so many levels, it gave me a sense of purpose, freedom and Self. In addition, reasons to keep fighting to live a fulfilling life and helping others. Truthfully, I still struggle with dating, being vulnerable and communicative, but I’ll keep trying. You know, Sometimes I don’t feel worthy but when the sad/loneliness thoughts creep in, I do my best to remind myself that I AM worthy of someone that has all the amazing qualities. No one’s perfect but to find a rare, sweet and genuine lady that is down for you on all levels is possible… Maybe one day.. On a side note: It was the best thing that ever happened to me because I discovered so many things about Myself(Good and bad)! 100% needed to happen in my life for me to grow/develop into who I am now. Thanks to anyone taking the time to read this condense story. Hope everyone out there lives a healthy, peaceful and fulfilling life! And if no one told you today, You’re worth it! Fasho! 🤜🏼🤛🏼🫶🏼 -Rich N.
As a 35 year old. I was shocked when you said you’re only 32. The way you talked had me thinking you’re older. (Not a bad thing tho) just means you’re wise. you definitely have someone special coming for you, keep it up rich. Many hugs. 🤗
Very Beautiful Testimony. God is so God & Thankful u experienced some1 who was the hands & feet of Jesus. I admire your strength to do all you did to gain self worth & confidence in who you are. Life is a beautiful journey especially when God teaches us to love who we are. We then can love life on many levels & have boundaries to protect our hearts & territory. Glad you shared your story & I hope this guy gets to read it to help him stand strong & know some1 better out there for him. God Bless You. I know you will choose wisely if you decide to find another woman. There are good women out there.
I felt ye story deep down in me harrrt. 😂 No seriously, many men go through this. Understanding all of female nature is so important for men who want relationships. Men who don't want relationships or marriage don't need to understand female nature, but ironically we're the ones who understand it most. I hope you have strong and supportive family and friends, especially male ones, in your corner who will guide you and give you the relationship of wisdom you need to make only wise decisions and only good investments.
“I cheated on you with your best man for over a year. But no, you can’t look at my electronics that’s a violation of my boundaries.” If you don’t GTF on somewhere.
And the fact that SHE didn’t tell him, HE CAUGHT HER and she tried really hard for 2 weeks 😂😅 Home girl was more dedicated to the affair , she did it for a whole year vs 2 weeks
@@fredalwatkins4506 I am guessing you are late teens early twenties with this comment. A woman not respecting you is not because "you" are weak, it can be for any number of reasons. But when it is a consequence of a lack of respect, it is important to remember that you shouldn't assume the woman is a good judge of character or qualities, especially "weakness". A woman will cheat on a stronger man with a weaker one because she is to stupid to know what actual strength is.
@@fredalwatkins4506 I don't care what her excuses are. She's actually the one who is weak and she totally lacks morals and respect for anyone. This is not at all on him. It's squarely on her, and any cheater, whether male or female.
He deserves so much better. This whole story has me just balling into tears. I can hear the pain in voice. It literally broke my heart when he said he's a firefighter & that's his high school sweetheart. Like NOOOOOO!!! He's a whole hero. He deserves better. You'll be ok Daniel. LEAVE HER!!!!! I wanna fight her so bad. I can feel my blood pressure rising as I listened to this story.
"We're not gonna talk bad about mom because she is also half mom too" Man, what awesome advice because it would be so easy to talk about about the mom or dad in these types of situations. This puts the kid above the parents screw ups and faults.
@@supercal333 he didn’t tell him to stay in that marriage, you didn’t listen to the whole video. He actually said to let go of what happened and move forward, stop justifying what the wife is doing, and look at her actions. It might be helpful for you to listen to the whole video before commenting.
Unfortunately, in at least some states, if you sign the birth certificate, in marriage or not, and the child is found to Not be Biologically yours, in court, you, as a man, are Still legally subjected to child support if the biological mother or whomever has custody besides the “father documented on the birth certificate,” like a grandparent, pursues it. So, be very careful of whom you date-That is your warning area and don’t have sex till marriage-That would stop a Lot of unwanted pregnancies, obviously before conception even takes place. Plus, in general, a father can legally have more rights to that child when that child is at least Born within marriage and you research the law for yourself AND get a good lawyer that doesn’t intend to screw you over-that is the Main thing-get a lawyer that actually Wants to help their client.
I feel horrible for this young lad. He is younger then my youngest. Run young man. You are 25!! I started from zero at 47....you have time on your side. God Bless you kid
He's attracted to her cuz (according to his diagnosis), she has BPD just like his mom, and he's trying to fix this recurring problem. That's why he's spending so much time trying to figure out her motives. Like Dr. Delony said, who cares why she does stuff man. Take her actions at face value. She's clearly not in it. I know from experience, the right person for you does NOT make you feel insecure. Find youself the right person - you're only 25. Best wishes.
Exactly. I wish Dr. D would have touched on that fact that he is trying to fix a problem he is familiar with from his mother. He chose this woman bc her dysfunction felt familiar to him. Until he realizes this he will choose women like this in the future.
It’s the ever nagging thought of “I know this person could be even better, an amazing person if I could just help them get through their problems or mental illness.” Is it biological? Is it the damsel in distress response? I truly don’t know. Got me tangled up badly though.
It's called hypergamy. Women (in general) have always been attracted to wealth and power to provide a better life for themselves and their children. While that's well established, the percentage of women willing to toss aside their current love for someone of higher status is open for debate. This woman already had the caller secured but she tried to move up to the boss before tying the knot with the caller. He wouldn't commit so she settled for the caller. That doesn't mean she had to quit trying though. I wouldn't be surprised if she was looking into paternity not because she was worried it wasn't her husband's but rather she was hoping it was the boss so she could pressure him that way.
Keeping pushing forward king keep your head up and don't look back. Godspeed. The you made yourself a promise when you were younger. That takes two. Man that sht hit home. I grew up in a broken home too homie. But you are a good father most of all a good man.
That’s the most powerful thing I have heard. Don’t look at her from the mental health diagnosis perspective. Judge the actual action in front of you. Don’t make excuses for different language or different culture or a mental health issue. How do they make you feel? That’s it! That says everything without exceptions!
To the caller and everyone out there who has experienced something similar, at the end of the darkness there is light. I experienced something similar, it cost me 10 years of my life. 10 years no dates, no intimacy whatsoever. I was done with relationships. I was broken. Today I've been in a wonderful relationship for 6 years, we're getting married in September (on the birthday of my dad, who died 3 years ago). I was sure that I would never be able to trust again, that I would be alone forever. Today I know that the right love can heal everything. stay strong and accept what you can't change. There is love out there that heals us!
DR, you are right! This young man needs to walk away from this. This will never stop with her and you will never forgive her. Put your time and energy into yourself.
When he said his mom has BPD it was crystal clear to me why he struggles to draw a real line in the sand with his wife. My son’s mom has BPD and I went through a lot of similar issues.
I have it and I'm a man and quite successful in life. I don't feel empathy like a "normal" person. I do towards my biological kids, not much for anyone else, not even my wife. I think of it like I'm supposed to assimilate with society and act a certain way, when in reality I don't feel that way at all. Heck my own brother died from an od and when my mom called me to tell me, I was like okay and what do you want me to say? He died and I get that people have a hard time, but if you are me you are the bad guy because you don't feel the same...and there's nothing you can do about it. I have said it before, make yourself love someone. You can't you either do or you don't. It's a feeling that you can't make it come, or go away. But if you have BPD you are the bad guy because of your lack of feeling.
Because it sounds like his mom had issues. He says she had BPD and he sees the same in his wife. Justifies her cheating by saying it's due to the BPD. I think he's trying to save his mom and/ or feel love and affirmation from his mom that he likely never received. It's devastating. :(*
You are so right. It’s not an easy process. Doing it properly requires time and effort, but on the other side, life can be absolutely fantastic. Hope he realizes that neither his estranged wife nor his “friend” were ever actually friends of his. A friend would never betray a sacred trust like that.
It is shocking. Betrayal shocks you and the response may be late. It is natural. But this is quite different from not acknowledging that there is a sever breach of trust and acting like normal.
“So easy to judge from the outside.” Yep. So easy to say what I would do until it happens to you. I’d leave in a heartbeat! Well you’re not the one with all the memories and emotions tied to that person either, huh? Stay strong.
A lot of therapists are pretty incompetent in dealing with affairs. You really need to specifically seek for those with experience in infidelity and vet them.
She certainly cheated while they dated. I don't do separations, it's a freedom to enjoy the single fun life again. We either stay and work together or spit/divorce, no separating.
"She has really strong Christian values" NO SHE DOESN'T!😐
Most Christian girls are hoes anyway
She had, until she was tempted. Why didn't she just call off the wedding if she was already hooking up with the best man. This is 100% her problem. She is feeling guilty and knows the easy way out is divorce. Working to rebuild is something she is not willing to do at this time. She got a taste of the wild side and wants more of it. Divorce her, even filed for full custody. He won't get it, but explain for the world that she wanted to abort Rather then deal with her shitty behavior. She might decide to swallow her pride and work on it but I doubt it. If not willing to share all electronics 100% at anytime or place then she is not 🚫 interested in making it work. I bet she is still in contact with her AP. Be the bad guy, file for divorce. Move on.
I almost always expect a horrible person to HaVE StROng ChRIsTiAn VaLuEs
She has hoebag values
Church thots are very predatory
25 year old guy. He has his whole life ahead. Other women will want this guy. He should 100% leave her.
Yes other women may want him, but he won't be a good man to them, because of this trauma. He seems deeply affected, and if he doesn't do therapy and heal, he will not be able to "show up" for his future partner.
This is indeed a sad case....
Poor guy is so naive
@@matthill2957 Agreed. It seems that way.
@@Cekatu Everyone is deeply affected by cheating and this poor man's pain is really fresh and raw. It's also compounded by a double betrayal by a so called friend. He can heal though. He needs time.
Yeah, I agree, she's not worth spit. He may have to look at some self-worth issues to avoid ending up with another one just like her.
You can't fight for your marriage if you are the only one fighting.
Well said
He is getting cucked. No man should stay with wife if she's getting railed by someone else.
Unfortunately too many ppl believe they can save it all by themselves
I had to learn that the hard way
Ditto
LEAVE HER, LEAVE HER YOU ARE 25 YEARS
Yeah I'm not with Dr. John at all on this one.
If it were a one off thing, I totally believe in forgiveness and a marriage surviving if the rest was mostly good.
But a year long affair? Come on. How would you ever trust her again?
And she's wishy washy about it. She's not "I'll do anything to save our marriage and our family" she's still all "some days I think I want another guy".
This isn't a case for "I believe in second chances." This is a case of the trash taking itself out.
It's clear-cut.
Divorce, forgive, become excited for your new life.
He can't just leave. He has a legal obligation to the child. He's going to have to at a minimum pay her child support. No she's in his life for next 18-22 years
@@robertstone9988she don’t want him it’s over
@@christurner5682 they can split up but I'm telling you he's going to be on the hook for child support and if it's a no fault state he's probably not getting custody and he's loosing the house. Because the kids she's not going anywhere she's going to be in his life forever. Every school game graduation family event family court over and over and over every time she feels she deserves more money from him. She will be a cancer in his life for ever
@@robertstone9988 and thats the problem with the justice system... if anything he should have rights to the child especially when her actions show shes not an adult
1. Forgive them both, outwardly & inwardly.
2. Divorce her.
3. Wish him the best.
4. Be excited for your new life.
In that order.
Divorce first.
Why wish the best friend ‘the best’?
@@tasfiatanzila Just meant it as a ‘goodbye’, for him to completely remove the friend from his life.
@tasfiatanzila I wished my ex wife and my friend the best in an effort to forgive and move on...5 years later I'm still working on honestly getting it right....
@@madmedic7840 I agree. Rebuilding your life after a traumatic experience like that is not exactly what I'd consider exciting. A lot of times the hurt just really stings.
Your only 25 run. Don't listen this cannot survive. She cheated during an engagement and it continued after they got married absolutely disgusting.
you’re spot on. she has strong Christian values!!! Also getting pumped with so much cum she doesn’t even know who her baby belongs to. jfc just divorce
This poor man needs to stop holding onto any type of false hope. I'm baffled that John would act like this could work out in any way. It's very rare a cheating situation can be worked out. This woman has shown no signs that she can ever be trusted, or that she even wants to work on it.
After this he'll be redpilled and blame 3.5 billion women. All because he married someone for something most likely because she dyes her hair blonde lol.
@@Vale0x3shut up hood he should women blame all men all the time
It's time to move on. Trust will never ever return. Successful relationships require TRUST. It's over. You need time to recover. Good luck dude!
Leave her, if you cant trust her you dont have a marriage..
There’s a saying it goes “ trust a firefighter with your life, not your wife”
@@trumpisgod2535Would you trust this D bag protecting your community? 🤔
@@trumpisgod2535oh wow! 😂
Technically she left him by her choices and he’s just moving on.
@@stacyjaye6350 that’s actually a rule in most fire stations that every firefighter knows. This guy must be a cadet or in probationary period which is 18 months.
Save your dignity. Leave her. She will never stop cheating.
My ex cheated on me wanted me back for years her last try she said I’ve changed 😂😂 22 years later she’s been with 12 men and cheated on all of them 😂😂😂😂 she’s cheating on the one she is with now and she’s 44 years old lmao
Exactly, once a woman makes that choice she’s always going to be trash. It is a sign of character weakness and duplicity that will always be a liability for anyone who lies beside her. Never ever take back a cheater ever unless you want a lifetime of deception and dishonesty.
Leave her, she is hiding behind mental illness and manipulative behaviour, his dignity is compromised, go live would be my advice 🎉
@@marc2638wow some people have no shame.
"She's had really strong christian values"
Sorry man, you have yet to come to terms with this.
Bingo
I'm not trying to Judge because I had a kid before I was married buy having kids without being MARRIED are not STRONG CHRISTIAN VALUES. That kid brought me back to GOD because I realized I wasn't as strong a Christian as I should be
@@labmitch amen
+ abortion idea
+ cheating
Just starting that's not christian values.
It’s sad that he applies such thing considering that’s not considered a Christian value
I can’t bear to listen to this gentleman cry. There is no way back. This is not a marriage.
No..... this is exactly what a marriage is.
@ricefarmer3036 no it's not.
When there is another little life involved its harder
@@ricefarmer3036 in 2024, yeah.
Yeah that really got to me too 😢
DNA test and divorce lawyer immediately. Thank you for your service as a firefighter. You deserve and will find much better.
Mandatory dna tests should be demanded by every man start holding women accountable
@@BrianWaller-qe7grYou want to MANDATE that ALL new parents submit their childrens' DNA to unscrupulous corporations? Fascist much?
Presumed fathers who mistrust their partners have the legal right to test "their own" babies.
They did have a DNA test, that is his daughter. But yeah, he needs to divorce- it is a nightmare to share a life with someone like her…
It doesn't matter she's cheating on him with 11 different men.... and the father could be 15 different men... but she's still going to aquire all his possessions...the home and custody of the child... Which he will be forced to pay for whether it's his or not... There's no way out of this man except to stop getting married... I have no more sympathy for guys like this
@@JimSanchez-lg1njwhy do you incels come on to these things when Dr Johns or Ramsays values are inherently against yours
The part about integrity & cutting corners, 100% accurate.
I stayed with my husband after his first affair. He went on to have a second affair and left me and our young daughter. I’m not saying couples can’t work through this, but your wife is showing she WILL do it again and isn’t willing to put in the work. You’re only 25. Please don’t waste your life like I did. The trauma is exhausting.
I wouldn't ever give it another chance again. I thought I wouldn't before I got cheated on. Then when you have 10 years under your belt,you think that history and love that you assume they have for you will make a difference. It was supposed to just be an emotional affair that didn't get physical. I warn people in this position that they are probably lying about that anyways. My ex was lying incessantly. You can't trust a cheater. There are channels dedicated to helping couples like this, and I fell for that. It's very rare the cheater changes though.
i'm so sorry 🙏🏿❤
You and anyone else that stays is stupid for staying. Point blank period
Yes it is. 😢
Did the same, my wife cheated six years later. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them."
- Maya Angelou
i love that quote. she was a great person.
What if they sounded so convincing? Would you believe them? 😂
Exactly!
@@BREEZYM6015 keyword: _shows._
@@BREEZYM6015 Again, it's in their ACTIONS, not their WORDS, which is the whole point of that quote.
he took her out of the gutter but she got homesick
So many women will appreciate you and love you like you deserve. You sound like an amazing man, husband and father. I'm feeling your pain, been through this too.😢
Amen
Damn!!!😬
He deserves better. I don't cheat like the wife
Stealing that line because it's perfect. Hope every good person finds their person
I was driving and had to pull over to write this message brotha walk away with your head up high it only hurt for a bit you will thank me one day she don’t deserve you brother much love hope all works out Been there done that
Hearing this good man crying just further validates how horrible that woman is.
For the first time Dr John is giving bad advice.
Someone who cheats before your wedding, has a child with another man, continues the affair till she is caught is not WORTH a penny!
Throw that piece of Sh$T out!
@@anand45671This isn't the first time
Yes, she's horrible. But he also sounds a bit naive and too much of a nice guy. He needs to leave her, take a few months to a year off to self-reflect and come to terms with a few hard truths, figure out how to choose better women and spot red flags sooner, and then get on with his life and find someone new and better
And what a good man he is
@@industrialoverAnd it won't be her last time.
This was my exact situation 37 years ago. You will heal, and life will go on. I have been happily remarried for 34 years now to a most wonderful woman.
❤❤❤
I admire your strength! I'm so happy that you're enjoying your life and current wife. ❤
Thanks for your message it gives me hope. How long did it take to recover fully and meet your wife ? I'm 30yo and have the nice guy syndrom. Working on it but still too much damage to meet again
@@erwangaillard1637There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy. The problem is not you. Unfortunately there are just too many ungrateful women out there who take this kindness for weakness and nice guys are just an easy target for them to manipulate. They're narcissistic control freaks. Good women are rare. I thought they were rare back in my day (Im 43 now). It only gets worse through the generations. Don't give up! You may have to get through 10 bad ones to find a good one. Keep your guard up but when you find a good one let her earn your trust and vice versa. It's worth it in the end.
Did you marry the one that cheated on you?
He absolutely should leave her. Dude deserves way better
He married his mom. BPD is very powerful for all involved.
That's some of the deepest betrayal I've ever heard
And you know she knew all about his past.
Truth.
Dude, you are 25 with a great job. Cut her lose and find you a sweetheart that will respect you❤
She's in it now for the fireman pension
This woman isn’t worth this man’s time and energy.
Any woman who can cheat with her fiancé’s best friend for a year, have his baby and lie about the baby’s paternity isn’t worth a man’s time.
The kid is the husbands. The one she aborted was the other guys
I'd do my own DNA test. She's from the cold streets he can't trust her test. He probably should get STD check too. I hope he gets away from that nasty situation.
@@Midnightblue19444she didn't abort.
She is pathological. Who could do this to someone? She is the worst of the worst.
She doesn't deserve a tear drop
I don’t really care what the details are….there is no way you can stay with that woman or be friends with that best man. Cut ties completely and eventually you’ll be able to work this out in your mind. Counseling and strong friendships with others.
My sentiments exactly.. the fact that he even considered staying with her after that is nuts to me. I’ve walked away from women I loved before over disrespect.. it’s a tough thing to do but it’s worth it to maintain my self respect.
There is a child … there are ties forever
@@mariasullivan577Yes and he's owned a loving life. She did it. The child needs love too, but he/she can still whilst the parents are not together. He will love her to the end. (It's a girl, I just heard.)
Agree. Cut ties except for the child. Get a good lawyer.
That poor child
I wish SO badly we could see his success story play out. This guy seems like a good one. Best of luck to you and your daughter, gift her with Dad memories.
The treason here goes way too deep. HE caught her, she didn't even confess to it. Horrible in every level.
She would have taken it to her effing grave. So sad
@@303mitchmost do so without blinking an eye.
@@matinaki1644 What cruelty
@@303mitch they consider it an "act of love" because what you don't know doesn't hurt you. Go figure.
@@matinaki1644 I see. I could see how someone could get there pathologically. Unfortunate that they don't have the emotional depth to recognize that they are preventing that person from exercising their own autonomy. We all deserve the truth.
“She has strong Christian values”
“Iiiii mean not super strong…”
Delony kills me 😂😂😭😭
"Super strong Christian values." Intimate relations with her fiance before marriage, at the same time also with his best friend, immediately wanted an abortion. Not seeing any Christian values here.
Lol
I’m dead lol
The guy sounds like an idiot .She has Strong Christian values? Give me a break.
That’s the problem with these academic psych types, they just refuse to strongly state anything
She’s isn’t a Christian, she’s a bad person, she’s not a wife, leave her NOW
“You’re spending way too much time in your wife’s head.” & “Give yourself some grace.” I love that.
He loves her.
No more captain save a … in other words. You can’t save her, she don’t wanna be saved.
John's compassion is tearing me up as much as the caller breaking.
Thank goodness the caller reached out.❤
I hope this guy finds a new wife who adores him. He sounds like an amazing man.
Agree
What about him sounds amazing? All you know about him is that he’s a firefighter who got cheated on. Your standards can’t possibly be _this_ low…
@@dewilew2137how is her standard low because she thinks that a dude who got cheated on might be a great man? I would get it if he said “I was abusive” & she still said “he sounds like a great man” but he didn’t give off any red flags in this video. Why not think he might be a great guy?
@@elijahpiere5324she didn’t say “he might be/could be an amazing man”, she said “he sounds like an amazing man”. I agree with the other commenter. We don’t know if he is amazing. He might be but I don’t know what he would have said that is proof positive
@@montymython754 ...how about because he tried his best to save his marriage despite his wife cheating on him for a year, and is remaining dedicated to his daughter despite that. A lot of men don't do that, and certainly dedication, and loyalty are good qualities.
Man sometimes I think I’m having a bad day and then I listen to this show and immediately become grateful 🤣
Amen 😂
Absolutely agree
Don't rejoice at others misfortune... :/
@@gracia2316agree. Reminds me of a quote “don’t mock a pain you haven’t endured”
@@gracia2316it’s not shaudenfreude. He is merely expressing the “man it could be a lot worse”.
This is why I hate when people call cheating a “mistake “ it is a choice and intentional, which is why it’s all the more worse when the affair partner is someone you personally know getting gratification from the deception. Leave her.
That is them just minimizing. Sexual encounters don’t just happen, many steps must be taken first. And when “friends “ have sex with mates of friends it is a special brand of abuse. I do feel very bad for the baby girl. A solution could be two adults sharing a home and parenting but not as a couple.
You're confounding "mistake" with "accident." A mistake can be an "action or judgment that is misguided or wrong." But in this case, it wasn't a one time thing followed by immediate regret. It went on for a long time.
What's esp. crazy about this affair is that it started before they were even married. Very few cheaters will ever change. In a case like this, she didn't respect her marriage or him before it even started, which truly makes it impossible. I can't believe I'm seeing people blame him or throw shade on him in other threads (not this one). Still rattled about that.
And even more complicated when children are involved.
@@73cidaliaBut first it’s a choice.
LEAVE HER NOW!!! You are a great person and Dad!
John says he never recommends divorce unless someone is unsafe. It's a shame he doesn't consider emotional abuse to be in this same category. There's no chance this man is safe in his marriage with this kind of deceit that she would have never told him about, had he not found out. It is dangerous for him to continue with someone of this little integrity.
Agreed
1000% agree
That’s true but sometimes people really want to fight to the end. Although, infidelity is enough reason to leave if he so chooses.
The real shame is that people marry other people before finding out who they really are.
Like give it a few years…
If you’re with a POS who would do this, there’s no way they can successfully hide it for that long without any red flags, which are often ignored when they do pop up.
So John is defending the institution of marriage. The problem is when two people like this who had no business entering such an institution, goes and sullies it’s good name and adds to the ungodly divorce rate
@@italkgory99 He can't decide for them. No. They can always choose to continue. But...if someone was getting physically beaten and abused, John would still recommend them leave the situation, as he has stated. My point is that he should be doing the same thing, if the level of emotional abuse is high enough.
It's like I'm listening to 25 year old me. Dude, let me be your window to the future. RUN. These girls don't change. It's only a matter of time before the next guy catches her eye.
It seems like the age they started dating is still how she is, as if she never grew up, never matured, but rather stayed the same teenager she was. I see it with most relationships that go "we are high school sweethearts".
@@Musiycalol
@@Musiyca
Why isn't he cheating then?
@@kundakaps Cause he's the one who matured? That's why I'm saying it's her that stayed teenager in the brain?
In Spanish we say Es Puta. She does not deserve any respect
Run man! She will do it again 100%. You sound like a good and solid man. So many women would love a man like you. She is playing with your heart and head. Stand up and run.
He deserves better. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Find a woman who truly deserves you and loves you unconditionally. ❤
A wife like this doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. 1 YEAR LONG?!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE DOESN’T DESERVE IT.
* A hussy
This is common sense to most people but the fact that he’s already forgiven her tells me everything I need to know about how much of a loser this guy is😭
@@dragonsurge1 it’s sad honestly. he needs to grow a backbone
Forgiveness is always necessary. But it’s not easy. So many people make forgiveness and reconciliation synonymous and it’s not. He can forgive her and move on or he can stay that’s up to him.
@@KFontLab I agree that forgiveness is always necessary too. It is necessary for the good of that person and the good of the world, so they don't remain bitter. Bitter people can go on to ruin future relationships, or just give up on them. I'm sure this is why God tells us to forgive as well. God also believes in justice too though, and him continuing to suffer w/ someone he can't trust, who has no respect is not justice in this case. Most cheaters don't stop. You're so right that forgiving doesn't have to mean giving another chance to do it again. It's very clear she isn't going to stop. She was cheating before she even married him.
You’re not losing your daughter, you’re teaching your daughter how to have self respect. You got this, dude. You can find someone who can love you and your family much better than this.
But technically he is losing at minimum 50% of his time with his daughter. And women know this...they don't care. The destruction and devastation they cause should be a crime.
@@wLBlueTrue. That applies to both genders.
@gmirelys7898 right...yet women are filling th3 majority of divorces. Women either picked a bad man, left a good man, or drove a good 1 away.
The attitude of the modern Woman is whatever Mommy does to you you'll get over it
@@JimSanchez-lg1njI'm so glad we have you here to explain the "modern woman" to us 😂
That’s actually kind of wild that he’s even considering the marriage surviving. Like really that’s CRAZY.
Beyond absurd
High school sweetheart syndrome is definitely blinding his judgement.
He had promised himself as a child to never get divorced i think plays a big part too
Its not crazy. He told us his childhood was led by a mother with BPD . Can you join the dots? Quit calling trauma informed responses crazy.
Ya the whole 'build something new' I've never understood, maybe I'm to dumb lol. He says this alot in videos when the woman cheats. But how can you build something new with someone that wrecked the first thing you 'built' together?
4:23 “that girl broke your heart” she didn’t just break it, she spit on it
Why on earth did this woman get married? She clearly had no intention of being faithful to her husband…and she made a baby with him who will never know the security of an intact family. Sis destroyed the lives of the two people she’s supposed to love more than anyone in the world within a year. Nice going, ma’am.
Ma'am? Nope she's evil.
Because she settled for the nice guy, she wanted her ‘special day’….. a ring on her finger…… But she’s not attracted to this man, she’s chasing Chad and Tyrone and the butterflies. She’s not wife material
He said she's heavily Christian aka brainwashed to think marriage (and baby)= happy life. It doesn't. Christians lie about that all the time. I bet he was her first- aka high school sweethearts get married in their early 20's and now she realised she made a huge mistake staying with him and wasting her early 20's when she could be out figuring out who she is and what she wants in a man.
@@barryc9115 “Settled”?? She’s a pig. I’d say he settled for her.
@barryc9115 don't bring Tyrone into this 😂😂😂
If I were him I would do my own paternity test on thr child just to double verify she isn't lying about who the father is.
He already did
@@FancyRPGCanada Not sure if thankfully is the right word. Tough one. He loves his child, but now he's inextricably tied to this woman for a couple of decades.
@@73cidaliaif his names on the birth certificate he woukd be tied to her anyway if it was his blood or not. Assuming the bio dad is unwilling to pick up the tab for child support
@@FancyRPGCanada Hows that something to feel thankful for? Now he's tied to this two face backstabbing "see you next tuesday" for the rest of his life. In all likely hood divorce court is going to destroy this man and he's going to be stuck paying child support for the next 18 years. Considering this 304's "character" she'll be using that money to support her lifestyle rather than the child. There is nothing to be thankful for in this scenario, this poor guy is screwed. The only "good" scenario in the situation is if the asshole AP was the father and our guy here got to make a clean brake and walk away.
There is no coming back from this. Cut your loses, heal and find someone who deserves you
Agree, but don't rush into a new relationship too soon. You need to do some griefing first.
First write down all the things you are missing out of due to your broken marriage.
Second write down how your future marriage looks like, and what needs to be in place for it to be stable.
Third describe the home you want your daughter to grow up in. What does it feel like. What is needed for that.
And finally, write down a letter to yourself with all the signs there were, but you didn't see them or didn't understand their importance. Forgive your younger self for not seeing that, But also recognize that you are wiser now and can avoid those mistakes.
When you are done with these four tasks you are at a much better place to start dating a new girl.
The way I just choked on air.😭😭😭😭😭 3:26
Best advice I’ve ever received was somebody telling me “Get Over It”
Divorce her. Keep getting money. Stop worrying about who she’s dating. Find someone who loves you. Focus on your kid.
And the best thing to get you over the ex is the new woman.
Believe what you see, not what you hear. Sadly, his marriage is over. Dear Young Man, Walk away.
Don't walk...Run!
Yup, when it comes to women: don’t listen to what they say, watch what they do.z
@@Jimminityjabooboo So true bro
What if my wife keeps saying she'll leave me but nothing happens? 😂
@@lianghou7000 treat all guns like they’re loaded.. treat all threats as valid.
My wife had an affair with my groomsman (her high school friend) for 3 years. This stuff is happening way too often!!!!!!!! BTW I kicked her out immediately and divorced her ass
👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼
As you should!!🎉
3 years. That’s horrible
Good for you!!! Too bad you can’t call and talk to this guy - he needs bro support from someone who has been through it.
God bless you Joe
Nooo...i feel like i want to hug this poor guy 😢😢😢 stay strong whoever you are
My first did the same thing. I was about your age. I left her and a whole new life was ahead of me. It was amazing.
Poor guy. You can hear the pain and heartbreak in his voice 😢
He deserves better
Does he though?
How many stories of “perfect men getting cheated on by their heartless wifes” do we need to hear before we see that there’s a connection between all these stories?
She cheated on him with his best man for over a year and he might not even be the father of his child and his first question is how does he forgive her? 💀
The reality is this man is a spineless pathetic DOOR MAT and his wife cheated on him because she has ZERO respect for him!!🤦♂️
She can’t possibly LOVE him because he doesn’t even love himself!!
No one deserves to be treated like that by their spouse.
@@dragonsurge1 I got that impression too.
@@dragonsurge1 its also a reality that she is a bop, shes for the streets and deserves no forgiveness and no contact with this man at all.
@@dragonsurge1 What horrible comments from horrible people.
bless this man. He needs some red pill videos. This woman is beyond repair. Let go, move on, embrace growth and focus on making your life awesome. You can do it!
Totally Agree! Every young man needs to dive into red pill content. Im not saying embracing it all, or staying bitter with the information, but in the 21st century, if a young man doesnt understand the reality, hes going to be ruined.....
I think John sometimes focuses on the fact that a marriage *could* be saved, and isn't nearly forthright enough about whether it *should* be saved.
I agree
What is that "saved marriage" anyway? I see that a lot. Like how is something unhealthy and toxic being prolonged "saving"?
I reckon it's also part of the process. Find out where the guys head & heart is at. What they've tried to do to reconcile, what alternatives he's considered, whether he's deluding himself. Also whether he's overreacting & it can be saved. It's part of the sequence that gets the guy thinking beyond the infidelity, & honestly facing the future, not just spinning wheels in his head.
Exactly! Maybe its better that the guy come to that conclusion on his own but this marriage is way past salvageable. Cheating is already a deal breaker for me, but cheating with family memebers and friends is the most disgusting behavior. This woman has no clue or inclination on being a committed partner, so why play around with the idea. Just be honest and tell the guy its over even though you know hes going to try and forgive her. If you dont have self respect, you cant expect others to have it for you either, and taking her back would be a complete lack of self-respect
The caller didn’t ask how to end his marriage, he asked if it can be saved how would he do it? And he told him what should happen. The caller said none of it would even be possible so he lets the caller figure it out for themselves.
"Behavior is a language." So important.
We are also not always our behaviour
@@heyyou9839 Maybe so. But who someone most authentically IS is revealed by their behavior - not by who they think or say they are.
@@uncle0ericOur behavior and decisions are the few things completely within our control. Adultery is completely a language and a choice. Very telling.
@@heyyou9839that really isn't the point of the statement but I see what you mean
Point is behaviour in its self is a form of communication, you need to be able to understand it Ig (I don't really want to get into the nuances)
This man will be amazed when he finds someone else who treats him wonderful and wants him for him, and he won’t believe how much happier he will be in the future. He’s so young. He can’t see past his pain.
He never will because he's weak. Weak men don't find good women.
That's how I was at 29 when my ex got busted cheating. Spent four years being single and moving forward, building a new life with my daughter (my ex basically left us for a kid at her store), etc. Then God introduced an amazing woman into my life and it's been incredible ever since.
Yup. I had low self worth and went for the wrong guys but always knew if anyone cheated or was talking to another female I’d be out of there. My number one deal breaker
The fireman is very lucky. He learned this lesson at 25. I learned it at 47
I like how he bashed the firefighter about his integrity and he didn’t say a single word about her lacking integrity as a life partner.
He bashed the dude then moved on. The rest of the whole conversation was about how the caller can't trust his wife.
If John had bashed the wife in the first few minutes the caller might not have listened to him.
Instead he kept gently nudging the caller towards leaving this woman.
@@lorryr255 that’s not it bud. He’s raised to think women need saving and “it’s not their fault” and blames the man for anything a woman does wrong. Watch more of his videos and you’ll see the pattern
@@sorhanft dude I think you're paranoid. The firefighter needed bashing. He had an affair with his best friend's wife. And the caller needs to leave his wife and that's what John says. No sign of him saying the woman was a victim
I think his overall point was about having integrity. If you lack integrity in one area, to the point where your actions have brought pain to another person, then it stands to reason you'll lack integrity, and use poor judgement in other areas of your life. In this case, his job as a FF. It takes a special kind of person to make that a career. So I get his point.
@@sorhanftyou have a bad radar if you think John was even remotely biased here
This exact thing happened to me almost to a T down to the same profession in the same state. I just didn’t have any children with her. She is now married to him and I am married to the most amazing woman for 20 years and have 6 children. My so called friend who was in my first wedding and also my academy class maté actually did the best thing he could have ever done. It was the hardest thing that has ever happened to me and embarrassing at the time but time heals all wounds. Give it to God and trust in him and he will deliver you trust me it will get better. Listening to this it was like listening to a younger me 22 years ago and wanting to give him a hug and tell him to just hold on you will make it.
Love and Peace to you and your lovely wife. Loyal faithful people loving and committing to each other is what heals the world
Daniel, if you’re reading this I’m so proud of you for speaking up. Men go through this. It’s hard for men to speak about this. I’m glad you did. Leave. Coming from a single mother myself. Leave. Please. You will find someone better. I wish I could hug you!! Thank you for laying down your life as a firefighter. ❤
You're going to be your little girls hero dude. You've got a lot of life ahead of you find forgiveness, accept what you can't change and find a good woman.
25?? Bro is still young as ever. LEAVE HER. You still have your entire life ahead of you, no use wasting it trying to salvage trust with garbage individuals who clearly have no integrity.
Yah but he has built that one relationship since High school, it’s exhausting just thinking about finding someone else a building a relationship and it takes time
@@BigRed2true but he is still young and it was high school 🏫 people change over the years
@@BigRed2 I know it must feel exhausting for him and crushing. It's going to take time for him to heal and get right again. Thank goodness he has his daughter to keep him pushing forward. He does have his life ahead of him and it's easier to bounce back and to meet people when you're younger.
I feel for Bro. This episode brought me to tears and reminded me of my first love.
I Wish him the best in all aspects of life. Hope he heals his spirit, heart, mind and eventually regains his confidence in himself.
I fell in love with my ex fiancé back when I was 19. We dated and lived together for a few years, then I proposed at 23. She said Yes. We were childhood friends(families knew each other) but we didn’t date until we graduated High School. She had a couple boyfriends before me, but she was my “first”. I was crazy in love with her… gosh…
At this time I was recovering from a bad car accident. We didn’t have a lot of intimacy, I was jacked up from back/hip pain, medication and still continued to work and manage a team. I remember coming home one evening after my physical therapy session and I found her with another Man. My heart was shattered and I tried my best to not cry in front of her. She had zero remorse and even smiled because she knew it hurt me. I took all my clothes put it in a hamper and took my dog. We then drove to my work underground garage(of a commercial building called ATG Stores in Kirkland, WA). This would be the place I lived for a month because I was so ashamed, guilty and embarrassed that I picked her over my family and friends during the relationship. I lived there for about a couple months dodging security, taking showers at the local gym, etc. if you been here before, you know I did everything to take care of my dog, survive and still perform at work while recovering from my car accident. It was hell.
Fast forward two months and I’m exhausted and sick of living out of my car. I decided I would tell my parents the truth… but of course I came to this realization after downing plentiful cups of sorrow whiskey. So, On the way to my parent’s house I had the darkest idea, I imagined myself driving into a wall and it sounded pretty sweet to Me. Once I finished that thought and decided to commit, A state patrol pulled me over. He sat with me and I ugly cried for an hour on the side of the freeway I-5 North going to Marysville, WA. After I told him my story he told me to keep fighting, gave me a hug and told me he would follow me all way back to my parent’s house. He saved my life and this was God’s way of telling me I he has plans for Me. It’s not over yet.
It took me two years before I could put myself out there and try again. 2.5 before my first date. Gosh, it was demoralizing.. I forgot how to flirt and charm girls, The growing pains of trying again sucked!! Especially when you get stood up on multiple occasions and learn to try again after many rejections. It does a lot to a Man’s mojo/rizz/charisma. Best thing I learned from this was to Be Myself and be authentic. My super power is that there’s only one Me! How cool is that?! Hell yeah!
I’m 32 now, Still single; 9 years of internal work, healing, fitness, traveling and building a business helped Me in so many levels, it gave me a sense of purpose, freedom and Self. In addition, reasons to keep fighting to live a fulfilling life and helping others.
Truthfully, I still struggle with dating, being vulnerable and communicative, but I’ll keep trying. You know, Sometimes I don’t feel worthy but when the sad/loneliness thoughts creep in, I do my best to remind myself that I AM worthy of someone that has all the amazing qualities. No one’s perfect but to find a rare, sweet and genuine lady that is down for you on all levels is possible… Maybe one day..
On a side note: It was the best thing that ever happened to me because I discovered so many things about Myself(Good and bad)! 100% needed to happen in my life for me to grow/develop into who I am now.
Thanks to anyone taking the time to read this condense story. Hope everyone out there lives a healthy, peaceful and fulfilling life! And if no one told you today, You’re worth it! Fasho! 🤜🏼🤛🏼🫶🏼
-Rich N.
As a 35 year old.
I was shocked when you said you’re only 32.
The way you talked had me thinking you’re older. (Not a bad thing tho) just means you’re wise.
you definitely have someone special coming for you, keep it up rich.
Many hugs. 🤗
Very Beautiful Testimony. God is so God & Thankful u experienced some1 who was the hands & feet of Jesus. I admire your strength to do all you did to gain self worth & confidence in who you are. Life is a beautiful journey especially when God teaches us to love who we are. We then can love life on many levels & have boundaries to protect our hearts & territory. Glad you shared your story & I hope this guy gets to read it to help him stand strong & know some1 better out there for him. God Bless You. I know you will choose wisely if you decide to find another woman. There are good women out there.
That's awesome bro. Awesome story!
I felt ye story deep down in me harrrt. 😂
No seriously, many men go through this. Understanding all of female nature is so important for men who want relationships. Men who don't want relationships or marriage don't need to understand female nature, but ironically we're the ones who understand it most.
I hope you have strong and supportive family and friends, especially male ones, in your corner who will guide you and give you the relationship of wisdom you need to make only wise decisions and only good investments.
Thanks for your words. My story is similar but also different. I'm 30 bow trying to work through a major loss I've had the last year.
Some therapists are objectively terrible.
Sure, are you referring to deloney?
Therapists make more of peoples trauma continuing these days. Some of them are scum
Yeah I always wonder how much of their own biases and prejudices they bring into how they provide therapy.
That is crazy
Dr Baloney gives horrible advice. There is nothing so evil a woman can do that he can’t put the onus on the man.
0:37 yes without both of them.
“I cheated on you with your best man for over a year. But no, you can’t look at my electronics that’s a violation of my boundaries.”
If you don’t GTF on somewhere.
And the fact that SHE didn’t tell him, HE CAUGHT HER and she tried really hard for 2 weeks 😂😅
Home girl was more dedicated to the affair , she did it for a whole year vs 2 weeks
*Street girl!
I believe Miss Evil cheated while they dated too, not just the duration of the marriage.
My man!!!! That 🤪 Vib. She really trying to make him feel like 💩
Exactly! Trying to manipulate that man’s emotions.
I was looking for this comment 🎉😂
Time to send her packing. She’s likely still seeing the other guy or easily someone new. You deserve a faithful honest partner.
Yep would have been better to pay for the packing than the wedding
She loves the other man, not him.
She doesn't respect him because he's weak
@@fredalwatkins4506 I am guessing you are late teens early twenties with this comment. A woman not respecting you is not because "you" are weak, it can be for any number of reasons. But when it is a consequence of a lack of respect, it is important to remember that you shouldn't assume the woman is a good judge of character or qualities, especially "weakness". A woman will cheat on a stronger man with a weaker one because she is to stupid to know what actual strength is.
@@fredalwatkins4506 I don't care what her excuses are. She's actually the one who is weak and she totally lacks morals and respect for anyone. This is not at all on him. It's squarely on her, and any cheater, whether male or female.
Poor guy, a double betrayal.
Dr John on point.
25. Your brain just finished developing. Leave brother. It’s not worth it. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. It’s not about wining. Just go
RUN from this woman. You deserve so much better.
It's not possible. Leave while your still young. Don't let her take more of your life.
He deserves so much better. This whole story has me just balling into tears. I can hear the pain in voice. It literally broke my heart when he said he's a firefighter & that's his high school sweetheart. Like NOOOOOO!!! He's a whole hero. He deserves better. You'll be ok Daniel. LEAVE HER!!!!! I wanna fight her so bad. I can feel my blood pressure rising as I listened to this story.
"We're not gonna talk bad about mom because she is also half mom too"
Man, what awesome advice because it would be so easy to talk about about the mom or dad in these types of situations. This puts the kid above the parents screw ups and faults.
Your compassion for that man makes me cry
Very bad advice to give him hope that this marriage can still work. I'm disgusted with this advice.
@@supercal333 he didn’t tell him to stay in that marriage, you didn’t listen to the whole video. He actually said to let go of what happened and move forward, stop justifying what the wife is doing, and look at her actions. It might be helpful for you to listen to the whole video before commenting.
Divorce, take full custody with her having visitation, recognize your patterns of choosing what is familiar and move on.
I would add get paternity test
Baby may not be his!
Unfortunately, in at least some states, if you sign the birth certificate, in marriage or not, and the child is found to Not be Biologically yours, in court, you, as a man, are Still legally subjected to child support if the biological mother or whomever has custody besides the “father documented on the birth certificate,” like a grandparent, pursues it. So, be very careful of whom you date-That is your warning area and don’t have sex till marriage-That would stop a Lot of unwanted pregnancies, obviously before conception even takes place. Plus, in general, a father can legally have more rights to that child when that child is at least Born within marriage and you research the law for yourself AND get a good lawyer that doesn’t intend to screw you over-that is the Main thing-get a lawyer that actually Wants to help their client.
Kids probably not even his! DNA test
Man, I really felt the sadness for this man. I hope he makes the next steps to regain his life. Praying for him!
I feel horrible for this young lad. He is younger then my youngest. Run young man. You are 25!! I started from zero at 47....you have time on your side. God Bless you kid
I have never clicked a John Deloney video so fast as this one when I saw the title
I need to find out if she’s safe!
🫖 🔥
@@mustangthingsher well being means little.
Same. I'm expecting John to tell the guy he effed up and needs to step up and make it right by this woman...but I'll find out soon.
@@Neoteny374yepcame in with the same expectation based on how he typically treats the male callers
He's got to get a lawyer and protect himself. She does Not love him or the daughter. A year long affair???? No!!!!
Don’t be a fool and stay. It’s already broken. Respect yourself dude!
A random dude is bad enough but his boss and friend? Nope that’s unrecoverable. The disrespect from both of them is disgusting
This is the worst thing that can happen :( I feel so sorry for you. As a fellow daddies girl, we will always be by your side if you show up for us
The absolute best thing that Dr. John said was "Forgive your 13 year old self. Because a marriage takes 2". Choose reality. Keep doing the good work.
He's attracted to her cuz (according to his diagnosis), she has BPD just like his mom, and he's trying to fix this recurring problem. That's why he's spending so much time trying to figure out her motives. Like Dr. Delony said, who cares why she does stuff man. Take her actions at face value. She's clearly not in it. I know from experience, the right person for you does NOT make you feel insecure. Find youself the right person - you're only 25. Best wishes.
BPD IS A NIGHTMARE, SHE WILL CONTINUE TO DOWNGRADE HIM.
Exactly. I wish Dr. D would have touched on that fact that he is trying to fix a problem he is familiar with from his mother. He chose this woman bc her dysfunction felt familiar to him. Until he realizes this he will choose women like this in the future.
It’s the ever nagging thought of “I know this person could be even better, an amazing person if I could just help them get through their problems or mental illness.” Is it biological? Is it the damsel in distress response? I truly don’t know. Got me tangled up badly though.
I'm not excusing her unacceptable behavior, but not everyone who has BPD is a nightmare if they put in the work in therapy.
What’s wrong with these people?!
Why would someone do such a heinous act! 😡😡😡
I’m talking about the wife, btw…
And the best man too they’re both scum
It's called hypergamy. Women (in general) have always been attracted to wealth and power to provide a better life for themselves and their children. While that's well established, the percentage of women willing to toss aside their current love for someone of higher status is open for debate. This woman already had the caller secured but she tried to move up to the boss before tying the knot with the caller. He wouldn't commit so she settled for the caller. That doesn't mean she had to quit trying though. I wouldn't be surprised if she was looking into paternity not because she was worried it wasn't her husband's but rather she was hoping it was the boss so she could pressure him that way.
No conviction, no faith
@@brianprobert3090 Spot on 🎯
@@brianprobert3090sometimes I wonder why God created women to be so disgusting like that. But who am I to question him. He knows best.
Keeping pushing forward king keep your head up and don't look back. Godspeed.
The you made yourself a promise when you were younger. That takes two. Man that sht hit home. I grew up in a broken home too homie. But you are a good father most of all a good man.
I just can't fathom the idea of John thinking this marriage can survive.
This…
I was shocked to hear him so say this marriage is dead in the water…
Me too. John jumped the gun there without knowing the whole story.
That’s the most powerful thing I have heard. Don’t look at her from the mental health diagnosis perspective. Judge the actual action in front of you. Don’t make excuses for different language or different culture or a mental health issue. How do they make you feel? That’s it! That says everything without exceptions!
To the caller and everyone out there who has experienced something similar, at the end of the darkness there is light.
I experienced something similar, it cost me 10 years of my life. 10 years no dates, no intimacy whatsoever. I was done with relationships. I was broken.
Today I've been in a wonderful relationship for 6 years, we're getting married in September (on the birthday of my dad, who died 3 years ago). I was sure that I would never be able to trust again, that I would be alone forever. Today I know that the right love can heal everything. stay strong and accept what you can't change. There is love out there that heals us!
DR, you are right! This young man needs to walk away from this. This will never stop with her and you will never forgive her. Put your time and energy into yourself.
When he said his mom has BPD it was crystal clear to me why he struggles to draw a real line in the sand with his wife. My son’s mom has BPD and I went through a lot of similar issues.
Same
I have it and I'm a man and quite successful in life. I don't feel empathy like a "normal" person. I do towards my biological kids, not much for anyone else, not even my wife. I think of it like I'm supposed to assimilate with society and act a certain way, when in reality I don't feel that way at all. Heck my own brother died from an od and when my mom called me to tell me, I was like okay and what do you want me to say? He died and I get that people have a hard time, but if you are me you are the bad guy because you don't feel the same...and there's nothing you can do about it. I have said it before, make yourself love someone. You can't you either do or you don't. It's a feeling that you can't make it come, or go away. But if you have BPD you are the bad guy because of your lack of feeling.
How is it that horrible people always get or attract good/loyal mates. So many episodes like this and in the reverse.🤯
Because it sounds like his mom had issues. He says she had BPD and he sees the same in his wife. Justifies her cheating by saying it's due to the BPD. I think he's trying to save his mom and/ or feel love and affirmation from his mom that he likely never received. It's devastating. :(*
It took me a long time to finally leave my cheating wife. So easy to judge from the outside. I hope he leaves her.
You are so right. It’s not an easy process. Doing it properly requires time and effort, but on the other side, life can be absolutely fantastic.
Hope he realizes that neither his estranged wife nor his “friend” were ever actually friends of his. A friend would never betray a sacred trust like that.
It is shocking. Betrayal shocks you and the response may be late. It is natural. But this is quite different from not acknowledging that there is a sever breach of trust and acting like normal.
“So easy to judge from the outside.” Yep. So easy to say what I would do until it happens to you. I’d leave in a heartbeat! Well you’re not the one with all the memories and emotions tied to that person either, huh? Stay strong.
John gave some great advice on judging the actions before you. Choose reality.
Dang, he started crying. Hope he gets the support he needs😢
This brought tears to my eyes, the situation and the toxicity of the wife. I wish you the best Daniel, God be with you and help you🙏
I like how you started out advocating for reconciliation but as you listened more you realize that this guys marriage was absolutely fvcked
I’m so sorry for this guy . He needs the support from everyone . Tne court system need to change for people who commits adultery
Wow i cant believe that therapist told him that, finding a good therapist is like finding a good mechanic not all are good
Some therapists cause more harm than good
@@WillE454 MOST!
It's Risk Avoidance. He doesn't want future issues, I'm guessing.
And they milk it-she told them to start coming individually. That’s the move, triple the appointments even if you tell them it’s already too expensive
A lot of therapists are pretty incompetent in dealing with affairs. You really need to specifically seek for those with experience in infidelity and vet them.
I’d bet she is sleeping around while they are separated.
I hear that's like _the_ thing to do. Gross if you ask me, but I'm old fashioned.
She certainly cheated while they dated. I don't do separations, it's a freedom to enjoy the single fun life again. We either stay and work together or spit/divorce, no separating.
Take your daughter and file for primary custody with the divorce paperwork. Get a custody agreement on paper with the courts.
I will never be able to wrap my head around how something like this happens. It's unconscionable.