You really get it….because you lived it. It’s only been 3 months for me since my husband passed. The single most traumatic experience of my life. The grief is profoundly painful and confusing. Who am I? How do live I without my husband of 32 years? The loneliness is unbearable but the world doesn’t stop because of it. One day at a time.
Thank you for your message. Bereavement is not nearly long enough for a spouse. My wife passed away from cancer in February 2024. I was her Caregiver during the last 2 years and still trying to work for our health insurance. After she passed away, I was expected to come back onsite to work full time after just one week of bereavement. Grief in our fast paced society is definitely not addressed by employers. Grieving for my wife is not one week of bereavement! I am seeking group therapy, and talking with others about how they are dealing with their grieving process. I really didn't realize how Grieving is not acknowledged in our society. Grieving is one of the most underrated emotional challenges I am going through. Thank you for your support and advice!
I am with you there brother. My wife passed in 5-11-24 from a heart attack unexpectedly. My employer gave one work week of bereavement leave. I took a second week of my own PTO, then went back to work. My head is just not in the game and I am a cop. Our society should recognize at least 3-6 months to get some adjustment to this new life. It is hell.
@@GeoffOdom-nn4ez Take care of ourselves, I am with you and praying for you. It is devastating and our world seems so lacking in compassion. Take care.
You are so on point! While married ppl want to advise widows they really need to be quiet and stop telling me I need to move on when they still have a living spouse....they will never understand until it happens to them!!!!
Or when your single best friend doesn’t get it and says “someone will come to you again and show you a lot of love”. NOT what you want to ever hear. No. Esp after losing the love of your life.
Gosh I relate. Lost my mom a month ago. People are horrible, somehow they managed to make me feel even worse..! I talk to her to find strength but life is unbearable without her😢..Sending you hugs and comfort. You're not alone honey 🩵
My husband passed 5 months ago, I am struggling to live my day to day life without him. Thank you for the work you are doing to help us live with grief.
Also, it's not just people, it's pets. Not to minimize the grief of losing a human in your life, but our relationships with our pets are so close, so simple, the love so unconditional - that in a way it's more difficult to deal with, especially since it's way lower on the ladder than pretty much every other form of loss.
i lost the woman of my dreams almost 2 months ago.. some days hurt more than others and sometimes it feels like it will hurt forever. It helps me to believe that i will be reunited with her again and when that day comes i will get to share all my stories and experiences with her. i want to believe that she is waiting for me on the other side and i love her enough to live patiently and complete my life until the day comes. im trying my best everyday. i also try to reverse the roles and if i were to pass, i would truly want her to find strength through all the pain. I want to tell her that we will all go one day but until then; Find happiness. Live, laugh and love because it feels good and you deserve to feel joy. You are beautiful, so make your life beautiful to match it ❤ i love you Zanay.
My father passed away 21st November 2023 and I’m in such pain. The pain is in my chest and it’s constant. He passed away suddenly and I cannot imagine my life without him. He was everything to me and I’m so lost now. I cry constantly and I’m in a constant state of sadness and a heavy feeling. I have 2 young girls and I’m struggling with loosing my dad and trying to be a good parent. I was also made redundant a week after my father died. Life has completely destroyed me.
My husband died on Nov. 21st, 2023 as well. I have two daughters in their late 20's and 30. One of my daughters has two babies. She was actually 7 months pregnant when he died. I am so sorry for you. Your post resonated with me. We as a family are grieving in so many ways. It is an emotional roller coaster.
Yes, it is so hard. My wife of 21 years died suddenly, leaving me with 2 kids in high school. Just devastating. How do you keep going? It seems impossible.
in 2014, my uncle was on his deathbed and I was in summer classes in college. it was finals week and I told my professor I HAD to leave because my uncle was *literally* dying. I was told I would fail that class. I gladly took that F because I wasn't gonna miss my uncles last days; the uncle who helped raise me alongside my teen mom because my biodad was not in the picture. my 4.0 GPA didn't matter and instead of getting financial aid, it was taken and I owed $15K just for that .0000001 hour I missed for my uncle. haven't paid a cent because they can suck it. I can't go back to school there now because of how much I owe them in student loans and that one missed final. I don't regret it one bit. wasn't much of a sacrifice considering how pointless a college degree is now anyways
This was spot on with everything that you talked about. My husband died a month ago. It is not my first experience with grief but each time is different. It is terrible and I hate every minute of it. I am kinda a zombie right now, just waiting for the pain to not be so severe.
I lost my 16 year old son and my fiance 9/5/23. I've had someone tell me to pack up my fiance's stuff and put it in the garage and move on, I'm not ready to move on it's to early
Don’t let people tell you what to do. That’s very insensitive of that person. Nobody has the right to tell u what to do. Grieve however and as long as you want. I’m so sorry for your loss. Hugs. 🙏🏻❤️
It’s hard not to feel rage on your behalf at hearing this asinine comment that was said to you. What I will say is to take care of you. Feel what you feel and seek out solace where you can. Try to ignore these unhelpful comments. And experience whatever emotions you have. One day at a time. That’s all you can do.
My deepest condolences . You take all of the time that you need. Don't allow others to dictate when you should move on. Very few people will get it. Pray and ask for strength. I will be praying for you as well.❤
I also lost my wife from 39 years of marriage to Glioblastoma in Feb 2023. I think I handled the first 3 months well but these last two months has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs and felling horrible. It is just difficult to describe the feelings and when asked how I am doing I just say I am doing good and hide how I am really feeling because no one would understand my felling's, not even myself. If it would not have been for all the resources that are in RUclips and the internet I would not have known what was happening to me. There is simply no right way to handle grief and it seems that we will just have to handle this for the rest of our life's.
Wonderful advice. It’s been two years since my son passed away and I’m just now completely understanding the depth of my pain and my relationship with grief
I lost my mom to cancer 6 years ago on April 6th. I survived cancer 17 years ago on March 28…and recently I lost my dad on March 31 to cancer. I’ve been telling everyone that I’m ok, but yesterday I crashed! I’m not ok; but I don’t know what I need!
I lost my husband less than 2 months ago and this really helped me. Because yes I am not fine but this helped me feel okay with the way I feel right now.
Your book was a source of great comfort and a reality check, even a few years later, after I lost my young wife in the Winter/Spring on 2014. It doesn't disappear. It just gets easier to carry. Thank you for everything.
I lost my younger brother whose body had to wait almost a year to be shipped for burial due to the covid. Next my dad and a cousin passed away. Last week (9/23) my cousin’s fiancé who are both my friends and grew up with me died too together with the twins she was expecting. I’ve been trying to block all the memories and emotions for awhile. But this last loss brought everything back. I’m overwhelmed, emotionally broken, feel cursed and abandoned by God. It hurts so bad. 😢
When the memories come, don't ignore them It's part of your grief,so allow yourself to grieve and with time it will reduce until you accept it happened and that you will never see them again
Thank you! I lost my mother a month ago and this is the worst pain I’ve ever felt! It’s just one day at a time for me. I’m not okay don’t know if I’ll ever be just gotta get up and keep going!
My husband and I were married 50 years, I buried him last week and am paralyzed with pain. He had a condition called Primary Progressive Aphasia, which robbed him of his ability to speak and think clearly. I was able to keep him home and care for him until his last day. I can't imagine my life without him.
I would prefer to get through this as fast as it is humanly possible. I never knew a person could cry this much in a week. There aren't enough things to clean. Not legally married nor named in the notice, so I could have lost my job too. So I can love intensely. Truth be told, I'd rather not.
This video is everything. Your words resonate so close to home for me. I lost my partner almost a month ago, right before the holidays. Life feels so grey and empty without him around. People keep asking me how I’m doing, if I’m okay, and I just start to laugh because it seems just so absurd to ask such a question. I appreciate you Nora, for finding the words to articulate my feelings. Early grief to me feels like an open wound. I feel like a newborn baby. Raw and naked and vulnerable. Thank you for allowing me to embrace this grief even when I desperately try to suppress it and shut the feelings out.
Thank you so much for your Ted Talk and Podcast. I can’t wait to read your book. I lost my husband, best friend, soulmate, almost 11 months ago. It amazes me that people think I am doing so well because I play the part so well. I get up, get dressed, do my hair, do my makeup, and try to enjoy some activities with family and friends. We both must be up for an academy award because nobody really understands how awful I feel. It is so hard to get any sense of pleasure out of anything. My pleasure sense has been completely turned off. Not sure if it will ever truly turn back on. I just wanted to say thank you for being raw and real.
My wife passed suddenly 3 days ago. I'm not well. Thanks for that. Not much sleep, so much anxiety fueled energy I decided at 4 am to post on Facebook. I also checked the pages of my widowed/widower friends to get an update to see how they were doing and found your work shared. Thank you for what you do.
Charles, as I write this, I am sitting next to the love of my life of 32 years, holding her hand. She is unresponsive and on her last days in hospice from Stage 4 colon cancer. All I can do is hold her hand. I am devastated that I cant do more and dont know where to go from here. I feel for you brother. I wish you the best, and if you have any tips on how to make it thru, please share.
I lost my husband 4 weeks ago (very suddenly), I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you're having some good days in between everything else. Just found Nora today as well, and she's the most comforting person I've found.
My wife passed on August 25. It was the hardest day of my life. Its been 13 days of hell. I am so lonely and depressed. Seeking counseling now, just need help getting through this. My best friend has gone, and I am alone. I know it will get better, but for now, this sucks.
@CharlesScarpulla sorry for your loss🕊. I completely understand how you feel. My husband unexpectedly and suddenly died August 24th. The grief is unbearable. 💔
I lost my hubby 3yrs to covid. And the process of grieving I kept telling people I'm fine some would tell me get over it time to move on. Like how do u move on with going thru traumatic experience when your love one passes In your arms. And front of our child. Yes I may seem strong on the outside but inside I'm screaming. Have my moments cry wipe my tears and go about my day. Some mope around give up. Can't. You'll get sick emotionally.
I unexpectedly lost my wife of 20 years four weeks ago last night. She was 52. Not liking this grief crap, not at all. Never had experience with real grief before. I'm reading, studying and watching video's to try and understand the process. Joined a weekly grief group. I'm ping ponging around the various stages that they talk about. I don't really have the luxury of breaking down, we have a special needs child and I have to keep a calm and consistent environment for him. While I'm busy I'm functional but when he's in school or asleep it does sneak up on me a bit. Kim was always told that she couldn't have kids so our son was the center of her universe, her miracle. If I don't give him as happy and normal a life as possible I wouldn't be surprised if she came down just to kick me where it counts. It does give me focus but also scares the crap out of me. I've never been a fearful person, always was an adrenaline junkie. But now I'm worried about getting hurt or sick because there is no backup to help care for our son or our pets. My closest family is a 16 hour drive away. I fell off of a 10' ladder onto our tile floor while changing light bulbs last year. Ended up on crutches for 6 weeks. I can't afford to have something like that happen now. Not a fan of this fear either. I stopped smoking on Christmas Eve, Kim died on January 5th. Talk about timing. I don't miss the smoke or nicotine, that kind of stuff doesn't get to me. I do very much miss taking the dog out with Kim and having a smoke and conversation. Going out to a restaurant and grabbing a smoke and more conversation on the way to the car. Grabbing a smoke and a chat before we went into a store. Haven't broken down and smoked, not going to since I'm the only caretaker for my son now. But any time one of those smoke/conversation moments pop up it sure puts a lump in my throat. I miss our conversations, nobody on this planet knew me the way that she did. She'd always giggle at my stupid Dad jokes, even if she'd heard them a dozen times before. She was interested in the same books, the same entertainment, mostly the same music (she gets a strike for the disco and the rap), the same world events. She'd always call me on my BS. She knew when I needed a hug and when I needed to be kicked in the rear. It's still hard to believe that this huge part of my life is over. All the plans and dreams that we had. All the things we were going to do together as old farts. I always thought that I was pretty independent, I didn't really need people, never had a problem spending time alone. Boy did that come back and bite me. Can't believe that I'm mourning conversations that we'll never have. We both got hooked on a book series called the Dresden Files when we first got together. The author pumps our a new book every year or so, we'd both read them and have some great conversations about them. He put out a new book over a year ago that had some major events take place that would completely change the series. I've impatiently waited for over a year to talk to her about it, I didn't want to spoil any of the surprises. Now we won't be having that conversation at all. I get mourning memories of things that we did together, never thought it would include things that we hadn't gotten around to doing yet.
I’m so very sorry for your tremendous loss. I know there’s nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. I hope you will find a support group, an online group perhaps where you can continue to write and share your feelings. This was very lovely and heartfelt..and of course sad. Best of luck, you are not alone.
I lost my wife, the love of my life, to gallbladder cancer on December 21, 2023. We were together for 6 years, married for 4, but we stuffed as much love and life into those years as anyone could. We were best friends and really, truly "got" each other. Initially, I did exactly what you said NOT to do; I lied and told people who asked me how I was doing and said that I was fine. Not anymore, I let it out and tell them how I'm doing. It is more of a relief than to lie and try to hide my grief. The grief from losing a spouse whom you love so deeply is the most difficult thing anyone can face. Being honest with myself and my loved ones has been the best thing for me, it gives me some release. Kind of like when I'm all alone and a wave of grief hits me. I cry, like BIG cry. It is a horrible feeling while it's happening, but I feel so much better when I've given myself the 5-10 to actively grieve. Day by day, I will continue on and move forward. Slowly, the fog begins to clear, things begin to make a little more sense. I will carry my wife with me forever while I move forward in my life. She will always be with me.
I lost my mom on the exact same date on December 21, 2023 at 6:5pm after a long battle with Colorectal cancer. She was 45, would be turning 46 this month. My mom had passed away almost 2 months after the unexpected passing of my brother. I feel like I have a hole in my heart, everything hurts. I feel so alone at times because although I do have a very supportive network of people who are there for me and who love me, I feel like my immediate circle of friends and relatives don’t understand fully what it is I’m going through, or will offer unsolicited advice on how I should be grieving, which I don’t blame them for as things like grief and death are hard to understand unless you’ve actually gone through it. However, I will agree that when I am fully honest when someone asks me how I’m doing, it truly is a release, and in a sense also makes me feel like I am keeping them both alive by talking about them. Our loved ones will always exist, they’ve just taken on another form. I can only imagine the grief and heaviness you must be feeling.. Sending you light and strength!🤍
Imagine how incredibly lonely and isolating it is to grieve for an disenfranchised loss! It utterly devastating! There is no one to share with. I am so sad that I allow myself to cry in my car or at home until I cannot cry anymore. It is heartwrenching to miss someone that is still alive and not being able to contact them because of ubrequited love. Society says move on. They criticized me to no end and I have chosen to grieve alone. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep. It is not easy. I create art and journal, but having support from a close person is what I yearn for. I don't like to hide to feel my feelings...
I was a wreck when my dog passed away but 10 months later I lost my mom. I am missing her so much and I wish I believed in heaven because the thought of never seeing her again is agonizing.
I lost my mom almost a month ago. I am a complete mess. My body is in shock, i feel emotionally and physically unwell. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.
I lost my dad in March 3, 2024. It’s been a few months. I can’t go to his grave yet, can’t look at his pictures (even though I seen his passport picture today because my family is planning a trip in November) and have no idea how I can live my entire life without him. The only thing that calms me down is knowing he is with God now (I am Muslim) and like I never know when it will be my time to go either so thinking I may have 60 years before I die makes me so overwhelmed with grief but then thinking that maybe I have 6 minutes and not even know it so I can be resurrected with him sooner than I think, kind of gives me some type of relief. I hugged him for her last time without knowing it was the last time.
My first husband died of suicide. One baby in my lap and one in my belly. There was a brief period of grief, about a month, and then I just got angry. Stayed angry for 18 years. My FAVORITE husband died last week. Brain cancer. This past week I have been so sad. But grateful he didn’t linger. Well, we only got the diagnosis a month before he passed. Now I am struggling to get out of the chair. Thank you for your encouraging words. Two totally different experiences.
Big big big hug. Brain cancer is the absolute worst and I’m glad he didn’t have to suffer. Please know you are not alone and there are many brain cancer widows who feel this with you. ❤️
My FAVORITE husband (love that!) passed away June 15, 2024 in our bedroom. He had melanoma that spread rapidly through his poor body. He spent Memorial Day in the hospital where we got the "there's nothing more we can do" diagnosis, with confirmation that it had spread into his brain. I'm with you struggling to even get out of the chair. And, yes, I'm finding some comfort and real good advice from Nora! I hope you can find some peace soon ...
My problem with grief is that i'm afraid to share my feelings with someone and open up because i have made myself vulnerable with the wrong people before and they just told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and to stop looking for attention. and so im just always afraid to open up and they perceive it as self-pity / self-centerdness.
I'm 22 and my mum passed away a few weeks ago, quite unexpectedly. I feel so so lost and heartbroken and don't know where to go from here. I'm really trying to take all of this in, thank you for this video.
Oh honey! 22! If nobody has told you yet, that’s NOT FAIR! It’s normal to feel heartbroken; this is a heartbreaking loss. I have found a lot of comfort in looking for and finding signs from my dead dad and husband; the relationships don’t end they change (and of course it’s not as good as having them here!)
I also lost a parent. I’m 26 and I lost my dear father one year ago. I too feel lost as well…I still need him…his love…his guidance. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sending you lots of love from here 🙏🏼
My grief for my mother’s passing has only increased with time and I attend two support groups. I’ve lost in my life a best friend at 5 years old, my father and I’ve had 7 miscarriages. Only the loss of my mother was by far the biggest loss yet. My mother was part of my identity a cheerleader and a person that loved me unconditionally. I have 4 other siblings all of whom haven’t supported the feelings I have on the loss. I sat at the casket all alone to say goodbye. Goodbye to the person that made me who I am. Work reluctantly paid me saying I really didn’t qualify and I was the only one to care about my mom leaving this world. How do I know this ???? One sister signed the papers and ran off and no one else was there but me. How do you forgive that ???? Then came the belongings that I had to dumpster dive to save because a brother in law decided my mother’s things belonged in a dumpster. I had to rescue a dying dog left in my mother’s home by a Neice the list is endless on how heartless these family members acted. Oh yes did I mention they had time to travel for pleasure instead. I will never get over this NEVER. In fact time just makes it worse because no one talks to me for saying mom needed help it was an emergency. They couldn’t care that mom with dementia needed help. My mother was a beautiful person who worked hard all her life for them she was giving and an artist who loved to garden. I’m sure she is in heaven painting and gardening with the other angels but I am stuck down here with pure evil and it’s a lonely grief 😢
Just had my grandmas funeral yesterday. 6th family member in two years. Some parts desensitized to, but never gets easier. Perspective shifts on how you make decisions going forward. 7:047:32
Wife died of cancer a year ago. Yes, agree grief is a chronic condition. I volunteer as a facilitator in GriefShare program. Agree too, that everyone grieves differently.
I'm drinking a beer alone in my car, attended my older sisters funeral on friday, my moms last year, and my paternal grandmothers two months before that. I'm so tired of suffering loss. I want to be able to say that I'm ok so badly but I feel like I keep shattering and collecting my pieces before someone swats at my hands and causes me to drop my already broken pieces as they break further. I appreciate hearing it's ok to put me first. I love your podcast and just stumbled on this video , thank you for making your pain so visible for us still collecting our own pieces.
You are a godsend. I lost my dad last month and I came across your Ted talk over the weekend and now this showed up in my feed. The work you are doing helps so many of us. ❤
@@ash_calisthenics nothing prepares you for it whether it’s sudden or expected. Surround yourself with good people. Prepare yourself to feel let down by those you thought have always been in your corner. That’s another thing about grief. Reveals who your true friends are. It’s a personal journey. Cry it out. Get counseling if it gets too much. That’s all I can say. Hugs
Words so well spoken from someone that truly gets it. The only way is to move forward at our own pace. I lost my beautiful wife, soulmate, and best friend for 25 years. It was a slow, painful process involving ALS. Why has the second year been so much more difficult? Be ready to be reinvented. I do shit now that I never in a million years would think I would be doing. Yoga, meditation and nature. Who me? 😱 Thru meditation I have been able to make "connect" with my wife. It's given me so much understanding to why these things happen and given me great comfort. Love you all. 💕
Lost my wife six months ago. Have watched a bunch of videos on the subject of grief as I work my way through this new reality. All of the videos have felt performative and insincere as a result, no matter how well intended. Yours is the first I watched that felt sincere and authentic and it touched me. Thanks for doing this.
Thank you for the best advice I've found on grief. My son died 5 weeks ago and feeling the pain is absolutely necessary. So awful, so hard. I won't be the same ever I realize that, I wish other people could know that; so I tell them, I am not okay, I'll be better someday but not the same.
A supposed good friend of mine told me she was too busy when i asked her why she hasent called me to see how im doing? I lost my brother in law, father, my dog luna, and uncle all within 6 months this year!! Its been horrible!! 😢
Thank you. It's been 2 months apart for my Orest and I. I can't tell you how many people have told me you need to join my church, you need to get rid of his things or my favorite.... "oh, I haven't reached out to you, because, you need space and time to yourself." Ummm, after living with the love of my life for 31 years, being left all alone is not what I need.
My mother died in 2022. I wrote my book about The Path to Conscious Grief, during my grief, because I did not find help to my pain. I did it in Spanish. It will be ready soon in English. I offer, like you a RUclips channel because we need resources to face our grief. Thank you so much!
I relate to this video so much. I am a perfectionist. I sought to save my significant other from her illnesses and feel as if I failed her now that she’s passed. Now I feel I must transform this grief into some kind of show of wisdom and self improvement attainment. The truth is, my Susan was such an angel and just her smile inspired everyone and I’m upset it had to end. We had the best 6 years ever and I treated each day like the last. I’m thankful and grateful but I feel selfish wanting more. I feel life is surreal and very dissociated. What a messy process I have to go through. I just want to feel good again beside her loving on her and making her feel good. That was my source of pleasure in life.
I lost my dad two weeks ago, it was so sudden and I flew back home as soon as I heard. Now I am back, having to "move forward" in a middle of an MBA. I am still so sad, and cant find myself to fully enjoy this year I worked so hard to get to. Been having a hard time to sleep, but thank you for what you do.
My mom passed away 11 years ago and 4 yrs later i had a major breakup with my boyfriend. Never grieved, blocked my emotions, blocked people , blocked everything. Until this April 2024 everything came up and 12 yrs later I an niw greiving both situations. It is intense, I don’t know what to do with these emotions but Im taking one day at a time. I cry mostly everyday, im broken internally, feels like someone has to tell me how to do this life. But i know im gonna come out stronger. So anyone newly grieving please take your time.
I just lost my lover 3 weeks ago.. I walked in on him lifeless on the floor due to addiction … I miss him so deeply …we were going to get married .. he had just given me a ring 3 months before … he was such a beautiful creative person.. this was my first love .. he lived a lot of different lives that I haven’t … I wish I can be with him again and just look into his eyes and feel his bones close to mine… I feel so alone without him and back to being missunderstood … I have noticed everyone wants me to get better already .. but they just don’t get it … they want me to be back to work and just be back to the “ real world “
I will soon be losing my dad to cancer, i also lost a close friend to suicide and got dumped by my gf all in the space of 3 weeks, i somehow need to get through this grief whilst helping my mum get through losing her husband of 42 years 😢😢😢
I lost both parents, in a month, over Christmas. I had to organise both funeral, clear the house, probate, etc. Just hell, and after a week, return to work, cos, God forbid, I had to take time off....
Just found your podcast after your appearance on GGE. The year 2021 was my worst year ever. My brother, 33 yrs old healthy, died of COVID and then my father died from cancer the day after Christmas that year. To top things off my best friend of 25 years died in January this year (2022). I'm still trying to cope with grief and how to work through it :(. The "wanting to be so good at grief" is where I'm at. I am really good at faking it to make it but I'm not so mentally exhausted.
I watched your Ted and thank you so much for being you. Your humor and way of communicating truly reminds me of me. I was isolated, starting a new job in another state immediately after my partners passing and social media was my outlet and way of keeping contact w/ friends and family. Through my grief I found sharing helped me heal and your speech was so relatable. I'm just trying to navigate all the emotions and also be a light for those around me. Not everyone gets my sense of humor, but I've had others tell me that my openness has helped. You are an inspiration. :)
Thank you. My D adadied on December 23rd of this year. Sudden death. no one saw this coming. this is the friest for me in someone in my family t someone that is close to me. hearing you explain help me know I not crazy. its will take time, today is a heavy day . thank you for this
3:08 “I wanted so badly to be the best at grief” - bam. Nail on the head for me right there. Lost my mom at the end of July and I have felt so much pressure to “do this right”
I lost my aunt/best friend one week ago today.She lost her daughter six months ago.She died of a broken 💔 and I'm just devastated by it all....Ive cried every day now for six months and can't see an end to it.Thankfully I work alone so I can cry as much as I need to...This crap sucks!
I can feel you I lost my partner for 12 years last April 14, it’s so painful I can’t explain the pain I even cried at work 😢 & every night . He was diagnosed lung cancer last Feb 2024 & died April , it’s so fast in just 2 months he is gone it’s just hard to accept 😢, but thank GOD I have my 2 kids with me & my Fellow Christian at our church & God I just prayed a lot & cried to God to help me on this painful event in my life 😢 u tc @marybell just cried if u want too process of grief & it helps & pray & be with people who love & care for you❤
I lost my husband of 48 years just 2 months ago. Everyone has always told me that I am the strongest, toughest woman they know and I am trying not to let them down. If anyone actually knew what I really feeling deep inside they would probably have me committed or at least on strong meds.
I read the the hot young widows club book, several months ago and to be honest it has helped me the most with my grief. It's been 14 months since my husband of 45 years past and I still miss him so much. Thank you Nora for all your help
its been less tahn a month since my bf passed and everyday i hate that im here and hes not. a day at a time . but time has slowed down and time i wish i had when he was here i now have and im not sure what to do with myself. thanks for your words bc not everyone gets it .
I lost my partner, father of our now 7 month old, on Easter of this year. Been almost 2 months and I’m still just as heartbroken as the morning I heard that he passed away 💔 support has definitely went down and I’m left here to grieve and raise two children alone. I miss him so much. I pray God gets me through this… 🙏🏽
My best friend passed away 5 years ago tomorrow and the amount of people who I've had tell me I should be over it is disturbing lmao It sucks as I rarely even mention her but when I do it's met with almost a "really?" Type of reaction
I lost my dad on 11/25/2023 in a house fire after he made sure my mom brother and i got out. He had just turned 57 on november 7th . he was going through some testing to figure out what this lump under his armpit was. It hits different when its a parent even though this wasnt the first time i lost someone i was close to ; maternal grandmother died of cancer when i was 8. Thers so much i have to tweak since he isnt pyshically here
Thank you for you advice, lost my partner recently April 14, 2024😢 diagnosed lung cancer Feb 2024 & after 2 months he died 😢, so painful I can’t explain it, so hard really hard we been together 12 years, 😢😢😢😢 it’s just so shocking that in 2 months he will gone , can’t see him again 😢 thanks for you advice & I know God will guide me & you are right I need to tc of myself too & grief slowly in my time
I lost my husband a 45 years 3 weeks ago. I have to say that being alone is not good for me. I'm alone in the house with his pictures and with all the memories and it's too overwhelming and it crushes me. We did things separately of course but at the end of the day we always came home to each other. So right now being alone is not an option for me it's too overwhelming and I'm afraid and I'm alone and I feel empty and I don't feel God's presence right now. So what do I do now is all I can think about and I can't stand the thought of this feeling going on.
3 weeks! My heart breaks for you, it is so raw it is so new! I felt the same way about my house, even with a toddler with me. Ask someone to stay with you at night, or go stay with someone! Tell everyone who cares about you how you feel so they can step up. Being around people right now can be really helpful, even if you don't talk, even if you don't "do" anything. Sending you a big hug.
Its almost 3am and this video caught my eye and apparently needed more than I thought. Its been about 22 hours since I found my dad and Im in shock and panic and pain I thought I would handle better knowing it would happen (heart, kidneys, lungs failing him and blood clots) but not like this... Not so traumàtic like that was/is.... I want to punish myself for failing to be there. All the what ifs like if i didn't sleep that night I could have been there at least... Any suggestions on how to not feel like I want to punish myself for something inevitable?
i feel you, when my grandma passed away we are talking on video call but she is having a heart attack that time complaining chest pain that time she was in other country and im in LA i couldnt do anything i wana fly there as fast as i can just to get help and take her to the hospital, but i dont have passport yet thats why i went to get an emergency passport... i hated myself coz i watched her die nobody helped her there is nobody i was panicking and its too late for me when i get there she is already in the funeral i didnt get a chance to hold and touch or kiss or hug her. she mean so much to me coz she raised us when mom left us and she loves us unconditionally thats why i loved her more than my mom she is very close to me and she is my everything when she passes my world falls down i messed up my life its almost a month now im still processing everything in my heart that i think wont be able to recover from that trauma. i missed her and dont know where to find her...i know she wont be happy punishing myself and i think for being messing my life is enough punishment now im jobless and depressed for everything. i know God has plan and ill see her again when time comes all of us will go there and they will be the first person we'll meeet when its our time. sorry i hope this helps im still grieving and feel very lonely...only thing i can tell you is that they dont want us to messed up our life or punished ourself even for me its hard but im trying...take care
@@anneg.4149 I understand, I made mistakes in my mother's treatment after an accident, took the wrong advice and now I'm a wreck... no one can understand how painful it is..
My mom passed two weeks ago and she was my only friend and the only one that loved me. I’m so not fine and I hate life now. Im so scared of how low I’m feeling. 😞
So well said and very helpful. 3 weeks since her passing and it is getting harder, not easier. Maybe the shock is wearing off and reality is hitting? I want what I can never have and that is, I want my wife back with me.
I’m so , so sorry for your loss . My sister was killed last August and I’m feeling worse now then when it happened . I can’t even imagine what you are going through . Sending love ❤️
![[#2024MAMA] ROSÉ (로제), Bruno Mars - APT. | Mnet 241122 방송](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/dgGqD28J6aQ/mqdefault.jpg)
You really get it….because you lived it. It’s only been 3 months for me since my husband passed. The single most traumatic experience of my life. The grief is profoundly painful and confusing. Who am I? How do live I without my husband of 32 years? The loneliness is unbearable but the world doesn’t stop because of it. One day at a time.
I so get this 💔
hope you're doing a tiny bit better 4 months further along, sorry for your loss.
How are you getting on? I need to help my mum through this
I’m at this stage, 3 months of legal complexities, the Funeral. Then reality really kicks in, the loneliness and pain is unbearable.
This is where im at now😢
Thank you for your message. Bereavement is not nearly long enough for a spouse. My wife passed away from cancer in February 2024. I was her Caregiver during the last 2 years and still trying to work for our health insurance.
After she passed away, I was expected to come back onsite to work full time after just one week of bereavement. Grief in our fast paced society is definitely not addressed by employers. Grieving for my wife is not one week of bereavement!
I am seeking group therapy, and talking with others about how they are dealing with their grieving process.
I really didn't realize how Grieving is not acknowledged in our society. Grieving is one of the most underrated emotional challenges I am going through. Thank you for your support and advice!
I am with you there brother. My wife passed in 5-11-24 from a heart attack unexpectedly. My employer gave one work week of bereavement leave. I took a second week of my own PTO, then went back to work. My head is just not in the game and I am a cop. Our society should recognize at least 3-6 months to get some adjustment to this new life. It is hell.
@@GeoffOdom-nn4ez
Take care of ourselves, I am with you and praying for you. It is devastating and our world seems so lacking in compassion.
Take care.
I miss my mom today, she passed away less than a year ago. Todays really challenging for me. I’m 40 years old and having a real sad day today.
I'm so sorry. I am hoping you can find some moments of peace during all the turmoil and sadness.
So sorry to hear. :(
You are not alone!
You are so on point! While married ppl want to advise widows they really need to be quiet and stop telling me I need to move on when they still have a living spouse....they will never understand until it happens to them!!!!
Or when your single best friend doesn’t get it and says “someone will come to you again and show you a lot of love”. NOT what you want to ever hear. No. Esp after losing the love of your life.
Well said!
Exactly! Well said
The biggest trigger for me right now are the three words HOW ARE YOU!
I lost my wife 3 months ago and this is also my biggest trigger. I just want to scream I lost the love of my life, how do you think I am?
My mother passed away just over two weeks ago. Sometimes i feel like im coping, yet it hits me like a storm.
My mom died of Cancer a month ago. The support lasted about 3 weeks and has now evaporated.
Gosh I relate. Lost my mom a month ago. People are horrible, somehow they managed to make me feel even worse..! I talk to her to find strength but life is unbearable without her😢..Sending you hugs and comfort. You're not alone honey 🩵
So true. They expect you are now ok. Will we ever be ok after such a loss?
They expect you feel the same way they do
Same here mate 😢
My husband passed 5 months ago, I am struggling to live my day to day life without him. Thank you for the work you are doing to help us live with grief.
Also, it's not just people, it's pets. Not to minimize the grief of losing a human in your life, but our relationships with our pets are so close, so simple, the love so unconditional - that in a way it's more difficult to deal with, especially since it's way lower on the ladder than pretty much every other form of loss.
This has been the most lonely and lowest I have ever been since my husband passed away 3 months ago after 26 years together. I miss him so much.
I just lost my husband last week. I still can’t breathe…. I am standing with you
Indeed .. wish i could turn back the hands of time .. i wish i could cry & shout. Everybody Will Go but Not soon 😭.
@@paolaespinoza1559lost my wife a month ago. It doesn't get better for me with the passing of each day. Loneliness is a killer.
i lost the woman of my dreams almost 2 months ago.. some days hurt more than others and sometimes it feels like it will hurt forever. It helps me to believe that i will be reunited with her again and when that day comes i will get to share all my stories and experiences with her. i want to believe that she is waiting for me on the other side and i love her enough to live patiently and complete my life until the day comes. im trying my best everyday. i also try to reverse the roles and if i were to pass, i would truly want her to find strength through all the pain. I want to tell her that we will all go one day but until then; Find happiness. Live, laugh and love because it feels good and you deserve to feel joy. You are beautiful, so make your life beautiful to match it ❤ i love you Zanay.
How are you getting on? I will soon be losing my dad and I need to help my mum through this
My father passed away 21st November 2023 and I’m in such pain. The pain is in my chest and it’s constant. He passed away suddenly and I cannot imagine my life without him. He was everything to me and I’m so lost now.
I cry constantly and I’m in a constant state of sadness and a heavy feeling. I have 2 young girls and I’m struggling with loosing my dad and trying to be a good parent.
I was also made redundant a week after my father died. Life has completely destroyed me.
My husband died on Nov. 21st, 2023 as well. I have two daughters in their late 20's and 30. One of my daughters has two babies. She was actually 7 months pregnant when he died. I am so sorry for you. Your post resonated with me. We as a family are grieving in so many ways. It is an emotional roller coaster.
Thank you. My husband passed away 4 Months ago. Have 2 young children. It is so hard😢.
💔😘
My ex husband passed a moth ago left with our boys my youngest has changed his behaviour I’m frightened, it’s painful 😢
Yes, it is so hard. My wife of 21 years died suddenly, leaving me with 2 kids in high school. Just devastating. How do you keep going? It seems impossible.
in 2014, my uncle was on his deathbed and I was in summer classes in college. it was finals week and I told my professor I HAD to leave because my uncle was *literally* dying. I was told I would fail that class. I gladly took that F because I wasn't gonna miss my uncles last days; the uncle who helped raise me alongside my teen mom because my biodad was not in the picture. my 4.0 GPA didn't matter and instead of getting financial aid, it was taken and I owed $15K just for that .0000001 hour I missed for my uncle. haven't paid a cent because they can suck it. I can't go back to school there now because of how much I owe them in student loans and that one missed final. I don't regret it one bit. wasn't much of a sacrifice considering how pointless a college degree is now anyways
This was spot on with everything that you talked about. My husband died a month ago. It is not my first experience with grief but each time is different. It is terrible and I hate every minute of it. I am kinda a zombie right now, just waiting for the pain to not be so severe.
I'm with you. ....I'm feeling exactly what your saying!
My dad died when I was 13 a weekend before I began high school.. Never saw my mother cry. Not one teacher asked me if I was okay.
I’m so sorry !
I lost my 16 year old son and my fiance 9/5/23. I've had someone tell me to pack up my fiance's stuff and put it in the garage and move on, I'm not ready to move on it's to early
Sorry for your loss
Don’t let people tell you what to do. That’s very insensitive of that person. Nobody has the right to tell u what to do. Grieve however and as long as you want. I’m so sorry for your loss. Hugs. 🙏🏻❤️
It’s hard not to feel rage on your behalf at hearing this asinine comment that was said to you.
What I will say is to take care of you. Feel what you feel and seek out solace where you can. Try to ignore these unhelpful comments. And experience whatever emotions you have.
One day at a time. That’s all you can do.
My deepest condolences . You take all of the time that you need. Don't allow others to dictate when you should move on. Very few people will get it. Pray and ask for strength. I will be praying for you as well.❤
I also lost my wife from 39 years of marriage to Glioblastoma in Feb 2023. I think I handled the first 3 months well but these last two months has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs and felling horrible. It is just difficult to describe the feelings and when asked how I am doing I just say I am doing good and hide how I am really feeling because no one would understand my felling's, not even myself. If it would not have been for all the resources that are in RUclips and the internet I would not have known what was happening to me. There is simply no right way to handle grief and it seems that we will just have to handle this for the rest of our life's.
Wonderful advice. It’s been two years since my son passed away and I’m just now completely understanding the depth of my pain and my relationship with grief
I lost my son 21 months ago. Oh my the hole it leaves in yr heart.
The pain is so unbearable at times. My heart goes out to you all.💔💜💜
I lost my mom to cancer 6 years ago on April 6th. I survived cancer 17 years ago on March 28…and recently I lost my dad on March 31 to cancer.
I’ve been telling everyone that I’m ok, but yesterday I crashed! I’m not ok; but I don’t know what I need!
I lost my husband less than 2 months ago and this really helped me. Because yes I am not fine but this helped me feel okay with the way I feel right now.
Your book was a source of great comfort and a reality check, even a few years later, after I lost my young wife in the Winter/Spring on 2014. It doesn't disappear. It just gets easier to carry. Thank you for everything.
I lost my younger brother whose body had to wait almost a year to be shipped for burial due to the covid. Next my dad and a cousin passed away. Last week (9/23) my cousin’s fiancé who are both my friends and grew up with me died too together with the twins she was expecting. I’ve been trying to block all the memories and emotions for awhile. But this last loss brought everything back. I’m overwhelmed, emotionally broken, feel cursed and abandoned by God. It hurts so bad. 😢
I’m so very sorry you are going through this. My heart is with you.
When the memories come, don't ignore them
It's part of your grief,so allow yourself to grieve and with time it will reduce until you accept it happened and that you will never see them again
I’m so sorry !
Thank you! I lost my mother a month ago and this is the worst pain I’ve ever felt! It’s just one day at a time for me. I’m not okay don’t know if I’ll ever be just gotta get up and keep going!
My husband and I were married 50 years, I buried him last week and am paralyzed with pain. He had a condition called Primary Progressive Aphasia, which robbed him of his ability to speak and think clearly. I was able to keep him home and care for him until his last day. I can't imagine my life without him.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
💔💔
I’m so sorry ! It’s been almost 4 months for me !
I would prefer to get through this as fast as it is humanly possible. I never knew a person could cry this much in a week. There aren't enough things to clean. Not legally married nor named in the notice, so I could have lost my job too.
So I can love intensely. Truth be told, I'd rather not.
My spouse transitioned this month. Thank you for your advice. I appreciate your heartfelt comments.
This video is everything. Your words resonate so close to home for me. I lost my partner almost a month ago, right before the holidays. Life feels so grey and empty without him around. People keep asking me how I’m doing, if I’m okay, and I just start to laugh because it seems just so absurd to ask such a question.
I appreciate you Nora, for finding the words to articulate my feelings. Early grief to me feels like an open wound. I feel like a newborn baby. Raw and naked and vulnerable. Thank you for allowing me to embrace this grief even when I desperately try to suppress it and shut the feelings out.
You are so right. I just lost my partner 2 weeks ago; that question how you doing it stings every time I get asked this. It’s a lot.
Thank you so much for your Ted Talk and Podcast. I can’t wait to read your book. I lost my husband, best friend, soulmate, almost 11 months ago. It amazes me that people think I am doing so well because I play the part so well. I get up, get dressed, do my hair, do my makeup, and try to enjoy some activities with family and friends. We both must be up for an academy award because nobody really understands how awful I feel. It is so hard to get any sense of pleasure out of anything. My pleasure sense has been completely turned off. Not sure if it will ever truly turn back on. I just wanted to say thank you for being raw and real.
Yes!! Especially the "feeling awful".
My wife passed suddenly 3 days ago. I'm not well. Thanks for that. Not much sleep, so much anxiety fueled energy I decided at 4 am to post on Facebook. I also checked the pages of my widowed/widower friends to get an update to see how they were doing and found your work shared. Thank you for what you do.
Charles, as I write this, I am sitting next to the love of my life of 32 years, holding her hand. She is unresponsive and on her last days in hospice from Stage 4 colon cancer. All I can do is hold her hand. I am devastated that I cant do more and dont know where to go from here. I feel for you brother. I wish you the best, and if you have any tips on how to make it thru, please share.
I lost my husband 4 weeks ago (very suddenly), I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you're having some good days in between everything else. Just found Nora today as well, and she's the most comforting person I've found.
My wife passed on August 25. It was the hardest day of my life. Its been 13 days of hell. I am so lonely and depressed. Seeking counseling now, just need help getting through this. My best friend has gone, and I am alone. I know it will get better, but for now, this sucks.
@CharlesScarpulla sorry for your loss🕊. I completely understand how you feel. My husband unexpectedly and suddenly died August 24th. The grief is unbearable. 💔
@troup1993 Sorry for your loss. My husband died August 24th😭
I lost my hubby 3yrs to covid. And the process of grieving I kept telling people I'm fine some would tell me get over it time to move on. Like how do u move on with going thru traumatic experience when your love one passes In your arms. And front of our child.
Yes I may seem strong on the outside but inside I'm screaming. Have my moments cry wipe my tears and go about my day. Some mope around give up. Can't. You'll get sick emotionally.
I unexpectedly lost my wife of 20 years four weeks ago last night. She was 52. Not liking this grief crap, not at all. Never had experience with real grief before. I'm reading, studying and watching video's to try and understand the process. Joined a weekly grief group. I'm ping ponging around the various stages that they talk about. I don't really have the luxury of breaking down, we have a special needs child and I have to keep a calm and consistent environment for him. While I'm busy I'm functional but when he's in school or asleep it does sneak up on me a bit. Kim was always told that she couldn't have kids so our son was the center of her universe, her miracle. If I don't give him as happy and normal a life as possible I wouldn't be surprised if she came down just to kick me where it counts.
It does give me focus but also scares the crap out of me. I've never been a fearful person, always was an adrenaline junkie. But now I'm worried about getting hurt or sick because there is no backup to help care for our son or our pets. My closest family is a 16 hour drive away. I fell off of a 10' ladder onto our tile floor while changing light bulbs last year. Ended up on crutches for 6 weeks. I can't afford to have something like that happen now. Not a fan of this fear either.
I stopped smoking on Christmas Eve, Kim died on January 5th. Talk about timing. I don't miss the smoke or nicotine, that kind of stuff doesn't get to me. I do very much miss taking the dog out with Kim and having a smoke and conversation. Going out to a restaurant and grabbing a smoke and more conversation on the way to the car. Grabbing a smoke and a chat before we went into a store. Haven't broken down and smoked, not going to since I'm the only caretaker for my son now. But any time one of those smoke/conversation moments pop up it sure puts a lump in my throat.
I miss our conversations, nobody on this planet knew me the way that she did. She'd always giggle at my stupid Dad jokes, even if she'd heard them a dozen times before. She was interested in the same books, the same entertainment, mostly the same music (she gets a strike for the disco and the rap), the same world events. She'd always call me on my BS. She knew when I needed a hug and when I needed to be kicked in the rear. It's still hard to believe that this huge part of my life is over. All the plans and dreams that we had. All the things we were going to do together as old farts. I always thought that I was pretty independent, I didn't really need people, never had a problem spending time alone. Boy did that come back and bite me.
Can't believe that I'm mourning conversations that we'll never have. We both got hooked on a book series called the Dresden Files when we first got together. The author pumps our a new book every year or so, we'd both read them and have some great conversations about them. He put out a new book over a year ago that had some major events take place that would completely change the series. I've impatiently waited for over a year to talk to her about it, I didn't want to spoil any of the surprises. Now we won't be having that conversation at all. I get mourning memories of things that we did together, never thought it would include things that we hadn't gotten around to doing yet.
I’m so very sorry for your tremendous loss. I know there’s nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. I hope you will find a support group, an online group perhaps where you can continue to write and share your feelings. This was very lovely and heartfelt..and of course sad. Best of luck, you are not alone.
I lost my wife, the love of my life, to gallbladder cancer on December 21, 2023. We were together for 6 years, married for 4, but we stuffed as much love and life into those years as anyone could. We were best friends and really, truly "got" each other. Initially, I did exactly what you said NOT to do; I lied and told people who asked me how I was doing and said that I was fine. Not anymore, I let it out and tell them how I'm doing. It is more of a relief than to lie and try to hide my grief. The grief from losing a spouse whom you love so deeply is the most difficult thing anyone can face. Being honest with myself and my loved ones has been the best thing for me, it gives me some release. Kind of like when I'm all alone and a wave of grief hits me. I cry, like BIG cry. It is a horrible feeling while it's happening, but I feel so much better when I've given myself the 5-10 to actively grieve. Day by day, I will continue on and move forward. Slowly, the fog begins to clear, things begin to make a little more sense. I will carry my wife with me forever while I move forward in my life. She will always be with me.
I lost my mom on the exact same date on December 21, 2023 at 6:5pm after a long battle with Colorectal cancer. She was 45, would be turning 46 this month. My mom had passed away almost 2 months after the unexpected passing of my brother.
I feel like I have a hole in my heart, everything hurts. I feel so alone at times because although I do have a very supportive network of people who are there for me and who love me, I feel like my immediate circle of friends and relatives don’t understand fully what it is I’m going through, or will offer unsolicited advice on how I should be grieving, which I don’t blame them for as things like grief and death are hard to understand unless you’ve actually gone through it. However, I will agree that when I am fully honest when someone asks me how I’m doing, it truly is a release, and in a sense also makes me feel like I am keeping them both alive by talking about them. Our loved ones will always exist, they’ve just taken on another form.
I can only imagine the grief and heaviness you must be feeling.. Sending you light and strength!🤍
@@ellekara So sorry for your loses. 🤍
Imagine how incredibly lonely and isolating it is to grieve for an disenfranchised loss! It utterly devastating! There is no one to share with. I am so sad that I allow myself to cry in my car or at home until I cannot cry anymore. It is heartwrenching to miss someone that is still alive and not being able to contact them because of ubrequited love. Society says move on. They criticized me to no end and I have chosen to grieve alone. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep. It is not easy. I create art and journal, but having support from a close person is what I yearn for. I don't like to hide to feel my feelings...
Dearest Nora, 3.5 years on. I must thank you, THANK YOU!, for your guidance, your empathy, your ability to make me laugh at the unimaginable.
Robert
I was a wreck when my dog passed away but 10 months later I lost my mom. I am missing her so much and I wish I believed in heaven because the thought of never seeing her again is agonizing.
That's so hard, I'm sorry.
I lost my mom almost a month ago. I am a complete mess. My body is in shock, i feel emotionally and physically unwell. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.
@@livinlife8280 I am so sorry for you to be going through this. It must feel like the worst thing ever. I will keep you in my thoughts.
that is so terribly sad. I hope you are doing ok and working through such a tough and difficult time. I will keep you in my thoughts.
It’s not too late to believe. 🙏🏼 I’m sorry for the pain and loss you are going through.
I lost my husband died 10mths ago it still feels like yesterday
I lost my dad in March 3, 2024. It’s been a few months. I can’t go to his grave yet, can’t look at his pictures (even though I seen his passport picture today because my family is planning a trip in November) and have no idea how I can live my entire life without him. The only thing that calms me down is knowing he is with God now (I am Muslim) and like I never know when it will be my time to go either so thinking I may have 60 years before I die makes me so overwhelmed with grief but then thinking that maybe I have 6 minutes and not even know it so I can be resurrected with him sooner than I think, kind of gives me some type of relief. I hugged him for her last time without knowing it was the last time.
lost my wife a month back and i am feeling lot of emotions each day that kills me from inside. Your words helps a lot. Thanks for sharing.
My first husband died of suicide. One baby in my lap and one in my belly. There was a brief period of grief, about a month, and then I just got angry. Stayed angry for 18 years.
My FAVORITE husband died last week. Brain cancer. This past week I have been so sad. But grateful he didn’t linger. Well, we only got the diagnosis a month before he passed. Now I am struggling to get out of the chair.
Thank you for your encouraging words. Two totally different experiences.
Big big big hug. Brain cancer is the absolute worst and I’m glad he didn’t have to suffer. Please know you are not alone and there are many brain cancer widows who feel this with you. ❤️
My FAVORITE husband (love that!) passed away June 15, 2024 in our bedroom. He had melanoma that spread rapidly through his poor body. He spent Memorial Day in the hospital where we got the "there's nothing more we can do" diagnosis, with confirmation that it had spread into his brain.
I'm with you struggling to even get out of the chair.
And, yes, I'm finding some comfort and real good advice from Nora!
I hope you can find some peace soon ...
My problem with grief is that i'm afraid to share my feelings with someone and open up because i have made myself vulnerable with the wrong people before and they just told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and to stop looking for attention. and so im just always afraid to open up and they perceive it as self-pity / self-centerdness.
I'm 22 and my mum passed away a few weeks ago, quite unexpectedly. I feel so so lost and heartbroken and don't know where to go from here. I'm really trying to take all of this in, thank you for this video.
Oh honey! 22! If nobody has told you yet, that’s NOT FAIR! It’s normal to feel heartbroken; this is a heartbreaking loss. I have found a lot of comfort in looking for and finding signs from my dead dad and husband; the relationships don’t end they change (and of course it’s not as good as having them here!)
I also lost a parent. I’m 26 and I lost my dear father one year ago. I too feel lost as well…I still need him…his love…his guidance.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sending you lots of love from here 🙏🏼
Thanks, I will be honest when people ask how I am.
Hi how are you? Would you like to share with me ?
My grief for my mother’s passing has only increased with time and I attend two support groups. I’ve lost in my life a best friend at 5 years old, my father and I’ve had 7 miscarriages. Only the loss of my mother was by far the biggest loss yet. My mother was part of my identity a cheerleader and a person that loved me unconditionally. I have 4 other siblings all of whom haven’t supported the feelings I have on the loss. I sat at the casket all alone to say goodbye. Goodbye to the person that made me who I am. Work reluctantly paid me saying I really didn’t qualify and I was the only one to care about my mom leaving this world. How do I know this ???? One sister signed the papers and ran off and no one else was there but me. How do you forgive that ???? Then came the belongings that I had to dumpster dive to save because a brother in law decided my mother’s things belonged in a dumpster. I had to rescue a dying dog left in my mother’s home by a Neice the list is endless on how heartless these family members acted. Oh yes did I mention they had time to travel for pleasure instead. I will never get over this NEVER. In fact time just makes it worse because no one talks to me for saying mom needed help it was an emergency. They couldn’t care that mom with dementia needed help. My mother was a beautiful person who worked hard all her life for them she was giving and an artist who loved to garden. I’m sure she is in heaven painting and gardening with the other angels but I am stuck down here with pure evil and it’s a lonely grief 😢
Just had my grandmas funeral yesterday. 6th family member in two years. Some parts desensitized to, but never gets easier. Perspective shifts on how you make decisions going forward. 7:04 7:32
Wife died of cancer a year ago. Yes, agree grief is a chronic condition. I volunteer as a facilitator in GriefShare program. Agree too, that everyone grieves differently.
I'm drinking a beer alone in my car, attended my older sisters funeral on friday, my moms last year, and my paternal grandmothers two months before that. I'm so tired of suffering loss.
I want to be able to say that I'm ok so badly but I feel like I keep shattering and collecting my pieces before someone swats at my hands and causes me to drop my already broken pieces as they break further. I appreciate hearing it's ok to put me first.
I love your podcast and just stumbled on this video , thank you for making your pain so visible for us still collecting our own pieces.
💔💔
You are a godsend. I lost my dad last month and I came across your Ted talk over the weekend and now this showed up in my feed. The work you are doing helps so many of us. ❤
I will be losing my dad soon , 😢, have you got any tips to help me through this?
@zp1209 it’s so painful and numb isn’t it
@@ash_calisthenics nothing prepares you for it whether it’s sudden or expected. Surround yourself with good people. Prepare yourself to feel let down by those you thought have always been in your corner. That’s another thing about grief. Reveals who your true friends are. It’s a personal journey. Cry it out. Get counseling if it gets too much. That’s all I can say. Hugs
Words so well spoken from someone that truly gets it. The only way is to move forward at our own pace.
I lost my beautiful wife, soulmate, and best friend for 25 years. It was a slow, painful process involving ALS.
Why has the second year been so much more difficult?
Be ready to be reinvented. I do shit now that I never in a million years would think I would be doing. Yoga, meditation and nature. Who me? 😱
Thru meditation I have been able to make "connect" with my wife. It's given me so much understanding to why these things happen and given me great comfort.
Love you all. 💕
As a new griever, tips like this are helpful. Thank you!
Hi does it ever get better? Just recently lost my husband to cancer a week ago. I have never felt so much pain in my life.
Lost my wife six months ago. Have watched a bunch of videos on the subject of grief as I work my way through this new reality. All of the videos have felt performative and insincere as a result, no matter how well intended. Yours is the first I watched that felt sincere and authentic and it touched me. Thanks for doing this.
I am struggling with losing my Mark 4 months ago. I am so overwhelmed and broken. 😢thanks for sharing ❤
I’m so sorry. I’m right there with you bc I lost mine almost 4 months ago and I feel the same way.
Thank you for the best advice I've found on grief. My son died 5 weeks ago and feeling the pain is absolutely necessary. So awful, so hard. I won't be the same ever I realize that, I wish other people could know that; so I tell them, I am not okay, I'll be better someday but not the same.
New widow with the weight of the world on my shoulders. This explains exactly what I needed to hear ❤
“We are so bad at grief.”
UGGGHHH cannot be understated. The world does not stop for you, it does not stop for those you have lost.
I literally thought I was bad at grief, so I love you
already:) Thank you for sharing your kitsugi
A supposed good friend of mine told me she was too busy when i asked her why she hasent called me to see how im doing? I lost my brother in law, father, my dog luna, and uncle all within 6 months this year!! Its been horrible!! 😢
❤
Thank you. It's been 2 months apart for my Orest and I. I can't tell you how many people have told me you need to join my church, you need to get rid of his things or my favorite.... "oh, I haven't reached out to you, because, you need space and time to yourself." Ummm, after living with the love of my life for 31 years, being left all alone is not what I need.
Lost my love 3 months ago. It’s a struggle every day. Thank you for this video and for your words
Thank you. My mom passed a week ago. I've never cried for a really long time.
My mom passed a week ago. Havent even cried but i was feeling depressed.
I lost my husband of 18 years 9 months ago. It’s just now starting to ease a little. This is not easy by any means. Thank you for sharing ❤
My mother died in 2022. I wrote my book about The Path to Conscious Grief, during my grief, because I did not find help to my pain. I did it in Spanish. It will be ready soon in English. I offer, like you a RUclips channel because we need resources to face our grief. Thank you so much!
I relate to this video so much. I am a perfectionist. I sought to save my significant other from her illnesses and feel as if I failed her now that she’s passed. Now I feel I must transform this grief into some kind of show of wisdom and self improvement attainment. The truth is, my Susan was such an angel and just her smile inspired everyone and I’m upset it had to end. We had the best 6 years ever and I treated each day like the last. I’m thankful and grateful but I feel selfish wanting more. I feel life is surreal and very dissociated. What a messy process I have to go through. I just want to feel good again beside her loving on her and making her feel good. That was my source of pleasure in life.
Thank you Lovely Nora, you are the voice of grief …. The most difficult language for the human to understand.
Your TedTalk has been the single most helpful resource to help me through my grief. Thank you. This one too.
I lost my dad two weeks ago, it was so sudden and I flew back home as soon as I heard. Now I am back, having to "move forward" in a middle of an MBA. I am still so sad, and cant find myself to fully enjoy this year I worked so hard to get to. Been having a hard time to sleep, but thank you for what you do.
My mom passed away 11 years ago and 4 yrs later i had a major breakup with my boyfriend. Never grieved, blocked my emotions, blocked people , blocked everything. Until this April 2024 everything came up and 12 yrs later I an niw greiving both situations. It is intense, I don’t know what to do with these emotions but Im taking one day at a time. I cry mostly everyday, im broken internally, feels like someone has to tell me how to do this life. But i know im gonna come out stronger. So anyone newly grieving please take your time.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care of urself, hugs. 🙏🏻❤️
I just lost my lover 3 weeks ago.. I walked in on him lifeless on the floor due to addiction … I miss him so deeply …we were going to get married .. he had just given me a ring 3 months before … he was such a beautiful creative person.. this was my first love .. he lived a lot of different lives that I haven’t … I wish I can be with him again and just look into his eyes and feel his bones close to mine… I feel so alone without him and back to being missunderstood … I have noticed everyone wants me to get better already .. but they just don’t get it … they want me to be back to work and just be back to the “ real world “
I dont know what to Do .. nearly Year but the feeling is still the same 😭
I will soon be losing my dad to cancer, i also lost a close friend to suicide and got dumped by my gf all in the space of 3 weeks, i somehow need to get through this grief whilst helping my mum get through losing her husband of 42 years 😢😢😢
I lost both parents, in a month, over Christmas. I had to organise both funeral, clear the house, probate, etc. Just hell, and after a week, return to work, cos, God forbid, I had to take time off....
Just found your podcast after your appearance on GGE. The year 2021 was my worst year ever. My brother, 33 yrs old healthy, died of COVID and then my father died from cancer the day after Christmas that year. To top things off my best friend of 25 years died in January this year (2022). I'm still trying to cope with grief and how to work through it :(. The "wanting to be so good at grief" is where I'm at. I am really good at faking it to make it but I'm not so mentally exhausted.
I'm sorry this happened to you. You're not alone, I feel you. I wish you all the best!
I watched your Ted and thank you so much for being you. Your humor and way of communicating truly reminds me of me. I was isolated, starting a new job in another state immediately after my partners passing and social media was my outlet and way of keeping contact w/ friends and family. Through my grief I found sharing helped me heal and your speech was so relatable. I'm just trying to navigate all the emotions and also be a light for those around me. Not everyone gets my sense of humor, but I've had others tell me that my openness has helped. You are an inspiration. :)
I watched your TED talk. Your words about moving forward WITH instead of moving ON was perfect for me.
Thank you. My D adadied on December 23rd of this year. Sudden death. no one saw this coming. this is the friest for me in someone in my family t someone that is close to me. hearing you explain help me know I not crazy. its will take time, today is a heavy day . thank you for this
Thank you for making this video. I needed to hear these words, this tone of voice, this believable compassionate understanding. And I needed it now. 🙃
3:08 “I wanted so badly to be the best at grief” - bam. Nail on the head for me right there. Lost my mom at the end of July and I have felt so much pressure to “do this right”
I lost my aunt/best friend one week ago today.She lost her daughter six months ago.She died of a broken 💔 and I'm just devastated by it all....Ive cried every day now for six months and can't see an end to it.Thankfully I work alone so I can cry as much as I need to...This crap sucks!
I can feel you I lost my partner for 12 years last April 14, it’s so painful I can’t explain the pain I even cried at work 😢 & every night . He was diagnosed lung cancer last Feb 2024 & died April , it’s so fast in just 2 months he is gone it’s just hard to accept 😢, but thank GOD I have my 2 kids with me & my Fellow Christian at our church & God I just prayed a lot & cried to God to help me on this painful event in my life 😢 u tc @marybell just cried if u want too process of grief & it helps & pray & be with people who love & care for you❤
I lost my husband of 48 years just 2 months ago. Everyone has always told me that I am the strongest, toughest woman they know and I am trying not to let them down. If anyone actually knew what I really feeling deep inside they would probably have me committed or at least on strong meds.
I read the the hot young widows club book, several months ago and to be honest it has helped me the most with my grief. It's been 14 months since my husband of 45 years past and I still miss him so much. Thank you Nora for all your help
It's been 10 months, still hurting. His best friend passed 3 days ago, brain tumor, and I was shocked how I was overwhelmed this additional loss.
Thank you Nora I’m 4 months out from the loss of the love of my life. Knew him 47 years married him in 2014 thank you thank you thank you❤❤
its been less tahn a month since my bf passed and everyday i hate that im here and hes not. a day at a time . but time has slowed down and time i wish i had when he was here i now have and im not sure what to do with myself. thanks for your words bc not everyone gets it .
I lost my partner, father of our now 7 month old, on Easter of this year. Been almost 2 months and I’m still just as heartbroken as the morning I heard that he passed away 💔 support has definitely went down and I’m left here to grieve and raise two children alone. I miss him so much. I pray God gets me through this… 🙏🏽
You are in my prayers 🙏 The grief is heavy, but I will be praying for you and your family that God will send you an Angel of Light to comfort you 🌹❤️🌹
True, we are so bad at grief in the U.S.!
My best friend passed away 5 years ago tomorrow and the amount of people who I've had tell me I should be over it is disturbing lmao It sucks as I rarely even mention her but when I do it's met with almost a "really?" Type of reaction
Thank you so much for your wisdom and sharing it to others in their difficult times
I lost my dad on 11/25/2023 in a house fire after he made sure my mom brother and i got out. He had just turned 57 on november 7th . he was going through some testing to figure out what this lump under his armpit was. It hits different when its a parent even though this wasnt the first time i lost someone i was close to ; maternal grandmother died of cancer when i was 8. Thers so much i have to tweak since he isnt pyshically here
I'm newly grieving my future husband of 12 years. Thank you for what you do💔
Thank you for you advice, lost my partner recently April 14, 2024😢 diagnosed lung cancer Feb 2024 & after 2 months he died 😢, so painful I can’t explain it, so hard really hard we been together 12 years, 😢😢😢😢 it’s just so shocking that in 2 months he will gone , can’t see him again 😢 thanks for you advice & I know God will guide me & you are right I need to tc of myself too & grief slowly in my time
I lost my husband a 45 years 3 weeks ago. I have to say that being alone is not good for me. I'm alone in the house with his pictures and with all the memories and it's too overwhelming and it crushes me. We did things separately of course but at the end of the day we always came home to each other. So right now being alone is not an option for me it's too overwhelming and I'm afraid and I'm alone and I feel empty and I don't feel God's presence right now. So what do I do now is all I can think about and I can't stand the thought of this feeling going on.
3 weeks! My heart breaks for you, it is so raw it is so new! I felt the same way about my house, even with a toddler with me. Ask someone to stay with you at night, or go stay with someone! Tell everyone who cares about you how you feel so they can step up. Being around people right now can be really helpful, even if you don't talk, even if you don't "do" anything. Sending you a big hug.
Its almost 3am and this video caught my eye and apparently needed more than I thought.
Its been about 22 hours since I found my dad and Im in shock and panic and pain I thought I would handle better knowing it would happen (heart, kidneys, lungs failing him and blood clots) but not like this... Not so traumàtic like that was/is....
I want to punish myself for failing to be there. All the what ifs like if i didn't sleep that night I could have been there at least...
Any suggestions on how to not feel like I want to punish myself for something inevitable?
Its not your fault !!!!!
i feel you, when my grandma passed away we are talking on video call but she is having a heart attack that time complaining chest pain that time she was in other country and im in LA i couldnt do anything i wana fly there as fast as i can just to get help and take her to the hospital, but i dont have passport yet thats why i went to get an emergency passport... i hated myself coz i watched her die nobody helped her there is nobody i was panicking and its too late for me when i get there she is already in the funeral i didnt get a chance to hold and touch or kiss or hug her. she mean so much to me coz she raised us when mom left us and she loves us unconditionally thats why i loved her more than my mom she is very close to me and she is my everything when she passes my world falls down i messed up my life its almost a month now im still processing everything in my heart that i think wont be able to recover from that trauma. i missed her and dont know where to find her...i know she wont be happy punishing myself and i think for being messing my life is enough punishment now im jobless and depressed for everything. i know God has plan and ill see her again when time comes all of us will go there and they will be the first person we'll meeet when its our time. sorry i hope this helps im still grieving and feel very lonely...only thing i can tell you is that they dont want us to messed up our life or punished ourself even for me its hard but im trying...take care
@@anneg.4149 I understand, I made mistakes in my mother's treatment after an accident, took the wrong advice and now I'm a wreck... no one can understand how painful it is..
Just lost mine a few hours ago.
Oh Steve, I am so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug but not in a weird way.
Wife passed 3 months ago !! Devastating
I’m sending you love. I hear you on this 😔My dad passed away suddenly in February this year… I’m trying so hard to look after my mum. She’s broken.
Miss You Nana 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 November will make a year . I won’t let you down 🙏🏾 🕊️
Thank you for sharing your insight very much appreciated
My mom passed two weeks ago and she was my only friend and the only one that loved me. I’m so not fine and I hate life now. Im so scared of how low I’m feeling. 😞
So well said and very helpful. 3 weeks since her passing and it is getting harder, not easier. Maybe the shock is wearing off and reality is hitting? I want what I can never have and that is, I want my wife back with me.
I lost my son in November last year. Am not ok. Am struggling
I’m so , so sorry for your loss . My sister was killed last August and I’m feeling worse now then when it happened . I can’t even imagine what you are going through . Sending love ❤️
Mom passed suddenly two months ago. Still shocked.
It's been a week that my baby dog left me. I cant even function