Effective Communication Skills Training | 4 Power phrases for rude questions in the workplace

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  • Опубликовано: 3 дек 2024

Комментарии • 1,2 тыс.

  • @TheWizardOfWords
    @TheWizardOfWords  Год назад +3

    HEY MY FRIENDS: If these videos are having a positive impact on you, please show your support by becoming a CHANNEL MEMBER and/or clicking the THANKS BUTTON above and leaving a little love. A little love will allow me to continue delivering these videos directly to you!

  • @thenewyorkcitizen
    @thenewyorkcitizen 3 года назад +428

    I wish i would have learned these skills in grade school. This is the kind of info that benefits everyone

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +64

      There are so many things I wish were taught in schools :(

    • @arlenehutchinson9259
      @arlenehutchinson9259 3 года назад +11

      Amen I hope he does a teen course. This is the beginning of critical thinking....WHAT IS BEING SAID??

    • @aceracer7408
      @aceracer7408 3 года назад +4

      Dinner table life lessons.
      No microwaves, phones, newspapers or interruptions during dinner .
      Life was great. We knew it.
      Anyone remember the CCM Duomatic bikes?

    • @ezzellchic
      @ezzellchic 3 года назад +3

      This, media literacy and, I would have loved basic automobile care.

    • @trickywily2823
      @trickywily2823 3 года назад +3

      I just dont respond or simply talk about anything else

  • @rainwoodgrace6286
    @rainwoodgrace6286 3 года назад +122

    I've always been so honest and open and that's all I know. Last week someone asked me a question I didn't want to answer but I didn't know what else to do. Now I realize I need to turn the tables and answer with a question. I'm going to change how I deal with people now at 78 years old. I'm learning a new skill.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +15

      My mother is 75 and considers herself a spring chicken. Smart as hell and learning every moment of her life. I'm guessing you're in the same boat. GOOD FOR YOU, RAINWOOD GRACE!

    • @dattepo7534
      @dattepo7534 3 года назад +4

      I love how your open to learn

    • @scarlettclark1939
      @scarlettclark1939 3 года назад +5

      You can always just say "I don't feel comfortable answering that question" and move on to another topic. If they get defensive or angry, or if they cross that boundary and continue to badger you for more information, this just might be a huge red flag.

    • @lovesings2us
      @lovesings2us 2 года назад +3

      Rainwood Grace - I love how you keep learning. Thank you for sharing. I'm almost 67 and am inspired by your words.

  • @found-it0620
    @found-it0620 3 года назад +207

    I don't know why, I just love your personality Dan. A genuine, upfront kind person. So rare.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +21

      YOU DON'T KNOW WHY???? HMMM, don't let my mother hear you say that.

    • @found-it0620
      @found-it0620 3 года назад +2

      @@TheWizardOfWords Sir, I know why: you properly regard your mum, it's just appropriate and mannerly to give her honor. Also, your tone is not caustic to have self respect. Thanks for caring to help.

    • @jaxong.2701
      @jaxong.2701 2 года назад +1

      @@found-it0620 lol grab a dictionary before typing, with all due respect.

  • @chrismullin8304
    @chrismullin8304 3 года назад +51

    When I was in grade school, I read MAD magazine's "snappy answers to stupid questions".
    It helped me immensely.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +11

      Snappy can be good as long as it is not mean-spirited. It depends much on the intention of the speaker, and generally you can deduce that fairly easily. Mad Magazine had its virtues.

  • @EricaNernie
    @EricaNernie 3 года назад +113

    "Why do you ask?" [an open-ended question] is always a handy phrase to have on hand. As is "Tell me X, I'm curious. Why do you want to know that?" [which is a power move used by interviewers]. And if all else fails reply with "That's a long story..." and sort of trail off. Or simple "Interesting..".

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +12

      Yes.

    • @Upstream5402
      @Upstream5402 3 года назад +19

      I love using "Why do you ask?" but wish I'd known to use it when I was very young. My sister-in-law would ask me how much I paid for something. When I'd answer truthfully, she say I paid too much. Annoying!

    • @lynx70123
      @lynx70123 3 года назад +1

      Love these, too.

    • @dawntownsend4624
      @dawntownsend4624 3 года назад +2

      THIS. I’ve found this shuts it down quickly and cleanly, every time.

    • @bluewater3783
      @bluewater3783 3 года назад +1

      @@Upstream5402 I know someone like that, too, Joyce--and I finally figured out that if I asked him for advice beforehand where to get the best deal for something, he would say: "I don't know." But if I didn't ask for his advice beforehand, he would come out with the: "Oh, I/you coulda got that much cheaper!" 👀😊

  • @ceciliareynolds5949
    @ceciliareynolds5949 3 года назад +78

    "We cant teach someone how inappropriate their behavior is. They have to realize it for themselves".
    This. Is. Wisdom. Xoxo

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +7

      But we can train them how to treat us--what we will and won't accept. And. that. is. life.

    • @ceciliareynolds5949
      @ceciliareynolds5949 3 года назад +2

      @@TheWizardOfWords AMEN!!

    • @zeldapinwheel7043
      @zeldapinwheel7043 3 года назад +1

      The people that do that know it's inappropriate. It's a tactic.

    • @SydMountaineer
      @SydMountaineer 2 года назад +2

      To add to that, they only realize it when they experience the consequences of it (light being shined on it & others in the room shining even more light on it).
      Also, they're likely used to recipients of their abuse reacting emotionally & quickly, or not at all, so when they don't, and more time is spent on only the abuser's behavior, the abuser is the only one in spotlight and suffers more of a consequence.

  • @whittkatt
    @whittkatt 3 года назад +39

    I have found great success by usually just responding to such things with a cheerfully delivered “I make it a policy to never answer questions that are universally known to be intrusive (or inappropriate)”. And then move on immediately. It seems to work pretty well.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +4

      Sounds excellent to me. Takes a lot of courage. Kudos to you.

    • @caroldier6425
      @caroldier6425 3 года назад +2

      @@TheWizardOfWords I like both approaches, perhaps this one could be seen as more confident, rather than passive aggressive? (Talking from a teacher's perspactive.)

    • @justChrisjones
      @justChrisjones 3 года назад

      "I'd answer but I need to kill you after. " . Too harsh!

    • @marianl3447
      @marianl3447 Месяц назад

      ​@@caroldier6425 i don't see his as passive agressive at all. It is simply revealing what the person themselves did and said...so if they are passive aggressive you are not that for shining the light on ...what they did /said..that's all you are doing. YOu are not attacking them back in a passive way being aggressive ..lyou are exposing them for what they ARE.../or were....and then they can CHANGE IT AND EARN THEIR DIGNITY BACK OR REMAIN THE SAME...it's so much better than defense or attack..it's neither. Why people call it passive aggessive is i think a misconception of what that IS. Just because they are seeing themselves as they are and as they are is not dignified or moral or noble...does mean you are an attacker or aggressor. If we are afraid to show people what they do to us....that' to me is has more potential to produce a passive agressive response ....being you try to be nice but remain hurt and upset and it will come out in a disguised as a nice comment that is really a hurtful intention ...that to me is passive agressive and is more common among those afraid to 'shine a light' and expose someone for who they are or what they say but we are not'bad' for doing that ...and should not be afraid to. Being nice only is not what love it about, it is not attacking or hiding and avoiding the truth. it reveals the truth.and let's the person take responsibility for their words/actions...not escape that.

  • @supergrover17
    @supergrover17 3 года назад +26

    Step 1. Narrate the scene - 0:41
    Step 2. Ask them to repeat it - 2:05
    Step 3. Ask the crowd for help - 3:41
    Step 4. Ask an open ended question - 4:43

  • @martcichocki5571
    @martcichocki5571 3 года назад +143

    You are: refreshing, know your craft, make awesome illustrations, and, in general, convey concepts in an adroit way! Very helpful, thank you!

  • @annakerr9442
    @annakerr9442 3 года назад +79

    Thank you Dan for also making their rude questions feel less intimidating. I'm loving seeing them as being cockroach like questions, helps me feel in control. All by turning the light on them.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +4

      My pleasure to present you with such a memorable image, Anna.

  • @lynncraig6151
    @lynncraig6151 3 года назад +22

    Thank you for sharing your Wisdom. People who are crass or rude will qualify their obnoxious remarks or questions with "I'm trying to get to know you." Or"You are too sensitive" or "I'm just being honest ". It's absolute Hell being around People sometimes .You never know what will come out of their Mouths and they always have excuses for their classless behavior.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +8

      My favorite is the danger phrase "I'm just being honest." The implication is that everything that comes into the head should come out the mouth and that is pure, unadulterated nonsense. Some things need not be said. And you know that if the comment is prefaced by or followed with "I'm just being honest" the comment falls into the category of things that need not be said.

  • @notbyinit3756
    @notbyinit3756 3 года назад +53

    “ How was your date last night “
    “ If you were there you would know” lol I have no filter at times

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +9

      Hey, nothing wrong with that response. It wasn't rude and it was direct--and with humor.

  • @robbiemoore-coaching
    @robbiemoore-coaching 2 года назад +5

    Listen, I just want to paint the picture on how valuable your videos are to me. Every week on Sunday I have a note in my calendar labeled therapy. I have several links from different creators where I watch for a whole hour and you're one of those people. Honestly I can't thank you enough. You're an incredible human being with so much wisdom and you do things in the most loving life without putting the people that put you down with revenge. So thank you so much for popping up in my feed every Sunday and of course I want to let you know that you are valued and you are loved and you're up an incredible human being. Thank you again for all of your time that you put in to spreading the love and the truth to the people around you. I am also a traveler and I'm super proud of myself but I'm in Columbia for the fourth time learning Spanish and I'm glad I watch this video.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  2 года назад +2

      Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me this, Robbie. Your reinforcing words mean a great deal to me. Write Jean at jean@danoconnortraining.com and tell her I said to shoot Say This Not That to you. I think you'll enjoy it as my gift to you--perhaps to look over next Sunday :)

  • @wayne7071
    @wayne7071 3 года назад +77

    Thank you so much . Your wise words have given me so much confidence . Especially in situations just like the one you described in this video. Thank you again . I hope you’re well

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +6

      Doing well, Wayne, and hope that you are too. I'm happy to have helped with your confidence :)

  • @maidmarion2976
    @maidmarion2976 3 года назад +21

    Having become slightly hard of hearing, I often have to ask people to repeat what they have said. It’s really useful for weeding out the disrespectful. It helps you take control of the conversation back. Most people have to rethink their question. It’s a great tool.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +6

      Sounds good enough for me to steal.

    • @maidmarion2976
      @maidmarion2976 3 года назад +2

      Yes it really works. So sick of Narcissists, we have to have some armour.

    • @maidmarion2976
      @maidmarion2976 3 года назад +1

      Another answer that’s useful is ‘why do you want to know?’ Said with a smile.

    • @WH2012
      @WH2012 3 года назад

      @@maidmarion2976 Bingo. I'm so past beating around the bush with people.

    • @fourgrans
      @fourgrans 7 месяцев назад

      I have done that too and noticed how sheepish they get when forced to repeat their rude comment or question. It's kind of satisfying lol

  • @theantiquelittlegirl5891
    @theantiquelittlegirl5891 2 года назад +2

    Dan O’Connor, that “narrate the scene” is brilliant and I think I can remember to do that!🌻

  • @gilltim5711
    @gilltim5711 3 года назад +14

    This is just what I've been looking for. Recently, a friend I hadn't spoken to in years called me up on a Facetime, and while we were catching up, he began asking me extremely intrusive questions, like why I'm not married, or how come I broke up with my last girl friend, all questions that made me feel violated. Of course, I didn't want to cast a shadow on our conversation when catching up with him after so many years, but I couldn't help feel he was trying to poke holes in my life out of jealousy, and I didn't know how to respond without just telling the guy to mind his own fucking business. Now I know how to respond to an asshole like that. Thank you!

  • @Peaceful4627
    @Peaceful4627 3 года назад +140

    I'm going to use these tips to deal with my rude sister in-laws. Lol

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +13

      Thanks! Let me know how it turns out, ok?

    • @sumitachandra3052
      @sumitachandra3052 3 года назад +2

      Please... From my side too.

    • @sweetbeep
      @sweetbeep 3 года назад

      .... I wonder if they think you are rude too.

    • @Peaceful4627
      @Peaceful4627 3 года назад +2

      @@sweetbeep I feel like the problem is, we are just like oil and water. The best part is , I rarely have to see them anymore. Now after watching some of these videos, I'm ready to deal with them .

    • @sweetbeep
      @sweetbeep 3 года назад +1

      @@Peaceful4627 .. well the thing about personalities are, I feel like loud ppl might think quiet ppl are rude and vice versa. Like it's just an opinion about what is rude or not.
      My brother once thought someone was rude and I thought he was perfectly fine if not considerate.

  • @Sunnie-V
    @Sunnie-V 3 года назад +47

    I wish I learned these tips❗ I got asked "how old are you?" By my previous supervisor because she was angry when I stood my ground and defend myself because I pointed out some of the things she said I did wrong when another staff aka her BFF did exactly the same thing. I just work like what I saw and I thought it was ok because I just started working. She said she will write me up. Because I'm the only little Asian at work so she intimated me by looking down on me. Man I wish I learn/ watch these videos 🤧

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +4

      Well you can learn them now Hlee, and I hope you do.

  • @wannabecarguy
    @wannabecarguy 3 года назад +1

    I'm happy to hear, that people are more interested in find integrity in the people around them.

  • @sandstormelliott
    @sandstormelliott 3 года назад +35

    Once again, absolutely perfect for teaching middle school!

  • @jaywellington6504
    @jaywellington6504 3 года назад +1

    7.8k gives this a thumbs up. That's a lot of people you're helping. We need you. 💜

  • @kitbenson8078
    @kitbenson8078 Год назад +1

    "There's nothing you can't say in a loving way."
    Another gem!
    For me, this could well take the anxiety out of responding when angry... There have been times when I've kept silent for fear of delivering an OTT, hurtful response. I can now see that this isn't necessary. A measured, firm but loving response would be far more effective all round.😊
    Thank you, Dan!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  Год назад +2

      OK, but wait a moment Kit; you left out an important part. There's nothing THAT YOU HAVE TO SAY that you can't say in a loving way." I make the distinction because some things shouldn't be said in the first place--i.e. you don't HAVE to say them. :) :)

    • @kitbenson8078
      @kitbenson8078 Год назад +1

      @@TheWizardOfWords Thank you, Dan. That makes even more sense and I shall submit it to memory. 😊

  • @chilloften
    @chilloften 3 года назад +12

    I love you Dan, you are so slick with regulating your emotion.
    I needed this just yesterday as I was attempting to purchase a perfume in the middle of the mall.
    The man was asking about my boyfriend…like multiple questions about it when I kept talking about the perfume.
    How weird.
    I finally just went along with him thinking I even have a boyfriend but then it came out that my boyfriend is still in another state.
    When actually the guy is not my bf and we broke up nearly two years ago.
    I did not make that purchase and I’m so happy, because I hated that interaction. So uncomfortable. How why does a perfect stranger feel they can intrude like that. Ewe.

  • @andreacanada639
    @andreacanada639 Год назад +1

    I love love love everything you have to share Dan!!

  • @scotta.osborn7417
    @scotta.osborn7417 3 года назад +24

    Dan, thank you, sir!
    Your wisdom and instruction has helped me find a dream job! Really love this video! You have a clever and incisive wit to combat rudeness which I truly admire!
    Thank you again!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      Happy to have helped you find your dream job. Please share these videos and spread the word.

  • @unnamedchannel1237
    @unnamedchannel1237 3 года назад +22

    Thanks for putting your time into these video's Dan, Appreciated.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      And thank you for appreciating that time, Un Named Channel.

  • @MiniMu-2008
    @MiniMu-2008 3 года назад +25

    My response to the question of my age is always: “between the age of consent & death”.

  • @Soylamarilyn
    @Soylamarilyn 3 года назад +19

    Thank you so much Dan I’m learning my value ….you’re awesome

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +3

      Marilyn, that is HUGE and I thank you for telling me that.

  • @YunMei17
    @YunMei17 3 года назад +17

    I loved your "That's Interesting" response years ago - love this follow-up

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад

      :). Thanks for continuing to follow these videos, Mei Lin.

  • @Trendolyn78
    @Trendolyn78 3 года назад +37

    I probably would have said “ so we’re having tacky hour instead of coffee I see”… let’s get back to what we’re here for lol

  • @recoveringbaptist2023
    @recoveringbaptist2023 3 года назад +40

    IDK about being dignified...I kinda like "It's none of your fcking business." Works every time.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +8

      Hey Recovering. I know perfectly well you don't talk that way to people.

    • @daniellee1722
      @daniellee1722 3 года назад +5

      It's case-by-case. Some ppl don't learn bc their whole MO is to get a reaction out of you. I grew up in a different time and place, where a man better watch what he says. If they run their mouth too much it won't end with verbal one-upmanship

    • @Childfree334
      @Childfree334 3 года назад +6

      @@TheWizardOfWords Actually, "It's none of your f*cking business" is EXACTLY what I say to people who are rude enough to question my life choices and decisions, especially those who want to know why I choose to be childfree. Plus I have a resting b*tch face. Works every time.

    • @JJ-iq8mi
      @JJ-iq8mi 3 года назад +3

      You're watching the wrong video. Idiot.

    • @recoveringbaptist2023
      @recoveringbaptist2023 3 года назад

      @@TheWizardOfWords well...no. But behind their BACKS I've been known to! I decided to bite the bullet and car camp last May, to pay off my credit cards and save my pensions. I was cleaning out my car at a gas station vacuum pump when a woman actually came up to me and asked "Are you homeless?" I was SO offended. But no, I simply explained what I was doing and then LATER kicked myself, as neither I nor anyone ELSE has to explain themselves to anyone. Then the gas station attendant told me she asked HER if I was homeless. THAT was when I exploded that it was none of her blankety blanking BUSINESS! I can't believe the NOSINESS of ppl!!!

  • @karenlm9062
    @karenlm9062 3 года назад +4

    Another great response to a rude question: Why do you ask? There was also this one time I said something to a guy who was being a jerk who asked me a question and I just looked at him and said, "If I cared what you thought I would let you know." And then I walked away.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +3

      Well if you're really upset--this would work. Hopefully most people don't upset you enough to use that too often.

  • @shenedadenney8649
    @shenedadenney8649 3 года назад +1

    Are you someone who DESERVES respect! BAM BAM BAM BAM.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      Who doesn't deserve respect, Sheneda? I'm not sure your question was a knock-out.

  • @dogodivaamorfati7190
    @dogodivaamorfati7190 3 года назад +9

    I just love your brain! You are so clever and smooth!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +2

      Well I'm kind of fond of my brain too, and try to feed it regularly to make certain it stays as healthy as possible. :)

  • @happycampers7115
    @happycampers7115 3 года назад +14

    This has been one of my favorite videos I have watched from you! Thank you Dan! I love the whole narrate the scene! Genius!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад

      Glad to hear it, Happy. Please feel free to share at will!

  • @realestate2181
    @realestate2181 3 года назад +9

    I always appreciate your insight and wisdom. I learn a lot with each video.

  • @aenigmatica8
    @aenigmatica8 3 года назад +1

    You are a breath of fresh air!! No one talks about this stuff and it’s so necessary!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      There are many things we aren't talking about--that we should be talking about, Victoria. Don't you agree?

    • @aenigmatica8
      @aenigmatica8 3 года назад +1

      @@TheWizardOfWordsI completely agree and I’m so glad you’re doing this! People are taught to be very agreeable and non-confrontational, so then when they need to be assertive and confident, it doesn’t come naturally! Your tips are really empowering. Thanks! 💕

  • @ladygaynor16
    @ladygaynor16 3 года назад +6

    Thank you. Sometimes people ask me, "when are you getting married?" The last time someone asked me that i said, "oh are you going to marry us then?" Another time, someone asked out loud, "when's the big day? I replied, "oh, i didn't know that marriage was compulsory!"

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +2

      Those responses will do, Gaynor, if you ask me.

    • @pn6528
      @pn6528 3 года назад +1

      I like to cheerfully say, I guess whenever God allows..I'll keep ya posted. 😉

  • @TheTRbandit
    @TheTRbandit Год назад

    All my life I have so often been asked this and been so embarrassed, even by perfect strangers. I felt humiliated when asked by a customer when I first approached them to offer help and that was the first thing they asked '"How old are you?" I didn't know how to respond and answered honestly and then he continued to argue with me that I must be wrong. I said (eventually) I'm not going to stand here and argue with you about my age. I felt so humiliated and disrespected as a person. I never knew how to properly respond to that horrible question until now. Thank you. Now I can use this for all the future horrible encounters that will come my way.

  • @dellette007
    @dellette007 3 года назад +21

    Omg I’m so glad i found you!!! You’re brilliant! Thanks so much for sharing🤗

  • @shimmeringchimps3842
    @shimmeringchimps3842 3 года назад +1

    Very much like #4, my go-to response to rude comments is (with heavy disappointment in my voice), "Aww, that's not nice. Why would you say that?" Or "Aww, that's a mean thing to say." Even if it's a boss or the office meanie, they immediately look embarrassed and start apologizing. Everyone thinks of themselves as a nice person who's clever, witty, hilarious. And maybe they were just trying to be funny, but this lets them know they miscalculated. It also works really well when you witness someone being rude to someone else. The talker always looks embarrassed by what they said and starts backpedaling, and the receiver is grateful for the social support.

  • @tonyaosborne6881
    @tonyaosborne6881 3 года назад +8

    Hi, good video but I think steering it into a conversation gets everyone off track - my go to has always been " Well, Tom, I'm certain you didn't mean to ask me such a personal or inappropriate question" and leave it there and move on. It has always worked for me without hesitation and the point you made about having to show someone the person their behavior or comment/question was rude without making it awkward for everyone is is also accomplished.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      Tonya, if the abbreviated version works for you, I say YOU GO! Whatever is mindful and works, and clearly your formula works for you.

    • @tonyaosborne6881
      @tonyaosborne6881 3 года назад

      @@TheWizardOfWords Also enjoying several of your videos- new sub!

  • @ZionRV
    @ZionRV 2 года назад

    Thank you Dan for all that you teach us!
    In the past when asked a rude question, I would answer "If I wanted you to know, I would have told you" and then I ignore them and they usually don't speak to me again.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  2 года назад

      Marie, you can never cast out darkness with more darkness. It's futile to try and never ends well.

  • @marthabunting2833
    @marthabunting2833 3 года назад +19

    Brilliant Dan love your strategy. I suffer from brain freeze and this video buys me time. I also love that you help us not answer the question at all. Love watching your videos.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад

      Good to hear, Martha. I hope you're sharing these videos.

    • @happycampers7115
      @happycampers7115 3 года назад +2

      Oh me too! When I feel emotional about something I freeze up and alwan think of the best comeback later! I hate that!

  • @toniblackmore3016
    @toniblackmore3016 3 года назад +4

    Lol. That cockroach analogy is a rock star! Love it!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад

      I have a home in Mexico. They didn't write La Cucaracha for nothin'!

  • @gme5400
    @gme5400 3 года назад +4

    I love you Dan! I have gone my whole life never finding the right words. Must be my mercury retrograde. Thanks to you I’m learning.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      Great, Regina. And btw, we're all learning, right? Hopefully every day. When we stop, well . . . .

  • @fromeveryting29
    @fromeveryting29 3 года назад +2

    I did this kind of automatically once. It just came to me, and it WORKS.
    I was working with two 40+ year old people in an art school. I had just went vegan for ethical reasons, and this one woman was obsessed with teasing me about it. Always "you have to eat some meat" whenever I struggled lifting some heavy concrete plates and stuff. Then one day she did that shit again, and it just came to me "she's obsessed with this..", and I straight out said exactly that:
    "You are obsessed with my veganism, aren't you".
    She went white in the face, suddenly realizing she was being an ass attacking my deepest moral values and my physical abilities. Next time I saw her she offered me a vegan ice cream she had laying in the kitchen freezer. Never mocked me again.
    This TOTALLY works, especially on adults!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      Thanks for sharing that story, Julian. Yes, it works. :)

  • @sydcrafty5498
    @sydcrafty5498 3 года назад +4

    You Rock! Thank you.. I just started a office job for the first time and I was rudely asked my age the third day! wish I knew this information 2 months ago.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад

      Well, you're ready for the next time now, Syd. :)

    • @morgandash7378
      @morgandash7378 3 года назад

      You could say, “I’m old enough to know it isn’t professional to ask that question at work.”

    • @LaDeeDah
      @LaDeeDah 3 года назад

      Welcome to office work. Freaking nightmare.

  • @yolandabonquiqui7792
    @yolandabonquiqui7792 2 года назад

    This is pure gold. Thanks Dan!

  • @Urshi9
    @Urshi9 3 года назад +4

    Very helpful, thankyou for this. I get asked rude questions more often than should and so far only been able to try and think of something witty to say… which is not always easy 🤯

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +2

      Ursula, you might want to concentrate on mindful rather than witty. Witty can easily backfire.

    • @Urshi9
      @Urshi9 3 года назад

      @@TheWizardOfWords yes I realise this now 🙈Thanks again 😊

  • @cranmalis
    @cranmalis 3 года назад

    I ABSOLUTELY LOVE You!!!! True, honest and to the point. Everyone needs these skills and you, my friend, just made my day brighter!! Thank you for sharing your light!

  • @RennaeAllDay
    @RennaeAllDay 3 года назад +4

    You’ve been helping me for so many years. Thank you! ♥️

  • @teresamarie1212
    @teresamarie1212 3 года назад +2

    Thank you.... I appreciate how you get right to the point and Dignity is very important!

  • @starrycrown
    @starrycrown 3 года назад +3

    You are a wonderful teacher and I love the way you edit your videos!

  • @GLCDrapes
    @GLCDrapes 2 года назад

    Thank you so much for this video. I am new to an office with toxic behaviours.I will be using this advice throughout this week to bring a halt to nasty behaviours without stooping to their own levels. Wish me luck.Thank you

  • @cassandrahood7665
    @cassandrahood7665 3 года назад +3

    Beautiful vid & lesson. You are SUCH a good teacher. I feel like I’m talking to someone I trust and love, like my uncle❤️ thanks

  • @denster77
    @denster77 3 года назад +2

    Alas! A helpful, insightful and educational video has came through my RUclips feed! Subscribed!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      Thank you, Phoenix, and please check out other videos as well :)

  • @jakestockton4808
    @jakestockton4808 3 года назад +8

    I've asked people "why would you say something like that? That could be seen as very hurtful if said to the wrong person." People are generally so dumbfounded by the response that they drop the issue or they apologize.

  • @lovesings2us
    @lovesings2us 2 года назад

    Wow, this is great! Thank you so much, Dan!

  • @burntblonde2925
    @burntblonde2925 3 года назад +4

    Oh I love this!! I have some toxic people at work, which I’m sure we all do

  • @deborahshadbolt9736
    @deborahshadbolt9736 Год назад

    I like it because the communication style is professional, diplomatic & mature. I’m aspiring to that & practicing it.

  • @spd2978
    @spd2978 3 года назад +3

    thank you Dan, very valuable skills, I hope we can change the world of communication !!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      I hope so too, Pat P--change the global dialogue one conversation at a time. At least we can affect the universe in which WE live :)

  • @lailayousuf413
    @lailayousuf413 3 года назад +2

    Incredible!!!!!!!!!!

  • @mskinetik
    @mskinetik 3 года назад +5

    When someone asks how old I am, I always reply something totally outlandish with a smirk and a wink, such as "Well gee, thanks for asking, I actually just celebrated my 572nd birthday, 'wink', how old are you?" That's my way of dodging the rude question and keeping them on their toes with a little humor. It usually makes them laugh as I charm them with humorous light hearted sarcasm.
    Takes the edge off the moment.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      Sounds good, mindful, effective, and funny.

    • @LeileeBaker805
      @LeileeBaker805 3 года назад +1

      Oh yea the age question🙄
      If i had a dollar for every time i get asked that..

    • @mskinetik
      @mskinetik 3 года назад

      @@TheWizardOfWords Question... What would you recommend to say to people who ask, "Do you have kids?" I do not have kids. Certain people sometimes dig into that subject and get judgy and ask "why not" or to which I reply, "kids are great but I never really wanted to raise children" and sometimes people keep digging deeper or even outright judge me for not wanting kids. Incredibly uncomfortable.
      What's a good way to diffuse or change the subject? This question might be worth an entire video response. I know a lot of people have a hard time with that question. I chose not to have kids but it must be especially sensitive for people who want kids but can't have them. People really can judge women harshy and I've also heard guys who have had a hard time with that question. There are different types of inquiries such as from family v.s. meeting new people who ask. I think inquiries from meeting new people can be the harshest. This subject can bring some people to tears.
      Thanks for your response. Love your channel! Thanks :)

    • @karaminoa6374
      @karaminoa6374 3 года назад +1

      Sorry, I want to ask why is it rude and how may I find out someone's age without being disrespectful? And is there ever a right time to ask?

    • @mskinetik
      @mskinetik 3 года назад

      @@karaminoa6374 When you first meet someone if you ask their age it can come across as judgemental. It doesn't really make a difference how old someone is. If you are getting to know someone on a personal level, or you're going on a date, then it's fine to ask.
      I think it has more to do with tone of voice and timing than anything.
      For example some people ask in a tone that is clearly assessing, judging, like in the video. Like someone asking an older coworker infront of others "So, you're how old? So you must be retiring soon." That is clearly judgemental.

  • @zeldapinwheel7043
    @zeldapinwheel7043 3 года назад

    This channel is so helpful. It's been helpful professionally, and it's been helpful personally.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      Zelda, I'm so happy you said that. So many people tell me they use my suggestions in business. That's great. However there are so many applications to one's personal life. For example--the broken record was a godsend for my mother. "No Daniel, you and your brother are not going." BUT EVERYBODY IS GOING. "No Daniel, you and your brother are not going." BUT WHY? "No Daniel, you and your brother are not going." It removes all the argumentation from children who love to distract and digress. But . . . I digress.

  • @AngeliqueMusic27
    @AngeliqueMusic27 3 года назад +4

    I get inappropriate questions ALL the time, thanks for the great tips!

  • @mymai2792
    @mymai2792 3 года назад

    For anyone who needs a memory recap.
    Rude questions:
    How old are you? To judge you.
    What happened to your date last night? To embarrass you when they already know
    🔹 0:41 Narrate the scene
    e.g "Here we are in this meeting to talk about work purchases & you want to ask such a question that has nothing to do ...etc"
    This is so they understand what they're asking is not appropriate
    🔹2:06 Ask them to repeat
    "What was is it you just ask me?"
    It will force them to repeat the undignified thing they said. There's a revolution of consciousness & people are aware if others have a moral compass, have integrity & dignity.
    🔹3:41 Ask the crowd for help
    "Tell me what's it called when someone asks etc...?"
    Crowd : Rude, Inappropriate?Creepy, Grounds for firing etc.
    Turn the focus on the asker
    🔹4:45 Ask an open-ended question
    e.g
    *Why would you think that was an appropriate question to ask me?
    *What did I do to deserve that?
    *Why would you put me on the spot like that?

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад

      Thanks for the re-cap; I should hire you.

    • @mymai2792
      @mymai2792 3 года назад

      @@TheWizardOfWords
      Oh shucks...I found your vid. so helpful & thought it handy when I pop back in now & again.

  • @tammydunnettleadership
    @tammydunnettleadership 3 года назад +28

    Hey DAN!!!! Great to see this video - I think we all struggle from time to time with the "on the spot" interactions that throw us off our game. How do you do the voice change?!: Love it! Finding time to calm down and reconnect with the thinking brain is sooo important to being seen as a savy communicator. Narrating the scene is a great strategy! Thanks for sharing.

  • @FliegendeMaus1996
    @FliegendeMaus1996 3 года назад

    God bless you, Dan! You've bailed me out with your videos on more than one occasion, as I'm sure you've been a blessing to so many others.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад

      I hope I've been a blessing, because God knows I've been surrounded by good and blessed people my entire life. We should all be sharing our blessings, right? Think of what the world would look like. Or as John says "Imagine . . . ."

    • @FliegendeMaus1996
      @FliegendeMaus1996 3 года назад

      @@TheWizardOfWords You're a huge inspiration for me (and not just in how to effectively communicate, but a shining example of love). What has been most effective with your training is keeping love as the driving force in everything we do!

  • @thejindoman7471
    @thejindoman7471 3 года назад +13

    Chuckle and ask "What's it to ya?"
    Or just carry on without having to dignify them with a response.
    Bottom line: don't let them get you off balance emotionally.
    A lion doesn't have to prove he is a lion :)

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +4

      That would work. And I agree that you shouldn't be thrown emotionally. However, I believe for your sake you should keep your responses mindful. Mindful over clever.

    • @pn6528
      @pn6528 3 года назад

      Love this.

  • @olgamiller216
    @olgamiller216 3 года назад +2

    Now that is clever!! I would usually just look at them for a long moment & say, "I really don't have an answer for you", turn & walk away. Not very satisfactory but I've never had a quick wit! Definitely gonna use your method, love the humor in it & I think that's why one would gain allies!

  • @shellchenonceau6987
    @shellchenonceau6987 3 года назад +4

    Your strategies here remind me of the old maxim "the best defense is a good offense", and it is nice that your suggestions are classy & high-road.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      I believe that can be true, Shell, as long as that offense is not offensive :)

  • @lisalisavirgowarrior1111
    @lisalisavirgowarrior1111 3 года назад +2

    This is the most helpful video I have found . So GRATEFUL you did it.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад

      Glad it was helpful and look for more like it. When you're ready to dig a little deeper, check out my courses at danoconnortraining.com, Lisa.

  • @KimitaDom
    @KimitaDom 3 года назад +3

    Great advice! Thank you! I loved the closing words and style 💕

  • @Estorep
    @Estorep 3 года назад

    Good advice. I usually respond to rude comments by not personally reacting but by saying, “how unkind. Are you OK?” They either spew out their problems or walk away unsatisfied as they did not get the reaction they wanted. I always try to remember it is always about themselves and their problems and has nothing to do with me.

  • @tuffstuff2U
    @tuffstuff2U 3 года назад +3

    Brilliant! I would not want to tangle with you 😁. Thank you for the counter tips to avoid "gotcha" moments. I will now feel much more in control should those moments arise.

  • @morgandash7378
    @morgandash7378 3 года назад +2

    I have a Communications degree and I really enjoy your videos. Keep up the good work!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      Thanks for the reinforcement Morgan; it's much appreciated.

  • @exterMEnator83
    @exterMEnator83 3 года назад +26

    "Like cockroaches when you flip the switch"🤔👍🤙🤘🤝

  • @nycem1943
    @nycem1943 2 года назад

    You are God sent! THANK YOU

  • @LaDeeDah
    @LaDeeDah 3 года назад +8

    Had a rude patient flip out about filling out a new registration form (he wasnt in since 2017) and said "I'm not filling out any more papers in this place!" And I just flatly said "you didnt fill out the paper fully in 2017 either". He said SO WHAT! I'll go somewhere else! I said again flatly- "you'll have to fill out paperwork there too." 😂🤷‍♀️ What would have been the customer service fake response to this? Because I'm positive he needed to feel dumb for that. He later apologized for flipping out, so I would put my response in the win column

  • @nwest2342
    @nwest2342 3 года назад +1

    Great advice and such a soothing voice. Thank you from all of us who was not taught these skills at an early age x

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      Thank you, Nishia. I am happy to help and I hope you share these videos.

  • @GodsSparrowSpeaks
    @GodsSparrowSpeaks 3 года назад +8

    😂 #2 had me bust out laughing! Such a great one!
    An excellent tool for those backbiting types who attempt to bully their way into domination through accusation
    Thank you 🕊💝

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      You're very welcome, GS.

    • @GodsSparrowSpeaks
      @GodsSparrowSpeaks 3 года назад

      Thank you for sharing what you have learned thru your experiences, bringing beauty from ashes 🕊💝

  • @NewYawkahBroad
    @NewYawkahBroad 3 года назад +1

    So simple, yet powerfully effective.

  • @margaritacordova7893
    @margaritacordova7893 3 года назад +4

    Lol I'm gonna be using these techniques on my grandma 😆 🤣

  • @gugula11
    @gugula11 3 года назад

    Love his video’s he has given me simple tools that has rescued me from a lot of negative emotional abuse & lateral violence thank you Sir you I can now walk with my head held high & feel more confident about my life. Xx 😘

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад

      Gugula11, thank you so much for your note. It meant a great deal to me.

  • @mercurialpierrot7073
    @mercurialpierrot7073 3 года назад +5

    The short answer: calmly drag them across the office 🤣

  • @m.jessica8742
    @m.jessica8742 3 года назад

    Great content as always. My favorite response to a personal question is, "That's a question for people who are paying bills." Stops people right in their tracks and they agree. Often with the age question I will feign either I didn't hear it or not correctly, and increasingly so until the person who asked stops out of embarrassment. They usually say they know they aren't supposed to ask it either.

  • @tthomas501
    @tthomas501 3 года назад +3

    I usually say "excuse me", that way they have to repeat it and hear themselves, at that point I don't have to say anything else!

  • @lakotdaisy9274
    @lakotdaisy9274 Год назад +2

    Hallelujah!

  • @tron3entertainment
    @tron3entertainment 3 года назад +4

    "Why don't you ask your mom?"
    Works on so many levels.

  • @RondaSmith144Empress
    @RondaSmith144Empress 3 года назад +1

    Infinite blessings and thanks to you for ALL of this as it's confirmation for my recent communications with those who feel entitled to information and to test or cross one's boundaries. I've told several people ( family included) that some things are rude and inappropriate and it's NOT their business so this is another tool for me especially as a Gemini who loves to communicate effectively and respectfully. I think it's extremely valuable to learn that you don't have to give an explanation or defense to others whose behaviors leave much to be desired.

  • @SouthernBelleReviews
    @SouthernBelleReviews 3 года назад +3

    This is difficult to do in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. Many times if I answer AT ALL to questions like, "Who were you texting last night?" Or other questions a controlling boyfriend asks the female he thinks he owns... It just causes a situation to escalate and I get cussed at.

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +15

      Sarafina, you are talking about a boyfriend whom you describe as emotionally and physically abusive? RUN RUN RUN away from that relationship. There are no techniques that apply to abuse except giving the relationship what it needs, which is DISTANCE.

    • @candy2325
      @candy2325 3 года назад +2

      @@TheWizardOfWords I agree! That’s a lost cause at that point

  • @mrsnipermask936
    @mrsnipermask936 3 года назад +1

    I loved this video and thanks for the communication training! you're teaching us how to defend from words, with words.

  • @Sirchingsince
    @Sirchingsince 3 года назад +5

    Hi Dan, I am struggling to keep professionalism at my job. It is a Caribbean culture, where personal questions are not considered rude. I caved under relentless peer pressure and disclosed my age. I instantly regretted it. The office is not very busy, which affords a lot of down time and oversharing. I am uncomfortable. Should I just find a new job?

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +6

      Esther, the short answer is "Yes." This job doesn't seem to be a fit for you, and you don't want to be uncomfortable at your job. You spend too many hours there to be ill at ease--too large a percentage of your life. Start looking.

    • @michellechilton3345
      @michellechilton3345 3 года назад +2

      @@TheWizardOfWords perfect answer ❤️

    • @happycook6737
      @happycook6737 3 года назад +2

      I might look at my work history and see if this has been a problem at all my jobs. If yes, then it is the culture of the country and I need to learn strategies to deal with it because it is happening multiple times. If it is just the current job, then I would find a new job.

    • @Sirchingsince
      @Sirchingsince 2 года назад +1

      Thank you for all of your responses. I did find a new job - problem solved. For some reason, I missed the notifications for this post.

    • @Sirchingsince
      @Sirchingsince 2 года назад +1

      @@happycook6737 That was my first foray into such an environment. I'm happy to have moved on.

  • @YoYoYo137
    @YoYoYo137 3 года назад

    You are so charismatic Dan I can’t get enough of your brilliant videos xxx

  • @CrisTina-tp2jg
    @CrisTina-tp2jg 3 года назад +3

    The information is interesting. I'm sensitive to noise, and the sounds of the clip as the words came up I found distracting and annoying. I thought the sound was something in the room I was in, I stopped the video to check as it wasn't apparent whether the noise was connected to the clip. Dan, would you consider a different type of sound for future videos?

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад +1

      Each video is different from the next. Perhaps another video would suit you better. I hope so.

  • @BhaktiSangraha6718
    @BhaktiSangraha6718 3 года назад

    Namaste 🙏 Thanks for your work on communication skills! I am learning something every day!!

  • @Quetzalioshun
    @Quetzalioshun 3 года назад +4

    Rude question : are you vaxed?
    Answer: None of your business!
    How do I answer politely? 😤

    • @spillingthetea-na1642
      @spillingthetea-na1642 3 года назад +1

      A very rude question that has been normalised and deemed appropriate .
      My answer will be "how many STD'S have you had?
      People need to be SHUT down!

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад

      Quetzali, Hopefully you just say "Yes, and I hope everyone has--just as everyone in the military has taken 17 mandatory vaccines and kids have been taking mandatory vaccines for YEARS to get into school. BTW, why do you ask?"

    • @TheWizardOfWords
      @TheWizardOfWords  3 года назад

      Spilling, It's been normalized because people know that if the world doesn't get vaccinated, as it did for polio, smallpox and other horrendous infectious or contagious diseases, this pandemic will go on indefinitely claiming more and more lives.