I can’t even put into words what all that you have shared over the years has meant to me in my life. You are a rare voice of wisdom in a cesspool of ridiculousness.
I don't even want to date or talk to another person, ever since the situation I had ended, though I've technically been single over 2 years now. Maybe that will change in a few years but, for now, I just want to be more mentally stable, work towards my career, and integrate my shadow. I ordered a shadow integration journal yesterday so I loved that you brought that up. Another amazing and helpful video. Thank you!
I am living proof it is absolutely possible. Over 50 years of a overtly narcissistic mother and sister and 3 and half years of the most terrible narcissist relationship that included physical abuse God sent me an angel but I had to be honest with myself about how it affected me and heal from it and it takes years and isn't easy but it is absolutely possible. Been together 16 years now and life is awesome. Richard was the icing on the cake to make sense of it all but yes it's absolutely possible.
I enjoy laying in bed and farting loudly…I don’t think I’d be able to do that if I was in a relationship and at this point I’m not prepared to give it up 👍
Maybe it does come with age but I gave up dating at 50 because I thought exactly the same. There is no one worth dating properly and that was after dating over a hundred guys. I just wasn't prepared to have a relationship with someone for the sake of it. Nobody even seemed to be as good as the narcissist I left and that sounds disturbing. The drinkers wanted an enabler and I lost count how many times I got asked if I liked cooking cleaning and ironing. And I think if you've done work on yourself, because you had to, it's so much easier to see that other people haven't or never will!
Yes,yes indeed..I just love being single, thankfully I have grown kids ,a career & a few real friends, there really is NO reason for a relationship..my favorite hobby is dodging narcissists & spotting them from miles away ..& watching videos by Richard Grannon , Sam Vaknin ,Dr Ramani & many more..better then any true crime thrillers👍🏽💥🔥💯🎉❤️
I am so laughing now! 😂Thank you!! I am married 44 years to the same man. It is possible. Even if one or both were abused. Possible. But with Grace, possible. Hard work. Service. Yes.
In my opinion, the ability to be truly empathic of other people, self-reflective, and take responsibility of YOUR actions/reactions would be the foundation for relationships with other people. Also, the ability to not need to be with another person.
I don't agree with your last sentence. You are human, wired for connection. If you are training yourself to not "need" another person, you are training yourself to become detached from your feelings and needs and potentially become avoidently attached. Some things can only be met by other people - family, friends, therapist, partner. It's more about how and on who you are placing your needs and the contribution of such and your willingness to give back and to be emotionally available for others.
Having my children taught me the joy of love as service…they didn’t limit me but in fact expanded my understanding of myself and gave me a humility that is simply priceless…they made me grow up
I'm not sure about all the society stuff. You can have such different personalities in the same family, on the same block, in the same school, and in the same city. Narcissist Personality Disorder has always seemed like a brain condition to me. Like they're literally missing the decency and empathy chip in the prefrontal cortex or something. It's very, very toxic for people who need their boundaries and a modicum of respect to function well.
_"The trick to mortality is to avoid death"_ The problem is not being attracted to attractive people, the problem is not being able to terminate the relationship when those people act toxic.
Ugliest people are narcs all the beautiful people I ever knew were equally very beautiful looking and for some reason died young. Some are still here but the ugliest fakest are all narcs obsessed with their looks because they got no personality warmth or humour.
@@lynneleverton8825 look in my case i gained the strength from my child. Just be careful as theres loads of creeps especially online and if your attractive its even harder. Keep your chin up.😊😇
@@lynneleverton8825 why are you blaming yourself? The right one going to appreciate everything about you. Dont let a jealous narc define you. Your talking because you got something to say and people wanna hear it. If they dont tell them to bugger off. Life too short for that crap.
Same, i want a relationship but "LAT =living apart together" I love my freedom to clean, cook, sleep, eat and do whatever I want whenever i want without having to make sacrifice for someone's confort or expectations.
I’m actually one of those people who go to bed at 8pm well hydrated. And I like it! I also don’t have sex outside of marriage (just my own conviction, not passing judgment on anyone else. Not saying my way is the right way for everyone.). Also, doing hard work recovering from a bad relationship. So, those things will probably make it hard for me to ever find a long term relationship with another person. It would have to be a divine introduction I guess! Thank you for the good advice and affirmation!
Omg you have just described my soon to be x husband of a 30 year marriage in a nutshell with a malignant fragile narcissist with an unintegrated shadow Filed for divorce Thank you Richard ❤
I believe it is possible. It’s not going to be a walk in the park. Working on yourself and coming to being internally free from narcissistic abuse is possible. You have to be mindful of yourself and how you react in trigger situations. Also it would be impossible if your new partner doesn’t know. Partnering means supporting them & them understanding you and your past and together collectively grow and work together on your relationship. Relationships are work. But the hard work can become something great in your relationship. It’s got to be giving 150% to each other.
Love that insight into what you observe in healthy relationships. I will never be in a relationship again unless the other person can show up for the work and vulnerable dialogue. I wish I had held this self-care expectation in dating before the second marriage and eight years of trying to reach that destination.
😂😂😂 that was a whole ride you took us on! Love your work Richard. Having first hand experience of narcissistic abuse this really resonated. Thanks for your words of wisdom 🫶
I’ve never met someone who believes so similarly to how I do. I do appreciate how well you articulate it though! I have relationship 2. Two fully grown adults, imperfect and accepting of each other. It’s not abusive and doesn’t look like a Hallmark Special. I still am working on myself as I have a history of childhood trauma and a previous abusive marriage. I become more aware through your videos. Thank you!
Never mind dating and romance, I can't even find a man to work with in life that doesn't abuse, con, and throw their issues with their ex at me like I am their ex. Im sick to death of it.
I'm looking forward to this. When l first heard Meridith Miller state that we must give ourselves time l had just left the NEX, and thought that a new relationship was the way out of the dark place l was in. I realize now that she was right, and it has been just over three years.
I was discarded by my ex narc girlfriend and even tho it’s been 4/5 months its still hard cos I was genuine and genuinely fell in love with her then since she just discarded me and I’ve been learning about narcissism her actions and behaviours finally began to make sense. However the pain is still there cos it’s not the usual heartbreak it’s 5x more painful knowing you fell in love withnever fell in love with someone who didn’t fall in love with you and the person and relationship was a lie and months down the line there’s times when all the feelings and pain hit you like a wave like the early days.
Not only did this give me an insight on my previous toxic relationship. It also gave me perspective on how I have been emotionally immature myself. This was an eye opener, thank you for being so real.
The way you talk about sharing the same house with one person for decades as if it were a prison sentence every time you talk about mature loving relationships…I swear it never fails to crack me up 🤣🤣🤣 Lots of good thoughts in here, but I think we might be living on different planets ‘cause where I come from we don’t take Hollywood movies as a representation of reality, thank God.
Isn't THAT the main problem with relationships now??? Finding another "mature & emotionally healthy" adult to "share" your life with seems impossible. I'm not looking for perfection. Especially since that isn't on the list of MY abilities to bring to the relationship. But is expecting a grown man to NOT have the emotional maturity & aversion to responsibility that a teenage boy has, too much to ask for? Apparently, it is.....
Narcissism itself is the stampede of inmature people or an inmature society. Even if don't love you, use seduction tactics to create traumatic bond. When you have the knowdelge about it, you mistrust everyone. Greetings.
You talk like every single person in America is dying in the street or starving to death. 90 percent of us are working, living, laughing and enjoying life....do believe everything on the media because there's terrible media about every country.
I'm 9 years single, lots of healing in between those years but I know being in a relationship will bring up even more things to heal from but I don't see a relationship occurring, times are so different now and it seems like those seeking to heal and be better mentally are rare.The idea of being in a relationship is getting stranger and stranger as the years go by and maybe it's my own mental issue for being single for that long.
I’ve already done the marriage and children experience. I don’t want another man living with me. I just want an exclusive sexual relationship with chemistry where we emotionally and intellectually are compatible. Like me, I want him to be a non-smoker, and not be an addict/alcoholic. I seem to be wanting too much, I guess. 🤷🏻♀️ I’ve been working on accepting being alone.
Hi Richard New subscriber 🙏 Can I ask you a question please? I am the family scapegoat, and my partner was his family scapegoat. We both decided to grey rock both parents after numerous gaslighting events from both sides. We now only invite them to the children's party's and only important events. I don't know why, but I just laugh at the madness when they are around. This is after years and years of addiction recovery and counselling. Am I turning narsasistic, or am I just over it all. Nothing triggers me anymore, and this concerns me🙏 Delighted I found your channel, and I wish you every success 🙌
I’ve now been on my own for 2.5 years after a very long abusive relationship. I’ve learnt to be really happy with my own company. I’ve no idea what my next intimate relationship will look like.
I'm over it. It will be me and my rescue dogs from here on; with them I know unconditional love, loyalty, laughter and fun times! Men are so damn unremarkable and not worth the trouble.
Ugh surely there's a better way to say it than "body count"? And honestly, I don't think that has much difference at all. In fact, you learn more the more relationships you have?
I don’t want your dating advice. I’m focused on me and how I can stop ruminating on this narc parson. Who is still connected by our teen. Who he manipulates and actually terrorizes her. It’s awful. I can only guide her carefully. Dating is the last thing on my mind. I know there are wonderful men out there. They are all taken or commuted or a disaster from their own messes they have to heal from. So I don’t know why anyone would ask you for dating advice. I ask of you to keep helping us heal from narc people who just never stop. Thank you for your work. I listen. I hear you and take it in. It’s helpful because it’s logic. All good. Onwards and upwards.
...." They have to have an ability to argue"...😂😂😂😂i know it's meant a little bit differently,but to some of my family members it's the only form of communication 😂😂😂
I think perhaps I can enjoy life being a momma to my kids and living my life free from the baggage that romantic relationships bring out from our childhoods. I want to give a person the very best version of me and I'm not there and may never be. So it's unfair to even entertain another relationship.
Bingo! I felt like I was doing the emotional labor for him whilst trying to figure out the winning combination to unlock his sanity. Which in turn, made me crazy times two. And he walk away the victim and the victor. It’s really something. WAW! What A World. Thank you for doing the thinking, Richie X O X O
After decades of taking on partner's issues, I just gave up 10 yrs. ago (I simply make bad choices in terms of love). Since then, my oife has actually been much more stable & happier (in a way) though I still would like an "ideal" relationship.
I don’t care about relationships I’m more focused on fulfilling my dreams. Eveyone gets into relationships, if that’s all you did when you die, you have no legacy. I want my life to meen something for myself and to prove all the people who hurt me wrong. A man will never fufill that. I will just end up broke and pregnant.
Coming from a lot of experience, getting past hyper-vigilance is one of the most difficult obstacles. Because after abuse, everything reads as it. If you have a partner who wants to do their own work as well and choose to stay at it, you’ll certainly have the best shot. Also therapy helped me so much. To challenge the many negative cognitions that my mind would create. ❤
"Banes : [speaking about George's transformation] He never really changed at all. Isn't that right Doc? I mean he never really got any smarter. Doc? Doc : Banes... how's your lady love? Banes : We... um... we broke up. Doc : Really? That's too bad, yeah. Now George has a love at his side and she is sticking with him. You know why? Because he bought her chairs. That's pretty smart to me. You ever buy Lisa's chairs?' Banes : Doc's real drunk tonight." ~ Doc to Banes in the pub scene of the movie 'Phenomenon.'
I reckon free parenting workshops (including before the child is born) , free counselling to help people integrate their shadow, would help society. (Free at point of access I mean)
You have a ways to go Richard I don't think this soliloquy from you is very helpful . I do get that you're trying to poke holes in the Erie ferry notions that people have about love, but for example I love and dream of a beautiful home, but I work as basically a renovator airbnb host and a landlord. My house is always a mess but I'm doing what I love and there is some cognitive dissonance there. That's life, but I am motivated by The dream and live in the reality. Same goes for love relationships
Time heals all wounds, give n take. Another interesting talk. Thank you God bless You. I really resonate with the humour side of it and the pass the salt pss thanks for the truth😁
I laughed when you laughed. When I listen to you I hear myself. I do feel free now that I understand. I'm content. It took many years of therapy. I love your snark. The end was perfect for me. I'm funny at parties. But don't get too close. I won't compromise on anything. But I still have fun. I married someone as f ucked as I was and we both worked to become separately shadow integrated. Insane times but we both dove into the psychology and got through it. And then he died and I reverted back to my old self for awhile. I feel lucky that I love to read. I'm taking a break from men for awhile. My friends get frustrated when I say the only man I'd consider dating right now lives a country or two away, has been divorced at least 3 times and is really busy and loves his career. No threat. Your videos are so fascinating.
A more mature relationship is based on "otherness" itself. On the dialectical principle that demonstrates that MY ONE and YOUR ONE together create the third . The "third" is the developmental process that results as we influence each other in turn; we GROW by incorporating that influence. We do not learn and grow by subscribing to the same thoughts, copying the same values. We GROW from the experience of our differences. The capacity to include those differences is the chief task and gift, of an evolving relationship. If a relationship doesn't promote and support the growth of each,, even to risky, unpredictable places , it is nit a mature relationship, it is a regressive folie a deux. BS . JH Ph.D...
Having a successful romantic loving relationship with whom? Very good question Richard. Technically a white paper with perfectly lack of any emotional or mental problems. Brand newly manufactured ready to satisfy all your desires. Very possibly your fantasy land requires more than one person. 1) the hot sexy blond very well trained on porn but only with you, 2) a saint woman that would be suitable for being the mother of your children and accepted by your family 3) a funny sport lover 4) loving the same movies that you love. 5) In the same time very good cook and has got still energy to clean the house, doing laundry and ironing. 6) Oh, almost forgot, and loves you unconditionally just because you exist just like your mom. 7) she goes to work has a successful carrier and earns money. That’s 7 person 😅.
I see the men at the street (It's an example, but real), they look at you for sex, when you need to stop what kind of intentions have, a little bit of time to see it clearly. It doesn't matter the time happens, you're fearful of new relationships and what are true intentions with which they approach. Thank for the video. Greetings!
I have men that want to date me but then I think could I ever live with another adult again and I feel the answer is no. Getting married at 20 was a huge mistake and I divorced at 28 so it's me and my son. He autistic. He needs stability. I took so much damage in the marriage I don't think I'll ever be able to be vulnerable like that again.
It's scary being a single person wanting a romantic relationship but also knowing that the majority or marriages end in pain and even the most "in love" people break up. I'm afraid of the pain of heartbreak because I'm only 22 and still hurt from the multiple times I've experienced it . I'm recieving a stark wake up call to reality that this life is really, really tough. That said, I don't want to be miserable. I feel this " pandora's box" opening where the notion of a thriving future seems unrealistic. The experience of losing hope sucks. I'm realizing I need to grieve the imaginary and work on acceptance of reality. Beyond being scared of heartbreak, what I fear the most hurting someone else. I know how much it hurts to be wronged by another and I'm terrified of doing it to someone else. Unfortunately I feel I'm kinda messed up and wouldn't want to project my trauma and sin on someone else. BUT I don't want to be unhappy and alone my whole life. I constantly remind myself of Elsa from Frozen. Alone and free but slave and frozen. Throwing "ice tatrums" unable to control both sides of a warring personality. How does one change this? Thanks so much for your videos, your insights are much appreciated 💕
I agree you are way ahead of most adults 3 times your age. Whatever you are doing keep walking down that path. Eventually, I believe you will find a partner that will walk along side with you on their own two feet.
It is possible , its hard work to rid of trauma, rid of victim mentality, take over like in powerful way. I was watching love rats where woman was conned by narc. She jumped into dating again and found most decent guy. Point is learn lesson and be dare devil with life rather than let abusers rob people of their future
I miss my Dad and his hugs and our great conversations. He was so awesome and I'm afraid I'll never find romantic love that feels as safe as that was. And yeah, I'm going back to therapy for the millionth time.... 😆
Evolving together means resolving together. It's a skill , that works if there is a mutual match on moral compass level. Or are we serial monogamists? For me.. I choose to practise that skill in other relationships in my life and when time comes.. I will always try for love.Once more. Because we are human and healed or not, we all desearve to share love. Almost 45 and relationships failed.. thats ok.. life is not ment to be without failures is it? I think growing old through all the years happens when you have met eachother at a younger age and grown up and forward on a path both people made an effort to stay on. But growing apart is a real thing too. So hatever love is.. it is never free of complications. But you have to know who you are, what you bring to the table and acknowledge being imperfect. and work on toxic traits that undermine your mutual teamwork.
I had a VERY healthy relationship with my late husband. Problem is....after so long with a happy healthy marriage, i didn't know how UNHEALTHY so many are....
Your videos are so on the mark as I was married to a narcissist years ago and did not understand at the time what I was dealing with but my instincts and religion saved me. Please keep up your videos as people really need to hear these truths. Sometimes I cannot help but laugh in a really good way at how honest and openly you state some of the comments you receive from people and some of your experiences. Really thanks for the education on narcissists.
The biggest relationship I began to work on is working on my own relationship with my own self. Like you say I had to grow up. Not for ‘selfish’ or ‘self centeredness’ but because I needed to get comfortable with my own self, overcoming my own ‘traumas’ etc… I had to grow up myself. So now I notice how it’s getting easier also living with my daughter working on her ‘shadows’ as you say. And the weight is getting easier. It’s absolutely true. We’re like ‘adulting’ together and I’m less mum to a baby but more mum to a young adult. It’s great to see that happening! Well said.
I can’t even put into words what all that you have shared over the years has meant to me in my life. You are a rare voice of wisdom in a cesspool of ridiculousness.
well said !
Hi Sara, Thanks for watching and for your kind words! 😎
Well said.
I don't even want to date or talk to another person, ever since the situation I had ended, though I've technically been single over 2 years now. Maybe that will change in a few years but, for now, I just want to be more mentally stable, work towards my career, and integrate my shadow. I ordered a shadow integration journal yesterday so I loved that you brought that up. Another amazing and helpful video. Thank you!
I am living proof it is absolutely possible. Over 50 years of a overtly narcissistic mother and sister and 3 and half years of the most terrible narcissist relationship that included physical abuse God sent me an angel but I had to be honest with myself about how it affected me and heal from it and it takes years and isn't easy but it is absolutely possible. Been together 16 years now and life is awesome. Richard was the icing on the cake to make sense of it all but yes it's absolutely possible.
Your comment gives me hope. Thankyou.
Congrats!
That's wonderful news, Thanks for watching and for sharing your experience! 😎
Your message gives me hope 🙏🙏🙏
I enjoy laying in bed and farting loudly…I don’t think I’d be able to do that if I was in a relationship and at this point I’m not prepared to give it up 👍
You could always look for a partner with flatulence!🤣
@@clairejohnson6522 I only like my own …I’m sure there’s a metaphor in there somewhere 😂🤣
@@becksea Wherever you may be ,let your wind blow free!💨🌬
If you consider that as utter expression of your freedom maybe you are only inflated.
I just spewed my drink 😆😆😆😆
Maybe it does come with age but I gave up dating at 50 because I thought exactly the same. There is no one worth dating properly and that was after dating over a hundred guys. I just wasn't prepared to have a relationship with someone for the sake of it. Nobody even seemed to be as good as the narcissist I left and that sounds disturbing. The drinkers wanted an enabler and I lost count how many times I got asked if I liked cooking cleaning and ironing. And I think if you've done work on yourself, because you had to, it's so much easier to see that other people haven't or never will!
Spotting the those types becomes crystal clear and then realizing there is great comfort in staying single.
@@yvonneb-t3d I actually love being single. I still get asked out on dates now, but i always decline. I make every excuse under the sun! lol
I decent men anymore sounds sweeping but it’s true
Hear ya ❤️
Yes,yes indeed..I just love being single, thankfully I have grown kids ,a career & a few real friends, there really is NO reason for a relationship..my favorite hobby is dodging narcissists & spotting them from miles away ..& watching videos by Richard Grannon , Sam Vaknin ,Dr Ramani & many more..better then any true crime thrillers👍🏽💥🔥💯🎉❤️
I absolutely love this guy... Everything he says is just a eye-opener. I prefer to be single after an narcissistic relationship.
Same. Amen sister
o my God .. worse part is when u want real love but u still missed the momster how abiused and left u broken ..
That's a trauma bond and it takes time, a LOT of time......
I am so laughing now! 😂Thank you!!
I am married 44 years to the same man.
It is possible. Even if one or both were abused. Possible.
But with Grace, possible.
Hard work. Service. Yes.
well done!
@@bah667 Thank you 🙏. ..😄It really is Gods Grace ...😄
👏👏👏 very happy for you 😊❤️
In my opinion, the ability to be truly empathic of other people, self-reflective, and take responsibility of YOUR actions/reactions would be the foundation for relationships with other people. Also, the ability to not need to be with another person.
Yes! I think you are bang on!😁
I don't agree with your last sentence. You are human, wired for connection. If you are training yourself to not "need" another person, you are training yourself to become detached from your feelings and needs and potentially become avoidently attached. Some things can only be met by other people - family, friends, therapist, partner. It's more about how and on who you are placing your needs and the contribution of such and your willingness to give back and to be emotionally available for others.
Having my children taught me the joy of love as service…they didn’t limit me but in fact expanded my understanding of myself and gave me a humility that is simply priceless…they made me grow up
I'm not sure about all the society stuff. You can have such different personalities in the same family, on the same block, in the same school, and in the same city. Narcissist Personality Disorder has always seemed like a brain condition to me. Like they're literally missing the decency and empathy chip in the prefrontal cortex or something. It's very, very toxic for people who need their boundaries and a modicum of respect to function well.
This was great video. To all the souls who are trying to heal ❤
Richard, this video is Wonderful!! What a breath of fresh air and speaking such truth!!! ❤️🇺🇸😊
_"The trick to mortality is to avoid death"_
The problem is not being attracted to attractive people, the problem is not being able to terminate the relationship when those people act toxic.
Ugliest people are narcs all the beautiful people I ever knew were equally very beautiful looking and for some reason died young. Some are still here but the ugliest fakest are all narcs obsessed with their looks because they got no personality warmth or humour.
I've recovered from this problem. It's a lot harder when you have kids a home and other stuff though. Everything isn't so black and white.
@@lynneleverton8825 look in my case i gained the strength from my child. Just be careful as theres loads of creeps especially online and if your attractive its even harder. Keep your chin up.😊😇
@@heartofpuregold I'm average...Is probs bcos I talk too much.
@@lynneleverton8825 why are you blaming yourself? The right one going to appreciate everything about you. Dont let a jealous narc define you. Your talking because you got something to say and people wanna hear it. If they dont tell them to bugger off. Life too short for that crap.
Imho...lf you want real love get a dog
Your description of what shadow integrated and unintegrated people would look like trying to be in a relationship is gold.
Yeh I want a relationship but to never live with the person. I can’t do it any other way. I won’t
Same, i want a relationship but "LAT =living apart together"
I love my freedom to clean, cook, sleep, eat and do whatever I want whenever i want without having to make sacrifice for someone's confort or expectations.
I’m actually one of those people who go to bed at 8pm well hydrated. And I like it! I also don’t have sex outside of marriage (just my own conviction, not passing judgment on anyone else. Not saying my way is the right way for everyone.). Also, doing hard work recovering from a bad relationship. So, those things will probably make it hard for me to ever find a long term relationship with another person. It would have to be a divine introduction I guess! Thank you for the good advice and affirmation!
Children are amazing ! Best relationships of my life ! But they grow up and have there own lives! Which is completely healthy!!!!
Omg you have just described my soon to be x husband of a 30 year marriage in a nutshell with a malignant fragile narcissist with an unintegrated shadow
Filed for divorce
Thank you Richard ❤
I believe it is possible. It’s not going to be a walk in the park. Working on yourself and coming to being internally free from narcissistic abuse is possible. You have to be mindful of yourself and how you react in trigger situations. Also it would be impossible if your new partner doesn’t know. Partnering means supporting them & them understanding you and your past and together collectively grow and work together on your relationship. Relationships are work. But the hard work can become something great in your relationship. It’s got to be giving 150% to each other.
Love that insight into what you observe in healthy relationships. I will never be in a relationship again unless the other person can show up for the work and vulnerable dialogue. I wish I had held this self-care expectation in dating before the second marriage and eight years of trying to reach that destination.
😂😂😂 that was a whole ride you took us on! Love your work Richard. Having first hand experience of narcissistic abuse this really resonated. Thanks for your words of wisdom 🫶
I’ve never met someone who believes so similarly to how I do. I do appreciate how well you articulate it though!
I have relationship 2. Two fully grown adults, imperfect and accepting of each other. It’s not abusive and doesn’t look like a Hallmark Special. I still am working on myself as I have a history of childhood trauma and a previous abusive marriage. I become more aware through your videos. Thank you!
Peace is being alone, ps I love your stuff. An articulate, aware man is quite a rare thing 😀🤗
Sadly, he doesn't have a healthy relationship either......the world is broken
Never mind dating and romance, I can't even find a man to work with in life that doesn't abuse, con, and throw their issues with their ex at me like I am their ex. Im sick to death of it.
I'm looking forward to this. When l first heard Meridith Miller state that we must give ourselves time l had just left the NEX, and thought that a new relationship was the way out of the dark place l was in. I realize now that she was right, and it has been just over three years.
Gotta heal 🎉❤
I was discarded by my ex narc girlfriend and even tho it’s been 4/5 months its still hard cos I was genuine and genuinely fell in love with her then since she just discarded me and I’ve been learning about narcissism her actions and behaviours finally began to make sense. However the pain is still there cos it’s not the usual heartbreak it’s 5x more painful knowing you fell in love withnever fell in love with someone who didn’t fall in love with you and the person and relationship was a lie and months down the line there’s times when all the feelings and pain hit you like a wave like the early days.
I left my narc a year ago and I still cry hard!!! It's alot to deal with. Wishing you the best in your healing journey ❤
Not only did this give me an insight on my previous toxic relationship. It also gave me perspective on how I have been emotionally immature myself. This was an eye opener, thank you for being so real.
I am not worried about being able to love again, i am freaked out i will again chose the wrong person to love! 😬
The way you talk about sharing the same house with one person for decades as if it were a prison sentence every time you talk about mature loving relationships…I swear it never fails to crack me up 🤣🤣🤣 Lots of good thoughts in here, but I think we might be living on different planets ‘cause where I come from we don’t take Hollywood movies as a representation of reality, thank God.
q: “Are you married?”
A: “No.. show me a person…” Lmao so true !
Isn't THAT the main problem with relationships now??? Finding another "mature & emotionally healthy" adult to "share" your life with seems impossible. I'm not looking for perfection. Especially since that isn't on the list of MY abilities to bring to the relationship. But is expecting a grown man to NOT have the emotional maturity & aversion to responsibility that a teenage boy has, too much to ask for? Apparently, it is.....
Narcissism itself is the stampede of inmature people or an inmature society. Even if don't love you, use seduction tactics to create traumatic bond. When you have the knowdelge about it, you mistrust everyone. Greetings.
Ahaaa u met my ex!
I’m a big fan of your work Mr. Grannon, and a wit sense of humour 😅 love you ❤
“The fact that you’re American, I’m massively concerned… it’s a mess right now.”
You’re not wrong!
You talk like every single person in America is dying in the street or starving to death. 90 percent of us are working, living, laughing and enjoying life....do believe everything on the media because there's terrible media about every country.
I'm 9 years single, lots of healing in between those years but I know being in a relationship will bring up even more things to heal from but I don't see a relationship occurring, times are so different now and it seems like those seeking to heal and be better mentally are rare.The idea of being in a relationship is getting stranger and stranger as the years go by and maybe it's my own mental issue for being single for that long.
Thank you for sharing this.. I often wondered if is just me who feels this way...
Omg like I can’t even imagine living with another adult right now but I don’t like the being alone .
I’ve already done the marriage and children experience. I don’t want another man living with me. I just want an exclusive sexual relationship with chemistry where we emotionally and intellectually are compatible. Like me, I want him to be a non-smoker, and not be an addict/alcoholic. I seem to be wanting too much, I guess. 🤷🏻♀️ I’ve been working on accepting being alone.
Richard, all your work has been always to help people raise their consciousness. That’s beautiful.
Hi Richard
New subscriber 🙏
Can I ask you a question please?
I am the family scapegoat, and my partner was his family scapegoat.
We both decided to grey rock both parents after numerous gaslighting events from both sides.
We now only invite them to the children's party's and only important events.
I don't know why, but I just laugh at the madness when they are around.
This is after years and years of addiction recovery and counselling.
Am I turning narsasistic, or am I just over it all.
Nothing triggers me anymore, and this concerns me🙏
Delighted I found your channel, and I wish you every success 🙌
You definitely overgrown them. This is how it feels when deadly demons become little dinosaur toys.
@@Ladida386 That a good one🤣👌🇮🇪
Richard, I'm casually following you for years. This session was one of the best. ❤️
I’ve now been on my own for 2.5 years after a very long abusive relationship. I’ve learnt to be really happy with my own company. I’ve no idea what my next intimate relationship will look like.
It would be nice but I think I'm broken and I attract broken people so it is hard to be myself when the other needs too much help.
I'm over it. It will be me and my rescue dogs from here on; with them I know unconditional love, loyalty, laughter and fun times! Men are so damn unremarkable and not worth the trouble.
You and I could be friends. Rescue animals, my tiny homestead and working with special needs kids
This explains a lot and confirms something I perceived in my last relationship
"All of that has to be in place." Yes, it does. The reason things are so sideways is very simple: Most people just don't have their shit together.
Ugh surely there's a better way to say it than "body count"? And honestly, I don't think that has much difference at all. In fact, you learn more the more relationships you have?
Oh my god. You can't be more clear. I hope people to understand what you want to say to them. All these you say are so true, so right, so logical.
I don’t want your dating advice. I’m focused on me and how I can stop ruminating on this narc parson. Who is still connected by our teen. Who he manipulates and actually terrorizes her. It’s awful. I can only guide her carefully. Dating is the last thing on my mind. I know there are wonderful men out there. They are all taken or commuted or a disaster from their own messes they have to heal from. So I don’t know why anyone would ask you for dating advice. I ask of you to keep helping us heal from narc people who just never stop. Thank you for your work. I listen. I hear you and take it in. It’s helpful because it’s logic. All good. Onwards and upwards.
Richard You are such a beautiful human being , helping so many people :) it's amazing!
"Marry What?!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣😆😆😆🤣🤣🤣
FIRE, Richard. this is FIRE. These are my favourite videos from you. They remind me I need to DO THE FUCKING WORK. Thank you.
...." They have to have an ability to argue"...😂😂😂😂i know it's meant a little bit differently,but to some of my family members it's the only form of communication 😂😂😂
Living with a partner in the same house for the rest of your life. This made me feel physically sick. I need my own space, as I'm sure everyone does.
Yep, same!
@@izzyfox7575 👍
I tried for 9 years and it was excruciating, never again.
I need my space, my time, my quiet and clean apartment for me only.
@@personne3837 🤣❤
You put a really interesting definition to christianity. Love it.
I think perhaps I can enjoy life being a momma to my kids and living my life free from the baggage that romantic relationships bring out from our childhoods. I want to give a person the very best version of me and I'm not there and may never be. So it's unfair to even entertain another relationship.
Bingo!
I felt like I was doing the emotional labor for him whilst trying to figure out the winning combination to unlock his sanity. Which in turn, made me crazy times two. And he walk away the victim and the victor. It’s really something. WAW! What A World. Thank you for doing the thinking, Richie X O X O
After decades of taking on partner's issues, I just gave up 10 yrs. ago (I simply make bad choices in terms of love). Since then, my oife has actually been much more stable & happier (in a way) though I still would like an "ideal" relationship.
A lot of common sense wisdom. Ditto. Again, thanks for sharing.
I don’t care about relationships I’m more focused on fulfilling my dreams. Eveyone gets into relationships, if that’s all you did when you die, you have no legacy. I want my life to meen something for myself and to prove all the people who hurt me wrong. A man will never fufill that. I will just end up broke and pregnant.
Amazing talk Mr Grannon!!!!😊
Yes you are absolutely correct. Love this video awesome!💗
Coming from a lot of experience, getting past hyper-vigilance is one of the most difficult obstacles. Because after abuse, everything reads as it.
If you have a partner who wants to do their own work as well and choose to stay at it, you’ll certainly have the best shot.
Also therapy helped me so much. To challenge the many negative cognitions that my mind would create. ❤
You're hilarious 😂
"Banes : [speaking about George's transformation] He never really changed at all. Isn't that right Doc? I mean he never really got any smarter. Doc?
Doc : Banes... how's your lady love?
Banes : We... um... we broke up.
Doc : Really? That's too bad, yeah. Now George has a love at his side and she is sticking with him.
You know why?
Because he bought her chairs.
That's pretty smart to me.
You ever buy Lisa's chairs?'
Banes : Doc's real drunk tonight."
~ Doc to Banes in the pub scene of the movie 'Phenomenon.'
I reckon free parenting workshops (including before the child is born) , free counselling to help people integrate their shadow, would help society. (Free at point of access I mean)
In this talk I have found the best description and outline of what a relationship as a concept is.
I agree. I felt and thought the same.
Thank you. Thats hit the mark for me. X
You have a ways to go Richard
I don't think this soliloquy from you is very helpful . I do get that you're trying to poke holes in the Erie ferry notions that people have about love, but for example I love and dream of a beautiful home, but I work as basically a renovator airbnb host and a landlord. My house is always a mess but I'm doing what I love and there is some cognitive dissonance there. That's life, but I am motivated by The dream and live in the reality. Same goes for love relationships
What for you is "the dream" when it comes to a relationship?
I guess after 22 years, I subconsciously realized that I didn’t want to carry his shadow, anymore. I’m glad my body knew before my heart did.
Get a dog ….. best relationship I’ve ever had ❤
Thank you for the humour and the wisdom!😀
Time heals all wounds, give n take. Another interesting talk. Thank you God bless You. I really resonate with the humour side of it and the pass the salt pss thanks for the truth😁
Thanks Richard this was great.
I laughed when you laughed. When I listen to you I hear myself. I do feel free now that I understand. I'm content. It took many years of therapy. I love your snark. The end was perfect for me. I'm funny at parties. But don't get too close. I won't compromise on anything. But I still have fun. I married someone as f ucked as I was and we both worked to become separately shadow integrated. Insane times but we both dove into the psychology and got through it. And then he died and I reverted back to my old self for awhile. I feel lucky that I love to read. I'm taking a break from men for awhile. My friends get frustrated when I say the only man I'd consider dating right now lives a country or two away, has been divorced at least 3 times and is really busy and loves his career. No threat. Your videos are so fascinating.
A more mature relationship is based on "otherness" itself. On the dialectical principle that demonstrates that MY ONE and YOUR ONE together create the third . The "third" is the developmental process that results as we influence each other in turn; we GROW by incorporating that influence. We do not learn and grow by subscribing to the same thoughts, copying the same values. We GROW from the experience of our differences. The capacity to include those differences is the chief task and gift, of an evolving relationship.
If a relationship doesn't promote and support the growth of each,, even to risky, unpredictable places , it is nit a mature relationship, it is a regressive folie a deux. BS . JH Ph.D...
I haven't been on RUclips in a while, glad to see you're still providing this helpful content for people ^~^
Having a successful romantic loving relationship with whom? Very good question Richard.
Technically a white paper with perfectly lack of any emotional or mental problems. Brand newly manufactured ready to satisfy all your desires.
Very possibly your fantasy land requires more than one person.
1) the hot sexy blond very well trained on porn but only with you,
2) a saint woman that would be suitable for being the mother of your children and accepted by your family
3) a funny sport lover
4) loving the same movies that you love.
5) In the same time very good cook and has got still energy to clean the house, doing laundry and ironing.
6) Oh, almost forgot, and loves you unconditionally just because you exist just like your mom.
7) she goes to work has a successful carrier and earns money.
That’s 7 person 😅.
Great video RICHARD, 🇨🇮♥️, you nailed it ,love your sense of Humor,!
I dont know and I have no interest in finding out..
thank you for speaking out 🙏
I see the men at the street (It's an example, but real), they look at you for sex, when you need to stop what kind of intentions have, a little bit of time to see it clearly.
It doesn't matter the time happens, you're fearful of new relationships and what are true intentions with which they approach. Thank for the video. Greetings!
I have men that want to date me but then I think could I ever live with another adult again and I feel the answer is no. Getting married at 20 was a huge mistake and I divorced at 28 so it's me and my son. He autistic. He needs stability. I took so much damage in the marriage I don't think I'll ever be able to be vulnerable like that again.
It's scary being a single person wanting a romantic relationship but also knowing that the majority or marriages end in pain and even the most "in love" people break up. I'm afraid of the pain of heartbreak because I'm only 22 and still hurt from the multiple times I've experienced it . I'm recieving a stark wake up call to reality that this life is really, really tough. That said, I don't want to be miserable. I feel this " pandora's box" opening where the notion of a thriving future seems unrealistic. The experience of losing hope sucks. I'm realizing I need to grieve the imaginary and work on acceptance of reality. Beyond being scared of heartbreak, what I fear the most hurting someone else. I know how much it hurts to be wronged by another and I'm terrified of doing it to someone else. Unfortunately I feel I'm kinda messed up and wouldn't want to project my trauma and sin on someone else. BUT I don't want to be unhappy and alone my whole life. I constantly remind myself of Elsa from Frozen. Alone and free but slave and frozen. Throwing "ice tatrums" unable to control both sides of a warring personality. How does one change this? Thanks so much for your videos, your insights are much appreciated 💕
For a 22y old, you are doing great. Keep walking on that path.
- a 51y old.
I agree you are way ahead of most adults 3 times your age. Whatever you are doing keep walking down that path. Eventually, I believe you will find a partner that will walk along side with you on their own two feet.
The Zizek impression was great!
Thank you for putting word on what I feel. It actually helps me to speak.
It is possible , its hard work to rid of trauma, rid of victim mentality, take over like in powerful way. I was watching love rats where woman was conned by narc. She jumped into dating again and found most decent guy.
Point is learn lesson and be dare devil with life rather than let abusers rob people of their future
I miss my Dad and his hugs and our great conversations. He was so awesome and I'm afraid I'll never find romantic love that feels as safe as that was. And yeah, I'm going back to therapy for the millionth time.... 😆
Evolving together means resolving together. It's a skill , that works if there is a mutual match on moral compass level. Or are we serial monogamists? For me.. I choose to practise that skill in other relationships in my life and when time comes.. I will always try for love.Once more. Because we are human and healed or not, we all desearve to share love. Almost 45 and relationships failed.. thats ok.. life is not ment to be without failures is it? I think growing old through all the years happens when you have met eachother at a younger age and grown up and forward on a path both people made an effort to stay on. But growing apart is a real thing too. So hatever love is.. it is never free of complications. But you have to know who you are, what you bring to the table and acknowledge being imperfect. and work on toxic traits that undermine your mutual teamwork.
Evolving together means resolving together ~ yes! 🧘🏼♀️✨
I had a VERY healthy relationship with my late husband. Problem is....after so long with a happy healthy marriage, i didn't know how UNHEALTHY so many are....
EMDR really helped my CPTSD.......talking therapy and will power alone don't work
This was well done
Love this humble man who truly thinks
I agree. Tradition and order works.
I believe it is possible. I also believe it's not probable at this stage of my life. To the young ones...guard your heart ♡
Your videos are so on the mark as I was married to a narcissist years ago and did not understand at the time what I was dealing with but my instincts and religion saved me. Please keep up your videos as people really need to hear these truths. Sometimes I cannot help but laugh in a really good way at how honest and openly you state some of the comments you receive from people and some of your experiences. Really thanks for the education on narcissists.
What is a low body count?
The biggest relationship I began to work on is working on my own relationship with my own self. Like you say I had to grow up. Not for ‘selfish’ or ‘self centeredness’ but because I needed to get comfortable with my own self, overcoming my own ‘traumas’ etc…
I had to grow up myself.
So now I notice how it’s getting easier also living with my daughter working on her ‘shadows’ as you say. And the weight is getting easier. It’s absolutely true. We’re like ‘adulting’ together and I’m less mum to a baby but more mum to a young adult. It’s great to see that happening! Well said.
i’ve been lustening to Richie for over ten years.
There are some baffling comments here, but this one I understand.
Yes I lost
My spouse 2008 been 15 years yes ❤🎉🎉❤❤❤just be picky 🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯💜💜💜💡💡💡
I am here. Marry me.
You're amazing, appreciate you. Ur videos will be played in my NAE GROUP IM STARTING. (NARCISSISTIC ABUSE EMPOWERMENT). UR SO FUNNY ..THANK YOU