Complex PTSD. It’s sucks. It’s like darts are being thrown at you from everyone everything, all the time. My body turned on me too. Trying to heal from the trauma and the childhood coping mechanisms is unbelievably difficult.
I have friends with the exact problem… and the wife just helps him overcome the trauma. He goes to therapy once a week still being in his 30’s and he is successful. They have children and are happy. It is PATIENCE my friend.
He CAN heal from this.....I did. It took several years of therapy, but I did it and so can he. He needs to be in intensive therapy and so does his wife!!!!!
I was horrified when I heard the woman who abused her son is still allowed access to his children. Dr J is right - that ends NOW. She gets no say and neither do the children. They don't know she's manipulating them, but you do and it's your sole responsibility to protect them. I'm an atheist so I don't really know what it's like to want to go to church these days, but I do know what it's like to be abused by Christians in the name of their God. I think if the husband truly wants that door sealed shut, the wife should respect that.
EMDR therapy for trauma saved my husband after years of mental illness and other therapies this was the only thing that worked. Hang in there Michelle…It’s a long and emotional journey. Stay strong, keep praying and keep God at your center.
I lost a sister in a car accident...a brother to a natural gas house explosion...and another sister to COPD. I have one sister left. That said, I made the decision not to have her in my life, due to her verbal abuse. I had to be strong in order to do this. I do not hear that strength in her voice...like she is afraid to get the bear out of their life. I wonder if she will just let things go on as they are....that is why therapy is SO important.
My mother abused me too. She used to hit me every day. She would pick fights with me (I was a quiet kid) out of nowhere, grab me and yell and hit me and then she would say I'm 'so bad' ... But today she minimizes everything she did for all those years and bow she acts jealous. Now she suddenly flirts with my husband at gatherings..it's ridiculous. She will call and call and call on the time she demands to see me on my birthday or something . I just need to find a way to tell her to go away. I'll miss other family members, and that is what I'm concerned about . That and the off chance that she would show up loving and changed.
I grew up with a malignant narc mom and a covert narc dad. No contact now, going on four years. It's imperative that you keep your babies away from that monster, no matter how nice she seems to them. It's all a facade, and will turn to poison as soon as it suits her for it to do so. That could happen at any moment.
I needed this video. My father was physically and mentally abusive to my sister and me and my mother. When their house burnt down my mom divorced him and he came to stay with me and my kids and s/o ...he wanted to take over our home and drain our funds and resources. After a month of his dominance, we had no money no savings, no food (only investments left to sell). I was so distraught I felt like a trapped kid all over again. My s/o kicked him out on the 11th and I've felt like a bad person since..
You are not responsable for your father. You are responsible for your children's future and wellbeing. This is not your fault. You are allowed to feel joy and happiness. You get to decide what goes in your life. You can free yourself from the beliefs that you are responsible for your father, that you can't enjoy life if he is not well, that you are the reason why he is unwell right now. I'd recommend the book The Big Leap You can do it!
You do not have to feel like the bad guy. Ridding that toxicity and danger to your family was the best thing. It was painful, yes. But behavior like that cannot be tolerated. If it caused the abuser hardship, that's their problem. They are reaping what they sow. We cannot allow unwarranted guilt to trick us into allowing abusive people into our lives and wreaking havoc on our families. Enough is enough. Your s/o did the right thing and there is nothing to be guilty about.
Learning the tools to overcome severe physical or emotional childhood abuse for me took a really good psychiatrist and about 5 years of therapy. I am in my senior years now, but I chose to stay on antidepressants all these years. Many things will still trigger me, but I have the tools to handle the triggers and to take good care of myself. I believe the memories and pain of severe abuse never completely goes away; but I am living proof that getting the right help and doing the work in therapy and taking medications if needed can get you to a place that is livable. To all those people suffering out there, get the help you deserve and learn to manage the trauma. It is so much better on the other side of trauma.
This is me, Unfortunately. I had to cut my Dad out of my life because that bear was allowed back in my life in hopes that he would be different I saw all the red flags but I kept forgiving him and kept letting him in my home. Then, one day, he pushed it too far with one of my kids and I had to remove him from my life. No contact, blocked him. Let me tell you, it is exactly what my body needed and I couldn't allow him to repeat history with my babies. God gave me my children, and I have to protect them at all costs. Healing for my whole home. Best decision ever.
The Boston area is filled with trauma therapists. McLean Hospital has programs, and there is even a professional society of New England Trauma therapists. The caller has access to some of the best trained professionals in the COUNTRY! ISST-D is a professional source, as is RAINN.
Why doea she think spirituality needs to be part of his healing? Let him heal without involving one of the things that traumatized him. Unless HE wants religion in his life, leave it alone and focus on secular forms of tberapy.
No one ever mentions triangulation either. Many people with CPTSD triangulate. There are three roles: 1) the villain, 2) the victim, and 3) the hero. The traumatized person always casts themselves as either the victim or the hero, and often the people, or person, closest to them is automatically cast as the villain. This is similar to my husband. Horrific abuse by his mother, including being beat and starved. His father couldn’t be bothered to try and get custody either. He has nothing to do with either of them, and he’s mid-39’s now, has been in weekly therapy for years (since we started dating), and his trauma still feels like the third wheel in our marriage. And he triangulated regularly. And I am ALWAYS the “villain”. I’m not a villain. In fact, I have been the only person in my husbands entire life who has loved him enough to help him get therapy, to validate him, and stand by him. These people, without even meaning to do so, sometimes become the emotional abusers of their spouses. I never suffered abuse until I met my now husband. It is horrible.
Why do we women keep marrying these emotionally unavailable traumatized men? Then we have children with them and expect them to raise healthy children?
it's because the type of women like this are emotionally unavailable to themselves. it's sad. this wife is a typical codependent who just keeps repeating what the mom does and doesn't sound she'll ever have the guts to take action.
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Complex PTSD. It’s sucks. It’s like darts are being thrown at you from everyone everything, all the time. My body turned on me too. Trying to heal from the trauma and the childhood coping mechanisms is unbelievably difficult.
I have friends with the exact problem… and the wife just helps him overcome the trauma. He goes to therapy once a week still being in his 30’s and he is successful. They have children and are happy. It is PATIENCE my friend.
He CAN heal from this.....I did. It took several years of therapy, but I did it and so can he. He needs to be in intensive therapy and so does his wife!!!!!
I was horrified when I heard the woman who abused her son is still allowed access to his children. Dr J is right - that ends NOW. She gets no say and neither do the children. They don't know she's manipulating them, but you do and it's your sole responsibility to protect them.
I'm an atheist so I don't really know what it's like to want to go to church these days, but I do know what it's like to be abused by Christians in the name of their God. I think if the husband truly wants that door sealed shut, the wife should respect that.
100% agree.... The mother gets no vote.
EMDR therapy for trauma saved my husband after years of mental illness and other therapies this was the only thing that worked. Hang in there Michelle…It’s a long and emotional journey. Stay strong, keep praying and keep God at your center.
I lost a sister in a car accident...a brother to a natural gas house explosion...and another sister to COPD. I have one sister left. That said, I made the decision not to have her in my life, due to her verbal abuse. I had to be strong in order to do this. I do not hear that strength in her voice...like she is afraid to get the bear out of their life. I wonder if she will just let things go on as they are....that is why therapy is SO important.
Yes. You and everyone deserve dignity 🙏❤
sorry to hear about so much loss in your life and kudos to you for doing what helps/healed you.
My mother abused me too. She used to hit me every day. She would pick fights with me (I was a quiet kid) out of nowhere, grab me and yell and hit me and then she would say I'm 'so bad' ...
But today she minimizes everything she did for all those years and bow she acts jealous. Now she suddenly flirts with my husband at gatherings..it's ridiculous.
She will call and call and call on the time she demands to see me on my birthday or something .
I just need to find a way to tell her to go away.
I'll miss other family members, and that is what I'm concerned about . That and the off chance that she would show up loving and changed.
Huuuuuge hugs. So friggin sad
I grew up with a malignant narc mom and a covert narc dad. No contact now, going on four years.
It's imperative that you keep your babies away from that monster, no matter how nice she seems to them. It's all a facade, and will turn to poison as soon as it suits her for it to do so. That could happen at any moment.
What a horrific mother. Poor soul, I don’t how he survived. He’s got to get that toxic sludge out of his life.
I hope he can heal
I needed this video. My father was physically and mentally abusive to my sister and me and my mother. When their house burnt down my mom divorced him and he came to stay with me and my kids and s/o ...he wanted to take over our home and drain our funds and resources. After a month of his dominance, we had no money no savings, no food (only investments left to sell). I was so distraught I felt like a trapped kid all over again. My s/o kicked him out on the 11th and I've felt like a bad person since..
You are not responsable for your father. You are responsible for your children's future and wellbeing. This is not your fault. You are allowed to feel joy and happiness. You get to decide what goes in your life. You can free yourself from the beliefs that you are responsible for your father, that you can't enjoy life if he is not well, that you are the reason why he is unwell right now.
I'd recommend the book The Big Leap
You can do it!
You do not have to feel like the bad guy. Ridding that toxicity and danger to your family was the best thing. It was painful, yes. But behavior like that cannot be tolerated. If it caused the abuser hardship, that's their problem. They are reaping what they sow. We cannot allow unwarranted guilt to trick us into allowing abusive people into our lives and wreaking havoc on our families. Enough is enough. Your s/o did the right thing and there is nothing to be guilty about.
Good going!
Learning the tools to overcome severe physical or emotional childhood abuse for me took a really good psychiatrist and about 5 years of therapy. I am in my senior years now, but I chose to stay on antidepressants all these years. Many things will still trigger me, but I have the tools to handle the triggers and to take good care of myself. I believe the memories and pain of severe abuse never completely goes away; but I am living proof that getting the right help and doing the work in therapy and taking medications if needed can get you to a place that is livable. To all those people suffering out there, get the help you deserve and learn to manage the trauma. It is so much better on the other side of trauma.
Please grant the guy some space as far as getting back to church 😑
Right? Church should not be a priority right now.
He never has to go back to church again.
This is why religious people are crazy.
John is so direct! Love it! People need friends like him!
Easier said than done. I wish these people who call get further help by them, not just advice.
Deloney you’re a Godsend. Amen
Wife, you may end up looking like the bad guy to the narcissistic mother, but please keep in mind it doesn't matter what she thinks about anybody.
This is me, Unfortunately.
I had to cut my Dad out of my life because that bear was allowed back in my life in hopes that he would be different I saw all the red flags but I kept forgiving him and kept letting him in my home. Then, one day, he pushed it too far with one of my kids and I had to remove him from my life. No contact, blocked him. Let me tell you, it is exactly what my body needed and I couldn't allow him to repeat history with my babies. God gave me my children, and I have to protect them at all costs. Healing for my whole home. Best decision ever.
I had a narcissistic sperm donor of a “dad” and he is not in my life anymore. I refuse to communicate with him, best decision ever!
No contact. She doesn't deserve it! Find him a good trauma therapist ♥️
The Boston area is filled with trauma therapists. McLean Hospital has programs, and there is even a professional society of New England Trauma therapists. The caller has access to some of the best trained professionals in the COUNTRY! ISST-D is a professional source, as is RAINN.
Patience, gentleness, compassion, steadiness, consistency 💖💖💖💖💖
Cut the mother off today. Today. No contact until there is action on dealing with her issues and decided to treat others properly.
The hurter can’t be your healer. If you’re looking for the abuser to heal you. You’re looking in the wrong place.
Catholic church at work once again
Read this book with your husband:
The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk
Wifey needs to grow up. Her husband needs her to have a backbone. Her being that way doesn't empower him at all. He can heal ❤️
Man this was so powerful
Why doea she think spirituality needs to be part of his healing? Let him heal without involving one of the things that traumatized him. Unless HE wants religion in his life, leave it alone and focus on secular forms of tberapy.
No one ever mentions triangulation either. Many people with CPTSD triangulate. There are three roles: 1) the villain, 2) the victim, and 3) the hero. The traumatized person always casts themselves as either the victim or the hero, and often the people, or person, closest to them is automatically cast as the villain.
This is similar to my husband. Horrific abuse by his mother, including being beat and starved. His father couldn’t be bothered to try and get custody either. He has nothing to do with either of them, and he’s mid-39’s now, has been in weekly therapy for years (since we started dating), and his trauma still feels like the third wheel in our marriage. And he triangulated regularly. And I am ALWAYS the “villain”. I’m not a villain. In fact, I have been the only person in my husbands entire life who has loved him enough to help him get therapy, to validate him, and stand by him.
These people, without even meaning to do so, sometimes become the emotional abusers of their spouses. I never suffered abuse until I met my now husband. It is horrible.
@@katiejon17 Check your commentary "I'm not the villain. In fact, I have been the only person in my husbands entire life..."
Social Distortion tee? 🤟💣
Why do we women keep marrying these emotionally unavailable traumatized men? Then we have children with them and expect them to raise healthy children?
it's because the type of women like this are emotionally unavailable to themselves. it's sad. this wife is a typical codependent who just keeps repeating what the mom does and doesn't sound she'll ever have the guts to take action.
We marry them because they are good men who are worthy of love just like any other man who was not traumatized as a child.