6 red flags of a narcissistic friend

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  • Опубликовано: 8 янв 2025

Комментарии • 206

  • @lovelysosweet8386
    @lovelysosweet8386 4 года назад +181

    They are jealous and insecure! They tear people down! The ruin your reputation!

    • @MR-fe7st
      @MR-fe7st 3 года назад +4

      Yup. Amen.

    • @nancystevens8475
      @nancystevens8475 3 года назад +5

      So true!

    • @QueenChastity
      @QueenChastity 2 года назад +1

      No one believes them though! Lol

    • @shivmc4466
      @shivmc4466 2 года назад

      Very true and jealously is such a evil 😈 thing and I was not trying to make her jealous I don't like jealously.
      Because I can look after myself I buy myself nice things 😌 ☺️ She needs a ton of make up just to come to university and her false nails are so cheap looking horrible colours she picks.But she can't compete with me because she is a narcissistic dull,empty pathetic woman.

    • @majestic-1
      @majestic-1 Год назад +1

      Yes indeed!

  • @suesteig3025
    @suesteig3025 4 года назад +132

    I had friend that when after spending time with her, I was so drained that I didn't like doing my housework or gardening. I would actually take a nap after visiting with her and still feel tired. At the time I didn't know what was wrong with me. I was healthy and full of energy.
    Always trust your gut. Thank you so much for your videos on friendships. ❤

    • @PetraVanDeijl
      @PetraVanDeijl  4 года назад +19

      Narcissist's are energy vampires, so yes it makes sense that you feel drained after any interaction.

    • @selfesteem3447
      @selfesteem3447 3 года назад +19

      Same...
      I couldn't get anything done, drained unmotivated and she took up all my time, talking about herself.

    • @QueenChastity
      @QueenChastity 2 года назад +7

      Yesss!! Even without an argument or anything...still feel drained!

    • @QueenChastity
      @QueenChastity 2 года назад +5

      @@selfesteem3447 literally! Like omg! Suddenly became unmotivated out of nowhere!

    • @westindiesgalfruits2335
      @westindiesgalfruits2335 Год назад +6

      Same. Whilst they are full of joy leaving us.

  • @BrendaLG
    @BrendaLG Год назад +91

    One of my narcissist friends had no other friends besides me, and it took me a little time to realize that she didn’t want me to have any other friends, either. That should have been a huge red flag for me.

    • @kaylalezabeth7175
      @kaylalezabeth7175 Год назад +5

      I know the feeling.

    • @Zeepjeliefs
      @Zeepjeliefs Год назад +6

      Sometimes the friend also says to you, I have no one else but you... Making you feel guilty to leave. But we are never responsible for the happiness of others. It's not our fault their lifes are like that. It's something I had to learn.

    • @luciahelenan.teruel301
      @luciahelenan.teruel301 10 месяцев назад

      I went through the same situation! The minute I made other friends, which I introduced them to her btw, her mask fell off and that's when I realized I was dealing with a narc!!!

    • @MamaLinz123
      @MamaLinz123 6 месяцев назад +1

      I have just ended a ‘friendship’ like this with a woman I lived with and she also had (has!!) no other friends and also didn’t want me to have any either.
      Ditto her husband also not being encouraged to have friendships (she soon puts stop to that)…there is a reason these monsters don’t have friends!!

  • @Lilygirl283
    @Lilygirl283 4 года назад +78

    My narc sister famous last words "after all i have done for you"...it should be" after all i have done to you"...

    • @pietjeindegroei6596
      @pietjeindegroei6596 4 года назад +5

      Snapdragon
      Yep 👍

    • @dontbelongherefromanother
      @dontbelongherefromanother 4 года назад +5

      Narc parents as well. They believe by simply bringing you into this world, which wasn't your choice and theirs, that you owe them

    • @selfesteem3447
      @selfesteem3447 3 года назад

      Ikr..
      My identical twin sister did the unspeakable to me manyyyy X over.
      5 yrs NC, and no flying monkeys for a yr or more.
      Sorry you experienced such a sister. Utterly having to grieve the death of the sibling we grew up with, having grown up with them constantly by our side, growing up thinking on how we couldn't ever imagine having to lose them as a sister as normal siblings love and are bonded to each other.
      Let's live our best lives, looking our best, not letting this pain cause us to let ourselves go...and inevitably eventually they'll die their lonely narc death ALONE !
      And honestly, I know it's not the healthiest route but I get exhausted carrying the sht she put on me but by my envisioning her having my name on her lips as the last word she utters, her dying with me being only a very distant vague memory of ever being as much an acquaintance... She wouldn't be able to find me, I would have long since disappeared and I have considered taking it to state court to LEGALLY keep her away from me for forever and if she ever pulls any of her shton me again I most certainly will...these thoughts are my best motivation.
      👒🩱👡👛let's win over on these btchs😝

    • @RealLadi228
      @RealLadi228 3 года назад

      I hear what have you done for me or my kids
      Lol

  • @Vic-Meow
    @Vic-Meow 4 года назад +68

    "...a gift wrapped in sandpaper." What an apt metaphor. Sometimes it can even be wrapped in razor blades. I'm still bandaging my wounds. Thank you, Petra.

  • @eyeoffthetiger2691
    @eyeoffthetiger2691 4 года назад +59

    So true..I used to work with a narc friend. They never accept your idea or point. Or they always say things like..oh yea I know that idea..my auntie said it to me last time..or if you have a great idea..they steal it..and act like it's their idea. These 'friends' we're so tiring. Glad I got rid of them.

  • @BrendaLG
    @BrendaLG Год назад +31

    I appreciate you addressing this issue because I’ve had several of these friendships myself and they can be so damaging. But it also forced me to confront my people pleasing and codependent issues.

    • @smusicluv
      @smusicluv 10 месяцев назад +1

      I had the exact same experience

  • @ShaneMichealCupp
    @ShaneMichealCupp 3 года назад +37

    It’s actually a huge compliment being targeted by one of these people because they only choose victims that are worth stealing from

    • @ashl8804
      @ashl8804 2 года назад

      @Shane True....!

    • @redefinedliving5974
      @redefinedliving5974 Год назад +5

      Lol no

    • @berserker3414
      @berserker3414 11 месяцев назад +4

      No. They target people pleasers or victims of previous narc abuse

    • @MamaLinz123
      @MamaLinz123 6 месяцев назад +4

      They target the wounded & the vulnerable.
      Not a compliment at all I’m afraid.

    • @Sadie-d4r
      @Sadie-d4r Месяц назад +1

      What a brilliant comment! 👍👍👍👍👍

  • @CelesteAnise
    @CelesteAnise 3 года назад +49

    Reminds me of my friend. She hasn't asked me to meet in months but I was always on call for her. If I invited her to meet she always declined. She always called me last minute to go right away and meet her or do something and when we met she would be on her phone the entire time and not listen to me when I talked or she would only talk about her and her family and show me pictures and things. I helped her move and the entire time she praised herself on how clean she was and how there were no crumbs in her cabinets or dust under her sink or in the drawer and she wanted me to praise her for being so clean as well. She also never wanted me to meet up with her friends she had and she seemed to keep our friendship a secret while she was more vocal about her other friends with photos with them but never with me.

    • @lucius4556
      @lucius4556 Год назад +6

      They like to keep friends separate as they tell so many lies, then if the friends come together then they get found out as their discrepancies come to light.

    • @tjfSIM
      @tjfSIM Год назад +2

      I had someone in my life just like that. It hurt a lot. I often wondered why she never told anyone about me, or introduced me to any of her friends. When we were together she would spend all of her time texting other people or looking at her phone, to the point where it seemed she wanted to be anywhere else except with me. Eventually I had to accept I didn't really matter to her, and I made the difficult decision to cut her off. I miss her a great deal but I don't think she thinks about me at all.

  • @colleenshea2293
    @colleenshea2293 Год назад +12

    Once you figure it all out - there is no going back. It can take decades to figure it out though - but then a puzzle of things fit together !

    • @3muchhswag
      @3muchhswag 26 дней назад

      Absolutely & The more we learn & educate ourselves the less time it will take 💯

  • @PSALMS-oe7ri
    @PSALMS-oe7ri 4 года назад +65

    Very Accurate. They mirror my optimism & positivity. They empower me but only to destroy those good qualities later. I always tell people my story to prevent them from going through what I have been through. Never over share because they will do the same thing in the discard/devalue stage.

    • @fordgt402
      @fordgt402 4 года назад +4

      They will ask you, what are your hobbies, what are your goals.What did you do at home.

    • @krissishere7837
      @krissishere7837 3 года назад

      When I showed my friend a scar on my hand because I tried suicide, she said + oh my god, im not in that phase yet

    • @selfesteem3447
      @selfesteem3447 3 года назад +2

      @@krissishere7837 oh wowww, omgggg
      I'm initially thinking who would even "think" to say such a thing.
      I would expect that response if you had said "I'm training to become a Navy Seal or for the decathlon"
      Almost like she's in competition.
      Since " oh poor them "
      they're the ones who "think" they've suffered more than anyone else... I suppose she couldn't compete with what you said.
      See what the deal is with these coverts is, they have to feign being empathetic to us who legitimately struggle, yet in the covert mind, they make a story about us that they keep to themselves. But it's a red flag when they have no empathy, emotion or compassion for us,
      "their friend".
      When actually they're thinking how we are sooo full of sht, that we haven't actually suffered at all, because they can't admit their suffering is less than ANY others suffering. They have to walk such a fine line to fool us that eventually they get figured out, mask slips.
      Sorry you experienced her response...
      "only a narc" would say such a thing...is someone who can't relate to real people and say thoughtless sht.
      Bless you, I hope you're doing well, sorry you experienced such pain and dark nights of the soul. Please forgive me if my comment is triggering but something tells me you're stronger now, but just in case.
      I wanted to acknowledge your comment, your hurts and support you in overcoming.
      Normal people do exist. It's helped me to reflect back to those people in my life, the tried n true ones-old friends, ones I grew up w, known since elementary school, past neighbors.. you know the ones we know,
      who "we know" are not narcs.
      We may not be close or besties but know they're not narcs.
      Just sometimes, especially since learning the deep narc teachings, seems like more narcs showing up/more easier to spot em, seems like dang...ugg... everybody a narc. But taking it back and really realizing that I do know people who are definitely not narcs, that it'll happen that I'm bound to have to deal w them again in the future and I'm also hopeful that I'll have the fortune of meeting good decent normal people who aren't narcs.
      We don't wanna get scared to the point of never wanting people in our lives ever again as we're trying to beware the narcs, don't wanna develop a phobia.
      But I do admit, like many others, by now I am programmed to play along, pretend (and it's a damn shame I mean I can see doing that w a prospective bf but now it's same w gf's) and for as long as it takes until I figure a person out, don't see signs, meanwhile if I do, it gets stored away, and I add it all up until one has showed me for-sure, then I make my exit.
      I recently came upon a guru type that actually for the first time makes sense. Don't get me wrong, I do love the three amigos ..
      Dr. Joe Dispenza,
      Greg Braden
      and Bruce Lipton phd.
      but just when I was ready to give up on all the insight/spiritual teachers Eckhart, Deepac, Allen Watts...
      *Michael Allen Singer, he's here on YT
      - if you'd like to check him out.
      Stay safe and again
      🤗 remember normal down - to - earth people do exist🤍

    • @krissishere7837
      @krissishere7837 3 года назад

      @@selfesteem3447 Thank you for writing to me, this is something that means to me so much. I bet you can relite with my story, we crossed paths with those kinds of people to grow and to realize our purpose. You are right, I am stronger now, and I know that we are going to meet new people, good ones and narcs also, but this time we are wise, more confident, we love ourselves more, and we love true people who are kind and who helped us heal. I didn't had any friends after narc friend, I was scared to get out of the house, and I was ashamed of myself... I would do anything to help someone in this situation because I really understand what those people are going through. I found new friend and that friend helped me a lot. I just wish everyone had a true friendship and someone you can rely on. I don't have siblings and this was a very important part of my life. ❤️ Sending you a lot of love and I hope you are fine and you are doing well in life! ❤️❤️❤️

    • @ButterCookie1984
      @ButterCookie1984 3 года назад

      Good point! I have noticed the same.

  • @FH-er7us
    @FH-er7us Год назад +12

    Spot on!!!!😂They hate boundaries!! Boundaries for them = becoming enemy they are so weird people. Another trait is trying to put you down in a group setting claiming it’s a joke

  • @Meggiebeth19
    @Meggiebeth19 9 месяцев назад +4

    Wow, your red flags describe the experience I had w/a narcissistic friend. I was exhausted after spending time w/her and at the same time a nervous wreck. She finally went into a txt rage because I refused to say what she desired. I immediately went no contact. Blocked her. Interestingly, whenever I mentioned anyone in conversation, she always had something negative to say about the person. I might mention the nicest person imagined and she still had to make negative comments about them. No contact gave me peace of mind. Her need to control and her need to always be right, never wrong was crazy. God Bless you all.

  • @lovekahdij5435
    @lovekahdij5435 4 года назад +24

    I was just asking God why I kept attracting these type of friendships and ultimately His answer was healing and forgiveness. This is confirmation. Thank you for another informative video!

    • @PetraVanDeijl
      @PetraVanDeijl  4 года назад +4

      You are most welcome Kahdij. Forgive yourself first for all the self-judgement.

  • @claudiaschneider5744
    @claudiaschneider5744 8 месяцев назад +5

    Its a very huge mistake to think, you may have a real friend in a narc person - because they are not able to be friends - they are abusers who take all your energy and joy !

  • @toxicstatesofamerica1277
    @toxicstatesofamerica1277 4 года назад +23

    You have a very grounded and graceful manner about you. It's nice to see people with your demeanor talk about this subject.

  • @laurae8324
    @laurae8324 11 месяцев назад +3

    I had a friend who brought up her husband’s suicide (from 30 years ago) at every opportunity. I didn’t mind for me, bc I wanted her to get better. I finally realized that she used her tragic widow status to control and to bring the focus of every situation back to herself. All her family members have heard for 30 years how she doesn’t want to live, even her grandchildren.

  • @JoannA-sweetly
    @JoannA-sweetly Год назад +4

    Petra, because of your videos I made sense of a 40+ friendship. I was shy and I started looking up to this girls ‘strengths, take charge manner, spiritual growth.’ Always was an edge, after meeting in college for about 3 years - long distance. Yeah, frequently talking about how she helps people. The things that bothered me, I put my own boundaries. For example before she got married then later divorced she would call me at 1am or 3am. These calls had absolutely no emergency. So I started turning my phone ringer off at night. This person countered with she always keeps her phone on so family could reach her. I said, my family can send the sheriff if they need to. So many other toxic behavior. I dropped her last year when all the dots were connected- no apologies, tried to hoover by relating to my care of others. She needs to be exercised of her demons!! 🙏🏾

  • @artistheanswer-fj5kf
    @artistheanswer-fj5kf 7 месяцев назад +3

    I feel like you have put a secret camera in my life! You are describing my ex best friend with every single red flag. Every single word you are saying is like describing that particular person and the behaviour I experienced.

    • @Sadie-d4r
      @Sadie-d4r Месяц назад

      Really hurts when it's a former best friend of many years. 😞

  • @dawnmillett4875
    @dawnmillett4875 4 года назад +16

    Well said! Permission to choose who sits at your table, and who is allowed into our own VIP lounge. I will remember this ❤️

  • @lizzyyoder4257
    @lizzyyoder4257 3 года назад +9

    I could listen to you speak forever-- you have a gorgeous speaking voice!! Thank you for the information.

    • @PetraVanDeijl
      @PetraVanDeijl  3 года назад

      Aaaaw thank you Lizzy. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch.

  • @nilaja-itsmylife
    @nilaja-itsmylife Год назад +30

    What’s most annoying to me is when they literally take something you’ve said and tell it to you like they are teaching you something 🤯😫😤😭
    I’m so tired of being stolen and at the same time being condescended to!!!!! 🤬

    • @JusPray702
      @JusPray702 4 месяца назад +2

      that has happened to me too and when I reminded them it was my idea or suggestion, I was told what difference does it make? 🤣😂😩😭

    • @nilaja-itsmylife
      @nilaja-itsmylife 4 месяца назад +1

      @@JusPray702 the worst!! 😩

    • @mollettmccloud2043
      @mollettmccloud2043 3 месяца назад +1

      🤣🤣🤣🤣 I just l❤v this comment!!!!

  • @tmking7483
    @tmking7483 9 месяцев назад +3

    Mr and Mrs "Know it All"

  • @happyhappyjoyjoy9795
    @happyhappyjoyjoy9795 4 года назад +16

    Nice information and wonderful conclusion✔️ I've come to the same conclusion as well, narcissists are put into to our lives as they represent something within us we have to face and heal, they are a projection of what we need to work on within ourselves.

  • @oscarmadison8530
    @oscarmadison8530 4 года назад +23

    Nice to see that you're still uploading,Petra. ☺ I recognized all of the red flags you mentioned,and then some. Those are the narcissists' play book. 😩😂

  • @yarahsiever1482
    @yarahsiever1482 Год назад +6

    I remember one day I made a mistake about something and my "friend" started to list all the things she supposedly did for me when I was supposedly not able to do a thing right for her. The thing is, she invented things she never did but she spoke with so much confidence that I doubted myself. I also realise all the things I did for her, and there were a lot, meant nothing to her and since I couldn't do a list about all as easily as she could

    • @artistheanswer-fj5kf
      @artistheanswer-fj5kf 7 месяцев назад

      The fact that you could not do a list as easily as them, shows something healthy about you. That's not what you should be doing, which is why it did not come naturally to you.

  • @kellybarton929
    @kellybarton929 4 года назад +31

    Petra, spot on! Love when you said toxic friendship is a gift to heal and a form of forgiveness. Totally get that 👍thank you x

    • @U2lover
      @U2lover 4 года назад

      That was really helpful 💞

  • @notagain779
    @notagain779 4 года назад +13

    This is all so true, Petra. The one I met tried to jump into the operation module of my life - constantly trying to get me to look up to her knowledge (she was older) mentor me, influence, and drive me like a car! No amount of my setting her nicely straight changed her. I must not have been forceful enough. Some of these people need to be hit with a 2x4 before they understand that you're not kidding. She'd forget in minutes, and try something else. It's as though she believed it was only a matter of time before I'd fall under her "spell" and I'd be following her around like her little slave. She'd say how she supports people and tries to help them reach their potential! (Their potential to be useful to her. 🤣) It's not in my nature at all to ghost a person, but I had to do it with her, and stop answering any attempts on her part to connect. EVEN THEN, she was tenacious! 🤮

  • @Freethnkr
    @Freethnkr 10 месяцев назад +4

    I'm just tired of the snide comments
    The bragging
    The insensitive jokes at my expense
    The tic for tac
    Lack of accountability when she does wrong
    The gas lighting

  • @TheMidlifeGallivanters
    @TheMidlifeGallivanters 4 года назад +9

    Thanks so much for doing this video Petra. After years of cutting myself off from a toxic friendship, I started to question whether my ex-friend really was a narcissist. I started to make excuses for her behaviour, but hearing this, has cemented in my soul, I did the right thing back then and 5 of these red flags applied to our friendship! So grateful for the healthy, positive and nurturing friendships I have today. Stay well dear friend xo

  • @sarahsearle1142
    @sarahsearle1142 3 месяца назад

    You're a blessing Petra. You've helped me so much on my healing journey. I'm so thankful I was lead to your videos.

  • @shivmc4466
    @shivmc4466 2 года назад +5

    This is so true I have recently realised it I was having bad anxiety also everything you said is true of this friend.I told her she's too clingy she would send me six voice notes before university in the morning taking photos of when her train was coming she has bad MH and is not dealing with it.
    She denied being clingy and I also said to her that her energy is too much for me and she told me her energy is infectious and she said no one had said this to her before.
    Gosh everything you said she is your describing her with such accuracy.

  • @ButterCookie1984
    @ButterCookie1984 3 года назад +6

    Subbed! My "friend" definitely steers the conversation back to herself if I dare speak on me. Its so lop-sided. And she hates the sisterhood! She refers to other women as "chicks" and always brags about being "different from other women". If a man does her bad and I try to comfort her by pointing out the red flags, she grows upset with me and defends him.
    I'm over it ...

  • @thariaxandre8484
    @thariaxandre8484 4 года назад +13

    Agreed on the feeling of sisterhood, and fantastic point on coming into awareness and the gift of a raised level of consciousness that they leave behind.

  • @Robin19806
    @Robin19806 2 года назад +4

    Yes, it is ALL ABOUT THEM-! They do not want you to share about yourself-unless your sharing can be a diving board into their situation; and/or when they can elevate themselves in some way to be the "messiah", "hero", etc. They are liars, pretenders, odious!

  • @shirleyakpelu1831
    @shirleyakpelu1831 4 года назад +5

    I like the phrase "a gift wrapped in sandpaper." Aptly described. I must remember this.

  • @mmmdara471
    @mmmdara471 2 года назад +2

    Identifying in the present! As I am listening to you and writing my experience down...
    I was surprised to write: ....and "I am grateful for these experiences to learn in being better! I would not ask them to sit down to my table to eat - I will keep them at a distance as I will not become one of them!" It felt right writing this - because in my world it speaks truth! Mind you these toxic environments play out in our subconscious - without us realizing it! (I have studied the Subconscious - Please research if you do not completely understand this area of our brains)

  • @Jettingred4
    @Jettingred4 4 года назад +8

    Excellent video! I appreciate you for your incite! You hit every point exactly as it is happening in my relationship with my long term Narc friend! Always right over being kind! We dated in the 70’s and now that he’s widowed he keeps constantly propping himself up at my expense! Also, he suddenly has found GOD, not that I would ever belittle someone’s belief system, however it’s used to build himself up at the expense of others, especially when the doors are closed! Not very christen behavior. Thank Heaven and the Lord we live on separate coasts. The worse part is he’s an Alcoholic and nothing can describe the “evil” that a Narc can direct at you when a full blown drunken rage!

    • @zeilaporto9504
      @zeilaporto9504 4 года назад

      If you are a believer (in Jesus, not religion) stand your ground in prayer everytime you are around these people! I happened to be in a relationship like that, lov the guy, but the alcooholism rages were tough to bear.
      Finally decided to see the poor fellow only once a year only.

  • @Amor-Fati.
    @Amor-Fati. Год назад +2

    Well put and crystal clear. And having been taken advantage of by a narcifor the last time I do consider it a gift, for it will be the last time. Thank you for using your gift to help others see experien e as necessary for future peace of mind.

  • @ingmarzondervan1557
    @ingmarzondervan1557 4 года назад +4

    Dankjewel voor deze video. Ik heb gelukkig mezelf altijd nog. Ben alerter en bewuster geworden van neurotische spelletjes die narcistische mensen spelen. Ik laat me niet meer misbruiken heb ik besloten.Een keer is meer dan genoeg! Een rode vlag is echt een rode vlag!🙏

  • @dwainbrown5141
    @dwainbrown5141 4 года назад +8

    Wonderful insight Petra I needed to see this to refocus ! There are times when I forget just how disingenuous they are ,and there a few hoovering around and I have to remember who and what I am dealing with ! Blessings 🙏 to you Petra and thank you !

    • @PetraVanDeijl
      @PetraVanDeijl  4 года назад +2

      Give the care, focus and compassion to your own emotional needs, Mr. Dwain

  • @reneemorgan3144
    @reneemorgan3144 4 года назад +6

    Thank you so much. I agree with everything you have said. This was my life with my covert narcissistic mother. I finally had to step away after me practically begging her to stop smearing me to my adult daughters, my patients and anyone that would listen. My pleas fell on deaf ears.
    It took decades for me to leave her. She is so very envious, manipulative and toxic. I had no other choice. I forgive her. Like you said, she cannot be in my life.

  • @marzkilljoy731
    @marzkilljoy731 9 месяцев назад +1

    With my codependent narc friend, we had a lot of time together most days for hours as drinking buddies but she would always cut off what i was talking about to be distracted by the cat, or something on the counter, or something they "had to say or they'd forget" and then change topics and i would listen to what they would say but i didn't get the same concentration. About generosity, she often let me have her liquor most nights although i could have gotten my own easily. i felt guilty but was reassured. I am intelligent and tech savvy and any time she needed electronic or internet help she didn't wanna learn how to do it. she wanted me to just do it. she was like allergic to learning anything that was new that would maybe be confusing. as an intellectual, that was hard to understand. Honestly the first friendship that a person wanted to be around me so often, even as neighbors. If she got annoyed by me, at first she would distract the conversation then months later she would make a face and change topics or randomly ask me to DJ as an interruption, then one night i tried to just restate and correct what i thought was a simple fact and she mocked me like a school kid repeating my last syllable over and over and then posed i take a shot of her liquor in an aggressive matter of fact way adding "or not?" and i was like -Wth was that? in my head. (in hindsight that reads as "shut up and remember my value".. doesn't it?) I was calmly able to say i was confused and wondered what that just was and what happened and thankfully she calmed down but it was a pivotal moment in the friendship where everything was adding up and i realized i was being mocked and pushed further somewhere i didn't wanna be.

  • @eusouamisantropica
    @eusouamisantropica 4 года назад +9

    I have two sisters like this and attrated so many friends and man like this. I'm so tired. I dont trust anyone.

  • @negar110
    @negar110 5 месяцев назад +2

    You said it so beautiful and articulate ❤

  • @pietjeindegroei6596
    @pietjeindegroei6596 4 года назад +14

    Dear Petra,
    Sounds like my mother-in -law, horrible! Nobody was good in her eyes! Afther she passed away no one came to her cremation only 6 people. I have a beautiful girlfriend who had to deal with the worst narcissist that I ever had met! She has the contact totally disconnected. Lucky for me no toxic friends around me. If there are narcissistiche people in my presence well i know how to deal with them. Thanks to You! I learned a lot from You 💜💜💜💜

  • @gratitude1181
    @gratitude1181 4 года назад +14

    Oh my... Petra Narcissism is a Horrible Blessing for now that I actually know how they look & speak I have been committed to my healing process my life was full confusing and exhaustion trying to figure out what I was doing to attract these types of people... now having the truth of the matter revealed I am so much more independent I truly appreciate you thank you for helping me Petra thank you ❤🤲🏾🙏🏿🌷

    • @dontbelongherefromanother
      @dontbelongherefromanother 4 года назад +2

      I know I attract them when I'm down on my luck and need emotional support. I must train myself to not be tempted to do this and validate myself. I believe most are caught up in situations with narcs when they become desperate. It's sad

    • @ashl8804
      @ashl8804 2 года назад

      @@dontbelongherefromanother Very true....!

  • @Geronimo2u
    @Geronimo2u 3 года назад +6

    I always enjoy listening to you, you’re lovely. Yes going overboard telling people everything we may do may not be appropriate all the time, but at same time hearing someone else’s giving, sharing or doing it has also motivated me to do or do bit more.. but never in a boastful way to make self look great.. sadly many people don’t do, don’t volunteer, don’t give, don’t share I.e. when I donate blood few times a year I will boast or write and thank for the organization of the blood drive, hoping to reach people’s hearts too..as it’s very needed in Houston.

    • @PetraVanDeijl
      @PetraVanDeijl  3 года назад

      Thank you for your warm words, Shay D. There is a difference between being boastful and having integrity. Boastful = Look at what I've done. Integrity = I'm doing the right thing and I don't place value on an audience.

  • @la-la-lillie3553
    @la-la-lillie3553 Год назад +1

    Finally… a video that explains exactly what I went through.

  • @pambelcher2857
    @pambelcher2857 4 года назад +2

    I am listening to your videos after getting a scary house guest of my house after a week, reclaiming my peace. She was so good at shame and guilt. Thank you 😊..

  • @rachelmae9555
    @rachelmae9555 2 года назад +3

    Wow, this is SO on the nose 🤯. Especially what you said at the end about them being able to illuminate for you your own insecurities and short comings. Thank you so much for this.

  • @Cat-fb3pd
    @Cat-fb3pd 8 месяцев назад +1

    Very nice outlook. Taking the high road. You go girl!

  • @vibehigh5280
    @vibehigh5280 4 года назад +4

    Thank you for this video, Petra. 19weeks nc i just walked away with no proper closure, been ruminating again about that friendship, tough week. But I know deep within that choosing myself and my well-being is and was the right decision.

    • @vibehigh5280
      @vibehigh5280 4 года назад

      I just couldn't understand why I couldn't get the same love and authenticity from this person, i was always left being so frustrated and unsatisfied.
      With healthy people my heart feels full, loved, heard , seen. The sense of reciprocity is there, they are interested to what I am going to say about my life..there's so much shared life in there.
      With narc person, I felt full BUT afterwards like I want to vomit.

  • @spice8831
    @spice8831 Год назад +1

    Well explained..so accurate. You have a beautiful speaking voice which is just the icing on the cake ofyr wisdom

  • @cloud6862
    @cloud6862 Год назад +1

    When they tell everyone how they gave you presents for your birthday and you sent them nothing - (but) the presents they sent you were cut up and used and were just sent to be nasty. one came on holiday and told neighbours a bunch of lies to try and destory your life , omg they are insane, get away from them cut them out and stay away for your own mental health.

  • @empressaminata637
    @empressaminata637 4 года назад +8

    I had new friend admit she wants to copy me.... / love bombing / sisterhood feeling . I blocked contact. Great video

  • @cmralph...
    @cmralph... 2 года назад +1

    I recently met someone like this - at first, I thought it was just me, but this video clarifies much of what I experienced. Thanks for making this video.

  • @aquaaktivated
    @aquaaktivated Год назад +2

    My ex narcissist friend used to tell me my kids were supposed to be hers and vice versa then proceeds to degrade all of us plant seeds that help keep us apart knowing we have an estrangement ordeal one of which she had front and center view and even participated in to a certain extent 😢very disheartening and pissed of quite frankly but I’ve moved

  • @avanellehansen4525
    @avanellehansen4525 8 месяцев назад +1

    Yes. The giving became transactional.

  • @peggygenoway
    @peggygenoway 4 года назад +5

    The first time I heard the term "fake humble" I got it. I talk about things I do to help uthers sometimes. Friends pitch in and it becomes a group thing..

  • @bw5277
    @bw5277 8 месяцев назад +1

    The person I know will often make bold, definitive statements. When asked for further clarification , it's crickets! Seems to always know everything about everything, but very clear he doesn't. He is part of a longtime friend group. I try not to engage in conversation with him!

  • @Contessa998
    @Contessa998 4 года назад +3

    My sister is a narcissist it took me 59 years to figure it out. I always looked up to her and I am older than her. She hid behind her husband for 33 years and now she is divorcing him. She will be a millionaire. She never gave a damn about me and now I get it. That’s why she never contacts me. It is a one-sided relationship and I’m done. I am going to therapy for this because it is very painful and I need to greive

  • @shiyghansolangesolangenyuy9618
    @shiyghansolangesolangenyuy9618 2 года назад +2

    I house a friend look for her a job at my job site and really believe we were family,she started mimicking me, competing and Soon turn my colleagues against me.they ganged up and lied against me to my boss i lost my position and she celebrated.i stay calm she tried to destroy my relationship but couldn't succeed,she started smearing against me how am witch my family a witch yet i stay calmly.
    Then soon they started fighting each other and she was exposed she left in shame but has come back again yet i ignore now she goes to tell my brother'boss to sack my kid bro that my family tried to kill her.thank God he didn't believe and rather blacklist her number and ask my bro to stay away from her cause she could be very evil.

  • @gladiammgtow4092
    @gladiammgtow4092 Год назад +1

    This is my Boss. Giving notice in Jan 24.

  • @tiabeewhy
    @tiabeewhy 4 года назад +3

    Thank you for another informative video, Petra! Sadly, I see some of myself in some of the red flags you mentioned & I worry a lot about how I fix myself. I've withdrawn from friendships partly because of how I come across to others (and also bc of the hurt I've experienced has made me distrustful of others). It's really challenging bc I crave healthy relationships but I'm aware of my baggage, too....

    • @PetraVanDeijl
      @PetraVanDeijl  4 года назад +4

      The great news is that you are capable of introspection! No-one is perfect, we all make mistakes and demonstrate bad behaviour at times. The gift is in knowing yourself and adjusting your behaviour accordingly.

  • @Clasi-fk5ng
    @Clasi-fk5ng Год назад +1

    You are so calming. Love your channel. Thank you

    • @PetraVanDeijl
      @PetraVanDeijl  Год назад

      Thank you so much! Love and blessings ❤

  • @vs4571
    @vs4571 6 месяцев назад +2

    Hi Petra, now what if the friendship is more one sided and one persons doing more and thus feels unappreciated? Usually due to finance and or lend a helping hand. Do you think narcissists are the only ones who bring up what they’ve done for you? Wouldn’t a narcissist be more likely to take advantage and anger the friend who’s selflessly giving and start to notice patterns? It’s something I struggle with at times; sometimes I don’t do enough for some and with others I do too much and they don’t reciprocate. The friendships are almost all transactional to try and maintain balance between us.

  • @nicksanders9148
    @nicksanders9148 Год назад +2

    your doing Gods work girl! 😄

  • @tamarakennedy4976
    @tamarakennedy4976 4 года назад +4

    Are you the kind of friend who only takes but never gives? Go to lunch and not pay your way or pay your way and never ever pick up the tab and tip or only receive gifts and favors but never give gifts or favors for anybody?

  • @QueenChastity
    @QueenChastity 2 года назад +1

    Yess she said bad things about My old friend. Disgusting!!! And she hadn’t even met her!

  • @bonniebikowski7478
    @bonniebikowski7478 3 года назад +2

    Sending Love and Light from my heart to yours💙🙏🦋🌺🌻

  • @tamarasworld4442
    @tamarasworld4442 2 года назад +1

    I’m so glad I’ve found your channel. Thank you!

    • @PetraVanDeijl
      @PetraVanDeijl  2 года назад

      Thank you for watching and subbing! Love and light xx

  • @rachelmiller764
    @rachelmiller764 3 года назад +1

    My best friend of 20 years, she made it clear she was jealous that I passed a driving test first time, she took 3, she always put me down when we met boys on a night out, I had 2 babies, she has none and wanted to be godmother, I realise now just for status, always talked about how much she earned, hated that I got a 2:1 at uni, she got a 2:2, if buying a present for someone she had to buy one for herself

  • @jasu5142
    @jasu5142 4 года назад +5

    Thx so much for this

  • @Pfsif
    @Pfsif 4 года назад +9

    Beware of virtue signalers.

  • @ting-ting7001
    @ting-ting7001 3 месяца назад

    I knew someone who said she'll be a doctor so she can buy a village in the Philippines. Or how her dad picked up a classmate from school because he missed the bus.

  • @isthataspider7410
    @isthataspider7410 2 года назад +1

    Thank you for this!

  • @marymesk577
    @marymesk577 4 года назад

    THANK U I NEED TO ALSO CHECK TO SEE HOW MUCH GUILTY I AM OF THESE THINGS AND BETTER MYSELF .

    • @PetraVanDeijl
      @PetraVanDeijl  4 года назад +1

      Yes, introspection and correction of behaviour patterns are a great gift to yourself and others.

  • @jamaicanbarbie9989
    @jamaicanbarbie9989 4 года назад +4

    Accuracy 💯

  • @hayleymaddison7349
    @hayleymaddison7349 3 года назад +2

    Love these videos, thank you ❤️ x

  • @queingjwaywithwords
    @queingjwaywithwords 4 года назад

    Hi, Petra! I was so excited to this video! Thank you for doing this for us. I learned so much. So grateful for your work, and so proud to know you now. Have a lovely September!

    • @PetraVanDeijl
      @PetraVanDeijl  4 года назад

      Thank you so much Queing! It was so wonderful to meet you. Please keep up with your great work too, it is so valuable to so many! xxx

  • @tracynewton3083
    @tracynewton3083 2 года назад +1

    Not sure if a narc, but I've gone no contact anyway. He had great skills that I never got to see, he would down play his achievements and put himself down all the time. This was very draining.

  • @ginaalesha2
    @ginaalesha2 4 года назад +2

    Petra, thank you so much!!!😊

  • @vocalvocation
    @vocalvocation 4 года назад +1

    Watching some previous video's of you again!

  • @Calidore1
    @Calidore1 2 года назад +2

    I think it’s very generous to describe the toxic “friends” as bearers of gifts.....in a true spiritual sense maybe, but only if you have advanced to such a level that you can live with this type of paradox. One has to remember that toxic people are not trying to improve your life, they are trying to undermine and confound your resilience and the growth of your personality. The people who need the credit are the wise and loyal and harmonious people who aren’t flashy and who treat you properly because they derive strength from sharing and multiplying what gifts they have as opposed to toxic people who are merely self centred and deceitful, even though they make great efforts to “talk a good game”, which always comes over as self aggrandising and false and disconnected from any moral social benefits.

  • @penelopejadebeauty
    @penelopejadebeauty 3 года назад

    Omg, mind blown!
    Thank you for this video.

  • @nadmrsic
    @nadmrsic 3 месяца назад

    I was the victim of narcissistic soulsister/ from Hell. I believe it physically and mentally has killed me. I never loved anyone more and never suffered more. I don't see how I could ever recover ..... probably. Never 😢

  • @Lola-mt1ne
    @Lola-mt1ne 4 года назад +1

    Yes, we come back to our own.

  • @stefarfa52
    @stefarfa52 4 года назад +1

    Wonderful message, thankyou for sharing this ❤

  • @MasonLeCompte
    @MasonLeCompte 3 года назад +4

    Ugh this is 100 percent her. Never again! I’d rather not have any friends.

    • @PetraVanDeijl
      @PetraVanDeijl  3 года назад +2

      Remove the toxic friend(s) in order to make room for the true friends dear Mason.

  • @daydaynj
    @daydaynj 4 года назад +1

    Thank you so much. Please make more videos on this topic! 💫💕

  • @cbrown123422
    @cbrown123422 3 года назад +1

    Yes. Thank you!

  • @survivorship4290
    @survivorship4290 4 года назад +3

    Very useful information 👍🏽❤

  • @floxendoodle942
    @floxendoodle942 4 года назад +1

    Thank you, Petra! ❤️❤️❤️

  • @clarity-shot
    @clarity-shot Месяц назад

    I can’t stop nodding with all these signs 😢

    • @PetraVanDeijl
      @PetraVanDeijl  Месяц назад

      @@clarity-shot I'm sorry you're going through this.

  • @diamondvall101
    @diamondvall101 4 года назад +3

    No I had to let go of these persons because they were like the rat trap glue paper I couldn’t get rid of them there were two of them like they wanted and needed to control me totally including my family my daughters and they had to check in every day one of them had to check in three times a day that was just too much I had to be rude and not pick up the phone and not bother with them now they’re mad at me but that’s OK The worst part is that they live nearby the control issues that go with their friendship was just too much they never take no for answer NEVER that’s number 7

  • @Lasseskage
    @Lasseskage 4 года назад

    Heel graag bedankt! 😍Net als ik voel maar nu is het genoeg. Nooit meer!

  • @csilva2472
    @csilva2472 4 года назад

    Brilliant content. Thank you very much!!

  • @Pfsif
    @Pfsif 4 года назад +4

    Has anyone had a family Narc pass away and then have another family member take over the abuse? As if a demon jump and occupy the seemingly angelic family member?

  • @mkbeauty1012
    @mkbeauty1012 2 года назад +1

    Can you make a video of maybe when your first meet someone and getting to know them, like what are some things that they can do that might be reflags of a narcissistic friend