Petra you have been SO INSTRUMENTAL to me cutting off the cord of a 15-year double toxic friendships with 1 confirmed borderline and 1 unconfirmed. It was hell. I finally feel genuinely happy and relaxed. I was always anxious on eggshells and scared to say no to them and gaslighting myself but I just want to say a huge thank you and please keep up the good work! ❤️💕
Great job Whimsical!! When someone has a pattern of disrupting your peace and flow, you have an obligation to yourself to restore the values that you hold in honour. Keep your eyes on the road in front of you 💖
What I have experienced is gossiping and slander of everything and everyone she knows including her elderly patient. Folks, let us never forget if they gossip, you or we are next in line. I guarantee it. I hate gossip and this is one of my new boundaries, no gossip allowed. Just as bad to listen as do it. Also it gives the gossiping individual the idea you condone . Not happening.
I grew up with one of my parents being a VERY abusive narcissist. Subconsciously, I gravitated toward narcissists in friendships, relationships, and even in the one time I was married (for a whole year and a half). She cheated on me the entire time we were married. And, I would imagine I wasn't the first person she cheated on. They never stop and never change. She's been married 3 more times since me and is, once again, single. She alienated my kids from me as well. There's NOTHING good that can come of being friends, or otherwise, with a narcissist.
Looking back there were lots of moments where I felt I was being used abused and manipulated , but the narcs are so good at making you doubt yourself , they are VERY believable ! It was actually during pandemic that something changed for me , with many hundreds of people dying each day , tied together with financial worries , a couple of petty derogatory digs were just two.more hurtful acts too far ! A year and a half later , and a hell of a long road to recovery , I am now completely happy once again ! 🙏❤️
I've noticed some patterns and connections with the projecting. Sometimes it feels like they're assuming everyone has the same toxic motivations they have. My "friend" made odd accusations against others in authoritative manner. ("She's so manipulative" "She knows exactly what she's doing") Odd accusations that don't fit the evidence are red flags and are projections. Last, if they're saying things about others they are or will do the same to you. I really love your insight on these topics. It validates my experiences and helps me understand what was going on.
Thank you very much for your content and the videos you make. This one in particular helped me get back to my reality: Take everything you've learned and check the boxes. Having grown up in a dysfunctional family, surrounded by narcissists, I sometimes don't know what is normal and not normal behavior. I've been surrounded by unhealthy people my whole life (repetition compulsion). That's why I don't have a benchmark for what healthy behavior is. I only know it from books and videos and am currently in the process of creating a new set of rules for myself. I am all the more grateful for people like you who have helped me to set the cornerstones and banish the last unhealthy people from my life. THANK YOU!
I can't thank you enough for such validating content...I feel so much better now that they are gone. I can't believe how many people I've attracted like this, due to unhealed wounds in myself. I'm still recovering from the "complex" aftermath...the ruminating...the loneliness, etc. Getting them out of your life is the biggest hurdle...it's not smooth sailing afterwards but it does get better as the healing journey continues.
“Friendships”. Struggling to get out of one. She calls me because she knows I’m usually not well, and then she is fueled by knowing I feel bad. Feels very rotten..
Thank you for this. My "friend" exhibits so many of these traits and I am very sad this friendship will not be the same again. I looked up to her but she is always competing in some ways. She has no close female friends cos she does things behind their backs i.e. screenshots. She does that a lot, even convos of her partner. She needs so so much male attention and validation it's almost crazy. She flaunts and put others' down, I realised it all started a year ago when I got into a very happy relationship. Twice she told me how 1. Her ex was worried my bf would dump me and go for her. 2. Her current partner insinuated I was fat and she laughed along. I thought about this so many times, and I would never do this to anyone I love. This is a woman 8 years older than me and I looked up to her. Yes she's good looking on the outside but so self absorbed and malicious to her friends, even those who'd known her for decades.
I've experienced similar circumstances and though they are never fun,it feels good to know that I emerged victorious. Glad to see you're back,Petra. Merry Christmas. ☺
So true! They will always put you down for any success, any positive event.. whatever you tell them. They will belittle or ridicule everything you tell them, to make you feel less than.
So I'm on the autistic spectrum in an adult late diagnosis and I've noticed a pattern of these types of people in my life even my mother and my father. I struggle with the guilt of not leaving them to deal with their own stuff from the gym. I would ask them if they were using me and they would deny it. That's my fault. It's hard to ever want to help a friend or someone acting friendly anymore. For the sake of authenticity.
Hi Petra, thank you for your videos, I'm new to your channel. I've had 2 covert narcissist friends in my life. The last one ,I stopped all contact last year. I'm still struggling to let go off my anger towards her..mainly because of all the sickening abuse she put me through, the worst of it when she devalued my non verbal autistic child. I let her say stuff I would never let anyone else get away with..the final straw came when she smacked my child,I had left the room to answer the door when I heard a hard smack and my child who couldn't tell me was crying and rubbing their hand, it was red..my blood boiled over and threw her out..I called her out on everything. As I said it's been a yr now. And my anger is more at myself tbh...I feel I let it happen..my child was so innocent..the narcissist has turned other people on me...I really feel, she is pure evil in human form.
Petra thank you. The stuff my ex friend did was unbelievable. She's quite mad. I finally let myself recognize today(!) that she stalked me with hangup calls for half of last summer, 3 years after I went no contact. This person used me to regulate her own state, among many other uses and attempted uses. (for example, to get to a man she wanted, to get rid of a troubled housemate she didn't want, both while she pretended to be doing me a thoughtful favor.) Or how about the time she tried to sell me her post-surgery prescription for "vacation money" because she knew I have chronic pain. I can go on. But the worst was the mind games, the willingness to torture me for amusement and feelings of self satisfaction. Please stay in this space...betrayal of what you think is a real friendship hurts just as much as that of a lovership, and can undermine one's sense of self and safety forever. Your talks help.
Petra! This is perfect! Yes, I’m going to use this ex toxic friend as a case study. Unfortunately, I’m not able to completely remove myself from this person presence, due to us being in the same congregation, however, I’m now using the method of “gray rocking”, and keeping a safe distance as best as possible. Thank you for your honesty, transparency and powerful message. Many thanks!❤️
You always help me lift the veil of doubt that creeps in when the narc friend projects. It’s easy to feel off-kilter but your videos always help in confirming my suspicions. Hope you’ve had a great festive season Petra xo
I've cut off my narcissistic friend and I haven't spoken to her in months but I can't stop thinking about her. I go between feelings of regret/sadness and feelings of deep, deep anger. How can I actually move on and stop continuing to let this toxic person control my life and inhabit my mind?
By allowing yourself to feel your feelings without judgement is a great place to start! Recovery from emotional abuse is a rollercoaster, one day you're feeling great and the next you're filled with anger. The anger tells you where your boundaries have been violated. The sadness is the grief. It is normal to grieve someone whom you percieved as being wholesome and sincere, no matter how toxic they are.
@@PetraVanDeijl Thank you so much for the advice! Your videos have helped me break away from her and also know that I'm not the only one who has had to deal with this
Let them think you're doing bad...if they think you have a lot of drama, stress, set backs etc...don't struggle to convince them you are doing really well. Let them believe you are struggling...even if you aren't.
@@babyc.3015 I think it depends on the kind of manipulator you're dealing with. I believe that if you're doing well and they know it, they will try to sabotage or intervene in a negative way to depress you. One example I can think of is, I was cutting off a very abusive man in my life. Christmas came and he was hooving me of course. I was having a pleasant time with my family, really trying to stay centered. I told him that. I said, "I'm really have a nice time with my family"....he proceeded to call me leaving awful messages...it damn near ruined my day...Christmas day no less. I realized it's just better for me to let them think I'm NOT doing well. They somehow just leave me alone that way....even though I'm okay, or mostly okay.
So, once the narcissist has destroyed you, what is your advice to regain some of your self esteem? There's a lot of discussion about what they do to you but not a lot in the way of recovery. For me its been 2 years since I went no contact but I can still hear her put- downs in my head and I just want them gone...
Petra your so blessed. You live in Amsterdam. I was in the US Army in 1980 and I visited your city then. Such magnificense. You have no idea of how great the Dutch people are.the greatest race on earth. I visited about 10 times. So beautiful is Amsterdam. Even rome is no comparison..i wish you luck. If I could visit your city one more time..your new mayor seems a bit off..but. We have to accept the impossible..your message is better than ever🎅🎅🎅
Your Videos and your calming voice are soooo important to me...... ich möchte Dir danken, Du sprichst ja auch deutsch und Dir frohe Weihnachen wünschen liebe Petra
Once, in college, he talked to a girlfriend of mine. He kept throwing dirt on me, and my girlfriend protested and called him out for his BS. Guess what? My girlfriend was his next victim, and he tried to frame her in front of me. He accused her of slandering, talking behind my back and other dumb things .
Great to see you again after a reprieve. Hope you have a wondrous holiday season. Thank you for sharing all the helpful information over the years. Even though I have removed myself from these types, including the most influential Narc going on 6 years, like clockwork, every holiday I get a text message from the Narc expressing a foul religious joke meme, as a Christmas card? To inform me he is still around...to pay attention to him. Ugh. A healthy person would wish another a happy holiday filled with joy and well wishes. Only two words may have gotten a response from me..."I'm sorry". I know now, that will never come. Spending time with friendships that reciprocate and genuinely uplift my spirit.
I've had narcisstic friends in the past that never did the gathering dirt thing, but I've the dirt being thrown back at me from my mother. so I think maybe why the friends couldn't do it is because I didn't really have dirt anyways and then I'm very transaparent. But I've def experienced the competition foolishness.
Some people give you not always a good explanation. They or narc will fill that gap what you are missing inside and must go inside to fill that gap and healing unhealed wounds. Good insights are needed to overcome traumabonding.
"A gift wrapped in sandpaper." So accurate. "Flying Frodo" 😊 So true. Thanks for the refresher, Petra! You have helped me identify these individuals earlier and earlier, and keep them out of my life. 🙏Happy Holidays to you and yours! ✨🧧🎄🎁
Hey Petra. I just dropped by to say hello. We haven’t corresponded in like a year. Things are slowly improving even through the ambient abuse. Have an awesome day
Yeah, before I stopped all communication after 43 years- when I wrote my first book, she pretends she never got it in the mail. I sent another one. Without reading it she said I should have had her a kindergarten teacher edit it’ 😂 She sounded angry when discussing my book on the phone…..
Could u plz soeak more on how to deal with adult child who's a narc ? And when it includes young grandchildren. How to survive and detach healthfully n help grandkids too ??
Another great video. Thank you. Just had to end another female friendship. She is fairly covert but when I expressed my feelings about her not coming to my party she could not cope! She was a social worker. The main red flag was her moodiness and the way she would put down her lovely husband in front of me. I feel sorry for him and would love to speak to him but I think it would be too dangerous.
I have several questions if you don't mind me asking. 1: What if someone is trying to tell you to do a certain thing their way and then even though you told them almost 5 times that it would not work and your trying to help come up with ideas to make things work but no matter how many times you try to come up with ideas, that certain person always acts like that their ideas are more important than yours and it always feels like if they don't get their way their going to have a mental break down all of the time, and they act like they don't care or think about your input or how you feel about it? 2: What if whenever someone makes a plan about only what they want to do and you actually participate and have fun though they still make things all about them through out the whole time, But it just so happens that whenever YOU make fun plans that you and that person can do together for fun hoping no selfishness involved that person either starts making things all about them all over again, or they just plain old stood you up and then they tell you at the last minute or when your just now going to bed saying that they had other plans without telling you ahead of time or they go hang out with someone else instead? 3: Why is it whenever I try to come up with a conversation with that certain person they always have to talk about themselves all of the time? Like all I ever hear from this person is I I I I I I I I ME ME ME ME ME ME ME. Like don't get me wrong, I like listening to that person talk about themself, but I feel like that person does it way too much sometimes. Especially whenever I want to talk about something else and maybe about me for once that person literally In 0.5 seconds turns it around and we are talking about that person and all over again all I hear is I I I I ME ME ME ME! It makes me kinda sad tbh because I feel like I can never talk about how my own life is going sometimes and I feel like there is no room to talk about me sometimes. 4: Why is it whenever I try to make plans to where I want to be with my family and my family only or whenever I want to talk to another friend for once and have a great time or whenever I have a date to go to (as an example I don't really have a date lol ) that person has to bud in and demands that she gets involved with everything I do or she will break down because all she wants is all of the attention to be on her and her only. 5: Literally whenever we talk on the phone or text that person always ends up talking about how I'm not following up to her expectations that I know that they are very hard to follow, like having to drop every single thing that I am doing even though that there are times where I can not drop everything I'm doing just to answer my phone because she always says that she would have a break down if I didn't, or just like last night where she said that I have to try to make plans to hang out every other day a week, which during the weekdays I am usually the busiest, but I told her so many times that I am usually free during the weekends and we can hang out then. But Everytime I insist on telling her that, she is always like OH THAT WON'T WORK BECAUSE IT SOUNDS WAY TOO LONG, even though she literally just told me that she was free during the weekends as well, and once again if things don't go her way she would break down. The moral of the whole thing is that whenever she doesn't get her way it turns into a break down story. Why is this always happening? She even expects tells me that I am only aloud to have an hour after a busy day or what such to myself and then text her or call her right after, even though she knows very well that the best way I recharge is when I spend a long time to myself so I don't mentally lose it. She also doesn't really except that there are times that I literally do not want company that day and I need a day or 2 to myself to prevent myself from going crazy. BUT NOOO she makes excuses on why I should get out of my way and give her all of the attention she wants instead or else you know what will happen next. 6 and final question (maybe): Is it a bad thing that I feel like I should talk to a therapist about this situation and possibly other problems I feel like I'm having about this? The reason I say this is because I don't want to feel like I'm forcing my family into this, especially the fact that it's my problem and I don't feel like it would be right getting them involved with something that I should be the one dealing with it anyways. Although, it doesn't mean that I don't want anyone on my side for once though. What do you think I should do because I feel like I am stuck on whether I should find a better way to deal with out feeling like I should just stop spending time with that person which is something I really don't want to go through. Sorry that this comment is so long
Hi Larry, I am no longer able to answer every single email, due to the amount of messages. If you'd like to set up a call, please go through my website. Thanks. Petra www.petravandeijl.com
It is a sickening feeling when you realize what they are.
Just going through this, holy crap such true words. Its physical disgust.
V-e-r-y sickening. I’m still very ill 4 years after breaking free.
The anger is where your boundaries have been crossed.
The sadness is you thought this person/people care about you....they don't
Great comment. Thank you.
Petra you have been SO INSTRUMENTAL to me cutting off the cord of a 15-year double toxic friendships with 1 confirmed borderline and 1 unconfirmed. It was hell. I finally feel genuinely happy and relaxed. I was always anxious on eggshells and scared to say no to them and gaslighting myself but I just want to say a huge thank you and please keep up the good work! ❤️💕
Great job Whimsical!! When someone has a pattern of disrupting your peace and flow, you have an obligation to yourself to restore the values that you hold in honour. Keep your eyes on the road in front of you 💖
💯
What I have experienced is gossiping and slander of everything and everyone she knows including her elderly patient. Folks, let us never forget if they gossip, you or we are next in line. I guarantee it. I hate gossip and this is one of my new boundaries, no gossip allowed. Just as bad to listen as do it. Also it gives the gossiping individual the idea you condone . Not happening.
I grew up with one of my parents being a VERY abusive narcissist. Subconsciously, I gravitated toward narcissists in friendships, relationships, and even in the one time I was married (for a whole year and a half). She cheated on me the entire time we were married. And, I would imagine I wasn't the first person she cheated on. They never stop and never change. She's been married 3 more times since me and is, once again, single. She alienated my kids from me as well. There's NOTHING good that can come of being friends, or otherwise, with a narcissist.
An educated empath is an empowered empath 💪❤️❤️
Looking back there were lots of moments where I felt I was being used abused and manipulated , but the narcs are so good at making you doubt yourself , they are VERY believable ! It was actually during pandemic that something changed for me , with many hundreds of people dying each day , tied together with financial worries , a couple of petty derogatory digs were just two.more hurtful acts too far ! A year and a half later , and a hell of a long road to recovery , I am now completely happy once again ! 🙏❤️
I've noticed some patterns and connections with the projecting. Sometimes it feels like they're assuming everyone has the same toxic motivations they have. My "friend" made odd accusations against others in authoritative manner. ("She's so manipulative" "She knows exactly what she's doing") Odd accusations that don't fit the evidence are red flags and are projections. Last, if they're saying things about others they are or will do the same to you.
I really love your insight on these topics. It validates my experiences and helps me understand what was going on.
Thank you very much for your content and the videos you make. This one in particular helped me get back to my reality: Take everything you've learned and check the boxes. Having grown up in a dysfunctional family, surrounded by narcissists, I sometimes don't know what is normal and not normal behavior. I've been surrounded by unhealthy people my whole life (repetition compulsion). That's why I don't have a benchmark for what healthy behavior is. I only know it from books and videos and am currently in the process of creating a new set of rules for myself. I am all the more grateful for people like you who have helped me to set the cornerstones and banish the last unhealthy people from my life. THANK YOU!
I just love this!! Yes, you have every right to set new rules and standards for your life! Wishing you continued love, strength, courage and health.
I can't thank you enough for such validating content...I feel so much better now that they are gone. I can't believe how many people I've attracted like this, due to unhealed wounds in myself. I'm still recovering from the "complex" aftermath...the ruminating...the loneliness, etc. Getting them out of your life is the biggest hurdle...it's not smooth sailing afterwards but it does get better as the healing journey continues.
“Friendships”. Struggling to get out of one. She calls me because she knows I’m usually not well, and then she is fueled by knowing I feel bad. Feels very rotten..
I have no contact with that narcissistic ''friend'' for over 4 years now, and I never felt better ! 🤸🤸good riddance !!😄
Same here! I went no contact in 2016 and I'm so glad I did.
Congratulations!
Same here! Couldn’t put my finger on the problem until I heard you talk about this in 2022.🎉🎉🎉😃
Thank you for this. My "friend" exhibits so many of these traits and I am very sad this friendship will not be the same again. I looked up to her but she is always competing in some ways. She has no close female friends cos she does things behind their backs i.e. screenshots. She does that a lot, even convos of her partner. She needs so so much male attention and validation it's almost crazy. She flaunts and put others' down, I realised it all started a year ago when I got into a very happy relationship. Twice she told me how 1. Her ex was worried my bf would dump me and go for her. 2. Her current partner insinuated I was fat and she laughed along. I thought about this so many times, and I would never do this to anyone I love. This is a woman 8 years older than me and I looked up to her. Yes she's good looking on the outside but so self absorbed and malicious to her friends, even those who'd known her for decades.
Thank you so much for addressing this. So many people touch up on narc relationships but rarely narc friendships!
I've experienced similar circumstances and though they are never fun,it feels good to know that I emerged victorious. Glad to see you're back,Petra.
Merry Christmas. ☺
Good for you Oscar! Merry christmas 🌲
So true!
They will always put you down for any success, any positive event.. whatever you tell them. They will belittle or ridicule everything you tell them, to make you feel less than.
So I'm on the autistic spectrum in an adult late diagnosis and I've noticed a pattern of these types of people in my life even my mother and my father. I struggle with the guilt of not leaving them to deal with their own stuff from the gym. I would ask them if they were using me and they would deny it. That's my fault. It's hard to ever want to help a friend or someone acting friendly anymore. For the sake of authenticity.
Hi Petra, thank you for your videos, I'm new to your channel. I've had 2 covert narcissist friends in my life. The last one ,I stopped all contact last year. I'm still struggling to let go off my anger towards her..mainly because of all the sickening abuse she put me through, the worst of it when she devalued my non verbal autistic child. I let her say stuff I would never let anyone else get away with..the final straw came when she smacked my child,I had left the room to answer the door when I heard a hard smack and my child who couldn't tell me was crying and rubbing their hand, it was red..my blood boiled over and threw her out..I called her out on everything. As I said it's been a yr now. And my anger is more at myself tbh...I feel I let it happen..my child was so innocent..the narcissist has turned other people on me...I really feel, she is pure evil in human form.
Petra thank you. The stuff my ex friend did was unbelievable. She's quite mad. I finally let myself recognize today(!) that she stalked me with hangup calls for half of last summer, 3 years after I went no contact. This person used me to regulate her own state, among many other uses and attempted uses. (for example, to get to a man she wanted, to get rid of a troubled housemate she didn't want, both while she pretended to be doing me a thoughtful favor.) Or how about the time she tried to sell me her post-surgery prescription for "vacation money" because she knew I have chronic pain. I can go on. But the worst was the mind games, the willingness to torture me for amusement and feelings of self satisfaction. Please stay in this space...betrayal of what you think is a real friendship hurts just as much as that of a lovership, and can undermine one's sense of self and safety forever. Your talks help.
Petra! This is perfect! Yes, I’m going to use this ex toxic friend as a case study. Unfortunately, I’m not able to completely remove myself from this person presence, due to us being in the same congregation, however, I’m now using the method of “gray rocking”, and keeping a safe distance as best as possible. Thank you for your honesty, transparency and powerful message. Many thanks!❤️
You always help me lift the veil of doubt that creeps in when the narc friend projects. It’s easy to feel off-kilter but your videos always help in confirming my suspicions. Hope you’ve had a great festive season Petra xo
Yes,they love to one up you.
I've cut off my narcissistic friend and I haven't spoken to her in months but I can't stop thinking about her. I go between feelings of regret/sadness and feelings of deep, deep anger. How can I actually move on and stop continuing to let this toxic person control my life and inhabit my mind?
By allowing yourself to feel your feelings without judgement is a great place to start! Recovery from emotional abuse is a rollercoaster, one day you're feeling great and the next you're filled with anger. The anger tells you where your boundaries have been violated. The sadness is the grief. It is normal to grieve someone whom you percieved as being wholesome and sincere, no matter how toxic they are.
@@PetraVanDeijl Thank you so much for the advice! Your videos have helped me break away from her and also know that I'm not the only one who has had to deal with this
You have helped me so much! I couldn’t possibly thank you enough!
You're most welcome Hope ❤
Thank you so much, you’ve perfectly described 2 long term narcissistic friendships.
This is so true - you opened my eyes.
You have helped and still help me so much - I cannot thank you enough.
You're most welcome! You have a powerful voice and insight Anja, give yourself more credit! I love how you're handling your current situation.
I love listening to you!❤️ You shine light on truth and it is so helpful! Also, your voice is so beautiful and calming❤️.
Thank you so much Joy. Love and blessings x
Let them think you're doing bad...if they think you have a lot of drama, stress, set backs etc...don't struggle to convince them you are doing really well. Let them believe you are struggling...even if you aren't.
Why?
@@babyc.3015 I think it depends on the kind of manipulator you're dealing with. I believe that if you're doing well and they know it, they will try to sabotage or intervene in a negative way to depress you. One example I can think of is, I was cutting off a very abusive man in my life. Christmas came and he was hooving me of course. I was having a pleasant time with my family, really trying to stay centered. I told him that. I said, "I'm really have a nice time with my family"....he proceeded to call me leaving awful messages...it damn near ruined my day...Christmas day no less. I realized it's just better for me to let them think I'm NOT doing well. They somehow just leave me alone that way....even though I'm okay, or mostly okay.
So, once the narcissist has destroyed you, what is your advice to regain some of your self esteem? There's a lot of discussion about what they do to you but not a lot in the way of recovery. For me its been 2 years since I went no contact but I can still hear her put- downs in my head and I just want them gone...
Petra your so blessed. You live in Amsterdam. I was in the US Army in 1980 and I visited your city then. Such magnificense. You have no idea of how great the Dutch people are.the greatest race on earth. I visited about 10 times. So beautiful is Amsterdam. Even rome is no comparison..i wish you luck. If I could visit your city one more time..your new mayor seems a bit off..but. We have to accept the impossible..your message is better than ever🎅🎅🎅
Hi John....well....Amsterdam is up for debate. Some people love it, some people hate it. I don't live there, that's just our capital.
Boundaries…. they try you when you meet them. Stand your ground and smile! 😊
Lovely to hear you again Petra. You are a shining light in my recovery. Thank you
So sweet of you to say, thank you!
Your Videos and your calming voice are soooo important to me...... ich möchte Dir danken, Du sprichst ja auch deutsch und Dir frohe Weihnachen wünschen liebe Petra
Vielen danke liebe Elli! Frohe weihnachten für dich!
Once, in college, he talked to a girlfriend of mine. He kept throwing dirt on me, and my girlfriend protested and called him out for his BS. Guess what? My girlfriend was his next victim, and he tried to frame her in front of me. He accused her of slandering, talking behind my back and other dumb things .
Valuable video!! Thank you!!
Great video, so beautifully articulated. I'm 2 years free and life is just so peaceful.
Yaaaaay! Congratulations on liberating yourself!
Thank you - I really needed to hear this.
This has helped me tremendously.
Spot on oh my goodness !
Thankyou for this.
Great to see you again after a reprieve. Hope you have a wondrous holiday season. Thank you for sharing all the helpful information over the years. Even though I have removed myself from these types, including the most influential Narc going on 6 years, like clockwork, every holiday I get a text message from the Narc expressing a foul religious joke meme, as a Christmas card? To inform me he is still around...to pay attention to him. Ugh. A healthy person would wish another a happy holiday filled with joy and well wishes. Only two words may have gotten a response from me..."I'm sorry". I know now, that will never come. Spending time with friendships that reciprocate and genuinely uplift my spirit.
I've had narcisstic friends in the past that never did the gathering dirt thing, but I've the dirt being thrown back at me from my mother. so I think maybe why the friends couldn't do it is because I didn't really have dirt anyways and then I'm very transaparent. But I've def experienced the competition foolishness.
I truly love this concept. Thank you.
Facts! I always like your insight, Petra. Thanks!
You're welcome, thanks for taking the time to watch.
love the video's very helpful
Thank you for the reminder
Keep Fighting 😉.
Have a blessed year.
Thank you 😊
No problem ☺
Some people give you not always a good explanation. They or narc will fill that gap what you are missing inside and must go inside to fill that gap and healing unhealed wounds. Good insights are needed to overcome traumabonding.
Hi Petra, thanks for sharing. 😊
You're welcome!
"A gift wrapped in sandpaper." So accurate. "Flying Frodo" 😊 So true. Thanks for the refresher, Petra! You have helped me identify these individuals earlier and earlier, and keep them out of my life. 🙏Happy Holidays to you and yours! ✨🧧🎄🎁
Thank you Ann. Happy holidays to your and your dear ones. xx
Your videos are amazing, thank you.
Thank you for watching Paulo!
I have so much respect for you and the information you bring into my life thank you 🙏
Thank you Wally. You're most welcome!
Awareness and acceptance of truth vs lies.
Be strong and be courageous🌼
Thanks Petra, i have learned a lot from you, very valuable information, i hope you have a very merry christmas and all the very best for 2022...xxx
Thank you Lilygirl. Wishing you and your family a wonderful and relaxing festive season!
Excellent video! Thank you! I have a good friend who fits the description perfectly! How can I get rid of him?
Hey Petra. I just dropped by to say hello. We haven’t corresponded in like a year. Things are slowly improving even through the ambient abuse. Have an awesome day
I really appreciate your videos. And your delivery - calm and quiet.
I appreciate you, thank you for watching ❤
Yeah, before I stopped all communication after 43 years- when I wrote my first book, she pretends she never got it in the mail. I sent another one. Without reading it she said I should have had her a kindergarten teacher edit it’ 😂 She sounded angry when discussing my book on the phone…..
It’s demonic behaviour , i am seeing also a pattern it is from the devil
Could u plz soeak more on how to deal with adult child who's a narc ? And when it includes young grandchildren. How to survive and detach healthfully n help grandkids too ??
Every damn one resonates
Another great video. Thank you. Just had to end another female friendship. She is fairly covert but when I expressed my feelings about her not coming to my party she could not cope! She was a social worker. The main red flag was her moodiness and the way she would put down her lovely husband in front of me. I feel sorry for him and would love to speak to him but I think it would be too dangerous.
Is showing an insecurity in front if a senior colleage who is also a mentor too much showing a vunerability and a person can take advantage of it
Misserd you ❤
They come to destroy
Thanks Petra
I have several questions if you don't mind me asking.
1: What if someone is trying to tell you to do a certain thing their way and then even though you told them almost 5 times that it would not work and your trying to help come up with ideas to make things work but no matter how many times you try to come up with ideas, that certain person always acts like that their ideas are more important than yours and it always feels like if they don't get their way their going to have a mental break down all of the time, and they act like they don't care or think about your input or how you feel about it?
2: What if whenever someone makes a plan about only what they want to do and you actually participate and have fun though they still make things all about them through out the whole time, But it just so happens that whenever YOU make fun plans that you and that person can do together for fun hoping no selfishness involved that person either starts making things all about them all over again, or they just plain old stood you up and then they tell you at the last minute or when your just now going to bed saying that they had other plans without telling you ahead of time or they go hang out with someone else instead?
3: Why is it whenever I try to come up with a conversation with that certain person they always have to talk about themselves all of the time? Like all I ever hear from this person is I I I I I I I I ME ME ME ME ME ME ME. Like don't get me wrong, I like listening to that person talk about themself, but I feel like that person does it way too much sometimes. Especially whenever I want to talk about something else and maybe about me for once that person literally In 0.5 seconds turns it around and we are talking about that person and all over again all I hear is I I I I ME ME ME ME! It makes me kinda sad tbh because I feel like I can never talk about how my own life is going sometimes and I feel like there is no room to talk about me sometimes.
4: Why is it whenever I try to make plans to where I want to be with my family and my family only or whenever I want to talk to another friend for once and have a great time or whenever I have a date to go to (as an example I don't really have a date lol ) that person has to bud in and demands that she gets involved with everything I do or she will break down because all she wants is all of the attention to be on her and her only.
5: Literally whenever we talk on the phone or text that person always ends up talking about how I'm not following up to her expectations that I know that they are very hard to follow, like having to drop every single thing that I am doing even though that there are times where I can not drop everything I'm doing just to answer my phone because she always says that she would have a break down if I didn't, or just like last night where she said that I have to try to make plans to hang out every other day a week, which during the weekdays I am usually the busiest, but I told her so many times that I am usually free during the weekends and we can hang out then. But Everytime I insist on telling her that, she is always like OH THAT WON'T WORK BECAUSE IT SOUNDS WAY TOO LONG, even though she literally just told me that she was free during the weekends as well, and once again if things don't go her way she would break down. The moral of the whole thing is that whenever she doesn't get her way it turns into a break down story. Why is this always happening? She even expects tells me that I am only aloud to have an hour after a busy day or what such to myself and then text her or call her right after, even though she knows very well that the best way I recharge is when I spend a long time to myself so I don't mentally lose it. She also doesn't really except that there are times that I literally do not want company that day and I need a day or 2 to myself to prevent myself from going crazy. BUT NOOO she makes excuses on why I should get out of my way and give her all of the attention she wants instead or else you know what will happen next.
6 and final question (maybe): Is it a bad thing that I feel like I should talk to a therapist about this situation and possibly other problems I feel like I'm having about this? The reason I say this is because I don't want to feel like I'm forcing my family into this, especially the fact that it's my problem and I don't feel like it would be right getting them involved with something that I should be the one dealing with it anyways. Although, it doesn't mean that I don't want anyone on my side for once though. What do you think I should do because I feel like I am stuck on whether I should find a better way to deal with out feeling like I should just stop spending time with that person which is something I really don't want to go through.
Sorry that this comment is so long
I appreciate your comment. Thanks for taking time to write it. ❤
I sincerely would love to contact you via email. How do I find the address?
Hi Larry, I am no longer able to answer every single email, due to the amount of messages. If you'd like to set up a call, please go through my website. Thanks. Petra www.petravandeijl.com
Jesus loves you😀🐈🐅🐆🐎🦄🦓🦌🐹🐖🐄🐃🐂🦒🦙🐫🦣🦏🦛🐀🐼
...this I know....