Stalker Mounts Borderline Personality Pathology Defense | Molly McLaren Case Analysis

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  • Опубликовано: 20 авг 2024
  • This video answers the question: Can I analyze case of Molly McLaren?
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Комментарии • 602

  • @sidviscus
    @sidviscus Год назад +457

    I was once stalked by an ex for over 2 years. This person followed me, found out where I was working, stole a bike of mine, sent me texts from unknown numbers, knew what I was doing, and knew if I was dating anyone. As someone who's dealt with a stalker, trying to reason with them is impossible. No matter what they've done to you, they always think they're the victim. Eventually this person moved on and I'm ok now, but all I can say is if you see any red flags in the early parts of a relationship, get out. Once you're in deep with an unstable person, it could ruin you.

    • @kathryngeisler7397
      @kathryngeisler7397 Год назад +23

      Yes for sure...the best is to get outta the relationship asap and they always move on to their next unfortunate victim. The poor girl wanted nothing to do with him but no is not an option with these types. Their fragile egos can't handle rejection. He was selfish n only cared for himself. Better to be alone than with a narcissist bc essentially one KS alone as they are in it for themselves me myself and I...nothing but problems come with narcissists

    • @chrismarley3536
      @chrismarley3536 Год назад +17

      True, Sid Viscus. Thanks for sharing your thoughts of your nightmare experience from a stalker. I think it's worth adding my relatives' advice to move as far away as feasible immediately after breaking up or better yet just prior to removing yourself from the stalker's clutches (if one can do so.)

    • @chunkyMunky329
      @chunkyMunky329 Год назад +4

      If they "followed you without you knowing", how do you know that it happened? I'm not doubting your story, I'm just confused

    • @ZYX84
      @ZYX84 Год назад

      HGTudor The Ultra.
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      If I may, start with his introduction to know why he does not show himself, he may seem pretentious at first.
      You'll find he has an array of work.
      He also will not lie to you or make up excuses for a narcissist on any level.❤
      If you don't know of him, please do look into him.
      His introduction is a good way to go first I promise you won't be disappointed.
      He is not just a gossip channel about
      celebrities but you will find excellent examples of many that are in the spotlight or who are desperate to remain there.😂
      His testimonials and the people that he has helped is astounding.❤
      And by chance if you feel you can't learn something from him.
      At least pass on his work.❤

    • @mkuti-childress3625
      @mkuti-childress3625 Год назад +22

      @@chunkyMunky329 When mine did, he would call and tell me he saw me certain places I had been-in the large city where I live, so it wasn’t coincidental. Well, he’d leave a message, because I was trying not to talk to him. It can be really awful. The worst was when he saw me dating someone else. Once I locked my keys in the car at a gas station on the way to work a couple of weeks after we broke up. Less than ten minutes later, there he is in person, driving in to “help” me when he was supposed to be at work. I was shocked because I had no idea how he could have known. I honestly felt like he was everywhere.
      Lucky for me, he moved out of the state and got together with an ex. Not lucky for her.
      It only takes a couple of these incidents to feel constantly on edge. Just remembering the situation-and it happened more than 20 years ago-makes my heart rate go up and puts a sick knot in my stomach.

  • @Catlady07
    @Catlady07 Год назад +59

    An example of why stalking should always be taken very seriously. I've heard of this case before - she survived anxiety and anorexia and was getting her life together. Just really sad. 😢

  • @SirenaSpades
    @SirenaSpades Год назад +228

    Having been stalked for YEARS by a BPD man, who would turn up and bang on my door in the middle of the night, break into my house, visit my family, mail me things, I'm getting to the worse things. He DESTROYED my car, tried to get me fired, did things to me online, tried to break into my personal accounts like cell phone bill, he called the police with a made up charge and tried to get me arrested and I actually had to go to court! These people are worse than the dark triad. I had to move, my address is hidden per the state now. It doesn't help. I barely knew the man, just a couple of dates!!!

    • @lynnu25
      @lynnu25 Год назад +27

      I am so sorry, this happened to you!💔

    • @SonyCamry
      @SonyCamry Год назад +32

      Same experience but with a BPD WOMEN

    • @vixxxenfoxxx3660
      @vixxxenfoxxx3660 Год назад +42

      Something similar (not near as bad or long as you) happened with me, he would call in welfare checks and tell the dispatcher I was making $uicidal threats. Luckily, it never actually got me put on a hold but cane very close the first time.
      The courts kept saying their hands were tied and nothing could be done, lack of evidence or he technically didn't commit any crimes.
      One day he tried getting my son out of school early and they had him update pick up forms (actually were stalling while calling the police).
      Scariest call of my life.
      He got spooked and left right before the cops showed up but on the forms he had filled in his actual info.
      Scary part was his reason for early pickup was 'we are moving to Florida', we are in WV. I still shutter thinking what could if happened.
      Stalking needs to be taken more seriously. Too often its too little too late.

    • @Koozomec
      @Koozomec Год назад

      Op, you don't know anyone who can "told him" a lesson ?
      Sadly it's sometimes the safest option with this kind of people.
      It's better for him to have a broken leg instead of him harassing anyone including you.

    • @ashleybish0p
      @ashleybish0p Год назад +16

      How terrifying. For someone to think it's acceptable to randomly bang on someone's door in the middle of the night..breaking into your home, mailing things etc. It's not normal behavior. Especially if you've shown no interest in return and/or told him to stop. It's creepy, invasive, selfish and psychotic behavior. I hope you stay safe. If someone comes into your home uninvited and a potential danger .... have the right to 🔫 in order to protect yourself.

  • @thelocalmaladroit8873
    @thelocalmaladroit8873 Год назад +35

    I’ve always been told when you’re alone and walking to your car, keep aware of your surroundings and when you reach your car get in and immediately lock the doors and leave. Don’t sit and text or whatever.

    • @LaniLanilei
      @LaniLanilei Год назад +6

      Also keep pepper spray in your hand.

    • @carriefawcett9990
      @carriefawcett9990 Год назад +4

      None of that would have made a lick of difference here.

    • @LaniLanilei
      @LaniLanilei Год назад +10

      @@carriefawcett9990
      I disagree. In this case he used a knife. Pepper Spray would help and locked doors.

    • @polarbearsrus6980
      @polarbearsrus6980 Год назад +4

      And, lock you home. You should see some of the private resident security videos... scary,

    • @Faristol7
      @Faristol7 Год назад +2

      I can't understand why Molly didn't lock her car doors & hot-tail out of that car park after seeing him in the gym. 🤷 She must have been underestimating what he was CPA le of.

  • @cookie_dough_hangover
    @cookie_dough_hangover Год назад +81

    I had a stalker when I was an exchange student abroad. I returned to my country. Not all victims of stalking can leave like I could and that's terrifying. Like, it's so scary because most of them are so relentless.

  • @FernRoses
    @FernRoses Год назад +66

    My daughter went through something similar but I’m absolutely glad that she spoke up and obtained help.
    Now, she’s doing well after cutting off toxic contacts, staying away from previous social media accounts and friendships.
    As a parent, please protect your children and be there for them.

    • @Faristol7
      @Faristol7 Год назад +4

      Fernando Rosales: So glad to read your comment. So many parents think they can stop looking after their children as soon as they reach 18. Young people need so much support, especially those with anxiety, depression or other mental health issues. And they never stop needing their parents.

    • @mihalalus
      @mihalalus Год назад +4

      So glad your daughter is safe. So glad parents like you exist that care and look out for people ❤

    • @Chris-tg3qy
      @Chris-tg3qy Год назад +3

      @Fernando Rosales - Agree 100%. We rarely hear about stalkers who choose loud, argumentative, violent and narcissistic people so it’s important that our children show they are not going to put up with this behavior which might be hard for a kind well mannered person. That’s where a support system and parents can step in. I have had to do that, and the individual pursuing my daughter gave up because they kept hitting a brick wall with our daughter. That brick wall was her parents. My daughter lived with us so there was not going to be any showing up at my door thinking they would get to talk to her. A support system is difficult for a stalker to break through and in some cases they just give up because it’s too much for them to go up against.

  • @freecountry3544
    @freecountry3544 Год назад +51

    I have obsessive tendencies....and abandonment issues. However, I dont have that entitlement to have or to control or to know. It is painful living like this though. I stayed single for 15 years because it was tiring. I had a couple of crushes, but the thought of rejection was paralyzing, so I couldnt talk to the crushes in the end. I also realised it was like an addiction, and I was seeking something in someone else I needed to give myself. Comfort, respect and fulfillment.
    The obsession with another person....is painful. I ended up avoiding them and being very strict about not talking about them.
    I have a good relationship now, with a very well behaved, calm, stable person. He has female friends....I occasionally feel vulnerable about it. My only advise to other people who feel these tendencies is ... exercise, eat well, stay sober, get hobbies and read books. The "needing to know"... is about seeking a high. Or triggering your abandonment.
    I have never stalked....but have googled, gone past their workplace and planned things around them. That...was depressing.

    • @Faristol7
      @Faristol7 Год назад +5

      Free Country: l love your advice about looking after yourself. Good food, exercise and one or two hobbies are what keeps my mentally challenged son on the right road. Common sense is everything.

    • @waitwhat564
      @waitwhat564 Год назад +11

      The last paragraph you wrote is actually classified as stalking.
      I'm glad you are working on yourself and are honest, aware and have insight. You will do well.

    • @lesliemichael9663
      @lesliemichael9663 Год назад +3

      Proud of you for reconizing it and learning about yourself! Learned i have abandoment issues and would experience limerence when i would get into relationship.( usually what cause issues like this is out of your control) The moment i started saying this is NOT normal, started googling things, researching, watching tons of videos from other who experience the same thing. i learned alot about myself and others. Gained confidence to talk to professionals about it, because i realized there wasnt something"wrong" with me. Also learned it may not be "my" fault, but it is my responsibility.

    • @biolife3274
      @biolife3274 Год назад +4

      It's destroyed my life. All my twenties have went to this condition. Everything that could have been good, was destroyed. I worked so hard for my career and even that i almost destroyed. I refused to let anyone get close to me. I thought i had finally beat bpd. But it came again. Never thought i would become obsessed with my job. I couldn't stop working. I thought about work nonstop. Being away from my computer made me feel so unstable. It was like the job replaced the man. The only way to fix it was to cut it off at the source. So i quit. And then my brain freaked out. I felt so sad like i lost the love of my life. But i knew that none of it was real. I literally started to tell myself that this is not real. What you are feeling is not real. That way i can make sense of what is rational and what is an inflated perception of reality due to my bpd. Just saying those words snaps my brain out of it. Sometimes it helps to talk yourself off the edge.

    • @janstiller803
      @janstiller803 12 дней назад

      And the sad thing is: if only they accepted to work on themselves... everything would work out great for both; but its like this in all types of relationships

  • @tracyking5945
    @tracyking5945 Год назад +149

    This case is a good example of how dating can quickly turn deadly. Even though Molly thought she was being carefully selective with her choice of men, Joshua showed early signs of disturbing behavior. First impressions are important indicators of what is coming. Listen to your gut. Draw a zero tolerance line - reject anyone the first time they exhibit disturbing behavior. Thank you Dr. Grande for your detailed analysis. I’m all ears! 🌵👏❤️

    • @fantasiazplatkami
      @fantasiazplatkami Год назад +11

      She might have been selective about looks only😢

    • @geeksworkshop
      @geeksworkshop Год назад

      Yeah so selective she picked a nut job off a dating app.

    • @Fahrenheit4051
      @Fahrenheit4051 Год назад +4

      Lemme guess. You're single.

    • @vladimirputindreadlockrast812
      @vladimirputindreadlockrast812 Год назад +1

      I agree with the listening to your gut part, and the zero tolerance. This is something we have to learn, because both listening to your gut and zero tolerance are almost anathema to your legal protections. I think she should have carried a gun, to tell you the truth.

    • @carriefawcett9990
      @carriefawcett9990 Год назад

      Stop trying to shift some responsibility on Molly! You make me sick, thinking you know how you can do things differently for a different outcome. Well, here's a newsflash old lady, you can't! Molly could not have done anything differently according to what you're saying. Your comment is just blah, blah, blah, victim blaming, blah blah, horseshit.

  • @supersarah5673
    @supersarah5673 Год назад +30

    I had an ex with similar traits. He lied constantly and created a completely fake persona initially to lure me in. I broke up with him 6 times but he would cry and say he would change. The 6th time I did, he kept pressuring me to get in his van. I went home and found him parked outside my house, he started hooting, then banging on the door, yelling at my mother, screaming outside my window. A neighbour called the police. He contacted my friends and met up with one of them to get to me. He had an hour long conversation with a mutual acquaintance of ours and told them everything personal he knew about me. He was insufferable. I reported him to the police again and luckily he laid off. I feel sorry for other women who deal with this behaviour for longer. I spent months looking over my shoulder. I would shiver every time I saw a car like his. I only truly felt safe when I moved to another country. Disgusting people with no morals and believe the rules apply to everyone but them🤢🤮

    • @Aaron-kj8dv
      @Aaron-kj8dv Год назад

      I feel like there should be a "stand your ground law" specifically for stalkers. Your mom should've been able to pull out a gun and shoot him when he was outside your house.

  • @sngray11
    @sngray11 Год назад +31

    I remember Molly’s heartbreaking story. The most dangerous time in a DV or controlling relationship is once the relationship has ended (or is in the process of being ended). More needs to be done to help people in Molly’s position because currently, LE tends to only get involved after someone ends up dead. 💔 My thoughts and prayers are with Molly’s family and loved ones. Rest in peace Molly. 💗

  • @Dan-oj4iq
    @Dan-oj4iq Год назад +41

    Stalkers should be strongly dealt with by the police from the very beginning. There should be no grace period. Once the police confirm that this is going on, an immediate restraining order should be issued. One violation of this order should result in an arrest and confinement.

    • @rachelr.290
      @rachelr.290 Год назад +7

      Exactly. Too many cases like these of police not taking the situation seriously only for the victim to end up raped and/or murdered.

    • @Dan-oj4iq
      @Dan-oj4iq Год назад

      @@flingonber All restraining orders have clauses that strictly forbid any type of contact at all with anyone connected to the subject (relatives, etc. )and any such contact would result in an arrest.

    • @Elle-om4nf
      @Elle-om4nf 11 месяцев назад +1

      ​@@Dan-oj4iqmy ex used to stalk me in plain sight. He would park his truck at the entrance to my neighborhood. The injunction didn't help because it was outside the radius of my house. The judge did ammend it after I brought in police reports verifying that it was him.

    • @Elle-om4nf
      @Elle-om4nf 11 месяцев назад +1

      ​@@Dan-oj4iqand that isn't necessarily true. Nobody can contact you on behalf of the other person, but unless specifically stated in the order, it typically doesn't include family, friends, roommates, etc.

  • @alloverdaplace2043
    @alloverdaplace2043 Год назад +44

    A person's life can end after a simple workout at a public gym in a public parking lot in broad daylight smh... Scary world we live in.

    • @janinemccartha1811
      @janinemccartha1811 Год назад +3

      Hi Dr. Grande. She should've never gotten in this DV relationship. Sooo glad to be divorced from a CDV loser. All they care about is who they can use for sex, money & whatever else materially they can steal. Everyone sane should stay far away from creeps without a conscience. Peace to you & yours, love, Janine Smiley🙂😀🤩😎😏🎵🎶🆒️💯❕❗

  • @darcymoon2109
    @darcymoon2109 Год назад +142

    I had a stalker for over 10 years. Longer than that, really. They died two weeks ago. I am finally free.

    • @macnchessplz
      @macnchessplz Год назад +21

      Congratulations!

    • @madeleineprice3556
      @madeleineprice3556 Год назад +2

      @@macnchessplz…..

    • @kellymay8208
      @kellymay8208 Год назад +12

      Wow, that's a long time! I had a stalker for about a year and it was like a prison but also worse. Not knowing when they were following you, watching you, going to harm you. I am glad you are finally free!

    • @darcymoon2109
      @darcymoon2109 Год назад +11

      @@kellymay8208 It really is a heavy weight, glad you escaped!

    • @painterlynne
      @painterlynne 11 месяцев назад +5

      I’m glad and happy for you. Breathe easy dear heart

  • @vickyoli
    @vickyoli Год назад +22

    I was 23 and had a bf for 3 years. The last year he was getting controlling, and I broke up once he basically was asking me to be together 24/7.
    Girls, if he is suffocating, thats a red flag. You have to have your own space and time, even when married.

    • @TheBOG3
      @TheBOG3 Год назад +5

      Thank God you had the brains to figure that out and to get away. It seems like many people don't for whatever reason.

    • @rosiekapun207
      @rosiekapun207 Год назад

      Many girls rationalize this behaviour. I never understood the need to make excuses but some people don't understand the need to be firm.

  • @Nevermore694
    @Nevermore694 Год назад +7

    I had a stalker for 17 years…his first diagnosis was manic depression, which years later the HOSPITAL called to tell me they had changed his diagnosis to criminally insane. This was about 1990. He finally ended up in prison, where he was murdered by an inmate, after throwing his brother out of his truck while on the interstate.

  • @someonerandom256
    @someonerandom256 Год назад +26

    Personality disorders may be mitigating factors but they are NOT a valid defense.

    • @evelynwaugh4053
      @evelynwaugh4053 6 месяцев назад +1

      It wouldn't be good policy for PDs to be mitigating factors to reduce a sentence. Antisocial PD is overrepresented in criminals. Having a PD didn't affect his ability to understand the law, or his ability to conform his conduct to the law. Some people with PDs have had really horrible upbringing and that could be mitigating.

  • @karlamarx5954
    @karlamarx5954 Год назад +20

    the most dangerous time for a woman to leave an abusive relationship is when she does...

    • @eadweard.
      @eadweard. Год назад

      Incoherent.

    • @eadweard.
      @eadweard. Год назад +1

      @Terry Hastur Yes perhaps, if she means "The most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when she leaves".

  • @gwang-mu9251
    @gwang-mu9251 Год назад +31

    Ladies, you know that weird feeling in your gut that screams at you that something is off? TRUST IT.

    • @LaniLanilei
      @LaniLanilei Год назад +3

      Yes my intuition never fails me.

    • @Doidao-xx5vf
      @Doidao-xx5vf Год назад +2

      As a man I had a female stalker. I dated this girl years ago and she started acting very crazy and clingy. Constant calling me at my work, fighting for no reason had to text her all the time, throwing temper tantrums and etc. I broke up with her and things go way worse. She called me 40 times in one night, and most of the calls all she did was breath really loud. Ever since then if a relationship is going south or even if it’s going well I rather have the girl break up with me because it was that traumatizing.

  • @ladymuck2151
    @ladymuck2151 Год назад +29

    I’ve got BPD and never once behaved like this

    • @rachelr.290
      @rachelr.290 Год назад +9

      There’s a huge difference between having a mental health condition and using mental health to excuse your violent, entitled acts (as this guy did). All my respect to those living with BPD.

    • @fluffy7804
      @fluffy7804 Год назад

      God, I hope he never leaves prison, absolutely disgusting and vile, doesn't deserve any sort of sympathy.
      I supposedly have it as well, if it's to trust my psychiatrist's extremely quick assessment. The idea of being seen as a sort of person depicted in this video terrifies me

    • @ladymuck2151
      @ladymuck2151 Год назад +1

      @@fluffy7804 we’re made out to be monsters, but I guess it’s the difference between seeking help and not bothering. Maybe something else comes into play. When I do act on my emotions, I hate myself afterwards.

    • @fluffy7804
      @fluffy7804 Год назад +1

      @@ladymuck2151 Same. I'm crazy obsessed with working on my empathy and playing into the idea of being a kind person because I'm scared everyone will hate me if I stay the way I am now. I'm not malicious or evil, but I have a short temper and a hard time connecting with others

  • @womanofcharacter
    @womanofcharacter Год назад +8

    I have BPD. Yes letting go of a failed relationship is hard and the abandonment is horrific, but to stalk and murder is a whole other level of psychopathy and not a legal defense. 😢

  • @geeksworkshop
    @geeksworkshop Год назад +3

    People who don't have control over themselves should never be allowed out. That would stop people claiming to be mad.

  • @pennsydude9723
    @pennsydude9723 Год назад +15

    He stabbed her 75 times! Women this clearly is hate! This isn't love. Don't get it confused. Talk about overkill. Poor girl. Trying to control someone isn't love. It's a red flag 🚩. Run!!!

  • @MakerInMotion
    @MakerInMotion Год назад +71

    I can't imagine faking a mental illness to win over a girl I like.

    • @skycloud4802
      @skycloud4802 Год назад

      I'm surprised. I imagine even deceptive people would be more likely to hide a mental illness instead of actually faking one.

    • @lachlank.8270
      @lachlank.8270 Год назад +5

      I can and it is truly a bad idea

    • @kellykane7586
      @kellykane7586 Год назад +6

      It's actually common and lots of women..some men I guess too...but lots of us have Rescuers syndrome so this move tapps right into that.BEWARE

  • @bettinabarry8423
    @bettinabarry8423 Год назад +8

    I hope Dr. Grande's fascinating and educational analysis will help prevent others from getting involved with stalkers.

  • @shellythom7248
    @shellythom7248 Год назад +5

    I’ve dealt w a stalker. It’s scary and a lot of times police are unable to get the stalker to back off. I moved in w someone and was never alone. Women need to be careful w this. Heck men do too. Stalkers are crazy

    • @rstopangel7100
      @rstopangel7100 Год назад +1

      I hope stalking will be taken more serious. Victims shouldn't need to go to such extreme lengths to live a normal life. I like to be alone a lot of the times, study and take my time to get to know others. But the neighbor next to me stalks me, steals my stuff, and vandalizes my property. He has others join in on stalking and harasshing me. He's forcing himself into my life I only said hi nothing more. I think he has created a one sided illusion in his mind. I do plan to change city's but I want police and the justice system to change the seriousness of stalkers. Immediate action after one complaint, they need to stop enabling abusers. Also there needs to be a system where you can see if there are any registerd criminals, murderers, exoffenders living in the building your moving in to. My building is full of them.

  • @armygirl5179
    @armygirl5179 Год назад +69

    That is so scary. I met a guy when I was younger that had the same traits. One day he invited me to eat with him, so I got ready put on my makeup and curled my hair. I knocked at his door and was headed to go eat when all of a sudden he pushed me down the stairs of his apartment complex. I couldn't believe what he just did, he told me he was mad because I was wearing make up and looking nice. I forgave him, but the relationship became worse. I hated men for the longest time and was so traumatized.

    • @ember1794
      @ember1794 Год назад +38

      I would not have forgiven that

    • @maiaallman4635
      @maiaallman4635 Год назад +19

      That's crazy. Take care of yourself.

    • @melodieperkins7080
      @melodieperkins7080 Год назад +14

      I am sorry this happened to you. I understand your concern and fear about dating again.

    • @mrazik131
      @mrazik131 Год назад +17

      one think is it was all his proception of you, (makeup on yr face) and sudden attack, that is very red flag.

    • @erikaxchristine
      @erikaxchristine Год назад +11

      That’s insane 😢

  • @monicasmessages
    @monicasmessages Год назад +8

    Thank you Dr. Grande!
    Do narcissists intentionally and knowingly devalue? The cycles of abuse are predictable. My question is, do they know what they are doing? Or is this a pattern that organically unfolds? Thank you again for all you do! ❤

    • @polarbearsrus6980
      @polarbearsrus6980 Год назад +3

      You should check out "Live Abuse Free", she does very detailed evaluations of some famous ones. Her evals of Chris Watts and the recent Murdaugh case are interesting.

    • @LaniLanilei
      @LaniLanilei Год назад +4

      That is what they do before they discard you

    • @ravenID429
      @ravenID429 7 месяцев назад +1

      As far as I know it seems like very few if any are actually conscious of the cycle, like planning it out or whatever - it’s really just what they do by default, but I could imagine some doing it knowingly and justifying it to themselves by believing they’re the victim

  • @ei3545
    @ei3545 Год назад +17

    Dont put up with anything crazy! Better safe than sorry, just end things completely and get people involved. Crazy knows no limit, just get away with no sympathy towards them. Value yourself and dont wait. Such a tragedy

  • @lnc-to4ku
    @lnc-to4ku Год назад +17

    What an incredible and deeply informative video you created, Dr. Grande!
    It's so heartbreaking that she was very cautious when it came to dating, and yet she still had such a tragic ending to her life!

  • @channelthree9424
    @channelthree9424 Год назад +9

    Josh didn’t learn from his mistakes because he didn’t think you’ve done anything wrong. And in order to change you have to believe there is a need to change and he did not believe there was a need to change.

  • @DottieMinerva
    @DottieMinerva Год назад +6

    Poor Molly. She sounded like such a compassionate, emotionally mature young lady.
    So many of us have experienced similar behavior. This shouldn’t be such a common experience for women.

  • @eveapple4928
    @eveapple4928 Год назад +3

    I deal with stalkers every day, in fact I have just two hours ago directed the arrest of one. Having dealt with stalkers for years I have seen first hand the devastation they inflict on their victims. It’s a terrible, cruel crime to do to someone - shrinks their world and puts them into a state of constant low fear.
    One of the most effective interventions is really robust police action, taken promptly and with extremely direct conversations being had - ie you need to stop, and stop now, or you will go to prison. If you are being harassed or stalked, don’t hope they will go away - you MUST report it to the police, even if the police have sometimes been crap with this in the past just don’t take no for an answer and insist they safeguard you.

  • @teglahunt
    @teglahunt Год назад +15

    Dear Todd Grande,
    I really appreciate the quality and quantity of your work. I would recommend you to make a video about stalking behaviour in general. You have a few videos that involve stalking, but those are about individual cases. I think that a comprehensive briefing about stalking in general would be very helpful for many people (especially about recognizing early signs) We could piece together the rough whole picture based on these videos, but there can be points that we miss. Maybe there are differences between genders, maybe there are different types of stalkings based on different personality types, etc... These kinds of comprehensive summaries can be extremely helpful for many of us (for example the one you've made about 'creepiness').

  • @Nevermore694
    @Nevermore694 Год назад +5

    It’s never a good idea to engage with a stalker in anyway. Any interaction will be taken as a win by the stalker.

  • @claricelyles8398
    @claricelyles8398 Год назад +50

    She was a stressor because he lost control over her. In order to reclaim his feelings of control he took her life which ultimately made the sicko feel better.

    • @robertgiles9124
      @robertgiles9124 Год назад +13

      Prison may hold some surprises for this creep. After a few years he might yet learn regrets. I hope he gets a Boyfriend he doe not want and done in there.

    • @ghosttowntomato
      @ghosttowntomato Год назад

      Amen! I hope he is tortured in jail DAILY

    • @donotreply8979
      @donotreply8979 Год назад

      We should put these men in chicken coops

  • @KatrinaDancer
    @KatrinaDancer Год назад +2

    I've had people try to get me in my car but I locked the doors right before they grabbed the handle and drove off. You have to stay aware of your situation whether you have a stalker or not. I would've been killed several times over if I hadn't been vigilant.

  • @ckp2ator389
    @ckp2ator389 Год назад +3

    Such a sad story. He should never get out of jail. Amazed that they have so much on surveillance cameras, including it looks like the actual killing.

  • @cottontails9003
    @cottontails9003 Год назад +12

    What a horrible man. It's so sad that you can't live your life. He sounds like a creep and narractic man. I wish she hadn't taken him back. She didn't get the option to break away from him . I'm so pleased he is getting consequences for his bizarre murder. Too stab her 75times is up close and personal and full of rage. Thank you Dr Grande. Brilliant analysis and sad topic.

  • @jameslong4511
    @jameslong4511 Год назад +2

    So many of these stories. It's sad and depressing. People need to take their personal security seriously. I would never have walked to my car after the encounter in the gym. Call the police and ask for an escort. She was in her car and apparently didn't lock the door. I would encourage anyone to go through self-defense courses. These classes not only teach physical self-defense but can include increasing your situational awareness and tactics to thwart attackers/stalkers.

  • @Jess-kn8vl
    @Jess-kn8vl Год назад +7

    It also makes me wonder how many women feel the bad vibes from someone and report it to friends, family or even law enforcement but then her claim is invalidated and minimized. Then, she is harmed. Its been on my mind why people choose to see the best in people and ignore red flags and not take claims seriously. I know narcissists will make false claims about someone else's character, but if someone is telling you they are fearful of someone why deny and minimize it?

  • @chrismarley3536
    @chrismarley3536 Год назад +18

    Life-saving information here, Dr Grande. Thank you for bringing this to many people's attn . I'd actually never heard about Molly McLaren before. I'm so sorry she paid with her life. Prayers for her family. So tragic. She was so young and beautiful.
    I'd like to know more about the 5 different types of stalkers you touched on here

    • @moonstruck562
      @moonstruck562 Год назад +5

      I agree. I would love that as well.

  • @theSemiChrist
    @theSemiChrist Год назад +6

    >>Tries to be careful in relationship choice
    >>Goes for a guy that is actively claiming bipolar issues that needs help with episodes

  • @Jeanninecomeau
    @Jeanninecomeau Год назад +8

    I just went through this. Hopefully it's over. He moved out of the country, but I had all kinds of defence items and cameras installed. It's scary and expensive.

  • @incrediblylucid4914
    @incrediblylucid4914 Год назад +33

    Having BPD is not desirable, but I can not imagine using my diagnosis as an excuse.

    • @trgiun
      @trgiun Год назад +5

      Exactly how I feel

    • @mrazik131
      @mrazik131 Год назад +2

      that would be controling others and that is dangerous

    • @biancachi6435
      @biancachi6435 Год назад +6

      Exactly. I get a bit we will say dramatic but I've never been murderous. That gives us all that rap. He was just an entitled white man. That's it

    • @trgiun
      @trgiun Год назад +3

      @@biancachi6435 yup this right here! Quite the narcissist

  • @JD-cw4qg
    @JD-cw4qg Год назад +15

    This is a great analysis Dr Grande, I thought this guy had to be a narcissist. Although I'm in the UK I never heard about this case so thank you for bringing it up and analysing it.

    • @missbingley6048
      @missbingley6048 Год назад

      Hi. I live in the Uk too. I have seen a documentary a while ago about this case. Awful. Really sad at the end when her parents pick up her posthumously awarded Degree.😢

  • @Phyx1u5
    @Phyx1u5 Год назад +8

    All guys try their best to get out of the friend zone, Josh did everything he could to get into the friend zone

  • @whatthefunction9140
    @whatthefunction9140 Год назад +62

    How is there not a registry for people like this?

    • @SirenaSpades
      @SirenaSpades Год назад +6

      100%

    • @craigcrawford6749
      @craigcrawford6749 Год назад +1

      Registry for what?

    • @johnnyearp52
      @johnnyearp52 Год назад +15

      ​@@craigcrawford6749 Stalkers?

    • @jamaaldavis6243
      @jamaaldavis6243 Год назад +24

      💯 I’ve always said that there needs to be some kind of registry for people who have a history of stalking and/or abuse in romantic relationships. Much like there is a registry for sex offenders. Stalking is not taken seriously at all!!!

    • @ecasey91
      @ecasey91 Год назад

      @@jamaaldavis6243yes

  • @NieceyWeesey
    @NieceyWeesey Год назад +9

    UK justice system is too lenient for murder. Life should mean life.
    On a side note, I agree with you Dr Grande, he seemed more like a vulnerable narcissist with some BPD characteristics

  • @CathrineTrulsson-ui2je
    @CathrineTrulsson-ui2je Год назад +4

    I read a little of what the pathologist wrote. Stabbed and cut and sliced 74 times….. aggressively aimed at her neck (which was more or less cut off) lower face and chest. He wanted to make sure she was not going to make it. Someone tried to pull him off her… but he just continued. Unbelievable.
    This must be taken seriously by the police and actually arrest these stalkers and put them away for some time. A piece of paper won’t stop these vulnerable narcissists when they have their tunnel vision.

  • @kellyg2426
    @kellyg2426 Год назад +2

    Dr. Grande, I wish you would run several of your videos together or make some longer ones. I love your content and voice. I play you at night when I’m going to lay down for the night.

  • @easttowest5984
    @easttowest5984 Год назад +2

    I have wondered, do stalkers even really care about the people they hunt down? Do they want a relationship with someone who doesn’t love them back? Do victims suffer PTSD? I was stalked by someone who sat outside my work and house. He told people we were together (including my boyfriend) At this time, I was already moving states away. When I did, I never heard from him again. I know it’s not always an option for everyone but moving worked for me. It’s unsettling worrying the person may actually come in your home. It’s cruel.

  • @m.f.richardson1602
    @m.f.richardson1602 Год назад +30

    Again, another reason for Me to be selective people I meet.
    I love my own company.
    Thank you
    Peace 💕🇺🇲

    • @vixxxenfoxxx3660
      @vixxxenfoxxx3660 Год назад +5

      I have some of the best conversations with myself...and the funniest arguments.

    • @m.f.richardson1602
      @m.f.richardson1602 Год назад

      @@vixxxenfoxxx3660
      Me too. And I always get the correct answer 😍
      Peace 💕🇺🇲

  • @johnmellor932
    @johnmellor932 Год назад +4

    How do men end up like this? Why can't they see this behaviour drives women away.

  • @AxelordSMIJES
    @AxelordSMIJES Год назад +5

    Good god, do these creeps not have mothers? I don't see how you could grow up with/around ANY women whom you love or care about and that love/care about you, and then end up treating a woman this way in adulthood. It just makes no sense at all to me idk.

  • @karenhargis9824
    @karenhargis9824 Год назад +4

    Dr Grande, every posts you make mean so much to me. I hope all is well. But I feel the fragments of everything you say.. My heart has been deeply hurt, and physically betrayed. I trust No One; always pushing people away bc I had so much trauma in my life.

  • @bethanyfury1209
    @bethanyfury1209 Год назад +2

    I am broken hearted by this story. I was stalked by a bpd male ex for 3 years. It was hell. I'm still affected by it, and that was 25 years ago.

  • @CassieRD
    @CassieRD Год назад +4

    As someone suffering with BPD, I find this guy blaming BPD on killing someone extremely offensive 😐....

  • @interceptthis4141
    @interceptthis4141 Год назад +2

    Been there it’s a scary experience and I still look over my shoulder because you never really know what could happen unfortunately

  • @oldhick9047
    @oldhick9047 Год назад +4

    My question is, where are the men in these woman's lives ? Fathers, brothers, cousins uncles, male friends, any man at all. I have heard fifty or a hundred stories much like this dear woman's story. A serious, long term stalker. This would not have been allowed to happen in my family. Or for that matter any my friends families. A piece of gutter filth like Mr Stimson, would have been given one warning visit. If the woman got so much as an unwanted text, we would have had to hold a raffle to see who all got to make the second visit. That's not tough talk, it's just the way it was, and to a large degree, still is, in many small towns and close knit communities in large cities.

  • @Menstral
    @Menstral Год назад +4

    Stalking career. One of my friends ended his stalking career after a several drive-bys and a couple of stake-outs, but my roommate ended his stalking career after the mental urge to do one stakeout

  • @dissidentfairy4264
    @dissidentfairy4264 Год назад +4

    What a maniac! It just goes to show that meeting the wrong person can be deadly! I feel bad for Molly and her family!

    • @dissidentfairy4264
      @dissidentfairy4264 Год назад

      Did I forget to mention it was a great analysis Dr. G., it was!

  • @jackiegrice714
    @jackiegrice714 Год назад +2

    Thanks for sharing your insight in this Dr. Grande. I think the police need to address stalking more seriously-the potential for the stalker to escalate seems very dangerous to me.

  • @Platinum907
    @Platinum907 Год назад +1

    How do stalkers manage to invest so much time keeping an eye on their victim & still hold down a job/life?

  • @rachelmansoor8323
    @rachelmansoor8323 Год назад +6

    Wow, what an excellent insight and analysis into this awful story. It is so interesting to learn about why these horrible crimes can happen, and the conditions that can cause it.
    Thank you very much Dr Grande 🙏

  • @earth0128
    @earth0128 Год назад +2

    This is a common and incredibly scary poor Molly 😢 shows us all take notice of the red flags it may save your life.

  • @vladimirputindreadlockrast812
    @vladimirputindreadlockrast812 Год назад +11

    "Yeah, I did stab her over 70 times, but it wasn't really murder because my responsibility in the whole event is diminished." At what point in the history of psychology did it become an alibi factory, rather than a technology for making people overcome their mental health problems?

    • @Aaron-kj8dv
      @Aaron-kj8dv Год назад +4

      I don't know if the "affluenza" case counts but I think eventually people will start getting off because it's not their fault it's their mental illness

  • @flash_flood_area
    @flash_flood_area Год назад +1

    I'm so glad my stalker gave up and moved on quickly. What a nightmare.

  • @megzzcellent
    @megzzcellent Год назад +11

    My opinion: There is no excuse for killing someone..no excuse for stabbing someone 75 times.

    • @paulvoorhies8821
      @paulvoorhies8821 Год назад +1

      Can we say OVERKILL??

    • @megzzcellent
      @megzzcellent Год назад +7

      @@paulvoorhies8821 literally. i hope this guy stays in prison for the rest of his life

    • @CowSaysMooMoo
      @CowSaysMooMoo Год назад

      73, yes. Not 75....🤣😛🤪👻

    • @paulvoorhies8821
      @paulvoorhies8821 Год назад

      @@CowSaysMooMoo Hell, what’s 2 more??

  • @jordanschug
    @jordanschug Год назад +5

    Love the daily show! I myself am not super into the alliteration though

  • @rhondasisco-cleveland2665
    @rhondasisco-cleveland2665 Год назад +5

    How about a possibility for parole when he deals with his personality disorder, which will be never

  • @brandonmuse5532
    @brandonmuse5532 Год назад +2

    This is so sad and terrible. We have to protect people better

  • @paulvoorhies8821
    @paulvoorhies8821 Год назад +8

    BPD doesn’t get you off of murder. Duh.

  • @andreasrau2161
    @andreasrau2161 Год назад +15

    Good evening, Dr. Grande!
    Some people never learn. Molly had plenty of red flags popping up in front of her regarding Joshua's possessive behavior before she finally broke up with him.
    But it was too late by then.
    Stalkers, once they begin, rarely stop unless the most extreme actions are taken against them.
    Taking up with them again, thinking that they have learned their lesson, never works.
    And he already had a history of stalking.
    As for the claim of his personality pathology defense, apparently that is as common as pig tracks, although it didn't prevent his conviction of Molly's murder.
    Definitely, he was nuts, although lots of narcissists aren't murderers.
    Thanks for sharing.

    • @sandilou2U
      @sandilou2U Год назад +9

      She was young and too generous, probably naive. If you never experience red flags in a relationship, how do you learn when an unwanted behavior is a red flag? It is wrong to lay fault on Molly for not breaking up with him sooner, especially with knowing that he stalked someone after a single Tinder date. She could have met him once, saw all of the red flags, and refused further contact with him yet still attacked. He and he alone is to blame.

    • @johnnyearp52
      @johnnyearp52 Год назад +3

      It depends on the stalker. Not all are dangerous but you better assume the worst for your own safety.

    • @mrazik131
      @mrazik131 Год назад

      he was very good looking ....and she was looking for a "true love" we never look so forgiving at average boys

  • @thatnicolechick222
    @thatnicolechick222 Год назад +3

    It’s unfair, but when you have a breakup with a person like that it’s best to just deactivate all social media for an extended period of time. Not that it would have helped in this case, but at the very least the friend couldn’t have been stalking social media her for the guy.

  • @christafurden
    @christafurden Год назад +1

    Okay, I literally always lock my doors as soon as I sit in my car because there are lunatics out there. Poor girl was so young, she didn’t have a chance to learn from her or other people’s mistakes. I bet if she had more time on this earth, learning to lock her car doors would’ve come into effect at some point.

  • @missi6344
    @missi6344 Год назад +2

    Hi, Dr. Grande, can you analyze the skiing incident case between Gwenyth Paltrow and Terry Sanderson? Thanks!!

  • @kuroneko7022
    @kuroneko7022 Год назад +3

    These men are too dangerous! Poor girl should have never taken him back! Make a clean break at the first sign of aggression, control or stalking! Giving this kind of person a second chance could be potentially fatal.
    She did nothing wrong and tried to break away but like a lot of women, she chose to give him another chance which was her biggest mistake.😢

  • @Thecommander248
    @Thecommander248 Год назад +2

    75 times?! Why don't they have the death penalty over there?!

  • @diondestelle3659
    @diondestelle3659 Год назад +2

    I had an ex who called me 78 times in 1 afternoon and when I ignored her she called the cops and said I assaulted her!

  • @swiatlowiekuiste
    @swiatlowiekuiste Год назад +9

    Nowadays everybody has a personality disorder.

  • @kittysparkleeyes
    @kittysparkleeyes Год назад +4

    this case was just awful.. I work on the uni campus where Molly attended and the gym she attended is literally five minutes walk away on the other side of the main road. I still remember the day this happened, it was such an incredibly violent crime to occur in broad daylight. Based on everything i have read about the case, definitely have to agree with the assessment of Joshua. it seems Molly was a lovely girl and very sad that this happened to her despite all her precautions .

    • @missbingley6048
      @missbingley6048 Год назад +1

      I watched a TV Doc about it. Molly had lovely parents. I cried at the end when they attended her posthumous award ceremony.

  • @TecOneself
    @TecOneself Год назад +5

    the stalker I have is sad under the situation I'm, is disgusting knowing the worth of my work

    • @rockyevans1584
      @rockyevans1584 Год назад +1

      Every single stalker is sad and disgusting, why are you set apart in a positive light from your peers?

  • @Minnesotagirl1978
    @Minnesotagirl1978 Год назад +1

    I was stalked from Canada to U.S., to Mexico. I did get away.

  • @tmajcan94
    @tmajcan94 Год назад +11

    I always seem to catch your latest video right before I go to bed. And no matter what the subject is, it always seems to help me relax. Perfect timing Dr. Grande! Thank you so much for your dedication to making your videos!

  • @MaxDamageTV
    @MaxDamageTV 7 месяцев назад

    I worked around the corner from where this happened; I actually parked my car about 10m from the exact spot, only a couple of days after. Weird experience honestly.

  • @kurotoshironosenshi
    @kurotoshironosenshi 7 месяцев назад

    Thank you, Dr. Grande, for your analysis. As always, it has been a pleasure to watch. I find your view of this individual's personality pathology very accurate, and the case itself is quite illustrative.

  • @rejaneoliveira5019
    @rejaneoliveira5019 Год назад +2

    This is such a scary and heartbreaking situation. This could have happened with anyone. Even after taking all the right steps she could not escape the insidiousness and danger of manipulation.
    Happy Friday, Dr. Grande.❤

    • @mrazik131
      @mrazik131 Год назад

      she should locked her car doors and not keep texting...just drive away...sorry not all right steps were taken...

    • @whittenaw
      @whittenaw Год назад +3

      ​@@mrazik131 she made one mistake one time and it cost her. So sad

  • @mlee81
    @mlee81 Год назад +1

    This is why if you have a daughter being stalked you approach the individual using methods that can't be described to explain to them that they will never be close or in contact with their daughter again. Law enforcement can not solve this problem until after the fact. Restraining orders mean nothing

  • @zenawarrior7442
    @zenawarrior7442 Год назад +8

    I heard this case from a crime channel, but your analysis is better. So sad she thought he was a good partner, only to end up like that. Poor girl 😑Thanks Dr G😊💌💌

    • @cottontails9003
      @cottontails9003 Год назад +2

      Hello my dear friend. If I tell you what happened please don't laugh like Steve. I rolled off the bed still sound asleep. I was on my hands and knees with my head wedged between the bed and bedside table 😂

    • @zenawarrior7442
      @zenawarrior7442 Год назад +2

      @@cottontails9003 Hello dear friend. Well, I have to admit I did laugh but I apologize 😊😁I hope you are OK! That is a sound sleep haha 😴💞🌃🛌👤Please be safe friend...& I am heading to bed myself, hoping not to roll off the 🛋, getting wedged somewhere😘🥱Thank you for the reply, and sending a large hug to you all...xoxo💛💛🤍🤍💜💜🌛⭐️🎇🧸🌏🌷🌷

    • @cottontails9003
      @cottontails9003 Год назад +2

      @@zenawarrior7442 Yes it was funny. How are you and your mum going? Sending lots of hugs to you both. 😚😎❤💙💚💔☕🌷🌸🌹🍀✉🎇

    • @zenawarrior7442
      @zenawarrior7442 Год назад +1

      @@cottontails9003 Morning friend🍀☕️🌄Glad you did think it was funny😉Mum did good yest sister said, I see her again today🥰🌵🍩🌈🎈🎉. When she's good I am good💞💞💚💚Thanks always, much hugs always back 🌻🌻🌠🌠

    • @cottontails9003
      @cottontails9003 Год назад +1

      @@zenawarrior7442 It's 12-30am here not sleeping here. I hope you have a great visit with your mum. I think we've decided on one boys name Conor. Please give you ×♡and your mum a big hug from all of us ×♡×♡×♡×♡

  • @leolacasse6278
    @leolacasse6278 Год назад +3

    thank you Dr. a sober borderline can fool most therapist at first. the sad, sad thing is that they don't get treatment and become hated by everyone. they are truly sympathetic people when
    understood. too often if they don't kill someone they kill themselves. so much suffering could be avoided if more of them were treated sooner rather than later. they definitely can be treated.
    but rarely are.

  • @gcham1209
    @gcham1209 Год назад +2

    Hey doc. I'm watching a show that covered the case of Paul Dennis Reid. Plz cover that if u haven't already.

  • @JustineBrownsBookshelf
    @JustineBrownsBookshelf Год назад +2

    A man who quits his job to follow you around. Ouch.

  • @whereisyourhumanity7557
    @whereisyourhumanity7557 Год назад +2

    It stops when you get a big guy who beats the crap out of him.
    Unfortunately, most of us don't have that guy as often as we need him.
    I go armed. And I train.
    You have NO IDEA whether you are being stalked or not.
    Or how many times you've been stalked.

  • @abandonedmuse
    @abandonedmuse Год назад

    I like your new background Dr. Grande! The little lights are very nice touch.

  • @tommccormick9290
    @tommccormick9290 Год назад +5

    Isn't it against the law in England to carry any defensive weapons? Only the police are authorized to protect?

    • @Thomas-yw9eo
      @Thomas-yw9eo Год назад +5

      There you're not a citizen but a "subject." The ruling class wants a nation of sheep.

    • @johnnyearp52
      @johnnyearp52 Год назад

      I hear the most common murder weapon in the UK is the knife.

    • @marisaera2353
      @marisaera2353 Год назад

      We can't even carry pepper spray. Women are sitting ducks for violent men.

  • @manewland1
    @manewland1 Год назад +1

    Thanks as always, Dr Grande!

  • @channelthree9424
    @channelthree9424 Год назад +5

    Why was Mollys Doors unlocked
    It’s so sad that she had been very careful about who she would date and she ended up with this crazy nut.

    • @DominiqueFrancon
      @DominiqueFrancon Год назад +2

      I don’t blame the victim however, she should not have talked to him at the gym. She should have immediately gone to her car, locked herself inside and drove away. Move far away with no forwarding address. So sad.

  • @erikamccarthy1457
    @erikamccarthy1457 Год назад +1

    3/31/23 Condolence’s to All family and friends 💔 Molly, rip🌹

  • @davidmellet261
    @davidmellet261 Год назад +2

    Man that's takes alot of energy and time to be a stalker, how do they have so much time on there hands

    • @jgarofalo8813
      @jgarofalo8813 Год назад +1

      Nobody wants to be around them so they have a lot of time on their hands

    • @davidmellet261
      @davidmellet261 Год назад +1

      @@jgarofalo8813 Oh good point thanks 😅

  • @GalileoFigar0
    @GalileoFigar0 Год назад +1

    I was once harassed by an ex romantic partner for ~18 months. He was relentless in his efforts to cause me professional and social reputational damage. He told my employer that I was harassing and stalking him, he staged a burglary at his own home blaming it on me, he injured himself in the face and hand with a sharp object blaming it on me, he contacted my extended family and distant friends and told them I was stalking him, he made criminal allegations about me being involved in the abduction and SA of a girl I had never met. I was almost fired, I had people coming up to me telling me I was a psycho and to “just leave him alone”.
    Eventually his fabricated stories became so outlandish that he was no longer credible to anyone including his own family.