How to ask for more-and get it | Alex Carter | TEDxReno
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- Опубликовано: 5 сен 2024
- What do the top 7% of negotiators have in common? How do they simultaneously ask for more - and get it - while actually strengthening their relationships? In a time when more than half of us avoided negotiating our last salary, Professor Alex Carter reveals 5 secrets to confidently asking for what you’re worth.
Alex Carter is a Columbia Law School professor, mediator and negotiation trainer to the United Nations. For the last 20 years, she has taught hundreds of thousands of people how to take lessons from the world’s highest-stakes negotiations and apply them to their everyday lives. Professor Carter’s first book, Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything (Simon & Schuster), was published in 2020 and became an instant Wall Street Journal Business Bestseller. As a keynote speaker, Alex helps companies around the world secure larger deals, prevent losses and retain top talent. Her work has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Good Morning America, The New York Times, MSNBC’s Morning Joe, The CBS Early Show, NPR Marketplace, CNBC, Fast Company, and more. She is a contributor for NBC News’ Know Your Value, a news site devoted to helping women grow in their careers and reach their full potential. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
The concept of negotiating with yourself first is powerful. It’s a reminder to build confidence and clarity before going into things with another person
On my way to a salary negotiation in an hour! This video provided some great talking points - feeling confident. Thanks!
Same here...perfect timing. Thank you so much!
You've got this! Send me a note and keep me posted!
So...how was it?
I hope you got it!
“Curious people make more money.” That will be rattling in my head for a while.
“I don’t request, I recruit.” I love the idea of this, that you really do set yourself up for better outcomes when you view the people you’re negotiating with as partners rather than adversaries.
Your work is not just getting people to think differently about negotiation, but also how they approach all their relationships. I love it so much!
As the man in that kayak, I can assure that this story is 100% true. And I can also tell you that Alex's advice is 100% accurate. After 18 years of marriage, I should know ;)
You are great. And she is too 🎉
I'm the kayak, I can confirm
As your marriage, I too can confirm
Loving this for you guys
I appreciate the emphasis on open questions. It’s so true that saying “tell me” can lead to deeper insights and better outcomes in any negotiation.
yeah and people love talking about what they want so I imagine it'd be pretty effective
The story about the diplomat was inspiring. It shows that empathy and listening can resolve even the toughest conflicts. This is a lesson for both professional and personal life that I'm very happy to have come across!
thanks for sharing it belle, got a lot out of this one
This video is so helpful for all negotiators- and we are all negotiators! Be curious, ask open ended questions, check in with yourself, psych yourself up with reminders of ourselves at our best, use silence, and more. Practical “pro-active” tips for business persons, employees, parents, and more. Alex is a natural coach and speaker and expert negotiator. This is amazing!
Thank you so much!
Everyone needs to watch this video before any important negotiation (professional OR personal). I'm going to share this with my entire newsletter list tomorrow!
High compliment from someone who's at 2M views and counting!
*Larry Burkett's book on "Giving and Tithing" drew me closer to God and helped my spirituality. 2020 was a year I literally lived it. I cashed in my life savings and gave it all away. My total giving amounted to 40,000 dollars. Everyone thought I was delusional. Today, 1 receive 85,000 dollars every two months. I have a property in Calabasas, CA, and travel a lot. God has promoted me more than once and opened doors for me to live beyond my dreams. God kept to his promises to and for me*
There's wonder working power in following Kingdom principles on giving and tithing. Hallelujah!
But then, how do you get all that in that period of time? What is it you do please, mind sharing?
It is the digital market. That's been the secret to this wealth transfer. A lot of folks in the US and abroad are getting so much from it, God has been good to my household Thank you Jesus
Big thanks to Ms. Susan Jane Christy❤️✨💯May God bless Christy Fiore services,she have changed thousands of lives globally
How can I start this digital market, any guidelines and how can I reach out to her?
I never realized negotiation could be so laid-back. I always thought it was just about arguing, but this idea of steering the conversation makes way more sense
Yes - it won’t always be laid-back, but many times it can be if we take an open approach.
One of the strongest, most impactful speakers I've ever watched!!! I've never felt more empowered to ask for more then I do now!! YOU KILLED IT ALEX!!
Thank you so much!
The idea of ‘tell me’ being the biggest question you can ask is brilliant. It’s such a simple yet effective way to get more information and build trust. I’ll definitely use this in my next negotiation, thank you!
Thank you 😊 Please come back and let me know when you do! It’s magic.
@@alexandrabcarter thanks, just waiting for the right time
The kayak story was a perfect metaphor. It’s a reminder that sometimes we need to trust others and work together rather than trying to control everything ourselves.
Yes! I found that out the hard way 😂 Thanks for watching!
@@alexandrabcarter thanks for speaking😀😀
I was intrigued by the idea that most negotiations fail because people don’t ask the right questions. This is something I’ll be more mindful of moving forward, thank you!
Glad you enjoyed - I can't wait to hear how it works for you!
Huge congrats, Alexandra- a great, pragmatic and accurate watch for promotion seekers!
Clear, easy to follow tips from which everyone can benefit in almost every aspect of their lives! Amazing job Alex!! 🔥
Hi Alex! So happy to meet you, watch your talk live, and to continue to connect with you after our TEDxREno debut!
What a powerful and practical talk, with excellent, easy to implement tips for anyone wanting to negotiate a better salary that they deserve.
I especially love the idea that really, it's about building and strengthening relationships - because once you get that raise/promotion, you're going to be working with the person you got the salary boost from.
This talk is a must-watch for anyone who wants to build more meaningful connections with people they live and work with. You can learn to advocate for yourself with integrity and confidence by knowing your worth and respecting and valuing others, too.
Alex Carter is the best negotiator we have ever know! This is a brilliant TEDx Talk that EVERYONE needs to watch! As people, we spend every waking moment negotiating with others (and ourselves); let's take Alex's tips to steer our relationships in a win-win-win direction!
Thank you! We sure do negotiate with ourselves all the time, don’t we?
It is Intriguing how the powerful use of storytelling maintained my engagement until the very end. Well done Alex 👏👏👏
This means so much to me. Thank you!
Making your adversary your partner is such a powerful concept. It shifts the whole dynamic and fosters collaboration. I see how this could really transform workplace negotiations!
absolutely. we don't make peace with our friends
The idea that negotiation starts before the actual conversation is so true. Prepping yourself mentally and knowing your worth can really change the outcome. This is a lesson I need to apply more in my own life.
You’re worth it, Valerie! 💪
definitely resonate with that, "knowing your worth" part of things
yessss like we've already made assumptions about the other
@@alexandrabcarter 🥰🥰 oh thank you, that's so nice
@@venmfate I think it's a big lesson!
The advice on staying silent after you speak is brilliant. It's remarkable what a bit of stoicism can get you
I love how stories are woven through the presentation. This content is very helpful information!!
Thank you!
Thank you Alex for this inspirational video. I love your negotiation strategy that relies on building partnerships rather than "beating the opponent", which is in accordance with my own personal style and values. Can't agree more that listening and "landing the plane" are crucial in any negotiation.
Love the positivity within this message! We should all be encouraged and empowered to ask for what we think we deserve!
💖💖💖💖
Lesson four really hit home for me. I often talk too much and lose the deal. Learning to embrace silence is something I need to work on. Great advice!
Born in New York City, so me too 🙋🏻♀️ I’ll keep practicing alongside you!
I never thought about negotiation as something we do every day in our relationships. This really reframes how I approach conversations with my colleagues and family.
neither! definitely true thou, all relationships have an element of give and take
Great information. So helpful in many areas of life, business and family. My kids need to watch this for sure. I can relate to the kayak situation, had a similar experience with my middle child! Great Ted Talk Alex!
I particularly appreciated the advice on negotiating with oneself first. It’s so important to have clarity on your own goals!
Thank you Alexandra Carter for inviting me to this public discourse
Without a doubt, this year will be worse than the last. I lost a lot of money last year as a result of bad investment choices that I would not have made if I hadn't been so worried about my portfolio. I kept investing, but I couldn't determine whether to start paying for a house. In the end, I sold my positions, and the house needed more work than I had planned. I'm not sure how long I can keep going like this
We've all made mistakes at some point. You should consider financial planning
True. My portfolio was diversified across several markets with the help of a financial planner, and were able to achieve over a million in net profit among high dividend yield equities, ETFs, and bonds. It is vital that you have a variety of exposure, including in firms that are currently generating cash flows.
Do you mind sharing your financial planner ?
Leah Foster Alderman. You'll undoubtedly find out more if you look her up online.
This is so interesting and helpful. Am going to try some of your tips at work and at home. Thanks!
Thanks! Keep us posted!
This video come right in the exact moment .because I have an interview tomorrow and it is about salary negotiation
Great! You’ve got this 🙌
Well done Alex! Great to see you on the big screen in addition to "in the neighborhood" - you rocked this!
Thank you Jen! I often write or practice my talks while I’m walking around the neighborhood! 😂
Best advice! Will be keeping this talk handy any time I have to negotiate something important. Especially love "Landing the plane"...will lean into those awkward silences to get what I want and deserve :) Thank you Alex!
I’ve always avoided negotiations because they seemed daunting. But thinking of it as steering a kayak makes it feel more manageable. Great analogy!
Great job, Mom! Great advice! Still shocks me that you got in a kayak lol 🤭
she did a amazing job
Love this talk and Alex's advice on steering things that matter to you every day. Sharing with my newsletter list tomorrow!
Definitely gave me a new perspective on negotiating. The point about listening and asking “Tell me about” was really impactful. I am going to put these points into practice!
Thank you! I hope it works out for you!
Five fantastic tips with real-life examples of how they work. Thank you, Alex Carter!
Asking open-ended questions is so critical!
Amazing story Alex.
The brilliance of your excellence is recognised with appreciation.
Thank you for sharing your empowering insights and knowledge.
Here from Caroline's channel!!
👇🏻
Yass
Aw thank you!!
This is AMAZING! 🙌 me encanta escuchar a Alex hablar!! More please?!!!
Muchas gracias!!
I love this!!!! Great engagement and story telling 😊
Alex Carter is the GOAT!!! Love this talk so much.
Thank you! ❤
I’ve always thought negotiation was just about getting the best deal, thinking of it as a way of building relationships is a nice new approach though, thank you for broadening my understanding!
same, thinking it can build up goodwill or understanding of the other person is really cool!
LOVE THIS!!! Thanks for sharing, Alex!
Thanks Tatev! Means a lot coming from you 🙌
Need more of this content ASAP!
The point about understanding your boss’s priorities really resonated with me. It’s something I’ve overlooked but will definitely be using in order to improve my workplace relationships.
yeah I thought this was a great point to, much easier to bargain with someone when you know what they want
This is a must listen for women in business! Great job, Alex!
Thank you for all the support and mentorship! TEDx Reno is the best.
Now this is the kind of negotiation I can do!
Exact same thing happened to me on my honeymoon in Hawaii!! I never get into a double kayak since then!! Only single kayak from then on. Great talk and loved this different take on the word “negotiate”!!!
Hahaha - I cannot believe we had the same honeymoon experience!! So glad you enjoyed this and definitely keep me posted on how you use it!
5 great points, thanks Alex! I have to practice #4 - Land the plane / The Silent Pause. I’m Italian, so if so sit on my hands, that would shut me up 😉
Italian here also. That trick works!
What a great way to think about negotiation. I follow her on other platforms and she is so inspiring! I have used a few of her tips and I have had great success negotiating for myself!
Love to hear this! And so glad you are asking for your worth 💪
Loved the research-backed insights, especially the part about how silence can be used strategically in negotiations!
Thanks! Silence is an amazing tool. I tell my introvert negotiators to use it to their advantage! Try it and let me know how it goes 🙌
Great insight on negotiation especially for the last 3 points for self- practice and documented evidence to help achieve the raise, being respectful of the other party, and ultimately turning it from adversarial to a partnership!
Excellent speaker and valuable tips! Highly recommend this talk.
Thanks Melissa!
I always learn a lot from Alex Carter! Great talk!
Thanks Gustavo!
💯🎯Thank you Alex Carter
TEDx talks🤝
The 'tell me' technique is awesome, will definitely be using it
Awesome!! I hope you get great results!
Thank you, so insightful and exactly what I need now.
Amazing, Professor Alex! After watching this video, I really need to reread your book.
Obrigada and hope to see you again soon!
Great insights! 🚀
I loved the analogy with the kayak! It really helped me understand negotiation as steering rather than a battle... It’s a refreshing perspective and makes the whole concept less intimidating
it's all about that give and take...
Super inspiring! Great advice for life’s challenges, big and small!
Thank you!
Great talk ! I will remember to steer and zip it 🎉
😶😶😶
Honestly, this makes me want to go out and negotiate something just to try these tricks.
What I needed to hear today.
It's interesting to hear her talk about asking questions first because in my experience that's been received as me being unsure or unprepared... I guess it's situational or maybe I just wasn't doing it right lol
that's interesting... maybe there's a level of confidence to it that you need
sadly I think for us ladies this happens more often than not
First comment from somalia 🇸🇴 ❤ salute 🫡 👏
So glad it found its way to you!
I enjoyed the kayak metaphor and totally relate lol my husband and I did it once and never again but thankfully we're able to negotiate well in other areas but of course, I never thought of it like that. It was a definite reframe and I think I'll come back to watch this and have more takeaways.
I'm the first person to watch this
Very useful and she has a good way of speech
Wonderful talk, thank you very much!
❤ from India
Thank you, Alex! Such a great way to see negotiation in a new perspective. Love to know how your marriage turned stronger btw!
Almost 20 years and getting better every day ❤
loved this!
Wow what an amazing talk and perspective 👏 Loved the first question "Tell me", well not really a question 😊 So powerful!!
no but still helpful hahaha
Well said!
I’m not sure I agree that negotiation isn’t a battle... In many cases for me it has felt like one, especially in competitive industries. But I appreciate the different perspective and will try to keep it in the back of mind next time I have some negotiating to do!
I hear you - some industries, like procurement, can feel really competitive. But even in those industries you can find long-term opportunities to create value in repeat relationships. Thanks for watching!
Loving this advice, thank you! I might actually work up the nerve to ask for that raise now haha
you deserve it! 💁♀💁♀
The best talk I've listened to on negotiating! Such great advice!
Great Content! I loved the story and all the concepts shared.
The statistic about 54% of people not negotiating their last salary is shocking! It’s a wake-up call for me to be more proactive about my own negotiations.
I know - it’s so shocking when you first hear it, and yet anecdotally I hear this all the time from people who don’t negotiate. I hope you ask for what you deserve this year!
shocking yes but made me feel not so bad about my own situation!
Well done, Alex!
Thank you for your mentorship!
I love this!!!!
That's inspiring, thanks
I'm watching this hours before I negotiate my daily rate card as a model. I'm positive!
Omg goodluck!! Let me know how it went if you’re open for that ☺️
Go get it! 💪
@@ishitabihari7219 Thankyouuuu!! I'll let you know 🥰
@@alexandrabcarter Omg thankyou !!!
My friend was being pushed at work to skip lunch and stay late, so she wanted to ask for more money. I talked her through it, gave her key tips and phrases (they need her and she does great work). During the talk as soon as she got to the money part towards the end, the bosses got super defensive, angry, then attacked her, saying: no one else at work likes her, they find her annoying and people have difficulty working with her and complain behind her back. This was a lie, but at this my friend started crying, after working so hard her bosses say no one even likes her. So she’s says she will resign and leaves in tears. Suddenly her bosses panic, saying they don’t want that, they hug her and tell her that even though everyone else says those things it’s ok because they like her.
Absolute disaster.
What a toxic boss
I’ve always hated negotiation because it felt like a confrontation. Thinking of it as steering a relationship could really help! Thanks for the insightful talk 🫡
I hope it does help! Good luck and keep me posted 💪
right??? like it always feels so tense and like there's a lot of pressure!
Thats so true :)
Thing is some have greed, greeds, greedyness, wanting, craving, thirst, hunger, hornyness, determination, ambition, dedication, dicipline, and more up the yin yang were they step on others toes to get it for better, middle, or worst and it could cause long hard reality in the long run for a huge populace depending on how much power, influence, impact, and control they get so yeah.
this stuff seems useful, but I’m curious how it applies to bigger issues. Like, can we use these skills to change the system, not just get better at playing the game?
This is great thank you
How nice! You are fantastic!❤
The adversary is the partner is a great point, more doing this we'd have a pretty peaceful world.
Thank you ❤
🔥🔥🔥
This is great advice.... looking cute will only take you so far!