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I don’t know what to do when my autistic husband is berating our 6 year old autistic daughter while she’s crying and he won’t stop and I feel like I have to defend her but challenging him will lead him to having a meltdown. Even if I wait until later when he’s calm, any kind of criticism on his parenting is going to lead to a fist shaped hole in my wall. He has no interest in educating himself about his own condition. He refuses therapy. I’m so sick of walking on eggshells and being scared of his reactions all the time. I get that it’s because of his autism but a big part of me feels that he’s a grown man and shouldn’t be allowed to act like this. I’m dealing with my own childhood trama surrounding domestic violence and I’m dealing with my own anxiety and depression and ADHD. But I feel like I’m not allowed to have any of those things when he may or may not of a meltdown. When things are good 90% of the time, they’re WONDERFUL. But when things get bad I can’t help wanting him out of our house and our lives for good. No need to reply. I just needed to vent.

I remember having problems with sleep when I was younger. I was put to bed for about 7pm but couldn't sleep so I would vo downstairs and say to mum I can't sleep. When I layed awake I would turn to the wall and day dream about a fairytale castle in the sky. When I did sleep I would often have nightmares and wake up in the night calling to my mum. I don't remember naps.

Ohhh you and I are like two peas in a pod. You get me! 🤗 New subby.... 🙂

Hello, Thank you for having the courage to record and post this video. My Father was undiagnosed autistic (most likely), and it was socially cripalling for myself, though I had no idea how socially inept I was. I am male, but my sister probably suffered the most. I has and will affect everything in my life. This is such important information for the neurotypicals to know, to minimize the social damage. I love him, but it was so difficult.

Thank so much for making this. Hopefully things will be easier now more people are diagnosed. I have a daughter who honestly believes that I never loved her. It's very painful for both of us. I watched another YT channel that explained how the child can experience an autistic mother as a "dead mother", and that can set them up to develop personality disorders. I wasn't diagnosed as autistic until a couple of years ago. I was diagnosed with problems with sound perception and visual perception in my 40s. It's sad that I had no way of knowing that I didn't see the way other people see, and that my startling responses to sound weren't "normal". I was diagnosed with anhedonia as a child. So, I didn't smile at my children. I tried to show my children love in lots of other ways. I would stay up all night when they were sleeping, making personalised books or pieces of art for them. But I couldn't get down on the floor and play with them. My son is ADHD and he says we (his dad is also ADHD) were the perfect parents for him because he always needed his own space. It's similar with me and my sister. My sister remembers our mother as completely indifferent to her children, but I remember mum as a very introverted person who was often reading books. Yes, my children always had the old fashioned clothes and the bad haircuts. I brought up one of my grandchildren who is also autistic.

i feel all 5 signs soooo much :D

Pls upload one video once a week really helps 😊

I only found peace inside when I started to have compassion and acceptance for both sides...before that was a constant war zone .....

Strange ADHD has empath skills. Autism is socially awkward and has an overlap with narcissistic traits. Don’t like bored fixed patterns.

13:19 "My dad is a hunter's steak" ???

Great stuff! Was diagnosed combination ADD/ADHD. ADD needs to withdraw from crowd to recharge. Yes I admit ADHD rage due to a disfunctional family, narcissistic sister and smotherig devouring mom. Impulsive correct, feel trapped in TIME!!!

I've not been diagnosed with anything and have been trying to figure out for years why I am so different. Not too long ago I was convinced I was bipolar because of the constant cycling between total burnout and hyper-aroused hyper-focus every few months. But then also I've wondered if I'm autistic because I although I know people like me and I get along well with them, I have a very difficult time in certain social situations, especially with meeting new people or when too much is going on, and I get sensory overload very easily - driving can be scary if too much is going on. And I also exhibit behavior like having a very hard time making eye contact, being unable to read people people well, being slow to think of responses in conversations which tends to look like disinterest because conversations have long awkward pauses as I am trying to process what to say next. But I'm also quite sure I have ADHD as I am constantly fidgeting, have an extremely difficult time paying attention if I'm not super interested in something, daydream all the time, hyperfocus on things I am interested in, etc. It feels like I'm mentally retarded in some ways and very gifted in other ways. Life is strange. I am happy with my life, but there are some barriers that other people seem to just hop over that feel completely insurmountable to me, or at the very least require extraordinary effort. Kinda forces me into an odd way of living, but finding healthy coping habits is tremendously helpful. It's very interesting to see so many mental divergences crop up, especially in recent decades with the advent of very intrusive technology. My family is full of undiagnosed but suspected mental oddities. A little ADHD here, a little autism there, and a little bipolarism to top it all off. Some of them got along just "fine," though they really could have used some help. Some of them not so fine. At some point, you've got to break the pattern of ignoring problems if there's to be any hope of doing better.

Special interests that change frequently? I know I'm autistic, but I guess I have to know more about the combination now!!!

The human brain cannot pick up Wifi or Bluetooth. That's simply wrong.

2:53 I was always the one most prone to blurt stuff out, and he had experienced significant personal growth in that area before I was born (he is a fan of the Bible's description of the tongue as a fire), so I never noticed it in my dad early on, but it's quite clear where my own tendency came from 😂.

Sign number zero: Your teachers tried to have you tested for ADHD, and your dad refused, grumbling words to the effect of "pathologizing and medicating normal behavior because it's inconvenient for educators". My family goes by the motto (introduced by my mom), "All the world is *MAD* except ME and THEE, and sometimes I wonder about THEE," so I didn't really notice that my dad was "different" per-se, but it was obvious that me and him were cut from the same cloth.

Alright So i'd like to leave my personal thoughts on this video... Damn. my whole life just suddenly makes sense. I am currently 30y old. Undiagnosed with either ADHD or Autism. 3 years ago my nephew was diagnosed with ADHD-Inattentive. Ever since I've been diving myself into the topic and watched 100s of video's on ADHD by now. May of this year I have taken the steps myself to ask to get Diagnosed for ADHD-Inattentive (unfortunely that still hasn't happened yet due to waiting lists and Life) Due to the severe waiting time I totally dropped the interest in watching ADHD related videos. (because what if I don't get diagnosed) This led to a mental health crisis which kind of got worse over the year (reaching its peak just last week) I called in sick for the upcoming 3 weeks and taking the time to get my now totally disorganized and chaotic home situation under control. But the exact scenario which you are describing in the end of your video. is a reality for me right this moment. Severe healh issues - Check Substance abuse - Check Severe mental health issues - Check Not a one of thing but a recurring Pattern. (which seems so obvious and clear to me now) Troubled childhood with divorced parents - Who I can now see both show signs of ADHD and/or Autism. It feels like you just described my whole life in barely 13 minutes. You have no idea how validated that makes me feel being in the middle of all of these things right this moment. Last Thursday I started watching video's about people with AuDHD and its almost as if they're 1 to 1 copies of me.

Your so similar,. Ihave always been alone like an Alien robot to analyse the world. I never thought the Adhd problem could be all people in all countries. It can link all people like brothers and sisters no matter who you are , where you come from or how you come to be on this planet.

Since I got my ADHD diagnosis (around 2002 or something, long before you were "allowed to have" both) I've noticed that it seems like the ADHD and the autism part of my personality has slightly different sleep schedules so to speak. When I wake up quite early in the morning it seems like the ADHD is not yet awake, and I'm all autism, I eat the same cereal every day I don't need any variation, I'm very fine with boring and routine (though I still of course have ADHD, and my meds hasn't started working yet; so I'm terrible at executive functioning, so I have to plan everything the day before like packing my backpack etc, before the Ritalin wears out in the evening). But sometime around lunch time my ADHD wakes up and I gradually start to crave variety, though my autism is also very much awake, so I really enjoy when the cafeteria at the office have a different main dish so that my autism can make the same choice (picking the main dish) every day and still give my ADHD some variety. Then around 15 my autism starts to get sleepy and my work performance starts to dip. I'm a programmer which most of the time is quite a lot of routine and comfortable autistic solitary precise work, though if I have an interesting bug to investigate my ADHD have a tendency to take over sometimes keeping me at work for too long hyper focusing on the interesting problem. Though since my ADHD personality is great at investigating it's actually pretty bad at actually writing functional code (especially since I tend to forget to take my 15:00 Ritalin right away); I have tried to be better at rather than trying to fix code right away; I rather try to write TODO-comments all over the code for myself to fix the next morning. Looking at that massive paragraph above; I now realise I should probably have taken my 11:00 medication 15 minutes ago. lol

I know that my Mom is autistic, I am not sure about my late father. He had other mental health issues, though. My issues as a child were mostly neglect. Emotional and physical neglect. I have come to terms with both, though. I now take care of my Mother and she lives with us. I see how she totally neglects her own physical and emotional needs as well. It’s rough being a sandwich generation of three generations of autistic people, though.

you are nice and insightful. this comment represents my agreement to donate one of my good karma points to you because you have "the rizz". all the best.

PSA: What you're describing in the last section of the video has NOTHING to do with Restless Legs Syndrome. RLS is a sleep disorder. The more tired an RLS person is, the more restless they become. And that restlessness is not a simple emotion. It's a command by your central nervous system that must be obeyed. If you don't do so, if you try to sleep because you're tired, then that command takes over your extremities and you start to twitch uncontrollably. That twitching makes it difficult to fall asleep. It does not stop once you've finally have fallen asleep either. The twitching continues the whole night through, thereby substantially lowering your sleep efficiency.

Great video, I live in the South UK and have Autism awaiting ADHD test probably pda , + & feel totally alone as a teenager hard to get a partner as I clearly should have looked for neurodiverse . Now married in my 50's I am Staring to find so many people around the world with the same problems "the hair leg thing " unfortunately no one close, i really need to understand this more if iam to live with it . But the world really doesn't seem to care here. Finding anwers on line is really the next best thing thank you for making this video "and posting it" I can't even finish unloading the dishwasher.

New sub. I'm 41 and just now figuring this all out. I suspect I'm both ADHD and on the spectrum a bit. I definitely have had the rage moments, though it's not just when hyper-focused. Thanks for your content!!

I have both

39? I thought you were early twenties

Unfortunately this video is 26years too late for me and my kid. But knowing it will help others replaces my sadness with joy for those it helps.

My dad himself suspected he has aspergers (so, autism spectrum). He's very rigid, routine-bound, unemotional and has special interest in HAM/Amateur radio, he'd spend hours making connections with different countries and "hunting" for the rare one's that only have expeditions organized once in a while (in ham radio some places count as separate "countries" while not being countries - like remote islands for example). Also once he gets talking about it he'd not shut up and is very oblivious to signs that people are disinterested lmao! It's kinda cute. I have diagnosed adhd (inherited from my mom, yay) and suspected autism, and I always thought I'm similar to my dad in some ways. After getting medicated for adhd I started noticing that even more.

I know I should probably comment on the contents more but - omg you're 40? You look no more than 30, you're gorgeous!

Wait... the acronym meaning has changed for PDA? I like Pervasive Desire for Autonomy MUCH more than "Pathological Demand Avoidance". At face value they kind of mean the same thing, but one is extremely negative and has aggressively 'lazy' connotations and the other has a more accurate and is a more active/positive feel. I definitely like your version more.

It‘s so exhausting!!!!!!!!😭

You've described exactly my self and my son!

Why would someone have kids when they are not fit to do the parenting job?? ...having kid is not a compulsory thing it should be a concious decision.......we shouldn't make someone a victim for our own misery!!!

My father was high masking, my mother low masking and I am unable to mask (though I do tend to camouflage at times). Unfortunately my parents have no knowledge/understanding of neurodivergence, worse my mother even refuses to acknowledge that high functioning autism exists !

Every word of this video describes me to a T! I’m very energetic, talkative, and spent many years doing community theatre, so I doubt anyone who knows that side of me would ever guess that as soon as I get home, I don’t move at all. I live alone and so I just lounge around, watching Hulu or playing games on my phone. I don’t have the energy for anything other than that. lol The soap I’ve used for years recently got discontinued, so I’m still struggling to find a replacement. Meanwhile, I decided I needed a new car, and had one a week later. lol I will definitely be checking out your other videos!

I love your necklace. Is that gold or glass beading?

Holy guacamole I’m the whole enchilada 😂

I used to hum all the time, but people commented on it, so I stopped (that's my son's mode of stimming also). I used to bite my lips all the time until my boyfriend told me it was really unattractive. I used to pick at the skin around my nails, but that always hurts. I used to pick at my face all the time, but fortunately, my face cleared up. There's always something, but my options keep disappearing. I do cross my legs with my feet behind my calves like you mentioned in another video. Until I heard you mention it, I never realized that was different. It just feels good. Fortunately, no one seems to mind.

I have ADHD and used to be a strong night owl. Now that I have 2 kids who are rather demanding, I am exhausted by bed time. However, either way, I've always been a pretty good sleeper. My son has AuDHD and would take at least an hour of crying to fall asleep when he was a baby. I finally found out what that weird little fleece square with a duck head that I got as a gift was for (it turned out to be a binky). So, at 4 months, I gave that to my son, and he never had trouble sleeping again (until he was too old for a binky). He would suck on it all the time and it would soothe him. He slept with it in his mouth all the time. Worked like a charm. Unfortunately, now that he's 14, I don't know how to help him sleep, so he often doesn't get much, and oh boy, you talk about being "more autistic" with less sleep - it's rough!

Sounds very like my dad. And me.

Sorry but as an autistic mom myself, this makes my blood boil. I'd never treat my children that way. Autistic parents who struggle that much to actually be parents should seek help and communicate with their children better!!! Autistic or not, most of those things were literal abuse (neglect is also a form of abuse)!!!!!

I’m all this and an extroverted introvert. 😅😢😅

I am pretty sure that BOTH of my parents have/had AuDHD. My Dad also had schizophrenia on top of that. Things were very difficult growing up. The house was filthy and filled with animals because of my parents special interests…but they didn’t really clean due to executive functioning. My basic needs were mostly neglected. I was rarely taken to the dentist or the doctor, barely had any clothing, was not taught basic personal hygiene, etc. As a middle aged person I am finally coming to realize that the way that I was raised was not ok, but also that my parents had some pretty severe issues that they were dealing with as well. My elderly Mother now lives with us so I see the extent of her own self neglect, executive functioning issues, and inability to function as a regular, well adjusted person.

I love my dad and after recognizing adhd symptoms in myself I told him that he’s very adhd too and that’s where I got it from! It was a very bonding experience for us and he completely agrees and started learning about adhd too

Thank you for explaining what can happen with an parent with autism. My (highly beta-inteligent) father ticked all the boxes. For me the most hurtful part was the lack of attunement, he was just incapabel. He truely believes connection is people listening to his endless stories about his hobbies. Without ever a counter question or curiosity in the other person. Believe me i’ve tried to change the conversation. He is not a bad person, he has no idea whatsoever what true interaction is to me. I learn to accept it now, and your video has been helpful, because i know it is sad, but not really anyone’s fault.

I am 5 mins and 42 seconds in and the analogy has me like, "I need you to be SO much more literal."

The worst part of all of this is that regular therapists and old fashioned therapy does not help! I have gotten to understand and my last therapist got it, but then let and I got 2 new ones now. One is thinking it's OCD and rumination anxiety, which is really just that hyper focus! I'm still not being understood and mislabeled with anxiety so I'm not getting the "right" help! 😥 Need more awareness! 😥

I see myself in a lot of this. But I don't know how to deal with it, I am not diagnosed. I am particularly struggling with the hoarding.