My dad was always the "never-shutting-the-f*ck-up" dad. Still is, and as an autistic young woman myself I definitely inherited his over-friendly nature. He definitely experiences sensory overload, but until my late diagnosis at age 17, he never had any words to articulate that. His hyper-fixations include politics, history, and archaeology. I myself am planning to study Celtic history in college when I return either next year or the year after. We are so alike, it causes us to clash fiercely whenever we differ, which led to me having to move out of the family home earlier this year. It has benefited the family greatly, shortly after beginning to type this comment my dad phoned me and we've just had a wonderful chat, he told me at least 3 times that he loves me. Space is a definite requirement of our "branch" of autism lol. Just leaving this comment out of the curiosity that someone might relate a little teehee
It feels similiar to having narcisstic parent sometimes. The trauma is real. Especially parenting your own parent. And also trying to make them happy but they will always be complaining.
I think that both of my parents were autistic but you are definitely describing my Mother very accurately. All of her issues are severe enough that I have been parenting her since I was about 15. She has been living with us since she was widowed 20 years ago because she can’t even handle paying bills, brushing her teeth, showering, and she doesn’t drive. I definitely have AuDHD and so do my two sons. It is difficult to have to take care of both kids and an elderly parent while also being AuDHD. There isn’t much left to deal with my own issues.
@NeurodivergentMom You look incredibly young. I'm 26 and I thought you were around my age. People say I look younger and I've seen many autistic adults having similar experiences. I wonder if it is a thing, and why it happens if it is.
I’m a woman in my 30s who regularly gets mistaken for a college or hs student, this seems to be very common in our community, but I haven’t found any studies on it yet. In one thread someone theorized there could be a relationship to the higher rate of Ehlers-Danlos syndrome in people with autism and wondered if there was some link to looser connective tissues resulting in slightly softer features when aging. Idk, no support, fun theory though, would love to collect some real data on the matter.
@carolynv8979 I've seen that, but in my case I don't have EDS. My theory: lack/limited amount of facial expressions. Also, I believe one's face reflects a lot on what's going on inside, and it is said that autistic people are mentally younger
Hello, Thank you for having the courage to record and post this video. My Father was undiagnosed autistic (most likely), and it was socially cripalling for myself, though I had no idea how socially inept I was. I am male, but my sister probably suffered the most. I has and will affect everything in my life. This is such important information for the neurotypicals to know, to minimize the social damage. I love him, but it was so difficult.
My dad is most likely autistic, I am diagnosed. We've always been very close and understood each other well. He never had meltdowns and probably internalized his stress. He taught me so much. I can only hope I can do the same for my son who is still a baby.
I figured this out about my dad. My brother was diagnosed and I suspect it for myself. It's the route of why he couldn't be present in our lives. I tried to talk to him about autism in a general way and he shut me down pretty quick, he disagrees with labels and has pretty rigid thinking. It was heartbreaking to be shutdown but at least I have the answer I've always been searching for.
@@lovabovall I was also shutdown by my dad when I tried talking to him about it. Sadly it’s an experience many of us share with the ones we want to be understood by. But they don’t get it. Or don’t want to.
Thank you so much for making this video. I've known for a few years now that my dad is autistic but undiagnosed, and had already listed many signs and symptoms he showed when I was little and felt so ignored and misunderstood and communication was so hard. I'm 40 as well and your video helped me see how his behaviour and issues match the 10 signs you pointed.
awful awful experiences for everyone including him, so much suffering and relationship destruction can occur when neurodivergence is not known, is missed and/or not acknowledged.
I don’t know if my dad has autism (I do) but he does have ADHD I learned and takes medication for it and suddenly sooo many things made sense. Like why he would just walk around the house and daydream and pace for like 10 minutes or how in conversation he randomly introduces new characters I’ve never heard of and have to ask like 8 clarifying questions haha. But he also hated social gatherings and would often stay inside for Christmas, school stuff, etc
I figured out at 72 that I'm autistic, and I had wondered about my dad and brothers. Watching this video helped me see my dad's traits, and also why I never felt like I was good enough and always tried to please him. He was a mechanical engineer and my brothers are too. Dad's dad and my grandfather and his btothers were mostly engineers or scientists, and I love making 3 dimensional crafts - my special interest, so we're all detail oriented. My dad's was the history of glassmaking and collecting old glass pieces. At a party he would corner someone and tell them everything he knew about glass, to the point of sticking his pointed finger into the other person's chest. It was a family joke that he didn't understand. But like you said, he had no interest in my special interests and thought they were stupid. He also was sensitive to kid's noises so at timed we all had to be very quiet. I think my mom was on the spectrum somewhere. I decided at age 13 I didn't want to have kids because I didn't want to be parents like them. But back then autism hadn't really been defined yet, so there was no understanding or diagnosing anyone autistic.
Thanks so much for sharing your intimate story. I could really feel the emotions from your story. You’re not the only one why decides never to have kids because of similar reasons.
I am discovering my own autism, but my mom and I both say it must come from dad's side of the family. He and 3 of his 5 sisters had some level of FASD. They all had addictions to either alcohol or prescription drugs as well, and those 3 sisters had/have diagnosed mental health conditions. There are just a few clues in dad's case that point towards autism that make me wonder if the drinking maybe masked the autism. He started at the age of 7 by breaking into the liquor cabinet, and died at 58 of liver failure.
My dad himself suspected he has aspergers (so, autism spectrum). He's very rigid, routine-bound, unemotional and has special interest in HAM/Amateur radio, he'd spend hours making connections with different countries and "hunting" for the rare one's that only have expeditions organized once in a while (in ham radio some places count as separate "countries" while not being countries - like remote islands for example). Also once he gets talking about it he'd not shut up and is very oblivious to signs that people are disinterested lmao! It's kinda cute. I have diagnosed adhd (inherited from my mom, yay) and suspected autism, and I always thought I'm similar to my dad in some ways. After getting medicated for adhd I started noticing that even more.
I see these traits in both my mum and dad myself brother and my son. My daughter and her husband don't want there new baby growing up that way they are receiving parents classes don't want everything repeating itself over and over again
I just got diagnosed at 38 and with this video I’m even more convinced my dad has autism. My son seems to have ADHD so that’s hard. I’m hoping I can fix something now so my relationship with him will be better than me and my dad.
Do you have any videos or plans for videos about how you explain and deal with meltdowns around your kids? Its truly my #1 concern in regards to having children of my own one day, as I too do throw stuff around or go to town on a pillow or something when it happens. Never hit a person before because of it except myself. I did get to work on it. The square breathing method really helps, but I still catch myself too late sometimes. I do not want to traumatize my kids at all because of it, but I know its out of my control of happening some day.
I only found out that I'm autistic after both my kids were born and my son was already 4 yrs old. So needless to say some meltdowns had happened in front of the kids before I even knew why they were happening. It's a part of being an ND parent. And even though we may have meltdowns we have other strengths that our kids benefit from like so much affection, unfiltered love, etc. My husband has done research on this topic and experts say that if you are able to go to your kid when you are calm and they are calm and explain to them what happened, and tell them it's over now, then it already helps to lighten that traumatic imprint from them witnessing your meltdown.
For me, as a single parent with no support, I just walk away. Teach yourself to walk away and give yourself a time out. You can punch a pillow or rage silently in your room, calm down, and come back out. I say I need some space, I need some time to think or I need a break from this conversation, etc. The number one thing I want to do is not freak out and act like an abusive asshole like my Dad was, so it's my job to rein it in and get my shit together. You can still meltdown, but if possible, try to make it a boundary with yourself to not display those traits to your kids. Be the role model you wish you had type thing. And of course take care of yourself and get enough sleep etc, so it's less likely to happen in the first place.
@@NeurodivergentMom @chloe2264 Thank you both so much for your answers! The meltdowns I have are way less frequent than before, but I still experience them about 5 to 10 times a year and so far I have only been able to figure out how to delay them, but never prevent them. Preferably I would not have them at all, but we all know that's near impossible. So I will just try to delay them far enough that I can experience it alone, and if I do experience it with them I will tell them its ok afterwards. I think also talking with them up front about what meltdowns are can help a great deal. Thank you especially for reminding me about the strengths ND parents can have. Something usually forgotten. It gives me hope that there are others like me also with children that still love them even though we have some stuff to deal with.
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My parents were watching Love on the Spectrum and my dad told my mom he thinks he's autistic. And internally I was like 'yeah that checks out'.
My dad was always the "never-shutting-the-f*ck-up" dad. Still is, and as an autistic young woman myself I definitely inherited his over-friendly nature. He definitely experiences sensory overload, but until my late diagnosis at age 17, he never had any words to articulate that. His hyper-fixations include politics, history, and archaeology. I myself am planning to study Celtic history in college when I return either next year or the year after. We are so alike, it causes us to clash fiercely whenever we differ, which led to me having to move out of the family home earlier this year. It has benefited the family greatly, shortly after beginning to type this comment my dad phoned me and we've just had a wonderful chat, he told me at least 3 times that he loves me. Space is a definite requirement of our "branch" of autism lol. Just leaving this comment out of the curiosity that someone might relate a little teehee
9:21 "Taking people literally" is also known as "kidnapping".
Sorry, couldn't resist taking that literally. 😂
🤣
😂🥹
I have a hard time talking to kleptomaniacs.
They always take things literally.
Now that's what I call a dad joke
It feels similiar to having narcisstic parent sometimes. The trauma is real. Especially parenting your own parent. And also trying to make them happy but they will always be complaining.
I think that both of my parents were autistic but you are definitely describing my Mother very accurately. All of her issues are severe enough that I have been parenting her since I was about 15. She has been living with us since she was widowed 20 years ago because she can’t even handle paying bills, brushing her teeth, showering, and she doesn’t drive. I definitely have AuDHD and so do my two sons. It is difficult to have to take care of both kids and an elderly parent while also being AuDHD. There isn’t much left to deal with my own issues.
Wait, you are 40? I am genuinely astonished
Im ! I am. Born in 1984.
@NeurodivergentMom You look incredibly young. I'm 26 and I thought you were around my age. People say I look younger and I've seen many autistic adults having similar experiences. I wonder if it is a thing, and why it happens if it is.
@ I don’t know but I’ve also noticed the trend. My dad is on the spectrum and he also looks about 20 years younger than his age
I’m a woman in my 30s who regularly gets mistaken for a college or hs student, this seems to be very common in our community, but I haven’t found any studies on it yet.
In one thread someone theorized there could be a relationship to the higher rate of Ehlers-Danlos syndrome in people with autism and wondered if there was some link to looser connective tissues resulting in slightly softer features when aging. Idk, no support, fun theory though, would love to collect some real data on the matter.
@carolynv8979 I've seen that, but in my case I don't have EDS. My theory: lack/limited amount of facial expressions. Also, I believe one's face reflects a lot on what's going on inside, and it is said that autistic people are mentally younger
Some of these are common with my inattentive ADHD.
Maybe you also have autism? My son was only diagnosed with ADHD but he definitely also is autistic. They used to not diagnose the two together.
Hello, Thank you for having the courage to record and post this video. My Father was undiagnosed autistic (most likely), and it was socially cripalling for myself, though I had no idea how socially inept I was. I am male, but my sister probably suffered the most. I has and will affect everything in my life. This is such important information for the neurotypicals to know, to minimize the social damage. I love him, but it was so difficult.
My dad is most likely autistic, I am diagnosed. We've always been very close and understood each other well. He never had meltdowns and probably internalized his stress. He taught me so much. I can only hope I can do the same for my son who is still a baby.
I figured this out about my dad. My brother was diagnosed and I suspect it for myself. It's the route of why he couldn't be present in our lives. I tried to talk to him about autism in a general way and he shut me down pretty quick, he disagrees with labels and has pretty rigid thinking. It was heartbreaking to be shutdown but at least I have the answer I've always been searching for.
@@lovabovall I was also shutdown by my dad when I tried talking to him about it. Sadly it’s an experience many of us share with the ones we want to be understood by. But they don’t get it. Or don’t want to.
Thank you so much for making this video. I've known for a few years now that my dad is autistic but undiagnosed, and had already listed many signs and symptoms he showed when I was little and felt so ignored and misunderstood and communication was so hard. I'm 40 as well and your video helped me see how his behaviour and issues match the 10 signs you pointed.
awful awful experiences for everyone including him, so much suffering and relationship destruction can occur when neurodivergence is not known, is missed and/or not acknowledged.
I agree with that from personal experience. I am ashamed of some of my behaviour before realizing that I’m autistic after I became a mom 😢
I don’t know if my dad has autism (I do) but he does have ADHD I learned and takes medication for it and suddenly sooo many things made sense. Like why he would just walk around the house and daydream and pace for like 10 minutes or how in conversation he randomly introduces new characters I’ve never heard of and have to ask like 8 clarifying questions haha. But he also hated social gatherings and would often stay inside for Christmas, school stuff, etc
I figured out at 72 that I'm autistic, and I had wondered about my dad and brothers. Watching this video helped me see my dad's traits, and also why I never felt like I was good enough and always tried to please him. He was a mechanical engineer and my brothers are too. Dad's dad and my grandfather and his btothers were mostly engineers or scientists, and I love making 3 dimensional crafts - my special interest, so we're all detail oriented. My dad's was the history of glassmaking and collecting old glass pieces. At a party he would corner someone and tell them everything he knew about glass, to the point of sticking his pointed finger into the other person's chest. It was a family joke that he didn't understand. But like you said, he had no interest in my special interests and thought they were stupid.
He also was sensitive to kid's noises so at timed we all had to be very quiet.
I think my mom was on the spectrum somewhere. I decided at age 13 I didn't want to have kids because I didn't want to be parents like them. But back then autism hadn't really been defined yet, so there was no understanding or diagnosing anyone autistic.
Thanks so much for sharing your intimate story. I could really feel the emotions from your story. You’re not the only one why decides never to have kids because of similar reasons.
I love your content! Tell me you're not stopping making videos 😢. I learn a lot abour autism bc of your channel
I am discovering my own autism, but my mom and I both say it must come from dad's side of the family. He and 3 of his 5 sisters had some level of FASD. They all had addictions to either alcohol or prescription drugs as well, and those 3 sisters had/have diagnosed mental health conditions. There are just a few clues in dad's case that point towards autism that make me wonder if the drinking maybe masked the autism. He started at the age of 7 by breaking into the liquor cabinet, and died at 58 of liver failure.
My dad himself suspected he has aspergers (so, autism spectrum). He's very rigid, routine-bound, unemotional and has special interest in HAM/Amateur radio, he'd spend hours making connections with different countries and "hunting" for the rare one's that only have expeditions organized once in a while (in ham radio some places count as separate "countries" while not being countries - like remote islands for example). Also once he gets talking about it he'd not shut up and is very oblivious to signs that people are disinterested lmao! It's kinda cute. I have diagnosed adhd (inherited from my mom, yay) and suspected autism, and I always thought I'm similar to my dad in some ways. After getting medicated for adhd I started noticing that even more.
I see these traits in both my mum and dad myself brother and my son. My daughter and her husband don't want there new baby growing up that way they are receiving parents classes don't want everything repeating itself over and over again
Hunter's Steak in the subtitles gave me a giggle. Good video and information
I just got diagnosed at 38 and with this video I’m even more convinced my dad has autism. My son seems to have ADHD so that’s hard. I’m hoping I can fix something now so my relationship with him will be better than me and my dad.
♥️ it will
I've always though my husband may be autistic. You have described him.
Do you have any videos or plans for videos about how you explain and deal with meltdowns around your kids? Its truly my #1 concern in regards to having children of my own one day, as I too do throw stuff around or go to town on a pillow or something when it happens.
Never hit a person before because of it except myself.
I did get to work on it. The square breathing method really helps, but I still catch myself too late sometimes.
I do not want to traumatize my kids at all because of it, but I know its out of my control of happening some day.
I only found out that I'm autistic after both my kids were born and my son was already 4 yrs old. So needless to say some meltdowns had happened in front of the kids before I even knew why they were happening.
It's a part of being an ND parent. And even though we may have meltdowns we have other strengths that our kids benefit from like so much affection, unfiltered love, etc.
My husband has done research on this topic and experts say that if you are able to go to your kid when you are calm and they are calm and explain to them what happened, and tell them it's over now, then it already helps to lighten that traumatic imprint from them witnessing your meltdown.
For me, as a single parent with no support, I just walk away. Teach yourself to walk away and give yourself a time out. You can punch a pillow or rage silently in your room, calm down, and come back out. I say I need some space, I need some time to think or I need a break from this conversation, etc. The number one thing I want to do is not freak out and act like an abusive asshole like my Dad was, so it's my job to rein it in and get my shit together. You can still meltdown, but if possible, try to make it a boundary with yourself to not display those traits to your kids. Be the role model you wish you had type thing. And of course take care of yourself and get enough sleep etc, so it's less likely to happen in the first place.
@@NeurodivergentMom @chloe2264 Thank you both so much for your answers! The meltdowns I have are way less frequent than before, but I still experience them about 5 to 10 times a year and so far I have only been able to figure out how to delay them, but never prevent them.
Preferably I would not have them at all, but we all know that's near impossible. So I will just try to delay them far enough that I can experience it alone, and if I do experience it with them I will tell them its ok afterwards. I think also talking with them up front about what meltdowns are can help a great deal.
Thank you especially for reminding me about the strengths ND parents can have. Something usually forgotten. It gives me hope that there are others like me also with children that still love them even though we have some stuff to deal with.
I know I should probably comment on the contents more but - omg you're 40? You look no more than 30, you're gorgeous!
Sounds very like my dad. And me.
40?!! Girl I am 40 TOO! I thought you were 20!!! 😮
Club 40!!!
13:19 "My dad is a hunter's steak" ???
Hi.😃 I don’t know about my Dad is Autistic?😐 I love Autism people.😃 Enjoy rest your night.😐 Goodnight.😃