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Thank you. How do I get my husband of 45 years to see who he really is?

What if he can acknowledge he shouldn’t treat me that way, apologizes and yet isn’t doing anything to learn how to stop this behaviour? Is he just checking boxes?

Thank you !!❤❤

Great video that’s filled w some really good learnings. Thanks Sam and Amanda!

I recently called it for what it is and that's sex addiction and repented and asked God to take the desire away from me and I truly believe that he did. The issue is my wife doesn't believe me and wants to divorce and says she doesn't love me anymore.

I've had issues with sex in my marriage and caused pain for my wife. She had an affair five months ago and she tries to compare the two and hasn't accepted that sex issues/addiction is equivalent to her affair or is it?

Thanks Sam and Amanda

It is a terrible fraternity that we are members of, one that none of us would have chosen to join

My ex wife told me she was leaving for herself. Turns out she was having an affair with her boss WHILE she was going to therapy and planning to leave me. Shouldn’t the therapist have caught her bullshit and properly advised her? About a month before she said she wanted divorce we had a discussion where I asked her “what’s going on?”. She just said “I don’t know”. But then during the bombdrop, I first heard, “I’m not happy”. Then it was my drinking. Then it was that I’m a narcissist. Then it was it was that I never showed her I loved her. Then it was she wasn’t allowed to have feelings. No discussion. No marriage counseling because it “doesn’t work”.

OK, but what about when the betrayed is the husband?

What might happen if one partner is looking for homo stasis, in their body, while not considering their impact on the other/partner. When the unfaithful works only on themself while starring that this will help. We are 20 months past discovery and my partners care, work has excluded the aspect of the relationship No talk of the betrayal

Helpful.

Soooooo helpful. Wish I knew this a year or more ago- not that my nervous system would have allowed me to hear it or manage it.

Wow this is fascinating 😮

Thank you for this!

What does heavy lifting mean? Mine still just says it meant nothing, it was only once, we were just talking, just texting blah blah blah!! Still says it’s been this long it’s time to get over it and it’s time to start forgiving me!!! Mine won’t go to counseling or says we can’t afford it? He started out of course blaming the marriage and blaming me!! He was deceitful and secretive and it lasted months with only one physical encounter with his ex girlfriend. He also says he was drunk and it just happened and I let it happen because I was in a dark place….What should i do? It’s been 15 months and I feel still so stuck!!! He keeps saying he’s sorry but there’s been no real work or leadership?

Thank you Sam for this podcast. I’m the betrayed; my UH was diagnosed with Sexual Addiction and has had 9 physical affairs, not including the strip clubs, massage parlors, make-out sessions with random women, and online sexting. So. Much. Trauma. But this video FINALLY explains to me WHY my UH did what he did. It makes so much sense now. We’ve spent over 10k on therapy since DD 16mo ago, and this video is the only thing that made it make sense. Thank you. Also, thank you to Amanda for saying that the partner that chooses to stay actually just LOVES their spouse. 👏🏼 I’m not codependent; I just love him and see his heavenly value as a child of God. I see that he is broken and needs healing. People in my life have made me feel foolish, but you have given me some value today. Thank you both.

Our baby died during my UH affair. He ran to her and talked about our son to her and didn't say his name to me for 4 years. I didn't know about that affair for 5 years. He is SA. What do you make of that? I don't think he loves me.

Sam, your podcasts have helped me more than anything in YT to understand why my UH acts the way he does. I appreciate the work you put out there!

Wow - how simple. Learn to live above suspicion.

Every intimate relationship I've had has ended in betrayal... I needed this.

I’m going to have to watch this one several times for all this to sink in….brilliant.

Good learnings w this video. Thank you.

My wife doesn't want to be vulnerable and do any work to repair what she destroyed, what course of action would you advise? I have been working on my wounds, the preexisting to marriage and wounds inflicted by my wife. I have made significant progress, but I know that there is much more to do

I love this video! Thank you for talking about the unfaithful partner’s avoidance & resistance. So much healing from today’s podcast. ❤

Sam, I love how you interact and engage with your guests. You express the right amount of curiosity (on your listeners's behalf) so that we learn the most from the topic & conversation.

My only complaint is it wasn’t long enough. (This podcast)I have so many questions I think I raised my hand a couple times.😂 you two are so full of information because it’s a combination of education AND personal experience.( personal experience in helping someone in these situations is a must in my opinion). Here’s one of my questions: is the saying “Opposites attract “a red flag if we think about our attachment styles in partners before diving into a committed relationship? AND #2 Are all people with Vulnerable Narcissistic Personality Disorder fearful avoidant therefore unconsciously searching for an anxious attachment partner that would put up with their lies and secrets?.

❤ thanks that was very helpful and useful …💜🙏🏽

I am from India..i have some specific questions..how do i contact you Sam..can i have your email id?

What is the name of the website to look for betrayal trauma specialist?

Handout Thank you

I had to comment. This episode has got to be one of the best discussions I have seen on this topic! Thank you so much🙏🏼

I love the spin on hyper vigilant-snooping behavior…thank you for validating the betrayed deserves the truth….its awful being left to maneuver in the dark. But that apparently is what the unfaithful does…secrets covered by secrets.

Also, A “Fn” men to what Sam said in this video.

Anyone have the link to the interview he mentioned at the beginning? Where they discussed the boundaries for betrayed to use???

It doesn't matter how many counselors tell you it's not your fault, when your husband has blamed you, it won't go away.

This is helpful to understand my unfaithful spouse. He has no interest in repairing the marriage and will not even acknowledge the infidelity. He has admitted it, but claims he "checked out". He didn't decide he was checked out until six months after we separated. I think this is how his therapist is helping him 'heal' by looking for all of the reasons that justify his choices. Wish he could see this . . .

Am I missing something that I do not feel any shame as the betrayed spouse? I have never felt that I was to blame, nor had any responsibility for his betrayal. I certainly was not anywhere close to perfect but I never once felt that I had contributed to him betraying me.

I'm so glad I found you Sam. You get it. I have a question, how is it my wife's affair is not enough for her to see she doesn't make good choices and needs to listen and not believe she has all the answers? She dismisses and lies so much. No empathy, no remorse. She's mad she got caught. She'll say different, but her actions tell the truth.

We're 2 years in today and he is packing. A week ago we were on cloud 9 then she reached out...

My discovery day came 4 months after yours. Very similar, 38, 2 kids, married for 14 years. I am so happy to hear that your spouse is putting in the work. Sadly mine is not and it has me worried about our future. I have put in my work and I don’t know where to go from here. I can’t force her to do work so what does that leave me with

What a good conversation. I am one year past discovery and My unfaithful spouse is still reluctant to do any work. I have put in a lot of work and see how unhealthy and unsafe our relationship still is. This video might be a part of my last ditch effort to get her to create something new with me. Either way it has been helpful for me. Thank you

Welcome back, you were missed. Welcome friend.

He is so spot on!! The trauma in our childhood explains why we as the unfaithful act the way we do!! I feel as if he has described me!!

Thanks Samuel!!

How about a unfaithful wife with BPD?

Are you ok? Did you decide to stop posting?

Excellent video. Ty so much for sharing this and your thoughts and experiences!

Sam you look younger than you did in that 10 year old video. Livin right dude !

As a getrayed i have learned so much listening to these podcasts. Thanks keep up the good work.