Everything around them is still there, dealing with sudden loss | Marieke Poelmann | TEDxUtrecht
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- Опубликовано: 9 сен 2024
- In 2010 Marieke Poelmann, 22 at the time, suddenly lost her parents as a result of a plane crash. It took her several years to see that bad things in life do not necessarily have to define you. In her talk she discusses her loss and how she learned to cope with it, and as a result came out a stronger person.
Marieke Poelmann wrote a book about losing her parents in the airplane crash in Tripoli in 2010. “It took me several years to see that bad things in life don't necessarily define you as a person. When I suddenly lost both of my parents at 22, I thought my life was over too. Finally, I realized that there is one part of them I could never loose: the part that is in me. Slowly I got back onto my own two feet, gained strength and became an adult. In this process, against all my expectations, good things started happening again. I got to be who I wanted to be. It brought me far beyond anything I had ever imagined.” Poelmann is a writer and a freelance journalist. She studied Media and Journalism at the University of Amsterdam and worked as a producer for the Dutch news and current affairs program ‘Nieuwsuur’ in New York. Currently she is writing her second book, a fiction novel.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
The pain is like something inside of you have died.but you have to live that's the saddest part..
So true. That is the hardest part. The going on living
you are so right that is how I feel since I lost my baby 15 months ago
@deleon bro I understand. Unfortunately. I do. (2 weeks ago) Remember give time time...n u don't have to DO ANYTHING..as for me nothingness is my new reality. For now...there's nothing.
Tomorrow s will come. They do! I have walked this path before..I'm still young but I know...do him proud with what is left of your life! Turn it around when the strength comes.
But for now...I feel , I imagine , as you ....xx
@@elein6693 we lost two young family members in a short time period.
..my Nana was predeceased by several siblings.
Her strength was mesmerizing... As was her faith...
When asked how she coped ..her answer was she grieved, but understood... They were only ever "on loan."
The greatest gift one can hope for.
Don't sink,..soar ..use the unequal power that grief will give you.
Its a decision. And I'm sorry xxx
I know how you feel with that nothingness is the new reality, I loss my boyfriend 2 months ago and I feel like I am not myself again most of the time I am so depressed. He was 25 yrs old ,he died from a stroke with cause a brain aneurysm .....he was so respectful, kind ,caring ,loving , easy going and very quiet. I miss him so much...... the memories I have of him hurts but one day I will be able to comfort myself by them.
I'm 27 years old and I lost my dad today. Stay strong, we all are here for you.
I'm 25 and lost my dad 2 days ago. It was a freak accident. He was in good health. We had a rocky relationship growing up so I'd distanced myself from him growing up. We'd gotten closer recently but only really talked holidays. I just bought a new car and my last memory with him is going and showing him it. I played this song called dear today, about tomorrow telling today that it's not always going to be there and to do the things that are important now. It's crazy to think that will be our last memory together. I have a lot of pain because I feel like I'll never be able to make amends for the past but I know my dad is in a better place, far from the pain in this world. While he was dying the neighbor found him and was praying with him in his last moments he was conscious before he died. He was dead before he made it to the hospital. When I got to the hospital I didnt even know it was serious. And then I walked up to my grandma and she was crying and said he didnt make it... I'm struggling with a pain I've never felt before but it brings me much joy and peace knowing I'll see my dad again. Dont wait til it's too late to nourish the relationships you have now. It's sad it takes death to put life in a true perspective
Same. 27. Dad all out of a sudden ...
My dad passed away almost a month ago to a sudden fight with cancer he was 86 I'm 23 r.i.p Merrill.E.Kerlin dad I miss you
Same. I'm 27 and my dad passed away so suddenly a week ago. He just left for some errands and didn't return. Heart attack. It was so sudden. My last memory of him was him looking and smiling to a video he watches from the phone I bought him 3 days before the incident. I was so heartbroken. I miss him so badly.
@@ivee685 im so sorry for your loss. my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack too, 2 weeks ago today. the pain of this loss is unlike anything i have ever felt. im 22 and i dont really know how to exist without him. i just keep thinking about the future and how wrong it feels that he won't be there with me
I lost both parents almost a month ago to covid19. And it's an unbereable pain. I would give my arms and legs just to see them once again. There's an hole in my chest now...
im sorry i know how you feal, carina
i lost my dad 6 mounths ago due to covid too one moment i thought if i could hive him a lung he could breathe for me i couldn't i hated even the air around me and going to hospital icu again was a struggle but at least he's fine now he's no longer hurt and doesnt feel the pain death only hurts the living that what i believe
I'm sorry again for you father I'm going to pray for them so they can be together in. heaven again and i know somehow at the end of my life I'll meet him again
I have lost my father too due to covid just 20 days ago.. and I feel so lost and broken.. can't talk to anyone as I feel they won't understand my pain..
@@dipanwitanaskar4591 it's okay to not be strong. I understand your pain... it's hard to heal. It's a job that's never done. Grieve all that you have to grieve but remember the best way to honour our parents is to live a life that they would be proud of.
@@toaka5568 thanks...I know you understand my pain. Loosing both parents it's an unbelievable pain. But worst then loosing them was to never have loved them. They were the kindest, bravest and wise persons, the best parents who gave me an incredible childhood experience. For that I'm grateful and I know that wherever I go they are with me. They are a part of me and I'm a part of them. Still I miss them so badly...but I feel them sometimes in the breeze, in certain songs and smells. Even some birds remind me of them. They will never be dead because I will always remember them.
I am really sorry Carina . I lost my father 19 days ago. It's feel so difficult to move ahead but still looking for answer. 😣
Losing a parent is a pain that is unbearable however life finds a way. I lost my dad over a month ago and miss him everyday. Losing a loved makes you reevaluate your life and relationships. It makes you let go of things or people that don’t make you happy or serve your highest purpose. It makes you more aware of yourself and what you want out of life. It makes you stronger and makes you rethink what really matters in life.
Hope you are okay. It will come in waves. Lost my dad 2 days ago and im very scared but he is with me so i can do it.
i lost my dad when i was 35.. you were still very young.. it's the biggest tragedy of a person to lose their parents this early..
I lost my dad 16/9/20. Still fresh in my mind, we knew he had lung problems, but it still felt sudden because he was good enough to say 'see you next week or in a few days'... I kept saying ok until one week it was 'Dad where are you'. I dealt with his funeral and flat with my brother, I then used the inheritance to move. Since caring for him in 2013 and watching the slowest decline all those years. All of a sudden my busy life just stopped when we moved OCT-2021. A near-year after he died. There was nothing to by busy or worried about. And all the grief just started. I do feel like it's either PTSD or delayed grief
I lost my dad two weeks ago and it feels like I am completely alone even when I'm not. I have even been told that people are worried about my mental stability because I stay to my self and cry or am too angry. My dad was always a stranger to me in my life. A year ago I found him and we bonded so strongly. Then in October of 2021 he had a srltroke and his health declined so fast. Then he was gone. I feel lost and abandoned again. And life as it does keeps throwing hardships in such a short time I am bitter. But I'm trying so hard to just live. Hoping for the best for all who face lost and giving the most love I can.
all these life stories are touching upon the heartstrings. thank you for sharing gives hope and strength - as all your unique experiences, I lost my mum at 26 to alcoholism while driving a car out of her own character and beliefs but alcohol is a demon when used to deal with depression =with unfortunate consequences that affected her own life and mine forever as her only child ' 20years on I feel such loss but learned so much about me and who my mum was and the grief is now replaced with the depth of love for her and understanding; she will be with me always in my heart - life changes refocus on you your pace- all unique experiences- grief now turned into hope and depth of forever love that keeps me going and living for me and my kids
I noticed how we're all drawn to watching these types of videos about coping with grief & death when we lose someone...... :( :( RIP Father-in-law
Eda Nur we turn to this to know that we aren't the only ones going through it. I lost my parents recently and my brother and I are struggling to get past it (thankfully he's 18 so he's legally allowed to look after me in our parents house)
May your father-in-law rest in peace ❤️❤️❤️
My bestfrind died six years ago. Today isn't his birthday or the anniversary of his death, it's just a random Friday where I miss him so much it feels like my heart can't take the pain. I watch these videos to remind myself that no amount of time will stop this pain and that's normal.
@@whalienabi thank you 🌹🌹 wow I had written this comment back in February 2017
@@alexrogers7951 I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you guys are doing better now. I appreciate the support too.
Losing parents means losing the most important part of our life! The pain is unbearable 😔🥺😓
unless u never had good parents to begin with.. grief is the price we pay for love, so be thankful you at least had loving parents to begin with. they arent that common unfortunately
I lost my dad to an accident two weeks ago. I don’t think I’ll ever get over this lost. It hurts so much. No words or comfort can ever take the pain away.
I understand your pain. I lost my Dad 2 days ago and I feel so lost. Miss him so much already. Its horrible.
18 months ago I suddenly lost my wife. I can't agree more that we are all stronger than we think. Before the loss I was one of those people who didn't think I would be able to go on if that happened to me...but it did, and I did. You put on the brave face, you drag yourself out of bed and you find a way to keep on living. You honor their memory by living a life that would make them proud. We are all capable of strength we never thought possible. I'm finding my way.
Sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 3/12 to COVID. I hope it gets a little easier. This is so hard.
thank you for these words, honor their memory by living a life that would make them proud
Bless you
@@phyllisfranco3451 lost My Fiance of almost 6years with him 💔 so suddenly to covid 19 as well on 8/3/21
My dad was murdered a month ago... i still feel so numb. I want to hug him, talk to him or simply stare into his eyes... i miss him so much
I'm so sorry. I lost my dad to suicide last month :(
Rickey Easter i’m so sorry, i’m sure the pain you’re feeling right now is unbelievable. You’ll get through this, you’re strong, that’s what your dad would’ve wanted! I send you all the best wishes and strength💕
@@timeforpm1859 thank you! Definitely getting easier every few days or so
So sorry, Elena. Do you have support?
@@judithcohen2073 my mom has been a big support thankfully, still very hard to get by one day without a tear shed but getting there... thank you
I lost my mom 4 days ago, i'm 20 yo and my mom was 40yo.....it was so sudden, she talked to my grandparents the day before she died... And i'm still in shock, i came rushing from my uni dorm and our home feels really foreign to me without her... 😢 The pain is really unbearable, and i believe in God, so i believe she's in a better place rn waiting for us to be all a family again in heaven 😢🙏🏻❤️
I'm so sorry.. sending love your way
@@stlowcl are you okay now? I lost my mom 1 month ago 😥😥, I'm 35 yo and my Mom 55
@@shemoraqueen I'm so sorry for your loss! how do you feel?
for me it's better now but I don't know if I will ever feel normal again
my mom was my best friend we were extremely close and when she died my whole world changed
people who I've talked to said that it takes about 1 year for your life to normalize again
I hope that's true tho
@jake mueller I'm incredibly sorry for your loss.
I know how bad it hurts.
You will get through this I promise.
Your mom would want you to keep going too.
When my mom died, my grandma stopped eating too and she needed to go the hospital and this made everything worse for her so please consider eating some more because your body needs it and you will feel a little better.
For me it's been 8 months without my mom now and I can tell you it's getting better.
I still miss her everyday but it doesn't feel like someone has ripped my heart apart anymore.
Other than that I can just tell you that you have to keep fighting because your mom would want you to.
That's what kept me going.
@jake mueller And you need to talk about it and feel everything. Don't try to keep it inside. That's really important for healing.
At your stage (after three weeks) it's only important that you try to do things that make you feel good.
Watch something you like, take a hot bath every now and then.
Make yourself hot chocolate, go for a walk.
Things like that.
And when you feel like you want to cry just cry.
Be kind to yourself. It takes a lot of time to get through this.
I'm sending you lots of love and wishing you the best
My favorite part, "The bad things that happen in life don't define you. You define you.". I needed that. I lost my 23 year old son very unexpectedly to suicide 9 weeks ago. I have been struggling to find my "new normal" and I know it's a long journey ahead yet.
I'm also struggling after losing my brother to suicide in March of this year...I knew something was terribly wrong I felt it and I prayed and i never pray but I didn't know what I was praying about I thought it was for my father who passed away on Jan of this year...but it was really my beautiful my brother...I hope misery doesn't define me either but that's all I feel right now
I lost my bipolar ex-partner and close friend to suicide 11 days ago. He was 37 years old. It came out of nowhere. It broke my heart.
Hope you're doing better nowadays. All of you.
I just want to see my mother again - for just 3 minutes.
me too. i’d do pretty much anything to see my mom again
I lost my mother tonight and I don't know how to feel and where my life will go from here 💔
I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine how you feel right now. I pray that you find the courage to Go through your emotions instead of over your emotions. Keep your head up darling..God is watching over you.
So sorry Isabella for your deep and sad loss. Angel hugs xx
I'm very sorry to hear about your Mom.....May the Lord bless her and all of you...
How are you today? R.I.P
Isabella Veras sending love today ❤️❤️❤️
The love and compassion in the comment section is truly a blessing. No judgements or critics, just supportive loving words to one another.
My daughter, only 14 y.o., died five months ago. It shattered me, it feels like I was amputated the day she died, the pain was and still is truly physical. Now, after these still short months, I begin to feel a little of what Marieke is talking about: I am still here. My daughter died, but I am still here. And moreover I have a son who depends on me. I have cried and cried and cried. I felt utterly desperate, deserted, desolate, literally broken hearted. But gradually I find that I still have a will to live. My sweet girl will allways be in my heart and mind, but she will not come back. Going on with my life felt like betraying her somehow, it didn’t seem an option, it didn’t feel right. But it no longer feels that way. I can honor her remembrance, talk about her loveliness, her life and death, only when I truly keep on living a full life. All important to me is that I allow myself to grief, really go through my loss, live through the many emotions that sometimes overwhelm me. Not only the sadness but also the loneliness and desperation, the anxiety and doubts about the future. And that was and still is hard for me but it is the only way and slowly it is becoming less. If you are in the same situation as me then trust that your resilience is strong enough to eventually pull you through. Give it time and go down that difficult road one step at a time. That is what I say to myself and that is what I would like to say to you. It is a lonely road but you are not the only one going it. Stay strong!
bless you i hope you are getting on better now. she will always be with you as she was a part of you and you were a part of her
Your emotions are exactly what I am feeling, it 5 weeks since my younger bother passed away and I am experiencing exactly what you have described. The pain is real, the guilt and sorry is so heavy.
@@Feminazi1dc yes, it does thankfully and thank you for your sympathy and kind words.
@@johnhand3194 i am so sorry for your loss. I hope my words can help you a little to find your way in these difficult times. Stay strong and trust your own feelings and emotions, they are real and they are your guide. Bless you.
hopefully you are surrounded by people who love you and support you.
I lost my mom in a bike accident last month... struggling with life... don't have words to express pain.
It's hurting
Lost my bestfriend in a bike accident last oct I feel that pain
I'm so sorry!! Try to get as much sleep as possible. Who knows? She might speak to you at some point, in your dream.
I am 21 and my father passed away in the beginning of January 2020. Growing up with a single parent, he was my best friend and my only family. After spending time away from everything to reflect on my own life, I found this video. When she said she was a lot stronger than she thought, it hit home for me. I didn't know how I survived through that period but when she said she was resilient I felt that. When talked about blaming herself and why bad things had to happen to her, I couldn't believe how this person was speaking my mind. I am her. This is helping me through such a very hard time in my life. I am trying to reset my life, and make it my own, just as she did. That gives me hope. It seems like she turned out so beautiful inside and outside despite the pain and not letting that bring her down to achieve the best in her life :)
I lost my dad in January 2020, buried him on new years day.. My mom was in a head on collision when I was 10 months old and he had to raise me all by himself and all while had lost the love of his life. Where its Fathers Day I've been thinking of him so much I miss him more than anything in this world.. I turn 21 in July
I lost my mom a week ago, she was 60 and I am 26. It feels like a constant heavy anxiety and sadness in my chest, and it is hard to accomplish anything at the moment.
Be Strong sweetheart, you don't need to accomplish anything, you need to rest, and try to find something that gives you peace. If that is all you can do right now then that is enough. Anything and anyone can wait, look after yourself, be compassionate with yourself. With Love ❤
I lost my mom 2 months ago, I'm 33 she was 62. Mornings hurt the most. I love her so much and miss her.
@@andrewbriggs5248 I know the feeling.. I still feel that but it does feel a little lighter, and not as often. i think with time i began to feel that she is actually with me, and i always imagine her guiding me now. i hope you begin to feel that too soon, it is a lot more comforting than the initial stage of "shes gone forever" she will always be with you. ❤
@@jupiterstrawberry she will always be with me, thanks that made me smile. Yesterday was tough cause I was born in October and autumn was her favorite season. Also she was such a stand up woman, she was 18 when she had to give up a child to adoption because she knew she couldn't raise the child the way a child needs to be. He was born October 2 1979 .That child went to a married couple in 1979 that couldn't conceive. My mom was special. 9 years later she had me. October 14 1988, she always said God works in funny ways.
all you have to accomplish is getting through the next day. nobody can be expected to perform a miracle after a week! The inspiration will come flowing back with time time time. Time makes all wounds more tolerable so we can see more clearly moving ahead
this is what i realized after my dad-- who was one of my best friends and the best goddamn people i knew-- passed two weeks ago after suffering for years: life is not fair, and it's not fair how much some people have to suffer while others never even get a taste of that. i wouldn't wish anything dead upon anybody, i just don't see how can life torment some so much, often times the best people, and i honestly wouldn't mind if i died today or tomorrow because i don't want to live in this twisted reality with zero justice.
Even though my mom passed she's still present in me, and I am more than greatful for such a wonderful caring mother.
❤
My dad died 4 days ago due to cardiac arrest and I dont know how to live anymore
pokemongirl89 my father passed away almost at the same time as yours... and also due to cardiac arrest..
I lost my mum 4 years ago to the same thing. Nothing is harder than what you're going through and it will always hurt in some way. Time will heal the pain as best it can but you are forever changes, this doesn't have to mean negatively changed though. The trick is to focus on the happiest times, imagine the things they would do in different situations and remember how unique and loveable they were. That can never be taken away. It's your memories that can never be taken away, and your dad will live on in your memories.
Like my dad, he passed away due to diabetes on 26/5/2017. Sometimes i missed him so much that i thought i should had gone with him. But I need to be here with my mom. You too, think of your mom.
pokemongirl89 My father died in a cardiac arrest as well a little more than a year ago. The first weeks are vague and intense at the same time. The next few months you'll learn (Just like this girl says) that the relations that you have and the social structures around you aren't always healthy. You'll literally be thrown in the deep. And It is going to feel like you are on your own. But you're not. Try to talk to as many people as you like, even if you don't feel like It. Even though It feels like it is not helping you in any way at that moment, on the long term, it will. I believe you can find your own path in the future and never give up hope about that, but the coming months are going to be tough. But time and self acceptance are going to heal you. After a year without my dad, and my mother having serious mental problems because of his death, things are slowly becoming better these last couple of months for me and I hope this maybe helps you in some way, eventhough I understand that, at this moment, nothing can soothe the pain of the loss of your father.
Kris van Geel my dad also died of cardiac arrest about a year ago. it was during a risky heart surgery on 3/26/17. the day before my birthday. i’m still not sure who i am without him or what i’m supposed to do with all this pain. all we can really do is try to keep moving & honor their love for us to the best of our abilities... i hope our fathers would be proud of us
Lost my mom at age 12, unexpectedly 6 years ago and now I'm a senior in high school living life. Still hurts, I cry a lot and know that my mom is in heaven. Thank you for your message and sorry for your loss.
Jazzmyn Jorgenson I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sending you virtual hugs and love❤❤❤❤❤. I know the pain
Jazzmyn Jorgenson i lost my mom at age 12 as well a month before i turned 13i am 14 now. Freshman in high school stressed beyond belief . i cry a lot too. She passed out of no where.
chloe I am so sorry to hear that you lost your Mum so young. All I can say is please believe she is around you, even though you can't see her. Keep talking to her. She is there watching over you, I'm sure and her love for you will always be there . She would want you to be the best person you can be. Do that to honour her, as far as you can.xx
Jazzmyn, you were very loved, you always will be.
I am 20 and my mom has just passed away. Didn't even have time to say goodbye :(
i feel your pain i just lost my nana 2days ago who bought me up from a very young age i feel i just lost my mother also :(
I'm in tears right now. I know how it feels. I wish I could hug you both
Same. I lost my mother to suicide two months ago few days before my 20th birthday.
my children lost their father suddenly and unexpectedly 8 days ago. it's still incomprehensibly surreal and heartbreaking for them. I was estranged from their father so my job is to support them through this, maybe for years. I am so sad for young people who lose a parent. my heart goes out to you.
She is with you forever. Love never dies.
I lost my dad on December 5th 2020, It’s so hard to live this life without him
Her ending remarks are very powerful. My parents died a long time ago and I am still here. I know they would want me to move forward and find my place.
Thats great thinking(!!!) having positive views on a tragedy rather than being denial, angry because of death. Although if you feel hurt its okay to cry or scream in a pillow by yourself, letting the emotions not stucking in you but embrace them. I lost my mom today, the pain will never go away i assume.
I am 51 and I found my dad dead one morning. He was my only family. It’s been nine months, and it’s still hard to cope, especially with the pandemic happening now.
Luke Bryan Thank you, I am.
@Lany Lany I am so sorry. I know how hard it is.
@@dawnlovescouture2644 I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
I lost my mum who was 43 at 20 and that made my life hard for a long while so when my dad died at 88 I decided that this time I would LIVE but then my sister died 12 months later at 55 and I feel that life is so hard , 10 months today and this is the third day that the tears are constantly rolling down my face and I am scared again. Scared life will be too empty, life will be pointless-who can I share it with and guilt and regret of the times she asked me to stay over one more day and I didn't. This video helps a little.
Lost my mom 4 months ago in a road accident while I was coming back with her. I loved her immensely and it is so disturbing for me because I can't talk to her.
You can talk to her. My daughter was killed by her fiance on June 8th this year. I talk to her sometimes. Who knows if they can hear us?
I lost my mum too in the same way (road accident that I was also in) 2 weeks ago. I'm still struggling to believe that she's really gone as it was so sudden. I feel like I'm living in the wrong reality and I just want to get back to the right one where I can be with her again.
Watching this and crying. I lost my mom due to Covid-19 on June 1, 2021. I have no idea how to cope. We weren't best friends at all, but the idea of now seeing her ever again, not talking to her, a chance to call her to know that she's alive and more or less well is no longer there is ruining me. The wound is so fresh & I still can't understand how is this real. I still have covid myself & she probably got it from me. Just a couple of days after knowing that she has covid, she told her mother: "Mom, I'm dying. I'm going to die." Then the fever started. Then the ambulance. The hospital. The funeral is tomorrow, the casket will be closed bc of Covid, and I can't even go there. I'm 26 & I don't know how to cope with this. I just don't know. As a start, I wish I could stop crying and thinking about her life and her last days. About all the events that led to this & wondering "what if?". "Everybody is going to lose their parents one day." Well, I did lose my mom, she was only 45. But HER mom, my grandma, lost her kid. This should never happen. This is awful. I hate it. And it hurts.
I'm so sorry. I'm 75 and my 48 year old daughter was killed on June 8th. Losing a child is so hard! Be a comfort to your grandmother. As you comfort her, you will find comfort for yourself. Ask her what you can do to help. Maybe go to the store for her or vacuum and dust. Grief has caused me to be exhausted. Helping with the housework will be such a gift to your grandma and it will help you too. ♥️
I’m here as I lost my partner to cancer 1 week ago. It all happened very quickly and took him away from all of us within 24 hours. He’s the love of my life and will always love him.
I'm so sorry I know how it feels to be lonely without the person you loved, we've all lost our love ones in death one way or the other, either a spouse, child, family members, or a true friend that meant the world to us, such is life I understand how you feel but life goes on because death is inevitable and we'll all have to face it someday, I lost my wife 3yrs ago to a cardiovascular disease, I felt deeply devastated with grief, but that's the past now, time is indeed the best healer.
I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind! it'd be nice if you just say hi, here is my number +17866678266 or rather you can send me your gmail address so I could reach out on you.
I legit lost everyone who was or became close to me. It didn’t break me though. I have no choice but to remain strong and stay humble now. At times it’s hard but sometimes it’s easier to just pretend to be over it😢
I lost my mom 6 months ago suddenly at 53.. My heart is so heavy.. it’s an unbearable pain. Her heart gave out, and I feel mine will too dealing with this grief
I'm so sorry for you. 53 is not old at all. My 48 year old daughter was killed by her fiance. She died June 8th 2022. Her life was very full and she had hundreds of friends. Now that the memorial party is over, only I am left to miss her every day.
I was eighteen when my Mom died . Even now fifty years later, despite a happy marriage and loving children the void is still there. For some, Time changes nothing Death changes everything.
@Vanilla Ski yes fortunate so far as children are concerned yet unfortunate to have lost a younger brother as well as wife in the past three years.
I lost both of my parents to a horrible car accident. It changed me. That was 26 years ago but I have never been the same in some instances.
I lost my little girl 3 days ago to a sudden widowmaker, she complained of heartburn and we believed that that's all it was. The guilt of not insisting that she go get checked out is destroying my son-in-law, my granddaughter and myself! The grief is unbearable. How do you live in a world that no longer has the sunshine of your life?
It's very hard, very.
With the sunshine gone, there's going to be periods of strong winds, loud thunder, torrential rain and heavy lightning. Those emotional storms do pass though, only to bring cloudy days in my case. I'm waiting for the sunny days again, will they ever arrive? So sorry for the loss of your little girl.
Space Cadet beautiful response.
Condolences.
R. I. P.😥
when my mother passed and my father 20 years ago I felt abandoned. Then a young lady told me both of them live on in you. Most loving comment I recieved from anybody.
Of course they do! They are the very best of who you are. Shine on!
I just lost my father on April 10th, very sudden. I'm also 6 months pregnant with my first and just got engaged, my father was really happy and excited to be apart of those events.
None of us get to stay, & our ppl are with us, watch for the signs, they are there.
i really like the phrasing of "[they may have died], but i didn't. i'm still here." i'll try to remember that
I lost my dad 2 weeks ago the day after Thanksgiving suddenly and the love of my life 2 years prior to suicide. It's the worst pain ever . Learning to live without the 2 people that made life worth living
I lost my mum today unexpectedly and your words, trust me, helped a lot.
It looks like everyone who posted here was looking for comfort from their loss. I lost my dad last month. I hope you're doing okay these days
Marieke, this is so powerful. I clung to every word you spoke and you convey unspeakable strength, resilience and wisdom. I lost my mother last year and my father abandoned me when I was 4. I expected my mother's death to bring the few relatives I have closer together, but instead I was left on my own to deal with lawyers, paperwork - everything you mentioned. I didn't think I would make it, and I still miss my mother every day, but I'm still here, as are you. Thank you for sharing this; it meant a lot.
Thank you
4artemis4 you’re not alone
yes, i lost my mum tragic at 25 and had no other family apart from dependants who needed me not anyone to help me with the no wills lawyers practical and emotional stiff alone as my father is and is a narcissist who realise his damage to me so denied the time to grieve. but like you did it alone and come out 20 years down the line realization how strong one can be though so alone as feel are a limited edition of people that are so strong through adversity, care, and positive sending your way. your story has helped too
@@sharonvanee711 I am sorry you experienced that. Thank you for your comment. Hope you are staying safe and surrounded by good people (even if you don't share any DNA with them).
I as 9 when my mom died from Breast Cancer. That was five years ago today and i'm still grieving.
Love is pain
Love and hugs sent your way ❤
Great job talking about such an emotional topic. Sudden loss sums up my last year. I lost my mother to cancer. It was expected but it felt sudden. My wife died suddenly, on the very young side, from a fluke condition that was never thought to be life-threatening. I lost my lucrative business on account of legislation that hit 1 of 50 States. (the one State is the one I live in) Logically, my sense of predetermined failure is just in my head but it sure feels real. Grief over sudden loss is a monster to deal with and I don't wish it on my worst enemy. Good luck and health to all.
Thank you very much James. My condoleances… I hope your wife and your mother both live on in your memories. There is no such thing as predetermined failure, there is always light after dark. Wishing you the best.
Thank you for your kind thoughts, Marieke. Best of luck to you.
My condoloeances James...Wish you the best!
When you go this low in life, any act of kindness is helpful. Thank you!!
My Brother lost his wife yesterday to the COVID she was 32 years old , now my brother has to rise their 4 children alone, the youngest one is 2 months. I live in another country and I can’t be with my brother during his saddest day. I am feeling useless sad angry. She was a lovely person and always asked me how I am doing 💔 I don’t know how my brother gonna live on with this lost. God give me strength to get up. The pain is unbearable
I lost my grandmother to
Covid. She was the only person I had that was always there no matter what. I was in foster care and was flew to other states and she flew to see me just so I can come home when nobody else would … I miss her so deeply I don’t know what to do. I’m 20 and feel like my world is crashing. Idk honestly I miss her so so much
I'm so sorry. I lost my mom 2 weeks ago to cancer. I'm 23 and feel the same as you do.. I'm sending you love and strength. It will always hurt but you will get through this!
I lost my mom back in April, and I feel like this is something I needed to hear. Sometimes, when it's still dark out, and I'm having my morning coffee, I still expect her to be sitting at the table annoyingly trying to talk to me before I've had my coffee. But instead, there's silence. There's nothing I wouldn't give to have that feeling of annoyance again. I'm 45 years old, and thinking about my mom being gone always brings me to the edge of tears. Now... I'm supposed to be the responsible one in the family. And I really don't know what I am supposed to do. I'm just winging it. I try to pull through everything I can. Whether that's managing the household budget, or just managing the paperwork required for her estate. It can be overpowering at times, but I know I'll pull through this. I HAVE to pull through this. The rest of our family is depending on me to get this all settled and done.
I have left the earth
But I am still about,
I kiss your cheek at night,
When your light is out.
I am the wind,
That blows in your hair,
I am spirit now,
I am near.
I sit on your shoulder,
I see all that you do,
My body is gone,
Still my love is with you.
When times are tough,
I hold your hand,
You are never alone,
Together we stand.
If you are in trouble,
I shall help you out,
I am your instinct
When you doubt.
I am the angel
Assigned to you,
You will never be alone,
For I am next to you.
Just lost someone I love to covid. 35 years old. My heart is so heavy.
I lost my future husband two days ago and I feel like barely breathe even Iam wake and Iam 35 too...Iam sorry for your lost.
This makes me want to be a better person
Love you mom, you were the best person I met in this world.
Sudden loss is tremendously hard. Thanks so much for sharing ur story as it helps us all heal learning from the pain and triumphs u have endured and accomplished.
I lost my lovely six year old niece in a road accident last Friday, 2nd December, 2022. She was a lively kid brimming with innocence and energy. She loved learning and was on her way to school when the incident happened. She was gone in a second as the injury occurred to her head. I still can't process the fact that I won't be able to see or talk or play with her again. She was born when I was only 18 years old and she was the first born of the next generation in our family. I had a special connection with her and was like a mixture of daughter-sister-friend for me. The void her passing has left is huge. I used to be grateful for the life I was having but now life appears so difficult and painful.
be there for her mother/parental figure, thats the most u can do. they are definitely going through it
I lost my Uncle on new years day this year and I'm struggling to cope. I hate the saying "it's like a roller coaster" but that's exactly what it feels like
I lost my dad 6 days ago. Right before christmas. I am completely broken
Rachel Bunny Rachel I'm so sorry! I Want to send you so much love❤❤❤know that you're not alone
Did you end up pulling through okay?
Sudden death adds an extra component to loss. You can never really prepare for death, but it just catches you completely flat-footed with no warning. In that sense, it makes it so much harder.
It is looking like I am going to lose my best friend, and housemate, to a stroke. He had surgery two days ago, and has yet to awaken. The prognosis from the doctors is not good. He is the only person, and the only family, I have. As crippled as I am with social anxiety, I would love to reach out and be social with people right now... but the pandemic has made that impossible, and being so socially isolated is making it all the worse and heavier. He is like a second dad to me (and this has made me realize I have not yet, ten years later, fully processed my own father's sudden death), and I am just beside myself, overwhelmed, not feeling I can possibly get through this. Losing him is losing everything. I am losing my dad again.
I hope, somehow, I can find this same strength within me. I hope I can not only survive the loss, should it happen, but find a way to grow and thrive in its wake. I am so grateful to every person who shares their story like this. There is always someone, many someones, who need to hear it.
I also lost both my parents at a young age. It's the worst feeling in the world..
Thank you so much. Your speech inspired me. I lost my husband 3 months ago to cardiac arrest. Our 12 year marriage came to a devastating end leaving me hopeless. I buried my grief deep in my heart to stay strong for our 10 year old son.
Life is just a test
Death is the beginning.
Life is just a Dream
Death is the reality.
My grandma passed away unexpectedly I'm greiving so much . U don't know how much u love them until it's too late...
Right..my great grandma passed a few hours before I was supposed to see her. Had to hold her cold hands. There’s no words for that. I hope you’re okay.
@@audriiiiroberts3030 such is life we've all lost our loved ones in death, but life goes on, I lost my partner 3yrs ago, I understand how you feel, I'd love to talk to you more if you don't mind, it'd be nice if you just say hi here is my number +1206-237-2054 😇
Lost my biological dad at 7, my grandma on my biological mom's side at 8, my adoptive mom at 19, my grandma on my biological dad's side 3 months later, and then my adoptive dad at 20. I'm really trying. I am, but it's so hard not to feel pushed down into a hole.
That is a great deal of loss for a young person. I highly recommend counseling if you have not already done so.
I lost my dad last month due to a sudden cardiac arrest. I can barely believe it because it was so unexpected. It hurts a lot. My father was healthy and full of life. We spent his last day on Earth together. Nothing and no one could prepare me for the shock I experienced when I saw him unconscious in his favourite sofa. Rest in peace Dad 🌸💓
Very similar thing happened my dad passed away from heart attack while on vacation in the Bahamas. He was healthy and full of life and no one knew not even him that something was wrong with his heart. It’s such a shock when it happened so suddenly .
I’m so sorry for everyone’s loss on this video today I lost my best friend my brother my cousin and just know none of you are alone in any of this my prayers for us all…peace and love
grandma died today, she’s my absolute world. My best friend. I never got the nurture from my own parents or anyone else that I from her. she died suddenly due to COPD/emphysema, I haven’t stopped crying all day, plu lastnight as I knew she had 24 hours to live..
She’s so courageous
I’m impressed with her on being so young and having such a tough loss and yet being so resilient
I at 59 lost my dad to heart disease and he was such a wonderful father and at the same time I was going through a tough divorce after 24 years together
I lost everything and ended up on my moms couch for 4 years
Just when I was getting my life back together I was diagnosed with 4th stage cancer
The whole experience I went through the last few years has made me stronger and definitely more empathetic towards other people
Life can be tough and she is definitely one strong woman
God bless her
I just lost my dad today. Im 22 he was 65. Anyone going through this i know its tough. Much love and i pray for God’s blessings to the families going through this. Please take care everyone and try to love everyone as much as possible
I lost my dad in February and every day I cry. It comes in waves. When it does I honor my grief and place my hand on my heart and repeat “Peace be with me” I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of love, hugs and comfort ❤️✨
@Evelina Svensson I’m so sorry for your loss. Your Daddy is with you always ✨ sending you lots of love and big hugs ❤️
I lost my dad on Tuesday. He was 72...I am 25. My mom happened to be in the hospital while he passed. I ended up telling her the news over the phone. I thought she was alone but a nurse that knew my family was with her. I'm supposed to start my college classes on the 23rd. He was so excited for me to start on my Junior level...To be honest I have been waiting on the call this whole year. I just wish it wasn't right before school💔🥺 I'm the only one out of my family with an Associate Degree. I'm just sad he won't be there physically to see me get my Bachelors.😥😥😥
thank yu . my baby died when she was 12 days old . and its not been easy dealing with it .i am also writing down on how to copy with it. may GOD comfort me and my husband
3 hours has passed and i am waiting here for my plane home to my family... rip mom i love you so much
My hearty condolences to Marieke Poelmann. I want you to know that I am very Proud of you and the way you defined yourself. I am a Parent of two Beautiful Daughters who are exactly like you. ...courageous and bold to choose what is good for them. Pl let me know if I can do anything for you. your Parents have not gone anywhere..they are still there and as long as you believe and accept the God's will, they will be around you. Although I do not know you but if you ever need Fatherly advice or direction, Pl don't be bashful.
What if she doesn't believe in god? Which god? There are over 3000 made up by man. Jesus, Allah? Scientology? Catholic?
The biggest human weakness is religion "Albert Einstein"
@@CedarRoofsOnly Religion was created by man. I follow Christ because he wants a relationship with you not religion. For me I can relate to everything in Christ. Either way I hope you find peace.
I lost my grandma a few days ago and not a minute goes by where she isn’t in my thoughts I miss her so much
How are u now?
@@CuntyPrincess I’m doing better thank you for asking (‘:
Same here:')
My brother left earth unexpectedly. I miss everything about him. I feel empty
Lost my dad at 49 a month back. It was a sudden massive heart attack. I am 20 years old. I can't get over it. I miss you so much Papa 😭
So sorry for you, my boys are in your same position , losing their daddy and big brother last year, my heart go's out to you and my boys, best of luck navigating your way through this grief. One thing I heard that helped was that your pain is the love you have inside of you coming out. 7 months on for you and you might feel that your life is continually changing. Your grief changes in strange ways. My now eldest boy (16 ) said to me yesterday ' something amazing is going to come our way after so much pain' . He is always right in what he says so I need to trust this, please take this and let it give you hope. Best Wishes Azu ❤
I am 20 my brother is 18 our dad died 2 days ago. I don't know what to do now. I didn't realize how happy we were, I always wanted more.
I’m 20 and my little sister is 14. We lost papa 2 months ago. I too, didn’t realise how happy we were .. until life turned around.
I feel for you and your brother:( may our fathers rest in peace.
I am 20 too. Lost my papa a month back 😭 what wouldnt I do to go back in time when things were normal. I have a 15 years old brother.
We'll be letting go of my mom next week due to her lungs being severely affected by COVID. All I've been thinking about is how I could've been better and all the things I wish I did with her before everything all happened.
Same happened to me
Same thing happened to me...... love and prayers to all
I understand completely.
I lost my sister 2 weeks ago to Covid.
I'd do almost anything to have more time with her.
The grief is so strong it physically hurts 💔
I lost my great grandma on 12/21/17, the Winter Solstice. She was the kindest lady I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. We used to play Scrabble all the time together, making up words and laughing. Now I’ll never get to do that again. I love her so much, and I’m trying to cope with her loss right now. I never even got to say goodbye. She lived a good life, did many great things. I just wish I could’ve heard all her stories before she passed. Love you forever GG ❤️
Marieke Poelmann, thank you so much for being such a wonderful human being. Yes, you are bold, strong and I am so grateful to you for this inspiring speech. I lost my father last month and these are difficult times for me. While many people around me have been asking to 'let it go', your words make me most comfortable and at peace. My father was my best friend and whose morning wish and smile made my day. To realize that I won't be able to hear his voice or see his wonderful smile or get a cuddly hug from him is the most heart wrenching feeling. But after listening to your speech, I understand that it is just normal to feel the way I do right now, and I am taking inspiration from you to move forward in life. Once again, thanks a lot.
Lost my big sister 5 yrs ago and my father 8months ago. the pain doesn't go away but you learn to live you're life again one day at a time.
Losing my dog was worse than losing any human. I am lost. A big hole in my life and my chest full of tears. For 12 years we were 24/7 and it was just him and me. The sorrow is overwhelming.
You are living your true calling right now. I am going through loosing my dad soon from an eight year battle with Alzheimer. I am worried about watching him suffer. I am sorry to hear what you went through. Your words helped me more than you could ever imagine. Thank you!
Lost my mum but am far more older than you and already made it half of my life but imagine 22 same age as my sons so i think you are dashing brave girl and thanks you made it .i really admire your courage..
I am 32 years old and lost both of my parents due to covid19 two weeks ago. I am still sending messages to my mother that I know she will never be able to reply.
I'm so sorry.. sending you love
♥️🙏
I also lost both of my parents quite suddenly because of gas explosion in our home 2 months ago. And while grieving, I keep searching for relatable articles and videos, to make me feel like I'm not all alone. Thank you for sharing your story and giving me strength through it.
I lost my mother a month ago and I am 22. You resonate so much with the fastforwarding to adulthood responsibilities.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you love ♥
I just buried my dad yesterday jun 1 that’s why I’m here for help I can’t even function need help
Sorry for your loss... It’s so hard.
Trusting that you found some help and that each day you are a bit better..
Sending prayers
This is so very powerful. On the day I lost my father to skin cancer I found out I was pregnant. The pain never goes away and I wish he never left. Things are not the same between siblings and I now. Things are more broken than before. But we have to do what we want to do. I don’t wish this pain on anyone. But we keep moving.
You helped me unpack my behavior after my dad was murdered. That box was my life from 8 yrs old to now 41. Specifically “If everything I knew is broken. I may as well do what I want.“ Thank you so much.
I lost my mum 2 weeks ago. It was a shock and is still going on. So many things and stories will be unsaid. But i hope that her energy will be thriving in a beautiful place. I will dedicate my work to her and will make her life story into art. These thoughts help me to cope with the fact that she is gone and somehow I know that I will feel her by doing this.
"You can rehearse the safety instructions over and over, and yet things can still turn out very differently." I love that quote so very much. I also had mission statements, written goals, lofty plans and a very clear vision for where I was going in life. And then on April 18, 2016, my much-loved husband put a bullet in his brain. Now, I just try to survive the hours.
Rose Ringer so sorry for your loss! Hang in there! You will learn to live with the pain.
I lost my Grandpa who I was super close with last year before his birthday and before Christmas and now before the holidays THIS year, my father is dying. Ive been feeling very broken and just started going to a grief support group that is helping me deal with both. I also just decided to see if there was anything on RUclips about grief and stumbled upon this talk. This was a very powerful and inspiring talk. Thank you so much ♥
My mom died on March 21st. She was sick most of her life but the last 6 months were the worst. She had pneumonia that turned into heart failure. I knew she was dying and we brought her home on hospice care because I wanted to take care of her. I wrote out a whole paper of things I wanted to say. My mom went into coma and I read the letter to her anyways and at the end of the letter, I said that she could let go... and she did about 30 seconds later. I have no regrets and I didn't even have a lot of sadness. I hate to say it was relief but it was... because we knew she wanted to die because she was suffering so much. Now hear I am over a month later and I'm finding it harder to cope now. My mom was treated VERY badly in rehab centers and hospitals she was in when she was dying - before she came home - and I just find myself thinking of her being treated that way and thats the part that absolutely kills me everyday. She didnt deserve to be treated like that... nobody does. Just thinking of that alone just makes me sick.
How are you doing now…. Daily?
I am so sorry to hear all of this. I went through something similar , my grandpa passed today. He was my best friend. Try and focus on all the positive things. They don’t want you to be sad. They want you to be happy and remember the joy that they brought us. No doctor or nurse will ever care for a loved one as much as we will. And our loved ones know that. They know through all the horrible hospitals and people there they have us. and that is all that matters.
Melissa2087 I know, it's insidious how soooo many things can haunt and even torture you that remind you of how it was for the loved one, the memories, what we could've would've done, the Anger over how it could've been; but life is sometimes like that: brutal...we pick up the pieces of our lives, try to make sense of senselessness...which inspires poets, writers, in my case musician/composers. Keep their spirits alive in your heart always, but they are always within us
I am so sorry your poor mum had to go through this being so defenseless and vulnerable. You got her home from those horrid places and saved her from suffering there. YOU cared for her and showed her love at home until the moment she passed, you my love are stronger than you think because very few people would bring their dieing relative home through their selfishness...
You put your mum first God bless you, forget about the horrible places she was in and concentrate on how happy and loved you made her feel at home!
The consciousness lives on in after life
The sudden death of both my brothers (young people ready to start life) was devastating considering they passed away in a foreign land.
I am 60 and it hurts no matter matter what age death takes a loved one orw ones from us bless you angel
I lost my mom about six months ago. Some days are ok but today I’m really struggling. Thank you for sharing
It's tough knowing u depressed and feel could've been more present or a better daughter
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us! Your words are very powerful! You spoke right into my heart!
My Mama gained her wings 11/15/20 and was laid to rest in 11/23/20. Life is so different and I know I have so much life to live! I miss her, but things will get better. ❤️
Sending you love and light ❤️
@@HN-kk7vy Thank you! I’m back here again after having an especially hard day. I see your comment and it lets me know there’s still good in the world! Thank you for your kind words! I’ve made it 9 months!
I lost my brother to an overdose just two weeks ago. He was my last family. He had a huge and loving heart and a was an enormous presence. I am devastated. I'm watching these videos to see how other people could possibly cope with such sad circumstances.
S Schroeder I lost my brother March 5th this year. I am sorry that you are experiencing this. My brother was 44 when he passed. He took a nap and transitioned. We found him maybe a few hours later. The first couple of days I was extremely angry. And I’ve been sad ever since always on the verge of tears. We miss him terribly but I believe he’s always around. Give yourself the grace of patience during this time.
Being raised by my father for 21 years before he died was one of his greatest achievements maybe. Before he's sudden loss, he always told me not to expect him in my graduation day in college. For me ,it was just one of my Dad's joke but I know he wasn't kidding with this statement of his. I know in myself that I am not ready for this turn of events and I tried to deny it within myself several times. But what can I do, I can't control someone's death. I can't pray and wish from God to add another months for my Dad to witness and accompany me in our supposed goal. It greatly affect me until now but you're right. The rush of responsibilities is in there even though I am not aware what awaits me.
We are never prepared even though we think we are we are at the mercy on the time the tragedy 💔
Lost my dad to lung cancer 4 months ago. I'm lost and have depression. I have my job which is the only thing that is normal anymore. I can't believe he is gone...it's surreal and frightening.