Gay vs Ace - Coming out experience | Slice of Ace
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- Опубликовано: 8 окт 2020
- As you may or may not know, I identify as homoromantic asexual, or gay ace for short. So when I come out to someone, I am able to pick and choose what parts of my identity to disclose. And uhhh... I wanted to talk about my experience of coming out as asexual and gay.
Slice of Ace Twitter: / sliceoface
Music: Calm Jazz by AndyJazz on AudioJungle
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Yeah, that spider owns that couch now.
Whenever I mention I’m ace, I get so many questions & comments that are often really invalidating (even if the person doesn’t mean it) which just makes me feel really terrible 😕. Whereas casually mentioning I’m gay usually goes over really easily. But then it feels like I haven’t fully come out and that I have to hide a bit of myself which also makes me slightly sad
Same! I'm sorry we have to go through this :/
Alexis Osburn me too :/ but at least we have some communities like this one (even if they can be hard to find)
Yeahh... My experiences coming out as (aro)ace include: "How does it... work?" "No, that's not a thing" "Well duh, you're a woman" (which is BOTH aphobic AND sexist!), "Well it's going to be hard finding a partner that way" (cooommpletely missing the point) etc. etc. But luckily, I've also had wholesome accepting reactions :D Even though even in the situation where the other person is accepting, you might still have to explain what this orientation means, which is tiring at times 😅
The comment “I don’t know why you needed to know that” is my entire feeling on coming out as ace. I’m heteroromantic and married. I just feel it’s odd telling people about my lack of sexual attraction. But at the same time that run into so many encounters that are just so awkward to me. During work from home time my boss did this “get to know each other better” by asking our childhood celebrity crushes. I never had these type of crushes! I have to know someone. I just said “pass” and it became so weird in the Zoom call with the whole team. I hate that it’s so unknown. Now that we’re back at work I’ve put up an Ace pin on my bulletin board. Waiting for someone to notice
Uggghhh, that sounds so awkward. I did a game with my coworkers one time. All the jokes they were making were super sexual but mine were 100% innocent 🤣
Yeah, that‘s a wheird thing to do of your boss. Pressing my thumbs for nice colleagues to notice the pin soon.
@Riley Harper that. That is just wak.
@Riley Harper Another aroace here, I think I've had a couple of "celebrity" squishes on certain youtubers, so I can kind of see it, but it's still weird, regardless :'D
Ahh haha i remember my classmates asking me about "my type"...and then just making stuff up like tall and dark hair and hoping it was the "right" answer😂 i was so confused about how do people even know their type?
I’m Bi/Ace so Imma share my experience lol
I find it’s easier to come out as Ace over the internet but Bi irl. Cause with Bi, I just gotta say “I’m Bi” and that’s it. But with being Asexual, I gotta explain it. Even saying the word “s*x” out loud makes me uncomfortable but I’m more comfortable typing it, so that’s the real difference for me
I thought I was the only one uncomfortable by that word.
Hi, fellow bi ace! I feel the same. Saying the word "s*x" isn't too uncomfortable to me but I still don't really like it. I've come out as ace so far but not bi (also, not as enby either. I kinda accidentally came out to my sister but she didn't really see it as me being enby and more just wondered why I prefer they/them pronouns). My mom hasn't shown any real aversion to me possibly dating a girl or enby person but I haven't been in any meaningful relationships so I don't know how she'd react to a relationship anyway. And I 100% agree. Coming out as ace is so much easier on the Internet. If only we could take that simplicity, and move it to real life.
I feel the same way, I am bi/ace too, or at least I think I am ace. I have it definitely different from other people so I am somewhere on the ace spectrum. I am still figuring it out. I recently came out to my family and a few friends as both and they can't believe I could be ace, just because they don't actually know what it is. After giving them a long explanation, they still don't believe me. I don't know, I just feel like sex- the word I am a bit scared of too- is just not important at all for me and yes, maybe it is because I am young, but people of my age seem very interested in it, so I am pretty sure I am right. I was first afraid to admit it to myself, both that I am bi and ace, because I thought I had to be sure and I was scared that by being unsure I could make somebody that is sure of what their attraction is angry, but I think that's not how this awesome community works, right? Now I am feeling better and I am proud to be bi and on the ace spectrum. 😊
same i agree! I feel so uncomfortable talking about the fact that i don’t feel sexual attraction irl.
I havent told anyone I'm ace but I wanna tell my sibling
This is really interesting. I’m both pan and Demi and I always come out as both if I do come out. Never just one.
Of all the possible reasons for different filming locations I was not expecting "there was a spider"
yeah, I think I'd agree with you, it's more easier coming out as gay than ace, because everyone knows what being gay means and asexuality is very unknown to people... 😊💙
"The reason we are here instead of on the sofa in my living room is because there's a spider" - very relatable!
I've been questioning for years and it's only in the past year I've been secure enough in my identity to look at ace stuff and go: Yay, me! and only in the past month I've felt secure enough to come out to my friends and my mom. They were all the coolest, as I knew they would be, so the hard part in this case wasn't the actual coming out, but instead getting to a point where I felt like I'd be telling them the truth if I told them
Another engaging, edifying ramble rave. Thank you, it is interesting, perceptions, understandings, ignorance and the decisions about how to identify within all of that, huge shifts have happened in much of the world that coming out as Gay is the easier option. Things are evolving I hope. I do also hope the Spider situation resolved itself and wishing you a safe return to couch land.
Hey, on the topic of coming out to kids:
I've been Aupair-ing two little Girls (8 & 10years old) last year and since I have multiple pride pins on my jacket, they eventually asked about them. They already knew the rainbow symbol, so telling them about being Biromantic wasn't to difficult. I found it important, to make sure they understood that I was talking about ROMANTIC relationships here.
The older one eventually asked if I wanted to sleep with a girl (she is about to have sed-ed in school so it was a joke-y thing they teased each other with in school ). I took that chance to tell them: no, I would not, thats not really what I am looking for in a relationship; I don't really like people in that way, and also: it would be perfectly fine if I would (or they would eventually when they're older) like to do that, but also equally normal if they wouldn't want to. (Sprinkle some harmless sex-positivity here and there)
It wasn't half as bad/ difficult as I thought it would be.
If you feel like you have to clarify about stuff like that with kids, my advice would be:
Make sure, they know that s*x is a thing beforehand from school or their parents (Just the basic, aka the word). And then just be careful with your choice of words, as you should always be around kids.
My girls were really cute about it and started teasing me with asking if I wanted to kiss a girl, every time instead of the s*x-joke 😂
Hit the nail on the head.
When I came out as ace my parents invalidated it and my friends asked a lot of uncomfortable questions about if I would ever have sex in the future (which was fine but slightly annoying)
Coming out as biromantic however, was much better, my friends easily accepted it and it was a conversation done in two minutes. (although my parents said being bi also doesn't exist and that it was selfish or something, idek I gave up on them)
On another note, go squash the damn spider
😉
I vacuumed the spider, but then I felt bad and had a brief but dramatic moral dilemma on the morality of killing a spider in your own residence 😅
Slice of Ace oh gosh that’s very relatable lol
@@SliceOfAce lmao. I'm in australia sitting in my lounge and can currently see 5 spiders. I got over squishing them long ago
To be fair, in Australia, the spiders can probably kill you 😳
@@SliceOfAce I mean fair point-
Coming out as asexual has been a bit of a mixed bag for me. It was a lot easier than coming out as transgender. My immediate family were chill about me being ace but didn’t know what it was really so I had to teach them but they were super respectful and I even helped my mum realise that she’s on the asexual spectrum. They took a bit longer to accept that I’m trans, it was difficult but now they’re my biggest supporters and are awesome. My grandma asked if I’m asexual after I came out as trans to her which she was super accepting of and I was like yeah! (She asked because I’ve never been interested in anyone and like I’m very open about being ace) And then she told me that she’s pretty sure she’s asexual too. Generally people have been very chill about me coming out as trans but it’s been much more scary for me. I came out as ace to friends before coming out as trans and it was a little scary but after the first few reactions were quite rude, invalidating and rather invasive, I stopped caring what people thought about it and I didn’t get annoyed at them as I realised that it’s something that really needs normalising and I’m in a position where I feel comfortable and confident enough to do so (despite my anxiety aha, I think that it was just cos this felt a lot easier than coming out as trans to me). So I’m very open about being ace (and aro, I forgot to mention I’m pretty sure I’m aro too) and I calmly answer people’s questions (or politely decline or talk more generally about how stuff varies between different members of the community if people are getting too personal). Another thing that’s made coming out as ace so much easier is the fact that I wear an ace ring, like one of my new friends at sixth form last year (who’s straight) saw it and was like omg, another one! and pointed me in the direction of two of his friends who are also very openly asexual and now I’m great friends with all of them aha. Yeah actually my little cousins are totally chill with me being trans but it’s not really come up that I’m asexual so I think I’ll just wait if they’re ever wondering why I don’t have a significant other? Or if I do and they’re a QP partner I guess I could explain that.
Haha I didn’t realise how long this has gotten. Thanks for another awesome video and for sharing your experiences
I'm Acearo and trans. I get to come out 3 times, with 3 identities that aren't the most well understood. Yay me.
You're not alone ^_^
I'm Aro Ace as well. I'm extremely open about being Aromantic and Asexual.
@@phenomenalwrestling8667 How is one "extremely open" about that? I don't really find it comes up, unless I bring it up. Just curious.
@@trevortidwell9047 I mean I'm not shy about it. If someone asks me about it i will tell them i am Aro and ace and even explain what it means
@@phenomenalwrestling8667 That's awesome~ My immediate assumption (which is not necessarily correct) is that you are probably younger than me. As an older Ace person, it has never once in my life been a naturally occurring step in any conversation that I have had that didn't start with "What is that flag-pin on your lapel?" (.... nope not a country!) ... P.S. not a single person has ever asked about my ring ;\
I feel so seen by this. I had “come out” to my friends as asexual several years ago, but always felt a bit weird about being public about it, as like you said coming out as ace you pretty much necessarily must talk about sex. Much more recently I accepted that I am homoromantic (or at least same-sex leaning on the romantic spectrum) and suddenly it felt so easy to come out to my family and publicly, as gay. It somehow doesn’t bother me that they might assume this means I’m having gay sex even though I’m not. I save the coming out as ace part for those I’m close with. When I came out to my parents, I came out as gay, and only later came out as asexual. It just felt.. too intimate, because it meant I’d have to go into “the TED talk” about what asexuality means and all.
I recently heard your interviews on Sounds Fake But Ok and A OK, and they really hit home for me. Since I accepted that I was gay last year, I had sort of been trying to shed the ace label because it seemed easier. After a traumatic relationship experience with an allo gay man, I knew the ace label was very real for me, but I felt so alone even in the ace community. There’s just not a lot of homoromantic ace guys it seems. That said, now that I’m publicly ace, I have lots of gay men coming to me saying that they’re not much into sex at least in the way gay men are stereotyped to be. They usually don’t label themselves on the ace spectrum but definitely could, if that makes sense.
My experience with this is kinda different. At first i thought i was aro/ace (although i didn’t know the word aromantic existed) so when i first “came out” to my friends i just mentioned i was asexual since i just had no sexual desires or anything, and i never really understood when they talked about liking people. However much later i realised i was actually homoromantic, and now i kinda feel like i’m stuck in a position where i have to act and be aromanitc around them because thats the impression i gave them before. I want to tell them i’m homoromantic but i just don’t really know when it would be appropriate or how to do it. And recently i’ve been questioning if i’m demisexual too which just adds more confusion to this
You might be Demisexual demiromantic (and bi), I'm demi demi and I thought I was aro ace for the longest time.
I’m ace and pan at least I feel like pan is a label that fits me sense I’m ace I don’t get many crushes and I have had 2 on boys and 1 on a girl and I would date someone who’s trans or non binary it doesn’t really matter to me how people identify just that they are good people and respect my ace ness at some point in my life I want to tell my mom about my *exuality but I know It’ll be confusing to her and I wouldn’t know how to phrase it it would be awkward to say the least 😂 your videos have helped me and I hope your doing good. I’d take a big slice of cake any day over you know what.
Me too! (except for me it's two girls, one guy haha) My mom didn't get it at all at first but with time and over a lot of conversations she understands it better
I've found that when I do come out, I usually lead with aromanticism. For example, "I'm not interested in being in a relationship or any of that." I definitely tend to gloss over the asexual part. For me, my asexuality feels like an extension of my aromanticism.
It was a rather odd experience to come out as ace. People don't really understand it, and even if they sort of do, they don't really "get it" still.
I know that I talked about not having crushes, and not really "liking" anyone. And I think that hits more that early-childhood stage that you're talking about. Granted, that can hit more in the romantic category, but it kind of fits, sort of.
It is ok for me that folks don’t get it…I don’t get it either, I mean I really don’t understand why people like sex
Is it just me that *hates* the name asexual? I hate saying it. It's the only identity that doesn't involve/expect sex and yet it's in the title! I've yet to be brave enough to 'come out' as asexual. Having a hard time accepting it myself and I dread the judgement and questions and being misunderstood. I'm already a complicated, awkward, up human and I don't want the questions about sex or lack there of. It's uncomfortable. I would prefer to say "ace" but no one will know what that means. ugh. Almost wish I was gay or bi or straight. It'd just be easier. 😞
I don't like saying "sex" or "sexual" either. Ace feels better.
There's no need to come out as ace if you're not comfortable doing so. And there's nothing wrong with not yet having come to terms with your aceness. It took me two years to fully accept it. Although I will say, once I did it got a lot easier to tell people if it came up (which it did... surprisingly a lot). I'm not sure what your demographics are, but I've found that more people than I thought around my age group (I'm 22) knew what it was automatically and didn't ask any questions. The ace community has gained a lot of visibility in recent years, and it shows.
I completely understand why coming out as gay would be so much easier. Why there are plenty of lovely homophobes out there, at least being gay is something people understand without trouble. I'm trying to work up to coming out as aroace at the moment, because I want to be properly out, but want to tell my parents first. But I keep thinking how much easier it would be to just come out as gay instead, because while I know they would accept me either way, I wouldn't have to explain my entire sexuality if I could just say 'i like girls' :/
Good luck! I haven't come out to my parents either but my sister knows I'm on the spectrum because I made a comment about it a few days ago and it was so casual but it worked for me. I personally don't feel the need to come out to my parents because I don't think it matters for them and right now ig it doesn't matter that much to me wether they know or not. Anyway good luck!!!
Definitely agree that coming out as gay is easier! I don't think I would ever try and come out as both gay and ace at the same time. Unless that person came out to me as ace first, because then I would assume they'd know what I was talking about when I said 'homoromantic ace'.
Tbh very few people know I'm ace because it just doesn't really make sense to tell them. The only people who really need to know are the guys I might end up dating. I will say that one of the annoying questions that forces my hand is the good 'ole.... 'Are you a top or bottom?'. 🤦🏼♂️
Ugh, that question is the woooorst. Not everything is about sex! 😝
I honestly think that being under the asexual umbrella or spectrum, can be hard to explain to people in general not only that but they may look at you strange. Thus some terms like Robot, Alien and Plants are used to describe us. I am personally still in the deck with my marble cake. P.S( I noticed that some people barely know males that come under the asexual spectrum, it is usually more females that they refer to.)
I'm a 20 year old male who is aromantic and asexual. I'm extremely open about being Aromantic and asexual. I enjoy speaking about aromanticism and asexuality. What a coincidence, I actually joke to my friends about being an Alien, plant and machine.
@@phenomenalwrestling8667 Omg same here, I am a aromantic asexual too. :) Nice to meet you too. Also I like to identify as Alien, Robot and Plant too :).
@@Nitsujen cool. I love how aro aces like u and me can be open and proud of who we are and joke about how we are aliens, plants and robots. It's pretty mad. I also identify as agender. There is a cool shirt I want to order that says the 'A Team' in the middle and has the words Aromantic, Asexual and Agender below it. Nice to meet you my Aro Ace Buddy.
@@phenomenalwrestling8667 Thanks, nice to meet you too my Agender Aro Ace buddy :).
Honestly my strategy for responding to "what's that?" when I mention asexuality is to say "I'll send you a video" and then I send them Ash Hardell's asexuality trilogy.
Great information. I have never heard the term “ace” but know “asexual”. Years ago a psychologist told me I was schizoid. In practice this means that there is an initial sexual interest which quickly fades away after talking with a guy. I'm 69 now so doubt that this will ever change. LOL
It's an interesting situation as an aro/ace person because if I just say I'm asexual (which is the most casual way to say it), then people tend to assume that means no sexual or romantic attraction or anything like that, which is true for me but isn't what asexuality is on its own. But it I decide to be correct and say I'm both aromantic and asexual then I usually have to explain the whole romantic vs sexual attraction model even though for me it's basically all the same, and it can turn into a whole conversation that I don't necessarily want to have
Weirdly, neither sexual nor romantic orientation EVER seem to come up in natural conversation for me. No one asks who (or if) I'm dating. I don't hide that I'm ace anymore, but I haven't felt the need to make a big coming out post, either.
I feel less alone, Thank you for posting this💜🖤🤍
You walk around like you need to go to the bathroom but can't until you finish this vidoe 😆
Good work mate
As a demisexual that has had a few sexual encounters, me coming out makes me feel like a phony. I know my demo/graysexuality is very real and valid, and I even get uncomfortable when the group topic shifts to sexual stuff (except my jokes). I don't know, I just kinda feel like a hypocrite sometimes, but oh well.
I'm panromantic asexual, poly, and have D.I.D. I need a paragraph just to explain everything and it is such a hassle sometimes. Especially when I'm overt and several of my alters are proud to yell who they are.
It's so annoying coming out as ace, back before I knew about being ace I would just say I don't get crushes and that was so much easier. But now I may or may not have a crush on a friend so I can't say that any more w/out feeling like a liar, and I just hate it
To make it worse, before my confusion a girl I used to be friends with would call us a cute couple and I was very adamant we weren't a couple. I can talk to my friend about anything, but this. I just get so awkward when I try to that I've just given up, it doesn't help that I'm an introvert and my brain is very against this line of conversation
Talk about it, the longer that passes the worst it will get, trust me
@@annymus4502 I just can't, I've given up and decided I just won't tell him. I'd rather keep our friendship the way it is than figure out this confusion at the potential cost of our easy dynamic
You said “I may or may not have a crush”
I’d say you first have to figure out yourself, and be certain of your feelings
If it turns out you were confused, then all solved out
But...
If it turns out you discover you feel romantic attraction towards your friend, then just let them know, if they are a good friend, they will understand and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH CHANGING YOUR LABEL, you might as well be demiromantic
Or maybe you are starting to have a zucchini for them (like crush, but for QPR)
My advice is to figure out if you have a squish, crush, zucchini, whatever...the ABCs of asexuality vídeo could help you
Good luck
thank you for your videos!!! these are things I've been struggling with for a long time and it's reassuring to see that I'm not alone in this.
I often times doubt myself, maybe i just missed sth or (dont @ me) didnt met the right person yet😂😂 but then i see these types of videos and comments and i feel so at home✨ very grateful
My parents believed I was lesbian before asexual and it wasn't until I had a term for my orientation, that they might believe me. Even still, I feel like they don't quite get it. I'm heteroromantic btw.
This is interesting info actually. In my experience, I hated realising I was Ace at first and literally thought/told the person I first discussed the idea to that "I'd rather have to come out as gay." I knew it is way more awkward and seemingly less understood/supported to be ace in many circles. Ace experiences can't quite be translated into a universal experience and feeling the same as the idea of being gay just being typical love/attraction but to same sex. It's far harder to put yourself in an Aspec's shoes.
I don't know what my romantic orientation is so its easier for me to say I'm asexual to my friends, but I haven't said anything to my parents. If the topic comes up around people I don't know very well I either pretend I'm heterosexual or say I'm not interested in relationships at the moment
Love your content ♥️
Interesting video, thanks. As an aro-ace person I appreciate that you make a lot of side thoughts about coming out as aro.
Sexuality being more personal than romance... I both agree and at the same time I think „but romance/ romantic relationships are also very personal and intimate and how could you compare“. Maybe it‘s because it‘s a lot more common - even very normal - to talk about your romantic relationships. One does that quite easily with friends, family, coworkers, neighbours alike. Even to strangers or institutions (marriage). That’s not so common for sexual relationships.
So when people around me talk about sex, I also get uncomfortable very soon. For romance it kind of feels easier to seperate it from myself, like „okay, we talk about this phenomenon in general that affects other people.“ That‘s the point when sexuality feels more personal maybe. (Or maybe it‘s just me.)
But at the same time I think that’s why not having a romantic relationship can be more visible and „outstanding“ - and maybe „up to debate“ or disregard by others - than not having a sexual one. (It of course depends a lot on the people around you and that might not be universal.) Because others may assume that a romantic relationship is also sexual if not told otherwise. (But maybe some non-aromantic aces are also uncomfortable with that, which is very valid to feel.) Ironically, for the orientations it‘s the other way around: Asexuality is much more visible than Aromanticism I feel.
I too, am a gay-ace. It’s always simpler to come out as gay because it’s just more widely understood. But I always try to first and foremost express that I am in fact Ace. I then tend to get a lot of confused questions that I have to answer about what “Ace” means.
This was perfect. you described it so well. thank you
Another thought: What if one comes out as ace (and/or aro) and, say even though they answer some of the awful questions, the other person doesn‘t get it. I feel like that means one is not really out to that person that doesn‘t get it. (Even though it‘s not the fault of the one coming out, just of the ignorant person and quite much sexnormative (amatonormative) society.)
Does someone have experiences like that? What‘s your thoughts?
Coming out to kids is so difficult. I worked at a after school center so I was working with kids, at this point in time it was specifically the 3rd & 4th graders. For obvious reasons, we're not allowed to talk about sex related stuff there. I'm asexual, panromantic so that alone would be complicated to explain & I never thought I'd have to because it's not important to anything but stuff of the staff & a few of the kids were aware that I was dating a woman at the time, one of the girls thought it was super cool that I had a girlfriend but nobody knew I'm ace. One day, a kid who didn't know anything about my life outside of the center asked me about my ace ring, she started off by asking "are you married?" I told her I was not. She then asked why I was wearing the ring. I wasn't going to lie to her, that's just not right but I had to say something so I ended up holding back a lot of information & just sort of gave her a surface explanation. My answer came out something like this, "you know how sometimes people like boys but other times they like girls? Well, it just means I don't like either but it doesn't mean I can't be in a relationship either." That's as surface level & easy to explain thing as I could come up with on the spot, she accepted the answer & went back to working on what she was doing, thankfully she didn't press in by asking how that works. Even though I identify as non-binary, it's complicated & I presented as female at work, I didn't want to mention them in the conversation because it might of confused her even more. I did not want to get in trouble, if it wasn't work & I had parent permission, I would of explained much more but this is what I could do. Things are pretty behind & although there were LGBT+ staff where I worked, it's not like we could openly talk about stuff with the kids, we could do very surface level mentions & stuff but that's about it.
I really vibe with your personality, you seem so lovely! Greetings from a fellow British human
Aww, thanks. That's really kind of you 😊
I've never felt the need to "come out", and I'm not even sure I like the phrase. There's nothing to come out, to reveal. I just don't want a sexual or romantic relationship. It's that simple. I'm one of those aroaces who knew from a very early age what she was, and was very vocal about it as a kid. Plus no one has ever asked me about my private life as an adult. I see other aces complaining about family and friends pestering them with invasive questions and I'm wondering "Who are these people?" No one I know pries too deeply in other people's lives.
Originally it was “coming out” into society, in this case the ace or queer community. This usage came from debutante balls. I never liked the idea of “coming out” either, but it was the notion of the closet that really irked me. Coming out is owning your story, connecting with community, and flourishing. Rather than crawling out of hiding, it’s empowering. The whole notion of “the closet” in coming out came much later.
I just kind of only come out as ace in queer circles where I think people know about asexuality so I don't have to explain
I love that this doesn't have any dislikes (and I pray I haven't jinxed this).
I tried coming out as asexual to my mom for reasons, and then she just told me "Huh? Your not asexaul? Your juts a late bloomer!" Bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh AHHHHHHhh
Uggggghhhhh, that sucks 😝
Yes, never confront a spider 🕷️
Truer words have ne'er been spoken.
Coming out to my mom as ace: *this really long awkward conversation full of hypotheticals during which I got more and more nervous about actually coming out*
Coming out to my mom as not straight:
Me: mom, I have a crush on someone...
Mom: Is it *name of my best friend who's the same gender as me*?
Me: Yeah
On the other hand, when coming out to people who are also lgbt+ and know about the terms I just use puns to come out lol
Commented this on another video but decided it’d be better to comment on a recent video so: Can you do a video on physical versus sexual attraction (if you haven’t done one already)? I get confused because I can admire someone’s physical features and think “hey they’re cute” but that doesn’t translate to “I’d like to have sex with that person” and I’m confused with whether that’s normal or not. I’ve pretty much decided I have very low libido, but I’m trying to come to terms with whether or not I’m asexual. It also brings up questions over whether I’m bi since, just as I can think a guy is attractive, I can also look at a girl and think she’s pretty, but since I don’t feel a sexual urge toward either I can’t determine if there’s any real difference. It’s like admiring a painting: if something is pretty to look at, I’ll enjoy looking at it.
I believe that’s called aesthetic attraction and that’s normal for lots of ace people to experience.
People seem to be angry that I am Andro Ace and cannot get past the fact I don't like sex. I get heckled in chat if they find out but it is like they are trying to understand infinity. It does not compute to them. It's like a dog looking at it's reflection in a mirror and then looking behind the mirror.
I just have to say as cisgendered heterosexual nymphomaniac woman, (weird having to say that label as someone who is of a majority group except nymphomaniac would be an abnormal sexual disorder so really the only thing worth mentioning of general public interests) *people are so goddamn fascinating!* especially ones who are like total opposites from me I'm drawn to anyone who is the opposite out of curiosity and admiration. Don't mind me I'm just weird like that.
I have never actually came out as any of the things I am to my parents, because, well at the time I might have I was in trouble for something I did, but also they were mad because my twin came out as aro ace. (I am not aro ace, though I do consider myself grayasexual). At the time I didn't understand what sexuality I was, I was more considering myself Heteroflexible. Yet earlier that day my twin and I talked about how I might be pan instead, since even I thought my attraction to the opposite sex were too often. Yet on that day I tried to come out with my religion, which isn't a that common religion, I at least have never found a group for it, and I am certain that there would never be a church, just because of what type of religion it is. I didn't know the name for it at the time, yet when my mom asked me if I believed in God, I just said a, "...yes, but I also believe in every god." Omnism. The religion in which people look at you like you're crazy when you say it, unless they are also an Omnist. (I barely ever "come out" as an Omnist because it is just kind of confusing to explain, and also I do believe Omnism can take on different forms. Lovely times though the few times I tried to "come out" and was just met with confused looks. Sorry for the rant.
One time when I was a young adult just out of college, I was on my lunch break at work when I was working at a small daycare. (Kids all down for nap time) and my boss' neighbor came over to talk to her. He was a born again christian who i guess decided to try to see if I "needed" to be converted or whatever. Somehow he ended up asking me about my SO. I'm biromantic and non binary but have been in a long term serious relationship with a guy, therefore we're a "straight" couple to anyone who doesn't know anything other than what we look like as a couple. I just mentioned how long we had been together at the time and figured he'd drop it and hopefully go back to not talking to me. But no. He came back with "Oh wow, how can you stand waiting that long to have sex?" I was in shock. I knew he was fishing for if I had "sinned" with "Sex outside of wedlock" or whatever BS, but I was still in shock and didn't want to get into such a private aspect of my relationship with anyone, let alone a stranger. So in my shock my brain supplied that it'd be easier to just tell him one truth; that I'm Ace. Completely forgetting that so many people didn't know what asexual is. and of course that opened up all the questions and aphobic assumptions. I was super uncomfortable and didn't know how to back out of the conversation before I had the excuse that nap time was over and I had to get back to watching the kids. I also needed the job at the time so I didn't say anything to my boss about how uncomfortable i felt when he was over. She did witness the whole thing and she thought it was fine, which does not make for a great work environment outside the kids I was in charge of watching. Looking back I should have spoke up. Sure, I needed the job but she needed me more. I was her only help at the time and if I left she would not be running a legal daycare with the amount of kids. So glad I don't work there anymore. Last I heard the daycare had to shut down. Anyway, to any young aces out there who might someday find themselves in a similar situation, take it from me. Make it known that you are uncomfortable with the conversation and leave it at that. If they press, then leave the conversation pointedly. Report it if it's in an environment where you can report it. if they do nothing to help settle the issue, then have no qualms with removing yourself completely. You deserve respect and the right to be in comfortable environments.
I have read somewhere that asexuality is not absolute, but, rather, that it is inability to feel sexual attraction without romantic attachment. In other words - as asexual you can be sexually attracted, but only if you feel romantic attraction first. I have always felt this to some degree, but much more now that I am older. What di you think?
Hmm, there's demisexual, which is on the ace spectrum. That's defined as not feeling sexual attraction until a strong emotional bond is formed. That could be a romantic or platonic bond
How big was the spider?
I hate being aro ace, 35 years old and wanting to have a family, but I'm not attracted to anything anymore, I feel like an alien.
We are on opposite ends (kinda). Im still a teen, and I am demiaro, and ace. Im still questioning, but I’m pretty sure about it. I hope it gets better for you, sending my love ❤
I'm gonna come out as ace to my non binary sib 🖤🌚🤍💜