I grew up like this. No love. No hugs. Violence. Scared every day. Made sure i got out as soon as i could. My kids grew up properly...with love...and support. ❤
Survival mode ppl ✋ (Edit: thank you for the likes but at the same time I'm so sorry so many of y'all were raised in survival mode) (Edit 2: I will try and help ppl so ask questions if you wish this is also a safe place so if you want to share you story's no one will stop you :) .... )
The part of "It's like when you are constantly dealing with challenging emotions growing up like stress and anxiety usually because of toxic situations at home, or in your life. You end up spending a lot of time trying to handle these feelings, which makes it hard to learn important life skills in a healthy way" hit like a ton of bricks.
Time stamps 0:41 Criticism 1:46 Physical touch 2:32 Structure 3:33 Emotional Neglect 4:22 Abuse To everybody who reads this, take care of yourself you are perfect just as you are
Experiencing Those in my childhood I developed an extreme social anxiety and at the young age I lost my sense of pourpose and even a simple things such as letting my self in sports my parents couldn't afford, yes it was difficult to deal with depression often I isolate myself because I'm having a hard time making friends back then... And now I'm still here standing alone, still feel a bit of loneliness but I'm so used to it.
Bro, the first time my mom ever told me "I love you" was when I got accepted into Johns Hopkins University. I was so confused with the complete 180 in how my parents treated me, and how much they started bragging about me rather than criticizing me in front of other family members. At that point, I was totally able to confirm my parents' "love" is 100% conditional.
My mom raised me by saying, "'I love you' is a fake sentence, a fallacy." Then, she proceeded to say it to her sisters and our pets. Never says it to me. No, I think the message is clear: she doesn't love me or think I am worthy of being loved, so she wants to destroy it for me. She "loves" those who could talk smack about her.
I did not hear "I love you". Except for once, and my dad wasn't saying it to me. He was yelling that the family needed to show more affection... sure, that wasn't going to happen. My sister got to hear it. There was no discussion about the word, so I assumed it didn't apply to me. I did not receive hugs my entire memory of childhood from around age 4 through age 19. Then a hug was forced on me, and I felt like I was being ASSAULTED. Creeped me out. So, I think I understand y'all. That said: (((HUGS TO YOU)))
@lucymckinney9274 OMG you put it so well. I have the same feelings about hugs and any touching from my mom after 25 years of hate (now I’m 40) Every time I was stiffening up. And she still most of the time is a nightmare, had to cut her out from my life.
@@ifgenia Absolutely, if suddenly someone who's been hostile to me wants to hug me or show me affection, my instant thought: ¥What do you want from me?", followed by, "Why would I give you that power?" It's the worst feeling in the world. I'm 61, and I feel it to this day, from any person who's hostile toward me or looks down on me. They have nowhere near the level of skill at fooling me that I have recognizing them. I despised being touched in any way until I was probably 30, maybe a little older. I would not hug until I got older, when I was able to define there was no threat to me. 😳 We had a lifetime of experience before we were old enough to go to college. We lived! We can hug or not hug whoever we want now. But... I can still flip out if someone surprises me with touch of any kind. 😊
I'm so sorry to hear this. I know you don't know me but I'm a mom and grandma and just want to say that I'm proud of you. Please people, our children are precious and should be treated as such. Nothing more beautiful than a child's mind and imagination and I couldn't imagine stomping that out. I know no one's perfect, but just please be gentle with your loved ones ones. I'm sorry, don't know what I'm trying to say.
The thing is, I was given praise for my successes. Just never when it was a success that was important to me. I've been manipulated to steer away from what I want and like all my life. It still hasn't changed.
My mom never taught me to brush my teeth. Only did it up until she expected me and my siblings to be doing it. I never adapted so I’ve barely brushed my teeth throughout my life. When I told her I was making the conscious effort after several failures to establish such a habit and that I’d brushed my teeth almost every day for a week, her reaction was: “Sure, that’s great. I mean, you were supposed to be doing that, anyway.” in a completely dismissive way and it just killed my entire attempt. I stopped every good improvement I was keeping up with basically that day. And this lady claims to care about me. 🙄
I broke the chain when I found out I was pregnant with our first child! Was in therapy the week after finding out I was pregnant and learned how to touch and be touched without fear or anxiety. How to hug, yes literally how to properly hug. My wonderful husband saw someone beautiful inside of me that I didn’t know existed. We were in therapy together. Our kids are mid 20’s and know they are loved beyond measure, unconditionally forever!
Yup I was raised in survival mode, always criticized, grounded a bunch because I'd fail tests, not to mention bullying at school too. It sucks how much our childhood effects our adult lives. Now I'm an introvert and my social and love life suck.
Same. Got in trouble constantly, was grounded and yelled at for a lot of my childhood. Learned it was better to apologize for absolutely everything, just in case. I still do this as an adult, even for the slightest inconvenience, even if whatever is wrong was clearly not my fault. People will sometimes look at me funny and ask why I'm the one apologizing, I just shrug and say I don't know.
You both can read the book by Dr Gabriel Mateo "When the body says No". I cried to myself when I read the book just after I finished my surgery. I made difficult decisions after that. It makes sense why I was this type of person my whole life. We learn to care about others more than we care for ourselves because of our childhood trauma. And it can make us sick. I left my job and identified relationships what were draining me.
@gundamhero6527. A fear of consequence is very different to fear or the person. Parents should never ever confuse the two lest they want to bring great harm to their children and family.
Oh yeah I was afraid of my mother too. I thought that was normal since you should respect your parents. But here is the difference: Respect is not fear
Yeah, I am just now leaving my parents, and I've always been afraid of my mom, my earliest memories of her was her screaming and spanking my brother, and I've tried explaining that but she just goes emotionally manipulative and guilt trippy and cries, doesn't even acknowledge that I grew up terrified of her
@@maggiemidnight8957 You don't mention a father Did your mom bring you up as single parent? It sounds like you're still afraid of your mom and that's not a good thing. As I grew into adulthood I realised that my parents had done their job whether good or bad and that I now had the option of taking control of my own life and be the captain of my own ship. Now that you are leaving your parents home this is the time to make that difficult but necessary choice. Fear is an emotion that you either learn mastery over it and live free or let it enslave you and live as a victim. I'm not a phycologist, but I have lived some, learned some and overcome some.
I didn’t realise that, too, until I watched this video, I mean, I'm not that oblivious to it. But I didn’t realise fully that it was survival mode because I was used to love and affection, too, even when it sometimes felt uncomfortable or that I wanted to smack somebody's hands away by instinct.
I lived in this mode from birth to 45 years. A brief respite with a loving husband and right back to it when he died. At 60 I am finally doing the hard work to heal. Keep going.
I had sporadic therapy before but suffered a nervous breakdown and I was 61 when I started really working on it. I think we were taught we were so worthless it takes a while to come to the realization that not only does therapy help you, but it helps those around you.
@@DeannaRodriguez-u8r bless you and I sure wish I could give you a hug. I’m proud of you for taking care f yourself for you and those around you.❤️❤️❤️
I found this video frightening! When I had my brother watch it with me, we both looked at each other and started ugly crying. It took awhile to calm down for both of us, we're in our 60's, then we both subscribed.
Hi! You two may also benefit from watching Patrick Teahan's videos. Hope your journey together is full of moments like this in which you can feel safe enough in your care for one another that you can ugly cry as one. Wishing you both a lovely weekend!
I live in survival mode all my life (39 years old). Both of my parents are narcissists and they split when I was 7. Especially from the age of 15 I can't remember a single really loving moment. With 20 or so I stopped celebrating Christmas (my birthday way earlier). I have little energy (tho I work on my future goals) and doubt myself immensely (which slows me down). Sadly I discovered my parents mental illness very far into my life (when I was 34). Now I know that not all bad comes from me. But the harm is been done and I have to collect the broken pieces of my life to create a better future for me. I wish everyone all luck in the world (who deserve it ... most certainly everyone watching this video)! Edit: I thank everyone for sharing their story and the kind words! Together we are strong!
I finally met someone whom I can relate to. I'm embarrassed to ask, but would you be cool in connecting and sharing your story with me? I realized to better myself, I need to educate myself with people who have their stories to tell and experiences to share. 🙏🏾💪🏾🫂 I don't want you to discuss it here of course, whatever channel of contact works for you. Let me know 😌
i was raised in survival mode. ask these children what they want to be when they grow up. they can't answer. to this day i can't tell you what i wanted to be when i grew up. there was no room in my world for dreaming about such things let alone preparing for such things. we were always wondering what was going to happen to us next and how we were going to make it.
This. My current dream is to literally just have a job decent enough to afford my bills so that I can leave this toxic house, but even this feels like asking too much.
I ended up retreating into my mind & daydreaming a good life when life got bad when I was little. To this day when life gets too hard I start to involuntary zone out in my head to a better imaginary life. When life is good my mother's voice starts criticizing me in my head. It's like no matter how long I don't see her, her words still haunt me.
I figured this as a child. So i gave it a good thought... and i decided, i wanted to be happy when i grow up. Every teacher/adult asking the question got confused by my answer. And stated that i did not understand the question. In which i would reply, that i understood perfectly fine, they do not understand the answer.... 37 year old adult now. No i didn't manage to make my goal. I learned that it was a mistake to think i could do better for myself with hard work and kindness towards myself and others. I was a fool.
The problem is.. you won’t be able to explain or talk more about how you were raised like that because for some people they have forgotten most of it. Yeah by seeking a professional therapist they can help a certain extend but if you cannot give them examples then they are giving you help by the information they have. I have been on survival mode and I did not get the emotional support when I was a kid at home and especially I did not get support from parents when I got bullied. I saw a therapist but could only tell a few of what I remember. I think we all should be proud of ourself that we till this day are a survivor of how we got raised. We are strong
i feel that honestly. i barely remember things from my childhood and I feel like it's because your body tries its best to protect yourself from those memories. Nonetheless i'm proud of you and hope you're doing well 🤗🫶🫶
And yet I find that those memories do come back, maybe even more so as I take distance and try to cultivate more independence and safety in my adult life. And that information about our childhood tends to come back not as ordinary, narrative memories, but in all sorts of weird and roundabout ways - in dreams or nightmares, in visions, in emotional flashbacks, in body memories (that is, strong, inexplicable sensations), in current behaviour patterns. Watch how you talk to yourself or others - if you see yourself being mean or nasty, that's a chance to look deeper - does it remind you of anything? Why did I have a nightmare of my mother tonight? Why do I feel so sad without any apparent reason? How are my actual, flesh-and-blood parents treating me now? What is that gut feeling of rage or disgust or fear trying to tell me? In the past couple of years, I've learned that if my body or intuition is giving me a sign that something is wrong, I take it as a strong indication that it really is, even if I cannot substantiate it logically or pinpoint what exactly is wrong at the time. And that is all useful, workable information on my childhood, although there may be little to no direct memories - I hardly remember a thing that happened before I was 7, and a lot of the memories that I do have seem to have lost their emotional content and remained as bare, dry facts. And the longer I look, the more lost memories and emotional content I unlock.
@only1sh It's the Brain that tries to protect you by 'forgetting'. The Body holds all the memories. Have you read The Body Keeps the Score? Wonderful book. Opened up so much for me. 💚
Growing up with Autism in a family and school environment where nobody knew anything about Autism led me to grow up in survival mode in almost every way. Had I not had my grandmother to make my childhood less painful, I would not have lived to be a teenager. Despite my mom/aunt doing mountains of research into Autism after I was diagnosed at 9 years old, she did nothing to actually try to adjust to how Autism affects me throughout my whole childhood and even some of my teenage years. Most of my family emotionally neglecting me was the norm for me throughout my 25 years of life. Part of the reason for that is them having their own trauma that they were never able to move on from. Part of it was how the men in the family were raised to be emotionally distant. My grandmother and closest friends were the only reason I still have my sanity and was able to accept myself as I am. My grandmother has been gone for a couple years, but I still have other people who still help me, accept me, and love me as I am. Even though my blood family is not really a family to me, I have a family of close friends to keep me sane. What makes things worse with my family is that my parents are in complete denial of how they have treated me. They think that financially supporting me with food and shelter is enough to show they love me, but the fact of the matter is that it isn't. Not that they'll ever see anything other than their own thinking. I've just decided to stop emotionally investing in most of my family because it's just a drain on me.
I'm autistic too. You said part of the reason for their neglect was them struggling with traumas of their own. Autism is highly hereditary. I imagine my maternal grandfather may have been like me. I never knew him, but my mom was traumatised by being raised by him. I myself have no children. I would have liked to, but I didn't have energy left for children when I was struggling through life with undiagnosed autism. If I would have had kids I'm afraid I might have been to them as my grandfather to my mother: meltdowns of rage due to exhaustion.
@@UnderTheBlueBeanBush Sadly, that is not the case with my parents. While Autism is hereditary in my family, neither my uncle/dad nor my aunt/mom had to deal with parents that had Autism. Heck, my aunt is married into the family, so Autism doesn't run in her family. My uncle had to deal with an alcoholic asshole of a father, as well as not having much money for his whole childhood and possibly high school life. He also was raised on the idea that men don't show their emotions. He believes that if he just buys things for his kids and grandkids, that's all he needs to do to show he loves them. That's where he and I clash the most. I am a firm believer of wearing your emotions on your sleeves, especially after I settled my own personal issues and found myself. Part of my love language is putting thought into your actions. However, my uncle is very thoughtless with how he buys things for me, especially during my later high school days to now. He's also a loud mouth numbskull who is all work and no fun, which is where we also clash. As for my Aunt, she lost her mother and grandmother at an early age. She was also raised by a dad who was so narcissistic and against her being successful and happy that he bet against her being able to succeed in college. Neither one of them were really able to work through this trauma and possibly more trauma. They also do not have healthy approaches to dealing with their negative emotions.
As a kid I grew up with a very emotionally and physically abusive parent and to this day it has caused me so many issues, for anyone else who might’ve gone through the same things, PLEASE go through therapy it will save you from so much pain and stress.
@@Psych2goI have all the long term effects of emotionally abused victims but I can't remember being outrightly abused in my childhood. What does this mean??
@@oxxen_uta2282 It sounds like you are in the same boat I was. If at all possible, talk to a therapist. I was shocked when my therapist pointed out instances of emotional manipulation and abuse I’d gone through that I had never considered traumatic. So much crap is normalized for people growing up in dysfunctional households, we don’t understand why we’re in survival mode because we were literally never given the tools to know otherwise. Just know you feel the way you do for a reason, and finding help can make all the difference.
All of these points resonate with us (we're a DID System). In our first 6 years of life we moved 6 times between 4 communities of different linguistic make up (French & English). By the time we were 18, that number had gone up to 10 between 6 communities. We've attended 6 schools between grades 1-12: 1 school for grades 1-3; a new school in the same neighbourhood for grade 4; move to a new city, 5, 6, & 1st half of 7 in one k-12 school, last half of 7 in a school literally down the street from the 1st school; grades 8 & 9 in a school halfway between the 2 previous schools; and grades 10-12 at a school less than a 15 minutes walk away from the original school we attended in that same city...). We had "structure" in our life: up at 6:30; showered and dressed by 7 (5 kids sharing the same washroom); eat breakfast & clean the kitchen by 7:30; out to catch the bus by 7:40; at school til 3pm; once we got home, babysit 3 (then 4 younger once the youngest started school) siblings starting at 13yo, make sure they did homework, at least start preparing supper if not make it completely, eat supper once parents got home, clean the kitchen again, and up until the body was 14-15yo, in bed by 7:30. After that it slowly crept up to 10pm around 17-18yo. Weekends were Saturday morning: cleaning, afternoon: errands, evening stay up an extra 30 minutes (oooo); Sunday: Church & Sunday school, Big Sunday Lunch, clean the kitchen, "free time" until it was time to help make supper, then back to the routine. Add to that the fact that we were responsible for our own laundry around the age of 12... No matter where we lived, what school we attended, that was our day/week. Structure we had in spades, stability of people around us who could identify there was a problem and address it? Nope! As soon as someone hinted there was a problem, we were moved away from them - including extended family. We were so afraid of our toxic parent that it took us over 30 years to REALIZE that for 2 years we had an escape door that lead to the outside of the house IN OUR BEDROOM in our late teens, AND we NEVER used it! Not to sneak out & meet friends, not to run away, nothing... It never crossed our mind because we knew if we stepped out of line, they would k¡|| us. They caused us to fear for our lives for lesser offences. Bad test score? Yep. Didn't do a chore correctly? 💯 And at such an early age that our mind said: it doesn't matter if this child makes it out whole & sound... The body has to survive. And here we are, a Dissociative Disorder System, diagnosed in our 50's.
I grew up in survival mode and carried the scars for many years. What I learned is this. As you grow into adulthood you have a choice to make . You can either remain in survival mode and all the negatives that go with it and live in victimhood, or you can make a clear choice to take control of your own life and destiny and become the captain of your own ship and stop playing the blame game. Yes you will need help but I found the right people showed up when I opened myself up to them. It all changed for me when I stopped seeing myself perpetually as a victim.
spot on , I come to the same conclusion when I got stabbed in the back by those I least expected. I think I gave them power and control to decide my outcomes. When nothing else left I realised , it's up to us how we create our background in our path.
That explains why i push people away it's very uncomfortable when people try getting close to you and it just reminds you of others who have done the same ending up hurting and using you i doubt i will ever be comfortable with people maybe if i could read their minds
I was constantly in survival mode around my dad because of emotional abuse and neglect, but around my mom I felt safe. If I told anyone about the abuse, they would just say “Well, he doesn’t hit you, so it’s fine.” Even in peaceful situations around my dad, I constantly feared that even one wrong move would cause him to scream at me.
Watching this really made me cry 🥺. Everything hit a bullseye, and so much of it was daily from the time I was born. I was diagnosed with a PTSD last year from extreme long term abuse. Even today... I always feel like I'm stuck in crash position.. waiting for the other foot to fall. The things I kept inside for so long over time has had Serious effects on my physical health, and nearly completely crashed my immune system. There's a huge difference... Between surviving and thriving. If you're carrying anything like that around, and haven't come out with it bc You're afraid...you have to push through that and reach out for help. Don't be afraid to talk to someone. You're still here bc you Are a survivor. Take that leap of faith for yourself bc you deserve it. Stay strong and carry on. Nothing but Love for all
A lot of people have said the classic “everything I’ve gone through has made me who I am” line and meant it it a good way. Like they’ve turned out better because of the things that has happened to them, but with me it’s the opposite. Yes, everything that has happened to me has made me who I am but I hate everything about me, and I blame my parents for that. They set me up for failure since the very beginning. I hate myself Every. Single. Day because of the way I was brought up, with no siblings to fall back on, and no true friends in school to escape with. I have been alone since I was born and I think it’s finally time to kill this thing that they’ve made me and to be reborn as something beautiful again, but I don’t know how to do that. Thank you for the video, it’s helped me realize part of what’s gone wrong in my life, and answer some of the questions I have. Or at least point me in the right direction. The check engine light was on, and now that I know what’s wrong, I can begin to fix it.
I've been through similar stuff. If you are a man, a small thing you can use , a small "trick" to help the process of rebuilding yourself, that I want to recommend, is starting to do physical exercises. I know it sounds unrelated to the issues you mention, but - at least for men, perhaps also women - it is connected to issues of self-esteem, self-worth and getting on track. You can start going to the gym, but just purchasing 2 dumbbells (which should cost around USD 40 in total) and starting lifting at home is also effective. You can do all sorts of exercises to train and build up all parts of the body with just two dumbbells. Initially, physical exercises require a little bit of discipline and may feel boring, but by time it gradually becomes fun and enjoyable. It will help in so many ways. Not only will it contribute to your health, strength, muscularity, physical attractiveness and feeling fresh, you will also notice all sorts of positive side effects on your mental health and social relations.
Indeed @RaneSpace I agree. People say that you will thank both the good people and the bad people in the future. But you only ever thank the bad people if you have truly grown out of it. When you grow out of it. You are capable of fending it off, in case it happens again. You are no longer afraid. It is not related to just people, but things and experiences too. To be honest, Just know what you want. If ending your life is indeed what you want, then go for it. If you want to make a change, then go for it. I've wanted to end my life several times. Usually, I would sleep in bed as I was tired. And that was that, actually... I was very tired and once I got a safe place, (say after locking myself in my room...) I would go to sleep. Or I would go to a park somewhere and just sit there quietly. Listening to the sounds around me. Feeling the wind on my skin and hair. The bench, the scent of the air and so on.. Once I had rested enough, I regained hope and began moving towards what I want. Once I did that... I started seeing improvements. It is great how you (yes you, @RaneSpace) can view things logically. Use it better!
Give Yahushua (Jesus) a good go. He told me in a dream once: It is time to leave. My dad had no intention of changing so Yahushua called me to run from them. I left that household and in less than 2 years he died. Man God is good. Yes, he is my father on this earth but man that guy told everyone to change so he can keep on gambling like a madman. I was afraid to get a job in that household to only fuel his addiction so I left. A good decision. People now try to get me back to my controlling mother that cares no bit for my health. Never again mate. Inheritance? Property? Forget it, better leave everything than have their entire damn family guilt you to stay with them and never truly live. Their family wants me dead. They don't like me fat, muscular or skinny neither believing in Yahushua (Jesus). They like me dead.
I’ve left my parents because I was sick of the abuse they caused me and I know I was raised in survival mode I’m finally glad to cut them out of my life because they would never give me praise of validation or even a thank you for helping around the house and everything you discussed is everything that literally happened to me from 2020-present
It's not so bad. My mother's family treats my brother and me like we aren't good enough. We have as little contact with them as possible. Do what's necessary for your sanity.
Doctors might exploit that to get you addicted to medications. It’s a confirmation bias that benefits academia, pharmaceuticals, the medical industry, insurance and politics. Of course their solution is for you to give them money, and of course they are expensive. Humanities 101.
There was no love only obedience. Superficial values based on appearance and money and status. When I did what my parents forced me to do I got rewarded with a present but I felt empty inside. Nothing I did was ever good enough I relate to what you said. And I was punished and disciplined when I stepped out of line.
I was raised in survival mode. When I became a single mom, I made sure my son had all the love and positive feedback. And I never brought temporary men into his life he only met two of the men I dated, and that was when we were well into our relationship. I never wanted my son to feel like I did growing up.
Still stuck in survival mode 😢 thanks to my toxic narcissistic father I can't say or do anything right plus I miss out so much on life . Cannot have or start my own life ! Feel trapped . Gaslighting and mind games plus silent treatment doesn't help plus dealing with constant isolation feeling less than or not good enough.
To this day I feel like I live in “a quiet place,” cuz the slightest noise or misplaced item could set off my dad and bring about unrelenting abuse for NO reason…yet, I’m several miles from him and he could never harm me even if he tried, yet always stuck in survival mode 🥺
Therapy. Read Gabor Mate, but read The body knows the score first. You accumulate the stress as a child. Your Body remembers it. I am not a therapist (but have one psychology degree), but you sound like you may have some PTSD. Watch Gabor Mate's videos on RUclips. So sorry you had a very stressful parent. Work on this right away, you can heal and the rest of your life will be so much better.
Feels like me when i listen to my boom -box at home, and although i am 59, and mother lives 130km distance, i can still see her entering my room (oc without gentle knocking...), shout at me, louder and much more harsh than the Metal, i use to hear... But i'm training that, and i will finally succeed!
No wonder why I feel better about going, during and after my therapy sessions. Not just because of being in survival mode but also raised in survival mode.
If you're watching videos like this, chances are you're struggling. Keep fighting. 💪 The start is to realize something is wrong, the next is to reach out for help. If not for anything else, then at least just to talk. To start talking helps in of itself. I got diagnosed with OCPD a while back. Some times I wish everyone was like me, sometimes I'm glad they're not, sometimes I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. Tomorrow, I'm visiting my mom. I'm not even 40 but both my parents got early dementia and mom is beginning to be completely gone. I have no grandparents left. I'm broken, but a broken thing can still work, even if it will never be fully fixed. Keep good people around you and be good. Be strong. Take care
I wanted to say "but that's not true, I had a good childhood!" but that's not the big picture, either. While it's true I had a supportive and stable family growing up, I also grew up autistic, but not knowing it; as such, I was a "bully magnet" up until mid-junior-high -- and *that* does a lot of damage! And while I made it through grad school, when I got into my career, I would burn out over and over again. Thus, when I saw this video in my feed, I had to find out: "did I grow up in survival mode?" It's good to know that I didn't! But I did, indeed, see this because I'm struggling. I'm doing my best to hang in there, and keep fighting!
I always been raised in hardcore survival mode, and begin to get tired of life before I even hit puberty, I used to think my life is cursed, now I see it as a blessing
Bro, I had no idea why I started crying. I just found this video as my recommendation, I was like “Why not, maybe I can relate to it.” …I certainly did in so many ways.
I have a friend that he had this kind of situations in his childhood. We had a little "argument" not long ago because of different perspectives. Even though could have a better response for both of us now i understand more about his situation and made me reach out to him again, i felt quite sad actually. Still, i think it would be good for him to have a therapist and try to live his life really at his fullest. Thanks for the video, Psych2go. Was very insightful ❤ Im looking very forward for these types of un-popular subjects. Thank you very much ^^
@@Papermin6927 I mean they're nice and love you unconditionally but you sit in your room listening to them talk about all of your flaws and say your achievements aren't enough
Are they supposed to body shame you and call you fat when your already way under weight then compare you to your cousin who's a model? (´ . .̫ . `)@@Papermin6927
As a parent coach and self healer, I deal/ dealt with this all the time. So many parents I see are in survival mode. Once they recognize that it's easier to recover and their parenting improves effortlessly.
I've never heard it phrased this way before but it accurately describes my upbringing. Videos like this are great. Helps you recognize it and put it into perspective. And figuring out what to do about it.
Man every video of yours I see reminds me of how fucked off my life and upbringing have been. But I finally love who I am and I wouldn't trade my hand for all the aces in the deck.
I needed this. I'm so grateful for this channel. Honestly, if it weren't for this channel educating me, and helping to put words to the hurt I feel and survived from, I wouldn't be as successful in my therapy as I am now. You guys are awesome
I'm so sorry you had to endure that. I only had one parent who treated me badly, but she tried to hide it from my dad. My mother would say come give me a hug, then when I would move I to hug her, she would either pound me in the back with her fist or slap me so hard it would knock the breath out of me.
Spot on. No hugs, no I love you. I had no idea until I had kids of my own and I smothered them with affection. This video was like retelling my entire childhood. Did not make me a better person for surviving it, just more hurdles.
Timestamps 1). Criticism 0:39 2). Physical touch 1:44 3). Structure 2:30 4). Emotional neglect 3:32 5). Abuse 4:21 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Raised in -Survival mode 1) I'VE GOT NO SELF WORTH - I subconsciously doubt myself when others say something about me eventhough I don't fully agree to it .( opposite of what normal ppl do ) 2) EMOTIONAL NEGLIGENCE I grew up in a household where my emotions were always neglected & whenever outsiders mistreated me I just feel okay with it just becoz I was used to it from my childhood days. 3) I ALWAYS FACE TROUBLE IN BUILDING & MAINTAING RELATIONS As I grew up in a survival mode family & not in a loving family . It's still very difficult for me to express love & attachment to others also when somebody gets closer to me I've an inner feeling that that would be only for some purpose or they would be always there for me or this relation will soon fade away . 4) MY ACHIEVEMENTS I wouldn't be much excited or happy about my achievements becoz always my parents expect more from me . 5) FRIENDS & TEACHERS They are always more happier with my achievements than me & unlike my parents they always support & guide me to the ri8 path . 6) MY PARENTS R NEVER SATISFIED My parents R always unsatisfied & always expect more & more from me . 7) COMPARISON My parents always compare me with others & when I pointed at their weaker points & sideeffects my parent's would try to distract me .BUT WHEN IT BECOME MORE & MORE THAN I COULD TOLERATE I started comparing them to my friend's parents & other ppl of their age acquaintances BUT AFTER THAT THEY BECOME EVEN MORE WOSER 🗿💀 They say Im very ungrateful & disrespectful child 😑 who doesn't even value parents efforts . But I don't try much defending my side because now I've realized that They are ppl who R themselves suffering from mental disorders, SO THERE IS NO USE OF ARGUING OR CONVINCING THEM . THAT IS MISSION IMPOSSIBLE -becoz whenever I try to convince them or make them understand my matters they shout & yell at me . SO IF U R DEALING WITH SUCH ISSUES MAKE PROPER USE OF INTERNET, PLAN & WORK TOWARDS YOUR FUTURE. ONE DAY EVERYTHING WILL get better & u'll be able to build a good loving family for yourself so just manifeast it . It's just that some good things need time & you just need to be bit of patience. 😊❤ TAKE CARE AMIGO 8LUCK Eventhough I 2 don't have very visible personality I'm able to identity yhe issues & work on fixing it with time ri8 from my teenage as Im a GEN-Z.Thank God 😅 Good luck to the ppl reading my comment becoz u've Psych2Go channel now u can heal your emotional scars 😇
you're right , it's not only divorced or separated, it's alienated kid after split that cause a great damage, and nobody knows about it. Because parents are divorced, it doesn't have to affect the kid negatively. If they know how to manage around the so child. Sometimes can be beneficial but in most cases one parent compete with the other for kid admiration which creates a very bad atmosphere around the child. Busy parent who is almost not engaged in child life can also put the kid to play catch up. Usually when they become an adults they'll realise they're so behind , it sometimes overwhelming and not easy to cope.
Its nice to have a channel like this since it helps us learn abput mental heath in a simple way which can help me reconise/work on it. But i can also help me with realistic story building
One day I thought I wanted to make my mom happy by vacuuming the rug in the living room. I was 6 year old or so, I think... I did it, expected some reaction - a praise, a treat, acknoledgement... she just looked at it, said "okay" and went on. In some time I repeated the effort - she looked at the rug and then dragged me by the ears and hair and pointed my nose in the corners of the rug, saying that I left it dirty, that I can't even do this right, I only wasted precious electricity, it would have been better if I did nothing. 27 year later - I still have a hard time cleaning up. I just get stunned and can't do it. I even got rid of all the carpets, but still... this trauma stays with me
I grew up in survival mode and my mom would always criticize me and never celebrated my wins but do the opposite to our eldest sister (her favorite). This is why I grew up as a people pleaser. I just realized this recently and started to set boundaries. I started with my healing and will consult a professional in the future. I wish anyone who's dealt with these situations will have their healing 🙏
My dad left when I was born and my mom worked nights. I was raised by my grandparents. I can't remember the last time I hugged my mom. And it feels weird saying I love you
I was also raised by my grandparents and have an absent father. To make it worse my mother shipped me and my sister off to her home country from infancy to age 7 and came back for us when she felt ready too. The damage was already done. By the time I came back to the states, my father was an abusive alcoholic, my mother a workaholic with a mean streak, and my sister and I were already fucked up. By 11 my dad and mom divorced, but I was already struggling with suicidal ideation, depression, anger, ptsd, anxiety and autism. I'm 31 now, and my mother seems to conveniently forget all this, that has contributed to my life being the way it is.
It’s like this with one parent. My mom was a saint during that time. But my stepfather was horrible… I feel more secure at home again now that it’s just me my brother and my mom
I'm no psychologist, but I would like to add that erratic praise can be as detrimental if not more than criticism. When I was a kid I was praised excessively when getting perfect grades or behaving well, but when I arrived home with bad news or something lower than a B+ all the praise dissapeared and I was told I was mediocre or lazy. This really messed me up and made me into a very anxious and impulsive adult. No one learns how to be a parent, but please. If you have problems on your own, do NOT project them to your children!
I was expecting to be able to relate a little bit. This was more validation than I was anticipating. I don’t like this feeling. Still, thank you. Apparently I needed to hear it. Keep up the good work.
Yep, Definitely survival mode,me and my partner and we both learned from this experience and know how not to treat ppl or children and create a balance, always learn something every day and understanding we have helped ppl alot,we are always aware of being wrong and state this ❤
I was raised in survival mode. I've gone to therapy and learned my parents were emotionally immature. My therapist recommended the book adult children of emotionally immature parents. I have trouble making new friends because of this and trusting people at times, especially with me identifying as a queer black person. It's a long road, but I'm glad I'm learning about it and finding peace in the chaos that I was not the problem and that I can fix the toxic around me from trash "friends" to my family interaction. I've since block my mom and grey rock my father. I even felt confident enough to take the leap to go for my masters in psychology despite my parents being terrible in even supporting or cheering me on for that. Upon finding a stable relationship with a partner of 11 years now, I know what real love feels like and I even know now that I'm capable of making good grades. Doing this masters is like a do over for the constant state of survival I focused on than the academic achievement I was capable of doing letting my parents get in the way. I'm proud of myself for getting this far despite more work ahead, but I hope others who have gone through this will also find happiness and peace too. ❤
You have so much to be proud of. Studying helped me find out I was worthwhile too. and therapy on and off helped. Please get yourself to therapy if you ever feel ideational. We need you in this world Big parental hug to you (virtual but very supportive).
This video kinda calls me out 😮💨 My father never said sweet things nor gave hugs or touch. He was pretty much just there in between working. And always criticizing. My mother however was the other way. Lots of love and hugs, cared for ect. However she failed me when i developed depression. Told me "what are you crying for?" when i hit the bottom. This made me close up on how i felt, until she got injured (lost work and colleagues) and developed depression herself, now all of a sudden we, the family, had to show HER understanding ect. Yea that resentment runs deep cos it hurt. My father sadly died of cancer in 2022. We were on good terms luckily. I knew of his past, and found out he didnt know what it felt to be loved, by his parents. Generational trauma anyone?
Yep, diagnosed with anxiety by a psych. Many points in the video fit. Didn't even realize a lot of the stuff until I saw a professional (for the anxiety). It was so bad I couldn't leave my home, still struggle with it, but doing way better. Seeing a psych is very helpful for things like that.
Definitely, my mom neglected therapy for me and I still hasn’t left the house. My mom is a severe narcissist and hopefully will leave the house because my dad won’t put up with her for much longer. Currently I’m in a state of depression and anxiety and I feel it will only get worse from here because my school is filled with toxic people so I won’t ever escape. I have thought about self harm more than ever, and I’m resisting as much as possible and it’s just hard for me. I’m just upset for my dad because he has gone through so much, I’m still getting manipulated because I’m younger but my dad won’t be after she leaves. I just hope things get better I’m praying as much as possible for the sake of others and me. Having mental stability isn’t typical in this day and age and I hope it can start being. I really hope.
I feel you mate, but don’t lose hope, there’s light at the end of the tunnel, Make sure your grades are up, because that will help get into better universities, higher paying jobs etc Make sure you get the toxic stuff away from you at school, as much as possible The harder you work on yourself now, the better it will feel in the future, but don’t burn yourself out, remember, take time for yourself! I will pray your life gets better, you’re gonna make it 💪🏻
I’ve realized I grew up in survival mode when I reached my mid 20s 5yrs ago. Growing up in a middle class black home, that’s the majority of my community’s struggles. I had a great childhood but no emotional support or patience from my mom and it made me want to break that cycle when I get married and have kids someday so I can be vulnerable and loving to my loved ones. This is a great video
This may have been a good economic childhood, but it was not a great childhood with no support or patience from your mother. So sorry. Big parental hug from me.
I have come to accept a part of me will always be in survival mode no matter how much I try to fix it. Mental disturbance asside. At least I can access my hysterical strength very easily and almost voluntarily. All I need is to imagine my horrible past and voila
I can survive without love, I cannot survive without my survive skills. Thanks mom for not being soft and raised successful son. Thanks for tough love you gave me it made me more resilient and helped me understand world and society better. Love is for weaklings that relly on other ppl to survive.
I was raised by a violent achololic mother. When I was 12 she died. After that I fell into drugs, grew up running the streets. BUT I PULLED MYSELF OUT OF ALL OF THAT. Only took 45 years.
I like how this video goes at it from a multiple angle approach, any one of these can lead to survival. As for myself I fit pretty well into the criticism and emotional neglect categories. As far as actual love goes it was more often than not me loving them more than them showing love to me. Things have changed fortunately, gotten better even, both of my parents have attended therapy for various issues, I still need therapy but despite the fact I have scars still, I’m glad they’re doing better and I still love them.
I grew up like this. No love. No hugs. Violence. Scared every day. Made sure i got out as soon as i could. My kids grew up properly...with love...and support. ❤
Me too ✋️
me too, i left at 17 or 18yo. to this day us 3 siblings have little to no contact with our "parents"
Same here. I left at 16 (although I almost left at 11, luckily I got caught), have raised my kids with love, dignity, self-respect, etc.
what makes me a good demoman?
I'd hug my dad really tight, and he'd say "That's enough now. Ok, that's enough now"
Survival mode ppl ✋
(Edit: thank you for the likes but at the same time I'm so sorry so many of y'all were raised in survival mode)
(Edit 2: I will try and help ppl so ask questions if you wish this is also a safe place so if you want to share you story's no one will stop you :) .... )
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I know of a couple of people who were raised in survival mode.
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Do “the psychological effects of being raised in poverty” some day please
Great suggestion!
@psych2go
@psych2go
Absolutely!
Survival mode while living in poverty here. I always tear up watching these, and sometimes need to rewind because I get stuck on what was just said.
The part of "It's like when you are constantly dealing with challenging emotions growing up like stress and anxiety usually because of toxic situations at home, or in your life. You end up spending a lot of time trying to handle these feelings, which makes it hard to learn important life skills in a healthy way" hit like a ton of bricks.
Time stamps
0:41 Criticism
1:46 Physical touch
2:32 Structure
3:33 Emotional Neglect
4:22 Abuse
To everybody who reads this, take care of yourself you are perfect just as you are
Thank youuu
Thanks so much ❤
Experiencing Those in my childhood I developed an extreme social anxiety and at the young age I lost my sense of pourpose and even a simple things such as letting my self in sports my parents couldn't afford, yes it was difficult to deal with depression often I isolate myself because I'm having a hard time making friends back then... And now I'm still here standing alone, still feel a bit of loneliness but I'm so used to it.
Thank you 😊
Why do i feel like my parents did all 5 of them
Bro, the first time my mom ever told me "I love you" was when I got accepted into Johns Hopkins University. I was so confused with the complete 180 in how my parents treated me, and how much they started bragging about me rather than criticizing me in front of other family members. At that point, I was totally able to confirm my parents' "love" is 100% conditional.
My mom raised me by saying, "'I love you' is a fake sentence, a fallacy."
Then, she proceeded to say it to her sisters and our pets.
Never says it to me.
No, I think the message is clear: she doesn't love me or think I am worthy of being loved, so she wants to destroy it for me. She "loves" those who could talk smack about her.
I did not hear "I love you". Except for once, and my dad wasn't saying it to me. He was yelling that the family needed to show more affection... sure, that wasn't going to happen. My sister got to hear it. There was no discussion about the word, so I assumed it didn't apply to me. I did not receive hugs my entire memory of childhood from around age 4 through age 19. Then a hug was forced on me, and I felt like I was being ASSAULTED. Creeped me out.
So, I think I understand y'all. That said: (((HUGS TO YOU)))
@lucymckinney9274 OMG you put it so well. I have the same feelings about hugs and any touching from my mom after 25 years of hate (now I’m 40) Every time I was stiffening up. And she still most of the time is a nightmare, had to cut her out from my life.
@@ifgenia Absolutely, if suddenly someone who's been hostile to me wants to hug me or show me affection, my instant thought: ¥What do you want from me?", followed by, "Why would I give you that power?" It's the worst feeling in the world. I'm 61, and I feel it to this day, from any person who's hostile toward me or looks down on me. They have nowhere near the level of skill at fooling me that I have recognizing them. I despised being touched in any way until I was probably 30, maybe a little older. I would not hug until I got older, when I was able to define there was no threat to me. 😳 We had a lifetime of experience before we were old enough to go to college.
We lived! We can hug or not hug whoever we want now. But... I can still flip out if someone surprises me with touch of any kind. 😊
I'm so sorry to hear this. I know you don't know me but I'm a mom and grandma and just want to say that I'm proud of you. Please people, our children are precious and should be treated as such. Nothing more beautiful than a child's mind and imagination and I couldn't imagine stomping that out. I know no one's perfect, but just please be gentle with your loved ones ones. I'm sorry, don't know what I'm trying to say.
The thing is, I was given praise for my successes. Just never when it was a success that was important to me. I've been manipulated to steer away from what I want and like all my life. It still hasn't changed.
Wow, couldn't have said that any better.
Oooooooohhhhh.
THISSS
I had same experience and couldn't put it in words to point out, what didn't feel right in that, thank you
My mom never taught me to brush my teeth. Only did it up until she expected me and my siblings to be doing it. I never adapted so I’ve barely brushed my teeth throughout my life.
When I told her I was making the conscious effort after several failures to establish such a habit and that I’d brushed my teeth almost every day for a week, her reaction was: “Sure, that’s great. I mean, you were supposed to be doing that, anyway.” in a completely dismissive way and it just killed my entire attempt. I stopped every good improvement I was keeping up with basically that day. And this lady claims to care about me. 🙄
I broke the chain when I found out I was pregnant with our first child! Was in therapy the week after finding out I was pregnant and learned how to touch and be touched without fear or anxiety. How to hug, yes literally how to properly hug. My wonderful husband saw someone beautiful inside of me that I didn’t know existed. We were in therapy together. Our kids are mid 20’s and know they are loved beyond measure, unconditionally forever!
How beautiful and wonderful. Best wishes to you, your hubby and children. ❤❤❤
I was a victim of this abuse. The emotional scars are still with me after many decades
Stay strong brother 💪
I still remember whenever my father let his rage loose. He is intimidating as all Hell despite me being better than him. But the scars still remain.
Sorry to hear that and I hope you're healing from it. How many of these signs did you relate to?
Lol just grow up.
@@anderstermansen130shut up kid you don’t understand
Yup I was raised in survival mode, always criticized, grounded a bunch because I'd fail tests, not to mention bullying at school too. It sucks how much our childhood effects our adult lives. Now I'm an introvert and my social and love life suck.
Hugs.😢❤
Same. Got in trouble constantly, was grounded and yelled at for a lot of my childhood. Learned it was better to apologize for absolutely everything, just in case. I still do this as an adult, even for the slightest inconvenience, even if whatever is wrong was clearly not my fault. People will sometimes look at me funny and ask why I'm the one apologizing, I just shrug and say I don't know.
@@TheRoRo56 Hugs. ❤️
You both can read the book by Dr Gabriel Mateo "When the body says No". I cried to myself when I read the book just after I finished my surgery. I made difficult decisions after that. It makes sense why I was this type of person my whole life. We learn to care about others more than we care for ourselves because of our childhood trauma. And it can make us sick. I left my job and identified relationships what were draining me.
@kays3956 thank you for the advice, I will look it up
But I was told it was called having a "healthy fear" of your parents. Glad I realized how messed up that logic was.
@gundamhero6527. A fear of consequence is very different to fear or the person. Parents should never ever confuse the two lest they want to bring great harm to their children and family.
Oh yeah I was afraid of my mother too. I thought that was normal since you should respect your parents. But here is the difference: Respect is not fear
Yeah, I am just now leaving my parents, and I've always been afraid of my mom, my earliest memories of her was her screaming and spanking my brother, and I've tried explaining that but she just goes emotionally manipulative and guilt trippy and cries, doesn't even acknowledge that I grew up terrified of her
@@maggiemidnight8957 You don't mention a father Did your mom bring you up as single parent? It sounds like you're still afraid of your mom and that's not a good thing. As I grew into adulthood I realised that my parents had done their job whether good or bad and that I now had the option of taking control of my own life and be the captain of my own ship. Now that you are leaving your parents home this is the time to make that difficult but necessary choice. Fear is an emotion that you either learn mastery over it and live free or let it enslave you and live as a victim. I'm not a phycologist, but I have lived some, learned some and overcome some.
Wow!! How awful! I don't believe there is such a thing. What an oxymoron thing to be told if you think about it
Why did I just realize that I was raised in survival mode...
Because growing up for us this state is the normal state of the world. And we don't see it until we see that it's not the norm.
Sorry to hear and we hope this video helped. How do you feel after this realization?
@@Psych2go Well just confused and like surprised that it took me 18 years to realize it and I don't know what to think about it
This makes me feel awful for one of my online friends, i wish i could do more to help her
I didn’t realise that, too, until I watched this video, I mean, I'm not that oblivious to it. But I didn’t realise fully that it was survival mode because I was used to love and affection, too, even when it sometimes felt uncomfortable or that I wanted to smack somebody's hands away by instinct.
I lived in this mode from birth to 45 years. A brief respite with a loving husband and right back to it when he died. At 60 I am finally doing the hard work to heal. Keep going.
I had sporadic therapy before but suffered a nervous breakdown and I was 61 when I started really working on it. I think we were taught we were so worthless it takes a while to come to the realization that not only does therapy help you, but it helps those around you.
I’m so sorry about your loss.
@@teschchr122 thank you and agreed. I have several other family members on board since I quit keeping secrets and work on myself
@@DeannaRodriguez-u8r bless you and I sure wish I could give you a hug. I’m proud of you for taking care f yourself for you and those around you.❤️❤️❤️
@@teschchr122 thank you
I found this video frightening! When I had my brother watch it with me, we both looked at each other and started ugly crying. It took awhile to calm down for both of us, we're in our 60's, then we both subscribed.
Hi! You two may also benefit from watching Patrick Teahan's videos. Hope your journey together is full of moments like this in which you can feel safe enough in your care for one another that you can ugly cry as one. Wishing you both a lovely weekend!
So basically you're saying you never got over it? At that age?
@@chickenlover657 Yup. Wherever you go, there you are. And..they..come..with..you. 😢
@@susancarr8998 Nope. You can let go any time you choose.
@@chickenlover657 it just doesn't happen that way. please don't dismiss and shame people who are on their own learning and healing path.
I’m realizing I stayed in survival mode into adulthood. Trying to break out of the cycle.
I've known for some time. Let's stay strong, brother.
Same. It's really hard to get out of
So say we all, brother.
So say we all.
@@5.stg1-dlmalloy43 So say we all.
Just grow up
I live in survival mode all my life (39 years old).
Both of my parents are narcissists and they split when I was 7.
Especially from the age of 15 I can't remember a single really loving moment.
With 20 or so I stopped celebrating Christmas (my birthday way earlier).
I have little energy (tho I work on my future goals) and doubt myself immensely (which slows me down).
Sadly I discovered my parents mental illness very far into my life (when I was 34).
Now I know that not all bad comes from me.
But the harm is been done and I have to collect the broken pieces of my life to create a better future for me.
I wish everyone all luck in the world (who deserve it ... most certainly everyone watching this video)!
Edit:
I thank everyone for sharing their story and the kind words!
Together we are strong!
That rings _SO_ true. 🙂↕️
It's not our fault.
But it's our responsibility now to build something from this pile of bricks we were given. 🌱
Good luck for your future. Are you married? if so, How is your married life?
I finally met someone whom I can relate to. I'm embarrassed to ask, but would you be cool in connecting and sharing your story with me? I realized to better myself, I need to educate myself with people who have their stories to tell and experiences to share. 🙏🏾💪🏾🫂 I don't want you to discuss it here of course, whatever channel of contact works for you. Let me know 😌
man i wish you the best, i know im nobody to you but damn i will give you anything i can give to make you feel better, i feel you man
I feel that.
i was raised in survival mode. ask these children what they want to be when they grow up. they can't answer. to this day i can't tell you what i wanted to be when i grew up. there was no room in my world for dreaming about such things let alone preparing for such things. we were always wondering what was going to happen to us next and how we were going to make it.
This. My current dream is to literally just have a job decent enough to afford my bills so that I can leave this toxic house, but even this feels like asking too much.
Please think about these things now. Love the child in you. Take good care of her and her future.
I ended up retreating into my mind & daydreaming a good life when life got bad when I was little. To this day when life gets too hard I start to involuntary zone out in my head to a better imaginary life. When life is good my mother's voice starts criticizing me in my head. It's like no matter how long I don't see her, her words still haunt me.
I figured this as a child. So i gave it a good thought... and i decided, i wanted to be happy when i grow up.
Every teacher/adult asking the question got confused by my answer.
And stated that i did not understand the question.
In which i would reply, that i understood perfectly fine, they do not understand the answer....
37 year old adult now.
No i didn't manage to make my goal.
I learned that it was a mistake to think i could do better for myself with hard work and kindness towards myself and others.
I was a fool.
so true..
The problem is.. you won’t be able to explain or talk more about how you were raised like that because for some people they have forgotten most of it. Yeah by seeking a professional therapist they can help a certain extend but if you cannot give them examples then they are giving you help by the information they have.
I have been on survival mode and I did not get the emotional support when I was a kid at home and especially I did not get support from parents when I got bullied. I saw a therapist but could only tell a few of what I remember. I think we all should be proud of ourself that we till this day are a survivor of how we got raised. We are strong
i feel that honestly. i barely remember things from my childhood and I feel like it's because your body tries its best to protect yourself from those memories. Nonetheless i'm proud of you and hope you're doing well 🤗🫶🫶
@@only1sh word!
And yet I find that those memories do come back, maybe even more so as I take distance and try to cultivate more independence and safety in my adult life. And that information about our childhood tends to come back not as ordinary, narrative memories, but in all sorts of weird and roundabout ways - in dreams or nightmares, in visions, in emotional flashbacks, in body memories (that is, strong, inexplicable sensations), in current behaviour patterns. Watch how you talk to yourself or others - if you see yourself being mean or nasty, that's a chance to look deeper - does it remind you of anything? Why did I have a nightmare of my mother tonight? Why do I feel so sad without any apparent reason? How are my actual, flesh-and-blood parents treating me now? What is that gut feeling of rage or disgust or fear trying to tell me? In the past couple of years, I've learned that if my body or intuition is giving me a sign that something is wrong, I take it as a strong indication that it really is, even if I cannot substantiate it logically or pinpoint what exactly is wrong at the time. And that is all useful, workable information on my childhood, although there may be little to no direct memories - I hardly remember a thing that happened before I was 7, and a lot of the memories that I do have seem to have lost their emotional content and remained as bare, dry facts. And the longer I look, the more lost memories and emotional content I unlock.
@only1sh It's the Brain that tries to protect you by 'forgetting'. The Body holds all the memories. Have you read The Body Keeps the Score? Wonderful book. Opened up so much for me.
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Al fin alguien hablando de esto lol pensé q era el único TwT lo triste es q aún soy adolescente pero no recuerdo casi nada de mi niñez. Una chota.
Growing up with Autism in a family and school environment where nobody knew anything about Autism led me to grow up in survival mode in almost every way. Had I not had my grandmother to make my childhood less painful, I would not have lived to be a teenager. Despite my mom/aunt doing mountains of research into Autism after I was diagnosed at 9 years old, she did nothing to actually try to adjust to how Autism affects me throughout my whole childhood and even some of my teenage years. Most of my family emotionally neglecting me was the norm for me throughout my 25 years of life. Part of the reason for that is them having their own trauma that they were never able to move on from. Part of it was how the men in the family were raised to be emotionally distant.
My grandmother and closest friends were the only reason I still have my sanity and was able to accept myself as I am. My grandmother has been gone for a couple years, but I still have other people who still help me, accept me, and love me as I am. Even though my blood family is not really a family to me, I have a family of close friends to keep me sane.
What makes things worse with my family is that my parents are in complete denial of how they have treated me. They think that financially supporting me with food and shelter is enough to show they love me, but the fact of the matter is that it isn't. Not that they'll ever see anything other than their own thinking. I've just decided to stop emotionally investing in most of my family because it's just a drain on me.
I’m so sorry for you
You just stated my life too!
I'm autistic too. You said part of the reason for their neglect was them struggling with traumas of their own. Autism is highly hereditary. I imagine my maternal grandfather may have been like me. I never knew him, but my mom was traumatised by being raised by him. I myself have no children. I would have liked to, but I didn't have energy left for children when I was struggling through life with undiagnosed autism. If I would have had kids I'm afraid I might have been to them as my grandfather to my mother: meltdowns of rage due to exhaustion.
@@UnderTheBlueBeanBush Sadly, that is not the case with my parents. While Autism is hereditary in my family, neither my uncle/dad nor my aunt/mom had to deal with parents that had Autism. Heck, my aunt is married into the family, so Autism doesn't run in her family.
My uncle had to deal with an alcoholic asshole of a father, as well as not having much money for his whole childhood and possibly high school life. He also was raised on the idea that men don't show their emotions. He believes that if he just buys things for his kids and grandkids, that's all he needs to do to show he loves them.
That's where he and I clash the most. I am a firm believer of wearing your emotions on your sleeves, especially after I settled my own personal issues and found myself. Part of my love language is putting thought into your actions. However, my uncle is very thoughtless with how he buys things for me, especially during my later high school days to now. He's also a loud mouth numbskull who is all work and no fun, which is where we also clash.
As for my Aunt, she lost her mother and grandmother at an early age. She was also raised by a dad who was so narcissistic and against her being successful and happy that he bet against her being able to succeed in college.
Neither one of them were really able to work through this trauma and possibly more trauma. They also do not have healthy approaches to dealing with their negative emotions.
@@galaxy-eyesgarchomp9478 Thank you for your kind respons. I hope your future will be full of love.
As a kid I grew up with a very emotionally and physically abusive parent and to this day it has caused me so many issues, for anyone else who might’ve gone through the same things, PLEASE go through therapy it will save you from so much pain and stress.
Therapy ain't workin 👍
Can't afford therapy 😢
So that's what it's called, I was raised in survival mode.
How many of these signs did you resonate with?
@@Psych2goI have all the long term effects of emotionally abused victims but I can't remember being outrightly abused in my childhood. What does this mean??
@@oxxen_uta2282 It sounds like you are in the same boat I was. If at all possible, talk to a therapist. I was shocked when my therapist pointed out instances of emotional manipulation and abuse I’d gone through that I had never considered traumatic. So much crap is normalized for people growing up in dysfunctional households, we don’t understand why we’re in survival mode because we were literally never given the tools to know otherwise.
Just know you feel the way you do for a reason, and finding help can make all the difference.
All of these points resonate with us (we're a DID System). In our first 6 years of life we moved 6 times between 4 communities of different linguistic make up (French & English). By the time we were 18, that number had gone up to 10 between 6 communities. We've attended 6 schools between grades 1-12: 1 school for grades 1-3; a new school in the same neighbourhood for grade 4; move to a new city, 5, 6, & 1st half of 7 in one k-12 school, last half of 7 in a school literally down the street from the 1st school; grades 8 & 9 in a school halfway between the 2 previous schools; and grades 10-12 at a school less than a 15 minutes walk away from the original school we attended in that same city...). We had "structure" in our life: up at 6:30; showered and dressed by 7 (5 kids sharing the same washroom); eat breakfast & clean the kitchen by 7:30; out to catch the bus by 7:40; at school til 3pm; once we got home, babysit 3 (then 4 younger once the youngest started school) siblings starting at 13yo, make sure they did homework, at least start preparing supper if not make it completely, eat supper once parents got home, clean the kitchen again, and up until the body was 14-15yo, in bed by 7:30. After that it slowly crept up to 10pm around 17-18yo. Weekends were Saturday morning: cleaning, afternoon: errands, evening stay up an extra 30 minutes (oooo); Sunday: Church & Sunday school, Big Sunday Lunch, clean the kitchen, "free time" until it was time to help make supper, then back to the routine. Add to that the fact that we were responsible for our own laundry around the age of 12... No matter where we lived, what school we attended, that was our day/week. Structure we had in spades, stability of people around us who could identify there was a problem and address it? Nope! As soon as someone hinted there was a problem, we were moved away from them - including extended family.
We were so afraid of our toxic parent that it took us over 30 years to REALIZE that for 2 years we had an escape door that lead to the outside of the house IN OUR BEDROOM in our late teens, AND we NEVER used it! Not to sneak out & meet friends, not to run away, nothing... It never crossed our mind because we knew if we stepped out of line, they would k¡|| us. They caused us to fear for our lives for lesser offences. Bad test score? Yep. Didn't do a chore correctly? 💯 And at such an early age that our mind said: it doesn't matter if this child makes it out whole & sound... The body has to survive. And here we are, a Dissociative Disorder System, diagnosed in our 50's.
I grew up in survival mode and carried the scars for many years. What I learned is this. As you grow into adulthood you have a choice to make . You can either remain in survival mode and all the negatives that go with it and live in victimhood, or you can make a clear choice to take control of your own life and destiny and become the captain of your own ship and stop playing the blame game. Yes you will need help but I found the right people showed up when I opened myself up to them. It all changed for me when I stopped seeing myself perpetually as a victim.
1,000%❗️
This!
Finding help from right person is the problem
Most of my experience ppl either ignoring it or weaponizing it
needed to hear this today
You're not a victim, you're a survivor❤
spot on , I come to the same conclusion when I got stabbed in the back by those I least expected. I think I gave them power and control to decide my outcomes. When nothing else left I realised , it's up to us how we create our background in our path.
Survival mode ppl ✋✋✋
Present 🤚
Me 🖐
Here ✋
@@ashlynn_real Here and sending best wishes. ✌️
@@trwn87thanks for that man 🥹
That explains why i push people away it's very uncomfortable when people try getting close to you and it just reminds you of others who have done the same ending up hurting and using you i doubt i will ever be comfortable with people maybe if i could read their minds
I was constantly in survival mode around my dad because of emotional abuse and neglect, but around my mom I felt safe.
If I told anyone about the abuse, they would just say “Well, he doesn’t hit you, so it’s fine.”
Even in peaceful situations around my dad, I constantly feared that even one wrong move would cause him to scream at me.
She allowed that
Watching this really made me cry 🥺. Everything hit a bullseye, and so much of it was daily from the time I was born. I was diagnosed with a PTSD last year from extreme long term abuse. Even today... I always feel like I'm stuck in crash position.. waiting for the other foot to fall. The things I kept inside for so long over time has had Serious effects on my physical health, and nearly completely crashed my immune system. There's a huge difference... Between surviving and thriving. If you're carrying anything like that around, and haven't come out with it bc You're afraid...you have to push through that and reach out for help. Don't be afraid to talk to someone. You're still here bc you Are a survivor. Take that leap of faith for yourself bc you deserve it. Stay strong and carry on. Nothing but Love for all
bro my eyes light up each time I see a notification from you Psch2Go❤
We hope this video helped you. Did you relate to any of these signs?
A lot of people have said the classic “everything I’ve gone through has made me who I am” line and meant it it a good way. Like they’ve turned out better because of the things that has happened to them, but with me it’s the opposite. Yes, everything that has happened to me has made me who I am but I hate everything about me, and I blame my parents for that. They set me up for failure since the very beginning. I hate myself Every. Single. Day because of the way I was brought up, with no siblings to fall back on, and no true friends in school to escape with. I have been alone since I was born and I think it’s finally time to kill this thing that they’ve made me and to be reborn as something beautiful again, but I don’t know how to do that. Thank you for the video, it’s helped me realize part of what’s gone wrong in my life, and answer some of the questions I have. Or at least point me in the right direction. The check engine light was on, and now that I know what’s wrong, I can begin to fix it.
I've been through similar stuff. If you are a man, a small thing you can use , a small "trick" to help the process of rebuilding yourself, that I want to recommend, is starting to do physical exercises. I know it sounds unrelated to the issues you mention, but - at least for men, perhaps also women - it is connected to issues of self-esteem, self-worth and getting on track. You can start going to the gym, but just purchasing 2 dumbbells (which should cost around USD 40 in total) and starting lifting at home is also effective. You can do all sorts of exercises to train and build up all parts of the body with just two dumbbells. Initially, physical exercises require a little bit of discipline and may feel boring, but by time it gradually becomes fun and enjoyable. It will help in so many ways. Not only will it contribute to your health, strength, muscularity, physical attractiveness and feeling fresh, you will also notice all sorts of positive side effects on your mental health and social relations.
Indeed @RaneSpace
I agree.
People say that you will thank both the good people and the bad people in the future.
But you only ever thank the bad people if you have truly grown out of it.
When you grow out of it. You are capable of fending it off, in case it happens again. You are no longer afraid.
It is not related to just people, but things and experiences too.
To be honest, Just know what you want.
If ending your life is indeed what you want, then go for it.
If you want to make a change, then go for it.
I've wanted to end my life several times.
Usually, I would sleep in bed as I was tired.
And that was that, actually... I was very tired and once I got a safe place, (say after locking myself in my room...) I would go to sleep.
Or I would go to a park somewhere and just sit there quietly. Listening to the sounds around me. Feeling the wind on my skin and hair.
The bench, the scent of the air and so on..
Once I had rested enough, I regained hope and began moving towards what I want. Once I did that... I started seeing improvements.
It is great how you (yes you, @RaneSpace) can view things logically. Use it better!
Give Yahushua (Jesus) a good go. He told me in a dream once: It is time to leave. My dad had no intention of changing so Yahushua called me to run from them. I left that household and in less than 2 years he died. Man God is good. Yes, he is my father on this earth but man that guy told everyone to change so he can keep on gambling like a madman. I was afraid to get a job in that household to only fuel his addiction so I left. A good decision. People now try to get me back to my controlling mother that cares no bit for my health. Never again mate. Inheritance? Property? Forget it, better leave everything than have their entire damn family guilt you to stay with them and never truly live. Their family wants me dead. They don't like me fat, muscular or skinny neither believing in Yahushua (Jesus). They like me dead.
Same with we bro, I felt always ignored and left alone. Im now 28, have no Friends and never had a girlfriend either.
I’ve left my parents because I was sick of the abuse they caused me and I know I was raised in survival mode I’m finally glad to cut them out of my life because they would never give me praise of validation or even a thank you for helping around the house and everything you discussed is everything that literally happened to me from 2020-present
I felt like the black sheep in the family.
Thankyou
I get it. Mine were a narcissistic & a PTSD survivor. Siblings bullied me. I used to ‘joke’ I was the White sheep.
It's not so bad. My mother's family treats my brother and me like we aren't good enough. We have as little contact with them as possible. Do what's necessary for your sanity.
@@lisatolliver2866 Thank you for your kind words. I have gone no contact with my brother. He is trying to heal also.
I’ve lived in survival mode my entire life. I’m 76. It has taken a toll on my health. I just learned what survival mode is. 😩
That's a description of my childhood.
I’ve been stuck in freeze response for at least thirty years
please seek help. i was like this. you may have ADHD. the medicine they prescribe for that has changed my life.
Problem is...I had financial and geography problems, so finding an trusty professional help is seems too hard for me.
Doctors might exploit that to get you addicted to medications. It’s a confirmation bias that benefits academia, pharmaceuticals, the medical industry, insurance and politics. Of course their solution is for you to give them money, and of course they are expensive. Humanities 101.
Yeah, I'm definitely on survival mode. I get criticized occasionally and it sometimes feel as though they never really support me emotionally.
There was no love only obedience. Superficial values based on appearance and money and status. When I did what my parents forced me to do I got rewarded with a present but I felt empty inside. Nothing I did was ever good enough I relate to what you said. And I was punished and disciplined when I stepped out of line.
At this point I'm like I will make sure my kids live a better life and i can keep them away from things I've seen and experienced..
being raised in poverty forced me to survival mode.
5:10 I 100% don’t rely on other people.
I was raised in survival mode. When I became a single mom, I made sure my son had all the love and positive feedback. And I never brought temporary men into his life he only met two of the men I dated, and that was when we were well into our relationship. I never wanted my son to feel like I did growing up.
Still stuck in survival mode 😢 thanks to my toxic narcissistic father I can't say or do anything right plus I miss out so much on life . Cannot have or start my own life ! Feel trapped . Gaslighting and mind games plus silent treatment doesn't help plus dealing with constant isolation feeling less than or not good enough.
how old are you are you almost 18
To this day I feel like I live in “a quiet place,” cuz the slightest noise or misplaced item could set off my dad and bring about unrelenting abuse for NO reason…yet, I’m several miles from him and he could never harm me even if he tried, yet always stuck in survival mode 🥺
Therapy. Read Gabor Mate, but read The body knows the score first. You accumulate the stress as a child. Your Body remembers it. I am not a therapist (but have one psychology degree), but you sound like you may have some PTSD. Watch Gabor Mate's videos on RUclips. So sorry you had a very stressful parent. Work on this right away, you can heal and the rest of your life will be so much better.
Feels like me when i listen to my boom -box at home, and although i am 59, and mother lives 130km distance, i can still see her entering my room (oc without gentle knocking...), shout at me, louder and much more harsh than the Metal, i use to hear... But i'm training that, and i will finally succeed!
No wonder why I feel better about going, during and after my therapy sessions. Not just because of being in survival mode but also raised in survival mode.
This was My whole life now im just detached emotionally from everybody, I can feel emotions for people but now i cant get attached to no one.
If you're watching videos like this, chances are you're struggling.
Keep fighting. 💪
The start is to realize something is wrong, the next is to reach out for help. If not for anything else, then at least just to talk.
To start talking helps in of itself.
I got diagnosed with OCPD a while back.
Some times I wish everyone was like me, sometimes I'm glad they're not, sometimes I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
Tomorrow, I'm visiting my mom. I'm not even 40 but both my parents got early dementia and mom is beginning to be completely gone. I have no grandparents left.
I'm broken, but a broken thing can still work, even if it will never be fully fixed.
Keep good people around you and be good.
Be strong.
Take care
I wanted to say "but that's not true, I had a good childhood!" but that's not the big picture, either.
While it's true I had a supportive and stable family growing up, I also grew up autistic, but not knowing it; as such, I was a "bully magnet" up until mid-junior-high -- and *that* does a lot of damage!
And while I made it through grad school, when I got into my career, I would burn out over and over again.
Thus, when I saw this video in my feed, I had to find out: "did I grow up in survival mode?" It's good to know that I didn't!
But I did, indeed, see this because I'm struggling. I'm doing my best to hang in there, and keep fighting!
I always been raised in hardcore survival mode, and begin to get tired of life before I even hit puberty, I used to think my life is cursed, now I see it as a blessing
Bro, I had no idea why I started crying. I just found this video as my recommendation, I was like “Why not, maybe I can relate to it.” …I certainly did in so many ways.
I have a friend that he had this kind of situations in his childhood. We had a little "argument" not long ago because of different perspectives. Even though could have a better response for both of us now i understand more about his situation and made me reach out to him again, i felt quite sad actually. Still, i think it would be good for him to have a therapist and try to live his life really at his fullest. Thanks for the video, Psych2go. Was very insightful ❤ Im looking very forward for these types of un-popular subjects. Thank you very much ^^
I was raised in a Loving Toxic family (◡ ω ◡)
Oh…
Do you mean unintentionally toxic?
@@Papermin6927 I mean they're nice and love you unconditionally but you sit in your room listening to them talk about all of your flaws and say your achievements aren't enough
@@ashlynn_real They may want you to work on your flaws THAT desperately, but at least they seem to know what parenting is.
Are they supposed to body shame you and call you fat when your already way under weight then compare you to your cousin who's a model? (´ . .̫ . `)@@Papermin6927
We are here and still surviving.
Tomorrow is another day, today is another war
As a parent coach and self healer, I deal/ dealt with this all the time. So many parents I see are in survival mode. Once they recognize that it's easier to recover and their parenting improves effortlessly.
I was loved, I just overcomplicate things, and am honestly entirely too hard on myself for the smallest things
I've never heard it phrased this way before but it accurately describes my upbringing. Videos like this are great. Helps you recognize it and put it into perspective. And figuring out what to do about it.
Man every video of yours I see reminds me of how fucked off my life and upbringing have been. But I finally love who I am and I wouldn't trade my hand for all the aces in the deck.
this hits hard, I hope I'll be able to feel the same way on day
*one
I've been on survival mode for my entire 44 years...
At this point I wouldn't know what to do with anything else I might actually lose my shit...
Well, then you should know how you stop feeling anything eventually and start tu hurt back. Helps a lot.
Minecraft survival mode irl is fire
Hardcore is not fun, speaking from experience
@@deadeye8794Same damm I hate those spiders in the Dimension where everything is upside down, in Australia it is kinda difficult to survive
I needed this. I'm so grateful for this channel. Honestly, if it weren't for this channel educating me, and helping to put words to the hurt I feel and survived from, I wouldn't be as successful in my therapy as I am now. You guys are awesome
this is me.i never had a hug from both of them.Lacerations,bruises from physical abuse. yes, i have.
I'm so sorry you had to endure that. I only had one parent who treated me badly, but she tried to hide it from my dad. My mother would say come give me a hug, then when I would move I to hug her, she would either pound me in the back with her fist or slap me so hard it would knock the breath out of me.
@@lisatolliver2866 - that is horrific. I am so sorry. How to kill trust for your child. Evil. Big parental hug from me.
Spot on. No hugs, no I love you. I had no idea until I had kids of my own and I smothered them with affection. This video was like retelling my entire childhood. Did not make me a better person for surviving it, just more hurdles.
Timestamps
1). Criticism 0:39
2). Physical touch 1:44
3). Structure 2:30
4). Emotional neglect 3:32
5). Abuse 4:21
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Raised in -Survival mode
1) I'VE GOT NO SELF WORTH - I subconsciously doubt myself when others say something about me eventhough I don't fully agree to it .( opposite of what normal ppl do )
2) EMOTIONAL NEGLIGENCE
I grew up in a household where my emotions were always neglected & whenever outsiders mistreated me I just feel okay with it just becoz I was used to it from my childhood days.
3) I ALWAYS FACE TROUBLE IN BUILDING & MAINTAING RELATIONS
As I grew up in a survival mode family & not in a loving family . It's still very difficult for me to express love & attachment to others also when somebody gets closer to me I've an inner feeling that that would be only for some purpose or they would be always there for me or this relation will soon fade away .
4) MY ACHIEVEMENTS
I wouldn't be much excited or happy about my achievements becoz always my parents expect more from me .
5) FRIENDS & TEACHERS
They are always more happier with my achievements than me & unlike my parents they always support & guide me to the ri8 path .
6) MY PARENTS R NEVER SATISFIED
My parents R always unsatisfied & always expect more & more from me .
7) COMPARISON
My parents always compare me with others & when I pointed at their weaker points & sideeffects my parent's would try to distract me .BUT WHEN IT BECOME MORE & MORE THAN I COULD TOLERATE I started comparing them to my friend's parents & other ppl of their age acquaintances BUT AFTER THAT THEY BECOME EVEN MORE WOSER 🗿💀 They say Im very ungrateful & disrespectful child 😑 who doesn't even value parents efforts .
But I don't try much defending my side because now I've realized that They are ppl who R themselves suffering from mental disorders, SO THERE IS NO USE OF ARGUING OR CONVINCING THEM . THAT IS MISSION IMPOSSIBLE -becoz whenever I try to convince them or make them understand my matters they shout & yell at me .
SO IF U R DEALING WITH SUCH ISSUES MAKE PROPER USE OF INTERNET, PLAN & WORK TOWARDS YOUR FUTURE. ONE DAY EVERYTHING WILL get better & u'll be able to build a good loving family for yourself so just manifeast it . It's just that some good things need time & you just need to be bit of patience. 😊❤
TAKE CARE AMIGO
8LUCK
Eventhough I 2 don't have very visible personality I'm able to identity yhe
issues & work on fixing it with time ri8 from my teenage as Im a GEN-Z.Thank God 😅
Good luck to the ppl reading my comment becoz u've Psych2Go channel now u can heal your emotional scars 😇
I love learning the truth of how my life has been psychologically, it's just too bad that learning about it doesn't make it so it didn't happen
Parents being absent in your childhood doesn’t just include them being divorced. Working parents are mostly unavailable to their children as well.
you're right , it's not only divorced or separated, it's alienated kid after split that cause a great damage, and nobody knows about it.
Because parents are divorced, it doesn't have to affect the kid negatively. If they know how to manage around the so child.
Sometimes can be beneficial but in most cases one parent compete with the other for kid admiration which creates a very bad atmosphere around the child.
Busy parent who is almost not engaged in child life can also put the kid to play catch up.
Usually when they become an adults they'll realise they're so behind , it sometimes overwhelming and not easy to cope.
Its nice to have a channel like this since it helps us learn abput mental heath in a simple way which can help me reconise/work on it. But i can also help me with realistic story building
One day I thought I wanted to make my mom happy by vacuuming the rug in the living room. I was 6 year old or so, I think... I did it, expected some reaction - a praise, a treat, acknoledgement... she just looked at it, said "okay" and went on.
In some time I repeated the effort - she looked at the rug and then dragged me by the ears and hair and pointed my nose in the corners of the rug, saying that I left it dirty, that I can't even do this right, I only wasted precious electricity, it would have been better if I did nothing.
27 year later - I still have a hard time cleaning up. I just get stunned and can't do it. I even got rid of all the carpets, but still... this trauma stays with me
You're a much older soul than your mom.
Definitely survival mode
I grew up in survival mode and my mom would always criticize me and never celebrated my wins but do the opposite to our eldest sister (her favorite).
This is why I grew up as a people pleaser. I just realized this recently and started to set boundaries. I started with my healing and will consult a professional in the future. I wish anyone who's dealt with these situations will have their healing 🙏
Sorry about your childhood situation. And thank you for your kind wishes to us all.
My dad left when I was born and my mom worked nights. I was raised by my grandparents. I can't remember the last time I hugged my mom. And it feels weird saying I love you
It's hard to express my emotions properly. I just bottle up everything
I was also raised by my grandparents and have an absent father. To make it worse my mother shipped me and my sister off to her home country from infancy to age 7 and came back for us when she felt ready too. The damage was already done. By the time I came back to the states, my father was an abusive alcoholic, my mother a workaholic with a mean streak, and my sister and I were already fucked up. By 11 my dad and mom divorced, but I was already struggling with suicidal ideation, depression, anger, ptsd, anxiety and autism. I'm 31 now, and my mother seems to conveniently forget all this, that has contributed to my life being the way it is.
Yep, all my life! I got out ASAP. It's scary to see a video describing your whole life. Now, I'm an adult but, lots still come up everyday.
It’s like this with one parent.
My mom was a saint during that time. But my stepfather was horrible…
I feel more secure at home again now that it’s just me my brother and my mom
That hit home. With one parent, at least. The other was loving
I'm no psychologist, but I would like to add that erratic praise can be as detrimental if not more than criticism.
When I was a kid I was praised excessively when getting perfect grades or behaving well, but when I arrived home with bad news or something lower than a B+ all the praise dissapeared and I was told I was mediocre or lazy. This really messed me up and made me into a very anxious and impulsive adult.
No one learns how to be a parent, but please. If you have problems on your own, do NOT project them to your children!
Same here, I was supoused to be the perfect student
I was expecting to be able to relate a little bit. This was more validation than I was anticipating. I don’t like this feeling. Still, thank you. Apparently I needed to hear it. Keep up the good work.
0:53 W one piece reference
Yep, Definitely survival mode,me and my partner and we both learned from this experience and know how not to treat ppl or children and create a balance, always learn something every day and understanding we have helped ppl alot,we are always aware of being wrong and state this ❤
wonderful!
I was raised in survival mode. I've gone to therapy and learned my parents were emotionally immature. My therapist recommended the book adult children of emotionally immature parents. I have trouble making new friends because of this and trusting people at times, especially with me identifying as a queer black person. It's a long road, but I'm glad I'm learning about it and finding peace in the chaos that I was not the problem and that I can fix the toxic around me from trash "friends" to my family interaction. I've since block my mom and grey rock my father. I even felt confident enough to take the leap to go for my masters in psychology despite my parents being terrible in even supporting or cheering me on for that. Upon finding a stable relationship with a partner of 11 years now, I know what real love feels like and I even know now that I'm capable of making good grades. Doing this masters is like a do over for the constant state of survival I focused on than the academic achievement I was capable of doing letting my parents get in the way. I'm proud of myself for getting this far despite more work ahead, but I hope others who have gone through this will also find happiness and peace too. ❤
You have so much to be proud of. Studying helped me find out I was worthwhile too. and therapy on and off helped. Please get yourself to therapy if you ever feel ideational. We need you in this world Big parental hug to you (virtual but very supportive).
@@MaryDBethany ❤️ thank you friend, I’m glad you’re here too (virtual hug 🤗). You are certainly also worthwhile!
The lack of guidance led to many mistakes. The loss of self esteem from always feeling like a mistake is just around the corner..
This video kinda calls me out 😮💨
My father never said sweet things nor gave hugs or touch. He was pretty much just there in between working. And always criticizing. My mother however was the other way. Lots of love and hugs, cared for ect. However she failed me when i developed depression. Told me "what are you crying for?" when i hit the bottom. This made me close up on how i felt, until she got injured (lost work and colleagues) and developed depression herself, now all of a sudden we, the family, had to show HER understanding ect. Yea that resentment runs deep cos it hurt.
My father sadly died of cancer in 2022. We were on good terms luckily. I knew of his past, and found out he didnt know what it felt to be loved, by his parents. Generational trauma anyone?
Yep, diagnosed with anxiety by a psych. Many points in the video fit. Didn't even realize a lot of the stuff until I saw a professional (for the anxiety). It was so bad I couldn't leave my home, still struggle with it, but doing way better. Seeing a psych is very helpful for things like that.
Definitely, my mom neglected therapy for me and I still hasn’t left the house. My mom is a severe narcissist and hopefully will leave the house because my dad won’t put up with her for much longer. Currently I’m in a state of depression and anxiety and I feel it will only get worse from here because my school is filled with toxic people so I won’t ever escape. I have thought about self harm more than ever, and I’m resisting as much as possible and it’s just hard for me. I’m just upset for my dad because he has gone through so much, I’m still getting manipulated because I’m younger but my dad won’t be after she leaves. I just hope things get better I’m praying as much as possible for the sake of others and me. Having mental stability isn’t typical in this day and age and I hope it can start being. I really hope.
The hope of the world Jesus
I feel you mate, but don’t lose hope, there’s light at the end of the tunnel,
Make sure your grades are up, because that will help get into better universities, higher paying jobs etc
Make sure you get the toxic stuff away from you at school, as much as possible
The harder you work on yourself now, the better it will feel in the future, but don’t burn yourself out, remember, take time for yourself! I will pray your life gets better, you’re gonna make it 💪🏻
Video hit so hard got me tearing up bro 🫡
Suddenly things are making sense
Wow! Never thought I would get so emotional. Felt like you guys just called out my entire childhood in less than 6 minutes.
We hope this video helped you in some way! Hugs
Oh.
This hits REAL deep...
thank you:}
I never thought I would cry from one video.
I love your videos, they make my day
We hope this video helped you. How many of these signs did you relate to?
@@Psych2go a few, I’d say I’m in between normal and survival (2 things)
Really good video ❤ thank you. I have to stop here for now.
But even still there is no use in cursing the unchanging past, all you can do is move forward tackling the hurdles
There it is. Go forward in peace and harmony.
I’ve realized I grew up in survival mode when I reached my mid 20s 5yrs ago. Growing up in a middle class black home, that’s the majority of my community’s struggles. I had a great childhood but no emotional support or patience from my mom and it made me want to break that cycle when I get married and have kids someday so I can be vulnerable and loving to my loved ones.
This is a great video
This may have been a good economic childhood, but it was not a great childhood with no support or patience from your mother. So sorry. Big parental hug from me.
True.
🔥This is a phenomenal Informative Video.
I was raised in survival mode.
Describes my life...and validates the fact i was right and everybody else lied to me to protect their own state of mind.
I have come to accept a part of me will always be in survival mode no matter how much I try to fix it. Mental disturbance asside. At least I can access my hysterical strength very easily and almost voluntarily. All I need is to imagine my horrible past and voila
I can survive without love, I cannot survive without my survive skills. Thanks mom for not being soft and raised successful son. Thanks for tough love you gave me it made me more resilient and helped me understand world and society better. Love is for weaklings that relly on other ppl to survive.
I wasn't raised on survival nor on love tbh
I was raised by a violent achololic mother. When I was 12 she died. After that I fell into drugs, grew up running the streets.
BUT I PULLED MYSELF OUT OF ALL OF THAT.
Only took 45 years.
31.
They've changed once they found something wrong
I like how this video goes at it from a multiple angle approach, any one of these can lead to survival.
As for myself I fit pretty well into the criticism and emotional neglect categories. As far as actual love goes it was more often than not me loving them more than them showing love to me. Things have changed fortunately, gotten better even, both of my parents have attended therapy for various issues, I still need therapy but despite the fact I have scars still, I’m glad they’re doing better and I still love them.
I think I'm ready to talk to someone, thanks psych2go!
Love the spy x family animations