Cutting my mother and family out of my life was like letting myself out a cage! The #1 bully was my mother, her enabler due to my mothers lies was my family. I now speak out about my traumatic life and encourage others to as well. It's healing, liberation, and renewing for the spirit! Dont let anyone convince or gaslight you that your experience arent worth going NO contact! Your truth sets you free & freedom is PEACE❗️🫶🏾🤌🏽🙏🏽💯
At over 40 years old, I decided to cut ties with my entire family starting in 2019, and my only regret is not doing it sooner. I now experience an unexplainable peace and have no intention of reconnecting with them. I focus on my healing process and my personal journey, preferring to stay to myself.
Sorry about your family. Thank you for your platform. Us Africans go through this a lot and we all have a role to play to change this. You are doing your part. The rest of us need to do ours and it will be different for each person.
I relate to the big sister and the woman after her so much. I am a big sister and have been the people pleaser/fixer in my nuclear family. The hardest relationship was with my sister who was extremely manipulative and a user. I tried to fix the relationship many times before it came to a head and I went no contact. I couldn’t stay no contact cause I care for our sick mom and want to maintain a relationship with my nephew but she would find any opportunity to hurt me words until I started grey rocking. She now directs her abuse to my dad, who also is a careless and manipulative user (I used to have to protect my mom from him). I don’t need to go no contact with them because they don’t care about me, they only contact me when they want something from me. Decentering family can really elevate your quality of life. Go where you are loved well
I went no contact with my mother 6 years ago and been living my best life especially once her spells wore off i hut that uno reverse card on her ass... She was so selfish and a narcissist and always put my father who was an overt narc that was a pedophile she protected him at all cost even eith evidence...so i called the cops and he left the state to go down south to hide... She even let my father whos my brother step dad bath him knowing he was touching him but turned her head and always said (what happens in our house stays in our house) glad my kids dont know her
Man I literally told my brother I think my mother was praying bondage over us. I take full accountability and responsibility for my adult actions. I had to do a lot of trial and error because I was not raised. However my mother intentionally steered me wrong and my siblings to remain dependant on her then bash us for being needy adults. I snapped out of it and feel so free.
@@anonymous101-sb1bf exactly same thing as me and my brother he kept going to jail too...I come from a line a free masons and eastern stars and let my tell you I come from a LINE OF WITCHES AND WARLOCKS...
I went no contact with my family back in December and it was one of the hardest things I had to do in my life and as a result it has made me depressed and caused me to have anxiety on a daily basis. What made me go no contact with them was when I was in army basic training they never called me, wrote me letters or even showed up to my graduation.
That had to be a difficult test of isolation and loneliness. I'm very sorry they didn't attend your graduation; it's absolutely amazing you were able to complete military training! That is no easy feat. Very impressive! The good news is you are young and with that accomplishment under your belt, you are going to thrive in your professional career! If you can graduate basic training and everything that is required to get that accolade, you can do anything and do it well. ❤❤💪 If I had to guess, the reason why they didn't contact you or email you or even text you during that very very difficult time is because it made them feel lazy and unaccomplished. They felt guilty and pretended it didn't exist so they didn't have to deal with it because it made them feel inadequate. In their future, I hope they can realize this and at least apologize to you.❤
At 36 I barely talk to my Mother and shes lucky she has my number after all the stuff shes done she didnt stop at 18 and never apologized but feels entitled. At this point she gets no grace ive always been respectful. She literally says you teach ppl how to treat you so someone tell her to tread lightly. Shes a big antagonizer. The lady that mentioned you lose extended family is so true they will cut off kids but never check the adults
I went no contact with my mum before I started seeing and hearing about going no contact. I went no contact in 2006, 2012 I got a call from a random number "ijeoma do you know who this is". My response was there will never be a day I would call my child and ask if they know who is speaking with them. Smh. When the guy you are dating broke up with you because of how badly he sees you treating your child.
I think that this is so important and I am really happy for and proud of newer generations being able to make such a hard but ultimately rewarding decision. I do think it is absolutely crucial (and excruciating) to make sure there is a solid community in place outside of your family--whether you decide to go completely no contact or not--before you create those boundaries with your family. We are built to be supported and I wish everyone the best as they find that support!
It took me about seven or eight Christmases, thanksgivings, birthdays, and other holidays to begin enjoying them again with the family I created for myself. It's still really hard and really painful, especially as you get older and your parents get older. I have often considered taking care of my mother who lives alone, but I know that none of my estranged siblings will help unless they get something out of it, so we will see on that. It blows my mind how many people this is happening to. Makes you wonder why. There is always a part of me that remembers the positive moments from times spent with my family, and wonders if it's worth the criticism, the judgment, the abuse and the bullshit just for those good memories. Because when you get older like me, you truly completely forget the negative stuff. Unfortunately, for me, my family holds grudges. I have tried to do their job by making amends but that doesn't work either. They have to do that. And I don't know if they ever will. Thank you for covering such interesting! I know that all of the people reading these comments, have pain in their hearts from having to go no contact. And I feel your pain very deeply. I'm sorry this happens. And I hope all of you find your own tribe ❤
This happened to me a few days ago. Had to take ear drops four times A day: morning, noon, evening, and bedtime. So, 8AM, 12PM, 4PM, and 8PM are the times I take it. (The doctor didn't give me certain timeframes when I should take it). I tried it at 12AM last time, but I slept through the alarm, hence why I have my schedule now. My mom yelled at me saying how I should take it every 6 hours. I forgot the exact times she said, but she wanted me to take the final drops around 12AM or 1AM. However, it wouldn't make sense since it would technically be a whole new day. My brother and I tried to reason with her, speaking to her calmly. Not raising our voices, but she started yelling then used the typical line "I've been here for 45 years, I know about medicine" speech. So, she called my grandmother, explained the situation to her, and my grandmother did defend me a bit saying "it shouldn't matter what time she's taking it as long as I'm taking it" as well as "who's going to wake up at 12 to 1 in the morning to take medicine?" My mom was upset that my grandmother didn't take her side (I noticed), but she switched to a different problem about me wearing headphones with the ear inflammation. The only reason why I did it is because she does get loud (screaming/laughing), plus she has the music turned up all the way. The headphones I used muffle most of the loud noises and the volume to my music is kept below 50%.
God bless all those who go no contact, but still have a family of their own (spouse & children). Some of us don’t have the same, so it makes like 10 times lonelier.
Jamani that girls story put tears in my eyes. I will never judge people who go no contact with their parents, I want to do the same with an aunt in my family. Remember those movies that show kids abandoning their parents and I would think that those kids are cruel, mean etc, but now that I look back, I wonder how those parents treated them. Those kids were always portrayed as evil for leaving their parents ( sometimes kids can be evil, but only a minority). As some of those ladies said, siblings get a different version of the same parents and they don't see them the way you do. I just pray that all of us who have experienced this get healing and do the best for themselves. Don't regret choosing a better life for yourself !!! 💃💃
Ive been no contact with my SiL for about 3 years now. Its been wonderful. Shes always causing family conflicts. Also, a lot of my family doesn't reach out to me and I figured maybe they dont want to interact with me. So I no longer reach out, I assume I shouldn't. I do go if invited to events. But if they dont specifically invite me i wont go. I dont want to get courtesy invites but real invites.
I’ve never regretted going no contact with my family. They never really treated me the best anyway. So it wasn’t hard at all to move away. I wuz away from my family for about 10 years. I moved back to my hometown to see everyone and to meet the new additions to the family. Things were still toxic after all those years of me being away. So I just picked up and moved away again. No regrets and it wuz the best decision I could’ve made for my mental and emotional well being.
I can totally relate. I went no contest years ago on both of my narcissistic parents. I’ve taken all the mental abuse required for this lifetime.
More power to you 🗣️
Cutting my mother and family out of my life was like letting myself out a cage! The #1 bully was my mother, her enabler due to my mothers lies was my family. I now speak out about my traumatic life and encourage others to as well. It's healing, liberation, and renewing for the spirit! Dont let anyone convince or gaslight you that your experience arent worth going NO contact! Your truth sets you free & freedom is PEACE❗️🫶🏾🤌🏽🙏🏽💯
At over 40 years old, I decided to cut ties with my entire family starting in 2019, and my only regret is not doing it sooner. I now experience an unexplainable peace and have no intention of reconnecting with them. I focus on my healing process and my personal journey, preferring to stay to myself.
I learned this from a podcaster here on YT: relatives and family are not the same.
Sorry about your family. Thank you for your platform. Us Africans go through this a lot and we all have a role to play to change this. You are doing your part. The rest of us need to do ours and it will be different for each person.
Yeah a step at a time and slowly by slowly ❤️....people don't know how entitled African parents really are ..
I relate to the big sister and the woman after her so much. I am a big sister and have been the people pleaser/fixer in my nuclear family. The hardest relationship was with my sister who was extremely manipulative and a user. I tried to fix the relationship many times before it came to a head and I went no contact. I couldn’t stay no contact cause I care for our sick mom and want to maintain a relationship with my nephew but she would find any opportunity to hurt me words until I started grey rocking. She now directs her abuse to my dad, who also is a careless and manipulative user (I used to have to protect my mom from him). I don’t need to go no contact with them because they don’t care about me, they only contact me when they want something from me. Decentering family can really elevate your quality of life. Go where you are loved well
I went no contact with my mother 6 years ago and been living my best life especially once her spells wore off i hut that uno reverse card on her ass... She was so selfish and a narcissist and always put my father who was an overt narc that was a pedophile she protected him at all cost even eith evidence...so i called the cops and he left the state to go down south to hide... She even let my father whos my brother step dad bath him knowing he was touching him but turned her head and always said (what happens in our house stays in our house) glad my kids dont know her
Spells?!
@@ca6248 yes my mom is a witch income from a long line of them
Man I literally told my brother I think my mother was praying bondage over us. I take full accountability and responsibility for my adult actions. I had to do a lot of trial and error because I was not raised. However my mother intentionally steered me wrong and my siblings to remain dependant on her then bash us for being needy adults. I snapped out of it and feel so free.
@@anonymous101-sb1bf exactly same thing as me and my brother he kept going to jail too...I come from a line a free masons and eastern stars and let my tell you I come from a LINE OF WITCHES AND WARLOCKS...
The African guy said it the best 👌 👍🏽
I went no contact with my family back in December and it was one of the hardest things I had to do in my life and as a result it has made me depressed and caused me to have anxiety on a daily basis. What made me go no contact with them was when I was in army basic training they never called me, wrote me letters or even showed up to my graduation.
Congratulations. So proud of you. Keep going in making yourself the best you.
That had to be a difficult test of isolation and loneliness. I'm very sorry they didn't attend your graduation; it's absolutely amazing you were able to complete military training! That is no easy feat. Very impressive! The good news is you are young and with that accomplishment under your belt, you are going to thrive in your professional career! If you can graduate basic training and everything that is required to get that accolade, you can do anything and do it well. ❤❤💪
If I had to guess, the reason why they didn't contact you or email you or even text you during that very very difficult time is because it made them feel lazy and unaccomplished. They felt guilty and pretended it didn't exist so they didn't have to deal with it because it made them feel inadequate. In their future, I hope they can realize this and at least apologize to you.❤
At 36 I barely talk to my Mother and shes lucky she has my number after all the stuff shes done she didnt stop at 18 and never apologized but feels entitled. At this point she gets no grace ive always been respectful. She literally says you teach ppl how to treat you so someone tell her to tread lightly. Shes a big antagonizer. The lady that mentioned you lose extended family is so true they will cut off kids but never check the adults
@Henri96VO they are definitely cowards entitled ones at that
When my mother passed, I felt RELIEF.
I went no contact with my mum before I started seeing and hearing about going no contact. I went no contact in 2006, 2012 I got a call from a random number "ijeoma do you know who this is". My response was there will never be a day I would call my child and ask if they know who is speaking with them. Smh.
When the guy you are dating broke up with you because of how badly he sees you treating your child.
Oooh this is serious🥴🥴so sorry that you had to go through this sis...more power to you ❤️
@@mskabue thank you, much appreciated 🙏.
I think that this is so important and I am really happy for and proud of newer generations being able to make such a hard but ultimately rewarding decision. I do think it is absolutely crucial (and excruciating) to make sure there is a solid community in place outside of your family--whether you decide to go completely no contact or not--before you create those boundaries with your family. We are built to be supported and I wish everyone the best as they find that support!
It took me about seven or eight Christmases, thanksgivings, birthdays, and other holidays to begin enjoying them again with the family I created for myself. It's still really hard and really painful, especially as you get older and your parents get older. I have often considered taking care of my mother who lives alone, but I know that none of my estranged siblings will help unless they get something out of it, so we will see on that.
It blows my mind how many people this is happening to. Makes you wonder why.
There is always a part of me that remembers the positive moments from times spent with my family, and wonders if it's worth the criticism, the judgment, the abuse and the bullshit just for those good memories. Because when you get older like me, you truly completely forget the negative stuff.
Unfortunately, for me, my family holds grudges. I have tried to do their job by making amends but that doesn't work either. They have to do that. And I don't know if they ever will.
Thank you for covering such interesting! I know that all of the people reading these comments, have pain in their hearts from having to go no contact. And I feel your pain very deeply. I'm sorry this happens. And I hope all of you find your own tribe ❤
This happened to me a few days ago.
Had to take ear drops four times A day: morning, noon, evening, and bedtime. So, 8AM, 12PM, 4PM, and 8PM are the times I take it. (The doctor didn't give me certain timeframes when I should take it).
I tried it at 12AM last time, but I slept through the alarm, hence why I have my schedule now.
My mom yelled at me saying how I should take it every 6 hours. I forgot the exact times she said, but she wanted me to take the final drops around 12AM or 1AM. However, it wouldn't make sense since it would technically be a whole new day.
My brother and I tried to reason with her, speaking to her calmly. Not raising our voices, but she started yelling then used the typical line "I've been here for 45 years, I know about medicine" speech.
So, she called my grandmother, explained the situation to her, and my grandmother did defend me a bit saying "it shouldn't matter what time she's taking it as long as I'm taking it" as well as "who's going to wake up at 12 to 1 in the morning to take medicine?"
My mom was upset that my grandmother didn't take her side (I noticed), but she switched to a different problem about me wearing headphones with the ear inflammation.
The only reason why I did it is because she does get loud (screaming/laughing), plus she has the music turned up all the way. The headphones I used muffle most of the loud noises and the volume to my music is kept below 50%.
God bless all those who go no contact, but still have a family of their own (spouse & children). Some of us don’t have the same, so it makes like 10 times lonelier.
Jamani that girls story put tears in my eyes. I will never judge people who go no contact with their parents, I want to do the same with an aunt in my family. Remember those movies that show kids abandoning their parents and I would think that those kids are cruel, mean etc, but now that I look back, I wonder how those parents treated them. Those kids were always portrayed as evil for leaving their parents ( sometimes kids can be evil, but only a minority). As some of those ladies said, siblings get a different version of the same parents and they don't see them the way you do. I just pray that all of us who have experienced this get healing and do the best for themselves. Don't regret choosing a better life for yourself !!! 💃💃
Ive been no contact with my SiL for about 3 years now. Its been wonderful. Shes always causing family conflicts.
Also, a lot of my family doesn't reach out to me and I figured maybe they dont want to interact with me. So I no longer reach out, I assume I shouldn't. I do go if invited to events. But if they dont specifically invite me i wont go. I dont want to get courtesy invites but real invites.
I’ve never regretted going no contact with my family. They never really treated me the best anyway. So it wasn’t hard at all to move away. I wuz away from my family for about 10 years. I moved back to my hometown to see everyone and to meet the new additions to the family. Things were still toxic after all those years of me being away. So I just picked up and moved away again. No regrets and it wuz the best decision I could’ve made for my mental and emotional well being.
I started my journey over 20 years ago....its still "my fault".
But I wonder who my mom is torturing now.