My Parents are Malignant Narcissists
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- Опубликовано: 3 фев 2021
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Jill wise is a narcissistic abuse survivor. Not only was she raised by a malignant narcissist; she got married to one. She is now a narcissistic abuse recovery coach based on her lived experience being raised by a narcissist. She uses her experience to help others work through narcissistic relationships, how to deal with a narcissist, how to cope with narcissistic behavior, and more.
In this video, MedCircle Host Kyle Kittleson and Jill discuss what it's like to be raised by a malignant narcissist. They cover...
The signs of a narcissistic mother or father
What financial abuse, emotional abuse, and gaslighting look when it's coming from narcissistic parents
Covert narcissism and how to tell if a parent is a covert narcissist
To learn more about how to cope with a narcissistic parent and seek treatment if necessary, join our LIVE panel featuring Jill plus our MedCircle psychiatrists and psychiatrists.
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Watch more mental health & psychology videos on narcissists, every personality disorder and more at MedCircle:
Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD)
Histrionic personality disorder (HPD)
Schizoid personality disorder (SPD)
Avoidant personality disorder (AVPD)
Paranoid personality disorder (PPD)
Schizotypal personality disorder (STPD)
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)
Obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)
Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
Dependent personality disorder (DPD)
Related: dissociative identity disorder (DID) formerly known as multiple personality disorder
#PersonalityDisorders #MentalHealth #MedCircle
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She is the malignant narcissist. The enlightened target and she lies about strangers like Dr. Ramani. Why are these people here?
@@patricehoward9831 she has a channel? I haven’t seen her before.
Kyle, many thanks... means a lot. You're always up in this issue playing the advocate and sometimes pretending you don't understand... but we see you. We see you. Thank you.
@Braden Leandro both of these accounts created one week ago. Interesting 🤔
My narc father didn't come to my college graduation. He sat at home 10 minutes away and watched TV. I was a first generation grad and did it 100% on my own. When asked why he didn't come he said he just didn't think it was a big deal. Good news, I have avoided his calls for 5 years and tell myself his calls aren't a big deal.
Congratulations on your graduation.
I love this haha. Screw him. Leave him far behind. I'm happy and proud of you! ❤
Mine either.
Just like she says here, Her father didn't want her to be successful. So she would always be dependent on him.
It was a VERY EXTENSIVELY bad day for your father the day you graduated. And congratulations, I'm very proud of you.
@@selfesteem3447 Thank you so much for your kindness and support.
I think it gets worse at pre-teen/teen because it’s the beginning of the child learning to think independently from the parent and having their own opinions, and trying to learn to use their voice. Narcissistic parents can’t handle their kids thinking differently from them. They see the child as either being wrong, defiant, or against them- and none of those are acceptable. Begin the rage!
They INFANTILISE their children to gain full control. You’re so right.
That was exactly right for me! Got far worse after puberty!
Same. Pre-puberty it was more neglect (both physical and emotional) and lack of care and validation by my Narc mum; she argued much more with my emotionally absent Dad before he gave in for a quiet life. As soon as I started to have thoughts and opinions of my own, she went full narc; cruelty, gaslighting, shaming, silent treatment, rage, controlling, parentification, the whole lot.
At first she wouldn’t do it in front of my Dad but in later life she would and he just ignored it. It took me until I was 43 to put my foot down and refuse to be her human punchbag any more - as soon as she felt me withdrawing, she discarded me and my Dad went along with it. They still try to hoover/gaslight me now but I don’t respond ever. To a Narc Mum, as soon as you’re no longer their perfect dolly to reflect well on them, watch out.
YESSS!!
This is exactly the case. My narcissistic mom as another writer said, just had lack of empathy and sarcasm when I was a young child. Her rages didn't really start until my teenage years. If she sensed I disagreed with her about something, she would interrogate me for hours, until I verbally agreed with her viewpoint. She also pulled us out of school to homeschool us so she had complete control.
I personally find it very empowering and relieving to see that so many people have been through the same abuse that I have. A big part of my narcissistic trauma was that I experienced so much loneliness, guilt and shame because I thought that what had happened to me was very unique and it had only happened to me and not to other people and that I was somehow responsible for the abuse I suffered..
Hope you found true peace friend
I was in one of these relationships for 13 yrs.. I feel so much shame and guilt for trying to leave that everyday is a struggle but we got this..
I agree hearing sometimes almost identical stories is an incredible feeling. It's validation. Narcissists are so good at presenting a perfect image to the world, wearing that mask, no one believes you when you try to get help. Now finally there's others who know. A big part of my pain that I'm having a hard time with is all the years that have been wasted and the regret. I've lived so much of my life under control of a monster, just wish I found validation earlier. I wish everyone peace, peace from the monsters and from the monsters ghosts in our heads.
Omg I felt the same way. I felt very less than others like almost like damaged goods that couldn't be repaired.
Me, too, Ioannis! We are not to blame. We must love ourselves. Best wishes! 💕
Yes their rages are like something out of an exorcism movie.
hahaa yes it's true
Yep, beyond belief. I always think the movie Mommie Dearest captured the crazy rages perfectly...'no wire hangers!!!'
What a shame ...to have lived with that!!
Exactly!!! And the movie is no longer scary...you’ve seen the real thing 10x worse!
Haha , my mother behaved like a demon.
One sign is "comparing" people, children, other people spouse.... If your boyfriend starts to compare yourself with anyone, run away, it is just the start.
Yeah cus why is the boyfriend remembering about someone else.
Whatever you do will never be enough by comparison. You’re always failing somehow.
I don't think I realised that...My dad seemed to wish he had other children for sons....At 59
Sure wish I'd known that 14 years ago!
I wish I wouldve seen this comment 3 years ago
I was raised by a narcissistic mother, and it has damaged me in so many ways. When i finally realized she was a narcissist i felt relieved because i knew something was seriously wrong with her. Thank god i’m away from her now, and i can heal
it is all you can do. Stay away and get healed. it is going to be quite a process, I know, I am 65 now and odd bits can still blindside me.
Ditto! Sending ❤️
My mother died over 8 years ago , only after her death did I realise how narcissistic she was and she was mentally unstable .She did a tremendous amount of damage to the family with the golden child as the henchman .I forgive but I don't forget
Amen!!!!
Congratulations on getting away. It’s the best thing for you. I waited too late but I am healing. Do not feel guilty! You can be free. 🙏
I’d rather be raised by wolves than to ever be raised by a malignant narcissist mother.....wouldn’t wish this on my own enemy.
Wolves are kinder to their young than narcissist parent are. So we'd all have been better off raised by wolves.
Agreed. I was so determined never to inflict the same abuse on a child, I just never had any. She made motherhood seem horrible and I was so afraid I'd repeat her abuse.
@@katashley1031 yep. 😥
Wolves won't allow ANY pup in the pack to be abused or neglected..they'll adopt the pup & ostracize the parents... 🐾
In my case, I was raised by wolves in sheep's clothing. Honestly, I can't tell if my parents are either malignant, covert, or both. They would both use religion against me.
Excellent information. I grew up in a narcissistic family system. I was the scapegoat surrounded by narcissists. It was hell on earth!
My husband was the scapegoat.....he says his childhood was a “living hell”
Ditto
Ditto
Same! 💙
Yes it is. Makes me so angry everyone got away with it. Ugh!
What's it's like being raised by a malignant narcissist (My experience, I'm 14) :
- My mother dumps her problems on me since I was a baby.
-She made me dependant for a time, when I couldn't bare imagining life without her and did everything to please her.
-Made me practically raise my sister when I was 6, screamed and beat me when I did anything wrong.
-Never felt any guilt or compassion on my pain, to the point I almost committed suicide when I was 6.
-Tons of gaslighting, until you're sure your crazy.
- Takes glee on your pain.
-Will NEVER admit she's wrong.
-Separated me from my best friend for a year, until we found our way back to each other and I already knew she was crazy, so there was nothing she could do.
-When I started puberty at 12, she beat me bloody and scratched a scar onto my face as a punishment for wanting to be alone.
-Gave me depression on various times of my life, and inmersive daydreaming when I was a baby.
-Manipulated my dad into moving out to another country (using violence too)
-I'm gifted, but somehow she managed to steal my identity and convince everyone she is too, appearing on TV as a friendly, intelligent woman, spreading false claims about the community.
-Whenever someone learns about our conflicts, she'll gaslight them against me.
🤗🕊❣
Holy crap, to be so aware of these things and able to write like that - at 14! You're a warrior. You'll always have the scars of your childhood, but history is going to tell the tale on how this ultimately turns out. It takes fire to forge the strongest blade, and you've been through the fire. You've got the foundation to be great, to do great things. You can't imagine how great your life is going to be in ten years. Very sorry for what you've gone through, and also very excited for what a future you have.
You are so special and precious. Hang in there you're already miles ahead to a wonderful life. Strong little sister! Keep going, there's something special ahead in your life.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this. I’m glad you can recognize that this is not how things should be. Praying for you!!
Have a solid plan to leave her ASAP. Find a job and become independent ASAP. If she beat you again, call police and get yourself into a foster home or something like that. There are children protection agencies, visit or call them and see what’s your options. Don’t become homeless and stay in stress though. Keep safe and act responsibly for yourself.
The abuse becomes more as you get older because the parent starts becoming really jealous of their own children. As a child you are easily controlled and you depend on the parent but when you get older they start viewing you as the competition and no longer a young child. They become threatened, envious, and extremely jealous of their children. I know this from experience. They teach you to tone your personality down so that they would feel more comfortable. There is no such thing as being yourself if you are the child of a narcissistic parent. Unless you scare them. Telling them things such as I will leave and never come back. Telling them I will tell everybody about who you really are behind closed doors. I will tell your friends about how mean and nasty you are. I will expose you. Stuff like that drives them crazy and makes them get very scared.
It took me so long to really come to terms with the fact that my mother was jealous of me. I had no idea how that could be real
@@bronwyntanner4501 Yes because no one expects their own parents to be their enemy. You would think that anyone could be your enemy, but to identify your parent as the enemy is one of the hardest and most shocking realities that you could ever come to terms with.
@@bronwyntanner4501 Your mom is jealous of you because you are the person that she could never become. So she is envious of that.
This is true, and something I wasn't aware of until I became an adult.
Would you suggest scaring them like that to stop the abuse? I don’t want to get in trouble, yo know?
I started praying that my "mother" would disappear at the age of five....at the age of six, I toldl my mother that she" had a demon in her body that she need to pray to get it out" she sucker punched me across the room.... At the age of eight I attempted suicide. IT' was a childhood of pure hell and misery with this demontic creature. I could write horror book. As a adult....I turned it AROUND..... I love and I am blessed beyond words with the most amazing beautiful two daughters....
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! I love to hear that someone has moved out of the situation and created good life for themselves. Good job, Christie. That must have been a lot of work on your part, so bravo!
@@sherrygillis Amazing and your comment encouraged me 💕
Beautiful. You’re amazing to come out of that this way. I’m so happy you’re still here
I relate to your experience soo much. I used to be very angry as a child because of this but as I started to understand that the issue was in her and not me, it became better cause now that hate is replaced by compassion for the under developed child within the narcissist.
I hope that soon I'll be able to move out and cut her off completely from my life. It's sad that my childhood dream was to see the day that I'd never get to hear her voice again. Heartbreaking
I have a similar story I was the scapegoat that got punched and bullied by mum and siblings. When I was the eldest. But I’m nothing like that I can’t wait to have children I will be the best mother ever
toxic parents are 100% envious of the child. they get angry when their spouse prioritizes the child's needs over theirs. we need better parents, ones who will put their children first, always. the child did not decide to be a part of your family, YOU are the one who brought them into the world and chose to take them on. hold your damn self accountable.
Yes!!!! Fuck!!! Can't they just fucking realize this n not making everything about them n realize it is not our faults?? Like fuck!! I never wanted to be born in the first place!!! N now everything is my fault? Fuck life!!!!
I went through the same thing. Dad had so many triggers. Open doors, taps dripping, cold eggs, Luke warm coffee or a dirty ring around the bath. So many more. He screamed dozens of times every day, calling us pigs, animals, bastards and that he was ashamed about calling us his family. I got set up for a marriage to the same sort of woman. I walked out after twenty one years of the same humiliation. Gaslighting, abuse and a feeling of total failure. I’m now learning that this isn’t normal. It was to me. That was my life. My mum was a passive narcissistic person and wouldn’t speak to us for weeks. As a five year old that was normal. Mommy dearest and the coat hangar scene is the closest image of what happened 5 times a day for twenty years. She is right. It takes years to recover from this. Who would want anyone who isn’t normal. I’m not. This what is in my head every day.
You should commit to extensive therapy, by yourself It will take much longer to recover. Also not many people are really ‘normal’. Majority of the people I meet are from incomplete families or had at least one paren struggling with addictions and abusive. My father was just like yours, raging alcoholic, he was huge, like a football player, drank every day so needless to say he messed his kids up for life. I’m still trying to fit into the society, learning to act normal and socialize, learning how to feel, date, build relationships. I have a hard time bonding with others. I don’t experience feeling of love towards many people including my mom and my sister, any relative that is. And I’m 34. But we can’t let our abusers win, we are survivors, we are much stronger then them.
@@irina383 I’m working through so much shit. The best thing I could do is not to expose my own children to this disgusting brainwashing. The best example of my dad is the coat hanger scene from Mommy Dearest. Also the swimming pool scene. Both of mine went to uni with my help to fulfil their own potential. Daughter to Cambridge and son just finished an MA at imperial in London. They both call me at least twice a week and want to speak to me. Unlike my fathers children who go months without contact. Never his fault though. He sexually abused us both he can’t see why the three of us hate him. I’ve a hard time bonding, feeling worthwhile and less than a piece of shit who is never good enough. At58 and knowing this, the brainwashing goes really deep.
@@geofflogan1564 Geoff it sounds like you are breaking the chain with your own children and you should be proud. You are worthy of the greatest love and respect.
@@geofflogan1564 you broke this chain of hate in your family. IT means you are very strong. Your children are a proof of that and you still being a human being means you won. Try MDR therapy on youtube - it helps when you focus on trauma and observe it on the screen. Start validating and loving and appreciating yourself. Send the negativity to those hateful pp, bc it comes from there - it is not yours.!
@@user-zy8gk2nn7d thank you so very much for those words. Others had it worse, it just means they have to deal with the trauma in a different way. But deal with they must.
This is giving me ptsd flashbacks
sorry to hear that. An unexpected school photo turning up did that to me, last straw kind of thing. Give chewing gum a try, The flight or flight can be overruled by chewing. people don't eat when they are ready for battle, so the act of chewing sometimes gives a reset for that moment.
Same. Lightbulb moment and terrorising all at the same time
Remember to breathe, tell yourself that your safe, and your past was not your fault,
The most important thing to understand is that narcissism is a behavior choice.
They know exactly what they are doing and they enjoy it.
I believe that the abuse increases as the natural process of individuation occurs. As you approach young adulthood you naturally separate psychologically from the parent. The neuro typical adult is able to recognize this as developmentally important. It may cause some worry, but not rage. Narcissists see people only as an extension of them selves, and take individuality as a personal threat, to be crushed. It indicates how truly weak and fragile their ego strength is, which is why they select the soft hearted and the young to victimize, and dominate.
My mother literally used to tell me verbatim "you are an extension of me" or "you are a reflection of me".
I observed the abuse grew as the child becomes more independent.
yes there is more flesh to beat on.
Narcissist hates those who they can't control - its a no win situation, narcissist likes ppl they can dominate, control and abuse. They hate and try to destroy those that are gaining strength or independence. They are totally fucked in the head...you can never win with a narcissist. Its domestic violence or coercive control actually
That was my experience, 100%.
You're doomed if you can/do freely express yourself! When mom was home you pretty much had to leave the premises to relax, pop's sure wasn't home soon!
@@joseenoel8093 Oh man, yes! I spent as much time at school as I possibly could.
Teachers (& other kids, somtimes) reinforce that the kid, herself, is wotthless & deserves to be treated like garbage. When kids have an abusive home they usu aren't dressed well, can't always get homework done, have secrets to keep & shames to endure--esp when other kids get fun experiences & hugs. Then teachers treat the unloved kid as if the kid sucks, & now all the grown-ups show disgust, disapproval, revulsion towards the kid. Disorders need to become publicly understood & everyone shld learn to recognize them & be better than that.
Agreed.
I'm so sorry you experienced pain and humiliation from the teachers as well as other children. I was incredibly lucky to have 2 really good teachers and a loving aunt who made me believe I was worthy of love. Just those 3 people, and memories of the fact that they cared about me got me through the 7 abusive years of homeschooling with my sense of self intact without killing myself.
Edit: All I mean to say is, yes, this should be taught to teachers because they may be the only force for good in a child's life, and that can make a world of difference.
That’s the truth. Also other people sense that they can treat kid like they want. They know that the abusive parents won’t protect them.
@@gedanken-spiel9051 This is true and I was well dressed and an attractive young girl but still got abused by my teacher because I came from a narc household and he somehow knew it.
For years I thought the malignant narcissist from my childhood was like this one off monster. I never realized there were so many other people that had their own monsters!
Sounds exactly like my mum, she use to bully me and beat me up and not leave me alone even for days. I always knew it wasn’t normal, I moved out at 24 and never went back, she made me look bad to her family even till today at 34. This is what happens to the scapegoat lonely.
My mother is a malignant narcissist. I. Have tried leaving many times. She always finds me. She sold up and moved by me. She then with charming manipulation isolated me from friends and neighbors aided by my doting father who does anything to keep her happy. My partner was also a narcissist but leaving him was so much easier. Sometimes in a narcissistic relationship it's not that you choose to stay but you can't find a way out
Oh definitely can agree with your statement. Outsiders always seem to think it's so simple but timing is of the essence and you have to outsmart the narcissist. Because when you leave, you want to ensure they don't want you or don't see value in you and that takes time to understand. How to make myself not necessary or desirable so that I don't have to worry about watching my back.
Definitely agree with your statement wholeheartedly.
@Victoria Bergman And with society as their enabler. The bs you have to hear about family and blood is blood and how mothers are so great. Seriously though the way the world talks about mothers it's like no wonder why a good lot of them are narcissistic. Even mothers who aren't join in on the band wagon of public humiliation of their children etc because it's popular on social media and TV movies and such. Father's too, it's admirable for them in popular opinion to be controlling and overbearing. Having children wear signs shaming them in public is abuse not good parenting. Filming children cry because of pranks and jokes for views and likes on social media is disgusting. There needs to be more education and healthy family models. More discussions... just more done because the cycle of abuse isn't being broken it's rolling out control. For real though we need a daughters and sons of narcissists day because mothers day and fathers day is hell and we should be allowed to share our appreciation for each other's support. May we all thrive and find peace.
@@Hx3ney everything you said is so on point. People make you feel horrible about calling out your abusives parents and treat you as if you’re supposed to suck it up like no, I’m good. I’d rather be with strangers who treat with respect than “family” that treats me horribly.
The rage!! Frightening especially to a child.... contrasted with the 'nice' times... is so confusing and horrible 😡😢 personally I wish my mother had left
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I SEE THAT SOMEONE EXPERIENCED THE SAME THING AS ME
correct. some narcissist takes pleasure seeing someone in grief sadness. in their smile in their eyes it can be seen . evil eyes
They rarely hit because they enjoy our fear. As long as the threat is there, they have a long term "supply". They feed off of fear. I'm fifty years old and only recently realised that this was the word for my father.
Mine was physically abusive.
But when they do hit, it’s off the walls weird. Mine dug her nails into my thigh and scratched me and also tried to dig her nails into my face. She would also punch me and use belts on me harshly. But I don’t think it’s their favorite form of abuse, they like emotional/psychological/verbal abuse much more. I guess in a lot ways the physical scars heal but the emotional ones stay, so maybe that’s why they prefer the others
I understand totally
Succeeding in life threatens their control over us...
... how true.... and because they're emotionally stunted they would NEVER think to use us as a template to better themselves and succeed. Because they want to be leaders in control, not followers.
Not only that but when you succeed in life it silently proves them to be the liar they truly are...because it goes against all of the covert and ongoing smear campaigns.....😉
This was is my mother, she enjoyed humiliate us in public beyond anyone's imagine. I'm 65 and now trying to put my life together and accept she drove one brother away, who was doing well when he was murdered at a drive up atm, the other she killed, she broke all 6 of us. At 65 I've lost so much I could have and should have had, not sure it's worth it at this age.
Yeah I know what you mean. Scapegoat needs to go no contact with the entire family but doesn’t likely arrive at that resignation with the first no contact effort. 51 and not even sure what I’m living for. Of course if I could do one thing over I would’ve gone no contact and split at 17 to make a life without them. I’m trying to frame it within the context of what was even possible but it’s still just magical thinking. I have to wonder if the result would have been any better because the damage was already done but all doubt wasn’t yet erased. We really did do the best we could or at least I usually did. It’s narcissism that risks no vulnerability. Good luck to you
Don't give up on yourself no matter how down you feel. Don't believe the lies they told you. After decades of scapegoating and gaslighting, it's easy to cave in to the brainwashing. Seek out therapy and self help books. Find things and places that are about uplifting you as a person. Even if you only make baby steps forward, keep making those steps. You are human. You are beautiful. You have a right to exist in this world and create your own happiness. I've done many things to create a better life. There's no single way. One book that helped me to overcome suicidal ideation is called "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. Live. Love. Bless you.
Everything. Everything is worth it. You are worth this life. Find what you love 💙💙
@@REGjr I went nc at 22. I feel just as lost. They brainwash you into viewing the relationship and all that revolves around it as everything in life. Find YOU 💙💙 you’ve always been here and you are free and you deserve that.
@@SawyBoy That’s a nice thing to say. Thank you😐
When I was a child, Mommy Dearest and Sister Dearest outright told me that love and empathy were a lie that people used to manipulate each other, and that my friends, classmates, etc. were treated way worse than me, I just didn't see that. When I remember these things and how much they f***ed up my life and perception of the world, I want to just throttle them both.
Thank you. I am the family scapegoat my mother is a malignant narc. I fled a pack of family narcissism, my mom was the most menacing. The stories I have on her are disturbing and I can’t let her know what city I live in. Growing up she convinced everyone around me that she was supportive and nurturing. She thrives off my suffering. I even changed my name for extra protection for when she has another rampage. She often seems more sociopathic. My only sibling is worse than my Mom now. I go no contact with them all, establishing that boundary took over a year. Establishing no contact even meant enduring more verbal abuse 3,000 miles away. Physical distance and financial independence are big parts of how I made it out of their cycle.
Your mum is likely a narcopath. As the saying goes: not all narcs are sociopaths, but all sociopaths are narcissists (or something to that effect). Is your mum chameleonic, shifting masks almost seamlessly, from situation to situation and person to person? If the answer is positive, this, to my mind, is a very good indicator that you have not only a malignant narc, but a cold, calculated, soulless sociopath on your hands.
(Hence _'narcopath'._ :) )
@@BP-sk7lp I haven’t heard this term before! Thanks for sharing this theory I’m gonna research it more. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if she is a full fledged sociopath. I have wondered that myself many times as heartbreaking as it is. It’s very hard to comprehend and stomach many of her actions.
Your story sounds just like mine, except what I when changed my name and moved cities, the crazy old bat hired a private investigator to find me (because I had also cut off the rest of my family). I have been dealing with over 13 years of on and off harassment and stalking ever since. I'm now looking to move countries to get away from my malignant narcissist "mother".
My siblings and I were raised the same way- ever hyper vigilant, wondering what would set our parents off on a rage. Thank goodness for good counseling.
My ex dad is a malignant narcissist, they are human in name only!
I can’t believe how similar our stories are. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and currently married to a narcissist (divorcing him btw). They are the devil! I excused this man so much. He treated me like garbage and I thought it was love because my mom treated me like garbage she must of loved me (is what I used to think).
Malignant narcissists are one tier below pure sociopaths/psychopaths. All three are absolute devils
You just described my mother. She severely abused and neglected me, my dog, other family members, bullied coworkers, and went as far as to attempt to shoot someone to death (in front of me). Some people should not be allowed to have children; it is a privilege - not a right. The amount of trauma experienced by someone under the care of a malignant narc is almost insurmountable to overcome, almost. Thank you for this video.
I knew since early on it was my parents that were crazy, not me. I had normal friends with normal families. I knew what I was up against was not normal and it was not me. Mine were abusive, violent and just plain nuts. They got away with a lot of abuse.
Same I literally grew up saying “it’s not me it’s you”.
I saw that when I went to other people's houses. I wasn't smart enough to keep it to myself and I would say: "Why can't we do things like such as such's family does?" Needless to say, I wasn't allowed to go to people's houses after that.
I was the same ,I would visit friends families and realised my parents were not normal .It would take me years to admit it esp,my mother and a friend told me to get out and I did .I was in denial that my mother was mentally okay ,she wasn't
Same here. I saw how normal families behaved, and it was always such a relief. My parents are monsters.
Same I wish I knew what it was like to have a normal family
“When I say jump, you say how high, Sir.” I heard that so much growing up.
Horrific... I studied psychology and STILL missed the signs ..always realized he was a psychopath, but thought dear ole dad was just mentally unstable. It wasn't until my late 40's and finding myself completely financially dependent on him while caring for my disabled daughter that the 'malignant narcissist" label came up. He promised me the world and continued to yank the carrot away. He'll die surrounded by strangers he lavishes attention and money to, while his only child is ostracized
thank-you for raising awareness about this. there needs to be more societal awareness around narcissism and narcissistic abuse
Exactly :/ public aware them into a hole so they can stop terrorizing society
A malignant narcissist "rage" -- she cornered me and broke my nose, blood running down my face, and that crazy mother is still telling me NOT to cry. I was 9 years old and that is what I went through day in and day out, those were her rages. Looking back, it was CRIMINAL CHILD ABUSE. Hate her. I do NOT see her or speak to her. Left me with serious PTSD. NOT going to her funeral either. Crazy NEVER changes, she is worst now as she has aged.
I’m sorry about your mother, what a monster. I know about the violence, and the constant, unrelenting stress. I have straight PTSD too. I’m so happy that you left her in the dust 🏜️
This interview brought me right back into the hell of my childhood. On the other hand I am so glad for learning the signs that someone lack empathy and dont hold space for anyone. I can still fall into the trap but I get out of it a lot faster, thanks for videos like this.
T R U T H
Another problem is that adults try to harm themselves in absence of the abusive parent (e.g. drug, overeating, smoking, alcohol). I eat crummy to hurt myself to replace the abuse of my mother.
I felt like I was walking on eggshells every day in fear of causing my narcissistic mother to act out. She seesawed “blue and rose periods”. She was a Passive -Aggressive, Covert, Malignant Narcissist during my childhood & she became a more Overt Narcissist.
My mother became an Overt Narcissist after my father died, mostly using money to manipulate me. Thank you Jill! What you are doing is great! Wish I’d found you 20 years ago. 😻
Yes!!!!!
Growing up, I never heard about NPD, but i did know about "anger issues." We always thought it was just that he had 'anger problems' because that was the main manifestation of my dad's toxic behavior. He'd corner us while screaming verbal abuse, punch walls and doors on either side of our heads. Threatening, yes, but always just short of physical abuse. Of course, suggesting he seek counseling for his 'anger problems' was exactly the kind of thing that would SEND him into such a state because he could absolutely not take any form of criticism. I always knew my father was a deeply troubled guy but it was only when I got older and learned about cluster B personality disorders and NPD did I really clock him and have words for what went on.
Her Dad sounds just like mine. It's scary accurate what she is describing.
Facing an NPD in your life is exhausting. Leave them and never look back.
My mom is a narcissist - she heard me fall off the top bunkbed- land and scream in agony. I had fallen from 5 feet and landed on top of 2 drawers. She screamed at me as I had woke her up from her nap. I remember her leaving the room before ever asking what had happened to me. I had a dislocated arm for 3 days and never complained. My sister 8 years old was the one who noticed I refused to use my dominate arm- I was 4 years old. I had this memory suppressed and as I believed my entire life it had happened to my sister and not me. I have dissociative identity disorder from the abuse that took place- I never knew until three years ago that I was abused or neglected in the slightest due to the way my brain fractured itself out. Mind blowing going thru trauma work and realizing so much about yourself and your past you never processed fully being a kid.
My mother is a malignant narcissistic psychopath. Her life’s mission was to get in control of my fathers money, split his business partners up, an industrial manufacturing engineer with multiple companies and businesses. These nonhumans are beyond comprehension of normal healthy people. It’s unfathomable what I have been through and survived. It’s absolute horror. Scary looking at my mothers photos of her in school and the look on her face you can tell this person is psychopathic. You cannot find words strong enough to describe how insidiously disturbed these freaks of nature are.
My abusive narc dad had 3 girls a step daughter and when he finally got a grandson, that boy became the golden child. He got so many more gifts and money then any of the other grandkids, who were all girls
Thank you, Med Circle. This episode provides exceptional, real life evidence that mirrors my 28 year marital TNT history. I could not live on my own after suffering severe brain injury after a T-bone car accident at age 41. X despised my injury for 12 years. I am glad I stayed because I did protect my 2 sons to the best of my disability. X was finally arrested after I called the police, I filed for divorce, was granted a restraining order that included our sons. My entire church family of 18 years abandoned me.
Sr. Pastor announced at 3 large gatherings of church staff, parents and staff of Middle and Sr. high students, “Do not talk to Kris.” Everyone obeyed instantly. Except one friend who worked with me as a custodian at this church, a job I could do after TBI. Previously I taught elementary special needs and 1st grade children for 9 years, managed our a 50 student Wed. night program for Middle school girls. My sons chose to cut relationships with their father. I never regret my decision. I filed for SS Disability and received it. Poverty beats daily mental suffocation.
Jill, I can 100% relate with your childhood experience growing up with a malignant narcissist father.
Unfortunately, my parents didn't divorce (until 11 years ago) snd my mother enabled his toxic behaviour.
9 years no contact with the sperm donor. Yippee!
CONGRATS
My father was alcoholic and covert narcissist. My older brother was also a covert narcissist. The constant disapproval and disdain was unbearable.
When a parent, or both parents, are narcissists I have found from personal experience that I was always being put down. Nothing was ever good enough. Year in and year out, as a child and early teen, I was subjected to this. Finally, by my mid-teens, I collapsed both physically and mentally. I didn’t want to fight any more. Little did I know that my breakdown was just what they wanted. The word is “Hope.” Once they have pushed you past the line where you have lost hope, it is hard and sometimes impossible to stand up again.
I had waves of sensation travel up and down my back and arms while watching this. The specific situation was different for me, but I know that dictatorship, the constant radar tuned into his mood, the air around him saying that he was above everything. The emotional torture of just being around him. The emotional torment has been far more difficult to heal from than any physical abuse that I witnessed.
They tear up the house to show you what they could do to YOU if you dare defy them. If they physically abuse you, they try not to leave marks because they know they won't get away with it.
My mom always pulled my hair, one thing you can't see, after she bruised my eye when I was around 9. I always used to grab my hair on the top, so I wouldn't feel a thing, I don't think she found out it didn't hurt anymore :').
Mine broke my flower pots so I told him that I would call the parish priest and his principal both priests. I had athe last laugh when he was scared as a rabbit and cleaned up everything so clean then I understood that he was a lousy coward.
I had pet guinea pigs and when he got mad he threw the whole damn cage outside ,just THREW it. I heard them crying in the night ,turned out the momma was pregnant and gave birth. But because they were outside they died. When I was 4 I tried cutting my younger siblings finger nails (she was just born,I was so proud of thr new baby & just trying to help) and he got so angry I made her bleed,by accident that he took me in the kitchen during his angry fit and pretended he was going to cut off all my fingers with a knife, while screaming at me. When I was a newborn he slapped me across the FACE because I had colic and didn't stop crying 😢. Here we are sharing "war" stories. Children shouldn't have to grow up with ptsd .
I am 45 and just realized in November my mom is a Narcissist. I always knew as young as 5 that my mom was crazy but I was also raised in a cult so guess that is what took me so long. Thankfully my mom has decided to shun be since I left the cult so all good for me. Just a little odd learning to live with a 'dead' (the shunning) mother.
My mom raised me in a cult too( sounds like same one you were in) while having a non believing dad who was very abusive physically, and verbally,and financially abusive, when it came to my physical needs. My mom left the cult before I did, but I left last year ("faded" away many years before that though) And then suddenly started realizing my mom has a lot of issues, and her being in the cult screwed me up just as bad if not worse, than my dad did with his abuse. I used to think she was not abusive in any way, growing up because she didn't hit us. She is an enabler and doormat, and still talks to my dad (I did a no contact, permanent cut off in 2009, he will die without me ever seeing him again) even though they are divorced for 20+ yrs. But I won't go into bashing her because I still talk to her and I know she genuinely does love me. I just keep my distance now, because even though we are both EX-jw 's now, we both think about beleive different on so many things that its hard to avoid arguing with her.. I try to keep things short with her and never over explain.. but she will press and press and try to get me to talk or say why I said whatever I said. The relationship is permanently broken though, so I just keep my distance and visit occasionally now.
My siblings still have a relationship with him (although with one of them it's still toxic to this day) . The sibling who doesn't have a toxic relationship with him thinks I should have a relationship with him. She never gets it though, (I have tried explaining in the past) that because she was the favorite , and only one treated like a child should be treated (so he did know better but CHOSE to be hateful &abusive to my other sibling&I) , helped her with everything she needed when at that age of transition from teen to moving out as an adult. Gave her love&affection as a child, and rarely criticized her as a child. As a child she was told she can do anything and she DID succeed as an adult. While at the same time telling me I would never amount to anything but a garbage lady. The I tried to explain that he will always treat HER right and she can't keep saying "He's changed ' when he has not. Her thinking he changed, is just him treating HER right. Some people will never treat certain people the same as other people. For example, if I went to his house today he would be the same A-hole making mean remarks about stuff,putting me down and telling me why I'm a failure. I know because I have had to hear that he did that crap to my sibling (who still has the toxic relationship with him, & who he abused even worse than me) AND my mom who both told me how he treats them. He married twice after my mom ans both woman divorced him because of how mean he is. He wants to get back with my mom even though they've been divorced over 20yrs. She knows better than that though.. He has not changed. He is who he is.
My mother is EVIL, she abandoned me when I was 6 yrs old for 3 years (best 3 years of my life), made me feel unworthy, lied about me, always extremely jealous of me, stole my self identity, turned my family against me saying I was a little liar, would call me ugly, a burden, a pest, a blab and humiliated me on a daily basis, raged and screamed in my face, bullied and pushed me around, she would tell me she would turn my family against me and disown me if I questioned her treatment of me. She would compare me to my cousins, I was ugly and stupid, a f!@#ing idiot, while my cousins were beautiful and smart. I wasn't allowed to talk or defend myself, she would rage at me, only behind closed doors so noone could see how crazy she is! I would try to explain to my family what she did to me on a daily basis, but they didn't believe me or didn't want to hear it, I was always alone and by myself as a child. Anything I wanted or needed she made sure I was denied and made sure noone else would fulfill my needs. She was extremely jealous of me getting any kind of attention from anyone, she wanted the attention from others and turned everyone against me, asking me all the time who would want you? I was never worthy of her love, affection or attention. I haven't spoken to her in almost a year and I have felt a little better about myself. I am 49 years old and still trying to heal and find myself, my self esteem, my self worth, my happiness! I want to feel normal and happy!
Ugh, I survived two narc parents and am slowly unlearning a lot of the conditioning I was raised with. Listening to Jill breaks my heart but also helps me feel a lot less alone. Thank you all so much for putting these experiences into words. 💓💓💓
I’ve already made a similar comment, so I apologize for any repetition.
My father is a malignant narcissist. He physically abused me. I’ve spent my entire life trying to heal from the damage. I’m 46 years old and have never been in love, in a significant relationship, or been married, because I can’t maintain a relationship. Or a friendship. And many times, my employment. This man took my joy, my personal freedom and my capacity for a relationship. I’m working on trying to get better, but it’s bleak. People always like to say, “it can’t have been all that bad”, or that “it’s in the past and I should just forget about it.” And the part about it being rare for a narcissist to actually be physically abusive, I can’t speak on that, but it’s discouraging because that lends a person the skepticism that he DID physically abuse me. I have 3 other siblings, and they never were beaten. They all left the room when that man would lay into me, or chase me around the house to beat me. I have complex PTSD and most likely BPD, so there’s only so much that can be done to repair a lifelong absence of healthy relationships. You have no idea how lucky you are.
I am sorry for what your father did to tou. He abused you and robbed you in many ways of a fulfilling life. He is the scum of the earth. You deserved better but everyone failed you, and for that I am truly sorry. 🤍
I will be praying for you.I my life was like your around a narcissist mom and some of my siblings too been mean to me in many ways They abuse me psicológiy verbal.fisicallytoo I was filling I was adopted.had been healing by Jesus.He loves you too.
I am sorry for the abuse you suffered. Psychological scars take much more time and attention to heal than physical scars.
The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is with yourself. Listen closely. Treat yourself gently with love, compassion, and self-discipline. Nurture yourself. Explore what brings you joy. A trusted counselor can be an excellent guide for your journey, so take the time to find the right person.
Most aging malignant narcissists inevitably implode. Tick, tick, tick, boom.
Great interview. Very informative. My mother never left her Malignant narcissistic husband and she certainly didn’t shield us from his abuse. So I think leaving and exposing your kids as little as possible is the best choice. My father also always wanted a boy and ended up with 7 girls - A disappointment from birth and they let you know.
Thank you for sharing. I left and I work so hard at our healing and validating appropriately. It never ends.
any suggestions to dealing with Narc Mother, i cognitively read my mother behaviour as a way to cope since a child, i mask myself through adulthood, cause her toxic behaviour, but it only fuck my head with anxiety and stress....
@@Peanuts76 If you are an adult - try and limit contact and/or enforce strong boundaries. When my Mother gaslights me I say I believe that is gaslighting, please stop or I’m leaving.
@@sagek1454 err, honestly i want to make things that simple, but I'm stuck right here with my personal obligations, but again, thank you miss....
might as well try to change old patterns of self loath and depressions, again, thank you....
@@Peanuts76 get your vibration up and out of her energy. Put a “bubble” around yourself. Just picture it in your brain and then pause each time she triggers you and let it repel back. It will get better. We don’t need Narcs but they can’t exist without us. You have ALL the power. You need to remember that. They have no identity. Only the one others reflect back to them. So remind them they are a piece of shit every opportunity you get. Provided it is safe to do so. And smile while you tell them. But talk in riddles. They aren’t that smart and will only figure out the insults approximately 1-2 weeks later.
My cat was dying and my mom called me and told me to get a grip and yelled at me told me I was being ridiculous and she doesn’t have time to listen to me. She called me.
I’m sorry about the abuse and I am sorry for the loss of your pet. I lost my 19 year old lab earlier this week. I cannot even begin to imagine dealing with hatred on top of that. God Bless
Yep that sounds familiar...
When my cat died my father asked me how much I spent for veterinary and than he got super angry about the money (my money) - how I can pay such a lot of money for a cat and luckily cat is dead now! I was 29 years.... my mother called him out for that. But instead of apologising he bought me a coffee machine with the words : this is how you should spend money. For good espresso instead of pets!
MINUTE 15 is HUGE!!!!! THANK YOU. A father like this would have physically hit you if they could have gotten away with it. They know that would be a breaking point for the spouse. It would "prove" they were abusive. This is something so few people understand that I didn't even realize till a few years ago. BIG! This video is really important. THANK YOU! JR
It’s such an injustice to be raised by a malignant narcissist (possibly psychopathic) father. My siblings and I are all intelligent people who didn’t reach our full potential because of our traumatic upbringing. The damage doesn’t stop there. I married one as well and endured the trauma for years along with my children. It really is a generational curse. The only lucky ones are the ones who can break the curse.
I ran away when I was 5... okay; I didn't get very far. I ran away when I was 8; a police cruiser picked me up by the side of the highway & forced me to go to the station house... then when I turned 17, I was picked up 2,000 miles from "home" for being underage, and kept locked up in juvie (where I was beaten) until my father finally flew out and took custody of me... again. PS- My mother was the narcissist.
I think my parents are schizophrenic narcissists, because they seem to vary their behaviours between malignant, covert, overt, self-righteous, religious narcissism
Youve got a complex dynamic. GET FREE FIRST immediately. Good luck. it isnt easy emotionally because youre programmed to like them and yet they gaslight you too. Its not normal.
Holy shit I think mine are too
Wow this completely pegs my ex husband when u spoke about your father’s sick narcissism. I am so grateful! Makes me feel like I’m not crazy nor am I alone in this. Especially about raging in private. He was so loved by the outside world but our inner world was a complete nightmare.
My relationships with my parents got so unhealthy after I turned 12. I always thought it was me & I was the problem (I was an only child & both parents are narcissists). There is so much in this video that I’m realising was true for my childhood thank you.
A sociopath is more calculating and might premeditate aggression in advance. A narcissist is more likely to react sooner with lies and intimidation. Narcissists often work hard to achieve success, fame, and perfection, but may exploit others along the way.👍
No idea what he is. But he sure is something... digging deep.
I feel insane. So many examples of my wife’s parent’s narcissistic behavior... I think. I’m not sure. I’ve lost every ounce of self confidence; every ounce of sanity. I think. Constant passive aggressive comments are made... if I respond or stand up for myself, I’m ‘crazy’, ‘twitchy’, or ‘over sensitive’. If I try to establish boundaries, my wife says I’m being unfair to her family. If I try to highlight any injustice, however obvious to me, I’m immediately blamed, gaslit, and have to fall in line or lose the things I love most. I’ve isolated from all of my friends, family, and even colleagues. I’m never validated. I’m never certain. Is it ACTUALLY ME?!? Am I the problem?
My boundaries as a father are not respected. My wife will not enforce them. I find myself growing more resentful, every day.
I frequently ask “do you ever actually listen to anything they say???” I get nothing but blame, denial, and rage, in return.
Is it me? Is it them? Am I crazy? I was severely abused as a child... maybe I’m defective? Maybe I’m not. The insidious nature of whatever is going on is consuming whatever sanity I’ve got left... did I have any to begin with?
...I just don’t know anything, anymore...
Bro just leave narc people dgaf abt what u say it’s all abt them leave her and do ur best to co parent that toxic shit is destroying ur life from within u can be a billionaire with mansions all this shit don’t mean shit if u feel miserable inside. LeAve her and her family and stop trying to get validation from her just dgaf and gaf abt ur sanity and leave stop wasting ur energy time sanity trying to comprehend toxic unhealthy dysfunctional social dynamic with the people close to u just leave bro save ur self and do ur best to co parent trust me my Man U can be a billionaire bro no one deserves to be made to feel like shit internally leave bro 👍
Thank you for what you are doing. Im sorry to hear you went through this. I also have indured these horrible people. Its taken me a lifetime to figure it out.
It is so tragic that the victims of narcissists go on to marry narcissists
This needs to be an hour or two hours long. I watch this lady channel and I can tell you she is amazing. One of the best channels about narcissism out there.
I was adopted at 3 months old by a covert malignant narcissist mother. My two much older brothers were not adopted, they were both the golden children and I was the scapegoat, and the Black Sheep in my entire large family (aunts, uncles, cousins and all the rest) I finally cut off all contact in March 2020. My adopted father is extremely co-dependent and abusive however not a narcissist. He tried to protect me however he also had to agree with my mother. She constantly threatened to send me back to the adoption agency, she tried once and they would not allow her to give me back. I never knew from day to day if I had a home. We can heal from this. I’m currently outlining my book that I’m writing.
My heart goes out to you Monica. You are so strong!
Great !!!! Loved it. The point about feeling as if we’re “fundamentally bad” touched me the most because I was treated EXACTLY as such. I have been No Contact with my parents for several years now because they are BOTH narcissistic. Sometimes one takes over while the other is the “enabler,” and vice versa, but I just HAVE to be the “bad” or “wrong” person, and yes my parents were getting some DEMENTED PLEASURE out of MISTREATING me !!
Financial abuse?!! Wow yeah. I had to go along w her crap when I need extra for lunch or work up to ask for anything. She still made it still does make me calls me greedy & ungrateful & that I have the gall to ask for even more than I already cost! So this is empowering I wish I’d learned 35yrs ago!
For me since I became an adult I noticed it became more like my mom was trying to compete with me. Like, who was thinner, who was more whatever characteristic. This isn't important to me and I am not trying to compete with my mom, but she keeps doing and saying things to make it seems like she is better than me in every category. When I realized she was doing this I stopped being angry each time she did it. I just let go because the whole thing was just a game in her own mind and I'd never be able to win... It's sad that she wants to make me feel like I'll never measure up to her. I guess this happened because I'm an only daughter, but she's also super critical of my brother's wife.
Yes the competition is real. I was at my narc mother's home one day ( we were at my car because I had just went grocery shopping for her and she was getting the bags. She's always not feeling good enough to go to the store for herself but always seems to be well enough to go on all these dates with all these men I never meet or see) and I start to tell her some great news about my job. Halfway through my story she notices a new gold bracelet I'm wearing. She interrupts my good news to ask me where I got the bracelet. I told her my boyfriends aunt gave it to me for Christmas. Her reply..... " oh its probably not real, but it's nice. Just don't get it wet". It was like she hit me with a 2 piece 🥊. I just rolled my eyes, told her don't worry, the groceries are on me and drove off. Evil woman
My mom introduces me to people as her "skinny daughter," then proceeds to tell them that she used to be even skinnier than I am.
When they come home from work it was like a black cloud hanging over our house. My father behaved better around other people so as a child I would hope company would come over. My mother stayed with my father and they fought all the time and my father was and still is NEVER WRONG...but my mother was a narcissist also but a different kind. I do think my mother’s decision to stay was the right one. She never wanted to leave him because he was very good looking, she worshipped him. The rages would be off the charts. Depending on what was in his way....a coffee cup being moved could cause a rage but that was not the reason for the rage. He didn’t want people to be around him. Because he couldn’t do what he wanted to....and yes it is like living under a dictatorship. But he got meaner as I got older. Like her he never was physically abusive.....but his words cut to the bone. Then he would ask why are you crying. Still to this day I think immediately “what have I done wrong”? He was never affectionate...not many hugs from mom or dad. My childhood was not that pleasant but I never wanted people to think bad about of my dad so I kept everything to myself. And yes I first fell in love with a very mean narcissist. I broke the pattern. I knew he wasn’t good for me. I dated him for 2 years and decided enough was enough and married someone I could be myself around not just to make the other person look good and coming out of his mouth that I am stupid and other derogatory words towards me all the time just to see my reaction . I married a kind and gentle man. I wanted my children to have a good childhood. Very short sum up ...
Congratulations for overcoming and God bless! 🫂
Those rages can be terrifying and out of no where. Lots of blame , threats, having a knife pulled on you.
It's very empowering to understand these behavioural patterns. My mother was a covert narcissistic personality. She would often refuse to communicate with me for an apparent error I never understood as it was never obvious. This went on all my teenage years.,,then I left as I could not tolerate the injustice. Good video. Thank you so much.
This is very good to hear, I was raised by a mother who was a malignant N. As my story is a different. I had much suffering, my mother was the same as the father in this story. Now I had also a npd older sister (golden child for my mom) while I grew up ..together with my mom. So I had from several sides the pain to bear.
My sister is now doing to me what my mom did…..silence after the dividing of the things after my mom died. And doing a smearcampqaing that I’m the bad person…saying that I’m sexual abused my nephew. It’s so painful and sick…
My lawyer don’t get it, and case is lost by this…. And everybody says “come over it”….isn’t that sick
I was “smearcampaingned” all my life by my mom, and all believe my sisters lies.
I feel very lost and don’t know how to manage this anymore.
I think its interesting to note cellphones make a malignant narcissist more unpredictable than without
With a parent like that, I always was scared to stand up for myself, even as an adult who had a child. Because he would become very threatening, and his tone of voice was very aggressive, like I better back down because there will be repercussions. Such as physical violence, or something very bad for me. And he did become violent with me on a couple occasions. Also threats of interfering with my rights as a parent, which he liked to use to control me, even though I was a good mom, and much more responsible than either of my parents ever were. He was similar to her Dad. And, my Dad always liked to put me down in any way he could. Still does. And he enjoyed it unfortunately. I grew up being afraid of ever asserting myself because of it. Also favoritism, they like the child who gets on their good side. And even with that child, there were still times of great cruelty.
It absolutely blows my mind how similar this is to my story!!!! I, too, had an awakening in 2014 after finding out my dad was emotionally, verbally and psychologically abusing my then 14yo son. The difference between my story and yours is my mother stayed and continues to defend my father to this day. I pray daily for them but chose to stop contact in 2015. It was wreaking havoc on my emotional, mental and physical health and I needed to break away in order to be healthy and present for my husband and children. I’m so saddened by it but I knew it was what I had to do. There have been many attempts by them to draw me back in. My dad maintains that he’s just “very misunderstood”. They’ve turned some friends and family against me and have called random people to try to talk some sense into me. I just remain quiet and live my life. While it’s difficult to not be able to share my side of the story with people because I know it would be inviting more drama, I’d rather people make wrong assumptions about me than go back to that abuse. I guess what is most frustrating is many people think of psychological abuse as a lesser form of abuse. Many don’t realize how devastating it is. To not be heard is invalidating. I’m glad there are people like you working to give people an understanding of what malignant narcissistic abuse is like.
Very good explanation. My mother would be like " a deranged animal " entered her body. I also learned not to stand up for myself.
I was physically abused at a young age during her rages
Throwing things and making threats to harm you, family, friends or pets is considered physical abuse.
and it is x
My pet was actually harmed
@@caterpillar4589 I'm sorry. Narc's are such evil creatures.
@Zavia, thank you. Also now, the pet tally is at 2.
@@caterpillar4589 I am sorry you are going through this, it is so hard. I wish abusers had flashing warning signs on them!
I totally understand how you must have felt being one of four daughters........I had four daughters for a man who wanted a son.......They never felt good enough.......it is so painful.....
Mother put her children through hell. Me with brothers our experience left a painful hole in the heart of our family. It's still difficult to overcome child abuse as an adult.
Mom was never physically abusive, it was emotional and psychological.
She just described one of my family members. It feels good to know I am not overreacting and understand that such behaviours are not normal.
Eerily familiar and well stated, my sperm donor was the narc. Only recently was it discovered he was not a narc, but rather a psychopath with narcissistic tendencies. This explains so much. Beyond the threats, gaslighting, raging, mirroring, grooming and baiting lies sheer terror. He lived to see us terrified, humiliated, defeated and in precarious predicaments of his own creation. I met with a clinically diagnosed narcissist who is working to heal and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. After sharing some of my experiences he said, "I am a narcissist and I would never do the things to my family your father did to yours."
While unsettling it gave me a sense of invincibility and that I had survived something others may not have seen themselves out of. Mine was a creep, sexual predator and felon based on things he did who never saw the inside of a jail cell.
You’re very fortunate that your mother recognized something was wrong, and then actually left him. And that he didn’t physically harm you. My mother is an enabler and an apologist. She makes excuses for him and follows his lead. No one protected me when he randomly, arbitrarily beat me because he was ‘annoyed’. This man had no problem whatsoever with hitting me and chasing me around the house to ‘beat the fire out of me’, as he liked to say to me. It was the 80’s. He knew no one was going to protect me or reprimand him. The school nurse at my middle school called my mother to tell her that she thought I was being physically abused, because I was bruised and broken and swollen and *I* was reprimanded for ‘trying to break up the family’ and that I made up the whole story. My mother always liked to say, “Real abused children are put into ovens.”
Wow
So "real abused children" are only the ones that are dead?! My dad was like that. It was also in the 80s. We had a school assembly in 4th grade where the speaker was educating the kids on abuse at home and hoe to see the signs, so they can help the abused vvictims. After the assembly I had two kids come up and ask me "Are you abused ?" I was so ambarast ! I knew I was but so scared if I told that he would just literally end my life and that no one would know otherwise. So it was pointless (in my mind) to tell on him. I did try telling him twice as I got older and nothing came of it. The 2nd time was the police station. That oinky told me to My face he would slap his daughter too, if she needed it and then proceeded to have me tell him where I lived so he could call my dad to come get me. I was 17 and he had just gotten done beating on me slapping me over and over,hunched over me while I'm backed up squished into the couch unable to get away. I left at 18 the best birthday present I ever gave myself to this day.
16:57 So true... I am so broken, but believe through God's love and other forms of treatment and healing, I can be repaired.
My malignant narcissist guardian had plenty of times where the contempt crossed her face. That sadistic smile that loved to watch me hurt. When my best friend died, I was on the floor of my room crying as a teen. She came in and laughed and said, "Amanda why are you crying? It's not like he was your husband." This is one out of many instances that makes me realize she also had antisocial personality disorder traits. She was terrifying.
Oh my; you are describing my childhood; except it was my mother. And 1 of my siblings is also malignant narcissist. It’s a sad sad childhood. I’m happy to have survived it all after many years of therapy.
💔💔💖
Wow, I’ve never thought of my father as narcissist, but I find so many commonalities in his behavior. The explosive rages every day, constant emotional abuse and belittling, he also wanted only a boy but he had 2 girls and he made sure we knew we were just mistakes and he didn’t want anything to do with us. He was definitely abuser and a tyrant but in public he would do anything for anybody and would give last shirt off his back but at home-complete opposite. People loved him. We hated him.
I am sorry you went thru that experience ...it must have been aweful at the time ....you say your father said he would have perferred a boy .....the thing is ....your father alone is responsible for you being a girl ....it was never ever your fault your fault at all ....why ...because the father carries either the x or the y chromosome ....the female carries only the x chromosome ....so therefore the father is the one that determines whether you are going to be a girl or a boy ....its the luck of the draw with him .....so therefore... its only his fault never yours or your mother .....cant beat the science ....because thats the way it is ....he only has himself to blame ...i hope that you are doing better ...stay well
Anyone remember the movie, “Mommy Dearest” the story about actress Joan Crawford told by her Daughter, I wonder if she (Joan Crawford) was a malignant narcissist. In That movie she seamed very vindictive even against her own children.
When you grow up with a narcissistic parent you have no idea they are narcissists because their behaviour is all you have ever known. You are conditioned to believing that your upbringing has been perfectly normal because you have never known anything else.
I was well in to middle age before the realisation dawned on me that my Dad had been a malignant narcissist. Before then I had just thought of him as being a bit of a bully.
My upbringing affected me greatly. I grew up being a very anxious individual and by my 30's was drinking far too much. I realise now that this was to anaesthetise myself from the emotional trauma I suffered in childhood.
My Dad was evil, but confronting that truth and coming to terms with it was a difficult process. I thought he was God and he was the complete antithesis of God.
I have quite a few issues with this episode. The main one i have besides parts of the description of a malignant narc is the assumption that children are hardwired by default to believe that things are their fault. I believe that actually goes against the research. It seems more likely that children are taught submission from an early age by the abuse. I never thought that i waa to blame for anyone else's actions or behavior. I was always forced to see that the adult was in the right no matter what. Non-abused children don't develop that tendency and are twice as likely to standup for themselves.
Be aware of the Sadistic element
that trait represents the Machiavellismn side of the dark triad. one of the 3 components of a malignant narcissist
I have no idea how RUclips figured out that I needed to see those videos but wow, just being able to put words on this experience changes everything for me at a very fundamental level; there was violence at many levels.
Thank you.
I am also ridden with the question of whether I am a narcissist too, and had no idea. The lines have become somewhat blurred to me over the past few days. Fortunately I have been working on it for some time already. I am grateful 🙏
Oh man the back and forth with my father with love and chaos was intense. Every day it was a roller coaster of grandiose projections about the future, severe paranoia about the nature of life and my physical safety, jokes and laughter were when I felt loved. Then it would swing right into a raging temper tantrum where he tells me I’m abusing him and threatening to take his life. Every meal I was given felt like wages and I needed to give labor later. Every moment of privacy was a dissociative heaven on earth. I stayed at school or out of the house as long as I possibly could to get away from him. He made sure I had no safety net early in childhood. My ASD was ignored, I was never socialized properly, and I wasn’t allowed to maintain friendships via hanging out Bc he wouldn’t allow it. The times he did made people either not want to come back or my dad charmed them. He would pick and choose who he was real with to mess with me. He would rope me into his schemes, get me to initiate triangulation, and then told me once how much he WANTED to hit me while pinning me into a corner in the kitchen. He would often trap me. Come into my room or my bathroom. The tightrope I walked on for 19 years was CRAZY. I am scared for my siblings. Sick with fear.
Thank you for speaking for me, Jill! Love Theresa
Couldn't describe my dad better! I went through all the damn experiences!