Why a Narcissist Can Never be a Good Parent
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- Опубликовано: 31 май 2024
- Master Coparenting with a Narcissist:
www.emotionalabuserecovery.co...
Chapters
00:00 introduction
01:15 Master co parenting with a Narcissist
01:44 You realise This when you get married to a Narcissist !
02:39 What does that mean ?
04:03 Narcissistic parents hate parenting
05:26 I was left & abandoned by my mother !
06:38 My mother to this day doesn't truely acknowledge this !
07:11 Why do they have children if they hate parenting?
08:08 They are horrible parents !
09:40 They think parenting is very simple
10:37 The actual victims are cornered !
Master Coparenting with a Narcissist:
www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/specialoffer
Would you be able to help me prove that my ex husband is incapable of bring a good parent to the court? Please, I need help. Referrals, whatever. I can't afford an attorney.
They regard children as a possession but they really resent the maintenance required of said possession.
Like an accessory to be worn in public, best dad etc, but as soon as the audience is gone, they're an annoyance.
Bingo 💥
Hence she pawned me off to 7 maids and travelled out of country for years till I was in mid-teens! They can’t raise anyone!
The most painful feeling in the world is when you realise that your narcissist mother never truly loved you.
God is one who loves you so always have faith in God this human form of life is for purification so that we move towards God .
And we can out strong as a cyber truck. Become gaslighting resistance and rust proof.
Same here but God loves us and that's all that matters
God, that’s hard to read. I’m on this channel because my ex is a narcissist and I so much want my kids to understand he’s a piece of garbage and not idolize him but then how can a mother wish their children to know their dad never loved them. I’m so sorry for your pain.
I know what you mean.
Narcissists can’t stand anyone else ever coming first before themselves - even briefly. Same reason they’re never ever a good true friend or partner.
Mine hated my dogs and the fact I had plants that needed watering ....3 years he worked on my to get rid of my dogs I told him they're with me before I knew you they'll be here when you're gone .... You can imagine how well that went over
@debprobst330 Never trust anyone who doesn't love dogs! So happy you kept yours; you needed them and their protection!
🎯
True they just keep abandoning others for personal gain or benefit
Sad sacks of shite 😞😢😪
They want all the attention on themselves not the children. And they resent the children for it.
So true! Sometimes they only care about how they look to others. They only want to be able to say they have kids because they want to be like everybody else, but don't want the responsibility that comes with being a parent. Some people are way too selfish and immature, and have no business being a parent. A real parent puts their kids needs and well being above their own selfish wants and needs. There's alot more to being a parent than just being one and saying I love you. It means nothing if actions don't back it up. Kids eventually grow up to realize they weren't raised in a stable environment. Hopefully, the parents unknowingly teach their kids how NOT to be so they don't turn out to be as messed up as they are.
You described my Ex husband and his father. My ex father-in-law had 5 children! He blamed my husband for being a burden because of excessive medical bills when he was a child. My ex refused to pay child support.... I eventually got him to give up his parental rights... it was NOT worth the emotional damage that he would have caused to my child!!
@@user-qd8tz8xz7y Good for you! You saved your child and yourself!
Thank you.... it's taken 50 years for me to see that..... I was just in survival mode for a very long time. I had great counseling at time but through time and knowledge I see it all so clearly now! Dr. Carter is wonderful@@debrapalmer9772
My mom used to introduce herself as “mom” instead of giving people her name. She loved people praising me for my accomplishments and she would take the glory that she “made” me that way. Anything people did out of their own generosity was because how amazing she was. She was very dead inside with extreme insecurity. She needed the world to make her feel better and fill the emptiness she can never comprehend. Such a miserable soul.
You forgot to mention they're full of self pity. They wrong someone but suddenly they're the victim. Woe is me is all you hear from them until they've convinced their friends of this distorted crap.
Facts I get sickkkkk of their victim mentality when they are true abusers.
Man this is my MOM. I finally caught on this year that she is a narcissist. It's insane how she is able to lie and manipulate situations so she is always the victim. Sickening and devilish how she is. No contact is for the best.
Yasssss! My husband (soon ex) has cheated on me several of times. I snapped one final time and he left for 2 months with one of his current supplies. I blocked him and realized life w/o him was so much more peaceful. He eventually called me private saying that he thought I was going to fight for him and how crazy the new supply was (all lies). Wanting to see if I’d feel sorry for him. He is unhinged and I’m too afraid to stand close to him too long because whatever karma hits him I don’t want to be in close range.
My EX would only invite me over to play with her brat when his father would cancel on his co-parenting obligation. When I called her out on it, I was being mean and wrong. So frustrating. She should get back with her ex because they are two narcissists meant for each other. I got sick of hearing the drama.
Also I have noticed that they like the kids as babies & children/kids until they are 12-13 years of age!! When a kid becomes a teenager, they "leave them alone" & teach them nothing about becoming an adult & how to survive out in that big/cruel world & that world is definitely known for its pouring rain!! Let them experience the "school of hard knocks"!! Oh narcissists want kids to go through the school of hard knocks!!
and my daughter is with my narc father nearly 10 scary
This comment is so true it makes me 🤮
My dad taught me nothing but tells the world all the things I know and do are the result of him. Family praises him for my accomplishments and berate me for his failures.
Yes, but don't forget!!! Narcs are seriously emotionally stunted. "Teenagers" have generally surpassed the emotional maturity of the narc, so one, the narc starts feeling intimidated by that and behaves insecurely, two, the kids start figuring out the dysfunction and avoiding, and I agree, three, they aren't providing the required validation and supply, so they're useless otherwise. I experienced this with my girls with my mother and my ex bf 😐
Yip, somehow narcissists think that children will raise themselves to become loving, stable, successful adults without any imput from them. It truly baffles the mind and nauseates the stomach
I've often said this many times...to a narcissist parent, the child is nothing more than a trophy for them to show off to others.
having a narcissist parent is horrible because it's an abuse that society ignores, and damages a child for the whole life.
narcissistic parents don’t do what’s best for their children - they do what’s best for themselves.
they see their children as extensions of themselves. they don’t recognize their children’s feelings unless it matches their own.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Totally agree. From the UK
@jami7772 a friendly canadian 🇨🇦 hello to you across the ocean.
team healthy is a global phenomenon.
-all the best, steven
Yes yes and yes! You summed it all up.
"Cinderella" served a family 9, from France here!
@dv52528 shout-out to team healthy in 🇫🇷.
-cheers, steven
Praise the LORD your comments are just as awesome as video message. God bless. Agape love ❤️
That completely describes a childhood surrounded by two narcissistic parents and all narcissistic siblings.
LOL. Same. One of the best revenges you can take and what I did was contact less as much as possible and be selfish as much as possible.
Try being the youngest too.. I'm the spoiled one YEAH RIGHT!!!!
You are not alone. We survived. I attribute my empath route to the love and care I received from an older, illiterate but wise Southern black woman that cared for me and the Jewish families that fed me and opened their homes to me. It was my first experience with normalcy. I also spent more time with my grandmother than anybody the others. Both parents, 3 other siblings, stepmonster and stepsister all raging narcissists with many criminal tendencies. And the closeted gay, cocaine addict, pathological liar, cheapskate, control freak EXhusband. A dumpster fire of Narcissists I wasted over 50 years on. We are children of God, that need to mother ourselves.
Yes, if there is only one narcissistic parent, the non-narcissistic parent becomes a victim of abuse!! However if both are, many times they "fight like hell"& the fighting is always ongoing!!
Same here, two self centered narcissists. Both of them neglectful, absent and vindictive.
They lack sense of responsibility and empathy
💯👍
And the don't like pets...
But do not lack the sense to be praised for being responsible and empathetic. All the benefits, none of the responsibility.
@@deanhil3978 It is the same situation than with children. They have no emotional empathy for pets either. Their pets are their supplies like people are.
They try to be but its apparent they are lacking in all areas of parenting!
My parents are narcissistic. I was diagnosed with a brain tumour at 16 years old. The tumour was malignant, on the Amygdala part of the brain where stress is processed. I’m sure it was a result of my relationship with my parents. All through my childhood I had extremely painful headaches everyday but I was never acknowledged as having them. By the time I got to about 9 years old, I gave up telling anyone the pain I was in as I just assumed that was life having to live in constant agony. Once the tumour was removed, I was then berated by my dad as being absolutely fine and nothing wrong with me, if I ever reacted, he’d put me into a headlock and call the police, this actually happened to me only days after coming out of neurosurgery.
I then was diagnosed with epilepsy which has ever since been destroying my life with gran mal seizures every 4 weeks. My parents then used the epilepsy to tell everyone I was going mad and dangerous. They called the police on me multiple times and called in social workers, the police had me arrested on multiple times even whilst I was still in bed, the social workers believed every word my parents who were both teachers at the time, and eventually made me homeless 3 years after the brain operation at 19 years old. All because I started pointing out their dysfunctional ways.
19 years on and I’m still receiving the same treatment. I’m not allowed near my family and I’m never helped with my epilepsy. The mad thing is everyone thinks they’re the kindest people on earth. My mother helps at a food bank once a week and my father helps at the church, so there is no way on earth anyone will ever believe my side of the story other than God. The beauty of this is I had a massive spiritual awakening at 25 years old. I found God and I was told by the divine to have no fear. I saw a vision of the future. The vision was karma for people like my parents being exposed through the lose of their ego. I’m still very confident this will one day happen on a global scale. Maybe this 8th of April solar eclipse might be related? Who knows, but I’m very happy with the 5 dimensional consciousness I’m now in and the beauty of knowing we are all loved by something greater than our families.
God bless you all. You’re not alone x
God Bless You. Wishing for you peace and calm. Please take care.
Thankyou so much. The most painful thing about it all is I still love them so much. I don’t see them as evil, I see them as people possessed by the demonic powers that slide into people through this masculine matrix we’ve created that’s very narcissistic.
It’s an ancestral disease that I’m cutting off. I’m sure my parents weren’t properly lived in their childhoods either and so on.
Don’t get me wrong though, I’ve had some amazing times as well thanks to all this pain. You won’t believe the amazing luck I’ve also had and the brilliant people who’ve also come into my life as a result. The love I’ve been able to share with friends and flatmates can’t be replaced. It’s very sad Narcissistic personality disorder. They’re disconnected from themselves. They have no love for themselves or each other. The abuse they commit is a reflection of their internal pain. To cure this global disease, we need to pray for the narcissists that one day they will see all the pain they’ve caused and finally take accountability.
I’m so grateful to be on the receiving end of the abuse rather than being the abuser. Being on the receiving end was my key to finding God. They hate how I’m connected to spirituality. I can tell it makes them know they’re not this perfect being they want everyone thinking they are.
I’m very confident, one day, this disease called narcissistic personality disorder will be properly identified and cured.
Keep the faith ✊
Wishing u more power and speedy recovery.... holding hands across miles
So sorry to read what you have gone through, but please remember one thing: GOD SEES ALL. Your parents might have everyone else fooled, but God sees who they truly are. Take care.
God bless you too! Your parents sound a lot like mine - putting up a religious, charitable face to the world while physically and emotionally abusing me behind closed doors and invalidating my illnesses. Luckily I had school, the safe space where I could get away from them. Both my parents ended up dying very painful, traumatic deaths. Maybe it's karma. I don't know enough about spiritual matters to comment on that. I am just trying to reparent myself and move on in life.
You are not alone either. I see you and feel your pain. Best wishes for your future.
I too was raised by two narcissists. You described the confusion, deprivation and private hell a child goes through perfectly. Thank you, Danish.❤️🙏
Ja tez mialem dwoje narcystycznych rodzicow. Me too .
I remember being about 8 years old? I was so frustrated with my parents, I screamed into my pillow and cried uncontrollably. I knew something wasn't right about them.
The realization that when a narcissist says "I love you," they actually mean "I love what you're doing for me and being my supply," was a difficult and confusing aspect for me to grasp. Growing up, I experienced profound neglect, to the extent that they (the people who brought me up) would even forget to pick me up after basketball practice. It was an overwhelming feeling of being forgotten, as I often found myself having to remind them to come get me or make the necessary arrangements myself. This upbringing left me grappling with understanding genuine expressions of love and the true intentions behind them.
It's also a spell. Whenever I"I love you" is uttered, all evil turns into good. Society hears someone saying "I love you" to you and they will justify any and all evil against you because the evil was done in the name of love. "But they said they love you". Doesn't work for you as you are guilty of every delusion that pops into their insane head. You can never repay for the smallest infraction. People say this double standard is "fairness" and "equality", right along with being "loving".
@@dakoderii4221Yes, it is a spell; you're entirely right on that. However, when the rose-colored glasses are taken off, it's a harsh reality for us as survivors to realize that we grew up in a family system that was so toxic to us. I've pretty much come to radical acceptance on everything. There's one connection in my family that I know I have to cut my ties with. However, this person isn't like the entire family. This is somebody like me who is just severely entrenched and severely trauma-bonded. Somebody once said that toxicity is equivalent to cancer in a sense; once you have surgery and remove the cancer, you're cancer-free. The same thing applies to toxic people.
Man oh man truer words have never been spoken
@@stevescott3735 Thank you
You poor thing. I hope you find some true love and happiness in your life 🥰🙏
May everyone’s pain be lifted.
My sons pain won't be lifted until he's 18 and doesn't have to go to his dad's for visitation, his dad has zero patience for children, my ex husband didn't even help my son when he fell, just kept rushing him, my son always says his dad doesn't love him, court doesn't care about poor parenting, it should because that's how children get hurt, am I crazy? I'm heartbroken his dad doesn't care who gets hurt
I am still a single parent even though I am divorced from my ex. My son always asks to talk to me even if he is at his dad’s house because he knows I am his parent. When my son is alone with me, he tells me that I am the only one he can trust and talk to. It makes me cry when I am alone because wish he wasn’t going through this as a child.
You’re 100% correct! They don’t have the patience or empathy to truly care. They don’t coparent, they counter parent. Thank you 🙏
After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!
I'm 37 and have been looking for ways to be successful, please how??
In times like this, you need a good expert like Claudia Vecchi Nese to help you get through
She's a licensed broker in the states 🇺🇸
After I raised up to 325k trading with her I bought a new House and a car here in the states 🇺🇸🇺🇸 also paid for my son's surgery (Oscar). Glory to God.shalom.
God is more than enough for us, and his mercy is new every morning. Hallelujah🎉🎉🎉♥️
❤The reason they are always giving money!!! They have nothing to give from themselves❤
That's exactly how my husband shows his "love". He throws money at it.
💯
@@tristahaydon5647maybe he has more of that than time
Hey Danish! I have good news! I got my daughter back from him!!! She is so happy in my arms with her sister! I'm so happy and I thank God with all my heart! ❤❤❤
God is good ! I’m praying and have faith he is protecting my baby
@@JesuisLord God is the best in the world! I always was a big believer, but after I became a mother, I simply started to LOVE God!
🙏🙌🏻Glory to God I’m so happy for you ❤ be safe
@@Diosesfiel1225 Thank you and God bless you! Kiss and hug 🤗
❤️
I lived this! Painful knowing my children had a father with no love. A burden, an object absolutely. He ignored his son as he stood next to him while
saying "Dad, Dad, Dad..." painful to watch. Daddy only had corrections and scolding for his daughter. I tried to give her the best attention.
You are so right. Narcissistic should never marry and never have children.
“For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice”
I think narcissism used to be called being selfish.
It is people in love with themselves only. They don't seem to "feel" anything for others.
@@janetmalcolm6191 Yes, it's much more than selfish. Deluded and un empathetic.
Not hun. Not in the same league at ALL. But good try?
They cannot be a good parent because it's always all about them.
The child takes too much of the limelight off of the Narcissist.
Plus they are selfish individuals but the irony is most all of them lacked true love from their parents.
You would think they would be opposite of what they were raises by.
Now not all people raised by Narcissist turn out Narcissists where the wires get crossed is debatable unless they are selfish souls before they come into this world.
I am 51. Two narzisisic Partents. Was the scapegoat of the Family. Was living Nightmare. Hated them since childhood. No narcissist can even be a normal Parent.
Why hate them, your now 51
Wy Not? Hat to Deal with their hatret all my childhood. I can Not morgive them. Maybe a better man can do it. I can Not.
@@parkesh7804 they teach to hate, why wouldn't you hate them back ?
I despise my narc family as well. They've hated me for years because I used to always put them on blast and call them out. Now I don't waste my breath,time,or energy.
Both of my parents were narcissists. I despised them because they scapegoated me. 57 years old now. I let go of the resentment, but it took some work on my part.
My narc mom was the perfect image of a mom. She had ridgged routines. A sanitized house. Strick rules. But this was her way she made herself feel grand. We were objects to obtain something she could never obtain. I was the oldest of 4 & the only girl. When I was 11 & started my cycle, I became her competition not her child. Emotionally I was on a roller coaster. When she was getting self satisfaction, she was tolerable. We saw a cycle of emotional highs & lows. When she was on the high, we were treated good. When the low came ( mostly on weekends) we all walked on eggshells. Everything she percieved wrong was all our ungrateful faults. We stayed together as a family because my dad enabled her behaviors just to keep her from leaving. We now know he just wanted to keep his family together. If he showed any loving emotions to us., she would show signs of jealousy. Especially with me. He gave us attention secretly. Sometimes a loving glance behind her back or a pat on the shoulder for comfort to acknowledge her mistreatment when she wasn't aware. A horrible way to live. The outside world never saw these behaviors. Everyone would say to us kids "what a wonderful mom you have".
As we got old enough to realize this wasn't normal. We wanted to say, " come be a fly on our walls ". We could never tell anyone of the behaviors she displayed. They would only think we were ungrateful brats. So we all played her game.
This was my life too except my father was completely brainwashed and lost independent thought. He would do whatever she said always. The part about weekends hit the most because Saturdays were the day of torture because she was bored and needed that high feeling of being dominant. Sunday she sanitized the house too thinking that made her better than others for being very clean. The jealousy is real but never admitted. I was the only girl too.
They need to stop 🛑 having children especially when their old. Their children end up being pawns.😢
They are children themselves.
Yes but dangerous ones!
Children behave better than the narcissist!
Well said
NO, THEY ARE NARCISSIST
It's called a loving FAMILY til you come to realize every aspect of your life has been subjective to your compliance WITHIN the hierarchy of a CULT.
Jw kid
Yep!
My ex tells everyone how he used to take the boys to school and did homework with them everyday (I did). You could count on 1 hand how many times he did and when he did he’d yell at them. He couldn’t stand that no matter how long we were apart, 5 minutes or 5 hours, they always hugged me. He would say “what about me?” and force them to hug him. He’s an engineer and hounds them to become engineers even though two are studying for medical school. The oldest has gone no contact for the last 10 years (he tells everyone he doesn’t understand why) and the youngest 2 see him as little as possible. I’m truly thankful that they are caring and good people. Narcissists only want to LOOK like great parents, but do as little parenting as possible. I was a single parent even though I wasn’t technically single.
@@jbrown2908
If nothing else they can play dense.
Danish, I am so, so sorry for your tragic experience as a child of narcissistic parents. My heart is broken for you. Thank you for making the broken walls of your life into steps for the rest of us. I for one appreciate this so much.
Danish, I am also in awe of you having overcome two narcissist parents to help victims of narcissistic parentage.
I, too, had a similar experience. I always thought my anxiety was free floating, but came from the violent encounters of my parents. If I am even near a man I feel my blood pressure rise. The narcissist parent may eventually pass away, but the system of the victim still reacts to generalized sources with silent fear.
'single married' is a wonderful description we should have that as an option on government forms.
I always felt like my mom was just a competitive older sister. I had to grow up fast and parent her. I married a boy who also expects his children to be adults, while he gets to be the child.... Narcissists are stuck at the developmental stage of little children; they don't know what responsibilities are, and they don't want them. Sadly many of us don't realize we were raised by narcs or married to them until many years down the road (myself included).
Once again spot on 100%! My son will never speak to his ex father again!!!
Did he try to brainwash your son? I'm experiencing this right now with my 6 year old, his dad is bashing me and lying and my son tells me and wants me to ask his dad to stop. He would never acknowledge he does anything, let alone stop.
This triggered my memory of wanting to breast feed, but the narcissist said he wanted to participate in feeding our baby, so I bought bottles. It was no surprise that he never took part in feeding his son or changing diapers, etc. When I told him I was pregnant, he asked me: who is the father? I was physically abused during pregnancy by him. I stayed for two years. My sister is a narcissist and then I married one when I was 21. This knowledge about both of them has been understood very recently.
@Jantango, my sister is a narc who "hate that I was born." My father was an abusive narc and I had a child with an abandoner. His child also grew up to be a narc, just like dad and lived the same life of crime.
@@truthseeker5941I can't imagine your suffering. Life at 76 is great, especially living far away from both of them.
@@Jantango Good for you. Keep thriving and so will I.
Yes. They were missing in action. My narcissistic father was abusive and my codependent mother was neglectful. They thought children were just par for the course, and all people just had them as a matter of course. I raised myself, and did the best I could. But I'm 75 years old now andd I realize I never felt comfortable anywhere. I never trusted anyone. I never loved anyone. Every natural tendency I ever had was yelled and ignored out of me. I now tuminate on this and despise them. I have all the bad habits of children of dusfunctional families, but I no longer have the energy to repratent myself and to learn to be different. I always wonder about it when people say you choose your own parents. I can't have been shown too much. If I had, why would I ever chosen them? The only thing I've learned is how to hate and mistrust people.
Having children with narcissist is hell for both the partner and children ...if these children had to suffer bullying or ragging from where they are studying there will be no one to seek help from unless they are bold enough to share such dilemmas with appropriate people ...
They like the fact that they own their children so they serve them later in their life
I can assure you they won´t. Because they treat their children wrong.... So their children in fact don´t want anything to do with them (sadly). In their head they own people but not in reality.
@@jbrown2908sometimes parents use money to guilt the adult children and keep them engaged with talks of inheritance. They give money as exchange to guilt and obligate their grown children to keep them tied. Once they accept (“gas money”) money, it’s too late for them to back out and claiming their own lives or space or privacy is impossible. Narcissists are competitive with their own children even if their children cannot understand or see it. They call that a ‘trauma’ bond, since parents create illusion they are victims and the traumatized children have to care for the parents.
Not always .
My EX would convince herself she was a good mom by repeating she was a good mother.
It was a constant mantra to remind herself she was. She wouldn't call her son by his name while talking on the phone, she'd say " here IT comes, I have to get off the phone.". She is the one raising a brat, but has the audacity to let his poor behavior happen then react to it. So stupid. She blamed me for dating her, by saying I knew she was a single Mom, and had a child to raise. I told her I didn't realize how poor of a parent she was because our time could be more enjoyable if she disciplined her son to be more respectable.
You just confirmed that my father was a complete overt narcissist. Thank you for helping me understand his behavior. It's been a lifelong struggle.
My adult niece confronts her mother on the lack of nurturance during her childhood. My sister raged at her saying “If I knew it was important I would have done it.” 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I took a photo of my ex-husband holding our firstborn, my infant son. He knew I was taking the photo, so I know he was posing with what he thought was loving expression. His mouth is smiling. But I have become extremely adept at reading even the slightest hints in peoples’ expressions, thanks to needing to do so to keep myself safe from abuse - physical abuse, anyway. In that photograph, I now see in his eyes exactly what you describe: a feeling of godlike power. A feeling that “I created this.” It’s sickening.
Yes, I experienced that too. It's more than just the healthy level of accomplishment a parent feels when a child is born. I considered the births of both my sons as 'teamwork' and even though they grew inside my body I was very aware they were little people in their own right and that labour was a joint effort. When I handed them to their father I felt a definite power thing going on, a 'look what I created' thing. I also realised I was important to him as the mother of HIS children, but apart from that I was nothing. Come the menopause, he had no further use for me and I barely came out of that relationship with my life and he and our two sons formed a sort of 'narcissistic alliance' from which I was excluded to the point of being ghosted and excluded from my children's lives to the point I was never even made aware of the existence of my own four grandsons. I discovered their existence because I had psychic dreams every time, after which I would discover that yes, another grandchild had been born. Narcissists forget in all their ghosting of us, that the psychic bond between mother and child strengthens ... because it HAS to. Ghosted or not, my bond remains with the children I gave birth to and with the grandchildren I barely know. I can love them all ... from a distance. Do I want to be part of their lives? No, I don't think I do now. I'm 70 now and not prepared to put myself through any more abuse than I've already been through and nor do I have the energy for stroking any egos or dealing with any more temper tantrums. I need looking after now, whatever energy I have left after paying attention to so many narcissists for so long, is now mine. ❤
@@user-qy4um6zi1s I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and what you’ve lost. I am also being alienated from my kids, though I wouldn’t yet describe it as a narcissistic alliance. One of my daughters is far too much of an empath, and full of kindness and love, to ever become a narcissist. If anything, she will fall for one and spend decades in an abusive marriage like I did (if she remains alienated from me and doesn’t heal).
I think you are very wise to conserve your energy for yourself now. You deserve it. I’ve been focusing on loving myself and healing. Like yours, my children are out of my hands. Peace and healing to you. 💜🙏🏻
Children are part of the 'I AM A GOOD MAN GOOD HUSBAND AND FATHER' they do not even want to be there.
The most difficult part in being raised by 2 narcs was to be a parent myself; I didn't know about narcs back then, all I knew is that I didn't want to be like them; so I found myself countless times repeating the pattern in which I was brought up in; and countless times plus one I had to revise everything 😢 I had to learn to unlearn absolutely every behavior they instilled in me, everything that I thought were the cores of being a good parent according to them of course; needless to say, they called me a useless mother, who doesn't care about the well-being and future of her kids; I must've done something right, cause my boys are in their 30's happy as punch, accomplished and well adjusted; and that's my silent revenge on them; take that m...&f...
Congratulations on your success 😊
Do you have some advice how to unlearn?
@gruengold I wished, but I just went with the saying' don't do to others what you didn't like done to you' or something along those lines; even that was blurred at times
So, so true. Parenthood is a facade. You raise them, ("That's gonna be your job.") they traumatize them and then, force them to participate in a fight, over them.
My husband had a narcissist mom absent dad, which is a bad combination😬😬
What is absent dad One who silent do nothing ???
Thank you for this video. It is spot on and a God-send. All day today I've been depressed because parenting for me is becoming increasingly lonely, difficult, and very weighty. The narc ex-husband left me and our children a few years ago, and the trauma is deep. Crazy thing is he begged for children. Why do that only to abandon the children and the family he claimed he wanted? CRAZY!!!!! PURE EGO DRIVEN!!!!! These "things" should not be allowed to procreate, EVER. They do nothing but play games and spread pain.
@jbrow... Thank you for the encouragement. I've been crying for the past six years, but today's been extremely hard. I think he's engaged to the new supply. I think I'm grieving the lost of my innocence and belief in love. The children and I have come a long way from when this ordeal first began, but I have my days and this was one of them. If it doesn't get better, it certainly doesn't seem like it can get much worse.
Thank you for saying that they should not be parents!!!! They destory lives including their kids and the saddest part is, I found my narcissistic dad in my partner as I got older! The cycle is so difficult to break!
You nailed that's my ex narcissist husband. He's a millionaire but for 2 yes now he stopped paying their school fees. He don't care about their academic, get only buy them clothes once in a year. But he always take them for vacation with his new 2 wives. Even my narcissist father when i was in college when i asked him something he'll send me to my mother. My father was having a good job but he'll always tells me i don't have money.
Well, this is it... 🙃 told my grandma I made a 96 on my math test! She replied, "You could've made a 100." 😮 But still I rise. Healing and breaking the curse.
I'd reply with "Let's see you get a 100" then I'll listen
@yom12345 yeah, at my age & with my healing now, there's no way I'd accept that. I was a kid in the thick of it at the time.
You just told my story.. I was told that I cried alot. I know NM hated Me
Thank you ❤️
Don't forgive them,but forget them.
Yep, my ex NARC is a father of convenience when it's convenient for him. Imagine saying you can't look after your child. He makes minimum effort, and it's nearly always on his terms when he does have our child. Narcs are extremely self-centered and think the world revolves around them. They are consistently unreliable!
Hmmm, what you said sounds very familiar. Almost like I know you? The very thing you just wrote is word for word of my ex girlfriend. Could this be Melissa?
@clintonnagy1662 it would be an extremely small world if I was, no I'm not Melissa. But it probably sounds familiar because it happens all too often, unfortunately. Only goes to prove that we humans are more alike than not.
My sister asked me if i felt my mother loved me after her funeral. I said no. I never had a bond, felt safe and did not trusted her. I remembered her coldness and angry and I felt relieved she was gone. My sister was her favorite and couldn't understand and offered no empathy, just like my mother. She said mother had disassociate mental health issues. I said so mother wasn't responsible for her rages? No winning, just poor mama, once again. We no longer connect.
My ex got visitation two weekends a month for a total of 30 hours. He couldn’t wait to palm her off on his mother to take care. He’d drive over there for a visit every time and stay a couple hours and then tell her that he was “going to help his cousin” or “go fishing” and take off. He come back over on Sunday and take her back to my apartment. I think once or twice his parents went somewhere so he couldn’t do it. But it was his mother that was still doting on him even into his 30’s.
Yeah that's a narcissist parenting skill palm off to mummy who has enabled their selfish behaviour and created toddler man... Am sure my 4 year old is more grown up than the 'father'! Same situation but at least we know they getting fed as I worry when he tries to do it himself even for a day am a wreck ...my baby often comes back exhausted up too late no routine deliberate to make my life hard😢
@@bubblesSqueak3895 It’s not always the mother, it could be a doting aunt or grandmother other female relative they are close to that encourages and influences this behavior and attitude.
Ouch! Everything you say in this video hit home.
I, too, had a neglectful, malignant narcissistic mother. I have very few memories of my past, and not one is positive.
What you are explaining here is very, very accurate.
I say this because when people try to reach out for help and support after surviving such horrible ordeals as young children, many are told they need to stop "play the victim" or similar. They aren't playing victim. They are trying to heal from things that happened to them that were truly evil.
My grandson is a narcissist that lives with his daughter’s mom. She works he does nothing but stay home all day. This bum refuses to watch my granddaughter while mom’s working. He leaves the house go hangout with friends in the morning when she leaves. She has to pay for childcare. Babysitting is beneath them even they own child. I try to tell her but she’s so trauma bonded & thinks she’s in love. I can’t stand narcissists.
Smiling wasn't allowed either. When she caught me smiling I was punished and yelled at or she would ignore me for several days. As of today i am still not able to produce genuine smile on my face. i simply don't know how to smile
Thank you for another great video.
My mother would dress me like a boy because my dad wanted a son & my sister feminine.
I became an adrenalin junkie Tom Boy, and just had an epiphany about my life.
Amazing open hearted comments from the followers, helping me to speak too.
Thank You - I love this channel 🙏🌟
I can attest to this first hand. My father was a narcissist and my mother was the enabler. Through this channel and others, I now know why I was doing what I was doing. After a few decades, I have been able to heal a bit.
Dear Danish,
You are a truly brilliant man. Your childhood experiences, though unpleasant, have contributed to your empathic and responsible nature as an adult.
Every of your videos are always on point! I have a narcissistic mother and I tell you, I experienced everything that you experienced with your parents. Thank you for spreading healing through your channel. God bless you 🇳🇬🇳🇬
I know this as my husband was a narcissist and never fid any thing for our children yet groomed the community by going out of his way to help other people's children i can never get over it and i know even now they are adults they still hurt and still cant believe it is true 😢
Growing up, I sadly witnessed an aunt of mine mistreat her daughter. Dressing her up and showing her around as long as she was a pretty little girl. When my cousin entered puberty, she was abandoned to boarding school or to relatives. Finally my aunt threw her out of the house. No wonder my cousin left the country and went no contact. Guess what - my aunt never ceased complaining how ungrateful her daughter was. Sadly, my cousin passed away too young. Her children do not want anything to do with their grandmother. Who is now very old and alone, but never stopped complaining.
They always go on a pity campaign it's not complaining they are trying to get people to feel sorry for them. Sadly, this is my mother and her family. i know how these individuals work.
Awful story.
I always wondered why my dad didn’t talk to me unless necessary when I was a child. Since his death I have figured out he was a narcissist and these videos help explain so much of my childhood. Thanks.
This is going to be a tough watch for me as i an alienated from my daughter and she is now being brought up by the Narc mother.
Leaving a narcissist when children are involved is so problematic there is no way a responsible parent and their child can win in a situation like that until finally the child comes of age after muddling through it best as we can. A parent who goes through that who is a responsible one will feel happy for their child when seeing them succeed in life while having basic health (with succesful lifelong treatment sometimes) no matter how that child feel towards them after coparenting with a narcissist was so impossible to be doing a good job at. A policeman once advised me to give my children over to relatives to care for to hide them away from the narcissist whiile I work in the city full time. He said that was the only way for me to be a good parent to them at the time. That was supposed to be doing policework too? Why do our systems seem to all cater only to the narcissists who only seem determined to destroy the lives of everyone around them while they are trying to dominate them?
I did all the things you said ..pick them up and drop them off from school take them to the doctor make sure their education is good. Then when I had to put a restraining order and file for divorce he and his lawyer were in contempt of order and never paid child support so I became homeless and had to return the children to him and take off the restraining order because I didn't want them homeless with me. Then he took them out of state and they started having mental breakdowns. I had no family or friend support because he convinced them he was a good parent with his bigger income.
They can’t be good bosses either but all bosses seem to be narcissists
Danish is incredibly together for a survivor and has his finger on the pulse and very knowledgeable for a youngish person.
I was Mom and Dad most of the time. I told myself he pays the bills and it could be so much worse. Still, when someone is there but they aren’t it’s confusing. I read books on parenting because mine said it was instinctual and that’s how they knew what to do. Their instincts were way off. In my recovery program they told us our parents did the best they could. Whatever. ☺️
My poor husband was raised by narcissistic parents, and him and his siblings developed narcissistic traits; my husband was the scape goat of the family, he was neglected, abused, belittled, criticized and made felt unwanted; he is a better father than his own, but he was not a great partner when our children were young; he would play with them and bought them toys, but rarely was involved in doctor's appointments, school meetings, our children interests, etc. I felt overwhelmed with all the children's activities, my job, the house, and my husband's constant nagging of me no doing enough in the house. I wished he would have been more involved and help more, but I know he was coping his dad behavior, unconsciously, maybe. The worst he did was to deny going to buy food for our children when I was very sick with the flu and had high fever for three days, that broke my heart.
When I was a child I wasn't allowed crying. When I happened to do so anyway because I was sad, lonely and was unhappy, my mother always told me: if you don't stop crying i will make you
I was always told by my narc father "I'll GIVE you something to cry about." Narc mother did nothing then and if I bring it up now, I'm told "that was a long time ago."
@@Julie-ti5yv Don't be sad, just remember that the only people who will understand what we went through, are the ones who made the same experiences like us. It's no use talking to the other ones about this subject. They can neither comprehend nor empathize (Lucky them....!) For the time being stick to the fellow-sufferers that know what you're talking about. Otherwise you'll get frustrated too easily.
My brother-in-law did that to his sons. One was destroyed mentally for life and died young. When I hear of a young person's dying, I wonder who abused them in their younger years.
The love is only on birthdays and holidays bc they get to show what a great party they threw.. and they get all the praise for knowing exactly what presents to buy.
I was a burden to my narcissistic/borderline mother. She straight up told me she wished I was never born. No matter what I did (even when done exactly as instructed) she would fly into a rage. She was a horrible parent!! You are spot on Narcissist cannot be good parents - they are too selfish and incapable of caring for a child’s needs above their own. They can’t make the kind of sacrifices that are required to be a loving parent. Because the narc always comes first in their own mind.
Thank you for every perfect thing you said. Narcs should never ever be allowed to have children.
Wow, Danish, you are preaching to the choir! I can't believe how many times I was saying Yes, so true! I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. You poor man. I can't imagine not really seeing a parent for 10 years.... Hopefully, your grandma and aunt weren't as bad.
She just had a 4th child (vulnerable narcissist). I worry for their safety but have no proof of abuse.
Dad left when i was a kid, mom worked all day, so i didnt have a union of family, my older brothers took care of me doing a terrible job.
Danish, both my parents were\are narcs. My mom is still alive and is a demon masquerading as a human. Help those of us with this. Please. Thank you. 🎉
They can’t be a parent
Exactly, my narcissistic mother did exactly the same. 😢 She only wanted to show off in front of family & friends that I'm a successful engineer, while behind closed doors she would beat me up if I didn't get good grades. She never showed any love or affection towards me.
I'm 50 now, no contact with her. Few years ago, when I visite to attend my father's funeral, she showed no emotions and even first time when she saw my kids, absolutely no emotions or affection towards my children 😢
I don't care anymore now. Moved on with my life, no contact with her.
I agree whole heartly about narcissistic not having children or getting married because I'm a child of two narcissistic and i had to do alot of work for myself to heal the abuse
My adult daughter cut her narcissistic father out of her life in order to protect her mental health. The awful things he said and did are beyond comprehension. She is much happier today and has decided when he passes away she will not attend his funeral. She has closed that door.
Great Video, great content. I fully agree that narcissists should not marry nor have children. Problem being: They don’t recognise themselves as a narcissist. They truely believe they are the most intelligent, nicest and best person on this planet. Just heard this from my mother after she had done something really ugly to a neighbour I.e. she tried but fortunately landlord intervened. It’s pure nonsense. They should not be allowed to have pets either by the way. Same game, same show, same nonsense. They drill pets the same way they try to drill you. Best thing my mother ever said to me was, that she loves her dog more than she loves me. Needless to say that was an eyeopener for me. Went on no-contact for more than one year, learned everything I could learn about narcissism and now stand stronger than ever, knowing her tricks and ticks inside out. Will follow your channel for a while (one should not consume too much narcissism content, could make oneself very unhappy). Really well done, also quality of micro (Rode) and video. 👍🏻
This is so true. When I look back, I was like a single mum even though I was married. I did everything for our daughter. I know he was jealous of the time and attention he gave her. It's sick when you think about it. My daughter is 33 and is married with a 2 yr old.
Her father still doesn't bother with her. I know about abandonment trauma. It's a terrible thing, and I made so many mistakes in my life, I put it all down to being left in an orphanage at 4 yrs old. It's taken years to piece it all together. Thank you for the video ❤
At 50 I'm dealing with this from my father. He is just so relentless with it too! That's what I can't understand. He is mad at me because I wouldn't bail him out of jail a few months ago....jail...yeah. I've never asked anyone for bail money. Anyway, this video explains to me why I'm probably disinterested in my career choice all of a sudden. He and I both are carpenters. I have built stuff that he cant...fact...i expected him to be proud... nope. It pissed him off. He listens to music as if he were a 15 year old boy, I play music and he despises it. Just a pissed off jealous child
I never fail to feel assurance and validation from your videos..
If I may ask, if you don’t already, for a video possibly, on how to cope/the process of emotions when having to accept and remove yourself from these supposed ‘loved ones’ who were once so important to our lives to now having no contact with them because of the negative effect from their abuse.
I am currently coming to terms with the narcissists in my life and I am struggling to cope emotionally..
Conditional love. Controlling even when children become adults.
I listened to this video and all I could think about was my husband’s parents. We are no contact.
My ex only had kids just to say he have kids, Wow, what a manipulative and selfish person! He used his baby mother just to have kids and used me for money. Disgusting! Can't believe he's using his kids as props and then barely contributing financially!
Very true my mother hated spending time with her 5 children whom she chose to have 🙄instead, I was tasked as the oldest to look after them, and often times take them to do things that she should’ve been doing. Ie I often took my younger siblings to the park, the mall,skating, out to eat,shopping and almost any other place you can think of. All while she sat her lazy self on the couch, or in the bed all day long. She also hated cooking, which I was tasked with.
Both of m parents are narcissistic too. It was tough being an only child. I could relate to EVERYTHING you said! EVERYTHING! Im so happy you escaped both of your parents.I dont know why more people dont just cut off their toxic parents. both of them. I hate the "but their your parents" comment. Yes but abusive & toxic. If my parents were friends, I would NEVER be friends with either of them. Im happy you are healing from their abuse, creating this channel & sharing your experience. Run as far as you can from them, you are better off without them. You seem a kind, gentle person even inspite of them! Well done. Take care.
Danish so true my narc ex brainwashed my daughter against me and no one’s cares just 🙏she returns
Another awesome video. Both parents r narcissistic…mother malignant, father covert. He is her enabler. But I survived and as I grow, I’m becoming the butterfly!!! Thank you for your videos. I’m sad you went thru this…grateful you too survived.
You are so bloody right. My mother is an epitome of narcissism and she created her extension in my older sister. Perfect companion for each other and left them get dirty in their own dirty power play
Thank you so much for sharing a bit about your own early abandonment ❤😭 I went no contact from my parents and grandmother 6 weeks ago. Just got laid off yesterday after 10 years via bulk email. I didn’t even think to contact them, which feels almost more heartbreaking than having no relationship. Thank you for your videos ❤
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My mom also forced me to focus primarily on academics, not regarding my need for character development
This makes me extremely sad because I understand as a mother wife and adult that both my parents are. And I have to work two jobs to provide for my child and I’m afraid 1. That he will think I’m not around enough because I am also a narcissist when the truth is that I truly need to provide a living for him 2. When I’m at work my narcissistic parent watches him and I’m afraid he will experience the same trauma as me because he’s left in her care. But I can’t afford a babysitter. This haunts me daily.
There as so many times growing up I was mad at them for creating me. Because like you said, I never asked to be here. All I was was a way for my mom to lock down a rich guy. And all I wa for the guy was old #6. Can’t recall ONE time sitting and playing with either of them. My moms go to is “he was such a quiet boy always playing under the table and did t bother anyone.”
Mine deliberately prevented me from developing household skills. My opinion is, their cover plan demanded it. 😢 It was fun for all around, seeing me as less than. They use their witts to trick you. Though, logic seams to escape them.
My parents would parent me trying to convince me they were the good ones and the other parent was horrible, and enaged in warfare about whose original family (geneolgy) was better. It was a constant war between mom and dad for decades