I dont think it takes a degree to talk about limerence, just the experience of suffering from it for years. These you-tubers somehow explained something that two of the therapists I tried couldn’t. I wasted probably thirty minutes of my hour long sessions explaining my hurt feelings over someone I never dated and didn’t really know. They didn’t even come close to an understanding, really. Then bam I found people who related to everything I went. They understood those thinking of that person made me feel like I was flying. They understood that there was a disconnect from the real person and the one that I thought about 24/7. And somehow they understood that I didn’t feel like a real person anymore. And then they pulled me out of the whole I dug myself into.
I agree you don’t need a degree or anything specific, the responsibility is doing your research first. For example, some people have said online that “childhood neglect” leads to limerence. There’s just no support for that statement, it needs to be studied and demonstrated first. However, people are willing to say it with no evidence. That’s the problem.
@@BettieBoo I'm sure there are other therapists I could've jived better with, but I couldn't afford it to begin with, so paying therapists (giving them three sessions each to be fair) just to feel like they didn't resonate with things I was saying was tough. But don't get me wrong, I know therapy has saved/changed other peoples lives for the better!
@linds1233 Keep trying. Remember therapists are individuals with different personalities, trainings, preferences and approaches. It can take some time to get the right fit but it’s worth it in the end.
I’ve suffered from Love Addiction my whole life and now in a recovery program. Everything you’ve said is right on target . You’re my favorite person on here subject. I’ve had many addictions through my life and have ADHD. Now people in my recovery program are discussing Limerence. We need this information because I didn’t learn about my problem till 76 . I chose the wrong people my whole life and lived in a fantasy world . I can’t get enough of this subject now.
Hello to my limerant cosufferers. I think I always had this problem to a degree, and in my last episode this is what helped me to get over it. I was trying to see them as a real person, not what I want them to be. Try to get to know them as much as you can, but without romantic context, and they turn out to be just human.
I tried to know him. He refused😅. We barely spoke together!! I should find this video and realised this is my own problem, he has nothing to do with it😂😢
One comfort is the limerent object, while they may know you, will not even be bothered about you anywhere near as you are about them. For example a work colleague who you limerate over, the feeling will not be mutual.
It can be a comfort yet a bruise to the ego :( It triggers feelings of being unattractive to the opposite sex for me and a feeling of being worthless/not good enough.
The limerence content on RUclips genuinely made me feel a lot worse than I already was and I literally had to heal from that shit for months. It was worse than the limerence itself. What Dorothy Tennov actually meant by the word "limerence" is a normal human experience that more than two thirds of the human population experience. The online limerence community is creating a fake mental illness out of something that isn't well researched and it's *incredibly dangerous.* I've seen so many people in the community who believe that they have some strange rare mental disorder, when in reality, they're just in love with one of their friends that doesn't feel the same.
I kind of agree with you but I suppose it comes down to how gullible the person seeking advise is. The discovery of Limerence and my understanding of it 6 months ago has helped me understand many of my relationships/obsessions throughout my life but equally I don’t relate to everything I’ve read/watched regarding limerence ( I consider my childhood was pretty normal and had reasonably good and supportive parents.) also I have eventually got over a couple of LO’s before and maintained friendships with them ( rather than the ‘no contact’ rule for life I’ve seen banded around from ‘experts’) I wish there was a study in place of limerence I could join as I’d love to help make this condition better understood and have more clinical absolutes which would help with the issue you’re discussing here. Understanding that my issues with love/obsession are a condition I have has helped me so much but it would be nice to move forward now with a proven clinical plan rather than filtering through internet phycologists trying to formulate a way forward for myself. I do find your videos extremely helpful though😊
My whole life I looked outside of myself for someone to save me but didn’t know there isn’t supposed to be someone to save me. I have to do it for myself.
Hi Marios, thank you for your videos And indeed my next question to you was going to be whether you might be able to make some content, I think it might be helpful but you will decide, maybe you have already, apologies, to explain/clarify some of the similar or subtly different experiences and labels. My own therapist who l have been seeing for 3 years now had not heard of limerence when I mentioned it and since, refers to my pattern as 'unrequited obsession'. Is it the same thing? How to navigate all the nuances & labels/categorisations? Regardless, your content & acknowledgement of these experiences helps us to not feel so alone, so thank you again. Best of luck with all your training & hope to see you perhaps leading some of the research on this topic???😁
Sometimes techniques are just unhelpful, it's not that experts need to provide effective techniques. It's more that statements made need to be based on some research or at least educated guesses, rather than "oh it's all because of childhood trauma" which is just so generic.
I appreciate this video because a lot of the limerence and dating advice in general doesn’t account for gender, race, disability, socioeconomic status, etc. When you have marginalized and/or intersecting identities, they can make it harder to overcome something like limerence because all those things limit your opportunities to connect with others meaningfully. That said, I’m managing the best I can and taking opportunities to connect and have experiences that feel right to me.
True that advice on the internet is going to struggle to account for all overlapping identities, which is why fair warnings with regards to advice online is key!
1. Your video suggests limerence is a 'condition' or a metal health disorder 2. Do you think limerence happens outside or inside a 'relationship?' (the definition varies) 3. If limerence happens inside a relationship, especially in the honeymoon period, surely this can be explained as being 'Head Over Heels' in love and is a rare thing to happen in a lifetime and a most wonderful thing too?
I’ve been trying to reconcile this myself. Before my current partner, all my limerence stopped as the person in front of me became more and more real. I would then distance myself as soon as anything happened that made me feel a certain way, instead of addressing it for the benefit and growth of the relationship. With my current partner, I confronted any doubts I had with our relationship with him, and we changed for the better for each other. Leading to full acceptance of each other, flaws and all. Because of this, in my current relationship, I was able to experience limerance at time when I wasn’t with him, about him. It feels even better now that I know I’ve done the work with this person I love. So in that sense, to me, limerance is a deliberate state of bliss that not many understand or let themselves get to. It requires a form of willful detachment from reality to fully immerse yourself in your idea of things, it feels so good to realize that your reality is finally close to your ideal.
It usually involves an insecure attached individual like myself . We’re looking for something outside of ourselves to save us. It involves obsessively thinking about a person. For me it’s the same as love addiction. It’s an addiction because you can’t stop obsessively thinking about this person even when they’re not interested. Often we get involved with avoidant personalities. Both however can be Codependent. Commonly there is severe low self esteem.
@@fatymah1138 So, you get your cake and eat it 😉 Seriously though, that sounds great (and positive). I was in the state of what is called limerence whilst in a relationship. I just thought of it as being head over heals in love. My point is 'limerence' suggests there's something wrong with being there - I thought it pretty much the most wonderful thing I had ever experienced
... because God is the only answer to this condition... and I'm not talking about religion... everything else will have just a temporary effect. at the root of limerence is the fundamental lack of Love... and it's not the kind of love that can be found in interpersonal relationships...
Im curious if the person with the pseudonym you are referring to is Dr. L, and I would like to know specifically what you disagree with their take on Limerence? I'll admit I paid for his course on recovering from limerence, and maybe I have been scammed, but do I think I wasted my money? As someone who has suffered tremendously from the LE experience for over a year, I figured I had nothing to lose but a lot to gain by being free from this. While I rationally know recovery comes from a combination of no contact, truly believing in my worth, and living purposefully, sometimes its hard to figure out how to do those things on your own, so I appreciate that someone laid out an easy step by step guide, and even if its not based on science, if it does actually help me break free, then I suppose whether its backed by science is irrelevant to me as long as it helps me recover from my LE. With that being said, I still want the information Im learning to be as accurate as possible, so I hope you can enlighten me what it is specifically you disagree with that other people have spoken about Limerence. You mentioned some people mistaken Limerence to be the same as a different word, what was that word? What are some other statements about Limerence you have heard that you disagree with? I appreciate you and thank you for sharing your expertise and knowledge with us limerents
Hey! I am going to keep things general for now with regards the people I'm speaking about in the 'limerence experts' community online - but I am glad some things you've found have been helpful. I am not saying that they can't be helpful, it's just that they pretend that existing neuro/psych research is ABOUT limerence, whereas it's about other conditions like addiction, rOCD, and heartbreak. Those relate to limerence IMO, but you can't say that research on those things can be generalised to limerence. I have heard people online say "limerence is the same as love addiction" and personally I don't think that's the case at the moment.
I dont think it takes a degree to talk about limerence, just the experience of suffering from it for years. These you-tubers somehow explained something that two of the therapists I tried couldn’t. I wasted probably thirty minutes of my hour long sessions explaining my hurt feelings over someone I never dated and didn’t really know. They didn’t even come close to an understanding, really. Then bam I found people who related to everything I went. They understood those thinking of that person made me feel like I was flying. They understood that there was a disconnect from the real person and the one that I thought about 24/7. And somehow they understood that I didn’t feel like a real person anymore. And then they pulled me out of the whole I dug myself into.
I agree you don’t need a degree or anything specific, the responsibility is doing your research first. For example, some people have said online that “childhood neglect” leads to limerence. There’s just no support for that statement, it needs to be studied and demonstrated first. However, people are willing to say it with no evidence. That’s the problem.
So you are generalizing the therapy field based of 2 therapists?
@@BettieBoo I'm sure there are other therapists I could've jived better with, but I couldn't afford it to begin with, so paying therapists (giving them three sessions each to be fair) just to feel like they didn't resonate with things I was saying was tough. But don't get me wrong, I know therapy has saved/changed other peoples lives for the better!
@linds1233 Keep trying. Remember therapists are individuals with different personalities, trainings, preferences and approaches. It can take some time to get the right fit but it’s worth it in the end.
I’ve suffered from Love Addiction my whole life and now in a recovery program. Everything you’ve said is right on target . You’re my favorite person on here subject. I’ve had many addictions through my life and have ADHD. Now people in my recovery program are discussing Limerence. We need this information because I didn’t learn about my problem till 76 . I chose the wrong people my whole life and lived in a fantasy world . I can’t get enough of this subject now.
Thanks you for commenting and your kind feedback!
Hello to my limerant cosufferers. I think I always had this problem to a degree, and in my last episode this is what helped me to get over it.
I was trying to see them as a real person, not what I want them to be. Try to get to know them as much as you can, but without romantic context, and they turn out to be just human.
I tried to know him. He refused😅. We barely spoke together!! I should find this video and realised this is my own problem, he has nothing to do with it😂😢
One comfort is the limerent object, while they may know you, will not even be bothered about you anywhere near as you are about them. For example a work colleague who you limerate over, the feeling will not be mutual.
It can be a comfort yet a bruise to the ego :( It triggers feelings of being unattractive to the opposite sex for me and a feeling of being worthless/not good enough.
The limerence content on RUclips genuinely made me feel a lot worse than I already was and I literally had to heal from that shit for months. It was worse than the limerence itself.
What Dorothy Tennov actually meant by the word "limerence" is a normal human experience that more than two thirds of the human population experience. The online limerence community is creating a fake mental illness out of something that isn't well researched and it's *incredibly dangerous.*
I've seen so many people in the community who believe that they have some strange rare mental disorder, when in reality, they're just in love with one of their friends that doesn't feel the same.
We don’t know we’re in a fantasy world because we’ve done it our whole life. Thank you for bringing this information out.
I kind of agree with you but I suppose it comes down to how gullible the person seeking advise is.
The discovery of Limerence and my understanding of it 6 months ago has helped me understand many of my relationships/obsessions throughout my life but equally I don’t relate to everything I’ve read/watched regarding limerence ( I consider my childhood was pretty normal and had reasonably good and supportive parents.) also I have eventually got over a couple of LO’s before and maintained friendships with them ( rather than the ‘no contact’ rule for life I’ve seen banded around from ‘experts’) I wish there was a study in place of limerence I could join as I’d love to help make this condition better understood and have more clinical absolutes which would help with the issue you’re discussing here. Understanding that my issues with love/obsession are a condition I have has helped me so much but it would be nice to move forward now with a proven clinical plan rather than filtering through internet phycologists trying to formulate a way forward for myself.
I do find your videos extremely helpful though😊
Could you share how you were able to maintain your friendships?
My whole life I looked outside of myself for someone to save me but didn’t know there isn’t supposed to be someone to save me. I have to do it for myself.
Agreed yes, we all have to rely on ourselves at the end of the day, waiting for our saviours is not the way.
Hi Marios, thank you for your videos
And indeed my next question to you was going to be whether you might be able to make some content, I think it might be helpful but you will decide, maybe you have already, apologies, to explain/clarify some of the similar or subtly different experiences and labels. My own therapist who l have been seeing for 3 years now had not heard of limerence when I mentioned it and since, refers to my pattern as 'unrequited obsession'. Is it the same thing?
How to navigate all the nuances & labels/categorisations?
Regardless, your content & acknowledgement of these experiences helps us to not feel so alone, so thank you again.
Best of luck with all your training & hope to see you perhaps leading some of the research on this topic???😁
thank you so much for saying that. I tried following the advice of these so-called experts, and none of it worked for me.
Sometimes techniques are just unhelpful, it's not that experts need to provide effective techniques. It's more that statements made need to be based on some research or at least educated guesses, rather than "oh it's all because of childhood trauma" which is just so generic.
I appreciate this video because a lot of the limerence and dating advice in general doesn’t account for gender, race, disability, socioeconomic status, etc. When you have marginalized and/or intersecting identities, they can make it harder to overcome something like limerence because all those things limit your opportunities to connect with others meaningfully. That said, I’m managing the best I can and taking opportunities to connect and have experiences that feel right to me.
True that advice on the internet is going to struggle to account for all overlapping identities, which is why fair warnings with regards to advice online is key!
1. Your video suggests limerence is a 'condition' or a metal health disorder
2. Do you think limerence happens outside or inside a 'relationship?' (the definition varies)
3. If limerence happens inside a relationship, especially in the honeymoon period, surely this can be explained as being 'Head Over Heels' in love and is a rare thing to happen in a lifetime and a most wonderful thing too?
I’ve been trying to reconcile this myself. Before my current partner, all my limerence stopped as the person in front of me became more and more real. I would then distance myself as soon as anything happened that made me feel a certain way, instead of addressing it for the benefit and growth of the relationship.
With my current partner, I confronted any doubts I had with our relationship with him, and we changed for the better for each other. Leading to full acceptance of each other, flaws and all. Because of this, in my current relationship, I was able to experience limerance at time when I wasn’t with him, about him.
It feels even better now that I know I’ve done the work with this person I love.
So in that sense, to me, limerance is a deliberate state of bliss that not many understand or let themselves get to. It requires a form of willful detachment from reality to fully immerse yourself in your idea of things, it feels so good to realize that your reality is finally close to your ideal.
It usually involves an insecure attached individual like myself . We’re looking for something outside of ourselves to save us. It involves obsessively thinking about a person. For me it’s the same as love addiction. It’s an addiction because you can’t stop obsessively thinking about this person even when they’re not interested. Often we get involved with avoidant personalities. Both however can be Codependent. Commonly there is severe low self esteem.
It is a mental health disorder because it’s fantasy and not realty . Many people with love addiction have other types of addictions.
@@fatymah1138 So, you get your cake and eat it 😉 Seriously though, that sounds great (and positive).
I was in the state of what is called limerence whilst in a relationship. I just thought of it as being head over heals in love. My point is 'limerence' suggests there's something wrong with being there - I thought it pretty much the most wonderful thing I had ever experienced
@@2brunhilda Partners do obsess over each other though, particularly in the early stages. Being in an anxious/avoidant trap is a different thing
💯💯
... because God is the only answer to this condition... and I'm not talking about religion... everything else will have just a temporary effect. at the root of limerence is the fundamental lack of Love... and it's not the kind of love that can be found in interpersonal relationships...
Not really relevant but are you cypriot? Lived in Cyprus for 2 years with the british army and yiur name sounded cypriot.
Yes I am Cypriot :)
Im curious if the person with the pseudonym you are referring to is Dr. L, and I would like to know specifically what you disagree with their take on Limerence? I'll admit I paid for his course on recovering from limerence, and maybe I have been scammed, but do I think I wasted my money? As someone who has suffered tremendously from the LE experience for over a year, I figured I had nothing to lose but a lot to gain by being free from this. While I rationally know recovery comes from a combination of no contact, truly believing in my worth, and living purposefully, sometimes its hard to figure out how to do those things on your own, so I appreciate that someone laid out an easy step by step guide, and even if its not based on science, if it does actually help me break free, then I suppose whether its backed by science is irrelevant to me as long as it helps me recover from my LE.
With that being said, I still want the information Im learning to be as accurate as possible, so I hope you can enlighten me what it is specifically you disagree with that other people have spoken about Limerence. You mentioned some people mistaken Limerence to be the same as a different word, what was that word? What are some other statements about Limerence you have heard that you disagree with? I appreciate you and thank you for sharing your expertise and knowledge with us limerents
Hey! I am going to keep things general for now with regards the people I'm speaking about in the 'limerence experts' community online - but I am glad some things you've found have been helpful. I am not saying that they can't be helpful, it's just that they pretend that existing neuro/psych research is ABOUT limerence, whereas it's about other conditions like addiction, rOCD, and heartbreak. Those relate to limerence IMO, but you can't say that research on those things can be generalised to limerence. I have heard people online say "limerence is the same as love addiction" and personally I don't think that's the case at the moment.