Managing BPD in the Workplace: Strategies for Success
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- Опубликовано: 8 ноя 2022
- Cope with your BPD symptoms using my BPD Card Deck: The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
shorturl.at/bxB05
Stressing out at work? Feeling like you can't survive without your job? Feeling like you're a screw-up everywhere you go? If you answered "yes" to any of these, then this video is for you. In this video, I discuss how BPD affects the workplace, share strategies for coping with stress and low self-esteem, and provide tips for overcoming fear and self-doubt. By the end of the video, you'll have the tools you need to better manage BPD in the workplace
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
RUclips: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
Being emotionally and socially conservative has helped me stay employed. I don’t let myself get too invested in relationships at work anymore and that’s been huge for me. Gotta keep that professional distance and not take anything too personally.
👍👍👍
Exactly. That’s what worked for me as well.
Thank you for your comments
@@ruyayakzan3502 l
I totally agree. It’s hard though bc everything in you wants close connection. It feels like a catch 22. I avoid investing in relationships it sucks and if try to be friends with everyone it also can create problems. So it’s picking the one that supports me the most. But it’s hard regardless
Also I am paranoid about my team mates complaining behind my back to my manager. That's my everyday fear
Happens to me too. Last first 3 weeks joining this company ive been worrying alot cus they have a group on social media which excluding me. But then if i feel ok n confront them about what they need instead of talking on my back, so it makes everything clear, i feel relieved. I like transparency. We work for company together so they should build this habit too (but i show them confrontation should be polite)
The problem is that people do that, so it increase our problem. Its our defense mecanism
You are so accurate about BPD, yes work is my sanctuary, my identity. I give my all to my career and when someone criticize, it hurts a lot. Then I loose my motivation to work
Same here - And when I make a mistake, it takes weeks to get over it. Especially when it keeps getting thrown back in my face. ☮️💟
100%
😿 I can understand what you wrote.
I feel that we need to learn how to separate our work persona from us as a human being.
But it's super hard and it hurts, affecting our personal life/health.
As someone w CPTSD who is a workaholic I can empathise with this as I feel the same way but it is important not to let it effect you for too long. It’s harder when it’s a boss of course since then you have anxiety about job security but if it is a coworker or a customer it’s ok to feel but try to let it go within a week. I find this has been the most helpful for me personally otherwise I just toxically torture myself over it which is not good for me or my work ethic. Just remember that the person may have many reasons for saying the criticism. It could be projection, it could be your work was off at one point and while it’s amazing the day this happened they could’ve been holding onto their feedback, it could be that they are wrong in their interpretations it could be something they thing is super insignificant and so did not think their comment was a big deal etc many reasons I find it is helpful even though difficult to do but to think about what they might be thinking in their shoes and why they may have said it without ascribing my trauma to them. So like oh he was feeling under the weather a week ago, he didn’t see all my progress, he saw my off day ok he probably meant this innocently. Or oh he is struggling at his job right now this probably makes him feel better etc.
@@newtuber4freedom43 be careful working somewhere where you feel they are throwing your mistakes in your face. I was in a toxic work environment for 5 years and didn’t realise how abusive it was until I got out. My current job I’ve had for a bout a year and it’s night and day the difference. Every job has its struggles, no job will be perfect (capitalism is inherently unequal and hierarchical which means so are the workplaces replicating this) but there are jobs which are far far worse than others and if you feel like you are unable to communicate your issues with your boss, unable to have conflict resolution from management / HR for conflict between employees, or you feel like your manager is lazy and attacking please try to find another job. Just don’t leave this one till you start the next one. But don’t let yourself stay in a toxic work environment for longer than you have to.
Request: include scenarios w/ quiet type. I hate confrontation and i could never call someone an idiot to their face and verbally quit on the spot ... i just feel hurt with negative feedback and usually meltdown by a long cry because i can't live up to their (or my own) expectations for job performance.
Yes, quiet type here and I need a lot of help. 🤍
Same same same
Yes, please do a quiet version of this video!!!
yes please
Relate to this
I also get jealous when my manager gives more attention to others. But of course I am good at maintaining poker face at work
My boss tells me remote work is best. He tells a lady who works for me being in the office is best. That tells me they are boinking. Both are people pleasers and sacrifice revenue to make themselves look friendly. They end up doing work that belongs to other groups while I’m protecting the program from being undermined. I end up being the uncooperative one by not sucking off others like many do. They hate conflict and would rather sacrifice their own dignity than take stands. Weasels.
I think the point that you make about feedback being about who you are as an employee vs who you are as a person is so important. Because we lack a strong sense of identity, it's common for us to throw ourselves into our work identity and externalize our worth. I don't know who I am so I'll be the best waitress, best mother, the thinnest, etc. But doing so puts at more at risk for feeling personally devalued when we are criticized, we take it so personal because it feels like that is our identity. It takes time but we need to develop a feeling of self worth that is untouchable. I can be a good employee but there's some room for improvement. I am worthwhile no matter what despite having some flaws.
Yes, same here. I always prided myself as being the best or one of the best employees. Others constantly telling me I work too hard. I always want to say but you don't understand. I need to work too hard, it's who I am
I agree one hundred percent!
@@bluecrystal3900 Yuuuup
Yes! Lack of self-identity leads us to fall apart easily.
Person with BPD here who prides herself on keeping jobs: Utilize those DBT skills when you’re faced with a trigger at work. I am a cashier and people often cuss me out because of coupons or sales prices. I utilize deep breaths and the 5,4,3,2,1 method before I respond because I know I’m easily offended.
When it gets hot and heavy, I usually step away, preferably into an area where they can't see me, for about 5 to 10 seconds, then come back to the register and start again... works because they realize I have control of them, not the other way around
@@bluecrystal3900 LOVE this
@@bluecrystal3900this is a good strategy for those who work with the public, they are unforgiving and terribly rude I’ve witnessed. Managers need to equip their staff w/more strategies such as these to survive problem solving.
Please share anything and everything about how you've kept your job please!
I'm an English teacher and my shortest employment was 4 months, the longest was 4 years. Now I work as a freelance teacher and I love it! I stay longer in a company which allows me to grow and acknowledge my skills.
My BPD has caused lots of issues with employment, and to be honest I really have not enjoyed success that was ever a result of employment. The jobs I have had I managed to lose. And that's no one's fault but my own. I must avoid bad thought processes, and I'm the only one who can do that. The Lord Jesus Christ and the Bible help me tremendously. I have unconditional love and forgiveness. The Bible explains the consequences of bad behavior, bad thought processes while offering comfort and relief I have not found through psychology alone. Employment has always been tough, but through the humiliation of being repeatedly fired I have learned to control my thoughts so that I don't act inappropriately. The types of jobs I had were mostly minimum wage- fast food, cashier, janitor. I have a college degree but lack of confidence due to childhood abuse and substance abuse caused me to never reach the potential I should have reached. Because of God's Grace I did make a couple of decisions that enable me to live without employment. I did have success at my most recent fast food job, but had to leave due to a vacation related injury. I've come a long way, but I still have a long way to go. God Bless everyone; the struggle is real. Ha ha ha!
Hi, Dr. Fox! When I was a freshman in college I received a bpd diagnosis. It took me awhile to admit it and work on it. Now, I’m in my second year as an orchestra teacher! I love my job and it truly is the kind of stability I need in my life. I still struggle, but I’m aware, and my colleagues have been so supportive!😊
That’s so awesome. Be well.
it's been exactly 3 years (27.02.2020) since the last time I've worked as an employee. I had a bright career in front of me. At 31 I was a manager earning 6 figures, I was not aware that I had ADHD and BPD, just found out after all this time. I could not handle the stress, workload, my own emotions and those of the members of my team. I had to leave. Now that I have more knowledge about my condition, I wish I can find a way to go back to work and go on with my career, like normal people. Thanks for your videos, they really give me hope.
Tomorrow is actually for first day back to work after 4 years of being unable because of my mental health struggles. The timing could not be better on this video! Thank you so much, your content has helped me immensely on my journey to recovery.
Good luck!!! I've always had issues with keeping a job and am looking for another one in my mid 40s. I'm working on my emotional intelligence 😊.
Good luck! I'm starting a seasonal job in a couple of weeks - my first job in a year and a half! I had to take time out for my mental health as my last job ended really badly. We've got this! 💗
Wishing you success in your new job!
Congrats! I'm working on getting back to work after 5 years of unemployment and it's really scary for me. Hope it goes well for you :)
Best of luck to you! I just returned back to a previous employer this week after I was fired last year before Christmas. It was a hard blow to take but here I am again. I’m just thankful to have employment in these trying times, it’s been a tough year so I agree this video is a blessing👌🏽
Please, may I never have a colleague with BPD again! This one nearly floored me with her fixation on me, a mix between wanting to be my friend and being very jealous and competitive. It led to a slow built up of micro aggressions, undermining and destabilising me every chance see got. Scary shit, especially since it’s impossible to make my manager see what’s going on. I’m not just looking for a new job now, I’m running as fast as I can.
This is so true! I was officially diagnosed woth bpd and generalized anxiety disorder at 22yo.
At 22 diagnosed but not on meds nor using any dbt skills
Worked as a vehicle inspector but got a panick when told later on that I couldn't carry my backpack with me anymore (our things would be left in an area where anyone could take them) I had a breakdown and cried and was sent home early although the excuse used was I was sleeping on the job not that I was crying (I was not sleeping on the job) and fired. Apparently my employees got a picture of me with my eyes closed during my shift **creepy**
Undiagnosed bpd (18), in working environments with unreliable supervisors and a learn as you go "training", but they won't answer questions and blame when messed up. They also accused me of stealing although there were cameras that showed i didnt -was fired from that job after my friend ( who also worked there critiqued my pace at giving out change as a cashier) after crowding me when I wanted space we got in a fight and I quit but later the company decided they fired me instead. (The hours assigned messed up any sleep schedule one could have and I was working full timer although I only wanted part time, I would be the only cashier working during rushes with no packup.)
Or at 16-17 when I worked as a summer camp counselor. I was scolded by my coworkers as the kids would sit on my lap, or hug me (although staff are not allowed to touch them). Then told to not talk about myself when kids asked me things nor was I allowed to raise my voice, had to speak firmly but not scare them. (I never raised my voice kids just didn't take me seriously). And shrugged off when I asked how to handle those situations. When the boss gently took me aside to voice his concerns, that I wasn't doing well- I burst into tears overwhelmed, as i was leaving the room because My shift started again. My coworkers didn't want me crying around the kids so they told me to collect myself in the restroom. I got my stuff and walked out of the building and went home. They wanted me to come back but I never did.
Wanna good laugh a psychologist left me one on a night with a murderer ? She had bod shizo affective .she killed a lady. ...I'm now the ine struggling with my mental healthy.I can't work nights or I'll get bipolar I wish I worked at a coffee shopber. There dine that I live people.ifo d them fasinatikng.
Suggested Topic: Preventing Disassociation at Work
I have been disassociating if I'm at the center of attention. For example, I went into an office and there were 3 people who I met all separately with no issues. One of them asked how I handled the time change. I froze and went numb, became almost nonverbal, and I don't remember if I completed the job I was there to do. I couldn't go back to check if I did complete it the next day after was back... afraid of a repeat scenario. I was in full disassociation until that night. How can I prepare myself next time? And how can I exit the situation (room) with my dignity intact?
Wow this is a great topic to discuss.
I've been in situations very similar to yours. Its sucks so much.
Yes please!!!
This is what happened to me at work. I thought to myself that I need to take ownership where I fucked up and I asked my boss if we can have a meeting to strategic ally move forward .
I have bpd and had trouble at work a lot over the years despite being on time, hard working, etc. I work best in quiet. Also tell HR and boss ahead of time so they know whats up. Also explained the need for crying breaks and for everyone to leave me alone for 10 mins if I have an episode.
Industry: former Geologist in Oil and Gas, Workplace Issues: Being triggered into panic attacks, chronic low level anxiety, a feeling of being controlled or manipulated which resulting in me leaving the industry, paranoia, isolating myself. Workplace Successes: Learned early in life how to control my emotions and use it to my advantage. For example, I've been told, "a woman's role is in the kitchen" or "suck it up because your in a mans world now" but I never gave them the satisfaction of an emotional response, instead I learned to walk away and spill my emotions out when I was alone. Additionally, learned to have fake conversations by myself, and said all the things I wanted to say to them and pretended they were there. Also, like Holy, I had to learn how to not become emotionally invested in relationships (not form co-dependent relationships). Now I am going back to school to change my career path but still need to work on setting boundaries so I don't keep burning myself out.
Excellent plan. I wish you well.
I have bpd and bipolar. I'm currently seeking disability due to my bipolar. Bpd played a big part in my inability to function. I struggled to take even the gentlest constructive feedback and let my authority issues come to center stage. I really miss work, ir was the place where I was the happiest, but due to my bipolar, I just can't do it anymore.
I've worked up to two years at a time all over the place, LoL. My best job for my BPD was delivering pizza, because there are so many times where you are in your own space driving, and you can have quiet or blast music, whatever's helpful. Although having a cah job and spending issues isn't great 😑
My current job is the 1st I've had since I learned emotional regulation (WAY too late in life) & also the 1st job since learning I have BPD. Yes I have cried twice out of frustration🙄, but other than that it's going remarkably well & this video helped me understand exactly why, so thank you! 💜
I had a lot of issues at my old job, even though I really enjoyed it. My family constantly fought, and it was a struggle to continue like I wasn't deeply affected by how things got more and more disturbing. I also had an incredible coworker whom I always idealized and gave my attention to, in thought he was incredibly special and thoughtful, and sweet. I definitely fell for him, but as he got involved with another person at my job, I completely devalued him, it was so hard to not let the emotions show on my face, but it hurt me so much.
I also struggle with staying at jobs; I'm not interested in connecting with others, and more often than not I get bored after a while, after trying to chase after praise and possible promotions. It's not easy to hold a job down for more than a few years.
Thank you as always for helping us Dr Fox, it truly means a lot
Timing is perfect. Tomorrow I have a appraisal talk with my manager
As an individual with Complex BPD, I have made understanding my triggers important and share with my own leaders how I need to receive feedback. I’m in Human Resources and my gift is for helping leaders understand the importance of knowing each employee and tailoring the message. It’s so important. I’m actually persuading Organizational Psychology as a career and plan to focus on support in the workplace for Neurodivergent and other types of employees like myself. Thanks Dr. Fox!
Hello April,
I’m a resident in India and back here are very few trained borderline personality disorder coaches, therapists.. I work in sales and have had a very unstable career.. my relationships and love life has never worked well… people feel uncomfortable around me in the new workspace..
Perfect timing. Had a (verbal) fight at work yesterday.
Hope you find this helpful.
@@DrDanielFox Most of the time I'm on the receiving end. But I'm hoping to learn some strategies for dealing with them, as well as myself, in the workplace. Right now I want to kick them in the cooch, haha.
I am currently getting pushed out of a job because the team doesn’t like me. My boss takes everyone else’s side of the story and never considers that maybe some of these people are the bad ones.
I shared my bpd with boss......thought I'd get support. Ha no way. I'm just getting pushed out too.. People can be very cruel.
I was doing fine with self imposed coping strategies until I got a new boss who wanted me out of the way to progress his bestie. That's when he started deliberately causing issues for me. I had gone 8yrs without an episode but ended up in a horrible state. They didn't know about my BPD thank God (it would have been manipulated to make me look incompetent if I had) but it made the effects of their gaslighting harder to deal with. I was told from the moment I started that I wasn't normal and was repeatedly called weird. I couldn't stay and lost the only stability I had. Since then I have not been able to get stability back as not only did I lose my job but my boss damaged my relationship with my FP.
I feel like after 4+ years of where i am at, that i will be reliving your scenario similarly & shortly. ☮️💟
@@newtuber4freedom43 it is hell what they do to you. And then they all come together to drive you insane. I carry what happened to me every day. I also carry my FP with me in everything I do. There is no justice in this situation, believe me
Yah i know what you mean. Happens alot during restructuration. i have a compassionate boss that calms me down during my meltdowns, then they change the district manager and i always end up with a narssissic that tries to eliminate me. I can only solve this by changing job
It’s all about assuming the best in others and being mindful when I feel anxious and communicating effectively to help me manage the stress. Working from home has also been super good for me. Not finding identity in work alone also keeps me from getting out of alignment of what really is important. ❤
I work at a tech non-profit and work with a very underserved population. This video makes me feel so heard because its almost exactly what im currently experiencing. I Came in idealizing this org and have slowly been devaluing it for months to the point where I feel disgruntled, confrontational, & flighty. I think what has helped is explaining how I feel and how personally my work is translated to a reflection of me. For example, When discussing my raise last year part of my argument was "being paid so much less than others in similar places to me was like directly telling me that im not valuable as a person" and I think that perspective helped. Theres still a lot of work to do but im honestly considering just sending this video to my bosses as a tool to help them understand exactly how im feeling.
It's great to hear that you found the video relatable to your own experiences. It's important to communicate your feelings and concerns in any work environment.
I get an offer for new job and I scarred to not doing well in it i pray to God to make everything ok but Deep down im scary from every new thing in my life, its like a hundred worst scenario cases chasing me and the idea of this thoughts mabey less my chance to get what I want cause to me anxiety for weeks my jow screaming from pain i don't know what to do just watching your video wich save my mental health and do meditation but i need help
i relate to this! its like i just assume itll be bad before it even starts
Thank you very much for your contribution doctor Fox ❤
Having this video available on RUclips changes EVERYTHING, imo. 🚂 Thank you!
What DBT skills would work best when triggered emotionally in the workplace?
this is the video I have been looking for! thank you so so much for this. As a high achiever, every day is hard. Some are more manageable than others, and I keep pushing through. Thank you for everything you discuss, Dr. Fox!
ooh! I just got a new job 3 days ago and I'm glad you made this video!
Thanks for sharing can’t wait. Currently dealing w/ seasonal depression and on the verge of loosing the job I’ve had for the last 9 months. 1 year was my goal with my previous therapist and I’ve been trying to manage this myself and your videos are super helpful!! Thank you 🙏
Try vitamin D. It really helped me this last week with sad.
Yes I been meaning to implement this!! Thank you !! I’ll try it out
Re SAD: health professional here (though BPD is not my area, I specialize in neurodivergence and executive function). I highly recommend The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. It covers so much, removes layers of stigma and a few of my clients benefited from the section on SAD.
Thank you for this video. The things you mentioned really relates to myself and my work situation. Work is definitely my ‘safe’ place but can also be a major trigger because of how stressful it is - I’m a rostering coordinator with the disability sector. And this is where my empathy is a constant battle as some of our clients require 24/7 support or assistance with basic human needs and I feel like a failure when I’m unable to come up with a solution to find them that help for a variety of reasons. It has caused me to have some major meltdowns. On the flip-side my colleagues and manager are absolutely amazing and I feel so lucky to have such great support from them. However I have been in a massive downward spiral the last few months since starting DBT and I feel like everything is triggering me. I also have an eating disorder which makes everything even more difficult. While I know I don’t have to disclose the specifics of my mental issues to my manager, I do wonder if there might be any benefit of giving them more detail around my struggles? I’m currently on ‘modified’ duties so that I can have a break from the high-stress nature of organising immediate ad-hoc support staff to clients who are relying on me to find them someone to help them get out of bed and assist with basic personal care, etc. Any thoughts or suggestions from anyone would be greatly appreciated 😊
thank you for this video ❤️
I was diagnosed with BPD in 2020....
I have resigned for no reason multiple times when i am upset...
Although i an overly obsessed with work but i just constantly feel like i am not good enough...
My managers have always tried to struggle with this issue of mine..
Can anyone relate? 😢
I’m going through this right now and I feel like I intentionally made things worse because I don’t want the job anymore although I keep telling myself I need to keep this one because it’s good.
My challenge with BPD and meeting with supervisors is the ambiguity with meetings. I panic about getting fired if the meeting has no scheduled agenda or pre-communicated purpose. It is helpful when supervisors give specific information about what the meeting is about and what they would like out of the meeting, or else I think the worst. I don't know if the meeting is to help or fire me, so I err on the latter, which leads to total combustion.
Thanks again!
Great channel and I really related to this . I suffer with Bpd , anxiety and depression and I work all the hours god sends as a way to cope with my mental health
Can't wait for this one 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thanks 😊
@@DrDanielFox it's hard to find resources where I live specifically for bpd, your videos help so much 😭🙏🏼
Great idea for a video!
In treatment. Takes me a lot of courage to click. But when I do, I'm better for it. Thank you for your work. Edit: Since I quit my career to focus on my mental health, I have found that temp work with low responsibility works well for me right now. I rotate between 5 locations during the month. The "noncommital" nature and not seeing the same colleagues every day has helped me regulate my attachments and not feel so easily betrayed. I don't get ttired of them, and they dont get tired of me. Maybe this option will help someone else too.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and your experience with us. It's amazing to hear how you've found a solution that works for you and that might help others too. Keep up the great work on your mental health journey!
Thats a great strategy
Thank you. Very enlightening.
Glad you enjoyed it.
Sooo helpful thank you so much!
You're so welcome!
I keep jobs well. but ik im the eccentric weird coworker. i over share and am always listening to make sure they're not talking about me. esp management. i keep jobs well because i work really hard. but lately I've been struggling with calling out which is the 1st time I've ever had this issue. ik it stems from trauma that occurred this year i am always thinking im sick ever since.
right on time Dr. Fox! I’m interviewing for a new job :)
Great. Good luck and do your best. You’ve got this.
Dr Fox I’ve seen so many of your videos and it’s like you’re in my head and have the story to my life. I’m 35 now and almost 4 years at my current job. Previously I’ve never held one beyond a year ALL my life! Work is absolutely my one place of refuge among chaos. I’ve started treatment this year and hope to be better at some point. Thank you
I’m so glad they’re helpful.
Not officially dx yet but it’s been really difficult to have a job. I struggle with lots of rage when I feel people are judging me or thinking poorly of me, dissociating on and off depending on who I interact with if I feel rejected or a sense of not belonging and feelings of emptiness if so. I think dissociation was the worst for me however, I’d just slow down and become so weird it felt horrible.
It felt nearly impossible to make it thru a shift no matter how short it was, it’s hard to believe I’ll have to be doing this for the rest of my life
I have the same feeling and that leads to me to quit the job and even said a bad thing to my manager i really feel regret now I think I should be more patient and slow down this thoughts
In my restaurant job I tend to feel abandoned by my coworkers. My managers know about my mental health issues and are super supportive. So, if I need to vent I can vent to them. If I need to take a few minutes to go in the back and calm down they will cover me.
In other work sceneries I don’t have as big of a problem. As a college professor I was in charge so, I didn’t have people in my face. I also teach yoga and that doesn’t cause any issues as far as my behavior goes. But if one of the other teachers come to my class I get paranoid that they are spying on me. 🤦🏻♀️ I have a friend that I tell and he convinces me they just wanted to take a yoga class.
Thanks for another helpful video! My struggle (grad school) is that my advisor has very high expectations, which I like, but he's very aloof and rarely gives positive validation, which is triggering. I think what you mentioned has helped a lot -- I've had to adjust my expectations, prep myself to get the feedback, and remind myself that it's helpful, even if I don't like how it's delivered.
I also think it helps me to cool off, breathe, and sometimes write things down before I talk about an issue. One of the faculty I work with is a lot more approachable and sympathetic, and with folks like that it's easy for me to overshare when I'm spiraling, but that also damages work relationships, so making sure I'm not still raw when we talk is helpful in keeping a professional distance when talking about, for example, mental or physical health impacting work.
Sounds like you’re developing good insight. I wish you well.
@@DrDanielFox Thank you!! As always, your videos are a big help! :)
This finally explains my entire life thus far.
Right?! It's so weird only kinda knowing something's wrong for so much of life then suddenly having an explanation for everything. It's a real "Oh shit" moment lol
instability in the work place (lack of structure) & lack of opportunities to grow, are my biggest triggers. also, the feeling of rejection. sometimes, it’s so hard to tell if it’s my fault or the other persons. there has to be a middle ground, but it’s so hard for me to see it.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It's important to acknowledge the challenges we face in the workplace, especially when it comes to instability and limited growth opportunities. Remember, you're not alone in this journey.
Engaging with those having Borderline Personality Disorder and other disorders can be absolute HELL. I applaud those with the self awareness and courage to confront their challenges and being accountable for their conduct and behaviors. Things can be made better and managed. And, there can be collective efforts made in the interest of the individual and groups where people engage.
Funny seeing this now. Lost another job a few weeks ago.
Thank you so much for this video. I'm new in my job and every time I have a review and am given feedback I breakdown, shut down or get SI. I want to quit so bad. But the job is good so I'm trying
A lot of advice from non-BPD sufferers amounts to "flatter them" and "compliment them" to prevent a meltdown. As a BPD sufferer, I find this actually infantalizing. I prefer an approach that respects my intelligence and autonomy and doesn't trigger my fear of entrapment is to point out the problem and ask the BPD sufferer what they might think reasonable solution is. The BPD person can now approach the problem beginning with their own abilities in mind, as well as framing the feedback as manager-and-employer-against-a-problem, not manager controlling employer behavior. The manager can speak frankly if they think the proposed solutions won't achieve the desired outcome, but then this is a criticism of the brainstorming, not the BPD person's behavior. I honestly this approach would work for all people and not just BPD.
I’m here to learn more about myself. I was diagnosed with bpd a few years ago but I self diagnosed way before a professional did. I always struggle with keeping jobs bc I tend to call out a lot, especially if I was talked to about something I did wrong or if there was any sort of situation, during meetings, I put up a mask when a manager gives me feedback, so I would just agree with them and say I’ll work on it but inside Im having an anxiety attack and I wanna leave immediately. I’m so tired of the cycle, so so tired!
+1 for me. 1 constructive feedback could take me at least 3 weeks to process. Last time they threw me a bday party, I acted all happy and grateful. Then came home and panic the hell out of myself, cried til midnight and it kept going like that for 1 month.
BPD person I know deals with contractors for city council. These contractors habitually delever worse than agreed or trick council into agreeing with worse. These conversations with BPD person are often like "I knew they were going to do X" and "This one knew me and was careful and honest for once" - she rips into contractors and saves her energy to control herself with coworkers.
Thank you for sharing and I hope you’re well.
The idealizing/devaluation that’s been popping up at work lately is coworkers in my dept. One lady I thought was pretty cool at first, thought her expressing her anger was cool(since I have hard time being ok with anger)
Over time though have questioned her as a worker because I see her as doing bare minimum, and will just play on her phone pretty much all day (one day for hours)doesn’t do other things to help.
So not sure if it’s the bpd talking or valid reasons to see a person differently.
i’m going through the same patterns with how i view my co workers, a lot of splitting on my end
This is too much to comprehend. I'm still coping because it's severe (anxiety). I love my job but I feel sometimes if I don't get a recognition or a good evaluation, I feel like I'm not right for the company.
Employee reviews are the worst for me. I know no one means ill by any criticisms, but no one phrases them as gently as you suggested either.
I tend to get really depressed and hyperfocused on my "areas of improvement" for at least a few days.
You are not defined by people's opinions of you :) Complaints aimed at specific people usually has more to do with the one complaining than the one copmplained about. I hope you'll be able to conserve your energy!
One time I went to work (a waitress at a retirement home) and I found out when I got there that my dad was going to be there. I have purposefully not talked to him for about two years at this point. Apparently he was meeting up with some of the folks that lived there because they all went to the same church. Anyways, when I find out, I feel like I've lost total control of my workplace. I had to ask my manager to not put me in the section with him there. Luckily he was in a separate room away from the main room. It was extremely hard to tell my manager because it felt like a secret I hadn't wanted anyone to know I didn't talk to my dad. Anyways about halfway through my shift, I'm standing alone in the kitchen area where the servers prepare drinks, and desserts. And one of the cooks which whom I thought was a okay person, just randomly said to me, "hey I just met your dad and he said so many bad things about you. What have you done? Like what happened?" And I immediately felt attacked and hurt. I told him, "I don't know." Just in hopes he would drop it, but then he said, "are you a bad daughter?" And I told him to leave me alone and he backed away. I started to tear up, really not wanting to have a break down in front of the whole kitchen crew and servers. But another cook, who's actually really cool, came over to my section to get a beverage. He saw my eyes and he said, "lil cut are you okay? What happened?" And I told him ," nothing nothing it's nothing don't worry about it." But he pushed more so I told him what happened. He said, "he said that??? That's not cool." And he gave me a hug and told me it's okay. That really helped me feel better. Lol now I'm crying typing this right now. I was able to suck up my tears and breathe and continue working but the whole time I was teary eyed and kept my head down. Later the first cook apologized and said he didn't mean to hurt me, I said it was okay even though it wasn't. I should've stated how it really made me feel but I was trying to avoid giving him any more personal information.
I idolize my manager and I don't know how to bring myself down to reality so I don't accidentally sever the relationship somehow in the future. I am terrified of disappointing him.
don’t idolize him as your favorite person. he’s not your father. the only thing ur father and he have in common is that they both are your authority figure. look at him line he is the president of the US who you like but don’t know real well and respect his position over you. He isn’t your friend. He is just ur boss. You won’t disappoint him if you do your personal best and feel good about your work ethic. it’s very hard but don’t look for his approval. you approve you. you know if u do a good job or not. show up everyday smile and be pleasant and do ur job. you validate you. you be your favorite person. because he’s human, he’s going to inadvertently hurt you or not acknowledge you and then you will devalue him. don’t put that pressure on him to make u feel ok he’s got his own worries and concerns. show up for yourself and be your personal best. don’t put all your eggs in one basket. now if only i could take my own advice lol.
Much needed 🥵
paranoia at work really gets me
That can certainly be disruptive and it is understandable. I wish you all the best.
@@DrDanielFox thank you 🙂
I honestly can't seem to keep a job because I get so rattled when a boss is standing over me or asking me a question that I blank out. I cry when I get asked to come to the boss's office because I know it's never for anything good. How do I keep a job if I always feel like I'm doing everything wrong and can't give an answer when asked a question. This content is great if you are an employer, but doesn't address BPD symptoms and how to deal with them as a employee.
I have another directed at employees with BPD
Not a success, I sold Contact lenses at a high volume, and I had a trip to spread a father figure's ashes. I communicated clearly that I needed my manager to take over so I didn't come back to a huge mess. I came back to 250+ orders and called him into my office and humiliated him, and typed my resignation in front of him. I realize now I was testing him and he failed, but now I'm afraid to put myself out there for work.
I worry because I primed myself and I still feel shame over my reaction. I don't explode per se but when I know your insecurity I give a calm cobra strike full of venom. I don't even realize what I've said until later. He let me down 4-5 instances prior to this one.
Hi Dr. Fox! Do you think strong and bold reaction and respond to someone who doesn't respect ones privacy (online and in real life) like breaking into ones place without asking, spreading rumors behind ones back, having people watch every move that ones making is justified? Or would that be a symptom of BPD? I think some people are using the BPD symptoms as a justification for some actions that are not reasonable and normal. Also they do actions like that to get a reaction out of one to say oh look that's BPD symptom when in fact anyone in their right mind would be outraged by these actions
Yes I have workplace issues. I am sensitive to criticism and I take everything personally. But I know that my colleagues are also NOT good. They are racist. So it's part BPD and part slightly bad collegues
One of my Co workers may have had bpd, sometimes I felt frustrated, not understanding or knowing what was right way to cope?, it was extremely difficult for me to find right way to let her know although I didn't always know how to help, I never found it changed my opinion of her as a person, I think once you get it wrong it's impossible to undo I was always willing to try tho
U mentioned before if u grew up with narcistic parents u most likely r more bpd. I dont think I am hsp I think that was projection though right now I feel way over whelmed.
Basically wanting to die almost always. I want to work
Best of luck to you. I'm looking for work, too, and had a narc mom.
@@jenynz5334 same :D
Hi
Could you please help me with safe career options for a someone with BPD? I have BPD and I struggle when it comes to work and targets and work politics . And then when when I think about what else I can do and earn for my survival and I go blank… it all becomes so dark and I end up hurting myself or get suicidal thoughts very quickly. I need to know how this can be dealt with and also help people who struggle like I do
#drfox can you please make a video about wich job might be good for people with bpd? I went to actingshool, i'm an actress but i cant work no more. And i dont know if i ever want to go back. My mental and physical health are not so good and i dont know if i can work in this buisiness. But everytime i say to myself: i will never ever go back, this longing for the job is still there. But i dont know. This buisiness is hard and for people who have no boundaries (cause bpd) its almost impossible i feel like. Also in actingshool everytime i had to go on stage and perform i had so much anxiety that i got sick. But of cause i still went for it. But i cant take good care of myself. After i finished actingshool i had chronic fatigue syndrom and i cant work since. So idk. I need to change and heal before i can work again i think. But i dont know. But a piece of me wont give up that dream that i can work as an actress. I mean i am an actress, i did finish my actingshool but the price was very very high. I dont know. This pro and con is ongoing in my mind. I dont know what i want. Or what i need. Okay i know what i need: treatment for bpd. And after that i guess trauma therapy. 🤧😕 But i want to live! I want to be creative. And be someone else for a change. 😅
Dr. Fox, I have an 18yo (graduated) who went through almost this exact work situation and quit a couple months ago. We have told her she has to have a job and be earning money, but she keeps not doing it. She says she is looking and puts in applications now and again, but mostly she just spends time with friends or lays around at home. I empathize with how hard it is and all the fears and feelings tied up in it, but she also need to work and pay bills. How can I best support her and what boundaries or structures can I put in place, if necessary. We don’t provide spending or gas money and are only covering insurance and phone (which she is supposed to be paying us for, but isn’t since quitting). As a parent, I don’t know what to do.
Hard to address, specifics here, but I would recommend family therapy or exploring this with him and help provider to explore all of your options. Thank you and I wish you well.
Well is it good to share your diagnosis of BPD with a work director, since their is so much stigma in mental illness? Could it back fire on the employee or the management.
I would not necessarily share the diagnosis, but I think it's appropriate to let them know your needs as an employee such as how they can best communicate with you.
Could you do a video on BPD and Chronic Disease/pain? I have polycystic kidney disease and it’s hard to function sometimes when I also have the fact that I know I’m slowly dying and there’s no cure. Well I mean PKD leads to Inevitable kidney failure and you get a transplant after years of dialysis. That’s the only “cure”.
I have always been passionate in psychology got my degree ( and that's how I also discovered I may be having mild BPD or at least traits of it) I have been offered 2 jobs one SW related the other one nursing related which I have done a bit for now.Im too scared to go for another job even thou it does sound more interesting yet scared of getting disappointed in case that the grass turns out not to be any greener on the other side after all
It's understandable to feel unsure when faced with such big decisions. Take your time to weigh your options and consider what will make you happiest in the long run.
@DrDanielFox thank you! Also great point to think long term rather than about a quick gratification. Many thanks Dr.Fox!😊
Even with priming I still expect to be fired and therefore I end up firing myself or quitting in a fiery blaze
Marijuana for BPD- so they know its not cute. 🤗🙈🤩 thanks a lot superstar Caterpiller Eyebrows.
I want to say thank you for this video. It's the first time I was able to recognize the signs of my own issues, write them down, accept that when I say to myself, "It's not me; it's them!" I can change that to, "No, it IS me!" I can then dig through my tool box and fix it!
I was just fired for the way I interact with coworkers. Apparently I came off bossy or rude when trying to train. The only warning I had was six months prior when I was told “all of your coworkers have complained about you in some form, we’re just bringing it to your attention if you could sign this warning “
Yah i hear that my self alot. You probably like me, you domt notice that you talk like that because your intention is not that. Its hard to notice it.
Might be more an autistic trait than borderline. Autistic people are more "blunt", we say things like they are without bad intention
I need to connect with ppl who have bdp, depression who’s alive and productive. Need anything that could help me. Tried therapy didn’t work 😔
I also work at a coffee shop but I’m not a people person, I don’t like interacting with others, but there’s nothing else I can realistically get while finishing up school. So how do people like me fit into the mix? I’m also autistic and over the years my social skills have gotten worse. So when a manager tells me I’m not personable, wtf am I actually supposed to do about that. I’m completely uncomfortable with myself especially around people I don’t know. I don’t like yelling names or making small talk. “Don’t be such a robot at work” fuck you im autistic I’m just trying to make it through the day so I can go home and zone out because I’m so overstimulated. You know? Nothings ever going to get better, I just want to work alone
I understand how challenging it can be to work in a customer-facing role when you're not naturally a people person. It's important to remember that everyone has different strengths and preferences, and finding a job that aligns with your skills and interests can make a world of difference. Have you considered exploring other job options that may allow you to work more independently?
I idealize no one at work. Most of them are under performers. If they get in my way they get wrecked. Can’t deny below average workers seem to place relationships over accomplishment. How nice for them.
Thanks for sharing your perspective on workplace dynamics.
@@DrDanielFox character and relationships are everything and that leaves me outside. Thanks for your book and video. I fear I’m F’d at every turn and having a difficult time finding true purpose. I keep busy with many hobbies. Have a couple of friends. Can’t keep a gf to save my life. Life seems hollow. The more I learn the echoes of a pathetic existence get louder and louder. 20 years of spiritual journey looks like a joke I played on myself. Oh. Top notch at being an IT Security Officer, as long as there’s a narcissist psychopath I report to the job is secure. But I report to people pleasing mask wearing average who are so called normal. If normal is being dishonest, unethical, selfish, living in fear and allowing others to manipulate you then I want none of that. Guess I can take acting classes and try to fit in. Some people think I’m friendly. They can’t see I don’t give a damn about them. Hey. I have a mask. I’m about to get fired for raising conduct and ethics concerns. Black and white still going strong. Splitting hotter than ever. A young lady showed me the love of a thousand universes. Amazing. Likely a shared fantasy but the love we had was real. Attacked her after 30 days. Made her break up with me bc I knew she wouldn’t accept me doing it. Another walking wounded. Drove to legal hold. I’m losing my mind. Laughing crying out of despair and emotional upheaval. Insanity seems fitting. I enjoy the zombie uncertainty. Not knowing what it is gives me comfort. Finally don’t have to have any answers. Journal entry over. 11%. Not very good odds.
Oh my god I am the opposite to this girl! I always accept feedback and always work on feedback. I actually always take responsibility for ppl mistakes too:( which is a problem I have to address
Glad you liked the video.
Can you post something about how to deal with a coworker who has BPD...
It's tough to deal with the behavior 😕
Don't trigger us 😭 but in seriousness, maybe share your concerns with the coworker to see what boundaries they're comfortable with
@@nihilisticbarbie We try but the paranoia is big and every little thing is a trigger..its sad but very uncomfortable for employees to have to walk around on egg shells and accommodate 1 person..who causes alot of strife in the dept. Its so sad...and the spiraling raging ..even our patients notice..
@@nihilisticbarbie But yes thank you good advice..talking with her is difficult because she is always the victim and innocent..very little self awareness, dramatic, cut throat, paranoid, prideful...lots of unhealthy behaviors..
They can be charming when they want to be but the personality can switch if someone shows they are remotely human..its as if there is a script they expect people to read from..a play that they authored and wrote..
The minute the person doesn't fit their story/ narrative that they composed in their mind of how things should go..
The person is a vile enemy, her extremes are extreme..
She is a good clinician (best when she isn't splitting, emotionally cutting people, and displaying paranoid behaviors). At her best she can be professional..detached yes but professional but it's not often enough..
Work is not easy to come by where we live because the market is saturated, the comp would like to exhaust every option to retain her but not at the expense of the entire dept...
So before she is let go, we are all trying to learn more about BPD, how to cope with it, and tools we can implement...
She has stopped going to therapy so we are really trying..
But Damn it's hard..
Sorry- it does not work- any type of correction is not welcome. So saying- this is good, if you want it better - do such and such- 2 hrs later I have listening to anger, crying and I am not a good person... They have to be aware they have a problem to accept any type of criticism.
If I smoke methamphetamine is that maladaptive
Yes, that will make your mental health much worse. It's better to focus on positive coping skills and taking care of yourself. Best wishes.
I have BPD and maybe that guy was just a dick 🤷🤣
Could be
kindly Dr. could you slow down your speaking
You can change to speed of the video on settings
I work in the service industry, and I feel extremely proud of my abolity to keep a job.
The constant customer interactions and lack of pressure to communicate wholly with my coworkers is key here. I get a ton of practice in socializing with guests at a micro scale, which comes with good and bad. If they are disgruntled, I have full availability to leave immediately and have another person (manager) go and solve the problem, if they are pleased I get to be the first person to know which always feels extra nice. I also get the ability to put my head down and work hard to ensure all of my tasks are completed to my utmost ability, which gives me a ton of pride. Because of this, my coworkers and management always have nothing but positives to tell me. No matter where I want to work, I get the job because I have built myself an amazing resume and solid professional relationships that support me because of my work.
Through the zervice industry I have learned more about staying balanced in social interactions than I have in any other sector of my life. The skills Ive made waiting tables, or bar, or assisting with operations has a trickle down effect into those other sectors as well, Ive been able to use them in order to understand what my own social boundaries are and I have been able to keep positive interactions with people in any interaction.
The next step for me is to learn how to build close relationships with others that are balanced and rewarding :)
If you struggle with social interactions, I reccomend starting off as a busser or a food runner in a fine dining restaurant as they pay very very well and have clear cut rules for the work that you will be doing. Communication is nothing but efficient, and the reward of free food and good pay feels nice.
As someone who's been in ther service industry, and of multiple accounts from friends etc, I really wouldn't recommend the service industry. It seems you have been lucky, and I'm glad to hear it. And while I agree it helps you with social interaction and getting rid of the fear of it, there are many, many, disgruntled and downright hostile and exploitative people there (I've mainly worked in shops, but my sister who've been a waitress share the same experience). It can be a real pain and trapping having to work one on one with people who seem to have nothing but (actual) contempt for you. Or they blow up for the smallest thing. It can be very stressful (even without these people).
I think working with children might be far more rewarding (although then you have to deal with the parents…). Maybe gardening is the way to go?^^
@@TheDavveponken Okay this I can agree with! Through my years Ive had quite a few people Ive worked with that just plain suck. Fotunately, I avoid socializing at work like its the plague and never really heard drama. The one time I did, I called my coworker a bitch and that was pretty shitty.
Gardening is ABSOLUTELY the way to go hahahahahah
I am too old (69+) to turn around enough to be employable. Always had problems at all employment opportunities.
Right now I am trying to stay living in one place for long enough to make friends that have a healthy input on my life and also myself towards them.
HELP
I am improving. So old with so far to go to have even one friend.
I do have one BFF. But she has habits that I need to stay far away from. And now she has gone farther away from reality that I have to work hard for her to remember me.
I make long texts because I need someone to talk to. No one around me has the time or inclination to sit with me and actually listen. Then make comments that are helpful. Often it is the lack of real understanding or care weather or not you can cope with all the confusion in my brain.
When I walk up to someone who claims that they are all for me and I see that look of a wince in their eyes. Like, really, that person really cares?
The "oh no, here she comes" look.🙄😕😒😓🤐
I am a nice person.
Until I get "that look". Now I am learning to walk away or I Will say or do something that I (and you) Will regret.
Love my life. I am still breathing. What is around the next bend in the path of my life?😊😉😍😚🤗😀😃😉😌👼🏻💃🏼🖖🏼👌🏽👍🏿👊🏾💕💓❤💖💗💙💛❣💟💞💝💌
Keep building insight to move you forward. Be well.
One of my Co workers may have had bpd, sometimes I felt frustrated, not understanding or knowing what was right way to cope?, it was extremely difficult for me to find right way to let her know although I didn't always know how to help, I never found it changed my opinion of her as a person, I think once you get it wrong it's impossible to undo I was always willing to try tho