I’ve been in a church most of my life and I was never taught a thing about boundaries. I watched and learned how to people please from both my parents. It seemed to me that this was what was required to be a Christian. I spent over 60 years of my life having basically no boundaries. This left me wide open for abuse from narcissistic people. Over the years, I became so angry and resentful that I felt like I lost all the good parts of myself. There is so much more that I could say, but I will leave it there. I commend people like you that are Christians who are willing to talk about and teach on subjects that were never discussed yet were in the Bible. I think the Bible is the best psychology book I have ever read. Thank you for discussing mental health as a Christian. In the past few years I have heard two pastors in their sermons make negative comments about people taking medication for depression. Maybe if our clergy were better educated in these matters, there would not be so many people who have suffered with mental illness. In so many ways, the church, not God or Christ, have corrupted our minds in believing we are worthless and sinful. I never felt I had the right to stand up for myself, that it would be disrespectful. Anyway, thank you for the work you do to help others who struggle in these matters.
"The goal of healthy living is not to get everyone to like you." Ouch, much needed. I don't know how to live in relationship if I'm not trying to get others to like me.
This also goes with attachment styles. I've discovered I have a fearful avoidant style leaning more avoidant (rigid wall). When I encounter people that are similar to my childhood caregivers, it triggers me to be anxious and have no boundaries.
I saved this on my Life list. I realize i was raised in a dysfunctional people pleasing guilt pushed and now about to marry theost amazing man the Lord had find me my family is going to be angry when i marry and move on with my life. My husband to be is from a wonderful family that prepared him to leave rhe nest where as my family said "family helps family thats loyalty " and that i now realize is toxic guilt that im like i have to be here for my family at arms length instead of maybe i must leave. Pray that God continue to reveal Truth to me. This lesson was a blessing for me. My fiance showed me your channel.
Very good video. As a psychiatrist myself, I was definitely taking notes that I plan to use in explaining to my clients why boundaries are soo important. You made a lot of insightful points but my faves were about how boundaries invites one to face ppl pleasing and toxic guilt💯💯 That was SOO spot on! Please keep up this content….it helps me feel less alone.
You were the first person that helped me understand people pleasing, love, and dealing with toxic people when I discovered your channel about 1-2 years ago. I'm so grateful for the work you do and that God brought me to your channel when I was in a dark place. I'm a recovering people pleaser who no longer automatically says yes, though I'm still working on how to create boundaries.
Loved this. I learned a lot about boundaries in my last relationship, but I didn’t understand why it was so hard until I was out of it. People setting boundaries with me would scare me, for some reason. But I didn’t realize how easily me knowing and setting my own boundaries would help me to be respectful of others. It really is having an understanding of myself at a deeper level - my limits, and more fascinatingly, my wants. Thank you!
Thank you for this video, it helps a lot. I needed a biblical foundation for this topic (Boundaries). Your teachings are so deep. Like this : "love" needs free will, we need options to decide. Also the freedom to decide where my boundary is ❤ your video is also an answer from God to me. There was so much guilt cause I had to set a boundary with familiy members and to pause the contact for a few months (when they had a really bad time). Sometimes I struggled if this idea was truly from God. But he used it to make a big change in my family 🎉
I tried to set boundaries with my older brother. He struggled with alcohol and drugs. I tried to help him.. he lived with us, I would encourage him, prayed with him and for him. We had to make him leave our home after the third time we found him drunk and cursing us out. So I tried to not enable him by helping him with money every time he called. It’s a long story, but he died on the street alone. My heart hurts so much. All I can think of is I let him down, I let God down. And I’m plagued with if I had only brought him back to my house , done something. Please pray for me
I'm so sorry for your loss; I am praying for you. It is not your fault. From what you shared you did a lot for him, and as someone who used alcohol to self medicate for many years, I can confidently say that it is a choice to get help and no one can make that choice for someone. You did all that you could do. May God bless you and keep you. Tender hugs to you.
Been listening to you Mark and Melissa for a wee while, and am growing a lot especially becoming more grounded in God's love for me. Very grateful for your wisdom and insights in my healing journey. One of my boundary issues is I wait for people to terminate the conversation as I don't want to appear "rude"!! Also with your ditches analogy, and keeping the middle of the road, do you think that's what Jesus means by the wide and narrow path parable. Thank you again for your passion for mental health. Elaine And yes I love the humour in your talks especially the church lady
Thank you Mark. This is very helpful. In general my wife is a rigid walls person and I'm a no boundaries person. I've been growing in our Father's love so this is changing, but I have a long way to go. God is using you in our house to make life more settled.
The biggest issues I currently encounter with boundaries include: * not knowing exactly what I want (because I suppressed my wants and needs so long through people pleasing) until I'm in the moment of someone doing something I don't like, then I'm like ok so I say something now or if they try to do it again? Because in the moment my emotions are usually heightened and I know I'll react rather than respond.
Hi, I just started listening to your OCD healing journey audiobook and it's so helpful! I'm not finished yet but I will try to write a review when I do.
Question: is it "normal" to be afraid of someone's anger?? I think I equate/associate anger with violence. I'm terrified of my husband's anger. He doesn't get violent when he's angry, but it still scares the crap outta me! He doesn't get angry nearly as often or as easily as he used to (this after MUCH, MUCH prayer.... and even some fasting thrown in with it!!), but it still really scares me when he does. 😓
When you have been abused or neglected or had horrific circumstances in your life you tend to not understand that you have to do everything in your power to please other people. Yes there are people out there who are as intellectual as you seem to be but yet struggle to find a way to fit into society not understanding the meaning of I don't owe everybody everything. Because everybody has always taken everything and that's the way it makes you feel. It is not a matter of common Sense.
I’ve been in a church most of my life and I was never taught a thing about boundaries. I watched and learned how to people please from both my parents. It seemed to me that this was what was required to be a Christian. I spent over 60 years of my life having basically no boundaries. This left me wide open for abuse from narcissistic people. Over the years, I became so angry and resentful that I felt like I lost all the good parts of myself. There is so much more that I could say, but I will leave it there. I commend people like you that are Christians who are willing to talk about and teach on subjects that were never discussed yet were in the Bible. I think the Bible is the best psychology book I have ever read. Thank you for discussing mental health as a Christian. In the past few years I have heard two pastors in their sermons make negative comments about people taking medication for depression. Maybe if our clergy were better educated in these matters, there would not be so many people who have suffered with mental illness. In so many ways, the church, not God or Christ, have corrupted our minds in believing we are worthless and sinful. I never felt I had the right to stand up for myself, that it would be disrespectful. Anyway, thank you for the work you do to help others who struggle in these matters.
"The goal of healthy living is not to get everyone to like you." Ouch, much needed. I don't know how to live in relationship if I'm not trying to get others to like me.
This also goes with attachment styles. I've discovered I have a fearful avoidant style leaning more avoidant (rigid wall). When I encounter people that are similar to my childhood caregivers, it triggers me to be anxious and have no boundaries.
I have no boundaries and now I understand why i have few friends. My family was dyfunctionL and there were no boundaries
I saved this on my Life list. I realize i was raised in a dysfunctional people pleasing guilt pushed and now about to marry theost amazing man the Lord had find me my family is going to be angry when i marry and move on with my life.
My husband to be is from a wonderful family that prepared him to leave rhe nest where as my family said "family helps family thats loyalty " and that i now realize is toxic guilt that im like i have to be here for my family at arms length instead of maybe i must leave. Pray that God continue to reveal Truth to me. This lesson was a blessing for me. My fiance showed me your channel.
Very good video. As a psychiatrist myself, I was definitely taking notes that I plan to use in explaining to my clients why boundaries are soo important. You made a lot of insightful points but my faves were about how boundaries invites one to face ppl pleasing and toxic guilt💯💯 That was SOO spot on! Please keep up this content….it helps me feel less alone.
You were the first person that helped me understand people pleasing, love, and dealing with toxic people when I discovered your channel about 1-2 years ago. I'm so grateful for the work you do and that God brought me to your channel when I was in a dark place.
I'm a recovering people pleaser who no longer automatically says yes, though I'm still working on how to create boundaries.
Loved this. I learned a lot about boundaries in my last relationship, but I didn’t understand why it was so hard until I was out of it. People setting boundaries with me would scare me, for some reason. But I didn’t realize how easily me knowing and setting my own boundaries would help me to be respectful of others. It really is having an understanding of myself at a deeper level - my limits, and more fascinatingly, my wants. Thank you!
Thank you for this video, it helps a lot. I needed a biblical foundation for this topic (Boundaries). Your teachings are so deep. Like this : "love" needs free will, we need options to decide. Also the freedom to decide where my boundary is ❤ your video is also an answer from God to me. There was so much guilt cause I had to set a boundary with familiy members and to pause the contact for a few months (when they had a really bad time). Sometimes I struggled if this idea was truly from God. But he used it to make a big change in my family 🎉
I tried to set boundaries with my older brother. He struggled with alcohol and drugs. I tried to help him.. he lived with us, I would encourage him, prayed with him and for him. We had to make him leave our home after the third time we found him drunk and cursing us out. So I tried to not enable him by helping him with money every time he called. It’s a long story, but he died on the street alone. My heart hurts so much. All I can think of is I let him down, I let God down. And I’m plagued with if I had only brought him back to my house , done something. Please pray for me
I'm so sorry for your loss; I am praying for you. It is not your fault. From what you shared you did a lot for him, and as someone who used alcohol to self medicate for many years, I can confidently say that it is a choice to get help and no one can make that choice for someone. You did all that you could do. May God bless you and keep you. Tender hugs to you.
Thank you so much. Truly.
I pray for your ministry because this is so important!!!
Been listening to you Mark and Melissa for a wee while, and am growing a lot especially becoming more grounded in God's love for me. Very grateful for your wisdom and insights in my healing journey. One of my boundary issues is I wait for people to terminate the conversation as I don't want to appear "rude"!!
Also with your ditches analogy, and keeping the middle of the road, do you think that's what Jesus means by the wide and narrow path parable. Thank you again for your passion for mental health. Elaine And yes I love the humour in your talks especially the church lady
Thank you Mark. This is very helpful. In general my wife is a rigid walls person and I'm a no boundaries person. I've been growing in our Father's love so this is changing, but I have a long way to go. God is using you in our house to make life more settled.
Awesome, needful stuff Mark. Thanks!
Brilliant Mark , most people I know have no boundaries unfortunately 😅 .Thanks so much for posting this!
So helpful.. now if I can put it into practice!
Happy New Year 🎊 from brother from another mother from India.
The biggest issues I currently encounter with boundaries include:
* not knowing exactly what I want (because I suppressed my wants and needs so long through people pleasing) until I'm in the moment of someone doing something I don't like, then I'm like ok so I say something now or if they try to do it again? Because in the moment my emotions are usually heightened and I know I'll react rather than respond.
Hi, I just started listening to your OCD healing journey audiobook and it's so helpful! I'm not finished yet but I will try to write a review when I do.
Thanks for this teaching! Really good! 😊
Question: is it "normal" to be afraid of someone's anger?? I think I equate/associate anger with violence. I'm terrified of my husband's anger. He doesn't get violent when he's angry, but it still scares the crap outta me! He doesn't get angry nearly as often or as easily as he used to (this after MUCH, MUCH prayer.... and even some fasting thrown in with it!!), but it still really scares me when he does. 😓
When you have been abused or neglected or had horrific circumstances in your life you tend to not understand that you have to do everything in your power to please other people. Yes there are people out there who are as intellectual as you seem to be but yet struggle to find a way to fit into society not understanding the meaning of I don't owe everybody everything. Because everybody has always taken everything and that's the way it makes you feel. It is not a matter of common Sense.
AMEN
Very goof. I'm a flood
Don't know how
Jesus had boundries.