I hope you enjoyed my video, "Growing Up Without A Dad Is The Main Reason You're Messed Up | Attachment Issues" Watch this dating advice video next, "A UNIQUE GOOD DADDY ISSUE That Results In 3 NASTY Princess Behaviours!" 👉 ruclips.net/video/4h8w84Q7PXw/видео.html Resources ❤ Join my RUclips membership! $5/mth US, cancel anytime. Join here: ruclips.net/channel/UCEfwUiuU69mS19aJ_SveqDAjoin WakeUP2Luv GET AN AMAZING GIRLFRIEND! ("Life-changing!" ~ Steve B. "Soon after finishing the program I got a girlfriend." ~ members.wingmam.com/get-women/ One-on-one coaching? Click here: wingmam.com/relationship-marriage-coach/ The only online therapy I trust FOR MEN! wingmam.com/online-therapy/ (Discount available!) Get Your Testosterone Checked! wingmam.com/blog/2020/02/10/fellas-do-you-have-low-testosterone/ Or USE THIS DIRECT LINK WITH 25% WINGMAM SUBSCRIBER DISCOUNT: trylgc.com/anna Watch out for fake AIs of "me" endorsing products! Only official account for PayPal donations: www.paypal.com/paypalme/wingmam Love is the answer, people! Don’t give up. DO. NOT. GIVE. UP. HOPE. God loves you and so do I! You got this. DADS MATTER!
Happy Father's Day ! (laughing when you said, "Dad's aren't good for just fixing leaking faucets", because I am literally taking a break now from fixing a leaking outside spigot. LOL !!!!) Many years ago I was dating a woman who worked a summer position in a daycare. I visited her and her dozen kids. About half of them literally clung to my legs and kept asking for me to "flip" them etc.like gymnastics. When my girlfriend and I left, she asked me if I knew why half the kids literally held on to me and wouldn't let me out of their sight. I said, "No, why?" Her answer, "Those are the kids growing up with just their mothers. They crave the attention of a Dad-figure especially when they are trying to have fun."
I’m always impressed by Anna’s emotional intelligence that clearly has been a life-long journey for her. Her sharing of her own struggles brings this home concretely. It’s so refreshing to see this in a woman given the number of damaged women out there who tend to blame men for all their problems.
@RobertDiederichMDPhD - Catch my comment above - While TOXIC parenting affects 90% of BOTH genders, it's all too easy for unaware young women to buy into the lies of hard core feminists (e.g. "1 in 3 women are the victims of domestic violence"[ being deliberately"dumbed down" by an "education" system rigged by corrupt politicians & elite capitalists, etc in order to maintain a status quo set up for THEIR benefit, @ OUR expense] lacking the necessary rigour [NOT being taught "critical thinking" @ school ) most people simply assume it's a NATIONAL averaged out figure NOT SO! Actually it's a "hot spot" that the femiNAZIS deliberately chose to manipulate society! - So, it seems to me that with these problem women who prefer the easy way out choose to "act out their toxic childhood" & get on soocial media & blame ALL men for the problems their mother caused ( As in she was already screwed up by society & became authoritarian, spent most of the time with the child... ) - So, rather than face up to their toxic mothers, such damaged people prefer to use men as convenient "emotional dustbins" !
@@YourWingmam - My break through for coping with life in a dystopic species was when I first discovered the books by ALICE MILLER ( if you look up her profile on Wikipedia, there's a list of her books. Given it's our major social problems are process, read her first; then as I suggest above - Gabor Mate(e, acute ). - his latest book, @ last available in the UK in paperback - "the Myth of Normal : ILLNESS ,HEALTH AND HEALING IN A TOXIC CULTURE" - Just got into it & it's EXCELLENT ! He also does a LOT of episodes on YOU TUBE - H.T.H. ?
That's why I have always been there for my daughters as a role model for what I think a real man looks like so that when its their turn to find a guy, they will choose wisely
Right on, and perfectly said. You serve as the example your daughters will refer to when they find a man for themselves, and how they look at men as a rule.
@jonathanmoore1868 - While that's a start, if you're serious you need to start reading (& sharing with her )THE child psychologist ALICE MILLER (tip - she uses the phrase "poisonous pedagogy, which is now out of fashion, so I clarify by replacing it with TOXIC parenting - THE curse of our species as it leads to 90% of our species being dysfunctional ! ) To follow on (as in this is a process, so there's a chronological order, start reading ( or if hard up, catch him on You tube ) - Gabor Mate(e, acute ). - his latest book, @ last available in the UK in paperback - "the Myth of Normal : ILLNESS ,HEALTH AND HEALING IN A TOXIC CULTURE" - Just got into it & it's EXCELLENT ! - H.T.H. ?
@hansjusmeus5023 - Nice thought BUT the reality is most schools teach the PRUSSIAN model where ELITE CAPITALISTS/CORRUPT POLITICIANS /PSYCHOPATHIC FORUMS (e.g. W.E.F. ) set us up to be deliberately "dumbed down" so as to turn us into a"zombie work force" ( a worst case scenario of this was back in the 1930s, being "dumbed down" the German population were so willing to accept HITLER ! - & this is quite common with all the other Psychopathic dictators that have helped to screw up the world! N.B. Such monsters don't occur @ random. If you read the books of THE child psychologist ALICE MILLER who discovered the original cause of our social problems (PRUSSIAN model of schooling is a secondary cause ) which she referred to as "Poisonous Pedagogy", but now being out of fashion I clarify it by referring to it as TOXIC parenting. Before she died AM wrote to all the heads of state in the world, inc. the Pope, but strangely enough, they predictably chose to ignore her in order to maintain a status quo from which they benefit @ our expense (nothing new there !) Such gross TOXIC manipulation directly leads to our lack of progress & true democracy, rather than the TOKEN version we're palmed off with !
Just wanted to say "Thank you!" for covering this topic today! Too much of this world is screaming about the worthlessness of men in general and fathers in specific. You hit the nail on the head repeatedly and drive it in flush (how's that for a dad-minded illustration?)! That you are able to tackle an issue so intertwined with your own childhood speaks volumes of your depth of character (not that this surprises me, though -- you've repeatedly shown your significant depth of character many times over my years watching you). I can only imagine that your father would be deeply impressed by the woman whom his little girl has become. As much as I appreciate your unicorn-like appearance (being a truly beautiful redhead), nothing physical can match the beauty of the person you've become. Bravo! Please accept a non-creepy virtual hug from a man who is both a father and grandfather. You are a truly impressive person, Anna. Praying for you always. -- Russ P PS/Don't know if you'll see this. Responding late in the day because my daughter surprised me by coming to my church this morning so we could catch lunch together for Father's Day. My daughter + Mexican food = great afternoon! ;) PPS/Doing my best trying to provide the father role while raising my teenage granddaughter in her father's absence. It's far from simple, but it so very needed. The teenage years are no time for a girl to be without a father.
Russ, thank you so much for your generous compliments and what a lovely gift for your daughter to go to church with you! Mexican nom noms are a bonus ✔️ I have no doubts you’re a wonderful role model for her and your granddaughter. And yes, *men matter!*
I remember once when I was little I went to my dad and asked him, "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" So Dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight." I was really surprised and said, "But Dad, I only see two." ... * Moscow, Russia
One of the main reasons why so many men these days are refusing to even become fathers: The legal system actually encourages mothers to reduce fathers into little more than child support payers. If your offspring are very likely to be raised by yet another single mom, then we don't even bother to try. Fathers have little or no rights these days in the court system, so, many of us don't invest in a family that can just be taken away at any time, for any reason, or no reason at all (No fault divorce). Bad bet.
@@HANZELVANDERLAAY Not a 100% guarantee that the kid will be tall, Genetics can be tricky sometimes, 😉you need to take into consideration the genetics of your family, AND the family of your spouse, (i.e., are there any short or not tall ancestors or relatives on either side of the families). 😃
The scenario with the mom inadvertently raising a people-pleasing son rings very true. Growing up I visited my dad a couple of weekends per month and he was only partially present during those visits. My mom was my main influence and never pushed my brother or I to take those risks. It definitely has brought its challenges as a husband and father, but over the years I’ve slowly become more comfortable being assertive and setting boundaries. To all the current and potential fathers out there, your children don’t require perfection. They just need your honest effort to be present and for you to show your love for them. Working through your own stuff can help you to do that.
I’m sure your children will appreciate you more and more as they get older… Potentially minus the teen years lol Thank you for sharing your experience!
My mind went immediately to Ashley Biden, 43 years age today, and what she wrote in her diary about some experiences she had with her dad when she was a teenager.
@@JohnSmithEx Well not all Dad's are pervs like old Joe. Sorry for that. I married a woman who was sexually abused by her step dad from like age 7 to 17 and I have reason to believe that her first born daughter is her step dad's and not her bf from HS. I had to separate from her due to her alcoholism which still is with her though I have been no contact with her over 20 yrs. Perves can really destroy some women I think. JMHO
I grew up with both of my parents but my father was always emotionally unavailable and very critical of me because I was not the son for him he expected to be.. I was the guy growing up being very insecure, shy, no discipline and without purpose in life just like my father. 5 years ago I started to read books about improving my own life and tried to start businesses to rebel against this weakness, my father once told me he would burn my books, to this day I never understood this because I would be so grateful if my future son would do this. After I’ve traveled the world on my own, started a few businesses that worked out well and transformed myself into a confident man he still never shows the appreciation and that makes me very distant to him even though I always appreciate that he stayed together with my mom even when she still doesn’t respect him.
I'm sorry that you grew up mostly w/o a dad Anna. Hoping you had a good Father's Day, wishing you such a day because in a sense you're advice to young men is taking on the role that fathers mostly have failed to do. Well either failed or don't know how to do. Anyway kudos to you.
Thank you for sharing this video Anna!! My Dad always yes to say about children acting up and being bad he would always say "who is the boy/girls father". If the boy or girl did not have a father then my dad would say "well the mother is the one that needs to be horse whipped". My Dad grew up in rural Florida and he always held parents responsible for the children's behavior. He came from an abusive home and his adopted parents signed him up into the Army when he was 16 years old and even fought in the Korean War at 16. My Dad learned from his pasr and was never as bad to us like his family was to him. Your voice captures my attention. You are a very good speaker and you are a pretty woman as well. RIP Dad Born September 14th 1934; passed away on May 10th 2005.
As usual, sweet Anna, you hit the nail on the head. My dad was not there for me in a positive way, but worse, was physically and emotionally abusive. He was the same to my mother so she was avoidant to me and communicated a low opinion of men. All this has been a heavy burden on me. I do fight the resulting negatives in myself, but to this day, I tend to be a hermit.
I am privileged to come across your stuff. I grew up without parents or parental guardians of any kind, so, no fatherly, motherly, ''unclely'', ''aunty'', ''cousinly'' etc. I perfectly understand where you are coming from. I appreciate.
@@DavidZ4-gg3dm . I was not that privileged to grow up in a 'kids' home but grew up on the streets of Africa, though tough, I pulled through anyways. I thank God I am still alive today. Even if I am found dead today, I didn't die early, I am supposed to be dead at the age of 25, but I am still here.
@@YourWingmam Nice one though, sometimes what some kids go through due to this effect, is deeper than one can imagine. Terrible stuff, but again, you are highly appreciated. All the best.
So much of this is true! Both my parent's Dads passed away at age ~10... and it shows in my life. But recognising the patterns is the first step and actively working on your behaviour by taking OWNERSHIP of your life WILL make a difference in all facets of your life! Great video, thank you Anna!
Funny thing is that just as alcohol is very bad for unborn children, the same alcohol is one of the main reasons why they get conceived in the first place. If conceiving weren't so fun, most of us may not even be here at all. Just because we like getting laid, doesn't necessarily make us good at being parents.
All right my lady friend..."Rejection is God's protection"...I wish I would have came up with that. Thank you for adding that to my scruples. God bless ✝️🙏🏼❤️😇
This is an excellent presentation Anna. As someone who is currently working through the effects of childhood emotional neglect caused by a Father who was emotionally unavailable, I am the exact proof of what happens to a child without an emotionally available father. I am 58 now and have only just discovered the very important subject of Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN). This has a huge overlap with the subject of attachment styles. CEN is not about what your parents did, it is about what they didn’t do and this often makes it very difficult to identify as it can remain invisible. You summed up this subject perfectly and I agree 💯% with all that you said here. Excellent job, well done Anna and thankyou for putting this subject out there👍
Anna you are an incedible woman and speak about very important subject matter. As a man and father of two great sons I appreciate your support for men and fathers. You are very correct in your explanations. Bang on! Sending Love your way! God Bless you!
Happy Fathers day , my dad passed away some years ago ,folks take care of ur dads🙏!! Hello Doc. Honest my heart breaks for you on that age💔 but you are a ture hero💞❤, I do appreciate your great efforts and work for helping us out here, wishing you all Happiness love prosperity peace in years and years and years cyz you are simply D BEST. Kudos to you indeed. Cheers from Stockholm 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏💞🤍🤍🤍💞
I got triggered by this video, but I'm thankful for it, I knew terrible things that I shouldn’t have known about my father when I was a kid and never saw him since then, For most of my teenage years I felt unworthy of anything, now I’m an adult, I just wish people could know the amount of effort I make every day to face the world I guess I know where all my issues come from now Thank you
I grew up with my mom having full custody due to my dads problem with alcohol, I saw him just a few times each year. In retrospect I see my mom wasn't better, mental and physical abuse/discipline. Alot of loud fighting with all her different partners and alot of bashing my dad. In a sense she was right about him, he never came to visit me, he barely called me. When I was visiting him as an adult we didn't really do anything together. I love/loved my parents but in this last year I have learned about attachment styles and I now see how much of a mess I am and why I am that way. I haven't really ever been in a relationship, I am 38 and had my first relationship 1,5 years ago. It lasted 7 months before she monkey branched away from me. Now I have cut off contact with my parents, after learning this all those memories resurfaced. None of them have really taken action to apologize or do right by me. I have a few tight friends. But when it comes to family or romantic partner I am all alone
Thank you for sharing your experience. Even though your parents were likely doing the best they could at the time, disappointment, anger, frustration, and resentment are valid emotions to feel. It wasn’t your fault they couldn’t parent you better. As for where your life is now, only you can change that. It’s not easy, but it is possible and worth it.
While I do not question your honesty Would consider it possible that your mom lied about your Dad or at least exaggerated and prevented him from seeing you?
@@EugeneMurray-z1b it's a possibility, but even after me becoming an adult he didn't really put in any effort. I came to visit him and I mostly got to manage myself. I suggested to him that we could go out and do things, like catching a movie. But he never wanted to. I have always believed in solidarity among family but I feel it has never been reciprocated so I just don't care anymore
I am fortunate to have had a great father ..i wish he were around so i could tell him what i feel I bet it was very difficult for you and your mom after you Dad passed. You always apeak well of him
I've watched you for years. This video was fast paced, very powerful and packed full with wisdom, research and solid advice. I am so glad that I stopped and took the time be still and listen. This content helped me understand some very recent difficult experiences. Thank you Anna.
Father’s Day has been always a depressed day for me because my father neglected me at age 10 and I haven’t saw him in 20 years and he never even checked up on me and it affects me as an adult because I feel like a waste of a man and I wish that I could’ve done better
What Philip said. Take a deep breath and decide to not be a victim to your history anymore. It can be done, you can make the rest of your life the best of your life. Deep breath.
I can relate to you. My dad was autistic and from a broken home so he had no idea what he was doing. As a kid I realized he was a lousy father and learned not to blame myself. You need to do the same and not transfer any anti male thoughts you have about him onto yourself or other good guys you know!!! God bless you in this struggle!!!!
Dear Anna: Thank you so much for speaking on these subjects. Men, along with all that comes traditionally with being a man have been under attack for quite some time now; and it is so refreshing to see a brave woman speak the truth. You have no idea how loved you are because of this. I do not know how bad it is in Canada, but fatherless homes are a pandemic in the USA. I am sure you know the statistics already so I will not bore you with them. I am sure I have mentioned before this before, but my relationship with my father was a bit rocky. As I get older and acquire wisdom I understand him more. He was a strict man. He once literally pulled over and beat me with a belt on the side of the highway. I laughed about it now, and actually thank him for it. Let me tell you, I did not act up in the back of our station wagon again. We were poor and that affected him, so he did the best with what he knew. He passed away in 2009, and I pray he made peace with God. Last time I saw is not a good memory, and if for some reason we ever meet, I would share it with you. That is all for now. Thank you so much for these videos. I hope you have an amazing Sunday and a blessed week. Hug and a peck on each cheek. You are beautiful, Anna.
Back in the day there were few resources for "how to be a good dad" and most learned from their own experience with their fathers (or lack of). Can become a vicious cycle from one generation to the next if we don't stop to make changes in our own behaviours. Anyway, seems you've let go of resentment. A gift to yourself. Thank you for the compliment!
Thank you for being open about the fact you were raised by your single mom and how not having a father affected you.Your video is an excellent and intelligent viewpoint on self awareness and how others need to be, if they want to be in a relationship.
I think this is your absolute best presentation Anna J! Now I got it, my dad was a 11th of 12 children, his dad was 52 and mom 48. Then the 12 th kid was super sick and took all the energy and attention that was available. When I was growing up, he simply did not know how to be a dad and tended to compete with his boys for attention from our mom.
Wonderful assessment! We tend to grow up thinking our parents should somehow be perfect but they're just flawed humans like the rest of us. It helps to understand and accept this. Glad you enjoyed this one!
My dad died when I was 3 years old. I then grew up with my mother and mentally disabled brother. From then I had the one bad stepfather after the other. Things went bad when I became a teenager and was clueless why I messed up with the girls and made myself unattractive to them. Now I am 31 years old and after struggling with depression for years, I now for the first time in my life feel ready for the datingworld, but now the datingworld is messed up thanks to datingspps, feminism, woke and so on. So I am basically back to nothing. Hurray... But I will stay positive. Hopefully better times will come.
I grew up without a loving mom, Anna! I did have a loving dad. That's the only reason that I was able to seek psychological help and realize what had happened to me. Thank you for the video, as always!
I never met my dad, he died when I was three. I grew up with a sperm donor who hurt me in more ways than one. In my case the sperm donor is the one who raised me and sent child support checks well in my 20s. For me my dad was the godly influence I forgave my sperm donor for not being. When his widow talked his daughter out of my life I realized I know everything I ever will about my dad who was resilient, content, a gentleman, a hardworking provider and a true Christian. My dad died while working to provide for his wife and biological children. My sperm donor gave hugs to prove a point that he was "better" than his parents, my dad showed affection because that was who he was, loving. Long story short, I am a better with the ladies as my dad's son and more importantly I am a better Christian.
Good info Anna - thanks for sharing. I had a dad until I was 18, however, he was a WW II vet struggling to make a living. I can only recall a few times when we interacted, other than receiving punishment. He did the best he could, but my mother wore the pants in my family and now that I think about it, I can think of some ways she instilled doubt as you said.
My dad died when I was 12 although I never met him. I grew up a single child with a single mum. The topic of going and seeing him was discussed once or twice but was decided that when I was 18 if I still wanted then I could go find him. She worried about him rejecting me. Anyways we moved to Australia and he stayed living his own life in the UK. He died in a motorbike accident when I was in my first year of high school. Looking back i can see a clear pattern of being charming and respectful enough to get into potentially intimate situastions but always needing verification to proceed. I remember kissing my high school crush and the weekend at a party but come Monday I had no idea what to do or what was expected of me... predictably nothing happened cos I know she was waiting for me to take the lead while was waiting for her to take the lead. So no body did anything . I only truly realized how far off the mark I was when the me too movement happened . I always knew there was a degree of males that acted like a girl was just a piece of meat to be treated like a slut and not respected. I didn't realize I was the minority! I am still trying to find a good enough reason for my such late coming to the party so to speak than just growing up with a single mum. I refuse to accept having manners and being respectful is less common than trying to impose myself onto someone or simply being able to over power someone else. All that being said I have more in common with my dad that I never met than I do with my mum I spent my life with. I look like him, I have his mannerisms and I even started to walk differently after he died. Almost like I inherited his walk from him cos I know it wasn't mine./ I didn't even know I had until someone pointed it out. Funny old world isn't it. I like your channel its very insightful thank you
Anna, thanks for the insightful fathers day message. I'm impressed with your approach. Let's call it the anti-Machiavellian approach to relationships. BTW where's the kit kat?
My dad was an alcoholic and wasn't home much. When he was home we were working (farm) and there was no relationship-building between us other than supervisor vs worker. So he was no positive value in terms of learning how to be a father, husband or man. Only memories of what I didn't want to be when I grew up to be a man. Therefore, I have no feelings of connection when I see people post on social media "Happy Father's Day. I miss my dad so much." It's just not there for me.
My dad was a great man. He was involved with my life as much as he could. But a lot of what you say Anna does apply. Maybe those items you said are related to my reasons why I never had good relationship with any women and all failed. Now I'm getting a lot older, never married, no child of my own, I can never pass along what my dad taught me and didn’t teach me.
I have a daughter in her 20s. Since the day she has been able to understand language, I have called her "Pretty girl" and I still do. I have read that it is fortifying and stabilising for a woman to know that she is beautiful in the eyes of probably the most important man in her life; guys can think whatever of the woman's beauty, there is still that man who sees it. So I do my thing.
I had a father growing up be he wasn't available. I'm in my 40's and haven't been on a date in my life. I became my mothers surrogate emotional partner I think they call it perentifcation now. But I also had to wait until my late 30's to find out as well as being colourblind, I'm also dyslexic, adhd-pi and ASD1, yay. I've spent the last 5ish years totally rebuilding my sense of self and feel worthy but I don't understand how love happens, it's too much of an abstract concept for me to imagine.
I don't' know anything about my father, my mother has always lied to me about who my father is. As an adult and with talking to my grandmother and uncles, I've put together that my mother's younger brother is my father. Which explains so much, so so much. My situation is pretty bad because these are the take to the grave secrets. So, I know my father, but I just can't speak on it and I'm avoidant as my mother is NPD, I haven't dated in years and haven't been in a relationship for well over 10 years. The incest part has me too shook to date and I'm use to being alone anyway.
This is a great channel. I just discovered it and subscribed. It is sad to see how in certain countries they are making men and women hate each other. This is just affecting both sides. I feel there is an agenda behind all of it. They want us divided and powerless. Thank you for the information you share with us. Humankind is wonderful. We are meant to love each other. 💞
I'm happy this has been helpful to you. Welcome aboard and don't forget to click on the notification bell to be notified whenever I release a new content ❤ 🙏
Thank you, Anna. This explains a lot. I wish i had known this some 30 years ago. Still struggling with the aftermath. But very valuable and helpful. Thanks again.
I think the title is quite provocative. Beyond the fact that i find it informative in some sense, the way the message is conveyed does not convince me fully. I do appreciate people that talks about themselves and the way they feel, they have my respect.
Hi Anna. Although I will respect your opinion on this matter. I completely do not agree with your title on this video. Maybe I am rare or maybe I am just lucky that I was raised by a caring mother and an ex-military Grandad who was also a Scottish highlander. I was raised with values, morals, discipline and to be respectful to those and treat those how I wish to be treated in return. I am Irish-German mostly as my Dad was German but didn't want me until I was older. I am not bitter about it and I accept his decision as such but I disowned him when he wanted to come back into my life when I was old enough to earn the bread. I don't hate him but I looked him in the eyes and said "I am not your son and I don't have a father" and besides a healthy relationship with my mother. My Grandad who I truly respect taught me a lot about life from an alpha male perspective. I am very fortunate to be mentally stable and I have a lot of wisdom. If I am fortunate enough to settle with someone special that matches my values and she must believe in God like I do (I have Catholic values), I will be there for my future children and I will do my best to raise them to the best I can and as much as I can. I would teach them to not be afraid of taking risks like making money, pursuing their dreams and goals and I would support them every step of the way but I would also teach them to be firm but fair and not to tolerate toxic people. Keep up the great work Anna. Peace and love always. Peter.
Happy Father's day! My dad took me to work with him, as did both my grandfather s, so I've been all over the place since tiny, my son and daughter have never been in day. Care or just dumped off, they have gone to work with me always could not have hoped to have such great children and families
OK, that intimidating the daughters first boyfriend got me. When one of my daughters got her first boyfriend I had to collect her after their first date. The pair of them looked so proud to be with each other. I said to myself, "My little girl is his little girl now. He's toast if he knows our family history." I started a thread on a hunting and shooting forum "Rules of engagement." All the ways to intimidate the boyfriend. One was to dig a grave size hole, I suggested doing that but having a pile like an occupied one next to it. Some of the things we came up with were brilliant Some of the younger fellas took offence to the suggestions, they sounded very uneasy. Anyway, my daughter says I'm not allowed to take him to the range. I have been a father figure to many young boys/men over the last 35 years. It is very rewarding seeing the positive changes in their lives.
Sadly my ex has poisoned my daughters against me. They want nothing to do with me. I was the engaged father taking my daughters to their sport events, clubs, get togethers with their friend groups, biking, skiing, swimming, boating, camping, as well as just hanging out. Father's Day was spent with me looking at photos of great memories making me miss them only more. They live 6 kilometres away but say they are too busy to meet. I am really worried for them for the reasons Anna mentions.
Thank you for this video Soo much I myself probably like many others were unfortunately growing up without a father in the home.your video help me realize few things thank you from bottom my heart God bless hugs
I think I would have been better off if my father hadn't been in my life. He destroyed every dream and aspersion I had when I was a teenager by the time I became an adult, I was so beat down that I had no ambition to do anything.
That's right, dear, with the difference that both my mother and my father have always instilled doubt in my capabilities, and they've often basically heavily warned me by saying "no! don't do it, or you might get hurt and you might mistake and/or you might make a fool of yourself!". Not only they warned me but basically they've always impeded me. Again, not just my mom, but my father too, and here we are with my insecurities nowadays and women notice it xD
Hello, Anna how are you. It is a very important video Anna and dad really matters for a child for exploration and helping them to grow as a strong and confident man. Not everyone are fatherless, but some have fathers but still they feel like that they don't have a father because of how angry and abusive the father really is. I think most of our parents didn't had good childhood as well and that's the reason some of our fathers are bitter and angry towards their own children. It is understandable and we can change and we can come out of that cycle and develop the "secure attachment style" like you said in the video. I love all of your videos Anna and it is so valuable. Happy father's day Anna ❤.
Such great info in this vid. I respect your honesty and thought I'd comment. I'm 50 yrs old now👍.mum dead by 13 😢dad gone by 16😢. Although I realise that some parents are evil and do too much damage and shouldn't be near kids I realise losing my parents so soon made me angry and jealous of my friends😢 hard being the oldest brother as well. be well and to all Good fathers...happy fathers day👍
I had a dad ,but he left whenever he met a new floosy,hurt my mom tremendously. But made peace with him before he died,I didn't hate him he was just weak.😢
Anna, this is your best video yet. It's so much easier to give great insight when you experience these things yourself. I admit it... I'm impressed! (PS what you doing Tues eve?)
Thank you very much for the video. I’m dating a wonderful woman who was raised by her mom and her father abandoned the family as she was child. The lady expressed to me that she has insecurities because of her father and her ex-boyfriend as he was narcissistic and didn’t respect her, and she cried when she explained that to me. I treated her with full respect and gentleman manner. Invited her to dinner at a relatively nice restaurant, coffee, went to a hike with her in nature and did a city trip, I drove 2 hours one way multiple times to meet with her at the city where she lives. Still she said to me that she looks for a friendship. I explained to her that I have developed feelings for her and I am looking for a relationship. I’m confused and I am afraid that she thinks I’m a simp but I am trying to be respectful to her and helps her to boost her confidence. Any suggestions you could give me please? Thank you.
In order for a woman to want a man romantically or sexually, she must respect him and she must also be allowed to make an effort to get him. It sounds like you are making it too easy. Also, emotionally damaged women find healthy behaviours uncomfortable, because they are not familiar (from how they learned about love from their primary caregivers). Let her make some of the effort. Let her come to you. if you coddle her and treat her like a child, she cannot develop sexual desire for you like a woman. Watch: Chasing vs Pursuing a Woman: ruclips.net/video/O6_q8VGFrtE/видео.htmlsi=VUjRU-YIIrxTFuPL Why nice guys finish last: ruclips.net/video/dBfXVh_Vvdw/видео.htmlsi=SSehYt3lRsolRwGs
Great topic. Probably one of the most important topics, as society, through court systems and ideology, has done all but drag fathers from having a strong influence in their children's lives. I had no idea you lost your father so early on in life, nor would I have guessed it by your demeanor. I'll say you've done an excellent job in compensating for losing your father so early on. You're analytical, logical and objective, much more so than women tend to be given the circumstances. Could be a good word you could use in videos. "Anna-lytical" or "Anna-lytics" Buzz words, you would use with that special little ding you use when you make a memorable point in a video. My daughter is 21 years old, and I still have long talks with her about life. Lots of them. I can see I'm still very much needed as a father, even into her adulthood. That's not to say she wasn't prepared for life, because she very much was, and is. It's to say, so much comes up in life that daughters can benefit from their father with. I know most of what you advise is well into the secular realm, but a father's role is also to reflect spirituality, and to give context to his daughter's relationship with her Creator, so she can find her footing. Additionally so she has context as to how she should be treated by men, from having doors opened for her, to being protected and provided for. To the point, to provide the stability in his daughter's life for the sake of her finding purpose and meaning in the world. I never worried about father's day, because every day is father's day for me. I continue to have purpose in the lives of my children, and I can think of no better reward in life, save for salvation itself. What I can tell you, is it isn't about me. When you're a father, your gifts in life are bountiful if you're dutiful to your children. Sure, I get lonely. I had to raise my children without the benefit of them having a mother, but I have no regrets. I've found most people are too caught up in themselves to be parents, and as my priority never deviated from putting the kids first, I didn't find much success in filling the hold left behind. A high price to pay, but worth every penny. Kids need a strong male role models, willing to put their duties and goodness, before themselves.
@@YourWingmam Thanks, but I'm the fortunate one. Had it not been for them, I don't think I'd have ever learned to truly put others before myself, nor would I have the meaning I do in this world, and to my Creator. We're all in this mess together, at the end of the day. Anna, I can say from the perspective of a devoted father, your father would be exceptionally proud of his little girl. In a world that strives to divide people, and tear apart what truly has meaning, your empathy and grounded sense of the world endeavors to mend what's been broken, and restore what's been taken from us. You're an incredible woman no good father could help but to be proud of. There's a special place daughters have in their father's hearts. I'm probably one of the most cynical, self righteous, nut-jobs out there, and you've certainly earned a lot of my respect. I can say without doubt, your dad would be absolutely glowing. Today, I'll tip back a drink in honor and thanks for the man that did so much to raise the amazing woman you see in the mirror every morning.
Before fathers we were stolen our close community of uncles, aunts, grand parents and so on. We need whole package. First they separated family units from the community and then they started hammering the core family itself.
Single Dad, adulterous wife with a con man lover: The kids (G-11, B-6) lived with me and I kept wife from having her paramour near the kids but wife made certain they knew he was her 'friend'. Then, one weekend visitation night daughter woke up with him standing over her bed (likely confounded by the presence of a friend having a sleepover). She jumped up, he ran, she went into mother's room grabbed phone and called me - without waking mother. Daughter said it was the lover, mom said he had an excuse for what he was doing at that time (Yah! 3 AM, single man, living alone in a town that shuts down at 2AM). Eventually I was granted full custody and always tried to have my kids keep in contact with mom, but I think that night really damaged daughter's trust in mom. Note: he dumped mom a week before her birthday after not quite a year with her - while also being with several other side girlfriends I could document. Daughter became one of the 'cool kids' in HS, had a scholarship to college and is happily married. I like to think I has at least a little to do with that.
This is intelligent and fascinating insight on a real problem with relationships and families. I wish I would have known all this earlier in life so that I could have made some different decisions. My ex-wife has unresolved "Daddy issues" along with a toxic family life, and it caused numerous problems during our marriage. However, my upbringing was the exact opposite of hers. My parents having a great marriage and our family relationships were overall good. However, I have recovered well knowing what caused the divorce, and I'm doing good as a single SIGMA man.
One of main deficiencies not having a father is also financial, without a father your family has on average only 1/3 of income compared to families with both parents, which impacts your education, socializing, health and many more...
I think there are so many single moms because for instance in a UK survey of 5000 women it said that 42% would lie being on the pill in order to get pregnant against their partner's wishes. I wouldn't want to stay with a psycho like that either and leave her too. Imagine your boyfriend pokes holes into the condom to get you pregnant unknowingly. Would you stay with him? I doubt it. So I can't blame men for walking away most of the time.
My father was awfully good to me. Were he still with us in the flesh, he'd be about 105 today. He knew how to lay the lumber across my backside because I gave him plenty of opportunities to practice and perfect his skills.
@@YourWingmam Yes, it would be quite a sight today. Those guys who were a generation or two ahead of me wouldn't have been intimidated by the elites setting the rules nowadays.
My ex-wife has done a good job to nurture the children's self-esteem and to convince them that they are worth being loved. My job as a father is to tell them that they have potential and to help them apply their energies to exploit it. My ex- can't do this, women generally don't think this way.
Both parents are immeasurable influences. Separated in 2019, and recently, my oldest daughter has a basement apartment with an en-suite at her Mom's. (good gig for a 16 year old girl) Mom is away a lot as a midwife. The younger two siblings still move regularly between our homes (used to be that all 3 kids moved as per mom's schedule requirements and newborn babies.) Dad started a new business from home to accommodate kids schedules.....nothing new for Dad. As a father, my authority is circumvented lately...and the co-parenting relationship seems to be overtaken by an observable ignorance from Mom. Mom had an abusive father....a true wife beater and all around nasty father....really unpleasant and I don't blame Mom for hating her dad....no one liked the guy. (I've heard some nasty stuff in 15 years with this good woman that I still care deeply for...and dearly loved back then...He was a nasty person...and died without visit from his own 3 daughters...or anyone else as far as I know.) We are certainly not on the same parenting page today, although we used to be.....but since a one-off hard rule laydown by Dad....the older daughter had a legal choice of household residence.. and Mom will not step up and accept that Dad has rules...even though Dad stands up for Mom's rules. So my 16 year old daughter is free from paternal rules and influence ...with mom's blessing due to her daddy issues and dismissal of this event. I've done so much to accommodate my ex's schedule as a midwife and maintain our agreed upon rules. At the the very first occurrence of our daughter getting in shit for not following house rules ...she called Mom. Mom has said many things since but never elaborated to the depth or extent that we used to have in conversation regarding the kids...on this subject. I strongly suspect that Mom's daddy issues have infected my daughter. The younger two kids at 11 and 13 are unaffected as of yet. What's really burning me is that my daughter knows I will do anything for her and bypasses mom to get what she wants through me lately...ie extra clothes and spending money etc. If I lay down the law...they are both right and I'm a jerk and my daughter is probably lost to me for a decade......if I play along...I'm an idiot...and will likely not be respected anyway....and will lose my daughter perhaps permanently. Mom is not of much value as a co-parent (lately) due to these daddy issues. I'm not going to ask if I'm right....because I am. Daddy issues killed my family...and continue to break down the family a generation later. This is no anyone's issue but mine.....I'm just sharing because it's a real thing. Mom's siblings and dear Mother love me...and I love them...and miss them. Mom's latest guy has 4 kids that lives with his parents...and does what he's told..and looks after her dog and drives our kids around for her (I don't know where his kids are...?) Mom never goes to his place to help him with his 4 kids...and she complains to me about his kids. So basically...Mom has again shown her true colours despite demanding that I follow established rules of encouraging solutions to family issues. Girls need Dads...and other real men at every turn. This "I don't need what I need and you can't make me" attitude....is horrifying from my perspective. I bought her the cell phone that feeds this crap to her also...Parenting failure 101. Best of luck gents. Tread carefully.
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Love is the answer, people! Don’t give up. DO. NOT. GIVE. UP. HOPE. God loves you and so do I! You got this. DADS MATTER!
💌 thanks for sharing Anna.
Still, how does one snag a wingmam? 😂
I just realized... TODAY is the most confusing day in the hood. Happy Father's Day.
Happy Father's Day ! (laughing when you said, "Dad's aren't good for just fixing leaking faucets", because I am literally taking a break now from fixing a leaking outside spigot. LOL !!!!) Many years ago I was dating a woman who worked a summer position in a daycare. I visited her and her dozen kids. About half of them literally clung to my legs and kept asking for me to "flip" them etc.like gymnastics. When my girlfriend and I left, she asked me if I knew why half the kids literally held on to me and wouldn't let me out of their sight. I said, "No, why?" Her answer, "Those are the kids growing up with just their mothers. They crave the attention of a Dad-figure especially when they are trying to have fun."
Happy Fathers Fixing Things Day! lol Daycare situation…so true. 😢
Replace it
I’m always impressed by Anna’s emotional intelligence that clearly has been a life-long journey for her. Her sharing of her own struggles brings this home concretely. It’s so refreshing to see this in a woman given the number of damaged women out there who tend to blame men for all their problems.
Thank you for acknowledging my journey! I discovered the quickest path to empowerment is self-accountability...doing what you can where you can. :)
@RobertDiederichMDPhD - Catch my comment above - While TOXIC parenting affects 90% of BOTH genders, it's all too easy for unaware young women to buy into the lies of hard core feminists (e.g. "1 in 3 women are the victims of domestic violence"[ being deliberately"dumbed down" by an "education" system rigged by corrupt politicians & elite capitalists, etc in order to maintain a status quo set up for THEIR benefit, @ OUR expense] lacking the necessary rigour [NOT being taught "critical thinking" @ school ) most people simply assume it's a NATIONAL averaged out figure NOT SO! Actually it's a "hot spot" that the femiNAZIS deliberately chose to manipulate society! - So, it seems to me that with these problem women who prefer the easy way out choose to "act out their toxic childhood" & get on soocial media & blame ALL men for the problems their mother caused ( As in she was already screwed up by society & became authoritarian, spent most of the time with the child... ) - So, rather than face up to their toxic mothers, such damaged people prefer to use men as convenient "emotional dustbins" !
@@YourWingmam - My break through for coping with life in a dystopic species was when I first discovered the books by ALICE MILLER ( if you look up her profile on Wikipedia, there's a list of her books. Given it's our major social problems are process, read her first; then as I suggest above - Gabor Mate(e, acute ). - his latest book, @ last available in the UK in paperback - "the Myth of Normal : ILLNESS ,HEALTH AND HEALING IN A TOXIC CULTURE" - Just got into it & it's EXCELLENT ! He also does a LOT of episodes on YOU TUBE - H.T.H. ?
Happy Father’s Day everybody!
That's why I have always been there for my daughters as a role model for what I think a real man looks like so that when its their turn to find a guy, they will choose wisely
Hopefully they realize how much you do for them! :))
Right on, and perfectly said. You serve as the example your daughters will refer to when they find a man for themselves, and how they look at men as a rule.
@jonathanmoore1868 - While that's a start, if you're serious you need to start reading (& sharing with her )THE child psychologist ALICE MILLER (tip - she uses the phrase "poisonous pedagogy, which is now out of fashion, so I clarify by replacing it with TOXIC parenting - THE curse of our species as it leads to 90% of our species being dysfunctional ! ) To follow on (as in this is a process, so there's a chronological order, start reading ( or if hard up, catch him on You tube ) - Gabor Mate(e, acute ). - his latest book, @ last available in the UK in paperback - "the Myth of Normal : ILLNESS ,HEALTH AND HEALING IN A TOXIC CULTURE" - Just got into it & it's EXCELLENT ! - H.T.H. ?
Thank you Anna for delivering a better fathers' day sermon than at any church I've been to.
Thank you for a generous compliment!
This video should be taught in school worldwide 👏
Thank you! Please share it so others can learn :))
@hansjusmeus5023 - Nice thought BUT the reality is most schools teach the PRUSSIAN model where ELITE CAPITALISTS/CORRUPT POLITICIANS /PSYCHOPATHIC FORUMS (e.g. W.E.F. ) set us up to be deliberately "dumbed down" so as to turn us into a"zombie work force" ( a worst case scenario of this was back in the 1930s, being "dumbed down" the German population were so willing to accept HITLER ! - & this is quite common with all the other Psychopathic dictators that have helped to screw up the world! N.B. Such monsters don't occur @ random. If you read the books of THE child psychologist ALICE MILLER who discovered the original cause of our social problems (PRUSSIAN model of schooling is a secondary cause ) which she referred to as "Poisonous Pedagogy", but now being out of fashion I clarify it by referring to it as TOXIC parenting. Before she died AM wrote to all the heads of state in the world, inc. the Pope, but strangely enough, they predictably chose to ignore her in order to maintain a status quo from which they benefit @ our expense (nothing new there !) Such gross TOXIC manipulation directly leads to our lack of progress & true democracy, rather than the TOKEN version we're palmed off with !
Just wanted to say "Thank you!" for covering this topic today! Too much of this world is screaming about the worthlessness of men in general and fathers in specific. You hit the nail on the head repeatedly and drive it in flush (how's that for a dad-minded illustration?)! That you are able to tackle an issue so intertwined with your own childhood speaks volumes of your depth of character (not that this surprises me, though -- you've repeatedly shown your significant depth of character many times over my years watching you). I can only imagine that your father would be deeply impressed by the woman whom his little girl has become. As much as I appreciate your unicorn-like appearance (being a truly beautiful redhead), nothing physical can match the beauty of the person you've become. Bravo! Please accept a non-creepy virtual hug from a man who is both a father and grandfather. You are a truly impressive person, Anna. Praying for you always. -- Russ P PS/Don't know if you'll see this. Responding late in the day because my daughter surprised me by coming to my church this morning so we could catch lunch together for Father's Day. My daughter + Mexican food = great afternoon! ;) PPS/Doing my best trying to provide the father role while raising my teenage granddaughter in her father's absence. It's far from simple, but it so very needed. The teenage years are no time for a girl to be without a father.
Russ, thank you so much for your generous compliments and what a lovely gift for your daughter to go to church with you! Mexican nom noms are a bonus ✔️ I have no doubts you’re a wonderful role model for her and your granddaughter. And yes, *men matter!*
I remember once when I was little I went to my dad and asked him, "Dad, what's an alcoholic?"
So Dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
I was really surprised and said, "But Dad, I only see two." ...
* Moscow, Russia
I don't drink anymore...but I don't drink any less either.
One of the main reasons why so many men these days are refusing to even become fathers:
The legal system actually encourages mothers to reduce fathers into little more than child support payers.
If your offspring are very likely to be raised by yet another single mom, then we don't even bother to try.
Fathers have little or no rights these days in the court system, so, many of us don't invest in a family that can just be taken away at any time, for any reason, or no reason at all (No fault divorce). Bad bet.
Which is why if you do want kids, vetting is critical. Still a gamble, of course.
@@YourWingmam Not worth it. Too much hassle. Stay single. You'll be a lot happier.
@@YourWingmamhave my baby....it will be good 😂❤..I'm tall.....our baby will be tall
@@HANZELVANDERLAAY Not a 100% guarantee that the kid will be tall, Genetics can be tricky sometimes, 😉you need to take into consideration the genetics of your family, AND the family of your spouse, (i.e., are there any short or not tall ancestors or relatives on either side of the families). 😃
@@djs12007 was just a joke for wingman....for humour...for fun. A compliment....enjoy
The scenario with the mom inadvertently raising a people-pleasing son rings very true. Growing up I visited my dad a couple of weekends per month and he was only partially present during those visits. My mom was my main influence and never pushed my brother or I to take those risks.
It definitely has brought its challenges as a husband and father, but over the years I’ve slowly become more comfortable being assertive and setting boundaries.
To all the current and potential fathers out there, your children don’t require perfection. They just need your honest effort to be present and for you to show your love for them. Working through your own stuff can help you to do that.
I’m sure your children will appreciate you more and more as they get older… Potentially minus the teen years lol Thank you for sharing your experience!
I grew up WITH my father in the house, so you never can tell.
I'm 63, and still working to repair the damage.
Key words: loving, involved, safe. Not all fathers who are there *are truly there for their kids.* :(
My mind went immediately to Ashley Biden, 43 years age today, and what she wrote in her diary about some experiences she had with her dad when she was a teenager.
@@JohnSmithEx Well not all Dad's are pervs like old Joe. Sorry for that. I married a woman who was sexually abused by her step dad from like age 7 to 17 and I have reason to believe that her first born daughter is her step dad's and not her bf from HS. I had to separate from her due to her alcoholism which still is with her though I have been no contact with her over 20 yrs. Perves can really destroy some women I think. JMHO
Thank you for making this video. I needed to hear this realistic and good advice.
People like yourself, are blessings to people like myself.
I'm happy this has been helpful to you. Don't forget to share so that others can receive love, healing, and clarity ❤ 🙏
I grew up with a father, but he created a bunch of issues that eventually required therapy to heal the wounds he created
I hope you healed those wounds, ultimately, only you can. ((Big hug))
I grew up with both of my parents but my father was always emotionally unavailable and very critical of me because I was not the son for him he expected to be.. I was the guy growing up being very insecure, shy, no discipline and without purpose in life just like my father.
5 years ago I started to read books about improving my own life and tried to start businesses to rebel against this weakness, my father once told me he would burn my books, to this day I never understood this because I would be so grateful if my future son would do this.
After I’ve traveled the world on my own, started a few businesses that worked out well and transformed myself into a confident man he still never shows the appreciation and that makes me very distant to him even though I always appreciate that he stayed together with my mom even when she still doesn’t respect him.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
Sorry you lost your dad. I lost my children. It can mess a person up, I'm proof of that. Love your channel💖
🙏 ❤️
This is the most jam packed synthesis of this I have ever heard. Thanks ! Anna !💝
Thank you for appreciating it! 💞 Please share it if you think it will help someone. 🙏
I'm sorry that you grew up mostly w/o a dad Anna. Hoping you had a good Father's Day, wishing you such a day because in a sense you're advice to young men is taking on the role that fathers mostly have failed to do. Well either failed or don't know how to do. Anyway kudos to you.
Thank you for sharing this video Anna!! My Dad always yes to say about children acting up and being bad he would always say "who is the boy/girls father". If the boy or girl did not have a father then my dad would say "well the mother is the one that needs to be horse whipped". My Dad grew up in rural Florida and he always held parents responsible for the children's behavior. He came from an abusive home and his adopted parents signed him up into the Army when he was 16 years old and even fought in the Korean War at 16. My Dad learned from his pasr and was never as bad to us like his family was to him. Your voice captures my attention. You are a very good speaker and you are a pretty woman as well.
RIP Dad Born September 14th 1934; passed away on May 10th 2005.
You’re lucky your father learned what not to do based on what happened to him. Thank you for sharing part of his story and yours! 🕊️🤍
@@YourWingmam You're welcome!!
As usual, sweet Anna, you hit the nail on the head. My dad was not there for me in a positive way, but worse, was physically and emotionally abusive. He was the same to my mother so she was avoidant to me and communicated a low opinion of men. All this has been a heavy burden on me. I do fight the resulting negatives in myself, but to this day, I tend to be a hermit.
Change is possible. Awareness allows us to decide if we *want* to change. 🫂
I am privileged to come across your stuff. I grew up without parents or parental guardians of any kind, so, no fatherly, motherly, ''unclely'', ''aunty'', ''cousinly'' etc. I perfectly understand where you are coming from. I appreciate.
You grew up in a kids' home?
So glad this video resonated with you! Breaks my heart thinking about kids who lacked love and support in childhood :(
@@DavidZ4-gg3dm . I was not that privileged to grow up in a 'kids' home but grew up on the streets of Africa, though tough, I pulled through anyways. I thank God I am still alive today. Even if I am found dead today, I didn't die early, I am supposed to be dead at the age of 25, but I am still here.
@@YourWingmam Nice one though, sometimes what some kids go through due to this effect, is deeper than one can imagine. Terrible stuff, but again, you are highly appreciated. All the best.
@@YourWingmam The worst people tend to have the most kids, making it inevitable.
This is really helpful , my dad died when I was 7..it’s a really deep wound . Thank you for this vid💚
It'd be interesting to compare the statistics of kids bereaved of their fathers compared to kids of absent fathers.
((Big hug)) Dads matter. 🙏
So much of this is true! Both my parent's Dads passed away at age ~10... and it shows in my life. But recognising the patterns is the first step and actively working on your behaviour by taking OWNERSHIP of your life WILL make a difference in all facets of your life!
Great video, thank you Anna!
🙏 ❤️
Funny thing is that just as alcohol is very bad for unborn children, the same alcohol is one of the main reasons why they get conceived in the first place.
If conceiving weren't so fun, most of us may not even be here at all. Just because we like getting laid, doesn't necessarily make us good at being parents.
Same goes for those who were conceived without the influence of alcohol. 🫤
I hope you NEVERA GET RID OF YOUR CHANNEL. Very few channels are necessary...this is of them. Please Keep doing what youre doing
All right my lady friend..."Rejection is God's protection"...I wish I would have came up with that. Thank you for adding that to my scruples. God bless ✝️🙏🏼❤️😇
❤️ 🙂 Thank you for watching and may God bless you as well 🙏
This is an excellent presentation Anna.
As someone who is currently working through the effects of childhood emotional neglect caused by a Father who was emotionally unavailable, I am the exact proof of what happens to a child without an emotionally available father. I am 58 now and have only just discovered the very important subject of Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN). This has a huge overlap with the subject of attachment styles.
CEN is not about what your parents did, it is about what they didn’t do and this often makes it very difficult to identify as it can remain invisible.
You summed up this subject perfectly and I agree 💯% with all that you said here. Excellent job, well done Anna and thankyou for putting this subject out there👍
Anna you are an incedible woman and speak about very important subject matter. As a man and father of two great sons I appreciate your support for men and fathers. You are very correct in your explanations. Bang on! Sending Love your way! God Bless you!
❤️ 🙂 Thank you very much and may God bless you as well 🙏
Sorry about your dad, and glad you found your peace. I am sure both of your parents can be proud of how you help people with your work. God bless!
Glad I could help 🙏
Happy Fathers day , my dad passed away some years ago ,folks take care of ur dads🙏!! Hello Doc. Honest my heart breaks for you on that age💔 but you are a ture hero💞❤, I do appreciate your great efforts and work for helping us out here, wishing you all Happiness love prosperity peace in years and years and years cyz you are simply D BEST. Kudos to you indeed. Cheers from Stockholm 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏💞🤍🤍🤍💞
Sounds like you had a good relationship with your dad, that's wonderful! Thank you for the generous compliments, Swede! 💞
My dad was a good dad in some ways but was preoccupied with work. He saw his role primarily as a provider.
Thank you Anna, One of the best video's.
Happy Father's Day.🎉
I got triggered by this video, but I'm thankful for it, I knew terrible things that I shouldn’t have known about my father when I was a kid and never saw him since then, For most of my teenage years I felt unworthy of anything, now I’m an adult, I just wish people could know the amount of effort I make every day to face the world
I guess I know where all my issues come from now
Thank you
This is beautiful what you are trying to do ❤
Thank you so much! Please share if you think it might help someone :)) 💞
I grew up with my mom having full custody due to my dads problem with alcohol, I saw him just a few times each year. In retrospect I see my mom wasn't better, mental and physical abuse/discipline. Alot of loud fighting with all her different partners and alot of bashing my dad. In a sense she was right about him, he never came to visit me, he barely called me. When I was visiting him as an adult we didn't really do anything together. I love/loved my parents but in this last year I have learned about attachment styles and I now see how much of a mess I am and why I am that way. I haven't really ever been in a relationship, I am 38 and had my first relationship 1,5 years ago. It lasted 7 months before she monkey branched away from me.
Now I have cut off contact with my parents, after learning this all those memories resurfaced. None of them have really taken action to apologize or do right by me. I have a few tight friends. But when it comes to family or romantic partner I am all alone
Thank you for sharing your experience. Even though your parents were likely doing the best they could at the time, disappointment, anger, frustration, and resentment are valid emotions to feel. It wasn’t your fault they couldn’t parent you better. As for where your life is now, only you can change that. It’s not easy, but it is possible and worth it.
While I do not question your honesty
Would consider it possible that your mom lied about your Dad or at least exaggerated and prevented him from seeing you?
@@EugeneMurray-z1b it's a possibility, but even after me becoming an adult he didn't really put in any effort. I came to visit him and I mostly got to manage myself. I suggested to him that we could go out and do things, like catching a movie. But he never wanted to.
I have always believed in solidarity among family but I feel it has never been reciprocated so I just don't care anymore
I am fortunate to have had a great father ..i wish he were around so i could tell him what i feel
I bet it was very difficult for you and your mom after you Dad passed. You always apeak well of him
I'm so glad you had a good dad. I'd rather a good dad for a short time than a not good dad for a long time. :)
I've watched you for years. This video was fast paced, very powerful and packed full with wisdom, research and solid advice. I am so glad that I stopped and took the time be still and listen. This content helped me understand some very recent difficult experiences. Thank you Anna.
Father’s Day has been always a depressed day for me because my father neglected me at age 10 and I haven’t saw him in 20 years and he never even checked up on me and it affects me as an adult because I feel like a waste of a man and I wish that I could’ve done better
My dad died when I was 7 , she’s right you have to look to yourself for approval for our self worth ..you are good enough , you are worthy !
What Philip said. Take a deep breath and decide to not be a victim to your history anymore. It can be done, you can make the rest of your life the best of your life. Deep breath.
I can relate to you. My dad was autistic and from a broken home so he had no idea what he was doing. As a kid I realized he was a lousy father and learned not to blame myself. You need to do the same and not transfer any anti male thoughts you have about him onto yourself or other good guys you know!!! God bless you in this struggle!!!!
This made the most sense of anything I’ve heard for the last 3 1/2 years!
Dear Anna:
Thank you so much for speaking on these subjects. Men, along with all that comes traditionally with being a man have been under attack for quite some time now; and it is so refreshing to see a brave woman speak the truth. You have no idea how loved you are because of this.
I do not know how bad it is in Canada, but fatherless homes are a pandemic in the USA. I am sure you know the statistics already so I will not bore you with them.
I am sure I have mentioned before this before, but my relationship with my father was a bit rocky. As I get older and acquire wisdom I understand him more. He was a strict man. He once literally pulled over and beat me with a belt on the side of the highway. I laughed about it now, and actually thank him for it. Let me tell you, I did not act up in the back of our station wagon again. We were poor and that affected him, so he did the best with what he knew. He passed away in 2009, and I pray he made peace with God. Last time I saw is not a good memory, and if for some reason we ever meet, I would share it with you.
That is all for now. Thank you so much for these videos. I hope you have an amazing Sunday and a blessed week. Hug and a peck on each cheek. You are beautiful, Anna.
Back in the day there were few resources for "how to be a good dad" and most learned from their own experience with their fathers (or lack of). Can become a vicious cycle from one generation to the next if we don't stop to make changes in our own behaviours. Anyway, seems you've let go of resentment. A gift to yourself.
Thank you for the compliment!
Thank you for being open about the fact you were raised by your single mom and how not having a father affected you.Your video is an excellent and intelligent viewpoint on self awareness and how others need to be, if they want to be in a relationship.
Wonderful comment, thank you!
I think this is your absolute best presentation Anna J! Now I got it, my dad was a 11th of 12 children, his dad was 52 and mom 48. Then the 12 th kid was super sick and took all the energy and attention that was available. When I was growing up, he simply did not know how to be a dad and tended to compete with his boys for attention from our mom.
Wonderful assessment! We tend to grow up thinking our parents should somehow be perfect but they're just flawed humans like the rest of us. It helps to understand and accept this. Glad you enjoyed this one!
My dad died when I was 3 years old. I then grew up with my mother and mentally disabled brother.
From then I had the one bad stepfather after the other.
Things went bad when I became a teenager and was clueless why I messed up with the girls and made myself unattractive to them.
Now I am 31 years old and after struggling with depression for years, I now for the first time in my life feel ready for the datingworld, but now the datingworld is messed up thanks to datingspps, feminism, woke and so on. So I am basically back to nothing. Hurray...
But I will stay positive. Hopefully better times will come.
I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
Very appropriate video, thank you Anna. ..The importance of traditional families.
🙏 ❤️
I grew up without a loving mom, Anna! I did have a loving dad. That's the only reason that I was able to seek psychological help and realize what had happened to me. Thank you for the video, as always!
Growing up with a missing parent (or two terrible parents) leaves its mark. No matter what our history, we can grow beyond it. Glad you did!
@@YourWingmam Thank you, Anna!
i appreciate that you often give examples of your ideas
I never met my dad, he died when I was three. I grew up with a sperm donor who hurt me in more ways than one. In my case the sperm donor is the one who raised me and sent child support checks well in my 20s. For me my dad was the godly influence I forgave my sperm donor for not being. When his widow talked his daughter out of my life I realized I know everything I ever will about my dad who was resilient, content, a gentleman, a hardworking provider and a true Christian. My dad died while working to provide for his wife and biological children. My sperm donor gave hugs to prove a point that he was "better" than his parents, my dad showed affection because that was who he was, loving. Long story short, I am a better with the ladies as my dad's son and more importantly I am a better Christian.
Thank you for this content! I learned a lot! Happy Father’s Day!!
Such a complex subject in its scope and implications as well as finely elaborated and summarized in 13 minutes.
Thank you for your amazing work, Anna.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Good info Anna - thanks for sharing. I had a dad until I was 18, however, he was a WW II vet struggling to make a living. I can only recall a few times when we interacted, other than receiving punishment. He did the best he could, but my mother wore the pants in my family and now that I think about it, I can think of some ways she instilled doubt as you said.
My dad died when I was 12 although I never met him. I grew up a single child with a single mum. The topic of going and seeing him was discussed once or twice but was decided that when I was 18 if I still wanted then I could go find him. She worried about him rejecting me. Anyways we moved to Australia and he stayed living his own life in the UK.
He died in a motorbike accident when I was in my first year of high school.
Looking back i can see a clear pattern of being charming and respectful enough to get into potentially intimate situastions but always needing verification to proceed. I remember kissing my high school crush and the weekend at a party but come Monday I had no idea what to do or what was expected of me... predictably nothing happened cos I know she was waiting for me to take the lead while was waiting for her to take the lead. So no body did anything .
I only truly realized how far off the mark I was when the me too movement happened . I always knew there was a degree of males that acted like a girl was just a piece of meat to be treated like a slut and not respected. I didn't realize I was the minority! I am still trying to find a good enough reason for my such late coming to the party so to speak than just growing up with a single mum. I refuse to accept having manners and being respectful is less common than trying to impose myself onto someone or simply being able to over power someone else.
All that being said I have more in common with my dad that I never met than I do with my mum I spent my life with. I look like him, I have his mannerisms and I even started to walk differently after he died. Almost like I inherited his walk from him cos I know it wasn't mine./ I didn't even know I had until someone pointed it out.
Funny old world isn't it.
I like your channel its very insightful thank you
Anna, thanks for the insightful fathers day message. I'm impressed with your approach. Let's call it the anti-Machiavellian approach to relationships. BTW where's the kit kat?
Very smart
My dad was an alcoholic and wasn't home much. When he was home we were working (farm) and there was no relationship-building between us other than supervisor vs worker. So he was no positive value in terms of learning how to be a father, husband or man. Only memories of what I didn't want to be when I grew up to be a man. Therefore, I have no feelings of connection when I see people post on social media "Happy Father's Day. I miss my dad so much." It's just not there for me.
My dad was a great man. He was involved with my life as much as he could. But a lot of what you say Anna does apply. Maybe those items you said are related to my reasons why I never had good relationship with any women and all failed. Now I'm getting a lot older, never married, no child of my own, I can never pass along what my dad taught me and didn’t teach me.
You’re lucky you had a great dad! And there’s still time for you :)
I have a daughter in her 20s. Since the day she has been able to understand language, I have called her "Pretty girl" and I still do. I have read that it is fortifying and stabilising for a woman to know that she is beautiful in the eyes of probably the most important man in her life; guys can think whatever of the woman's beauty, there is still that man who sees it. So I do my thing.
I had a father growing up be he wasn't available. I'm in my 40's and haven't been on a date in my life. I became my mothers surrogate emotional partner I think they call it perentifcation now. But I also had to wait until my late 30's to find out as well as being colourblind, I'm also dyslexic, adhd-pi and ASD1, yay. I've spent the last 5ish years totally rebuilding my sense of self and feel worthy but I don't understand how love happens, it's too much of an abstract concept for me to imagine.
I don't' know anything about my father, my mother has always lied to me about who my father is. As an adult and with talking to my grandmother and uncles, I've put together that my mother's younger brother is my father. Which explains so much, so so much. My situation is pretty bad because these are the take to the grave secrets. So, I know my father, but I just can't speak on it and I'm avoidant as my mother is NPD, I haven't dated in years and haven't been in a relationship for well over 10 years. The incest part has me too shook to date and I'm use to being alone anyway.
I feel you, it definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
No doubt your Dad is smiling from ear to ear on you today Anna 🕊️❤🙏
Happy Father's Day!
Thank you so much! 💞🙏
AT 11:23 IS THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GET FROM YOU, THANK YOU!
This is a great channel. I just discovered it and subscribed. It is sad to see how in certain countries they are making men and women hate each other. This is just affecting both sides. I feel there is an agenda behind all of it. They want us divided and powerless. Thank you for the information you share with us. Humankind is wonderful. We are meant to love each other. 💞
I'm happy this has been helpful to you. Welcome aboard and don't forget to click on the notification bell to be notified whenever I release a new content ❤ 🙏
@@YourWingmam thank you!
Thank you, Anna. This explains a lot. I wish i had known this some 30 years ago. Still struggling with the aftermath. But very valuable and helpful. Thanks again.
You’re welcome! Awareness is the first step to potential change. 🫂
I think the title is quite provocative. Beyond the fact that i find it informative in some sense, the way the message is conveyed does not convince me fully. I do appreciate people that talks about themselves and the way they feel, they have my respect.
Hi Anna. Although I will respect your opinion on this matter. I completely do not agree with your title on this video. Maybe I am rare or maybe I am just lucky that I was raised by a caring mother and an ex-military Grandad who was also a Scottish highlander. I was raised with values, morals, discipline and to be respectful to those and treat those how I wish to be treated in return. I am Irish-German mostly as my Dad was German but didn't want me until I was older. I am not bitter about it and I accept his decision as such but I disowned him when he wanted to come back into my life when I was old enough to earn the bread. I don't hate him but I looked him in the eyes and said "I am not your son and I don't have a father" and besides a healthy relationship with my mother. My Grandad who I truly respect taught me a lot about life from an alpha male perspective. I am very fortunate to be mentally stable and I have a lot of wisdom. If I am fortunate enough to settle with someone special that matches my values and she must believe in God like I do (I have Catholic values), I will be there for my future children and I will do my best to raise them to the best I can and as much as I can. I would teach them to not be afraid of taking risks like making money, pursuing their dreams and goals and I would support them every step of the way but I would also teach them to be firm but fair and not to tolerate toxic people. Keep up the great work Anna. Peace and love always. Peter.
Happy Father's day! My dad took me to work with him, as did both my grandfather s, so I've been all over the place since tiny, my son and daughter have never been in day. Care or just dumped off, they have gone to work with me always could not have hoped to have such great children and families
The best gift you've given them is your loving presence!
OK, that intimidating the daughters first boyfriend got me. When one of my daughters got her first boyfriend I had to collect her after their first date. The pair of them looked so proud to be with each other. I said to myself, "My little girl is his little girl now. He's toast if he knows our family history."
I started a thread on a hunting and shooting forum "Rules of engagement." All the ways to intimidate the boyfriend. One was to dig a grave size hole, I suggested doing that but having a pile like an occupied one next to it. Some of the things we came up with were brilliant Some of the younger fellas took offence to the suggestions, they sounded very uneasy. Anyway, my daughter says I'm not allowed to take him to the range.
I have been a father figure to many young boys/men over the last 35 years. It is very rewarding seeing the positive changes in their lives.
This is VERY good stuff! Thanks so much for doing this, Anna.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Sadly my ex has poisoned my daughters against me. They want nothing to do with me. I was the engaged father taking my daughters to their sport events, clubs, get togethers with their friend groups, biking, skiing, swimming, boating, camping, as well as just hanging out. Father's Day was spent with me looking at photos of great memories making me miss them only more. They live 6 kilometres away but say they are too busy to meet. I am really worried for them for the reasons Anna mentions.
Thank you for this video Soo much I myself probably like many others were unfortunately growing up without a father in the home.your video help me realize few things thank you from bottom my heart God bless hugs
🙏🤍
Thank you so very much. Your video has really helped me.
I think I would have been better off if my father hadn't been in my life. He destroyed every dream and aspersion I had when I was a teenager by the time I became an adult, I was so beat down that I had no ambition to do anything.
Yes, as noted near the end, sometimes you’re better off with one parent than two (if one is abusive or neglectful).
🫂
That's right, dear, with the difference that both my mother and my father have always instilled doubt in my capabilities, and they've often basically heavily warned me by saying "no! don't do it, or you might get hurt and you might mistake and/or you might make a fool of yourself!". Not only they warned me but basically they've always impeded me. Again, not just my mom, but my father too, and here we are with my insecurities nowadays and women notice it xD
btw sorry for your father loss, dear
Hello, Anna how are you. It is a very important video Anna and dad really matters for a child for exploration and helping them to grow as a strong and confident man. Not everyone are fatherless, but some have fathers but still they feel like that they don't have a father because of how angry and abusive the father really is. I think most of our parents didn't had good childhood as well and that's the reason some of our fathers are bitter and angry towards their own children. It is understandable and we can change and we can come out of that cycle and develop the "secure attachment style" like you said in the video. I love all of your videos Anna and it is so valuable. Happy father's day Anna ❤.
Yes, great point about bad dads replaying what they experienced from their own fathers (or lack of). Thank you for a wise and thoughtful comment!
Such great info in this vid. I respect your honesty and thought I'd comment. I'm 50 yrs old now👍.mum dead by 13 😢dad gone by 16😢. Although I realise that some parents are evil and do too much damage and shouldn't be near kids I realise losing my parents so soon made me angry and jealous of my friends😢 hard being the oldest brother as well. be well and to all Good fathers...happy fathers day👍
Totally normal and valid feelings. Life isn’t fair sometimes, and it’s ok to be angry about it. Just don’t get stuck there. 🫂🤍
I had a dad ,but he left whenever he met a new floosy,hurt my mom tremendously. But made peace with him before he died,I didn't hate him he was just weak.😢
Thankyou for this ...
Eye opener for some...
Glad I could help 🙏
@@YourWingmam Certainly and Thankyou again as I enjoy your content very much at 60 years of age
Anna, this is your best video yet. It's so much easier to give great insight when you experience these things yourself. I admit it... I'm impressed! (PS what you doing Tues eve?)
In my opinion it is the best video and totally explained everything that is happening in our lives.
Thank you for watching and appreciating!
Thank you very much for the video. I’m dating a wonderful woman who was raised by her mom and her father abandoned the family as she was child. The lady expressed to me that she has insecurities because of her father and her ex-boyfriend as he was narcissistic and didn’t respect her, and she cried when she explained that to me. I treated her with full respect and gentleman manner. Invited her to dinner at a relatively nice restaurant, coffee, went to a hike with her in nature and did a city trip, I drove 2 hours one way multiple times to meet with her at the city where she lives. Still she said to me that she looks for a friendship. I explained to her that I have developed feelings for her and I am looking for a relationship. I’m confused and I am afraid that she thinks I’m a simp but I am trying to be respectful to her and helps her to boost her confidence. Any suggestions you could give me please? Thank you.
In order for a woman to want a man romantically or sexually, she must respect him and she must also be allowed to make an effort to get him. It sounds like you are making it too easy. Also, emotionally damaged women find healthy behaviours uncomfortable, because they are not familiar (from how they learned about love from their primary caregivers). Let her make some of the effort. Let her come to you. if you coddle her and treat her like a child, she cannot develop sexual desire for you like a woman.
Watch:
Chasing vs Pursuing a Woman: ruclips.net/video/O6_q8VGFrtE/видео.htmlsi=VUjRU-YIIrxTFuPL
Why nice guys finish last: ruclips.net/video/dBfXVh_Vvdw/видео.htmlsi=SSehYt3lRsolRwGs
Great topic. Probably one of the most important topics, as society, through court systems and ideology, has done all but drag fathers from having a strong influence in their children's lives. I had no idea you lost your father so early on in life, nor would I have guessed it by your demeanor. I'll say you've done an excellent job in compensating for losing your father so early on. You're analytical, logical and objective, much more so than women tend to be given the circumstances. Could be a good word you could use in videos. "Anna-lytical" or "Anna-lytics" Buzz words, you would use with that special little ding you use when you make a memorable point in a video.
My daughter is 21 years old, and I still have long talks with her about life. Lots of them. I can see I'm still very much needed as a father, even into her adulthood. That's not to say she wasn't prepared for life, because she very much was, and is. It's to say, so much comes up in life that daughters can benefit from their father with. I know most of what you advise is well into the secular realm, but a father's role is also to reflect spirituality, and to give context to his daughter's relationship with her Creator, so she can find her footing. Additionally so she has context as to how she should be treated by men, from having doors opened for her, to being protected and provided for. To the point, to provide the stability in his daughter's life for the sake of her finding purpose and meaning in the world.
I never worried about father's day, because every day is father's day for me. I continue to have purpose in the lives of my children, and I can think of no better reward in life, save for salvation itself. What I can tell you, is it isn't about me. When you're a father, your gifts in life are bountiful if you're dutiful to your children. Sure, I get lonely. I had to raise my children without the benefit of them having a mother, but I have no regrets. I've found most people are too caught up in themselves to be parents, and as my priority never deviated from putting the kids first, I didn't find much success in filling the hold left behind. A high price to pay, but worth every penny.
Kids need a strong male role models, willing to put their duties and goodness, before themselves.
Amen and thank you for sharing! Your children are lucky to have you as their father! 🙏
@@YourWingmam Thanks, but I'm the fortunate one. Had it not been for them, I don't think I'd have ever learned to truly put others before myself, nor would I have the meaning I do in this world, and to my Creator.
We're all in this mess together, at the end of the day. Anna, I can say from the perspective of a devoted father, your father would be exceptionally proud of his little girl. In a world that strives to divide people, and tear apart what truly has meaning, your empathy and grounded sense of the world endeavors to mend what's been broken, and restore what's been taken from us. You're an incredible woman no good father could help but to be proud of. There's a special place daughters have in their father's hearts. I'm probably one of the most cynical, self righteous, nut-jobs out there, and you've certainly earned a lot of my respect. I can say without doubt, your dad would be absolutely glowing.
Today, I'll tip back a drink in honor and thanks for the man that did so much to raise the amazing woman you see in the mirror every morning.
Before fathers we were stolen our close community of uncles, aunts, grand parents and so on. We need whole package. First they separated family units from the community and then they started hammering the core family itself.
Exactly.
Single Dad, adulterous wife with a con man lover: The kids (G-11, B-6) lived with me and I kept wife from having her paramour near the kids but wife made certain they knew he was her 'friend'. Then, one weekend visitation night daughter woke up with him standing over her bed (likely confounded by the presence of a friend having a sleepover). She jumped up, he ran, she went into mother's room grabbed phone and called me - without waking mother. Daughter said it was the lover, mom said he had an excuse for what he was doing at that time (Yah! 3 AM, single man, living alone in a town that shuts down at 2AM). Eventually I was granted full custody and always tried to have my kids keep in contact with mom, but I think that night really damaged daughter's trust in mom. Note: he dumped mom a week before her birthday after not quite a year with her - while also being with several other side girlfriends I could document. Daughter became one of the 'cool kids' in HS, had a scholarship to college and is happily married. I like to think I has at least a little to do with that.
wow, that was all very true I would day! a very important video.
So glad!
This is intelligent and fascinating insight on a real problem with relationships and families. I wish I would have known all this earlier in life so that I could have made some different decisions. My ex-wife has unresolved "Daddy issues" along with a toxic family life, and it caused numerous problems during our marriage. However, my upbringing was the exact opposite of hers. My parents having a great marriage and our family relationships were overall good. However, I have recovered well knowing what caused the divorce, and I'm doing good as a single SIGMA man.
Some great self-awareness and insight there I’m glad you recovered!
Fantastic video! ❤
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
Good point🎯📝
Still a batchelor but kids in the neighbourhood wishing me
"Happy Father's Day" 🙈😅
As always, beautiful and mersmerizing You,Ma'am.TC✌️🌹🤗
Good father figures count, too! And thank you!
❤️🙏🇺🇲💯👋👋 Thanks Red for sharing your story. Your the best darlin ❤️🙏
Hello beautiful lady! Great advice and you look amazing ❤😊
Thank you so much!
@@YourWingmam you are very welcome!
My dad left when I was 2. I did have a relationship with him later through periodic visits but I never saw him as my family
😢
Actually my Dad was over protective but my Mom let me do whatever I wanted, they split up when I was five. I never felt my Dad put confidence in me.
One of main deficiencies not having a father is also financial, without a father your family has on average only 1/3 of income compared to families with both parents, which impacts your education, socializing, health and many more...
Great point!
I did enjoy your video. Great job on research Anna. Have a great day 🥀
Thank you! Some of the studies are in the show notes if interested.
Excellent and insightful ❤
Thank you for this video
I think there are so many single moms because for instance in a UK survey of 5000 women it said that 42% would lie being on the pill in order to get pregnant against their partner's wishes. I wouldn't want to stay with a psycho like that either and leave her too. Imagine your boyfriend pokes holes into the condom to get you pregnant unknowingly. Would you stay with him? I doubt it. So I can't blame men for walking away most of the time.
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
My father was awfully good to me. Were he still with us in the flesh, he'd be about 105 today. He knew how to lay the lumber across my backside because I gave him plenty of opportunities to practice and perfect his skills.
Back in the day when such discipline measures weren’t that uncommon.
@@YourWingmam Yes, it would be quite a sight today. Those guys who were a generation or two ahead of me wouldn't have been intimidated by the elites setting the rules nowadays.
My ex-wife has done a good job to nurture the children's self-esteem and to convince them that they are worth being loved. My job as a father is to tell them that they have potential and to help them apply their energies to exploit it. My ex- can't do this, women generally don't think this way.
Btw, Doc. Your words are worth GOLD✨️👍👍👍👍❤️
🙏😻
Both parents are immeasurable influences. Separated in 2019, and recently, my oldest daughter has a basement apartment with an en-suite at her Mom's. (good gig for a 16 year old girl) Mom is away a lot as a midwife. The younger two siblings still move regularly between our homes (used to be that all 3 kids moved as per mom's schedule requirements and newborn babies.) Dad started a new business from home to accommodate kids schedules.....nothing new for Dad. As a father, my authority is circumvented lately...and the co-parenting relationship seems to be overtaken by an observable ignorance from Mom. Mom had an abusive father....a true wife beater and all around nasty father....really unpleasant and I don't blame Mom for hating her dad....no one liked the guy. (I've heard some nasty stuff in 15 years with this good woman that I still care deeply for...and dearly loved back then...He was a nasty person...and died without visit from his own 3 daughters...or anyone else as far as I know.)
We are certainly not on the same parenting page today, although we used to be.....but since a one-off hard rule laydown by Dad....the older daughter had a legal choice of household residence.. and Mom will not step up and accept that Dad has rules...even though Dad stands up for Mom's rules. So my 16 year old daughter is free from paternal rules and influence ...with mom's blessing due to her daddy issues and dismissal of this event. I've done so much to accommodate my ex's schedule as a midwife and maintain our agreed upon rules. At the the very first occurrence of our daughter getting in shit for not following house rules ...she called Mom. Mom has said many things since but never elaborated to the depth or extent that we used to have in conversation regarding the kids...on this subject. I strongly suspect that Mom's daddy issues have infected my daughter. The younger two kids at 11 and 13 are unaffected as of yet. What's really burning me is that my daughter knows I will do anything for her and bypasses mom to get what she wants through me lately...ie extra clothes and spending money etc. If I lay down the law...they are both right and I'm a jerk and my daughter is probably lost to me for a decade......if I play along...I'm an idiot...and will likely not be respected anyway....and will lose my daughter perhaps permanently. Mom is not of much value as a co-parent (lately) due to these daddy issues. I'm not going to ask if I'm right....because I am. Daddy issues killed my family...and continue to break down the family a generation later. This is no anyone's issue but mine.....I'm just sharing because it's a real thing. Mom's siblings and dear Mother love me...and I love them...and miss them. Mom's latest guy has 4 kids that lives with his parents...and does what he's told..and looks after her dog and drives our kids around for her (I don't know where his kids are...?) Mom never goes to his place to help him with his 4 kids...and she complains to me about his kids. So basically...Mom has again shown her true colours despite demanding that I follow established rules of encouraging solutions to family issues. Girls need Dads...and other real men at every turn. This "I don't need what I need and you can't make me" attitude....is horrifying from my perspective. I bought her the cell phone that feeds this crap to her also...Parenting failure 101. Best of luck gents. Tread carefully.
You look so good OMG ❤
Thank you! 💞