Okay so here's a scenario... Dating for 3 months, he has anger issues, I remain patient but find myself doing alot of the sacrificing, such as switching my job schedule to meet his days off, paying for alot, he has financial issues, he gets mad when I don't text him when I leave work or when I'm home, would get mad when employees would call my phone (I'm in management) especially if they were male employees, I had no time at home but I would help him at his home, and Iwas compromising on my beliefs. It got to be too much, I have cut it off, I know I was wrong but I feel I've come to my senses.
You should do a video on how to heal and get over a rejection or breakup. Also, how to get over the shame we usually feel after giving a person our all but not receiving that same love..
You’re amazing Elliot. I’m really grateful for all of your videos. It’s helped me understand a lot from a guy’s perspective and also what I need to do to make the right decisions.
@@FM-zg5hz fax, moving in is different that the video. The video was just talking about a relationship. Moving in is a much different circumstance. I do wish her all of the best howeve.
My ex and I spent 5 years of on and off push and pull hell. She should have left me in the beginning I told her to. Said I wasn’t ready I was hurting from my ex narc too. I accidentally said I loved her the second time we hooked up and later that same night sat her down and explained I wasn’t thinking clearly. I really really like her but I am j it healthy enough to know love with her yet. And I didn’t want her to be the rebound. She was hurt and monkeybranch d away and back. And away and back I was slowly healing and then hit a major life roadblock that would ultimately consume majority of my time and mental space for the next 5 years. I had to suddenly handle so much. My mom died, had other kid in custody case, this ex then got pregnant and my other ex came back. It lasted 4 months and she bailed again I was hurt again, and she swooped in and saved me. So to say. She felt the savior call. And even though I resisted I slowly became co depending on her for many things. She offered her garage to store my stuff while I had to move north for work and stuff, I still drove down nearly daily but had to live up north most nights and work days. Lots of driving. But when I couldn’t come down she would get needy and use sex as an tool etc. it just man: then my custody battle with the ex became tied to visits with her and our daughter and she started to resent me. And I felt it; I resented her at times too. No amount of effort talking ever solved the fights. Fight space come back be physical recharge rinse and repeat. She monkey branched and I flirted and sought validation in texting girls. I got some from guy friends too, but as a product of sexual abuse, I feel most seen and validated if someone things I’m attractive or would be intimate with me. Just hearing that boosts me and I usually would leave it there. That’s not healthy either. Long story shorter, I had been making more effort to our relationship the last couple years as custody case settled and the cloud over my ex narc disappeared it left a calm she didn’t know how to handle either. And I don’t know what else to say other than she pulled away again and continued to appear available, despite being there 3-4 days a week overnight and having my kids over on weekends and family trips there was really no sign I lived there or my other kids were there except a single picture of the kids. None of us or of me or really any decorating or any of it. It never really felt like home, but I was told I was needed more and more. My time. If I was at home she would call or text and want my attention, which became needier too. I didn’t have time to work on my own joke issues which is also bare. She and the kids never came to my house except the first year I moved when I was able to stay in a reallly nice cabin on a lake with my job. But once I had to settle into smaller less spacious digs of my own she stopped coming. So while I began to beg her to take a day to come stay with me stay in my bed now and again, and it just never happened. Over years. So that should be my sign of many. What is it though. What type of person would go through so much with me too, and just keep going even when I’ve called it out and slowed it downZ. To tell me no it’s real no it’s just stupid love no it’s just you only want you. And how swiftly it becomes I just grew out of love because I got tired of throwing it at you and you rejecting me. And I’m liked. I stopped rejecting the love, I rejected the love bombing and the jealousy and rage and anger. I however did accept your love. And told you back and began to show you more and more as I healed only to also be hurt and discover your own infidelities yearly nearly. To be held to such a standard when I was openly grieving and wounded only to realize that she was doing so much behind the scenes whenever I would be away working on me or living my life. I gave up so much to build my life around her and her house as my family gathering space and our connection with our daughter. I tried to do the things she liked and watched as kayaks and bikes and boats all became a me only thing. Until I quit then too because it wasn’t fair of fun to go alone. Let alone I Have 2 older kids who live in a different city entires who’ve always been a package with me. I am so exhausted just trying to live my best life work as little as I can while making as much as I can so I have the time and energy to be a good dad, to all my kids, and a good partner. And in the end this wasn’t enough. And even when I hold myself accountable for my own actions that made this just as messy it hurts. Because I truly never intended to leave my committed and loved relationship I just never learned a healthier validation tool before it was too late.
Lol not being in a relationship before isn’t an issue some cultures like in Asia and Middle East dating isn’t a norm, some do date privately. Divorce rates usually are lower there too. It’s a collective culture they believe in staying together and sticking together. I think for us Western culture it’s an individualized belief, high independence so we don’t try to fix an issue at home or work we jump to the next, it’s a major issue.
Elliot thank your parents for your full head of hair. You’re 30+ and not balding. Send them a card and flowers. 😂
Hahahahaha THIS
What if he is in a long term relationship?
Okay so here's a scenario...
Dating for 3 months, he has anger issues, I remain patient but find myself doing alot of the sacrificing, such as switching my job schedule to meet his days off, paying for alot, he has financial issues, he gets mad when I don't text him when I leave work or when I'm home, would get mad when employees would call my phone (I'm in management) especially if they were male employees, I had no time at home but I would help him at his home, and Iwas compromising on my beliefs. It got to be too much, I have cut it off, I know I was wrong but I feel I've come to my senses.
You should do a video on how to heal and get over a rejection or breakup. Also, how to get over the shame we usually feel after giving a person our all but not receiving that same love..
You’re amazing Elliot. I’m really grateful for all of your videos. It’s helped me understand a lot from a guy’s perspective and also what I need to do to make the right decisions.
Now I'm moving in with him after a couple months..... we will see what happens lol
What! Way too fast.
@@FM-zg5hz fax, moving in is different that the video. The video was just talking about a relationship. Moving in is a much different circumstance. I do wish her all of the best howeve.
This background is better than green screen Elliott
Hey how are you doing
lol I love elliots dark humor ....well said
My ex and I spent 5 years of on and off push and pull hell. She should have left me in the beginning I told her to. Said I wasn’t ready I was hurting from my ex narc too. I accidentally said I loved her the second time we hooked up and later that same night sat her down and explained I wasn’t thinking clearly. I really really like her but I am j it healthy enough to know love with her yet. And I didn’t want her to be the rebound. She was hurt and monkeybranch d away and back. And away and back I was slowly healing and then hit a major life roadblock that would ultimately consume majority of my time and mental space for the next 5 years. I had to suddenly handle so much. My mom died, had other kid in custody case, this ex then got pregnant and my other ex came back. It lasted 4 months and she bailed again I was hurt again, and she swooped in and saved me. So to say. She felt the savior call. And even though I resisted I slowly became co depending on her for many things. She offered her garage to store my stuff while I had to move north for work and stuff, I still drove down nearly daily but had to live up north most nights and work days. Lots of driving. But when I couldn’t come down she would get needy and use sex as an tool etc. it just man: then my custody battle with the ex became tied to visits with her and our daughter and she started to resent me. And I felt it; I resented her at times too. No amount of effort talking ever solved the fights. Fight space come back be physical recharge rinse and repeat. She monkey branched and I flirted and sought validation in texting girls. I got some from guy friends too, but as a product of sexual abuse, I feel most seen and validated if someone things I’m attractive or would be intimate with me. Just hearing that boosts me and I usually would leave it there. That’s not healthy either. Long story shorter, I had been making more effort to our relationship the last couple years as custody case settled and the cloud over my ex narc disappeared it left a calm she didn’t know how to handle either. And I don’t know what else to say other than she pulled away again and continued to appear available, despite being there 3-4 days a week overnight and having my kids over on weekends and family trips there was really no sign I lived there or my other kids were there except a single picture of the kids. None of us or of me or really any decorating or any of it. It never really felt like home, but I was told I was needed more and more. My time. If I was at home she would call or text and want my attention, which became needier too. I didn’t have time to work on my own joke issues which is also bare. She and the kids never came to my house except the first year I moved when I was able to stay in a reallly nice cabin on a lake with my job. But once I had to settle into smaller less spacious digs of my own she stopped coming. So while I began to beg her to take a day to come stay with me stay in my bed now and again, and it just never happened. Over years. So that should be my sign of many. What is it though. What type of person would go through so much with me too, and just keep going even when I’ve called it out and slowed it downZ. To tell me no it’s real no it’s just stupid love no it’s just you only want you. And how swiftly it becomes I just grew out of love because I got tired of throwing it at you and you rejecting me. And I’m liked. I stopped rejecting the love, I rejected the love bombing and the jealousy and rage and anger. I however did accept your love. And told you back and began to show you more and more as I healed only to also be hurt and discover your own infidelities yearly nearly. To be held to such a standard when I was openly grieving and wounded only to realize that she was doing so much behind the scenes whenever I would be away working on me or living my life. I gave up so much to build my life around her and her house as my family gathering space and our connection with our daughter. I tried to do the things she liked and watched as kayaks and bikes and boats all became a me only thing. Until I quit then too because it wasn’t fair of fun to go alone. Let alone I Have 2 older kids who live in a different city entires who’ve always been a package with me. I am so exhausted just trying to live my best life work as little as I can while making as much as I can so I have the time and energy to be a good dad, to all my kids, and a good partner. And in the end this wasn’t enough. And even when I hold myself accountable for my own actions that made this just as messy it hurts. Because I truly never intended to leave my committed and loved relationship I just never learned a healthier validation tool before it was too late.
Lol not being in a relationship before isn’t an issue some cultures like in Asia and Middle East dating isn’t a norm, some do date privately. Divorce rates usually are lower there too. It’s a collective culture they believe in staying together and sticking together. I think for us Western culture it’s an individualized belief, high independence so we don’t try to fix an issue at home or work we jump to the next, it’s a major issue.
🤙
that's for real I wish I would have slowed it down I think that was the problem thanks good advice.☺️
Elliott you’re awesome. Great information!
Thank u for these videos
Great Content ! Very smart!
This was good
Nailed it
Sounds like my last relationship to a T
Same!