How to Tell If a Guy Is Love Bombing You (3 Ways to Find Out)
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- Опубликовано: 26 авг 2024
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I’ve heard this story so many times before . . .
You go on a date with a guy and instantly, you feel a strong connection. What was supposed to just be drinks turns into dinner, which turns into a 12-hour affair. When you do eventually part ways, you look down at your phone and find a message sitting in your inbox saying, “Can I see you tomorrow?”
You feel amazing.
Over the next few weeks, it’s a whirlwind. He wants to spend every waking minute together, he’s outspoken about his feelings for you, and upon waking, you always have a “Good morning, gorgeous!” text waiting for you.
He may even go so far as to introduce you to his friends and family . . . or say those three little words that so many others have struggled to say to you in the past . . .
It’s intense and fast, but it feels so good that you just let the romance sweep you off your feet.
Overnight, your life has turned into one of those romantic movie montages that show the highlight reel of a perfect relationship, except instead of the montage spanning a year or two, it’s hitting those milestones after a few weeks.
And then, of course, it happens . . . something feels wrong, the communication slows down, he starts to pull away, and before you know it, he vanishes completely.
You’re left dazed, shellshocked, and wounded-fully relating to the term “love bombing” and wondering if any of it was even real.
If this sounds familiar, then this video is for you as I share 3 tests that will help you spot a love bomber.
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I recently dated a guy who I realised was a love bomber. He was really intense and very expressive about how much he liked me. And I fell for him and ended up investing and contributing to the intensity and the pace we were going. And just when I thought we were headed to somewhere serious, he texted me that things were going too fast and that he wasn't emotionally ready for a relationship. Essentially making it seem as if i was the one who love bombed him and not the other way around. But he insisted he still wanted to see me just not for anything too serious. I told him I couldn't see him without a lack of clarity of where things are going and we haven't spoken since (it's been two weeks). I feel so bamboozled. I'm happy i cut things off but that's the danger with people who show their love too quickly; they can change their feelings too quickly also.
Good for you for telling him that you wouldn’t see him due to a lack of clarity about where things are going in the relationship. That shows a good deal of self awareness and self respect. Stay the course.
Good on you hun
Hoping you're feeling better and have had some healing take place. I rarely comment on videos, but I felt this one. Same thing happened to me, as a guy. She came in, love bombed and moved so quickly. I fell for her, invested and contributed to the intensity only to be told at the end, "she was a huge fan of mine, but couldn't be with me." She was so eager to tell me why and insisted that we meet so she could tell me but I wasn't giving her that closure. She moved on, 2.5 weeks later, after just telling me in a 6 mo. relationship days before that she wanted to be with me for forever. I'm still dazed, hurt and confused 4 mos. later.
@@Chris-tg3qy good comment, stating the line is powerful and weeds out the weak ones.
@@whodatgeek the person who did this to you has many/multiple issues you may or may not have been exposed to. This happened to me in the past so I've done research more so to sort through my own feelings, just like the ones you're having. A lot of people with attachment issues, abandonment issues, ptsd, etc (these are simply to name a few, not saying it's her cause of her behavior) will make impulsive decisions (love bomb) and then only think about the rational factors later. They ignore the logistics and go with their feelings only. This is a problem because if you ignore the compatibility of a relationship, for example, and you simply feel the butterflies, you're going to ignore the fact that someone worth YOUR while would NEVER do something like that to you. I assume you would NEVER do something like that to someone you love so why are you aching over someone who would? The truth is your aching and confused because you FELT for them. But if someone asked you if you would be with a person who behaved the way she did you would immediately say "no." the problem is that you dove in without really getting to know the person. This isn't just your fault, they showed you what they wanted you to see and fooled you into thinking you could safely place your emotions in them when, truth is, you shouldnt have trusted your feelings with them. we have to be weary of what people do or say because they generally have their own interests at heart. Ive realized I was grieving the way I FELT for the person. Their personality, yelling me they loved me, wanted a life with me AKA the fairytale, not reality of what the situation is. they made me feel soo good. Until they didn't. Unfortunately... What you're feeling now is the reality of how they would have made you feel in time. Because that's what they're capable of. That's who they are. Not this fantasy of what you thought they were. I've been through it so many times. And you know that you ignore your voice saying "this is too soon, it's not possible to love someone after a month" but because it FEELS good we go for the instant high. If they were meant to be good for you, you'd still be with them. You may never find out WHY they did it and that's a tough pill to swallow. But trust me when I say this, this Pain will help you realize and remember your worth. The right person for you will cradle your heart and never break it. Don't forget that. The right person would NEVER walk away like her. You just have to remember your worth,and you're worth way more than someone walking away. Give it time. It's the only Medicine. I don't wish heartbreak on anyone but you deserve better. Don't let this experience make you cynical to love either. Don't give them that power. You simply havent found the right fit, and when you do, like a good shoe, you won't have to force it. Sending hugs and love. I know you're in pain. Hang in there. It will be ok. ❤️
Lol...I remember briefly dating a guy who confessed after we broke up that he starts every relationship thinking she's his future wife. Then slowly he discovers she's not it, so he pulls away over time until he breaks up with them. It was ridiculous! I did the inner work to make sure I repel those kinds of men.
@April Vermillion Yikes, this sounds exactly like my last relationship!! 😬
Glad you’re able to laugh about your experience now and that you’re in a much better place 😃
My last relationship also only lasted a few months but apparently after our first date, he went home and told his family that he’d met his wife! Thing is, he ONLY told me this the night he broke up with me 🤨, because apparently he didn’t want to be ending things and having the breakup conversation. No idea if he’s ever felt that way about any other woman. He’s younger and less experienced than me and I got the impression that he’d never felt that way about anyone else…but honestly, who knows!
I go over and back in my mind about whether I was lovebombed by him or if he was just younger, insecure and had me on a pedestal.
Either way, like you, I’ve really worked on myself since then and I’m much more confident, secure and assertive now 🙂
Yeah best thing to tell yourself is it’s not me it’s him. Don’t be to hard on yourself
Hey, I dated one of those. When after date 1 he found out I was talking to other men, he got all worked up. The rant included bits like "it's fine, this has happened to me thousands of times" and "I always think 'now I finally have someone' and then...". 🤦🏼♀️
I am also doing the inner work now 🙂
Thats adhd for you. Or human behaviour. You repelling it is simply you not admitting to your own human behaviourxD? The truth hurts.
Are you successfull in repelling these kind of guys totally?
Any time a man came on too strong, or didn’t accept a no, I ran. They weren’t actually interested in me as a person. I was a conquest. No thank you. Been married a long time now. Whew.
People who love bomb are not always narcissists. Sometime it is anxious attachment. I know that from my own experience. I have anxious attachment and I rush into everything. I am working on this on therapy. This video was super helpful!
True glad you have therapy now and I suspect my ex has anxious attachment style too rather narcist, he do love bomb me on early days of relationship because afraid of rejection and want to be enough.
Yes, I knew weeks ago a person that has a very clear anxious attachment that is love bombing me. He really suffers, he is obsessed and anxious thinking about an idealization he has made of me. I told him from the begining we can just be friends. He tries to respect those boundaries but he can't always do it. I told him about the anxious atachment, the fact that he doesn't really know me, that he is idealizing me, not in love with me, and that he could use some therapy. He seems to be a good person so I try to help him but without letting him to absorbe me. I really would like to be his friend and have a healthy relationship with him but it doesn't rely on me. If he doesn't go to therapy I think he will never have a real connection with a real person, and there are a lot of persons that are going to abuse of his fear of rejection and abandonment.
Good for you! That's a big step💯
They want the feeling, not the relationship
Great sentence! That stroke me
Thank you for your videos!
Everyone wants the feeling. Even the ones that want the relationship. I've never seen anyone saying "oh yes I want to be with you but I don't want the feeling of falling in love".
@@manuelsilva6244 oh please 🙄 it’s obvious you know? I don’t understand why you needed to write a comment like that. Matthew didn’t mean in that way, he simply wanted to say that you should pay attention to the people who want the good feelings and when they’re gone they go look for other feelings. They’re the ones who don’t understand what it feels like to be in a committed relationship, the nice feelings die after a while, and then you gotta put a lot of effort to love them. There are people who don’t understand this and Matthew is talking about them
@@ChocoParfaitFra Totally agree with you👍
Narcissists always use love bombing before devalue and then discard...
You described my ex, hands down. I was 19 and didn’t have any concept of what love bombing was. I met him at work, and he definitely told me he loved me after only about the second or third time we hung out. All the compliments, attention, all of it felt so unnatural and contrived because I felt like he didn’t really know me yet. He’d tell me I was an amazing partner when I knew I wasn’t - I didn’t have the mental or emotional energy to keep up with these antics.
He would often ignore my requests for time apart or space, by just showing up at my house and either hanging out with my family or mowing the lawn. That left me in a position where everyone else in my life thought he was great and I felt like I didn’t have an escape.
I truly believe he suffered from issues like you described in the video. He was very egotistical and wanted to appear as the type of guy who could get girls and sustain relationships. It was almost so he could prove a point to himself and to the world. But when you’re the partner of a guy like that, it feels incredibly miserable because you’re made to feel guilty for not being able to reciprocate that level of unnatural, premature affection. Every bit of it feels uncomfortable. I don’t think he was an evil person, but definitely had some unresolved issues going on.
It sounds like he had an anxious attachment style, and it might be that you have either a secure or avoidant-fearful attachment style.
Thanks for sharing. 😊
Trauma. We all have it, inherited ancestral patterns and so much more. We need to heal and not be in denial but not everyone does the work
For fucksake that’s not a comment, that’s thesis right there 🤣🤣🤣
Sounds like you described my ex.
Spot on!
My ex told me he loved me 2 weeks into dating, bought me expensive gifts, wanted to rush living together. The love bombing lasted for exactly 90 days to get me hooked and then I saw the real him.
Same thing happened to me! The intense love bomb lasted 90 days and then stopped dead.
It's extremely difficult to convince friends and family that there is something really off about a love bomber. Everyone only sees the outward appearance of love and care but no one sees or believes how empty it is beneath the veneer.
Omg I'm going through the same thing.
Don't worry about convincing anyone. As long as you know what it is- and you're completely right- that's all that matters.
People see it…saying I love you after a month to get you in bed. Friends see it.
I just want to meet a man that isn't toxic or a narcissist. 🙆♀️
You’ve met plenty. No go ask one of the boring ones that you actually like as a person on a date
There's plenty of non toxic men out there passing you by you just don't want them. There's the trash men needing a good woman but women so picky.
yeah i want to meet a women that isnt narcissist and opsessed with media
Nothing wrong with being picky. Most guys aren't worth the time of day. Guys seem to think they're owed something from women.
@@tastelikechinahadababyandn9928
Yess :(
I just dated a narcissist. The love bombing in the beginning was unreal. It was terrifying 😓
He said *“love you”* after our first phone call. The SAME day we met. 😬 like an idiot I stayed with him for 1.5 years. It was depressing. He ended up being a stalker after the breakup.
Needed 2 restraining orders to get rid of him.
😳😳😳😳😳😳😳 Yikes!
When someone doesn’t take NO for an answer, they are trying to control you!
I think I did this myself in small ways- love bombing. Not intentionally, but in dating a few guys who were love bombing, I started thinking that bahaviour was normal. So I in turn over invested too quickly when it was unearned because I was used to that behaviour from guys. Live and learn. And I have definitely learned. I love the tips on how to tell if someone is love bombing.
Same here
I feel I might have done the same. Glad I saw this video.
Its ok. Its human behaviour.
You gaslit yourself
Men typically fall in love around after the 2nd or 3rd date. Women take longer to evaluate their partner. Because of insecurities and pickiness it takes about 7 dates to fall in love for women. So I think the guys were totally normal, especially if there were several do you really think all these guys were narcissistic love bombers? Like what's the chance? Maybe you just can't believe that men find you so attractive.
“Invest in who invests in you” and the ensuing explanation would have saved me decades of bad relationships- knowing that investing in someone on the basis of how much *I liked them* was the biggest mistake from the beginning has set off so many lightbulbs in me. Mind blown with such a simple statement.
If everyone only invested in people that invested in them no one would invest in anyone silly thing to say
@@Kyzzeh No, it isn’t, it depends on what you think ‘investing’ is; there’s the initial phase of *investigation* (which all intelligent investors do if they know the territory, it’s called ‘due diligence’) and this would be the initial phase of the relationship- getting to know the individual, finding out about them, taking the time to get a good understanding of who they are, how they think, what they’re like under pressure etc. These are all things that financial investors will take the time to do when they’re thinking about investing in a new startup, or company, or anything that they’re thinking of putting their funds into. If we look at our ENERGY, TIME AND ATTENTION as ‘funds’ or ‘capital’ (instead of money) then we need to be doing our due diligence (which does NOT pay us back immediately, btw, we don’t make money on that but we can SAVE a LOT of loss by doing it).
So there’s the inquiry phase (“what do I need to know in order to know this will be a good INVESTMENT”) and then there’s the INVESTMENT ITSELF, actually choosing to go ahead. Too many women are programmed culturally to continue into the investment phase when the investigation phase keeps showing them red flags left, right and centre and then they wonder why things go so badly.
I’ve been love bombed twice in my life. My husband was a classic narcissist and I didn’t realize it until it was way too late. I actually left him three times and he got me back each time with his flowery language and grand gestures. Then in 2020, he passed away from cancer. Later that year I met yet another narcissist and we “dated” for about three months. He love bombed me by taking me out on dates and paying each time. He would cook me fancy dinners, hold my hand, say the sweetest things. He even told me that he loved me (one month in). I quickly found out that he was seeing other women the whole time. I then broke it off and haven’t seen or spoken to him since. I finally am in a healthy relationship with a man who is not a narcissist. We were friends many years ago and reconnected after he and his wife split up.
I’m glad you got your happy ending 💕 enjoy it !
I want a happy ending like you ❤
Taking you out on dates and paying for it is not love bombing. Most men are required to do that when getting to know a woman. To me that's the bare minimum they can do
Exactly.
@@ToniaAlex13 I don't think you realize what narcissm is. Agree that dinner and paying for it IS the least they can do. But personality disorders are another level.
Anyone who tells you they love you within the first couple weeks is either manipulative or just deranged. I watch out for it like a hawk now.
This happened to me recently. Said they were falling in love, that they were in love with me and wanted a relationship and within 3 months they checked out overnight. I’ve never fallen in love like that before and they really hurt me more than they know or care. Thanks for the video, it’s soothing to understand what happened.
You’re so welcome 🙏
To me too. The difference is that he was never too flowery or something. He was just rough honest and sweet.
A few weeks down the road, I'm now ghosted (I know he's doing okay). It hurts 🥺. He's moved on. And stupidly, I just can't stop caring about it.
@@commutech6989 It's so hard, I feel you. So heartbroken. But we need to heal our wounds and move on, because someone really good seeking us.
@@commutech6989 a person worth your while would never treat you like that. You will be ok but only time will heal. Be kind to yourself. I've been there. It's rough. But you will be ok and the right person will organically happen. ❤️
It's often quite sinister too. A way to get another person vulnerable and easily manipulated and tormented. How many people are full on at the very beginning, then cool off and treat the other person cruelly as soon as they know that person 'in love' with them? Power and control.
It’s incredibly hurtful to have someone only “love you” until they actually get to know u… makes u feel like ur personality is unlovable
100% this.
The point of his words aren't meant to hurt anyone. What he is saying is absolutely true. How can someone love anyone that they really don't know.
If a person gets to someone and it is turns out it is not a good fit. Thst does NOT mean that you are a bad person OR unloveable.
It simply means that the two of you or both of your lifestyles and /or values are not compatible. To always personalize and feel that we are unlovable because we are not compatitable with someone else is an issue worth exploring.
I so relate to this. My ex didn’t even like me. It was all conditional
@@llou6834to be fair a relationship is conditional
Yeah. Reinforces that people will leave when they really know me.
As a guy, I enjoy these videos. In my younger years I enjoyed that love feeling and got confused when it all started to drop off. I did some work on myself and understand now how to trickle love out based upon actions, not what I want to feel. Great tips for guys and girls.
Appreciate you Adam
It’s a horrific thing to experience. This is what I learned. If someone puts you on a pedastool. 🚩. Cause the only thing that can happen is you will fall off
It’s more like they push you off of it
@@cyndijohnson5473 Lol. Yup
💯 Well said
And REALLY watch out for this in a long distance scenario. That's a perfect ground for this type of behavior because most of the time, all you HAVE is TALKING. Love bombing is mostly done with words, not actions. (Unless they are massively wealthy and can afford to send flowers daily or FedEx gifts constantly or whatever).
Someone was a talker, a great communicator love-bomber with me. We mostly talked for months and the "I love you" came after 2 weeks of great conversation. I was somewhere in the middle in terms of response, meaning, I knew it was ridiculous and too fast - but I ALLOWED myself to soak it all up because sure, it felt good. I'm human.
End of story, once I returned the sentiment after maybe 6 months (yes- I did NOT say the love word until 6 months after he started it), he started then breadcrumbing me and I finally blew up at him and ended it. I haven't heard from him now for almost a year. Pretty odd for someone who LOVES me so much, eh??? 🤔🙄
So YES - people CAN BE and ARE addicted to the game. To me its no different than a sex addict really - and often that love-bombing talk is pretty sexual in nature too (which is something most people like Matthew here on RUclips don't really address when talking about love-bombing, but it's a true part of it). Does the conversation turn intimate quickly too??? Huge red flag 🚩🚩🚩!!!
Anyway, it's SO easy now that I've been through it to spot it and as such, I'll NEVER even CONSIDER another long distance situationship again. Like I wrote above, it's the PERFECT scenario for someone like that to groom you into believing them without them having to have a REAL in-person relationship or have to put in any REAL work. It is absolutely true that talk without behavior backing it up is easy and cheap.
thanks-needed to hear this message
Grooming- exactly! Being love-scammed is humiliating & disturbing. But after a time or two of this BS, learning the hard way is a great life lesson 🤩😘
Omg same thing happened with me. He told me he loved me after only 3 days . He never wanted to video call me or have phone calls with me. ☹️
Hmmm I think there’s someone I’ve been talking to who’s doing this. Spoke to him and in about a week or so he said he’s in love with me. Lol
Definitely received this message! Thank you 🙏🏾
I’ve recently been loved bombed by an ex and he used our “old friend connection” as a reason, or excuse for his excitement towards me and our “getting back together”
He came in hard and fast! Swept me off my feet then BAM switched a flip and the next thing you know I was chasing after him. 3 months of hell!
Run! 🏃🏻♀️
A guy always did this and I got it so confused with love... It's so strong mental/physical and it really starts feeling like an addiction. You start relying on this person for that feeling. It's not normal especially when they're not consistent with how they treat you. Toxic cycle.
Excellent insight! The chemical/ hormonal changes in the brain feel so good that it IS a type of addiction that keeps you coming back to them for more 😬
But if you learn the other signs that inevitably come with it, and you love yourself, you’ll end it for good!
Displaying an "ultimate confidence" shows me that they likely have confidence to ultimately harm others.
WoW! I wish I'd had this video to guide me when I was in my 20s. I was love bombed by an abusive narcissist. You're correct that they are dangerous to be around.
A Love Bomber is a Love Terrorist.
Nobody wants you so stop lieing 😡
Yup, we have tons of youtubers making all these videos for the red flags in women, but what about men!? Countless young high school girls and girls in college, all of their 20s need videos like this to find the best man & not fall for too many traps, pitfalls than can hurt their mental health, emotional health, and even traumatize them for life with abusive & predatory men. Time wasted in bad unhealthy relationships is never regained ever again & only harms your life, a wise person learns from other mistakes instead of having to go through all of them themselves.
@@neltins5308 but you enjoy tho
if he wasnt diagnosed with NPD it is not a narcissist. narcissists are not dangerous. stop being ableist towards people with NPD.
Embarrassingly, I've recently realized this was a pattern of mine. This video has been really helpful in recognizing the pattern for myself. Matthew spoke about men like me with a sense of empathy and compassion.
I met a woman that checked all of those short term emotional boxes: chemistry, connection, desire and attraction. Which felt so rare! It felt mutual in the beginning. Unconsciously in my "excitement" I started to cling to an idea of her as a ticket to another chance at happiness.
Luckily within the first few months rather than years she ended the opportunity for a relationship. It was devastating at first but I am SO grateful. After years of working on myself and trying be a better partner, I FINALLY see this pattern for what it is. It has caused MANY years of pain and suffering for my partners and myself.
I thought that over expressing myself (insecurities and emotional impulses) was "modeling" how I wanted our relationship to be (how noble right?.) I thought that I was asserting my needs, but I was acting out of entitlement as if this stranger was already a "partner in the making."
I am grateful to have new eyes to pursue the healthy relationship I've been after for a long time. I'm also just so grateful to have avoided deeply hurting myself and another genuinely wonderful and kind person.
Some days I wish I had known before her, but i'm grateful to be able to do better next time.
Luckily there is a chance to be friends. Organically. A word that she pointed out very compassionately.
Thanks to this channel for helping me grow and speaking compassionately about what I needed to hear. Having ended relationships so broken it has weighed on me. I feel like I was gifted anothe chance.
That is very deep, bro. Keep it up!
@Rambo, John J. Thank you bud. I needed to hear that. 🙌🏽
@@jb7670
That sort of emotional intelligence is priceless.
It is something I am learning the HARD way, bro.
I did a year and a half with a woman whom I gave my heart and soul to, without earning it.
The worst part is, I’m pretty sure she is a fearful/dismissive avoidant, didn’t trust anyone (including her own family and “best” friends), and was a people pleaser to avoid conflict. For an entire year and a half I THOUGHT the entire relationship was rainbows and lollipops, but come to find out, she was simply not communicating, thus “not being honest”, and found out with a simple discard that “she didn’t see a future”.
This is after the girl told me MANY times “she didnt want us to have a big wedding”, “what kind of inexpensive ring she wanted”, and that “before she had a histerectomy, she wanted to have a baby with me and would have canceled the surgery has she gotten pregnant prior”.
It’s fucked up bro. Make THEM prove to US they are worthy.
@@rambojohnj.6117 I can really relate to that feeling of "I can be the ONE that she trusts."
Sorry you're going through such a rough time bud, I'm sure that's very difficult.
I'm not so sure that love can or should be "Earned" or "proven" I think in the past that has been the effect of past partner's lack of trust transferring onto me and therefore onto the person I'm dating. It's not really fair to put our responsibility for discernment on the shoulder of the other to prove to us our worthiness. If that makes sense?
I think, for myself at least, the next route to try is to trust that part of myself that is telling me "You've seen this before", "It doesn't matter how wonderful they are if you still feel this way." I think i need to stomach the reality that sometimes love and belonging needs to be put secondary to "finding the right next one." I imagine feeling a sense of belonging won't have to be fought for, it will just come more naturally. That means more rejection and more rejecting (two of the hardest things for me), but I believe it will be worth it.
Good luck John. WE got this. 💪❤
This is great stuff! As a woman, I really appreciate the raw honesty I hear ❤
I really think God brought this video to me cause it was just the perfect time. This guy from university reached out to me a month ago (we graduated two years ago, yes it's really suspicious). He's so intense, saying I'm "the queen of his heart", he's "in love with me", he "pictures the future with me", "I'm the ideal in terms of beauty" and all that nonsense. I told him three times to stop talking like this, he said okay, changed his behaviour for one day, and returned to the original settings from the next day on. This is so exhausting. I'm ending things with him. Thank you so much!
This is a really interesting topic. What we need to realise is, that it's perfectly healthy to show romantic interest in a person by complimenting them. It's a human tactic that's been used forever. Oh you look so handsome, so beautiful. You're smart, clever, witty, charming. It's just what we do. It's a type of investment that creates connection, interest. We are vein creatures and we know the best way to create rapport is through compliments. That's a pretty hard fact to throwaway easily.
The only way to know - at the time this is happening - whether it's the proverbial "love-bombing" which is ascribed as a narcissistic trait to reel-in the potential 'victim', or whether it's a person who really genuine wants to compliment you and get to know you better, is in their intent. And honestly, you will only ever be guessing - and sometimes you might be right , but often you will probably be wrong - in both directions. Only the narcissist knows why they are doing in it!
Of course the only other way to know whether it's love bombing or not, is with the benefit of hindsight. Because with a narcissist, after the love-bombing phase, there will be two further obvious phases. Next is 'devaluing', typically in the myriad forms of gas-lighting - either overtly or covertly. Followed by the 'discarding' phase, pushing you away when you don't give them what they need to thrive as a narcissist! Because both of these phases are obvious, only then can you ascribe the first phase of 'idealisation' - which is normal and healthy - as being exactly that i.e. normal and healthy, or as being "love-bombing".
There is no real way of knowing if it's love-bombing or healthy when it is happening. Every one compliments differently so you can't even say that the level of the compliment, or what's said in it, is an indicator of love-bombing, or just that person's way of complimenting you, as they see you.
One of the consistent ways of knowing if a person is a narcissist is if they show absolutely no empathy. And I think the acid test for this is if they regret leaving you or pushing you away. And they can say something like, 'Sorry' or 'I wasn't perfect' because narcissists never want to be wrong, and they don't want to be seen or thought of as imperfect.
Matthew does say this in the middle of this video though - props - that a narcissist will pretty much always 'not enter in to an adult type of conversation with you' , and they will invariably be 'quick to anger or other displays or outbursts of negativity and negative emotions' in order to stop a healthy discussion about things like how you feel!
I've looked at this a lot, studied it and researched it all a fair bit. Obviously this is just my conclusion. Please feel free to let me know why you think I'm wrong or right. I can use the feedback and opinions in my thesis. ;)
Appreciate your opinion thesis. It helped me. To see some hope in myself. Thanks.
@@toenytv7946 It is always good to work on hope, rather than react to fear. Glad to hear you got something out of it. :) Again, this is just my humble opinion ... and 'opinions', at the end of the day, really aren't worth much. LOL. :)
Appreciate your perspective on this. It’s a good point about mature conversations in this sense since some lovebombers are better than others at hiding the true intentions
Narcs are master manipulators. They adapt depending on who they’re with. Discernment is key as well as recognizing other red flags (mirroring/future faking)
Thank you! Just found validation for my feelings
I once dated someone who told me that every time he met a woman he "looked for fault" and would "walk away" if he found it. I told him that he was always going to live a life of disappointment, because no one is without flaws including me. He didn't listen. Three red flags in one short conversation.
In my opinion and from studying personality disorders, I believe that type of person is a "borderline-personality-disorder. Once you don't live to the fictitious character they've made you to be in their mind, they run. Any flaw or imperfection, they will loose interest. They put you on a pedestal and also "love-bomb" and then, any indication you're imperfect, because were all human, we aren't perfect, they will either make you work harder for the relationship to prove yourself, or just leave completely. They realize you cannot save them from their selves. They got mental problems.
A lot of narcissists do that too, but they don’t move onto the next one, unfortunately they stay and make you crazy
I had a boyfriend once who was constantly adoring me for every single thing I did. Zero critical thinking. Like that sweet, cute, clingy girl from "Coming to America" style. In Poland we say that "you can pet the cat to the death." It felt overwhelming and suffocating. I have never felt so much freedom when I broke with him. It was the best decision ever.
Love bombing within the first three months and then going cold is a tell tale sign of classic narcissistic behavior. Inconsistent hot and cold behaviour is another. However insecure, co dependant or love addicted ppl are not necessarily narcissists although unhealthy. I found toxic or un healthy love behaviour is like putting the cart before the horse so to speak, an intense unsustainable whirlwind that burns out as fast as it ignited. A Real connection feels comfortable and is sustainable. Mutual reciprocity is key to a balanced union imho. Excellent points, Thank you 4 keeping it real 😎 Invest in Who invests in You is Brilliant 💥
This is true word by word. If you have been lucky enough not to be targeted by a love bomber/ narcissist yet, take notes and save yourself🤷🏻♀️
Its called NARCISSISM
Absolutely spot on! The intensity of feelings towards me from this guy never made sense, too much way too soon. Obviously a textbook love bomber! I walked away before I even saw your video because it didn't make sense, it was always about how being with me made him feel, and never about any real interest in me. Now I know there is actually a name for such people! Thank you!
🙏♥️
Omg i needed this video so much!!
I met this guy literally a week ago and the first day we talked a lot about ourselves, our lives; it was just normal ordinary conversation. Then on day 2 he started calling me his princess or smth like that and saying that talking to me makes him rly happy and that he feels a connection. I was like aww thats sweet but kinda weird since we didn’t talk abt anything special, plus it’s only been 2 days. And then on day 3 the love bombing started… no more asking me about my life, trying to get to know me, just long paragraphs about how I’m his world, how he’s never met a girl like me, how he thinks we’re soulmates, how i make him the happiest man on Earth, how im the most beautiful girl in the world (even tho he’s only seen like one snapchat filter selfie of me🤣). And then on day 6 he started talking abt how our families should meet and how he wants to meet my parents.
I came forward and said that this is all rly sweet but ur moving a bit too fast, why dont we get to know each other more. He said ok ok and then just a couple minutes later continued again with the love bombing….
Matthew I have been following you for years and even though I am now in a healthy relationship with the man of my dreams. I still love watching your videos because I remember feeling lost dating and getting mixed messages and going through the hurt/pain of being rejected or having the low level effort guys who "just want to have fun." It was not fun but you helped me through it and I so appreciate you!!
I fall in love with a guy who was like this 💔he broke my heart. I stopped talking. Still trying to heal from this. 😒🦋
If I’m honest, I’ve saved a few of your videos because they describe me and my relationship mentality..so anytime I feel low or some type of way I watch them and give myself a reality check so I don’t do something stupid based on a fleeting feeling/emotion
I needed this video years ago but still so grateful for it now. I especially appreciate the distinction between a malicious love bomber versus one that is insecure and just was looking for that deep connection too quickly or someone who is just very romantic. I used to really empathise with those ones because I could see they really thought they meant it. But I needed this reminder that I need to protect myself and be with someone who is not projecting ahead but really taking the time to know me. Thank you. This is one of my favourite videos. The invest in someone that invests in you rule is golden! 🌟💜🌻
Its just adhd. Relax. Love and hate is simply caring for someone
So true! My ex love bombed me at the beginning and after just one month we lived together for three years, then he desappeared suddenly with no explanation. He discarded me for another victim and later I discovered it was one of my friends. We have to pay attention!
Narcissists love to have relations with your friends. It is a thing with them.
Talked to a guy online… he said he wanted a relationship with me… before the first date … hadn’t met him yet
Wow! You nailed it! Ended a 3 1/2 year relationship that started with love bombing. 6 months out of it and I know I was a prime target for his narcissistic ways.
I see way too many women calling their ex narcissistic. Most of this people are not narcissistic they are just not giving much on the relationship. Don't use this terms so loosely
@@manuelsilva6244 I love that you feel the need to police language and labels. Very insightful and may be true. But my ex is narcissistic in every way. Checks off every box as well as been observed by over 30 years. Anyone in his wake are lucky to be out alive and is on law enforcements radar. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
@@manuelsilva6244 its just called infatuation.You cannot meet the demands of love when you're infatuated with someone. We take psychology way too seriously these days
@@manuelsilva6244 I see way too many people not taking narcissism seriously. Why is that? We live in a very narcissistic society, so it's very common, unfortunately.
Good video! Remember some narcissists (and sociopaths) take it 2 steps further: 1) they start devaluing you -- subtlely at first -- and then constantly, and then 2) they do everything they can to DESTROY you before they move on to the next target. People need to be very careful with relationships and their hearts. These people can steal your soul if you're not careful.
They pretty much destroyed your self esteem before they move on.
These are the 1st red flag stages of a narcissistic abuser too... be mindful of that intensity so quickly .
Mathew!!! Thank you so much. This describes my ex boyfriend. I used to confuse love bombing with love. You just answered my question. This explains why he pushed my limits and didn't listen. Also why he "harmlessly" talked to other women...
Hi. Did your ex flirt with people in his life and women online? I'm going through something like that now
@@chriswest7639 I caught him doing it online. But then he would tell me about his co workers and shady stuff that made me suspect that he would flirt or let women flirt with him. And when I wpuld get upset, he'd love bomb me swearing he loved me and tell me there was no one else. Then he would talk about other women like his ex girlfriends which I had asked not to but would not stop doing it.. just to give a few examples.
@@DiMPath thankyou so much for your reply. It's so messy. I have built the strength to walk away. It's too toxic otherwise.
@@chriswest7639 My heart is with you. You are brave and trust me, it will get better. First weeks are the hardest. You are worthy of real love. I wish you a very transformative healing journey.
@@DiMPath to some people flirting with others is completely fine. I've seen men and women being ok with it when they are dating. You are just a person who likes to have more control in the relationship. But be careful to not be toxic yourself and over controlling. It's a fine line.
I have never dated due to intense trauma. But I have had men come up to me and ask me out. I would tell them I wanted to be friends first, and they would get mad at me and say things like, "I don't to be friends." Watching this a lightbulb came on for sure!
This totally happened to me with getting to know a guy. I felt pressure to do more and spend more time with him than I was comfortable with and was surprised how he pushed my boundaries. He kept changing plans and expecting me to over accommodate him when I barely knew him. But I stayed strong in my boundaries. He was ok with it in the end, but some things felt off and I feel a little weirded out now. So thank you for this. For sure staying strong in my boundaries and trusting my gut. Thanks 😊
This happened to my friend. Within a year of meeting, they were married, had a house and a baby. Then he started getting cranky and things went downhill quickly because he was abusive to her and no matter what she did it wasn't good enough. She spent years in a custody battle and now refuses to date or be in any relationship for fear of attracting the same type of man. Great video
OH my god you spoke straight to me! I have had someone do this to me, and he left me after he drained me and promptly did this again and apparently has done this many times before. You feel like a queen when they treat you like this but you realise something is off after it's way too late and your too far gone. Unreal. Great video!
I think I'm a victim of this right now. My boyfriend made our relationship move fast with commitment etc. I'm feeling drained by his intensity and I have told him I didn't want this much pressure right now. Be so careful not to allow this
Same he got mad when I suggested we take things slow when I first met him, it was soooo weird I should’ve walked away that same day
I hope you ended things with him
How did you deal with it together? I've been told I am too intense by the one I love. I want to make him comfortable but also sometimes I neglect my own needs.
I was in a relationship w someone when a former relationship swooped back in with grandiose expectations of being the current relationship. I caught on real quick, thankfully intuition kicked in! Moral of my story is it’s not always someone you’ve just met, can be a past relationship that just won’t give up.
That would be the ‘hoovering’ phase, where they sweep you up again after a much earlier rejection (as it applies to narcissism)
Never dealt with it but I’ve been guilty of being a love bomber, took a lot of soul searching and therapy to realize what I was doing and how I was acting. Very unfair and unhealthy for both of us. I still have regrets about it to this day.
That’s so incredible you are saying this. I hope this happens to more guy and gals, so that there are more real relationships.
I agree with Marni- if you truly are doing this work that’s incredible-
Good luck with your growth!
I just realized I'm a love bomber. What I seek the most is a relationship.. but it does happens like said in the video.. I fall in love for an ideal and when I start to know the real person I find myself disappointed. I don't know what to do now that I got this information about me!!! Be a love bomber hurts me so much... A big list of falitures and broken hearts
Collin please help me. How do I know if I am doing that or being genuine? I am VERY confused
@@kitkat129 if you love somebody, you will accept....i felt in love,,,but i see the real person but i love him
Absolutely it's a red flag if they're too confident. I run a mile. Now I understand why
i know there are both female and male narcissists, but why do I feel the majority of people who i felt have a serious insecurity issue with potentially malignant narcissistic traits are men? Even when they look so charming and confident at first, i over and over saw these patterns in men. Is it just because i am a woman or men are more prone to serious psychological issues?
biased opinion since im a woman myself, but i typically feel women are more emotionally mature than men and more in tune with themselves. men tend to struggle more with this emotional insight
Well love bombing is usually followed by dismissive behavior, a day of silence, excuses as to why they were out of range, claim that nothing has changed then they suck u right back in. Run
Because of you, I realized that’s what happened to me. Met his parents and he met mine over the weekend then 3 days later he broke up with me. Still working through it but I’m starting to see much clearer as each day goes by. Now I know what to look out for and what to do.
You gotta love Yourself first, and try to see behind the what the guy's intentions are, his actions matter. In my opinion, sadly there are many corrupted men in this world, it is because our society broken, and majority of men are raised to have a specific kind of view on women
Talking with guy Tell me of his feelings then he asked for me to help him, I immediately thought he was a user
Watched this video on loop as I tend to be fall into the hands of love bombers a lot. Currently speaking to at least two love bombers and this video makes so much sense.
Matt's exact words/ Reminders for myself and for others..
Test # 1: Is the level of attention you are getting from this person organic to where you are actually at with this person? (At this stage, how they say they feel cannot possibly be personal on the deepest level because they do not know us on the deepest level. The danger with the projection like this is we are not safe. Their feelings are not based on real connection. It is based on something they want to feel. It will not be until they actually get to know us that we will know if that feeling is sustainable or not. ... While what you are experiencing from them might be an indicator of how they are feeling right now, is not a good predictor of whether that feeling is going to last once they actually get to know you.... When someone moves at an inorganic pace, it does not necessarily mean they are a love bomber. But if you are starting to feel uneasy about the pace of things, there is a way you can confirm if they are a love bomber with)
Test # 2: Do they react badly when you try to slow it down? (If you say to them, "Hey I like you, I'm having a great time. But I feel like this is a little fast for me or I want to get to know you a little better before that or before we do some of the things you are suggesting or I have other things I am doing this week, but I'd love to see you on Saturday." how do they react. Do they get angry, frustrated or not listen? Bad sign because they want a feeling; they are not in the market for a real relationship which is built on listening to someone and built on an organic progression of getting to know each other better. They are like a junkie wanting their fix. To them "Don't get in the way of my fix and if you do you're going to be the target of my frustration and my anger.")
Test # 3: Do they apply the rule of INVEST ON WHO INVESTS IN YOU? (If they continue with their love offensive of bombarding you with their grandiosity and their big words and their big gestures in spite of fact that you are not giving the same to them, then it's not the result of a genuine, mutual connection. It's them trying to get something... Imagine when a guy approaches a woman cold... for most men that's a little scary. It's not the easiest thing in the world. It's very normal, natural thing for a guy to feel some fear about approaching someone because he doesn't want to get rejected. The kind of guy who goes through life brazenly approaching everyone with zero fear, it could be seen as ultimate confidence or it could be seen as a sign of level of detachment, an ability to see someone as a target. It's just about the result, but "I don't even care if I get rejected because I'm not even connected to it in that way."
Thank you Matt for today's masterclass!! Love you.
I am so thankful for my loving and wonderful husband…. I’ve certainly dealt with my share of “frogs” along the way. Single ladies who might be reading the comments: love yourself first, invest in yourselves, focus on your goals, and trust your intuition. The right One for you will come to you when the time and energy in your life is right. 💕
That's beautiful. 💝 I am single and, I'm doing everything you say and hoping for the right person, one day😌❣️
I learned what love bombing was last year while dating a firefighter. Man he was an asshole! So glad that’s over! He taught me a very valuable lesson to stay far tf away from men like him! I definitely did and know all the signs now. So happy to have met my amazing boyfriend this year too. Everything with him was reciprocal and an equal investment of time and energy. I’m blessed now, Amen 🙏🏾🙌🏾
As both my parents were narcissists, love bombing was natural to me. So I used to fall for guys who did it, and I did it myself. I always felt uncomfortable with it, but I didn't know anything else. Now, I am finally learning to listen to my gut feelings, to build up things more slowly and be more concentrated on the person instead of getting rid of my insecurity. As you say, it's not always because of malicious intent.
I'm guilty of step 3 I'm always investing in someone who doesn't invest in me to the point I bail out of the relationship to save myself.
I am the same. I am working on that
That's me right now ☹️
Funny how it all starts off differently. Seen this a few times. And rather frustrating. Maybe a honeymoon stage video should be done about commitment and what was put into the relationship by both parties. Honesty would be key in understanding this phenomenon.
So true all of it Thank you.yes it’s a major red flag of a toxic person who isn’t capable of being in a healthy relationship.when ur insecure and codependent it’s easy to fall for this nonsense and not be aware of it.
You’re welcome Linda 🙏
This is very good though. "If I get you to fall in love with me easily, you will do the things that I crave and the feeling I want to get. If I get you to fall in love with me then I get to feel awesome". That's good stuff.
I'm late to this conversation. Thank you for this video. I'm sitting with fear and intrepidation. I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and trauma. I've been doing years of deep healing and inner work. I met a charming European guy, organically as I was floating about town on errands. He was very persistent even when I said quite convincingly, "No thank you I have a boyfriend."( I don't. But I usually say this to strangers. I'm cautious.) It should have been a red flag that he didn't graciously bow out, but insisted that we go out. He was slightly intriguing and easy on the eyes. So I agreed to meet him at my local coffee shop for 1 hour a week later. Part of my healing journey, is easing into dating with safe people. Trusting myself, honoring my boundaries, listening to myself and others. I kept our date light and cerebral: books, current events, hobbies, our home towns. When I found out he was 19 years younger than me, I was honest about how that was too much of an age gap. I genuinely thought he was older. He honestly assumed I was much younger which I hear a lot. I thanked him for a nice get together, gave him a slight peck on the lips, a quick hug and firmly ended the date. He tried to make me 'promise' to see him later in the week. He kept insisting that he give me a ride home. I just kept saying, No, no, no. I didn't want him seeing my apartment. And I was not available. I do not want to date him and I clearly said that more than once. Imagine how freaked out I felt when the next day he bombed me with 24 massively long text messages about how much he loved me. I was THE ONE. He couldn't stop thinking about me. He was moving to LA for me ( he lives in Italy mostly). He ignored every thing I said about how overwhelming, frightened and uncomfortable I felt by all the things he was saying. He didn't know me at all. How could you fall so deeply in love within an hour??? With a total stranger??? 😦 Can I just say, sometimes love bombers can be mentally unstable. This guy said so much that clearly showed me that he was in a fantasy land. I saved his texts and shared this with my therapist and circle of friends. Just incase. I'm praying he's not a stalker or an obsessive maniac. 😞
Did you block him? You need to!
I like what you said about the man ignoring your protestations and realizing that it meant he was in a fantasy land. Have experienced love bombing & it's like they aren't hearing at all when someone says it's too much. It's like they have this idea about a person and can't deviate from it.
I'm sorry for what happened to you when you was a little girl, and I sympathize with You. I have had my fair share of trauma, as well. I hope you are doing well. And, also I realize that an age gap can be a pretty big thing. And, that is many years difference and he is Young. We just have to be so careful nowadays and choose wisely, for sure.
I actually met a love bomber last year. & yes at the end of the relationship you will be end up confuse. He was the most kind, loving person I know until he realized I wasn’t the ideal girl he painted on his head. When I got sick & the first doctor I talk to was saying i might not have children. He devalue me really fast, said mean things towards me to our mutual friend. Blocking my number & becoming disrespectful. Watch out there’s quite a few people like that. Treating human as something not someone.
Am so sorry baby girl his lose...had one ghost me right when l thought he was the one
I've been love bombed. It's as painful as Matthew describes it. I've been processing through my emotions around it. I'm not angry with the love bomber I know why he did it. It was definitely an unhealthy relationship in hindsight.
Same here.
I'm trying to avoid these horrible habits, and I'm thankful for these videos. Gives me insight on how to be a better person and partner.
I dated a love bomber. Still have PTSD about guys persuing me, even the healthy ones. I'm doing the work to work it out
Happened to myself and am still trying to recover! A very cruel thing to do to anyone ☹️
You are missing the point that love bombing is very often the first fase of a violent relationship. So the man dont leave after love bombing fase, actually he stays and changes dramatically from love to violence
I had someone who loved bomb me. He was playing with my emotions. Wanted me to meet his parents, friends, and etc. but never took my on a date which I asked for. I would tell him about my issues with my dad and he wasn’t listening. Hold my hand in public and told me he “love” me. Within the two months span. I asked him yesterday “What are we?” He got so defensive told me I’m a flag for wanting to be his gf. I let him go. Healing from this.
I needed to this video. Love bombers do break people's hearts. This happens to be 2 months ago. He moved on to the next best thing. I was left to work on myself. It moved sooooo fast. I did everything he needed to make sure he was happy and it was not good enough. The moment there was some conflict , he ran. Matthew....you were right. He didn't take no for an answer when I didn't want to date him at the beginning
I love this video and concept! These totally apply to new friends and even business partners! I’ve met a couple of ladies who told me how awesome and beautiful I was, one even saying she was “obsessed” with me, when we first met. Both of those new “friendships” fizzled out so quickly and now I’m better at recognizing the signs. Even myself, I’ve grown up being a bit of a love bomber and am learning to invest as much as people invest into me- and slow the heck down when we dont seem to clique- or even when we do. Just reminding myself that I’m still getting to know people when its only been a few weeks or even months! Cheers everybody
Rushing things is also a way of distracting you from things you might discover about them if you were given enough time.
💯💯
Yes, after hooked they became emotionally unavailable. When I broke it off-he said but I washed your car. We can go on a trip! Really!
What he said about a guy who approaches woman after woman without emotion really hit me. I had a boyfriend who I started dating because I liked how he confidently approached and pursued me. The first few months were great but then I noticed him flirting with other women. It bothered me and we talked about it but he couldn't stop so we ended our relationship. He was on to the next a couple weeks later. He still would send me messages every so often over the years until I blocked him.
Yup….happened to me. Completely duped. I feel like an idiot. He was so loving and caring.
Just broke it off he did a real good job on me but I’m not feeling like an idiot just better off he’s out of my life
I finally realized I've been love bombed in every relationship. Damn.
Thank you Matthew for an interesting video. I gave up approaching women after it was pointed out to me by a couple of women that I am an ugly, short, dumpy bald guy. I know that sounds harsh but it wasn't. It opened up my eyes to myself. After being rejected a lot (well always) I decided that this was insane. After all the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Once I understood my place in the market place, and coming to the understanding that the only one in this world who could make me happy is me, I relaxed and started enjoying life a lot more. I focused on me and developed myself. If some day I win a big lottery, and women suddenly find me "sort of cute" I will be armed with your information to protect myself. Great job by the way. Keep up the good work.
The right person will see your value Doug. I promise. Thanks for being here man 🙏♥️
This comment hit me really hard Doug
I'm 5.3 here also faced what happen to you don't give up man life is about people
make your first priority you and be successful in life girls will just get drown to that
If your priority in life is getting girls they can feel that energy from you and it'll always fail
+ if you look like what you describe yourself I'll come out desperate so f@ck that
Last resolveis is the world is big go to third world country where girls only care about what a man can do as man not what they look like
Hi@@thematthewhussey I really want to understand why girls now care about what a man looks like not what a man can do as man
@Gyg do you not care what someone looks like when you're looking for a romantic partner?
@@jayjaydubful Yes of course. There is more to a person than just looks. I have met girl friends of my friends of which some were stunningly pretty...but not beautiful. As a matter of fact, when you talked to them you would come to the realization that they were hollow inside. I have met women who were ok looking and were amazing people on the inside. Of course I was never what they were looking for.
Been one of your audience since year 2018... Thank you and I'm so proud of you, Matthew.
That’s why it’s so hard to trust and fall in love
Like a junkie wanting their fix :) your insights are invaluable, wish I knew all this 22 years ago!
Thank you sooooo important! This is a narcissist's signature move! I'll admit bpds can do this too if they are unaware of how to control it yet, but they dont know it's not genuine. Advesary comes as an angel of light! Test the spirit! Trust no man. Yahuah baruk you & yours in abundance of ahavah & shalum!
❤🔥💛👑💚🌿💙🌬💜
Covert narcissist. Why were we never taught about this in school. 🤷🏼♂️
I think the problem is a lot of people look for someone to make them to feel good about themselves. Basically to feed their ego in other words. They might not even realize that they're doing this a lot of the time. Later on they just feel dissatisfied with the person they're with or the relationship they're in. All they know is they're unhappy but they don't know why. And I think the reason they're unhappy is because the feelings involved in their relationship were not genuine because those feelings were based on what they wanted from that other person, aka the hope or expectation that they believe that their expectations will be met by this other person and their disappointment that their expectations were not met by this person later...
How you feel about yourself is up to you. It's based on how you feel about your life, whether or not you meet the goals you've made for yourself etc. It's up to you. We only really have control over ourselves. We can't rely on other people for what we need in life. It starts with you.
THIS!
I am a 26 year old man, shy, introverted and had a rather annoying past, father cheated on my mother, mothers family started acting cold towards me, etc. My best friend at the time (i was like 10 years old) stopped talking to me because well my father cheated on my mother with the mother of my best friend. Later my father left the country, and before that he had called and spended much more time with my best friend than he did with me. I felt left alone. I can still remember clearly that love and kindness were just words without meaning to me back than. People seemed to look at eachother as mere tools, over the years my compassion and interest in people overall diminished greatly. Even friends i made after, I just couldnt feel like going further than the first layers of friendships. At some point i completely stopped looked for attention, i prefered being alone, ignored phone calls of friends, found excuses to not meet them. My Social skills died, i got slightly obese, i didnt care what happend to me the very next day, i was wasting more and more time watching shows and playin games. A few months back i met this girl that changed me entirely, rewired my brain from absolute losing myself to start being aware of myself again. She was extremely kind and did a great favor for me even tho nobody asked her for it, had such a beautiful smile, her eyes were like the sun, blinding me, yet i had the desire to see them. Her laugh made my day, her voice was like music, My brain told me on that day to change "If you keep living like this, you will miss all these beautiful people" i suddenly started thinking. Everytime i talked to her, i felt more and more attracted. I started working out again, i stopped eating sugar completely, lost 20 kg in just a few months. I started texting her daily. Conversations were still just about funny stuff, work, etc. but slowly i realised i was "Love bombing" her, keep telling her what a great person she is, how beautiful she is, kept buying her drinks and asking if i could do favors for her, even tho she said no, i kept doing it. She wasnt annoyed or anything but she definetly understood that im into her ... like a lot. But she did not reflect my actions, she told me that she would liked to drink a coffee and walk with me etc. but she never did everytime i asked her out. She seemed slowly ignoring me or walking past me, it felt cold again. I slowly understood that she just endured me, nothing more nothing less. I was just a friend ... a tool again. I was an idiot. All of it was just in my brain, the desire to feel something again, feel like i can be more to people than just air and a tool. Maybe i was just too upfront. AND NO i didnt think about sex or anything, i just wanted to get to know her more, i wanted to understand her... maybe i was expecting too much. I now know i have issues that i have to solve from when i was still just a child.
Yes, that can happen. It happened to me in my first LTR after a pretty difficult childhood with a mother that died when I was 15 after being ill for many years, and a father that drank to get over her. Very emotionally blunted until my first proper girlfriend at age 20 where I was guilty of going way too fast because it was all about trying to fill a hole in myself and have someone care for me.
Of course it didn't work out, I pedestalized her, invested way too much, probably smothered and it only turned her off over time and she ended up cheating on me about a year in and that was that. But I then did a lot of thinking and reading about how I'd acted in the relationship, and how I needed to calm the F down with women. I dated for a few years after and had some fun and then met a great down-to-earth girl who I just clicked with and I just took things slow, dated her but also kept on my grind with respect to job, my hobbies, my fitness, my friends etc. and found that that's the way to keep a girl attracted to you, have plenty going on outside of her and KEEP all that going. That way you know, if things end with her, you've still got everything else going for you and another woman will come along sure enough. And once you have this mindset guess what, women will CHASE you, because you are not CHASING them, you are just living a good life and offering that they be part of it.
That down-to-earth girl basically asked ME to marry HER after about 18 months in when I was offered a job move to the other end of the country - "I'll come with you - if you put a ring on my finger" were her words. And I said yes I will. And she followed me there, and all around the world since. 30 years this year. I've given her two daughters and a great life, BUT I've never given her EVERYTHING. I work hard, I have my friends, I have my hobbies, I have my fitness and I've never changed myself too much for her. And she respects me even if there's time I don't give her all the comfort or validation she needs - because as said if you give a woman TOO MUCH of yourself she won't respect you, and if she can't respect you, she can't love you. SO STAY STRONG BROTHER!!!!
@@jleano609 thanks for writing all of your experiences and past :) Yes im currently coming back to my senses little by little, cant allow myself to get lost again. My brain was overloading the past few days because i want to achieve so much, yet dont even have the ground work done. But i will try with microsteps, slow but steady.
I was approached by a love bomber on an online dating site. I could not trust anything about him to be true. All of the things that you mentioned here about the love bomber is him and I always pushed him away and he finally disappeared and probably went to prey on someone else. He wanted to get married to me since day one and said all these lovey dovey things. My heart was not broken when he left because I wanted him to get real and leave me. I am so happy to have watched this informative video and thank you for making it :)
Greencard seekers do this! When you dont fall for it, they seek another!
Someone can lie easily. But their actions don’t. I think I’m the only gay guy who watches you. Lol. Your great 👍🏻
Hey man, I think that’s great, I’m very interested in relationships, but I hate seeing all the comments in these sections vilifying one gender for something (usually men), and even when someone admits to doing something like this - tho not out of manipulation, they still get nailed to the chopping block (making it harder for people to admit and learn from their mistakes). I think it’s interesting analyzing same sex partnerships, because you take the man vs. woman factor out of it, and you’re just left with two people.. now I completely admit, as a straight man, I may be well out of my depths here, and please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m curious on your thoughts about this?
Doubt it... Advice is advice.
I recently came across a love bomber a few weeks ago. I barely knew the guy and he was over complimenting me; I had told him multiple times that it made me uneasy and asked him to stop, but nope, he kept doing it.
He would claim that I’m very important to him and he insisted that he wanted to call me to just say how beautiful I am (a reminder that I JUST got acquainted with this guy). Since he lived far away from me (thank goodness) he went even further and said if he was closer to me, he would embrace me..
It creeped me tf out so I cut ties with him before it got too intense.
Thank you for this video, was love bombed last year and it absolutely destroyed my heart 💔😔
You explained this whole concept soooooo brilliantly! You hit it right on the nail !!! Thank you Matthew.
Sometimes it’s difficult listening to your videos bc it’s a truth check that I wish I knew early in my dating life. Cringe but eyes are opening - going to watch one video most days to improve my dating life
Yep fell for this recently. Almost moved in with him too but found out I was the fourth woman in a row he'd run the same game on. These people are like bottomless pits and one woman is never going to satisfy them.
Matthew you’re a rare human! Not the just the work but the way you are doing your work is commendable! We need more empathetic and aware people like you.
Ooooooooooooh!!!! Matthew you are so ridiculously insightful!! This guy just took me thru this. He is so apathetic that it makes it hurt even more. I'm doing some better in getting over him. I'm glad I was strong enough to let him go. Love Bomber. WOW! Thank you for this.
😂 I dated a guy for 3 weeks went on a few dated, flowers and everything very quickly, no sex because I set boundaries... he wanted to see me everyday and would track my every move, so I put him on check and called his behavior, he told me no he was in Love with me after only 4 dates!!! I blocked him on the spot
you make all kind of videos that are such eye opener for women, man i love you n i adore the way you explain the complicated life that we create for our selves but man, please make some videos from the guy’s prospective as well, we’re shy and awkward too n don’t know how to converse or approach the girl we like. I cried while i was out for a run while listening to your advice on how to handle it if she moves on too quickly n i endup feeling so low questioning my worth, because i moved mountains for her, took risks which could have thrown me out of my job to help her n she vanished in a couple of weeks like i meant nothing 😣… i wanna hear you, please make some videos from our point of view ❤️