I did it. I found the Worst Book.
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- Опубликовано: 27 сен 2024
- "We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life." - C-3PO
Get YOUR very own copy of Troll by Emma Clark today! (Does not come with my incredulous notes in the margins.) www.amazon.com/...
Select your favorite romance novel trope:
Slave of sexy werewolf - / jennynicholson
Cowboy boyfriend joins the army - / jennyenicholson
Secret billionaire baby - / spider_jewel
Billionaire werewolf and his five sexy brothers - / jennynicholsonvids
Uh it's a Scottish guy - / spiderjewel
Wait does she like bad boys or badly written boys.
I think it's badly written 😂
It's unclear
Why do girls only like badly written boys, and not nicely written boys like me?
Usually the same thing
Yes
“I like to go to Amazon, buy strange self-published books, and give them to people who clearly don’t want them.”
Aaaand subscribed
The problem I would have if one of my friends was doing the same thing is that I still wouldn't get any books, because getting gifted random bad books sounds hilarious to me and thus I wouldn't count as not wanting them xD
I know what I'm gonna give people for christmas gifts next christmas.
Likewise
Same
She's revolutionizing my terrible ability to select gifts. Finally I see the light
What can I say, I'm a quirky guy.
your insatiable hunger for control is very charming, justin
Nice b00bz
Damn it justin get out
With the low resolution photo and everything 🤦♀️😂
I’m gonna follow you... idk why. Maybe you’ll hack my computer and sneak into my apartment😂
I want you to know that years later, you have influenced the purchasing of this and the Jeff the killer books so much that they are suggested in the “frequently bought together” part of their Amazon pages
True social progress at its finest!
She can't keep getting away with this.
@@TheSanityX It’s an abomination.
Lol omg that is AMAZING 😆
Holy shit no way lmao
the tagline really should be "He can be your angle or yuor devil"
I don't know if the misspellings were intentional or not, but they would be appropriate for this book. Yes, it should be the tagline!
*yuo'rve
@@tracychristenson177 there was an indian facebook post where he posted that
*ur
@@tracychristenson177 it was intentional i think
working title: The Hot Hunk Who Hacked My Heart
keep the alliteration: a Hot Hunk Hacked my Heart
abreviated: HHHH
*Hacker voice* "I'm in (love)."
Bro I guarantee that if this was a Chuck Tingle work it would be a masterpiece
707 lol?
the idea of an internet troll being "devilishly handsome" already breaks my suspension of disbelief
I am internet troll and wildly considered devilishly handsome where I live.
@@donaldhysa4836 where the heck do you live? Under a bridge?
@@Crinkfries In Eastern Europe people are generally better looking than americans here xD
@@donaldhysa4836 Yes, very nice.
@@theengine Thank you :D
"Why don't you want me?"
He asks wearing a devil mask with an airbrushed T in the middle, half-naked in her room which he broke into.
Five minutes after threatening her father
And the T stand for Troll
holding a gun
No context because I stopped the video one minute in (to get over the love interest's last name of all things), but judging from this I can tell that this book is going to be a doozy.
@@PinoccThePiccolo A doozy, it do be.
My personal favourite self published series is Bearllionaire.
"He's a billionaire, and a bear, and he'd never let anything happen to his mate... "
PositivelyVillainous wait is this an actual book?
But that just sounds awesome
PositivelyVillainous
wow, I love puns, but that... that made me cringe.
dDKJCBDSDJKScjDCNDSC;S BEARLLIONAIRE IS A GENUINE MASTERPIECE
*slowly opens amazon*
So...she didnt know how to get rid of Justin, so she WENT TO SLEEP?
She pulled a Victor Frankenstein.
Nice reference!
This book does not deserve such an intelligent reference!
@@Odango_Atama09 Sounds like it ended about as well for her too. :I
nice comment m8
Who can forget Justin Brogan's final speech, as what's-her-name fled across a New York street with a pocket full of mysterious cancelled cheques?
“You, who call Frankenstein your friend, seem to have a knowledge of my crimes and his misfortunes. But in the detail which he gave you of them he could not sum up the hours and months of misery which I endured wasting in impotent passions. For while I destroyed his hopes, I did not satisfy my own desires. They were for ever ardent and craving; still I desired love and fellowship, and I was still spurned. Was there no injustice in this? Am I to be thought the only criminal, when all humankind sinned against me?”
...God damn, where's the _Frankenstein_ fanfic? _Dracula_ gets all the action!
"He broke into her house and was not invited in" So at least he's not a vampire, I guess...
Depends on which kind there are :P
Sparkles?
Stripping down while talking about how you hacked into a computer is the best kind of foreplay
Thegrandberry you say that jokingly, but as a programmer that would totally work on me
Gaby G.
Oh my god, your intricate knowledge of computers and your acceptence into Mensa is turning👏🏼 me👏🏼 on👏🏼
@rakat sceptic I prefer proficiency in Python, if you catch my meaning.
@-DepthCharge get you a girl who will greet you every morning with “print(“Hello world!”)”
@rakat sceptic crude joke warning: I prefer women proficient in D.
"He said the door let him in" from the way he was going about things i thought you were gonna say he somehow hacked the door
maybe its the new door technology that lets people in with deliveries- that could probably be hackable
I don't know why but this made me laugh.
well if one can "Hack the Planet", its logical to think someone can "Hack the Door".
yep, he had an axe.
Well, since electronic door locks are a thing, that might be the most realistic thing about that book.
Actual Book: 0/10
Review of Book: 11/10
I'd upvote, but you have 1111 upvotes.
My husband looked in because I was laughing and I said, "this is a review of a bad book. The book was bad, the review was great." So, yes, I totally agree.
Girl: “I turn men’s heads on the street all the time”
Also girl: says she received the first ever compliment on her physical appearance at over 20 years old
Literally not inaccurate if you're social akward and never talk to people
@@rattyeely yeah but generally socially awkward people don’t vain-brag about how they are so attractive or turn mens heads on the street all the time. Normally socially awkward people thinking when peoples heads turn when they’re walking down the street, it’s a negative connotation (like they’re ugly or weird or “everyone’s always looking at me they can tell I’m not normal”, not assuming it’s bc they’re so wildly attractive and irresistible. Socially awkward people aren’t exactly full off themselves or think they’re really good looking and attractive.
It’s like the unrealistic meme trope of the hot girl who is popular and shallow but says stuff like “omg I’m soooo ugly no one’s ever told me I’m pretty before” “omg guys are alwayyyyysss looking at me when I walk in a room it’s sooooo annoying I’m just so introverted uwu” and “i totally don’t have any friends no one ever talks to me” while all simultaneously saying “omg guys are always hitting on me it’s like I can’t even go unnoticed walking down the street it’s so hard being hot”.
She only "turns heads" because she's an absolute whale at 125 pounds. 😂
@@didiercollard To be fair, chubbiness is a factor of both weight and height. The book doesn't _say_ she's taller than 4'8".
@@timothymclean lol I'm only 5'2 when my weight dips below 120 I look absolutely skeletal.
It's not just height, it's your bone structure, if you have wide hips and shoulders, a longer torso, etc.
Every time someone hurts my feelings or threatens me online, I uninstall windows, take every component out of the tower, vacuum seal them separately, and store them all in my garage until shit cools down. Usually a couple of days.
"Justin, a name that stole my breath and accelerated my pulse." That's called FEAR, bud!
I don't know why this comment amused me, but it did. Probably because it's true for this character
hahahaha
Suddenly realizing how many emotions involve accelerated heart rate.
Why would a name scare her though?
Justin is such a scary name.
How to gain a girl's trust:
_talk to her on a dating site, hack her computer, break into her house_
And they say that romance is dead.
A tale as old as time
Does it work on guys too?
Not a d.e.n.n.i.s. system, but you get the same results
@rakat sceptic But you're at her apartment, right? So all's good.
I used to just browse the $0.00 priced books on kindle and once came across a book titled something like 'Brexit Made Me Gay'. I should have read it when I had the chance because I could never find it again...
Was it “Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union”?
@@graealn9982 lol omg you found it! I love the Internet!
@@graealn9982 Gotta love Chuck Tingle.
soo.. how was the book? 🥲🥲
@@SUPERIDOLdesho lol, it wasn't free anymore when I looked it up again! I held off...
"I never meant to take it this far"
"Bro, you started this far" 😂
"You harassed me and broke into my house but you're cute so imma let it slide"
Honestly same
we’ve all been there
Is it bad that I can relate to that
Nobody’s perfect
I mean, I would accept that if it had been a porg.
"What's my father involved in?!"
"Isn't it obvious? Corruption! Bribery!"
Are we sure Neil Breen didn't write this?
This is an underrated comment
Mind. Blown.
Naaaational and international corruption *I know* is going on
I resign today as president of The Bank.
@@chymos6628 (shoots self)
I was getting really anxious about the romance I'm writing.
I needed this. I don't feel so bad anymore.
LOL Icon I'm 100% sure it might be at least better than that book
HA! Same.
Judging by your username I'm unsure if your "romance" would be well received outside of Japan lmao
Me too...
Sjjsdjdjhddh me too, this boosted my writing confidence
That story is really dated for being published in 2014, however in 1984 that story would have had a theatrical release
Awesomely awful just like a lot of things that were somehow made
Doug Sullivan you know, it's 2017 and two movies have already been made about a badly written Twilight fanfic that got turned into a romance about bondage.
ElRook I do know but I'm not sure how old you are but a plot like what you described would have definitely existed on cinemax late Saturday night, in fact I'm positive that you could probably find 3
Doug Sullivan Other way around I think. You have a very skewed idea of 80s movies. Twilight and 50 Shades are 💯 millennial made
toriloveSubarukun oh I know 80s movies I was alive during the latter half of of it and I never referenced twilight that was someone else
This feels like a Wattpad story
There are actually pretty good, creative stories in Wattpad that I actually would like it to be published. But instead, all that bad boy, abusive relationship, cliche shit gets to become a book.
*Ahem* Add me on WP. *Ahem* username is _LuvHurtz_
Nah, more like Quotev. For some reason this kind of stuff is just all over the place there.
comics geek It's alright; you can say The Kissing Booth.
It seriously does. There are a lot of amazing stories on wattpad, but there are also hundreds of books almost exactly like this one. I've been unfortunate enough to read the first pages of a few
10:55 I just realized Justin Brogan sounds like “Justin broke in” which would also be accurate
"i dont want to offend anyone named justin, but it's just justin!"
me: *sobbing in the distance*
jellybean justin
No more anti-Justin propaganda!
This Just-In ;D
Justins across the country begin a class action lawsuit to pursue a just-indictment of Jenny's attack on Justins
awh😭😂😂😂😂😂
I mean, I guess you could be named Karen
....like me. XD
@Boom Goes The Dynamite Aye
"I don't want to offend anyone named Justin, but... it's just Justin."
I choked laughing 😂
I was so glad my name isn't Justin.
*sighs
My dad's name is Justin lok
I read this as she said it lol
*Hacker voice* "I'm in (love)."
i'd read something with this as a title
@@svgarsnap Good, because I plan to write a 20-part series. It'll just be the transcript for this video and the the text from the actual book scrambled together into 20 different combinations.
Sounds like a cheesy Nickelodeon original movie
Yusuf Kadar yesss
*Hacker's voice* "I'm in (her)."
I found this author's blog and she's definitely a woman. She says she was 38 in 2013 which is around the time Troll was published. She wrote four Troll "novels," then told her readers that she wasn't going to continue the series. She stopped writing around 2016. It seemed like she was having some health problems and she mentioned homeschooling her daughter. She also seemed disillusioned with self-publishing. She thought she was going to be the next E.L. James, then realized that wasn't likely to happen. I suspect Troll was inspired by 50 Shades of Grey since she mentioned James several times.
"It's kind of hard to know what her problem is."
I think it's pretty obvious. At 2:14 you say she 'turns men's heads in public'. That's not a metaphorical statement, she actually goes down the street and just wrenches guy's heads. She's forced to stay in her apartment watching lovers walk the street because she's under house arrest for multiple assaults.
i love you
I actually did a spit take when I read this...well played...LOL
Chaos Shadow I was brushing my teeth when I read your comment. Nearly choked on my toothbrush. D:
Worth it. Thank you.
That actually made me laugh 😂😂😂
I would read that book.
are we just gonna ignore how dumb the name "justin brogan" is
Hulk Hogan's little brother
Kyla Adkins is equally bad
How dare you! I have a friend called Justin Brogan. [sorry just a meme :D]
Justin Brogan, from Broregon City, Broregon, USA. His interests include hacking, trolling, and brorigami.
@Maurits Who the fuck is attracted to even the slightest hint of the word "bro"
I still just don't know WHY it changed from weird technologically-inept online romance erotica horror to weird technologically-inept crime hacker thriller horror???
The shift was jarring and I loved it.
Well she DID have to fit 3 books in there
Apparently the best books change up the genre half way in order to be unique! :/
Now you know why publishers are a good idea and self-publishing not so much.
Because the second one is better than the that romance trash
I hate when people describe muscles as bulging. Like, it nakes me think of some body builder that has overdone the steroids and is wearing a speedo that is obviously three sizes too small. Like, gross. Bulging is not a sexy word.
Kia Maria muscles just make me feel ill either way. I'm wierd, I know.
bulge owo
His bulging bulge bulgingly bulged from his bulges.
Makes me want to self publish a creepypasta fanfic called *MOIST BULGING*
"Justin's sexy blue eyes bulged out"...I may see what you're saying
Me who thought she was gonna fall in love with an actual troll: "My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined."
This is how every guy who sends horrifyingly obscene sexual messages ACTUALLY thinks its going to play out, isn’t it? Yikes.
The fact that you're probably right makes me feel absolutely terrified
@@taliajung1553 they're not 'probably right'
They're absolutely right
Textbook for nice guys, neckbeards and incels... Bleh
sometimes it works
@@MrLTiger Kick in the balls or YA as a learning material for dating?
I thought this was going to be a erotic book about a woman who falls in love with an actual, literal troll.
Man am I disappointed
Annabelle Evans LOL. Would a woman and an actual troll count as beastiality, or is a troll humanoid enough that it wouldn't?
@@ladymaiden2308 Depends are we looking at something from dnd or elder scrolls? or are we talking about something from wow?
Shrek?
l3luSpy um, you tell me, please. I'm more of a mermaid girl. I know nothing yet of trolls.
l3luSpy and if you don't mind, please attach as much of an explanation as you care to leave. I am curious, but not pushy.
I am aware that some women *dont* receive those messages.
Not me though. My favourite one ended the conversation with "Aishiteru, Madam"
I don't see how you could turn that down. That's some masterful romancing.
madam makes me think of the proprietor of a brothel which is instantly erotic
Smooth.
SUKI DESU, MY MISTRESS.
Ore wa Emilia ga suki da
The author goes from having a super limited idea of how to use a website to fully detailing a cross site scripting attack. The disconnect is reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal.
jjjakey Copy pasted maybe
Yeah, no, this was written by someone with very limited understanding of how The Internets work - but juuust sufficient enough to go on a forum, ask "How would you hack somone's dating profile in a fictional universe where men in devil masks go waving submachine guns around residential areas and that's cool?" Got the answer, employed an obscure Copy And Paste tactic that no one probably knows about, went back to 1973 to carry on.
She's into bad boys and rapey scenarios but signed up for "true Christian love?" Now I'm just wondering what her bio looks like
To be fair, the Bible is pretty pro-rape.
"I'm not like other girls," duh.
sharksandsheep I mean, the Old Testament has that one law about how a woman that has been raped should marry the aggressor. The New Testament is a wee bit better in that regard.
@@user-pm1gb2eo1s The New Testament also specifies that every law set in the OT still stands. So, not really better.
sharksandsheep Yeah, just meant they didn’t add anything new.
for some reason i could only imagine this guy looking like guy fieri in my head
TAKE HER TO FLAVOUR TOWN!
No wait don't that's abduction Justin
don't disgrace guy fieri like that
This comment has made me realise that there is probably Guy Fieri erotica somewhere on the internet and now I think I need to go and live on an island with nothing but porgs and weird hut-people for about 20 years while I emotionally process this.
David Sayers there is absolutely guy fieri erotica
filip isandre I appreciate this comment
I’m left with two giant questions I have to get out for my own sanity’s sake:
If he’s a hacker, why was his job to seduce a woman, gain access to her apartment, and then search it for physical evidence? None of that seems to play to a hacker’s strenghts. Why not try to access the judge’s computer or phone to find evidence by, you know, hacking him? Or if you can ‘hack’ her front door, why not just do that while she’s at work, and then search her apartment then?
The woman was very interested in getting a date, and had self esteem issues. Maybe try to seduce her by just asking her out nicely, and then gain her trust by being romantic? Acting crazy, admitting you hacked her, and breaking into her house sounds like the wrong strategy to reach your objective in every possible way.
Ugh, I have to go now, my brain is revolting…
So is hers HEYOOOO
Whatever the case, the "everything that has happened so far was all just a spy job" is about the lamest - and thus hilarious - narrative plot twist imaginable.
You wouldn't understand, you're just not MENSA enough.
The entire book is actually just the main character’s fever dream. Her dad isn’t even a judge
I love how the story suddenly gets a complex plot about political scandal and internet vigilantes in the last few pages of the book
Bemi Atto Open with that plot and maybe the book just might have turned out halfway decent
seems legit
It became a neil breen film
I was scrolling through the comments midway through the video and I have to say, I was not expecting this.
I could have gotten into it if the build up hadn't been...like that.
I was surprisingly far into this before I realised that he wasn't the kind of troll that turns to stone in the sunlight.
Graham Kennedy I love you.
I genuinely thought it was going to be some urban fantasy monster erotica. Knowing human nature, that almost certainly exists.
I thought it was going to be like “he trolled me, but it’s not his fault he does bad things! Don’t you see, he’s literally a TROLL (who has excellent wifi under his bridge).”
Ali the Heep That would probably be better than what it actually was
I honestly thought it would be some two ways metaphor, like a homeless war veteran who lives under a bridge and is bitter about life and politics, tries to be nice to other people who are in bad conditions in real life (because one might want to make the romantic interest, you know, have some qualities) but he would use a library computer to vent his many pent up frustrations, becoming an internet troll (he could use the nick Troll as a self-reminder that he lives under a bridge, oh, the cheap drama!).
The protagonist would engage in flame wars against him until they meet and, you know, the old tropes would ensue, her discovering his broken heart/heart of gold (and that he looks good, of course), him trying to be a better person to be with her but, ashamed of his life, he would be going in and off those silly self-pity romantic novel tantrums etc until a climax where his old unity whatever-dramatic-something leaving a potentially dramatic event for a following novel that would trace back its steps and undo the purposed dramatic ending.
But, alas, it was shallower than even I could ever dream.
Why can’t these “authors” just get a Tumblr account like a normal weirdo?
excuse you
redmanish “normal weirdo” 😂
花菊 I sense a Tumblr weirdo
@@wokeslush9489 excuse you
Are there different levels of weird?!
despite this book being terrible, it does seem to have the most accurate description of hacking I've ever seen in a work of fiction
Oh my god, you’re right. How was the bar that low
Further proof it was actually written by a guy
@@Degioannie uhm what
@@snoozley853 stereotypes exist for a reason. For some reason or another, men enjoy dealing with computers in general more than women. Idk why. Obviously it's not a good idea to make broad generalizations, I'm a guy and I'm basically tech illiterate, but the trend is still pretty accurate.
This doesn’t necessarily conflict with what you said but if you’re interested, research in the gender divide in computing generally shows that men and women are equally interested in and competent with computers as children (until about 3rd grade). But after this age both girls and boys begin to believe boys are “better” at using computers and girls generally begin to decline in confidence and therefore interest. The same pattern is seen in math and some sciences. You can identify this trend as caused by stereotype threat (not just natural disinterest) because if reminded of their gender prior to taking a math exam, women do worse than if their gender isn’t mentioned. The same is not true for men. A reminder that you’re supposedly bad at something is enough to diminish your abilities.
By adulthood, men use computers more than women and are more likely to enter tech related careers, even though among adults who actually are software engineers there is no difference in skill between genders. So you’re actually kind of right, women enjoy dealing with computers slightly less than men, but they don’t start out that way; they learn that at a young age. Right or not, you might want to consider the stereotypes you reinforce. They’re kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, don’t you think?
So recently I stumbled upon some old drama from the community of the game Sims 3, a really toxic flamewar I didn't even have the context for, and one of the people from the old official forum who was getting exposed was none other than the author of this book. I'm not kidding, the dirt dug up on her was that she wrote bad erotica and I was almost bowled over by seeing Troll in the screenshot of what she had published. I don't know who else needs to know that THE author of THE worst book ever written was once an active member of the Sims community who was involved in a lot of drama and trolling herself, likely fueling her... fetish? for it in the process, but it was the greatest revelation I have ever had and I need to share it.
LMAO TF
Hshsjdjh thats so weird what,,,?? do you have a link lol
Receipts???
Holy shit. Thank you for your service.
That's wild
Justin : *breaks into home*
Also Justin : "My job was to gain your trust"
😂
Justin: "I'm bad at my job"
I looked it up. Apparently she IS a mom from the midwest. Good lord.
How completely unexpected
Oh boy. I feel sorry for the kids.
and there is a part four :)
SERIOUSLY?! I thought this was a neck beard guy that pretended to be “Emma Clark”
...SHE IS ALSO A CHILDREN"S BOOK AUTHOR. Her list of books written include this abomination and other erotica with fairy tale retellings and rhyming the alphabet
My husband is an *actual* computer guy who found my location because we were in the same computer lab. We were actually sitting in the same row. He looked over and said "hi" and I jumped out of my skin because we were in a West coast IRC channel talking to each other in the Midwest.
(We became good friends first, and then romanced later.)
Something tells me that this girl doesn't want a strong foundation to her escapades.
In theory, a story about a hacktivist seducing a corrupt judge’s daughter in order to expose his crimes as they fall in love sounds like a sexy, thrilling crime novel. In execution, we get THIS. 🤢
It probably could have been better if it was longer than seven chapters and showed rather than told all of this. Instead it all gets revealed in pillow talk!
You’ve got me thinking about the book it had the potential to be.
I am so pissed off.
Completely agree, that’s actually an interesting premise. But it seems it was a very tall order for the author.
@@anothermillennialschannel-9815 If this was written by someone like James Patterson, that shit would've blown up the New York Times Bestseller list and we all know it. It's disgraceful.
Let me know if a good book with this or a similar premise exists because now I'm invested
“I don’t want to offend anyone named Justin but it’s just Justin...”
My name’s Justin and I found that hilarious 😂 😂😂
I was wondering if there would be any other's here...
Sure, you're Justin...
But are you Justin Brogan?
@@robincox2423 No, I'm Justin Sane.
@@justindenney-hall5875 So is Justin Brogan
Justin gang
Man, if this is how the protagonist responds to internet sexual harassment, she wouldn't last a second on Xbox Live.
Just wait until the bot breaks and splurts out code, she would be shocked
ahhhhhh lmao
jjjakey what’s your Xbox name lemme harass you
I haven't used my XBox account since early 360 era, you're better off just leaving the harassment here lmao.
+jjjakey
Ok, your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of Elder-berries.
For being 21 years old, the protagonist sure feels like an alien chronicling their first day on planet earth
the name "justin brogan" has major chad energy if you ask me
also is nobody gonna talk about how god awful spiky auburn hair with blonde highlights is
It's a cursed hairstyle. No one wants to talk about it.
@@ReiAnikaAyanami haha fair enough
it was SO HARD TO PICTURE
Is it guy fieri after all?
The hairstyle of someone in a college rock band in 2003
im just gonna say, being a writer named emma clark and hearing your name in a video where jenny is talking about the worst book she's found made me double take
Nice profile picture
Being a writer and hearing "I've found the worst book" is enough to put you on edge. I don't think I've met a single writer who thinks their shit is good who's shit is actually... good.
I don't even write novels, I write screenplay, and I still got uppity until I heard the name. RIP to you for actually being named Emma Clark lol.
Don't worry no one reads your books
@@qwerty8382 haha wowee very epic piece of shit human being moment
Lmao I'm sure there could be another person just like you. Emma clark is a pretty common name I think
i've watched this video several times now and i've only just realized that the cover is a couple making out. every time i honest to god thought it was a polar bear around ice and every time i was like why would they do that.
Oh my gosh you're right and I also never noticed
Me too!
Same!! I thought it was something to do with ‘animalistic impulses’ or smth? Or just because polar bears are cool
I can't see a polar bear :(
Same, but I was honest-to-God 100% sure the cover was a troll. As in a fantasy bridge troll. Now that you've revealed the truth to me, I can't unsee the couple making out, I can't even point out where exactly I saw a troll... but I swear that up until three minutes ago that cover depicted a bloody troll! I'm not mad, I'm perfectly sane!
This was my first ever Jenny Nicholson video. I'm so glad this managed to hit the algorithm in a way that caused it to show up on my recommended page. She truly is a gift.
Man, you really got thrown in the deep end. I don't know what would qualify as "entry level Jenny" (probably one of the Star Wars videos) but this really isn't it. Have you by chance seen the gaslit labyrinth that is her MLP parody?
Jenny! Emma Clark has more books! They're called "Boy Next Door", "Chosen", "Baby Daddy", "Dancer", and "Teaching Melody"! Please review them!
Rachel Likes To Smile Baby Daddy omg
I absolutely had to look these up.
Boy Next Door = kidnapping and BDSM
Chosen = girl gets drugged, becomes the sexual prize for some contest
Baby Daddy = woman hates husband, cheats on him with stepson (who I share a name with... oof)
Dancer = girl's friend dies, she meets a dancer, ...revenge? Not sure how erotica works into this...
Teaching Melody = girl has crush on friend's single father
WHAT
Rachel Likes To Smile "baby daddy" i sCreamed
RM
@method haibane lol Which part?
Jenny Nicholson I don't know if anyone has made this comment yet: I have a degree in Digital Forensics, and that explanation of how he hacked her computer is 100% accurate. Mr. Robot isn't that accurate. A hacker wrote this book.
That’s what I was thinking. The rest is so badly written that it CANT have been a writer. It was a hacker trying to write romance. (I use the term ‘romance’ loosely)
Maybe it's a very bizarre wish fulfillment fic by a hacker?
@@Jessamine29 no shit,
I mean, who else would title their magnum opus with an acronym. Lol
I just assumed someone googled it or got help and copy pasted that part, since it’s so direct and technical and they otherwise don’t know how computers/the internet works.
I was REALLY rooting for the next lines after, "You were using me?" to be
*"Sure was, baby," said Justin, right before he stole my father (Judge Atkin)'s papers and fled out the window, his naked bulging muscles glistening in the starlit night.*
*And that was the last time I ever saw him.*
And all along, the book was never a romance at all, it was itself a troll.
cheese pants this comment makes the book like really good and I’m confused now
I'm having flashbacks to that Trump fanfiction.
Judge Atkins sends you to prison if you eat carbs.
Oh my gosh! This would have made it PERFECT!
@@Jordan-Ramses And he _won't_ sugarcoat it!
I feel like Revealing Eden: Save the Pearls is the worst book. It's about how a white girl has to use blackface to survive in a post-apocalyptic society
Wait what?
Oh god, why does that ring a bell? I think I saw a screenshot of the blurb somewhere, and it was overwhelmingly racist. Like some sort of "white genocide" fetish fantasy written by a Republican.
Why does the apocalypse dislike white people?
@@davidtaylor142 Because it was brought upon the world by liberal sjw black gay antifa commie feminazis!
@@ribozyme2899 obviously /s
I didn't know fanfics written by middle schoolers could get published nowadays...
The future is now
Komninos Maraslidis good point
*shakes fist* Curse you, Wattpad!
You just have discovered the power of Books on Demand. Welcome to 20XX!
Eragon was written by a 14yr old and it showed...
If I ever succumb to my own hubris and try to write a novel, I’m going to proofread my work in Jenny’s voice to keep myself humble.
This story reminds me of when I had to write an SAT writing prompt and described the characters in detail only to realize I only had 15 minutes left to have them actually do something
Fifty Shades of Troll
Still a better love story than Fifty Shades Of Gray
Now a Lifetime Channel original movie.
This is the legacy of E.L. James
My god man..
madlants excited for the lifetime movie how fun. Hopefully it's a sequel to cyber sex or whatever.
"... a deadly, sexually potent man with intelligence sharp enough to get him accepted in Mensa."
LMAOOOOOO
I know that's not what it means, but that sentence always makes me laugh because in German, "mensa" translates to (school) cafeteria and it just tickles me that he would brag to her that people let him in the cafeteria because he's so smart xD
@@lesmortimers4791 as a german, I was thinking the same thing when she read that part :D
it' hilarious how internet trolls always brag about being in Mensa yet suspiciously, apparently do nothing else with their colossal IQ they could brag about on the interwebz.
@@lesmortimers4791 same, in italian it means cafeteria hahah
Well spanish wise, mensa is stupid girl basically, so yeah, hes smart enough to get into a stupid girl.
“She’s insecure, but she turns men’s heads everywhere she goes.”
To quote KrimsonRogue: “Bella Swan harder!!!”
I mean, it's not impossible or even improbable. Being attractive doesn't mean you can't be insecure. But it IS a trope done to death.
She's actually just so ugly its horribly noticeable
I am a weird inverse Bella Swan in that I think I'm pretty dang cute and no one else seems to agree, so I can only conclude I'm biased. Or that men are intimidated by the intelligence, or don't like it that I snort when I laugh real hard.
@@FiddlebirdBlue You're so beautiful that everyone else is scared and has to put you down lest their fragile egos shatter like glass
She was 5'5", 124 lbs with long auburn hair and green eyes with little gold flecks. But no one wanted her because she was slightly socially awkward and tended to stutter when nervous.
K.
Can we get more awful books reviews ? I laughed so much I cried
Charlotte Labaquere PLEEEAAASSSEEE! This was hilarious
“Everything’s bulging”
- Jenny, 2017
tell me why I looked down at my stomach and got sad
@@em2478 haodnfsns don't call me out like that !!
If you go and see the Goodreads page of this book, you're gonna be shocked. The people who genuinely love this thing? They exist
they what
In an ironic way?
Nah the author sends out the books to people for free in exchange for good reviews - one of the reviewers actually said this, then left a 5 star review...
😱
That giant porg is back there like: "Draw me like one of your French girls."
"She's an absolute whale, at 125 pounds"
Me, who's 144 pounds: oh my god thats so many
Fr😔 I'm tall so that makes up for my weight
Wow, I'm 5'6.5" and look too thin at 135 lbs, so I'd probably look emaciated at 125. I'm currently 150 lbs and size medium. Can only imagine what the author would think of someone my size or.... an actual plus size person if they believe 125 lbs is a "whale."
It's less than 60 kilograms
me, at over 200 pounds: _yes so many_
turbulentbeauty I would assume the character is probably around 5’2? But even then you would only be slightly, *slightly* overweight, you definitely would not be described as a “whale” lol
I've heard this explained thusly: the nonconsent fantasy is that someone gives you sexual satisfaction while removing your agency, allowing you to feel blameless in experiencing it. It's appealing to people who were raised to hold the belief sex is not something to be enjoyed and not to be shared with anyone other than your husband/wife/one true love.
This is actually such a good analysis, that makes complete sense
This explains so much
with the specifically Christian dating site in this particular erotica that’s a big tell for me
E.L. James: I wrote the worst trilogy of all time.
Emma Clark: Hold my beer.
*hack my beer
John O'Neill that was a weird episode of Stand Alone Complex
Wine.
“His bulging tummy hacked my door open.”
his rippling biceps ingeniously floundered my bra off
And I was bamboozled by the sheer crispness of his masterful fauxhawk as his incomprehensibly vast IQ flooded into me through his lustful gaze. I came.
@@zechariahbryan1568 god thank you for this gift
Suddenly, I'm imagining a Troll themed game of Madlibs.
This definitely seems like it's a book written by a teenager who thinks they know how adults work.
Billy Snyder As soon as "tummy" came up, I was convinced.
It about as awkward as when adults have no idea how to write teenagers.
Or written by an older woman who thinks she knows how the internet works.
If she/he? thinks 125 lbs. is heavy for a 21 year old female, I would say that's further evidence that this author is a kid. They would know how to use the internet but not necessarily anything about cyber security, dating sites, etc.. In any case this kid(?) has a big future in Hollywood.
The writer has multiple children so I doubt it's a teenager...
one of the worst books ever is called "Troll"
one of the worst films ever is called "Troll 2"
the question is, when will the trilogy end, and what medium will "Troll 3" be in?
I believe it was Edgar Cayce who predicted that a song called Trolls 3 would be the final sign of the apocalypse. When the song hits #1 on the charts, we will all face our doom.
Nfts
"I noticed the cleavage in your photo." This is the Sharknado of books.
6:08 “He revealed halfway through his strip tease that he has a micro-“
That’s not how I thought that sentence was gonna end
Lol, i was thinking the same thing
This book would’ve pronabky been better had it ended in the way we all anticipated
@@GrimzyShake But if he’s a troll on the Innernet why would he have a micro_____dingus? Usually pretty masculine dudes do trolling. Guys who are comfortable their dinguses. They may have even been taught how to pull on them to make them bigger.
I'm a little disappointed that a story that started with "What's your bra size?" turned out not to have any heaving bosoms in it.
Because the readers were the o es heaving.
her: i like bad boys
me: (trying to impress her) imma hack your computer and view your webcam and show up at your house
Not gonna brag, my bedtime is 9 pm but i sleep at 9:01
@solaire of astora \[T]/
Her “tummy” reference is about as sexy as him saying, “My ‘wee wee” was so happy to see her!” 😂😂🤣🤣
"My wee wee was like weeeeeeeee!"
@@PoochieCollins this made me laugh harder than it should have
The creepy way Justin is framed seems like it's written by an incel.
Being "heavy" at 125 pounds adds to that theory.
Tamara Bish that’s like 10 Kilo lighter than me and I’m not even overweight. Like, a doctor told me I was normal weight.
@@SaKura-il8op it would depend. if you are 4"5 and 125 lbs, then you're overweight. but if you're like 5"3+ you're most probably okay. i think the protagonist girl is the latter one, though
I'm reminded of a hypothesis that Dan Olsen made about the Fifty Shades novels. He points to an early, suspiciously Masters-of-the-Universe-like fanfic written by the same author set from Edward's perspective as evidence that the story of MotU/50SoG is, essentially, a self-insert fantasy for _Edward/Christian._ This book comes off pretty much the same way; a story about a creepy guy who dodges accusations of Gary Studom by nominally just being a secondary character and accusations of being a horrible, abusive boyfriend by showing that the girl actually likes it so it's okay.
Sister, you got that right. That is EXACTLY what I thought as I listened to the video. This really is how creepy, un-laidable dudes think about women.
I just can't get over the concerned look that the porg behind Jenny has. It looks both amazed, worried and flabbergasted, clearly worried for Jenny's mental health while reading this book. Same, little guy, same.
Up until tonight, I had no idea there was a fetish for breaking-and-entering and having your privacy breached by internet psychopaths. You learn something new everyday.
Yeah, my dad did it to me.
There isn’t, this girl is just weird
There's a fetish for everything, and this is not an exaggeration
Still a better love story than Twi......wait, actually, it's not. Oh my God, it's actually not!
PainMonkey As a person who's read the Twilight series and agrees that there were mistakes made, but the books aren't that bad. They are good, not amazing but still..yes many are faaar greater but come on haha
Can't believe I finally found a protagonist with my name and it's this
i pity you.
“You owe me, Kyla.”
What is with these authors and abusive relationships 🤢🤢
I read a different book called Troll, which is about some swedish guy that finds an actual troll and the troll sort of becomes like his pet. When going to buy the book, I flipped through it, saw that a character was named Dr. Spiderman (yes, really) and instantly bought the book not knowing what it was about. It has some poor translations which make it really funny when it's not meant to be at all. I recommend the book to people who are weird.
Obversechaos I kind of want to read that now.
Please do regular reviews of bad obscure books and movies, I'd watch the hell out of that series :')
“Wanna know how I did this??”
*Justin then strip teases*
You ask: “How?”
*He then goes into an incredibly detailed description while he stands almost nude*
You: “Ah, I see. Thank you, that was bugging me so much!”
TheLibraQueen not to mention his dick getting harder while explaining his devious plot. Now that's a villain as ever!
You seee mister Bond (his voice -oozing- *bulging* with sexual tension) I *deep breath* I captured you using knock-out gas and ssstraped you into my deevious device.
Tommy wiseau wrote this book
Number 9 "I did nawt heet her! I did nawwwt! Oh, hey Mark!"
Tommy Wiseau is an all American boy and hero. He would be the one to save Kyla from both Justin and Judge Atkins
Emma Clark is just his pseudonym.
Ha ha ha, what a story Number 9
Brittany Rose
Best OC 10/10
This was either written by a teenager that only reads fics on wattpad, or a Christian middle-aged mom
My thoughts exactly
Twenty bucks says "Emma Clark"'s real name is Justin.
I love Big Porg's pose. 'Draw me like one of your French Porgs,' says Big Porg.
awesome
Big Porg... What a strange character.
Looks like he's saying "Come back to bed babe."
nothing more sensual than a step by step explanation on how someone used their computer to "hack" into something. I bet she licks her mouse and fingers her keyboard as she quivers with anticipation.
I mean, I work in IT so in theory I would get hot and heavy admiring a well executed phish and RAT install, but this is just....wrong. And not in a hot way.
oh god i've had enough of the quivering
i’m so upset right now. “justin brogan” is a 6/6 name scheme, making it a valid troll name in the homestuck universe. i hate this
HOMESTUCK POLICE HERE TO ARREST YOU
Reggie Reggie is a valid troll name.
no. No. NO. *NO*
i want to cry
it costs $0.00 to NOT say that
This book is what my parents think happens on the Mighty Internet