Enneagram type 4 | Subtypes | Social (SC)

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  • Опубликовано: 23 дек 2024

Комментарии • 88

  • @Jessicaunarex
    @Jessicaunarex 3 года назад +64

    I am a social 4 and shame is my middle name. If I can’t achieve validation through my talents then I will resort to suffering. ‘I have suffered so much and this makes me unique.’ I always longed to exist as an idea that people could collectively understand. And I crave the recognition to prove my specialness/talents. And I always view myself as the worst in the group-always in last place, so I withdraw so I can retreat into myself. I am so/sp 4w5. I also had a coworker say, ‘I can’t image you angry.’ Ha! Only in private does my sx type pop out. Elliott Smith was my 4 music go-to in the 90s. If you even attempt to compete with me I will retreat and not allow it to happen-I think I do this to assert control.

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  3 года назад +6

      I love this processing so much Jessica. That’s some badass introspection. I relate to a lot of this although you can tell I let my anger be seen more than you I sometimes (often 😉) wish I didn’t. Check out my episode on Seinfeld and anger if you have some time. I try to get at how we can actively and effectively use our anger to our benefit. Thanks so much for this post... was a good way to start my morning
      Drew

    • @Jessicaunarex
      @Jessicaunarex 3 года назад +3

      @@drewnewkirk I will check it out! I have subbed to your channel. I love the color in your room. It's a myth that 4s only love black. (I actually only started wearing more black in recent years but it is often balanced by a bright scarf.) Paul Cezanne was a social 4--I can see it. 'Rejected Elitist' is perfect! He very wanted to be part of the group but often undermined himself. I go between being very silly and outgoing in very small groups (almost 7 like) to completely withdrawing--esp. if I don't feel understood, which is most of the time. My Type 9 mom described me as an 'angry child', where I would show her that sx. The E-gram helped us understand one another--for her to learn why I was so reactive and why is she so passive? Funny thing about France--I am working on some writing re: French painters at the moment and also have written books on Japan--love the lit and film, etc. Another very 4 culture. So creepy weird how accurate this thing is. Like it knew! I also dislike my 3 wing, as it is the source of vanity, but I lean more on my 5 and feel more at home there. I do routine work in a lab, which allows me to think and disappear into my head. (Don't think I could do that were I sx 1st.) But also that 3 keeps me grounded and practical--a new upload on my workout channel, keeping up with fitness--perfunctory stuff as that. Really enjoyed your insights!

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  3 года назад +2

      I’ve not flirted too much with Japan yet but I’m definitely intrigued. I haven’t jumped in to France yet either but I think in the next two years I’m doing it. Give a follow on @drewnewkirkpsychotherapy on the gram so I can follow your writing journey. Also, yes to parents and children going down the enneagram rabbit hole together. That’s huge

    • @Shayne_T
      @Shayne_T 2 года назад

      I love Elliot smith.

    • @grace2479
      @grace2479 2 года назад

      I'm 4w5 so/sp as well and I relate completely

  • @grace2479
    @grace2479 2 года назад +20

    Oh man. Finally realized I'm def a 4w5 so/sp and I feel ashamed about it 😆. Shame, self sabotage, insecurity, wanting others to see my suffering and go easy on me, wanting to draw others to me through suffering to secure compassion and connection, desire to be fully known. But it's freeing finally realizing your type and your defense strategy. Great videos.

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад

      I found myself doing all the things you mentioned this week Wendy. Like you, there was some shame but like you the realization I was doing that was freedom. Thanks for watching and hope future videos continue to help
      Drew

  • @JulietTheGirl
    @JulietTheGirl 3 года назад +15

    I love the colours in your room!!!

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  3 года назад +2

      Thanks Moonbird! It’s a lazy day and it’s keeping me feeling right in here. The colours are everything for us 4’s 🙌🏼
      Drew

  • @ShayleeOfficial
    @ShayleeOfficial 2 года назад +6

    This video is me 100%. Also love the colors in your office. Teal and purple is the ultimate combo!

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад

      I’m always tempted to go all in on that Deep Merlot (purple). Isn’t deep merlot such a good name. And teal, yes, all day everyday. 4’s official color is a version of purple by the way. Also, thanks for watching Shaylee
      Drew

  • @Shayne_T
    @Shayne_T 2 года назад +7

    The smiths, Joy Division,
    Radiohead, Elliot Smith, Gem Club, Low - some of my favourites..not in any particular order.

  • @ChrisMontoya
    @ChrisMontoya 3 года назад +8

    Wow...powerful video. I have been sorting my instinctual stack from your videos. I’m probably a SO4 after watching this video. I saw a talk that said being balanced in all three instincts is the idea...and I hear you echo that in this video. What I’d say that hit me really hard is that 4’s do really well at exquisite paring. It pains me when others ask for my advice (which I’ve learned to do over the years) and then they don’t use it. One thing I loved that you said in the video that really resonates with me is that ability to bring inter-group resources together in productive and synergistic ways...and it can be that focus too much on being the glue that can be our undoing. I have a real experience of that which caused me to stop working - something I’m working with the Enneagram to help heal. Finally, I thought your choice of songs from Morrisey and the Smiths NAILED the concepts. Thanks for being a clear resource in your work. Keep rocking these videos. 🙌🏻

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  3 года назад +1

      As always Chris I love how you took the time and energy to really dig in to the enneagram and this content to sift through your stuff. As you know the work is not easy but you do it! Keep digging!
      Drew

  • @kattregn
    @kattregn 2 года назад +6

    Thanks to you I finally figured out my subtype stacking. My fear of being too much made me hope I was SP, but it’s much better to be honest with yourself. At least if you want to grow.

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад

      Awesome! So happy I could help. It’s my joy to get you closer to you Elise 😉
      Drew

  • @ingridcastelo6858
    @ingridcastelo6858 2 года назад +4

    I am a 9w8 and have a love for music and the Smiths. Thank you for this helpful content and your unique approach to the enneagram. I'm looking forward to watching your other videos!

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад +2

      Love this message Ingrid. You know I love you 9’s and hope to keep unfolding some 9 and 4 stuff. Thanks for coming on board and know I’ll give my all to keep drawing light to our collective story
      Drew

    • @ingridcastelo6858
      @ingridcastelo6858 2 года назад +1

      @@drewnewkirk You're welcome, Drew. I appreciate you and am very excited to delve into your channel!

  • @KnoxInRain
    @KnoxInRain 3 года назад +6

    I've been watching Enneagram stuff for a while but just found your videos today! Just made it through the Subtypes overview video and each Subtype video while doing some art. Quite enjoyed them and your unabashed sincerity, I look forward to more videos from you! (SP4w3 here)

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  3 года назад

      I love it. Sometimes a voice connects with someone and it just fits. Love that it connected with you. Check out the episodes on work as you work on your art, hopefully it’ll inspire
      Drew

  • @joannamichel1300
    @joannamichel1300 2 года назад +5

    So informative and so helpful. Didn’t get my social 4ness until now. Thank you.
    Gotta mention the social Justice leader part - blew me away! I am the Director of a program in our medical school on social Justice and health equity!!! 😵‍💫🤩I utilize that macro level view and vision you mention; able to motivate my students to organize and advocate for what’s right. But I can be impatient, accelerate things to quickly, not wait for others to come forth. But seeing the whole picture in the way you present it is very validating. ❤️🙏🏼

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад

      I love it! Yeah, we 4’s aren’t so bad a rallying the troops. What great work you are doing. On a day I feel kinda beaten up and worn down your work and encouragement are buoying my spirit. Thanks Joanna

    • @joannamichel1300
      @joannamichel1300 2 года назад +1

      @@drewnewkirk As motivating as we can be, we also give all of ourselves to the things that matter to us. Sounds like you might have overdone that a bit? Time for self compassion, some wellness activities and nice conversations with yourself. Go into that “dungeon” and you’ll be grabbing those boot straps before you know it! 🤠 🐎

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад

      @@joannamichel1300 I’m practicing that self compassion and recovery now J. Thanks for the kindness and care. I’m gonna take those words to heart

    • @joannamichel1300
      @joannamichel1300 2 года назад

      @@drewnewkirk Aww love that. 🥰 Yay!!!

    • @joannamichel1300
      @joannamichel1300 2 года назад

      @@drewnewkirk Please do. From my ❤️ to yours ❤️

  • @icantseeyou1294
    @icantseeyou1294 3 месяца назад

    It is so strange, because I think I’m at a turning point in my life. This particular period is very crucial, since I’m about the publish my first novel that I put some of my own feelings and experiences. Those experiences that I felt ashamed of, because of the way they made me feel. But if the people who read my book, would understand it or could gravitate towards it, my core believe would be shooked
    Because I create and was always fascinated by intimate one on one relationships, I thought of myself as a 4 sx subtype. I just realized years later that I’m a 4 so. No wonder why I feel that I’m the one with the less knowledge in every college class, even though that couldn’t be farther from the truth…

  • @narimene7901
    @narimene7901 4 дня назад

    Sometimes i want people around me to see how fragile i am and how sensitive i am to not say those hurting words about me.. or at least to know how much they are part of the causes of my suffering..
    But i also internalize my suffering.. never show it outside.. and try to become a better version of myself.. a version that can be loved..
    So.. i'm not sure what's my subtype.. i resonate with both...

  • @elizabethhenderson5110
    @elizabethhenderson5110 2 года назад +5

    Was feeling dejected hearing about rejection 😊 my social unit is my immediate family & I desire to be an anchor for us. This information was powerful one of my favs

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад

      Keep engaging the content and the growth Liz! Thanks for continuing to watch

  • @grizelwilliams4331
    @grizelwilliams4331 2 года назад +2

    I really needed this, Thank you so much for sharing this. I feel very seen as a social 4.

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад +1

      Always a pleasure and my goal is always to help you feel seen.
      Drew

  • @saycoach9119
    @saycoach9119 3 года назад +2

    Great information and delivery. Really interesting approach, using songs to illustrate your points!

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  3 года назад

      Thanks so much and thanks for watching. Trying to keep it interesting and useful
      Drew

  • @dancecocrea
    @dancecocrea 2 года назад +1

    Brilliant man. Thanks for the breakdown!

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад

      Thank you so much. The feedback helps me keep going so know I appreciate it. Hopefully the other 4 content hits the spot as well
      Drew

  • @shubhamjha4092
    @shubhamjha4092 3 года назад +13

    I am so social 4 I still think I might get a letter from Hogwarts. I am 30 now

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  3 года назад +3

      Ha! I think that’s a reference to Harry Potter 🤔 Excuse my ignorance. But you social 4’s are not forgotten 😂 Thanks for watching
      Drew

    • @shubhamjha4092
      @shubhamjha4092 3 года назад +3

      @@drewnewkirk I think I hit the jackpot of shitfest. Social : dominant and Sexual as well the next trait. Wanting social acceptance and then wanting to be Alpha in the group. Is a baaaad combo. Power to you for this. Enlightening to say the least

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  3 года назад +2

      @@shubhamjha4092 welp, world domination with a decidedly insecure bent could lead toward inspired leadership or some totalitarian craziness 😂
      Thanks for digging the content
      Glad it’s hitting you right
      Drew

  • @akat
    @akat 2 года назад +1

    Wow! Such great info to understand. I’m definitely this subtype (least, self-preservation). Very helpful to understand this kind of instinct. Groups sustain and anger me all at once. Thank you for your videos. ‘Worthy of rejection even by Satan’ I die 🤣😭 but also, bringing authenticity out of the group, definitely resonates.

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад

      Ha! Satan. We have to get a laugh at our own expense sometimes

  • @1800screwthem
    @1800screwthem 2 года назад +1

    Thanks Drew. ❤

  • @karor.7138
    @karor.7138 2 года назад +3

    Wow! As social 4 I appreciate your Vid so much. Thank you ☺️ Ps.: The mentality country of type 1 is Switzerland and Russia. The mentality country of 6 is Germany.

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад +2

      I would disagree with Russia but… if you watch my episodes on the 1’s they are both filmed in Switzerland actually 😂 No joke. For that very reason
      I misspoke in the video about Germany but not totally convinced they’re a 6 country but these things are fun to think about
      Thanks for watching and I’m glad it landed well, love doing them.
      Look out for a few more 4 videos coming soonish
      Drew

    • @karor.7138
      @karor.7138 2 года назад +1

      @@drewnewkirk hahaha nice you filmed it in Switzerland, that's what's up! Ok I could definitely understand your concerns about Russia as 1 ... Maybe I connect it with my father beeing a one and raised in Russia ... But I would never ever change my mind about Germany as 6.
      1. The most percentage of Germans are sixes.
      2. They are conscientious af hardworking and reliable
      3. Security is one of the most important topics here. That's why we have the most quantity of street signs compared to any other country. Also we have a good medical insurance system. Moreover we can't even built a Cabin on our premises without informing the "Bau-Amt" or whatever. When you tell in primary school that you don't own a bike-helmet they look at u as if you hadn't brushed Ur teeth.
      4. As cruel as it might sound... But sixes like to follow... And after 1. Worldwar they were afraid because they have lost so much and after followed someone in masses around 1945. Loyalty.
      Ones are way to much in love with their own rules and thinking of a good world as they could represent a country where everything is so adjusted.

    • @karor.7138
      @karor.7138 2 года назад +1

      @@drewnewkirk and please keep on doing Enneagram videos. I like it!

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад +1

      @@karor.7138 damn! Love it, I’m convinced. You’re German? You have to warn me I’m talking to an expert 🤦‍♂️
      I’m heading back to Switzerland in a week for a three week sabbatical to just work on enneagram content. As I always say, jokingly, Switzerland would be perfect if it was filled with Italians. I love it there though, I swear
      Thanks for that thorough explanation. Which I had that before filming my 6 overview

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад +1

      @@karor.7138 done! Keep schooling me on the Germans 😉

  • @matthewbrehm1307
    @matthewbrehm1307 2 года назад +1

    Another great social 4 song: Addict With a Pen - Twenty One Pilots

  • @harmantumber
    @harmantumber Год назад +1

    Solid video

  • @DreamxCreature
    @DreamxCreature Месяц назад

    I think the example of a tantrum over a fallen hotdog might be more sx. They're the "shameless" subtype, more expressive and at times aggressive in their expression. Social instinct of Any type is more keenly aware of social dynamics, and where shame comes in with type 4 I think social four would not want to embarrass themselves, which is why I think they're one of the subtypes that expresses intense emotions and thoughts through the intermediary of art most often, it's socially minded and has greatest shame about what others perceive among the fours

  • @marlaconcepcion3397
    @marlaconcepcion3397 10 месяцев назад

    Wow I learned so much thank you
    What’s your MBTI btw? My (9) friend and I are debating hehe 😊🙏

  • @SugarSnapDragon
    @SugarSnapDragon 2 года назад +2

    Do people travel between subtypes?

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад +1

      We are all three and I think the stack mostly stays in tact but one can dominate and recede for sure. However, if real survival was at play we’d likely choose our dominant
      But healthy people look pretty balanced

  • @Faultlesssymmetry
    @Faultlesssymmetry 3 года назад +1

    Great video, Drew.

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  3 года назад +1

      This means a lot Renee. Thanks for watching and processing the content. Glad it landed. Hope you watch some others and soak up some new ways of seeing yourself
      Drew

    • @Faultlesssymmetry
      @Faultlesssymmetry 3 года назад +1

      @@drewnewkirk I've subscribed. I like the way you explain it, so thank you. Keep pushing. I support you.

  • @karinjahn-walter7340
    @karinjahn-walter7340 3 года назад +1

    in case of music I prefer operas from Puccini or Amy Whinehouse "Love is a loosing game" Drama and suffering...that's it. I'm a 4w3 social/sexual

  • @xodroraccoon
    @xodroraccoon 8 месяцев назад +1

    I love the smiths - yeah he's a 4 😂

  • @RafaelLincoln
    @RafaelLincoln 3 года назад +5

    i cannot cope with what i see, sorry, you're so handsome. do you feel ugly? i bet you do, as a four. i got myself thinking "how the hell i'm not beautiful that way?" i also loved your room and tatoos. i honestly confess i loved the explanation, but you're so charming i could not focus entirely on what you said. lol just kidding! no. no kidding, i mean serious. lol i loved your approach. i'm also a social four and i related so much with shame and how i get from groups the support i need to live light. i write from rio. hope your work could reach more fours. i subscribed and followed your profile on instagram. thank u. (i love music as well, but mostly thom yorke' stuffs). could i be you client? =D i guess no! poor me i'm married

    • @desidezmusic9239
      @desidezmusic9239 3 года назад +5

      😳 well this was a good read👀😆.

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  3 года назад +3

      @@desidezmusic9239 I agree! This was the kinda read that makes me think it was worth doing the RUclips business 😂

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  3 года назад +3

      This is really flattering and if a Thom Yorke fan gets it then I’m doing something right. Radiohead is one of my favorite bands to see live. Do I feel ugly? Sometimes. But in the last 10 years I’ve given less of a shit. I kinda dig the thing I got and don’t overly criticize anymore. But... alas, I’m a 4 so I hate myself sometimes.
      Thanks so much for watching and subscribing! Its cool this has reached you in Rio, I’ve been there twice and it’s top of my list of cities. I need to get back soon. As for clients, I have them from all over so these days with the internet there are no restrictions. You’re a good soul, and funny Rafael - keep that up, it’s refreshing
      Drew

    • @shubhamjha4092
      @shubhamjha4092 3 года назад +3

      After this comment all 4s thinking about getting a youtube channel for that validation . But not for the handomness but how incisively the video analyses us.

  • @pjmackall
    @pjmackall 3 года назад +2

    Germany is a 6 culture. UK is 1 ;)

  • @jaclynevans4869
    @jaclynevans4869 2 года назад +1

    Ok there i am!! 🙏. ... see me as fragile is totally unconscious, and cringe!

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад

      You’re on your way to health then methinks 😉
      Cringe first, then grow
      Drew

  • @SugarSnapDragon
    @SugarSnapDragon Год назад +1

    I just plain don't beleive you need to have trauma to be a 4. At all. I think there are a lot of people who score 4 who have other disorders and such that tend to correlate with trauma, but it's not actually necessary. Not everyone who wants to be an artist or is obsessed with authenticity, or who want their life to be meaningful has trauma.
    My mom really tried to instill me with this idea that most things people do are "to show off" and that those people are just like damaged or needing of attention. In reality I learned in college that actually doing stuff is why we were put here, and seeing what you're capable of, even if it's just silly stuff like learning poi or getting good at a sport, is just part of living a full life.

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  Год назад +3

      Trauma is on a spectrum. If you had a mom that was constantly telling you that to be yourself and express yourself and share who you are and share your gifts and be authentic is about showing off. I’m sorry, for someone who is creative and expressive that would be trauma. “See it how you wanna see it, it’s just a word. But you seem to have been shut down and had to find out how to open back up. That is the worst of crimes in my opinion.

    • @SugarSnapDragon
      @SugarSnapDragon Год назад

      @@drewnewkirk she put me in Choirs and encouraged my talents with singing and acting.

  • @jessicakilburn
    @jessicakilburn 2 года назад +1

    When you said meat is murder.. I was like no it’s not…. meat is the proper human diet, it’s our ancestors diet for 2-4 million years lol

    • @drewnewkirk
      @drewnewkirk  2 года назад +5

      It’s an album name friend, not a personal belief.

    • @Jonathan-b9j2k
      @Jonathan-b9j2k 3 месяца назад

      Meat is murder, it literally comes from an animal that was killed. You can rearrange the facts to make yourself feel less guilty all you want, but just because it’s long tradition and makes people happy doesn’t change what it really is.

  • @ardeshirafshari1670
    @ardeshirafshari1670 7 месяцев назад

    me when i spread misinformation