"Our spirit irritates their demons" (can't remember who said this) - by being authentic and honest, we scare away a lot of people who are not ready to either hear our truth or who are scared of our deep thoughts. It's sad really, because for a 4 we think that everyone should naturally be authentic and deep thinking, and we are then disappointed when people don't like us for our real selves. I find it hard to stand alone, but I find it even harder to try to fit into something I don't belong to. (These videos are sooooo accurate. Feels like someone finally understands how I tick! Thank you!)
I've read and listened to a whole lot of people talking about the enneagram in the past many years, and am so happy to hear someone who grasps what's happening inside 4s without making it sound like a victimy, melodramatic mess. It gets so tiresome and frustrating to hear so much garbage online, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. And of course, I am a 4.
You are so right, I am also a 4 feeling sometimes being reduced to someone who doesn't fit in and even don't want that, but I long to belong to others.
Therapist type 4 here! 🙌🏼 Super helpful to hear the part about how not everyone can or will go to the emotional depths with us. I genuinely struggle with keeping conversations light and I only recently came to this realization!
The real frustrating thing about being a 4, is that we can see the human and relationship struggles so well, and can guide people pretty easily. But we can not do it for ourselves because of our personal emotional connection. We know we should do certain things for emotional equanimity, but because it's uncomfortable (ie a feeling) we probably won't do it.... until it feels right, lol!! Ugh!! Exhausting!! Lol!! We're just constantly on the treadmill of life... running like crazy to nowhere.
I've had some of my best times shutting of the introspection for a little while and having a blast with a seven. I can't live there, but it's good for me to take vacations there and try to be a little more in the moment sometimes. I come back feeling refreshed and more ready to take on life.
So true. I can’t bear superficiality, trivial talk and mundanity. I really don’t know how or why others types seem content with this. It’s so hard to find others who want to go deep and really connect.
Well dang, so insightful! I feel EVERYTHING 💯. I can feel every anxiety, awkward tension, flirtation, ego, dominance, submission, depression, competitiveness, fawning, resentment etc in whatever group I'm in. And on top of that, I can feel many demons (suicide, intimidation, witchcraft, seduction, eating disorders, sexual perversion, vanity, rage ect) that are carried with people as well. Also, people are often their most unauthentic in larger groups, which as you know, is very uncomfortable for a 4 to be around. This is why social events feel so draining. It can be extremely difficult to turn down the radar in our brains that is alerting us to all the undercurrents fluctuating beneath the surface around us. I also think this is why, in my younger years, I gravitated towards alcohol at parties. I think it numbed me enough to not feel so much or be so aware of all the things beneath the surface.
I love how you talk about 4w5, searching for that deeper meaning, diving in the deep end of emotions and willing to explore the truth of oneself. Your correct, many people aren’t willing to go deep and explore, it makes them uncomfortable. That’s why I always had a hard time authentically connecting with people in the past. Also yes, I feel like as a 4, I have one foot in mundane world and one foot in the spirit world at all times, walking the hedge. Feeling and exploring what is authentic and true and quite often hidden from the eyes of most men. I’ve always resonated with Elsa as well! 😂
Yes, some of my biggest social snafus, especially with my wife, have been in pushing others too hard to dig out those "authentic" realities they weren't ready to address. It took a while to realize that it's not simply an avoidance thing (which, admittedly, I would judge pretty harshly) but that they really aren't ready/capable of dealing with it at that point. Learning this has been difficult, but once it sank in, it was able to fuel a certain sense of compassion for them I didn't have before.
The comment you just made, that types twos, threes and fours are all trying to answer the question of what gives us the right to exist, really struck me. Thanks for that! After a number of years studying the Enneagram high, can admit that my self-awareness, my ability to see myself, and others clearly, has been really poor. I’ve known for a long time that I am likely a 1, 2, 4 (possibly 9, but unlikely) type, but relate strongly to several of the types, and I guess just haven’t been able to see myself clearly enough to pick this apart. Several years ago, I watched many of Beatrice Chestnut‘s type panels on RUclips and the often-unconscious motives for Type 2 brought up a lot of shame in me. At that point, I decided I was a 2 and have been working my process accordingly since then. The other day a local Enneagram teacher, whose integrity prohibits her telling her students what type she thinks they are, finally broke down and laughingly told me she needed me to own my 4-ness, lol. So now I’m reopening my exploration back into type 4. It’s comments like what you just made though that help me be able to see myself more clearly - thanks for your wonderful videos, Dr LaHue!
I have honestly watched every single on 4w5's and thank you so much for the enlightenment. I've always thought it was just me being weird but having these pointed out in a framework study clarified so much!
i think being a 4 is one of the most challenging things just because our introspective nature allows us to be hypersensitive to other’s words and actions which creates a lot of inner pain. we’re able to read into people’s emotions sometimes too well to the point where we have overwhelming negative emotions that control our lives and send us into deep erotic and long lasting moods. it’s really important to understand that we are sensitive because we feel things so deeply.
4w5 here, such great insights, I had to listen to the part about not everyone being able to dive deep. Broke up with a 5 after 1.5 years a few months ago.. was extremely painful that he never asked the 'deep' questions, that it was always surface level if I didn't initiate, always the light positive stuff. I felt like his love meant nothing if he hadn't read the whole 'book' that was me, that his love for my 'cover' felt superficial. Seriously tore me up still even thinking about it earlier today. But hearing what you said added to my understanding. He doesn't even go deep within himself. He's told me he avoids being alone with his thoughts. If it's true that many people can't bear the negative emotions and dark side, how could I be egotistical to make this a tragedy starring me? How could I be upset that he didn't give me what he doesn't even give himself? lol. It honestly shocks me to hear that a majority of people rarely entertain the deep hearty questions of life... I always thought small talk was people's way of showing they don't trust someone yet. People talk like that even with their close loved ones?!
I think for most 4’s too, we don’t have a lot of super positive experiences to connect on. We felt alone and abandoned as kids and as adults a lot of us sought to remedy that by getting married to a meaningful person. Not realizing that the strains of marriage would lead us to keep on looking for that “special someone” that doesn’t really exist. It’s hard to join in on conversations with others, talking about the mundane or the blissful joys everyone else has experienced, nor just because we disdain the ordinary, but because we’ve never known it. So many of us don’t have the happiness that the rest of you seem to naturally acquire. Our lives seriously don’t live up to our expectations of them, so we don’t have happy or light things to talk about. They aren’t real. The only reality we really know is the tragedies we’ve faced so we go there to connect. I realize that’s unhealthy. And that we as fours need to learn that the life we have (though it will never live up to our dreams) is a great one and we need to be grateful for it. But the struggle against our failure to be the person we “know” we were born to be is more than people understand. Admitting that the ordinary and mundane might be all there is for us, and at our end no one will be able to say anything more remarkable about us than the next guy; is for a 4 like what living out the same day everyday would be like for a 7. Picture a day where nothing’s ever new and you’re forced by the flow of the day to do the same thing monotonously meanwhile the rest of the world gets to experience something new and exciting that you’ve never gotten to see. That is akin to the hell we actually have to live in when we realize that we really aren’t special and that we might be hurting everyone around us by trying to be more than we actually are which IS just another cog in the wheel.... that thought is terrifying.
I am a four, I am an artist, singer, and song writer. I just got started on pursuing my gifts because growing up, I never felt like my gifts were enough. I often see beauty in pain, I think that's why people gravitate to me, for what they think is a disaster, I totally see different. I was triggered to say this, Because I got lost in your words, you express your self very well. It screams artist. We have stories to tell, and because we are able to truly feel what we are experiencing, we are able to communicate that experience. I can go on forever... Lol trust. But I truly wanted to tell you, that your a strong force! As a mature 4, I don't try to stand out ever, it just is, and yes we are all the same as humanity relates however, God uniquely designed us. You know what you know... This is not a pity letter to you, you don't need it. I just admire your raw! Ps. I love 7s as this Dr. Is, I like their optimism. My good friends a 7. She helps me not be such a pestamistic person, I help her to love and embrace her truth rather ideal or not, do you get where I am going? Hope this wasn't in vain... Either way, your beautiful... Dez 🌻
Ah... What a tragic fellow 4! My type got nailed when my grandma died. Luckily I sought remedy in endless phone conversations, not marriage (which sounds a lot more tragic). I say this for myself also: we were abandoned, it is what it is. I felt that raw loneliness just a couple of weeks ago. But as Marshall Rosenberg said: `Sometimes, when someone ignores you, don't you feel angry? And othertimes, don't you feel relieved? Starting today I will get up and do my stuff. Making myself miserable or retracting won't affect that person or even God in the slightest. I'll get up and do my thing. Will opt to feeling relief.
Really glad you’re making these enneagram videos! I’m a 4(w3), and I think you have an absolute grasp on what it’s like to be a 4! I’m always feeling the compulsion to make my environment better- bringing all those damn feelings into it. lol control is a total aspect of it. Thanks for caring!
I found 4 is the most difficult and the darkest in all enneagram...Very challenging, often sabotage themselves, need a lot of praise and motivation. I am as a 2 sometimes overwhelmed but since I am very patient, I can understand how they think, I respect what's on their mind...but sometimes being close too much with 4 is exhausting...but I am glad coz I know this shows if they really 100% open up to you...
Great comments from what sounds like the manager of a 4. I'm a 4, and concur that I'm problematic, sabotage myself, and would appreciate praise. My current position has been home based for years, and I've been unsuccessful in building the connections with colleagues that I want so badly. Corporate America doesn't care about my tender feelings, which is why I've been on a PIP for years. I'm curious if your 4(s) are remote or in the office with you.
I think it would be better to not be friends with them if you feel they are “taxing” for you. I am a 4 and only want people in my life they actually like how I am.
@@growinchristiandatingwithc5823 exactly. I am sure if the 4s the OP was referring to knew how exhausted they apparently made her they would probably detach themselves emotionally and choose to seek other company. no one is forcing you to engage. we are just being ourselves. if that's "exhausting" then leave them alone? but if you think that's bad, you should try being us for one day.
I really wanted to thank you in my last comment because I had never posted anything to you. I originally wanted to ask you to do a video about four's curosity, fascination, obsession with the spiritual world. I have been since I can remember and it would be really interesting and informative and but more so enlightening. Thank you for your all of your work on the enneagram types. I understand myself and others so much better.
this whole thing is really mad! the accuracy amazes me, kinda feel like a nuts theorist when speaking about this stuff to people. Really got me with the Elsa reference, I watched that film not long ago and was glued at how much I resonated with her. being a 4 is dramatic lol but beautiful.
I just want to say I resonate strongly with the idea that 4's tune into their spiritual side and take that information seriously. Often, I have made seemingly irrational decisions on the basis of my intuition... only to be validated much further down the line that my gut feeling was correct. I am now actively trying to hone this strength to guide me towards my higher life purpose. Looking forward to your future videos on this.
I'm a 4w5 and you have opened my eyes in a whole new way. Your assessments are awesome, and I really like you a lot. Thanks for the time you took to do this. It's a timeless video and one I'm grateful to have found.
the thing I hear a lot about 4s is that we want to "dive deep" with ANYONE and everyone. just freely expelling our time and energy on anyone who will listen. haha. no. we choose very, very carefully who will expend that energy on. I can go straight to 1 energy and go cold as ice if I feel that my time is being wasted. I do not have any desire to go deep with the entire world. I get enough of "going deep" with myself, thanks. what I do expect is that the people who say they love me to at least meet me half-way. no one but a 4 can truly go as deep as we go and we know that. we know it's not possible and that is what makes us special so, in a way, that gives us the edge we need to survive in this world.
Yep. And then I feel inauthentic with anyone that I do not trust with my 4ness! And feel even worse when I trust the wrong people with that deep part of me. Family in particular. Reinforcing the idea that something is wrong with me basically from childhood experience reoccurring. So! That 1 energy you mention is almost a protection. At least for me. 🙃
When you said at 26:00 about "missing the joy and happiness of what is" reminded me of The Work by Byron Katie which is something I always do in my head when confronting an uncomfortable thought or belief and it has really helped me.
I'm a 4 and my ex is a 9. He encountered the Enneagram at work and immediately introduced me to it. His perceptive comment was that it explained a lot about our marriage. We now know that my son is also a 9 and my daughter is also a 4. So great to have it all out in the open because we can be more sensitive to whom we're talking to and compassionate towards each other rather than thinking that something is just wrong with the other :)
Another four here! I sure enjoy all the work that you put into these videos and the efforts you make to understand us. It has helped me to be able to accept parts of myself that will always be complicated. Thanks so much.
I really like you Tom because you get me.. not very many people in life meet me where I’m at & you have thanks to the Enneagram System. Haha - I am 25, I’m an artist, a shadow worker or psyche junkie, in love with the novelties of life .. & a loner😆. Great stuff man. My fiancé made me take the test a month ago. Halfway through it, I became angry because my responses, although honest, made me feel shame. I didn’t even want to read the results. My partner read them out loud for me and I literally felt gods light shine on me. So relieving to know I’m not broken. Your content is my favorite by far. Thank you for your efforts💯
Thank you! I thought I was alone in how I felt inside, about achieving ideals, and how I view the world...But it is amazing to know, there are others! It is life changing to be understood, not just by others, but to understand myself! Thank you.
I had a mentor when I was like 16 introduce the Enneagram to me cause she was just trying to figure out how to deal with me lol. It’s been a tool for me ever since. I’ve gone through so many stages, I’ve caught myself redirecting my thoughts to the present recently and it’s crazy how much time I have and do spend focused on my ideal future. Being and thinking gratitude has helped me a lot. Thanks for this video, for real. 💛
Thank you for your insights on all of the enneagram types. I am a four but have lost my identity of being an authentic four. I watched this with my husband who is a two. we have been togetherfor 20 years and it's been quite a ride. He has helped me understand myself in so many ways. I smoked marijuana for most of my adult life, 13 years. I lost and suppressed myself. your videos are literally a godsend. Thank you thank you thank you.
Yes...i am a 4w5 and have a need to find meaning and i find it hard to find authentic connections...have definately had to stay aware of not going deep with people as most don't want to know about feelings. Understanding people, the world, myself is a huge issue for me!!
Listening to you talk about 4s really makes me feel understood! I like how you said that other people can be overwhelmed by 4s sharing their feelings because I've experienced that before haha.
I post comments in every video in wich you talk about 4 because you REALLY understand us. You specially know how important is for us to be understand.Thanks for your wonderful work!😊😍😘💕
I feel the main thing for me being a 4, is dislike of being judged for disliking fake ness and superficial behaviour. People act like robots without personality.
Another super cool insight, what you just said about 4’s changeability sometimes being judged by others as, “when will the real [insert name] step forward?” I have never thought of this, but can apply it to possibly better understanding my scornful and dismissive brother. It Literally took him 14 years to call me by my chosen name, painful, and perhaps a bit as some feel appropriate in dead-naming trans people. I would love to live in a world where others enjoy the inquiry with us, let go of their judgment, and dance playfully in the journey of deepening self awareness, exploration, and growth. 🎉♥️🎉
Thank you for this video. You have really understood the complexity of the 4 Enneagram, it’s astonishing. Do you also know that sometimes we try to be someone else because it’s so hard to function as a 4 in American society? That of course is unhealthy but when you see and feel so much it’s sometimes easier to shut down. I have the gift of healing and when that gift overtakes you and you can feel and see the pain and suffering, God sometimes grants miraculous healing. You feel odd. Who can see what you saw? Anyway, I think you understand or at least strive to understand and that is why I’m sharing. Wish you might one day have time to comment more on the Enneagram 4 and 8 relationship. I’m engaged and in a long term relationship with an 8 and we do have many similar traits as you’ve shared. I’d like to have a better understanding. Thanks again. God bless you.
You are sooo right and what you detail is so accurate🙏✨😊. It is difficult to express how much i like your high quality and brillant videos. A big thank to you from a 4 from France 😊😅💖
The last one: "Sensitivity to the status of human connections" that describes pretty well what i've been struggling and still struggling through my life. I can see where things are going wrong in relationships and it sometimes really badly affect me more than those in relationships 'cause I think that's something I should fix because I CAN SEE IT. But I can't fix them either. Then the struggling between here and there leads me to be moody, postponing my works, withdrawn and Like you said; sometimes I want to avoid those people and also at the same want to lean to them. OMG.. this is really me. 😢 and it's really hard.😒
19:00... 4s are binging on your videos... ok so I'm not alone! So much gratitude for this information about the nuts and bolts... I cannot count how many hours of my life deep-thinking and trying to figure out how I operate (cause we're outsiders to owners of an operating manual?) 🤯🤭🙏
Just recently my colleague told me How hard it is with you!!! (Just because I offered solution that was not usual for him (he's a 5😁). People at work call me naughty just because I speak openly if I don't like something. I hate when honesty is seemed as a flaw
We do not pull out just like that. People break connections and this is why we loose our emotional safety and prefer to connect to ourselves not to inauthentic people
Wonderful video. I'm a 4 as nd you're so spot on! It's very helpful to understand the 4 traits and be reminded of the gifts and more challenging aspects. Thank you!
How come I test like a 4, kinda feel like a 5 sometimes, was a major loner in elementary school stuck in my books, but throughout high school strove and became Valedictorian, Class President, Editor of my school newspaper, and president of several clubs. And now in my later 20s, I'm not so ambitious anymore. I just want to be me and find out who that is. It seems I've felt like a 3, 4, and a 5 at different times.
What I see in other ppl that arent fours is a blind sense of meaning in life. They see value in things they were reared to see value in - work, peer respect, social norms and customs, a degree of conformity that in a sense 'tips the hat' to the rest of society that 'I'm in, I'm doing the thing that we are expected to do, you're welcome'. I think this giant blind spot could be simply called tradition. Ppl feel an inherent sense of esteem simply carrying out what went before them, whats expected from them, to be the legacy of what came before and to carry it on. To get a steady job, to settle down, to have kids, to get married, to get promoted, to get the house and a better car, to rear kids, small talk, chit chat, mindlessness basically. It's like this instruction manual is pulling their strings without them even knowing it. These actions are mere legacy of survival of a species. This is why 4's are individualists. Its not out of defiance or resistance. It's that this instruction manual never got in. We are immune to tradition and we are putting the kart back behind the horse. We are asking, not just superficially, not whimsically, but why are we doing what we are doing? We are the mindful, we are the alert, the sober amongst us. Ppl act first and assume meaning later. This is just a bad habit carried over from childhood were we did what we were told simply due to authority (parents, school, society) and reason came last (if ever). For 4's we truly know how we feel about things. We do not outsource our feelings to some societal arbitrator in order to understand ourselves, we have instant recognition of how we feel and its starts and stops with oneself. This is why 4's have a fragile ego as it cant be reinforced by society, or as can be put super-ego. We do not get esteem from customary behaviour as we recognize that this behaviour has no inherent value other than survival, which is animalistic, something humans are constantly trying to distance themselves from. 4's seek truth. We seek whats true so we can determine what has value. Life is very much a masquerade that everyone buys into and unfortunately 4's end up sitting out much of life as we see that so much of it is banal, silly and without true meaning.
Wow, there’s another gem for me right there - - I don’t know what type my mom was, possibly a 3? But one of the things she used to tell me when I tried to go deeper emotionally with her was, “I just don’t want to go there.“ or, “I can’t go there.“ So much pain for me feeling unmet in my deep, emotional world with my closest person. I have been with a type seven for almost 20 years and he doesn’t love visiting that world much either, but does have a greater capacity to be present for me as I do so.
I laughed out loud when you said that 4s are the ones most blowing up your comments here - - I have certainly done that today! Very grateful for feeling seen, understood and unjudged - - a rare gift. I’d like to just add one thing that I felt you left out and it is this: for me, not so much a healthy 4 in my relationships over the last couple years, it has been very growthful for me to start to do my own inner work, learning to see, invalidate, and love myself. I have a small handful of friends I consider best friends, but none of them are like me in several important ways-the deep inquiry, feelings, uniqueness or drive toward uniqueness, etc. it is helpful for me to practice being my own best friend. I’m communicating this to my younger self on a regular basis. I am more my own best friend than my husband is, although he is a close second. What a gift we all have within us the capacity and capability to give ourselves; I’m so grateful for the Enneagram’s structure and wisdom that supports this healing and growth. 🌟💜💙💚🌟
Yeahhh man ! U got the right point as being a four i was always thinking about that i m searching myself mor than any types so u said that fours watching more than others it means we ara getting deeper than the others i guess
I have never met someone who is type 4 with a huge success in his own life. I am 4 and I still have been trying to find my way, it's sad because I am 30 years old. I'd say that I gave up hundred times to find a way which makes me happy or puts me a better place. But eventually I found myself searching the way again and again. it is never ending process. I just wanna remove the type 4 from the enneagram and replace myself to 5 or 6 or 7 or 8 whatever. I love myself but I don't like people type 4. They seem so pathetic, sick, romantic, questioner, over-thinker and so on... anyway I gotta go to my lab to investigate my inner thoughts and feelings.
I did a enneagram test and i got type 4 and i very closely almost got 2. i see myself mostly in these two types. i try my best to put my value u in the world and my worth into being nice and kind to people٫ like if i die i wanted to remembered as that funny girl who was there for everyone. However many people might either see how kind i am and walk all over me or are threatened by the way i dress/act (i act hyper af and dress emo af lol).
No need to hafta emphasize how much other types don’t wanna deal with our intense emotions and deep feelings, trust me, we are already very painfully aware of just how much the other types are intolerant of our emotions 😿
Lol! I sometimes feel mystical. My practice is called Recreate YOU....where my hope is for everyone to dig deep. Being a 4 has definitely helped me to show up authentically and non judgmental
Could you possibly make a video about type 4 people and the way they are in relationships with family/love/friendships? I would love to hear your take on that. it is like already I already feel inside but cant quite put it into words.
Okay last comment I’ll make in this video. But I’ve noticed you make a good amount of comparisons about fours and eights. I’m super curious about that! I can’t find anything on the internet about 4 and 8 compatibility. My husband and most of my best friends are 8s??? I don’t get it. Is it just me ??
My last boyfriend was an 8. I simply loved the decisiveness, assertiveness, self-confidence and strength he exuded. It anchored me and made me feel protected when he was in a good space (acting like a healthy 2) - that's what attracted me to him. I was a healthy type 4 when we met - acting like type 1. That's what attracted him to me. As we got to know each other deeply, I think we realised that we were motivated by completely different things. I, being more emotional and idealistic. He being totally "rational" to the point where I felt my feelings didn't matter, and somewhat ego-centric and domineering. He experienced challenges at work and definitely became and unhealthy 5. Focused on perfecting his skills in one particular niche of our industry and never making time for the relationship or anything else for that matter. That's why I ended it. I maintain very strong relationships with healthy 8's in my life. I also have strong friendships with type 9's.
Wanting to fix relationship issues instead of doing the job ....(at 23 minute) This is so typical of mine when I was immature. I strongly believed that so much could be achieved with little effort if only people could overcome these misunderstandings. However, the time lost pursuing relationship damaged myself only. Now even if I observe it as clearly, I do not try to interfere in any way.
Then find someone else! Every type can be successful with every other type. There is no perfect match. It only depends on your love and respect for each other, and your willingness to work though hard times and seek help when you need it.
Funny thing I’m always trying to learn grow adjust amend frustrated come across this personality type in a gram steel trying to research on what it is and come across I am a four and it’s almost like people were looking at me personally on a lot of things and it’s scary and as much self reflecting that I do to see it from the outside inward opens your eyes to a lot more things
“Get stuck wanting to fix relationship issues. Miss some deadlines” lol Unless you’re a therapist.. but then if you have to do documentations, you will no doubt miss deadlines for those haha. AKA, me, a 4.
Hey 4's, I'm an 8 who's been studying 4's because we're sort of polar opposites. If you ever feel like you're put in a box, ive noticed that although everyone can be somewhat the same (after all, 4's have ALOT in common with other 4's), what 4's really do is they make the Ordinary Extraordinary.
I want to fit in. I am a four, I am not intent to be so different but just feeling why must all of us should have the same act towards certain scenarios or things.
"Our spirit irritates their demons" (can't remember who said this) - by being authentic and honest, we scare away a lot of people who are not ready to either hear our truth or who are scared of our deep thoughts. It's sad really, because for a 4 we think that everyone should naturally be authentic and deep thinking, and we are then disappointed when people don't like us for our real selves.
I find it hard to stand alone, but I find it even harder to try to fit into something I don't belong to.
(These videos are sooooo accurate. Feels like someone finally understands how I tick! Thank you!)
I've read and listened to a whole lot of people talking about the enneagram in the past many years, and am so happy to hear someone who grasps what's happening inside 4s without making it sound like a victimy, melodramatic mess. It gets so tiresome and frustrating to hear so much garbage online, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.
And of course, I am a 4.
Thank you for your kind encouraging words. I hope to be a blessing.
You are so right, I am also a 4 feeling sometimes being reduced to someone who doesn't fit in and even don't want that, but I long to belong to others.
Amen!
This comment ❤
@@twlahue you really are
Therapist type 4 here! 🙌🏼
Super helpful to hear the part about how not everyone can or will go to the emotional depths with us. I genuinely struggle with keeping conversations light and I only recently came to this realization!
The real frustrating thing about being a 4, is that we can see the human and relationship struggles so well, and can guide people pretty easily. But we can not do it for ourselves because of our personal emotional connection. We know we should do certain things for emotional equanimity, but because it's uncomfortable (ie a feeling) we probably won't do it.... until it feels right, lol!! Ugh!! Exhausting!! Lol!! We're just constantly on the treadmill of life... running like crazy to nowhere.
Thanks for the insight. Interesting.
Agreed totally
I am such a 4...it’s not even funny. I have never related to something more...I feel like I exhaust people by just being myself...
I exhaust me by just being myself
Well said.
I've had some of my best times shutting of the introspection for a little while and having a blast with a seven. I can't live there, but it's good for me to take vacations there and try to be a little more in the moment sometimes. I come back feeling refreshed and more ready to take on life.
I'm with you man. I never understood how people didn't feel the same things I felt. Now I do.
Unhealthy 4s won't go with you they're very selfish self-centered self-absorbed and depressive
So true. I can’t bear superficiality, trivial talk and mundanity.
I really don’t know how or why others types seem content with this.
It’s so hard to find others who want to go deep and really connect.
find a INFx and INTx non 6-2-1-7-3 type and more on 4-5-8 however while 9 heavily depends on their trifixes.
I laughed so hard when you said. 4s are the most active on my page. They blow up my comment sections. Thank you for taking time to make these videos.
Personally as a four, I’ve always been obsessed with aesthetics my whole life. Cottagecore fours unite!!
YES!! 4w5 here. insightful to say the least. Bless you!
Well dang, so insightful! I feel EVERYTHING 💯. I can feel every anxiety, awkward tension, flirtation, ego, dominance, submission, depression, competitiveness, fawning, resentment etc in whatever group I'm in. And on top of that, I can feel many demons (suicide, intimidation, witchcraft, seduction, eating disorders, sexual perversion, vanity, rage ect) that are carried with people as well. Also, people are often their most unauthentic in larger groups, which as you know, is very uncomfortable for a 4 to be around. This is why social events feel so draining. It can be extremely difficult to turn down the radar in our brains that is alerting us to all the undercurrents fluctuating beneath the surface around us. I also think this is why, in my younger years, I gravitated towards alcohol at parties. I think it numbed me enough to not feel so much or be so aware of all the things beneath the surface.
Relate so much. 4 here with equal 3 and 5 wings. I feel the same.
I love how you talk about 4w5, searching for that deeper meaning, diving in the deep end of emotions and willing to explore the truth of oneself. Your correct, many people aren’t willing to go deep and explore, it makes them uncomfortable. That’s why I always had a hard time authentically connecting with people in the past. Also yes, I feel like as a 4, I have one foot in mundane world and one foot in the spirit world at all times, walking the hedge. Feeling and exploring what is authentic and true and quite often hidden from the eyes of most men. I’ve always resonated with Elsa as well! 😂
Glad to help.
Thanks for the Type 4 videos, its nice to know we are not alone and this helped me understand why I feel certain ways and not knowing how/why.
Yes, some of my biggest social snafus, especially with my wife, have been in pushing others too hard to dig out those "authentic" realities they weren't ready to address. It took a while to realize that it's not simply an avoidance thing (which, admittedly, I would judge pretty harshly) but that they really aren't ready/capable of dealing with it at that point. Learning this has been difficult, but once it sank in, it was able to fuel a certain sense of compassion for them I didn't have before.
Glad to help!
The comment you just made, that types twos, threes and fours are all trying to answer the question of what gives us the right to exist, really struck me. Thanks for that! After a number of years studying the Enneagram high, can admit that my self-awareness, my ability to see myself, and others clearly, has been really poor. I’ve known for a long time that I am likely a 1, 2, 4 (possibly 9, but unlikely) type, but relate strongly to several of the types, and I guess just haven’t been able to see myself clearly enough to pick this apart. Several years ago, I watched many of Beatrice Chestnut‘s type panels on RUclips and the often-unconscious motives for Type 2 brought up a lot of shame in me. At that point, I decided I was a 2 and have been working my process accordingly since then. The other day a local Enneagram teacher, whose integrity prohibits her telling her students what type she thinks they are, finally broke down and laughingly told me she needed me to own my 4-ness, lol. So now I’m reopening my exploration back into type 4. It’s comments like what you just made though that help me be able to see myself more clearly - thanks for your wonderful videos, Dr LaHue!
I have honestly watched every single on 4w5's and thank you so much for the enlightenment. I've always thought it was just me being weird but having these pointed out in a framework study clarified so much!
i think being a 4 is one of the most challenging things just because our introspective nature allows us to be hypersensitive to other’s words and actions which creates a lot of inner pain. we’re able to read into people’s emotions sometimes too well to the point where we have overwhelming negative emotions that control our lives and send us into deep erotic and long lasting moods. it’s really important to understand that we are sensitive because we feel things so deeply.
So well said
Just a 4 doing my research and blowing up your comments!
Glad you found my channel.
Jennifer Mitchell you must be wing 5, we do love to research.
Haha me
@@m.s9146 My 5wing is so strong I even do research on buying freaking lipbalm
@@dianana7371 ha, ha - so do I!
4w5 here, such great insights, I had to listen to the part about not everyone being able to dive deep. Broke up with a 5 after 1.5 years a few months ago.. was extremely painful that he never asked the 'deep' questions, that it was always surface level if I didn't initiate, always the light positive stuff. I felt like his love meant nothing if he hadn't read the whole 'book' that was me, that his love for my 'cover' felt superficial. Seriously tore me up still even thinking about it earlier today. But hearing what you said added to my understanding. He doesn't even go deep within himself. He's told me he avoids being alone with his thoughts. If it's true that many people can't bear the negative emotions and dark side, how could I be egotistical to make this a tragedy starring me? How could I be upset that he didn't give me what he doesn't even give himself? lol. It honestly shocks me to hear that a majority of people rarely entertain the deep hearty questions of life... I always thought small talk was people's way of showing they don't trust someone yet. People talk like that even with their close loved ones?!
And your daughter is so lucky to have someone that understands her!
I think for most 4’s too, we don’t have a lot of super positive experiences to connect on. We felt alone and abandoned as kids and as adults a lot of us sought to remedy that by getting married to a meaningful person. Not realizing that the strains of marriage would lead us to keep on looking for that “special someone” that doesn’t really exist. It’s hard to join in on conversations with others, talking about the mundane or the blissful joys everyone else has experienced, nor just because we disdain the ordinary, but because we’ve never known it. So many of us don’t have the happiness that the rest of you seem to naturally acquire. Our lives seriously don’t live up to our expectations of them, so we don’t have happy or light things to talk about. They aren’t real. The only reality we really know is the tragedies we’ve faced so we go there to connect.
I realize that’s unhealthy. And that we as fours need to learn that the life we have (though it will never live up to our dreams) is a great one and we need to be grateful for it. But the struggle against our failure to be the person we “know” we were born to be is more than people understand. Admitting that the ordinary and mundane might be all there is for us, and at our end no one will be able to say anything more remarkable about us than the next guy; is for a 4 like what living out the same day everyday would be like for a 7. Picture a day where nothing’s ever new and you’re forced by the flow of the day to do the same thing monotonously meanwhile the rest of the world gets to experience something new and exciting that you’ve never gotten to see. That is akin to the hell we actually have to live in when we realize that we really aren’t special and that we might be hurting everyone around us by trying to be more than we actually are which IS just another cog in the wheel.... that thought is terrifying.
Thanks for sharing this. It is deep stuff.
I am a four, I am an artist, singer, and song writer. I just got started on pursuing my gifts because growing up, I never felt like my gifts were enough. I often see beauty in pain, I think that's why people gravitate to me, for what they think is a disaster, I totally see different. I was triggered to say this, Because I got lost in your words, you express your self very well. It screams artist. We have stories to tell, and because we are able to truly feel what we are experiencing, we are able to communicate that experience. I can go on forever... Lol trust. But I truly wanted to tell you, that your a strong force! As a mature 4, I don't try to stand out ever, it just is, and yes we are all the same as humanity relates however, God uniquely designed us. You know what you know... This is not a pity letter to you, you don't need it. I just admire your raw! Ps. I love 7s as this Dr. Is, I like their optimism. My good friends a 7. She helps me not be such a pestamistic person, I help her to love and embrace her truth rather ideal or not, do you get where I am going? Hope this wasn't in vain... Either way, your beautiful... Dez 🌻
you put that into words perfectly. it helps me to put my feelings into words or read them from another 4 (:
Man your comment scares me about myself. I don't want to be this way
Ah... What a tragic fellow 4! My type got nailed when my grandma died. Luckily I sought remedy in endless phone conversations, not marriage (which sounds a lot more tragic). I say this for myself also: we were abandoned, it is what it is. I felt that raw loneliness just a couple of weeks ago. But as Marshall Rosenberg said: `Sometimes, when someone ignores you, don't you feel angry? And othertimes, don't you feel relieved?
Starting today I will get up and do my stuff. Making myself miserable or retracting won't affect that person or even God in the slightest. I'll get up and do my thing. Will opt to feeling relief.
Really glad you’re making these enneagram videos! I’m a 4(w3), and I think you have an absolute grasp on what it’s like to be a 4! I’m always feeling the compulsion to make my environment better- bringing all those damn feelings into it. lol control is a total aspect of it. Thanks for caring!
I found 4 is the most difficult and the darkest in all enneagram...Very challenging, often sabotage themselves, need a lot of praise and motivation. I am as a 2 sometimes overwhelmed but since I am very patient, I can understand how they think, I respect what's on their mind...but sometimes being close too much with 4 is exhausting...but I am glad coz I know this shows if they really 100% open up to you...
An unhealthy 4 can be really "something"...as each type in their un-health can be problematic.
@@twlahue true, I understand what you mean...
Great comments from what sounds like the manager of a 4. I'm a 4, and concur that I'm problematic, sabotage myself, and would appreciate praise. My current position has been home based for years, and I've been unsuccessful in building the connections with colleagues that I want so badly. Corporate America doesn't care about my tender feelings, which is why I've been on a PIP for years. I'm curious if your 4(s) are remote or in the office with you.
I think it would be better to not be friends with them if you feel they are “taxing” for you. I am a 4 and only want people in my life they actually like how I am.
@@growinchristiandatingwithc5823 exactly. I am sure if the 4s the OP was referring to knew how exhausted they apparently made her they would probably detach themselves emotionally and choose to seek other company. no one is forcing you to engage. we are just being ourselves. if that's "exhausting" then leave them alone? but if you think that's bad, you should try being us for one day.
I really wanted to thank you in my last comment because I had never posted anything to you. I originally wanted to ask you to do a video about four's curosity, fascination, obsession with the spiritual world. I have been since I can remember and it would be really interesting and informative and but more so enlightening. Thank you for your all of your work on the enneagram types. I understand myself and others so much better.
Glad to help.
this whole thing is really mad! the accuracy amazes me, kinda feel like a nuts theorist when speaking about this stuff to people. Really got me with the Elsa reference, I watched that film not long ago and was glued at how much I resonated with her. being a 4 is dramatic lol but beautiful.
I just want to say I resonate strongly with the idea that 4's tune into their spiritual side and take that information seriously.
Often, I have made seemingly irrational decisions on the basis of my intuition... only to be validated much further down the line that my gut feeling was correct.
I am now actively trying to hone this strength to guide me towards my higher life purpose.
Looking forward to your future videos on this.
You are so helpful and kind. Thank you for all your hard and good work. Your positive attitude and knowledge are a blessing. Signed by a 4.
I'm a 4w5 and you have opened my eyes in a whole new way. Your assessments are awesome, and I really like you a lot. Thanks for the time you took to do this. It's a timeless video and one I'm grateful to have found.
Welcome aboard!
the thing I hear a lot about 4s is that we want to "dive deep" with ANYONE and everyone. just freely expelling our time and energy on anyone who will listen. haha. no. we choose very, very carefully who will expend that energy on. I can go straight to 1 energy and go cold as ice if I feel that my time is being wasted. I do not have any desire to go deep with the entire world. I get enough of "going deep" with myself, thanks. what I do expect is that the people who say they love me to at least meet me half-way. no one but a 4 can truly go as deep as we go and we know that. we know it's not possible and that is what makes us special so, in a way, that gives us the edge we need to survive in this world.
Yep. And then I feel inauthentic with anyone that I do not trust with my 4ness! And feel even worse when I trust the wrong people with that deep part of me. Family in particular. Reinforcing the idea that something is wrong with me basically from childhood experience reoccurring. So! That 1 energy you mention is almost a protection. At least for me. 🙃
The fit in without blending in GOT ME.... #4probs
When you said at 26:00 about "missing the joy and happiness of what is" reminded me of The Work by Byron Katie which is something I always do in my head when confronting an uncomfortable thought or belief and it has really helped me.
I'm a 4 and my ex is a 9. He encountered the Enneagram at work and immediately introduced me to it. His perceptive comment was that it explained a lot about our marriage. We now know that my son is also a 9 and my daughter is also a 4. So great to have it all out in the open because we can be more sensitive to whom we're talking to and compassionate towards each other rather than thinking that something is just wrong with the other :)
Another four here! I sure enjoy all the work that you put into these videos and the efforts you make to understand us. It has helped me to be able to accept parts of myself that will always be complicated. Thanks so much.
Thanks for the comment.
I really like you Tom because you get me.. not very many people in life meet me where I’m at & you have thanks to the Enneagram System. Haha - I am 25, I’m an artist, a shadow worker or psyche junkie, in love with the novelties of life .. & a loner😆. Great stuff man. My fiancé made me take the test a month ago. Halfway through it, I became angry because my responses, although honest, made me feel shame. I didn’t even want to read the results. My partner read them out loud for me and I literally felt gods light shine on me. So relieving to know I’m not broken. Your content is my favorite by far. Thank you for your efforts💯
Thank you! I thought I was alone in how I felt inside, about achieving ideals, and how I view the world...But it is amazing to know, there are others! It is life changing to be understood, not just by others, but to understand myself! Thank you.
I had a mentor when I was like 16 introduce the Enneagram to me cause she was just trying to figure out how to deal with me lol. It’s been a tool for me ever since. I’ve gone through so many stages, I’ve caught myself redirecting my thoughts to the present recently and it’s crazy how much time I have and do spend focused on my ideal future. Being and thinking gratitude has helped me a lot. Thanks for this video, for real. 💛
Thank you for your insights on all of the enneagram types. I am a four but have lost my identity of being an authentic four. I watched this with my husband who is a two. we have been togetherfor 20 years and it's been quite a ride. He has helped me understand myself in so many ways. I smoked marijuana for most of my adult life, 13 years. I lost and suppressed myself. your videos are literally a godsend. Thank you thank you thank you.
I forgot that I was on my husbands account. My name is Stephanie Wicker-Jones
Thanks Stephanie, glad to help.
Yes...i am a 4w5 and have a need to find meaning and i find it hard to find authentic connections...have definately had to stay aware of not going deep with people as most don't want to know about feelings. Understanding people, the world, myself is a huge issue for me!!
Im so appreciative of you!
Cici Qu Thanks. So glad you found my channel.
Listening to you talk about 4s really makes me feel understood! I like how you said that other people can be overwhelmed by 4s sharing their feelings because I've experienced that before haha.
I post comments in every video in wich you talk about 4 because you REALLY understand us. You specially know how important is for us to be understand.Thanks for your wonderful work!😊😍😘💕
I feel the main thing for me being a 4, is dislike of being judged for disliking fake ness and superficial behaviour. People act like robots without personality.
Yes please do a video on 4s and 5s spirituality!✨
Another super cool insight, what you just said about 4’s changeability sometimes being judged by others as, “when will the real [insert name] step forward?” I have never thought of this, but can apply it to possibly better understanding my scornful and dismissive brother. It Literally took him 14 years to call me by my chosen name, painful, and perhaps a bit as some feel appropriate in dead-naming trans people. I would love to live in a world where others enjoy the inquiry with us, let go of their judgment, and dance playfully in the journey of deepening self awareness, exploration, and growth. 🎉♥️🎉
It's like you've read my diary!😂 thanks for thiss. Fascinating!
Thank you for this video. You have really understood the complexity of the 4 Enneagram, it’s astonishing. Do you also know that sometimes we try to be someone else because it’s so hard to function as a 4 in American society? That of course is unhealthy but when you see and feel so much it’s sometimes easier to shut down. I have the gift of healing and when that gift overtakes you and you can feel and see the pain and suffering, God sometimes grants miraculous healing. You feel odd. Who can see what you saw? Anyway, I think you understand or at least strive to understand and that is why I’m sharing. Wish you might one day have time to comment more on the Enneagram 4 and 8 relationship. I’m engaged and in a long term relationship with an 8 and we do have many similar traits as you’ve shared. I’d like to have a better understanding. Thanks again. God bless you.
Thanks for the idea. Blessings.
THIS IS SO WEIRD. SO ME. Love this video. Thanks so much!
Thanks for understanding the various aspects of a 4 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
I'm working on it.
You are sooo right and what you detail is so accurate🙏✨😊. It is difficult to express how much i like your high quality and brillant videos. A big thank to you from a 4 from France 😊😅💖
Thank you so much!
The last one: "Sensitivity to the status of human connections" that describes pretty well what i've been struggling and still struggling through my life. I can see where things are going wrong in relationships and it sometimes really badly affect me more than those in relationships 'cause I think that's something I should fix because I CAN SEE IT. But I can't fix them either. Then the struggling between here and there leads me to be moody, postponing my works, withdrawn and Like you said; sometimes I want to avoid those people and also at the same want to lean to them. OMG.. this is really me. 😢 and it's really hard.😒
19:00... 4s are binging on your videos... ok so I'm not alone! So much gratitude for this information about the nuts and bolts... I cannot count how many hours of my life deep-thinking and trying to figure out how I operate (cause we're outsiders to owners of an operating manual?) 🤯🤭🙏
Awesome! Thank you!
It’s bang on “what gives me the right to exist” - my mom told me I would ask her this question from age 6
Just recently my colleague told me How hard it is with you!!! (Just because I offered solution that was not usual for him (he's a 5😁). People at work call me naughty just because I speak openly if I don't like something. I hate when honesty is seemed as a flaw
😂
I was told that I am feisty!
We do not pull out just like that. People break connections and this is why we loose our emotional safety and prefer to connect to ourselves not to inauthentic people
Thank you so much for what you’re doing!!! You are as big help!
Glad to help.
Again you made me feel welcome into life. Thanks,
Glad to hear that!
Wonderful video. I'm a 4 as nd you're so spot on! It's very helpful to understand the 4 traits and be reminded of the gifts and more challenging aspects. Thank you!
Your videos make me feel so understood! Thank you!
Is there a Type 4 forum somewhere online ?
There are a few different Facebook pages: facebook.com/groups/11328235502/
I enjoy your 4 videos so much! They are a nice counter-shaming remedy to our tortured souls :~)
Thank you. You've spoken sooooo much to another 4's heart.♥️♥️ Thank you so much for what you do
Great video! Very insightful!! Thanks so much 😊
Glad to help.
How come I test like a 4, kinda feel like a 5 sometimes, was a major loner in elementary school stuck in my books, but throughout high school strove and became Valedictorian, Class President, Editor of my school newspaper, and president of several clubs. And now in my later 20s, I'm not so ambitious anymore. I just want to be me and find out who that is. It seems I've felt like a 3, 4, and a 5 at different times.
You’re swinging through the wings. Normal.
I love when it gets to the point in the video where Dr Tom has to put his professor glasses on.
What I see in other ppl that arent fours is a blind sense of meaning in life. They see value in things they were reared to see value in - work, peer respect, social norms and customs, a degree of conformity that in a sense 'tips the hat' to the rest of society that 'I'm in, I'm doing the thing that we are expected to do, you're welcome'. I think this giant blind spot could be simply called tradition. Ppl feel an inherent sense of esteem simply carrying out what went before them, whats expected from them, to be the legacy of what came before and to carry it on. To get a steady job, to settle down, to have kids, to get married, to get promoted, to get the house and a better car, to rear kids, small talk, chit chat, mindlessness basically. It's like this instruction manual is pulling their strings without them even knowing it. These actions are mere legacy of survival of a species.
This is why 4's are individualists. Its not out of defiance or resistance. It's that this instruction manual never got in. We are immune to tradition and we are putting the kart back behind the horse. We are asking, not just superficially, not whimsically, but why are we doing what we are doing? We are the mindful, we are the alert, the sober amongst us. Ppl act first and assume meaning later. This is just a bad habit carried over from childhood were we did what we were told simply due to authority (parents, school, society) and reason came last (if ever). For 4's we truly know how we feel about things. We do not outsource our feelings to some societal arbitrator in order to understand ourselves, we have instant recognition of how we feel and its starts and stops with oneself.
This is why 4's have a fragile ego as it cant be reinforced by society, or as can be put super-ego. We do not get esteem from customary behaviour as we recognize that this behaviour has no inherent value other than survival, which is animalistic, something humans are constantly trying to distance themselves from.
4's seek truth. We seek whats true so we can determine what has value. Life is very much a masquerade that everyone buys into and unfortunately 4's end up sitting out much of life as we see that so much of it is banal, silly and without true meaning.
Wow, there’s another gem for me right there - - I don’t know what type my mom was, possibly a 3? But one of the things she used to tell me when I tried to go deeper emotionally with her was, “I just don’t want to go there.“ or, “I can’t go there.“ So much pain for me feeling unmet in my deep, emotional world with my closest person. I have been with a type seven for almost 20 years and he doesn’t love visiting that world much either, but does have a greater capacity to be present for me as I do so.
I laughed out loud when you said that 4s are the ones most blowing up your comments here - - I have certainly done that today! Very grateful for feeling seen, understood and unjudged - - a rare gift. I’d like to just add one thing that I felt you left out and it is this: for me, not so much a healthy 4 in my relationships over the last couple years, it has been very growthful for me to start to do my own inner work, learning to see, invalidate, and love myself. I have a small handful of friends I consider best friends, but none of them are like me in several important ways-the deep inquiry, feelings, uniqueness or drive toward uniqueness, etc. it is helpful for me to practice being my own best friend. I’m communicating this to my younger self on a regular basis. I am more my own best friend than my husband is, although he is a close second. What a gift we all have within us the capacity and capability to give ourselves; I’m so grateful for the Enneagram’s structure and wisdom that supports this healing and growth. 🌟💜💙💚🌟
Wonderful and the most valuable comments on 4s. Thank You!
"Maybe that's all 4s need is some good questions." BINGO!!!
4s are complicated! 😂. Story of my life 😜
I relate to that repellence away from what I consider mundane, common or even simply over-done by the masses. So boring!
Yeahhh man ! U got the right point as being a four i was always thinking about that i m searching myself mor than any types so u said that fours watching more than others it means we ara getting deeper than the others i guess
Yep. As a 4 you got it!! Ireland
I have never met someone who is type 4 with a huge success in his own life. I am 4 and I still have been trying to find my way, it's sad because I am 30 years old. I'd say that I gave up hundred times to find a way which makes me happy or puts me a better place. But eventually I found myself searching the way again and again. it is never ending process. I just wanna remove the type 4 from the enneagram and replace myself to 5 or 6 or 7 or 8 whatever. I love myself but I don't like people type 4. They seem so pathetic, sick, romantic, questioner, over-thinker and so on... anyway I gotta go to my lab to investigate my inner thoughts and feelings.
Much love and grace to you.
Food for thought. Type 4 need to define success differently and not compare to other people’s success. I am 45 and it’s a journey not a destination!
Same situation. I think the most successful thing that i did is still being alive : )
Despite all i belive we can still be happy and enjoy the life (ok, sometimes).
@@AE-gm6hn Merhaba Türk müsünüz?
Ben de bu şekilde düşünürdüm; “ ben nasıl oldu da tüm bu tuhaflıklarımla bu güne kadar hayatta kalabildim?”.
Can you please make a video talking more about this @ 22:15?
4w5. Thank you for seeing me
I did a enneagram test and i got type 4 and i very closely almost got 2. i see myself mostly in these two types.
i try my best to put my value u in the world and my worth into being nice and kind to people٫ like if i die i wanted to remembered as that funny girl who was there for everyone. However many people might either see how kind i am and walk all over me or are threatened by the way i dress/act (i act hyper af and dress emo af lol).
No need to hafta emphasize how much other types don’t wanna deal with our intense emotions and deep feelings, trust me, we are already very painfully aware of just how much the other types are intolerant of our emotions 😿
Exactly, wow! Thanks so much for this video! ❤
The video that convinced me that I am a actually a 4. Bless you. 🦋🌸
Glad to help.
Starts 1:55
I’m a four!
Great, glad you found my channel,
4s blow up your comments because we want so badly to feel understood and you do an excellent job making us feel understood. Thanks for that!
Another great video. Thank you.
Thanks again!
Lol! I sometimes feel mystical. My practice is called Recreate YOU....where my hope is for everyone to dig deep. Being a 4 has definitely helped me to show up authentically and non judgmental
Could you possibly make a video about type 4 people and the way they are in relationships with family/love/friendships? I would love to hear your take on that. it is like already I already feel inside but cant quite put it into words.
I am going to start making relationship videos as my next series.
9w1 here looking to see who my husband is. I thought he was a 5 but I was wrong.... totally a 4w5. Great insight. Thank you
Okay last comment I’ll make in this video. But I’ve noticed you make a good amount of comparisons about fours and eights. I’m super curious about that! I can’t find anything on the internet about 4 and 8 compatibility. My husband and most of my best friends are 8s??? I don’t get it. Is it just me ??
My last boyfriend was an 8. I simply loved the decisiveness, assertiveness, self-confidence and strength he exuded.
It anchored me and made me feel protected when he was in a good space (acting like a healthy 2) - that's what attracted me to him.
I was a healthy type 4 when we met - acting like type 1. That's what attracted him to me.
As we got to know each other deeply, I think we realised that we were motivated by completely different things. I, being more emotional and idealistic. He being totally "rational" to the point where I felt my feelings didn't matter, and somewhat ego-centric and domineering.
He experienced challenges at work and definitely became and unhealthy 5. Focused on perfecting his skills in one particular niche of our industry and never making time for the relationship or anything else for that matter. That's why I ended it.
I maintain very strong relationships with healthy 8's in my life.
I also have strong friendships with type 9's.
I'm doing my due diligence as a 4w5 binging through your videos. Do you have a video I'm missing to help 4s in romantic relationships?
I will think about that
Yes please!
If only everyone could experience one moment of "The Romance of Life" that we (fours) inhabit for sustained periods of time.
Thank you!
Blessings
Wanting to fix relationship issues instead of doing the job ....(at 23 minute) This is so typical of mine when I was immature. I strongly believed that so much could be achieved with little effort if only people could overcome these misunderstandings. However, the time lost pursuing relationship damaged myself only.
Now even if I observe it as clearly, I do not try to interfere in any way.
As a 4 I know 9’s are probably my perfect match but i find them sooo boring
Then find someone else! Every type can be successful with every other type. There is no perfect match. It only depends on your love and respect for each other, and your willingness to work though hard times and seek help when you need it.
@@karissahammond4587 that’s really good advice. 🤗
@@jengibbs3049 Thank you! I can't take full credit. I got the idea from Abbey Howe's enneagram RUclips channel. Check her out!
@@karissahammond4587 i will !!! 😃
@@jengibbs3049 😄
Question: What number would a person with Aspergers most likely be?
Funny thing I’m always trying to learn grow adjust amend frustrated come across this personality type in a gram steel trying to research on what it is and come across I am a four and it’s almost like people were looking at me personally on a lot of things and it’s scary and as much self reflecting that I do to see it from the outside inward opens your eyes to a lot more things
Ty Brother ...U did well ! 👍🤙🤟
“Get stuck wanting to fix relationship issues. Miss some deadlines” lol Unless you’re a therapist.. but then if you have to do documentations, you will no doubt miss deadlines for those haha. AKA, me, a 4.
Hey 4's,
I'm an 8 who's been studying 4's because we're sort of polar opposites.
If you ever feel like you're put in a box, ive noticed that although everyone can be somewhat the same (after all, 4's have ALOT in common with other 4's), what 4's really do is they make the Ordinary Extraordinary.
This is a little late but the video u suggested making regarding 4 & 5 perseptivness to the spiritual world..... Have ever elaborated on that?
Thank You. ❤️
I want to fit in. I am a four, I am not intent to be so different but just feeling why must all of us should have the same act towards certain scenarios or things.
They can't handle the full me. So true.
Thanks for the video, you make me love being a 4
4 ~> ultra connected to the spiritual world 🧘🏻♂️