You Can't Touch Anything

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  • Опубликовано: 6 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 28 тыс.

  • @TheAshlovesu
    @TheAshlovesu 5 лет назад +7479

    So, if the floor _is indeed_ lava,
    Does it _matter?_

    • @KSPAtlas
      @KSPAtlas 5 лет назад +187

      Good point

    • @missj6997
      @missj6997 5 лет назад +107

      Goood point

    • @Almost_hysteric
      @Almost_hysteric 5 лет назад +93

      Good point

    • @nou6206
      @nou6206 5 лет назад +81

      Good point

    • @Jaemy_art
      @Jaemy_art 5 лет назад +174

      Patrick Henderson it will not touch you but it will give you so much heat that can burn you to death

  • @Hugos68
    @Hugos68 5 лет назад +3140

    Me: Tag! You're it micheal!
    Micheal: You technicaly didn't tag me.

    • @fissionplane32
      @fissionplane32 5 лет назад +190

      Micheal probably did that in kindergarden

    • @MausOfTheHouse
      @MausOfTheHouse 5 лет назад +72

      OR DID YOU

    • @fissionplane32
      @fissionplane32 4 года назад +6

      Fmono • 39 years ago • Updated I just remember him from preschool... I have so many memories

    • @fissionplane32
      @fissionplane32 4 года назад +2

      Stop asking Questions wdym

    • @Stoirelius
      @Stoirelius 4 года назад +29

      - Tag! You’re it Michael!
      - Or am I?

  • @matthewtheobald1231
    @matthewtheobald1231 8 лет назад +2961

    So the "Can't Touch This" song is appropriate in any situation?

    • @BB-mp4hn
      @BB-mp4hn 8 лет назад +31

      All ways been

    • @gian2kk
      @gian2kk 8 лет назад +30

      +Bryan Barrios Always*

    • @dilennoris6547
      @dilennoris6547 8 лет назад +2

      Yep.

    • @curtisswann7992
      @curtisswann7992 8 лет назад +3

      saw this one coming 😂😂😂 wasn't dissapointed

    • @Gamez4eveR
      @Gamez4eveR 8 лет назад +5

      +Emanuele Cancelli **always has

  • @KanyeMeatrider47
    @KanyeMeatrider47 2 года назад +385

    The fact his channel started as a gaming news and lists kind of stuff and then slowly turned to Michael telling us about interesting stuff while also becoming crazier is awesome.

    • @dreamlesssleepart
      @dreamlesssleepart Год назад +26

      Fr it was such a glowup it was so weird before

    • @Haystack_
      @Haystack_ Год назад +10

      ​@@dreamlesssleepartthe weird stuff was mostly just clickbait wasn't it

    • @lissybaby3643
      @lissybaby3643 Год назад +1

      It was a gaming channel!??

    • @n8an811
      @n8an811 11 месяцев назад

      ​@@lissybaby3643look at the oldest vids.

    • @sciburger8000
      @sciburger8000 6 часов назад

      @@Haystack_ you are the only person to talk about micheals old videos we need more people like you

  • @robotontheinternet0122
    @robotontheinternet0122 3 года назад +3927

    Michael single handedly ended a million lawsuits

    • @yeetedon
      @yeetedon 3 года назад +169

      Guys guys I didn’t touch her I swear her atoms did not touch mine

    • @el_aswad_
      @el_aswad_ 3 года назад +25

      😂😂

    • @ovoid_ovvie
      @ovoid_ovvie 3 года назад +33

      @Frenz Ioan Ledesma I never touched the pipe used to break apart the prison wall, the atoms never touched. How could I have escaped?

    • @ovoid_ovvie
      @ovoid_ovvie 3 года назад +4

      @Frenz Ioan Ledesma well it wasn't telekinesis.

    • @ovoid_ovvie
      @ovoid_ovvie 3 года назад +1

      @Frenz Ioan Ledesma I used electromagnet force.

  • @syn5828
    @syn5828 7 лет назад +1439

    So touch screen is a lie

  • @concorde886
    @concorde886 4 года назад +5749

    Younger brother: mom! He punched me!
    Older brother:

  • @ShaneAus
    @ShaneAus 3 года назад +449

    “Plays this video to a police officer”
    So technically I didn’t slap that old lady.

    • @headoverheels899
      @headoverheels899 3 года назад +15

      But your still hurt her

    • @minix07
      @minix07 3 года назад +6

      @@headoverheels899 so yea

    • @supercorn5607
      @supercorn5607 3 года назад +20

      @@minix07 and that's where you start running

    • @Admirablesmc
      @Admirablesmc 3 года назад +2

      🥴 uh oh

    • @TheOneGriffithFan
      @TheOneGriffithFan 3 года назад +6

      @@headoverheels899 well no, she just felt the power of the electrons. So if it didn’t have the barrier, it would be like bakugo

  • @bukachell
    @bukachell 4 года назад +3910

    "and for my next magic trick I will hover"
    *sits in chair*

  • @michaelwedgeworth8625
    @michaelwedgeworth8625 4 года назад +9405

    So we never technically "touched" down on the moon? There it is guys...

    • @wisespidey
      @wisespidey 4 года назад +148

      😂😂😂😂😂👍👍👍

    • @tutin9930
      @tutin9930 4 года назад +992

      We haven't touched the earth yet

    • @25condiscount70
      @25condiscount70 4 года назад +449

      Us humans are flying

    • @IHTGINT
      @IHTGINT 4 года назад +39

      but is are skin touching

    • @dzizas9534
      @dzizas9534 4 года назад +22

      or even the earth

  • @hermitapurpurr9178
    @hermitapurpurr9178 5 лет назад +2684

    Vsauce: you're not technically touching
    Me: *looks away for two seconds*
    Vsauce: if I ate 600 bananas

    • @FlowPlex
      @FlowPlex 4 года назад +127

      *looks away for 0.00005 more milliseconds*
      Vsauce: does an atom take an infinite amount of space?

    • @veritasdeutsch6608
      @veritasdeutsch6608 4 года назад +43

      It's the guy from Maths Tests, he buys 2,832 bananas and eats 678 of them

    • @aaronexists4308
      @aaronexists4308 4 года назад +4

      It was well over half a minute, not even close to two seconds.

    • @joecool9402
      @joecool9402 4 года назад +5

      If you ate 600 bananas you would die from radiation most likely

    • @lux_1223
      @lux_1223 4 года назад +3

      @Yung Beast AH, YES, THE RADIATION WOULD KILL YOU.

  • @tannerfrost5794
    @tannerfrost5794 2 года назад +491

    I remember my grandfather taught me this when I was a kid. I tried to explain it to my class but everyone including the teacher just looked at me like I was dumb.

    • @paulmueller100x
      @paulmueller100x Год назад +35

      :( sorry to hear that

    • @Fensmiler
      @Fensmiler Год назад +27

      @@paulmueller100x that happened to me when i told the student luigi says mama mia and the student said no at kindergarten

    • @IBXCK
      @IBXCK Год назад +7

      Damn

    • @Milkomeda_Galaxy
      @Milkomeda_Galaxy Год назад +7

      Show em the video AND GET YOUR REVENGE!

    • @xSTONYTARKx
      @xSTONYTARKx Год назад +27

      Ah classic, being the smartest person in your class, but because everyone else are idiots they think you're dumb.
      This happened to me in college, some people claimed that whiskey and whiskey coke have the same amount/percentage of alcohol.
      I tried to explain to them that whiskey has +/- 40% alcohol, but if you mix it at a ratio of 1 part to 3 parts of something non-alcoholic like coke, the percentage in that beverage is not 40% anymore.
      I even made a drawing of 2 glasses to explain it to them.
      They called me a fool for thinking you can change the amount of alcohol in an alcoholic beverage.
      Eventually i just gave up and walked away knowing i am smarter then them and i don't need their gratification.
      I was kinda shocked that people around the age of 19 to 23 didn't know how percentages work, but also decided it wasn't my problem nor my responsibility to teach them.

  • @elite2404
    @elite2404 5 лет назад +1607

    me: *watches* *video*
    also me: *aggressively* *trying* *to* *touch* *my* *bed*

  • @TheDashTube
    @TheDashTube 6 лет назад +1175

    So a skateboard is a hover board???

    • @foolonthe_hill
      @foolonthe_hill 6 лет назад +27

      dashton wolf yeah pretty much.

    • @minethink1442
      @minethink1442 6 лет назад +18

      Why does thatatter when you can't even skateboard since you can't touch it

    • @JuanPablo-ef9ql
      @JuanPablo-ef9ql 6 лет назад +7

      We need your help buddy

    • @CupidGTag
      @CupidGTag 6 лет назад +1

      dashton wolf ...

    • @rovertn7521
      @rovertn7521 6 лет назад +1

      Yes

  • @wen5942
    @wen5942 5 лет назад +1381

    Museum: do not touch
    Me, who watched this video: *evil laughing*

    • @delotrium6207
      @delotrium6207 4 года назад +54

      Cant wait when you steal something and then in court play this vid...

    • @mybadfriend
      @mybadfriend 4 года назад +8

      We know

    • @zfloyd1627
      @zfloyd1627 4 года назад +6

      Wen was Wen born?

    • @doodlema2241
      @doodlema2241 4 года назад

      You’ll do a crime the gap is microscopic!

    • @jackiematanza2791
      @jackiematanza2791 4 года назад +12

      @SouSselL and that also was a joke

  • @ayoitscat
    @ayoitscat 2 года назад +49

    I feel like this is the first *real* vsauce video. It's so cool to see this go from a "strange facts" series into an extremely in-depth science channel

  • @voynich7119
    @voynich7119 4 года назад +4844

    Physicists flirting be like: "I want to feel your repulsive force."

  • @lemonheep
    @lemonheep 4 года назад +1593

    2:50 "You have a tiny bit more radiation when sleeping with someone than a person who sleeps alone" *Cries in healthy*

    • @b_f_d_d
      @b_f_d_d 3 года назад +21

      Healthy loneliness 🤯

    • @greenbin3028
      @greenbin3028 3 года назад +17

      I will never have cancer

    • @evancain4906
      @evancain4906 3 года назад +3

      @@greenbin3028 unlikely

    • @HSpaceSystems
      @HSpaceSystems 3 года назад +8

      i sleep with thin air
      does that count???

    • @Bell-ih5ln
      @Bell-ih5ln 3 года назад +3

      F

  • @mrityunjayvikramsingh4552
    @mrityunjayvikramsingh4552 5 лет назад +5371

    Funny how he assumed that we're sitting naked in a chair.

  • @3dsaulgoodman
    @3dsaulgoodman Год назад +61

    "So as you can see, your honor, my client didn't actually touch that child" 💀💀💀

  • @dankgamer2004
    @dankgamer2004 5 лет назад +1579

    After this video I slapped my science teacher.But I actually did not.

  • @closet_dude3522
    @closet_dude3522 4 года назад +4295

    Judge: sir did you touch the child?
    Michael: so we are going to define the word "touch"

    • @teaskovski336
      @teaskovski336 4 года назад +108

      This comment is gonna blow

    • @T_Brown256
      @T_Brown256 4 года назад +13

      .

    • @ChunskieFartFilms
      @ChunskieFartFilms 4 года назад +10

      Teaskovski this is the same as every other fucking comment goober.

    • @stillfinding9237
      @stillfinding9237 4 года назад +1

      @@ChunskieFartFilms it's okay why you have to drop f word all the time

    • @ChunskieFartFilms
      @ChunskieFartFilms 4 года назад +6

      still finding why u gotta nitpick my language.

  • @chinkubai
    @chinkubai 4 года назад +1066

    Friend: Did you kiss my girlfriend?!?
    Me: No,I was just feeling her repulsing force of electrons.

    • @chinkubai
      @chinkubai 4 года назад +8

      @DexterKeepsEatingLasagne smart

    • @24sirosaydeacker57
      @24sirosaydeacker57 4 года назад +2

      @@chinkubai can I be smart too?

    • @24sirosaydeacker57
      @24sirosaydeacker57 4 года назад +2

      123456789012

    • @mrstreamer5158
      @mrstreamer5158 4 года назад +2

      24 sirosay deacker lol

    • @24sirosaydeacker57
      @24sirosaydeacker57 4 года назад +7

      @DexterKeepsEatingLasagne Nope theoretically since pi is infinite the numbers I said are correct and you never said the FIRST 12 numbers of pi.

  • @scottfynnschannel
    @scottfynnschannel 11 месяцев назад +20

    This was the video that changed VSause from cheap gamer humor and quirky product showcasing to existentialism and the fragility of life

  • @dr.dirtydan497
    @dr.dirtydan497 4 года назад +965

    1980: I bet we will have flying cars in the future
    The future: yes

    • @zannerr
      @zannerr 4 года назад +21

      this comment should have more likes

    • @quinn7894
      @quinn7894 4 года назад +35

      The best "flying cars in the future" joke I've ever seen!

    • @sir7851
      @sir7851 4 года назад +6

      Underrated

    • @doodlema2241
      @doodlema2241 4 года назад +8

      What does “Yes” mean, cars aren’t flying they’re only hovering above the ground by a microscopic amount!

    • @quinn7894
      @quinn7894 4 года назад +5

      @@doodlema2241 True.

  • @sorenspiller
    @sorenspiller 6 лет назад +678

    So what your saying is I can use this in court?

  • @vanessagarciatorres1117
    @vanessagarciatorres1117 8 лет назад +3804

    *murders someone *
    At police station...
    "BUT I NEVER TOUCHED THEM "

  • @Funicidal
    @Funicidal 2 года назад +28

    I felt like a genius for coming up with this theory after an intense chemistry study session at 14-15 🌚

  • @seaman8296
    @seaman8296 8 лет назад +2952

    so i never realy touched my self ; god bless

  • @nicklas425
    @nicklas425 8 лет назад +788

    2:15 I'd have to have a girlfriend first
    :(

    • @superyeah4ever2
      @superyeah4ever2 7 лет назад

      sad reacts only

    • @ieatgarbage8771
      @ieatgarbage8771 7 лет назад +26

      Nicklas Slone you'd have to have a girlfriend to hug you grandma?

    • @superyeah4ever2
      @superyeah4ever2 7 лет назад +42

      yep, cause my girlfriend is my grandma

    • @honigdaemon
      @honigdaemon 7 лет назад +14

      Nicklas Slone liek dis if u cri everytiem

    • @KieranChoquet
      @KieranChoquet 7 лет назад +1

      Nicklas Slone don't cry ma boi

  • @lukasaoo88
    @lukasaoo88 5 лет назад +412

    Girl: touch me
    Michael: well I can’t actually do that, you see....

  • @supreme6295
    @supreme6295 3 года назад +22

    want a hoverboard?
    1: find plank
    2: stand on plank

  • @littlebigcomrade
    @littlebigcomrade 6 лет назад +747

    M.C. Hammer liked this video.

  • @MrKassieboy
    @MrKassieboy 9 лет назад +327

    So if i'd shoot someone and he'd die, i could say the bullet never touched him and that i'm innocent?

    • @itsmichiv273
      @itsmichiv273 9 лет назад +54

      The amount of force that went through him broke the atoms but never touched them just pushed them apart but yeah you still killed gim

    • @Bomenix14
      @Bomenix14 9 лет назад +11

      That's called murder. You ment to kill him.

    • @thebananaman4240
      @thebananaman4240 9 лет назад +13

      Yes! Fucking YES! Lets go ''not'' kill someone!!!!!!!!!!

    • @jaydmatacarita
      @jaydmatacarita 9 лет назад +22

      Rene Flores Wouldn't it be attempted murder?

    • @traCeur335
      @traCeur335 9 лет назад +2

      ItsMichiV "Never touched them, just pushed them apart." THAT'S WHAT TOUCH IS. It's a problem of semantics, not physics. I'm not sure how VSauce fails to see that.

  • @aerojello9825
    @aerojello9825 6 лет назад +1539

    Jokes on you Vsauce I don’t have a girlfriend

  • @ajiyamashita6660
    @ajiyamashita6660 2 года назад +21

    I still love how random the transition Vsauce have, like there's no way you can talk about carbon to bananas smoothly but random at the same time.

  • @MechMonstrosity
    @MechMonstrosity 9 лет назад +766

    That banana isn't yellow... I've been watching too much Vsauce

    • @pinkietwinkie1813
      @pinkietwinkie1813 9 лет назад +29

      You and me both

    • @chaosarises9124
      @chaosarises9124 9 лет назад +3

      me too

    • @KizulEmeraldfire
      @KizulEmeraldfire 9 лет назад +1

      SoulRCraft2 True… but computer and television SCREENS can only display combinations of red, green, and blue - which is what MechMonstrosity was referring to. :p

    • @ElektrikPichuZ
      @ElektrikPichuZ 9 лет назад +7

      MechMonstrosity The banana is yellow in real life, but on screen, it's green and red.

    • @KizulEmeraldfire
      @KizulEmeraldfire 9 лет назад

      SoulRCraft2
      Indeed! :D

  • @BgoneR6
    @BgoneR6 4 года назад +342

    *BREAKING NEWS:*
    Man pushes atoms away to actually touch his arm, causes nuclear explosion!

    • @no-lg9ds
      @no-lg9ds 4 года назад +17

      News: don’t touch people or any physical contact
      Me:starts making physical contact
      Police: stop right there
      Me: I actually haven’t scientifically my electrons are actually repelling so basically the force is in us

    • @IHTGINT
      @IHTGINT 4 года назад +3

      i thought it will make a black hole

    • @crshaha
      @crshaha 4 года назад +5

      That Florida man in a nutshell

    • @willovacc_1847
      @willovacc_1847 4 года назад

      🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @SMEAZDEALER
      @SMEAZDEALER 4 года назад +1

      @@IHTGINT got some ant man vibes back here

  • @youtubelover-yw7cq
    @youtubelover-yw7cq 5 лет назад +609

    Me: Oh this is a cool place what can I do here?
    Museum:

  • @moofassa193
    @moofassa193 3 года назад +3

    Everytime, every single video is such a hit. Great job!

  • @zagur333
    @zagur333 4 года назад +394

    So, to answer your question officer, no I did not touch that girl

    • @cheekibreeki904
      @cheekibreeki904 3 года назад +4

      Explode.

    • @heinzdoofenshmirtz7953
      @heinzdoofenshmirtz7953 3 года назад +15

      “So if I punch you, I won’t be charged with assault?”

    • @trimine2393
      @trimine2393 3 года назад +2

      @@heinzdoofenshmirtz7953 technically no

    • @Slade69
      @Slade69 3 года назад +1

      @@heinzdoofenshmirtz7953 Assault has nothing to do with touching.

    • @heinzdoofenshmirtz7953
      @heinzdoofenshmirtz7953 3 года назад +3

      @@Slade69 but assault is a physical attack :(

  • @alexianodemaodici3977
    @alexianodemaodici3977 3 года назад +546

    Never touching is touching. What a touching story.

  • @yasinomidi7525
    @yasinomidi7525 6 лет назад +397

    My bullet did not touch him, his body got out of its way of my bullet.

  • @jaydenchudnow2303
    @jaydenchudnow2303 3 года назад +8

    9 years later and these videos are still great

  • @davisharper6704
    @davisharper6704 4 года назад +1157

    Girlfriend: "Touch my body."
    Me: "Well, you see..."
    *Vsauce music plays*

  • @Tymon0000
    @Tymon0000 9 лет назад +8116

    Thanks God my uncle wasn't touching me as a child.

  • @BigTimeExploration
    @BigTimeExploration 6 лет назад +1807

    I wrote this comment without touching my keypad

    • @battlemore
      @battlemore 6 лет назад +58

      Talk to speech, eh?

    • @makoloxko
      @makoloxko 6 лет назад +16

      👏 👏 👏 👏 *slow clap*

    • @olivefarmer69
      @olivefarmer69 6 лет назад +48

      @@makoloxko but you cant clap :D

    • @Loonaurtheworld
      @Loonaurtheworld 5 лет назад

      @Kai Gavin 21 JUMPSUIT JUMPSUIT COVER ME!

    • @Johnnysthunder
      @Johnnysthunder 5 лет назад +12

      I masturbated without touching my penis...

  • @steve-marsh
    @steve-marsh Год назад +1

    There's a whole lot of merch possible off the back of this video

  • @mew9918
    @mew9918 5 лет назад +765

    Mom I want to fly!
    Mom: You can fly at home
    Fly at home:

    • @regileblindsea
      @regileblindsea 4 года назад +6

      That mom is awesome

    • @tanishmisra2385
      @tanishmisra2385 4 года назад +6

      i didnt get it ??

    • @AjaySharma-le3df
      @AjaySharma-le3df 4 года назад +12

      @@tanishmisra2385 since your body never touches the ground, you're basically hovering above it or flying.
      *edit: I'm assuming you're familiar with this format of joke.*

    • @screamsinrussian5773
      @screamsinrussian5773 4 года назад

      @@AjaySharma-le3df but why the half empty sentence

    • @lancashiteman
      @lancashiteman 4 года назад +6

      @@screamsinrussian5773 its refering to the video consept: that you dont touch anything so basically
      kid is playing on an old phone
      kid:mom i want a good phone
      mum: but you have a phone at home
      phone at home:
      (phone at home is the old phone

  • @alucinogenum5134
    @alucinogenum5134 6 лет назад +3358

    *So that means that nobody has ever touched my spaghett???*

    • @kiikrosperk3512
      @kiikrosperk3512 6 лет назад +64

      Even if this videos message wasnt true and you could touch everything no one would have touched ur spaghetti anyway.

    • @abdulrahmanrammaha6926
      @abdulrahmanrammaha6926 5 лет назад +25

      Its rewind time!!

    • @VegasVPfree
      @VegasVPfree 5 лет назад +32

      Ooooh, that's how that meme died

    • @saarza9991
      @saarza9991 5 лет назад +9

      Yeah no one ever touched it, it's just in my stomach but it's not touching it because of atoms

    • @JustinSmith-bd8jy
      @JustinSmith-bd8jy 5 лет назад +2

      What's with all these spaghetti comments? What is that a reference to?

  • @starRushi
    @starRushi 4 года назад +470

    “Your body is not touching the chair at all!”
    Why yes, I would hope that I am wearing pants.

    • @ricobrawlstars4880
      @ricobrawlstars4880 4 года назад +5

      Underrated lmao

    • @CYR3K
      @CYR3K 4 года назад +11

      nah i’m on the toilet

    • @leoplayswhittaker772
      @leoplayswhittaker772 11 месяцев назад +1

      ​@@CYR3Kme to

    • @Terexerate
      @Terexerate 9 месяцев назад

      ​@@CYR3Klmao same

    • @Zayne1013
      @Zayne1013 13 дней назад +1

      As a random polite squirrel, I can confirm that what Michael is saying is false. I am indeed touching my squirrel-sized chair, and typing this on my squirrel-sized computer.

  • @Radioplayer385
    @Radioplayer385 2 месяца назад +3

    The first modern Vsauce video.

  • @Alvaldong
    @Alvaldong 7 лет назад +760

    *Goes to a museum*
    *Touches a statue*
    Security: "hey don't touch that!"
    Me: "I wasn't touching it"
    Security: "Don't lie I saw you touching this statue"
    Me: "I didn't touch it, I just moved my finger close enough to the surface of the statue to feel what the surface of the statue feels like without letting any particles or atoms in my finger touching it, in fact I never touched anything because anything I touch, there's always a very tiny atom sized gap to microscopic to see by the human eyes. the only things I ever touched are my parents and food, because their particles are chemically reacting with mine"
    Security: "who taught you that definition of touching?"
    Me: "vsauce"

  • @stevecenteno8304
    @stevecenteno8304 9 лет назад +266

    All along MC Hammer was indeed correct!

    • @marxmann3662
      @marxmann3662 9 лет назад +4

      you just got thumbs up for creativity

    • @stevecenteno8304
      @stevecenteno8304 9 лет назад +7

      Thank you sir, I am quite proud of that one. Tiny baby man.

    • @jarmo_kiiski
      @jarmo_kiiski 8 лет назад

      +Steve Centeno Well, Michio Kaku made this joke already. #COPY

    • @jarmo_kiiski
      @jarmo_kiiski 8 лет назад

      +Steve Centeno Well, Michio Kaku made this joke already. #COPY

    • @fadyfarouk8635
      @fadyfarouk8635 8 лет назад

      W 😂

  • @no_eggroll_4u
    @no_eggroll_4u 3 года назад +882

    “Kiss your girlfriend”
    *Impossible*

  • @LittleMissVianna12
    @LittleMissVianna12 Год назад +4

    "You're hovering right now"
    Me: I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYYY

  • @towelie374
    @towelie374 6 лет назад +1393

    Thanks Michael, now I know that my butt is made of atoms

  • @brickwall9027
    @brickwall9027 4 года назад +510

    Girl in the train: Hey you touched me! I'll call the cops!
    Me: My lawyer is Vsauce

    • @maki-roll5416
      @maki-roll5416 4 года назад +2

      Lol

    • @Instant_Clips
      @Instant_Clips 4 года назад +2

      Hahahahah

    • @fiddink6058
      @fiddink6058 4 года назад +32

      The other lawyer:
      * nervous sweating *

    • @DepFromDiscord
      @DepFromDiscord 4 года назад +12

      I can imagine that being a clickbait RUclips title. “SCARY MAN RAPED ME BY ASKING THE TIME AT 3 AM?!?!? DO NOT TRY AT HOME!1!!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱 (WATCH TILL THE END FOR A GIFT CARD GIVEAWAY!)

    • @crazykraken4139
      @crazykraken4139 4 года назад +1

      Haha

  • @davidgraff6954
    @davidgraff6954 7 лет назад +204

    I can't even lift then..... bro?

  • @sams_salad_service3653
    @sams_salad_service3653 3 года назад +7

    Me: "I'm sad let's re-watch all of Micheals videos
    Michael: "okay so this is when things start getting depressing"
    Why do I hear boss music?

  • @foixjonwilliamson
    @foixjonwilliamson 8 лет назад +373

    caint touch this

    • @24Ninjachicken
      @24Ninjachicken 8 лет назад +22

      you put one too many dun's and it's bothering me

    • @aiiiia9971
      @aiiiia9971 8 лет назад +1

      Why'd you have to tell me UnU

    • @davidfyatto9705
      @davidfyatto9705 8 лет назад +1

      hahahaha congrats +Zach hill you've won my coveted comment of the day award

    • @idontbelieveinpenises1952
      @idontbelieveinpenises1952 8 лет назад +2

      zach hill I don't want to,

    • @superyeah4ever2
      @superyeah4ever2 7 лет назад

      the duns are actually the exact number
      ᶠᵃᵍᵍᵒᵗ

  • @paincalledliving
    @paincalledliving 8 лет назад +688

    Damn. MC Hammer was right.

  • @inactiveaccount5455
    @inactiveaccount5455 6 лет назад +95

    mom: don’t touch anything
    me: laughs evilly

    • @devinandcarrietotaldrama505
      @devinandcarrietotaldrama505 5 лет назад +3

      Next time I go to the store ill try to touch everything and mum will keep saying "stop touching everything" And I'll bounce back with my response im not touching it on an atomic level as the electrons are repulsing so by a gap to small to see im truly mathematically not touching anything

  • @nyro00yt57
    @nyro00yt57 2 года назад +3

    So no police officer, i didnt touch that child

  • @mintswonderfulgachachannel880
    @mintswonderfulgachachannel880 5 лет назад +498

    Dad: *WHY DID YOU SMACK YOUR BROTHER*
    Me: *BUT I DIDNT EVEN TOUCH HIM*

  • @sketr1x
    @sketr1x 3 года назад +670

    "You see, your honor, he actually never even touched the child."

    • @DTG4844
      @DTG4844 3 года назад +15

      If this defense gets someone acquitted...

    • @mr.mr.poptardzz8932
      @mr.mr.poptardzz8932 3 года назад +7

      But i still don't think my dad is innocent.

    • @heleavesthe99
      @heleavesthe99 3 года назад +3

      Cringe. Sus.....
      Cringe and Sus.

    • @asloii_1749
      @asloii_1749 2 года назад +11

      @@heleavesthe99 ur cringe

    • @JacobsKrąnųg
      @JacobsKrąnųg Год назад +5

      ​@@heleavesthe99 saying "sus" is also cringe

  • @GarretsShadow
    @GarretsShadow 4 года назад +1439

    My wife: "what do you mean you never touched her? You were all over that skank, I saw it!"
    Me: *vsauce music starts*

  • @christianreed4396
    @christianreed4396 Год назад +2

    This is the most entertaining man I’ve ever seen

  • @Ridhohs
    @Ridhohs 5 лет назад +163

    a proposal of scientist..
    "will you touch my electron?"

    • @shhhhhhhh2400
      @shhhhhhhh2400 4 года назад +3

      That's the thing you can't touch the electrons

    • @FlowPlex
      @FlowPlex 4 года назад

      more like, "will you touch the repulse of my electrons?"

  • @danielwisdom8045
    @danielwisdom8045 5 лет назад +2043

    Dad: Did you eat the bread
    Me: i didn't touch it
    Dad:why are you playing video game
    Me: What you talking about i didn't touch it
    Dad: take out the garbage
    Me: Eww no
    Dad: Don't worry you won't touch it.....

  • @LarryKoopa
    @LarryKoopa 8 лет назад +235

    I can hover !? *jumps out of window*

    • @LarryKoopa
      @LarryKoopa 8 лет назад +1

      +Husow Koopa 1:02 thats aluminium btw ... why did i look that up XD

    • @LarryKoopa
      @LarryKoopa 8 лет назад +12

      +Husow Koopa i am radioactive ?! *jumps out of window*

    • @loutermilch3413
      @loutermilch3413 8 лет назад

      ok

    • @lovelylow69
      @lovelylow69 8 лет назад

      I just died !? jumps out the window

    • @davidmoerdijk1093
      @davidmoerdijk1093 8 лет назад +17

      Technically you never touches the ground so you never fell 🤔

  • @basiroma8949
    @basiroma8949 3 года назад +3

    Beautiful ending! The bonds we share with our parents during the developmental phase of birth is priceless! Can't get any closer than that.

  • @cosxtea
    @cosxtea 7 лет назад +228

    so if i hit a pedestrian with a car i shouldn't be charged with hit and run i should be charged with "run"

    • @SakshamThukral
      @SakshamThukral 7 лет назад +2

      Your Boi Yes, but you did hurt him...or probably even killed him. O.o

    • @jimmyjoe1488
      @jimmyjoe1488 7 лет назад +22

      You should be charged with "close contact and manipulation of location of atoms and run."

    • @rarebeeph1783
      @rarebeeph1783 7 лет назад +11

      Violent repulsion and rapid relocation*

    • @jimmyjoe1488
      @jimmyjoe1488 7 лет назад

      Project Overturn aka RareBeeph there you go

    • @Rick-il3vn
      @Rick-il3vn 6 лет назад

      No you would be charged with repulsion and run

  • @rowletboi
    @rowletboi 3 года назад +593

    “How close can you get to a person”
    Well you see it’s 2020...
    *so I cant*

  • @generull6552
    @generull6552 8 лет назад +229

    so the swegway IS A HOVERBOARD!! THANK YOU VSAUCE!!

    • @thejay8963
      @thejay8963 7 лет назад +3

      Shut up, dunce, and take your swegway hater qualities somewhere else.

  • @UI_Shaggy05
    @UI_Shaggy05 Год назад +2

    This guy never disappoints!

  • @randomeggthatworksforthefb7172
    @randomeggthatworksforthefb7172 4 года назад +449

    Mom: "Why don't you get your hands off that damn phone?!"
    Me: "Your statement is scientifically invalid because due to the Pauli exclusion principle and the laws of electrodynamics, I can't actually tou-"
    Mom: *SLAP* leave my son satan!

    • @ReneeLoves
      @ReneeLoves 4 года назад +1

      🤣😂🤣

    •  4 года назад +11

      @@ReneeLoves people still use fucking emojis ?

    • @Yazan_Majdalawi
      @Yazan_Majdalawi 4 года назад +1

      😂 😂

    • @randomeggthatworksforthefb7172
      @randomeggthatworksforthefb7172 4 года назад +6

      @Dylan Souza let me give you a piece of advice: dont use emojis. You'll thank me later.

    • @Yazan_Majdalawi
      @Yazan_Majdalawi 4 года назад

      @@randomeggthatworksforthefb7172 I really wanna know why you ppl hate those emojis.. I can't find a logical reason..just plz tell me why?

  • @aleksrand5636
    @aleksrand5636 5 лет назад +116

    Michael: you kissed your girlfriend
    Also Michael: *or did you*

    • @Levvieee
      @Levvieee 4 года назад +3

      Simple answer: No you didn't, you don't have one

  • @deviankris2268
    @deviankris2268 6 лет назад +133

    Hey man, it's been a long time
    ~ *Trying To Hug* ~
    Don't come closer! I'm radioactive!

    • @GrubKiller436
      @GrubKiller436 5 лет назад

      😂😂😂

    • @cnugg007
      @cnugg007 5 лет назад +4

      pt 2:
      Guy trying to hug: "How are you radioactive? That doesn't make sense explain."
      Me: "I slept with your sister for a year"

  • @peterf46
    @peterf46 Год назад +1

    Amazing how this video was here for 11 years before I saw it. Totally superb stuff, thanks.🎉

  • @monkeyojacko
    @monkeyojacko 5 лет назад +231

    You sound like my friend when I'm at his house
    *NO NO NO YOU CAN'T TOUCH ANYTHING*

    • @thedollarsauce
      @thedollarsauce 4 года назад +2

      Or does he?

    • @eddiedoge_4468
      @eddiedoge_4468 4 года назад

      *BETRAY THE FRIEND*

    • @namelastname9580
      @namelastname9580 4 года назад +1

      i’m sorry to break it to you but, you got some toxic friends

    • @thedollarsauce
      @thedollarsauce 4 года назад

      Name Lastname IKR?

    • @aflaxnews5264
      @aflaxnews5264 4 года назад

      I am not fu*kin with your friend but
      He seems lile peace of........
      💩

  • @tahmid2670
    @tahmid2670 4 года назад +904

    Wait... they’re all flying cars?
    *Always have been.*

    • @JesusMoreno-jq8ys
      @JesusMoreno-jq8ys 4 года назад +46

      So now we just need to find out how to make a car that touches the ground.

    • @shotalen13
      @shotalen13 4 года назад +13

      Cats can fly

    • @shotalen13
      @shotalen13 4 года назад +9

      @PC Bugs Foundation chickens too

    • @shotalen13
      @shotalen13 4 года назад +6

      @PC Bugs Foundation duck

    • @shotalen13
      @shotalen13 4 года назад +4

      @PC Bugs Foundation Daily Dose Of Internet : You sure?

  • @binnibep
    @binnibep 9 лет назад +122

    Ohhhh dang. *_Radioactive bananas,_* guys.

    • @oz_jones
      @oz_jones 9 лет назад +6

      S T R I V E What I got out of that was that I never have to get a chest-xray, I'll just eat 600 bananas.

    • @binnibep
      @binnibep 9 лет назад +1

      ***** Oh my god, that's amazing. Do it. ( ͡° ᴥ ͡°)

    • @jmedina458
      @jmedina458 9 лет назад +5

      S T R I V E sounds like a band

    • @binnibep
      @binnibep 9 лет назад +2

      Wustard Actually yeah. Betty White Tit Fuck is a band too.

    • @SpooderVerseClips
      @SpooderVerseClips 9 лет назад

      S T R I V E really fuck sake

  • @mostrat
    @mostrat 11 месяцев назад +3

    therefore your honor…

  • @nando1881
    @nando1881 9 лет назад +1596

    So tecnically I`m "floating" lilke Superman right? o.O

    • @LNatNPL
      @LNatNPL 9 лет назад +67

      David Rozbořil seriously? are you that ignorant?

    • @pianothatechos6625
      @pianothatechos6625 9 лет назад +36

      David Rozbořil by what's explained in the video. and maybe a bit of friction.

    • @LNatNPL
      @LNatNPL 9 лет назад +49

      David Rozbořil again, you feel the repulsive force. It's pointless for us to explain to you if you're not trying to understand, or you really are very stupid

    • @sam-xt1kv
      @sam-xt1kv 9 лет назад +32

      David Rozbořil there's a gap between atoms, and they can't 'touch' each other. but, gravity still works on us.

    • @pianothatechos6625
      @pianothatechos6625 9 лет назад +13

      David Rozbořil
      whats explained in the vid: you only feel the pressure of the atoms repelling each other

  • @camw3657
    @camw3657 8 лет назад +206

    Thanks vsauce I know I can fly now.

    • @papazoulou9326
      @papazoulou9326 8 лет назад +7

      Well, a superhero with the power of touchign someone else would have the power to generate nuclear explosions. Pretty cool.

  • @Eisen669
    @Eisen669 6 лет назад +241

    I watched this video without clicking on it :))

  • @lordmumblyiii2886
    @lordmumblyiii2886 9 месяцев назад +2

    Damn. His first serious video.

  • @brandon-ty7lh
    @brandon-ty7lh 8 лет назад +151

    ..... Now I have an excuse for tag.

    • @TomatoFriesLAN
      @TomatoFriesLAN 8 лет назад +2

      XD

    • @allandoudine571
      @allandoudine571 8 лет назад +6

      So do your friends...

    • @brandon-ty7lh
      @brandon-ty7lh 8 лет назад +2

      +Tadami Doudine haha guess your right! Hope fully they don't watch this video! XD

    • @marcel7172
      @marcel7172 8 лет назад

      +Tadami Doudine not if their it first 😂

    • @offline_pie7341
      @offline_pie7341 7 лет назад

      whoever is it loses automattically

  • @sen-pj4ip
    @sen-pj4ip 4 года назад +135

    Are you telling me that everyone is a virgin

    • @FlowPlex
      @FlowPlex 4 года назад +29

      Micheal: *Well yes, but actually no*
      *Vsauce music intensifies*

    • @thr2648
      @thr2648 4 года назад +2

      Define it

    • @T_Brown256
      @T_Brown256 4 года назад

      .

    • @emir1105
      @emir1105 4 года назад

      choc_d .

    • @adenl079
      @adenl079 4 года назад +8

      No one's a virgin, life screws us all

  • @ib3kii664
    @ib3kii664 6 лет назад +519

    If you ate 600 bananas you are going to NEED a chest x-ray.

    • @Kaziedell
      @Kaziedell 6 лет назад +14

      Ashe Sakuragi peraphs u need a grave since no one could eat so much

    • @Fucisko
      @Fucisko 6 лет назад +11

      You really wouldn't need X-ray, cause you know you fucked up even without it.

    • @fillphat
      @fillphat 6 лет назад +4

      Ayaka Kitamikado and laxatives...😂😂😂

    • @octave1
      @octave1 6 лет назад

      Did you know bananas are radioactive (To die you need to eat half a million in one sitting so don't worry)

    • @neoxus30
      @neoxus30 6 лет назад +1

      If you eat five in one sitting you are probably dead)

  • @indib.8301
    @indib.8301 11 месяцев назад +3

    So what your saying is, pushing someone is just using the force.

    • @cmd9558
      @cmd9558 10 месяцев назад

      yes

  • @shakedcohani3511
    @shakedcohani3511 5 лет назад +281

    Vsauce at the start : atoms can't touch each other
    Vsauce at the end : bananas are radioactive

  • @owenSHOK
    @owenSHOK 4 года назад +165

    Michael out there answering all my 4 grades questions that everybody was laughing at when I ask them.

    • @ahsanbulbul8512
      @ahsanbulbul8512 4 года назад +4

      I can feel the pain😌

    • @michaelmodernsonicfan5341
      @michaelmodernsonicfan5341 4 года назад +1

      Homeschooled gang couldn’t relate

    • @riveendxup6855
      @riveendxup6855 4 года назад

      Same

    • @bornundersaturnz
      @bornundersaturnz 4 года назад

      Owen is a girl name?
      I took a lot of the reply section lol

    • @owenSHOK
      @owenSHOK 4 года назад +1

      @@bornundersaturnz lmao no, i'm sure is a guy nameand I'm a dude, but hey , at the end of the day a name have no gender

  • @xXFuzzeeXx
    @xXFuzzeeXx 7 лет назад +745

    1:35
    ...Did Vsauce just compliment my butt? .-.

    • @orik737
      @orik737 7 лет назад +28

      Jeesaf Oceanleft you must be fun at parties

    • @d1fficult117
      @d1fficult117 7 лет назад +17

      Jeesaf Oceanleft b..but he said my butt was pretty

    • @MlgSon
      @MlgSon 7 лет назад +13

      SethBang Are parties fun for him?

    • @brathering_tv
      @brathering_tv 7 лет назад

      Medicine Melancholy how?

    • @dorian6667
      @dorian6667 7 лет назад +13

      your butt is repulsive

  • @elisehill992
    @elisehill992 3 года назад +1

    It’s great looking back at vsauce’s first ever ep, and seeing how to channel develops. Wow!

    • @Syndiate__
      @Syndiate__ Год назад

      "What Is Video ??" is Vsauce's first ep

  • @linky6452
    @linky6452 7 лет назад +373

    0:02 Micheal pls our relationship is moving too fast I need my space

  • @j-gems
    @j-gems 5 лет назад +57

    0:51 he’s insisting that we are sitting on our chairs naked

    • @socksfersold
      @socksfersold 5 лет назад +7

      j-gems and you’re saying you don’t sit on your chair naked?

    • @Yazan_Majdalawi
      @Yazan_Majdalawi 4 года назад +2

      Does your comment mean that you don't sit on your chair naked??

    • @Zayne1013
      @Zayne1013 13 дней назад

      As a squirrel, I do everything naked. This includes sitting on chairs.

  • @madern7
    @madern7 8 лет назад +561

    Am I the only one who thought about sex the entire video

  • @raider7790
    @raider7790 Год назад +2

    Notice how he looks and sounds less insane 11 years ago