Narcissist don't expect you to be strong
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- Опубликовано: 19 сен 2024
- Narcissistic people don't want you to leave but they want you to tolerate their behaviors and what they put you through.
Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything. The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
Website - www.mentalhealness.net
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Thank you so much and lets HEAL together
They HATE when you stick by your boundaries.
💯❗️❗️❗️❗️
Um i hope your not with him!
For real for real!
Ohhh it's their WORST nightmare!!!!!
Yup. They sure do!
My strength attracted him and then scared him away 🤷♀️
🙌
💯 - because they want your strength for themselves, and they want it with no effort or struggle. They don't think they should have to struggle for anything.
Everything they do is to feel strong, but they will never feel any true strength until they battle their own ego. Don't rob them of their struggle! If you really loved them, you'd let them go💣
same lol
Same😂😂😂 it was the thing he loved but then hated and before at the same time!😂😂😂
Not only was I strong enough to leave, I was strong enough to divorce him! 💪
Same here!
They KNOW we are strong because they know how they found us…. They think they have broken us down and we will never regain our strength but they forget most of the time we have endured some very challenging times and we have always come out in top! Dude forgot who I was…. I pushed aside who I was but I NEVER forgot! HE didn’t realize I never left but I am showing him NOW! He’s about to embark on how strong I can get…🙌
Beautiful said!! 💯😤💪🏾🙏🏾
They're bullies who expect to stay on top always in control. Boundaries totally throw them off.
If you have a physical relationship with them. You are binding yourself to an abuser.
Doesn't sound so great to me.
Discipline, Lee's right.
Yes, I wrote about that in my book about co-parenting with a narcissistic partner. They want to break the mind and keep the body, same as making a slave just like Willie Lynch.
Didnt see my child in a month. But she cant destroy me
Why?
They don’t ever expect you to level the playing field. As soon as you match their energy you’re (insert adjective here).
This 🎯
the adjective I'll insert is psychopath because apparently me showing my mother the indifference she deserves makes me psychopathic according to her, to my mother, lack of emotional expression (having a constant straight neutral face) equals psychopathy
This is a very good video! To all the survivors, THEY TRIED BUT FAIL,WE ARE AND ALWAYS WAS STRONG ENOUGH!!!!
Empathetic people rule!
You bet! And yes, empaths rule!
Just today I heard from a man that he looks for a strong woman. And I consisered it as a red flag. And now you confirm that!
The question to ask him: how do you define “strong” and after he tells you, walk away.
Did u ask him why he is looking for that?
Kirsikka, I wouldn't automatically think that. He could mean that he wants a strong woman that will stand up with him or stick by his side. Then again, he could have bad intentions, but you should have asked him to elaborate on that statement.
@@Diarrheagod No, I didn't ask. I already know he has childhood trauma issues. I assume he wants a safe "mother".
@@kirsikka3752 never assume anything! You’re probably right, but it’s best to ask questions cuz assumptions aren’t always right
Work on my self, enjoy my life. Period. Only proceed with people if it’s easy; if it’s not, that indicates our paths diverge. Bless them and be on my way.
May the paths diverge. That's good.
❤️
We r strong yet due to them we come back swinging even stronger
Word!! @@Dayandthelifeofjohaunnaalize
This is the video that makes me stay away and be strong as hell ....
Everytime Lee says, "they", referring to narcissists, I could literally replace it with my fiance's name & he'd still be spot on.
Soon to be ex husband for me
Seems you are on the right path to healing 😊
Thank you for sharing with us! I’ve had to spend the last month unpacking running from a narcissistic friend. I appreciate all you do!!
You are so welcome. Stay strong
A taurus (zodiac-sign) is always strong. So they just have to know that. Stubborn people never give up... That is all I have to write.
Agreed.
6 and 1/2 months NO CONTACT! 🚫 WOOP WOOP! 🙌🏽💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽
💪
Ironic! After studying narcissism for a decade, I by no means expect the narcissist to be remotely strong, mature, reasonable, alluring, inspiring or interesting. Fair is fair-neither the narcissist, nor the non-narc. sees the other favorably.
Also true, Lee: when they run chronically late, they expect you to tolerate it.
@@aJoeStamps Had you stuck you'd have realized they are as @anne said. My narc is the all strong, charismatic, intelligent, very fun to be around until the mask drops. If you dare show strength then they tremble.
Totally fair. We each have our unique lens. Note, I said "I don't expect," nor do "I" find them alluring. Me is not you.
I've never been attracted to someone with overt traits or someone I knew was a narcissist.
Running late!! 😂 My mother was routinely half an hour late. So I started giving her a be their time that was half an hour before I actually wanted her to be there and now we're both at there at the same time. That worked for a while until she figured out what I was doing and then she will show up on time for a while until I change the rules again and then she'll start being late again. It's like mentally every now and then I go "ok we're doing it this way now" lol
Like he had said to me no matter what I do to you! You will never leave me! Damn he was shocked lost his mind! 💪💪 said me leaving was worst then him cheating ha ha!😄😄
🙌🏾💪🏽💪🏽💪🏽
Mine said "You don't have the balls to leave me!" Surprise, divorced 😂
@@janm9610 Great congratulations! Enjoy your freedom love yourself!💪💪😀😀Im on my way takes forever!!
That’s so true! My ex narc told me I had to ask for permission for my grandson to come over. I told him my grandson had an open door policy. Now looking back on it he was trying to isolate me. SMH!
They are 'self esteem' killers.
He couldn’t take me being so strong on the phone this morning he kept trying and trying to break me and get me to change my attitude but i stood on nothing but business and soon as he started whining i hung right up he hates that i have boundaries now he didn’t expect me to become strong at all he really thought he broke me…😊
Apparently I’m a people pleaser and tolerate this.
😔 power up
But you don’t have to, it’s a choice
Stop and leave ….
I was just dating one … on month 3 he started showing his true colors … I called him out !!!
He immediately bailed on the relationship and went silent!
He didn’t expect me to be so direct with him … he’s been gone for almost 4 weeks now.
Glad he showed his narcissistic ways early on … I avoided a lot of pain and drama.
Good for you!!
I’m being threatened and stalked because I am enforcing my boundaries. He also tries to do it to others who tell him no.
They need to let go and move on. Hell, have a harem garage full of picks
@@LethalWeapon73 I agree.but this person is truly sick and evil. He loves to prey on people. He’ll tell me what disgusting things he plans on doing to women he meets and how he likes to talk to several at the same time just to mess with me and try to hurt me. That’s the most recent thing he’s said to me. Many many other twisted, sick and evil things. Doesn’t help to block him. He makes new accounts and blocking him only makes him more angry and violent. He wants to find me and come after me to torture and kill me. He’s even found my family’s home address. He’s truly a demon.
Stalk you and deny they don’t. 🙄
Your 'coaching' has helped me. My narcissist is now dying of cancer. I have been able to forgive and even be of service to his wife and children WITHOUT expectation and WITHOUT being all invested in how that narcissist sees ME. I have never been able to do this before - to be able to really just do God's work without expectation. AND not overdo it....oh my gosh THANK you.
Good for you ,being strong enough to show compassion 👏
Shows you are a strong empath.
You give really good advice. Thank you! Narcs want to recruit the highest quality person they can, as long as the narc can control that victim's abilities/assets. Recruiting a weak person without resources is low-quality supply.
it occurs to me that the narcissist is probably jealous of other narcissists in your life. Like if you've had other narcs put you through it and you talk about them, I know that they will be quietly thinking "but I thought I was the biggest narcissist in your life"... I just know it. They want your recovery to be about them, too. :)
They absolutely HATE deep truth!!! I know that narc right now is regretting WTF they did to me. BOUNDARY UP, GO NO CONTACT, PAY ATTENTION AND STAY STRONG .✌🏾✨
Can you discuss how many people in situationships with narcissists do not make it out alive. Narcissists abuse you to the point where many commit suicide. Their abuse is diabolical and calculating. They have no mercy due to their lack of empathy. They know the pain they inflict yet they continue, pure evil.
I remember telling my ex narc that I had thoughts of taking my life if it meant getting away from him and he literally smiled and smirked while I was suffering. It brought him a sick sense of joy.
This is NOT talked about enough. They drive people to suicide! It's very convenient for them... Except for enjoying other people's pain, they also get rid of the witness/victim. Nobody can testify against them or tarnish their reputation.
yes this is a topic I'm dealing with too. it's very painful and can lead you to that definitely
It’s a dark night of the soul moment
Just want to say I love your videos I have learned so much and been able to make sense of the past. my favorite part of your channel is your skits they crack me up sometimes 😅 it’s nice to be able to make light of such a serious topic
My narcissist thought we were going to still be having sexual relations during the divorce and after when I saw he was unwilling to take accountability for his actions I refused to let him touch me and he never will again! How dare he think I would go from his wife to one of his bed wenches! 😊
dear Lee, you must have a strong healthy part in you protected from your narcissistic patterns bc you are a beautiful soul with the devine mission to open eyes and help ppl. my ex was very furious when he decided for himself to have an open relationship after 2 years. he had then an affair with a woman whom he promised the world and told me details to hurt me. he was furious bc i went away without one more meeting with him. he tried to humiliate and destroy me psychologically but i fought back until he blocked me. after that he tried several times to lure me in contact back with a bunch of lies. but i ignore him and never ever i will let him again in my life!
It took 5 years 3 months and 17 days to get away safely. It's been almost 3 years and my boundaries remain firm, and his hate just GROWS. Our kids are his only acess to me and they're heart broken collateral. Thanks for raising awareness of this
Lee, I gotta say everytime I watch your videos, it’s good info, you’re also hilarious. I’m always laughing every video you say something that just cracks me up.
I try 😅😂
I second that, you're funny. Just discovered NPD with the last guy I entertained. You are a lifesaver. Thank you 🙏🏽
Hope you get better soon Lee Thankyou for spreading awareness its greatly needed ❤ 💪
This explains why my ex would
Tell me “why you talk to me like that “ u think u tough” talking tough “ because I use to be taking up for myself and letting him I wasn’t playing with jim I really had a voice but seem
Like it was a problem to him. I feel like he wanted me to be quiet when he would act his real self and not say none I was setting my boundaries
My x always said that he was scared of me and that I was the only thing he was afraid of in this world. I've always laughed at him, didn't believed him....
But after listening to this it makes sense. I could see right through him, could tell his lies and he could not hide his narc. from me anymore. I think that makes him really scared.
Thank you again Mental Healness 🙏
Thissss. I’ve been glowing up since I stopped entertaining nonsense. Completely changed myself, both mentally and physically strong now and they are SO MAD. They try even harder to put me down, and end up sounding crazy as hell bc that rage makes them stupid too.
He tried that with a dear friend of mine. I just insisted that no this is not a compromise, she’s my person, we have been coming a long way, like high school! This was so innocent, but again, wasn’t aware of the narcissistic tendencies or traits!
Thank You for your honesty,,May blessings of your desire rain down on You, I now know that that narc was serious in his manipulation,,I told him you think I’m stupid,then left him no contact,,he ran too, he better not even try to hover my boundaries are solid so I’m great now ,meanwhile who cares about him while he twirls in hi head, I’m protected by the Most High and my Ancestors ❤😊😊
Just went back no contact with my nar baby daddy, he left me when i was 6 months pregnant and still has been in and out confusing me, and lying saying hes going to be there for my child when Shes born if he left when i was pregnant he will leave again im due anytime this month so at this point im keeping no contact with him until i give birth to my daughter and staying strong and not inviting him to the hospital or anything
They have no use for a strong person
Strong people set boundaries and have their own head. They know what they want (so to say). And yes narcissists don´t want that. If you love yourself you will never be with a narcissist because you don´t want to be a slave.
Unless there is a benefit
Hey Lee that is so true im dealing with this right now
You clean my windows !! This is sick how you tell my story, its like you go in to my mind and tell the true! I am so greatful for your channel ❤❤❤❤ Bless you !!
Your content helped me tremendously to overcome the trauma bond from a toxic and narcissistic relationship I was in for 2 years. She hit me up first, love bombing and eventually I realized the true colors but the damage had already been done. I was attached.
She furthered the trauma bond by ruining my family trips I invited her to and ghosted me. Birthdays I would make plans and she wouldn’t show up. I was confused.
The last straw was lying to me about planning to commit suicide and had no intention to do so, this was after I blocked her she sent me an email stating she would end her life on earth. Then I knew, I have to get out of this toxic situation. The relationship was mainly long distance and a lot of future faking was involved. I thought I loved this person.
Thank you Lee
I don’t know if I can share this here but there’s a song that can help with the love bombing stage with a narcissist or really any toxic relationship (oxytocin from Chandler Leighton). It helped me just recently with someone who’s a narcissist so yeah.
I hope this can help someone else !
I would say always that, this won’t end well! I will not be controlled, not knowing that this triggered him. Didn’t know about the narcissistic personality!
🤣The Shock to their System is Priceless!!!!
Could you do a video on how narcissists love money and finances?
You so right and that's what the man I was with was doing something went down between him and my daughter we left the he didn't think I was going to I'm trying to stay not to listen to you has given me so now we don't communicate at all
That's why I feel so insulted, my fiance cheated on me with a weak person with someone who was very easy for him to get and I don't understand I'm so hurt by it
Sorry you’re going through that😢
And this is why he thinks I’m “so strong” and have “thick skin” I have boundaries. All makes sense
Hi mr hammock
Its sooo funny u said soo much of what I went through BUT u know what when I told him that I was a cancer survivor he should have known then that I wasn't as weak as he thought what I'm learning now is that he came after me because I'm a very strong person and they are weak. Where they are weak I am strong. Mine would try all kind of bs to get me back BUT HE WAS TOTALLY UNSUCCESSFUL. Asking my daughter how im doing I had to tell my daughter that I was fine never tell
him that im hurt or miss Him.He didn't think when set me free that I would keep it moving like Ce Ce Penniston says Keep on walking which is exactly what I did 😊❤
🙌🏾🙌🏾
I’ve been in therapy for my OCD and it has changed my life and self esteem, buttt the narcs in my life HATE it lol I can tell. What’s also confusing is that they hated when I was too ‘weak’ or sick, or in a crisis, or even bummed after a bad day at work, and would would rage or be passive aggressive or downright judgmental/critical if I faulted or made any mistakes, honestly just being myself or having a different opinion. Now I’m basically no contact right now while living with them, and taking the “high road” is complicated and idk what to do. It almost seems like I can’t win or defend myself without getting dirty or my feelings hurt, it’s so uncomfortable bc they’re older than me by like a decade. I had narcissistic parents, and grew up with many ab*sive figures in my life, and I have to admit that the ocd and trained acceptance of mistreatment made me vulnerable to exploitation as an adult & in the same way they can’t change without self awareness, I also can’t keep being a victim and allowing people to mistreat me forever I needed to change. It must be tiring to be so insecure or angry or disappointed in the ‘supply’, I myself rlly mourn a relationship that wasn’t that kind to me. 🤷♀️
Worst thing that my ex did was underestimate me and i have told him when I say i am done im done no coming back i will walk away and not even care if i see him on the streets walking past me i wont care or even say hi just keep it moving. Well he found out how mentally strong i really am.
i'm finding it hard to detach the way she does... but i'm working on it.
Thank you for be honest and sharing you flipped veiw.
Do they know they're being manipulative? Or do they just think they're in the right.
Id imagine young narcs are unaware but as they get older they have to know from experience.
They know they are twisting things and have motives, but they may be unconscious of why they do it….and you don’t know what u don’t know. But u know when u are treating someone bad. Everyone knows thar
@@CitiesOfAshyep they will see that they keep repeating behaviors
They're attracted to my strength. Biggest compliment ever. 😅✌️
he really just leaves me if i stand up for myself it's impossible D:
🙌🏾
Wouldn't it be great!
My mother was a narcissist.
I left and went no contact when I was 16.
When I was 21 I allowed her back into my life.
I attract narcs in relationships and as soon as it is apparent I cut them off.
I’ve gotten really good at being a gray rock but I am so tired of having to be.
My ex told me he didn’t want me to go to church after knowing when he got with me I sing on the praise team literally my whole life my dad is a pastor. His reasoning was he didn’t want no pastor man running his household when we live together. SMH
Yea I hate I got myself entangled with one and I just keep replaying things over and over I have decided to just stay in my little space and not give myself to anyone again it’s been two months since I’ve seen him and it still blows my mind him ghosting me and coming back like nothjng happened and I wouldn’t talk about it cause I hate arguing I was really thinking it was my fault and trying to do what I could to keep my friend I never felt so pathetic in my life
Absolutely 💯 ❤❤❤
❤️
Do narcissistic people need medications? I appreciate all of your videos. I feel a lot stronger now.
Bless you 🙏
Yes he would let me get help. He said if you talk to victim service's they will say I have batterd wife syndrome and encourage me to leave him
I got a grant for trauma therapy after his last physical assult a year ago. He went to jail.
He calls me too independent
I have our daughters birthday coming this Thursday, ex-narc texted me to please say hi to his gf (one he cheated on me with) living in MY old house that HE bullied me and harassed me for 4 years to give him my half (my father did not protect me) because last time I went (for daughters birthday) I didn't say hi or anything. Yeah I have nothing to SAY to her! She is a ghost I don't see her!!😂😂
And it's not only when you're leaving them that you find out they expect you to be weak. When I needed surgery, I went to heal at a girlfriend's house because I knew it would be near impossible with his hour and a half long rages every day. He was fine with that. Three weeks later, he came to visit and made a beautiful impression on my friend. He said he'd been stressed about my surgery and would love to have me home. After telling him I still couldn't bend or lift my cast iron pans, he turned on the love bombing and said he'd pick us up some dinner on the way home and I could call on him to help with the cast iron after that. The first thing he said in the car on the way home was that he "didn't think I would be that strong" after having my breasts removed (I had a strange disease; not cancer) and that he'd help with my drainage tubes, which my friend had been helping with. Then we stopped at a grocery store. He paid for the groceries and left me to carry the bags. (Knowing what I know now, I should have just left them there. He paid!) Even the cashier gave him a weird look when he walked off. Then we stopped to get a hot meal. What he chose to get was the one meal he knew I couldn't stomach and told me to be grateful he got me something to eat. Making dinner on subsequent nights, he was too busy watching p*rn to help with the cast iron. The minute we walked out my friend's door, he was his true self again. I couldn't drive back there because my car was acting up and I didn't want to ask my friend to come and get me because she had a lot going on with a new baby girl and a friend visiting from Germany -- and, having met him, she thought he was awesome and couldn't understand why I'd complained about him. She believed he was just stressed about my surgery, as he'd said. And he refused to help with my drainage tubes because, he said, he couldn't stand the sight of blood. Judging by how he treated me at bedtime, either that was true or he wanted me to feel like less of a woman. That was the very beginning of our end. Bonus material: Nineteen years after our end, I needed the few thousand dollars he owed me to move after a female neighbor rigged my car to explode. (Just for the fun of it. I saw what she had done to another neighbor. She liked to terrorize other neighbors and merrily watch how well her gaslighting worked -- how other people would finish what she started but that's a whole 'nuther story.) Anyway, after the auto repair shop told me to call the police and I did, I called the ex and only got as far as to tell him what had happened with the neighbor when he gleefully asked, "So, do you want to hook up?" In disbelief, I asked him if he'd heard what I said and he repeated my words exactly. Then he repeated his question. I didn't even ask for the money because I knew I'd never see it again; I just hung up.
My ex showed no interest in taking accountability for her actions. One day she asked to pick up the belonging she had left behind at my place. She came over and I let her in my room so that she could collect all of her belongings. She tried to pull my shirt up as she asked “have you been working out.” She was surprised when I resisted her sexual advances. I ended up walking her out and watched her drive off. Even though my heart wishes she could change, I know that won’t happen. So I choose to move forward and go no contact. I go back and forth between missing her and hating her. She tried to use and destroy me. During my depression she told me “if you have your mom on your life insurance…take her off! I should be 100% on there.” The invalidation, disrespect, minimizing…I went through the abyss.
NOT YOU QUOTING MY ALL TIME FAVORITE MOVIE!! Get off of my back!!
He knew I was strong. He even commented that I was. But he never expected me to ghost and delete him ...he thought I would still
be "there" haha
Nope ....not any more
Thanks for the awesome content 🙌🏾✨🙌🏾✨🙌🏾✨✨✨🤩🤩🤩🤩
First of all how was he gonna keep me isolated from mySELF smh foh
Huh
When you said they isolate you from what gives you strength I was meaning it came from within
That was my ex narc husband whose now deceased in October.
My mom literally told me this
Do they still feel that way when you go non-contact because they cheated on you with the same person multiple times
If they can’t control you they hate thar
Lee had a friend for 45yrs.SuperNova me kicked into gear n pitched his ass over the precipice.😊
You brought out the spirit comment 😂 “ you broke me as a man” lol
I rise up in a timely manner n disappeared
🤔😀
They are insecure
My current boss expects me to accept his abuse because I maintain strict boundaries!
Coconut water for your headache
I left and he really went crazy 😅😅
What happens if they can’t break you ?
Do they give up ?
They never give up,but they search for new supply-cheat.
Some may
That depends on you. Just say NO and never let them use you again. Show them their way. (Exposing is also a good thing - put their mask down...).
The sexual... shows some love that keep us driving.
How do narcs feel if u discard them during their love bombing faze b4 they bond?
They’ll justify why you left when actually they are devastated that their tactics didn’t work. But as for you, ease on down the road. Don’t look back.
They will tell everyone that you used them when they did everything for you and that they got played essentially
That's true , but what does it mean if they threaten to leave me or divorse. He did divorce me immediately when I wouldn't go back. I cried for so long. It hurt so much. I did take so much. I had to survive and I was in love 😢. At first I was so in love but I got Stockholm Syndrome.
I had no idea he just using me. I ended up knowing he was a real monster. He said that he wanted me all to himself. Anyone I slept with in the past he considered I was unfaithful . It just is polar opposites.
😢
NO
‼️
Mine told me I own you!
Never generously complimented me. When I looked nice he called me a beautiful bitch
If a guy tried pulling out his Willy I’d be like no thanks I’m a vegetarian
Thank you for explaining this ❤❤❤-Xclusyph Icon
So when you said they don’t think you will leave are you also referring to when you been discarded and you go no contact and never look back? Because technically you didn’t leave they did.
And somehow they always come or try to come back. We, especially ladies leave in stages and won’t go back.
That can just be you watching a video 🙄
How do i separate her from my 12yo daughter??
One of my friends has started no contact with her friend but she is extremely sad and feels lost coz they shared a close bond. Can you share a video of how to maintain no contact coz she is scared she will break it
She genuinely wants to come out since she had panic attacks, anxiety,depression etc after the constant hot n cold responses and the later non initiation of any conversation coupled with the accusation that my friend makes a big deal of everything is always negative and her brain is cooking up things which arent true when she said..is our friendship one sided?
My ex narc would used sex as a way to get me to come back to him. In the beginning l used to allow it because he would always mention how much he wanted to marry me and have a baby. Now it's a NO with a grey rock and blocking him..
I'm mad at myself. i slipped up and talked to the female nac after she threw me away like trash for another coworker i knew her a whole year in half before this coworker i want revenge so bad but I'm at fault to