Nope! I am fully tapped into my INFJ personality and it’s such a beautiful life. If more people had our personality type, this world would be such a united place! However, being rare is amazing in itself. I enjoy being a rare type of thinker ♥️♥️♥️♥️☺️☺️☺️
I cannot answer yes or no, because I'm currently going on the process of embracing myself as it is.. I did as you adviced in this video, not seeking anyone's acceptance and I managed to let go of all the pressure I put myself on to fit in their mold. The process is very hard, but I'm happy that I'm finally know that I'm good the way I am. You are helping me a lot in this.. Thank you forever..
@@heba1148 we only seek acceptance when we don't accept ourselves, because if you are unable to do it, you will likely to rely on others for it, but the truth is we have the ability do that ourselves
@@ruinedpurity828 you are right, that is why I said I'm going through this process, because till very soon time, I did not accept myself as it is, and that made me miserable for years.. Now I'm learning to accept and embrace the true me, without caring about anyone acceptance..
To some degree this feeling will always be with us. We doubt social norms, we cannot agree automatically with something just because the "majority" tells us that we have to live in a certain way or some "authority" figure. The thing is to make the balance between being constantley smashed by your outcast social role and use it as a source of improvement of your inner power so you can reverse your role in a way that you can still be your outcast self, but that don't make you a social marginal. It's not as easy as it can be write down. It can be a lifelong battle to overcome your shyness and fear of rejection and use your authentic self as your representation in society, but it definitely can pay out. I have previousley said that respect is the biggest psychologycal weapon. Well, authenticity is next to it. By authenticity I mean overcoming yor fear of rejection because it make's you overly cautious and not being your true self.
As an INTJ I can't imagine having the struggle of giving the slightest care about what others think, I hope the INFJ's out there can find their freedom from others opinions.
When you feel like you are walking on eggshells, get away from that person you are with. It is your natural instinct telling you that someone is depleting your energy and it’s a dangerous red flag for encountering narcissists.
I have learnt to say "No" and when I do, it is a full sentence. I left the city, a narcistic partner and live by myself surrounded by nature and all of its beauty. I choose who I spend my time with and have found new tribe. Human beings with loving hearts, pure intentions and are authentically themselves. I no longer watch any news, no longer on social media and have time to explore, time to rest, time to think and time to digest. I have accepted that I can not save the world, nor can I fix anyone who does not want to be fixed and no, my heart didn't implode. I am still me and I still care passionately about everything and do what I can when I can to help. I've just learnt to love who I am and how to be a little kinder to me, when I need it to be. 🙏❤
At some point in the last decade I stopped people-pleasing and I started getting really blunt. My family would always push if I said no with a reason or excuse, and so I stopped giving one. Rather than avoid the calls or texts now, I can easily just say "No," and if further pushed, follow up with "I don't want to." And if the pressing persists, the true question that you can ask yourself, or maybe them as well, is "why are you violating my boundaries? I said 'no.'" Because if you're worried about what they'll think of you, setting up a boundary to protect yourself, when they're the kind of person who refuses to respect that, why? Cajoling, pressuring, manipulation, whatever their tactic, it is disrespectful to you. And you don't deserve that.
@@andresrogersayeah.. The way INFJ s are pushed like the above comment, it seems the fight to safeguard our boundaries is mostly likely we are surrounded by narcissists..
That's what I'm doing right now. If I go to a party or a work event at all, I leave whenever I want to and own it. I have always disliked Christmas and spending time with my family, so I rejected all invitations for Christmas and New Year's Eve. And for the first time in my life, I didn't make an excuse for it like I used to. And this is SUPER empowering.
Found out 3 weeks ago I'm an INFJ. Scary. But it explains so much that has happened in my life. The continual going for glory and then withdrawing, never finishing things in fear of criticisms and what other people think. Always helping and trying to please others. At 74 I wish I knew about all of this psychology much earlier. I've quickly learnt to ignore what others think, and press on regardless and I find I'm making achievements to my own satisfaction. Probably better than any critic could aspire to. My art has taken what i believe to be a critical step forward. If I don't sell it I no longer care. Thanks Wenzes.
I've also reached this point later in life. Thank you for this post as it has reassured me. I have been aware of the concept of being an INFJ for many years but it's only in retirement that I'm embracing who I really am.... with a positive outcome.
I'm 89 dude and always learning. Finding I'm an INFJ a month ago has opened my eyes and my mind tremendously. Just when you thought you reached that age when all is clear, bam, this comes along. Wenzes is the greatest and I'm into her videos and other research to find the why about past experiences. Peace everyone.
Thank You Wenzes. . . I have left a marriage of 40 years. I am finding my peace❤ THANK YOU ALL FOR SHARING!!! I ALSO AM OF RETIREMENT age. Had TO LEAVE HOME AND STATE AS HEALTH WAS SEVERLY DECLINING. . I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THIS SUPPORT!!! I HAVE BEEN HEALING FOR EXTENDED YEARS AND I AM SO THANKFUL FOR YOU ALL. AND THE HEALING PROCESS AND UNDERSTANDING HOW SENSITIVE I AM. . LOOKING FORWARD TO PROGRESSING TO THE NEXT LEVELS OF HEALING . . . SO I CAN BE HELPING OTHERS. . AS I USED TO. . CAR ACCIDENT. . NO ONE LISTENING. . I WAS ALMOST PARALYZED. SO GRATEFUL FOR THE HIGHER POWERS TO GET ME OUT OF A VERY DANGEROUS SITUATION 😢 I NOW REALIZE THE GIFT OF VERY HIGH SENSITIVITY HAS MANY PERKS. ❤STAY STRONG GIFTED FRIEND'S. 💪..KNOW. . THAT MESSAGE THAT COMES THRU.. OR THAT SUPER STRONG URGE TO HELP SOME ONE. . . OR REACHING OUT FOR HELP. . IS COMING FROM INFJ. . HAD I INGNORED THESE IMPERATIVE MESSAGES. . I WOULDNOTBE HERE. AFTER SEVERE TRAUMA HAD MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION. SUCKING AIR AS I COULD NOT BREATH. CALLED MY DR OUT OF STATE. HE SAID TO COME RIGHT AWAY!! I FLEW TO CALIFORNIA. . NEEDED 2 NECK SURGERIES. A HOLISTIC NON FORCE CHIROPRACTOR DEMANDED AN MRI 😢 EXTENSIVE COMPRESSION OF THE SPINAL CORD!!! BLESS HIM!! DR. KENNETH RUMACK. . SOUTH LAKE TAHOE, CA!! IAM FOREVER GRATEFUL!!! I AM ABLE TO WATCH MY CHILDREN AND THIER CHILDREN GROW!!❤ FOREVER GRATEFUL TO THE EXPERTISE HE AND HIS FAMILY HAVE.😂❤
It *does* actually make me *very* happy to be all alone at home all by myself almost all of the time. I’m done raising my kids now. That was the only thing that made established social engagement necessary and worthwhile. Now that chapter of my life is over and I couldn’t be happier about that. I’m glad I got to raise my ducklings but I’m also glad I don’t have to do all the ultra uncomfortable social dances anymore. This past weekend, my ISTJ man took me to an ultra secluded cabin, deep in the thick woods which engulfed a beautiful little lake which we were set on the edge of. There was no other hint of human life. Not even when we looked out across the lake. No other cabins, just more forest. There was not a single sound of other human life besides the odd plane flying overhead. We got married. It was AMAAAZZZING!!! And it was nothing even remotely like what people say it’s supposed to be and we did not give a care! God was there. We were there. That was all we needed. It felt perfect and correct.
I had the experience of rejection and went straight into co-dependence for a period. After about 3 years I had to cut off every friend I'd made during that time to come out of the shadows. Over the next 20-ish years I've fallen in love with my INFJ nature and matured to the point where I can be intentional about interacting and reading my intuition and empathy so they don't overwhelm me. I recognize when I should be careful and when it isn't necessary. I am still working on motivation to take my inner world to reality, but I'm getting there by ignoring social constructs surrounding 'acting my age' and doing weirdness. I like weird. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. 🎉
Hey Cassie, thankfully we don't have to abide or conform and fit exactly within the parameters of a personality type test. Like conformity is something we would rest our hat on 😀. It takes more than four capital letters to confine or define who we truly are 😉. Much love friend of humanity. Thank you for being you 🙏
@@achebwahs1111 thank you for responding! I am well aware of the utter arbitrary nonsense that is stereotypical conformity.=) I appreciate your compliment and return the same to you. Stay fantastic!✨
I have a lot of friends too , but i believe this video wants to convey message when we force ourself to mimic other people and not choose what we want from our authentic place.
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” 😍 ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
As a 50+ year old INFJ, I agree completely. And, I am happier and more satisfied with each passing day. It was a process, and it took years, but I am right where I want to be. At least for today...
I'm tired of people thinking there's something wrong with me just because I don't enjoy shallow pursuits. Being made fun of for not being good at small talk is stupid and mean spirited. Preferring to engage in meaningful conversation as opposed to making pointless noise is something to be proud of rather than ashamed of.
You mentioned "leave a birthday party". As an INFJ, I find a crowded house with many people conversing at once almost intolerable. I hear everyone talking at once and cannot discreet any one conversation. It is over stimulating to my senses. I cannot even converse in that environment. I have to at least go outside, where I have better hope of having a one on one conversation I can be part of. It's funny that loud music, while it can interfere with actual hearing, does not seem to induce the internal stomach knotting caused by 25+ people talking at once.
Thank Wenzes, I often found myself guilty of feeling like I wanted to fit in, socializing with other people usually ends in expected disappointment and I always resolve not to do it anymore, but then they find me completely strange and in some cases call me a psychopath. Oh my God what was I doing.
Very accurate on all points. So helpful, as I am needing a new step in my journey. Before I knew I was INFJ, it was just having my introverted personality disrespected by family and friends. Rewriting that script was a major move in life.
I have an *extreme* amount of gratitude for this life I’ve been given. Sometimes all that needs changing is the lens on the INFJ camera. We tend to have a lot of unhelpful filters and we tend to use them far too often.
Do I still feel like I have to adapt and alter myself in order to "fit in"? I did previously when I was a member of a singles group a few years ago. It became exhausting to do that, and I left the group. Once I left, I felt liberated and actually, those folks in that singles group respected me finally, and let me be. They understood why I left and needed to evaluate the situation for themselves as well. Nowadays, I take the stance of "I'm just me". I won't try to control anyone, and I don't want to be controlled. Setting boundaries was the best thing I've done for myself.
I can see how we INFJs used to spend most of our time and energy trying to balance most of those assumptions we picked up early on, when we were trying so hard to figure out what the world was all about and what our individual place was in it. The simplest truth is, we have to get past those early ideas in order to really become all that we were meant to be. (It is much easier to see in hindsight.) To make a place for the bigger understandings of our nature, there is a lot of letting go of cherished beliefs as well as things or people that once seemed essential to making a place for ourselves. Often it can be a sad process, because we haven't yet arrived at our new understandings of self and place in the world. As a community, much of that can change. This channel is such a great resource for the INFJ in -transit from the not-yet -mature INFJ to the more confident one with a deeper understanding of our place in the world. Wenzes is a jewel in her understanding and ability to be a teacher of INFJs. It makes me happy to see the work that she is doing in this area of her expertise.
Appeal I am Ghaneeyah a mother of five from Nigeria,I just found out that am an INFJ 2month ago, I av been researching day and night to get myself up for better life I need sponsor for this INFJ epic life bootcamp cause am incapacitated but I so much believe in it I will be forever grateful for being given this chance Thanks in anticipation
People act like I’m mentally ill when I do what I want. It’s hard because those perceptions cut to the heart of my own perspective and have me doubting myself. It’s hard to be called crazy when all I’m doing is being myself.
As a late teenager and young adult, I assumed that we were were "supposed to want sociability." After about two weeks of dorm life in my freshman year of college, I honestly thought that the constant presence of other students around me was highly overrated. But then I also was worried about myself, because, after all, doesn't "everybody" want to be social? 🤔 I didn't so much worry about a "role" to play - I just wanted to know that I would "fit" - whatever that meant. At this time, too, I was learning how fast I could get overwhelmed with constant being with a lot of people. And this particular college didn't have private rooms. Pre-Myers Briggs and pre-internet days, BTW. I did manage to make friends with people outside of my room, but it took a long time to realize a lot of what you talk about in this video. What you're describing here is a lot of what I do to practice my Life Model: OWN IT! And I need to remind myself of it almost daily.
I will not spread shit for brains stories That was thought up after getting high. Just cause words are intelligent doesn't mean the delusional of a story is worth sharing. Do me a favor spin in circles until you become dizzy but don't fall and keep spinning. If you get tired. Start spinning the other way. Why you ask. Because I am a genius that wants to help you reprogram that subconscious habits of thoughts.
"It doesn't matter what life has done to you. It matters what you did with what life made of you". I've had such a huge transformation throughout my life that I could write a very bizarre book. And when I try to help other people with experiences that I had, they simply don't believe that I was such a different person. I hope the translation is correct. I'm still learning English, I can understand everything I hear in the videos but I have difficulty expressing myself.
I'm writing a book and thinking about moving to a new city, and then you said, "Write a chapter for your book. Move to a new city." Okay, guess I will lol.
omg. so much to do but no energy for it. There is a lot of things that suck off my energy, which i even dont have time to restore. Every time under stress - cant do what i plan. Just cant restore myself. The deal is not in what people think anymore - its all in feelings. All those emotions of others drain like, that i cant think straight, cant even no longer divide my emotions from others. And besides that i need to focus on my goals and purpose - its not easy cause you dealing with mistakes on your way and you have to learn from it, but with zero energy you just start disrupting yourself and then it all stops, starts messing around, not moving forward, what burns your heart more to the ground...
I have to say, though, with my wife being deathly ill for 2 years, and me still doing all the cooking, cleaning, dishes and laundry homeschooling, working 2 jobs, I'm finding myself lately, being way too aware that I an right at the point of being waaay overloaded to the point where I start to read something, and NOTHING being able to stick in my head anymore. I think I'm about to have a serious breakdown. God help me.
@@RosequartzDivination Thank you for saying that. I do have something to keep me going and I'm actually surprised that I don't hear it much from the INFJ community. And that is that I personally believe we were Created like this for a Purpose. Maybe the world would have been extinct by now if it wasn't for our keen sense of foreseeing of future events. But, more than things like that, the characteristics that we endow, and me sharing them with my family has saved me and my loved ones from even worse circumstances. And I know that for a fact. But, as we all must know, the hard part is getting our loved ones to put their trust in what I share with them. Like this major food shortage and hard times I see for our country just down tree road. My brothers, wife and children think I'm crazy for telling them to prepare. Many of them just laughed it off. Those are really the hardest things for me to bare. People so often forget, that ITS THE PRESSURE IN OUR LIVES THAT MAKE US STRONGER AND BETTER PEOPLE, AND BETTER FOR THIS AROUND US. Even a Diamond starts off as a lump of Coal, before Great Pressure turns it into something Valuable. Hope you have a great day! Thank you.
Alone, but not lonely. As soon as I cut myself out of most people's lives, I was met with peace. I had time and space to quiet down and learn parts of myself, to repair boundaries, and to build a more solidified internal structure.
Yeah… that really is like some kind of wild revelation, isn’t it? The whole mind blowing nature thing… (And the fitting in… the conforming to a bunch of crap… no good. Been working on that quite a bit.)
I stopped trying to fit in for a long time now but just this week, I decided to share some stuff on social media which I didn't feel comfortable sharing because what would people think, how are they going to react etc. the usual stuff but whatever, it forced me to show people a side of me that I was keeping hidden and I also just said this is my light, who I am and what I am doing so why should I care if anyone judges me negatively for it however I am just hoping that it has a positive long term effect.
I needed to study neuroscience to be able to control "the machine" that is my brain and lead my life in the right direction. And then I understood even better how much power I had within me.
I believe I grew up accepting myself. I have never been aware of things about myself that I didn't want. For me, it wasn't a matter of getting others to agree with me--I decided in high school, after realizing I was not going to get anyone to tell me, I would have to decide for myself what was ok for me. Sure, I still tried to please others (people pleaser) but I was looking for someone to tell me I'm ok. I already knew I was who I was. That wasn't a question on my mind. I was trying to figure out whether there exited someone who would accept me, or if all people are shallow and unaccepting. There were a few who were nice to me, but they kept their distance. There were even those who said they really admired me for being able to stand apart from the peer pressure...they had a funny way of showing it, because they never wanted to be my friend! Actions are clearer than words. This is one of the INFJ's powers. I see other people's faults. It doesn't bother me. It bothers other people when they see me be accepting of my faults...because those are the people who are trying to hide from the same faults. They don't want to see it in me because that makes them have to face their own fault...thus they attack the messenger rather than changing, themself. I cause turmoil every time I am in a group, because I know what I want in the group. I don't always try to harmonize. I compromise and I try to find the middle ground, but if I see what is the best route, I'm going to push for that despite the opposition, then I'm going to let go and see where it goes. The choice will reveal itself soon enough, and odds are, I'll be vindicated--not to brag...I'm looking to benefit the company I work for and those around me. I'm an INFJ; why the heck would I want to get a pat on the back for my successes? And anyway, aren't I just doing what we all are supposed to be doing? That should not need to be rewarded; it is it's own reward.
Thank you. I'm 26, still coming to terms with myself, have made incredible progress - even to a point where I can read body language and social situations. Door 2 Door sales combined with an obsession with being an effective communicator/understanding psychology helped a ton. My intuition has been fortunately strong, but the pain it took to get there was insane. Just this year only, I made the conscious choice to slowly drift away from my obsession for control. To drift away from roleplaying and into being myself. I feel so thankful for the work I did, even if seemingly counterproductive, because now I have a perceptiveness that has all but eluded me until recently. That being said - thank you so much for giving powerful insight. I want to watch more. You give much confirmation to my own experiences. Thank you to youTube algorithm, too haha
In my experience, the people that think being super social is a strength are the same ones who are always telling the introvert to be more social with them and that wow, you are really improving because you're being more social and more 'open'. They are also the same ones that (require) for their own growth interactions with other people. They couldn't do it on their own, in fact they panic when they are alone. The extrovert is at home bing social because they (require) the constant feedback from others including the squabbling and learning through drama and disagreements. An introvert is able to introspect and learn what they need to learn within themselves and can bypass most of the human to human dramas. I am constantly being forced to socialize beyond my natural comfort zone and it drains me severely if I over do it. I tend to lose my inner focus and have to regroup with a day or two of solitude before I can feel balanced again. I live in a heavy populated area where a quiet, introspective, private person is viewed as having a flaw. It takes a lot of effort to find the healthy balance for me.
I am a 59 year old male. Only found out recently I am INFJ. I am so very impressed with your presentation. You offer solutions that may help. I will delve into this later. I'm still reflecting. Thanks Robert
Really appreciate you covering this topic as I am in this stage of my life right now. Would love to see more videos about owning our authenticity. As an INFJ, I believe owning our uniqueness is crucial to help us blossom. It would be impossible for us to self-actualize without taking this important step. I would equate this to being the Rite of Passage for us.
Absolutely on point! I’ve struggled through this for last one year and now am at peace with who I am and where I want to go. Not needing a thumbs up from people that yes, I am on the right way. We infjs make our own way!
Male INFP here. Recently, I broke through a similar barrier I had with my sMother and Shitster since childhood. They are sensates and therefore garbage. Before the breakthrough, it was always me trying to get them to see what I saw, so that I could be validated and get my needs met. It NEVER happened and they just made fun of me and it made me profoundly angry and mentally ill. This kept me a wounded child. The breakthrough was this: I am right about what my intuition sees but it comes at the cost of losing them (support or respect from the sensate world). They will NEVER see it and because there was no one else like me in the family, the 2 of them stayed in their sensate vision of the world. The solution was to: believe what I see\know and to consider them (sensates) as children who refuse to see reality. Where my prior thinking kept me a wounded child, this acceptance made me a powerful visionary dealing with myopic children. Presently, I choose to have neither of them in my life. When you get older, the stakes go up. Their blindness to what's going on in the world, even after I spell it out to them, is tantamount to treason. It's not something I want to be around for ANY amount of time. Maybe once I've had a few years of this new perspective, I'll be able to tolerate their f'n BS in VERY short amounts. The breakthrough also helps me HATE the myopics less, because I see them all as children. I mean I still despise them but the perspective allows me to ignore them, rather than try and engage. For example, you wouldn't even try to have a serious adult conversation about VERY heavy topics with a 5-year old.
I have just recently reached this point in my life after going through a lot of BS since childhood,it’s like I’ve finally found myself after spending all my life trying to fit in and trying to be like other people. I’ve always struggled with self confidence I’ve always hated myself and I think one of the main reasons for this was having a mother who just didn’t understand me,she would talk openly about not liking how I behaved how quiet I was I was constantly told that I’m an idiot and act as if I’m scared of people,and people in the community weren’t much different either if anything they were worst and I soaked up everything they said to me like a sponge I believed everything they said (this personality is rare so I’ve never met any else like myself to think otherwise).then High School came around and to my surprise everything was the opposite, I was still quiet and reserved but they took it as being confident and full of myself which brought people towards me I never had any difficulties making friends or getting into relationships in HS ,if anything I would say I was a bit popular in HS even had a cool nickname lol,I was always seen as the cool laid back guy who didn’t talk to just any and anybody but what they didn’t know was deep down I lacked self confidence I was shy I thought I was ugly even though I know I wasn’t,people at home didn’t believe anything when I told them who I was at school my mother was be surprised when teachers told told her who I was at school. I ended up living a double life at school I was normal but at home I was a nobody and I was somewhat okay with this until those 5 years of HS ended and reality struck. After high school I continued to be that social outcast in my neighborhood no matter what I tried to do to be different people just thought I was an idiot. This year tho something snapped my people pleasing finally caught up with me it’s a very long story but the end result is Ive cut off my best friend and all his friends… I just got so fed up and tired with trying to fit in and trying to be like everybody else,I got tired of hating myself I got tired of being depressed. I stayed on work by myself a Sunday evening crying for 2 hours straight, I had just gotten the wake up call I was crying because I was disappointed in myself,I went through a lot of shit because I wanted people to like me… I’ve fully accepted myself and I now love everything about me it’s like am obsessed,with this love for myself I’ve started to treat myself well,I’m extremely kind so money that I’ve usually given to others is now being used on me and I’m reaping the benefits…with this new found confidence holding eye contact with anyone is no longer a problem and it has allowed me to read people so well it’s like I could see thru them I can see when someone is insecure,I can see when they are confident I can see when they are faking it(maybe because I was faking it for so long),I can look people straight in they’re eyes and I know when they are lying I know when they are hiding something. This is the best I’ve felt it years I’m finally happy for the first time since HS and after connecting all the dots I’ve found out that the reason I was loved in HS is because I wasn’t faking it and I was hated at home because I was I faking who I was,idk if everyone is the same but the thing I’ve found with eye contact you kind of see through the act and know when someone is being fake and when people are being fake you don’t want to go around them… The sad part about all of this is that Ive got resentment for people who are not like me,for loud people.I’m still extremely kind but only towards family members and people who remind me of myself so I go about trying to find those kind of people to make meaningful connections with…with the resentment tho I tend to despise loud and obnoxious people I’m very cold with them,and the ones that come around me especially the ones that are insecure I tend to be really manipulative, it makes me feel good but deep down I know it’s not the right this to do.
Infj here, I’m very selective with who can be in my bubble and what I allow people to see about me. For example, I just got a remote job - and never during the hiring process did they state having a webcam on would be required. The first day of training, everyone was turning on their cameras and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t do it, I don’t like to be perceived in any way, or be analyzed by others. Not sure if it’s just my natural instinct to always have my guard up, and yes I always have a wall up with everyone and everything. (Trust issues) It’s been a whole week that I haven’t turned on my camera, but I know that sooner then later I’ll have to do it. I’m just mentally building the courage to do it!… I know, this is something so random and small, but to me, it really makes me uncomfortable and this is a situation where I feel like I’m having to put myself out there in order to grow. I pray I gain the strength and the courage to put myself out there and not care or think “what is everything thinking about me?”
I've gotten past most of the need to be agreeable, I still prefer to be polite but most of the time I don't care about being perfect. The biggest hang up I have is feeling stupid. I have difficulty getting the thoughts in my head into a verbal conversation. I know things but it comes out so broken and disconnected. Still working on that one. Like you said we keep learning and changing. Blessings.
As much growth as I've done, I do find myself on rare occasion still subconsciously adapting in certain situations. Like, feeling-out my surroundings when I'm in a new place, or around new people that I don't know, or something like that. It doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes I catch myself doing it subconsciously. If Im able to catch it, then I'll try to correct it ASAP.
I tested INFJ, and I absolutely see the traits in myself. However, somehow, maybe my faith, I no longer feel lonely or burdened by other's emotions. I do imagine the future. I do sort of try to fit in, but I honestly do not care what people think of me. I am trying to live a more authentic and intentional life to LIVE before I die. I'm 58 yo, and I want to have no regrets.
How could you not be aware of yourself? It's the number one characteristic that people appraise themselves for Annette's being self-aware! You literally have to be aware of yourself to be self aware.
It sort of sounds like its everything you want to hear though. And It's a get out of jail free card, almost nil repercussions on a empathetic(superpower)/moral lvl for your bad behaviour. If it sounds to good to be true it absolutely is.
Thank you 🙏. DJ Pearson down below is my journey to. And I still find it exhausting to the different adapting that is needed when going in sociality. It almost makes me feel like I have a billion different personalities, lol. And the older I am getting the more I am wanting to stay home. I just don't have the energy for today's world. I'm 53 and have been this way since I was a child. I ran away from home at the age of 4 years old. Because of the frightening violence between my parents. And I feel like my journey started there.
I have realized that observing people is that for the most part, looking at people and seeing how they are so happy, then later seeing them, I realized that it was a delusion that I was observing. People for the most part are not happy, I mean real happy. So now I don't need to be like them. I make myself happy, even going through bad times. Staying happy inside really helps to go through bad times and puts you in a ready mode to celebrate when getting out of the bad times. This is what I realized by observing others and observing my self on inside. This helps to accept the self. Ever notice at a bar after an hour people are happy? That is happy hour. Happy hour out of 24 hours. Really?
I went to my best friend's birthday party this week. It was a Halloween costume party. I was SO bored. But there are certain sacrifices you make for ppl you care about. She was extremely happy that I actually showed up. And she loved my gifts. Of course her husband hates me. ;)
I used to go when people asked but, I always felt uncomfortable underneath and put on the stage performance pretending I was happy and grateful all the time wanting to get home and continue the research of whatever I was engrossed in. After these videos, it's straight out, "Not today. I'm busy but hey, have fun 👋." I am in the now, not the past, not the future and refuse to drop my life to help others including family. I also refuse to go the extra mile for employers now. I have been over my actions of yesterday with a fine tooth comb and realised I gave away so much of everything and me, I finally found the me I want to be and serve others smarter. I am so grateful for these videos, thank you 🙏🙂
Thank you Wenzes..Your work is amazing! I am a late 50ies male listening to you explaining my whole life in these videos!. I am watching you on a loop+always learning new things from you. Blessings from Wales...🙏
Thanks for your channel and great advice. Listen to you every night before I go to sleep and it makes me feel more confident and not so alone. Infj from Sweden.. 😊☀️
i don't feel investing in this society, it's full of lies, inequity, injustice. I feel alone as hell, outcast, but honestly if i have to be part of his "chaos" i prefer my "order"
With INFJs always trying to conserve energy, I guess I have an Extra Blessing, being an INFJ with ADHD? Growing up. I never had an attention deficit, I now know, I didn't have attention deficit, but just got bored quick, because I've always hated the Standard, and the Mundane. But, I was and still am a very hyper active person.
I used to have friends whine to me because they couldn't understand why I wanted to be home by midnight to get some sleep while they enjoyed staying out until 2am at karaoke. This friend is more of an extrovert and I'm an introvert, so we're total opposites in some ways. I don't hear from this friend a lot anymore because I think they realized that I didn't have much time for them anymore. It's not that I want to be mean, but I just felt drained after hanging out after a couple hours and I needed to recharge my batteries and I felt like this friend didn't understand that.
Thanks heaps Wenzes, I appreciate this a lot. I'm slowly coming back to understanding myself and being myself. For so long, I have tried to be what others expected me to be and it has clouded and overshadowed who I am to the point where I just didn't know who I was anymore. I love spending time by myself, doing something creative or working on a project. I love researching (but often get overwhelmed if I take in too much information). You are so right in what you say about having these boundaries for ourselves. It is so important as INFJ's because if we don't we will just lose ourselves. Thanks heaps for all of your insights and what you do!
I started doing this recently just being brutally straight forward and honest and it's made me more happy with my self and in general it feels so good people would think I'm a dick but I'm ready for it because ik I'm not it's just boundaries
You do you, and I'll do me. Was my motto for a good few years. I allowed myself to forget that for over 2 years. Now I can smile knowing it's on it's way back, I can actually feel it really close by. God, I've missed that. We are what we are. People only do what we allow them to do. Gods plan, I guess. Gotta go through some and really see and feel the lessons. If we don't, then the man upstairs will keep putting you in the repeated situations until it finally sinks in. The sad thing for me is, I always expected "good" as it should be a given. I can honestly feel good things are coming. I'm done with lifes lessons. Time to wake up and smell the coffee. We can't fix people. It's a "their" problem. I can fix myself only. Cause no way can I rely on someone else fixing me. I'm more than capable. As for peoplee liking me, I'm done with that an all. No one is entitled to like me, but I'm not entitled to like them either. My time now. You're welcome to come along for the ride, if not good luck.
I've been thinking about the sweet spot lately in response to all the "get out of your comfort zone" pep talks. Some people are naturally better at some things and that's OK. It's refreshing to hear someone speak of this and I've been enjoying your videos. Keep up the good work.
Every video, even just some of the titles, makes me laugh 😂 because it’s so me…it’s amazing… I’ve always gone against any stereotypes and norms, standard motivations don’t work, always different…I have embraced before I knew what it was. I’m learning a lot and what I do want/ need to change…
Solution... Stay at home, learn yourself, become your own best friend and begin to love yourself regardless. Start moving intentionally and make sure everything is done for a reason..... EMBRACE THE WEIRD SHEET ABOUT YOURSELF.... ITS A PART OF YOURSELF THAT MANY WONT GET TO EXPERIENCE
Only after reading about it did I realize that I was so disappointed after going somewhere because I didn't listen to what I wanted and only went along with what others wanted. I won't do that anymore.
I used to care what others thought when I was young and naive but as soon as I grew up and had children I really couldn't care less and I feel so content and much happier. I’m a proud anti-social (:
Talk to us about how to deal with situations where you're forced into social situations (ie. group projects at work or school). How do you deal with situations where you don't really have the option to say no?
Do you still feel like you have to adapt and alter yourself in order to "fit in"?
Nope! I am fully tapped into my INFJ personality and it’s such a beautiful life. If more people had our personality type, this world would be such a united place! However, being rare is amazing in itself. I enjoy being a rare type of thinker ♥️♥️♥️♥️☺️☺️☺️
I cannot answer yes or no, because I'm currently going on the process of embracing myself as it is..
I did as you adviced in this video, not seeking anyone's acceptance and I managed to let go of all the pressure I put myself on to fit in their mold.
The process is very hard, but I'm happy that I'm finally know that I'm good the way I am. You are helping me a lot in this.. Thank you forever..
@@heba1148 we only seek acceptance when we don't accept ourselves, because if you are unable to do it, you will likely to rely on others for it, but the truth is we have the ability do that ourselves
@@ruinedpurity828 you are right, that is why I said I'm going through this process, because till very soon time, I did not accept myself as it is, and that made me miserable for years.. Now I'm learning to accept and embrace the true me, without caring about anyone acceptance..
To some degree this feeling will always be with us. We doubt social norms, we cannot agree automatically with something just because the "majority" tells us that we have to live in a certain way or some "authority" figure. The thing is to make the balance between being constantley smashed by your outcast social role and use it as a source of improvement of your inner power so you can reverse your role in a way that you can still be your outcast self, but that don't make you a social marginal. It's not as easy as it can be write down. It can be a lifelong battle to overcome your shyness and fear of rejection and use your authentic self as your representation in society, but it definitely can pay out. I have previousley said that respect is the biggest psychologycal weapon. Well, authenticity is next to it. By authenticity I mean overcoming yor fear of rejection because it make's you overly cautious and not being your true self.
My current mantra: If I want different, I have to do different.
❤
As an INTJ I can't imagine having the struggle of giving the slightest care about what others think, I hope the INFJ's out there can find their freedom from others opinions.
Therein lies the difference between Fi child and Fe parent. It's kind of a bitch!
Teach usssss lol
Thanks. Probably won't happen though
@@someguyontheinternet- Fair enough.
When you feel like you are walking on eggshells, get away from that person you are with. It is your natural instinct telling you that someone is depleting your energy and it’s a dangerous red flag for encountering narcissists.
Exactly 💯
I have learnt to say "No" and when I do, it is a full sentence. I left the city, a narcistic partner and live by myself surrounded by nature and all of its beauty. I choose who I spend my time with and have found new tribe. Human beings with loving hearts, pure intentions and are authentically themselves. I no longer watch any news, no longer on social media and have time to explore, time to rest, time to think and time to digest. I have accepted that I can not save the world, nor can I fix anyone who does not want to be fixed and no, my heart didn't implode. I am still me and I still care passionately about everything and do what I can when I can to help. I've just learnt to love who I am and how to be a little kinder to me, when I need it to be. 🙏❤
Woah I love it!!!! Life goals for me!
@@Human_01 - 😳 turn your lens inward
Still planning on saving the world... maybe you could help.
Spot on! ✨️💫
That's sounds so wonderful 🤧❣✨
At some point in the last decade I stopped people-pleasing and I started getting really blunt. My family would always push if I said no with a reason or excuse, and so I stopped giving one. Rather than avoid the calls or texts now, I can easily just say "No," and if further pushed, follow up with "I don't want to." And if the pressing persists, the true question that you can ask yourself, or maybe them as well, is "why are you violating my boundaries? I said 'no.'"
Because if you're worried about what they'll think of you, setting up a boundary to protect yourself, when they're the kind of person who refuses to respect that, why? Cajoling, pressuring, manipulation, whatever their tactic, it is disrespectful to you. And you don't deserve that.
good for you, watch out they sound like they are narcissists
@@andresrogersayeah.. The way INFJ s are pushed like the above comment, it seems the fight to safeguard our boundaries is mostly likely we are surrounded by narcissists..
That's what I'm doing right now. If I go to a party or a work event at all, I leave whenever I want to and own it.
I have always disliked Christmas and spending time with my family, so I rejected all invitations for Christmas and New Year's Eve. And for the first time in my life, I didn't make an excuse for it like I used to. And this is SUPER empowering.
Good job. I have always disliked Xmas, too. Txs for sharing.
Me too, it's such a fake and over the top, nothing to do with spirituality in it's common way of being celebrated
Another excellent gold nugget video!
Found out 3 weeks ago I'm an INFJ. Scary. But it explains so much that has happened in my life. The continual going for glory and then withdrawing, never finishing things in fear of criticisms and what other people think. Always helping and trying to please others. At 74 I wish I knew about all of this psychology much earlier. I've quickly learnt to ignore what others think, and press on regardless and I find I'm making achievements to my own satisfaction. Probably better than any critic could aspire to. My art has taken what i believe to be a critical step forward. If I don't sell it I no longer care. Thanks Wenzes.
I've also reached this point later in life.
Thank you for this post as it has reassured me.
I have been aware of the concept of being an INFJ for many years but it's only in retirement that I'm embracing who I really am.... with a positive outcome.
I'm 89 dude and always learning. Finding I'm an INFJ a month ago has opened my eyes and my mind tremendously. Just when you thought you reached that age when all is clear, bam, this comes along. Wenzes is the greatest and I'm into her videos and other research to find the why about past experiences. Peace everyone.
❤
Thank You Wenzes. . . I have left a marriage of 40 years. I am finding my peace❤ THANK YOU ALL FOR SHARING!!! I ALSO AM OF RETIREMENT age. Had TO LEAVE HOME AND STATE AS HEALTH WAS SEVERLY DECLINING. . I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THIS SUPPORT!!! I HAVE BEEN HEALING FOR EXTENDED YEARS AND I AM SO THANKFUL FOR YOU ALL. AND THE HEALING PROCESS AND UNDERSTANDING HOW SENSITIVE I AM. . LOOKING FORWARD TO PROGRESSING TO THE NEXT LEVELS OF HEALING . . . SO I CAN BE HELPING OTHERS. . AS I USED TO. . CAR ACCIDENT. . NO ONE LISTENING. . I WAS ALMOST PARALYZED. SO GRATEFUL FOR THE HIGHER POWERS TO GET ME OUT OF A VERY DANGEROUS SITUATION 😢
I NOW REALIZE THE GIFT OF VERY HIGH SENSITIVITY HAS MANY PERKS.
❤STAY STRONG GIFTED FRIEND'S. 💪..KNOW. . THAT MESSAGE THAT COMES THRU.. OR THAT SUPER STRONG URGE TO HELP SOME ONE. . . OR REACHING OUT FOR HELP. . IS COMING FROM INFJ. . HAD I INGNORED THESE IMPERATIVE MESSAGES. . I WOULDNOTBE HERE. AFTER SEVERE TRAUMA HAD MYOCARDIAL INFARCTION.
SUCKING AIR AS I COULD NOT BREATH. CALLED MY DR OUT OF STATE. HE SAID TO COME RIGHT AWAY!! I FLEW TO CALIFORNIA. . NEEDED 2 NECK SURGERIES. A HOLISTIC NON FORCE CHIROPRACTOR DEMANDED AN MRI 😢
EXTENSIVE COMPRESSION OF THE SPINAL CORD!!! BLESS HIM!! DR. KENNETH RUMACK. . SOUTH LAKE TAHOE, CA!! IAM FOREVER GRATEFUL!!! I AM ABLE TO WATCH MY CHILDREN AND THIER CHILDREN GROW!!❤
FOREVER GRATEFUL TO THE EXPERTISE HE AND HIS FAMILY HAVE.😂❤
It *does* actually make me *very* happy to be all alone at home all by myself almost all of the time. I’m done raising my kids now. That was the only thing that made established social engagement necessary and worthwhile. Now that chapter of my life is over and I couldn’t be happier about that. I’m glad I got to raise my ducklings but I’m also glad I don’t have to do all the ultra uncomfortable social dances anymore.
This past weekend, my ISTJ man took me to an ultra secluded cabin, deep in the thick woods which engulfed a beautiful little lake which we were set on the edge of. There was no other hint of human life. Not even when we looked out across the lake. No other cabins, just more forest. There was not a single sound of other human life besides the odd plane flying overhead. We got married. It was AMAAAZZZING!!! And it was nothing even remotely like what people say it’s supposed to be and we did not give a care! God was there. We were there. That was all we needed. It felt perfect and correct.
🎊Congratulations! That is beautiful 😍
@@terrijamison9154 - Thank you🌼🤗
Sounds amazing!
@@velvetmoss8279 - Thank you for your kind words🌼💚
Good for you ❤😊 3:14
I had the experience of rejection and went straight into co-dependence for a period. After about 3 years I had to cut off every friend I'd made during that time to come out of the shadows. Over the next 20-ish years I've fallen in love with my INFJ nature and matured to the point where I can be intentional about interacting and reading my intuition and empathy so they don't overwhelm me. I recognize when I should be careful and when it isn't necessary. I am still working on motivation to take my inner world to reality, but I'm getting there by ignoring social constructs surrounding 'acting my age' and doing weirdness. I like weird. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. 🎉
I am an INFJ and I have a lot of friends. Yes, I exist.
Okay? That's allowed, I suppose? Haha
Hey Cassie, thankfully we don't have to abide or conform and fit exactly within the parameters of a personality type test. Like conformity is something we would rest our hat on 😀. It takes more than four capital letters to confine or define who we truly are 😉. Much love friend of humanity. Thank you for being you 🙏
@@achebwahs1111 thank you for responding! I am well aware of the utter arbitrary nonsense that is stereotypical conformity.=) I appreciate your compliment and return the same to you. Stay fantastic!✨
@@CassieAngelica Absolutely✌. You love writing too. Noted 😉
I have a lot of friends too , but i believe this video wants to convey message when we force ourself to mimic other people and not choose what we want from our authentic place.
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” 😍
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
As a 50+ year old INFJ, I agree completely. And, I am happier and more satisfied with each passing day. It was a process, and it took years, but I am right where I want to be. At least for today...
I'm tired of people thinking there's something wrong with me just because I don't enjoy shallow pursuits. Being made fun of for not being good at small talk is stupid and mean spirited. Preferring to engage in meaningful conversation as opposed to making pointless noise is something to be proud of rather than ashamed of.
You mentioned "leave a birthday party". As an INFJ, I find a crowded house with many people conversing at once almost intolerable. I hear everyone talking at once and cannot discreet any one conversation. It is over stimulating to my senses. I cannot even converse in that environment. I have to at least go outside, where I have better hope of having a one on one conversation I can be part of. It's funny that loud music, while it can interfere with actual hearing, does not seem to induce the internal stomach knotting caused by 25+ people talking at once.
Thank Wenzes, I often found myself guilty of feeling like I wanted to fit in, socializing with other people usually ends in expected disappointment and I always resolve not to do it anymore, but then they find me completely strange and in some cases call me a psychopath. Oh my God what was I doing.
Very accurate on all points. So helpful, as I am needing a new step in my journey. Before I knew I was INFJ, it was just having my introverted personality disrespected by family and friends. Rewriting that script was a major move in life.
@chrisyjones I'm rooting for you sis! Let's get it✨️💫
Ok how the heck does this always happen! Every time you put out a video it’s on something I’m currently struggling with! That’s freaky lol 😂
Sometimes your videos are hauntingly accurate... And the timing so perfect...hmmmm
I have an *extreme* amount of gratitude for this life I’ve been given. Sometimes all that needs changing is the lens on the INFJ camera. We tend to have a lot of unhelpful filters and we tend to use them far too often.
Do I still feel like I have to adapt and alter myself in order to "fit in"? I did previously when I was a member of a singles group a few years ago. It became exhausting to do that, and I left the group. Once I left, I felt liberated and actually, those folks in that singles group respected me finally, and let me be. They understood why I left and needed to evaluate the situation for themselves as well. Nowadays, I take the stance of "I'm just me". I won't try to control anyone, and I don't want to be controlled. Setting boundaries was the best thing I've done for myself.
I can see how we INFJs used to spend most of our time and energy trying to balance most of those assumptions we picked up early on, when we were trying so hard to figure out what the world was all about and what our individual place was in it. The simplest truth is, we have to get past those early ideas in order to really become all that we were meant to be. (It is much easier to see in hindsight.) To make a place for the bigger understandings of our nature, there is a lot of letting go of cherished beliefs as well as things or people that once seemed essential to making a place for ourselves. Often it can be a sad process, because we haven't yet arrived at our new understandings of self and place in the world.
As a community, much of that can change. This channel is such a great resource for the INFJ in -transit from the not-yet -mature INFJ to the more confident one with a deeper understanding of our place in the world. Wenzes is a jewel in her understanding and ability to be a teacher of INFJs. It makes me happy to see the work that she is doing in this area of her expertise.
@@Human_01 How interesting. I have an ESFJ in the family. Your words hit home.
Your comment is a jewel as well, thank you 🙏💖
It’s much easier with age and experience 💕😊
Appeal
I am Ghaneeyah a mother of five from Nigeria,I just found out that am an INFJ 2month ago,
I av been researching day and night to get myself up for better life
I need sponsor for this INFJ epic life bootcamp cause am incapacitated but I so much believe in it
I will be forever grateful for being given this chance
Thanks in anticipation
People act like I’m mentally ill when I do what I want. It’s hard because those perceptions cut to the heart of my own perspective and have me doubting myself. It’s hard to be called crazy when all I’m doing is being myself.
Yes its hard
Its learning to identify what gives you peace and what doesn't!
So true.
“We can’t help but want to stand out”
There’s another word for that....
Like....?
As a late teenager and young adult, I assumed that we were were "supposed to want sociability." After about two weeks of dorm life in my freshman year of college, I honestly thought that the constant presence of other students around me was highly overrated. But then I also was worried about myself, because, after all, doesn't "everybody" want to be social? 🤔 I didn't so much worry about a "role" to play - I just wanted to know that I would "fit" - whatever that meant. At this time, too, I was learning how fast I could get overwhelmed with constant being with a lot of people. And this particular college didn't have private rooms.
Pre-Myers Briggs and pre-internet days, BTW.
I did manage to make friends with people outside of my room, but it took a long time to realize a lot of what you talk about in this video. What you're describing here is a lot of what I do to practice my Life Model: OWN IT!
And I need to remind myself of it almost daily.
Love your greatness. I would give you INFJ coach of the year. Thank you.
Your awesome
Are you sharing advice to me.
Or ? I have no clue in understanding your message. Would you mind rewording or explain like your talking to a kid.
I will not spread shit for brains stories
That was thought up after getting high.
Just cause words are intelligent doesn't mean the delusional of a story is worth sharing. Do me a favor spin in circles until you become dizzy but don't fall and keep spinning. If you get tired. Start spinning the other way. Why you ask. Because I am a genius that wants to help you reprogram that subconscious habits of thoughts.
"It doesn't matter what life has done to you. It matters what you did with what life made of you". I've had such a huge transformation throughout my life that I could write a very bizarre book. And when I try to help other people with experiences that I had, they simply don't believe that I was such a different person. I hope the translation is correct. I'm still learning English, I can understand everything I hear in the videos but I have difficulty expressing myself.
Digging and gidding deeper and deeper for self improvement
It would be heaven for me to be at a convention with a bunch of infj s!! Wow! Enfp here.
I'm writing a book and thinking about moving to a new city, and then you said, "Write a chapter for your book. Move to a new city." Okay, guess I will lol.
im not changing for people, its that i am navigating better
omg. so much to do but no energy for it. There is a lot of things that suck off my energy, which i even dont have time to restore. Every time under stress - cant do what i plan. Just cant restore myself. The deal is not in what people think anymore - its all in feelings. All those emotions of others drain like, that i cant think straight, cant even no longer divide my emotions from others. And besides that i need to focus on my goals and purpose - its not easy cause you dealing with mistakes on your way and you have to learn from it, but with zero energy you just start disrupting yourself and then it all stops, starts messing around, not moving forward, what burns your heart more to the ground...
I have to say, though, with my wife being deathly ill for 2 years, and me still doing all the cooking, cleaning, dishes and laundry homeschooling, working 2 jobs, I'm finding myself lately, being way too aware that I an right at the point of being waaay overloaded to the point where I start to read something, and NOTHING being able to stick in my head anymore. I think I'm about to have a serious breakdown. God help me.
I hope u get some help or solution coz this sounds like a terrible situation.
@@RosequartzDivination Thank you for saying that. I do have something to keep me going and I'm actually surprised that I don't hear it much from the INFJ community. And that is that I personally believe we were Created like this for a Purpose. Maybe the world would have been extinct by now if it wasn't for our keen sense of foreseeing of future events. But, more than things like that, the characteristics that we endow, and me sharing them with my family has saved me and my loved ones from even worse circumstances. And I know that for a fact. But, as we all must know, the hard part is getting our loved ones to put their trust in what I share with them. Like this major food shortage and hard times I see for our country just down tree road. My brothers, wife and children think I'm crazy for telling them to prepare. Many of them just laughed it off. Those are really the hardest things for me to bare. People so often forget, that ITS THE PRESSURE IN OUR LIVES THAT MAKE US STRONGER AND BETTER PEOPLE, AND BETTER FOR THIS AROUND US. Even a Diamond starts off as a lump of Coal, before Great Pressure turns it into something Valuable. Hope you have a great day! Thank you.
I understand your situation to a degree and couldn’t imagine the extent that you are dealing with. Stay strong.
Alone, but not lonely. As soon as I cut myself out of most people's lives, I was met with peace. I had time and space to quiet down and learn parts of myself, to repair boundaries, and to build a more solidified internal structure.
Yeah… that really is like some kind of wild revelation, isn’t it?
The whole mind blowing nature thing…
(And the fitting in… the conforming to a bunch of crap… no good. Been working on that quite a bit.)
I stopped trying to fit in for a long time now but just this week, I decided to share some stuff on social media which I didn't feel comfortable sharing because what would people think, how are they going to react etc. the usual stuff but whatever, it forced me to show people a side of me that I was keeping hidden and I also just said this is my light, who I am and what I am doing so why should I care if anyone judges me negatively for it however I am just hoping that it has a positive long term effect.
I needed to study neuroscience to be able to control "the machine" that is my brain and lead my life in the right direction. And then I understood even better how much power I had within me.
I believe I grew up accepting myself. I have never been aware of things about myself that I didn't want. For me, it wasn't a matter of getting others to agree with me--I decided in high school, after realizing I was not going to get anyone to tell me, I would have to decide for myself what was ok for me. Sure, I still tried to please others (people pleaser) but I was looking for someone to tell me I'm ok. I already knew I was who I was. That wasn't a question on my mind. I was trying to figure out whether there exited someone who would accept me, or if all people are shallow and unaccepting. There were a few who were nice to me, but they kept their distance. There were even those who said they really admired me for being able to stand apart from the peer pressure...they had a funny way of showing it, because they never wanted to be my friend! Actions are clearer than words.
This is one of the INFJ's powers. I see other people's faults. It doesn't bother me. It bothers other people when they see me be accepting of my faults...because those are the people who are trying to hide from the same faults. They don't want to see it in me because that makes them have to face their own fault...thus they attack the messenger rather than changing, themself.
I cause turmoil every time I am in a group, because I know what I want in the group. I don't always try to harmonize. I compromise and I try to find the middle ground, but if I see what is the best route, I'm going to push for that despite the opposition, then I'm going to let go and see where it goes. The choice will reveal itself soon enough, and odds are, I'll be vindicated--not to brag...I'm looking to benefit the company I work for and those around me. I'm an INFJ; why the heck would I want to get a pat on the back for my successes? And anyway, aren't I just doing what we all are supposed to be doing? That should not need to be rewarded; it is it's own reward.
Thank you. I'm 26, still coming to terms with myself, have made incredible progress - even to a point where I can read body language and social situations. Door 2 Door sales combined with an obsession with being an effective communicator/understanding psychology helped a ton. My intuition has been fortunately strong, but the pain it took to get there was insane. Just this year only, I made the conscious choice to slowly drift away from my obsession for control. To drift away from roleplaying and into being myself. I feel so thankful for the work I did, even if seemingly counterproductive, because now I have a perceptiveness that has all but eluded me until recently. That being said - thank you so much for giving powerful insight. I want to watch more. You give much confirmation to my own experiences. Thank you to youTube algorithm, too haha
In my experience, the people that think being super social is a strength are the same ones who are always telling the introvert to be more social with them and that wow, you are really improving because you're being more social and more 'open'. They are also the same ones that (require) for their own growth interactions with other people. They couldn't do it on their own, in fact they panic when they are alone. The extrovert is at home bing social because they (require) the constant feedback from others including the squabbling and learning through drama and disagreements. An introvert is able to introspect and learn what they need to learn within themselves and can bypass most of the human to human dramas. I am constantly being forced to socialize beyond my natural comfort zone and it drains me severely if I over do it. I tend to lose my inner focus and have to regroup with a day or two of solitude before I can feel balanced again. I live in a heavy populated area where a quiet, introspective, private person is viewed as having a flaw. It takes a lot of effort to find the healthy balance for me.
I am a 59 year old male. Only found out recently I am INFJ. I am so very impressed with your presentation. You offer solutions that may help. I will delve into this later. I'm still reflecting. Thanks Robert
Really appreciate you covering this topic as I am in this stage of my life right now. Would love to see more videos about owning our authenticity. As an INFJ, I believe owning our uniqueness is crucial to help us blossom. It would be impossible for us to self-actualize without taking this important step. I would equate this to being the Rite of Passage for us.
I completely agree✨️💫
Absolutely on point! I’ve struggled through this for last one year and now am at peace with who I am and where I want to go. Not needing a thumbs up from people that yes, I am on the right way. We infjs make our own way!
Helpful for INFPs too
Male INFP here. Recently, I broke through a similar barrier I had with my sMother and Shitster since childhood. They are sensates and therefore garbage.
Before the breakthrough, it was always me trying to get them to see what I saw, so that I could be validated and get my needs met. It NEVER happened and they just made fun of me and it made me profoundly angry and mentally ill. This kept me a wounded child.
The breakthrough was this: I am right about what my intuition sees but it comes at the cost of losing them (support or respect from the sensate world). They will NEVER see it and because there was no one else like me in the family, the 2 of them stayed in their sensate vision of the world. The solution was to: believe what I see\know and to consider them (sensates) as children who refuse to see reality. Where my prior thinking kept me a wounded child, this acceptance made me a powerful visionary dealing with myopic children.
Presently, I choose to have neither of them in my life. When you get older, the stakes go up. Their blindness to what's going on in the world, even after I spell it out to them, is tantamount to treason. It's not something I want to be around for ANY amount of time. Maybe once I've had a few years of this new perspective, I'll be able to tolerate their f'n BS in VERY short amounts.
The breakthrough also helps me HATE the myopics less, because I see them all as children. I mean I still despise them but the perspective allows me to ignore them, rather than try and engage. For example, you wouldn't even try to have a serious adult conversation about VERY heavy topics with a 5-year old.
I have just recently reached this point in my life after going through a lot of BS since childhood,it’s like I’ve finally found myself after spending all my life trying to fit in and trying to be like other people. I’ve always struggled with self confidence I’ve always hated myself and I think one of the main reasons for this was having a mother who just didn’t understand me,she would talk openly about not liking how I behaved how quiet I was I was constantly told that I’m an idiot and act as if I’m scared of people,and people in the community weren’t much different either if anything they were worst and I soaked up everything they said to me like a sponge I believed everything they said (this personality is rare so I’ve never met any else like myself to think otherwise).then High School came around and to my surprise everything was the opposite, I was still quiet and reserved but they took it as being confident and full of myself which brought people towards me I never had any difficulties making friends or getting into relationships in HS ,if anything I would say I was a bit popular in HS even had a cool nickname lol,I was always seen as the cool laid back guy who didn’t talk to just any and anybody but what they didn’t know was deep down I lacked self confidence I was shy I thought I was ugly even though I know I wasn’t,people at home didn’t believe anything when I told them who I was at school my mother was be surprised when teachers told told her who I was at school. I ended up living a double life at school I was normal but at home I was a nobody and I was somewhat okay with this until those 5 years of HS ended and reality struck.
After high school I continued to be that social outcast in my neighborhood no matter what I tried to do to be different people just thought I was an idiot.
This year tho something snapped my people pleasing finally caught up with me it’s a very long story but the end result is Ive cut off my best friend and all his friends…
I just got so fed up and tired with trying to fit in and trying to be like everybody else,I got tired of hating myself I got tired of being depressed.
I stayed on work by myself a Sunday evening crying for 2 hours straight, I had just gotten the wake up call I was crying because I was disappointed in myself,I went through a lot of shit because I wanted people to like me…
I’ve fully accepted myself and I now love everything about me it’s like am obsessed,with this love for myself I’ve started to treat myself well,I’m extremely kind so money that I’ve usually given to others is now being used on me and I’m reaping the benefits…with this new found confidence holding eye contact with anyone is no longer a problem and it has allowed me to read people so well it’s like I could see thru them I can see when someone is insecure,I can see when they are confident I can see when they are faking it(maybe because I was faking it for so long),I can look people straight in they’re eyes and I know when they are lying I know when they are hiding something. This is the best I’ve felt it years I’m finally happy for the first time since HS and after connecting all the dots I’ve found out that the reason I was loved in HS is because I wasn’t faking it and I was hated at home because I was I faking who I was,idk if everyone is the same but the thing I’ve found with eye contact you kind of see through the act and know when someone is being fake and when people are being fake you don’t want to go around them…
The sad part about all of this is that Ive got resentment for people who are not like me,for loud people.I’m still extremely kind but only towards family members and people who remind me of myself so I go about trying to find those kind of people to make meaningful connections with…with the resentment tho I tend to despise loud and obnoxious people I’m very cold with them,and the ones that come around me especially the ones that are insecure I tend to be really manipulative, it makes me feel good but deep down I know it’s not the right this to do.
Infj here, I’m very selective with who can be in my bubble and what I allow people to see about me. For example, I just got a remote job - and never during the hiring process did they state having a webcam on would be required. The first day of training, everyone was turning on their cameras and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t do it, I don’t like to be perceived in any way, or be analyzed by others. Not sure if it’s just my natural instinct to always have my guard up, and yes I always have a wall up with everyone and everything. (Trust issues) It’s been a whole week that I haven’t turned on my camera, but I know that sooner then later I’ll have to do it. I’m just mentally building the courage to do it!… I know, this is something so random and small, but to me, it really makes me uncomfortable and this is a situation where I feel like I’m having to put myself out there in order to grow. I pray I gain the strength and the courage to put myself out there and not care or think “what is everything thinking about me?”
Don't worry! They are all concerned about their own selves!
@@mariagordanier3404 very true!
I'd be the same. I hate Zoom calls. I'm always looked at funny since I'm a minority in my area.
I'm with you on the reluctance of being on camera and the zoom thing 😒
@@ElizaBeth-fh6wy glad I’m not the only one who feels this way!
Be yourself, the world will adjust. 🙂
Everyday I learn something new 😊😊😊😊
I've gotten past most of the need to be agreeable, I still prefer to be polite but most of the time I don't care about being perfect. The biggest hang up I have is feeling stupid. I have difficulty getting the thoughts in my head into a verbal conversation. I know things but it comes out so broken and disconnected. Still working on that one. Like you said we keep learning and changing. Blessings.
As much growth as I've done, I do find myself on rare occasion still subconsciously adapting in certain situations. Like, feeling-out my surroundings when I'm in a new place, or around new people that I don't know, or something like that. It doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes I catch myself doing it subconsciously. If Im able to catch it, then I'll try to correct it ASAP.
I have never fully accepted who i really am you are right about that.
Rejection is real. Cant disagree i intend to overcome. Thank you. You are awesomr.
I tested INFJ, and I absolutely see the traits in myself. However, somehow, maybe my faith, I no longer feel lonely or burdened by other's emotions. I do imagine the future. I do sort of try to fit in, but I honestly do not care what people think of me. I am trying to live a more authentic and intentional life to LIVE before I die. I'm 58 yo, and I want to have no regrets.
The best thing for me is to gather energy.
How could you not be aware of yourself? It's the number one characteristic that people appraise themselves for Annette's being self-aware! You literally have to be aware of yourself to be self aware.
This is the first video that has really convinced me I'm an INFJ and it's a bliss, thank you.
It sort of sounds like its everything you want to hear though. And It's a get out of jail free card, almost nil repercussions on a empathetic(superpower)/moral lvl for your bad behaviour. If it sounds to good to be true it absolutely is.
I can take on this discomfort step by step and day by day.
Hi INFJers ❤️❤️❤️ solitude 🔥 inner peace 😁
Thank you 🙏. DJ Pearson down below is my journey to. And I still find it exhausting to the different adapting that is needed when going in sociality. It almost makes me feel like I have a billion different personalities, lol. And the older I am getting the more I am wanting to stay home. I just don't have the energy for today's world. I'm 53 and have been this way since I was a child. I ran away from home at the age of 4 years old. Because of the frightening violence between my parents. And I feel like my journey started there.
I have realized that observing people is that for the most part, looking at people and seeing how they are so happy, then later seeing them, I realized that it was a delusion that I was observing. People for the most part are not happy, I mean real happy. So now I don't need to be like them. I make myself happy, even going through bad times. Staying happy inside really helps to go through bad times and puts you in a ready mode to celebrate when getting out of the bad times. This is what I realized by observing others and observing my self on inside. This helps to accept the self.
Ever notice at a bar after an hour people are happy? That is happy hour.
Happy hour out of 24 hours. Really?
Wow amazing getting into spontaneity understand myself on a different level more motivative
I went to my best friend's birthday party this week. It was a Halloween costume party. I was SO bored. But there are certain sacrifices you make for ppl you care about. She was extremely happy that I actually showed up. And she loved my gifts. Of course her husband hates me. ;)
3:16 " No. We are not aware of the things we are not aware of..." Brilliant.
I just realised.... I don't need to listen to this... it is exhausting.
Thank you! Being myself fully, most of my friends are gone, a stepping point to change all over in my life, step by step.
I used to go when people asked but, I always felt uncomfortable underneath and put on the stage performance pretending I was happy and grateful all the time wanting to get home and continue the research of whatever I was engrossed in. After these videos, it's straight out, "Not today. I'm busy but hey, have fun 👋." I am in the now, not the past, not the future and refuse to drop my life to help others including family. I also refuse to go the extra mile for employers now. I have been over my actions of yesterday with a fine tooth comb and realised I gave away so much of everything and me, I finally found the me I want to be and serve others smarter.
I am so grateful for these videos, thank you 🙏🙂
Your eyes are so beautiful :)
First 10 seconds is story of my life
Thank you Wenzes..Your work is amazing! I am a late 50ies male listening to you explaining my whole life in these videos!. I am watching you on a loop+always learning new things from you. Blessings from Wales...🙏
Thanks for your channel and great advice. Listen to you every night before I go to sleep and it makes me feel more confident and not so alone. Infj from Sweden.. 😊☀️
Thanks Wenzer🎉❤ and for all: a nice sidestep is the book Fuck You by Jeffrey Neubauer😉
i don't feel investing in this society, it's full of lies, inequity, injustice. I feel alone as hell, outcast, but honestly if i have to be part of his "chaos" i prefer my "order"
With INFJs always trying to conserve energy, I guess I have an Extra Blessing, being an INFJ with ADHD? Growing up. I never had an attention deficit, I now know, I didn't have attention deficit, but just got bored quick, because I've always hated the Standard, and the Mundane. But, I was and still am a very hyper active person.
I remember feeling this way - way back in the second grade ! Tried to be like "them" and it was too exhausting !
These videos are so helpful and nice.
The idea of hollowing myself scares me.
Out of comfort zone but not too much feels hopeful.
Thank You, for your
VOICE
TY Wenzes!
I used to have friends whine to me because they couldn't understand why I wanted to be home by midnight to get some sleep while they enjoyed staying out until 2am at karaoke. This friend is more of an extrovert and I'm an introvert, so we're total opposites in some ways. I don't hear from this friend a lot anymore because I think they realized that I didn't have much time for them anymore. It's not that I want to be mean, but I just felt drained after hanging out after a couple hours and I needed to recharge my batteries and I felt like this friend didn't understand that.
When i was young. I used to just walk away from ppl in mid sentence without a word.
Simply because i felt like they were sucking my time.
Thanks heaps Wenzes, I appreciate this a lot. I'm slowly coming back to understanding myself and being myself. For so long, I have tried to be what others expected me to be and it has clouded and overshadowed who I am to the point where I just didn't know who I was anymore. I love spending time by myself, doing something creative or working on a project. I love researching (but often get overwhelmed if I take in too much information). You are so right in what you say about having these boundaries for ourselves. It is so important as INFJ's because if we don't we will just lose ourselves. Thanks heaps for all of your insights and what you do!
Thanks!
Thanks fellow being for sharing awareness and insights out loud
Your videos are the mirror I have been looking for. Thank you for shining your torch in my dark walk.
I started doing this recently just being brutally straight forward and honest and it's made me more happy with my self and in general it feels so good people would think I'm a dick but I'm ready for it because ik I'm not it's just boundaries
You do you, and I'll do me.
Was my motto for a good few years. I allowed myself to forget that for over 2 years.
Now I can smile knowing it's on it's way back, I can actually feel it really close by. God, I've missed that.
We are what we are. People only do what we allow them to do. Gods plan, I guess. Gotta go through some and really see and feel the lessons. If we don't, then the man upstairs will keep putting you in the repeated situations until it finally sinks in.
The sad thing for me is, I always expected "good" as it should be a given.
I can honestly feel good things are coming. I'm done with lifes lessons. Time to wake up and smell the coffee. We can't fix people. It's a "their" problem. I can fix myself only. Cause no way can I rely on someone else fixing me. I'm more than capable.
As for peoplee liking me, I'm done with that an all. No one is entitled to like me, but I'm not entitled to like them either.
My time now. You're welcome to come along for the ride, if not good luck.
I've been thinking about the sweet spot lately in response to all the "get out of your comfort zone" pep talks. Some people are naturally better at some things and that's OK. It's refreshing to hear someone speak of this and I've been enjoying your videos. Keep up the good work.
Every video, even just some of the titles, makes me laugh 😂 because it’s so me…it’s amazing…
I’ve always gone against any stereotypes and norms, standard motivations don’t work, always different…I have embraced before I knew what it was. I’m learning a lot and what I do want/ need to change…
Solution... Stay at home, learn yourself, become your own best friend and begin to love yourself regardless. Start moving intentionally and make sure everything is done for a reason..... EMBRACE THE WEIRD SHEET ABOUT YOURSELF.... ITS A PART OF YOURSELF THAT MANY WONT GET TO EXPERIENCE
Only after reading about it did I realize that I was so disappointed after going somewhere because I didn't listen to what I wanted and only went along with what others wanted. I won't do that anymore.
I really needed to hear this !! Thank you 💕
I’ve been in love with your intelligence since I started listening to most of your vids.
Love you’re videos! I am a male infj and I resonate with this sooo much! Trying to find my way
I used to care what others thought when I was young and naive but as soon as I grew up and had children I really couldn't care less and I feel so content and much happier. I’m a proud anti-social (:
Talk to us about how to deal with situations where you're forced into social situations (ie. group projects at work or school). How do you deal with situations where you don't really have the option to say no?
I feel so much agony from having lost so many years of my life trying to be something that would be accepted, and not living my life. 😢
Be you TODAY!!
God bless you