Why It’s So Lonely Being an INFJ
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- Опубликовано: 30 сен 2024
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Why it’s so lonely being an INFJ is a problem that many INFJs deal with, and that has no easy answers. Part of it is that INFJs are very good at observing other people and figuring them out, but they tend to mask their true selves and so they remain unknown and an enigma to others, even those others who might be close to them. INFJs also tend to internalize their constant loneliness as a belief that something is wrong with them, or that they are defective in some way. This results in most INFJs struggling with low self-esteem, social anxiety, and a general feeling of being misunderstood and alienated in the world. INFJs are extremely unconventional thinkers, and most other people, they get a glimpse underneath the surface, find them eccentric and even puzzling.
INFJs have a deep craving to be truly seen by others and appreciated for who they authentically are, and the gifts they bring to the world. However, most other people are unable to meet this need for the INFJ. Partly because they cannot go as deep as the INFJ personality type can, and also partly because the INFJ blocks themselves from trusting others or allowing themselves to being intimate or vulnerable with others. This block is the result of the INFJ’s past experiences, which are detailed in this video. Once the INFJ personality type can become aware and conscious of this block they have in place against trusting others, the block can be worked with and dissolved and the INFJ can experience greater happiness in their intimate relationships, and with people overall.
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I used to be lonely, but then I went insane and everything is fine now
same
Woop woop! yyyyyyyeeeeehhuhuhuhuhuh knc'oan'ns'iv'ievr'ihbaeb
😂
Lmao 😂😂🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂
I only get lonely when i talk to others
As an INFJ, that completely makes sense.
me too
Being an INFJ male with no other male friends has no words to express the scale of loneliness it can be at work, church, or even in a group of so called "friends", even though those friends never check up on you. Not to mention having no father figure or having an absent father to help you understand how to be a man and be a leader of a family.
I feel you brother. Stay strong and go by God. Know that you're not alone🫂
You’re definitely not alone. Even you expressing that resonated enough to help me.
Good. Yeah, I don't know any INFJs. As a man in his 50's, it's challenging not fitting in (being "normal"). I definitely do not think like other men - I'm highly empathic, emotional and sensitive - not normal "manly" traits.
"I'm an alien." LOL Yeah. An expression I use is, "The stork dropped me off on the wrong planet."
How old are you? Stork deliveries have been discontinued for centuries. Perhaps you were smuggled in by a space cartel. Or maybe the Little Prince left you here as a memento.
@@normanschmidt8389 How old am I? Well, let's put it this way: I miss my opposable toes.
Embrace aloneness. These days I love it.
I always assumed everyone was like me, they aren't. I always want more for people than they want for themselves which always ends with them hating me.
Same here
perfection is a PROCESS of perpetual improvements . . .
honest open communication is the key to unlimited abundance for ALL . . .
the purity of our intentions determines thee effectiveness of our appeals to our truly benevolent divine intelligent designer located in the hearts of all heavenly-endowed eathly-beloved brethren critters souls . . .
so lets redeem our collective soul power and regain our original ultranatural goddesspeed again regardless yawl !
My friend tells me sometimes "I don't know anyone like you" Sometimes it's in a positive context and sometimes negative, based on their insecurities at that time. But that says a lot as to how uncommon INFJs are.
I actually don't feel lonely when I'm alone, I never have, even when I was younger. The only time I feel alone is when I'm around people who don't understand me or I truly can't relate to. I can overall connect with all kinds of people because I want to understand. But I have felt many times that there was something wrong with me, however, that was when I was less aware of myself consciously. I recall declining to go out with my friends or just leaving parties just because I wanted to be alone or just be in a quite environment. But I always felt I was very strange for that.
I would skip school alone and not tell anyone, so they wouldn't ask to come with me, just so I could sit in the woods and listen to music. I absolutely loved doing that. It was so peaceful
I feel you. I do this as well
greetings fellow paradigm-shifter ! perfection is a PROCESS of perpetual improvements . . . honest open mindful communication is the key to unlimited abundance for ALL . . .
the purity of our intentions determines thee effectiveness of our appeals to our truly benevolent divine intelligent designer located in the hearts of all heavenly-endowed eathly-beloved brethren critters souls . . .
so lets redeem our collective soul power and regain our original ultranatural goddesspeed again regardless yawl !
True, I don't fit in anywhere. See things differently. I want to go home but not sure where home is.
Nobody gets me especially men.. I end up with the worst men.. I’d rather be single
I have trouble asking for and receiving help from anyone - even when i offer to pay??!!!?!
It's a hard time in my life
I really hope when I read this comment again it will pass
I’ve been a lone wolf since I was a child. I spent so many years hating myself that I couldn’t feel truly understood. That’s the lonely part. I have friends and enjoy being part of a group (with limits). But people tend to have a false perception about me and my choices. I had to make peace with the fact that people are not necessarily malicious but incompetent and indifferent about what I think is important.💛
I'm not biased here or anything...but INFJ are the best lol
Being alone - and being lonely are two very different things. I know people who are surrounded by family and friends and yet feel utterly alone.
It was a very important day for me when I realized that if I really wanted a lot of friends and acquaintances in my life, I would have them. The reason I don't, is that deep down, at the level of truth, I don't want that. People take way too much energy from me. The few friends I have are for the most part people who I call. They don't generally call me first. That's not a bad thing, because in truth, I like dealing with them on my time, when I have the energy and the desire.
I am very sociable and do well with engaging people, even in large groups of people, but it does take my energy.
"I used be lonely 'til I learned about living alone.
I found other things to keep my mind on.
And I'm getting to know myself a little bit better...
Oh...o...o...o, I keep pushin' on."
-REO Speedwagon
"Keep Pushin'"
I feel like such a failure at times....and carry shame that i cannot talk about. Then other times I like I'm not failing, only taking time to "simmer".
Aw, Lauren! You're just one of my favorite humans! Thank you for sharing your insight! It's amazing to feel understood! I definitely get that feeling in grocery stores and pick up all the various moods of people pushing carts around me or standing in line! I truly assumed everyone is dealing with all that energy, but I guess not! I find myself trying to make it (the grocery shopping experience or whatever the situation) better for others some how by smiling at folks who I'm excusing myself for or maybe just made eye contact with. It's as though I'm trying to make sure I'm not the reason for the ickiness that is sometimes looming over everyone. It's very interesting! I think of myself as closed off because I don't feel like I have the time/space/energy to deal with everyone (and need that precious alone time!), so it's interesting that as a group we're pores as you put it! Wow! You always blow my mind! Thank you!
I'm also an infj may I ask how can I belong to your community. It's really difficult living a life where you can understand the people around you but no one understands us.😔
as an INFJ-A, I feel the same. It is harder to trust people and share my thoughts. Last time I did, I was ridiculed and humiliated in front of my classmates.
Also I was framed in an online server for something I didn't do.
at that moment, I started to cut people from myself, go alone to places and now I'm feeling safe. Though I feel some amount of loneliness, I don't regret my choice to be a loner.
maybe one day someone will understand me
Same here, INFJ-A. I'm cutting so many relationships lately and feeling my best. All the pressure I had just disappeared and I feel so comfortable by myself. But don't give up, you can be understood, even if it's by only one person. I found an ENFJ that reads me as if we were the same person and I couldn't be happier.
@@pau9 that's wonderful to hear
@@pau9I'm an INFJ-T, but I'm going through the same exact situation right now. The lack of pressure is very freeing and I'm more comfortable than ever. Sometimes I feel guilty for cutting certain people off, but in the back of my mind I know that it's for my well-being.
how can we be FREE ? if we worry too much about what others may think --- when we do our earnest best with whatever it is we've got to give ? so FREEK-OUT !
This was so validating! Thank you! I can relate to everything you said. I would love to meet other INFJs.
Extremely well articulated. Thank you. Such a multi-tiered problem. Others tend to take me as being soft, being kind and empathetic, and then are blown away when I am assertive and uncompromising. Treating people well, for example, is non-negotiable. This has made me a squeaky wheel in corporate settings which tolerate condescension, passive aggression, and bullying. As the saying goes with us, we're too soft for thinkers, but too hard for feelers. I'm genuinely happiest on my own, due to this, while I'm deeply lonely. It is so hard.
I feel so validated right now, thank you! How did you find a friend group of fellow INFJs? I’m not consciously really lonely and enjoy my own company but doing EVERYTHING on my own can get old.
PTSD like trust wounds really resonated with me. I'm an INFP-really appreciate this information
Omg, same. I've had them all my life and even got complex PTSD in my adult life after certain vulnerable situations
Yes, yes- me too...@@brah04X
Lauren, I am so excited about this! I missed the deadline to take the live class, so I've really been looking forward to your releasing the video course! And I agree with what your student said there that you can't really find this kind of stuff from other INFJ type healing or self improvement content. I love that you embrace the dominant introverted intuition function, rather than saying that healing lies in what we have been doing all of our lives, which is to suppress it. My only regret is missing the opportunity to interact with you and other INFJs while learning the course material, but I am grateful to still be able to take the course! Thank you!
Thank you for speaking about this. This is exactly what I’ve been feeling since early childhood. ❤❤❤
True. I had problems in some phases of school, because it was all about being the best or admired, not about learning something together.
Exactly how I’m feeling about making some sudden decisions recently. Sometimes I want the same support and validation I give. Realizing Ni-insights are dismissed by my partner (Ti-dom) undermines the perceived trust (or lack thereof) that he has for me and my decisions. So it’s my trust for him and his trust for me in believing me… not believing IN me, but believing me.
it isnt...we have the best company in the world...ourselves...
❤
I've always been wise and confident. I trust ppl by their fruit. I'm glad I don't have the same problems others have. We have too much compassion for others. Sometimes too trusting.
It was so good to see you again. Thank you, you hit the nail on the head. Thank you for teaching and helping us. Genuine grateful hug. You're a light.
I don't believe it's lonely, but I am incredibly comfortable with myself. I don't work hard on friendships as they are very time consuming, and this is something that I'm not interested in doing
Wonderful life saving information. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️❤️
Thank you for doing this video. Even though I am single and live alone, I'm not feeling as lonely as I used to. I've gotten used to being a bachelor and I have quite a bit to live for. Family, career, hobby, home ownership chores, etc. I must say though, it would be nice to meet a fine lady to share time with and exchange in conversation and have a courting style of relationship with. It's very difficult to find someone like that these days. Some say that opposites attract. I actually hope I meet an INFJ lady because I believe her, and I will understand one another better and feel safer sharing with one another as well.
I'm married to an INTJ and that is a good dynamic to my INFJness! His thinking/logical side balances out my feeling/emotional side! I pray you find your person! And vice-versa!
My brother doesn't understand why theres distance between us, but it's a mix of him not giving my choices a chance and trying to understand me + being combative towards ideas I share. I'm extremely supportive of everything he does and he doesn't often return the favor, he can't help but try to be an arbiter of truth
perfection is a PROCESS of perpetual improvements . . .
honest open communication is the key to unlimited abundance for ALL . . .
the purity of our intentions determines thee effectiveness of our appeals to our truly benevolent divine intelligent designer located in the hearts of all heavenly-endowed eathly-beloved brethren critters souls . . .
so lets redeem our collective soul power and regain our original ultranatural goddesspeed again regardless yawl !
Oooooooo. This was SO good! 🤩 Thank you. It’s weird cuz it’s like, eventho you and I literally don’t know each other, somehow, you knowing/understanding all this about me, makes up for the lifetime of people who don’t😂. 💖
Ohhhh that’s why I’ve been searching for a spaceship all my life to leave this wretched lonely rock full of self centered over indulgent people. Ohhh
ThankYou for verbalizing this.
As INFJ’s, were we all abused as children in some way and that’s why we’re like this or was us being like this brought trauma to us?
Some infjs tend to be very lonely and this is bad, we have to help these infjs
Great Video! I love your ability to speak a language that I understand about a deep topic. I related, but would never be able to speak as clearly or knowledgeable about the subject. I Subscribed from this...
Thank you.
Wow, this is me. PTSD from bullying - check, from betrayal - check, from narcissistic parent(s) - check. Not gonna lie, this past year has been really sh*tty. Really struggling to find my place in the world.
same...
@@Misspippi777 Hopefully the rest of 2024 will turn out better. Can't get much worse anyway 😂
@@sl3102 🥳🥳🥳
If I didn't have God...
Now I am alive and happy 😊
This lecture was my last resort. I'm a dad to 5 children, married to an estj wife. I have been trying for so long so hard to be there for everyone. It's getting more lonely as I get wiser and deeper. I don't what up to about this and how to teach myself that I can walk together with others while at the same time being alone with myself.
How can I learn to let go and recognize that life is just a journey with God and I and meeting many others asking the way? Learning to accept them for what they are and myself for what I am?
I feel so dejected right at this moment.
My friend , l know that feeling SO well!
What helps me is to remember that there is no one that is not INFJ that will ever get what you feel.Accept that and you won’t feel so let down by it.
The hardest part is getting self belief in your goals and mission in life. When you have that you will have the strength to do and say what is best for you.
All the best to you 🙏😊🙏
@@goldilocks913thank you for the encouragement. Yes, I'm learning to balance how to do this properly without losing my sensitivity and maintaining energy to keep going on
@@yossiludmir2407 ✊✊
Great video. Thank you
PTSD trust wounds hit home...makes sense..
Anyone know of any authors/others who specialize in infps?
All well said!! Agree with it all!
💯💯💯💯
Thank you 👍
Yep
This is a really good video.
🎯
Solitary*
O God, spot on 👍..😢
I am not a philosopher, but I do like to examine ideas and solutions to problems. Occasionally, I am emotionally invested, but generally, I am much more objective about ideas and solutions. My partner is very emotionally tied to his ideas and often is deeply insulted when I want to examine solutions. At times, the situation is barely tolerable.
Thank you for your videos 🙏
I'm not lonely.
Even people that are considered nerds, dorks, geeks, etc have a WAY easier time than me. It feels as if I am put into a class by myself that no one is in. Some people talk to me or treat me as if I’m stupid or oblivious to things for some reason when i’m really not
Doesn't feel lonely when we got our ENTPs and ENFPs as our natural bluetooth bandwidth connections... ENTP tomboy girlfriend(s) have always made me feel good about who I am,,,don't think I need another INFJ to be the only ones that get me.
😕
"Promo sm"
Hello very nice lady✌
Can you make an important YT-video about : "Why It’s So Poor But Really Really Poor Being an INFJ" ?
I really need to know cause hopefully not so very soon from now I`m going to starve and that`s not so good for the concentration of the mind. It`s important to keep the spirit to get stuff done and stuff💪.
Keep up the
SO Very True in my own experience, thank you for all that you do🌠