EXTENDED VERSION - Interracial Relationships - Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man - Ep. 5
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- Опубликовано: 14 окт 2024
- Unreleased footage of Rachel Lindsay, Bryan Abasolo, Lindsey Vonn & PK Subban, having an uncomfortable conversation with Emmanuel Acho, about navigating their interracial relationships. Watch as they talk about "the most important question to ask in an interracial relationship"
Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man - The Book comes out on November 10th. Pre-Order Now: uncomfortablec...
I wonder why no one corrected her when she said she doesn’t see colour
That would have been a teachable moment
I was thinking the exact same thing!
Totally
@Xx BigBoss xX hunnie clearly that you
Emanuel definitely made the "wtf??" face but i agree he, her husband or Rachel should have called her out on that
I said the same thing
The "I don't see color" comment made me shake my head. Of course we see color. What we need to bring awareness to is how we react to the colors we see and make sure that we see the person on the other side of the color for who they are - equal and important.
Still loving these conversations, and looking forward to the next episode! 💚💙💜
EXACTLY‼️🤦🏽♀️✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽
Being post-racial doesn’t mean you don’t acknowledge the other person’s identity. Like it or not, your color DOES influence your experience in this world. So when you tell someone that you don’t see that, you in essence, don’t see them. Now, I imagine that Lindsay doesn’t mean that when she said it, and I do believe that she would love PK no matter what color he is. But the fact is he’s a Black man, and by extension, she will have to experience his life as a Black man in America. I don’t think she meant any harm in what she said, but she will learn very quickly how wrong she is when she says she doesn’t see color. That’s ok - it’s all part of learning, which is the most important thing to accept in a post racial America.
@Damien Krow Maybe that's your intent, but I think we as white people need to dive deeper into how our words are interpreted. I am confident that Lindsey doesn't mean that she literally doesn't see color, but rather that she doesn't view color as a barrier in her relationships. If someone, anyone of any color told me, "I don't see color", knowing that they were referring to me and my extreme whiteness, it would be weird. I imagine the same is true for black people, and hope that these conversations can guide me and clarify if my assumptions are correct or if I need to update my views on this. 💚💙💜
Damien Krow when white people say “I don’t see colour” it translates to a defensive statement to say “I’m not racist”. We need all people to get to a place where they can truly understand what racism and white supremacy truly is.
“The problem is that white people see racism as conscious hate, when racism is bigger than that. Racism is a complex system of social and political levers and pulleys set up generations ago to continue working on the behalf of whites at other people’s expense, whether whites know/like it or not. Racism is an insidious cultural disease. It is so insidious that it doesn’t care if you are a white person who likes black people; it’s still going to find a way to infect how you deal with people who don’t look like you. Yes, racism looks like hate, but hate is just one manifestation. Privilege is another. Access is another. Ignorance is another. Apathy is another. And so on. So while I agree with people who say no one is born racist, it remains a powerful system that we’re immediately born into. It’s like being born into air: you take it in as soon as you breathe. It’s not a cold that you can get over. There is no anti-racist certification class. It’s a set of socioeconomic traps and cultural values that are fired up every time we interact with the world. It is a thing you have to keep scooping out of the boat of your life to keep from drowning in it. I know it’s hard work, but it’s the price you pay for owning everything.”
-scott woods
@Damien Krow I accept your veiwpoint, but your tone is a bit...condescending. I'll chalk it up to being difficult times and assume that you are not intentionally trying to put me down. So thank you for sharing your experiences, I'll have to disagree on your point that "we said the exact same thing", as I never said that I don't care that someone is black. I think that is a hurtful thing to say. I care that black people have a heritage, a lineage, and an identity that is unique, and I endeavor to learn more about their culture. I embrace our differences, not push them aside or pretend they don't exist.
I understand her sentiment *but* everyone sees color, and it’s beautiful. If a purple person walked in the room, you would notice. Colors are not the issue, it’s the various stigma attached to colors.... that’s where humans need education (in my opinion)
I thought kind of the same thing- we have to see color and embrace it. What I think Lindsey meant is she doesn’t see color as an obstacle of her getting to know the person. She sees them as an individual first and accepts them for who they are but their race and culture does make them who they are and it would be insulting to side step that. You can’t get to know someone while pretending they’re white.
Your opinion is spot on. People see a Color and react. If they literally just saw a person the initial reaction would be different.
Color is an is. Culture is an is. It has to be seen and acknowledged. The problem is NOT color. If we celebrated our differences, then they would be seen in a different light. Perception is everything. Why can't we be secure in ourselves and learn to appreciate and celebrate differences? That's where the end of all of the insanity is.
right. If you do not see race, how will you see and call out racism?
@@garrettschlag9357 Color is not race. Race is a myth. Travel from Sweden down to South Africa and tell me where there is a line between "races". You will see the change is continuous.
Racism is actually to split humanity into groups and try to find differences, as nationalism is to split earth into countries to separate one group from the other.
One thing I love about Rachel is her assertiveness but she does it in a respectful and classy way. You can just look at her and tell she’s not to mess with. Very blunt, intentional and most of intelligent.
Yes, I love Rachel and RnB are so perfect together. They are bringing on that Black and Colombian spice.
She's a lawyer😎 what do you expect?
Good for Rachel, that woman has got it going on. Bryan is a lucky dude.
She’s not always respectful about it
Lindsey Von: "I don't see colour"
The Internet: 🤦♀️
T S - well, I don’t know about THAT.
Well it’s concerning. She should see a whole different culture in front of her. It’s OK to acknowledge differences. They clearly need to have some real conversations because not seeing color isn’t going to help their relationship. Notice he didn’t say he doesn’t see color.
Michael Scott *yikes* gif
It bugged me that before she said that he was ready to speak and she took that space. Naaaww
Melle Jobs same here! She just jumped in that question aimed for him. She’s kinda high strung. He seems very calm and even. I don’t know if she is just nervous and defensive, doesn’t know how to say what she means: like for me I would say “I see, love, and embrace his culture” vs that expired phrase “For me, I don’t see color.” I am confident enough and if I had a black partner, holding my hands when I was nervous, that love would allow me to speak appropriately. I don’t have a family, but if I did, I would most certainly be having conversations about it. Ultimately their relationship is priority, but do they want it surrounded with tension and ignorance? I wouldn’t. I would want my family to love my husband and be there for us and our kids, not fighting over race, of all pointless things. There is no value in fighting over that, there is no wrong in loving someone, so if my white family had a problem there’d be education and even if they didn’t, we would be doing things together and sharing cultures and learning family to family, there is value in that!
That girl rubs me wrong. I hope it’s just nervousness and misplaced defensiveness. Perhaps she has to defend their relationship a lot. That last statement she made about them having children made my stomach turn, and made me wonder if that is why she is like that. I was told the same thing because my husband is Deaf. A community that has suffered many of the same things to the current day. After my first born was Deaf, I was told by a hearing person in my “you should be sterilized so you don’t make another retard.” Guess what? I had another Deaf son. My first is graduating with a degree in clinical psychology and the other just got a full ride scholarship to NAU, a year ahead of time. I hope the person that said that is rolling in their grave. All of us will go to ours having been in service to others, and we proudly support our Black Community. Another thing that person hated about me. 😂 I can get defensive when bigotry is around, but I don’t speak out of turn when someone is asking a question to my husband 🤦🏻♀️
Great stuff here once again! But I encourage people to “see” color. It is what enriches our lives because of all color entails.
Couldn’t agree more! We should see color because we do.
I thought the same thing- we have to see color and embrace it. What I think Lindsey meant is she doesn’t see color as an obstacle of her getting to know the person. She sees them as an individual first and accepts them for who they are but their race and culture does make them who they are and it would be insulting to side step that. You can’t get to know someone while pretending they’re white.
Jared Milrad Yep. It equates to culture to music to art to food. It is all that makes us who we are. I want to experience it all.
Totally agree, there’s nothing wrong with it. We are all beautiful in all of our different shades. I know she meant well like she saw his character first which is ideal but we all absolutely see color and we need to be comfortable with it.
Color is important to see.
What's wrong with color, that people are afraid to "see" it? It is just about the amount of melanin, nothing else. See it and appreciate it. All variations are beautiful. If you are a mixed couple appreciate the contrast.
I think the thinking is, if you see color you see race, and seeing race makes you racist. So we go in the opposite direction and smooth over differences, but in the process lose the uniqueness of cultures.
@@L.Spencer Seeing colour doesn't make you racist. If someone's black their black, it's what judgements you make based on the colour of their skin that can make you or your actions racist.
@@fattysl26 Amen!
@@L.Spencer That seems to be the thinking, but that color has to be ignored is already a very bad assumption. It implies that there is potentially a problem with some of the colors.
If you don't know about Jane Elliot, there are plenty of videos on RUclips. She can help to understand many important points, including "seeing" color.
The term "I don't see colour" tells me one of two things
Either
1) you are lying because the talk of colour makes you feel uncomfortable
Or
2) Your lifestyle is so privileged that you've never had to think about colour/race because its not something that affects you
Either way, we all need to see colour
exactly she reeks of lilly white privilege
I would say Both..
I think number 2 but just my assumption .. she seems genuine and trying to learn.. it’s all good give her a chance.. I’d rather speak to her than a Karen who doesn’t even want to learn anything, just call the cops and make it go away
@@PALMUTTS I hear that... I dont doubt she's well intentioned and i can have a conversation with someone like her any day of the week
I just wish someone would tell people that "not seeing colour" doesn't make us feel better, even if thats their honest feeling
@Im YourFather I appreciate your core vaules and beliefs honestly. But not everyone has that sentiment, and no black person I know has that luxury. You can have those values without saying "I don't see colour"
Sorry to sound tedious, but my issue with that phrase is that I see colour everyday, because I take it into consideration everyday, when thinking about how to operate, how i may be treated, what implications that means for me being in a certain place .... Again I refer to my original statement... Someone who doesn't see colour, doesn't have to go through that, which is fine, but I think that when this phrase is used, that this point should be acknowledged, otherwise it comes across as something which is supposed to make us feel better, which it doesn't necessarily. (not for me anyway)
Don't get me wrong, life should be that way, but for someone like me, that's idealistic thinking at this point.
Lindsey, bless her heart, has a lot of work to do to understand black culture. But I blame that on her fiancee. Rachel and her hubby are having the hard convos and are dealing with things. It seems like the other couple is not based on their answers. You need more than love to be successful in any relationship. And from what rachel has said alot more open and hard convos in an interacial one. And the black person needs to take the lead on that.
And here lies the difference in a bw/wm relationship and bm/wm. Trust me the black women was open to dating black men and any man, the black man only dates white women. lts so blatant here.
@Lee Santos Not at all! Do you see the type of black men yall get. The delusionals n dusties. You can have them.....we good. There is NEVER a reason for a black woman to be jealous of a white woman 🤣😂😂. That's laughable! Yall stay to busy worried about us!
@Lee Santos lf your sons want a black woman, they gonna DATE a black woman. Be careful what you ask for!
@Lee Santos I’m the same way my boys cannot date black women but I’m ok for my daughters dating black men I know it’s wrong but that’s how I am.
@@mssan2016 Most white men I see date black women are usuallyugly or very nerdy like and don’t have nothing going on for themselves.
Anybody else notice how whenever a question was being directly asked to the black dude his girl speaks for him. 🤔
Nah. Ill watch it again and check it out.
Yup at every question
Daaaaang.... I was coming to the comment section to make this same comment... SMH...
🤯🤯🤯🤯
@Sam Samuel how does that observation denote "hating"? I actually thought they looked good together. Lol! What are you talking about Sammy Sam?? Just because I observed that she likes to answer for him means I'm hating? Pretty please explain...
Rachel had to be cringing inside when Lindsey said she doesn't see color. In a video that was posted around the same time Emmanuel's original episode on interracial couples was posted, she said that phrase is BS and you're belittling what's going on in society and ignoring racism ruclips.net/video/W3SzuJbKbYE/видео.html. Now I understand why Rachel said on her Higher Learning podcast that she had so many questions that she wished she could have asked Lindsey if the time and format had allowed...
wow good for responding to that
Okay, Emmanuel, this is an opportunity to educate white people about all things black and you just going to let the "I don't see color" comment pass. Most black people or POC hate that comment. First of all, it's not true, and second, I want you to see my color, what I don't want is for it to matter. We don't mind being different, we just want to be treated fairly in spite of the difference.
Yes, I agree and think it was an opportunity missed by Emmanuel and I am white.
He already commented on it in the last conversation with the Gaines family, that's probably why they didn't highlight it here.
Emmanuel is the WRONG person to be heading this. He is Nigerian American not ADOS or African American.. He views blackness from a completely DIFFERENT lense.
@@wokemanishboi5003 He is an ally and willing to have the conversations. Do you think white people see his Nigerian background first or his blackness before judgements are made about him? He is an ally with an open mind and in the fight for justice, we need more people like him.
@@noviabolton3946 he has PROVEN nothing in regards to being an ally. Has he made any mention of reparations for ADOS here in this country? Anything dealing with Oprah I give a side eye to.
Lindsey saying "I dont see color" makes me think that she has a longer journey to travel and much more to learn. Her answers are typical of someone who is unaware. She still doesn't get it but hopefully her boyfriend PK will help her along the way.
Its important to see color because its important to acknowledge all backgrounds, races, cultures, etc. Not seeing color is not opening your mind and knowledge, and that is the root of the problem.
23 wonder how long they’ve been together, because if it’s a while she may never get it. If I was her partner and she made those comments I would pull her up on it the moment we’re alone. I have a feeling her social media will be flooded by people explaining it to her.
PK is Canadian and doesn't have the Black American experience. I think she needs some Black girlfriends. I saw a dinner party they had and PK was the only Black person (or person of color) there. Lindsay had dated Black men but doesn't seem to associate with other minorities on a social level. I hope they make it.
What color is love?
This is a very needed show. A "discussion" not a debate. Most times these situations turn so ugly its pointless. Good to c the level of professionalism w all parties.
i would not trust anyone who says ‘I don’t see color.’ in my estimation that is a bald face lie!
Jdluv Jd I see features of every person I see. Their features don’t “color” my interactions with them. Their attitude does.
Yeah I was like “NO, SHE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT...” when she said it, but I can tell she has good intentions. It was just a very ignorant comment to make, she doesn’t know better and has to learn.
She has eyes.. so I guess you can't trust her for saying she doesn't see color. Also, her face is bald. Double liar!
Ikr I was like eek cringe you’re not going to correct her though on how that mindset is problematic because clearly you do see color and in order to understand the different experience a black person faces you need to acknowledge blackness. I’m not getting at her though she comes from a good place, I just wish her husband would help her out. And that’s the problem with a lot of interracial relationships where that education and those conversations are not happening. It’s not only up to her to ask questions. I hope they’ll continue to grow as have those tough conversations.
@@aidasall4815 I agree. Lindsey really needs this therapy because it's so many things she just doesn't understand. I hope the best but I see PK dealing with the relationship better than her. Again I'm on the outside looking in but it seems like one of those lust turns into love things. But what happens when the lust dies?
The black woman is so poised and intelligent. I think it’s dope that her and her partner are actually doing the work to learn about each other’s cultures. I’m sure they will last.
They are still together.
The other one broke up lol
@@deeznutz8320Yes they are married.
I think that's weird. Saying that as if your shocked that she's so well spoken.. I hate when people do that in regards to black women.
White people have no culture... what is it exactly that she would learn?
I feel Rachel's feet are planted, Lindsay seems like she is winging it. Not sure if she has had the real hard questions about race relations. Hopefully she will start like right now.
I don't think she is winging it. It seems to me that she is at a bit of a loss, though. Maybe because of PK's attitude regarding these issues. Obviously I don't know if this is how he is on the regular, but he is very dismissive...like ••f**k what anyone else thinks, feels or says about us or our relationship••. I don't necessarily think that the sentiment is a bad one, but he seems to be so stuck in that mode that, in the process, he is dismissive of her feelings and desire to learn on the subject.
@@gbean5060 usually women set the tone in a relationship Rachel, as a black woman is far more versed with these matters that's why she can inform her spouse. As for Lindsey, she seems to be clueless about said issues of race and her mate seems to be letting his pride/ego get in the way of talking about real race issues that plague America and could effect their family, children. Etc. Trust me, Life in America on race can be a hellofa wakeup call that they will have to answer.
Maybe women usually set the tone for the relationship, but when it comes to this issue I think the black person in the relationship sets the tone. That is not to say that the non-black person can't learn about these issues through other sources; if she really wants to understand and learn she doesn't have to/and shouldn't depend on her partner as her only source of getting there. In my experience of being on the outside looking in on interracial relationships, the black man usually has the mindset of PK (though not only in interracial relationships) while the black woman is usually more instep with Rachel's.
Eehhhh Too much gossip- leave the couples and focus on the conversation
I'm surprise about her reactions because its not like its her first interactional relationship.
I love that Bryan made sure he got that question in about black men upset too.
Bryan is so intelligent.
I gotta say these "conversations" are getting better. I would still like to see some none actor/athlete/realty stars though.
Agree
This is trash.
That would make people uncomfortable. Regular people have been saying the same things for years, but it's always been offensive. Emmanuel Acho gets an exemption from offending people because he's perfect. He's actually a gift to whites, because he can eloquently explain to blacks that whites aren't the enemy...after he explains to whites why they need to try to understand blacks, even though whites will just "never understand".
@@willco601 Acho seems like a nice guy, but I would not call him eloquent and I would not say he is in any way defending white people.
When I first saw this series I was excited to see a real conversation which would involve two sides and two perspectives and perhaps even a tine bit of disagreement
What I got was Acho lecturing white people who don't have the guts to disagree with him on anything.
Racheal is so beyond smart ... from watching R&B on Bachelorette till this day ... I just want to hear n watch Rachael and Bryan talk because I just learn so many things from them. The is a saying from my culture that says husband and wife are poured from the same ocean meaning they r the same in sprit and intention. R&B relationship justifies that 💯 they are both a perfect match in terms of the love for one another, how strong, honest, loving they are. Love to see you on so many platforms .... l ❤️ me some R&B. Thanks Emmanuel for the interview. Much needed... great job ...
The bachelorette girl and her husband have a very mature and realistic relationship, the other folks sit comfortably in denial
Love Rachel and Bryan. I am very confident that their marriage will succeed.
Lindsay and PK are now broken up and Rachel and Brian are now happily married. Folks in the comments called it.
Yay! For Rachel and Brian
Why are we happy about the black man not having his woman not having his woman but yall always praising black women. Yall wanna hate us so bad
Lol I knew it even though I'm late I knew it just by watching this.
Brian ha filed for divorce
Brian and Rachel are divorced. Marriage is not a joke. Same race couples and Interracial couples think it's a game
Facts : Rachel : I’ve always promoted and had these conversations with white men and non white men I have dated. I experienced falling in love with a white guy in college. We both loved each other. I had spoken to his mom in a few times on the phone. All was well. Until she found out I was Blk . Fast forward, he can to me and told me “ I can bring you home” ! I never thought my race would end a relationship. This guy years later wrote me email telling me , he wish things were different, that he could of stood up to him family on why he loved me. He has yet to meet another person like me. That he was married to someone he wished he wasn’t too and their was a baby. On the way. I didn’t reply to email, there was nothing for me to say. It proved I needed someone that would fight and protect me, if me being blk was an issue with their family. And he still wanted to be with me. This is the narrative many of these when dating interracial. I also experienced white men trying to hide me. So to protect myself I ask upfront questions like have you brought home a blk lady before , will they accept me. I can gauge if I should leave or not
Spot on.
The stereotype of the "Black Jezebel" is true. I also noticed that in my own experience with white men who were happy to "hang out" and other superficial encounters.
When I asked about their intentions for/experiences with women of other ethnicities, I got the "You are going to fast and too deep.", "Chill, just enjoy the moment.". Duh.
Over time this has become my cue to cut the relationship out, learn my lesson and leave without a trace. Regrets are for losers who have no backbone and no principle.
*cant bring you home?
Sorry, it’s just hard to follow your note
@@NAE615 I think she meant ”I can bring you home". It implies that the guy had to go and ask for”permission" to bring her home because she is black.
to avoid all these problems why not just date black men . I dont get it is it so hard. instead of asking these kind of questions lmao
@@frag9575 probably because she wants to get married.
I love this! This has been a huge segway for my husband and I to talk about the future our kids will have to face (us being a multi-ethinc family) with so much being exposed in our society and how people still to this day deny things like racism, prejudices, and injustice in the justice system. Thank you so much for creating this channel.
Like I've said, I absolutely love what you're doing! But I've only seen you speak with celebrities and other people who are in positions of power.
I would prefer to see interviews with poor people no one knows. I would like both an urban and a rural perspective from THOSE folks...black & white.
Thank you for the consideration.
Guess I could have read the comments before commenting...I just said pretty much the same thing.
People tune in cuz of the celebrities.
Thank you sis Koral. I totally agree. As a blk 28 yr old female, with a masters in engineering, Born in poverty, raised by a single mom ,the adversities I have faced to get where I am mentally, physically emotionally. Are tremendous.
@@kdfkdf1711 I don't follow sports so I had no idea who the host was. Some friends recommended it, so I watched. I liked the first episode so I subscribed and kept watching. The only guest I've heard of so far is Matthew McConaughey - personally he wasn't a draw for me as I don't follow his career.
Totally agree.
Good conversation! This series is so needed right now. "I don't see color" is rather troublesome though as it ignores the uniqueness of cultures and the different struggles and triumphs other communities have.
I find it problematic as well! Being different from one another isn’t a bad thing, it doesn’t need to be ignored it needs to been seen as beautiful ❤️
I am extremely happy for this series its exactly what we need! I have a question Acho would you have this conversation with someone who's black in the LGBTQ+ community?
👋🏾 Lindsey, Can I do a interview with you ??? Feel like Emmanuel keeps tiptoeing and teasing us with these infomercials about race. Here’s the thing: Lindsey is in a tough spot btwn her fam/ friends and loving her husband. Her husband is ok. But she’s gotta feel the tension. Creates alienation. I would love Emmanuel to ask Lindsey, “ What do you know to be true about race, now that you are in relationship with black man. I don’t think people understand the magnitude of covert racism. People can disguise many things, when it’s not close to them. But when their daughter says she’s going marry a black person. You will see it. When each of these couples have biracial children. They will see another level upclose and personal. People think they know, but have no clue how some truly perceive blacks people. Wish them all the best!
this is not Lindsey’s first relationship with a black man. recall, she dated tiger woods!
Well said.
Jdluv Jd ...Umm, since it’s tiger woods, I’d say it is her first🤣🤣
@@t.c.9454 Good point! Tiger Woods barely acknowledges his black side.
She does not need to feel any fucking tension. Let her be happy
I hope the uncomfortable conversations continue with more interracial couples. I’d like to hear from Tika Sumpter and her mate. Lauren Speed and Cameron Hamilton, Travis Kelce and his lady. So many couples with a strong pro black, other half we can hear from.
“I see no color is not the goal” I use to say this as well but as time has gone on during this time and figuring out how to better myself and educate myself I realized it’s important to “see color”. “I see no color” isn’t the goal it’s I see your color and I respect and put value to it
Katie Scarabaggio , want to marry you right now!!!😍😍😍😍😍
Just so we are clear, Acho and this series in no way represent Black Americans or our thoughts and concerns. This guy means nothing to us.
@@cliftonconnor9389 who is us? You don't represent me or other blacks. You are voicing your opinion and that's it.
@@adrianengram3078 I don't claim to represent everyone. I am mainly concerned about the debt that is owed to American Descendants of Slavery. I don't need a second generation immigrant distracting from our core conversation regarding reparations and wealth discrepancies. We (ADOS) are not concerned about HIS uncomfortable conversations. We have been here for over 300 years. ADOS are all talked out. Now is the time to put in place policies to dismantle institutional racism. I don't know if you are ADOS, but a majority of us who are, are way past this koo ba yah conversation.
I think we need to be very careful about making excuses for Lindsey about her “socially acceptable” racist statement, giving her a pass for being “well intended”. It was racist, but I bet she learned. She won’t be able to escape this, BUT.. she will now be able to teach others what not to say. Growing can be painful sometimes.
It's disappointing that the man is with the woman that does not see colour. And he does not care what her people say. This is not the foundation for open conversations. The same people his child will be related too. The same family that she will send holidays with.
Inform and equip yourself so that you can inform and equip your child. That's all I ask
I love how we can get up close and personal to the conversations and really apply it to our life and what we see around us.
Really love this show. I'd like to see this same type of discussion with interracial couples who aren't celebrities.
I think this should be retitled "uncomfortable conversation about race with a white woman present." Vonn made me *really* uncomfortable. I don't know how to describe it, her whiteness was taking up a lot of space. Hoping your next video will be a lot better than these last two.
This was too short. I will however say that I can’t stand when someone, usually a white person says that they don’t see color. I know they’re trying to say that they don’t date based on race but color exists and it’s the difference in our shades of white and brown that makes us beautiful and unique. Brings a different perspective to the table. And didn’t Lindsey Vonn date Tiger Woods for a couple of years? He’s multiracial. Didn’t she learn anything from that relationship? Wouldn’t that help her a bit with understanding parts of her current husband?
"This was too short"
I said that already on the longer video. I think here is so much more to be talked about.
And your skin tone dictates your personality and uniqueness why?
You MUST see color!!! " i don't see color..." is the most naive perspective!"
Lol u get what she meant
Please do more conversations on this topic! This group is great and they have so much more to share that is so important for everyone!
Thank you for showing the extended version of this. So interesting and informative.
I wonder why this was cut? What else was cut? 😔
I loved this episode, as well as the others. I just wished that this one had been longer. This is something that needs to be discussed again, because everyone needs to know and understand those struggles.
I love your interviews and the impact you're having on people-this is so needed right now. Of all the conversations you've had, I believe Lindsey is the most troubling. Saying "I don't see color" around any person of color is degrading and disrespectful. I get what she's trying to say and she feels everyone should be treated equally, but she is missing the basic fundamental understanding of inclusion and race relations. PK is in denial if he thinks nobody else's opinion matters except Lindsey's! She has friends and family who care and are concerned and their opinion of you will affect her in some way. They have a lot more to work through to make their interracial marriage work. There is a lot of give and take in cultures they each have to be mindful of.
These two questions had way more depth than what was presented in the original discussion...wish this dialogue was longer.
I will say, the response of the couples is very telling, especially Lindsey Vonn's, but I give her credit for showing up, being engaged and wanting to get involved in this discussion.
The squeezing of his hand made me feel like Lindsey was super uncomfortable with the topic.
@@ssatl8405 Yes, I saw that too or even when she cut off her partner when he was asked a direct question. I could tell she had a lot to say but was trying to dance around the topic a it with niceties, especially about her family perspective...but then she revealed a whole lot about what folks close to her think when she revealed she had been questioned about " bringing mixed race children into this world." But she did sit with her discomfort more gracefully than other women like herself. So, I guess the uncomfortable part of this dialogue is working to some degree.
Happy to see the continuation of this conversation. I agree with most and would like to see the rest of the video.
I also think it's so important to truly understand and discuss the impacts raising a mixed child can have, both good and bad. I'm speaking from experience and it's so important we teach our children about love, about the real history and culture.
Yeah and then you'll have a load of comments calling the adopters "white saviours". If enough people of colour were prepared to adopt then white people wouldn't be needed to do it.
This is how mature adults that are leaders carry conversations.
Very happy and grateful for this dialogue.
The only way this country will ever be great!
💯🤘🏾
I don’t particularly like it when someone says they don’t see color. I understand why people say that, but I think it’s important to acknowledge color exists because there is beauty in diversity of the human race. What we should strive to do is try not to JUDGE others because of color (and of course we will all fail at that at some point which is why these conversations are important), but we should still SEE color as a beautiful thing that makes us all unique.
As a mixed person, things can get confusing and I really believe it it important for parents of biracial children in my opinion to understand not to drill into their kids heads how to honor a history that totally contradicts who they are and to understand that we don’t fit into the world the same as single races. But to me that is a great benefit because I had to learn early that I had to create my own path in life. I am still considered black female mostly but I will not write it or check it off on a list for an application or anything. I don’t identify as either I proudly identify as both! My parents were ok with just letting us fall in place in life. Taught me that I don’t really care what the world thinks or wants me to think. I am consciously who I am. I’m glad you are doing this because as a mixed person also there is a thin line when we speak on these things. No one race will ever fully accept us. we (I believe) have a great advantage as far as viewpoints but also we don’t fit in to these conversations. I think until this becomes a bigger conversation for the history books we need a lot more of these uncomfortable conversations.
This is a fantastic forum, full of wisdom for everyone. I love it and always want it to be longer!!!!!
What I love about this is how tender, loving, and protective these kids are toward their spouse! They want to support and understand and also they are aware of how hard it will be for both of them, especially the Black spouse.
I love these conversations. I don't understand how her husband has not had the talk about "not seeing color." I'm surprised when people make this statement.
Really great stuff! C'mon, Emmanuel! Give us more! Why'd you cut the good stuff?! Ugh! More, please!!
Please make these episodes much much longer.
You need to have some couples who have been married for 30+ years, have children and have answered the questions that are left open in this episode through our life journey. These are young people who are as wise as they have the capacity to be, but do not have answers that my life 3 decades of international marriage can answer. There are many of us, so, find us.
Lindsay: "I don't see color"
A Black person: "UHG!!!!" 😖🤦🏽♀️
It's pretty exhausting and I'm black myself.
As a multiracial person, I'm left with an uneasy feeling about the sentiments shared about biracial children. Why do we feel life will be so scary for biracial / multiracial children? We're not aliens and the world does not treat us like we have two heads. We have a "person of colour" experience just like many other people of colour - which can be more positive or negative depending on where you live. I'm in my 40s now and grew up multiracial in a time when the world wasn't even considering the needs of mixed race children - we weren't yet on the radar - I always wanted the right to be "mixed" and not have to fit into the preexisting societal boxes, but that was the only "mixed race specific" problem I experienced. I never felt on the fringe of society. I was asked about my background a lot, but that's not a burden - I was always proud to talk about my heritage. Full disclosure, I grew up in Canada so I can't understand the experience a mixed person might have in the US, but my life was not at all torturous. I have always been proud to be a mixie.
Exactly!!!
Well you're lucky. As you said you haven't experienced being mixed and growing up in America. America is a cruel place for interracial couples and biracial children because if you didn't realize, the people of America and currently pushing themselves back into the days of segregation. They want the different races to be separate from each other, no marriages or relationships between different races, honestly, they're possibly wanting to make it so people of different races can't even be FRIENDS anymore. They want people of disabilities to be separate from everyone else and they want the LGBT population to be separate from everyone else. They want the different groups of people in the U.S. population to view each other as enemies again. People don't want unity anymore which is what America was founded upon and it's sad. So yes, the life of a biracial child in the U.S. more often than not is a nightmare. They're usually constantly being forced to pick "sides" and feel like outside their home and family they literally don't belong anywhere. You should probably tell your parents thank you for raising you in Canada because America is getting to be no place for raising children. ANY children.
Lindsey... I don’t see color 😳, as a Black man I always ask , did your optometrist diagnosis you as such???
You knew what she meant 🤭
I think when people say they dont "see color" they mean they see it but don't focus ALL their attention to it because they get to know , love, and respect the individual for their content and character.
@@rachelpops9239 Thank you dear. Black people whine about this nonstop and it's pretty exhausting. You know what a person is trying to say when they say that. Unless they outright come out and say "Your blackness and your culture is worthless and means nothing" you shouldn't come down on them so hard.
I have watched and will continue to watch. Thank you for creating these conversations. They are allowing me to see things that I did not even realize I was blind too before. I was curious about something - why did you not ask how the other families felt about bringing home a white person? It seems that the concerns that you discussed would exist for many families when bringing home someone from a different culture/background/ethnicity.
I was a civil rights worker in Mississippi in 1964 and 65. Many "uncomfortable conversations" went on there among the workers, black and white, as well as between white volunteers and members of the black community. It was great! Once an interracial couple visited our project and they were asked whether racial issues arose in their marriage. The answer was: Never. But CULTURAL EXPECTATIONS were different, and these did cause some marital conflicts. I found that so interesting, and I think that cultural differences will be part of the conversations that you are so ably initiating.
I love that you are bringing these conversations to the forefront.
See this - black women - "yo what does your family think?", black guy "I am marrying her, not her family" If you like it , I love it. I do think for women this aspect is far more important.
Emmanuel - thank you for this AMAZING content. As the white half of an interacial marriage with mixed race children, this series is a true God send that I can share with my white family. Congrats on the book, but please keep this going! I can get my white family to watch a 10 minute RUclips video but I'll never get them to read a book.
when ur mixed and was barely educated on one part of your ethnicity as a child so you have to find out a bunch of things later on in your life that you feel like you should've known, resulting in you struggling to connect with that culture/cultural struggles and feeling like you'll never be at peace with your identity 💀
I love these conversations. I am a white woman married to a first generation Colombian-American man. I ask that the closed caption spelling of Colombia be corrected, as it shows Colombia spelled with a "u". Happens all the time, but I suggest this in honor of educating one another about culture. Keep up the awesome work!
I want more!!!!! I love these conversations!!
As a biracial person, I feel both parents need to educate themselves on the struggles their child will go through being not 100% one race. It was something completely misunderstood with my family and others and it makes mix kid just feel like outsiders, especially when your parents can’t understand why that’s happening to you
This! I completely agree and I feel that biracial children and mixed people in general should identify as just that because that is what they are and there is nothing wrong with that. Then both sides need to equally teach them about their cultures but make sure they are confident in who they are as well. There would be less confusion and less pressure.
She totally spoke OVER him at 1:34! Emmanual asked PK a question and she answered it, then she said she doesn't see color. Both of those things ARE an issue. I'm curious why you didn't address that at the time? Or was it discussed off-camera later? BY THE WAY I loved your book!
I was raised to date and love someone who dates and love me, regardless of color/ethnic background. We consciously spoke about race and race issues while i was growing up. My grandparents as well as my mom raised us with tolerance and acceptance.
“It’s not about how you don’t see color, it’s about how you treat color.” -Trevor Noah
So amazing Emmanuel!! Congrats!!! I am truly enjoying your conversations !!
I would love to have a future episode with families that have adopted children from multiple races
That's the next discussion. There are plenty of interracial kids and adults on this planet now. Ask them for the uncomfortable conversation.
In the subtitles you spelled the country of Colombia wrong. It’d be wonderful if you correct that. Love what you’re doing ❤️!
I think RUclips controls that.
Thanks, @@jamesja85jj but when I turn on RUclips's CC it is correctly spelled. I think the subtitles we are seeing are added to the video. I could be incorrect but that's what it looks like to me.
Love how upfront Rachel is and how Bryan meets her in that place because they genuinely love each other and want to build an honest marriage and handle everything that comes with being together realistically. Like if they are going to be together, they have to be together in everything.
I respectfully think that Lindsay had the privilege of not being bothered by others opinion of around her significant other. Like that has to factor in because you are doing life with someone who it does in some way affect. So interesting. Gotta have the hard conversations or else you are just wading water and not preparing for life’s storms.
Oh and yeah, I have to comment on the "I don't see color" thing as well. That's a mindset she has to rid herself of. It stems from a inner racist viewpoint. It's ok to see your man's Blackness. It's ok to see any person's color. Saying she doesn't see is like implying there is something wrong with it. She has to be able to see and accept it, because there is truly nothing wrong with seeing it, or it in general. Other than that I see she's trying, but she just needs much more time to grow. Fantastic clip though :)
I still think we need a part 2 to this topic. A longer episode to compensate for the deep-diving we need.
This part of their conversation might be better than the first part you put out.
Pet peeve alert: When people write Columbian to mean Colombian. 😒
Viewing this series from London and thinking how different things are at times.
As a black woman, not only did I ask my white husband will his family accept me, but I also asked “is there anyone else in your family in an interracial relationship?” I didn’t want to be the ONLY “outsider” at events. His first cousin married a Hispanic woman. His aunt married an Asian American man. His other cousin married a Nigerian. At the first barbecue, it was colorful and refreshing. I knew I chose the right man/family.
Very touching. Thank you so much!
"I don't see color." Cringe cringe cringe!
I hope at some point in the episode, someone called her out for that
"I dont see color" is NOT helpful! It's okay to see color, identify it, learn about different backgrounds, ask questions, and appreciate other cultures. I feel like saying "I dont see color" is actually more hurtful. The more we ask questions and get to understand backgrounds the more we can understand one another. By saying "I dont see color" is like saying ... "i dont care to learn about anyone else's culture or background"
I don’t see color is NOT productive. See it, embrace it, appreciate it, learn what the differences are and recognize the things we have in common.
The fact that we are here commenting, watching and the reason that this show even goes on is paradoxical. If you think about it yes, these conversations should be had. But it’s not for the public or anyone else to sit on their couch watching black people talk like some circus. The presence of this show alone brings up a mentality we should not have. It is out here to make you second guess your thoughts and actions which it shouldn’t. Racism, opinions, differences will never go away. You can never control anyone’s thoughts. What you can control is your actions and what you choose to do in your life. That’s what matters. Rather than sit on a couch trying to make the issue bigger and only talking about negatives will not help the situation. The more they want this conversation to continue the longer it will. If that makes sense to anyone please let me know, I never leave comments but I’m seriously going crazy just wondering why no one else can see this.
I love this channel
She mentioned she doesn't see color and in my opinion, she def needs to see color because things will be different to THE WORLD dating a Black man and in order to fully understand, you MUST see color.
“I don’t see color”.......yeaaaaa get them outta here smh
I wish he would have talks with biracial people and how they have to navigate their world as people who are mixed. That has always been a struggle for me personally and it would be interesting to see those struggles voiced.
I have friends, myself included, who have had issues with their parents decision who wished they were born from one group identity, as they feel it is the parent's decision that has defined their sense of existence and experience. The child of the parents feel entitled to share their thoughts on their experiences that has resulted in this line of thinking. Some view returning to the race the look most like is correcting the decisions, as they do not see interracialism as a solution moving forward to preserving in some form, as well as representing, their sense of group identity. A number of people realise and now believe that the notion that was proposed many years back that, interracialism and imposing a mixed sense of identity onto the next generation from the perspective of single race individuals, is not a real solution to build understanding between people in the hopes of ultimately end racism and tension between people. More people are starting to view it as a cop out to intentionally go down this path and moralise it as a socially encouraged as opposed to something that could be viewed as a socially discouraged practice that many view as being damaging to race and identity, where alternative paths could have, and still can be taken in dealing with matters of racial understanding and fair treatment between racial groups. Many recognise that blurring the lines simply to give the offspring a sense of affirmation in the moral basis of a decision their parents have consciously made on their behalf in many cases, is seen right through by critical thinking offspring who assess the pros and the cons of their situation when weighing up the decisions their parents could have made such as adoption. That is because the parents ultimately are not the ones who have to live with the full ripple effect of their decisions that they have brought to their child's corner. The only real aspect the parents have to live with that is connected to the child is the experience they have as a parent in raising the child and the common concerns and conflicts that arise from it. Coddling one's children into blind acceptance on the lot they are afforded in life by virtue of the decisions others have made on our behalf is for many seen as little better than spurning others for even evaluating the pros and cons of the existential imposition they have to now live with. This cynicism of these promoted values is starting to become normal conversation in different communities, including those of mixed background that disagree with the normalised/encouraged promotion and practice of interracialism on the basis of what it has brought them, as well as the tension is has created between existing identities beyond the context of the practice. It is because of this that a number of people are trying to reinvent their sense of identity and average back into a collective identity, whereby they can be both an individual and still have the security of being fully accepted into the new group identity they have made for themselves. Being able to criticise and evaluate what people have promoted to us as normal is important, as it is not for others to solely decide the entire value or meaning behind what we have to live with if they are not in the same situation we find ourselves in that they cannot fully related to being our parents and having formed this confused sense of identity in us.
I think what your show does for me is to articulate many of the things I already know and feel as a middle aged black man.
Emmanuel Acho
, I NEED MORE OF THESE SEGMENTS!!!!!
PK and Lindsey gripping each other's hands the whole time as if to show just how in love they are, while the other couple is there for the discussion and do not need to be all over each other just to prove a point.
PK..."if there are ppl who don't like me...I don't waste one second thinking about it..." Lie! Nobody wants to feel that their partner's family and friends don't like them. Maybe it won't change his mind about marrying the woman of his choice, and it should not, s long as she loves and respects him, but he spends more than a second thinking about it because he is human and no human wants to feel excluded. A whole lot of bs in this conversation
I wish this interview was more in depth, or possibly have the conversations with interracial couples with more time/experience behind them and newly married. Rachel and Bryan seem to have really had the dialogue that is necessary to be in an interracial relationship.
I would love to see you do an episode where you talk to real people via zoom, etc. I love what you are doing, but I’d like to see you talking to “regular” people. Peace and love.
It's crazy for me to think about, that some people in interracial relationships don't talk about all of this. Idk how you can navigate dating without these talks. I've dated mostly out of my race, and I want the man I date to feel safe and be able to express freely whatever is bothering him, or voice any concerns. I want to be his ally in life, so these talks are needed. My birth family is white, but extended family is very mixed with all different nationalities and races. I've fought since I was a child, for people to be anti-racist, and I think people need to really date consciously, and try to see things from another's point of view. I don't want a man who wants to date me simply cause he likes white women. Usually black or latino men that think this way, have dated white women that were very passively racist (or directly when behind closed doors) and ignorant to it, so the men don't know how to even speak up about their needs and hold in a ton of emotions that need to be let out. I understand that this and other things can make many people just want to date within their own race. Black love should be celebrated for sure because it is beautiful. Facts. Interracial dating can be beautiful too, but only if you can truly appreciate that person for the whole of who they are. Don't date for fetish. Date for love, and be ready to be uncomfy, because that is needed. Love is beautiful, but real love gets uncomfy to make love flourish and grow.
“If they don’t like me then...”
Her: that’s their problem 🤷🏼♀️
“Have you ever dated a black woman”
Lady, I’ve never dated anyone
Please next time try to spread the questions to everyone a lot of times we hear only one person or two our of the 4 people. Keep up your work your changing peoples minds out here.!!!
I have to be honest with my comment! So here goes--I don't think for one minute that Lindsay is serious about actually marrying her fiance.
🗣️ 1:30 TO where he said he respects her fam & friends, but if there is someone that hates him because of the color of his skin, he doesn't waste 1 second thinking about it‼️🗣️ PERIOD.
Both black ppl were asked if their partner's family would accept them, implying white ppl are more likely to reject the black partner. That might be 100% true but I would also like to hear about how black families feel about having a white partner.
My family doesn't give a damn about white partners. Half my family has or had white partners. Mostly men in my family with white wives or white ex-wives or ex-girlfriends. But at least two of my lady cousins have or had (one is divorced) a white husband. I'm engaged and my fiance is white, who would anyone in my family be to judge me?
Nice conversation but again it needs to go more in depth. I would expect more focus on the topic of raising biracial children and learning about biracial experience. I also find the attitude 'I don't see colour' problematic because what it essentially leads to is a naive belief that everyone's life experience is the same by default because we are all human. Race does have an influence on how people treat each other and if they plan to have biracial children they need to acknowledge that their identity will be a different one from monoracial people, it will be questioned, some people will expect them to pick a side etc. As parents they need to be aware of it and help them to navigate that. I know a lot of biracial people are having a hard time dealing with it because there was nobody to help them manage it growing up.
Agree, of course people see colour unless they are registered blind. I think she meant it doesn't matter to her whether some is black or white but she should have worded it better.