What if, just this once, I could be assured (and I am), that it wasn't in fact me that was the 'crazy one' after all? How crazy would that be? Thank you, Scott.
When we understand the behavior they lose their grip on us. Something else takes over us. When you come to the realization that you've been duped, exploited by their conditioning their energy doesn't vibe with you any longer. Your like, UGH your not honorable, respectable, kind or generous! Your a master thief of life force energy.
It took me a few years to uncover, but when I did, I called mine out, via email.. and never heard from him again.. He was completely involved with my family and friends.. then... NADA.... I'm guessing he knew he couldn't fool me any longer with his crocodile tears and dramatic pleas. I feel very lucky, as it would have been much harder to fend him off, had he kept trying to make me believe in him. I loved him very much. I am hoping that he is finished trying to destroy me since he has been uncovered.
What you state in the description of this video is on the mark, they want to be considered a good person.And the crazy part is that is the problem, they are not! And they know it better than anyone else. If you can't see the bad in them, you are in the fog, once you heal enough to see it clearly, you will know a better life. They are bad people with ugly hearts. Escape from them all! Thank you Scott, you have saved so many!
1) They establish your vocabulary. 2) They establish your tones. 3) They establish your opinions. But like Scott said , they don't tell you anything. They just know how to make you feel good and how to make you feel bad in ways that don't look intentional. When you are gravitating towards opinions they like - they make you feel good, when you are gravitating in any other direction - they make you feel bad. This is extremely cheap yet smart(ish) , because you will never "figure out" what they're up to , as it never logically connects. They just seem a little irrational and emotional , but you learn your way around it , hence you get even more guided and manipulated. It is so disguisting , as Narcs are emotional manipulators ,they have the luxory of making themselves believe they don't manipulate...WHILE they do these installations on you and basicly grow thoughts in your head over time to serve their simplistic needs!
The man you met and fell in love with was a fiction based character. He was a stand-in for the truth. The well-aware Narc knew exactly what kind of man you needed...and he set out to invent a character based on that man. He became your headliner, you become his audience. The SHOW is OVER. Find the nearest EXIT and leave the theater NOW.
Because of that constant emotional pressure you get , right? Once you really see that there's no logical reason for this pressure to be there and the only possible reason creeps up in your mind...you can't believe it! How can such an inferior creature allow itself to install buttons on you in such a slow and sneaky way!? How it doesn't understand all the millions of ways that breaks your mind and body , but only seeks to control and exploit. I have no pity for this breed of bastards , I hope they all get their sexual organs removed slowly.
I used to be my ex narc's cashier. Before we dated. He would flirt and feed enough charm and I fell for it and I started dating him. I guess that's how I landed myself in that relationship. Interesting video, Scott. He tested me and then selected me. Glad I'm not there anymore.
I have spent hundreds of hours studying cluster b's, what they do, and what is wrong with me that I kept ending up in relationships with them. I have changed. I had an epiphany and have raised to another level of consciousness. One of the useful tools I have found is how to manipulate people. I can now see people trying to manipulate me and I have been able to use it as a tool to enforce my boundaries. Which is exactly what I need. With healing I have changed and I now find it is not only cluster b's who are attracted to me. I have more than a fare number of stalkers. They keep telling me that I glow or shine. I don't believe they are malicious but some of them have the potential to be violent. It is wonderful being able to quickly let people know that I cannot be controlled. So, I believe it is well worth the time and effort to heal from narcissistic abuse, educate oneself extensively, and to take responsibility for one's life.
Scott, everything that comes out of your mouth has been helpful to me! After 33 years of being g tricked by a Holier-than-thou Bible thumping husband, I now see my life with him was just a facade riddled with control and mind games. I can't think of anything to make someone feel as stupid as I do now that I know the truth. I feel like one of those sorry women on Dr. Phil, who fell for Phishing!
exactly. I have an older sister who is like this. Growing up, I believed her 'perception'. The lie is that she's the only one that was born beautiful, she's the one blessed and favored by God because of the 'natural' things/qualities she has, she's the only one capable of achieving great things. As I grew up and learned how to fix myself/ use make up, have achievements of my own, have friends and people separate from the family... I've learned that what my sister tried to engineer as only she can get in this life is a lie. There are things all of us CAN and is allowed to choose to become. When I was young I would settle for 2nd best because I thought that was the only thing available for me. Thank goodness, I've learned it's a bunch of lies.
So I have been watching your video and enjoy them very much. I grew up with Narcissist, and ended living my life with the target on my back. I didn't understand I had the freedom to walk away. We are looking for love and validation brainwashed to take abuse. We become like a dog begging for them to throw us a bone. My thought here is that because we have been dehumanized we unknowingly become subservient. They believe they are God and we validate that for them by treating them as such trying to win there approval. We have unknowingly given them the authority to dictate our worth, value and tell us who we are. Of course there answer is always defective, shameful and worthless. (there projections) I would like if you could do a video on taking back our authority. I know recovery for me started when I began to question their authority. I started looking at the truth about who I really am and who they really are. I realized I am not a dog starved for love and approval. I was just trying to love them. But what finally happened is I started to love and approve of myself. So I am dusting myself off and moving on. Thanks, Denine
Thank you, Scott ... my former narc is/was the ultimate liar ... lies about insignificant things all the way to the WTF lies. Once I learned of the lies, I realized that those that believed the lies were totally entrenched. A convincing con-artist.
In my opinion, this need to control perceptions is in part why the narcissist is compelled to destroy you in the court of public opinion should you ever escape; in their mind, it seems, there can be no doubt in ANYONE'S mind who the "bad guy" was. They do this covertly, as you point out, and often begin this process of defamation way before you ever leave-- just in case.
I worry if my ex covert narc will still try to destroy me since he tried so hard to look like the perfect person. I called him out and never heard from him again.. Im hoping he leaves it alone. And that he has moved on completely since he can't fool me anymore.. But does he actually worry about my friends and family believing me?? Is it still on his agenda to try to destroy me?? Even though he hasn't contacted me at all? I know when we were together (hindsight), he had already begun his smear campaign. Complete with triangulation of my best friend (from the very beginning).. I was already in the devaluation stage when I left him. So I actually got the upper hand. He didn't leave me. No consolation for sure.. But at least I didn't die trying.
A Hopper It's best not to worry too much, but do take precautions. Document everything, have back-up and a contingency plan, and know that what other people think is outside of your control. The best way to weather a smear campaign is to--as much as possible-- remain aloof to it. Knowing that it is possible is only useful when you are strong in your own perspective-- no matter what they say or do. Journaling can help with this,and prayer. TRUTH exists, even when you walk alone.
Brilliant, in my late 40s just realized my parents are severe narcissist's.The absolute hell I have been through because of the confusion they do has been awful.Knew something was way off with my father but my mother controlled the "view".She is good he is bad.Then I wounded her and wow the mask came off.We have some financial things that are mutual and she did everything you speak of.I was completely unaware of this behavior.Now I know better.Went and fabricated a whole story to my brother and of course she is the concerned mother and so on.This time I didn't react.Its amazing to live with people your whole life and wake up to realize your in a coven of vampires.
Creepy! I know someone exactly like this. I cut all contact because I was tired of being one of the cogs in her little machine that kept her fantasy world about herself, running! I no longer felt any obligation to help her maintain her world of delusion.
Oh yes. The narcissist contradicts himself, especially during a conflict. Seems like he just wants to argue about anything and he can't keep up with what he just said 2 minutes before. Engaging with him is futile. I stopped and my life is better. Thank you Scott. Good points you made.
Thanks for the great video! You are absolutely right when you say that we, in untangling ourselves from a narcissistic "embrace", need to do some hard and maybe even unpleasant work on ourselves. And this work involves acknowledging our own weaknesses and then chipping away at them to become more assertive and better human beings. And, ironically, this hard self-improvement work is actually that real power that narcissists, pathetically, will never experience: they can only taste a surrogate of power, not the real thing. Their power, their boasting about winning fights in life, is similar to a fisherman who would boast about winning a "fight" with a fish in his net. Please keep making your videos, and do not be afraid to be "too intellectual" or "hard to understand": there are a lot of us who need just that kind of stuff to truly heal from a narcissistic relationship.
It is so true that there is much pain in experiencing any type of close relationship with a narcissist, but, especially in a "romantic" relationship. The narcasist feeds off of such a wide spectrum of abusive and controlling opportunities that they find in having a spouse or preferably a "long term girlfriend/boyfriend" with no intention of commitment. This being said.. enduring much pain is absolutely essential for one's personal growth and in attempting to understand the narcasist. This kind of pain and mental anguish is the driving force that can either catapult a person into new beginnings in finding healtheir, happier and STABLE relationships or it most certainly can ultimately break a person l completely! I am so grateful to have set myself free from this insane and miserable existanse..! Your videos are helping to keep me grounded in the "truth" and I am feeling so encouraged and strengthened from all of your insight! Such a beautiful thing that you are doing here! "Validation"!!! What a precious gift! Thank you!
Scott, you accurately depict the narcissist in each one of your videos. The "perception" of many close friends and family members have left me devasted and heartbroken. You're right.....I don't think they "sit around and think" about it either.......but when they do, they're pretty fixed on it - then you think they forget about it - but then it happens again.
Having lived around these kinds of people for most of my life, I'd say I have a tendency to be like them while also being a victim of their schemes. I can personally attest to the "artificial engineered world" that you speak of. I have been a musician for 13 years now and there was a time period when I thought of myself as "star" or some sort of famous person and acted like one and lived just what you talk about by projecting that persona onto the people around me. At the time I didn't realize what I was doing. It took being knocked down to the ground and humbled and learning just what narcissism is for me to realize what was going on. It was quite easy for me to have the narcissistic traits because I grew up in the midst of lots of gas lighting, grandiose thinking, and just plain skewed perspectives on reality from the time I was a child. I had also been talked down to and manipulated many times by these narcissists and felt so worthless and had no self esteem or self love that at the time, I think I was using the music dream and the idea of becoming successful and possibly a star to prop myself up out of the dark pit of my self loathing. But now, thanks to you and others who teach on these topics, and the grace of God, I am able to be more real and authentic and play music for the right reasons without the need of fame to enjoy it and also I can perceive more clearly when others and myself have manipulative tendencies coming through. I thank you for being a guide in my personal recovery and also helping me to realize when I myself am acting narcissistic. God bless you.
Totally agree! It does take a lot of work to stay above the illusion. Sometimes I just get exhausted working through all the crap! It is constant every moment of every day. I do have anger that creeps up on me from time to time.
My thought and ideas about your video is that when ever they want people to perceive a perception to the enablers it is because their trying to find another method of justifying their actions that their about to enter into before they actually perform it. So when the target whom is really the real victim is looking for help no one will be willing to listen. It's very similar to a man who has a home business and puts up cameras all over his house to prevent theft and all of a sudden things start disappearing but he does not know how or where all his stuff has been disappearing to. So it is with the enablers when things go wrong they claim they don't know anything.
You have really been a great help in helping me to understand all the different levels .... I am amazed how you hit on everything that had blown me away about how the mind of the narcissist works....
My sociopath/narc just left me and I'm so sad, apparently it was all my fault-? I feel used and emotionally abused, even though I was loving and so patient towards him, I am a Christian woman. I believe he was just over me and in search of new supply and I am broken. He told me that theirs a girl that always lights up when he sees him (at a restaurant) so he was going to go and ask her out (JUST like you mentioned on this video- he feeds of the new supply!), it broke my heart. We were in a genuine loving relationship until he started to change and his true character came out and started to torment me. I'm just praying for my healing and watching your videos to cope. Thank you so much for making these videos for us.
As long we believe they do not exist they have a free way to act like they do. Nobody would behave like they do .That is why we believe in the stories they tell us .
I relate 100% to what you say about the investment it is to study narcissism, and how yet we would like to think about something else because we want to move on. I think that by studying narcissism, we also study the concept of freedom and we work at the improvement of own freedom(s), not only in one particular relationship, but in society in general. And that is not something comfortable to do : it is easier to "Escape from freedom" (I haven't read Fromm's book yet, but the title is so eloquent). Some say our democracies are dying, but I think all this awareness, growing amongst people who have survived dysfunctional families, is actually a political job we do ("political" in the noble sense of the term) to improve our liberal democratic societies, on a small yet essential scale.
narcissists are the ultimate actor my mother is expert at instilling self doubt in anyone, she doesn't say stooped she says you're just not smart enough to understand anything or you're just not attractive enough to attract anyone's attention. she only feels safe when everyone around her is in self doubt.
Really really enjoy ALL your videos but this one hits home in particular. Thank you for all the healing and hard work you did to get here...a lot of us would be in complete grips of narcs without you. Your videos are my relief. x
This is huge insight, and right on the money, so to speak. Understanding this dynamic with regard to the subtle nuances and universal aspects...that is all key, I think, to getting a positive handle on everything. Thank you very much. Rock on.
thank you for your videos, Scott. I find them very insightful and helpful. I watch every video you put out...along with Richard Grannon and Dana of "Thrive After Abuse" (both who have experience and understanding in narcissistic abuse). Very thankful for the healing I have found on RUclips :)
Scott, I have been watching your videos for the past several months, and just want to say thank you for your spot on, succinct definitions of the narcs personality traits. I am in the process of learning to understand my codependancy issues and how it lends me to these types of parasites. Just want you to know your expertise" in this area has really helped empower me. Xoxo~H
When I look at my ex narc as...You're effed! It makes it so much easier to accept. No sense draining any more of ourselves trying fix a broken toy. It's unfortunate that they really make the decision for this all on their own.
And to add to my last comment. The hate in the siblings is so deeply rooted in them because of the early childhood mastermanipulations and triangulations from the Mother the siblings lack the empathy for the scapegoat and cannot put themselves in our shoes. I used to love them so much. Did everything for them. Gave them several thousands of dollars when the golden child was sick. For giving we are good enough to be around. Yet they took everything from us because we know the truth. My advice is stick with the truth anyway. Learn how to protect yourself. We have been brainwashed our entire lives. I have known this for a year now that there is a name behind all of this. However I have known most of my life what they where up to, why things were happening the way they did and what there next step was going to be. And I still know what there next step will be. Of course in general as a small child you don't know any better because you look for the protection of your parents and naturally want to trust them. Believe me when I tell you I can remember as far back as two years old that something was terribly wrong. My advice for victims with older children, is to educate them about their illness anyway. I don't watch to many videos anymore because I am getting at a further level of healing and try and focus on other things. Last but not least, they picked the wrong scapegoat.
The nice guy, the friendly guy, the funny guy, was an illusion. I actually told him at one point he was very "genuine" as he seemed so real, down to earth, out in the open about his life. It was all a practiced act I realized at the end when his mask fell off to reveal hatefully he had been just using me for three years and had zero emotions toward me aside from envy and contempt. This creep kept contacting me for long talks every evening for three years, all the while hating and envying me and using me for attention and sympathy. Nothing more.
I LIKED this video. I am extremely unhappy. I really hope you ~cont sharing your knowledge and wisdom. I feel I'm at a crossroad. Leaving is what I want. Keep me and the other subscribers posted. I'm really, I would say, scared although, I hate admitting it. It's something difficult to explain. I'm being strong. Complete Psychos are the people described in these videos.
My best friend and current husband was abused in the navy at the hand of textbook narcissist. 3 of them one textbook sociopath. He had a mental shut down after the forced him out of therapy with further abuse. He is currently still not being given the help he needs and it resulted in a fear based mental breakdown of magnitude proportions that lead to a horrible accident from lack of sleep and sanity. lesson learned. The Navy has terrorism in its own turf and the system is so archaic that good people are falling through the cracks and the situations are being covered and or twisted into another picture to save face and keep out of media. The dangers of narcissism in the military workplace are highly under rated and it it time for a change.
Scott, I keep waiting for you to start an "Understanding Enablers" channel ; ) Narcs are getting more than enough attention, people should get to learn how to stop giving it to them by putting themselves first. Take good care. K
Yes, when I realized that my narc mother bred me to be an enabler... I took a step back from my life and saw that every relationship I'd ever had fulfilled that role (friendships, work relationships, romantic relationships, etc). It's really sick.
This video that is useful. The narcissist I know presented the persona that he was this great caring dad and would always use that for an excuse as to why he couldnt meet or telephone back. I learned later it was a complete front and he constantly fought and controlled his ex wives. He also kept up facades and boundaries so you could never see his real self by only allowing me to see him now and then when he was rested and able to perform. It was and is all a show and when faced with the facts that I might come to see his weak personality, he did all he could to make me feel I was to blame for asking for too much.
Maybe you can explore more on the EXtremely covert ones.... Mine was smart enough to live different lives and make sure the people of those different lives didnt get to know each other. He was really passive aggresive to the point that you can only feel he is neglecting you but you dont really have evidence. The evidence only comes when you find out about his different lives (masks)....but at this point you may already lost yourself (confused about whats yours and wat is his). I always found it really weird that he had no emotions to show at all (never angry).... And because of this (and our environment who used to look up to him because he is so handsome, good job and "sweet") I always used to think that the problem must be 100% from my side... But later on I came to see that he actually had emotions but he was smart enough to act those out behind my back, for example by cheating or saying there is nothing wrong but in his head theres a lot wrong with me and he knowes I can only feel it... Like he knew very well he was hurting me with letting me feel like crap but acting he didnt know where it came from....and the fact that I a lot of times pointed out really well that he has to do with it also - but because of my low confidence to trust my own feelings gave him even more power. Its like he watched and enjoyed me being tortured all this time but made sure I never caught him smile behind my back cause he held on tight to his masks so they wouldnt fall from his face exposing his true emotions/feelings. So glad I let this go on time, cause any longer in this relationship and I was gone...
6:40+ "we all have that going on" yes and the most intelligent of us and you are by far one of the most scary intelligent people on the net (I would never imagine anyone messing with you without it backfiring) we intentionally keep that in check as a talent & we look in the mirror of perception and we shut off that kind of intention Like most of my life ive spend on my own working hard & training to fight cancer all anyone had to do was pay attention So telling when they dont considering criminal neglect is a part of criminal abuse in as you say mentally ill people Yes it is terrifying to be the only mentally healthy person in my family they are all seriously mentally ill & a harm to society They have mountains of creepy criminal records & they intentionally attracted criminals just like them to me Sadistic beyond comprehension ever since I was born
The narc I was involved with was always getting restraining orders from different people who would even go thru the trouble to reinstate them after or before expiration (1 year). There were several mutual friends who we would go to visit that would not answer their doors, or when they saw the narc with me, would just freak "get him the fuck outta here!". Personally I never encountered such rejection, anger and hatred, yet he'd just shrug his shoulders and move-on as I stand there in shock shaking all over speechless. The funny thing is he'd be hanging out at some of those peoples houses the next week, lively and talkative etc. I began thinking maybe they really didn't like me (could be from all the lies & relentless smearing). My question is with so many people who truly hate and or fear him, even taking legal action by filing and often renewing ROs, wouldn't he EVER think "why don't people like me"? "why am I so hated"? "what did i do"? and what makes him continue to show up knowing he's unwelcome even taking the risk of being arrested for violating the law?
I personally like to hear somebody else talk about the behaviors of a narc because it helps me to accept that I am not dealing with a whole person. I have found a place of compassion in my heart for them because I recognize that all of these "coping mechanisms" that they have developed are ultimately masking shame and insecurity, a great depth of pain. It doesn't make what they do ok, but it helps my inner life that I can let go of the anger and hatred and realize that they are hurting really.
I still hate him. I don't care what he has gone through to make him the way he is. He is pure evil. No compassion anymore from me. This man wanted me to commit suicide. He planted the very idea of it in my head, then kept cultivating it each time we argued.. There is no reason for me to have compassion for that kind of demon. I have my own shame and insecurity. And a great deal of pain. But you won't find me trying to dupe someone else because of it. I do applaud you for being able to let go of the anger and hatred, as I know it can consume a person. And it did me, for a while.. But I could care less if he is hurting. I believe he deserves to.
saw today that people with lilith in leo mostly are narcissist. Mine was. Only thinking abt themselves, only thinking of their shining in the world, in the meantime neglecting you. Or worse.. That resembled
How do narcissists get people to fall in line? One big element is fear. Narcissists can be real tyrants in the family and in the workplace, and it isn't like everyone is absolutely oblivious to what a narcissist is doing. They see it, alright, at least to some degree. But they figure that it's best to go along to get along.
It is disturbing watching a NARC Take a person go from I'm going to call the authorities, to I'm sorry. I've seen ones so good ones they actually receive gifts at the end of their discard or abuse cycle.
Thanks for another very informative video. Your videos are helping me discover aspects of my personality that have made me a consistent target for narcs in romantic relationships, friendships, and in my work environment. In learning about narcissists through your videos and those of others I can see where narcs get to know you and what kinds of people you admire for example and then they go about creating a perception that they themselves are like that. For example recently I discovered that a female "friend "is actually a covert narc with all the devious traits of a covert narc. She pretended to be so many things she is not. She pretends to be a feminist when in fact she behaves like a demanding b##ch to her husband having him do everything for her except wipe her arse. I am a feminist but I feel feminism is about advancing equality for all genders. She pretends that she is campaigning for HRC when in fact it is a lie. I could go on and on about how fake and covertly narc this woman is. She pretends to be the devoted and caring daughter to her "needy" mother. I felt angry at myself for being conned by her but I have decided to forgive myself and just be glad that I am now aware.
I assume that it's possible for the golden child to wake up kinda. But "kinda" is the key word. I think it's only short circuit if they got stung really hard by the narcissist. For example a narc will throw you (the scapegoat) a couple of good crumbs every now and then. But a narc will remain a narc. It's in their DNA.
i find it incredible that when the attack your reality via a flying monkey, it seems that the monkey believes the denial over and above the reality, your on trial for. or am i still fooling myself about the monkey?
after ten years..and several failed attempts of leaving, I left for good..and did not take anything with me.. he did nothing for me except to try to destroy my personal and business reputation.. he found the 'love of his life'..after two months of me leaving him for good.. (wait till she finds out about the girlfriend of 20 yrs!..) and still, trying to bad mouth me to people.. to most people who hear this..they are finally getting the fact that there 'might' be something 'seriously wrong' with him..
He has hidden his NPD all his life... his ex wife is not a very aware person... she is very nice.. but not aware... he told me he just stopped talking to her... she probably didn't notice any of this emotional abuse... or didn't care ..because she was having an affair... I know my narc tried hard to get her back... I know this was a smash to his ego.. he still talks about her almost every day.. about how her dad made her feel bad about herself... my narc was repetitive about things that bothered him.... it was his compulsive repetitive thoughts that ate at him.... also he was trying to convince himself that she had an affair because she was abused emotionally by her dad... so it wasn't HIS fault... I feel so bad for him and his poor old head... he lived in a state of anxiety and he made me feel the same way 😢
Ok I am dealing with a narcissistic person for SURE.He has embarked on a smear campaign on me...if it was 6months ago,I would of been a total wreck.,but due to the fact I am reading and listening to people talk about narcissistic people.......I DONT CARE.but one thing bothers me.........WHY DONT HE GO!!!.why.I am preparing to leave by next year when my lease is up.......if there is a place on mars...I am going
The weird thing about the narc i knew had like 5 different personalities when i first met him he was a sad lonely guy just looking for church fellowship, then he turned into a army airsoft gun player, he disappeared for months(this is before i found out he was a narc) came back as a reformed church guy, and told me he found out he was special because hes now a "indigo child" he then turned into a paranormal ghost hunter, which hed been in the past, he then started watching the show supernatural and started to morph his new personality after that, then he turned BACK to airsoft, then took on a now cowboy persona to go along with it this time, and the weird thing was he would grow his hair out and everytime he made a personality change hed cut all his hair off and change to a new character crazy! he has had a total of 4 youtube channels and has a few facebook pages to suit these personalities, quite disturbing now that ive learned what narcs are all about, after his recent return and another dissapearing act im so glad i found out before it grew into a serious situation, thank Goodness he lives far far away from me! and thank goodness for delete and block buttons!
My ex husband stole and sold, during heightened terrorism, military weapon assasination scopes. Because of his painting perception ability being so amazing he was able to get his command to not take the word of an NCIS agent. He walked away with full rights to gun purchasing no felony and a slap on the wrist under a year sentence. The command aware of the rape, mental and physical abuse as well as financial did not support me. In fact told me this is my fault because they know what he said and I caused all of this. Years later he still isn't convicted after my original statement and under duress... well it is a long story and a life time movie still in the works. There should be a trial soon.
*sent to a special court martial instead of general and the max. sentence there is one year. He got out early on good behavior and earned points. Just like he got out of the ending violence against women class early because he was a shining star. Ah the archaic criminal justice system. Gaps and cracks let him come back. Survivor fought back. Loopholes galore survivor no more. Catch him quick or ash I shall be. a gun to the head and a promise of death is what he gave to my kids and me. what is unseen has been foreseen and he will make it clean and no more we shall be. Hey maybe if I tell the court poetically they will hear better.
He has made many videos about it. It's caused by a lack of needs for a child during the age we develop empathy. There is usually forms of abuse or an overabundance of attention or both. The child will attempt different ways to have their needs met. Narcissists will raise more narcissists because there is a lack of love the child requires for proper brain development. Without the natural loving process between parents and the child, brain synapses don't form. With trauma introduced to the child in the forms of neglect, abandonment, physical, sexual and emotional abuse, there is actual damage to the part of the brain that forms new memories. The child stays an emotional child forever and has the inability to care for others. Lots of this has recently been discovered. Mainstream Psychologists seem to not be on the up and up. Which leaves people like myself searching for new information all the time.
do you have written transcripts of your videos? I have limited opportunities to watch. I would like to go back and review on paper because it's less conspicuous. Treading water at the moment, trying to make some sense of all of this. Desperately need to get closure within myself and deflect the perceptions he throws out there about me being the crazy one. I know I'm supposed to move on. Just divorced and have been romantically over him for years but the havoc he wreaked in my life - I feel I have to understand. We have a teenage daughter together and it makes me physically ill watching him manipulate her now that I'm not around. It took me years to see what he was doing and if I can help her navigate through the craziness and spare her the emotional turmoil- to understand she isn't the crazy one. It's the only way he knows to navigate his way through life and she can adjust her boundaries to insulate herself somewhat from the emotional devastation that he leaves in his path. I wrestle daily over does he intentionally do these things? He asked me to tell him when he did things to pount them out. I would and He would deny sonething happened even if it was a couple minutes before. That's when I finally realized I had to get out. He is currently grooming his next victim and she has kids. I go back and forth- warn her? Not my business. Probably wouldn't believe anyway. it's too hard for normal people to imagine that another person could be so evil or the aftermath so devastating, your whole perception of life completely altered. It does consume a lot of time and emotional investment but like you said - I've learned a lot about myself and it is an investment in me.If I can spare my daughter some of the heartache that ALWAYS. accompanies any interaction with him... that means more to me than anything. She loves him and I feel that in order to keep from being totally consumed by him, she needs some understanding of what she is dealing with, boundaries set, and lines drawn that she refuses to have crossed. If there is no understanding it's too easy to get sucked back in when you don't recognize what's happening - until it's too late.
I'm so sorry Rhona. I know your leaving messages for Scott on this channel but I just wanted to tell you I'm so sorry and don't give up on yourself or your daughter. If Scott can't help with written information, Ross Rosenberg is a great person you can look up here on RUclips or the Internet and he has written information about everything you need to know. Be careful with Doctors and Therapists, there is little knowledge about this in mainstream Psychology and most of them might not be able to truly give you the help you need. Good luck, I'm sorry.
Rhona thanks for sharing. Its tough when there is a child.... after a divorce the Narc begins to accelerate their activity on the children..... as if they must re align their universe and consume them.... in one way your presence in the marriage insulates the children in most ways it makes it impossible for them to escape the effects of the narc..... you had to leave..... the fact that he has identified another woman with a family suggests to me that they are your replacement and your daughter may have a window of opportunity to escape as well.... but they most likely may serve a role in helping your daughter to dig her feet into the ground to protect her place or role in his life..... whatever it is the narc rarely lets go of anybody.... including you. Therapy is tough because it takes an extremely experienced therapist to have any clue as to how to help you......I don't believe most therapist realize how pervasive and insidiously narcs control the family unit. Do all that you can to recover and to live a life that is meaningful and happy.... that is the only way that your daughter has a chance...... at a somewhat normal life..... Scott is spot on again.
this go's with a lil theory of mine , ive noticed life is ironic everything is opposite of what you think , and like you said if you were to tell a skeptic about this they wouldint beleave you , they would probably say its all in your head , well thats the theory of mine , what if this is all in our heads not in a crazy bad way , but in a realistic good way , what if life itself is really all in our heads , what brought this theory up was me thinking about the quality of gas lights , how does a narc know exactly how to piss the victim off , the only way someone could know what pisses someone off on a covert level and be right every time they would haft to know what i like and dislike , through my own eyes , because narcs never get there gas lights wrong , there always hitting that hard to hit nerve in a people pleasing person , which is next to impossible to do , so im begining to feel like life is all in my head , because some gas lights narcs do can not be manufactored or planned , like for example this girl i knew had a kid with a very snotty nose then i offered a rag for the kid to blow his nose and she snapped on me saying that my rag is not good enuf for her kids snotty nose saying it might be sweaty , so that started me thinking , that was a gas light , but you cant plan something like that
I'm desperately trying to find ANY INFORMATION ON NARCISSISTIC CHILDREN ~ I'm sure a child is quite similar as an adult, I've researched how they become that way, but i'd like to hear your thoughts ~ Can you make a video about it? My daughter is 11 and a mirror-image of her Narc Aunt (and Grandfather) that she's never met. My life as her mom has been torture, to the point of near suicide...
Oh no!! I'm sorry to hear that. I have a fear that my own adult daughter is a narcissist. I recently separated from a covert narc and after much research have 'almost' concluded that she is one, too :( There are grandchildren involved and I no longer see them. They also have an overt narc father :( We are surrounded by it. Sending positive thoughts your way :)
the narc man I knew told me his mother always accused him of destroying things. All friendships he had at school. if a kid regards him as a best friend he would turn on them. Beat them up until they sat elsewhere or left the school. In my opinion, I think Narcissism is hereditary. nature n nuture. Predisposed gene.
a narcissist wouldn't worry about it, even if they thought it might be true. however, you might be very "narcissistic" but take heart because you can change and improve
Hey! Love your vids, so does my hubby/fiancee! You seem intuitive, tuned into truth and spiritually alive. I know this sounds whacked if you haven't become aware of these, but please put a bunch of time into researching the flat Earth or dome Earth firmament concept and how it is taught in the Bible, also please research how Gods name is YaHuWaH and Jesus name is YaHuSHuWaH. I have found that people who understand those 2 topics and narcissism seem very tuned into God and truth and if someone gets into understanding 1 of the 3, typically over time they learn about and believe in the other 2. So heads up, if you get a lot of leading to study those, don't be surprised. You seem like the type that would get it, cause most cannot comprehend these.
heres something interesting: so my narcissitic ex is an alcoholic. he got sober for a bit and i was so happ bc i thought things would be great snd he was just drunk and he will change well.. guess what? he was the same fuckin person jus without an excuse.
Please read this Scott. This is off subject but this is your newest video and decided to comment here. For example in a family dynamic where you have narcisstic parents and sibling or siblings and the enablers and flying monkeys. Before you call them out of who they really are (if you ever call them out) Do they know what they are doing to the scapegoat? Yes they do and they also know why, as we all know it boils down to the truth. However do they know how sick they really are? No Here is an example of after you call them out (which in my case I did) So they will continue with the lies, projection and so on. They will continue to take everyone and everything away from you. They continue saying that we the scapegoat are the crazy one and that we caused for everyone to leave us. After you called them out, do they know the answer to everything that they did? ( especially after studying these videos themselves now) Yes! So why do they continue to bully and abuse and not admit to what really happened? Because this way they would have to admit that they are extremely ill individuals. That type of exposure cannot happen to them. They get worse after exposure. There are a couple of things that these disordered people absolutely hate. I wish I could share but I cannot since I don't want to educate them. One thing I will say as we have to protect ourselves in my opinion after they have been called out, they will do the same for themselves by continuing with this illusion, this way they can protect there image against other future family members if they where to get married. Also there friends and other family members. This is a must for them. I believe full heartedly that the only one that can stop this is the flying Monkey sibling and not the golden child. Because the golden child is so sick herself just like the Mother. But for the reasons listed above the flying Monkey will not help either. It's to much work for the flying Monkey and the flying Monkey does not want to be the next target or jepordize his relationship with his family. They are cowards and dangerous people. I would highly recommend not to share to much on how to protect yourself from these individuals. Don't educate the criminals.
the Golden child can wake up. kinda. the narcissist has to sting Them! Hard! Then they wake up. I've seen it happen. Narcissist told golden child that man is no good. Told the family how bad he is and that golden child is a sl#t. Golden child cuts off man.. Narcissist starts dating same man. Then invites golden child and family to their wedding!!! Genius!! Golden child wakes the phuck up. Took over 40 years! I laughed and said 'bam! now it's your turn to feel the burn'. Golden child single and no kids from listening to that toxic narc sibling. Ive
I guess they will always be apart of you whether you like it or not. kind of like a vaccine? You have been affected, but you have the tools to fight it. No one is forcing me to watch videos these videos, but somehow it empowers me.
Understanding narcissists stops them from been able to hurt you so profoundly as you can validate yourself by understanding their behaviour.
we're not the crazy ones
They are not crazy either. Craziness does not exist. There are reasons why they are narcissists.
True. That is why education about the topic is important.
What if, just this once, I could be assured (and I am), that it wasn't in fact me that was the 'crazy one' after all? How crazy would that be?
Thank you, Scott.
When we understand the behavior they lose their grip on us. Something else takes over us. When you come to the realization that you've been duped, exploited by their conditioning their energy doesn't vibe with you any longer. Your like, UGH your not honorable, respectable, kind or generous! Your a master thief of life force energy.
It took me a few years to uncover, but when I did, I called mine out, via email.. and never heard from him again.. He was completely involved with my family and friends.. then... NADA.... I'm guessing he knew he couldn't fool me any longer with his crocodile tears and dramatic pleas. I feel very lucky, as it would have been much harder to fend him off, had he kept trying to make me believe in him. I loved him very much. I am hoping that he is finished trying to destroy me since he has been uncovered.
my narc used to get extremely pissed off whenever I called him an "energy sucking black hole". Probably because he knew he was one
They take pride in sweet talking your family only to use them against you.
Ooooo we!
narcissists think they reserve the right to ruin the reputation of a family member when it suits them.
that's the thing about crazy people
they don't know they are crazy...
that's what makes them crazy...
45 years of worshipping my husband and I have suddenly woken up to what's happened. wow does it do my head in.
YES
What you state in the description of this video is on the mark, they want to be considered a good person.And the crazy part is that is the problem, they are not! And they know it better than anyone else. If you can't see the bad in them, you are in the fog, once you heal enough to see it clearly, you will know a better life. They are bad people with ugly hearts. Escape from them all! Thank you Scott, you have saved so many!
1) They establish your vocabulary.
2) They establish your tones.
3) They establish your opinions.
But like Scott said , they don't tell you anything. They just know how to make you feel good and how to make you feel bad in ways that don't look intentional. When you are gravitating towards opinions they like - they make you feel good, when you are gravitating in any other direction - they make you feel bad.
This is extremely cheap yet smart(ish) , because you will never "figure out" what they're up to , as it never logically connects. They just seem a little irrational and emotional , but you learn your way around it , hence you get even more guided and manipulated.
It is so disguisting , as Narcs are emotional manipulators ,they have the luxory of making themselves believe they don't manipulate...WHILE they do these installations on you and basicly grow thoughts in your head over time to serve their simplistic needs!
The man you met and fell in love with was a fiction based character. He was a stand-in for the truth. The well-aware Narc knew exactly what kind of man you needed...and he set out to invent a character based on that man. He became your headliner, you become his audience. The SHOW is OVER. Find the nearest EXIT and leave the theater NOW.
That is so profound...great analegy. I will remember that. ;)
Yvonne, what you say? Cash that ticket in now🙄
I think the narc in my life thinks she is much smarter then everyone else because they perceive that no one sees through them.
that's exactly what they think. ..constantly. ..
I exactly know and lived what you are talking about. Not only I lost my brain, my whole existence just shut down.
Because of that constant emotional pressure you get , right? Once you really see that there's no logical reason for this pressure to be there and the only possible reason creeps up in your mind...you can't believe it! How can such an inferior creature allow itself to install buttons on you in such a slow and sneaky way!? How it doesn't understand all the millions of ways that breaks your mind and body , but only seeks to control and exploit. I have no pity for this breed of bastards , I hope they all get their sexual organs removed slowly.
I KNOW
you're not alone
they're crazy, right?
Desert Wildflower I felt the same thing as you.. it kills you. especially when it includes love
Desert Wildflower this is true..
but i can't really open up this subject right now.. it's irrelevant to this time of my life
Taking in as much knowledge as I can about narcissists is helping me understand myself. Thanks.
I used to be my ex narc's cashier. Before we dated. He would flirt and feed enough charm and I fell for it and I started dating him. I guess that's how I landed myself in that relationship. Interesting video, Scott. He tested me and then selected me. Glad I'm not there anymore.
DarthShadir, my friend said. " They are very "invitational."
I have spent hundreds of hours studying cluster b's, what they do, and what is wrong with me that I kept ending up in relationships with them. I have changed. I had an epiphany and have raised to another level of consciousness. One of the useful tools I have found is how to manipulate people. I can now see people trying to manipulate me and I have been able to use it as a tool to enforce my boundaries. Which is exactly what I need. With healing I have changed and I now find it is not only cluster b's who are attracted to me. I have more than a fare number of stalkers. They keep telling me that I glow or shine. I don't believe they are malicious but some of them have the potential to be violent. It is wonderful being able to quickly let people know that I cannot be controlled. So, I believe it is well worth the time and effort to heal from narcissistic abuse, educate oneself extensively, and to take responsibility for one's life.
Scott, everything that comes out of your mouth has been helpful to me!
After 33 years of being g tricked by a Holier-than-thou Bible thumping husband, I now see my life with him was just a facade riddled with control and mind games. I can't think of anything to make someone feel as stupid as I do now that I know the truth. I feel like one of those sorry women on Dr. Phil, who fell for Phishing!
exactly. I have an older sister who is like this. Growing up, I believed her 'perception'. The lie is that she's the only one that was born beautiful, she's the one blessed and favored by God because of the 'natural' things/qualities she has, she's the only one capable of achieving great things. As I grew up and learned how to fix myself/ use make up, have achievements of my own, have friends and people separate from the family... I've learned that what my sister tried to engineer as only she can get in this life is a lie. There are things all of us CAN and is allowed to choose to become. When I was young I would settle for 2nd best because I thought that was the only thing available for me. Thank goodness, I've learned it's a bunch of lies.
So I have been watching your video and enjoy them very much. I grew up with Narcissist, and ended living my life with the target on my back. I didn't understand I had the freedom to walk away. We are looking for love and validation brainwashed to take abuse. We become like a dog begging for them to throw us a bone. My thought here is that because we have been dehumanized we unknowingly become subservient. They believe they are God and we validate that for them by treating them as such trying to win there approval. We have unknowingly given them the authority to dictate our worth, value and tell us who we are. Of course there answer is always defective, shameful and worthless. (there projections) I would like if you could do a video on taking back our authority. I know recovery for me started when I began to question their authority. I started looking at the truth about who I really am and who they really are. I realized I am not a dog starved for love and approval. I was just trying to love them. But what finally happened is I started to love and approve of myself. So I am dusting myself off and moving on. Thanks, Denine
Thank you, Scott ... my former narc is/was the ultimate liar ... lies about insignificant things all the way to the WTF lies. Once I learned of the lies, I realized that those that believed the lies were totally entrenched. A convincing con-artist.
In my opinion, this need to control perceptions is in part why the narcissist is compelled to destroy you in the court of public opinion should you ever escape; in their mind, it seems, there can be no doubt in ANYONE'S mind who the "bad guy" was. They do this covertly, as you point out, and often begin this process of defamation way before you ever leave-- just in case.
I worry if my ex covert narc will still try to destroy me since he tried so hard to look like the perfect person. I called him out and never heard from him again.. Im hoping he leaves it alone. And that he has moved on completely since he can't fool me anymore.. But does he actually worry about my friends and family believing me?? Is it still on his agenda to try to destroy me?? Even though he hasn't contacted me at all? I know when we were together (hindsight), he had already begun his smear campaign. Complete with triangulation of my best friend (from the very beginning).. I was already in the devaluation stage when I left him. So I actually got the upper hand. He didn't leave me. No consolation for sure.. But at least I didn't die trying.
A Hopper It's best not to worry too much, but do take precautions. Document everything, have back-up and a contingency plan, and know that what other people think is outside of your control. The best way to weather a smear campaign is to--as much as possible-- remain aloof to it. Knowing that it is possible is only useful when you are strong in your own perspective-- no matter what they say or do. Journaling can help with this,and prayer. TRUTH exists, even when you walk alone.
that was beautiful. Thank you :)
Brilliant, in my late 40s just realized my parents are severe narcissist's.The absolute hell I have been through because of the confusion they do has been awful.Knew something was way off with my father but my mother controlled the "view".She is good he is bad.Then I wounded her and wow the mask came off.We have some financial things that are mutual and she did everything you speak of.I was completely unaware of this behavior.Now I know better.Went and fabricated a whole story to my brother and of course she is the concerned mother and so on.This time I didn't react.Its amazing to live with people your whole life and wake up to realize your in a coven of vampires.
These other comments are fantastic. I'm seeing all of it now. Words like engineering, yes. And YOU are doing very well. Thank You!
i enjoyed your energy in the video very much. you seem to be at peace with the whole narc thing
Creepy! I know someone exactly like this. I cut all contact because I was tired of being one of the cogs in her little machine that kept her fantasy world about herself, running! I no longer felt any obligation to help her maintain her world of delusion.
Oh yes. The narcissist contradicts himself, especially during a conflict. Seems like he just wants to argue about anything and he can't keep up with what he just said 2 minutes before. Engaging with him is futile. I stopped and my life is better. Thank you Scott. Good points you made.
Thanks for the great video!
You are absolutely right when you say that we, in untangling ourselves from a narcissistic "embrace", need to do some hard and maybe even unpleasant work on ourselves. And this work involves acknowledging our own weaknesses and then chipping away at them to become more assertive and better human beings. And, ironically, this hard self-improvement work is actually that real power that narcissists, pathetically, will never experience: they can only taste a surrogate of power, not the real thing. Their power, their boasting about winning fights in life, is similar to a fisherman who would boast about winning a "fight" with a fish in his net.
Please keep making your videos, and do not be afraid to be "too intellectual" or "hard to understand": there are a lot of us who need just that kind of stuff to truly heal from a narcissistic relationship.
The pit is deep and wide in the realm of nightmares, and these freaks are Reavers. My horror novel will be forthcoming .......
You smile at the end is so cute ^^
Great video as always
Great job again, Scott. You are helping many people get a grip on the absurd reality of narcissism.
It is so true that there is much pain in experiencing any type of close relationship with a narcissist, but, especially in a "romantic" relationship. The narcasist feeds off of such a wide spectrum of abusive and controlling opportunities that they find in having a spouse or preferably a "long term girlfriend/boyfriend" with no intention of commitment. This being said.. enduring much pain is absolutely essential for one's personal growth and in attempting to understand the narcasist. This kind of pain and mental anguish is the driving force that can either catapult a person into new beginnings in finding healtheir, happier and STABLE relationships or it most certainly can ultimately break a person l completely! I am so grateful to have set myself free from this insane and miserable existanse..! Your videos are helping to keep me grounded in the "truth" and I am feeling so encouraged and strengthened from all of your insight! Such a beautiful thing that you are doing here! "Validation"!!! What a precious gift! Thank you!
Scott, you accurately depict the narcissist in each one of your videos. The "perception" of many close friends and family members have left me devasted and heartbroken. You're right.....I don't think they "sit around and think" about it either.......but when they do, they're pretty fixed on it - then you think they forget about it - but then it happens again.
Having lived around these kinds of people for most of my life, I'd say I have a tendency to be like them while also being a victim of their schemes. I can personally attest to the "artificial engineered world" that you speak of. I have been a musician for 13 years now and there was a time period when I thought of myself as "star" or some sort of famous person and acted like one and lived just what you talk about by projecting that persona onto the people around me. At the time I didn't realize what I was doing. It took being knocked down to the ground and humbled and learning just what narcissism is for me to realize what was going on. It was quite easy for me to have the narcissistic traits because I grew up in the midst of lots of gas lighting, grandiose thinking, and just plain skewed perspectives on reality from the time I was a child. I had also been talked down to and manipulated many times by these narcissists and felt so worthless and had no self esteem or self love that at the time, I think I was using the music dream and the idea of becoming successful and possibly a star to prop myself up out of the dark pit of my self loathing. But now, thanks to you and others who teach on these topics, and the grace of God, I am able to be more real and authentic and play music for the right reasons without the need of fame to enjoy it and also I can perceive more clearly when others and myself have manipulative tendencies coming through. I thank you for being a guide in my personal recovery and also helping me to realize when I myself am acting narcissistic. God bless you.
Totally agree! It does take a lot of work to stay above the illusion. Sometimes I just get exhausted working through all the crap! It is constant every moment of every day. I do have anger that creeps up on me from time to time.
bloody Real Answer! They don't exist as a personality but in Head of people!!!
This video kind of makes me want to stop fighting
My thought and ideas about your video is that when ever they want people to perceive a perception to the enablers it is because their trying to find another method of justifying their actions that their about to enter into before they actually perform it. So when the target whom is really the real victim is looking for help no one will be willing to listen. It's very similar to a man who has a home business and puts up cameras all over his house to prevent theft and all of a sudden things start disappearing but he does not know how or where all his stuff has been disappearing to. So it is with the enablers when things go wrong they claim they don't know anything.
There is always a story under the story! They get off on instigating.
You have really been a great help in helping me to understand all the different levels .... I am amazed how you hit on everything that had blown me away about how the mind of the narcissist works....
My sociopath/narc just left me and I'm so sad, apparently it was all my fault-? I feel used and emotionally abused, even though I was loving and so patient towards him, I am a Christian woman. I believe he was just over me and in search of new supply and I am broken. He told me that theirs a girl that always lights up when he sees him (at a restaurant) so he was going to go and ask her out (JUST like you mentioned on this video- he feeds of the new supply!), it broke my heart. We were in a genuine loving relationship until he started to change and his true character came out and started to torment me. I'm just praying for my healing and watching your videos to cope. Thank you so much for making these videos for us.
Another well informed video, thanks. Can you do a video on narcissists and social media? specifically Facebook?
Yes. Just like the Matrix and Material Illusion, your Mind is the battlefield
i have experienced narcissists over many years and i promise you they are the most disgusting people imaginable, really.
As long we believe they do not exist they have a free way to act like they do. Nobody would behave like they do .That is why we believe in the stories they tell us .
I relate 100% to what you say about the investment it is to study narcissism, and how yet we would like to think about something else because we want to move on. I think that by studying narcissism, we also study the concept of freedom and we work at the improvement of own freedom(s), not only in one particular relationship, but in society in general. And that is not something comfortable to do : it is easier to "Escape from freedom" (I haven't read Fromm's book yet, but the title is so eloquent). Some say our democracies are dying, but I think all this awareness, growing amongst people who have survived dysfunctional families, is actually a political job we do ("political" in the noble sense of the term) to improve our liberal democratic societies, on a small yet essential scale.
narcissists are the ultimate actor my mother is expert at instilling self doubt in anyone, she doesn't say stooped she says you're just not smart enough to understand anything or you're just not attractive enough to attract anyone's attention. she only feels safe when everyone around her is in self doubt.
Really really enjoy ALL your videos but this one hits home in particular. Thank you for all the healing and hard work you did to get here...a lot of us would be in complete grips of narcs without you. Your videos are my relief. x
The Narcissist lives in their own Fantasy in their own. Mind...
This is huge insight, and right on the money, so to speak. Understanding this dynamic with regard to the subtle nuances and universal aspects...that is all key, I think, to getting a positive handle on everything. Thank you very much. Rock on.
Hey Scot, great videoLearning about narcissist, for me, brings about maturity which was totally lacking.
Scott, thank you for your channel content-I hope you are doing well these days
thank you for your videos, Scott. I find them very insightful and helpful. I watch every video you put out...along with Richard Grannon and Dana of "Thrive After Abuse" (both who have experience and understanding in narcissistic abuse). Very thankful for the healing I have found on RUclips :)
Thank you for your in depth view! We need to understand to find freedom!!
Scott, I have been watching your videos for the past several months, and just want to say thank you for your spot on, succinct definitions of the narcs personality traits. I am in the process of learning to understand my codependancy issues and how it lends me to these types of parasites. Just want you to know your expertise" in this area has really helped empower me. Xoxo~H
Thanks Scott.....Ur videos help me immensely I wait for each video,,,Keep them coming.....Peace!
When I look at my ex narc as...You're effed! It makes it so much easier to accept. No sense draining any more of ourselves trying fix a broken toy. It's unfortunate that they really make the decision for this all on their own.
And to add to my last comment. The hate in the siblings is so deeply rooted in them because of the early childhood mastermanipulations and triangulations from the Mother the siblings lack the empathy for the scapegoat and cannot put themselves in our shoes. I used to love them so much. Did everything for them. Gave them several thousands of dollars when the golden child was sick.
For giving we are good enough to be around. Yet they took everything from us because we know the truth.
My advice is stick with the truth anyway. Learn how to protect yourself. We have been brainwashed our entire lives.
I have known this for a year now that there is a name behind all of this. However I have known most of my life what they where up to, why things were happening the way they did and what there next step was going to be. And I still know what there next step will be. Of course in general as a small child you don't know any better because you look for the protection of your parents and naturally want to trust them. Believe me when I tell you I can remember as far back as two years old that something was terribly wrong. My advice for victims with older children, is to educate them about their illness anyway. I don't watch to many videos anymore because I am getting at a further level of healing and try and focus on other things. Last but not least, they picked the wrong scapegoat.
the shepard needs the flock, as badly as the sheep need to be herded... the pattern works both ways.
The ones that have the thumps down are clearly narcs. Cheers!!!
The nice guy, the friendly guy, the funny guy, was an illusion. I actually told him at one point he was very "genuine" as he seemed so real, down to earth, out in the open about his life. It was all a practiced act I realized at the end when his mask fell off to reveal hatefully he had been just using me for three years and had zero emotions toward me aside from envy and contempt. This creep kept contacting me for long talks every evening for three years, all the while hating and envying me and using me for attention and sympathy. Nothing more.
v There monsters
I LIKED this video. I am extremely unhappy. I really hope you ~cont sharing your knowledge and wisdom. I feel I'm at a crossroad. Leaving is what I want. Keep me and the other subscribers posted. I'm really, I would say, scared although, I hate admitting it. It's something difficult to explain. I'm being strong. Complete Psychos are the people described in these videos.
My best friend and current husband was abused in the navy at the hand of textbook narcissist. 3 of them one textbook sociopath. He had a mental shut down after the forced him out of therapy with further abuse. He is currently still not being given the help he needs and it resulted in a fear based mental breakdown of magnitude proportions that lead to a horrible accident from lack of sleep and sanity. lesson learned. The Navy has terrorism in its own turf and the system is so archaic that good people are falling through the cracks and the situations are being covered and or twisted into another picture to save face and keep out of media. The dangers of narcissism in the military workplace are highly under rated and it it time for a change.
I can believe this. My (deceased) husband also suffered under similar conditions except it wasn't military...
Scott,
I keep waiting for you to start an "Understanding Enablers" channel ; )
Narcs are getting more than enough attention, people should get to learn how to stop giving it to them by putting themselves first.
Take good care.
K
Yes, when I realized that my narc mother bred me to be an enabler... I took a step back from my life and saw that every relationship I'd ever had fulfilled that role (friendships, work relationships, romantic relationships, etc). It's really sick.
This video that is useful. The narcissist I know presented the persona that he was this great caring dad and would always use that for an excuse as to why he couldnt meet or telephone back. I learned later it was a complete front and he constantly fought and controlled his ex wives. He also kept up facades and boundaries so you could never see his real self by only allowing me to see him now and then when he was rested and able to perform. It was and is all a show and when faced with the facts that I might come to see his weak personality, he did all he could to make me feel I was to blame for asking for too much.
Maybe you can explore more on the EXtremely covert ones.... Mine was smart enough to live different lives and make sure the people of those different lives didnt get to know each other. He was really passive aggresive to the point that you can only feel he is neglecting you but you dont really have evidence. The evidence only comes when you find out about his different lives (masks)....but at this point you may already lost yourself (confused about whats yours and wat is his). I always found it really weird that he had no emotions to show at all (never angry).... And because of this (and our environment who used to look up to him because he is so handsome, good job and "sweet") I always used to think that the problem must be 100% from my side... But later on I came to see that he actually had emotions but he was smart enough to act those out behind my back, for example by cheating or saying there is nothing wrong but in his head theres a lot wrong with me and he knowes I can only feel it... Like he knew very well he was hurting me with letting me feel like crap but acting he didnt know where it came from....and the fact that I a lot of times pointed out really well that he has to do with it also - but because of my low confidence to trust my own feelings gave him even more power. Its like he watched and enjoyed me being tortured all this time but made sure I never caught him smile behind my back cause he held on tight to his masks so they wouldnt fall from his face exposing his true emotions/feelings. So glad I let this go on time, cause any longer in this relationship and I was gone...
oh sher i was reading this and hoping it wasn't my husband, sounds just like him so sneaky so merciless
I just love you Scott😊
YOu explained it beautifully!
6:40+ "we all have that going on" yes and the most intelligent of us and you are by far one of the most scary intelligent people on the net (I would never imagine anyone messing with you without it backfiring) we intentionally keep that in check as a talent & we look in the mirror of perception and we shut off that kind of intention Like most of my life ive spend on my own working hard & training to fight cancer all anyone had to do was pay attention So telling when they dont considering criminal neglect is a part of criminal abuse in as you say mentally ill people Yes it is terrifying to be the only mentally healthy person in my family they are all seriously mentally ill & a harm to society They have mountains of creepy criminal records & they intentionally attracted criminals just like them to me Sadistic beyond comprehension ever since I was born
Like that concept: become a hard target.
I call it "branding"....like a company does within their marketing department.
The narc I was involved with was always getting restraining orders from different people who would even go thru the trouble to reinstate them after or before expiration (1 year). There were several mutual friends who we would go to visit that would not answer their doors, or when they saw the narc with me, would just freak "get him the fuck outta here!". Personally I never encountered such rejection, anger and hatred, yet he'd just shrug his shoulders and move-on as I stand there in shock shaking all over speechless. The funny thing is he'd be hanging out at some of those peoples houses the next week, lively and talkative etc. I began thinking maybe they really didn't like me (could be from all the lies & relentless smearing). My question is with so many people who truly hate and or fear him, even taking legal action by filing and often renewing ROs, wouldn't he EVER think "why don't people like me"? "why am I so hated"? "what did i do"? and what makes him continue to show up knowing he's unwelcome even taking the risk of being arrested for violating the law?
I personally like to hear somebody else talk about the behaviors of a narc because it helps me to accept that I am not dealing with a whole person. I have found a place of compassion in my heart for them because I recognize that all of these "coping mechanisms" that they have developed are ultimately masking shame and insecurity, a great depth of pain. It doesn't make what they do ok, but it helps my inner life that I can let go of the anger and hatred and realize that they are hurting really.
I still hate him. I don't care what he has gone through to make him the way he is. He is pure evil. No compassion anymore from me. This man wanted me to commit suicide. He planted the very idea of it in my head, then kept cultivating it each time we argued.. There is no reason for me to have compassion for that kind of demon. I have my own shame and insecurity. And a great deal of pain. But you won't find me trying to dupe someone else because of it. I do applaud you for being able to let go of the anger and hatred, as I know it can consume a person. And it did me, for a while.. But I could care less if he is hurting. I believe he deserves to.
saw today that people with lilith in leo mostly are narcissist.
Mine was.
Only thinking abt themselves, only thinking of their shining in the world, in the meantime neglecting you. Or worse..
That resembled
How do narcissists get people to fall in line?
One big element is fear. Narcissists can be real tyrants in the family and in the workplace, and it isn't like everyone is absolutely oblivious to what a narcissist is doing. They see it, alright, at least to some degree. But they figure that it's best to go along to get along.
It is disturbing watching a NARC Take a person go from I'm going to call the authorities, to I'm sorry. I've seen ones so good ones they actually receive gifts at the end of their discard or abuse cycle.
thank you. I really enjoy your videos.
Good luck!
Ok; i see then it all makes sense now to me!
Thanks for another very informative video. Your videos are helping me discover aspects of my personality that have made me a consistent target for narcs in romantic relationships, friendships, and in my work environment. In learning about narcissists through your videos and those of others I can see where narcs get to know you and what kinds of people you admire for example and then they go about creating a perception that they themselves are like that. For example recently I discovered that a female "friend "is actually a covert narc with all the devious traits of a covert narc. She pretended to be so many things she is not. She pretends to be a feminist when in fact she behaves like a demanding b##ch to her husband having him do everything for her except wipe her arse. I am a feminist but I feel feminism is about advancing equality for all genders. She pretends that she is campaigning for HRC when in fact it is a lie. I could go on and on about how fake and covertly narc this woman is. She pretends to be the devoted and caring daughter to her "needy" mother. I felt angry at myself for being conned by her but I have decided to forgive myself and just be glad that I am now aware.
im pretty frustrated i keep meeting narcsists so ):
I assume that it's possible for the golden child to wake up kinda. But "kinda" is the key word. I think it's only short circuit if they got stung really hard by the narcissist. For example a narc will throw you (the scapegoat) a couple of good crumbs every now and then. But a narc will remain a narc. It's in their DNA.
yea people love to buy into narcissistic illusions, but run in fear of the truths about this reality.
Very accurate observation.
hugs and more hugs desert
i find it incredible that when the attack your reality via a flying monkey, it seems that the monkey believes the denial over and above the reality, your on trial for. or am i still fooling myself about the monkey?
after ten years..and several failed attempts of leaving, I left for good..and did not take anything with me.. he did nothing for me except to try to destroy my personal and business reputation.. he found the 'love of his life'..after two months of me leaving him for good.. (wait till she finds out about the girlfriend of 20 yrs!..) and still, trying to bad mouth me to people.. to most people who hear this..they are finally getting the fact that there 'might' be something 'seriously wrong' with him..
great topic!
He has hidden his NPD all his life... his ex wife is not a very aware person... she is very nice.. but not aware... he told me he just stopped talking to her... she probably didn't notice any of this emotional abuse... or didn't care ..because she was having an affair... I know my narc tried hard to get her back... I know this was a smash to his ego.. he still talks about her almost every day.. about how her dad made her feel bad about herself... my narc was repetitive about things that bothered him.... it was his compulsive repetitive thoughts that ate at him.... also he was trying to convince himself that she had an affair because she was abused emotionally by her dad... so it wasn't HIS fault... I feel so bad for him and his poor old head... he lived in a state of anxiety and he made me feel the same way 😢
Ok I am dealing with a narcissistic person for SURE.He has embarked on a smear campaign on me...if it was 6months ago,I would of been a total wreck.,but due to the fact I am reading and listening to people talk about narcissistic people.......I DONT CARE.but one thing bothers me.........WHY DONT HE GO!!!.why.I am preparing to leave by next year when my lease is up.......if there is a place on mars...I am going
The weird thing about the narc i knew had like 5 different personalities when i first met him he was a sad lonely guy just looking for church fellowship, then he turned into a army airsoft gun player, he disappeared for months(this is before i found out he was a narc) came back as a reformed church guy, and told me he found out he was special because hes now a "indigo child" he then turned into a paranormal ghost hunter, which hed been in the past, he then started watching the show supernatural and started to morph his new personality after that, then he turned BACK to airsoft, then took on a now cowboy persona to go along with it this time, and the weird thing was he would grow his hair out and everytime he made a personality change hed cut all his hair off and change to a new character crazy! he has had a total of 4 youtube channels and has a few facebook pages to suit these personalities, quite disturbing now that ive learned what narcs are all about, after his recent return and another dissapearing act im so glad i found out before it grew into a serious situation, thank Goodness he lives far far away from me! and thank goodness for delete and block buttons!
My ex husband stole and sold, during heightened terrorism, military weapon assasination scopes. Because of his painting perception ability being so amazing he was able to get his command to not take the word of an NCIS agent. He walked away with full rights to gun purchasing no felony and a slap on the wrist under a year sentence. The command aware of the rape, mental and physical abuse as well as financial did not support me. In fact told me this is my fault because they know what he said and I caused all of this. Years later he still isn't convicted after my original statement and under duress... well it is a long story and a life time movie still in the works. There should be a trial soon.
*sent to a special court martial instead of general and the max. sentence there is one year. He got out early on good behavior and earned points. Just like he got out of the ending violence against women class early because he was a shining star. Ah the archaic criminal justice system. Gaps and cracks let him come back. Survivor fought back. Loopholes galore survivor no more. Catch him quick or ash I shall be. a gun to the head and a promise of death is what he gave to my kids and me. what is unseen has been foreseen and he will make it clean and no more we shall be. Hey maybe if I tell the court poetically they will hear better.
does anyone think they're aliens?
Narcs are everywhere, they are legion
can you investigate moe on the environment that produces a narcissist? thank you!
He has made many videos about it.
It's caused by a lack of needs for a child during the age we develop empathy. There is usually forms of abuse or an overabundance of attention or both. The child will attempt different ways to have their needs met. Narcissists will raise more narcissists because there is a lack of love the child requires for proper brain development. Without the natural loving process between parents and the child, brain synapses don't form. With trauma introduced to the child in the forms of neglect, abandonment, physical, sexual and emotional abuse, there is actual damage to the part of the brain that forms new memories. The child stays an emotional child forever and has the inability to care for others.
Lots of this has recently been discovered. Mainstream Psychologists seem to not be on the up and up. Which leaves people like myself searching for new information all the time.
do you have written transcripts of your videos? I have limited opportunities to watch. I would like to go back and review on paper because it's less conspicuous. Treading water at the moment, trying to make some sense of all of this. Desperately need to get closure within myself and deflect the perceptions he throws out there about me being the crazy one. I know I'm supposed to move on. Just divorced and have been romantically over him for years but the havoc he wreaked in my life - I feel I have to understand. We have a teenage daughter together and it makes me physically ill watching him manipulate her now that I'm not around. It took me years to see what he was doing and if I can help her navigate through the craziness and spare her the emotional turmoil- to understand she isn't the crazy one. It's the only way he knows to navigate his way through life and she can adjust her boundaries to insulate herself somewhat from the emotional devastation that he leaves in his path. I wrestle daily over does he intentionally do these things? He asked me to tell him when he did things to pount them out. I would and He would deny sonething happened even if it was a couple minutes before. That's when I finally realized I had to get out.
He is currently grooming his next victim and she has kids. I go back and forth- warn her? Not my business. Probably wouldn't believe anyway. it's too hard for normal people to imagine that another person could be so evil or the aftermath so devastating, your whole perception of life completely altered. It does consume a lot of time and emotional investment but like you said - I've learned a lot about myself and it is an investment in me.If I can spare my daughter some of the heartache that ALWAYS. accompanies any interaction with him... that means more to me than anything. She loves him and I feel that in order to keep from being totally consumed by him, she needs some understanding of what she is dealing with, boundaries set, and lines drawn that she refuses to have crossed. If there is no understanding it's too easy to get sucked back in when you don't recognize what's happening - until it's too late.
I'm so sorry Rhona. I know your leaving messages for Scott on this channel but I just wanted to tell you I'm so sorry and don't give up on yourself or your daughter. If Scott can't help with written information, Ross Rosenberg is a great person you can look up here on RUclips or the Internet and he has written information about everything you need to know. Be careful with Doctors and Therapists, there is little knowledge about this in mainstream Psychology and most of them might not be able to truly give you the help you need.
Good luck, I'm sorry.
Rhona thanks for sharing. Its tough when there is a child.... after a divorce the Narc begins to accelerate their activity on the children..... as if they must re align their universe and consume them.... in one way your presence in the marriage insulates the children in most ways it makes it impossible for them to escape the effects of the narc..... you had to leave..... the fact that he has identified another woman with a family suggests to me that they are your replacement and your daughter may have a window of opportunity to escape as well.... but they most likely may serve a role in helping your daughter to dig her feet into the ground to protect her place or role in his life..... whatever it is the narc rarely lets go of anybody.... including you. Therapy is tough because it takes an extremely experienced therapist to have any clue as to how to help you......I don't believe most therapist realize how pervasive and insidiously narcs control the family unit.
Do all that you can to recover and to live a life that is meaningful and happy.... that is the only way that your daughter has a chance...... at a somewhat normal life.....
Scott is spot on again.
this go's with a lil theory of mine , ive noticed life is ironic everything is opposite of what you think , and like you said if you were to tell a skeptic about this they wouldint beleave you , they would probably say its all in your head , well thats the theory of mine , what if this is all in our heads not in a crazy bad way , but in a realistic good way , what if life itself is really all in our heads , what brought this theory up was me thinking about the quality of gas lights , how does a narc know exactly how to piss the victim off , the only way someone could know what pisses someone off on a covert level and be right every time they would haft to know what i like and dislike , through my own eyes , because narcs never get there gas lights wrong , there always hitting that hard to hit nerve in a people pleasing person , which is next to impossible to do , so im begining to feel like life is all in my head , because some gas lights narcs do can not be manufactored or planned , like for example this girl i knew had a kid with a very snotty nose then i offered a rag for the kid to blow his nose and she snapped on me saying that my rag is not good enuf for her kids snotty nose saying it might be sweaty , so that started me thinking , that was a gas light , but you cant plan something like that
Her mirror crack'd.
I'm desperately trying to find ANY INFORMATION ON NARCISSISTIC CHILDREN ~ I'm sure a child is quite similar as an adult, I've researched how they become that way, but i'd like to hear your thoughts ~ Can you make a video about it? My daughter is 11 and a mirror-image of her Narc Aunt (and Grandfather) that she's never met. My life as her mom has been torture, to the point of near suicide...
Oh no!! I'm sorry to hear that. I have a fear that my own adult daughter is a narcissist. I recently separated from a covert narc and after much research have 'almost' concluded that she is one, too :( There are grandchildren involved and I no longer see them. They also have an overt narc father :( We are surrounded by it. Sending positive thoughts your way :)
the narc man I knew told me his mother always accused him of destroying things. All friendships he had at school. if a kid regards him as a best friend he would turn on them. Beat them up until they sat elsewhere or left the school.
In my opinion, I think Narcissism is hereditary. nature n nuture. Predisposed gene.
I'm so worried that I might be a narcissist myself.
a narcissist wouldn't worry about it, even if they thought it might be true. however, you might be very "narcissistic" but take heart because you can change and improve
Hey! Love your vids, so does my hubby/fiancee! You seem intuitive, tuned into truth and spiritually alive. I know this sounds whacked if you haven't become aware of these, but please put a bunch of time into researching the flat Earth or dome Earth firmament concept and how it is taught in the Bible, also please research how Gods name is YaHuWaH and Jesus name is YaHuSHuWaH. I have found that people who understand those 2 topics and narcissism seem very tuned into God and truth and if someone gets into understanding 1 of the 3, typically over time they learn about and believe in the other 2. So heads up, if you get a lot of leading to study those, don't be surprised. You seem like the type that would get it, cause most cannot comprehend these.
heres something interesting: so my narcissitic ex is an alcoholic. he got sober for a bit and i was so happ bc i thought things would be great snd he was just drunk and he will change well.. guess what? he was the same fuckin person jus without an excuse.
Please read this Scott. This is off subject but this is your newest video and decided to comment here. For example in a family dynamic where you have narcisstic parents and sibling or siblings and the enablers and flying monkeys. Before you call them out of who they really are (if you ever call them out) Do they know what they are doing to the scapegoat? Yes they do and they also know why, as we all know it boils down to the truth. However do they know how sick they really are? No
Here is an example of after you call them out (which in my case I did) So they will continue with the lies, projection and so on. They will continue to take everyone and everything away from you. They continue saying that we the scapegoat are the crazy one and that we caused for everyone to leave us. After you called them out,
do they know the answer to everything that they did? ( especially after studying these videos themselves now) Yes! So why do they continue to bully and abuse and not admit to what really happened? Because this way they would have to admit that they are extremely ill individuals. That type of exposure cannot happen to them. They get worse after exposure. There are a couple of things that these disordered people absolutely hate. I wish I could share but I cannot since I don't want to educate them. One thing I will say as we have to protect ourselves in my opinion after they have been called out, they will do the same for themselves by continuing with this illusion, this way they can protect there image
against other future family members if they where to get married. Also there friends and other family members. This is a must for them. I believe full heartedly that the only one that can stop this is the flying Monkey sibling and not the golden child. Because the golden child is so sick herself just like the Mother. But for the reasons listed above the flying Monkey will not help either. It's to much work for the flying Monkey and the flying Monkey does not want to be the next target or jepordize his relationship with his family. They are cowards and dangerous people. I would highly recommend not to share to much on how to protect yourself from these individuals. Don't educate the criminals.
the Golden child can wake up. kinda. the narcissist has to sting Them! Hard! Then they wake up. I've seen it happen. Narcissist told golden child that man is no good. Told the family how bad he is and that golden child is a sl#t. Golden child cuts off man..
Narcissist starts dating same man. Then invites golden child and family to their wedding!!! Genius!!
Golden child wakes the phuck up. Took over 40 years! I laughed and said 'bam! now it's your turn to feel the burn'. Golden child single and no kids from listening to that toxic narc sibling.
Ive
this sounds like that dark elder slave video where they get you to rip off your jiblybits.(trademarked)
I guess they will always be apart of you whether you like it or not. kind of like a vaccine? You have been affected, but you have the tools to fight it. No one is forcing me to watch videos these videos, but somehow it empowers me.
It s absurd strawberry lol mdrrr sick puppies etc,,,,,, chain réaction lol wtf