I think this is super common with autistic people, like myself, due to how we don’t see or understand social hierarchies. I like how she said her best friend is as important as their romantic partner. Their friend saw it as a step down, because our society teaches that there’s a hierarchy to all these labels. They did not see it as a step down, they have the capacity to love everyone equally without social hierarchy so they fundamentally don’t look at relationships the same way, but they’re obviously attracted to each other. In a monogamous relationship this would be a hard hurdle to get past but for them it’s probably easier accept each other as they are, because they can get any unmet needs met with their other partners.
@@eminemilly not really how it works because this is being applied specifically to romantic or sexual relationships; your relationship to your kids should be treated differently, and you don't necessarily need to put that partner first to put the kid first.
Since it's almost impossible for autistic people to form a mutuallly equal deep emotional bond with their (neurotypical) partner I agree that polyamory would be more common among them.
I’m polyamorous and demisexual. Many asexual people are polyamorous. Open relationships and swinging is about sex. Polyamorous is about love and relationships and they are not all one and the same.
Beautifully said! I think a lot of people have this false perception of what polyamory is and we couldn’t be happier that Yaz was willing to share so much 💕
all these rigid typologies are not very queer at all. you're putting everything into rigid boxes, creating new status quos. you'll be the future heteronormative
As a young queer person finding this podcast has been huge for opening doors and knocking down stigmatised barriers for me.Thank you so much and keep going!!
I’m a lesbian who is also polyamorous, and thanks to this video, I realized that I align with solo polyamory 💕 I am a very independent person who is career oriented at heart. I know that my being solo poly will change someday. And I do wanna open my heart up to others and having a committed relationship with my partners ( like for example, living with someone, splitting bills, etc. ). So for me personally, I’m taking time to understand and commit to myself ( boundaries, desires, etc ). I think I’m solo right now, because I’ve the first poly relationship that I’ve seen ( personally ), was about control. The people involved basically had no anatomy to themselves and felt like they had to bend over backward to please the one guy in the group. I KNOE THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT HOW THEY SHOULD WORK. But it’s a reason was I was suppressed into being solo for so long. But through family, and different relationships I was able to unlearn the hurt and figure out that this is what fits me ( as of rn ). This does NOT MEAN I will never commit, be a good partner, be flakey, etc. I’m actually quite the opposite. But I think as time goes on, and the closer I get to all my partners and such, then I think I’ll go from solo. Thanks for this video!!! This has helped a lot 💕
For me, on the prioritization / energy question near the end I think one of my favorite things about polyamory is that it ADDS loads of energy into the relationships going on. I'm an asexual guy, and for me fulfilling every single need of my partner is not neccacarily what I'm after, do I have the energy to cook dinner, feed the pets, cuddle, talk about feelings, and have amazing sex.... Uh no lmao. Now, I can and have been the "everything person" for my partner, done all of that, but the issue is that as an ace guy cooking and feelings come very naturally and easily to me in terms of energy I can give, and sex can be great but it's pretty draining. When my partner is down with someone that wants to have sex, i really don't have a negative feeling of jelousy and it doesn't "take more energy" to manage. Its actually bringing in that person's energy to the relationship. People ask if I'm really okay with them having sex, or things like that and it's like, bro to me that's like asking if I'm sure I'm okay with someone doing all my dishes and cleaning my house. I'm not saying I hate sex with my partner, but I am saying sex is work (effort might be a better word) every part of a relationship is to an extent and it's a type of effort that tires me out faster than other sides of the relationship. So without that side of the relationship being on my shoulders alone I can flourish in the areas that are more me. I can bring more energy than ever before to communication, to gestures of care etc etc. I think if you're worried about polyamory spreading you too thin, pause and remember that every new partner is their own entire person. If you're meeting positive people, that care about you, care about themselves, have needs they love fulfilling, have needs you fulfill... You're adding these huge sources of energy to your field of relationships, not spreading your limited energy thinner and thinner.
Yes! Exactly this. And... when you are doing what you love, expending effort/energy on what you're passionate about, it actually feeds you and nourishes your soul. Having a partner, or partners, that support you in that, just amplifies the joy. That has been my experience.
@@Amitabha108 That's a really sweet way of putting it : )) Who doesn't want more time and space to nerd out or work on the stuff they love (Or relationships they love !!)
First time watching one of your videos and I am shocked this channel has not reached 1M subscribers. Loved this episode, you all have soothing voices, beautiful personalities , intimacy and the questions asked were allowing for great communication. Yaz you explained everything so well. I loved how you explained jealously and how someone can sit back and reflect instead of shutting down.
First time watching, I was looking for poly representation/discussion which is almost non-existent!!! Thank u guys for being there in between the hatred that floods poly social media.
Love the podcast I realized I was always Polyamrous and didn't have a word for that either . Now I am wanting to explore things more the right and respectful way . Having friends who are Polyamrous has given me more hope and motivation. Right now I am definitely wanting something healthy.
you know what, ive been living on this planet for roughly 30 years and on a level i didnt think exists this opened my eyes. so many good points, so many points i agree on and identify myself with, without even knowing that this is something im actually not alone with or about. great podcast, absolutely stunning people talking reality. thank u so much
Recently just got a boyfriend, girlfriend, and partner so this was pretty insightful since I don’t know any polyamorous people irl. I did have a harmful experience with relationship anarchy with girls I was with(?) as a teenager. It seems like the dream for boys as described by Hollywood, but it was not a good experience, very little consent, lots of overstepping boundaries, and getting overtaken because I was the youngest and hardly knew what I was doing or feeling due to my age. Like 13 or so? They all being 14-17. I’m willing to give this another go, in a different more structured format, with an actual understanding of what I’m doing. So thank you for this! ... gonna be hard to have a girlfriend again, but she’s really cool and understanding of me and my boundaries
Sorry you experienced these pains in the past. I’m really glad you have someone now who is understanding and patient. With any relationship, but especially polyamorous ones, communication is key! I wish you all the happiness with your new relationships 💕
thank you so much for this episode! i'm also polyamorous, in a closed polyamorous relationship. it is always so nice to hear what people 'from the polyamorous community' (dunno how to say it better sorry!) have to say, there is so few ressources about it or at least it's not so accessible. plss continueee
I am solo polyamourous. The difference between single and dating and solo polyamorous is that solo poly maintains an independent lifestyle while in a relationship with more than one person in a long term relationship. It has been my lifestyle for the past 10 years
As an autistic introvert, I'm earnestly curious to engage in this community, however I often feel locked out by default due to my quiet and people-pleasing nature. How does one make themselves and their relationship boundaries known to potential partners without over-sharing to others in a way that feels emotionally safe?
hey there, I hope this comes helpful but you can try for starters looking in the direction of people similar to you, either for having autism and/or being introverted. I think online communities are great for those (maybe following some insta pages, looking for communities on discord etc.) As for communicating, be open about your traits and if you have some difficulties in expressing yourself (for example if you are non verbal (especially around vulnerable topics like these)) you can write your boundaries on the piece of paper, or make a letter to share it with potential partner. As for simply starting the convo around this topic, each time you meet someone new, after some time of getting to know them, if you come into territory of speaking about deeper topics, you can simply ask them "What is your opinion on polyamory?". If that feels too direct, you can always ease your way into it before asking, like saying "Hey can I ask you a question" and then maybe mentioning that you watched a piece of media that discussed the idea of polyamory and that you were curious to what their views are on this topic. I hope this is helpful, it's pretty random but it's what helped me when I was new :) If it's not, just ignore this comment! I hope you have fun exploring your feelings
I just want to say, I love I'm not the only autistic person who is open for things like this. People often think we are a sexual, they couldn't be farther from the truth 😊
I would like to express gratitude to you all for sharing this discussion. I’d especially like to thank Yaz for what I view as thorough an explanation as possible on a fairly new and truly complex topic. Yaz, you are a very impressive human being, and your capacity to explain this as well as you did is remarkable. As an educator and extremely curious person, I felt compelled to look into these relationship philosophies as I came across the terms in dating apps. I found that many people using the terms were unable to explain what they meant as the terms applied to themselves. Consistent understanding of the terminology is critically important in understanding the great deal of intellectual horsepower and confidence I think would be required to navigate the many issues attendant to these types of relationships. Though I have some reservations about the long-term viability of the described relationships for “most” people, I do believe that for some it is possible (if not absolutely necessary) to explore the various options described here. As a lifelong monogamous man to each of my partners, now a widower, Yaz’s compellingly honest explanation of the problems of jealousy and envy, and Yaz’s suggestion to look inward, seems right on target. I intend to do just that. Thank you so much for this dialogue.
29:33 - 'We're in an expansion period where like all of the things we've given labels to are becoming more all-encompassing, more expansive - so we have to have these check-ins around like 'when i say this word, what does it mean to you, what does it mean to me?'
I'm in my mid 30s. Non-binary and gay (viramoric). I used to be an extremely romantic person poisoned by what i call the Hollywood's propaganda of monogamous love. I think it's only when i was 28-29, i realized i don't folking need anyone, as i'm pretty much fine on my own. Lately, i started hooking up a lot (really a lot) and i've also noticed i'm usually not interested in a hookup with a person more than 1 time. I've found out on the internet that the label Fraysexual fits me, but that's not what i'm talking about... My question is am i counted as a Polyamorous person if i'm not really interested in other people's personalities... i don't want to know them better... i don't want to go on dates with them... My priority is just a hookup. I mean... perhaps... that wouldn't have been bad to find a person who's into polyamory and start trying building relationship with them... but i just can't stand the word 'relationship' in its traditional definition lol. I also kind of can't see why i would want to have the relationship. Lol. Sorry for this rant.
Interesting! It’s possible you could be solo poly? Perhaps a combination of solo-poly and aromantic? Or perhaps something else but it’s just that you’re not interested in relationships altogether and prefer being single.
Loved this!!! There really isn’t enough easily assessable content about polyamory and this was so so important and informative for so many!! Thank you all for your work!!
I feel like i've been conditioned all my life to be monogamous until my current partner. We're finally dabbling in the ideas and concepts of poly lifestyles and this video was WONDERFULLY informative. Thank you all!
40:18 That's not jealousy. Jealousy is the fear of losing something that belongs to you. You were feeling envy, the desire to have what someone else has.
@@QueerCollective I did! As a fellow polyamorous enby, I really appreciated how informed Yaz was about our shared relationship style and how positively they presented it, and I appreciated how insightful both of your questions were!
43:34 I handle this by believing that I am amazing and my brand of amazing is different than someone else’s and thus not comparable. Even though there may be some overlapping areas. The composition of a person and their interests are all different so they are apples, oranges, mangoes, and grapes. You can’t compare them equally. They are enjoyed for their differences and similarities. 💜
That's so cool !! I love how polyam can lead to super interesting contrasts between people since everyone experiences polyamory in z different wzay. Personally I know it's not my thing (I like nesting and would like to get married just for fun) but I like to see some diversity and representation for solo polyam people as well. Good luck for the rest
23:40 when I was single and seeing different people, I didn't call it dating. Even though I'd "go on dates" or hang out with them for reasons other than sex, I never called it dating.
What a super interesting conversation to receive! Got me to reflect and question so many aspects of how I relate and approach myself and others. Thank you! 🧡
It must be nice to have that much luck with partners. I can barely find one person even mildly interested in me, let alone two to have a threesome with. Absolutely forget about multiple threesomes.
I love you guys sooooo much for this!!! So much I've been trying to say is bout to finally be communicated with my favorite people!!! I've felt maxed out hopeless but now just gonna hook them up with this link and hope for the best of responses. Regardless, I feel like either way, freedom to move forward is happening! THANX A MILL.
this video is so inspiring i literally don't feel like i've met someone irl or seen some one online quite even who thinks like me on these topics even within the polyamourous community ( at least that ive found granted iv been a bit of a hermit the past few years but still) where they consider themselves a non hierarchical polyamourous person or even relationship anarachist ( but i don't use that as much cause less people know what it means) and that they are literally in between on so many things, and they also don't fully understand how people can rank people hierarchically and be healthy about it ( cause every time i did in a romantic/sexual relationship there were extreme issues with the relationship that i feel would have been not entirely solved but a lot of that way by the relationships being non hierarchical polyamorous/ relationship anarchist
Thank you so much for your perspective! These topics can be quite tricky to figure out when it comes to multiple romantic relationships but that’s why we have these conversations! Happy it could provide some positive outlook 💕
Hi. I really like your video. I tried asking polyamorous people about their lives before but they thought I was arguing with them when I was being curious. I wondered if you would consider doing a follow up video about why people would feel different ways about different types of relationships and get perspectives from a number of polyamorous and monogamous people to work out why they have different opinions, like a scientific survey. I've been interested in this for the last year after having a relationship with someone who wasn't completely honest about it. If you wouldn't be interested in something like that I like your video anyway and I'm interested in seeing your other videos.
I love the openness about this topic, so interesting, so non judgemental, I consider myself polyamorous but I never been in a polyamory relationship and I want to be in one. I just find it so hard that there are so many categories, is hard to keep up, its hard to remember all of these damn we live in such a complicated world, what happened to simplicity?
Just do what works for you! Labels can help some folks understand themselves better but if they don’t work for you then there’s no need to use them. Just do what works best for you and makes you happy. Thanks for listening 💕
27:50-28:30 Happened to me. I was in what i thought was a polyamors relationship. the problems arose when she was dating 1 other person besides myself but any time i met someone i was interested in (Happened Twice) she would always "Veto it" And Stop me Taking it any further. She was super controling and basically wanted it where she could date as many people as she wanted but i was only alowed to date her
Uggg calling hierarchical poly not ethical is so problematic. There is nothing unethical about prioritizing partners that you share kids with, or prioritizing a person you have a long established relationship over somebody you have new relationship energy with but have not known long enough to know well. If you got a call from your best friend saying they are in jail at 3 am, you go bail them out no questions. If somebody you've been dating for 3 months is calling you at 3am you don't treat those situations the same way. It's not hierarchy. It's prioritization. Those of us with trauma need to vet people. Domestic violence survivors often need to prioritize safe people. Primary often means I know this person is safe. Secondary might mean, I know this person is married to somebody and has kids and so we can't have equal relationships. Veto power is also very rare. I've never met another poly person with that situation. I'm poly, nonbinary, and queer and was excited to hear it, but this podcast is so invalidating.
Except they pretty much instantly said that it can work ethically for some people but that dynamic can easily become problematic because of the nature of controlling other people, they discuss it a little bit more around the 25 min mark, did you stopped listening after that sentence?
Like obviously relationships dynamics are very complex and certain situation will require different things and they are aware of that, not everything is for everyone, thats why they are giving different definitions of different relationship structures, for THEM hierarchy doesnt work, you do whatever you want.
lol im nb, also not straight, aromantic, and i dont mind having several playmates if they add up, im always so scared to tell that to people bc, if i say it not at the same time they think "yesterday they were this, now they were that" and if i say it at the same time its becoming "ofc all of these labels together, maybe theyre not right in the head"
wait ! it IS possible to be poly but date a monogamous person (at heart) . meaning, this person will probably be either super hurt or somehow just focus on that poly partner knowing they're not "sexually/emotionally/exclusively loyal" to them but somehow ranged themselves with it ???
Great vid but spoilt by mics being too close with popping etc. Sorry, been in film & TV too long as a pro. Content is fantastic and has answered many questions.....Joni.
It depends how you define bisexual. Some people see it as having a physical attraction to men and women, still fitting into the gender binary. Others define it as being attracted to 2 or more genders (non-specific to the gender binary). I hope that helps!
As a trans woman, I am scared of cisset men.. endosex or intersex.. I am traumatized by masculinity as I am a femme who pretended to be masculine to not get killed... I might get nervous around trans mascs and men , those who pass.. because I am scared of men.. As a femme, I personally can't distinguish between women and feminine.. given my context of someone forced into Masculinity and maleness as a femme. I had two options: submit to masculinity and maleness or get harmed. For me, being masc is not realistic.. I pretty much have the masculinity of a little cisgender boy. So yeah.. I'm scared of cisset men..
actually anarchism and anarchists =/= anarchy , and actual anarchism is about creating a society based on the idea of having no hierarchies of power within the society, while some anarchists have blown shit up and said fuck the rules, being an anarchist or believing in the philosophies and potential of anarchism re not soley about blowing shit up and some people myself included do not even believe blowing shit up for the most part is an efficient or generally helpful way to the change the world if anarchism is our goal... it's more about building community and community resistance and resilience and rejuvination and rebirth, which can involve blowing shit up but definitely doesn't have to , and that i believe is what the term relationship anarchism /anarchist is based off of, not which it seems like they were equating it to soley the concept of anarchy. which i'll restate anarchy=/= anarchists or anarchism, there can be some over lap as anarchy could be seen as a necessary step towards anarchism but they are not the same thing, and anarchism isn't entirely against rules, the principles just state that everyone makes the rules not some hierarchical person or structure at top, there are not tops (lol pun intended) unless all parties consent
Bisexual also is defined by being attracted to more than one gender. Not necessarily within the binary of just male and female! Education and awareness are great things to obtain ❤️
talking about every possible scenario and how we'd feel about it, so nobody gets emotionally hurt. yeah, that sounds very romantic and spontaneous. it doesn't make it sound at all like hiring a hooker. if the solution to failed monogamy and failing marriages is polygamy, then, by that logic, if you're struggling to get a college degree and failing, then the solution is to apply for 2 or 3 bachelor's degrees. that'll solve everything.
Communication is key to any relationship, but especially in non-monogamous relationships. If you don’t communicate you set yourself up for failure. No one can read each other’s minds. If you’re not communicating you’re failing
@@QueerCollective I did. I was just joking because in the intro you guys talked about how it wasn't about sex and then jumped right into threesomes... I do find it to be a problem these days where poly people or even just LGBTQA, in general, seem very hyper sexual...at least in the dating world
Ahhhhhhh I see. We did throw that in the intro as a clip we thought was funny and interesting but don’t bring it up again until much later in the video when we have our own question of curiosity. You’re totally right, polyamory isn’t all about sex but it is certainly a part of it so naturally we had some questions about it. There’s certainly a whole lot more to discuss when it comes to non-monogamy that we could dive into and we hope to be able to do more episodes like these that go deeper into the conversation. Thanks for listening and giving input. Appreciate it
THESE PEOPLE WANT TO TAKE PART IN A POLYGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP WHICH IS NOT ACCEPTED OUR ACTUAL SOCIETY AND I MUST TELL YOU THAT AN ENORMOUS QUANTITY OF PEOPLE ARE ESCAPING THESE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE IT IS TOO TOXIC....
@@QueerCollective as if any of these ideas are intellectually novel. Not to mention, your presentation of them is served without even an iota of independent thought. Groupthink is gonna keep you from self actualizing, homedawg.
Father God In Jesus name forgive them for they do not know what they are doing. For those that are here to corrupt beings, may you get your potion now. Love of God brings light but not so for the wicked. Their ways lead to their own destruction.
![Hunxho - Ball Forever [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nki9ZTF9Uls/mqdefault.jpg)
I think this is super common with autistic people, like myself, due to how we don’t see or understand social hierarchies. I like how she said her best friend is as important as their romantic partner. Their friend saw it as a step down, because our society teaches that there’s a hierarchy to all these labels. They did not see it as a step down, they have the capacity to love everyone equally without social hierarchy so they fundamentally don’t look at relationships the same way, but they’re obviously attracted to each other. In a monogamous relationship this would be a hard hurdle to get past but for them it’s probably easier accept each other as they are, because they can get any unmet needs met with their other partners.
I'm learning hierarchy works in work and in war. Not with love. Love is a circle. War is a pyramid.
@@crimsonhawk4912don't you have to put kids first though and therefore the other person raising the kid ?
@@eminemilly not really how it works because this is being applied specifically to romantic or sexual relationships; your relationship to your kids should be treated differently, and you don't necessarily need to put that partner first to put the kid first.
Wow, perfectly said!
Since it's almost impossible for autistic people to form a mutuallly equal deep emotional bond with their (neurotypical) partner I agree that polyamory would be more common among them.
I’m polyamorous and demisexual. Many asexual people are polyamorous. Open relationships and swinging is about sex. Polyamorous is about love and relationships and they are not all one and the same.
Beautifully said! I think a lot of people have this false perception of what polyamory is and we couldn’t be happier that Yaz was willing to share so much 💕
all these rigid typologies are not very queer at all. you're putting everything into rigid boxes, creating new status quos. you'll be the future heteronormative
As a young queer person finding this podcast has been huge for opening doors and knocking down stigmatised barriers for me.Thank you so much and keep going!!
So glad to hear it! We'll be back next week with a new episode
there is a reason for the stigma
@@lordtyrus1what do you mean ?
@@lordtyrus1❤
I’m a lesbian who is also polyamorous, and thanks to this video, I realized that I align with solo polyamory 💕 I am a very independent person who is career oriented at heart. I know that my being solo poly will change someday. And I do wanna open my heart up to others and having a committed relationship with my partners ( like for example, living with someone, splitting bills, etc. ). So for me personally, I’m taking time to understand and commit to myself ( boundaries, desires, etc ). I think I’m solo right now, because I’ve the first poly relationship that I’ve seen ( personally ), was about control. The people involved basically had no anatomy to themselves and felt like they had to bend over backward to please the one guy in the group. I KNOE THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT HOW THEY SHOULD WORK. But it’s a reason was I was suppressed into being solo for so long. But through family, and different relationships I was able to unlearn the hurt and figure out that this is what fits me ( as of rn ). This does NOT MEAN I will never commit, be a good partner, be flakey, etc. I’m actually quite the opposite. But I think as time goes on, and the closer I get to all my partners and such, then I think I’ll go from solo.
Thanks for this video!!! This has helped a lot 💕
For me, on the prioritization / energy question near the end I think one of my favorite things about polyamory is that it ADDS loads of energy into the relationships going on. I'm an asexual guy, and for me fulfilling every single need of my partner is not neccacarily what I'm after, do I have the energy to cook dinner, feed the pets, cuddle, talk about feelings, and have amazing sex.... Uh no lmao. Now, I can and have been the "everything person" for my partner, done all of that, but the issue is that as an ace guy cooking and feelings come very naturally and easily to me in terms of energy I can give, and sex can be great but it's pretty draining. When my partner is down with someone that wants to have sex, i really don't have a negative feeling of jelousy and it doesn't "take more energy" to manage. Its actually bringing in that person's energy to the relationship. People ask if I'm really okay with them having sex, or things like that and it's like, bro to me that's like asking if I'm sure I'm okay with someone doing all my dishes and cleaning my house. I'm not saying I hate sex with my partner, but I am saying sex is work (effort might be a better word) every part of a relationship is to an extent and it's a type of effort that tires me out faster than other sides of the relationship. So without that side of the relationship being on my shoulders alone I can flourish in the areas that are more me. I can bring more energy than ever before to communication, to gestures of care etc etc. I think if you're worried about polyamory spreading you too thin, pause and remember that every new partner is their own entire person. If you're meeting positive people, that care about you, care about themselves, have needs they love fulfilling, have needs you fulfill... You're adding these huge sources of energy to your field of relationships, not spreading your limited energy thinner and thinner.
Wow what a great perspective! Thank you for sharing your view and experience with it. I hadn’t thought about it that way but it makes total sense! 💕
Oml exactly love this comment
Thank you for this! I'll try to reshape my view on energy spending and remembering that energy can also be replenished. Resources cycle!
Yes! Exactly this. And... when you are doing what you love, expending effort/energy on what you're passionate about, it actually feeds you and nourishes your soul. Having a partner, or partners, that support you in that, just amplifies the joy. That has been my experience.
@@Amitabha108 That's a really sweet way of putting it : )) Who doesn't want more time and space to nerd out or work on the stuff they love (Or relationships they love !!)
First time watching one of your videos and I am shocked this channel has not reached 1M subscribers. Loved this episode, you all have soothing voices, beautiful personalities , intimacy and the questions asked were allowing for great communication. Yaz you explained everything so well. I loved how you explained jealously and how someone can sit back and reflect instead of shutting down.
Thank you so much, we really appreciate your comment! Hope you keep following along, there’s lots more to come ❤.
They really got to the point about the whole jealousy thing, it hit the spot
First time watching, I was looking for poly representation/discussion which is almost non-existent!!! Thank u guys for being there in between the hatred that floods poly social media.
Thank you so much for watching! This was such a great topic to explore and we hope to provide more poly content in the future 💗
couldn‘t agree more :,)
Love the podcast I realized I was always Polyamrous and didn't have a word for that either . Now I am wanting to explore things more the right and respectful way . Having friends who are Polyamrous has given me more hope and motivation. Right now I am definitely wanting something healthy.
Yay! We love that for you. Thank you for watching 💕
you know what, ive been living on this planet for roughly 30 years and on a level i didnt think exists this opened my eyes. so many good points, so many points i agree on and identify myself with, without even knowing that this is something im actually not alone with or about. great podcast, absolutely stunning people talking reality. thank u so much
Thank u ☺️
Recently just got a boyfriend, girlfriend, and partner so this was pretty insightful since I don’t know any polyamorous people irl. I did have a harmful experience with relationship anarchy with girls I was with(?) as a teenager. It seems like the dream for boys as described by Hollywood, but it was not a good experience, very little consent, lots of overstepping boundaries, and getting overtaken because I was the youngest and hardly knew what I was doing or feeling due to my age. Like 13 or so? They all being 14-17.
I’m willing to give this another go, in a different more structured format, with an actual understanding of what I’m doing. So thank you for this!
... gonna be hard to have a girlfriend again, but she’s really cool and understanding of me and my boundaries
Sorry you experienced these pains in the past. I’m really glad you have someone now who is understanding and patient. With any relationship, but especially polyamorous ones, communication is key! I wish you all the happiness with your new relationships 💕
thank you so much for this episode! i'm also polyamorous, in a closed polyamorous relationship. it is always so nice to hear what people 'from the polyamorous community' (dunno how to say it better sorry!) have to say, there is so few ressources about it or at least it's not so accessible. plss continueee
We’re so glad to hear you enjoyed! We’re already chatting with Yaz about the next collab ❤
I am solo polyamourous. The difference between single and dating and solo polyamorous is that solo poly maintains an independent lifestyle while in a relationship with more than one person in a long term relationship. It has been my lifestyle for the past 10 years
Thank you for sharing!
As an autistic introvert, I'm earnestly curious to engage in this community, however I often feel locked out by default due to my quiet and people-pleasing nature. How does one make themselves and their relationship boundaries known to potential partners without over-sharing to others in a way that feels emotionally safe?
hey there, I hope this comes helpful but you can try for starters looking in the direction of people similar to you, either for having autism and/or being introverted. I think online communities are great for those (maybe following some insta pages, looking for communities on discord etc.)
As for communicating, be open about your traits and if you have some difficulties in expressing yourself (for example if you are non verbal (especially around vulnerable topics like these)) you can write your boundaries on the piece of paper, or make a letter to share it with potential partner. As for simply starting the convo around this topic, each time you meet someone new, after some time of getting to know them, if you come into territory of speaking about deeper topics, you can simply ask them "What is your opinion on polyamory?". If that feels too direct, you can always ease your way into it before asking, like saying "Hey can I ask you a question" and then maybe mentioning that you watched a piece of media that discussed the idea of polyamory and that you were curious to what their views are on this topic.
I hope this is helpful, it's pretty random but it's what helped me when I was new :) If it's not, just ignore this comment!
I hope you have fun exploring your feelings
i looooooove doing my partners laundry. simple way i please some of my own people pleasing nature
I just want to say, I love I'm not the only autistic person who is open for things like this. People often think we are a sexual, they couldn't be farther from the truth 😊
I would like to express gratitude to you all for sharing this discussion. I’d especially like to thank Yaz for what I view as thorough an explanation as possible on a fairly new and truly complex topic. Yaz, you are a very impressive human being, and your capacity to explain this as well as you did is remarkable. As an educator and extremely curious person, I felt compelled to look into these relationship philosophies as I came across the terms in dating apps. I found that many people using the terms were unable to explain what they meant as the terms applied to themselves. Consistent understanding of the terminology is critically important in understanding the great deal of intellectual horsepower and confidence I think would be required to navigate the many issues attendant to these types of relationships.
Though I have some reservations about the long-term viability of the described relationships for “most” people, I do believe that for some it is possible (if not absolutely necessary) to explore the various options described here. As a lifelong monogamous man to each of my partners, now a widower, Yaz’s compellingly honest explanation of the problems of jealousy and envy, and Yaz’s suggestion to look inward, seems right on target. I intend to do just that. Thank you so much for this dialogue.
29:33 - 'We're in an expansion period where like all of the things we've given labels to are becoming more all-encompassing, more expansive - so we have to have these check-ins around like 'when i say this word, what does it mean to you, what does it mean to me?'
That’s a beautiful thought 💕
I'm in my mid 30s. Non-binary and gay (viramoric). I used to be an extremely romantic person poisoned by what i call the Hollywood's propaganda of monogamous love. I think it's only when i was 28-29, i realized i don't folking need anyone, as i'm pretty much fine on my own. Lately, i started hooking up a lot (really a lot) and i've also noticed i'm usually not interested in a hookup with a person more than 1 time. I've found out on the internet that the label Fraysexual fits me, but that's not what i'm talking about... My question is am i counted as a Polyamorous person if i'm not really interested in other people's personalities... i don't want to know them better... i don't want to go on dates with them... My priority is just a hookup. I mean... perhaps... that wouldn't have been bad to find a person who's into polyamory and start trying building relationship with them... but i just can't stand the word 'relationship' in its traditional definition lol. I also kind of can't see why i would want to have the relationship. Lol. Sorry for this rant.
Interesting! It’s possible you could be solo poly? Perhaps a combination of solo-poly and aromantic? Or perhaps something else but it’s just that you’re not interested in relationships altogether and prefer being single.
Loved this!!! There really isn’t enough easily assessable content about polyamory and this was so so important and informative for so many!! Thank you all for your work!!
Thanks so much! More coming soon 💕
I feel like i've been conditioned all my life to be monogamous until my current partner. We're finally dabbling in the ideas and concepts of poly lifestyles and this video was WONDERFULLY informative. Thank you all!
Thank you for watching 💕
Same here!
40:18 That's not jealousy. Jealousy is the fear of losing something that belongs to you. You were feeling envy, the desire to have what someone else has.
Great correction, thanks for watching ❤ we really hope you enjoyed the episode.
@@QueerCollective I did! As a fellow polyamorous enby, I really appreciated how informed Yaz was about our shared relationship style and how positively they presented it, and I appreciated how insightful both of your questions were!
@chinasprings6582that's why they said "something" not "someone"
@chinasprings6582And even if the comment was in reference to a person that belongs to you, we all know what they would had meant ~
That's what I thought too
Solo polyamorous here! Thank you so much for the talk, friends 🙏🏼
Thanks for watching 💕
I'm married but not currently nesting. There's some kind of barrier in my brain that makes nesting equal exclusivity. Working on it 💪🏽
Good luck
43:34 I handle this by believing that I am amazing and my brand of amazing is different than someone else’s and thus not comparable. Even though there may be some overlapping areas. The composition of a person and their interests are all different so they are apples, oranges, mangoes, and grapes. You can’t compare them equally. They are enjoyed for their differences and similarities. 💜
5 mins in, This is my new fav podcast. I've already decided.
Thank you for watching! 🫶🏻
Oh! I just realized solo polyamory is me 👍
That's so cool !! I love how polyam can lead to super interesting contrasts between people since everyone experiences polyamory in z different wzay.
Personally I know it's not my thing (I like nesting and would like to get married just for fun) but I like to see some diversity and representation for solo polyam people as well.
Good luck for the rest
23:40 when I was single and seeing different people, I didn't call it dating. Even though I'd "go on dates" or hang out with them for reasons other than sex, I never called it dating.
i found the definition of solo polyamory aligned with how i want to relate to others
that's amazing!
I’m so grateful for everything yall shared. Thank you so much. ❤
What a super interesting conversation to receive! Got me to reflect and question so many aspects of how I relate and approach myself and others. Thank you! 🧡
It must be nice to have that much luck with partners. I can barely find one person even mildly interested in me, let alone two to have a threesome with. Absolutely forget about multiple threesomes.
Thanks so much for this video. In particular I gained from your perspective on jealousy as a tool for learning about myself 😊
So glad you liked it and learned! We learned lots for ourselves from this episode 💕
I love you guys sooooo much for this!!! So much I've been trying to say is bout to finally be communicated with my favorite people!!! I've felt maxed out hopeless but now just gonna hook them up with this link and hope for the best of responses. Regardless, I feel like either way, freedom to move forward is happening! THANX A MILL.
🥲💗 thank you so much for your comment it really made our day! We’re so glad this episode helped, I hope you keep following along 💗💋
Super informative!. Thanks so much for this content.
Our pleasure thanks so much for watching!
this video is so inspiring i literally don't feel like i've met someone irl or seen some one online quite even who thinks like me on these topics even within the polyamourous community ( at least that ive found granted iv been a bit of a hermit the past few years but still) where they consider themselves a non hierarchical polyamourous person or even relationship anarachist ( but i don't use that as much cause less people know what it means) and that they are literally in between on so many things, and they also don't fully understand how people can rank people hierarchically and be healthy about it ( cause every time i did in a romantic/sexual relationship there were extreme issues with the relationship that i feel would have been not entirely solved but a lot of that way by the relationships being non hierarchical polyamorous/ relationship anarchist
Thank you so much for your perspective! These topics can be quite tricky to figure out when it comes to multiple romantic relationships but that’s why we have these conversations! Happy it could provide some positive outlook 💕
Omg I only got as far as the primer and the fist bump but I am SO EXCITED for this episode
Excited to hear your thoughts! This is a good one ☺️
Hi.
I really like your video.
I tried asking polyamorous people about their lives before but they thought I was arguing with them when I was being curious.
I wondered if you would consider doing a follow up video about why people would feel different ways about different types of relationships and get perspectives from a number of polyamorous and monogamous people to work out why they have different opinions, like a scientific survey.
I've been interested in this for the last year after having a relationship with someone who wasn't completely honest about it.
If you wouldn't be interested in something like that I like your video anyway and I'm interested in seeing your other videos.
this is so good. and everyone on this podcast has impeccable hair
Thanks for making this vid! There isn’t many vids out there rn on the subject.
So glad it was helpful! Thanks for watching 💕
the youtube algorythm recommended this video to me.
Loved this video
Thanks for watching! More poly content to come 💕
Amazing content, i wish i knew a safe space to meet like minded people & talk more about this kind of topics. If anyone knows let me know
I love the openness about this topic, so interesting, so non judgemental, I consider myself polyamorous but I never been in a polyamory relationship and I want to be in one. I just find it so hard that there are so many categories, is hard to keep up, its hard to remember all of these damn we live in such a complicated world, what happened to simplicity?
Just do what works for you! Labels can help some folks understand themselves better but if they don’t work for you then there’s no need to use them. Just do what works best for you and makes you happy. Thanks for listening 💕
@QueerCollective thank you for this explanation 🙏
27:50-28:30 Happened to me. I was in what i thought was a polyamors relationship. the problems arose when she was dating 1 other person besides myself but any time i met someone i was interested in (Happened Twice) she would always "Veto it" And Stop me Taking it any further. She was super controling and basically wanted it where she could date as many people as she wanted but i was only alowed to date her
😮
I’m so sorry that you experienced that. I hope that you are safe space right now and healing from that situation.
Stranger here.. I'm in 😂❤ Great podcast folks, love it!
aha so glad! hope you checkout more of our episodes. xo
Incredible grateful and happy about discovering this podcast. Thank you for this 💛
Glad you enjoyed it!
Yes, my husband is my best friend to. I wouldn't want it any different.
Love that! 💕
Beautiful conversation❤
Thank you ☺️
this is so awesome!!!! it was really helpful and fascinating (i’m polycurious) so i really appreciate you doing this episode 🫶✨
Yay I’m so glad! Honestly this conversation opened up our minds as well so we’re glad we could provide it for others 💕
Now lets get Pat on the podcast! I’d love to see his perspective
We should absolutely have Pat on! Great idea
Thanks for educating me with your experiences! it's given me and my partners quite a lot to talk about.
Yay!!! We’re so glad to hear it 💕
Loved this, very insightful ❤
omg amazing thanks a lot!
Uggg calling hierarchical poly not ethical is so problematic. There is nothing unethical about prioritizing partners that you share kids with, or prioritizing a person you have a long established relationship over somebody you have new relationship energy with but have not known long enough to know well. If you got a call from your best friend saying they are in jail at 3 am, you go bail them out no questions. If somebody you've been dating for 3 months is calling you at 3am you don't treat those situations the same way. It's not hierarchy. It's prioritization. Those of us with trauma need to vet people. Domestic violence survivors often need to prioritize safe people. Primary often means I know this person is safe. Secondary might mean, I know this person is married to somebody and has kids and so we can't have equal relationships. Veto power is also very rare. I've never met another poly person with that situation. I'm poly, nonbinary, and queer and was excited to hear it, but this podcast is so invalidating.
Except they pretty much instantly said that it can work ethically for some people but that dynamic can easily become problematic because of the nature of controlling other people, they discuss it a little bit more around the 25 min mark, did you stopped listening after that sentence?
Like obviously relationships dynamics are very complex and certain situation will require different things and they are aware of that, not everything is for everyone, thats why they are giving different definitions of different relationship structures, for THEM hierarchy doesnt work, you do whatever you want.
This it was really interestin.I'm ambiamorous and I always dre of having two gf's but where I live is complicated tbh.
lol im nb, also not straight, aromantic, and i dont mind having several playmates if they add up, im always so scared to tell that to people bc, if i say it not at the same time they think "yesterday they were this, now they were that" and if i say it at the same time its becoming "ofc all of these labels together, maybe theyre not right in the head"
such a good episode, you are the coolest humans
🥺💕
wait ! it IS possible to be poly but date a monogamous person (at heart) . meaning, this person will probably be either super hurt or somehow just focus on that poly partner knowing they're not "sexually/emotionally/exclusively loyal" to them but somehow ranged themselves with it ???
8:35 Im convinced, which is strange cause Im usually gray ace 😂
Love this lol
do any experienced poly people have reccommendations for polyamorous dating apps?
I recommend you try Feeld or #Open
Just here to find my poly partner 😊
This podcast is so good and all of y’all are so hott 🥰
Thank u so much! 💕
Ikr they are
Society is not ready for the polyamory conversation, but it will be two or three generations from now
Hopefully!
Great vid but spoilt by mics being too close with popping etc. Sorry, been in film & TV too long as a pro. Content is fantastic and has answered many questions.....Joni.
Fair! We’ll keep the mics further away moving forward
how can one be both non-BI-nary and BI-sexual?
It depends how you define bisexual. Some people see it as having a physical attraction to men and women, still fitting into the gender binary. Others define it as being attracted to 2 or more genders (non-specific to the gender binary). I hope that helps!
As a trans woman, I am scared of cisset men.. endosex or intersex.. I am traumatized by masculinity as I am a femme who pretended to be masculine to not get killed... I might get nervous around trans mascs and men , those who pass.. because I am scared of men..
As a femme, I personally can't distinguish between women and feminine.. given my context of someone forced into Masculinity and maleness as a femme. I had two options: submit to masculinity and maleness or get harmed.
For me, being masc is not realistic.. I pretty much have the masculinity of a little cisgender boy. So yeah.. I'm scared of cisset men..
I’m so sorry that’s your experience. I hope your journey forward can find some healing and safety 💕
actually anarchism and anarchists =/= anarchy , and actual anarchism is about creating a society based on the idea of having no hierarchies of power within the society, while some anarchists have blown shit up and said fuck the rules, being an anarchist or believing in the philosophies and potential of anarchism re not soley about blowing shit up and some people myself included do not even believe blowing shit up for the most part is an efficient or generally helpful way to the change the world if anarchism is our goal... it's more about building community and community resistance and resilience and rejuvination and rebirth, which can involve blowing shit up but definitely doesn't have to , and that i believe is what the term relationship anarchism /anarchist is based off of, not which it seems like they were equating it to soley the concept of anarchy. which i'll restate anarchy=/= anarchists or anarchism, there can be some over lap as anarchy could be seen as a necessary step towards anarchism but they are not the same thing, and anarchism isn't entirely against rules, the principles just state that everyone makes the rules not some hierarchical person or structure at top, there are not tops (lol pun intended) unless all parties consent
Her voice is soothing
All their voices are
If you aren’t having children or sharing finances then yeah no labels or limitations really matter
What are your thoughts on hierarchy?
Yeah three people can live in my house and we'll all play D&D twice a week. That's it though no freaky shit
I’ve never seen friends either 23:30
Great stuff! The worst definition of political anarchism ever, but apart from that really interesting
😮 i understand a little bit 🙃. 😅 🙂 😄 🙃
Their self awareness is refreshing
😊
I love queers!
Non binary and bisexual?? How
One is a gender identity and the other is a sexual orientation
Bisexual also is defined by being attracted to more than one gender. Not necessarily within the binary of just male and female! Education and awareness are great things to obtain ❤️
@@Hispana012 she's stupid. Got it. Thanx..
How do you guys flirt with queer women though? It's like a whole other thing than flirting with men 😅
Great question! New podcast topic unlocked. Stay tuned 💕
Might i suggest a hobby to all you folks? Stamp collecting? Therapy?
Some people seem to just need a hobby
We’re certainly not bored
@@QueerCollective I'm delighted to hear that
talking about every possible scenario and how we'd feel about it, so nobody gets emotionally hurt. yeah, that sounds very romantic and spontaneous. it doesn't make it sound at all like hiring a hooker. if the solution to failed monogamy and failing marriages is polygamy, then, by that logic, if you're struggling to get a college degree and failing, then the solution is to apply for 2 or 3 bachelor's degrees. that'll solve everything.
Communication is key to any relationship, but especially in non-monogamous relationships. If you don’t communicate you set yourself up for failure. No one can read each other’s minds. If you’re not communicating you’re failing
Solo Poly Gang
Sounds painful
I thought solo polyamory was when you are polyam but y your partner is monogamous
That’s called mono-poly 😊
Body count = 3 X 3 X 3 X 3
There is *NOTHING* unethical about having a hierarchy.
she really said that with a straight face😂
😊❤🎉
💕💕
No. Broken 304
Ew
No. No interest in any of that. I'm too good for anyone. So go away.
“Polyamory isn’t about only sex” commences to speak about sex for the next 4 hours
I guess you didn’t listen to the podcast…
@@QueerCollective I did. I was just joking because in the intro you guys talked about how it wasn't about sex and then jumped right into threesomes... I do find it to be a problem these days where poly people or even just LGBTQA, in general, seem very hyper sexual...at least in the dating world
Ahhhhhhh I see. We did throw that in the intro as a clip we thought was funny and interesting but don’t bring it up again until much later in the video when we have our own question of curiosity. You’re totally right, polyamory isn’t all about sex but it is certainly a part of it so naturally we had some questions about it. There’s certainly a whole lot more to discuss when it comes to non-monogamy that we could dive into and we hope to be able to do more episodes like these that go deeper into the conversation. Thanks for listening and giving input. Appreciate it
@@QueerCollective Appreciate you guys for being honest open and unafraid. keep going !!
I would not be comfortable talking about polyamory on social media it’s a personal non traditional relationship structure.
Sex is bad and sacred. Lol
Lmfao whut
THESE PEOPLE WANT TO TAKE PART IN A POLYGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP WHICH IS NOT ACCEPTED OUR ACTUAL SOCIETY AND I MUST TELL YOU THAT AN ENORMOUS QUANTITY OF PEOPLE ARE ESCAPING THESE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE IT IS TOO TOXIC....
Ahhh why are you yelling?
🤣
@@QueerCollective
Fear?
deep cringe.... regurgitating ideas we've all heard repeatedly on social media over the past few years
you do realize that everyone has a different algorithm and there's tons of people who have never heard this information right?
@@QueerCollective as if any of these ideas are intellectually novel. Not to mention, your presentation of them is served without even an iota of independent thought. Groupthink is gonna keep you from self actualizing, homedawg.
This is really pathetic and sad not hip
She's lucky to be alive. Those encounters can easily turn deadly.
This was so depressing to listen to.... why in the world was I suggested this.
I didn't even click on this... what in the world just happened.
Might wanna take a look at your algorithm?
Came across this video and accident. It seems like you’re all very self-absorbed.
Interesting. How so?
Not at all
The males on here are salty
Doesn’t work
What doesn’t?
@@QueerCollective polyamory
I’ve seen lots of people make it work. I don’t get where your comment is coming from?
@@QueerCollective not long term. Coming from my iPhone
Again, I’ve seen it work long term. Still don’t know where you’re getting this info from
Father God In Jesus name forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.
For those that are here to corrupt beings, may you get your potion now. Love of God brings light but not so for the wicked. Their ways lead to their own destruction.
No one knows what they’re doing. We’re apes floating in space